1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:05,047
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪

2
00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,429
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪

4
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- Son, we're going to take a quick break
from the story of how I met your father

5
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:23,482
and talk about how I met my father.
[soft laugh]

6
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I know you didn't ask
for this part, so bear with me.

7
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,320
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
I didn't ask for any of this.

8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,823
You said you needed help with your phone!
- Oh, son, you're hysterical.

9
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- Okay.

10
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,579
Tell me everything
you remember about my dad.

11
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- I met him at Lollapalooza.

12
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He lolla'd my palooza,
and bam, here you are.

13
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- Okay. I'm gonna show you
this photo again.

14
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,926
- Ugh...
- This is the day you guys met,

15
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,554
so something in here
has to jog your memory.

16
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- [gasps] Oh, my God! That's him!

17
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- That's just an arm!

18
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- I know, but I remember
the barbed wire tattoo on his bicep.

19
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He said he needed security
around his guns. [laughs]

20
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- Oh, my God,
and you still slept with him?

21
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Wait, he's wearing a badge.
"Captain Concessions."

22
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Was he working the festival?

23
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- Yes. Yes, he was.

24
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Well, you can almost see his name.

25
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Ick!

26
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His name ends in "ick." Mom,

27
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you've got to remember. What is it?

28
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- His name was Mick!
- Really?

29
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- I don't remember,
but don't you hope it's Mick?

30
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♪

31
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- Guys!

32
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The search for my father
has been narrowed down

33
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to three potential dads.
[Ellen gasps]

34
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Thanks to a lot of hard work
from my bestie.

35
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- Oh, it was my pleasure.

36
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These days, I'll do literally
anything to avoid my...

37
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fiancé.
At least this time,

38
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I didn't have to trick him
into learning a new life skill.

39
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- Hey, babe!

40
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:53,447
I'm finally an intermediate at Spanish
on Duolingo. Can we hang out now?

41
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- [sighs] Sorry.

42
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,201
You're not gonna be able to speak
to my abuela at the wedding

43
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until you're level 70.

44
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Sigue practicándo.

45
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- Entiendo.

46
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♪

47
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- That poor sweet boy.

48
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- So how did you narrow it down
to three names?

49
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- Sophie's dad worked
for Captain Concessions in 1991,

50
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his first name ends in "ick,"
so I went to their LinkedIn page

51
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and did a deep dive
on all their current employees,

52
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until I found an HR director
who has a second family in Poughkeepsie.

53
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So, I blackmail him
into sending me the roster

54
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of all the employees
that worked Lollapalooza '91,

55
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and three of them have names
that end in "ick."

56
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- Oh. Simple.

57
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- Okay! Everyone gets an ick.

58
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Val and I are gonna take
Nick Foster in Staten Island.

59
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Sid and Jesse, you guys get Rick Graham

60
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in New Jersey...
- Oh.

61
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- ...and Charlie and Ellen,

62
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,405
you guys get Dick Webber-Morris
in Yonkers.

63
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- Guys, do you see what's happening here?

64
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This is a Mamma Mia!

65
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- Technically, it's not.

66
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In Mamma Mia,
Meryl Streep slept with three guys.

67
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My mom slept with one.

68
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- I think it's more of a reverse
gender-swapped Philomena.

69
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- Wha-- No, Philomena is an Irish nun

70
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trying to find her son
who was taken away from her.

71
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What we have here is a hetero
The Kids Are All Right.

72
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- No, I just googled it.

73
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Sophie's life is most like
the beloved Paul Reiser TV show

74
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My Two Dads, but with three dads.
Final answer.

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[all agreeing]

76
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- Wait, guys, guys, guys!
Let's channel this energy

77
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into actually finding my dad.
Okay? Ick on three.

78
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One, two, three!
ALL: Ick!

79
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♪

80
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- Okay, check it out.

81
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I'm gonna go to the desk.
I'm gonna ask for Rick.

