1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,005 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,513 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:15,891 ♪ 5 00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:16,892 Hi. 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,645 I'm Nick. I think I'm your dad. 7 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,315 What? How did... 8 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,734 I have a camera outside my shop. 9 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,653 ♪ 10 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,404 Greetings, sir. 11 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,406 It's me, your long-lost daughter... Ah! 12 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,618 What up, Nick? 13 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,828 Who's my daddy? You're my daddy. 14 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,706 A little bit about me. I... 15 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,501 have a great life! Lot of good friends. 16 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:45,671 We get drinks at this place called Pemberton's, like, every night. 17 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,422 But not, like, in a problematic way. 18 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,219 So, how am I your dad exactly? 19 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,848 [sighs] My mom is Lori Tompkins. 20 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,892 You guys met at Lollapalooza '91 21 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,853 and conceived me to Jane Says. 22 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,439 No judgment. I have sex to weird songs, too. 23 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,568 You're my dad. I don't have sex. VALENTINA: What? 24 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,361 Wait. I'm 30. I do. 25 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,321 Anyway, surprise! 26 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,408 Wow. 27 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,536 You're my daughter. 28 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,413 With Lollapalooza Lori. 29 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,708 [awkward laugh] I'm sorry to spring this on you. 30 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,585 Oh. No, don't be. 31 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,670 I never had a daughter before. 32 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,671 Or a son. 33 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,382 I had a cat once. That's different. 34 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,509 I think. Wouldn't really know. 35 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,762 Um... 36 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,014 Wanna get a drink or something? 37 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,098 I'd love that. 38 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,853 I'll get you a beer, Mr. Sophie. 39 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,232 I have a better idea. Why don't I, uh, 40 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,776 come to your shop tomorrow, and we can have lunch? 41 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,653 Great. Great. 42 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,907 But, no family discount. You can thank your step-grandma for that. 43 00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,784 I caught her reselling chili dogs at her old age home, so. 44 00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:04,666 ♪ 45 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,168 Hey, man. 46 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,963 Hey... 47 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,548 What's up? 48 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,469 Not... much... 49 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,888 SOPHIE'S SON: Why are they being weird? 50 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,933 It's just Bro Speak. I'll translate. 51 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:21,975 Whatcha got going on tonight? 52 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,689 Not much. Just... the usual. 53 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:34,696 I was gonna go check out that new bar on Mercer Street, if you wanna tag along. 54 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:40,702 Sure. 55 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,460 Hey, friends! 56 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,171 Great news. [drumming] 57 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,674 Swish is cheating on me! 58 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,051 Uh, congrats? 59 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,679 This is exactly what I was hoping would happen! 60 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,974 He'd lose interest, meet someone new, and dump my ass. 61 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:04,059 How do you know he's cheating on you? 62 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,310 ♪ 63 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,979 Um, hey, babe, I-I gotta get going. Um, 64 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,606 my study group needs me for... finals. 65 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,651 Your study group is named Ally? 66 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,280 Um, yep! It stands for... 67 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,075 Americans Learning Linguistics... Yummy? 68 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,619 ♪ 69 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,163 Well, I am gonna miss being blinded by his grandmother's rock, though. 70 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:30,127 Oh, I know just how we can celebrate your engagement's imminent demise. 71 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,045 A fancy open house! 72 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,547 [Valentina gasps] 73 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,092 - Oh, we have to go to this. - Mm-hmm! 74 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,053 Three floors. Walk-in wine fridge?! 75 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,265 And a servant's quarters! These people are so fancy, 76 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,225 they don't even know you can't say servant anymore. 77 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,061 ♪ 78 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,564 - [quiet bar chatter] - What can I get you guys? 79 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,900 Two gin martinis with a twist, please. 80 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,068 Oh. And where are we from? 81 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,529 - Well, London-- - Originally Cincinnati. 