1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,005 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:19,228 - Son, when you're young and dating in New York, 5 00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,855 friend groups can become pretty incestuous. 6 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,066 Now, this is kind of a spoiler, 7 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,735 but by the time I turned 40, 8 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,947 I had kissed literally all of my friends. 9 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,490 SOPHIE'S SON [phone]: Oh, Mom. 10 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,993 - Please. Your theater camp pals were just as horny 11 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,162 and way less hot. 12 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,540 And when things get weird enough, sometimes, 13 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,417 you have to hit the reset button. 14 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,212 SOPHIE'S SON: Wait. You even kissed Aunt Ellen? 15 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,841 Did... I... stutter? 16 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,219 - I still can't believe someone bought my photo. 17 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,554 Pinch me, Naomi! 18 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,305 No. 19 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,725 The couple that bought it wants to have you over 20 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,061 to their penthouse for dinner tonight to hear about the piece. 21 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,689 Oh, my God. Do I just, like, sell art 22 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,316 and go to penthouses now? What is my life? 23 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,111 This is how careers start, Sophie. 24 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,738 The buyers brag to their rich friends about meeting you. 25 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,032 Those rich friends want to buy your work, and boom. 26 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,410 You're at the Met Gala wearing a bird's nest as a hat. 27 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287 Okay, are there actual birds in the hat? 28 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,663 Of course. 29 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,665 They'll parody it on SNL. 30 00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,666 [happy sigh] 31 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,502 That's gonna be so embarrassing. 32 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,881 - Oh, and they want you to bring your model to dinner. 33 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,675 Cool. We're in. 34 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,551 I'm out! 35 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,847 Rich strangers summoning two unsuspecting fools to their towers? 36 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,433 The start of no less than, like, five horror movies. 37 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,603 - Please. Th-they just wanna ask us some questions. 38 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,147 - Oh, you mean exactly like the plot of The Questioning? 39 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:48,734 - It's gonna be super fun. They have a really nice penthouse... 40 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:52,446 - Hm, like Vera Farmiga and Pablo Schreiber in The Penthouse. 41 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,780 You ever heard of a book, bro? 42 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,157 Oh, yeah! Like you've read a book. 43 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,992 Oh, I own several. 44 00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:57,993 - Uh-huh. 45 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,329 - The point is... - Mm-hmm? 46 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,040 This could be big for my career. 47 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,626 And friends help each other out. 48 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,295 And that's what we are. Friends. We're totally friends. 49 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,922 - The fact you keep repeating we're friends 50 00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,507 makes me think we're actually mortal enemies. 51 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,842 - I know that things are weird between us right now, 52 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,178 but if I have any points left with you, 53 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,473 I'd like to cash them in. 54 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:22,726 [sighs] 55 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,978 Fine. Fine. I'll go. 56 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,316 - For safety. - You're not bringing that. 57 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,193 - You're right. It would totally just get used against me. 58 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:32,694 [drops knife] 59 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,447 And I'm pretty sure that's everything. 60 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,367 - I didn't realize I kept so much stuff here. What's in this? 61 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,161 Uh, your air fryer and the cat toys 62 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,247 that you play with when you're on shrooms. [giggles] 63 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,958 - Ooh, it's fun when I'm not on shrooms, too. 64 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,125 [door opens] 65 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,920 - Rachel and I have a reservation for four at Bar Pacifica, 66 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,672 but her friends just bailed because they got 67 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,007 last-minute tickets to Flubber: The Musical. 68 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:57,052 ♪ Just when things couldn't be bleaker ♪ 69 00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,639 ♪ I made my best friend in a beaker ♪ 70 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,725 ♪ Flubber, I love... ♪ 71 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,395 - Lin-Manuel Miranda really needs to learn how to say no. 72 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,314 Wait, you got into Bar Pacifica? 73 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,941 If I find a date, can I come? 74 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,861 - Oh. You're ready to get back out there, are you? 75 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,363 Very cool? Fun. 76 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,991 - Do you really think you can get a date by tonight? 