1
00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:10,647
[stammers] Pay attention to the film.
You'll miss the scary bits.
2
00:00:11,439 --> 00:00:14,821
I have to remember to take Alfie to flute
on Tuesdays and Mandarin on Wednesdays.
3
00:00:14,821 --> 00:00:16,700
I have to figure out
what capital gains tax is
4
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,330
and why this man
is so mad at me for not paying it.
5
00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:23,004
And then, I have to wash my clothes,
and dry my clothes, and wear my clothes,
6
00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:24,925
and then wash them again,
and it never ends.
7
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:28,431
So frankly, Jen, the dry Egyptian man
is the least of my worries.
8
00:00:28,431 --> 00:00:29,893
[Kash screams] Look!
9
00:00:29,893 --> 00:00:32,816
Yeah, this one's a bit naff anyway.
I want a proper scare.
10
00:00:33,818 --> 00:00:34,945
- [phone rings]
- [all scream]
11
00:00:38,368 --> 00:00:40,247
[cell phone buzzes]
12
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,838
[breathes heavily]
13
00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:51,477
[Martin] Do you know what
it feels like to be dead? [laughs]
14
00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:54,609
Oh! Hi, Dad. Forgot it was Wednesday.
We're having a scary movie marathon.
15
00:00:54,609 --> 00:00:57,281
- Can I call you back?
- [Carrie] Wait for me. I'm almost home.
16
00:00:57,281 --> 00:00:58,743
Okay. Happy Halloween.
17
00:00:58,743 --> 00:01:00,788
[Martin] Mmm. Happy Halloween, pet.
18
00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:05,548
Can't you do that in private?
It's so morbid.
19
00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:07,719
It's not my fault you're a massive pussy.
No offence.
20
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:08,846
I am not a pussy.
21
00:01:09,848 --> 00:01:10,850
Okay.
22
00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:18,073
Put your hand in this box.
23
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:19,826
Why? What's in it?
24
00:01:19,826 --> 00:01:21,245
Oh, are you afraid?
25
00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:29,428
[sighs]
26
00:01:35,482 --> 00:01:36,693
[breathes shakily]
27
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,037
[breathes shakily]
28
00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:46,003
[groans, gulps]
29
00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:50,680
You know what?
I don't need to prove anything to you.
30
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,224
- Oh, okay.
- So, yeah.
31
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:54,563
Oh, there's a rat in here.
32
00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:55,648
- What?
- What?
33
00:01:56,357 --> 00:01:58,779
- [screams]
- [Kash yells] Oh, no!
34
00:01:58,779 --> 00:02:00,073
Why would you do that?
35
00:02:00,073 --> 00:02:03,037
- [screams] I thought it was empty!
- I fucking hate Halloween!
36
00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:11,345
[Jizzlord] No, I wasn't evading tax.
Yeah, Hercule. Four years.
37
00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:13,642
No, sir, I would never take your mick.
38
00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:14,811
[mutters indistinctly]
39
00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:17,149
[sighs] Well, I didn't have thumbs,
40
00:02:17,149 --> 00:02:19,654
and you have to consider
I was very, very small.
41
00:02:19,654 --> 00:02:20,656
Hello?
42
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,411
[sighs]
43
00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:25,457
- When's it get scary?
- [Jen] Soon.
44
00:02:25,457 --> 00:02:27,587
They haven't introduced the creature yet.
45
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,639
- [screams]
- [thunderclap]
46
00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:35,185
[whimpers]
47
00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:42,115
- [thunderclap]
- [screams] A crone!
48
00:02:42,115 --> 00:02:43,493
[Carrie] It's just me! [pants]
49
00:02:44,453 --> 00:02:46,583
[pants] Oh. It's just me.
50
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,088
[grunts] Did you just call me a crone?
51
00:02:49,088 --> 00:02:50,633
Is that the word I used?
52
00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,302
[Carrie sighs, sniffs]
53
00:02:53,471 --> 00:02:54,808
I'm not that frumpy, am I?
54
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,566
Look, Carrie, you have been given a gift.
You're single on Halloween.
55
00:02:58,566 --> 00:03:00,485
It's the perfect time
to step out of your comfort zone.
56
00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:02,072
There's so many options.
57
00:03:02,072 --> 00:03:05,538
Classic slut, topical slut,
scary slut, slut slut.
58
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,542
Can I be a slut on Halloween?
59
00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:09,086
Sluts don't have to pay
capital gains tax, do they?
60
00:03:09,086 --> 00:03:11,090
Unfortunately, sluts do have to pay tax.
61
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,762
[groans]
62
00:03:14,598 --> 00:03:17,144
- What if I've forgotten how to do it?
- Do what?
63
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,481
Interact with men
with a view to sex in the future?
64
00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:20,860
Don't phrase it like that to begin with.
65
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,197
[sighs] I've got so comfortable with Kash,
66
00:03:23,197 --> 00:03:27,164
I've forgotten how to be sexy.
67
00:03:27,164 --> 00:03:30,378
Well, it's like riding a seductive bike.
It'll come back to you.
68
00:03:31,548 --> 00:03:35,430
And if it doesn't, you know,
just be yourself.
