1 00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:04,636 [singer singing in Japanese] 2 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,686 ♪ Don't look over here ♪ 3 00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:10,648 [singing in Japanese] 4 00:00:10,731 --> 00:00:12,150 Maybe we should help him. 5 00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:15,073 Wait, wait. He'll get it. Thumbs are tricky. 6 00:00:15,156 --> 00:00:16,660 ♪ I don't need anymore ♪ 7 00:00:16,743 --> 00:00:18,037 ♪ More ♪ 8 00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:19,415 [singing in Japanese] 9 00:00:19,498 --> 00:00:21,335 ♪ I don't wanna see anything ♪ 10 00:00:21,419 --> 00:00:23,006 ♪ Ha ha ha, anymore ♪ 11 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,759 ♪ I don't need anyone ♪ 12 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:29,101 He doesn't know how to use a can opener? 13 00:00:29,644 --> 00:00:33,067 You're never gonna integrate back into society if you can't do basic shit. 14 00:00:35,781 --> 00:00:38,036 [can, can opener scrapes, clattering] 15 00:00:38,119 --> 00:00:40,248 [Kash] It's simple, okay? You clamp it on, 16 00:00:41,668 --> 00:00:44,006 and you… 17 00:00:44,591 --> 00:00:45,676 Shit! [screams] 18 00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:48,431 It's broken. 19 00:00:53,859 --> 00:00:55,111 ♪ Shut up ♪ 20 00:00:55,195 --> 00:00:57,784 [singing in Japanese] 21 00:00:57,867 --> 00:00:58,869 ♪ Shut up ♪ 22 00:00:58,952 --> 00:01:01,415 [singing in Japanese] 23 00:01:01,499 --> 00:01:02,919 ♪ Shut up ♪ 24 00:01:03,002 --> 00:01:04,088 - [song ends] - [door opens, bell clangs] 25 00:01:04,171 --> 00:01:06,258 - [customer, muffled] Excuse me? - Oh, God, no! 26 00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:08,722 Do you work here? I have a complaint. 27 00:01:09,348 --> 00:01:10,517 What seems to be the problem? 28 00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:13,523 [customer] I rented this costume for my husband's birthday, 29 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,320 and now I can't get the bloody mask off. 30 00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:18,992 Uh, sorry, did you say your husband's birthday? 31 00:01:19,076 --> 00:01:20,036 Yes. 32 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,163 Okay. 33 00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,294 So, your husband likes strong women? 34 00:01:24,378 --> 00:01:26,507 I think it's some sort of vacuum effect. 35 00:01:26,591 --> 00:01:28,261 Have you tried greasing it up? 36 00:01:28,344 --> 00:01:29,764 You could use butter. Or lube. 37 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:35,191 [customer] Excuse me, but why would I have lube in my house? 38 00:01:35,275 --> 00:01:36,402 Oh, come on. 39 00:01:36,485 --> 00:01:37,572 You've got lube. 40 00:01:37,655 --> 00:01:40,368 [customer] I want this mask off now. 41 00:01:40,452 --> 00:01:43,541 And it goes without saying, I expect a full refund. 42 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,255 Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds 43 00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:50,346 if the costume's been used for its intended purpose. 44 00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,100 [customer] What are you implying? 45 00:01:53,352 --> 00:01:56,275 You can't imply a customer is pegging their husband as Margaret Thatcher. 46 00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:57,360 She is! 47 00:01:57,444 --> 00:01:59,908 Of course she is, but you can't say that. 48 00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:01,327 [sighs] 49 00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:03,874 Sometimes I wonder if you're cut out for customer service. 50 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,084 You're absolutely right. 51 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,963 No, I think the best thing to do is to let me go 52 00:02:07,047 --> 00:02:08,424 with a generous redundancy package. 53 00:02:08,508 --> 00:02:12,098 You are a manager. Great liar. 54 00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:15,522 You hate people just the right amount. I've never seen you miss a fag break. 55 00:02:15,606 --> 00:02:17,192 You could flourish here. 56 00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:18,779 Take my place when I die. 57 00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:21,618 That's a lovely thing to say, Ange. But this is just temporary. 58 00:02:21,701 --> 00:02:23,246 [Ange] Tim said that too when he started. 59 00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:25,375 He's been here seven years. He still loves it. 60 00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:35,353 ♪ Are you ready, Check? ♪ 61 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,486 ♪ Name, escape ♪ 62 00:02:41,407 --> 00:02:43,579 [Valerie Gold] Absolutely not. 63 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,168 Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it. 64 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,300 Listen, this is a very good deal for you. 65 00:02:50,383 --> 00:02:55,310 Your music in the lift of every cruise ship in the fleet. 66 00:02:55,393 --> 00:02:58,065 They might even want your early stuff for the hold lines on the phone. 