1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:04,463 Governor's letting out a bunch of non-violent inmates 2 00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:07,717 because of the coronavirus, and you dumbasses are two of them. 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,051 What'd you get locked up for? 4 00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:14,640 Credit card cloning, identity theft, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, and... 5 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:15,599 wire fraud. 6 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,892 At least you follow through. 7 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:20,020 If one of you snores, you might want to plug up the bullet holes. 8 00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,648 After dinner, we visit Melvin's place 9 00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:24,400 and steal us some toilet paper. 10 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,652 We're gonna steal more than toilet paper, though, right? 11 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:27,987 You said he got paid in cash? 12 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,488 Those politicians you mentioned 13 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:32,032 who were dumping stocks while lying about the virus? 14 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,868 Turns out, one of them's from around here. 15 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,786 Congresswoman Tackleberry. 16 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,330 Check it out. That's a Claude Van Woodsen. 17 00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:41,208 It's probably worth half a million dollars if we can get our hands on it. 18 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,043 We're not robbing any congresswoman. 19 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:44,670 I don't wanna be doing any of this bullshit. 20 00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,255 The state won't allow me to hire 21 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,591 -a teacher with a felony drug conviction. -Wait. What? 22 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,301 What if you could be a teacher after we're done? 23 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,052 I told you they won't let me be a teacher. 24 00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:55,139 So, stop being you. I can get you a brand new identity. 25 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,349 I just need you for a few weeks first. 26 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,727 See these security cameras inside her house? 27 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,937 They're everywhere. We tap into her Wi-Fi, 28 00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,815 and we got 24-hour surveillance inside her home. 29 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,358 You guys, we're in. 30 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:09,445 The Real Housewife of Congressional District 10 is on the air. 31 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,947 Why do yo have a picture of Rooster's pecker? 32 00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,741 I'm sorry. Who's pecker is that?! 33 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,746 Show me your pecker. 34 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,960 You got some explaining to do, Cinderella. 35 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,089 [slow, dark jazz playing] 36 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,783 ["I Wonder" by Rodriguez playing] 37 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:12,466 ♪ I wonder how many times you've been had ♪ 38 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:16,846 ♪ And I wonder how many plans have gone bad ♪ 39 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:21,016 ♪ I wonder how many times you had sex ♪ 40 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:25,354 ♪ And I wonder do you know who'll be next ♪ 41 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:29,567 ♪ I wonder, I wonder ♪ 42 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,489 ♪ Wonder I do ♪ 43 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,160 -[Rooster grunts] -[whistling] 44 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:46,667 ♪ I wonder about the love you can't find ♪ 45 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,880 ♪ And I wonder about the loneliness that's mine ♪ 46 00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,884 ♪ I wonder how much going have you got ♪ 47 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:59,263 ♪ And I wonder about your friends that are not ♪ 48 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:03,392 ♪ I wonder, I wonder ♪ 49 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,978 [grunts] Come on, man. My hand's startin' to hurt. 50 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:10,524 Melvin stop. He doesn't respond to pain. 51 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:13,736 One Halloween he didn't have a costume, and he made me stab him in the shoulder 52 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:16,196 with that little pocket knife he keeps in his back pocket. 53 00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,327 This little rinky-dink thing. 54 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,287 Where you get this from? A gumball machine? 55 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,416 Look, I know you robbed me, bro. You left a picture of your dick. 56 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,710 Just tell me who helped you. 57 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,046 Your mother helped me. 58 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,632 And it ain't my dick. It's hers. 59 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,556 Wiggles, you want some coffee and donut holes? 60 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,309 I'm too tired for coffee. 61 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,646 I'll take a Kool-Aid. Put it in my fun cup. 62 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:50,898 Why are you with this guy? 63 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,107 He's an asshole, 64 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:55,235 and his house smells like a can of tennis balls. 65 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,279 Actually, that's him, not the house. 66 00:03:57,363 --> 00:04:00,783 He has a unique musk, but I'm willing to overlook that. 67 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,202 I wanna have a daughter while I'm still young enough 68 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:06,330 to do fun stuff with her like going to waterparks 69 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,207 and/or taking mushrooms. 70 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,001 So, have a baby with me. I love babies! 71 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:14,088 Every time I see one in the grocery store, I make funny faces, 72 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,298 and they usually make funny faces back. 73 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,509 You get arrested too much. 74 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,386 And Melvin doesn't break the law? 75 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:24,139 He's been assaulting me all night. He was so quick to drag me in here 76 00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,100 that he parked more than 18 inches from the curb. 77 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,851 But he doesn't get caught. 