1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,547
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,809
Son, sometimes in life,
5
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,646
you have to perform a best friend rescue.
6
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,857
Remember the time I had to drive you
to Aunt Val's house
7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,276
to stop her
from bleaching her hair?
8
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,277
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
Yeah.
9
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,363
I-I still don't really understand
what the big deal was.
10
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,658
How many times do I have to say it?
11
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,035
I'm the blonde one!
12
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,413
Okay. Swish and Val's
engagement party is tomorrow,
13
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,500
and if we all work together,
we can make it a success.
14
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,503
And here, we're defining success
15
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,506
as killing this engagement dead.
Any questions?
16
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,800
I'm straight off a plane here,
17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,844
so my question would be, what?
18
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,805
A bubbly undergrad proposed to Val,
19
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,265
and she doesn't wanna
go through with it,
20
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,309
and I'm not ready
for married lame friends.
21
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,352
[Sid clears throat]
22
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,355
Except for you guys!
23
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,107
Love your love.
24
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,151
So, what am I looking at here, exactly?
25
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:11,530
Um, well, I wanted to do a presentation,
but I ran out of time.
26
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,948
Oh, so why'd you bring it?
27
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,284
Well, I didn't buy PowerPoint
for nothing.
28
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,119
Didn't you?
29
00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,412
Okay. Crazy thought.
30
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,706
What if Val breaks up with Swish
31
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,792
using words like, I don't know,
"I'm breaking up with you, Swish."
32
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,670
Uh! We tried.
33
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,591
Swish, you are a wonderful person,
34
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:34,011
and I have so enjoyed
our time together.
35
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,053
But...
36
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,392
- You do it.
- I can't. I see it, too.
37
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,643
♪
38
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,479
Disappointing Swish face-to-face
is a no-go.
39
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,858
So here's the plan.
Tomorrow, we are gonna convince Swish
40
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,444
that he doesn't wanna marry Val. Ellen,
41
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,155
you're gonna play
the role of "bitter divorced lady."
42
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:56,658
Ooh! Can my name be Maureen?
43
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:57,951
No. He's met you.
44
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,411
Sid, Hannah.
45
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,455
You guys are gonna be
the unhappy married couple
46
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,956
who just can't stop fighting.
47
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,209
This is our first weekend
together in a month,
48
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,502
and we're supposed to fake a fight?
49
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,795
Glad you get it. Charlie!
50
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:12,090
You will be the fun bachelor
who's going to remind Swish
51
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,800
of all the great casual sex
52
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,844
he'll be missing out on
if he gets hitched.
53
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,972
Love that for me, but I can't.
I'm bringing Julia.
54
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,974
Oh, nice. How's that going, anyway?
55
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,101
- Next topic, please.
- You don't like Julia?
56
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,811
Julia's fine.
57
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,689
Just having a little roommate kerfuffle.
It's nothing to fret over.
58
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,233
Next. Topic. Please.
59
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,987
Okay, Jesse, then you'll be
Mr. "I live for casual sex."
60
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,989
[sighs] I hate guys like that.
What's your thing?
61
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,699
- Can I just do that instead?
- No!
62
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,786
I am gonna show Swish how ancient I am.
63
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,163
Then, I'll mention that Val and I
are the same age,
64
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,373
and he'll connect the dots.
65
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,375
[gasps] Smart!
He loves Connect the Dots!
66
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,627
Babe!
67
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,129
It's not a horse!
It's a unicorn!
68
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,757
I did that.
69
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,259
Don't worry, Val.
70
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:57,636
As soon as I'm done with you,
you are going to be...
71
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,805
Single AF!
72
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:02,224
That says "sing leaf."
73
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,226
Damn it.
74
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,354
I'm gonna be the most
married person in the world.
75
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,941
♪
76
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,943
So, um, if Swish asks,
77
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,195
my parents are in India.
78
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,572
What? Why?
79
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,115
He wanted my dad's blessing,
80
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,450
so I told him
they were out of the country.
81
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,661
Photoshopped a picture of them
in front of the Taj Mahal.
82
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,329
Fiancée!
83
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,998
Hey... [nervous laugh]
84
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,000
Mwah!
85
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,209
Oh, my gosh.
86
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,254
I just saw our unborn children
in your eyes.
