1 00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:10,647 [stammers] Pay attention to the film. You'll miss the scary bits. 2 00:00:11,439 --> 00:00:14,821 I have to remember to take Alfie to flute on Tuesdays and Mandarin on Wednesdays. 3 00:00:14,821 --> 00:00:16,700 I have to figure out what capital gains tax is 4 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,330 and why this man is so mad at me for not paying it. 5 00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:23,004 And then, I have to wash my clothes, and dry my clothes, and wear my clothes, 6 00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:24,925 and then wash them again, and it never ends. 7 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:28,431 So frankly, Jen, the dry Egyptian man is the least of my worries. 8 00:00:28,431 --> 00:00:29,893 [Kash screams] Look! 9 00:00:29,893 --> 00:00:32,816 Yeah, this one's a bit naff anyway. I want a proper scare. 10 00:00:33,818 --> 00:00:34,945 - [phone rings] - [all scream] 11 00:00:38,368 --> 00:00:40,247 [cell phone buzzes] 12 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,838 [breathes heavily] 13 00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:51,477 [Martin] Do you know what it feels like to be dead? [laughs] 14 00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:54,609 Oh! Hi, Dad. Forgot it was Wednesday. We're having a scary movie marathon. 15 00:00:54,609 --> 00:00:57,281 - Can I call you back? - [Carrie] Wait for me. I'm almost home. 16 00:00:57,281 --> 00:00:58,743 Okay. Happy Halloween. 17 00:00:58,743 --> 00:01:00,788 [Martin] Mmm. Happy Halloween, pet. 18 00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:05,548 Can't you do that in private? It's so morbid. 19 00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:07,719 It's not my fault you're a massive pussy. No offence. 20 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:08,846 I am not a pussy. 21 00:01:09,848 --> 00:01:10,850 Okay. 22 00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:18,073 Put your hand in this box. 23 00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:19,826 Why? What's in it? 24 00:01:19,826 --> 00:01:21,245 Oh, are you afraid? 25 00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:29,428 [sighs] 26 00:01:35,482 --> 00:01:36,693 [breathes shakily] 27 00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,037 [breathes shakily] 28 00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:46,003 [groans, gulps] 29 00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:50,680 You know what? I don't need to prove anything to you. 30 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,224 - Oh, okay. - So, yeah. 31 00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:54,563 Oh, there's a rat in here. 32 00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:55,648 - What? - What? 33 00:01:56,357 --> 00:01:58,779 - [screams] - [Kash yells] Oh, no! 34 00:01:58,779 --> 00:02:00,073 Why would you do that? 35 00:02:00,073 --> 00:02:03,037 - [screams] I thought it was empty! - I fucking hate Halloween! 36 00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:11,345 [Jizzlord] No, I wasn't evading tax. Yeah, Hercule. Four years. 37 00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:13,642 No, sir, I would never take your mick. 38 00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:14,811 [mutters indistinctly] 39 00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:17,149 [sighs] Well, I didn't have thumbs, 40 00:02:17,149 --> 00:02:19,654 and you have to consider I was very, very small. 41 00:02:19,654 --> 00:02:20,656 Hello? 42 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,411 [sighs] 43 00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:25,457 - When's it get scary? - [Jen] Soon. 44 00:02:25,457 --> 00:02:27,587 They haven't introduced the creature yet. 45 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,639 - [screams] - [thunderclap] 46 00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:35,185 [whimpers] 47 00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:42,115 - [thunderclap] - [screams] A crone! 48 00:02:42,115 --> 00:02:43,493 [Carrie] It's just me! [pants] 49 00:02:44,453 --> 00:02:46,583 [pants] Oh. It's just me. 50 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,088 [grunts] Did you just call me a crone? 51 00:02:49,088 --> 00:02:50,633 Is that the word I used? 52 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,302 [Carrie sighs, sniffs] 53 00:02:53,471 --> 00:02:54,808 I'm not that frumpy, am I? 54 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,566 Look, Carrie, you have been given a gift. You're single on Halloween. 55 00:02:58,566 --> 00:03:00,485 It's the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone. 56 00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:02,072 There's so many options. 57 00:03:02,072 --> 00:03:05,538 Classic slut, topical slut, scary slut, slut slut. 58 00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,542 Can I be a slut on Halloween? 59 00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:09,086 Sluts don't have to pay capital gains tax, do they? 60 00:03:09,086 --> 00:03:11,090 Unfortunately, sluts do have to pay tax. 61 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,762 [groans] 62 00:03:14,598 --> 00:03:17,144 - What if I've forgotten how to do it? - Do what? 63 00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,481 Interact with men with a view to sex in the future? 