77 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:19,908 - [beep] - Got one! 78 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,495 - Wonderful. You know, I actually also have that app. 79 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,622 [scoffs] No. 80 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,666 Yeah. As if. 81 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,959 Eh, she'll do. 82 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:29,960 Sweetie, that's my phone. 83 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,338 ♪ 84 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,217 - Okay. So, in two weeks, you come see me, 85 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,927 which will cost us... 86 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,639 - Everything we have to our name. - Let's just try miles. 87 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,434 We have enough miles for... 88 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,854 a subscription to Delta's in-flight magazine. 89 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,064 - Ooh, wait. Is that my boy Josh Groban? Good for him. 90 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,276 Landing the cover of Sky Magazine. Nice. 91 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,612 - I knew we shouldn't have spent money on that banner. 92 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,906 SID: Hm... 93 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,783 Hey, lovebirds! 94 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,452 Good news. 95 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,747 I have found a lovely woman on an app 96 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,081 to go out with tonight. 97 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,041 - Okay! - Wow! 98 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,043 - Care to come with me and make it a double? 99 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,128 - Oh. - Thanks, man, but we're, like, 100 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,631 deep in long-distance relationship logistics. 101 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,383 I'm not just casually asking, am I? I am begging. 102 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:23,055 Please. I am hanging on by an emotional thread right now, 103 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,807 and a one-on-one dinner with a complete stranger might break me. 104 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,227 What if she doesn't ask me any questions? 105 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,978 What if she asks me too many questions? 106 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,898 What if her answers to my questions aren't in the form of a question? 107 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,193 - Okay, fine. We'll come. - Brilliant! Thank you so much. 108 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,111 Oh, my God. Is that Josh Groban? He looks fantastic. 109 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,365 ♪ 110 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,617 Hello! 111 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,953 You must be Sophie, the artiste. 112 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,497 - Hm. - That is me, isn't it? [giggles] 113 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,250 That would make you Jesse, the model. 114 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,293 And that would make you... 115 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,504 Warren, the rich guy. 116 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:58,006 [laughing] 117 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,758 I am so rich. 118 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,760 Please, come in. [Jesse clears throat] 119 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,182 And this lovely woman carrying the tray of bison carpaccio 120 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,476 - is my wife, Megan. - Welcome. 121 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,728 Let me know if you need a bib for the blood. 122 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,024 - I'm sorry, is-is that a-a platter of raw meat? 123 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,361 - Yes. The mouth-feel is so... 124 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,489 Mm. Wet and sensual. 125 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,617 - Yeah, um, th-that's, uh-- - So interesting! 126 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,369 - We'd love to try some. - I'm good. 127 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,329 Yeah, at trying new things. [laughs] 128 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,873 [quietly]: Eat the bison, man. 129 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,962 WARREN: Hm? MEGAN: Hm. 130 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,381 - Oh! - Wow! 131 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,383 - [mouth full]: It's... just like sushi. 132 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845 But with more veins. 133 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,723 - Way more veins. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,101 The chunky bits are actually cartilage. 135 00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:54,980 You know what? Why don't I whip up 136 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,232 you menfolk some Manhattans? 137 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,525 Oh! 138 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,110 I better go supervise, 139 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,778 make sure she doesn't screw anything up. 140 00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:03,947 Women. [laughing] 141 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,866 [forced laughter] 142 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,705 [spitting, gasping] 143 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707 Ah! Ah! 144 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,961 Ah! This is so much worse than The Penthouse. 145 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,380 This is The Penthouse Chapter 2: The Penthousening. 146 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,590 Is that even a real movie? 147 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,259 Nikki Hilton was in it, so... no. 148 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,679 Okay. I know this is a little odd. 149 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,015 Okay? But, w-we have to be nice to these people, alright? 150 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,060 Because after tonight, I am gonna be one step closer 151 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,478 to owning a bird hat. 152 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,105 - Okay, first of all, there's no way a hat would stay on a bird. 153 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,192 Secondly, we need to get out of here, okay? 154 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:43,612 Because Warren and Megan are clearly cannibals. 155 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,489 No, they're not. 156 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,990 They're eccentric. 157 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,825 Yeah, that's probably what this guy said 158 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,286 right before we got turned into an amuse-bouche. 