87
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:33,297
Do you see them in mine?
88
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,175
Nope. Just, like,
89
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,426
your pupils.
90
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,637
Oh, right. I'm being stupid
because they say that you see
91
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,140
the spark of the children
in the mother's eyes.
92
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,184
You probably just see,
like, little sperms in mine.
93
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,310
[nervous laugh]
[Sophie groans]
94
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,312
[loud groan]
95
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,814
Oh! Sorry.
96
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,482
I guess it's true what they say.
97
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,320
Back pain is youth just leaving the body.
98
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,615
I'm going through changes now that
I'm creeping up on the big 3-1.
99
00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:01,491
You know what I realized the other day?
100
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,577
When you're 31,
101
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,412
Val's gonna be 43.
102
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,080
[sexy purr]
103
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,293
And when you're 43, she'll be 55.
104
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,544
[sexy purr]
105
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,546
We get it! You're a horny cat.
106
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,758
I love being with an experienced woman.
107
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,928
I think it's beautiful that you guys have
to take your pants off when you come home.
108
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,014
[nervous laugh]
109
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,432
Hey, have you met Jesse?
110
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,768
[clears throat] Hey, hey, hey!
111
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,395
So, tying the old knot, huh?
112
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,688
Yeah. I could never.
113
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,732
I'd get hung up thinking
about all those...
114
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,069
tasty women I'd be missing out on.
115
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,614
- Tasty--
- Tasty, tasty meat.
116
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,908
Big ol' husks, huh? I mean,
117
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:46,286
women are objects,
and the subject is sex,
118
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,913
- am I right?
- Okay.
119
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,415
Yeah, if you ask me, best to stay single
120
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,418
'cause life's just
a big ol' bag of boobs.
121
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506
- What are you doing?
- Sorry.
122
00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,175
Was bag of boobs weird?
I was between that and butt parade.
123
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,970
How did I ever have sex with you?
124
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,221
Missionary, right?
125
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:10,102
Marrying young was
the biggest mistake I've ever made.
126
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:12,104
I'm a broken shell of a woman.
127
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:15,524
Nothing like the Maureen I used to be.
128
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,526
Wait, I thought your name was Ellen.
129
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,904
You remember that?
God, you're a good listener.
130
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,575
And plus, you don't seem broken.
Y-You have a cool job,
131
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:28,036
you're a great friend, and Val says
your girlfriend is freakin' dope.
132
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,496
Yeah, Rachel rules.
133
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,915
I guess I'm kicking butt out there, huh?
134
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,750
- Thanks, Swish.
- Hey, no problem, Maureen.
135
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,628
Look, you wanna be called Maureen,
I'll call you Maureen.
136
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,547
Later.
137
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,132
[laughs, mutters]
138
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:45,012
I'm sorry. He smiled at me,
and then I just forgot.
139
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,598
A-And then, I had an overwhelming desire
140
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,100
to-to be his mom,
but, like a chill one.
141
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,311
Like, he could smoke in front of me.
142
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,730
Mom?
143
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,065
Ellen, that's it!
144
00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,694
You're pretty tough to talk
to sometimes, you know that?
145
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,779
And then I'll say,
146
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,490
"Church shmurch! Sunday's for football!"
147
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,202
And then you'll say, "Well, I never."
148
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,204
I've never once said that in my life.
149
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,122
Okay, well,
do the other line we talked about.
150
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,792
Fine. I'll say, "You're not gettin'
any of this tonight,"
151
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,336
but I'm not pointing at my crotch.
152
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,338
[phone dings]
153
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,256
Wait, you have Zillow alerts on?
154
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,966
Hell, yeah. Me, too.
[giggles]
155
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,551
How do you feel about exposed brick?
156
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,470
I know it makes me
a basic bitch, but I love it.
157
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,682
Wait, Hannah,
this is for a house in Los Angeles.
158
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,769
I live in a nice area.
159
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,729
I got curious, that's all.
160
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,398
Uh-huh. Curious like,
161
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,817
"Look how much these suckers
paid for this dump,"
162
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,445
or curious like, "I wanna be
one of these suckers"?
163
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,447
What do you want me to say?
164
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:49,243
I've lived in LA for a while now,
I love my job, I'm making friends...
165
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,703
Yeah, Hannah, but we have a plan.