82 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,534 - Did I hear you say you're from London? - Uh, yes, I am. 83 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,536 I'm Charlie. This is my friend Jesse. 84 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,705 He is from Cincinnati. [women giggling] 85 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:10,083 Which is the London of Ohio! [laughs] 86 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,170 [giggles] Can you say Cincinnati again? 87 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,088 It sounds so elegant when you say it. 88 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,340 Cincinnati. 89 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,591 [giggling] 90 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,510 You know, I call soda "pop." 91 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,678 If that does anything... for you. 92 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,765 ♪ 93 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,475 Hey. How'd it go with your dad? 94 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,726 Mm... 95 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,187 It started off kinda awkward. 96 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,482 Okay. Favorite movie on three. One! Two! 97 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:34,942 Christmas with the Kranks! 98 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,944 [laughs] 99 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,446 I'm sorry. I-I don't really watch movies. 100 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,074 Have you ever seen Jay Leno's Garage? 101 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,700 ♪ 102 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,160 - Hm? - Oh. 103 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,912 They say it's genetic! 104 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:47,996 You try. 105 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:50,916 [exhales] 106 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,127 Nope. Can't do it. 107 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,756 ♪ 108 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,800 Sophie... [sighs] 109 00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:04,137 You can't expect to bond with your dad after just one day. 110 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,474 It took me, like, 30 years for me and my dad to find our thing, 111 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,851 which we did last May. 112 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,602 We both hate wind chimes. 113 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,521 You love wind chimes. 114 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,649 Please don't tell my dad. It's all we have. 115 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,361 Actually, um, 116 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,155 I did figure out one way for us to bond. 117 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,740 That's delicious. 118 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,535 How is this place not packed? 119 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,871 Um, business has been a little slow 120 00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:30,873 since they closed the bar across the street. 121 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,667 - Hm. - We used to do huge numbers late nights. 122 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,170 What can I say? Drunks love dogs. 123 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,797 Okay. 124 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,466 So, if the drunks won't come to the dogs, 125 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,428 then we need to bring the dogs to the drunks. 126 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,388 We're doing a pop-up here! 127 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:50,100 Now, you say "yes." And I say, "yay!" And then, we hug. 128 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,395 You wanna just skip to the hug? 129 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,064 ♪ 130 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,486 There you are! 131 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,614 Thanks for leaving me alone with the giggle squad. 132 00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,617 They made me record a voice memo as sexy Paddington bear. 133 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,619 - What a dumb idea. - Yeah, you're telling me. 134 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,745 Paddington isn't sexy. 135 00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,580 I mean, he's snuggly and sensual, maybe, but he-- 136 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,750 No! I mean me trying to meet women with you and your stupid charming accent. 137 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,544 - It's like I'm invisible. - Trust me, Jesse, this accent is a curse. 138 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,087 - Ugh. - It's all people see. 139 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,465 I'm just some British thing for women to play with, 140 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,841 like a-a statue of Big Ben 141 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,010 or a tea towel with Duchess Kate's face on it. 142 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,720 What is a tea towel? 143 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,931 I hate this country. 144 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,182 Look, hey, here's a thought. 145 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,476 How about I be British and you be American. Okay? 146 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,561 Women will all flock to me, and you can be the guy 147 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,188 pretending to do something on his phone. 148 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,689 That's brilliant. 149 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:41,193 [as Michael Caine]: I think you'll find that my accent's top-notch, old sport. 150 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,696 Are you doing Michael Caine? You're a young man, Jesse! 151 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,324 [more realistic accent]: Right you are, bruv. Fancy another gin? 152 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,661 - [American accent]: Not bad, my main man. - Not bad yourself, mate. 153 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,371 - Hi. - Hello. 154 00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,581 I'm Angelina. This is my friend Julia. 155 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,544 I love your accent. Where are you from? [Jesse laughs] 156 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,295 Who, me? Well, I-I'm... 157 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,255 from... 158 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,006 the town in Love, Actually. 