159 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:54,206 ♪ 160 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,875 - Hi. Here for a reservation under Charlie. 161 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,547 Hi. I'm Hannah. This is my husband, Sid. 162 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:04,842 - You must be Alice? - Yes. Pleasure. 163 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,593 Do you know if they give you free bread here? 164 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,054 Probably... 165 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,098 - [quietly]: Famous last words. 166 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,893 - [laughs] Hey, so t-tell us about yourself, Alice. 167 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,270 Like, what do you-- what do you do? 168 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,939 - Oh. Uh, so I run an airline rewards program. 169 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,525 Hand out miles, change blackout dates. 170 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:25,445 I'm basically Wizard of Oz of the sky. Who's behind the curtain? Me. 171 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,824 I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about this bread thing. 172 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:34,037 - Oh, my God. She's the answer to all our problems. 173 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,374 She and Charlie start dating. She becomes part of the crew. 174 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,793 She gives us all those sweet, sweet miles. 175 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,421 - Mm. Bam. Love that. [clink] 176 00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,964 - One problem. - Hm? 177 00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,342 She is... really weird. 178 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,429 No, she isn't. She's amazing. 179 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,598 You hear me? She's amazing. 180 00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:53,599 Oh. 181 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,642 Okay. 182 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,769 Hey, guys. 183 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,731 What? 184 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,482 Oh, is this too much? 185 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,276 Oh, what am I talking about? Of course, it's too much. 186 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,862 No one in this godforsaken country wears suits. 187 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,906 Look, I think tonight was a mistake. 188 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,158 I'm not ready, so if you can just tell her that I'm sorry-- 189 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,577 - I am not telling her sorry. I am telling you 190 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,037 congratulations, Charlie. 191 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,955 'Cause we just met Alice, 192 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,208 and she is... wow. 193 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,126 - Really? - Wow! 194 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,171 Yeah. She is a triumph of a woman. 195 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,589 Ooh! 196 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:26,590 Oh. 197 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,801 I'm not sharing. Finders keepers. 198 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:36,558 - Your photograph spoke to us on a very deep level. 199 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,601 Oh! [scoffs] 200 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,729 What can I say? That's what I do. 201 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,731 Because it featured Jesse. 202 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,817 - What? - Rolling up your sleeves, 203 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,027 fixing that car. 204 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,779 The way the light 205 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,198 hit your forearms, it was just so... 206 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,409 - [meows, giggles] - Hi! [nervous laugh] Hi. 207 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,453 We just had to see you in person, 208 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,497 and you do not disappoint. 209 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,040 [nervous laughter] 210 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,376 - You are the perfect example of the American male. 211 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,087 - [clears throat] To Jesse. - To Jesse. 212 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,797 And Sophie! 213 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:07,798 Yay! 214 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:12,427 - Sure. Congratulations on capturing what it means to be... 215 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,639 a real man. [clicks tongue] 216 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,016 [nervous laughter] 217 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,936 JESSE: Hm... Hm... Hm... 218 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,896 - [quietly]: So I don't think they want to eat us. 219 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,147 They wanna bang us. 220 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,148 Us? 221 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,442 You. 222 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,278 ♪ 223 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,909 ♪ 224 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,369 ALL: Table for Ellen. 225 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,579 RACHEL/VALENTINA: Jinx. 226 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,747 Jinx again. 227 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,584 Triple jinx! [all laugh] 228 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,961 - This is going better than I could have ever imagined! 229 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,214 Look at us! Three gals, out on the town. 230 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,049 Just jinxing like no one's watching. 231 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,509 Oh look! There's my date! 232 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,304 - Val's date that night was completely forgettable. 233 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,099 I don't remember what he looked like or what his name was. 234 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,601 So, we'll just call him Rando. 235 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,270 Everyone, this is Rando. 236 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,605 How long have you guys been together? 237 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,733 - Ten seconds. I just got out of a serious relationship, 238 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,860 but I move on fast 'cause I'm an Aries. 239 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,112 [giggles] Yeah, right. 