Like, you were supposed to move here
166
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,955
when your residency is over.
167
00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,414
That's always been the plan.
168
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,416
I don't wanna talk about this here.
169
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,001
Can't we just fake fight now?
170
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,129
We can't fake fight now.
We're in a real fight.
171
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:02,923
♪
172
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,300
Ellen, right?
173
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,302
I'm Julia. I was actually at your place
the other night.
174
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,680
Oh, I know you were. Hi.
175
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,474
- You're looking well.
- As are you.
176
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,103
- Why are you guys being weird?
- We're not.
177
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,689
And there is no "we."
On your way now.
178
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,111
Hey, babe. Long-ass pee, huh?
179
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,737
What happened,
you drank too many Gatorades?
180
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,739
Uh... sure.
181
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,158
Oh, my boy Doink made it! Doink!
182
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:38,000
Um, I gotta say, I'm not
feeling any less engaged.
183
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,626
Okay, we've had some misses.
184
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,837
Alright, but I have a new plan,
and the main thing
185
00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:44,173
that I want you to focus on
186
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:47,926
is, is not being, um, mad at me.
187
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,637
Hey.
We came as soon as we got your text.
188
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,348
Oh, Val, what are we gonna do with you?
189
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,059
♪
190
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,149
You're engaged to a child?
191
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,194
What have you done
to your life, my darling?
192
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,487
It's because we gave her
that cell phone too early.
193
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,573
That Motorola Razr rotted out her brain.
194
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,492
- Oh...
- I need you guys to focus, okay?
195
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,161
Swish wants your blessing,
196
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,746
and if you don't give it to him,
197
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,414
he will call it off.
For a guy named Swish,
198
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,874
he's surprisingly traditional.
199
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,376
You're engaged to someone named Swish?!
200
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,837
- It's not his real name.
- What is?
201
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:29,134
Okay, from you,
202
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:32,012
I need disapproving dad. Glare at him.
203
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,055
Can you glare for me, Juan?
JUAN: Yeah.
204
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,350
[giggles]
205
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,602
That's more of like a--
[laughs] a smolder.
206
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:41,104
I-I'm sorry.
I have resting smolder face.
207
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,482
- Oh, it's a curse...
- Oh, my God!
208
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:44,733
How's this?
209
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,903
Oh! There! That's the glare!
210
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:50,906
And from you,
I want subtle disappointment.
211
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,491
Gimme, like, a withering head shake.
212
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,702
Less movement.
If it's slight, it hurts more.
213
00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,541
- Ooh, devastating.
- Mr. and Mrs. M?!
214
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,043
Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you guys made it!
I-I thought you were in India.
215
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,046
Uh, th-they were! Uh, but India...
216
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,633
- closed.
- [sighs] Damn, that sucks.
217
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,636
- But welcome.
- He believes India closed?
218
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,222
Uh, thank you.
219
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,766
Hey, why don't you three
go get to know each other?
220
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:18,767
Yeah! Yeah.
221
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,185
Remember, glare and wither.
222
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,021
And don't look directly into his eyes,
but don't get lost in his hair either.
223
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,733
Hey, are you okay?
224
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,735
I-I can tell something weird's
going on with you and Ellen.
225
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,113
- It was an accident.
- What was?
226
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,322
I've said too much.
227
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,907
Never mind. You know,
I don't wanna know anymore.
228
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,075
Fine, I'll tell you everything.
229
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,911
It was the first time
Julia had spent the night.
230
00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,123
Your piggy got out of his pen...
231
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,833
Wha?! What are you doing?! Whoa!
[Charles screaming]
232
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,835
[Ellen yelps]
233
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,587
Turns out,
Ellen and Julia are back twins.
234
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:50,549
- I mean, I was destined to fail.
- She calls you "Piggy" in bed?
235
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,884
What do you call her?
236
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,635
"Farmer Julie."
237
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512
She's a dairy farmer
who dabbles in pork,
238
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,556
and I'm a dainty little pig
who doesn't like the mud.
239
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,558
You guys have been on,
like, three dates.
240
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,018
Yes, I know.
241
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,020
Still got a lot of world-building to do.
242
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,773
I mean, what does LA have
that New York doesn't?
243
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,401
LA has tons of great things.
