1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,047 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,638 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,685 - [to the tune of The Dreidel Song ]: ♪ Sandwich, sandwich, sandwich, I made you out of stuff... ♪ 5 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ La la la la la... ♪ - Ah! 6 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,105 No time for sandwiches! Look at this! 7 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,733 "Goliath Market seeks in-house photographer 8 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,195 to create food content for our social platforms"! 9 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,322 - Uh, hey, I work at Goliath Market. - I know! 10 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:32,824 And I'm a photographer! Who loves food. 11 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,409 We could be work besties! - Oh, my God! 12 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,953 I've never had a work bestie before! 13 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,705 But, wait. Since when do you want a 9-to-5 job? 14 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,208 You've always been like, "Cubicles? 15 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,335 More like pubicles!" 16 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,712 [laughing] 17 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,214 - God, I'm funny. 18 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,091 Ellen was right, though. 19 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,300 For a long time, 20 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,554 I loved the hustle of freelance photography, 21 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,099 but I was tired of not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from. 22 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,935 I needed to get that job. 23 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,771 - When they say 9-to-5, do they mean wake up at 9:00 24 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,106 or be there at 9:00? 25 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,691 - Um, be there. 26 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,317 - Woof! [laughs] 27 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,904 Anyway, could you maybe put in a good word for me 28 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,657 with the higher-ups? I could really use the job. 29 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,534 - Okay, I got you. 30 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,911 I will nudge the higher-ups so hard, they'll be like, 31 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,329 "Ow, Ellen! Too hard!" [giggles] 32 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,708 - Yes! This is so exciting! We're gonna work together! 33 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,544 - Uh, Sophie, these jobs are really competitive, 34 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,379 so there's no guarantee you'll get it. 35 00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,673 - I got it! 36 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,008 I start on Monday! 37 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:31,925 - Yes! 38 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,635 [cheering] 39 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,305 - Congrats! My girl's finally gonna have health insurance! 40 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,099 - Nice! You can stop getting physicals at Costco. 41 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,644 - Ellen, thank you so much for vouching for me. I owe you. 42 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,189 If you wanna get into my comedy self-defense class, 43 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,066 just say the word. You'd be great at Improv- Maga. 44 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,736 - Okay, people! I need a location! WOMAN: Neck. 45 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,280 - Neck! Thank you very much. And I need an attack. 46 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,032 MAN: Hook punch. - Hook punch! You heard it. 47 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,201 Kill him, Sophie! Come on! Kill him! 48 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,828 - I hear that's how Conan O'Brien keeps it tight. 49 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,121 [laughs] SOPHIE: Wait. 50 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,165 Should we walk to work together on Monday? - Oh. [scoffs] 51 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,584 Sister, we're gonna do way more than just walk. 52 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,127 ♪ Ellen's theme song playing ♪ 53 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,379 ♪ Got the world ♪ 54 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,007 ♪ In my own hands ♪ 55 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,426 ♪ I'm going to work, work, work ♪ 56 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:18,013 ♪ And so am I, I, I ♪ 57 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:21,016 ♪ We have it all, all, all ♪ 58 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:24,061 ♪ He almost died, died, died ♪ 59 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,188 ♪ Get out of our way! ♪ 60 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,568 - Why is Val hanging out with someone who isn't us? 61 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,320 We don't do that. - Oh. 62 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,949 That's her psychic, Madame Deborah. Doing house calls this week 63 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:39,034 'cause her tent's being fumigated for termites. 64 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,744 - So, they tented her tent? 65 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,372 - Unclear. She just gave me a reading, 66 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,790 and get this. 67 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,835 Prosperity is right around the corner! 68 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,836 - Come on, Charles. 69 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,421 Really? You buy into this psychic nonsense? 70 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,840 - I do now! 71 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,050 You know, I always wanted to see a psychic. 72 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,386 Mother said it was sorcery. Although, oddly enough, 73 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,304 I was allowed to see an actual sorcerer. 74 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,350 Oh, Rincewind. You know, I would spend hours on his couch, 75 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,727 talking about my fears and anxieties. 76 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,896 - And you're sure that wasn't just a real psychiatrist 77 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,483 that your parents told you was a sorcerer to make it seem more fun? 78 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,151 - Well, if he wasn't a real sorcerer, 79 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,780 how could he have given me those magic beans that cured my ADHD, huh? 80 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,074 Oh, yeah. 81 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,618 - God, I love that woman! 82 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,080 She said I was, quote, "Finding my path." 83 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,374 - Ugh. Of course, they're gonna tell you good stuff. 