1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,547 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,809 Son, sometimes in life, 5 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,646 you have to perform a best friend rescue. 6 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,857 Remember the time I had to drive you to Aunt Val's house 7 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,276 to stop her from bleaching her hair? 8 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,277 SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]: Yeah. 9 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,363 I-I still don't really understand what the big deal was. 10 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,658 How many times do I have to say it? 11 00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,035 I'm the blonde one! 12 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,413 Okay. Swish and Val's engagement party is tomorrow, 13 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,500 and if we all work together, we can make it a success. 14 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,503 And here, we're defining success 15 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,506 as killing this engagement dead. Any questions? 16 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,800 I'm straight off a plane here, 17 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,844 so my question would be, what? 18 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,805 A bubbly undergrad proposed to Val, 19 00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,265 and she doesn't wanna go through with it, 20 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,309 and I'm not ready for married lame friends. 21 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,352 [Sid clears throat] 22 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,355 Except for you guys! 23 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,107 Love your love. 24 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,151 So, what am I looking at here, exactly? 25 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:11,530 Um, well, I wanted to do a presentation, but I ran out of time. 26 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,948 Oh, so why'd you bring it? 27 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,284 Well, I didn't buy PowerPoint for nothing. 28 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,119 Didn't you? 29 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,412 Okay. Crazy thought. 30 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,706 What if Val breaks up with Swish 31 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,792 using words like, I don't know, "I'm breaking up with you, Swish." 32 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,670 Uh! We tried. 33 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,591 Swish, you are a wonderful person, 34 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:34,011 and I have so enjoyed our time together. 35 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,053 But... 36 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,392 - You do it. - I can't. I see it, too. 37 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,643 ♪ 38 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,479 Disappointing Swish face-to-face is a no-go. 39 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,858 So here's the plan. Tomorrow, we are gonna convince Swish 40 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,444 that he doesn't wanna marry Val. Ellen, 41 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,155 you're gonna play the role of "bitter divorced lady." 42 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:56,658 Ooh! Can my name be Maureen? 43 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:57,951 No. He's met you. 44 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,411 Sid, Hannah. 45 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,455 You guys are gonna be the unhappy married couple 46 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,956 who just can't stop fighting. 47 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,209 This is our first weekend together in a month, 48 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,502 and we're supposed to fake a fight? 49 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,795 Glad you get it. Charlie! 50 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:12,090 You will be the fun bachelor who's going to remind Swish 51 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,800 of all the great casual sex 52 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,844 he'll be missing out on if he gets hitched. 53 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,972 Love that for me, but I can't. I'm bringing Julia. 54 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,974 Oh, nice. How's that going, anyway? 55 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,101 - Next topic, please. - You don't like Julia? 56 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,811 Julia's fine. 57 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,689 Just having a little roommate kerfuffle. It's nothing to fret over. 58 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,233 Next. Topic. Please. 59 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,987 Okay, Jesse, then you'll be Mr. "I live for casual sex." 60 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,989 [sighs] I hate guys like that. What's your thing? 61 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,699 - Can I just do that instead? - No! 62 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,786 I am gonna show Swish how ancient I am. 63 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,163 Then, I'll mention that Val and I are the same age, 64 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,373 and he'll connect the dots. 65 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,375 [gasps] Smart! He loves Connect the Dots! 66 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,627 Babe! 67 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,129 It's not a horse! It's a unicorn! 68 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,757 I did that. 69 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,259 Don't worry, Val. 70 00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:57,636 As soon as I'm done with you, you are going to be... 71 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,805 Single AF! 72 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:02,224 That says "sing leaf." 73 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,226 Damn it. 74 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,354 I'm gonna be the most married person in the world. 75 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,941 ♪ 76 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,943 So, um, if Swish asks, 77 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,195 my parents are in India. 78 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,572 What? Why? 79 00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,115 He wanted my dad's blessing, 80 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,450 so I told him they were out of the country. 81 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,661 Photoshopped a picture of them in front of the Taj Mahal. 82 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,329 Fiancée! 