67 00:02:58,149 --> 00:03:01,948 [Valerie Gold] I sold out the Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row. 68 00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,829 I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones. 69 00:03:04,913 --> 00:03:06,958 A cruise ship? I think not. 70 00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:09,631 It's time for a comeback. 71 00:03:09,714 --> 00:03:11,927 Valerie… [chuckles] …you know we love you at the label. 72 00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:15,475 But only one person with your condition has made a comeback, and that's Jesus. 73 00:03:15,559 --> 00:03:17,980 I can still sing. I'm still relevant. 74 00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,694 [sighs] Fuck it. I'll even do a duet. 75 00:03:21,236 --> 00:03:23,157 What's Whitney Houston up to these days? 76 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,651 [light switch clicks] 77 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,032 Get out. I'm literally about to start auditioning people. 78 00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:45,828 - Can I watch? - Why? 79 00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:48,625 I just wanna learn how to human again. 80 00:03:50,211 --> 00:03:54,010 Fine. But don't do anything weird. Or say anything. Or touch anyone. 81 00:03:54,094 --> 00:03:55,179 It's very important to me. 82 00:03:56,348 --> 00:03:57,517 And not just to me, okay? 83 00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:00,649 I'm doing this for the city. For the vulnerable. 84 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,028 Jen says you're doing it because you're a feckless loser 85 00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,991 who sponges off his girlfriends. 86 00:04:05,074 --> 00:04:08,038 And, uh, this nostalgic imitation of virility 87 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:11,921 gives you the illusion of control over your emasculated, directionless existence. 88 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:21,691 Although, I don't know what most of that means. 89 00:04:21,775 --> 00:04:22,777 Is that right? 90 00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:27,160 ♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪ 91 00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:30,166 ♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪ 92 00:04:30,249 --> 00:04:33,172 ♪ All my friends go [scats] ♪ 93 00:04:33,255 --> 00:04:35,803 ♪ I went to school and I got a big ♪ 94 00:04:35,886 --> 00:04:36,888 [manager] All right? 95 00:04:36,971 --> 00:04:39,017 [sighs] She took the news very well. 96 00:04:39,101 --> 00:04:41,564 Yeah, that was very impressive in there. Crystal clear. 97 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,735 How do you feel about some moonlighting? 98 00:04:43,819 --> 00:04:47,242 We have another life-challenged artist on our books 99 00:04:47,325 --> 00:04:49,079 that I think you'd work well with. 100 00:04:49,162 --> 00:04:52,545 Is it an estates dispute? Because I'm quite junior. 101 00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:55,884 I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle. You're very impressive, Carrie. 102 00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:59,934 Yes. Yes. 103 00:05:00,017 --> 00:05:02,397 I can handle it. I'll do it. [chuckles] 104 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,779 Great. Saturday at 2.00. I'll send you the addy. [clicks tongue] 105 00:05:05,863 --> 00:05:06,865 Yeah, great. 106 00:05:08,159 --> 00:05:09,954 ♪ I got the big D ♪ 107 00:05:11,081 --> 00:05:12,668 ♪ I got the big D ♪ 108 00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:15,214 ♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪ 109 00:05:17,678 --> 00:05:18,763 [doorbell buzzes] 110 00:05:25,151 --> 00:05:26,153 Uh, name? 111 00:05:26,236 --> 00:05:28,073 Sebastian. Seb-- Seb. 112 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:31,664 Seb. And your power? 113 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,500 [clears throat] 114 00:05:52,998 --> 00:05:54,292 [glass shatters] 115 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,052 I can summon sea creatures. 116 00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:00,471 Can you command them? 117 00:06:02,058 --> 00:06:03,937 Um, no. 118 00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:05,106 [Kash smacks lips] 119 00:06:06,108 --> 00:06:08,362 I have a rich father. 120 00:06:22,223 --> 00:06:23,810 - [Kash] Your name? - Uh, Ade. 121 00:06:23,893 --> 00:06:24,937 Megan. 122 00:06:26,106 --> 00:06:27,651 Uh, what-what can you do? 123 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,448 Uh, I can, uh, phase through solid objects. 124 00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:32,327 I can turn anything into a PDF. 125 00:06:32,410 --> 00:06:34,582 - So, what? Like a fridge? - Anything. 126 00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:37,671 - A person? - Anything. 127 00:06:37,755 --> 00:06:38,840 I'm basically a magnet. 128 00:06:38,923 --> 00:06:41,929 It's not active all the time, but when it happens, you'll know. 129 00:06:43,808 --> 00:06:44,935 [metal clattering] 130 00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,398 It happened. 