84 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,792 That's how they keep you coming back! 85 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,379 Open your eyes, sheeple! - She does not only tell me good stuff. 86 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,006 She told me choppy waters were approaching 87 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,008 before I started dating Andrew Giuliani. 88 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,802 - Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! 89 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,638 I literally rounded the corner, and found money. 90 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,975 Prosperity around the corner, just like she said. 91 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,227 - I'll bet she planted it there just to make herself seem more legit. 92 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,979 - Oh, and did she plant the orgy I walked in on 93 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,398 at Andrew Giuliani's townhouse, too? CHARLIE: Hm? 94 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,650 - I think the real reason you're such a naysayer 95 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,736 is because you're afraid to learn what the future holds for you. 96 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,738 - Ugh, that's absurd. 97 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,156 You know what? I will go talk to her, okay? 98 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,782 But just to see how full of it she is. 99 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,952 And then, I really need to hear more about this Giuliani thing. 100 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,246 ♪ 101 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,501 - Okay, let's see what we have here today, Mister... 102 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211 Love Machine? 103 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,379 - Yep, that's me. 104 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,508 [excited giggle] And I need 50 CCs of snuggles, stat! 105 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,343 HANNAH: God... [gasps] 106 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,011 What are you doing here, babe? 107 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,554 - I told you I wanted to make a real effort 108 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,723 of giving LA a chance, so here I am. 109 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,099 - Aw... 110 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,936 - Wow. So, this is how Cali doctors roll, huh? 111 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,062 Not how I pictured it. 112 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,147 - Really? Well, how'd you picture it? 113 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,566 - Scalpel. 114 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,694 ♪ sultry music playing ♪ 115 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,737 Forceps. 116 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,448 Sushi. 117 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,578 - Um, just... different, I guess. 118 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,289 Anyway, um, how about when you get off, 119 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,708 we go on one of those Runyon Canyon hikes you love so much. 120 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,128 I read that's where they walk the dog from the Old Yeller reboot. 121 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296 - Young Yeller? 122 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,592 Oh, sure. I was gonna stay for a party we're having 123 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,303 for our friend Eli who just passed his boards, but I'll skip it. 124 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055 - What? No, you're not missing that. 125 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,683 I came here to experience your LA life, okay? 126 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,184 Work parties included. 127 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,144 [Hannah giggles] 128 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,145 - Oh! 129 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,313 Hoo, sorry. 130 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,650 Sorry, I didn't see anything. I promise I'm not gonna tell your husband. 131 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,820 - Oh, very funny, Eli. This is my husband. 132 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,407 - I know. I'm kidding. Sid, the man, the myth, the legend. 133 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,534 You guys coming to my little shindig? 134 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:28,871 Fingers crossed it's not a repeat of when Daverman passed the board. 135 00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:30,497 [both laugh] 136 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,707 HANNAH: Oh, don't worry. 137 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,042 I won't let this event go full Daverman. 138 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,336 - Problem is, you never see a Daverman coming. 139 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,797 [both laugh] 140 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,592 - Someone tell me who Daverman is, so I can enjoy this, too. 141 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,887 ♪ 142 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,973 - In all my years, 143 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:51,018 I've never met such a doomed young man. 144 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,061 Goodbye. 145 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,479 Forever. 146 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,274 - Uh... 147 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,443 What just happened? What did she predict for you? 148 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,779 - It's honestly so embarrassing, I can barely bring myself to say it. 149 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,199 [laughs] Okay, fine. 150 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,243 She said I was gonna die tonight. 151 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,245 [Jesse laughing] 152 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,748 Oh, I haven't been fed a pile of crap like that 153 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,209 since Truth or Dare night at farm camp. 154 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,251 - Oh. 155 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:19,463 Wow, that is... That is pretty out there. 156 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,882 - Look, I think we can all agree that Madame Deb is full of it, 157 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,800 so... peace, suckers. 158 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,096 - She's never been wrong before, 159 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,766 but maybe she's having an off day. 160 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,351 [electric fizzle] [glass shatters] 161 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,437 He's a dead man. - His time has come. 162 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:38,440 ♪ 163 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,275 [office chatter] 164 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,610 - Oh, my God. - Ooh. 165 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,611 - I love it here! 166 00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,530 There's a big phone on my desk, 167 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:47,407 and sometimes, it rings, and I'm like, "Go for Sophie." 