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00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,963
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
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00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:08,300
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
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♪ Everlasting Love by Love Affair ♪
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♪ Open up your eyes ♪
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♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
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♪ Here I stand... ♪
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SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
Mom? Mom? Mom! Mom!
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00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,319
Will you turn that thing off?
I don't know how much longer
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00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,363
I can watch you sensually dance
with a teddy bear!
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00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,365
Ooh, what's that, Teddy?
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You think he should pay
for his own college?
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Oh, good idea.
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You know, your dad got me one of these
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on our very first Valentine's Day
as a couple.
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Even before he and I got together,
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he had a soft spot for Valentine's Day.
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I'm just saying,
Valentine's Day is the worst.
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00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,721
Wait, you're grumpy
about Valentine's Day?
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What a total curveball!
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Do you think it's a "Hallmark holiday"?
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Yeah! I do. It's just an excuse for the
greeting card and chocolate companies--
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[booing]
Alright! Alright.
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Not exactly a hot take, man.
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Yeah, next, you're gonna say that
TikTok is shortening our attention span.
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It is! Our generation can't even focus--
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I don't care what you think,
Love Grinch!
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Hannah's en route to the city,
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and we are gonna Valentine the crap
out of each other all night long.
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I love Valentine's Day, too. Every year,
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I spend it with
the hottest piece in the city.
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This little smoke show right here.
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Damn right, she does.
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Valentine's Day is our day.
We call it...
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BOTH:
Svalentine's Day!
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Sorry, isn't that what we all call it,
but with less spitting?
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No! It's Svalentine's.
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Like Sophie and Valentina's
Valentine's Day.
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Svalentine's.
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Is it a fresher take
if I hate Svalentine's Day?
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I hate this stupid holiday.
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- [thud]
- Hey, bud. What the hell is this?
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It's supposed to be
Rachel's Valentine's Day gift.
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Because nothing says "I love you"
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like a romantic candlelight dinner
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under a nude frozen likeness
of the woman you love.
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But Rachel's aunt broke her hip,
so she went to Florida to help.
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Oh, what a sweetheart.
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I know! She's extremely caring!
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Sorry. Sorry.
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I was really excited for our
first Valentine's Day together,
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and now it's ruined.
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Does it make you feel better
to know that I've had
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a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad
Valentine's Day before, too?
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00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,935
Aw, sweetie, no.
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Why would hearing about your misfortune
make me feel any better?
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Aw.
[laughs]
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Just kidding. It totally would.
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
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[laughs]
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Okay. I was 8 years old.
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I was making cards for all
the important people in my life.
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My mom, my mom's boyfriend, Steve,
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my favorite NSYNC member,
Chris Kirkpatrick,
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Ruthie and Teck from
The Real World: Hawaii.
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[scoffs] Stop right there.
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A pre-puberty story doesn't count.
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Heartbreak before
your period isn't real.
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Oh, okay. Uh, I'm gonna think
of a different one.
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Ooh! When I was 13.
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Uh, no. You hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first!
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It's your turn to hang up first.
You go first.
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Next!
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Okay, uh, I'll go. Alright.
Um... [clears throat]
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My worst St. Valentine's.
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Uh, the year was 2012,
and I was a besotted young lad
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on a hunting trip in Norfolk
with my family
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and my girlfriend, Jacinda Astley.
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♪ classical music playing ♪
We were staying at Houghton Hall,
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the estate of my family's dear friends,
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David and Rose, the Marquess
and Marchioness of Cholmondeley.
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There was a crisp breeze that afternoon,
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so I went to close the window.
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But the curtains, well, were fluttering
so playfully in the draft
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that in the end,
I couldn't bear to end
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their delightful curtain dance.
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Oh, my God! We are telling
Valentine's stories in a bar,
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not doing set dec for soft-core porn.
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Well, if you're such a masterful
storyteller, please, regale us.
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I would, but all my V-Days
have been straight-up bangers.
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Ooh, what about Brendan?
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Who's Brendan? Did he suck?
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- Ooh. Did he call women "females"?
- Well,
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it was freshman year of college.
Sophie and I hadn't met yet,
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00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,785
and I thought I was gonna be
the next Lady Gaga.
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Brendan was a graphic design major
I'd been dating for a couple of months.
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Hi! I'm Valentina.
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Sophie Tompkins.
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Is today your favorite holiday
because of your name?
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That would be like if I was... Halloweena!