240 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,573 - W-what's funny about that? 241 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,743 - Oh. I-I thought you were kidding. 242 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,620 You don't really believe in that nonsense, right? 243 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,624 - If by "that nonsense," you mean my birth chart, 244 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,668 beautifully drawn by my psychic Madame Deborah? 245 00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,129 Yeah, I do. 246 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,631 [nervous laugh] Uh, 247 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,133 I guess because I'm studying to be a psychologist, 248 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,219 I just believe in real science. 249 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,388 New topic! 250 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:42,142 Let's all say our favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger films. 251 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,393 I'll start. 252 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,729 I haven't seen any. Val? 253 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,065 A psychologist, huh? 254 00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:51,443 So, you're what Madame Deborah would call "a head-shrinking wackjob." 255 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:55,239 - Hey... Remember when you guys triple-jinxed? 256 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,200 That was such a great memory. Huh? 257 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,744 Back at the host stand? 258 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,788 Okay, so I'm gonna sprint home. 259 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,206 No, no, no! You can't leave now. 260 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,999 They're just putting out dinner. [sighs] 261 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,292 Just give me one more hour. 262 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,045 - Thirty minutes. And afterwards, you're buying me a slice of pizza. 263 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,048 - Fine. - And a... small Coke? 264 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,217 - Sure. - Still got it. 265 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,677 - Jesse! - Uh-huh? 266 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:17,678 Before we eat, 267 00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,305 Megan and I would love to give you a tour of the house. 268 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,307 - Great. I'd love to see where you hung my photo, 269 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,268 and maybe point out some spots where others could go. 270 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,979 - Oh, no talking on this tour. Except for you, Jesse. 271 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,438 You can speak. 272 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,775 You can say anything. Anything. 273 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,947 Short Line, Chance, Park Place, 274 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,701 Luxury Tax, Boardwalk, and that brings us back to Go. 275 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:41,952 Wow. 276 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,663 You really memorized the entire Monopoly board! 277 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,373 [laughs] Isn't that cool, Charlie? 278 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,875 Yeah, I suppose so. 279 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,626 You're like a genius. 280 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,211 Do you have a photographic memory? 281 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,629 Oh, no. 282 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340 I just, uh, really made it a priority. 283 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,011 Uh-oh. Anybody see where the ladies' room is? 284 00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,138 These banana daiquiris are going straight through me. 285 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,017 - You and me both, girlfriend. I'll go with you. 286 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,394 Boys, order us two more 'nana daqs. 287 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,105 - I hope we get stalls right next to each other. 288 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,067 I have to be honest, 289 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,862 I'm not quite seeing what you and Hannah is seeing in Alice. 290 00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,406 Yeah, well, that's just ridiculous 291 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,159 because you guys got so much in common. You're both... 292 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,327 right-handed. 293 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,829 - Actually, I'm left-handed. 294 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,874 Mother forced me to be right-handed because she said the devil was in me. 295 00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,418 Still counts. Garçon! 296 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,753 Four banana daiquiris. 297 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,173 And here it is, Jesse. Your photo. 298 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,259 I record all of my content in here, 299 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,512 and it makes the perfect backdrop. 300 00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:43,847 Ooh. What's your content about? 301 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,683 - If I had to boil it down, I'd say it's about 302 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,145 how men in this country are under attack. 303 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,776 - A-a-and by under attack, you mean... 304 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,028 There's a war against men. 305 00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,072 A men-ocide, if you will. 306 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,698 I subscribe. 307 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,618 I-I mean, I would subscribe if I was allowed to have a phone. [laughs] 308 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,912 ♪ 309 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,043 - Have you ever considered that maybe you hate therapy 310 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,295 because you're scared what you'd learn about yourself? 311 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,006 - Have you ever considered that you're becoming a therapist 312 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,842 because you wanna get paid for lying on a couch? 313 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,051 The patients lie on the couch. 314 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,303 - Oh, like you're never gonna lie on the couch. 315 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,221 BOTH: Ellen! 