168 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,825 [both laugh] 169 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,495 - Oh! Sophie, Ellen. 170 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:55,082 I see you two have become fast friends. Love it. 171 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,501 - Oh, no! No, no. We know each other from before. 172 00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,254 Remember she sent that recommendation? - That's right! I did. [laughs] 173 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,798 Remember, I-I sent you that long email 174 00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:06,176 about my best friend Sophie, and h-how she'd be perfect for the job? 175 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,304 - No, never got it, and you know I'm a stickler for inbox organization. 176 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,974 - [laughs] Well, I'm a stickler 177 00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,768 for remembering when I send vouching emails to my boss, 178 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,020 so it appears that you and I 179 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,022 are in a stickler standoff. [laughs] 180 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,693 - I'll have IT open a ticket. 181 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,113 ELLEN: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 182 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,948 - You never sent that email, did you? 183 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,950 - Not exactly, no. 184 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,870 But, enough with this internet stuff. 185 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,122 You know, whatever happened to real life? 186 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,250 - Uh, did you recommend me in real life? 187 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,209 - No... 188 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:40,752 ♪ 189 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,090 ♪ 190 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,383 - You sure you wanna do this, babe? 191 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,343 It's just a bunch of nerdy surgeons. 192 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,138 - Your boy can hang with surgeons. I went to med school for a hot minute. 193 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,724 I can talk about anything. I mean, call me Professor Klump 194 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,642 because I am well-rounded. [laughs] 195 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,854 - Oh, you guys talking Nutty Professor? Great movie. 196 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,690 Classic case of hypothyroidism, 197 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,733 am I right? [laughter] 198 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,319 - Well, wasn't it just that Klump drank that potion 199 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,071 that reconstructed his DNA to make him thinner and cooler? 200 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240 - No, babe, it's this game we play 201 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,409 where we take characters from movies, 202 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,412 and we diagnose them with actual medical conditions. 203 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,207 - Oh... Okay, that is hilarious. 204 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,750 Okay, I'm gonna try one. 205 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,376 Got it. Tom Hanks. 206 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,337 Philadelphia. AIDS. 207 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759 - Um, technically true, 208 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,428 but it's not really how the game is played. 209 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,971 - Fine, I'ma try another one. 210 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015 Uh... Uh... 211 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,684 Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club-- 212 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,686 - Let's talk about something else. [relieved chatter] 213 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,271 ♪ 214 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,940 - I just don't understand. 215 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,150 Why did you not send that recommendation? 216 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,611 - Sophie, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. 217 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,656 I have a lot on my plate, and it just... It just slipped my mind. 218 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949 - Okay! 219 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,827 I literally just came up with the best idea in history! 220 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,247 Since you two are self-described best friends, 221 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,165 I'm teaming you up to pitch 222 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417 on the next big veggie re-brand! 223 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,420 - Wait. You don't mean the cabbage account? 224 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,922 - Indeed I do. [laughs] 225 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,424 Our research shows that the average cabbage consumer 226 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,926 is 97 years old. 227 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,096 We need to figure out how to make cabbage seem hip and young, 228 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,014 like we did with broccolini. 229 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,933 - What!? That was you guys? 230 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,936 I literally had a broccolini smoothie this morning. 231 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,689 - Thousands of cabbage farmers are depending on your friendship. 232 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,899 [nervous laughter] [Mark muttering] 233 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,652 - Hey. We've got our work cut out for us. 234 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404 The only thing I know about cabbage 235 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,698 are the patch kids and this dance. 236 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,201 - Oh! Go, Sophie-- - No! 237 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,829 Still pissed at you. You do not get to enjoy me. 238 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,081 ♪ 239 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,792 - Hey, buddy. 240 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,127 We just thought we'd stop by 241 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,837 since we were in the neighborhood... 242 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,463 - Of your favorite restaurant. 243 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:52,426 - Wow! Lasagna Alfredo Al Forno? That's so nice! 244 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,179 Wait. You're not nice. What's going on? 245 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:58,182 - I can't do this. Jesse, we think you're a dead man walking. [whimpers] 246 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,434 - What, you think Madame Deborah's right? 