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[awkward laugh]
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Not sure exactly what you're on,
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but you should have some water.
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Great tip. Thanks.
[nervous laugh]
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Are you surprising your boyfriend
with a Valentine's Day gift, too?
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Yeah. [laughs]
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It's pictures of my butt.
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Like, you sat on a copy machine?
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No...
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Can I be honest with you?
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You could do so much better than Todd.
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Todd? Ew! He's legit
the grossest man I've ever met.
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♪ rock music playing ♪
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Harsh.
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Did you ladies come here
just to insult me?
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'Cause if you did...
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you mind putting these on
and let me turn my webcam on first?
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Turns out, Todd was developing
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a glam rock musical version
of Charlotte's Web.
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It was actually pretty good.
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So, if you aren't here for Todd...
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And you're not here for Todd...
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SOPHIE: We kissed the same guy?!
VALENTINA: We slept with the same guy?!
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Brendan! Legend!
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BOTH:
Shut up, Todd!
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♪
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That lying sack of crap!
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That smarmy little ass-clown!
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Oh, that sleazy dick-nosed bastard!
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Oh, that butthead!
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Are you the Amish exchange student
I heard about?
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What? No. I could do better.
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That jerk! Oh!
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And his hair looks so dumb.
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No. His hair looks cool.
135
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He was bald by junior year. Hm.
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Sometimes, God is good.
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Brendan sucks,
and we have got to break up with him.
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Oh, we are going to do
way more than break up with him.
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We're gonna get revenge.
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God, I find being
around you exhilarating.
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[giggles]
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VALENTINA:
So we grabbed our bats
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00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,865
and went to town on Brendan's bike.
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♪ I dug my key into the side ♪
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♪ Of his pretty little souped-up
four-wheel-drive ♪
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♪ Carved my name into-- ♪
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Hey! What are you guys doing?
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You cheat on me,
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your ride pays the price!
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Yeah! Exactly what she said,
but from my perspective!
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Uh...
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that's not my bike.
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So, maybe we tanked our revenge plan,
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but that's the night I met my BFFTLATN.
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What?
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Best friends for this life and the next.
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We both believe in reincarnation.
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Yes, we're coming back
as treasured house cats.
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- Same house?
- Same estate.
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- [Sophie meows]
- Are you two serious?
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How is a story of your adorable
Valentine's Day meet-cute
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supposed to make me feel any better?
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SOPHIE: It's not.
VALENTINA: Our bad.
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I need something
gut-wrenchingly pathetic.
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Jesse?
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Fine. [inhales]
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[clears throat] I was 10 years old.
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Hang on,
Ellen said no pre-puberty stories.
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00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,262
Actually, Jesse went
through puberty in third grade.
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Whenever he took me to the playground,
all the kids called him "sir."
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Today's lunch is fish sticks,
tater tots, fruit cup,
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and your choice of regular
or chocolate milk.
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Okay, guys, I'll let you in on
a little secret. One girl's advice?
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You're gonna wanna go chocolate.
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ADULT JESSE: Mariah Moore
was the first girl I ever liked.
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We'd never actually talked,
but I knew all I needed to know.
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She was super cute,
she'd read all the Animorphs books,
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and her parents had a trampoline. No net.
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I love you, Mariah Moore.
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I'm at work.
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You told a girl you were
in love with her way too soon?
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Why does that sound so familiar?
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00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,801
Because he did it to Sophie.
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00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,555
He also did it in middle school.
185
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,849
Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Fine.
There was one other time.
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[playing French horn]
187
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,693
I love you, Olivia DeMarco.
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00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,779
Um, Jerry, is it?
189
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And then in college.
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00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,660
[crowd booing, jeering]
191
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,621
[on megaphone]:
These Wall Street fat cats
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00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,665
have stolen from America's working class!
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CROWD:
Yes!
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00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:22,461
But do you know who
really belongs behind bars?
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00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,254
[crowd cheering]
Clarissa Yang.
196
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,466
Because you stole my heart, Clarissa.
197
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,675
I love you!
198
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,470
[crowd booing, jeering]
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
199
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,763
Oh!
200
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,266
So you say "I love you" early on
to, like, everyone.
201
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,602
Well, you'll be happy to know
that all those people hated it
202
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,562
just as much as you did.
203
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,899
Cool. Noted.
204
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,150
Wait, are you actually upset about this?
205
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,860
No. I don't care.
206
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,529
- Great.
- Great.
207
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,571
[Scottish accent]:
Great.
