1 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,137 Maybe we should help him. 2 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,056 Wait, wait. He'll get it. Thumbs are tricky. 3 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,070 He doesn't know how to use a can opener? 4 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:33,033 You're never gonna integrate back into society if you can't do basic shit. 5 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,206 It's simple, okay? You clamp it on, 6 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,002 and you... 7 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,670 Shit! 8 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,423 It's broken. 9 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,232 -Excuse me? -Oh, God, no! 10 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,693 Do you work here? I have a complaint. 11 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,487 What seems to be the problem? 12 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,490 I rented this costume for my husband's birthday, 13 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,284 and now I can't get the bloody mask off. 14 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,953 Uh, sorry, did you say your husband's birthday? 15 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:19,996 Yes. 16 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,122 Okay. 17 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,292 So, your husband likes strong women? 18 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,503 I think it's some sort of vacuum effect. 19 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,254 Have you tried greasing it up? 20 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,756 You could use butter. Or lube. 21 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:35,178 Excuse me, but why would I have lube in my house? 22 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,387 Oh, come on. 23 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,555 You've got lube. 24 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,350 I want this mask off now. 25 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,520 And it goes without saying, I expect a full refund. 26 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,231 Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds 27 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:50,318 if the costume's been used for its intended purpose. 28 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,070 What are you implying? 29 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:56,241 You can't imply a customer is pegging their husband as Margaret Thatcher. 30 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,325 She is! 31 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,869 Of course she is, but you can't say that. 32 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,832 Sometimes I wonder if you're cut out for customer service. 33 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,041 You're absolutely right. 34 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,960 No, I think the best thing to do is to let me go 35 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,419 with a generous redundancy package. 36 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:12,090 You are a manager. Great liar. 37 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:15,510 You hate people just the right amount. I've never seen you miss a fag break. 38 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,178 You could flourish here. 39 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,763 Take my place when I die. 40 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,599 That's a lovely thing to say, Ange. But this is just temporary. 41 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,226 Tim said that too when he started. 42 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,353 He's been here seven years. He still loves it. 43 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,538 Absolutely not. 44 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,125 Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it. 45 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,295 Listen, this is a very good deal for you. 46 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:55,300 Your music in the lift of every cruise ship in the fleet. 47 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,052 They might even want your early stuff for the hold lines on the phone. 48 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,931 I sold out the Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row. 49 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,809 I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones. 50 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,936 A cruise ship? I think not. 51 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,606 It's time for a comeback. 52 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,900 Valerie, you know we love you at the label. 53 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,445 But only one person with your condition has made a comeback, and that's Jesus. 54 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,947 I can still sing. I'm still relevant. 55 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,658 Fuck it. I'll even do a duet. 56 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,119 What's Whitney Houston up to these days? 57 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,015 Get out. I'm literally about to start auditioning people. 58 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,808 -Can I watch? -Why? 59 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,603 I just wanna learn how to human again. 60 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:53,983 Fine. But don't do anything weird. Or say anything. Or touch anyone. 61 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,151 It's very important to me. 62 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,487 And not just to me, okay? 63 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,615 I'm doing this for the city. For the vulnerable. 64 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,992 Jen says you're doing it because you're a feckless loser 65 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,953 who sponges off his girlfriends. 66 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:07,997 And, uh, this nostalgic imitation of virility 67 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,918 gives you the illusion of control over your emasculated, directionless existence. 68 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:21,678 Although. I don't know what most of that means, 69 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,762 is that right? 70 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,859 All right? 71 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,987 She took the news very well. 72 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,531 Yeah, that was very impressive in there. Crystal clear. 73 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,700 How do you feel about some moonlighting? 74 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,203 We have another life-challenged artist on our books 75 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,038 that I think you'd work well with. 76 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,542 Is it an estates dispute? Because I'm quite junior. 77 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878 I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle. You're very impressive, Carrie. 