78 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,647 I need to raise my baby with a criminal who only goes to jail a little. 79 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,900 A father needs to be there to teach his little girl how to fight 80 00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:38,487 or explain why their mother can't get out of bed for a few days. 81 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:40,990 Thanks, baby. 82 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,785 What's wrong, buddy? You didn't like that? 83 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,835 [suspenseful music playing] 84 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,426 There are four of us! 85 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,178 ["Talk About The Good Times" by The Oak Ridge Boys playing] 86 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:07,433 ♪ Well I remember when I was just children ♪ 87 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,978 ♪ The time when people used to treat their neighbor like a fellow man ♪ 88 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:15,816 ♪ Them all day singin' and them big prayer meetin's ♪ 89 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:20,612 ♪ When a man was proud to walk up and shake his neighbor's hand ♪ 90 00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:22,948 ♪ Lord you talk about the good times ♪ 91 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,075 ♪ Talk about the good times ♪ 92 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:28,912 ♪ Oh if you ever needed help a friend was there ♪ 93 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:31,540 ♪ Some good neighbor ♪ 94 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,417 ♪ Would help lift your burden ♪ 95 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:38,297 ♪ Oh and the simple joys of life your friends would share ♪ 96 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,548 ♪ Well all right ♪ 97 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,177 This not having a maid shit is bullshit, Horace. 98 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,721 Yesterday I was in Congress voting on a stimulus bill. 99 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,265 Today I'm chiseling skid marks! 100 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,894 We don't know how many people Lucia has been around. 101 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,813 She goes to birthday parties in the park, for Christ's sake. 102 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:58,192 If she brings the COVID in here, with my mesothelioma, 103 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,401 I'll be dead in a week! 104 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:03,197 I mean, what the hell have you been eating, anyway? 105 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,491 It's like you're shitting out Sharpie marker! 106 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:09,203 The medicine that I'm on gives me dark stools. 107 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,288 Have you been watching that all night? 108 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,540 This is the best reality show I've ever seen. 109 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,334 Hogan Knows Best is up there, 110 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,629 but this is pure, unfiltered reality. 111 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,090 And I get to see everything, 112 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,551 It's like I'm God, but without the responsibility of making tornados 113 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,970 and coming up with all those different kinds of fishes. 114 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:30,182 Have you ever seen one of those real-life movies about the ocean? 115 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,018 There is some crazy shit in that water. 116 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,561 I won't go in above my ankles. 117 00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:38,107 -Is, uh, there gonna be breakfast? -Oh, I haven't had time to make it yet. 118 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:41,026 Uh, so is it okay if I fix a little something to eat? 119 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,111 Why wouldn't it be okay? 120 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,862 I just didn't know if I had kitchen privileges. 121 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,030 It's not prison, Jack. 122 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:47,157 You can pour yourself a bowl of cereal without permission. 123 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,035 Actually, I think Barb is the only one who can authorize-- 124 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,829 You can use the kitchen, Cool Hand. 125 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,038 Thank you. 126 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:54,957 Come here. Sit down. 127 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,501 This rich bitch has no idea how to clean. 128 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,169 She just vacuumed the sink. 129 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671 Barb, none of that matters. 130 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,174 Just write down when they come and go so we know the best time to break in. 131 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,512 [rock music playing] 132 00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,139 Hello, Bar. 133 00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:11,557 Nicaraguan lady. 134 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,599 How did you know I was from-- 135 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,643 It's a gift. I can detect all the flavors. 136 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,314 So, uh, are there any restrictions on the... waffles? 137 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:20,440 Is this him? 138 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:21,817 Yeah. 139 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,485 What are you two doing together? 140 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,571 Oh, me and Chicken Little? We've been chattin'. 141 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,114 And he's been spillin' all the tea. 142 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,534 You guys knocking me out, stealing my ATM card. 143 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,120 I'm sorry. He found my dick pic at his house, he tied me up, 144 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,830 and then he did love stuff with Wiggles. 145 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,331 [Gloria sighs] 146 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,757 Uh, no offense, dude, but shouldn't you have a mask on? 147 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,593 -None of you have masks on. -[Jack holds breath] 148 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,386 Well, we all live together, so... 149 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,681 And I spit on Rooster three times last night and tea-bagged his Fruit Loops, 150 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600 so I guess I'm officially part of your bubble. 151 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,977 So, I hear you're some kind of criminal mastermind. 152 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,604 I'm not a criminal or a mastermind. 153 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,856 Just learned a few things inside. 