64 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:20,860 Don't phrase it like that to begin with. 65 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,197 [sighs] I've got so comfortable with Kash, 66 00:03:23,197 --> 00:03:27,164 I've forgotten how to be sexy. 67 00:03:27,164 --> 00:03:30,378 Well, it's like riding a seductive bike. It'll come back to you. 68 00:03:31,548 --> 00:03:35,430 And if it doesn't, you know, just be yourself. 69 00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:40,315 [Dahlia] And you fell in love with me, but I can hardly blame you. 70 00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,989 All men do. I'm irresistible. 71 00:03:58,017 --> 00:03:59,562 [Dahlia] I'm sorry for what I did. 72 00:03:59,562 --> 00:04:00,773 [gasps] 73 00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:04,363 And I'd do it all over again if I had to. 74 00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:06,827 And you want me to what again, darling? 75 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,582 [Carrie] Uh, teach me how to be sexy? 76 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:13,674 Or just, I guess, um, sex adjacent. Semi-skimmed. That's fine. 77 00:04:13,674 --> 00:04:16,763 [Dahlia] Well, you came to the right place, dollface. 78 00:04:16,763 --> 00:04:20,478 They used to say if it was in Hollywood and breathed, 79 00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:24,904 I'd be under it, over it... [whispering] ...and inside it. 80 00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:28,494 Fingering, darling. 81 00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:33,171 Now, listen here, pretend to fall over. 82 00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:37,889 Oops. And grab on to his johnson for support. [moans] 83 00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:42,940 Oh, no. I seem to have forgotten my brassiere. 84 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,115 Hold these for me, would ya? [grunts] 85 00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:48,493 [exhales deeply] 86 00:04:48,493 --> 00:04:50,330 If you don't know what to do with your hands, 87 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:53,336 just put them out like this and shake your tushy. 88 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:56,467 Always look like you're listening, even when you're not. 89 00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,385 Mm-hmm. 90 00:04:57,385 --> 00:05:00,100 Laugh at everything they say, even if it ain't funny. 91 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,185 [laughs] 92 00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:05,193 Pretend you're illiterate and get them to read the menu to you. 93 00:05:05,193 --> 00:05:06,905 Men love a dum-dum. 94 00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:07,990 [groans] 95 00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:11,121 [Carrie] Uh-- When did we make a martini? 96 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,625 [Dahlia swallows, sighs] 97 00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:16,090 Do keep up, darling, or I'll leave you behind. 98 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,300 Oh. 99 00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:21,225 [George] " Times your Nan called you fat." Do you want that for the body image shelf, 100 00:05:21,225 --> 00:05:22,770 or shall I keep it for the family trauma wing? 101 00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,148 Hit me. 102 00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:26,695 [sighs] Old cow. 103 00:05:26,695 --> 00:05:28,156 [sighs] 104 00:05:32,455 --> 00:05:35,420 Hmm. I think I found something interesting. 105 00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:39,721 [George] They're numbered like part of a series. 106 00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:41,975 - You more afraid of cancer or bears? - Bears. 107 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,188 I have my reasons. 108 00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:45,774 The numbers are a list. 109 00:05:45,774 --> 00:05:47,987 If we find number one, we'll find what you're most afraid of in life. 110 00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:50,200 And that could be what's holding me back from my power? 111 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,747 Try and find the rest. Maybe there's a horror section. 112 00:05:52,747 --> 00:05:55,001 Or would they be in something scary-looking? 113 00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:57,965 No offence, your subconscious isn't subtle. There's usually a sign. 114 00:05:59,051 --> 00:06:00,053 [whispering] Okay. 115 00:06:03,977 --> 00:06:05,146 [screaming] 116 00:06:05,146 --> 00:06:07,777 [evil laughing] 117 00:06:08,695 --> 00:06:09,781 I think I found it. [sighs] 118 00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:15,584 And that is why you never go on a river cruise without your diaphragm. 119 00:06:22,222 --> 00:06:23,307 [sighs] 120 00:06:31,198 --> 00:06:32,200 [gasps] 121 00:06:33,119 --> 00:06:34,580 [sighs] 122 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:39,674 Why, look I'm-- [pants] 123 00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:42,972 I'm young and beautiful. 124 00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:45,018 [Carrie] Oh, uh, thank you. I-- 125 00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:47,732 [Dahlia] So smooth and tight. 