316 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,889 Jinx? 317 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,601 Whose team are you on? 318 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,812 Are you Team Science with your girlfriend, 319 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,940 or are you Team Star Magic with Valentina 320 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,942 and her street psychic Deborah? 321 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,362 - It's Madame Deborah, and she has a tent! 322 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,948 Whose side are you on? 323 00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:45,909 Um... Side... 324 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,453 [Ellen mumbling] 325 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,206 - Who are we kidding? She's never gonna be able to decide. 326 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,834 Look at this table! She ordered one of everything. 327 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,920 - Oh, I know. I made her choose a movie last night, 328 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,424 and we ended up watching a YouTube video on how to decide what to watch. 329 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,552 [laughs] Classic Ellen. 330 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,597 Yeah! I did do that! 331 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,848 I can't pick for shit! 332 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,810 [laughter] Quick! What else don't we like about me? 333 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,439 Alright. Who's hungry? 334 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,691 - Uh, we will be right in. I'm just gonna take 335 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,484 a quick photo of Jesse 336 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,612 with his picture to... 337 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,030 celebrate his manhood. 338 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,032 - Right. If she can figure out how to use the flash, 339 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,867 this... woman. [laughter] 340 00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,786 - [laughing] - That's a good one... 341 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,831 BOTH: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 342 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,333 Google him, google him, google him. 343 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,588 - [high-pitched]: Ow! Outer space is hurting my period! 344 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,257 [normal]: After the break, 345 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,135 is wiping your butt gay? 346 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,514 - That explains the smell. - Oh. 347 00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,350 We really should have put this together sooner. 348 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,269 - You are the perfect example of the American male. 349 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,563 Women! [laughs] 350 00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,234 I am a prominent leader in the Men's Rights movement. 351 00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,235 Really? 352 00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:03,904 Okay, the last one was on me. 353 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,697 All I could think about was how loud my crunching was. 354 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,075 [scoffs] I can't believe that my photo 355 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,410 is the face of the Men's Rights movement. 356 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,247 Okay, well, my face is the actual face. 357 00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:14,248 So what are we gonna do? 358 00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,625 - Okay, the way I see it, we have two options. 359 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,253 - Okay. - Option one, we start a podcast 360 00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,046 combating Warren's disinformation, 361 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,966 while also giving our hot takes on celebrity hairstyles. 362 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,592 Here are mine. Shawn Mendes, wig. 363 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,593 Tom Holland, wig. 364 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,596 Jason Statham. [scoffs] Bald cap! 365 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,098 What's option two? 366 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,058 - I'm gonna distract them. You grab my photo. 367 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,935 Okay, I pick that one. Alright? 368 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,019 Do you think I'm wearing a wig? 369 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,064 - I don't know. I've never seen it wet. - Unbelievable. 370 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,858 ♪ 371 00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,693 She brings her own toilet seat cover. 372 00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:44,319 Yeah. It's reusable. 373 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,738 How cool is that? 374 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,700 - So, Alice... [soft music playing] 375 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,202 What do you like to do for fun? 376 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,997 Uh, well, um... 377 00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,291 I really like dancing. 378 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,754 Oh! 379 00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,341 - Okay! - [laughs] Oh yeah! Oh, get it, girl! 380 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:09,928 [Alice and Hannah muttering, laughing] 381 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,221 No, I cannot do this anymore. 382 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:14,349 I'm sorry. Alice, I'm not ready to date anyone right now. 383 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145 And, to be honest with you, even if I was... 384 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,523 I'm not sure that you and I are a good fit. 385 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,483 - Charlie... - And I just don't understand 386 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,736 why you want me and Alice to work so badly. 387 00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,198 - Oh. [scoffs] Yeah, uh, he's after my miles. 388 00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:32,367 Yeah, I-I could sense it the second that we met. 389 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,578 Is that true? 390 00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,123 Wow. 391 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,375 Pimping me out for miles. 392 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,085 How do you sleep at night? 