154 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,609 He also tells me you only rob bad people, 155 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:07,112 which, as one of your victims, I'm a little offended by. 156 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,531 But since the only information you know about me was given to you 157 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,700 by this dipshit and his foot-faced mother, 158 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,493 I'll try not to take it personal. 159 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,705 -What the hell does "foot-faced" mean? -It means your face looks like a foot. 160 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,875 I don't see it. 161 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,502 That's a cute little jumper you got on. 162 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,589 Look, man, I'm cool if you're gay, okay? But just so you know, 163 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,840 I'm a little dyslexic, 164 00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,384 so I struggle with the whole BQLTG stuff. 165 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:30,802 [Barb] What do you want, Melvin? 166 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,888 You want your money back? Fine, we'll pay you back. 167 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015 Oh, no. I'm gonna take it out of your cut from your next job. 168 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,683 You guys work for me now. 169 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,644 -Uh... -[scoffs] 170 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:43,440 Or I could tell the po-po about these juicy little robberies y'all been doin', 171 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,942 and you all can go back to prison. 172 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,113 So, we have a deal? 173 00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:55,452 Where's your bathroom? In my rush to get here this morning, 174 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,663 I think I put my drawers on backwards. 175 00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:58,872 Upstairs. 176 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,671 Hey, way to go, Mac. 177 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:09,174 [groans] Ah, damn it. This is a knot. Can you do this? 178 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,510 I can't believe how stupid you were. 179 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,804 Oh, please. You knew exactly how stupid he was. 180 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,097 He messed up. Let it go. 181 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,057 How much does he know about the congresswoman job? 182 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,601 Oh, shit. I totally forgot about the congresswoman thing. 183 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,396 I guess we should tell him so he can clear his schedule. 184 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,273 No, Rooster! We shouldn't! 185 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,735 Look. No one mentions the congresswoman. 186 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,988 In the meantime, we do whatever Melvin says 187 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,781 until we figure out how to get him off our ass. 188 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,908 All right, fellas, you comin' with me. 189 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:36,785 Mastermind, go wait out on the porch. 190 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,621 But I haven't had my breakf-- Never mind. 191 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,125 Rooster, you think you can keep your thumbs out of your ass 192 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,543 long enough to carry some stuff? 193 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,671 Only did that one time. 194 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,465 And ladies, not gonna need you on this, 195 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:53,593 but maybe y'all could rustle up something yummy for when we get back. 196 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,013 Maybe some of those Nicaraguan donuts. 197 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,432 Buñuelos de yuca. 198 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,935 Hey, fellas, hold up. 199 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,689 -We could kill him. -Kill him? 200 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,317 -I thought you were religious. -I am. 201 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,361 Read the Bible sometime. That thing's wall-to-wall murder. 202 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,991 You're just gonna keep steppin' in shit, aren't ya? 203 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,997 Rooster, you're driving. 204 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,256 Oh, man. I haven't smoked in 26 years. 205 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,050 Sounds like you're overdue. 206 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,555 [psychedelic music intensifies] 207 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,773 [distorted] Scooch over a little bit. The seatbelt's in my ass crack. 208 00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:01,870 [Barb laughing] I think this husband might need new knees. 209 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,331 He's been trying to stand up for five minutes now. 210 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,376 Oop, there he goes. 211 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:10,003 Hup? Ooh. Nope. Down again. 212 00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:16,468 I was with an older man once. Fourteen. 213 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,803 I was thirteen. 214 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,972 Prude didn't wanna do anything more than kiss, though. 215 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,687 I was always mature for my age. 216 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,441 First one in my Brownie troop to get a pube. 217 00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:37,906 [chuckling] Of course, they don't give you a badge for that. 218 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,158 Mm-hmm. 219 00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,451 All right, come on! 220 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,495 I'm sittin' here trying to make conversation, 221 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,955 and I can't get a word out of you. 222 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,916 I'm trying to think of a way to solve our Melvin problem. 223 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,377 You can't think and be friendly at the same time? 224 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,422 -I didn't know this was a date. -You're lucky it's not a date. 225 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,716 By now I would have gone to the bathroom, snuck out the window, 226 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,137 and left you alone in a duckpin bowling alley for five hours 227 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,972 doing God knows what. 228 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:07,561 I actually did that to a guy, and I have no idea what he did after I left. 229 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,771 What exactly are you looking for here? 230 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:13,775 'Cause I never compared pubes with the girls in my Brownie troop, okay? 231 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,152 That's not normal. 