1
00:00:08,792 --> 00:00:10,709
♪ Don't look over here ♪
2
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:14,125
Maybe we should help him.
3
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:17,041
Wait, wait. He'll get it.
Thumbs are tricky.
4
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,041
♪ I don't need anymore ♪
5
00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:20,125
♪ More ♪
6
00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:23,291
♪ I don't wanna see anything ♪
7
00:00:23,375 --> 00:00:24,959
♪ Hahaha, anymore ♪
8
00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:26,709
♪ I don't need anyone ♪
9
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:31,041
He doesn't know how to use a can opener?
10
00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:35,000
You're never gonna integrate back
into society if you can't do basic shit.
11
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,166
It's simple, okay? You clamp it on,
12
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,000
and you…
13
00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:47,667
Shit!
14
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,417
It's broken.
15
00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:57,083
♪ Shut up ♪
16
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:00,834
♪ Shut up ♪
17
00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:04,875
♪ Shut up ♪
18
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:08,208
- Excuse me?
- Oh, God, no!
19
00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:10,667
Do you work here? I have a complaint.
20
00:01:11,291 --> 00:01:12,458
What seems to be the problem?
21
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:15,458
I rented this costume
for my husband's birthday,
22
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,250
and now I can't get the bloody mask off.
23
00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:20,917
Uh, sorry,
did you say your husband's birthday?
24
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000
Yes.
25
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,083
Okay.
26
00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:26,250
So, your husband likes strong women?
27
00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,500
I think it's some sort of vacuum effect.
28
00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,250
Have you tried greasing it up?
29
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:31,750
You could use butter. Or lube.
30
00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:37,166
Excuse me,
but why would I have lube in my house?
31
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:38,375
Oh, come on.
32
00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:39,542
You've got lube.
33
00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:42,333
I want this mask off now.
34
00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:45,500
And it goes without saying,
I expect a full refund.
35
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,208
Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds
36
00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:52,291
if the costume's been used
for its intended purpose.
37
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,041
What are you implying?
38
00:01:55,291 --> 00:01:58,208
You can't imply a customer is pegging
their husband as Margaret Thatcher.
39
00:01:58,291 --> 00:01:59,291
She is!
40
00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,834
Of course she is, but you can't say that.
41
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,792
Sometimes I wonder
if you're cut out for customer service.
42
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,000
You're absolutely right.
43
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,963
No, I think the best thing to do is
to let me go
44
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,441
with a generous redundancy package.
45
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:14,083
You are a manager. Great liar.
46
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:17,500
You hate people just the right amount.
I've never seen you miss a fag break.
47
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,166
You could flourish here.
48
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,750
Take my place when I die.
49
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,583
That's a lovely thing to say, Ange.
But this is just temporary.
50
00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:25,208
Tim said that too when he started.
51
00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:27,333
He's been here seven years.
He still loves it.
52
00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:37,291
♪ Are you ready, Check? ♪
53
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,417
♪ Name, escape ♪
54
00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,500
Absolutely not.
55
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,083
Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it.
56
00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:52,291
Listen, this is a very good deal for you.
57
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:57,291
Your music in the lift
of every cruise ship in the fleet.
58
00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:00,101
They might even want your early stuff
for the hold lines on the phone.
59
00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:03,917
I sold out the
Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row.
60
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,792
I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones.
61
00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:08,917
A cruise ship? I think not.
62
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,583
It's time for a comeback.
63
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,875
Valerie,
you know we love you at the label.
64
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:17,417
But only one person with your condition
has made a comeback, and that's Jesus.
65
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,917
I can still sing. I'm still relevant.
66
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,625
Fuck it. I'll even do a duet.
67
00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:25,083
What's Whitney Houston up to these days?
68
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:46,000
Get out. I'm literally about
to start auditioning people.
69
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:47,792
- Can I watch?
- Why?
70
00:03:48,792 --> 00:03:50,583
I just wanna learn how to human again.