82
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I'm gonna sign up for the free trial.

83
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And then, I'm gonna cancel
before the end of the month.

84
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[laughs]
[text chimes]

85
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TAYLOR:
Hey. It's your airplane pal Taylor.

86
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,711
Remember that rapper
we were sitting next to?

87
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SID: How could I forget?
TAYLOR: Well...

88
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Li'l Toasty's new single just dropped,

89
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and I think it's about

90
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how he wanted to have a threesome with us!

91
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- What? No way. How do you know that?

92
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,348
- Because it's called Mile High Menage.

93
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We're freakin' famous!

94
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- Hey, Rick's about to come out.

95
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[clears throat]

96
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,271
Why are you grinning
at your phone like an idiot?

97
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- Oh... No, nothing. Uh, my new bud Taylor
sent me something funny.

98
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,235
- Oh. You have a new buddy.

99
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,778
Cool. Love that for you.

100
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Funny Taylor. You know,

101
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,034
I've got some pretty hysterical hot takes
about Whole Foods you haven't heard.

102
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,745
Whole Foods? More like whole paycheck--

103
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,584
- Hey, guys. I'm Rick.

104
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- [quietly]:
Could Sophie be half-Asian?

105
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♪

106
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[phone ringing]

107
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- Dick and Dale's Exotic Entertainment.

108
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We're ripped, we strip, and you tip.

109
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- Oh, hey, Mom.

110
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- Do you think that's him?

111
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,059
- Until I figure out why I self-sabotage,
I don't think I'll ever find love.

112
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- [scoffs] Rambling on
about his horrible love life.

113
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Definitely Sophie's dad.

114
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- Hi there! Uh, are you Dick or Dale?

115
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- Dick.

116
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,528
Dale passed years ago.

117
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He tried the death-defying
alley-oop pole flip.

118
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Nailed it.

119
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But then got murdered.

120
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,081
- I... bet he's giving lap dances
to angels now.

121
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Dick, did you ever, by chance,

122
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,503
attend the music festival Lollapalooza?

123
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,797
- No. Why are you asking me that?

124
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,883
- Just a fun icebreaker, you know?

125
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,927
We like to get to know our strippers.
[laughs]

126
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,429
Ellen, may I speak to you by the...
butt-shot wall?

127
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,557
[phone ringing]

128
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,725
Well, he's lying. We already know
he went to Lollapalooza.

129
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- Clearly, we can't trust him to answer
our questions honestly.

130
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We gotta see if he's got that
barbed wire tattoo on his arm.

131
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,899
Ask him to take his shirt off.

132
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,277
- You can't just ask a stripper
to sample the merchandise

133
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without paying for the goods.
He's not Costco, Ellen!

134
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Follow my lead.

135
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,576
Dick, my friend,

136
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all the wall butts in the world

137
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pale in comparison with yours.
ELLEN: Mm-hmm.

138
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,915
- Now I'm in charge
of throwing my best friend here

139
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,294
her bachelorette party,
and I want you to be the stripper.

140
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,755
- Oh. [laughs] I'm flattered,
but I've been out of the game for years.

141
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,050
- That is such a shame
because my dream bachelorette

142
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is a man like you
shakin' a donk like that

143
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,805
in a face like this.

144
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,683
Please?
[nervous laugh]

145
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,980
- You know what? For you,

146
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,982
I'll dust this donk off one last time.

147
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,818
When's the party?
- In two hours.

148
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:03,197
♪

149
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,657
[ferry horn blasts]
- Hey, sorry I sent you guys all the way

150
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,242
to a gym in Jersey for nothing.

151
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,245
- Oh, it wasn't for nothing.
We both Zumba'd our asses off.

152
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,539
Hoo-hoo!
[Sophie laughs]

153
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,583
- I hope Staten Island Nick is your dad.

154
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,585
We never get to hang out on islands.

155
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,670
- Manhattan is an island.