131 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:56,793 [Ade grunts] 132 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,339 [pants, chuckles] 133 00:06:59,422 --> 00:07:01,009 Nice. 134 00:07:01,093 --> 00:07:02,303 We'll be in touch. 135 00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:03,472 [chuckles] 136 00:07:05,351 --> 00:07:07,773 Oh. [chuckles] I'm stuck. 137 00:07:08,942 --> 00:07:11,029 Don't mind me, though. I'll be-- I'll get there. [chuckles] 138 00:07:14,035 --> 00:07:16,248 Mmm. Still stuck. 139 00:07:20,757 --> 00:07:22,218 [grunts] Uh… 140 00:07:22,301 --> 00:07:24,430 - Do you have more people coming? - We do, yeah. 141 00:07:30,276 --> 00:07:31,946 [Kash] Excuse me. What are you doing? 142 00:07:32,029 --> 00:07:34,033 I have a 3D printing arse. 143 00:07:34,117 --> 00:07:36,581 I can do whatever you want as long as it's aerodynamic. 144 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,504 [Ade] Can you do a spoon? 145 00:07:41,757 --> 00:07:43,427 So sorry. Sorry to interrupt. 146 00:07:43,970 --> 00:07:46,601 ♪ Sun spots, changing glare ♪ 147 00:07:46,684 --> 00:07:49,230 ♪ Walking around With my very best friend ♪ 148 00:07:49,314 --> 00:07:51,026 - [Ade] Sorry. - [Jizzlord] Come on. You can do it. 149 00:07:51,109 --> 00:07:53,030 - Come on. Oh, my God, yes! - You can do it. 150 00:07:53,113 --> 00:07:54,324 - [Kash] Dig deep. - [Ade] Oh, my God. 151 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,660 - Come on, dig deep. - Wow. 152 00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:56,621 [all grunting] 153 00:07:56,704 --> 00:07:57,789 [Kash] Keep going with it. 154 00:07:57,873 --> 00:07:59,250 - Squeeze! - Yeah! 155 00:07:59,334 --> 00:08:00,837 [Ade] Come on! 156 00:08:00,921 --> 00:08:02,423 [all cheers] 157 00:08:02,506 --> 00:08:04,637 - Come on! - Wow. 158 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,809 [all cheering, applauding] 159 00:08:07,893 --> 00:08:09,312 No. 160 00:08:10,815 --> 00:08:11,859 [whispering] Can I join? 161 00:08:12,653 --> 00:08:13,947 How did you get into the flat? 162 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,004 Super speed. Like you have to ask. 163 00:08:23,465 --> 00:08:24,885 All right, how fast are we ta-- 164 00:08:28,768 --> 00:08:30,521 Been to the Tate Modern and back. 165 00:08:31,398 --> 00:08:34,320 Their Dada retrospective is… underwhelming. 166 00:08:35,699 --> 00:08:37,201 Cheers. 167 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:46,762 Peace. 168 00:08:46,846 --> 00:08:48,558 ♪ We are born ♪ 169 00:08:49,142 --> 00:08:50,770 ♪ And I don't care ♪ 170 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,066 ♪ As we grow old ♪ 171 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,195 ♪ As I'm aware ♪ 172 00:08:55,279 --> 00:08:59,537 ♪ As we grow ♪ 173 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,166 Thanks so much for coming in. 174 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:02,794 Oh, no problem. 175 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,011 Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier they wheeled out. [chuckles] 176 00:09:07,094 --> 00:09:09,265 So it's nice to get asked to do actual legal stuff. 177 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,021 'Cause I can do that, but they never really ask me to. 178 00:09:13,106 --> 00:09:15,612 - Oh, is this a recording studio? - Smart as a button. 179 00:09:15,695 --> 00:09:18,785 We have an artist who died before he could finish his last album. 180 00:09:18,868 --> 00:09:22,083 Tragic, really. His fans are still super passionate. 181 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:25,089 And we already paid him the advance. Uh-oh! 182 00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:27,385 So, if he could sing through you, 183 00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,930 then we could finish the tracks 184 00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:32,646 and bada-bing-bada platinum sales in 30, 40 territories worldwide. 185 00:09:32,729 --> 00:09:33,731 Is that cool? 186 00:09:35,025 --> 00:09:36,069 Uh. 187 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,077 [microphone feedback] 188 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,289 - [tapping drumsticks] - Three, two, one. 189 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,129 - They want you to channel who now? - [Carrie] Colt Callaghan. 190 00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:48,427 He was some big country music singer in the '80s, apparently. 191 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:50,305 I thought you were there for some legal bullshit? 192 00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,393 [Carrie] Me too, but they just want me for my power. 193 00:09:52,476 --> 00:09:54,648 Why doesn't anybody care what Carrie has to offer? 194 00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:56,401 Probably because Carrie talks about herself 195 00:09:56,484 --> 00:09:57,779 in the third person a bit too much. 196 00:09:58,656 --> 00:10:01,411 Can you come down? For moral support? 197 00:10:01,494 --> 00:10:03,290 I'm at work. I can't just bail. 198 00:10:03,373 --> 00:10:05,043 I'm saving up for the clinic. I need the money. 