69
00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:40,315
[Dahlia] And you fell in love with me,
but I can hardly blame you.
70
00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,989
All men do. I'm irresistible.
71
00:03:58,017 --> 00:03:59,562
[Dahlia] I'm sorry for what I did.
72
00:03:59,562 --> 00:04:00,773
[gasps]
73
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:04,363
And I'd do it all over again if I had to.
74
00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:06,827
And you want me to what again, darling?
75
00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,582
[Carrie] Uh, teach me how to be sexy?
76
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:13,674
Or just, I guess, um, sex adjacent.
Semi-skimmed. That's fine.
77
00:04:13,674 --> 00:04:16,763
[Dahlia] Well, you came
to the right place, dollface.
78
00:04:16,763 --> 00:04:20,478
They used to say
if it was in Hollywood and breathed,
79
00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:24,904
I'd be under it, over it...
[whispering] ...and inside it.
80
00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:28,494
Fingering, darling.
81
00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:33,171
Now, listen here, pretend to fall over.
82
00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:37,889
Oops. And grab on to his johnson
for support. [moans]
83
00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:42,940
Oh, no.
I seem to have forgotten my brassiere.
84
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,115
Hold these for me, would ya? [grunts]
85
00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:48,493
[exhales deeply]
86
00:04:48,493 --> 00:04:50,330
If you don't know
what to do with your hands,
87
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:53,336
just put them out like this
and shake your tushy.
88
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:56,467
Always look like you're listening,
even when you're not.
89
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,385
Mm-hmm.
90
00:04:57,385 --> 00:05:00,100
Laugh at everything they say,
even if it ain't funny.
91
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,185
[laughs]
92
00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:05,193
Pretend you're illiterate
and get them to read the menu to you.
93
00:05:05,193 --> 00:05:06,905
Men love a dum-dum.
94
00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:07,990
[groans]
95
00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:11,121
[Carrie] Uh-- When did we make a martini?
96
00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,625
[Dahlia swallows, sighs]
97
00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:16,090
Do keep up, darling,
or I'll leave you behind.
98
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,300
Oh.
99
00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:21,225
[George] " Times your Nan called you fat."
Do you want that for the body image shelf,
100
00:05:21,225 --> 00:05:22,770
or shall I keep it
for the family trauma wing?
101
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,148
Hit me.
102
00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:26,695
[sighs] Old cow.
103
00:05:26,695 --> 00:05:28,156
[sighs]
104
00:05:32,455 --> 00:05:35,420
Hmm.
I think I found something interesting.
105
00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:39,721
[George] They're numbered
like part of a series.
106
00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:41,975
- You more afraid of cancer or bears?
- Bears.
107
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,188
I have my reasons.
108
00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:45,774
The numbers are a list.
109
00:05:45,774 --> 00:05:47,987
If we find number one, we'll find
what you're most afraid of in life.
110
00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:50,200
And that could be what's holding me back
from my power?
111
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,747
Try and find the rest.
Maybe there's a horror section.
112
00:05:52,747 --> 00:05:55,001
Or would they be
in something scary-looking?
113
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:57,965
No offence, your subconscious
isn't subtle. There's usually a sign.
114
00:05:59,051 --> 00:06:00,053
[whispering] Okay.
115
00:06:03,977 --> 00:06:05,146
[screaming]
116
00:06:05,146 --> 00:06:07,777
[evil laughing]
117
00:06:08,695 --> 00:06:09,781
I think I found it. [sighs]
118
00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:15,584
And that is why you never go on
a river cruise without your diaphragm.
119
00:06:22,222 --> 00:06:23,307
[sighs]
120
00:06:31,198 --> 00:06:32,200
[gasps]
121
00:06:33,119 --> 00:06:34,580
[sighs]
122
00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:39,674
Why, look I'm-- [pants]
123
00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:42,972
I'm young and beautiful.
124
00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:45,018
[Carrie] Oh, uh, thank you. I--
125
00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:47,732
[Dahlia] So smooth and tight.
126
00:06:47,732 --> 00:06:50,028
[Carrie] Uh, yeah.
127
00:06:50,738 --> 00:06:53,744
Well, thank you for your tips.
I feel much better about it all.
128
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:55,163
[Dahlia] Wait. No.
129
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,335
- [stammers] I don't wanna go.
- [inhales deeply]
130
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:00,507
[exhales deeply]
131
00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,270
[hip-hop plays]
132
00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:12,238
♪ Well, I'm feelin' kinda funny
'Cause life is like a game ♪
133
00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:13,658
♪ Facin' like an enemy ♪
134
00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:16,080
[sips, gulps, groans]
135
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,543
♪ That's just who I--
That's just who I am ♪
136
00:07:19,587 --> 00:07:21,549
5,679.
137
00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:24,429
"What if there is a snake in the toilet,
and I don't notice, and I sit down,
138
00:07:24,429 --> 00:07:27,227
and the snake goes up my bum
and then there's a snake up my bum?"
139
00:07:27,227 --> 00:07:28,939
Yep. [sighs]
140
00:07:28,939 --> 00:07:30,609
Honestly, I thought that would be higher.