71
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:55,959
Fine. But don't do anything weird.
Or say anything. Or touch anyone.
72
00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,125
It's very important to me.
73
00:03:58,291 --> 00:03:59,458
And not just to me, okay?
74
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,583
I'm doing this for the city.
For the vulnerable.
75
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,959
Jen says you're doing it
because you're a feckless loser
76
00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:06,917
who sponges off his girlfriends.
77
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,959
And, uh,
this nostalgic imitation of virility
78
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,917
gives you the illusion of control over
your emasculated, directionless existence.
79
00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:23,667
Although. I don't know
what most of that means,
80
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,750
is that right?
81
00:04:26,417 --> 00:04:29,125
♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪
82
00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:32,125
♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪
83
00:04:32,208 --> 00:04:35,125
♪ All my friends go ♪
84
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,750
♪ I went to school and I got a big ♪
85
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:38,834
All right?
86
00:04:38,917 --> 00:04:40,959
She took the news very well.
87
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:43,500
Yeah, that was very impressive in there.
Crystal clear.
88
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,667
How do you feel about some moonlighting?
89
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:49,166
We have another life-challenged artist
on our books
90
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,000
that I think you'd work well with.
91
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,500
Is it an estates dispute?
Because I'm quite junior.
92
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:57,875
I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle.
You're very impressive, Carrie.
93
00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,917
Yes. Yes.
94
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,375
I can handle it. I'll do it.
95
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:07,750
- Great. Saturday at 2.00.
- I'll send you the addy.
96
00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:08,834
Yeah, great.
97
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:11,917
♪ I got a big D ♪
98
00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:14,625
♪ I got the big D ♪
99
00:05:14,709 --> 00:05:17,166
♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪
100
00:05:27,083 --> 00:05:28,083
Uh, name?
101
00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:30,000
Sebastian. Seb... Seb.
102
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:33,583
Seb. And your power?
103
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,000
I can summon sea creatures.
104
00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:02,417
Can you command them?
105
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,875
Um, no.
106
00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:10,291
I have a rich father.
107
00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:25,792
- Your name?
- Uh, Ade.
108
00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:26,917
Megan.
109
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,625
Uh, what-what can you do?
110
00:06:29,709 --> 00:06:32,417
Uh, I can, uh,
phase through solid objects.
111
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,291
I can turn anything into a PDF.
112
00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:36,542
- So, what? Like a fridge?
- Anything.
113
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:39,625
- A person?
- Anything.
114
00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:40,792
I'm basically a magnet.
115
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:43,875
It's not active all the time,
but when it happens, you'll know.
116
00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:49,333
It happened.
117
00:07:01,417 --> 00:07:03,000
Nice.
118
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,291
We'll be in touch.
119
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,750
Oh. I'm stuck.
120
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:13,000
Don't mind me, though.
I'll be... I'll get there.
121
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,208
Mmm. Still stuck.
122
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,166
Uh…
123
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,375
- Do you have more people coming?
- We do, yeah.
124
00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:32,875
Excuse me. What are you doing?
125
00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,959
I have a 3D printing arse.
126
00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,500
I can do whatever you want
as long as it's aerodynamic.
127
00:07:40,417 --> 00:07:41,458
Can you do a spoon?
128
00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,417
So sorry. Sorry to interrupt.
129
00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,583
♪ Sun spots, changing glare ♪
130
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,208
♪ Walking around
With my very best friend ♪
131
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,000
- Sorry.
- Come on. You can do it.
132
00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:54,000
- Come on. Oh, my God, yes!
- You can do it.
133
00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:55,291
- Dig deep.
- Oh, my God.
134
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,625
- Come on, dig deep.
- Wow.
135
00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:58,750
Keep going with it.
136
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,208
- Squeeze!
- Yeah!
137
00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,792
Come on!
138
00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:05,583
- Come on!
- Wow.
139
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,250
No.
140
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:12,792
Can I join?
141
00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:14,875
How did you get into the flat?