199 00:10:05,127 --> 00:10:06,797 You can have a cut. They're paying me. 200 00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:07,966 How much are they paying you? 201 00:10:08,049 --> 00:10:10,512 I don't know. It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it? 202 00:10:10,597 --> 00:10:12,768 Please come. I really need a friend right now. 203 00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:14,145 No, you don't need a friend. 204 00:10:14,228 --> 00:10:17,067 You need someone who can get you a decent deal. A real hard-ass. 205 00:10:19,405 --> 00:10:20,407 You need-- 206 00:10:20,491 --> 00:10:22,662 Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management. 207 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,167 This is handwritten. 208 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,381 We're a-a boutique agency with a personal touch. 209 00:10:28,465 --> 00:10:33,643 Now, this national treasure is not opening her money hole until we talk shop. 210 00:10:33,726 --> 00:10:34,895 Here is her rider. 211 00:10:37,943 --> 00:10:40,824 "Sushi platter. Room temperature ice water." 212 00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,203 We can deal with this later. 213 00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:45,541 What I need to do right now, yeah, is talk to Colt. 214 00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:47,169 He's gonna be pretty confused. 215 00:10:47,253 --> 00:10:48,380 Uh, money first. 216 00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:50,384 - We can offer you 250. - [Jen] Oh, please. 217 00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:54,267 Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra on a Saturday for 250. 218 00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:56,479 - Five hundred. Final offer. - 300. 219 00:10:57,899 --> 00:10:59,820 I think my client would be content with £300. 220 00:10:59,903 --> 00:11:00,738 - Yeah. - Yeah. 221 00:11:00,822 --> 00:11:02,449 £300,000. 222 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,754 May I just have a moment alone with my client? 223 00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:20,695 [pants] Did he say £300,000? 224 00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,450 I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday. 225 00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,120 I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli. 226 00:11:25,203 --> 00:11:28,418 Tenderstem, Jen. It is so much more tender. 227 00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,464 [pants] You could pay for the clinic. 228 00:11:30,548 --> 00:11:33,053 [both scream, laugh] 229 00:11:33,136 --> 00:11:35,182 ♪ Didn't do it for the love Didn't do it for the police ♪ 230 00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:36,225 ♪ Get on these knees ♪ 231 00:11:36,309 --> 00:11:39,106 ♪ Didn't do it for the sex Didn't do it for the love ♪ 232 00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:41,527 That amount would be acceptable, yes. 233 00:11:45,202 --> 00:11:46,956 ♪ I did it for the money ♪ 234 00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:51,089 When are our friends coming? 235 00:11:53,176 --> 00:11:55,556 They're not our friends. They're my vigilante group. 236 00:11:56,892 --> 00:11:57,978 What are you hiding? 237 00:11:58,061 --> 00:12:00,692 You said that you needed snacks, so… 238 00:12:01,694 --> 00:12:02,696 [shrieks] 239 00:12:03,405 --> 00:12:05,492 - [doorbell buzzes] - So, where should I sit? 240 00:12:05,576 --> 00:12:10,419 Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to do something very important for me. 241 00:12:10,502 --> 00:12:11,337 Okay. 242 00:12:11,922 --> 00:12:14,678 Okay, um, I need you to 243 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:17,182 get these for me. 244 00:12:18,018 --> 00:12:21,441 Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that. 245 00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:23,486 I can do that. I'll get you your… 246 00:12:23,571 --> 00:12:25,282 …"tampons." 247 00:12:25,365 --> 00:12:26,994 - Great. - [doorbell buzzes] 248 00:12:27,077 --> 00:12:29,666 - Where-- Where would I get a tampon? - Chemist. 249 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,252 Chemist. Yeah. 250 00:12:32,129 --> 00:12:33,465 [doorbell buzzes] 251 00:12:33,549 --> 00:12:36,095 Um, Jen says it's too soon for me to be out in the world. 252 00:12:36,179 --> 00:12:37,389 Well, Jen's not here. Okay? 253 00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:39,435 - Okay, I won't let you down. - Yeah. 254 00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:43,401 [doorbell buzzes] 255 00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:47,159 [doorbell buzzes] 256 00:12:58,515 --> 00:12:59,768 The miniature horse is unavailable. 257 00:12:59,851 --> 00:13:01,479 Unacceptable. 258 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,066 Either you get us a big horse 259 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,489 that we can look at through the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk. 260 00:13:06,573 --> 00:13:10,790 Yeah, totally. I'll sort all that after she gets Colt. 261 00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:16,677 Heads up, by the way, Colt could be a little difficult. 262 00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:18,597 What kind of difficult? 