232 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,987 Human connection! 233 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:20,782 I mean, with you living here, I thought maybe finally I'd have a gal pal. 234 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:24,119 But clearly you're not interested in being pals with this gal. 235 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,413 Uh... 236 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,709 [wind blowing] 237 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,128 [Melvin] It's like when you're at the airport and you forget to bring snacks. 238 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,255 And now you gotta buy it from a store in the terminal, 239 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,591 but they jack the shit up like three times the price. 240 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,260 That's when I realized that this stuff that people really needed-- 241 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,679 -Someone just open a can of tennis balls? -Nah, that's me. 242 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,515 If it's something people really needed, like toilet paper, 243 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,641 I could charge them for it. 244 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,561 -Supply and demand. -Ooh, I like that. 245 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:53,648 "Supplyin' the man," 'cause I'm supplyin' the man with the things he needs. 246 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,775 -Wow. -Oh, but women buy stuff, too, 247 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,027 so I don't know if that works. 248 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,237 Hey, Rooster, you remember J.J.'s Wings? 249 00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,531 He was too stupid to work the cash register, 250 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,700 so they put him outside in a chicken suit holding the sign. 251 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,286 -What'd it say? -"Honk if you give a cluck." 252 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,497 Well, I'm surprised he didn't screw that up, too. 253 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,581 Right? 254 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,834 Oh, did you hear that? Am I thinking really loud? 255 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:14,544 I guess so, but you're right. 256 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,547 This dude so dumb, he once stared at an orange juice carton for 20 minutes 257 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,299 because it said "concentrate." 258 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,258 No, I didn't! 259 00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:23,220 He's so stupid, he thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. 260 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,806 I know Tupac ain't no holiday! 261 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,476 And stop laughing, man. Handle your weed! 262 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,853 I'm sorry. The guy's funny. 263 00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,438 Did you make up all these jokes, Melvin? 264 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:37,108 Nah, man. My uncle gave me an insult joke book for my fifth birthday. 265 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,777 I used to go ham on my grandma. 266 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,196 And you still remember them like twenty-some years later? 267 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,447 That's an impressive skill, Melvin. 268 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,074 I guess I'm a good remembererer. 269 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,578 -Wait. What was I sayin'? -"Supplyin' the man." 270 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,497 Oh yeah! Make a left. 271 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,333 When I see a need in the marketplace, I fill it. 272 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,002 Lately, I've been hearing that with people stuck at home, 273 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,380 they've been pickin' up new hobbies. Make a right. 274 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:02,384 Makin' things with paint, makin' bread with bread juice. 275 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,469 Makin' songs with instruments. 276 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,014 So, I went online, and sure enough, 277 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,976 the prices for musical instruments are through the roof! 278 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,394 That's when I realized 279 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:16,022 I know an abandoned building in town with a whole room full of instruments. 280 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,863 -You wanna rob a school? -It's empty 'cause of COVID. 281 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,366 All we gotta do is park around back and pick one lock. 282 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,660 -They don't have cameras in that thing? -Nah. 283 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,037 And if you didn't get kicked out of the ninth grade, you'd know that. 284 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,914 I didn't get kicked out. 285 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,083 All right? I got a B- on a science quiz. 286 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,043 I decided to go out on top. My choice. 287 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,920 I bet if we hurry, we could get done in an hour. 288 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,298 -Wait. You wanna do this right now? -Yeah. Why not? 289 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,049 Because it's in the middle of the day... 290 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,259 and we're high. 291 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,511 I'm not tryin' to go back to prison. 292 00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,055 Besides, I don't wanna rob a school. Especially not this one. 293 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,640 The principal seemed like a really nice guy. 294 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,520 I was here a few days ago for a job interview. 295 00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:56,479 Why? 296 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,982 Because I got a degree in prison, and I was hoping that I-- 297 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,152 I don't-- it doesn't matter. Can't you think of someone else for us to rob? 298 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,696 I told you, man. He only robs bad people. It's annoying. 299 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,408 It sounds to me like the principal was an asshole. He didn't give you the job. 300 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,161 Nah. It wasn't his fault. The school system won't hire an ex-con. 301 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,662 That's even worse! 302 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,706 How do they expect you to make something out of yourself 303 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,541 if they're not willing to give you a chance. 304 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,960 The whole point is to rehabilitate. 