156
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,382
- Okay, sweetie.

157
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,426
[Valentina and Sophie laugh]

158
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,934
- Oh, my God.
What if my dad owns a hot dog store?

159
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,311
I'll be a hot dog heiress.

160
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[sighs]

161
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Wish me luck.
FRIENDS: Good luck. You got this, go.

162
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,321
- [clears throat] Hey.

163
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,948
Uh, can I speak to Nick, please?

164
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,825
Oh, I'm just a real hot dog head

165
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,204
who is dying to meet the founder
of Nick's of Staten Island.

166
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,332
The founder of
Nick's of Staten Island is...

167
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,750
SOPHIE:
Dead.

168
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,669
This guy's dead.

169
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,712
- Oh! Uh...

170
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,756
Charlie and Ellen just texted
that your dad

171
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,675
may be a washed-up male stripper.

172
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,635
- Oof.

173
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,595
Suddenly, dead's not looking so bad.

174
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,098
♪

175
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,187
- So there's a 50% chance my dad's dead.

176
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,439
[sighs]

177
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,649
Should we, like,

178
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,735
say something to honor him?

179
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,696
- Uh...

180
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:29,408
- ♪ ...mazing Grace ♪

181
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,620
♪ How sweet ♪

182
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,290
♪ The sound ♪

183
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,293
♪ That saved ♪

184
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,879
♪ A wretch ♪

185
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:42,880
♪ Like-- ♪

186
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,673
- Whoa, we got a mourner.
We got a mourner. Fan out.

187
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,098
He's here for Nick.

188
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,141
- Oh, my God.

189
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,809
He's got the barbed wire tattoo.

190
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,687
[gasps]

191
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,023
- That must be my much older half-brother,

192
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:04,276
and he got the tattoo to honor our dad...

193
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,653
- Sophie. That's your dad.

194
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,699
- Then whose gravestone is that?

195
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,743
- Your grandfather's.

196
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,745
- Oh... duh.

197
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,082
Val, can you text me what's going on
so I don't seem dumb in front of everyone?

198
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,795
- So, my friends and I followed my dad

199
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,423
back onto the Staten Island Ferry.

200
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,425
We were like sexy spies.

201
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,178
On a boat that smelled like trash.

202
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,347
- Full disclosure,

203
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,766
sometimes,
I still miss my Tamagotchi.

204
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,393
- Full disclosure, I still have mine.

205
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,938
- Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to the front
and do "king of the world" with me?

206
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,064
[both giggle]

207
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,733
- [sighs] I was just texting Taylor.
What'd you say?

208
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,361
- Never mind.

209
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,491
- I can't believe we're tailing my dad.

210
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,118
I'm so excited to see
what amazing new place

211
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,495
he's gonna take us.

212
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,455
♪

213
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,250
Back here, huh?

214
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,627
Don't hate it.

215
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,630
- Ah.

216
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:10,300
Welcome to straight-Ellen's bachelorette!

217
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,719
We have penis hats,

218
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,888
a penis piñata,

219
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,891
and a pineapple upside-down penis cake!

220
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,561
- That is... extremely realistic.

221
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,229
The detail is amazing.

222
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,232
- Are those pubes made of coconut flakes?

223
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,984
It's a triumph.

224
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,485
[doorbell rings]
Oh!

225
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,863
There's our entertainment.

226
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,532
Now, remember, ladies, you can look,

227
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,908
but you can't touch.

228
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,118
- Not gonna be a problem.

229
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,246
- [pirate accent]:
Ahoy, landlubbers.

230
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,624
Who's ready to walk my plank?

231
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,546
So, are we... waiting for the rest
of the guests or...

232
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,256
- Nope! Gang's all here!

233
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,967
- What I lack in friends,
I make up for in horniness,

234
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,260
so get dancin'!

235
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,512
- Ah! Okay, Ellen.

236
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,933
Are you ready for me to...