244
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,570
I live right near this pupusa place that--
245
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:14,031
We have pupusas! You want pupusas?
246
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,991
I'll get you a million pupusas.
247
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,785
But they just don't taste as good here.
Maybe it's the water.
248
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,414
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That is our thing, Hannah.
249
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,875
New York is the one with the water.
250
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,503
Sid,
251
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:30,380
can we at least have a conversation
about you moving to LA.
252
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,382
We're having it, Hannah!
It is not going well!
253
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,801
Our plan was always--
254
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,763
Yes, I know what the plan was,
but plans can change, Sid.
255
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,683
Hey, guys? Uh, we're working
a parent angle right now,
256
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:42,976
so I'll let you know if I need you.
257
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,562
Loving this energy. It sounds
258
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,232
really ugly in here. Thanks.
259
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,653
I have some concerns.
260
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,739
Valentina doesn't make much money,
and you're still in school.
261
00:10:56,490 --> 00:11:00,410
Yeah, you're right.
But that's why I whipped up this, uh,
262
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,912
five-year financial plan.
263
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,914
- Oh.
- Yeah.
264
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,415
I would start night trucking after class.
265
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,126
I-I have short sleeper syndrome,
so I only need about four hours.
266
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,629
And if I work the Jersey-to-DC route
for the rest of college,
267
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:13,215
I would be able to save up
for a sick-ass condo.
268
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,926
Wow. You've really thought this through.
269
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,262
Yeah, m-my buddy Doink is a econ major.
270
00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:19,346
Doink!
271
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,767
O-Okay, okay, so you have a plan,
272
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,769
but what is the rush to get married?
273
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,312
I mean, you're just a kid.
274
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,314
With mad due respect,
275
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,483
I just love your daughter
way too much to wait.
276
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,110
A-And plus,
277
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,571
didn't Juan propose to you the day
that you guys graduated high school?
278
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,197
He did.
279
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,199
And it looks like it worked out
for you guys.
280
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,951
[laughter]
281
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,202
Why are they high-fiving?
282
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,205
What the hell is he doing now?
283
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,458
Oh God. It's happening to them.
284
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:52,629
♪
285
00:11:56,341 --> 00:12:00,387
Okay. The bad news is
we gave Swish our blessing.
286
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,973
But, the good news is...
287
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,017
- You get to marry Swish.
- What?!
288
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,769
No. She is not marrying Swish.
289
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:08,979
Why not?
290
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,481
You've never been with
anyone this wonderful.
291
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,484
Are you sure that it gets better
than Swish, sweetheart?
292
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,070
- Because we're not.
- That head of hair.
293
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,322
Think of the grandchildren.
294
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,699
This is crazy. This is insane.
295
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,035
You guys, of course
it gets better than Swish.
296
00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,204
He's not even the full version
of himself yet!
297
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:26,955
He still has three baby teeth.
298
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:28,957
VALENTINA:
You know what?
299
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,210
Um...
300
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:33,045
Maybe they're right.
301
00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:34,546
What?
302
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,425
I'll do it. I will marry Swish.
303
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,427
[excited squeal]
304
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,679
Just so you know...
305
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,474
I haven't been this disappointed
in hot people
306
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:48,977
since I saw Heidi Klum throw out a burger
just because it fell in a puddle.
307
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,148
Okay.
308
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,192
I think I know
how to fix your situation.
309
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:58,612
- Charlie moves back to England.
- Unfair! You move back to England!
310
00:12:58,612 --> 00:12:59,905
Listen!
311
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:03,367
What happened to you guys
reminded me of something.
312
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,869
Something I've worked very hard to forget.
313
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:06,662
♪
314
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:09,164
Back when I was with Meredith,
she stayed over all the time.
315
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,416
I came home late one night,
heard the shower,
316
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,127
figured Sid was asleep, so it must be her.
317
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:18,006
Meanwhile, Sid was showering,
heard the door, assumed it was Hannah...
318
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,508
Okay, we see where this is going.
319
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,510
So you saw your buddy naked. Big deal.
320
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:24,388
That's not the issue.
It was what I heard.
321
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,514
♪
322
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,349
[Southern accent]
Missin' some evidence, little lady?
323
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,351
[both yell]
324
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,230
- Why was he Southern?
- Was his penis the evidence?