305 00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:22,339 Bullshit like that is the reason this system is a revolving door. 306 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,717 Yeah. You're right. That's actually-- 307 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,761 That's actually really well-said, Melvin. 308 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,180 Thanks. I am good with words. 309 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,264 I should've been on that team 310 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,391 that challenges other schools to talk about shit. 311 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,352 -Debate? -Nah, I don't wanna debate it. 312 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,728 I'm just saying I'm good at it. 313 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,938 You don't have to feel bad about stealing from them. 314 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,565 They're treating you like a criminal anyway. 315 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:43,151 But you're probably right about not doin' this during the day. 316 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:46,780 We got a bit of time to kill. You boys like baseball? 317 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,947 Heh. 318 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:56,623 I'm sorry. You've been very nice letting me stay here. 319 00:15:56,706 --> 00:16:00,043 I would love to... be your gal pal. 320 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,214 Sit down. I'll make us some wine. 321 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,091 Did you say "make"? 322 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,551 It's from a box, but I like to doctor it up 323 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,221 based on the time of day and season. 324 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,974 So... let's start gal-palin'. 325 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,685 Tell me how you ended up in jail. 326 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,688 And take it way back. Pretend I'm Oprah. 327 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,649 Fine. When I was little, 328 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,735 I realized some people had a lot more money than others. 329 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,237 Then, a few years later, 330 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,740 when the cash from my fast-food job wasn't adding up fast enough, 331 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,992 I had this great idea on how to make more money 332 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,954 by hollowing out all my old books. 333 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:39,916 I listed them online as a great place to hide your valuables. 334 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,794 Of course, anyone who bought one would give me their address. 335 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,337 And that was the key to the whole thing, 336 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:49,050 because, after that, all I had to do was remember where I sent what book, 337 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:52,387 hide for a little while, and then wait for the right time to sneak in. 338 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,265 It was actually a pretty clever first scam. 339 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,018 And when it worked, it felt amazing. 340 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:02,147 I went to college, but I only took courses 341 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,274 that helped me become a better con woman. 342 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,819 Psychology, accounting, computers... 343 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:10,613 Eventually I dropped out, hopped from city to city, 344 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,616 making friends with rich people and then disappearing with their money. 345 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,951 That's amazing! 346 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:21,708 So, how does a partially college-educated con artist eventually get caught? 347 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,919 -Mayonnaise. -Come again? 348 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,679 I told the guy not to put mayonnaise on my sub, 349 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,640 but when I took the first bite, it was 75% mayonnaise. 350 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,727 And, to be fair, he started it. 351 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,898 Anyway, one thing led to another. Things got ugly. 352 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:52,405 [sighs] Yeah. The video went viral, and someone I scammed recognized me. 353 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,616 I got six years... 354 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,702 but only had to serve three, thanks to COVID. 355 00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:58,870 Wow! 356 00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:03,082 I wouldn't have spent a day in jail if it wasn't for this one stupid mistake. 357 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,338 Hey. We all make mistakes. 358 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:15,303 And the internet is full of viral videos that are way worse than yours. 359 00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,725 [intrigue music playing] 360 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:27,857 Barb, what is this? 361 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,663 Oh, this is disgusting! 362 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,915 Barb, Barb! Why would you show me this?! 363 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,254 That was you? 364 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:52,382 The guy who lived there never cleans up after his dog. 365 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,094 Oh. [chuckles] 366 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:58,388 Now that I know the backstory, that's kind of funny. 367 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,306 -Wanna see it again? -I do not. 368 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,938 Yep. Right there is good. You'll have a great view. 369 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,401 Whoa! Check it out! How cool is this? 370 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,528 It's like a tissue forest. 371 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,446 That's a lot of toilet paper, Melvin. 372 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,240 Yeah. I recently doubled the prices. 373 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,159 It take a little while for the neighborhood to adjust to inflation. 374 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:23,496 But there are two certainties in life, Jack-- death and shitting. 375 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:29,335 You're gonna love this game. No spoilers, but in the sixth inning... 376 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,630 You know what? Just watch it. You're gonna love it. 377 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,800 [funky music playing] 378 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,304 Yes! 379 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,770 Ahh. 380 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,649 Shit! Come on, man! 381 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:58,031 Hey, what's, uh... what's goin' on with your boyfriend? 