159 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,467 So, London? 160 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,718 Oh, blimey! You've heard of it! 161 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,262 [laughter] 162 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,430 - So, what do you do? - Uh... 163 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,393 I am a bartender. Yeah. Uh, an American bartender. 164 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,021 ♪ 165 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,859 Only 5,000 square feet? 166 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,735 It's a bit tight, no? 167 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,988 Oh, it is. At this size, 168 00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,740 I'd run the risk of actually seeing my children. 169 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,618 [haughty laughter] 170 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,620 BOTH: Oh... 171 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,375 [gasps] 172 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,878 Oh, my God. 173 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,547 [whispers]: This is Missy Moritz's apartment! 174 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,592 The legendary socialite who's known for wearing amazing hats. 175 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,594 She invented shapewear for dogs. 176 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,513 She wrote that song Ass So Rich. 177 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,681 Oh! 178 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,433 ♪ Whose ass so rich? ♪ 179 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,185 ♪ This ass so rich ♪ 180 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:57,394 God, I love that song. 181 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,979 [laughs] You don't expect the bridge 182 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,981 - to make you cry, but it does. - I know. 183 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,275 Val, should we go try on her hats? 184 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,568 Or do you think our heads are too big? 185 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,488 - I brought Vaseline. - [laughs] You always come prepared! 186 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,991 BOTH: ♪ Whose ass so rich? ♪ 187 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,327 ♪ This ass so rich, oh! ♪ 188 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,037 Wow. 189 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,371 This place is packed. 190 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,415 It's like Toad the Wet Sprocket is playing or something. 191 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,626 I know! I went into Google Maps, 192 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,086 and I set us as an ATM location. [Sid laughs] 193 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,422 Well, hot dog. 194 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,091 Oh. I think that was your first dad joke. 195 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,885 More where that came from, kid. 196 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,136 Oh. 197 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,972 He called me kid! 198 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,437 Put on some trousers and say, "Thank you, Charlie." 199 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,607 Julia and Angelina are coming over here for cocktails. 200 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,234 Wait, really? Yes! 201 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:48,237 Oh, man. I'm really into Angie. She's a teacher. I'm a teacher. 202 00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:51,823 We both turn our chairs around backwards when it's time to get real with the kids. 203 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,408 Julie's fantastic. 204 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,952 I could really see myself dating her. 205 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,911 Same! 206 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,205 But we're locked into these stupid accents. 207 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,541 [with accent]: It's a bit of a pickle, innit? 208 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,085 [with accent]: Right. We're gonna have to figure out how to switch back. 209 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,087 I mean, I can't be a Yankee Doodle forever. 210 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:06,964 [no accent]: Oh, my God. 211 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,550 What if I have to choose between my voice and my one true love? 212 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,926 Am I the Little Mermaid? 213 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,845 ♪ 214 00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:15,931 [gasps] This is the hat Missy wore to meet 215 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,850 Bo Obama! 216 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,395 Excuse me! 217 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,146 This room is off-limits! 218 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,982 Which, coincidentally, is the name of 219 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,985 my new single featuring Tyga. Tell your friends. 220 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,695 Oh, my God. 221 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,738 Oh, my God, you are Missy Moritz! 222 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,907 Oh wow, you're even more fabulous in real life. 223 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,617 Aw, I know. 224 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,994 It's actually a problem. 225 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:40,581 It's so hard to translate this through a camera. 226 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,250 Anyway, thanks. Kisses. Bye! 227 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,251 - We're such huge fans! - Ah! 228 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,295 Both of you, get out! Okay? 229 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,588 I will call security, 230 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,549 and they are not afraid to hit women because they are women. 