237
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,853
shiver your timbers?
- Oh!

238
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,521
Sure, big boy. Drop anchor.

239
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,565
- [no accent]:
Oh, th-that costs extra.

240
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,774
- Never mind. Full steam ahead.

241
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,318
- That also costs extra.

242
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,652
- Just do what we paid for.

243
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:17,159
♪ Pirates of the Caribbean remix ♪

244
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,834
- Really? He's going one scarf at a time?

245
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,461
- Let me try and speed this along.

246
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,671
Take your shirt off, Dick. Woo!

247
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,048
[knowing laugh]

248
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,550
- [pirate accent]:
Don't worry, little lady.

249
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,220
All in due time.

250
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,473
All... in due time.

251
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,232
♪

252
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,695
♪

253
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,532
- Okay. It's now or never. Right?

254
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,283
I'm just gonna walk up to him and say...

255
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,745
I'm Sophie. I'm your daughter.

256
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:02,579
- Mm-hmm.

257
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,040
- Here I go.

258
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,167
I'm doing it!

259
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,920
Watch me go!

260
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,964
I'm going. Am I going?

261
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,715
- No, you're just crushing Val's hand.

262
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,759
- [gasps] Sorry.
- Oh...

263
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,637
- Sorry. I've just--
I've been waiting for this moment...

264
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,974
my entire life,
imagining what my dad would be like.

265
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,935
What if he's terrible? [gasps]

266
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,436
What if he signs me up for basketball

267
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,105
and pushes me to my limit,

268
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,148
until I finally break down
and have to tell him,

269
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234
"Dad, basketball's your dream,
but it's not mine!"

270
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,862
- She's right...
- What?

271
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,531
- I mean, not about
her weirdly specific fear,

272
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,576
but we should vet him
and make sure he's dad-worthy

273
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,494
before we reveal her true identity.

274
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,788
- You're right.
We should give him some dad tests.

275
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,914
- Good idea.

276
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,125
Hey, let's see if he'd take
a bullet for Sophie, huh?

277
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,127
- But, if he passes, he's dead.

278
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,671
- And if he fails, I'm dead.

279
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,300
- See you guys come up
with any good ideas...

280
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,803
[electric guitar riff]
ROCKER VOICES: Dad Tests!

281
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,807
- Oh! Oh no! Ow! I fell!

282
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,894
Can somebody, anybody, help me?

283
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,353
Oh!
- You okay, pal?

284
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,732
- Oh, I'm fine, thanks.
- Your shoes have no traction.

285
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,483
You gotta rock something like these.

286
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,819
Hey, what size are you?
- 11 wide.

287
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:19,281
- No way. Foot twins.
Here, try these bad boys on.

288
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,784
- Nick is literally giving him
the shoes off his feet.

289
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,746
- Tell you what. Keep 'em.
I got another pair in back.

290
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,748
Now, you go out there
and follow your dreams.

291
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,666
- I promise I'll make you proud.

292
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,127
- I'm a little proud already.

293
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,883
♪ rock music ♪

294
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:38,884
[ding]

295
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,180
- Uh, hey, would you mind
tossing me a ketchup packet?

296
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,015
- Oh, sure thing, ace.

297
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,142
[sighs]

298
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,019
- Oh, thanks. Uh, I only need one.

299
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,855
- Nice arm, slugger.
[laughs]

300
00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,357
- Thank you.

301
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,192
- Hey. Go long.
- Okay.

302
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,987
I caught it!
- Yeah, you did, champ!

303
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:02,366
[mouthing]

304
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:04,952
[ding]

305
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,453
♪ rock music ♪

306
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,957
[slams book]
[loud sigh]

307
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792
- You okay?

308
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,588
- Not really. Grad school is way too hard.

309
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,966
I think I'm gonna quit
and start an OnlyFans.

310
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,135
Do you think me washing my dog
in lingerie for money

311
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,554
is a good path for me?