382 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,700 He likes to pretend he's playing again like when he was little. 383 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,287 It's fun. I tried one time with my old gymnastics competitions, 384 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,373 but my dad only recorded the other girls for some reason. 385 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,630 -So, Melvin, that's you pitching? -Yeah. 386 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,299 All-state till I threw out my shoulder in junior high. 387 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,759 Throwing too hard? 388 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,385 Nah, I just slept on it funny. 389 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,262 I played some ball when I was younger. 390 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,848 This is a really cool idea, Melvin. 391 00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,975 Thanks. Take third base. 392 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,227 -Really? -Yeah. 393 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:30,146 You look like you can handle the high corner. 394 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,148 I got an extra glove in my room. 395 00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,068 [funky music playing] 396 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,536 -Can I play? -No. You're too short. 397 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,622 Taller than the kid playin' second. 398 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:50,792 [scoffs] Probably would've jumped up and caught that last one. 399 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,379 I said no. Just sit in the stands. You can try to get an autograph later. 400 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,090 -Look alive. This one is comin' to you. -Hup. 401 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,517 Nice snag! And you throw a rope to first base! 402 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,435 Thanks, Melvin. I feel like I would have. 403 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,854 Pfft. You throw like a girl. 404 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,651 Oh, oh. Uh-oh. Foul ball! 405 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,363 You gotta keep your eyes peeled, man. 406 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,115 I don't need this shit. 407 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,784 Y'all just keep laughin' at me, callin' me dumb, and won't let me play. 408 00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,869 And now I got nacho cheese on me! 409 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,622 I'm gonna be hot and wet for a while, and then I'm gonna be cold and soggy. 410 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,332 And then after that, I'm gonna be all crusty! 411 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,918 -You can go to hell. -Oh well. You know what? Good. 412 00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,337 You'd probably end up leaving a picture of your dick laying around 413 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,006 for the cops to find anyway. 414 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:40,174 Pfft. No doubt. 415 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,135 All right, we're up. You lead off. 416 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,440 [grunts] 417 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,946 -[screams] -[laughing] 418 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,865 -[Stan] Somethin' funny? -[clears throat] 419 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:07,368 Hello, Stan. 420 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,996 Just bringin' dinner to Mama. Pot stickers. 421 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,789 It's killing her she can't get down to Wang's 422 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,750 and get 'em hot and crispy right out of the fryer. 423 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,085 But COVID, right? What are you gonna do? 424 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,379 -You good? -Peachy. 425 00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,260 Shouldn't you get those stickers to mom while they're still warm-ish. 426 00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,514 Yeah. Yeah, good idea. 427 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,227 Who was that? 428 00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:35,688 Stan. He grew up next door. 429 00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:37,815 When we were little, we used to play 430 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,484 "Show me yours; I'll show you mine." 431 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,361 He liked mine a lot more than I liked his. 432 00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:45,782 Then, in high school, I discovered strawberry wine. 433 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,533 Made the mistake of sleeping with him. 434 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,327 Then again before I got married. 435 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,329 Then twice after my husband died. 436 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:56,042 -Now he won't leave me alone. -Aww. He likes you. That's nice. 437 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:59,837 Nice? Yuck. No thank you. 438 00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,882 Mama needs a little excitement in the sack. 439 00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,260 Speaking of that, what's goin' on with you and Jack? 440 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,514 Rooster told me you guys had a thing in prison. 441 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:13,309 Well, we just used to talk to each other through the toilet. That's all. 442 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,978 And turns out, he was lying the whole time, so... 443 00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:18,815 So? So what? Men lie all the time. 444 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:22,360 Stan already got his mother pot stickers an hour ago. 445 00:23:22,443 --> 00:23:23,861 I saw them through the kitchen window. 446 00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:26,030 Why are you back? 447 00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:28,616 Because the first time I came by, Barb wasn't on her porch. 448 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,368 Just put them in the freezer. 449 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,412 All I'm saying is you've been locked up for three years. 450 00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:36,207 I know you're itchin' to get laid. 451 00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:38,459 Maybe it's time to scratch that itch. 452 00:23:38,543 --> 00:23:41,587 Look, if I thought it could just be sex, I might treat myself. 453 00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:45,925 But you think we're desperate? Jack's been locked up for 26 years. 454 00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:49,011 The other day, our knees touched, and I thought he was gonna explode. 455 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:51,556 Trust me. If I feed him, you're not gonna be the only one 456 00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:53,683 having a stray cat following you around. 457 00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:58,521 That reminds me. Halloween 2012. I went as Catwoman. 