141
00:07:34,826 --> 00:07:36,495
Is that number one? What is it?
142
00:07:36,996 --> 00:07:40,211
Intimacy. You're afraid of intimacy.
143
00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:43,050
Okay, have we double-checked
" Snake in the bum"
144
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,597
- because that's not at all--
- I'm going to give you some homework.
145
00:07:45,597 --> 00:07:47,016
Before you come in to see me next week,
146
00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:50,189
I want you to tell one person in your life
you love them.
147
00:07:50,189 --> 00:07:51,275
[scoffs]
148
00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:54,574
I want you to say it without
qualification, without minimising it,
149
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,868
without turning it into a joke.
150
00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:58,080
It could bring us closer to your power.
151
00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:00,001
Can you do that for me?
152
00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:03,299
Course. Easy.
153
00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:04,342
[rock plays]
154
00:08:04,342 --> 00:08:06,931
[breathing deeply]
155
00:08:08,350 --> 00:08:09,937
[inhales deeply] Okay.
156
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,902
Okay. Okay, just do it.
157
00:08:12,902 --> 00:08:14,530
Hey. Hey.
158
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,659
I need to tell you something
while maintaining eye contact,
159
00:08:16,659 --> 00:08:18,204
so don't even think about blinking.
160
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,544
I-- [breathes shakily]
161
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:24,299
What are you doing?
162
00:08:24,299 --> 00:08:25,761
Oh, um.
163
00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:29,392
People get to be other things
on Halloween, right?
164
00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:32,482
- Yes.
- So, I'm gonna be a cat.
165
00:08:32,482 --> 00:08:35,822
Cats don't have responsibilities.
Cats don't have to pay taxes,
166
00:08:35,822 --> 00:08:38,285
or raise children,
or brush their teeth every week.
167
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,204
I'm sorry, week?
168
00:08:39,789 --> 00:08:42,878
- See you in the morning.
- [stammers] Wait! Um, before you go, um--
169
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:49,850
Hey. So, I, uh,
just wanted to let you know...
170
00:08:51,688 --> 00:08:55,946
You know... [stammers]
...I really, like, appreciate you and...
171
00:08:58,702 --> 00:09:02,960
Pfft! I fucking love ya, bro! [laughs]
172
00:09:05,298 --> 00:09:06,593
Did you just say you love me?
173
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:09,306
[scoffs] Maybe, I don't know.
What are you, the love police?
174
00:09:09,306 --> 00:09:11,143
Ever heard of ACAB, pig?
175
00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:13,648
[farts]
Ha! That's what you sound like, mate.
176
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,202
[sighs]
177
00:09:22,332 --> 00:09:23,500
[groans]
178
00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:26,381
[sighs]
179
00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:39,032
[exhales sharply, chews]
180
00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:41,996
[groans]
181
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,670
[hip-hop plays]
I'ma break it down for you
182
00:09:49,052 --> 00:09:53,060
[meows, purrs]
183
00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,290
Mom, I love you.
184
00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:06,336
Mother, I have come to love you.
185
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:08,800
Mum, you gave me life. I love you.
186
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,971
- Okay.
- [cell phone rings]
187
00:10:12,348 --> 00:10:13,601
Please leave a message for...
188
00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:14,854
- You fucking bitch!
- [Mary] Hello.
189
00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,398
You don't have anything better
to be doing.
190
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,068
- This is Mary Regan.
- I hope you get dementia!
191
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:20,322
Mum! [chuckles] Mother. Mama.
192
00:10:20,322 --> 00:10:24,080
I was just calling to say I love you.
Like children do. I love you so much.
193
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,502
I just want you to know that.
Love, love, love!
194
00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:33,140
[Ange] One in, one out, you animals!
195
00:10:34,058 --> 00:10:35,144
[sighs]
196
00:10:38,693 --> 00:10:40,070
Move, losers.
197
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,331
[smacks lips, sighs]
198
00:10:45,331 --> 00:10:47,293
Okay. Sexy.
199
00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:54,767
[sighs]
200
00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,608
[groans]
201
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,781
[inhales]
202
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,545
[breathes heavily]
203
00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:13,555
[Dahlia] Hello again, darling. [moans]
204
00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:15,057
[Carrie] I didn't invite you.
205
00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:16,978
[Dahlia] Aw, spoilsport.
206
00:11:17,646 --> 00:11:19,858
Can't a girl have a little fun?
207
00:11:19,858 --> 00:11:21,904
- [groans]
- [Dahlia breathing heavily]
208
00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:23,198
[gasping]
209
00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:25,119
- [knocks on door]
- [Kash] You gonna be long?
210
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,916
[Carrie gasps, stammers] Two minutes.
211
00:11:28,585 --> 00:11:29,628
[sighs]
212
00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,757
[groans, pants]
213
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,761
[Dahlia] Is that a man I hear?
214
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,389
[Carrie grunts] Don't you dare.
215
00:11:35,389 --> 00:11:37,936
[Dahlia laughs]
216
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:46,328
Why don't you come on in here
and help me wipe, big boy?
217
00:11:46,328 --> 00:11:48,290
Uh, gee.
218
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,419
I feel like you can do that yourself.