325
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,565
Yes, Ellen.
326
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,192
And I think he wanted her to...
tamper with it.
327
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,195
Seeing your best friend in sex mode
328
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,364
is one of the hardest things
in life to bounce back from.
329
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,366
The awkwardness is suffocating.
330
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,869
♪
331
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,246
And for Sid and I,
we thought it might be the end of us.
332
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:53,625
But then, one day, I was at a bookstore,
333
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,961
and I saw the answer
right there in front of me.
334
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:57,337
♪
335
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:01,508
Joe Pesci's 101 New York Musts.
336
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:05,387
Sid and I did every single
dumb activity in that book.
337
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,182
And bit by bit, memory by memory,
338
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:11,226
we buried the shower fiasco
deeper and deeper
339
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,145
into the recesses of our minds,
340
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:15,147
until we forgot about it entirely.
341
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:17,983
Until now.
342
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,569
We need that book.
343
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:23,405
Charlie!
You've been ignoring me all night.
344
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,991
Right. And that will stop...
345
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,243
right after I go and do a series
346
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,287
of Joe Pesci-approved activities
with my roommate.
347
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,330
Okay.
348
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,374
Alright, I'm out.
349
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,294
Tell Charlie to find a new farmer.
He'll know what that means.
350
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,796
Wait. Before you go...
351
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,841
can I tell you about something
that happened to me?
352
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:45,636
No.
353
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,224
Hey.
354
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:53,393
You can't seriously be
considering marrying Swish, right?
355
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,978
You don't love him.
356
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:59,191
No, I don't love him.
But, like, I love him!
357
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:01,443
And my parents made some good points.
358
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,946
He's an amazing man
that's obsessed with me.
359
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,781
Why should I be running away from that?
360
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,783
What about Charlie?
361
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,785
Because I thought
that he was your endgame.
362
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:14,248
So did I, but maybe I was wrong.
363
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,334
Babe, come here!
I drew that bird that you dreamed about.
364
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,460
Ooh!
365
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,010
♪
366
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:29,930
[sighs]
367
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,098
SID:
Hey!
368
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,891
What are you guys doing out here?
369
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,435
Sophie put us on a timeout.
370
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,939
I'm Sid, by the way.
Uh, we haven't really met,
371
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,441
but Sophie has a picture
of you guys as her lock screen.
372
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,651
That's troubling.
373
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:46,071
Yeah. [laughs] I thought so, too. Um...
374
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,657
Anyway, I heard you guys are,
like, the perfect couple,
375
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,867
and I was just wondering
376
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,494
if you guys could give me
some relationship advice.
377
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:53,954
Of course.
378
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,164
See, Babe? A podcast
379
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,709
where we give relationship advice
to normals would kill.
380
00:15:58,709 --> 00:15:59,793
Ah...
381
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:04,089
Have you guys ever wanted
totally opposite things,
382
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,300
where only one of you could get your way?
383
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,593
Yes.
384
00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,386
Years ago, I wanted to see
the Spider-Man
385
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,762
where he's that little British boy.
386
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,932
Juan wanted to see Cats instead,
so we did.
387
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,851
Awful.
388
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:17,853
I still carry guilt over that.
389
00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:20,189
Don't be too hard on yourself.
390
00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:22,482
The Cats you imagined was beautiful.
391
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,484
- [laughs]
- Okay, yeah.
392
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,737
You guys are probably not the people
to talk to about this.
393
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:28,739
No, wait. Hey. Hold on. Um...
394
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,241
There is one other thing.
395
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,620
I always wanted to have more children,
396
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,371
and she wanted just the one.
397
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:40,834
That's a big one.
How'd you guys figure it out?
398
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,088
Sometimes, there's no right answer.
399
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,467
There's just your answer, or hers.
400
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,178
I chose hers.
401
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:54,348
♪
402
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,352
Can I show you something I found?
403
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,064
Sid, if this is another
hamster apology card,
404
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:05,025
I will watch it and enjoy it,
but I will still be mad at you.
405
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,444
[laughs] No, this is, uh,
406
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,697
from the night we got engaged.
I never showed it to you.
407
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,162
Hey!
So, we just got back from the airport.
408
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,665
Um, I wanted to document
this night together,
409
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,125
but you had to go
be a badass surgeon.