231 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,843 - [gasps] Love it. - Change starts from the top down. 232 00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,179 Get out! ELLEN: Oh, she's yelling at us! 233 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,181 ♪ 234 00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,807 For goodness sake ♪ 235 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:02,019 ♪ Hippy Hippy Shake by Chan Romero ♪ 236 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,645 - Two dogs! - Oh yeah! Oh yeah! 237 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,022 ♪ Woo! ♪ 238 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,398 - And here's some mustard! - Oh! 239 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:09,610 - Boom! Boom! And boom! - Yeah! 240 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,278 - This goes-- Heyo! - Ha! 241 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,863 Oh! 242 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,615 - Brats. - 'Kraut. 243 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,784 - Woo! Yes! Ow! - Boom! 244 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,328 SOPHIE'S SON: This is making me want a hot dog. 245 00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:21,330 It's making me want another. 246 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,296 - Tonight was so fun. [giggles] - So fun. 247 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,798 I really relished doing this with you. 248 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009 Oh. Are you my dad? 249 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,596 You know, this pop-up doesn't have to be a one-off. 250 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:40,015 We could expand to other bars. It could be our thing. 251 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559 I mean, it's a family business, right? 252 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,895 Right. Except for your step-grandma. 253 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,897 She opened a Wienerschnitzel franchise down the street, 254 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,315 and now, she's dead to me. 255 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,693 Wow. She sounds like a real pistol. 256 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,695 No, she carries a real pistol. 257 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:56,698 God. 258 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,076 We look good in other people's clothes. 259 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,577 I know. Mm! 260 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,789 I can still feel Missy's baby snake leather gloves on my... 261 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,583 Oh, no. 262 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,961 Swish's grandma's ring. It's gone! 263 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:14,049 Shit! I bet it fell off when we were trying on Missy's stuff! 264 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,635 Okay, so you lost the ring. We could get a fake! 265 00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:19,304 I know a gal. These earrings? Fake. 266 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,848 This ring? Fake. 267 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,933 This anklet? Nonexistent. 268 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,143 Because who the F would wear an anklet? 269 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,521 I can't give Swish back a fake ring! 270 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,022 Come on. We-We gotta go back to Missy's. 271 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,108 We can't go back! We were thrown out! 272 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:34,152 Ellen, well-behaved women rarely make history. 273 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,154 Ugh. You sound like Jesse. 274 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,700 I've always wanted to be a part of a couple 275 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,619 known for their dinner parties like Ina Garten and Jeff-- 276 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,996 [with accent]: And Jeffrey! [all agreeing] 277 00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,497 [with accent]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that bloke. 278 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,833 [ringtone plays] 279 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:48,876 'Scuse me, love. 280 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,461 'Ello? 281 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,087 What?! 282 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,215 [no accent]: Well, that is devastating news. 283 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,884 What happened to his voice? 284 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,344 [sighs] Charlie, we can stop practicing our accents. 285 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,762 They've canceled the play. 286 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,931 [no accent]: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 287 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,600 Uh, w-what is happening? 288 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,810 So sorry we couldn't explain before, 289 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,229 but, uh, these are our true accents. 290 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,064 You see, we are actors. 291 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,775 Method actors. And we were just using those other accents 292 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,444 to prepare for an upcoming play. 293 00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,988 But, uh, now the play's canceled, so back to normal. 294 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,615 - [Charlie and Jesse sigh] - Oh. 295 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,034 - Okay. Crazy. - Totally. 296 00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,952 So, what was the play? 297 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,621 It was a... 298 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,748 - A Tale of Two... - Two Guys? 299 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,833 Yeah! Comedy, but dark. 300 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,835 Also, there are puppets. [laughs] 301 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,170 This sounds amazing. [gasps] 302 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,588 You guys have to do a scene for us. 303 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,548 - Oh, my God, yeah, we'd love to. - But we can't! 304 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:40,010 - No, we can't... - Because we need... the puppets. 305 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,971 They're just essential to the inner lives-- 306 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,223 - Would these work? - Oh, my God. 307 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:45,432 I use them with the kids at school. 308 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,935 Great. These are... industry standard. 