78 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,924 Yes. Yes. 79 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,385 I can handle it. I'll do it. 80 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,763 Great. Saturday at 2.00. I'll send you the addy. 81 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,848 Yeah, great. 82 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,117 Uh, name? 83 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,036 Sebastian. Seb-- Seb. 84 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,622 Seb. And your power? 85 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,025 I can summon sea creatures. 86 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,443 Can you command them? 87 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,905 Um, no. 88 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,326 I have a rich father. 89 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,800 -Your name? -Uh, Ade. 90 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:24,926 Megan. 91 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,637 Uh, what-what can you do? 92 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,431 Uh, I can, uh, phase through solid objects. 93 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,308 I can turn anything into a PDF. 94 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,560 -So, what? Like a fridge? -Anything. 95 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,647 -A person? -Anything. 96 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,815 I'm basically a magnet. 97 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,901 It's not active all the time, but when it happens, you'll know. 98 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,365 It happened. 99 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,003 Nice. 100 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,296 We'll be in touch. 101 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,760 Oh. I'm stuck. 102 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,013 Don't mind me, though. I'll be-- I'll get there. 103 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,227 Mmm. Still stuck. 104 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,402 -Do you have more people coming? -We do, yeah. 105 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,908 Excuse me. What are you doing? 106 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994 I have a 3D printing arse. 107 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,538 I can do whatever you want as long as it's aerodynamic. 108 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,500 Can you do a spoon? 109 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,420 So sorry. Sorry to interrupt. 110 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,011 -Sorry. -Come on. You can do it. 111 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,013 -Come on. Oh, my God, yes! -You can do it. 112 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,306 -Dig deep. -Oh, my God. 113 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,640 -Come on, dig deep. -Wow. 114 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,767 Keep going with it. 115 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,227 -Squeeze! -Yeah! 116 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,812 Come on! 117 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,608 -Come on! -Wow. 118 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,279 No. 119 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:10,823 Can I join? 120 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,909 How did you get into the flat? 121 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,000 Super speed. Like you have to ask. 122 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,878 All right, how fast are we ta-- 123 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,509 Been to the Tate Modern and back. 124 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,304 Their Dada retrospective is... underwhelming. 125 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,182 Cheers. 126 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:45,733 Peace. 127 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,122 Thanks so much for coming in. 128 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:01,749 Oh, no problem. 129 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,003 Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier they wheeled out. 130 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,256 So it's nice to get asked to do actual legal stuff. 131 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,008 'Cause I can do that, but they never really ask me to. 132 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,595 -Oh, is this a recording studio? -Smart as a button. 133 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,765 We have an artist who died before he could finish his last album. 134 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:21,060 Tragic, really. His fans are still super passionate. 135 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:24,063 And we already paid him the advance. 136 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,357 So, if he could sing through you, 137 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,900 then we could finish the tracks 138 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,612 and bada-bing-bada platinum sales in 30, 40 territories worldwide. 139 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,697 Is that cool? 140 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,247 -Three, two, one. 141 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,125 -They want you to channel who now? -Colt Callaghan. 142 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,420 He was some big country music singer in the '80s, apparently. 143 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,297 I thought you were there for some legal bullshit? 144 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,382 Me too, but they just want me for my power. 145 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,634 Why doesn't anybody care what Carrie has to offer? 146 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,386 Probably because Carrie talks about herself 147 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,762 in the third person a bit too much. 148 00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,391 Can you come down? For moral support? 149 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,268 I'm at work. I can't just bail. 150 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,020 I'm saving up for the clinic. I need the money. 151 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,771 You can have a cut. They're paying me. 152 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:06,939 How much are they paying you? 153 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,483 I don't know. It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it? 154 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,736 Please come. I really need a friend right now. 155 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,112 No, you don't need a friend. 156 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,032 You need someone who can get you a decent deal. A real hard-ass. 157 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,368 You need-- 158 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,621 Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management. 159 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,123 This is handwritten. 160 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,376 We're a-a boutique agency with a personal touch. 