393 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,296 Yeah. How do you? 394 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,675 - Look, it's fine. It happens to me all the time. [laughs] 395 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,261 Yeah, anyway, at least tonight wasn't a total waste. 396 00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,972 'Cause I met my new best friend. 397 00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,725 Yeah, you did. 398 00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,561 Bathroom sisters for life. 399 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,605 - Yeah! - Alice? Let's roll. 400 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,358 Yeah, we will. [laughs] 401 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,484 You wanna play Yahtzee at mine? 402 00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,236 - Yes! - Thank God, I hope I get a Yahtzee. 403 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,489 ♪ 404 00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,407 Hey, Warren. 405 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,952 You have inspired me. 406 00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,161 I have decided 407 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,289 to set aside my silly career 408 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,459 and focus all of my energy on finding a husband 409 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752 who can tell me what to do. 410 00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,840 - That is the smartest thing I've ever heard a woman say. 411 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,176 You have got to be the next guest on my podcast. 412 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,972 Now, of course, all female guests are required to wear bikinis, but... 413 00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,015 you're cool with that, right? 414 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,018 - Absolutely! I would love to put on a swimsuit 415 00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,979 and tell other women to quit their jobs! 416 00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,022 See? You just get it. 417 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,067 And I love that you're figuring it out this young. 418 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,653 Before I met Warren, I wasted years 419 00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,405 as the mayor of Baltimore. 420 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:53,782 What? 421 00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,451 You were mayor? 422 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,871 And now, you just... 423 00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:01,582 plate raw meat for this little bitch? 424 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:02,583 What? 425 00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,501 Sorry, Warren, but you're a joke. 426 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:05,502 [laughs] 427 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:09,047 I mean, men are up to their thick, hairy necks in rights, 428 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:12,551 and Jesse is not the perfect masculine man. 429 00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,555 He can't even figure out how to get that picture off your wall. Look. 430 00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:22,102 - This is so disappointing. Get that photo out of my house! 431 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,478 I'm trying! 432 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,899 And to think we almost had sex with you. 433 00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:27,900 Both of us? 434 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,860 - No! - No! Just him! 435 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,278 That's what I thought... 436 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,237 ♪ 437 00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,577 - Come on. What else do I do that's silly? 438 00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,329 Ellen, we've been doing this forever. 439 00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:43,207 - Can we talk about something else? - No. 440 00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,875 This is a thing that we all enjoy talking about, 441 00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,502 and we will do it until it's time to go home. 442 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,047 Okay, I-I'll do one. Uh... 443 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,382 before, when we were fighting, 444 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,926 my heart was beating so fast, 445 00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:56,136 I thought I was gonna pass out. 446 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,639 [laughing] 447 00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,725 Ellen, is that really how you felt? 448 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,686 - I mean, k-kind of. 449 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,899 - It sounds like you have some really big feelings 450 00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,235 around conflict that you need to unpack. 451 00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,362 Yeah. Seriously, El. 452 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:16,240 Have you ever considered talking to a psycholog... 453 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,908 [stretches out word] 454 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,453 - Ha! - Okay, fine. 455 00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,289 Some people have stuff that can't be fixed by Madame Deborah. 456 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,582 Thank you. 457 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,501 This is so fun! 458 00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:28,502 Who? 459 00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:32,756 Rachel, Ellen, and Valentina 460 00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,425 never hung out as a trio again. 461 00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,011 But, on the upside, that night, 462 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,139 Ellen went online and found herself a therapist. 463 00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:45,686 I'll tell you how I screwed that up for her another time. 464 00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:50,190 [quiet bar chatter] 465 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,359 ♪ soft music ♪ 466 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,861 Hey. Uh... 467 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,029 Sorry about before. 468 00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,866 We acted like selfish jerks. 469 00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:02,035 And to make up for it, we want you to have this. 470 00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,539 It's the perfect first-date outfit 471 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,833 for when you're actually ready to get back out there. 