219
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,175
Dammit. [sniffs] I'm out of practice.
220
00:11:53,175 --> 00:11:54,427
[Carrie] Get out!
221
00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:58,603
[Dahlia] Never!
I wanna suckle from the teat of life!
222
00:11:58,603 --> 00:12:01,651
- I want this body, darling.
- [Carrie whimpers]
223
00:12:01,651 --> 00:12:04,447
And I always get what I want.
224
00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:06,242
- [sighs, gasps, whimpers]
- [knocks on door]
225
00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,996
Carrie? Are you okay?
226
00:12:09,082 --> 00:12:11,671
Did you stick on a wax strip
and get too scared to pull it off?
227
00:12:11,671 --> 00:12:13,925
I'm Dahlia. I'm Dahlia.
228
00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:15,804
[grunts, pants]
229
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:19,018
I'm Carrie. I'm Carrie. I'm Carrie.
230
00:12:19,645 --> 00:12:21,022
[whimpers, chokes]
231
00:12:24,362 --> 00:12:26,701
- [Carrie whimpering, panting]
- Carrie?
232
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,667
[whimpering, panting continues]
233
00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,136
Carrie?
234
00:12:39,142 --> 00:12:41,856
[panting continues]
235
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:48,118
[panting stops]
236
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:49,705
[Dahlia] Hello, handsome.
237
00:12:50,999 --> 00:12:52,836
[screams]
238
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:54,757
[grunts]
239
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:57,178
[thunderclap]
240
00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:59,182
[chattering]
241
00:12:59,182 --> 00:13:03,065
["Für Elise" plays]
242
00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:07,323
[cat meows]
243
00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:10,622
[spooky chords play]
244
00:13:11,122 --> 00:13:13,586
♪ Let's have a satanic orgy ♪
245
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,673
[meow]
246
00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:19,598
♪ Deep in the forest
In the dead of night ♪
247
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:22,813
♪ The full moon is the only light ♪
248
00:13:22,813 --> 00:13:26,444
♪ 'Round a magic circle
Our bodies start to sway ♪
249
00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:30,578
♪ All the pretty witches
Have come out to play ♪
250
00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:32,874
- [purrs]
- [meows]
251
00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:37,341
♪ Take a ride on my broom ♪
252
00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:44,815
♪ We're naked under the moon ♪
253
00:13:44,815 --> 00:13:46,652
[meowing]
254
00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:51,327
♪ Maybe I'll make love to you ♪
255
00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:54,250
- [meowing]
- [Jizzlord orgasming]
256
00:14:02,391 --> 00:14:03,936
[door tone plays]
257
00:14:05,439 --> 00:14:07,109
- [door shuts]
- We're closed!
258
00:14:08,486 --> 00:14:10,490
[objects rattle]
259
00:14:11,869 --> 00:14:14,583
If you want to steal something,
just take it. I don't care.
260
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,379
[objects clattering]
261
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,519
[objects clattering]
262
00:14:29,153 --> 00:14:30,531
[Kash] No, no!
263
00:14:31,449 --> 00:14:33,579
[grunts] Please, just stay still.
264
00:14:33,579 --> 00:14:34,998
- [footsteps]
- [Kash mutters]
265
00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:37,086
- Hey, what are you doing?
- [Kash grunts]
266
00:14:37,086 --> 00:14:38,296
No, no, no! Wait. Wait.
267
00:14:38,296 --> 00:14:40,802
- That's not Carrie.
- [panting]
268
00:14:40,802 --> 00:14:42,012
- Oh, God.
- [pants]
269
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,520
[pants] Two of you. That's more like it.
270
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,274
The devil's triangle.
What is it the French say?
271
00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:50,112
The fuck à trois?
272
00:14:50,112 --> 00:14:51,657
- [groans]
- What? Then who is it?
273
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,705
- Some old actress.
- Old, he says? Look at me.
274
00:14:54,705 --> 00:14:57,334
I'm young and lithe.
275
00:14:57,334 --> 00:14:59,213
Carrie, stop fucking around!
Snap out of it!
276
00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:02,804
Carrie's gone, red.
It's Dahlia from now on.
277
00:15:02,804 --> 00:15:04,432
Practice that with your tongue. [moans]
278
00:15:04,432 --> 00:15:07,564
Hey. Joan Crawford.
Fuck off out of that body. It's not yours.
279
00:15:07,564 --> 00:15:09,025
Make me.
280
00:15:10,528 --> 00:15:14,368
- [breathes shakily] What should we do?
- [moans]
281
00:15:15,997 --> 00:15:17,166
We're doing an exorcism.
282
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,376
[chuckles]
283
00:15:19,378 --> 00:15:22,342
- [rockabilly plays]
- [meows]
284
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:25,516
♪ Got hair as black as night ♪
285
00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:30,777
♪ Got a skirt that's a-ooh so tight ♪
286
00:15:31,862 --> 00:15:36,120
♪ I'm tellin' you I've got an itch ♪
287
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,959
[chattering, laughing]
288
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,172
♪ She's my witch ♪
289
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:44,303
[YouTuber] Once you have them restrained,
290
00:15:44,303 --> 00:15:47,852
I like to go in and evoke Jesus Christ.