312
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,265
- I think...

313
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:29,935
you shouldn't let a moment
of frustration derail you.

314
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,521
Education's important.
You should stay in school.

315
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,273
♪ rock music ♪

316
00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,274
[ding]

317
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,819
But, end of the day,

318
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,612
it's your life and your body,

319
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,114
and anyone who tells you otherwise

320
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,408
is trying to stigmatize your sexuality
to control you.

321
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,659
All work has dignity.

322
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,870
♪ rock music ♪

323
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:48,871
[ding]

324
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,334
- Your dad is like
a Mr. Rogers-level good dude!

325
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,836
- Great!

326
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,380
Okay, after his shift is over,

327
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,799
I'm gonna go in and introduce myself.

328
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,010
- Can I come, too?
- Me, too. We can all share your dad?

329
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,012
- No!
- O-Of course not.

330
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,973
Soph, we will give you some privacy.

331
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,017
[whispers]:
We'll come back and hang with him later.

332
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,476
- Oh, my God, wait! I didn't tell

333
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,312
Charlie and Ellen that we found my dad,

334
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,563
so can one of you guys?

335
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,606
- Sure, sweetie.

336
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,857
- They didn't.

337
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,234
♪ Pirates remix continues ♪

338
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,695
- It's been an hour.
He has to take his shirt off next.

339
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,160
- Come on!

340
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,496
- Who strips from the bottom up?

341
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,668
[crying]

342
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,172
- Dick? What's wrong?

343
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,798
[whimpers]

344
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,300
- I miss Dale.

345
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,971
[turns off boombox]
I haven't stripped since he passed away.

346
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,099
It-it just doesn't feel right to go
full nude without him here.

347
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,644
- God, I totally understand.

348
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:55,521
I mean, if Ellen and I
were a team of strippers,

349
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,648
a-and she pulled off
a daring stripper move

350
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,025
and then got murdered
in a totally unrelated incident,

351
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,027
I don't think I'd ever strip again either.

352
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,279
- Yes, you would.

353
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,240
Because you'd know that I'd want you

354
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,450
to shake that thing harder than ever.

355
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,826
For me.

356
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,328
For us.

357
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,122
And I bet that's what Dale
would want for you, too.

358
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,625
- You're right.

359
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,337
CHARLIE/RACHEL/ELLEN:
Strip. Strip. Strip.

360
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,882
Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip.
[restarts boombox]

361
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:27,511
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
- Dale! This is for you!

362
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,556
- [faster]:
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

363
00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:31,974
- No barbed wire tattoo!
- Oh, man!

364
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,725
I-I mean...

365
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,686
[aroused]:
Oh, man...

366
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,897
- Dick, we know you were lying
about going to Lollapalooza.

367
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,399
Why didn't you just tell the truth?

368
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,900
- Bad memories.

369
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,694
Dale met his murderer at that festival.

370
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,452
[quiet sports chatter on TV]

371
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,039
- Get there. Get there!

372
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:59,501
[crowd cheering on TV]
Yes! Let's go, Mets!

373
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,560
- [laughs] You're lying!

374
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,312
- I'm not! Hand to God,

375
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,105
I know all the words to the Macarena.

376
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481
- Why?

377
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,901
- When I was 12, it was my Everest.

378
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:26,820
- Alright. Put your phone away

379
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,906
'cause I got us a ridiculous
amount of barbecue,

380
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,699
a box of cigars, and a home brew kit.

381
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:31,783
'Cause I love you, man!

382
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,870
I-I don't know why I'm trying
to downplay it. I love you!

383
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,290
- Okay... Thanks...

384
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,292
- "Thanks." [scoffs]

385
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,294
Trying to get
our frickin' spark back, man.

386
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,545
Something's off with us.

387
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:47,049
- Bro,
we are the Spam of friendship.

388
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,592
Okay? Our shelf life is forever.