309 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,019 ♪ 310 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,438 [gasps] We did it! 311 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,981 We sold out! 312 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,359 Having a business is so easy. 313 00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:57,110 Sounds about white. 314 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,112 Uh, Sid, you just said white instead... 315 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:01,865 I get it. 316 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,369 ♪ 317 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:06,870 Hey! 318 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,956 You thought you could move dogs on the west side 319 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,290 and I wouldn't find out about it? 320 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,418 Gio. I didn't know this was your territory, I swear. 321 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,586 You didn't know? 322 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,547 [laughs] This guy! 323 00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:18,006 This guy didn't know! 324 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,466 Hey! 325 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,761 You can't just come in here and laugh to no one about my dad. 326 00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,055 Sophie, shh. Yes, he can. 327 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:27,474 This is Gio Kawalski, the Polish Hot Dog King. 328 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,851 We're on his turf. 329 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,311 Well, lucky for you, I'm in a forgiving mood. 330 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,939 But forgiveness has a price. 331 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,692 Great. I do one nice thing for a friend, 332 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:38,360 now I'm gonna get whacked. 333 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,695 ♪ 334 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,701 Okay, who is the Polish Hot Dog King, 335 00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:47,327 and why do we have to listen to him? 336 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,329 Wha-- We're not even Polish! 337 00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:51,748 Are we? 338 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,709 Have a seat, kid. 339 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,378 Guess it's time for a little history lesson. 340 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,713 [Sophie scoffs] See, 341 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,550 back in the day, slinging dogs was a messy business. 342 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:04,428 Every sausage maker in the city was in the streets. 343 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,846 It was open warfare. 344 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,806 Carts knocked over, buns torched, 345 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,266 ketchup in the gutters. 346 00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,101 Sounds... 347 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:14,271 - wasteful? - Oh, it was. Dangerous, too. 348 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,273 They don't call it "street food" for nothing. 349 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,525 So the Five Hot Dog Families had a sitdown. 350 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,611 They divided the city into territories. 351 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,448 And we crossed into Gio's territory. 352 00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,241 That's right. But don't worry. 353 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,577 I just have to give Gio a taste of our action 354 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,454 to smooth things over. But, 355 00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,956 sadly, our pop-up days are done. 356 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,668 Oh, and yeah. We're half Polish. 357 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,714 Explains my love of pierogies. 358 00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:46,345 Okay! It's morning in New York City. 359 00:14:46,345 --> 00:14:47,930 The date? 360 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,307 September 11th, two thousand and-- 361 00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,477 - Why would you choose that date? - Just 2000! Just 2000! 362 00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,229 Ha, ha! All is well! 363 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,940 Two... businessmen... 364 00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,983 board a subway train. 365 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:02,277 [with accent]: Crikey, I love riding the tube! 366 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,863 [with accent]: And I love taking the subway! 367 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,616 W-What are you doing one year from today? 368 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,826 - [no accent]: What is wrong with you? - [no accent]: I don't know! 369 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,994 Oh, my God, I can't do this! 370 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,956 Jesse and I swapped accents last night to meet women. 371 00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:18,085 But we weren't expecting to meet anyone that we liked as much as you two. 372 00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:20,921 Do you hate us? 373 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,091 No. Actually, 374 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,676 - it's kind of a funny story. - Yeah. 375 00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:28,136 When we met, we were in the middle of a scavenger hunt 376 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,138 for a bachelorette party. 377 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,599 My bachelorette party. 378 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,351 What?! You're engaged? 379 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,896 Number 17 on our list was "pick up a British guy." 380 00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,440 We didn't actually think we'd ever see you guys again, but-- 381 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,068 Well, then, Julia really liked Charlie, so... 382 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,779 Do you... still like Charlie? 