291
00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:49,564
They hate that.
292
00:15:49,564 --> 00:15:52,987
- Step one, first one is my favourite step.
- [moans]
293
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:54,699
- You're gonna shout...
- Ugh, she keeps looking at me.
294
00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:56,912
- [YouTuber] ..."The power of Christ"...
- Well, then don't look.
295
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,916
- [YouTuber speaks indistinctly]
- I can't. She keeps...
296
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,170
- [Dahlia groans]
- [Kash] ...doing that.
297
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:02,674
Stop giving her attention.
298
00:16:02,674 --> 00:16:03,968
- It's what she wants.
- Okay.
299
00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:06,807
[YouTuber] I just love this position
so much. This is my personal...
300
00:16:06,807 --> 00:16:08,184
Have you two ever fucked?
301
00:16:08,936 --> 00:16:10,105
- Ew. No.
- No!
302
00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:11,650
What do you mean, "ew"?
I didn't say, "ew."
303
00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:13,904
- I didn't mean "ew" like you disgust me.
- [chuckles]
304
00:16:13,904 --> 00:16:15,867
I did, but I didn't say that,
'cause it would be rude.
305
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:17,620
It just came out! It was instinctual.
306
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:20,208
Also, I just processed that.
Wow, very mean.
307
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,922
- [chattering, cheers]
- [music plays]
308
00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:28,016
[cheers continue]
309
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,069
[people] Ooh!
310
00:16:34,069 --> 00:16:36,617
[horns, alarms blaring]
311
00:16:36,617 --> 00:16:39,163
- Stop it! She's getting in our heads.
- [alarms continue in distance]
312
00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:41,417
Okay, I'm bored of this.
313
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,419
[groans]
314
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,839
- No.
- [gasps]
315
00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:47,847
♪ I like to wear my human skin outside
In disguise ♪
316
00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:49,141
How did you, um--
317
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:53,316
A veteran like me
has wrists of steel, darling.
318
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:56,155
You know, from all the handjobs.
319
00:16:56,155 --> 00:16:57,533
Ugh, yeah, we got it.
320
00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:59,955
♪ Okay, cool
It's a party with my ghouls ♪
321
00:16:59,955 --> 00:17:02,084
No. No. [pants]
322
00:17:02,084 --> 00:17:04,965
[alarms blaring]
323
00:17:06,802 --> 00:17:08,388
[grunts, panting]
324
00:17:10,058 --> 00:17:11,728
[panting continues]
325
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:15,945
- [yelps, panting]
- Hello.
326
00:17:17,532 --> 00:17:19,326
- [breathes shakily]
- Where'd she go? [pants]
327
00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:24,420
Come on. We need to find her. [pants]
328
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,259
[breathes shakily] Mm-hmm.
[swallows, whimpers]
329
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:29,013
Are you serious? It's Carrie.
330
00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,808
She's built
like a strand of dry spaghetti.
331
00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:33,104
No, it's not Carrie I'm scared of.
[breathes shakily]
332
00:17:33,814 --> 00:17:36,068
Dahlia was a psycho. [breathes shakily]
333
00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:37,572
She had six husbands,
334
00:17:37,572 --> 00:17:40,452
and five of them died falling down
the stairs. [breathes shakily]
335
00:17:40,452 --> 00:17:42,790
- Well, you know that's--
- And the sixth one shot himself
336
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,838
- in the back with a crossbow.
- [breathes shakily]
337
00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:46,923
[groans]
338
00:17:46,923 --> 00:17:48,009
[yelps]
339
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,430
[both breathing shakily]
340
00:17:52,727 --> 00:17:53,896
[whimpers]
341
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,087
I need your help here.
342
00:18:06,087 --> 00:18:08,049
- Carrie needs your help.
- [whimpers, breathes shakily]
343
00:18:09,385 --> 00:18:11,180
[smacks lips] Or... [breathes heavily]
344
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:14,436
...maybe Carrie can just share
with this lady.
345
00:18:15,271 --> 00:18:18,654
Okay, we get Carrie Monday, Wednesday,
Friday, and she can take the rest.
346
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:20,991
- [breathes shakily]
- Absolute coward.
347
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:22,829
Fine.
348
00:18:23,329 --> 00:18:25,333
Stay here then. All by yourself.
349
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,797
[Kash swallows, whimpers]
350
00:18:39,236 --> 00:18:44,079
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
351
00:18:50,551 --> 00:18:51,553
[pants]
352
00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:14,849
[grunts]
353
00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:16,978
[pants]
354
00:19:16,978 --> 00:19:18,607
[breathes shakily, sighs]
355
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,657
[screams]
356
00:19:22,657 --> 00:19:26,748
[Dahlia] You really shouldn't leave
sharp objects lying around.
357
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,544
Terribly unsafe.
358
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,255
[stammers] Just get back!
359
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:33,135
[chuckles, grunts]
360
00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:36,350
[squeaks]
361
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:41,653
Shame. I prefer them circumcised.
362
00:19:41,653 --> 00:19:43,824
Stop making her gross.
She wouldn't like it.