389
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:49,885
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

390
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,346
But you've been texting all day
with your new friend Taylor.

391
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,889
- What? Who cares?

392
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,641
Taylor's great, but she's not you.

393
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,351
You complete me, bro!

394
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,853
Wow. Did I just come up with that?
- Wait, wait, wait.

395
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,064
Taylor's a woman?
- Yeah...

396
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,024
Did I not mention that?

397
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,526
- No, you didn't.

398
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,736
- Okay. Well, yeah, she is.

399
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:12,115
- And where did you meet
this new girl... friend?

400
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,201
- [scoffs] I don't know
why you're being so weird.

401
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,787
It's not even a big deal.
We met on a flight to LA.

402
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,539
She's also in
a long-distance relationship,

403
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,332
and we bonded over it. That's it.

404
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,125
- Got it.
- Yeah.

405
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,461
- [sighs] It's just...

406
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,755
I mean, you've been
texting her a lot lately

407
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,423
like you do
when you're really into someone.

408
00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,426
Whatever. You know what?
You're the best guy I know,

409
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,929
and if you think this is innocent,
then it is. Alright? End of story.

410
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,558
Now, this homebrew kit said
it's gonna take 6 to 8 weeks,

411
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560
so let's just go to the bar, huh?

412
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,233
[text chimes]

413
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,819
- It's settled.

414
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,780
You are singing me the Macarena
the next time we see each other.

415
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:55,617
- Maybe... next Saturday?

416
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,245
My friends and I are doing karaoke
if you wanna come.

417
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,583
- Taylor, I'm sorry.
I don't think we should talk anymore.

418
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,420
- No worries.

419
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,838
I-I totally get it.

420
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,632
♪

421
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,639
JESSE:
Mm! This cake is delicious.

422
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,683
- Try the balls. They're made of nuts.

423
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,560
Genius!
- Wow.

424
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,228
Oh hey, here she is. Hey, how'd it go?

425
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,480
- I, um...

426
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,774
couldn't go through with it.

427
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,401
- What happened?

428
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,404
- I don't know.
I was about to introduce myself,

429
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,489
and then I realized that he's a Mets fan.

430
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,035
- Fair. That's a brutal legacy to take on.

431
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,454
- No. I realized

432
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,664
that him being a Mets fan is just

433
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,792
one of a thousand things
that I don't know about him,

434
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,794
and catching up and learning
all of those things,

435
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,298
and then having to tell him
every little quirk about me,

436
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,593
I don't know. It felt like too much.

437
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,094
And maybe it's just...

438
00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,389
too late for us.

439
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,642
- Or...

440
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,644
maybe today just wasn't the day.

441
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,103
- You know? Totally.

442
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,271
- It's not just that.

443
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,607
Even if we did get caught up
on all the little things,

444
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,526
who knows if he would even like me?

445
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:14,613
- Soph, your dad is absolutely
gonna love you.

446
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:15,656
When you're ready.

447
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,450
- Yeah.

448
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,285
When I am ready.

449
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,204
NICK:
Hi.

450
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:25,791
♪ Can't forget we only get what we give ♪

451
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:28,836
♪ Oh, you got the music in you ♪

452
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:31,213
♪ Don't let go ♪

453
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,549
♪ You've got the music in you ♪

454
00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:35,425
♪ One dance left ♪

455
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,845
♪ This world is gonna pull through ♪

456
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:39,721
♪ Don't give up ♪

457
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,974
♪ You've got a reason to live ♪

458
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:43,934
♪ Don't forget ♪

459
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,186
♪ We only get what we give ♪

460
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,021
♪ Don't let go ♪

461
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,357
♪ You got the music in you ♪

462
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,276
♪ One dance left ♪

463
00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:54,570
♪ This world is gonna pull through ♪

464
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,488
♪ Don't give up ♪

465
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:58,824
♪ You've got a reason to live ♪

466
00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:00,784
♪ Don't forget... ♪