383 00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:47,823 I do. 384 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,158 [women laugh softly] 385 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,036 Julia, I think I was very clear 386 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,455 in my detailed bridesmaid's instructions 387 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,708 that no one was to say "I do" 388 00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:59,668 in the month leading up to my wedding! 389 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,378 [weak laugh] Well, Angelina, you know what? 390 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,088 I think this actually worked out for the best. 391 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,090 Congrats to you and the lucky fella. 392 00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,096 [sighs] 393 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,557 You're not my butternut squash ravioli. 394 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:18,103 Hey, aren't you the two I found rummaging in my closet earlier? 395 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,189 She remembers. [both squeal] 396 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,359 Yes! Your closet is a dream, by the way. 397 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:28,113 I know. It was actually designed from a dream I had about a closet. 398 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,907 Oh. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 399 00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,242 I-I left something behind. A ring. 400 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,621 Uh... No, I haven't seen it. 401 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,872 Thanks. Kisses. Bye. 402 00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:39,708 Wait, wait, wait! On your-- On your finger. Th-That's my ring. 403 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,878 Uh, no, honey. This is my ring. 404 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:46,423 And like I said, thanks. Kisses. Bye. 405 00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:52,429 Missy Moritz stole your ring! 406 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,140 - [both squeal] - Wait, no, this is bad. 407 00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,017 - Exciting, but bad! - Mm. 408 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,810 - What do we do? - Uh... 409 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,021 Maybe we can trade her something for it. 410 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,190 All my jewelry is fake, but... 411 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,400 this scrunchie once belonged 412 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,528 to Marcia Gay Harden. 413 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,863 We go to the same gym. 414 00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:13,492 ♪ 415 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,538 Playtime is over. There's something I got to do. 416 00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:20,916 Sophie, you know I hate when you talk like Liam Neeson. 417 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:24,461 I am going to confront the Polish Hot Dog King 418 00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,963 and tell him to lay off of my dad. 419 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,173 That sounds really dangerous. 420 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,968 Luckily, 421 00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:32,761 I've got a unique set of skills. 422 00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:33,929 No, you don't! 423 00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:36,139 You have a less-than-regular amount of skill! Soph. 424 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,600 Hey! I'm coming with you! 425 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,143 It's like you're trying to get me murdered! 426 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:43,146 ♪ 427 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,650 There. Eating halal on a stick. 428 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:47,568 Ha! 429 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,987 And he calls himself the Hot Dog King? 430 00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:53,031 Well, wait till he gets a taste of Sophie. 431 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,367 Hey! Gio! 432 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,498 Please don't take down my daddy. 433 00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,627 I'm sorry. [crying] 434 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,130 I don't know where this is coming from! 435 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,632 It's coming from your face. Get it together. 436 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,259 [crying] GIO: Lady. Lady. 437 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,594 You gotta stop crying. 438 00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:16,013 Lady, stop crying. I'm not Gio Kawalski. 439 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,014 What? 440 00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:20,684 I was pretending to be the Kawalski guy for my Uncle Nick as a favor. 441 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,562 My name's Jake. 442 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,524 [laughs] I'm your cousin. So... 443 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,111 I have a cousin... 444 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,072 [laughs] 445 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,116 ♪ 446 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,871 ♪ 447 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:45,959 [sighs] You're not my replacement butternut squash ravioli. 448 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,795 Nope. I just wanted to show you this. 449 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,217 A picture of you in a terrific closet with terrible posture? 450 00:18:53,217 --> 00:18:55,052 No. [sighs] 451 00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,055 This. A can of red paint. 452 00:18:58,055 --> 00:18:59,765 Louboutin red. 453 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,435 Now, why would someone have that in their closet? 454 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,771 I have no idea what you're getting at. 455 00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:09,733 To paint the bottoms of her janky-ass heels, that's why. 456 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:13,570 Why you're not buying red bottoms. You're making red bottoms. 457 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,280 [scoffs, stammers] 458 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,991 I've never even seen paint before. 459 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,869 Ooh, the gossip sites are gonna love this. 460 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,622 "Cheap Missy Moretz makes her own knockoff Loubs!" 