142
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,000
Super speed. Like you have to ask.
143
00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:25,875
All right, how fast are we ta...
144
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,500
Been to the Tate Modern and back.
145
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,291
Their Dada retrospective is…
underwhelming.
146
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:38,166
Cheers.
147
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:47,709
Peace.
148
00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:49,500
♪ We are born ♪
149
00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:51,709
♪ And I don't care ♪
150
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,000
♪ As we grow old ♪
151
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:56,125
♪ As I'm aware ♪
152
00:08:56,208 --> 00:09:00,458
♪ As we grow ♪
153
00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,083
Thanks so much for coming in.
154
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:03,709
Oh, no problem.
155
00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:08,000
Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier
they wheeled out.
156
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:10,250
So it's nice to get asked
to do actual legal stuff.
157
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:13,000
'Cause I can do that,
but they never really ask me to.
158
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,583
- Oh, is this a recording studio?
- Smart as a button.
159
00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:19,750
We have an artist who died
before he could finish his last album.
160
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:23,041
Tragic, really.
His fans are still super passionate.
161
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:26,041
And we already paid him the advance.
Uh-oh!
162
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,333
So, if he could sing through you,
163
00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:29,875
then we could finish the tracks
164
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:33,583
and bada-bing-bada platinum sales
in 30, 40 territories worldwide.
165
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:34,667
Is that cool?
166
00:09:35,959 --> 00:09:37,000
Uh.
167
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:43,208
Three, two, one.
168
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,083
- They want you to channel who now?
- Colt Callaghan.
169
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,417
He was some big country music singer
in the '80s, apparently.
170
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,351
I thought you were there
for some legal bullshit?
171
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:53,375
Me too,
but they just want me for my power.
172
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,625
Why doesn't anybody care
what Carrie has to offer?
173
00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:57,389
Probably because
Carrie talks about herself
174
00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,858
in the third person a bit too much.
175
00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:02,375
Can you come down? For moral support?
176
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:04,250
I'm at work. I can't just bail.
177
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,059
I'm saving up for the clinic.
I need the money.
178
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,750
You can have a cut. They're paying me.
179
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:08,976
How much are they paying you?
180
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,458
I don't know.
It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it?
181
00:10:11,542 --> 00:10:13,709
Please come.
I really need a friend right now.
182
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:15,083
No, you don't need a friend.
183
00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:18,000
You need someone who can get you
a decent deal. A real hard-ass.
184
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:21,333
You need...
185
00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:23,583
Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management.
186
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,083
This is handwritten.
187
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:29,375
We're a-a boutique agency
with a personal touch.
188
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:34,625
Now, this national treasure is not opening
her money hole until we talk shop.
189
00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:35,875
Here is her rider.
190
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:41,792
"Sushi platter.
Room temperature ice water."
191
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,166
We can deal with this later.
192
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,500
What I need to do right now, yeah,
is talk to Colt.
193
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,125
He's gonna be pretty confused.
194
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:49,333
Uh, money first.
195
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:51,333
- We can offer you 250.
- Oh, please.
196
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:55,208
Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra
on a Saturday for 250.
197
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:57,417
- Five hundred. Final offer.
- 300.
198
00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:00,750
I think my client would
be content with £300.
199
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:01,667
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
200
00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:03,375
£300,000.
201
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:09,709
May I just have a moment alone
with my client?
202
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:21,667
Did he say £300,000?
203
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:24,417
I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday.
204
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,083
I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli.
205
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:29,375
Tenderstem, Jen.
It is so much more tender.
206
00:11:29,458 --> 00:11:31,417
You could pay for the clinic.
207
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,184
♪ Didn't do it for the love
Didn't do it for the police ♪
208
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:37,208
♪ Get on these knees ♪
209
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:40,041
♪ Didn't do it for the sex
Didn't do it for the love ♪
210
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:42,458
That amount would be acceptable, yes.
211
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:47,875
♪ I did it for the money ♪
212
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,083
When are our friends coming?