208
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,575
[normal voice]:
Sorry. When I get uncomfortable,
209
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,202
I get Scottish.
210
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,079
♪
211
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,543
Stop glaring at me!
212
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:06,088
Oh, you don't love that
like you love every woman you lay eyes on?
213
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,132
Alright! Back to me then. Um...
214
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,927
I have processed your critiques,
215
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,304
and I am ready to tell
my story succinctly.
216
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,141
So, we're at Houghton Hall,
awaiting the arrival
217
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:22,062
of my beloved girlfriend, Jacinda Astley.
218
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,356
And, uh, I wanted things
to be extra special
219
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,900
because, well,
I'd always had a bit of a thing
220
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,819
for old St Valentine's.
221
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:31,738
And Jacinda Astley...
222
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,407
was a lady.
223
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,159
And though the Astleys
were incredibly well-esteemed,
224
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:39,913
their family name had not
gone unmarred by scandal.
225
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:44,084
Rumor has it, her great-aunt was
sired not by Lord Phillip Astley,
226
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,587
but by a mere stable boy.
227
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,881
Of Wolverhampton!
228
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,425
- No!
- Yes! And it gets even better--
229
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,343
Dude, I'm not no-ing you.
Nobody's listening to you.
230
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,387
Mean.
ALL: True.
231
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,681
They're diverting
Hannah's flight to Houston
232
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,224
'cause someone said they were
having a heart attack.
233
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,644
Like, dude, how hard is it to just
ignore your body's signals
234
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,479
until it's too late like the rest of us?
235
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,441
So Hannah will get in tomorrow.
Is that such a big deal?
236
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,775
Yes.
237
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,778
Spending Valentine's Day together is,
like, super important to us.
238
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,198
'Cause of our worst one ever.
239
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:17,201
That sounds awful. Tell us everything.
240
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,537
Okay, so Hannah and I
are still in med school,
241
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,873
and we just started dating,
so we weren't exclusive yet.
242
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:26,210
Come on, man! Just have one drink with me
at the McLarens' place downstairs.
243
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,836
Hey...
244
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,797
[suave voice]: We can mack on
some sweet Valentine's Day honeys.
245
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,760
Sid, you're not a virgin.
Why are you talking like one?
246
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,180
- Also, you have a girlfriend.
- Hannah is not my girlfriend, okay?
247
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,891
I'm a playboy. I can't be tied down.
[phone dings]
248
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,434
What the...
249
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,397
Look at this photo Hannah just posted.
Why is she all up on this dude?
250
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:51,068
Whoa. Looks like she's out
being a play girl, huh?
251
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,694
Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
252
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,071
Dude, I am done playing games.
253
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,114
I gotta go tell Hannah
she's the only one for me,
254
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,075
and you are coming, too!
255
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,701
[sighs] Alright, fine, I'll go with you,
256
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,578
but I'm not putting on real pants, okay?
257
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,289
Because Valentine's Day is a stupid--
[door shuts]
258
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,919
♪
259
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,546
Now, focus. If you
260
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,132
were a gorgeous young med student
about to throw away the love of your life,
261
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,759
- where would you--
- It's a very small apartment, okay?
262
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,052
They're right there.
263
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:20,180
♪ house music plays ♪
264
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,141
Okay. Come on. Jesse, dance.
Act like we're having fun.
265
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,102
What? Why? I thought we were here
so you could tell Hannah
266
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,979
- how you feel about her.
- Yeah, I was,
267
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,939
but I'm pissed she's having
so much fun without me.
268
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,108
I want her to see that I have fun
without her, too, you know?
269
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,610
By dancing with me?
270
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,196
Come on, Jesse! We didn't
practice Dougie-ing for nothing, okay?
271
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,824
♪
272
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:41,827
[party chatter]
273
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537
Ha! Ha!
274
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,586
- Jesse! Running man! Now!
- Are we in a dance-off?
275
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,796
Oh, I am! I don't know
what the hell you're doing!
276
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:56,383
What's up? What's up? Wh-- Ow! Cramp!
277
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,635
- [groaning]
- Are you okay?
278
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,430
That is enough! Can you stop
massaging him right now, please?
279
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,058
Hannah, I want to be your boyfriend.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
280
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,977
I want this guy to just go away.
281
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,812
Ha! I knew it.
282
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,814
- Thanks for your help, Drew-shi.
- Of course.
283
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,066
Drew-shi is a dish best served cold.