472 00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,960 - Mm-hmm. Dressy shirts show that you care, 473 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,629 a pair of jeans so you don't look like you're trying too hard, 474 00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:15,674 and a pair of tighty-whities because, brother, I know you can pull it off. 475 00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,676 [laughs] Well, thank you. 476 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,721 Wait, what happened after you left with Alice? 477 00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,850 - I got enough miles for the next few months. 478 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:26,977 Don't ask me how. 479 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,520 No, go on. How? 480 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,397 She said don't ask her how! 481 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,525 Did we just eat raw bison 482 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,528 to appease the leader of the Men's Rights movement? 483 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,906 I'm not ready to talk about the bison. 484 00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:41,200 Hey, to be fair, we don't know that he's their leader. 485 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,452 You know, there might be somebody above him, and then... 486 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,245 maybe you can sell your photo to that guy. 487 00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,957 [laughs] Okay. 488 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,376 I'm definitely not getting a bird hat off of tonight. 489 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,669 No. 490 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,215 - But we work well together. As friends. 491 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,011 - [clears throat] Yeah, I-I couldn't agree more. 492 00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:02,971 [giggles] 493 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,599 - [clears throat] Hey, so if-if I had known, 494 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,809 uh, you were gonna come back that night, 495 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,394 I wouldn't have called Meredith. 496 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:11,897 The thing is-- 497 00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,315 Jesse, just stop. It's... 498 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,817 I get it. 499 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112 She's the love of your life, and... 500 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,282 you've gotta give it a shot. 501 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,244 And that's how we hit the reset button. 502 00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:28,247 [both laugh softly] 503 00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:29,790 Sort of. 504 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,459 [phone buzzing] 505 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,336 - [clears throat] Uh, this is Meredith. 506 00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,046 You mind if I take this before we get on the subway? 507 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,006 No problem. Yeah, I'll wait. 508 00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,716 ♪ Virginia by The Head and the Heart ♪ 509 00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,553 ♪ December won't be so forgiving ♪ 510 00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:45,097 [clears throat] 511 00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:46,974 ♪ I'm haunted by a ghost ♪ 512 00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:49,935 ♪ Of you and my past colliding ♪ 513 00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,937 No! No! Wait! 514 00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:55,691 SOPHIE'S SON: But if you lost the photo, how did it end up back here? 515 00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:58,694 Ah. A story for another time, kid. 516 00:21:58,694 --> 00:22:00,863 But trust me, I will get to it. 517 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,158 - Hey. - Hey. How was your night? 518 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,243 Eh. 519 00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,829 I found out I sold my photo to a hatemonger, 520 00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,581 and then a taxi drove away with it. 521 00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:13,208 So, the usual. How about you? 522 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,335 Same. The usual. 523 00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:19,673 Rando! 524 00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,511 Damn! 525 00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,762 What is your secret? 526 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,391 How are you able to move on from Charlie so fast? 527 00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:32,019 I always bounce back quickly with guys. 528 00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,397 - Charlie isn't just a guy. You were in love with him. 529 00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:39,443 - [sighs] Okay, fine. 530 00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,236 The truth is I realized something. 531 00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,197 Charlie and I are gonna end up together. 532 00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:44,781 - Really? - Yeah. 533 00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,783 I mean, sure, we want different things right now, 534 00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,285 but life is long, 535 00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:51,079 and eventually, somehow, it'll work out. 536 00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,749 - So, you're not worried about him meeting someone else? 537 00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:55,042 No. 538 00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:57,169 Besides, if I know Charlie, 539 00:22:57,169 --> 00:22:59,588 it's gonna be a long time before he gets back out there. 540 00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:03,342 FUTURE SOPHIE: But little did Val know, 541 00:23:03,342 --> 00:23:07,137 someone else was hitting his own reset button. 542 00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,891 ♪ But I can feel her heart beating for me, baby ♪ 543 00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:14,645 Hi. I'm Charlie. 544 00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,857 ♪ Virginia don't sound like she used to ♪ 545 00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:21,735 ♪ Virginia don't feel like she used to ♪ 546 00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,280 ♪ But I can feel her heart beating for me, baby ♪ 547 00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:28,784 ♪ I know her heart's beating for me, yeah ♪ 548 00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:30,786 ♪ 549 00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,419 ♪ I can feel her heart beating for me, baby ♪ 550 00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,840 ♪ I know her heart's beating for me, yeah ♪ 551 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,593 ♪ Virginia don't sound like she used to... ♪