213
00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:56,542
They're not our friends.
They're my vigilante group.
214
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:58,959
What are you hiding?
215
00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:01,667
You said that you needed snacks, so…
216
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,458
So, where should I sit?
217
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:11,375
Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to
do something very important for me.
218
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:12,458
Okay.
219
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:15,625
Okay, um, I need you to
220
00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:18,125
get these for me.
221
00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:22,375
Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that.
222
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,417
I can do that. I'll get you your…
223
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,208
… "tampons."
224
00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:27,917
Great.
225
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,583
- Where... Where would I get a tampon?
- Chemist.
226
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,166
Chemist. Yeah.
227
00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:37,083
Um, Jen says it's too soon for me
to be out in the world.
228
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,375
Well, Jen's not here. Okay?
229
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,417
- Okay, I won't let you down.
- Yeah.
230
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:00,768
The miniature horse is unavailable.
231
00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:02,417
Unacceptable.
232
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,000
Either you get us a big horse
233
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,417
that we can look at through
the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk.
234
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,709
Yeah, totally.
I'll sort all that after she gets Colt.
235
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,667
Heads up, by the way,
Colt could be a little difficult.
236
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:19,583
What kind of difficult?
237
00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:22,333
Where am I? Did I black out?
238
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:27,959
How old are you?
Ah, wait. I don't wanna know.
239
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:31,500
You told me you were 18,
and that's the line we're gonna go with.
240
00:13:31,583 --> 00:13:34,333
Colt, mate, don't panic,
but you're dead.
241
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,792
My fucking wife.
242
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,500
She finally did it.
She always said she would.
243
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:41,583
Gotta respect that.
244
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:45,041
No one killed you, mate.
We brought you back to finish your album.
245
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,333
Sugar tits, you look
a bit like Margaret Thatcher.
246
00:13:48,417 --> 00:13:50,166
I like that.
247
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,333
Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too.
248
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,834
Wha...
249
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:57,667
Holy shit!
250
00:13:57,709 --> 00:14:00,625
Maybe being in a woman's body
will give you a bit more respect.
251
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,750
Nice! I can work with these.
252
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,834
Now, what are these, a C cup?
253
00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:08,717
You've been gone a while. Is there
anything you wanna get caught up on?
254
00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:10,792
There's only three things
I need to know.
255
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:16,000
Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool?
And is Jesus still white?
256
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:20,500
- Oh, yeah. Come on, now.
- 'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them.
257
00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:23,291
Get off them. Get off.
258
00:14:23,375 --> 00:14:24,834
- All right!
- Dirty bastard.
259
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,333
Congratulations, men.
260
00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:33,917
You've all been selected because you
demonstrated to me
261
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,250
that you are hero material.
262
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,083
You've passed the first test.
263
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,500
Will there be more tests?
I'm dyslexic, and I need more time.
264
00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,917
It's more a series of trials than tests.
265
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,291
It's, like, informal trials
of the spirit and body.
266
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:48,375
It's more of a metaphor.
267
00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:50,618
Really, I probably shouldn't have used
the word "test."
268
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,458
Uh, any... Words aside... Um.
269
00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:57,166
We're all here for one noble purpose:
fighting crime.
270
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,959
What does that mean, specifically?
271
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:02,375
Uh, like, going after crime.
Stopping it and stuff.
272
00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:05,518
- There's lots of different types of crime.
- I know. I don't think we need...
273
00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:09,375
I suggest targeting child sex offenders.
274
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:13,333
Go after the real bad guys.
Anyone else got a suggestion?
275
00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:15,834
- Fly-tippers? No! Murderers!
- Yes.
276
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,250
What about the elderly?
277
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,625
- Yeah, fuck 'em.
- No. No.
278
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,208
I mean, like, people who scam the elderly.
Like telemarketers.
279
00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:23,709
Or the drug dealers,
280
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:27,000
uh, people who put their bag next to them
on the empty seat in the train,
281
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,417
rapists?