458 00:23:59,313 --> 00:24:01,357 Slept with Stan that night, too. 459 00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:04,485 Mom wants dessert, so don't be surprised 460 00:24:04,569 --> 00:24:06,279 if you see me again in a few minutes. 461 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,199 It takes a special type of man 462 00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:13,035 to make me dislike my own damn porch. 463 00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:20,209 Hey, Melvin, I dropped that wooden flute back there. Would you grab it? 464 00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,671 Hey, what's the deal with that hot chick in y'all crew? 465 00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:25,173 You tappin' that shit? 466 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:29,677 Oh, Gloria? No, we have not... tapped. 467 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,929 We talked some in prison, but... 468 00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:35,183 Since we've been out, I'm kinda realizing that she's a little out of my league. 469 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,810 Any man can get any woman if he pushes the right buttons. 470 00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:46,777 What exactly did you mean when you said, "push the right buttons," Melvin? 471 00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:50,656 Oh, shit. Lookin' to get a little schoolin' from the master, huh? 472 00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,160 Well, yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I mean maybe. 473 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:56,871 Wiggles is really cute. I'm impressed, Melvin. 474 00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:01,876 And I'd love to know how you managed to persuade her to be... tapped. 475 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:03,961 Human psychology. 476 00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:07,381 When Wiggles was a kid, she didn't have much physical affection. 477 00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:09,008 So, I got her one of those heavy blankets 478 00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,177 so every night she feels like she's being snuggled. 479 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:13,763 Plus, she can't get from up under it without me, 480 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:16,015 so every morning I'm a hero. 481 00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:19,227 -That's really smart, Melvin. -I know, right? 482 00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:21,646 [truck rumbling] 483 00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,565 Shit! 484 00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:32,448 [rock music playing] 485 00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:37,078 -This is Rooster's dinky-ass knife! -Son of a bitch! 486 00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:39,747 Must've followed us to the school and done this while we was inside. 487 00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:41,332 Why would he leave his knife in the tire, though? 488 00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:43,209 He's gotta know we're gonna beat the shit out of him. 489 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,835 [sirens wailing] 490 00:25:44,919 --> 00:25:47,171 -Not if we in jail! -Oh, no. 491 00:25:47,255 --> 00:25:49,298 Shit, man! Her set us up and wanted us to know it! 492 00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:51,342 No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening! 493 00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:54,387 I can't go back! I didn't even wanna do this, man! 494 00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:56,847 I did 26 years! I'm not supposed to go-- 495 00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:58,641 -I can't do this! -Just go. 496 00:25:58,724 --> 00:25:59,850 What? 497 00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:02,812 Even if I ran, they're gonna trace this truck back to me. 498 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:05,231 You can get away. Ain't no need for us both to get pinched. 499 00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:07,817 Are you for real? 500 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:08,943 Yeah. 501 00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:12,905 You're a good dude, man. And a solid third baseman. 502 00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:16,867 Just promise me when you see Rooster, you beat the shit out of him. 503 00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:19,036 Not a problem. Melvin, I don't know how to thank you. 504 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,246 Just go! 505 00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:31,090 All right, calm down. Nothing here but some stolen instruments 506 00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,217 and a very relaxed brother on weed. 507 00:26:38,806 --> 00:26:40,683 -Ooh. -Hey. Did it work? 508 00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:42,435 -Like a charm. -Did what work? 509 00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:44,520 Rooster said you were robbing the school with Melvin. 510 00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:45,730 -You didn't tell her? -Nah. 511 00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:47,273 I was afraid she'd stop making donuts. 512 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:49,025 What's going on? 513 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:53,863 Well, I told you I used to read a lot in prison, right? 514 00:26:56,991 --> 00:26:59,910 A few years ago, I read a book by a guy named Dale Carnegie. 515 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,788 I thought it might help me make friends after I got released. 516 00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:06,625 In it he breaks down the basic principles of getting someone to like you. 517 00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:09,670 First, use the person's name a lot, 518 00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:11,589 because the person's name, to that person, 519 00:27:11,672 --> 00:27:13,424 is the most beautiful word in any language. 520 00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:18,888 Melvin, Melvin, Melvin... 521 00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:22,475 Secondly, ask people about themselves and pretend to care. 522 00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,727 So, Melvin, that's you pitching? 523 00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:27,313 Wiggles is really cute. I'm impressed, Melvin. 524 00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:30,983 And I'd love to know how you managed to persuade her to be... tapped. 525 00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:33,402 Third, make other people feel important. 526 00:27:33,486 --> 00:27:35,654 Yeah. You're right. That's actually-- 527 00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:37,823 That's actually really well-said, Melvin. 528 00:27:37,907 --> 00:27:38,783 Thanks. 529 00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:40,951 And you still remember them like twenty-some years later? 530 00:27:41,035 --> 00:27:42,578 Guess I'm a good remembererer. 531 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:44,121 Lastly, smile. 532 00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:50,628 Before I knew it, Melvin started to see me as a team mate. 533 00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:53,297 But then I needed to let my real team mate in on the plan. 534 00:27:55,341 --> 00:27:58,552 Oh, that's genius! I thought you were losin' your mind. 535 00:27:58,636 --> 00:28:00,930 Hopefully it all works out. Give me your knife. 