83 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,998 Hey... [nervous laugh] 84 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,000 Mwah! 85 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,209 Oh, my gosh. 86 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,254 I just saw our unborn children in your eyes. 87 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:33,297 Do you see them in mine? 88 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,175 Nope. Just, like, 89 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,426 your pupils. 90 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,637 Oh, right. I'm being stupid because they say that you see 91 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,140 the spark of the children in the mother's eyes. 92 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,184 You probably just see, like, little sperms in mine. 93 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,310 [nervous laugh] [Sophie groans] 94 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,312 [loud groan] 95 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,814 Oh! Sorry. 96 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,482 I guess it's true what they say. 97 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,320 Back pain is youth just leaving the body. 98 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,615 I'm going through changes now that I'm creeping up on the big 3-1. 99 00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:01,491 You know what I realized the other day? 100 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,577 When you're 31, 101 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,412 Val's gonna be 43. 102 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,080 [sexy purr] 103 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,293 And when you're 43, she'll be 55. 104 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,544 [sexy purr] 105 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,546 We get it! You're a horny cat. 106 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,758 I love being with an experienced woman. 107 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,928 I think it's beautiful that you guys have to take your pants off when you come home. 108 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,014 [nervous laugh] 109 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,432 Hey, have you met Jesse? 110 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,768 [clears throat] Hey, hey, hey! 111 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,395 So, tying the old knot, huh? 112 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,688 Yeah. I could never. 113 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,732 I'd get hung up thinking about all those... 114 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,069 tasty women I'd be missing out on. 115 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,614 - Tasty-- - Tasty, tasty meat. 116 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,908 Big ol' husks, huh? I mean, 117 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:46,286 women are objects, and the subject is sex, 118 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,913 - am I right? - Okay. 119 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,415 Yeah, if you ask me, best to stay single 120 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,418 'cause life's just a big ol' bag of boobs. 121 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506 - What are you doing? - Sorry. 122 00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,175 Was bag of boobs weird? I was between that and butt parade. 123 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,970 How did I ever have sex with you? 124 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,221 Missionary, right? 125 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:10,102 Marrying young was the biggest mistake I've ever made. 126 00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:12,104 I'm a broken shell of a woman. 127 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:15,524 Nothing like the Maureen I used to be. 128 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,526 Wait, I thought your name was Ellen. 129 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,904 You remember that? God, you're a good listener. 130 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,575 And plus, you don't seem broken. Y-You have a cool job, 131 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:28,036 you're a great friend, and Val says your girlfriend is freakin' dope. 132 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,496 Yeah, Rachel rules. 133 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,915 I guess I'm kicking butt out there, huh? 134 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,750 - Thanks, Swish. - Hey, no problem, Maureen. 135 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,628 Look, you wanna be called Maureen, I'll call you Maureen. 136 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,547 Later. 137 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,132 [laughs, mutters] 138 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:45,012 I'm sorry. He smiled at me, and then I just forgot. 139 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,598 A-And then, I had an overwhelming desire 140 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,100 to-to be his mom, but, like a chill one. 141 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,311 Like, he could smoke in front of me. 142 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,730 Mom? 143 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,065 Ellen, that's it! 144 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,694 You're pretty tough to talk to sometimes, you know that? 145 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,779 And then I'll say, 146 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,490 "Church shmurch! Sunday's for football!" 147 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,202 And then you'll say, "Well, I never." 148 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,204 I've never once said that in my life. 149 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,122 Okay, well, do the other line we talked about. 150 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,792 Fine. I'll say, "You're not gettin' any of this tonight," 151 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,336 but I'm not pointing at my crotch. 152 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,338 [phone dings] 153 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,256 Wait, you have Zillow alerts on? 154 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,966 Hell, yeah. Me, too. [giggles] 155 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,551 How do you feel about exposed brick? 156 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,470 I know it makes me a basic bitch, but I love it. 157 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,682 Wait, Hannah, this is for a house in Los Angeles. 158 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,769 I live in a nice area. 159 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,729 I got curious, that's all. 160 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,398 Uh-huh. Curious like, 161 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,817 "Look how much these suckers paid for this dump," 162 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,445 or curious like, "I wanna be one of these suckers"? 163 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,447 What do you want me to say? 164 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:49,243 I've lived in LA for a while now, I love my job, I'm making friends... 