282
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:34,458
I swear I had another
marker here somewhere. Sorry.
283
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,625
I can get you one. Give me two minutes.
284
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:43,834
What colour?
285
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:48,875
♪ Well, I'm cracking one open
With the boys ♪
286
00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,750
♪ By myself ♪
287
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:58,333
♪ Everybody thinks that
I need professional help ♪
288
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,625
♪ But I don't wanna
Think about that anymore ♪
289
00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:05,375
Tampons?
290
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,834
♪ And just because I woke up
On someone's floor ♪
291
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:10,917
♪ And asked who the fuck am I ♪
292
00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:14,792
♪ I didn't know it felt good to cry ♪
293
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,041
♪ Yeah, I started from the bottom ♪
294
00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:19,875
♪ And I'm still at the bottom ♪
295
00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,542
♪ Yeah, I spent the night in jail ♪
296
00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:24,000
♪ Turns out it wasn't the bottom ♪
297
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:28,500
Okay, so we're down to nonces
versus children.
298
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,667
Uh, surely that's a tautology?
299
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,542
Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children
from the nonces?
300
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:34,959
They cancel each other out.
301
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:37,375
It should be children versus women.
302
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:42,667
If we help women, like, protecting them
walking home at night or something,
303
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,750
I think they'd be really grateful.
304
00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:47,083
Not that we'd ask them
for anything in return.
305
00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:50,667
But if they did want to thank us,
just a perk of the job.
306
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,834
Yeah, we're talking
about them fucking us, right?
307
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,166
- No.
- What? No!
308
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,208
No one sleeps with anyone they save.
309
00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:59,091
I'm drawing this ethical line
in the sand now.
310
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:00,792
What if someone wants to give us money?
311
00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:02,500
Well, that's just tipping. That's fine.
312
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,542
I'd like to put myself forward
as task force leader for this one.
313
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:10,208
I know women. I respect women.
I love women.
314
00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:13,792
- Well, I love women more than you do.
- I have four sisters.
315
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:14,875
I have a mum.
316
00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:18,250
- I've got two mums.
- I've got a girlfriend. Do you?
317
00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:21,291
- I don't currently have...
- Ha! Three-two.
318
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,041
But that also means
319
00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:27,542
that I don't view women
solely as sexual objects.
320
00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:29,333
Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend.
321
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:32,542
I read Jane Austen novels for fun.
322
00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,166
I know where the clitoris is.
323
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:45,875
Prove it.
324
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,333
Have some water, pet.
325
00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:00,625
It's just… a lot.
326
00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:02,458
You buying the tampons
for your girlfriend?
327
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:03,792
No, he's a boyfriend.
328
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,875
Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it.
329
00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:09,834
I've been away for a while.
330
00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:12,583
There's too much everything.
331
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,208
I'm sorry. I'm useless.
332
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:18,875
Oh, chicken, no.
We all learn at our own pace.
333
00:18:18,959 --> 00:18:20,959
I can help you get what you need.
334
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:25,333
What's their period like?
Heavy? A lot of clotting?
335
00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:27,208
Do they like an applicator or non?
336
00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:28,500
What's a period?
337
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,250
Oh, Lord. Okay.
338
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:35,458
I can see we're gonna have to start
from the beginning.
339
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,959
Come on, chica.
Is this strictly necessary?
340
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,709
When you stop trying to unhook your bra,
then the shame mitts can come off.
341
00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:50,917
- Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry.
- Stop that!
342
00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:56,291
Darlin', can you turn these for me?
343
00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:59,041
I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years.
344
00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:01,208
Need a refresher on the old lyrics.
345
00:19:06,709 --> 00:19:09,291
Jen, have you read these lyrics?
346
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:13,166
I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly
very respectful to women or Canadians.
347
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:16,959
I'm sure they're not that ba...
Okay. Oh, no.
348
00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:18,500
I don't think I can do this.
349
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,583
What? Of course you can.
No, you can do this.