363
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:47,289
What about what I like, hmm?
I like this body.
364
00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:49,586
I like being alive.
365
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:53,719
So, we can't have you
spilling the beans on me, can we?
366
00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:55,096
No. [whimpers, breathes shakily]
367
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,271
Huh? [breathes shakily]
368
00:19:59,271 --> 00:20:01,191
- [gasps, stammers]
- [yells, screams]
369
00:20:01,191 --> 00:20:04,699
- [Kash grunts]
- [Dahlia strains, grunts]
370
00:20:04,699 --> 00:20:07,203
- [chuckles] Look at you, Braveheart!
- [pants, moans]
371
00:20:07,203 --> 00:20:09,124
- [Kash whimpers]
- Are you crying?
372
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,335
- [weeps] No.
- [grunts]
373
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,299
♪ I took my baby to a horror show ♪
374
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,094
- [truck horn blows]
- [meows]
375
00:20:15,094 --> 00:20:16,848
♪ That's the only place she wants to go ♪
376
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,267
[coos]
377
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:21,315
♪ She thinks that Dracula is so divine ♪
378
00:20:21,315 --> 00:20:25,031
♪ And she wants to go steady
With the Frankenstein ♪
379
00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:28,622
[fades]
380
00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:30,542
[meowing]
381
00:20:31,251 --> 00:20:35,218
[purring, cat meows]
382
00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:38,517
[meows]
383
00:20:41,606 --> 00:20:42,858
[beeping]
384
00:20:46,281 --> 00:20:47,827
[yowls]
385
00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:51,458
[chuckles] He's in! Third one today.
386
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,547
Think of all the unwanted kittens
we're preventing.
387
00:21:05,904 --> 00:21:06,906
[Doctor sighs]
388
00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:10,455
[cats meowing]
389
00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:17,553
[sighs] Hello, little man!
390
00:21:18,262 --> 00:21:20,601
You can plead for your testicles
all you want.
391
00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:21,936
I can't hear you.
392
00:21:23,439 --> 00:21:24,901
You won't feel a thing.
393
00:21:25,611 --> 00:21:27,740
And you're really better off
not being a father.
394
00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,326
Too much responsibility.
395
00:21:30,078 --> 00:21:31,873
I dropped my nephew
on his head the other day,
396
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,377
no one saw,
and I just didn't tell anybody.
397
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,923
Not my problem.
398
00:21:35,923 --> 00:21:37,008
Right.
399
00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:41,141
[person on speaker]
Reginald's escaped from his cage again.
400
00:21:41,141 --> 00:21:42,978
How does he keep doing that? [sighs]
401
00:21:47,613 --> 00:21:49,324
[Doctor sighs] Reginald?
402
00:21:50,869 --> 00:21:52,372
Reginald?
403
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:55,629
[speaks Spanish]
404
00:21:55,629 --> 00:21:59,302
You can't walk back to Nicaragua, Reggie.
We've been through this.
405
00:22:01,516 --> 00:22:02,518
[strains]
406
00:22:08,487 --> 00:22:11,285
Ow! Shit it anyway!
407
00:22:11,285 --> 00:22:13,707
[grunts] Oh.
408
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:18,508
Well, that's still okay because
that dosage is only enough for a ca...
409
00:22:26,691 --> 00:22:27,693
[meows]
410
00:22:28,820 --> 00:22:31,618
[slowly] Libertade.
411
00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:33,329
Libertade!
412
00:22:35,124 --> 00:22:38,088
- Not so scary now, are you?
- [breathes shakily, grunts]
413
00:22:39,215 --> 00:22:42,514
Ha! Oh, I bet you'd love to stab me,
wouldn't you?
414
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:47,816
- Go on, then. Too scared? Come on.
- [breathing shakily, grunts]
415
00:22:47,816 --> 00:22:48,944
- [screams]
- Oh, Jesus!
416
00:22:48,944 --> 00:22:49,862
[chuckles]
417
00:22:49,862 --> 00:22:51,574
- Kash! Stop it.
- Sorry.
418
00:22:51,574 --> 00:22:53,662
God, I've no idea how to do an exorcism.
419
00:22:54,747 --> 00:22:57,920
["Tubular Bells" plays]
420
00:23:03,305 --> 00:23:06,896
- Mum?
- Jen! Are you okay?
421
00:23:06,896 --> 00:23:10,319
- Wha--
- Whatever it is, you can tell me.
422
00:23:10,319 --> 00:23:14,160
Cancer? AIDS?
That thing that makes your bones go soft?
423
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,543
[gasps] Oh, God! You're not thinking
of ending it all, are you?
424
00:23:17,543 --> 00:23:21,843
[yelps] Life is worth living, Jen!
Even for you!
425
00:23:21,843 --> 00:23:23,178
What are you talking about?
426
00:23:23,178 --> 00:23:25,934
That was a very worrying
voicemail you left.
427
00:23:25,934 --> 00:23:27,813
Using the L word like that.
428
00:23:27,813 --> 00:23:29,859
- So, you thought I was dying?
- Well, aren't you?
429
00:23:29,859 --> 00:23:34,034
No, I'm not dying! I was just--
I was trying to be nice.