126 00:06:47,732 --> 00:06:50,028 [Carrie] Uh, yeah. 127 00:06:50,738 --> 00:06:53,744 Well, thank you for your tips. I feel much better about it all. 128 00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:55,163 [Dahlia] Wait. No. 129 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,335 - [stammers] I don't wanna go. - [inhales deeply] 130 00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:00,507 [exhales deeply] 131 00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,270 [hip-hop plays] 132 00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:12,238 ♪ Well, I'm feelin' kinda funny 'Cause life is like a game ♪ 133 00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:13,658 ♪ Facin' like an enemy ♪ 134 00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:16,080 [sips, gulps, groans] 135 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,543 ♪ That's just who I-- That's just who I am ♪ 136 00:07:19,587 --> 00:07:21,549 5,679. 137 00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:24,429 "What if there is a snake in the toilet, and I don't notice, and I sit down, 138 00:07:24,429 --> 00:07:27,227 and the snake goes up my bum and then there's a snake up my bum?" 139 00:07:27,227 --> 00:07:28,939 Yep. [sighs] 140 00:07:28,939 --> 00:07:30,609 Honestly, I thought that would be higher. 141 00:07:34,826 --> 00:07:36,495 Is that number one? What is it? 142 00:07:36,996 --> 00:07:40,211 Intimacy. You're afraid of intimacy. 143 00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:43,050 Okay, have we double-checked " Snake in the bum" 144 00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,597 - because that's not at all-- - I'm going to give you some homework. 145 00:07:45,597 --> 00:07:47,016 Before you come in to see me next week, 146 00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:50,189 I want you to tell one person in your life you love them. 147 00:07:50,189 --> 00:07:51,275 [scoffs] 148 00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:54,574 I want you to say it without qualification, without minimising it, 149 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,868 without turning it into a joke. 150 00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:58,080 It could bring us closer to your power. 151 00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:00,001 Can you do that for me? 152 00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:03,299 Course. Easy. 153 00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:04,342 [rock plays] 154 00:08:04,342 --> 00:08:06,931 [breathing deeply] 155 00:08:08,350 --> 00:08:09,937 [inhales deeply] Okay. 156 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,902 Okay. Okay, just do it. 157 00:08:12,902 --> 00:08:14,530 Hey. Hey. 158 00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,659 I need to tell you something while maintaining eye contact, 159 00:08:16,659 --> 00:08:18,204 so don't even think about blinking. 160 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,544 I-- [breathes shakily] 161 00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:24,299 What are you doing? 162 00:08:24,299 --> 00:08:25,761 Oh, um. 163 00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:29,392 People get to be other things on Halloween, right? 164 00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:32,482 - Yes. - So, I'm gonna be a cat. 165 00:08:32,482 --> 00:08:35,822 Cats don't have responsibilities. Cats don't have to pay taxes, 166 00:08:35,822 --> 00:08:38,285 or raise children, or brush their teeth every week. 167 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,204 I'm sorry, week? 168 00:08:39,789 --> 00:08:42,878 - See you in the morning. - [stammers] Wait! Um, before you go, um-- 169 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:49,850 Hey. So, I, uh, just wanted to let you know... 170 00:08:51,688 --> 00:08:55,946 You know... [stammers] ...I really, like, appreciate you and... 171 00:08:58,702 --> 00:09:02,960 Pfft! I fucking love ya, bro! [laughs] 172 00:09:05,298 --> 00:09:06,593 Did you just say you love me? 173 00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:09,306 [scoffs] Maybe, I don't know. What are you, the love police? 174 00:09:09,306 --> 00:09:11,143 Ever heard of ACAB, pig? 175 00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:13,648 [farts] Ha! That's what you sound like, mate. 176 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,202 [sighs] 177 00:09:22,332 --> 00:09:23,500 [groans] 178 00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:26,381 [sighs] 179 00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:39,032 [exhales sharply, chews] 180 00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:41,996 [groans] 181 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,670 [hip-hop plays] I'ma break it down for you 182 00:09:49,052 --> 00:09:53,060 [meows, purrs] 183 00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,290 Mom, I love you. 184 00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:06,336 Mother, I have come to love you. 185 00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:08,800 Mum, you gave me life. I love you. 186 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,971 - Okay. - [cell phone rings] 187 00:10:12,348 --> 00:10:13,601 Please leave a message for... 188 00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:14,854 - You fucking bitch! - [Mary] Hello. 189 00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,398 You don't have anything better to be doing. 190 00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,068 - This is Mary Regan. - I hope you get dementia! 