284
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,902
[Hannah giggles]
SID: Wait, what?
285
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,570
Did you set me up?
286
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:19,698
- [laughs] Hell yeah, I did.
- Look, Hannah knew if we made you jelly,
287
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:22,201
you'd make things official.
That's why I brought out the big guns.
288
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,912
I can do that, too.
289
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,164
Am I doing it?
290
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,540
No...
291
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,211
Look, glad I could help cupid you guys.
292
00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:34,880
The way she talks about you,
I knew you got something special.
293
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,091
And people who love each other
should be together on Valentine's Day.
294
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,886
That's why I'm gonna go hang out
with my mom. Later.
295
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,474
I can't believe you tricked me.
That's, like, supes immature.
296
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,809
Seriously? You're mad?
297
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:48,810
Yeah.
298
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,104
You've been acting for weeks like you
don't want to be my boyfriend.
299
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,481
That's immature.
300
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:56,443
We proceeded to have the kind of awful,
horrible, screaming, crying fight
301
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,903
that you only have in your 20s.
302
00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,405
- I hate you.
- I hate you, too!
303
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,408
♪ house music continues ♪
304
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,913
I love you... Sweatpants Girl.
305
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,542
Seriously?
306
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,460
That one doesn't count!
307
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,255
Have... you met molly?
308
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,718
I also said "I love you"
to my cab driver,
309
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,263
a fat pigeon, a-and a trash can
310
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:26,181
I could "feel" had a soul.
311
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,977
Anyway, um,
that night, neither of us slept,
312
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,270
and when the sun came up,
313
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:34,064
we both realized why. Um...
314
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,775
the only thing we really wanted
was each other.
315
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,196
Hi.
316
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,408
- Hi.
- I, uh,
317
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,909
I made you this.
318
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:50,205
You arranged a bunch of bagels
in the shape of balls?
319
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,790
Huh? No. Oh!
320
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,959
It's supposed to be a heart.
321
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:55,586
Made of everything bagels 'cause...
322
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,630
'cause you're my everything.
323
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,718
And you used cream cheese for the glue!
324
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:03,760
Mm-hmm.
325
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:09,641
And we haven't spent
Valentine's Day apart since.
326
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,560
Until now.
ALL: Aw...
327
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,188
Oh, Jesse, those two
old ladies are leaving.
328
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:16,106
Don't forget to tell 'em both
you love 'em.
329
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,109
I really don't get it.
How are you actually pissed about this?
330
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:22,279
I'm not pissed. I'm... irked.
331
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,324
You guys get why, right?
332
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,035
ALL:
No. No. Not really.
333
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,661
Oh, my God. Fine.
334
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,791
When you told me you loved me
on our first date,
335
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,418
yes, that freaked me out.
336
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,505
But it also made me feel... special.
337
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:43,133
And then hearing that
you've said those same words
338
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,969
to roughly one in four American women,
339
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,471
that makes me feel...
340
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,850
Less special?
[sighs]
341
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,813
This was way too intimate
to say in front of everyone.
342
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,942
[Scottish accent]:
I'm gonna get a very strong drink.
343
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,027
[normal voice]:
Oh! Why am I doing it?
344
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:03,362
♪
345
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,410
S-so, Ellen? We were thinking--
346
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,955
No, you can't use Ice Rachel
as a vodka luge.
347
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,290
Surprise!
348
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,084
VALENTINA: Oh!
SID: Oh, my God!
349
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,335
You're here!
HANNAH: I am!
350
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:21,338
Oh, I pulled a full "mom from Home Alone"
351
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,715
and cried my way onto a new flight.
352
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,134
My favorite girl referencing
my favorite movie
353
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,886
on my favorite day of the year?
354
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,888
[happy groan] I love this holiday!
355
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,476
I have an announcement!
Hello, Hannah. Welcome back.
356
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,311
I have taken your collective feedback
357
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,064
and distilled my story
into four sentences.
358
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,985
My girlfriend was coming to visit me
in the country for Valentine's Day.
359
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:46,154
I decided to surprise her
by wearing nothing but whipped cream.
360
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,658
♪ romantic music ♪
361
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,292
Are the cherries too much?
362
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:01,378
No. You look scrumptious, sir.
363
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,888
I lay there all night waiting,
364
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,056
and she stood me up.
365
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,892
I wound up with a broken heart...
366
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,644
and a yeast infection.
367
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,272
Which I didn't even know men could get.