247 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,979 - Oh, my God. This is a last meal. You're last meal-ing me. 248 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,732 - Jesse, a light fixture fell from the ceiling, 249 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,568 Final Destination- style, as soon as you left the bar. 250 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,237 - Yeah, that place is a mess! Two weeks ago, the jukebox exploded. 251 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,697 It doesn't mean I'm dying tonight. 252 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,116 - Well, Madame Deborah has never been wrong before. 253 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367 She even predicted there was gonna be 254 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,952 a High School Musical The Musical The Series! 255 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,663 - Anyone would have predicted that. It's a slam-dunk franchise. 256 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,916 - Jesse, on the off chance that this woman is correct, 257 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,293 we would like to give you a fabulous last evening. 258 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,087 So, please, tell us your dying wishes... 259 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,172 before you're dragged to hell. 260 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,507 - What? - Or heaven. 261 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,884 Maybe he's done a lot of nice shit we've never seen. 262 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,220 - Can you two please discuss the fate of my soul somewhere else? 263 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,890 I have a Warby Parker virtual try-on appointment to attend to, so... 264 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,308 [slicing] 265 00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,814 I guess I could whip up a quick bucket list for us to chip away at. 266 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,858 ♪ 267 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:53,529 - So I told him, "Don't you dare stop fighting, Mr. Ramirez. 268 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,531 "Because if you die, 269 00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,660 the Zamboni wins." [soft laugh] 270 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,663 - Okay, you saved one man. How many are there? Like, a million? 271 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,750 - Something like that. So, Sid, 272 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,461 Hannah tells me that y-you own a bar? 273 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,089 - Sid is amazing! He can make, like, any drink. 274 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,716 - She's right. You guys ever had a Whiskey Richard? 275 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,717 DOCTOR: No... 276 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,929 - Where's the bourbon? - Damn, I don't think we have any. 277 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,223 Although, there's a liquor store across the street, 278 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,393 but it's raining pretty hard right now, so... 279 00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,062 - Heh, heh. You think I'm scared of a little rain? 280 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,106 Oh no, is there a light breeze, too? 281 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,986 I'm a New Yorker, Eli. I can handle a little drizz. 282 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448 Man, I thought LA people were soft, but this is, hoo, 283 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,826 next level-- [screams] [shoes squeak] 284 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,829 ♪ 285 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,003 - And then I'll say, "The true essence of cabbage is..." 286 00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,297 And then you'll say, "Friendship." - Mm-hmm. 287 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,548 Yeah, I remember. 288 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,675 Because one of us has a working memory. 289 00:11:56,675 --> 00:12:00,637 - Great dig. You know, you're coming at me with a lot of big-dig energy right now. 290 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,599 Can we just please move forward with our lives? 291 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,559 - Oh, forward. 292 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978 What you were supposed to do with my resume, 293 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,271 but didn't. 294 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,523 - Sophie, you're being a tad annoying. 295 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,816 - Ying. 296 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,319 What I was supposed to be to your yang. 297 00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,695 - Okay, you know what? 298 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,281 I didn't forget to recommend you. I didn't wanna vouch for you 299 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,700 because I wasn't sure you could hold down a real job. 300 00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,454 - Why not? - You thought 9-to-5 301 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,164 meant that you wake up at 9:00. 302 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,916 - A lot of people think that! - No, they don't! 303 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,543 It doesn't make any sense! Everyone would just show up at different times! 304 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,464 - Let's get ready to cabbage! 305 00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:38,258 - Woo! [laughs] Let's just get through the presentation, 306 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,010 and then we'll talk about it later. - Not a problem. 307 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,972 - Ladies and gentlemen! [laughs] 308 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,517 Welcome to the future, 309 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,478 where cabbage isn't just an ingredient anymore. 310 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,230 - It's an experience. 311 00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,232 - An experience to be shared. 312 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,568 BOTH: Rip it and share it! 313 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,195 - The next generation of cabbage 314 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,405 is about bringing people together 315 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,908 because the true essence of cabbage is... 316 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:04,368 [clears throat] 317 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,413 Sophie? D-D-Don't you wanna say friendship? 318 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,542 - Uh, I don't know, Ellen. I was just thinking about 319 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,877 all the different kinds of cabbage there are. 320 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,713 There's Napa cabbage, and purple, 321 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,757 and then there's selfish. - Oh, really? 322 00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,260 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Those are the three cabbages? Mm-hmm. 323 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097 - The selfish cabbages are always just looking out for themselves. 324 00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,599 You know, not really supportive of their cabbage friends. 