165 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,703 Yeah, Hannah, but we have a plan. Like, you were supposed to move here 166 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,955 when your residency is over. 167 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,414 That's always been the plan. 168 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,416 I don't wanna talk about this here. 169 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,001 Can't we just fake fight now? 170 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,129 We can't fake fight now. We're in a real fight. 171 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:02,923 ♪ 172 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,300 Ellen, right? 173 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,302 I'm Julia. I was actually at your place the other night. 174 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,680 Oh, I know you were. Hi. 175 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,474 - You're looking well. - As are you. 176 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,103 - Why are you guys being weird? - We're not. 177 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,689 And there is no "we." On your way now. 178 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,111 Hey, babe. Long-ass pee, huh? 179 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,737 What happened, you drank too many Gatorades? 180 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,739 Uh... sure. 181 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,158 Oh, my boy Doink made it! Doink! 182 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:38,000 Um, I gotta say, I'm not feeling any less engaged. 183 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,626 Okay, we've had some misses. 184 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,837 Alright, but I have a new plan, and the main thing 185 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:44,173 that I want you to focus on 186 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:47,926 is, is not being, um, mad at me. 187 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,637 Hey. We came as soon as we got your text. 188 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,348 Oh, Val, what are we gonna do with you? 189 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,059 ♪ 190 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,149 You're engaged to a child? 191 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,194 What have you done to your life, my darling? 192 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,487 It's because we gave her that cell phone too early. 193 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,573 That Motorola Razr rotted out her brain. 194 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,492 - Oh... - I need you guys to focus, okay? 195 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,161 Swish wants your blessing, 196 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,746 and if you don't give it to him, 197 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,414 he will call it off. For a guy named Swish, 198 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,874 he's surprisingly traditional. 199 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,376 You're engaged to someone named Swish?! 200 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,837 - It's not his real name. - What is? 201 00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:29,134 Okay, from you, 202 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:32,012 I need disapproving dad. Glare at him. 203 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,055 Can you glare for me, Juan? JUAN: Yeah. 204 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,350 [giggles] 205 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,602 That's more of like a-- [laughs] a smolder. 206 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:41,104 I-I'm sorry. I have resting smolder face. 207 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,482 - Oh, it's a curse... - Oh, my God! 208 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:44,733 How's this? 209 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,903 Oh! There! That's the glare! 210 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:50,906 And from you, I want subtle disappointment. 211 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,491 Gimme, like, a withering head shake. 212 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,702 Less movement. If it's slight, it hurts more. 213 00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,541 - Ooh, devastating. - Mr. and Mrs. M?! 214 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,043 Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you guys made it! I-I thought you were in India. 215 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,046 Uh, th-they were! Uh, but India... 216 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,633 - closed. - [sighs] Damn, that sucks. 217 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,636 - But welcome. - He believes India closed? 218 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,222 Uh, thank you. 219 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,766 Hey, why don't you three go get to know each other? 220 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:18,767 Yeah! Yeah. 221 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,185 Remember, glare and wither. 222 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,021 And don't look directly into his eyes, but don't get lost in his hair either. 223 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,733 Hey, are you okay? 224 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,735 I-I can tell something weird's going on with you and Ellen. 225 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,113 - It was an accident. - What was? 226 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,322 I've said too much. 227 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,907 Never mind. You know, I don't wanna know anymore. 228 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,075 Fine, I'll tell you everything. 229 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,911 It was the first time Julia had spent the night. 230 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,123 Your piggy got out of his pen... 231 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,833 Wha?! What are you doing?! Whoa! [Charles screaming] 232 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,835 [Ellen yelps] 233 00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,587 Turns out, Ellen and Julia are back twins. 234 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:50,549 - I mean, I was destined to fail. - She calls you "Piggy" in bed? 235 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,884 What do you call her? 236 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,635 "Farmer Julie." 237 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512 She's a dairy farmer who dabbles in pork, 238 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,556 and I'm a dainty little pig who doesn't like the mud. 239 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,558 You guys have been on, like, three dates. 240 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,018 Yes, I know. 241 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,020 Still got a lot of world-building to do. 242 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,773 I mean, what does LA have that New York doesn't? 243 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,401 LA has tons of great things. 244 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,570 I live right near this pupusa place that-- 245 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:14,031 We have pupusas! You want pupusas? 246 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,991 I'll get you a million pupusas. 