350
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,166
Do this, please.
351
00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:26,417
I don't think I feel comfortable
saying this stuff.
352
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,041
But it's not really you saying it, though.
Is it?
353
00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:32,375
It's coming out of my mouth.
My mouth is making the shape of the words.
354
00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:33,917
I don't wanna have a sexist mouth.
355
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,768
What if I ever meet Malala?
I'll be mortified.
356
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:36,792
Look, Carrie, babe.
357
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:41,333
Look, you know I would never ask you to
do something you're uncomfortable with.
358
00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:44,208
Unless someone's going to pay us
£300,000 to do it, okay?
359
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:45,333
So, maybe just do it?
360
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:54,625
Oh, if I could just make some adjustments
to the source material.
361
00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:56,069
He barely remembers what he wrote.
362
00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:57,875
He'll sing
whatever you put in front of him.
363
00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:00,625
Yes. Okay, compromise.
It's the beauty of negotiation.
364
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,583
Oh, where are you going?
365
00:20:05,542 --> 00:20:07,709
I made them get me
a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie.
366
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,250
I'm not passing that up.
367
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,417
You've got this, okay?
Don't worry about it.
368
00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:13,875
♪ I don't know who's getting ready ♪
369
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,583
♪ I don't know who's getting ♪
370
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,000
♪ But what a pity ♪
371
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,250
♪ Such a pity city
If there's no children ♪
372
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,959
♪ I don't see them on the runway ♪
373
00:20:22,041 --> 00:20:23,834
♪ They bus them in on Sundays ♪
374
00:20:23,917 --> 00:20:28,291
♪ The visitors are needing to decide
If you can come stay ♪
375
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,875
Honestly, this is too easy.
376
00:20:41,959 --> 00:20:44,250
Well, do it then. Or do you not know?
377
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:47,750
How can you lead a group saving women
when you don't know where the "clid" is?
378
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:49,542
The what?
379
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,250
The "clid."
380
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,458
- Do you mean the clit?
- That's what I said.
381
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:54,768
No, you said "clid" with a "D."
382
00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:56,832
- He's stalling. I think we should...
- I can do it.
383
00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:22,333
Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your...
384
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:24,875
- What's going on?
- We're locating the clitoris.
385
00:21:24,959 --> 00:21:27,101
Oh, it's right there at the top
underneath the clitoral hood
386
00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:28,351
at the crest of the labia minora.
387
00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:31,333
…Ora. Exactly.
388
00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:33,750
Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge.
389
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,875
- That doesn't mean you win.
- Kash, I have your tampons.
390
00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:40,750
See? I buy my girlfriend tampons.
391
00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:43,083
Maybe you would too, if you had one.
392
00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:46,375
Thank you.
393
00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:04,625
You know, I like my women
the way I like my guns.
394
00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:05,792
With a silencer.
395
00:22:07,625 --> 00:22:09,667
This here is a tribute
to the perfect woman.
396
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:15,917
♪ I met her at a downtown bar ♪
397
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,125
♪ She was waiting on drunks ♪
398
00:22:19,166 --> 00:22:23,583
♪ Lord, she had a mouth that was
Only good for… measured debate ♪
399
00:22:25,542 --> 00:22:28,750
♪ And an ass that screamed
"Respect me as an intellectual equal" ♪
400
00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:30,041
This doesn't sound right.
401
00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,184
- We may have made some minor changes.
- ♪ Perfect woman ♪
402
00:22:32,208 --> 00:22:34,959
- Creative differences.
- You can't just do that.
403
00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:38,041
♪ Now we're in
The back of my big red truck ♪
404
00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:41,375
♪ Country music's playing
And we're about to ♪
405
00:22:42,417 --> 00:22:44,500
♪ Have consensual sex ♪
406
00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:46,667
You can barely notice it.