430
00:23:36,831 --> 00:23:40,212
Well, don't ever do that again!
I had to take three buses to get here.
431
00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:42,968
I didn't even have a chance
to get out of my costume. [scoffs]
432
00:23:45,264 --> 00:23:46,684
Oh, Jesus, Mum.
433
00:23:46,684 --> 00:23:48,395
Looking good, Mary.
434
00:23:49,314 --> 00:23:51,986
- Whore!
- [Kash] Uh, yeah, she's possessed.
435
00:23:51,986 --> 00:23:53,698
We've kind of run out of ideas.
436
00:23:53,698 --> 00:23:55,117
- Don--
- So--
437
00:23:55,117 --> 00:23:56,829
Possessed?
438
00:23:58,457 --> 00:24:00,294
I've seen this before.
439
00:24:00,294 --> 00:24:02,256
A man in my village when I was small.
440
00:24:02,256 --> 00:24:03,635
[Jen] How did you drive it out?
441
00:24:03,635 --> 00:24:05,514
Well, we beat him with sticks.
442
00:24:06,557 --> 00:24:09,270
And it turned out
he-he wasn't possessed in the end.
443
00:24:09,814 --> 00:24:11,483
He was just Portuguese. Lovely man.
444
00:24:11,483 --> 00:24:14,030
But I did learn a lot
from the priest that day.
445
00:24:16,702 --> 00:24:20,669
You have to meet evil with evil.
446
00:24:20,669 --> 00:24:22,213
[grunting]
447
00:24:22,213 --> 00:24:24,802
You are not welcome here.
448
00:24:24,802 --> 00:24:28,560
And we will drive you out
of this innocent lamb,
449
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:33,026
you harridan of Satan's own hole!
450
00:24:33,026 --> 00:24:34,822
[laughing]
451
00:24:34,822 --> 00:24:37,661
[pants] Be gone! I command--
452
00:24:37,661 --> 00:24:39,205
[gasps] What's her name?
453
00:24:39,832 --> 00:24:42,128
Uh-- I don't remember.
454
00:24:42,128 --> 00:24:43,463
I don't think anyone does anymore.
455
00:24:43,463 --> 00:24:45,384
- Mmm.
- [Mary] Delia?
456
00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:46,512
- Delilah?
- [Mary] Delilah?
457
00:24:46,512 --> 00:24:47,598
[Dahlia] Dahlia!
458
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:49,560
It's not difficult.
459
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,691
[dogs barking]
460
00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:55,530
[rock playing]
461
00:24:58,076 --> 00:25:00,665
- [Tito's owner] Come on, Tito!
- [barks]
462
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,838
- [owner] Tito, no!
- [cat yowls]
463
00:25:03,838 --> 00:25:06,009
Leave the cat alone! Tito!
464
00:25:06,009 --> 00:25:08,263
- [dogs barking]
- [fast music plays]
465
00:25:08,263 --> 00:25:10,434
- [cat yowls]
- [barking continues]
466
00:25:10,434 --> 00:25:13,775
♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein
I was a teenage Frankenstein, oh, yeah ♪
467
00:25:15,946 --> 00:25:18,283
♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein ♪
468
00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:23,795
♪ I was a teenage Frankenstein
I was a teenage Frankenstein, oh, yeah ♪
469
00:25:25,966 --> 00:25:28,178
- [cat yowls]
- [music ends]
470
00:25:29,848 --> 00:25:32,813
- [cat yowls]
- [dogs barking]
471
00:25:33,397 --> 00:25:35,150
[Dahlia] People still know my name.
472
00:25:35,150 --> 00:25:38,073
- I'm still a star. [sniffs]
- Can you guys name a single film
473
00:25:38,073 --> 00:25:39,325
- she's been in?
- No.
474
00:25:39,325 --> 00:25:40,579
[Mary] Not one. Not a clue.
475
00:25:40,579 --> 00:25:43,375
Oh, come on. In the Port Rightly?
476
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,545
- Mm-mmm.
- [Kash] No.
477
00:25:44,545 --> 00:25:46,006
The Angel of Cleveland?
478
00:25:46,006 --> 00:25:47,551
- Of where?
- Never heard of it.
479
00:25:47,551 --> 00:25:50,055
- The Gun Goes Bang?
- Never heard of them.
480
00:25:50,055 --> 00:25:51,976
Of course it goes bang.
What else would it do?
481
00:25:51,976 --> 00:25:53,270
Now, Vivien Leigh.
482
00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:54,480
- [Mary] Oh.
- [Kash exclaims]
483
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,234
- Incredible. Mmm. Yep.
- Timeless.
484
00:25:56,234 --> 00:25:57,529
[spits] Talentless prude.
485
00:25:57,529 --> 00:25:59,365
- Grace Kelly.
- [gasps] Love her. Oh.
486
00:25:59,365 --> 00:26:00,744
- Lauren Bacall.
- [Mary] Oh!
487
00:26:00,744 --> 00:26:02,163
- Elizabeth Taylor.
- [Jen, Mary moan]
488
00:26:02,163 --> 00:26:04,167
- We remember them.
- You think you're being clever?