247 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,785 But they just don't taste as good here. Maybe it's the water. 248 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,414 No, no, no, no, no, no. That is our thing, Hannah. 249 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,875 New York is the one with the water. 250 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,503 Sid, 251 00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:30,380 can we at least have a conversation about you moving to LA. 252 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,382 We're having it, Hannah! It is not going well! 253 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,801 Our plan was always-- 254 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,763 Yes, I know what the plan was, but plans can change, Sid. 255 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,683 Hey, guys? Uh, we're working a parent angle right now, 256 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:42,976 so I'll let you know if I need you. 257 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,562 Loving this energy. It sounds 258 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,232 really ugly in here. Thanks. 259 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,653 I have some concerns. 260 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,739 Valentina doesn't make much money, and you're still in school. 261 00:10:56,490 --> 00:11:00,410 Yeah, you're right. But that's why I whipped up this, uh, 262 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,912 five-year financial plan. 263 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,914 - Oh. - Yeah. 264 00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,415 I would start night trucking after class. 265 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,126 I-I have short sleeper syndrome, so I only need about four hours. 266 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,629 And if I work the Jersey-to-DC route for the rest of college, 267 00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:13,215 I would be able to save up for a sick-ass condo. 268 00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,926 Wow. You've really thought this through. 269 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,262 Yeah, m-my buddy Doink is a econ major. 270 00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:19,346 Doink! 271 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,767 O-Okay, okay, so you have a plan, 272 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,769 but what is the rush to get married? 273 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,312 I mean, you're just a kid. 274 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,314 With mad due respect, 275 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,483 I just love your daughter way too much to wait. 276 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,110 A-And plus, 277 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,571 didn't Juan propose to you the day that you guys graduated high school? 278 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,197 He did. 279 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,199 And it looks like it worked out for you guys. 280 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,951 [laughter] 281 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,202 Why are they high-fiving? 282 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,205 What the hell is he doing now? 283 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,458 Oh God. It's happening to them. 284 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:52,629 ♪ 285 00:11:56,341 --> 00:12:00,387 Okay. The bad news is we gave Swish our blessing. 286 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,973 But, the good news is... 287 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,017 - You get to marry Swish. - What?! 288 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,769 No. She is not marrying Swish. 289 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:08,979 Why not? 290 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,481 You've never been with anyone this wonderful. 291 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,484 Are you sure that it gets better than Swish, sweetheart? 292 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,070 - Because we're not. - That head of hair. 293 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,322 Think of the grandchildren. 294 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,699 This is crazy. This is insane. 295 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,035 You guys, of course it gets better than Swish. 296 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,204 He's not even the full version of himself yet! 297 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:26,955 He still has three baby teeth. 298 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:28,957 VALENTINA: You know what? 299 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,210 Um... 300 00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:33,045 Maybe they're right. 301 00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:34,546 What? 302 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,425 I'll do it. I will marry Swish. 303 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,427 [excited squeal] 304 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,679 Just so you know... 305 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,474 I haven't been this disappointed in hot people 306 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:48,977 since I saw Heidi Klum throw out a burger just because it fell in a puddle. 307 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,148 Okay. 308 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,192 I think I know how to fix your situation. 309 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:58,612 - Charlie moves back to England. - Unfair! You move back to England! 310 00:12:58,612 --> 00:12:59,905 Listen! 311 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:03,367 What happened to you guys reminded me of something. 312 00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,869 Something I've worked very hard to forget. 313 00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:06,662 ♪ 314 00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:09,164 Back when I was with Meredith, she stayed over all the time. 315 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,416 I came home late one night, heard the shower, 316 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,127 figured Sid was asleep, so it must be her. 317 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:18,006 Meanwhile, Sid was showering, heard the door, assumed it was Hannah... 318 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,508 Okay, we see where this is going. 319 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,510 So you saw your buddy naked. Big deal. 320 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:24,388 That's not the issue. It was what I heard. 321 00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,514 ♪ 322 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,349 [Southern accent] Missin' some evidence, little lady? 323 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,351 [both yell] 324 00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,230 - Why was he Southern? - Was his penis the evidence? 325 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,565 Yes, Ellen. 