410
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,753
So, uh, it's just me now.
411
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,172
Those people from the Uber
are still here!
412
00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:30,008
They seem fun. We're drinking.
413
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:33,262
Also, you were totally right.
Jesse has a huge thing for the blonde.
414
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:34,972
[thud]
415
00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:40,727
[giggles, snorts]
416
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,229
Anyway, uh...
417
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,356
Hey. I'm sad you had to go,
418
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,608
but I really meant what I said earlier.
419
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,527
Like, we can make it
through anything together.
420
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,529
Whatever it takes.
421
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:56,451
It's time I started living up
to that promise again.
422
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:59,955
So, Hannah, I am officially open to LA.
423
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,876
Gonna try and imagine
what it's like to, you know,
424
00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:05,627
live there.
425
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,005
- Really?
- Yeah.
426
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:10,257
I mean, if you love it so much,
it's gotta be worth loving.
427
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,258
[sighs]
428
00:18:13,886 --> 00:18:15,888
♪
429
00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,222
Mm... Yeah.
430
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,312
[sighs]
431
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:25,856
[sighs]
432
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,907
Whatever this is, make it quick.
433
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:37,159
Swish is on me about what
our wedding colors are gonna be.
434
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,660
Okay, just gimme 30 seconds.
435
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,120
♪
436
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,039
- CHARLIE: Mm.
- Okay, say something. I'm recording.
437
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,833
Um, a huge congratulations
438
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,210
to Hannah and Sid!
439
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:47,503
It is Hannah and Sid, isn't it?
440
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:50,047
I'm not sure, but you already said it,
so just push through.
441
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,132
Um, well, we've only just met you,
442
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,010
but we are truly very happy for you.
443
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:58,472
You are clearly in love,
and I know how good that feels.
444
00:18:58,972 --> 00:18:59,973
VALENTINA:
Wait, what?
445
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,808
You love me?
446
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,228
No. No, I was
talking about somebody else.
447
00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:06,230
You don't actually know them.
VALENTINA: Oh, is that right?
448
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,066
What about the video?
449
00:19:09,066 --> 00:19:11,068
Mm, who cares?
We're never gonna see it again.
450
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,070
♪ Love, Try Not To Let Go
by Julia Jacklin playing ♪
451
00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,155
Maybe you're right.
452
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,866
Maybe Charlie is not your end game.
453
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,245
But, for a while, you loved him, Val.
454
00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:23,747
You really, really loved him.
455
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,041
And if you think that you can find
that kind of love
456
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,544
with Swish, then I say go for it.
457
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,045
But if you can't?
458
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,715
Go find it. Okay?
459
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,134
Whether that's with Charlie
or with someone else.
460
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,638
♪ Mmm, time ♪
461
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,807
No, you're right.
462
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,019
I'll hold out for true love.
463
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,981
God, thanks a lot, you asshole.
464
00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,858
[sniffles, sighs]
465
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,069
♪ Consumes the space between me ♪
466
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,864
She broke Swish's heart that night.
467
00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,867
♪ And everyone I left ♪
468
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:03,328
Oh, oh ♪
469
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,539
♪ Love ♪
470
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,751
But he got happily married weeks later!
471
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:11,753
He owns an island now.
472
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:17,134
Didn't even have to pay for it.
The US government was just like,
473
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:19,136
"Here!"
474
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,638
Sorry. So sorry.
475
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,931
Sorry.
476
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,517
Look after him, Doink.
477
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:29,771
We were trying to help.
478
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,691
I know.
You want me to find true love,
479
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:33,692
and I will.
480
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,195
I wanted you to marry literally Swish.
481
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,616
He'll get over it.
Just give him some time, huh?
482
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,161
[scoffs]
483
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:45,996
How do you feel?
484
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,583
Guilty. Humiliated.
485
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:50,542
And?
486
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,212
BOTH: Single!
487
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,214
We did it!
488
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:58,091
♪
489
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,100
We can look at each other
in the eye again. Watch.
490
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,019
Huh?
491
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:12,272
That book...
Jesse, why does that book look familiar?
492
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,566
[gasps]
493
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:17,819
Sid, we gotta go
to Times Square right now.
494
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:18,487
Okay.
495
00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:20,155
♪
496
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:24,284
♪