161 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:32,632 Now, this national treasure is not opening her money hole until we talk shop. 162 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,883 Here is her rider. 163 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,805 "Sushi platter. Room temperature ice water." 164 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,183 We can deal with this later. 165 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,518 What I need to do right now, yeah, is talk to Colt. 166 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,145 He's gonna be pretty confused. 167 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,355 Uh, money first. 168 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,357 -We can offer you 250. -Oh, please. 169 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,235 Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra on a Saturday for 250. 170 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,446 -Five hundred. Final offer. -300. 171 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,783 I think my client would be content with £300. 172 00:10:58,866 --> 00:10:59,700 -Yeah. -Yeah. 173 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,410 £300,000. 174 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,750 May I just have a moment alone with my client? 175 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,679 Did he say £300,000? 176 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,431 I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday. 177 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,100 I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli. 178 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,395 Tenderstem, Jen. It is so much more tender. 179 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,438 You could pay for the clinic. 180 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,491 That amount would be acceptable, yes. 181 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,084 When are our friends coming? 182 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,547 They're not our friends. They're my vigilante group. 183 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:56,966 What are you hiding? 184 00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,677 You said that you needed snacks, so... 185 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,473 -So, where should I sit? 186 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:09,395 Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to do something very important for me. 187 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,312 Okay. 188 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,649 Okay, um, I need you to 189 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,152 get these for me. 190 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406 Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that. 191 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,450 I can do that. I'll get you your... 192 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,243 ..."tampons." 193 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,953 -Great. 194 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,622 -Where-- Where would I get a tampon? -Chemist. 195 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,207 Chemist. Yeah. 196 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,087 Um, Jen says it's too soon for me to be out in the world. 197 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,380 Well, Jen's not here. Okay? 198 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,424 -Okay, I won't let you down. -Yeah. 199 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,736 The miniature horse is unavailable. 200 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,446 Unacceptable. 201 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,031 Either you get us a big horse 202 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,451 that we can look at through the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk. 203 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:09,747 Yeah, totally. I'll sort all that after she gets Colt. 204 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,669 Heads up, by the way, Colt could be a little difficult. 205 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,588 What kind of difficult? 206 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:20,341 Where am I? Did I black out? 207 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,971 How old are you? Ah, wait. I don't wanna know. 208 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,517 You told me you were 18, and that's the line we're gonna go with. 209 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,353 Colt, mate, don't panic, but you're dead. 210 00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,815 My fucking wife. 211 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,526 She finally did it. She always said she would. 212 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,610 Gotta respect that. 213 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:43,072 No one killed you, mate. We brought you back to finish your album. 214 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:46,367 Sugar tits, you look a bit like Margaret Thatcher. 215 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,202 I like that. 216 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,371 Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too. 217 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,874 Wha-- 218 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,626 Holy shit! 219 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,629 Maybe being in a woman's body will give you a bit more respect. 220 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,757 Nice! I can work with these. 221 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,843 Now, what are these, a C cup? 222 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,720 You've been gone a while. Is there anything you wanna get caught up on? 223 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,806 There's only three things I need to know. 224 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:14,019 Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool? And is Jesus still white? 225 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,524 -Oh, yeah. Come on, now. -'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them. 226 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:21,318 -Get off them. Get off. 227 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,862 -All right! -Dirty bastard. 228 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,368 Congratulations, men. 229 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,954 You've all been selected because you demonstrated to me 230 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,290 that you are hero material. 231 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,083 You've passed the first test. 232 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,504 Will there be more tests? I'm dyslexic, and I need more time. 233 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,923 It's more a series of trials than tests. 234 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,301 It's, like, informal trials of the spirit and body. 235 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,385 It's more of a metaphor. 236 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,554 Really, I probably shouldn't have used the word "test." 237 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,474 Uh, any-- Words aside-- Um. 238 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,185 We're all here for one noble purpose: fighting crime. 239 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,979 What does that mean, specifically? 