326 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,192 And I think he wanted her to... tamper with it. 327 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,195 Seeing your best friend in sex mode 328 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,364 is one of the hardest things in life to bounce back from. 329 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,366 The awkwardness is suffocating. 330 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,869 ♪ 331 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,246 And for Sid and I, we thought it might be the end of us. 332 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:53,625 But then, one day, I was at a bookstore, 333 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,961 and I saw the answer right there in front of me. 334 00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:57,337 ♪ 335 00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:01,508 Joe Pesci's 101 New York Musts. 336 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:05,387 Sid and I did every single dumb activity in that book. 337 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,182 And bit by bit, memory by memory, 338 00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:11,226 we buried the shower fiasco deeper and deeper 339 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,145 into the recesses of our minds, 340 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:15,147 until we forgot about it entirely. 341 00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:17,983 Until now. 342 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,569 We need that book. 343 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:23,405 Charlie! You've been ignoring me all night. 344 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,991 Right. And that will stop... 345 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,243 right after I go and do a series 346 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,287 of Joe Pesci-approved activities with my roommate. 347 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,330 Okay. 348 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,374 Alright, I'm out. 349 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,294 Tell Charlie to find a new farmer. He'll know what that means. 350 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,796 Wait. Before you go... 351 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,841 can I tell you about something that happened to me? 352 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:45,636 No. 353 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,224 Hey. 354 00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:53,393 You can't seriously be considering marrying Swish, right? 355 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,978 You don't love him. 356 00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:59,191 No, I don't love him. But, like, I love him! 357 00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:01,443 And my parents made some good points. 358 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,946 He's an amazing man that's obsessed with me. 359 00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,781 Why should I be running away from that? 360 00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,783 What about Charlie? 361 00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,785 Because I thought that he was your endgame. 362 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:14,248 So did I, but maybe I was wrong. 363 00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,334 Babe, come here! I drew that bird that you dreamed about. 364 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,460 Ooh! 365 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,010 ♪ 366 00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:29,930 [sighs] 367 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,098 SID: Hey! 368 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,891 What are you guys doing out here? 369 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,435 Sophie put us on a timeout. 370 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,939 I'm Sid, by the way. Uh, we haven't really met, 371 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,441 but Sophie has a picture of you guys as her lock screen. 372 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,651 That's troubling. 373 00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:46,071 Yeah. [laughs] I thought so, too. Um... 374 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,657 Anyway, I heard you guys are, like, the perfect couple, 375 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,867 and I was just wondering 376 00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,494 if you guys could give me some relationship advice. 377 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:53,954 Of course. 378 00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,164 See, Babe? A podcast 379 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,709 where we give relationship advice to normals would kill. 380 00:15:58,709 --> 00:15:59,793 Ah... 381 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:04,089 Have you guys ever wanted totally opposite things, 382 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,300 where only one of you could get your way? 383 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,593 Yes. 384 00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,386 Years ago, I wanted to see the Spider-Man 385 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,762 where he's that little British boy. 386 00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,932 Juan wanted to see Cats instead, so we did. 387 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,851 Awful. 388 00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,853 I still carry guilt over that. 389 00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:20,189 Don't be too hard on yourself. 390 00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:22,482 The Cats you imagined was beautiful. 391 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,484 - [laughs] - Okay, yeah. 392 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,737 You guys are probably not the people to talk to about this. 393 00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:28,739 No, wait. Hey. Hold on. Um... 394 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,241 There is one other thing. 395 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,620 I always wanted to have more children, 396 00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,371 and she wanted just the one. 397 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:40,834 That's a big one. How'd you guys figure it out? 398 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,088 Sometimes, there's no right answer. 399 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,467 There's just your answer, or hers. 400 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,178 I chose hers. 401 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:54,348 ♪ 402 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,352 Can I show you something I found? 403 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,064 Sid, if this is another hamster apology card, 404 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:05,025 I will watch it and enjoy it, but I will still be mad at you. 405 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,444 [laughs] No, this is, uh, 406 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,697 from the night we got engaged. I never showed it to you. 407 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,162 Hey! So, we just got back from the airport. 408 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,665 Um, I wanted to document this night together, 409 00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,125 but you had to go be a badass surgeon. 