191 00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:20,322 Mum! [chuckles] Mother. Mama. 192 00:10:20,322 --> 00:10:24,080 I was just calling to say I love you. Like children do. I love you so much. 193 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,502 I just want you to know that. Love, love, love! 194 00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:33,140 [Ange] One in, one out, you animals! 195 00:10:34,058 --> 00:10:35,144 [sighs] 196 00:10:38,693 --> 00:10:40,070 Move, losers. 197 00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,331 [smacks lips, sighs] 198 00:10:45,331 --> 00:10:47,293 Okay. Sexy. 199 00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:54,767 [sighs] 200 00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,608 [groans] 201 00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,781 [inhales] 202 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,545 [breathes heavily] 203 00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:13,555 [Dahlia] Hello again, darling. [moans] 204 00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:15,057 [Carrie] I didn't invite you. 205 00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:16,978 [Dahlia] Aw, spoilsport. 206 00:11:17,646 --> 00:11:19,858 Can't a girl have a little fun? 207 00:11:19,858 --> 00:11:21,904 - [groans] - [Dahlia breathing heavily] 208 00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:23,198 [gasping] 209 00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:25,119 - [knocks on door] - [Kash] You gonna be long? 210 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,916 [Carrie gasps, stammers] Two minutes. 211 00:11:28,585 --> 00:11:29,628 [sighs] 212 00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,757 [groans, pants] 213 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,761 [Dahlia] Is that a man I hear? 214 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,389 [Carrie grunts] Don't you dare. 215 00:11:35,389 --> 00:11:37,936 [Dahlia laughs] 216 00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:46,328 Why don't you come on in here and help me wipe, big boy? 217 00:11:46,328 --> 00:11:48,290 Uh, gee. 218 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,419 I feel like you can do that yourself. 219 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,175 Dammit. [sniffs] I'm out of practice. 220 00:11:53,175 --> 00:11:54,427 [Carrie] Get out! 221 00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:58,603 [Dahlia] Never! I wanna suckle from the teat of life! 222 00:11:58,603 --> 00:12:01,651 - I want this body, darling. - [Carrie whimpers] 223 00:12:01,651 --> 00:12:04,447 And I always get what I want. 224 00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:06,242 - [sighs, gasps, whimpers] - [knocks on door] 225 00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,996 Carrie? Are you okay? 226 00:12:09,082 --> 00:12:11,671 Did you stick on a wax strip and get too scared to pull it off? 227 00:12:11,671 --> 00:12:13,925 I'm Dahlia. I'm Dahlia. 228 00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:15,804 [grunts, pants] 229 00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:19,018 I'm Carrie. I'm Carrie. I'm Carrie. 230 00:12:19,645 --> 00:12:21,022 [whimpers, chokes] 231 00:12:24,362 --> 00:12:26,701 - [Carrie whimpering, panting] - Carrie? 232 00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,667 [whimpering, panting continues] 233 00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,136 Carrie? 234 00:12:39,142 --> 00:12:41,856 [panting continues] 235 00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:48,118 [panting stops] 236 00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:49,705 [Dahlia] Hello, handsome. 237 00:12:50,999 --> 00:12:52,836 [screams] 238 00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:54,757 [grunts] 239 00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:57,178 [thunderclap] 240 00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:59,182 [chattering] 241 00:12:59,182 --> 00:13:03,065 ["Für Elise" plays] 242 00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:07,323 [cat meows] 243 00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:10,622 [spooky chords play] 244 00:13:11,122 --> 00:13:13,586 ♪ Let's have a satanic orgy ♪ 245 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,673 [meow] 246 00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:19,598 ♪ Deep in the forest In the dead of night ♪ 247 00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:22,813 ♪ The full moon is the only light ♪ 248 00:13:22,813 --> 00:13:26,444 ♪ 'Round a magic circle Our bodies start to sway ♪ 249 00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:30,578 ♪ All the pretty witches Have come out to play ♪ 250 00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:32,874 - [purrs] - [meows] 251 00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:37,341 ♪ Take a ride on my broom ♪ 252 00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:44,815 ♪ We're naked under the moon ♪ 253 00:13:44,815 --> 00:13:46,652 [meowing] 254 00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:51,327 ♪ Maybe I'll make love to you ♪ 255 00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:54,250 - [meowing] - [Jizzlord orgasming] 256 00:14:02,391 --> 00:14:03,936 [door tone plays] 257 00:14:05,439 --> 00:14:07,109 - [door shuts] - We're closed! 258 00:14:08,486 --> 00:14:10,490 [objects rattle] 259 00:14:11,869 --> 00:14:14,583 If you want to steal something, just take it. I don't care. 260 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,379 [objects clattering] 261 00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,519 [objects clattering] 262 00:14:29,153 --> 00:14:30,531 [Kash] No, no! 263 00:14:31,449 --> 00:14:33,579 [grunts] Please, just stay still. 