368
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,275
That's a pretty good story!
[all agreeing]
369
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,986
I got a double cheese pizza
from Little Caesar's
370
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,529
for... Ellen Gilbert.
371
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,203
[FaceTime ringing]
372
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,829
[on phone]:
Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
373
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,999
I figure if we ate the same thing
together on FaceTime,
374
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,667
it'd almost be like we were together.
375
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,336
This is perfect.
376
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,755
I should have known
you would make today amazing.
377
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:46,256
ALL:
Aw...
378
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,258
This is a private moment
between me and my girlfriend!
379
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:51,512
Just kidding.
380
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:54,306
We're cute as hell,
and I accept your aw's.
381
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:57,935
Hey. Look.
382
00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,561
Yes, when I was younger, I threw out
383
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,939
a lot of "I love you's"
with reckless abandon.
384
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,900
Okay? But then, I stopped.
For many years.
385
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,777
- You did?
- I did.
386
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,155
And, you know, after Meredith left me,
387
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,824
I-I thought I'd never say it again,
and... [clears throat]
388
00:17:13,951 --> 00:17:14,993
then I met you.
389
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,622
Got it.
390
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,960
Thank you for... clearing that up for me.
391
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,212
I feel less irked.
392
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,338
Good.
393
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,631
Okay, so finish your story.
394
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,425
Wh-what happened to you on
Valentine's Day in third grade?
395
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,886
There was a father-daughter
dance at school,
396
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:36,723
and I put fliers
with my picture up all over town
397
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,519
in hopes that my dad would see it
and come and surprise me.
398
00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,604
Did your dad live in your town?
399
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,357
No idea. My mom only told me
400
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:49,236
that they slept together
one time at the first Lollapalooza.
401
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,613
- Wow.
- Yeah. She actually said "did the nasty,"
402
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,073
but I was trying to spare you.
403
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,743
Thank you.
Okay, so-so-so what happened?
404
00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,663
I stood in the middle
of the dance floor,
405
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,584
hoping my long-lost father would
walk through the door and surprise me.
406
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:06,670
And after a while, a guy
I'd never seen before showed up.
407
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,672
- Someone else's dad.
- I wish.
408
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,800
Just a neighborhood pervert.
409
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,469
- Oh.
- Security tackled him pretty fast.
410
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,638
But, in retrospect,
411
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:20,475
putting up pictures of a little girl
with the caption
412
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,478
"Daddy, come dance with me,"
was not a good idea.
413
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,981
Oh, my God.
[laughs]
414
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,067
The police said I saved
a lot of lives in the end.
415
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,486
- Huh...
- What?
416
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,655
Well, it's just you have
417
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,158
a real reason to hate this day.
418
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,620
But you just throw on a smile
and spend it with Val
419
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,039
and have a ridiculously
good attitude about it.
420
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,041
H-how do you do that?
421
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,418
What is my other option?
To act like you?
422
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,170
I-I'm serious.
[laughs]
423
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,172
Chocolate helps.
424
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,758
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
425
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,260
[unwrapping chocolate]
426
00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,848
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
427
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,392
You know, maybe
Valentine's Day is not that bad.
428
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,523
You see, son, love just feels good.
429
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,108
Especially on Valentine's Day.
430
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,903
Just ask your dad.
431
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:16,031
And people who love each other
should be together on Valentine's Day.
432
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,742
I'd always had a bit of a thing
for old Saint Valentine's.
433
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,244
Oh, my God, I love this holiday.
434
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:22,829
You know, maybe
Valentine's Day is not that bad.
435
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,540
I freaking love Valentine's Day.
436
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,834
SOPHIE'S SON:
He wasn't even in this story.
437
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:29,503
Wait, did I miss something?
438
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,213
Different Valentine's Day.
439
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,048
We'll get there.
440
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,049
♪
441
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,135
I'm sure she'll be here any minute.
442
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:41,098
- Right, Rupert?
- Of course, she will, sir.
443
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,520
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
444
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,480
♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
445
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,401
♪ Here I stand with my everlasting love ♪
446
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:54,361
♪ Need you by my side ♪
447
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,363
♪ Girl to be my bride ♪
448
00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,325
♪ You'll never be denied
everlasting love ♪
449
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,286
♪ From the very start ♪
450
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,246
♪ Open up your heart ♪
451
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:08,166
♪ Feel that you're part of
everlasting love ♪
452
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,128
♪ Oh! ♪
453
00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:14,882
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