536 00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:04,141 We just have to figure out a way for you to get pissed off enough 537 00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,142 to storm out of here. 538 00:28:09,647 --> 00:28:11,315 I think I have an idea. 539 00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:14,985 -Foul ball! -[Jack and Melvin laughing] 540 00:28:16,362 --> 00:28:19,031 Hey, Melvin, I dropped that wooden flute back there. Would you grab it? 541 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,159 [Melvin] Hey, what's the deal with that hot chick in y'all crew? 542 00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:23,661 You tappin' that shit? 543 00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:28,749 Oh, Gloria? No, we have not... tapped. 544 00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:31,293 When did Jack say he and Melvin would be back? 545 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,713 Shouldn't be too much longer. 546 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,473 Hi. Yes. I'd like to report a break-in at the school. 547 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:47,184 I saw a dark blue truck driving north on Center Street. 548 00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:50,104 And when the cops were on their way, 549 00:28:50,187 --> 00:28:52,356 Melvin actually volunteered to take the hit. 550 00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:56,777 See? Y'all were mad at me, but... 551 00:28:56,861 --> 00:28:58,946 everything worked out just fine. 552 00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:04,535 Melvin also made me promise to beat the shit out of Rooster. 553 00:29:04,618 --> 00:29:05,870 Maybe you should. 554 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:09,081 We wouldn't be in this mess if he didn't screw up in the first place. 555 00:29:10,374 --> 00:29:11,834 Are those jelly beans? 556 00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:13,586 Yep. It's Easter dessert wine. 557 00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,754 -My new gal pal made it for me. -[chuckles] 558 00:29:15,838 --> 00:29:16,922 Mmm. 559 00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,762 -Oh. That's not bad! -I know! 560 00:29:23,846 --> 00:29:26,474 ["The Way We Move" by Langhorne Slim playing] 561 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,688 Hey. Put your shoes on. I wanna show you something. 562 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:41,447 ♪ Here we are Extending into shooting stars ♪ 563 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,658 ♪ In our houses, in our cars ♪ 564 00:29:44,742 --> 00:29:48,037 ♪ You didn't know it Now you do ♪ 565 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,707 ♪ This is the way We move (hey) ♪ 566 00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,501 [Jack] Come on. 567 00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:55,419 Where are we goin'? 568 00:29:55,503 --> 00:29:57,171 You seem a little down on yourself. 569 00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:59,340 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 570 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,800 Something I do when I need a little pick-me-up. 571 00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:08,182 ♪ Well, all my friends got crooked tales ♪ 572 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,603 ♪ But that's the way I like it That's just what I need, and ♪ 573 00:30:12,686 --> 00:30:16,732 ♪ Here we are Extending into shooting stars ♪ 574 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,902 ♪ In our houses, in our cars ♪ 575 00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:23,280 ♪ You didn't know it Now you do ♪ 576 00:30:23,364 --> 00:30:26,617 ♪ This is the way (this is the way) We move (hey) ♪ 577 00:30:29,787 --> 00:30:30,955 Nice. 578 00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:40,839 Thank you! 579 00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:42,550 You're welcome! 580 00:30:43,133 --> 00:30:44,552 -Feels good, right? -[Rooster laughing] 581 00:30:51,809 --> 00:30:53,602 I... quit! 582 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,981 I have loaded that dishwasher for the last time. 583 00:30:57,064 --> 00:30:59,733 We are going to the beach house Thursday. 584 00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:01,902 Friday, Lucia is coming. 585 00:31:01,986 --> 00:31:04,989 And the house can air out all weekend while no one's here. 586 00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:06,657 I'm done! 587 00:31:06,991 --> 00:31:08,701 They're going away for the weekend. 588 00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:11,954 They're going away for the weekend! 589 00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,164 We're gonna be rich! 590 00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,794 ["Here's to Hoping" by Jim Lauderdale playing] 591 00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:26,510 ♪ The half-full glass Is almost gone ♪ 592 00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:31,140 ♪ But there might be a drop That's still floatin' ♪ 593 00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:37,021 ♪ Raise it high For a clearer sky ♪ 594 00:31:37,104 --> 00:31:41,567 ♪ And we'll all get by Here's to hopin' ♪ 595 00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:47,239 ♪ While we get Back up on our feet ♪ 596 00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:52,161 ♪ Remember what was sweet While you're copin' ♪ 597 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:57,791 ♪ To your health And staying well ♪ 598 00:31:57,875 --> 00:32:02,588 ♪ Watch the chance to exhale Here's to hopin' ♪ 599 00:32:03,714 --> 00:32:06,258 ♪ Catch a glimmer While it's gettin' dimmer ♪ 600 00:32:06,342 --> 00:32:08,135 ♪ There's a tiny ray ♪ 601 00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:13,724 ♪ Different choices from an inner voice That you want to say ♪ 602 00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:16,602 ♪ Any little bit helps ♪ 603 00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:23,692 ♪ And it seems like something great Is not too late ♪ 604 00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:29,782 ♪ I'll be glad When we're building back ♪ 605 00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:34,536 ♪ From the ashes that Are still smokin' ♪ 606 00:32:35,412 --> 00:32:40,250 ♪ We can rise And we learn to fly ♪ 607 00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:44,963 ♪ While we're getting by Here's to hopin' ♪ 608 00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:57,309 [Wiggles breathing heavily] 609 00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:11,907 Gloria and I are gonna walk to the phone store. 610 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,617 If we're gonna hit the congresswoman's house Saturday, 611 00:33:13,701 --> 00:33:15,327 we're all gonna need to be able to communicate. 612 00:33:15,828 --> 00:33:19,039 [Barb] So, it takes two people to go to the phone store, does it? 613 00:33:19,123 --> 00:33:20,624 Is this a date? 614 00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:23,669 This is a big job. It has to be perfect. 615 00:33:23,919 --> 00:33:26,755 Since she won't let me tell Wiggles I'm gonna be rich, I been doin' some googling. 616 00:33:26,839 --> 00:33:28,215 This site "WikiHow"-- 617 00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,801 It's, like, doctors and scientists and shit. 618 00:33:30,884 --> 00:33:32,553 It said that the best way to get Wiggles back 619 00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:35,472 is to look handsome and act like I don't like her. 620 00:33:44,565 --> 00:33:45,649 [groans] 621 00:33:48,861 --> 00:33:50,446 God! That's like needles!