264 00:14:33,579 --> 00:14:34,998 - [footsteps] - [Kash mutters] 265 00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:37,086 - Hey, what are you doing? - [Kash grunts] 266 00:14:37,086 --> 00:14:38,296 No, no, no! Wait. Wait. 267 00:14:38,296 --> 00:14:40,802 - That's not Carrie. - [panting] 268 00:14:40,802 --> 00:14:42,012 - Oh, God. - [pants] 269 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,520 [pants] Two of you. That's more like it. 270 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,274 The devil's triangle. What is it the French say? 271 00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:50,112 The fuck à trois? 272 00:14:50,112 --> 00:14:51,657 - [groans] - What? Then who is it? 273 00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,705 - Some old actress. - Old, he says? Look at me. 274 00:14:54,705 --> 00:14:57,334 I'm young and lithe. 275 00:14:57,334 --> 00:14:59,213 Carrie, stop fucking around! Snap out of it! 276 00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:02,804 Carrie's gone, red. It's Dahlia from now on. 277 00:15:02,804 --> 00:15:04,432 Practice that with your tongue. [moans] 278 00:15:04,432 --> 00:15:07,564 Hey. Joan Crawford. Fuck off out of that body. It's not yours. 279 00:15:07,564 --> 00:15:09,025 Make me. 280 00:15:10,528 --> 00:15:14,368 - [breathes shakily] What should we do? - [moans] 281 00:15:15,997 --> 00:15:17,166 We're doing an exorcism. 282 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,376 [chuckles] 283 00:15:19,378 --> 00:15:22,342 - [rockabilly plays] - [meows] 284 00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:25,516 ♪ Got hair as black as night ♪ 285 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:30,777 ♪ Got a skirt that's a-ooh so tight ♪ 286 00:15:31,862 --> 00:15:36,120 ♪ I'm tellin' you I've got an itch ♪ 287 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,959 [chattering, laughing] 288 00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,172 ♪ She's my witch ♪ 289 00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:44,303 [YouTuber] Once you have them restrained, 290 00:15:44,303 --> 00:15:47,852 I like to go in and evoke Jesus Christ. 291 00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:49,564 They hate that. 292 00:15:49,564 --> 00:15:52,987 - Step one, first one is my favourite step. - [moans] 293 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:54,699 - You're gonna shout... - Ugh, she keeps looking at me. 294 00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:56,912 - [YouTuber] ..."The power of Christ"... - Well, then don't look. 295 00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,916 - [YouTuber speaks indistinctly] - I can't. She keeps... 296 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,170 - [Dahlia groans] - [Kash] ...doing that. 297 00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:02,674 Stop giving her attention. 298 00:16:02,674 --> 00:16:03,968 - It's what she wants. - Okay. 299 00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:06,807 [YouTuber] I just love this position so much. This is my personal... 300 00:16:06,807 --> 00:16:08,184 Have you two ever fucked? 301 00:16:08,936 --> 00:16:10,105 - Ew. No. - No! 302 00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:11,650 What do you mean, "ew"? I didn't say, "ew." 303 00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:13,904 - I didn't mean "ew" like you disgust me. - [chuckles] 304 00:16:13,904 --> 00:16:15,867 I did, but I didn't say that, 'cause it would be rude. 305 00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:17,620 It just came out! It was instinctual. 306 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:20,208 Also, I just processed that. Wow, very mean. 307 00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,922 - [chattering, cheers] - [music plays] 308 00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:28,016 [cheers continue] 309 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,069 [people] Ooh! 310 00:16:34,069 --> 00:16:36,617 [horns, alarms blaring] 311 00:16:36,617 --> 00:16:39,163 - Stop it! She's getting in our heads. - [alarms continue in distance] 312 00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:41,417 Okay, I'm bored of this. 313 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,419 [groans] 314 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,839 - No. - [gasps] 315 00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:47,847 ♪ I like to wear my human skin outside In disguise ♪ 316 00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:49,141 How did you, um-- 317 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:53,316 A veteran like me has wrists of steel, darling. 318 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:56,155 You know, from all the handjobs. 319 00:16:56,155 --> 00:16:57,533 Ugh, yeah, we got it. 320 00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:59,955 ♪ Okay, cool It's a party with my ghouls ♪ 321 00:16:59,955 --> 00:17:02,084 No. No. [pants] 322 00:17:02,084 --> 00:17:04,965 [alarms blaring] 323 00:17:06,802 --> 00:17:08,388 [grunts, panting] 324 00:17:10,058 --> 00:17:11,728 [panting continues] 325 00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:15,945 - [yelps, panting] - Hello. 326 00:17:17,532 --> 00:17:19,326 - [breathes shakily] - Where'd she go? [pants] 327 00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:24,420 Come on. We need to find her. [pants] 328 00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,259 [breathes shakily] Mm-hmm. [swallows, whimpers] 329 00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:29,013 Are you serious? It's Carrie. 