325 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,893 - Or maybe, they're the ones 326 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,021 who worked really, really hard to get where they are, 327 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,023 and they just can't risk throwing it all away 328 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,443 for some flaky blonde cabbage who lucked their way into the job. 329 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,488 - Wait, the cabbage has a job? I'm lost. 330 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,575 - The selfish cabbage said they were sorry. What else do you want? 331 00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,034 - I want you... 332 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,661 to think that I'm good enough to be here, 333 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,663 to get off of your high horse 334 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,748 and just be a supportive friend. 335 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,127 Cabbage. 336 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,713 - Ellen, my office. 337 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,593 ♪ 338 00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:05,846 - Oh, you banged yourself up pretty good, sweetie. Does this hurt? 339 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,432 [high-pitched scream] 340 00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:10,934 - [deep voice]: Hey, 'sup, player? 341 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,854 - Uh, the good news is nothing's broken. 342 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,191 But, you do have a pretty gnarly coccyx contusion, 343 00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,526 so, I'm sorry to say... [Hannah sighs] 344 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,988 ...no lower-body intensive activities for a while. 345 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,116 Sorry, Sid. Or should I say, sorry, Hannah. 346 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,202 [both laugh] 347 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,828 - Funny, but not right now. 348 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,997 - Okay, you know what, funny guy? 349 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832 I think I'd like to get an opinion from someone 350 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,585 who didn't just pass his boards, like, three hours ago. 351 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,378 - You know, I don't get it. I've been so nice to you-- 352 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,130 - Eli, could you just give us a sec? 353 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:41,924 - Alright. 354 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,930 - Sid, what is going on with you? Why are you being so rude? 355 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,850 - You have this whole world over here without me. 356 00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,979 And I-I'm not a doctor. I don't know Daverman. 357 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,065 And Eli's so handsome. 358 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,192 And I suck at the AIDS game. 359 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,527 - What about Eli? 360 00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:03,862 - It's just you guys get to spend all this time together. 361 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,532 You guys have a million inside jokes. It's a lot. 362 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,286 I'm sorry, babe. 363 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,580 I'm really tanking this LA thing. 364 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,083 - If you had more time, you would crush LA. 365 00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,961 But I'm afraid you're not gonna get that chance. 366 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464 - Oh, my God, am I dying? 367 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,757 - No, Sid. 368 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,553 I've decided to move to New York. 369 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,598 - But... But you love LA. 370 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,934 You have this whole amazing life over here. 371 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,436 - Yeah, but I love you more. 372 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,565 And you're a New Yorker. 373 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,358 - Really? 374 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,610 - Really. 375 00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,113 - Thank you. 376 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,367 [pained groaning] 377 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,618 - Okay. 378 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,621 Mm... 379 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,456 - So, what's the Daverman story, anyway? 380 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,958 - Oh, it's nothing. 381 00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,420 He shit his pants. 382 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,965 - Aloha! [Hawaiian music playing] 383 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,551 Okay, I know it's not quite the real deal, 384 00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,595 but we can check 385 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,972 "go to Hawaii" off your bucket list. 386 00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,141 - It was Helsinki. 387 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,310 I always wanted to go to Helsinki. 388 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,102 - Really? 389 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,355 Oh, bro, you should work on your penmanship. 390 00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,567 Oh, there's probably not enough time... 391 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,944 - Okay! Thank you very much! Right! 392 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,822 Per your list, I have reached out to Terry Gross 393 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:32,409 about interviewing you. She said, and I quote, 394 00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:36,038 "It's called Fresh Air, not Who The Hell Is That Guy Air." 395 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,456 - Terry Gross said that? 396 00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:41,168 - No. The "she" in this story is her very rude intern, Bailey. 397 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,712 - Is there anything on this list that we can actually achieve? 398 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,798 - Uh, "be the musical guest on SNL." No. 399 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,343 "Be the musical guest and host on SNL." Jesse... 400 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,594 Uh, "become a dad." 401 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,971 We might be able to pull that last one off without you. 402 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,474 How cold does your freezer get? - Ooh, I'll get a cup! 403 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,688 ♪ 404 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,858 [indistinct yelling] 405 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,902 - I've never seen anything-- - It's all my fault, okay? 406 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,737 - Sophie, what are you-- - She's right. 407 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,822 I am a work in progress. 408 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,492 But, Ellen is the best, and if you fire her, 409 00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:16,203 you are out of your goddamn mind, Mark Flarkson. 