240 00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,399 Uh, like, going after crime. Stopping it and stuff. 241 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,485 -There's lots of different types of crime. -I know. I don't think we need-- 242 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,406 I suggest targeting child sex offenders. 243 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,368 Go after the real bad guys. Anyone else got a suggestion? 244 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,871 -Fly-tippers? No! Murderers! -Yes. 245 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,289 What about the elderly? 246 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,665 -Yeah, fuck 'em. -No. No. 247 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,210 I mean, like, people who scam the elderly. Like telemarketers. 248 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,712 Or the drug dealers, 249 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,007 uh, people who put their bag next to them on the empty seat in the train, 250 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,425 rapists? 251 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,473 I swear I had another marker here somewhere. Sorry. 252 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,643 I can get you one. Give me two minutes. 253 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:41,690 What colour? 254 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,379 Tampons? 255 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,527 Okay, so we're down to nonces versus children. 256 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,696 Uh, surely that's a tautology? 257 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,573 Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children from the nonces? 258 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,992 They cancel each other out. 259 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,411 It should be children versus women. 260 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:40,708 If we help women, like, protecting them walking home at night or something, 261 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,751 I think they'd be really grateful. 262 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,087 Not that we'd ask them for anything in return. 263 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,674 But if they did want to thank us, just a perk of the job. 264 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,843 Yeah, we're talking about them fucking us, right? 265 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,178 -No. -What? No! 266 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,222 No one sleeps with anyone they save. 267 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,057 I'm drawing this ethical line in the sand now. 268 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,809 What if someone wants to give us money? 269 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,519 Well, that's just tipping. That's fine. 270 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,564 I'd like to put myself forward as task force leader for this one. 271 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:08,235 I know women. I respect women. I love women. 272 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,822 -Well, I love women more than you do. -I have four sisters. 273 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:12,906 I have a mum. 274 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,285 -I've got two mums. -I've got a girlfriend. Do you? 275 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,329 -I don't currently have-- -Ha! Three-two. 276 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082 But that also means 277 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,544 that I don't view women solely as sexual objects. 278 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,337 Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend. 279 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,549 I read Jane Austen novels for fun. 280 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,180 I know where the clitoris is. 281 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,729 Prove it. 282 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,359 Have some water, pet. 283 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,660 It's just... a lot. 284 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,496 You buying the tampons for your girlfriend? 285 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,830 No, he's a boyfriend. 286 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,917 Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it. 287 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,836 I've been away for a while. 288 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,589 There's too much everything. 289 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,217 I'm sorry. I'm useless. 290 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,887 Oh, chicken, no. We all learn at our own pace. 291 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,972 I can help you get what you need. 292 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:23,352 What's their period like? Heavy? A lot of clotting? 293 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,229 Do they like an applicator or non? 294 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,522 What's a period? 295 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,275 Oh, Lord. Okay. 296 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,487 I can see we're gonna have to start from the beginning. 297 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,996 Come on, chica. Is this strictly necessary? 298 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,708 When you stop trying to unhook your bra, then the shame mitts can come off. 299 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,919 -Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry. -Stop that! 300 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299 Darlin', can you turn these for me? 301 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052 I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years. 302 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,221 Need a refresher on the old lyrics. 303 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,312 Jen, have you read these lyrics? 304 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,191 I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly very respectful to women or Canadians. 305 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,987 I'm sure they're not that ba-- Okay. Oh, no. 306 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,530 I don't think I can do this. 307 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,616 What? Of course you can. No, you can do this. 308 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,201 Do this, please. 309 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,454 I don't think I feel comfortable saying this stuff. 310 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,082 But it's not really you saying it, though. Is it? 311 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,377 It's coming out of my mouth. My mouth is making the shape of the words. 312 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,920 I don't wanna have a sexist mouth. 313 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,714 What if I ever meet Malala? I'll be mortified. 