330 00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,808 She's built like a strand of dry spaghetti. 331 00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:33,104 No, it's not Carrie I'm scared of. [breathes shakily] 332 00:17:33,814 --> 00:17:36,068 Dahlia was a psycho. [breathes shakily] 333 00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:37,572 She had six husbands, 334 00:17:37,572 --> 00:17:40,452 and five of them died falling down the stairs. [breathes shakily] 335 00:17:40,452 --> 00:17:42,790 - Well, you know that's-- - And the sixth one shot himself 336 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,838 - in the back with a crossbow. - [breathes shakily] 337 00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:46,923 [groans] 338 00:17:46,923 --> 00:17:48,009 [yelps] 339 00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,430 [both breathing shakily] 340 00:17:52,727 --> 00:17:53,896 [whimpers] 341 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,087 I need your help here. 342 00:18:06,087 --> 00:18:08,049 - Carrie needs your help. - [whimpers, breathes shakily] 343 00:18:09,385 --> 00:18:11,180 [smacks lips] Or... [breathes heavily] 344 00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:14,436 ...maybe Carrie can just share with this lady. 345 00:18:15,271 --> 00:18:18,654 Okay, we get Carrie Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and she can take the rest. 346 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:20,991 - [breathes shakily] - Absolute coward. 347 00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:22,829 Fine. 348 00:18:23,329 --> 00:18:25,333 Stay here then. All by yourself. 349 00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,797 [Kash swallows, whimpers] 350 00:18:39,236 --> 00:18:44,079 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 351 00:18:50,551 --> 00:18:51,553 [pants] 352 00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:14,849 [grunts] 353 00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:16,978 [pants] 354 00:19:16,978 --> 00:19:18,607 [breathes shakily, sighs] 355 00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,657 [screams] 356 00:19:22,657 --> 00:19:26,748 [Dahlia] You really shouldn't leave sharp objects lying around. 357 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,544 Terribly unsafe. 358 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,255 [stammers] Just get back! 359 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:33,135 [chuckles, grunts] 360 00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:36,350 [squeaks] 361 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:41,653 Shame. I prefer them circumcised. 362 00:19:41,653 --> 00:19:43,824 Stop making her gross. She wouldn't like it. 363 00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:47,289 What about what I like, hmm? I like this body. 364 00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:49,586 I like being alive. 365 00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:53,719 So, we can't have you spilling the beans on me, can we? 366 00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:55,096 No. [whimpers, breathes shakily] 367 00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,271 Huh? [breathes shakily] 368 00:19:59,271 --> 00:20:01,191 - [gasps, stammers] - [yells, screams] 369 00:20:01,191 --> 00:20:04,699 - [Kash grunts] - [Dahlia strains, grunts] 370 00:20:04,699 --> 00:20:07,203 - [chuckles] Look at you, Braveheart! - [pants, moans] 371 00:20:07,203 --> 00:20:09,124 - [Kash whimpers] - Are you crying? 372 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,335 - [weeps] No. - [grunts] 373 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,299 ♪ I took my baby to a horror show ♪ 374 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,094 - [truck horn blows] - [meows] 375 00:20:15,094 --> 00:20:16,848 ♪ That's the only place she wants to go ♪ 376 00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,267 [coos] 377 00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:21,315 ♪ She thinks that Dracula is so divine ♪ 378 00:20:21,315 --> 00:20:25,031 ♪ And she wants to go steady With the Frankenstein ♪ 379 00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:28,622 [fades] 380 00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:30,542 [meowing] 381 00:20:31,251 --> 00:20:35,218 [purring, cat meows] 382 00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:38,517 [meows] 383 00:20:41,606 --> 00:20:42,858 [beeping] 384 00:20:46,281 --> 00:20:47,827 [yowls] 385 00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:51,458 [chuckles] He's in! Third one today. 386 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,547 Think of all the unwanted kittens we're preventing. 387 00:21:05,904 --> 00:21:06,906 [Doctor sighs] 388 00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:10,455 [cats meowing] 389 00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:17,553 [sighs] Hello, little man! 390 00:21:18,262 --> 00:21:20,601 You can plead for your testicles all you want. 391 00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:21,936 I can't hear you. 392 00:21:23,439 --> 00:21:24,901 You won't feel a thing. 393 00:21:25,611 --> 00:21:27,740 And you're really better off not being a father. 394 00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,326 Too much responsibility. 395 00:21:30,078 --> 00:21:31,873 I dropped my nephew on his head the other day, 396 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,377 no one saw, and I just didn't tell anybody. 