263 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,352 [Colt] Where am I? Did I black out? 264 00:13:23,439 --> 00:13:26,989 How old are you? Ah, wait. I don't wanna know. 265 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:30,537 You told me you were 18, and that's the line we're gonna go with. 266 00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:33,376 [manager] Colt, mate, don't panic, but you're dead. 267 00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:35,046 [Colt groans] 268 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,842 My fucking wife. 269 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,556 She finally did it. She always said she would. 270 00:13:39,639 --> 00:13:40,641 Gotta respect that. 271 00:13:40,725 --> 00:13:44,106 No one killed you, mate. We brought you back to finish your album. 272 00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:47,404 [Colt] Sugar tits, you look a bit like Margaret Thatcher. 273 00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,241 I like that. 274 00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:51,412 Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too. 275 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:54,920 [Colt] Wha-- 276 00:13:55,755 --> 00:13:56,632 Holy shit! 277 00:13:56,715 --> 00:13:59,638 Maybe being in a woman's body will give you a bit more respect. 278 00:13:59,721 --> 00:14:02,769 [Colt] Nice! I can work with these. 279 00:14:02,852 --> 00:14:04,856 Now, what are these, a C cup? 280 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,737 You've been gone a while. Is there anything you wanna get caught up on? 281 00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:09,824 [Colt] There's only three things I need to know. 282 00:14:09,908 --> 00:14:15,043 Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool? And is Jesus still white? 283 00:14:15,962 --> 00:14:19,552 - Oh, yeah. Come on, now. - 'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them. 284 00:14:19,636 --> 00:14:22,349 - Get off them. Get off. - [Colt grunts, groans] 285 00:14:22,432 --> 00:14:23,894 - [Colt] All right! - [Jen] Dirty bastard. 286 00:14:28,069 --> 00:14:28,988 [Colt sighs] 287 00:14:29,071 --> 00:14:30,407 [Kash] Congratulations, men. 288 00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,996 You've all been selected because you demonstrated to me 289 00:14:33,079 --> 00:14:35,333 that you are hero material. 290 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,087 You've passed the first test. 291 00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,512 Will there be more tests? I'm dyslexic, and I need more time. 292 00:14:41,596 --> 00:14:43,934 It's more a series of trials than tests. 293 00:14:44,018 --> 00:14:46,313 It's, like, informal trials of the spirit and body. 294 00:14:46,397 --> 00:14:47,399 It's more of a metaphor. 295 00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:49,571 Really, I probably shouldn't have used the word "test." 296 00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:53,494 Uh, any-- Words aside-- Um. 297 00:14:53,579 --> 00:14:56,208 We're all here for one noble purpose: fighting crime. 298 00:14:56,292 --> 00:14:58,004 What does that mean, specifically? 299 00:14:58,087 --> 00:15:01,427 Uh, like, going after crime. Stopping it and stuff. 300 00:15:01,510 --> 00:15:04,516 - There's lots of different types of crime. - I know. I don't think we need-- 301 00:15:04,601 --> 00:15:08,441 I suggest targeting child sex offenders. 302 00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:12,407 Go after the real bad guys. Anyone else got a suggestion? 303 00:15:12,491 --> 00:15:14,913 - Fly-tippers? No! Murderers! - Yes. 304 00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:16,332 What about the elderly? 305 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,710 - Yeah, fuck 'em. - No. No. 306 00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:21,217 I mean, like, people who scam the elderly. Like telemarketers. 307 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,720 [Seb] Or the drug dealers, 308 00:15:22,804 --> 00:15:26,018 uh, people who put their bag next to them on the empty seat in the train, 309 00:15:26,102 --> 00:15:27,437 rapists? 310 00:15:29,943 --> 00:15:33,491 I swear I had another marker here somewhere. Sorry. 311 00:15:34,243 --> 00:15:36,665 I can get you one. Give me two minutes. 312 00:15:36,748 --> 00:15:38,084 - [belt buckle chinking] - [clothes rustle] 313 00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:41,173 [grunts, pants] 314 00:15:41,883 --> 00:15:42,718 What colour? 315 00:15:44,722 --> 00:15:47,937 ♪ Well, I'm cracking one open With the boys ♪ 316 00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:49,816 ♪ By myself ♪ 317 00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,820 [singer chuckles] 318 00:15:51,903 --> 00:15:57,414 ♪ Everybody thinks that I need professional help ♪ 319 00:15:58,584 --> 00:16:02,633 ♪ But I don't wanna Think about that anymore ♪ 320 00:16:03,301 --> 00:16:04,386 Tampons? 