461 00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:25,666 No! It's not what you think, okay? 462 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,252 I don't want to make fake Louboutins. I have to. 463 00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,920 Because they don't make a size 13! 464 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,380 Oh! You're a size 13?! 465 00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:33,382 Shh! Yes! Okay? 466 00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,175 That's why I always wear these amazing hats. 467 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,553 To draw the eye up! 468 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,137 [sighs] 469 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,390 How about a trade? 470 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,809 Our silence for my ring back. 471 00:19:45,394 --> 00:19:46,812 And you'll delete that photo? 472 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,065 Done. 473 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,110 Pleasure doing business, Missy. 474 00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:55,070 [sighs] I agree. 475 00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:58,115 You know, I haven't had this much fun since I got in a fistfight with my nanny. 476 00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:02,119 Hey. I will give you guys each a hat 477 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,537 for a pint of your blood. 478 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,207 No, no, it's not for anything weird. Just, you know, 479 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,209 to keep myself looking young. 480 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,836 - Just a pint. - Uh, Val? 481 00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:12,546 You gotta stop giving away your blood. 482 00:20:15,132 --> 00:20:16,800 There she is. Where you been? 483 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,845 Uh, meeting my cousin. 484 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,890 Damn it, Jake. [scoffs] 485 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,766 I knew I should've gotten a real actor. 486 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:27,227 Guy takes one improv class, he thinks he's Brando. 487 00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,646 Okay, listen. 488 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,317 I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you that... 489 00:20:33,317 --> 00:20:35,986 this pop-up thing was really fun, but... 490 00:20:35,986 --> 00:20:38,488 I don't wanna shlep into the city all the time. 491 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,948 I'm happy with my shop. 492 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,285 Got it. 493 00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,706 I guess I was just looking for a reason for us to... 494 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:51,502 keep getting to know each other because we have nothing in common. 495 00:20:51,502 --> 00:20:54,755 And if we don't have a thing, then maybe we're just going to 496 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,298 drift out of each other's lives. 497 00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:57,799 Sophie. 498 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,637 We don't need a thing to be in each other's lives. 499 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,682 Listen. I got divorced young. 500 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:08,310 I don't date much 'cause I'm always at the shop. 501 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,312 I was in a toxic on-and-off thing 502 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,731 with my sauerkraut supplier. You know Sharon DiMarco? 503 00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:15,692 Why would you? She's just another lady. 504 00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,736 The point is... 505 00:21:18,362 --> 00:21:19,988 I kinda thought it was too late for me 506 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:23,367 when it came to the whole "having a family" thing. But... 507 00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:27,871 you're a real game-changer, kid. Best kind. 508 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,547 Why wouldn't you just tell me that you didn't want to do another pop-up? 509 00:21:36,547 --> 00:21:37,798 Oh. 510 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,842 I didn't want to hurt your feelings. 511 00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:41,343 [scoffs] What? 512 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,389 What kind of a person makes up such an elaborate lie 513 00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:47,891 just to avoid having a tough conversation... 514 00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:52,604 Oh, my God. 515 00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:54,439 [scoffs] 516 00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:56,859 It's our first thing in common. 517 00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:06,118 ♪ 518 00:22:06,827 --> 00:22:09,162 [laughing] Last one of the night. 519 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,664 I saved it for you. 520 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,208 Thanks for letting me pop up. 521 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,127 Thanks for not getting me murdered. 522 00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:18,422 - Any time. - Yeah, you, too. 523 00:22:19,882 --> 00:22:22,426 Hey, babe. Uh, can we talk for a second? 524 00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:23,468 Oh, yeah. 525 00:22:24,011 --> 00:22:27,347 [quietly]: Here we go. Goodbye, gorgeous. 526 00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,768 Um, Val. Hey, look, I-I know I've been acting really weird lately, 527 00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:34,062 - but there's a reason-- - I know. 528 00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,439 And it's okay. 529 00:22:35,439 --> 00:22:37,566 If you have feelings for this Ally person... 530 00:22:38,025 --> 00:22:39,526 Ally? [laughs] 531 00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:42,446 I-I don't have feelings for Ally. She's my party planner. 532 00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:46,366 For our engagement party that's happening next week! Surprise! 533 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,702 [laughing] 534 00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:50,287 Am I getting married? 535 00:22:50,287 --> 00:22:51,455 What? 536 00:22:51,455 --> 00:22:53,290 We're getting married... 537 00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:54,583 We're getting married! 538 00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:55,584 [nervous laugh] 539 00:22:55,584 --> 00:22:57,377 ♪ 540 00:22:58,504 --> 00:23:01,507 ♪