397 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,923 Not my problem. 398 00:21:35,923 --> 00:21:37,008 Right. 399 00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:41,141 [person on speaker] Reginald's escaped from his cage again. 400 00:21:41,141 --> 00:21:42,978 How does he keep doing that? [sighs] 401 00:21:47,613 --> 00:21:49,324 [Doctor sighs] Reginald? 402 00:21:50,869 --> 00:21:52,372 Reginald? 403 00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:55,629 [speaks Spanish] 404 00:21:55,629 --> 00:21:59,302 You can't walk back to Nicaragua, Reggie. We've been through this. 405 00:22:01,516 --> 00:22:02,518 [strains] 406 00:22:08,487 --> 00:22:11,285 Ow! Shit it anyway! 407 00:22:11,285 --> 00:22:13,707 [grunts] Oh. 408 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:18,508 Well, that's still okay because that dosage is only enough for a ca... 409 00:22:26,691 --> 00:22:27,693 [meows] 410 00:22:28,820 --> 00:22:31,618 [slowly] Libertade. 411 00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:33,329 Libertade! 412 00:22:35,124 --> 00:22:38,088 - Not so scary now, are you? - [breathes shakily, grunts] 413 00:22:39,215 --> 00:22:42,514 Ha! Oh, I bet you'd love to stab me, wouldn't you? 414 00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:47,816 - Go on, then. Too scared? Come on. - [breathing shakily, grunts] 415 00:22:47,816 --> 00:22:48,944 - [screams] - Oh, Jesus! 416 00:22:48,944 --> 00:22:49,862 [chuckles] 417 00:22:49,862 --> 00:22:51,574 - Kash! Stop it. - Sorry. 418 00:22:51,574 --> 00:22:53,662 God, I've no idea how to do an exorcism. 419 00:22:54,747 --> 00:22:57,920 ["Tubular Bells" plays] 420 00:23:03,305 --> 00:23:06,896 - Mum? - Jen! Are you okay? 421 00:23:06,896 --> 00:23:10,319 - Wha-- - Whatever it is, you can tell me. 422 00:23:10,319 --> 00:23:14,160 Cancer? AIDS? That thing that makes your bones go soft? 423 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,543 [gasps] Oh, God! You're not thinking of ending it all, are you? 424 00:23:17,543 --> 00:23:21,843 [yelps] Life is worth living, Jen! Even for you! 425 00:23:21,843 --> 00:23:23,178 What are you talking about? 426 00:23:23,178 --> 00:23:25,934 That was a very worrying voicemail you left. 427 00:23:25,934 --> 00:23:27,813 Using the L word like that. 428 00:23:27,813 --> 00:23:29,859 - So, you thought I was dying? - Well, aren't you? 429 00:23:29,859 --> 00:23:34,034 No, I'm not dying! I was just-- I was trying to be nice. 430 00:23:36,831 --> 00:23:40,212 Well, don't ever do that again! I had to take three buses to get here. 431 00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:42,968 I didn't even have a chance to get out of my costume. [scoffs] 432 00:23:45,264 --> 00:23:46,684 Oh, Jesus, Mum. 433 00:23:46,684 --> 00:23:48,395 Looking good, Mary. 434 00:23:49,314 --> 00:23:51,986 - Whore! - [Kash] Uh, yeah, she's possessed. 435 00:23:51,986 --> 00:23:53,698 We've kind of run out of ideas. 436 00:23:53,698 --> 00:23:55,117 - Don-- - So-- 437 00:23:55,117 --> 00:23:56,829 Possessed? 438 00:23:58,457 --> 00:24:00,294 I've seen this before. 439 00:24:00,294 --> 00:24:02,256 A man in my village when I was small. 440 00:24:02,256 --> 00:24:03,635 [Jen] How did you drive it out? 441 00:24:03,635 --> 00:24:05,514 Well, we beat him with sticks. 442 00:24:06,557 --> 00:24:09,270 And it turned out he-he wasn't possessed in the end. 443 00:24:09,814 --> 00:24:11,483 He was just Portuguese. Lovely man. 444 00:24:11,483 --> 00:24:14,030 But I did learn a lot from the priest that day. 445 00:24:16,702 --> 00:24:20,669 You have to meet evil with evil. 446 00:24:20,669 --> 00:24:22,213 [grunting] 447 00:24:22,213 --> 00:24:24,802 You are not welcome here. 448 00:24:24,802 --> 00:24:28,560 And we will drive you out of this innocent lamb, 449 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:33,026 you harridan of Satan's own hole! 450 00:24:33,026 --> 00:24:34,822 [laughing] 451 00:24:34,822 --> 00:24:37,661 [pants] Be gone! I command-- 452 00:24:37,661 --> 00:24:39,205 [gasps] What's her name? 453 00:24:39,832 --> 00:24:42,128 Uh-- I don't remember. 454 00:24:42,128 --> 00:24:43,463 I don't think anyone does anymore. 455 00:24:43,463 --> 00:24:45,384 - Mmm. - [Mary] Delia? 456 00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:46,512 - Delilah? - [Mary] Delilah? 457 00:24:46,512 --> 00:24:47,598 [Dahlia] Dahlia! 458 00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:49,560 It's not difficult. 459 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,691 [dogs barking] 460 00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:55,530 [rock playing] 461 00:24:58,076 --> 00:25:00,665 - [Tito's owner] Come on, Tito! - [barks] 462 00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,838 - [owner] Tito, no! - [cat yowls] 463 00:25:03,838 --> 00:25:06,009 Leave the cat alone! Tito! 464 00:25:06,009 --> 00:25:08,263 - [dogs barking] - [fast music plays] 465 00:25:08,263 --> 00:25:10,434 - [cat yowls] - [barking continues] 466 00:25:10,434 --> 00:25:13,775 ♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein I was a teenage Frankenstein, oh, yeah ♪ 467 00:25:15,946 --> 00:25:18,283 ♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein ♪ 468 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:23,795 ♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein I was a teenage Frankenstein, oh, yeah ♪ 469 00:25:25,966 --> 00:25:28,178 - [cat yowls] - [music ends] 470 00:25:29,848 --> 00:25:32,813 - [cat yowls] - [dogs barking] 471 00:25:33,397 --> 00:25:35,150 [Dahlia] People still know my name. 472 00:25:35,150 --> 00:25:38,073 - I'm still a star. [sniffs] - Can you guys name a single film 473 00:25:38,073 --> 00:25:39,325 - she's been in? - No. 474 00:25:39,325 --> 00:25:40,579 [Mary] Not one. Not a clue. 475 00:25:40,579 --> 00:25:43,375 Oh, come on. In the Port Rightly? 