321 00:16:04,469 --> 00:16:06,850 ♪ And just because I woke up On someone's floor ♪ 322 00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,939 ♪ And asked who the fuck am I ♪ 323 00:16:11,943 --> 00:16:14,824 ♪ I didn't know it felt good to cry ♪ 324 00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,080 ♪ Yeah, I started from the bottom ♪ 325 00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:19,918 ♪ And I'm still at the bottom ♪ 326 00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:21,588 ♪ Yeah, I spent the night in jail ♪ 327 00:16:21,671 --> 00:16:24,051 ♪ Turns out it wasn't the bottom ♪ 328 00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,136 [music stops] 329 00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:28,560 [Gregor] Okay, so we're down to nonces versus children. 330 00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:30,731 Uh, surely that's a tautology? 331 00:16:30,814 --> 00:16:33,612 Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children from the nonces? 332 00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,031 They cancel each other out. 333 00:16:35,114 --> 00:16:37,452 It should be children versus women. 334 00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:42,755 If we help women, like, protecting them walking home at night or something, 335 00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:44,759 I think they'd be really grateful. 336 00:16:44,842 --> 00:16:47,097 Not that we'd ask them for anything in return. 337 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:50,688 But if they did want to thank us, just a perk of the job. 338 00:16:50,771 --> 00:16:52,858 Yeah, we're talking about them fucking us, right? 339 00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:55,196 - No. - What? No! 340 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,242 [Kash] No one sleeps with anyone they save. 341 00:16:57,325 --> 00:16:59,079 I'm drawing this ethical line in the sand now. 342 00:16:59,162 --> 00:17:00,833 What if someone wants to give us money? 343 00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:02,545 Well, that's just tipping. That's fine. 344 00:17:02,628 --> 00:17:05,592 I'd like to put myself forward as task force leader for this one. 345 00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:10,268 I know women. I respect women. I love women. 346 00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:13,859 - Well, I love women more than you do. - I have four sisters. 347 00:17:13,942 --> 00:17:14,944 I have a mum. 348 00:17:15,863 --> 00:17:18,326 - I've got two mums. - I've got a girlfriend. Do you? 349 00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:21,373 - I don't currently have-- - Ha! Three-two. 350 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,087 But that also means 351 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,553 that I don't view women solely as sexual objects. 352 00:17:27,636 --> 00:17:29,348 Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend. 353 00:17:29,431 --> 00:17:32,563 I read Jane Austen novels for fun. 354 00:17:36,946 --> 00:17:38,199 I know where the clitoris is. 355 00:17:38,282 --> 00:17:39,577 [gasps] 356 00:17:44,921 --> 00:17:45,756 Prove it. 357 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,806 [hyperventilates] 358 00:17:49,889 --> 00:17:51,392 Have some water, pet. 359 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,278 [pants] 360 00:17:58,364 --> 00:18:00,703 It's just… a lot. 361 00:18:00,786 --> 00:18:02,539 You buying the tampons for your girlfriend? 362 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:03,875 No, he's a boyfriend. 363 00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,923 Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it. 364 00:18:07,717 --> 00:18:09,846 I've been away for a while. 365 00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:12,601 There's too much everything. 366 00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:15,231 I'm sorry. I'm useless. 367 00:18:15,314 --> 00:18:18,905 Oh, chicken, no. We all learn at our own pace. 368 00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:20,993 I can help you get what you need. 369 00:18:21,076 --> 00:18:25,376 What's their period like? Heavy? A lot of clotting? 370 00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:27,255 Do they like an applicator or non? 371 00:18:27,338 --> 00:18:28,550 What's a period? 372 00:18:29,594 --> 00:18:32,307 Oh, Lord. [sighs] Okay. [chuckles] 373 00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:35,521 I can see we're gonna have to start from the beginning. 374 00:18:42,578 --> 00:18:45,041 [Colt] Come on, chica. Is this strictly necessary? 375 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,715 When you stop trying to unhook your bra, then the shame mitts can come off. 376 00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:50,928 - [Colt] Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry. - Stop that! 377 00:18:51,011 --> 00:18:52,013 [Colt grunts] 378 00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:56,313 Darlin', can you turn these for me? 379 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:59,069 I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years. 380 00:18:59,152 --> 00:19:01,240 Need a refresher on the old lyrics. 381 00:19:06,751 --> 00:19:09,339 [Carrie] Jen, have you read these lyrics? 382 00:19:09,924 --> 00:19:13,222 I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly very respectful to women or Canadians. 