410 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,753 So, uh, it's just me now. 411 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,172 Those people from the Uber are still here! 412 00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:30,008 They seem fun. We're drinking. 413 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:33,262 Also, you were totally right. Jesse has a huge thing for the blonde. 414 00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:34,972 [thud] 415 00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:40,727 [giggles, snorts] 416 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,229 Anyway, uh... 417 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,356 Hey. I'm sad you had to go, 418 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,608 but I really meant what I said earlier. 419 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,527 Like, we can make it through anything together. 420 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,529 Whatever it takes. 421 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:56,451 It's time I started living up to that promise again. 422 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:59,955 So, Hannah, I am officially open to LA. 423 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,876 Gonna try and imagine what it's like to, you know, 424 00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:05,627 live there. 425 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,005 - Really? - Yeah. 426 00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:10,257 I mean, if you love it so much, it's gotta be worth loving. 427 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,258 [sighs] 428 00:18:13,886 --> 00:18:15,888 ♪ 429 00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,222 Mm... Yeah. 430 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,312 [sighs] 431 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:25,856 [sighs] 432 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,907 Whatever this is, make it quick. 433 00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:37,159 Swish is on me about what our wedding colors are gonna be. 434 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,660 Okay, just gimme 30 seconds. 435 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,120 ♪ 436 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,039 - CHARLIE: Mm. - Okay, say something. I'm recording. 437 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,833 Um, a huge congratulations 438 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,210 to Hannah and Sid! 439 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:47,503 It is Hannah and Sid, isn't it? 440 00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:50,047 I'm not sure, but you already said it, so just push through. 441 00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,132 Um, well, we've only just met you, 442 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,010 but we are truly very happy for you. 443 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:58,472 You are clearly in love, and I know how good that feels. 444 00:18:58,972 --> 00:18:59,973 VALENTINA: Wait, what? 445 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,808 You love me? 446 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,228 No. No, I was talking about somebody else. 447 00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:06,230 You don't actually know them. VALENTINA: Oh, is that right? 448 00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,066 What about the video? 449 00:19:09,066 --> 00:19:11,068 Mm, who cares? We're never gonna see it again. 450 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,070 ♪ Love, Try Not To Let Go by Julia Jacklin playing ♪ 451 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,155 Maybe you're right. 452 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,866 Maybe Charlie is not your end game. 453 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,245 But, for a while, you loved him, Val. 454 00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:23,747 You really, really loved him. 455 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,041 And if you think that you can find that kind of love 456 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,544 with Swish, then I say go for it. 457 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,045 But if you can't? 458 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,715 Go find it. Okay? 459 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,134 Whether that's with Charlie or with someone else. 460 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,638 ♪ Mmm, time ♪ 461 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,807 No, you're right. 462 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,019 I'll hold out for true love. 463 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,981 God, thanks a lot, you asshole. 464 00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,858 [sniffles, sighs] 465 00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,069 ♪ Consumes the space between me ♪ 466 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,864 She broke Swish's heart that night. 467 00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,867 ♪ And everyone I left ♪ 468 00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:03,328 Oh, oh ♪ 469 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,539 ♪ Love ♪ 470 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,751 But he got happily married weeks later! 471 00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:11,753 He owns an island now. 472 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:17,134 Didn't even have to pay for it. The US government was just like, 473 00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:19,136 "Here!" 474 00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,638 Sorry. So sorry. 475 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,931 Sorry. 476 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,517 Look after him, Doink. 477 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:29,771 We were trying to help. 478 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,691 I know. You want me to find true love, 479 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:33,692 and I will. 480 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,195 I wanted you to marry literally Swish. 481 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,616 He'll get over it. Just give him some time, huh? 482 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,161 [scoffs] 483 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:45,996 How do you feel? 484 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,583 Guilty. Humiliated. 485 00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:50,542 And? 486 00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,212 BOTH: Single! 487 00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,214 We did it! 488 00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:58,091 ♪ 489 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,100 We can look at each other in the eye again. Watch. 490 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,019 Huh? 491 00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:12,272 That book... Jesse, why does that book look familiar? 492 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,566 [gasps] 493 00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:17,819 Sid, we gotta go to Times Square right now. 494 00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:18,487 Okay. 495 00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:20,155 ♪ 496 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:24,284 ♪