476 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,545 - Mm-mmm. - [Kash] No. 477 00:25:44,545 --> 00:25:46,006 The Angel of Cleveland? 478 00:25:46,006 --> 00:25:47,551 - Of where? - Never heard of it. 479 00:25:47,551 --> 00:25:50,055 - The Gun Goes Bang? - Never heard of them. 480 00:25:50,055 --> 00:25:51,976 Of course it goes bang. What else would it do? 481 00:25:51,976 --> 00:25:53,270 Now, Vivien Leigh. 482 00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:54,480 - [Mary] Oh. - [Kash exclaims] 483 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,234 - Incredible. Mmm. Yep. - Timeless. 484 00:25:56,234 --> 00:25:57,529 [spits] Talentless prude. 485 00:25:57,529 --> 00:25:59,365 - Grace Kelly. - [gasps] Love her. Oh. 486 00:25:59,365 --> 00:26:00,744 - Lauren Bacall. - [Mary] Oh! 487 00:26:00,744 --> 00:26:02,163 - Elizabeth Taylor. - [Jen, Mary moan] 488 00:26:02,163 --> 00:26:04,167 - We remember them. - You think you're being clever? 489 00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:06,839 I know what you're doing. And it's not gonna work. 490 00:26:06,839 --> 00:26:11,306 See, I have to stay to rebuild my legacy. [sniffs] 491 00:26:12,058 --> 00:26:13,728 You will never make it as an actress. 492 00:26:13,728 --> 00:26:16,024 And Carrie's already too old to play ingénues. 493 00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:17,527 - No! No! - [Kash] Uh-huh, uh-huh. 494 00:26:17,527 --> 00:26:19,740 You've got two more years of playing 25. And after that, 495 00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:21,702 - you might as well be dead again! - No, no, no, no-- 496 00:26:21,702 --> 00:26:23,330 Don't listen to them! Don't listen to them! 497 00:26:23,330 --> 00:26:25,501 - She's already got crow's feet! - [yells] 498 00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:27,798 - Look! - [Dahlia] No! No! No, don't! 499 00:26:27,798 --> 00:26:29,342 It isn't true! [yells] 500 00:26:29,342 --> 00:26:32,056 Look, goddamn you! Look! 501 00:26:32,056 --> 00:26:33,976 [panting] 502 00:26:34,812 --> 00:26:37,024 [laughs] 503 00:26:38,485 --> 00:26:39,487 [Dahlia groans] 504 00:26:39,487 --> 00:26:41,534 [chuckles] I think I've bitten her tongue. 505 00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:44,122 Get out of my friend, you bitch! 506 00:26:44,122 --> 00:26:45,374 Whoops. 507 00:26:49,716 --> 00:26:52,179 - We have been too soft with her. - [babbles] 508 00:26:53,098 --> 00:26:55,102 Kash, get the sticks. 509 00:26:55,102 --> 00:26:57,899 Prepare for war, you she-devil! 510 00:26:57,899 --> 00:26:59,945 [laughs] I'll never leave! 511 00:26:59,945 --> 00:27:01,657 - [Mary] Waterboard her! - Carrie. 512 00:27:01,657 --> 00:27:03,703 - [grunts] - No, stop, stop, stop! 513 00:27:03,703 --> 00:27:05,289 [groans] What are you doing? 514 00:27:05,289 --> 00:27:07,544 I think we've been talking to the wrong person. 515 00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:10,925 Hey, bud. I know you're in there, and I know you're stronger than her. 516 00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:12,052 Be quiet! 517 00:27:12,052 --> 00:27:13,598 Because you're Carrie Jackson. 518 00:27:13,598 --> 00:27:15,852 Y-You think ordering negronis makes you seem grown-up. 519 00:27:15,852 --> 00:27:18,023 [chuckles] You've never been able to cook aubergines right. 520 00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:22,031 You finish books you don't even like because you think they'll feel bad. 521 00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:23,743 You're a total fucking nerd! 522 00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:26,624 [sighs] You're my best friend. I love you. 523 00:27:32,384 --> 00:27:33,930 [chokes] 524 00:27:33,930 --> 00:27:35,474 [all screaming] 525 00:27:36,894 --> 00:27:38,063 [screaming continues] 526 00:27:44,993 --> 00:27:47,624 [shrieks] 527 00:27:52,968 --> 00:27:54,387 [pants] 528 00:27:55,097 --> 00:27:57,101 [breathes heavily] 529 00:28:01,109 --> 00:28:02,988 [Carrie] I'm sorry for causing a fuss. 530 00:28:02,988 --> 00:28:05,117 - [chuckles] - [Mary sighs] 531 00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:06,954 Hey. [exclaims] 532 00:28:06,954 --> 00:28:09,710 - Are you okay? [sighs] - Yeah. She's gone. 533 00:28:11,129 --> 00:28:13,383 Well, my work here is done. 534 00:28:14,176 --> 00:28:15,304 You didn't do anything. 535 00:28:15,304 --> 00:28:16,724 You're welcome. 536 00:28:18,728 --> 00:28:20,480 - [sighs] - [chuckles] 537 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:21,942 Are you okay? 538 00:28:21,942 --> 00:28:23,194 [sniffs] 539 00:28:23,194 --> 00:28:24,488 I'm so glad you're back. 540 00:28:24,488 --> 00:28:26,284 Yeah. Me too. 541 00:28:26,284 --> 00:28:28,873 - [chuckles] - Did you say I had crow's feet? 542 00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:32,046 [stammers, shushes] You're confused. 543 00:28:32,046 --> 00:28:33,799 - Oh. - [kisses] 544 00:28:36,137 --> 00:28:38,726 ♪ Hold on, you don't want no problems I'm a monster ♪ 545 00:28:39,226 --> 00:28:41,565 ♪ Oh, you scared I make you shake, I make you shudder ♪ 546 00:28:41,565 --> 00:28:43,318 [door rattles] 547 00:28:44,696 --> 00:28:46,074 [door tone plays] 548 00:29:02,524 --> 00:29:04,068 [Jen] We brought you a dressing gown. 549 00:29:04,068 --> 00:29:05,613 I-I don't want to be a cat! 550 00:29:08,536 --> 00:29:10,122 Is it too late to be a slut?