383 00:19:13,305 --> 00:19:17,021 I'm sure they're not that ba-- Okay. Oh, no. 384 00:19:17,105 --> 00:19:18,567 I don't think I can do this. 385 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:21,656 What? Of course you can. No, you can do this. 386 00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:23,242 Do this, please. 387 00:19:24,202 --> 00:19:26,498 I don't think I feel comfortable saying this stuff. 388 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,129 But it's not really you saying it, though. Is it? 389 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:32,385 It's coming out of my mouth. My mouth is making the shape of the words. 390 00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:33,930 I don't wanna have a sexist mouth. 391 00:19:34,014 --> 00:19:35,726 What if I ever meet Malala? I'll be mortified. 392 00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:36,811 Look, Carrie, babe. 393 00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:41,361 Look, you know I would never ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with. 394 00:19:41,445 --> 00:19:44,242 Unless someone's going to pay us £300,000 to do it, okay? 395 00:19:44,326 --> 00:19:45,369 So, maybe just do it? 396 00:19:51,214 --> 00:19:54,680 Oh, if I could just make some adjustments to the source material. 397 00:19:54,764 --> 00:19:56,099 He barely remembers what he wrote. 398 00:19:56,183 --> 00:19:57,937 He'll sing whatever you put in front of him. 399 00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,692 Yes. Okay, compromise. It's the beauty of negotiation. 400 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:04,659 Oh, where are you going? 401 00:20:05,619 --> 00:20:07,790 I made them get me a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie. 402 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,334 I'm not passing that up. 403 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,463 You've got this, okay? Don't worry about it. 404 00:20:12,048 --> 00:20:13,885 ♪ I don't know who's getting ready ♪ 405 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,597 ♪ I don't know who's getting ♪ 406 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,016 ♪ But what a pity ♪ 407 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,270 ♪ Such a pity city If there's no children ♪ 408 00:20:19,354 --> 00:20:21,985 ♪ I don't see them on the runway ♪ 409 00:20:22,068 --> 00:20:23,863 - ♪ They bus them in on Sundays ♪ - [Carrie gags] 410 00:20:23,947 --> 00:20:28,330 ♪ The visitors are needing to decide If you can come stay ♪ 411 00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:41,941 Honestly, this is too easy. 412 00:20:42,025 --> 00:20:44,320 Well, do it then. Or do you not know? 413 00:20:44,404 --> 00:20:47,828 How can you lead a group saving women when you don't know where the "clid" is? 414 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,623 The what? 415 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,334 The "clid." 416 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,464 - Do you mean the clit? - That's what I said. 417 00:20:53,548 --> 00:20:54,717 No, you said "clid" with a "D." 418 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,679 - He's stalling. I think we should-- - I can do it. 419 00:21:20,142 --> 00:21:21,061 [door opens] 420 00:21:21,144 --> 00:21:23,398 Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your-- 421 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,946 - What's going on? - We're locating the clitoris. 422 00:21:26,029 --> 00:21:28,117 Oh, it's right there at the top underneath the clitoral hood 423 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,369 at the crest of the labia minora. 424 00:21:29,452 --> 00:21:32,416 …Ora. Exactly. 425 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,797 Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge. 426 00:21:35,297 --> 00:21:37,886 - That doesn't mean you win. - Kash, I have your tampons. 427 00:21:38,470 --> 00:21:41,769 See? I buy my girlfriend tampons. 428 00:21:41,853 --> 00:21:44,107 Maybe you would too, if you had one. 429 00:21:46,403 --> 00:21:47,405 Thank you. 430 00:22:02,476 --> 00:22:05,692 [Colt] You know, I like my women the way I like my guns. 431 00:22:05,775 --> 00:22:06,861 With a silencer. 432 00:22:06,944 --> 00:22:08,615 [laughs] 433 00:22:08,698 --> 00:22:10,744 This here is a tribute to the perfect woman. 434 00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,964 ♪ I met her at a downtown bar ♪ 435 00:22:17,048 --> 00:22:19,135 ♪ She was waiting on drunks ♪ 436 00:22:20,179 --> 00:22:24,605 ♪ Lord, she had a mouth that was Only good for… measured debate ♪ 437 00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:29,782 ♪ And an ass that screamed "Respect me as an intellectual equal" ♪ 438 00:22:29,865 --> 00:22:31,076 This doesn't sound right. 439 00:22:31,159 --> 00:22:33,163 - We may have made some minor changes. - [Colt] ♪ Perfect woman ♪ 440 00:22:33,247 --> 00:22:36,002 - Creative differences. - You can't just do that. 441 00:22:36,086 --> 00:22:39,092 [Colt] ♪ Now we're in The back of my big red truck ♪ 442 00:22:39,175 --> 00:22:42,431 ♪ Country music's playing And we're about to ♪ 443 00:22:43,475 --> 00:22:45,563 ♪ Have consensual sex ♪ 444 00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:47,734 You can barely notice it. 445 00:22:47,818 --> 00:22:50,447 [Colt] ♪ We rocked all night And she said she loved me ♪ 446 00:22:51,032 --> 00:22:53,036 ♪ But when the morning came ♪ 447 00:22:53,871 --> 00:22:58,380 ♪ I did what real men do And I licked her out ♪ 448 00:22:58,422 --> 00:23:01,261 Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right. 