489
00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:06,839
I know what you're doing.
And it's not gonna work.
490
00:26:06,839 --> 00:26:11,306
See, I have to stay to rebuild my legacy.
[sniffs]
491
00:26:12,058 --> 00:26:13,728
You will never make it as an actress.
492
00:26:13,728 --> 00:26:16,024
And Carrie's already too old
to play ingénues.
493
00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:17,527
- No! No!
- [Kash] Uh-huh, uh-huh.
494
00:26:17,527 --> 00:26:19,740
You've got two more years of playing 25.
And after that,
495
00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:21,702
- you might as well be dead again!
- No, no, no, no--
496
00:26:21,702 --> 00:26:23,330
Don't listen to them!
Don't listen to them!
497
00:26:23,330 --> 00:26:25,501
- She's already got crow's feet!
- [yells]
498
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:27,798
- Look!
- [Dahlia] No! No! No, don't!
499
00:26:27,798 --> 00:26:29,342
It isn't true! [yells]
500
00:26:29,342 --> 00:26:32,056
Look, goddamn you! Look!
501
00:26:32,056 --> 00:26:33,976
[panting]
502
00:26:34,812 --> 00:26:37,024
[laughs]
503
00:26:38,485 --> 00:26:39,487
[Dahlia groans]
504
00:26:39,487 --> 00:26:41,534
[chuckles] I think I've bitten her tongue.
505
00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:44,122
Get out of my friend, you bitch!
506
00:26:44,122 --> 00:26:45,374
Whoops.
507
00:26:49,716 --> 00:26:52,179
- We have been too soft with her.
- [babbles]
508
00:26:53,098 --> 00:26:55,102
Kash, get the sticks.
509
00:26:55,102 --> 00:26:57,899
Prepare for war, you she-devil!
510
00:26:57,899 --> 00:26:59,945
[laughs] I'll never leave!
511
00:26:59,945 --> 00:27:01,657
- [Mary] Waterboard her!
- Carrie.
512
00:27:01,657 --> 00:27:03,703
- [grunts]
- No, stop, stop, stop!
513
00:27:03,703 --> 00:27:05,289
[groans] What are you doing?
514
00:27:05,289 --> 00:27:07,544
I think we've been talking
to the wrong person.
515
00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:10,925
Hey, bud. I know you're in there,
and I know you're stronger than her.
516
00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:12,052
Be quiet!
517
00:27:12,052 --> 00:27:13,598
Because you're Carrie Jackson.
518
00:27:13,598 --> 00:27:15,852
Y-You think ordering negronis
makes you seem grown-up.
519
00:27:15,852 --> 00:27:18,023
[chuckles] You've never
been able to cook aubergines right.
520
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:22,031
You finish books you don't even like
because you think they'll feel bad.
521
00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:23,743
You're a total fucking nerd!
522
00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:26,624
[sighs] You're my best friend. I love you.
523
00:27:32,384 --> 00:27:33,930
[chokes]
524
00:27:33,930 --> 00:27:35,474
[all screaming]
525
00:27:36,894 --> 00:27:38,063
[screaming continues]
526
00:27:44,993 --> 00:27:47,624
[shrieks]
527
00:27:52,968 --> 00:27:54,387
[pants]
528
00:27:55,097 --> 00:27:57,101
[breathes heavily]
529
00:28:01,109 --> 00:28:02,988
[Carrie] I'm sorry for causing a fuss.
530
00:28:02,988 --> 00:28:05,117
- [chuckles]
- [Mary sighs]
531
00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:06,954
Hey. [exclaims]
532
00:28:06,954 --> 00:28:09,710
- Are you okay? [sighs]
- Yeah. She's gone.
533
00:28:11,129 --> 00:28:13,383
Well, my work here is done.
534
00:28:14,176 --> 00:28:15,304
You didn't do anything.
535
00:28:15,304 --> 00:28:16,724
You're welcome.
536
00:28:18,728 --> 00:28:20,480
- [sighs]
- [chuckles]
537
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:21,942
Are you okay?
538
00:28:21,942 --> 00:28:23,194
[sniffs]
539
00:28:23,194 --> 00:28:24,488
I'm so glad you're back.
540
00:28:24,488 --> 00:28:26,284
Yeah. Me too.
541
00:28:26,284 --> 00:28:28,873
- [chuckles]
- Did you say I had crow's feet?
542
00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:32,046
[stammers, shushes] You're confused.
543
00:28:32,046 --> 00:28:33,799
- Oh.
- [kisses]
544
00:28:36,137 --> 00:28:38,726
♪ Hold on, you don't want no problems
I'm a monster ♪
545
00:28:39,226 --> 00:28:41,565
♪ Oh, you scared
I make you shake, I make you shudder ♪
546
00:28:41,565 --> 00:28:43,318
[door rattles]
547
00:28:44,696 --> 00:28:46,074
[door tone plays]
548
00:29:02,524 --> 00:29:04,068
[Jen] We brought you a dressing gown.
549
00:29:04,068 --> 00:29:05,613
I-I don't want to be a cat!
550
00:29:08,536 --> 00:29:10,122
Is it too late to be a slut?