314 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:34,798 Look, Carrie, babe. 315 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:39,344 Look, you know I would never ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with. 316 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,222 Unless someone's going to pay us £300,000 to do it, okay? 317 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,348 So, maybe just do it? 318 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,649 Oh, if I could just make some adjustments to the source material. 319 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,067 He barely remembers what he wrote. 320 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,903 He'll sing whatever you put in front of him. 321 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,655 Yes. Okay, compromise. It's the beauty of negotiation. 322 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,618 Oh, where are you going? 323 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,746 I made them get me a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie. 324 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,289 I'm not passing that up. 325 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,458 You've got this, okay? Don't worry about it. 326 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,905 Honestly, this is too easy. 327 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,282 Well, do it then. Or do you not know? 328 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:45,786 How can you lead a group saving women when you don't know where the "clid" is? 329 00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,579 The what? 330 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,289 The "clid." 331 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,458 -Do you mean the clit? -That's what I said. 332 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,709 No, you said "clid" with a "D." 333 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,670 -He's stalling. I think we should-- -I can do it. 334 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,362 Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your-- 335 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,906 -What's going on? -We're locating the clitoris. 336 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,075 Oh, it's right there at the top underneath the clitoral hood 337 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,326 at the crest of the labia minora. 338 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:29,371 ...Ora. Exactly. 339 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,790 Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge. 340 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,876 -That doesn't mean you win. -Kash, I have your tampons. 341 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,755 See? I buy my girlfriend tampons. 342 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,091 Maybe you would too, if you had one. 343 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,386 Thank you. 344 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,654 You know, I like my women the way I like my guns. 345 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:03,822 With a silencer. 346 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,701 This here is a tribute to the perfect woman. 347 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,055 This doesn't sound right. 348 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,140 -We may have made some minor changes. 349 00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:32,976 -Creative differences. -You can't just do that. 350 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:44,696 You can barely notice it. 351 00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:58,251 Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right. 352 00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,462 What the hell, man? What the hell? 353 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:02,964 "I licked her out"? 354 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,341 I think there's a market for it. 355 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,968 Maggie, you know I got a soft spot for you, 356 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,679 but I sure as hell would never, ever lick you out, Maggie. 357 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,307 Do you hear me? That shit is nasty. 358 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,895 Who changed things? This is my song. Who changed these lyrics? 359 00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:34,454 £300,000. 360 00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:43,046 Okay. 361 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:45,841 You don't have to eat them all. 362 00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:48,385 I'll never get to live the high life again, Carrie. 363 00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:50,762 I'm not even good at pretending to be successful. 364 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,432 You were. For, like, an hour. 365 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:57,477 Maybe I should've just sung the song as it was. 366 00:23:57,561 --> 00:24:01,148 I should say I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. 367 00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:06,862 -Oh, you're really not going to, are you? -No. 368 00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,203 It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God. 369 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:20,876 Maybe channelling other people is all I'm good for. 370 00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,754 Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot. 371 00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:27,591 -Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics. 372 00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:29,342 -Yeah? -Yeah. 373 00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:34,055 And it's just money at the end of the day. 374 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,140 It's only £300,000-- 375 00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:38,852 Please don't say the amount. It causes me physical pain when I hear it. 376 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,941 Come on! 377 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,340 It was his idea. 378 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,426 -I love it. -It was my idea. 379 00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,560 -What did you do today? -I know where the clitoris is. 380 00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:23,647 Okay, I am not unpacking that. 381 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,399 How do you play this thing? 382 00:25:26,483 --> 00:25:29,611 Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps. 383 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,906 And you have to get from the Sanitary Valley 384 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,991 to the Wings of Heaven. 385 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,911 Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck in Absorbency Marshes though. 386 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,871 -That loses you ten points. -Okay. 387 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,915 And you'll start over here... 388 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,122 -I think I left my umbrella here. -Magnet girl. 389 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:23,206 I have a name. 390 00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:28,211 -Have you got any piercings? -No. 391 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,298 Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you?