449 00:23:01,344 --> 00:23:03,473 What the hell, man? What the hell? 450 00:23:03,558 --> 00:23:05,979 "I licked her out"? 451 00:23:06,062 --> 00:23:07,356 I think there's a market for it. 452 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,987 [Colt] Maggie, you know I got a soft spot for you, 453 00:23:10,070 --> 00:23:12,701 but I sure as hell would never, ever lick you out, Maggie. 454 00:23:12,784 --> 00:23:15,331 Do you hear me? That shit is nasty. 455 00:23:15,832 --> 00:23:19,923 Who changed things? This is my song. Who changed these lyrics? 456 00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:22,554 ♪ Okay, that's just who I That's just who I ♪ 457 00:23:35,079 --> 00:23:37,500 £300,000. 458 00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:42,677 [Jen groans] 459 00:23:43,971 --> 00:23:44,807 [sighs] 460 00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:46,059 Okay. 461 00:23:47,353 --> 00:23:48,856 [Carrie] You don't have to eat them all. 462 00:23:49,357 --> 00:23:51,403 I'll never get to live the high life again, Carrie. 463 00:23:51,486 --> 00:23:53,783 I'm not even good at pretending to be successful. 464 00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:56,454 You were. For, like, an hour. 465 00:23:57,624 --> 00:24:00,504 Maybe I should've just sung the song as it was. 466 00:24:00,588 --> 00:24:04,178 I should say I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. 467 00:24:07,435 --> 00:24:09,898 - Oh, you're really not going to, are you? - No. 468 00:24:10,942 --> 00:24:11,777 [sighs] 469 00:24:12,821 --> 00:24:13,865 [groans] 470 00:24:15,033 --> 00:24:18,248 It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God. 471 00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:20,962 [sighs] 472 00:24:21,045 --> 00:24:23,885 Maybe channelling other people is all I'm good for. 473 00:24:24,553 --> 00:24:27,767 Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot. 474 00:24:27,851 --> 00:24:30,607 - [Carrie chuckles] - Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics. 475 00:24:31,107 --> 00:24:32,359 - Yeah? - Yeah. 476 00:24:34,698 --> 00:24:37,077 And it's just money at the end of the day. 477 00:24:37,161 --> 00:24:38,163 It's only £300,000-- 478 00:24:38,246 --> 00:24:41,879 Please don't say the amount. It causes me physical pain when I hear it. 479 00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:46,262 [Kash, Jizzlord through door cheers, laughs] 480 00:24:46,346 --> 00:24:47,974 [Kash] Come on! 481 00:25:06,386 --> 00:25:07,639 [Carrie clears throat] 482 00:25:10,018 --> 00:25:11,354 It was his idea. 483 00:25:12,189 --> 00:25:14,443 - I love it. - It was my idea. 484 00:25:20,915 --> 00:25:23,588 - What did you do today? - I know where the clitoris is. 485 00:25:24,422 --> 00:25:26,677 Okay, I am not unpacking that. 486 00:25:28,221 --> 00:25:29,432 How do you play this thing? 487 00:25:29,515 --> 00:25:32,647 - Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps. - [Kash] Mm-hmm. 488 00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:35,945 And you have to get from the Sanitary Valley 489 00:25:36,029 --> 00:25:38,033 to the Wings of Heaven. 490 00:25:38,116 --> 00:25:40,955 Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck in Absorbency Marshes though. 491 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,917 - That loses you ten points. - Okay. 492 00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:44,963 And you'll start over here… 493 00:25:45,047 --> 00:25:47,969 [Jizzlord, indistinct] 494 00:25:48,053 --> 00:25:50,307 ♪ Getting strong today ♪ 495 00:25:51,225 --> 00:25:55,025 ♪ A giant step each day ♪ 496 00:25:55,693 --> 00:26:01,830 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 497 00:26:01,914 --> 00:26:04,795 - ♪ Getting strong today ♪ - ♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 498 00:26:05,672 --> 00:26:09,387 - ♪ A giant step each day ♪ - ♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 499 00:26:10,097 --> 00:26:16,025 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 500 00:26:16,109 --> 00:26:18,739 [knocking on door] 501 00:26:18,823 --> 00:26:21,035 [speeds up] 502 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:22,121 [stops] 503 00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:25,168 - I think I left my umbrella here. - Magnet girl. 504 00:26:25,252 --> 00:26:26,254 I have a name. 505 00:26:26,964 --> 00:26:27,799 [magnetic humming] 506 00:26:27,882 --> 00:26:29,135 [sighs] 507 00:26:29,218 --> 00:26:31,222 - Have you got any piercings? - No. 508 00:26:32,099 --> 00:26:34,311 Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you? 509 00:26:35,313 --> 00:26:41,702 ♪ I will love you till I die ♪ 510 00:26:41,785 --> 00:26:48,632 ♪ And I will love you all the time ♪ 511 00:26:49,133 --> 00:26:55,938 ♪ So please put your sweet hand in mine ♪ 512 00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:59,905 ♪ And float in space ♪ 513 00:26:59,988 --> 00:27:03,328 ♪ And drift in time ♪ 514 00:27:04,121 --> 00:27:10,258 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 515 00:27:10,342 --> 00:27:17,189 ♪ We'll float in space just you and I ♪