407
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:49,375
♪ We rocked all night
And she said she loved me ♪
408
00:22:49,959 --> 00:22:51,959
♪ But when the morning came ♪
409
00:22:52,792 --> 00:22:57,291
♪ I did what real men do
And I licked her out ♪
410
00:22:57,375 --> 00:23:00,250
Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right.
411
00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:02,458
What the hell, man? What the hell?
412
00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:04,959
"I licked her out"?
413
00:23:05,041 --> 00:23:06,333
I think there's a market for it.
414
00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:08,959
Maggie, you know
I got a soft spot for you,
415
00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:11,667
but I sure as hell
would never, ever lick you out, Maggie.
416
00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:14,291
Do you hear me? That shit is nasty.
417
00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:18,875
Who changed things? This is my song.
Who changed these lyrics?
418
00:23:18,959 --> 00:23:21,500
♪ Okay, that's just who I
That's just who I ♪
419
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,417
£300,000.
420
00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:45,041
Okay.
421
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:47,834
You don't have to eat them all.
422
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,375
I'll never get to live
the high life again, Carrie.
423
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:52,750
I'm not even good
at pretending to be successful.
424
00:23:52,834 --> 00:23:55,417
You were. For, like, an hour.
425
00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:59,458
Maybe I should've just
sung the song as it was.
426
00:23:59,542 --> 00:24:03,125
I should say I'm proud of you
for standing up for what you believe in.
427
00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:08,834
- Oh, you're really not going to, are you?
- No.
428
00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:17,166
It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God.
429
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:22,875
Maybe channelling other people
is all I'm good for.
430
00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,750
Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot.
431
00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:29,583
Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics.
432
00:24:30,083 --> 00:24:31,333
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
433
00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:36,041
And it's just money at the end of the day.
434
00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:37,125
It's only £300,000...
435
00:24:37,208 --> 00:24:40,834
Please don't say the amount.
It causes me physical pain when I hear it.
436
00:24:45,291 --> 00:24:46,917
Come on!
437
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,333
It was his idea.
438
00:25:11,166 --> 00:25:13,417
- I love it.
- It was my idea.
439
00:25:19,875 --> 00:25:22,542
- What did you do today?
- I know where the clitoris is.
440
00:25:23,375 --> 00:25:25,625
Okay, I am not unpacking that.
441
00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:28,375
How do you play this thing?
442
00:25:28,458 --> 00:25:31,583
- Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps.
- Mm-hmm.
443
00:25:31,667 --> 00:25:34,875
And you have to get
from the Sanitary Valley
444
00:25:34,959 --> 00:25:36,959
to the Wings of Heaven.
445
00:25:37,041 --> 00:25:39,875
Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck
in Absorbency Marshes though.
446
00:25:39,959 --> 00:25:41,834
- That loses you ten points.
- Okay.
447
00:25:41,917 --> 00:25:43,875
And you'll start over here…
448
00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:49,291
♪ Getting strong today ♪
449
00:25:50,208 --> 00:25:54,000
♪ A giant step each day ♪
450
00:25:54,667 --> 00:26:00,792
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
451
00:26:00,875 --> 00:26:03,750
- ♪ Getting strong today ♪
- ♪ Only fools rush in ♪
452
00:26:04,625 --> 00:26:08,333
- ♪ A giant step each day ♪
- ♪ Only fools rush in ♪
453
00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:14,959
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
454
00:26:21,792 --> 00:26:24,083
- I think I left my umbrella here.
- Magnet girl.
455
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,166
I have a name.
456
00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,208
- Have you got any piercings?
- No.
457
00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:33,291
Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you?
458
00:26:34,291 --> 00:26:40,667
♪ I will love you till I die ♪
459
00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:47,583
♪ And I will love you all the time ♪
460
00:26:48,083 --> 00:26:54,875
♪ So please put your sweet hand in mine ♪
461
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,834
♪ And float in space ♪
462
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:02,250
♪ And drift in time ♪
463
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:09,250
♪ All I want in life is a little bit of
Love to take the pain away ♪
464
00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:16,166
♪ We'll float in space just you and I ♪