410 00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:20,499 - My last name is Cruz, and I'm not firing Ellen. 411 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,251 I'm conducting a wellness check. 412 00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,795 I am, however, considering firing you 413 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,380 because you took one of my best employees 414 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,090 and made her act really weird. 415 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,801 - I understand. - No! 416 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,469 You can't fire her. 417 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,681 Let me tell you why Sophie Tompkins is the best. 418 00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,224 - Oh boy. ELLEN: Sure, 419 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,892 she's rough around the edges 420 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,353 and can barely conduct herself in general, 421 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,647 let alone in an office. I mean, sometimes, 422 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,276 if you stand close to her, you can hear her quietly chanting her own name. Like, 423 00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,236 [whispers] Sophie, Sophie... 424 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,737 - You can hear that? - Mm-hmm. 425 00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,074 - I thought that was just in my head. - But, 426 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,120 here are 50 reasons why Sophie's perfect for Goliath. One-- 427 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,204 - No! She can stay. 428 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,790 Just please stop advocating for each other, 429 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,458 and go finish the cabbage campaign! 430 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,420 [sighs] - Thank you so much, Mr. Flarkson-Cruz. 431 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,921 - It's just Cruz. 432 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,007 - And I promise, no more drama. - Mm-hmm. 433 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,759 - Sophie! Ellen! I love you! 434 00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,846 I'm sorry. It's just, I may be dying tonight. 435 00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,851 - No more drama starting... now. 436 00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:24,188 ♪ 437 00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,940 - [sighs] How do I look? 438 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,650 - Like a man who's ready to go. 439 00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,780 - Agreed. Open casket chic. 440 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,366 - I still don't know what's going on. 441 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,077 - Me neither. Just act like you care. CHARLIE: Ooh! 442 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,747 Fifteen seconds to midnight. Places, people. 443 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,498 [Jesse sighs] 444 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,418 - Okay. 445 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,379 Ten. 446 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,798 Nine. Eight... 447 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,343 - Goodbye, old friend. Six. 448 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,803 Five. Four... 449 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,848 - May the angels sing thee to thy rest. 450 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,850 Two. One! 451 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,354 - I'm alive. 452 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,898 I'm alive. 453 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,567 Ha! I knew it all along! [Ellen scoffs] 454 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,654 - Really? Then, why'd you show up at my work to say goodbye to us? 455 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,198 - What? For these dumb-dumbs! [laughs] 456 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,951 Y'all must be feeling pretty stupid right now. 457 00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:22,162 - Me? [scoffs] I still don't even know why we're here. 458 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,498 - Alright, well, I've got work tomorrow morning, 459 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:27,459 which I will be attending because I am very much alive. 460 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,294 - Sorry, Jesse. Our bad. 461 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,338 - But she's never wrong. 462 00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,841 ELLEN: Please do not show up at my work again. 463 00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:36,093 - Alright. I guess I'm never gonna die. 464 00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:37,094 [door shuts] 465 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:44,142 [choking, gasping] 466 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,310 [snapping] 467 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,106 [gulps, gasps] 468 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:52,025 Guys! What if they meant Pacific Time? 469 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,318 ♪ 470 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,530 - The next morning, our cabbage campaign went live. 471 00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,574 ♪ 472 00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:01,285 - Ellen! Look over there. 473 00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:02,786 [inaudible] 474 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,288 Look over there! 475 00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:06,206 [inaudible] 476 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,624 - And over there! 477 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:09,126 [inaudible] 478 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:09,918 Oh, and over there! 479 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,378 [inaudible] 480 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,713 - Oh, my God, Sophie, look around. 481 00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,381 It's everywhere. - We did it! 482 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,800 BOTH: We did it! 483 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,760 SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]: There's no way that's how it happened. 484 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,889 Every single person was eating a cabbage almost immediately? 485 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,183 - That's the way I remember it, 486 00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,185 so that's how it happened. 487 00:20:29,146 --> 00:20:33,108 ♪ The world in my own hands ♪ 488 00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:36,361 ♪ I'm going to work, work, work ♪ 489 00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:39,364 ♪ And so am I, I, I ♪ 490 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,367 ♪ We have it all, all, all ♪ 491 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,412 ♪ He almost died, died, died ♪ 492 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:48,457 ♪ Get out of our way, way, way ♪ 493 00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:51,460 ♪ Oh... Oh... ♪ 494 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,505 ♪ Get out of our way, way, way ♪ 495 00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:57,466 ♪ Oh... Oh... ♪ 496 00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,176 ♪ Get out of our way! ♪