1
00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:03,500
{\an8}I can't believe
I didn't know this about you.
2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:04,820
{\an8}- Nobody does.
- I mean,
3
00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:09,320
{\an8}i knew you liked to read romance novels,
but I had no idea you wanted to write one.
4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,870
I actually started already.
5
00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:12,200
You did?
6
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,330
I did. Yeah.
I even, um, I came up with my pen name.
7
00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:19,000
Ruby sapphire Pearl.
8
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,090
- Oh, girl, you sound so expensive.
- Yeah.
9
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,350
Check it out.
10
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,090
[Esther] Wait. Is that Usher?
11
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,430
No.
12
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,610
- Wait. Is that you?
- No. That's just another woman.
13
00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:34,490
Just some regular woman. It's not me.
14
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,130
[Esther] Girl, that's the store we're in.
15
00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:38,980
- No, it's not.
- Okay.
16
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:40,520
Then what's the book about?
17
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,190
A famous R&B singer
stops in at a convenience store
18
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:46,070
after a concert in town and
he falls in love with the store manager.
19
00:00:46,270 --> 00:00:47,270
Uh-hmm.
20
00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,240
What? It's not Usher and it's not me.
21
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,120
Okay. All right.
So what's the book called?
22
00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:54,200
I have a few different options.
23
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,830
- Like what?
- All right.
24
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,090
Maybe something like,
25
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,040
- "his body was weary from the road.
- [Esther] Uh-hmm.
26
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,630
- Her body was weary from the world."
- Yeah.
27
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,210
- They both needed something.
- What'd they need?
28
00:01:06,410 --> 00:01:08,840
- "Night pump."
- Oh, that's good.
29
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,040
- That's good.
- Yeah?
30
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,840
"The store wasn't
the only thing open 24 hours."
31
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,100
- [Esther] Oh.
- "A pump of convenience."
32
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,930
Oh, keep going. Come on.
33
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:20,770
"A mysterious stranger in need of gas,
34
00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:25,020
an enticed store manager
in need of so much more."
35
00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:27,190
"Pump her up."
36
00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,070
Damn. Usher's doing a lot of pumping.
37
00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:31,240
It's not Usher, Esther!
38
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,450
[Theme music playing]
39
00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:36,590
[Birds chirping]
40
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,460
[Rafa] I was thinking of checking out
The school play next week.
41
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,790
they're doing a stage adaptation
Of Training day,
42
00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:45,750
but instead of cops,
it's gonna be teachers.
43
00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:48,920
They're calling it Explaining day.
Are you gonna go?
44
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,050
I was really looking forward to it,
but my parents won't let me go.
45
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,590
They heard the theatre kids
got busted for butt-chugging.
46
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:57,760
Oh, bummer.
Wait, what's butt-chugging?
47
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,120
[Scoffs] It's exactly
what you think it is.
48
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,740
What happened to good
old-fashioned heroin? You know?
49
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,020
Or when people smoked crack
In the parking lot after school.
50
00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:08,940
you know, those are the days that I miss.
51
00:02:09,140 --> 00:02:10,620
- [Mya laughs]
- [Steve] Who's that on the phone
52
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:11,640
[Mya] Hey, dad.
53
00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:12,960
it's rafa.
54
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,530
- Don't say my name.
- [Steve] Rafa,
55
00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:17,160
the kid who kept you out late?
56
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,620
[Mya] At the carnival? Yeah.
57
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,450
please stop giving him details.
58
00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:23,430
What is she supposed to do,
young man, lie to me?
59
00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:33,650
[Rafa] May I hang up, sir?
60
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,530
were you one of the butt-chuggers?
61
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,450
- Drink with your mouth, son.
- [Disconnects call]
62
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,750
Rafa, did you hang up?
63
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,460
He hung up.
64
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,820
It's over. Mr. Perkins is never gonna
let Mya hang out with us
65
00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,380
if he thinks I smoke crack.
66
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,660
Which I don't.
67
00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:00,170
No one thinks you smoke crack, man.
68
00:03:00,190 --> 00:03:01,840
You got a stomachache
from a gummy vitamin.
69
00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:03,750
Is Mya's dad the army guy
with all the guns?
70
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,580
Mm, no. He's air force. They got drones.
71
00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:08,540
He could probably kill rafa
with a missile he controls from his phone.
72
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,880
Great. Now, I have to worry
about airborne strikes too.
73
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,630
Dude, relax. You're in a great spot.
You are the bad boy now.
74
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:17,470
- I didn't do anything bad.
- So?
75
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:20,260
Forbidden love, that's the key
to all great love stories.
76
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,430
Romeo and Juliet, Dad hated him.
77
00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:25,600
Gnomeo and Juliet, Dad hated him.
78
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,850
He's right.
Your next move, actually do drugs.
79
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,490
Or at least show up to school drunk.
80
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,980
Take advantage of the situation.
81
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:34,400
Then her dad will never let her see you
and you will be golden, my guy.
82
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,400
He definitely already hates me.
83
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,280
Mya sent me phone emoji,
circle slash emoji, skull emoji,
84
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,920
and then a screenshot of her contacts
85
00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:43,700
where she changed my number
to "scam likely."
86
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,580
Yeah, you're toast. Good as droned.
87
00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:47,420
Maybe I should switch schools.
88
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,920
Or I could drop out
and move into the woods.
89
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,300
Or... you kill mister Perkins first.
90
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,550
A preemptive strike.
Then you'll be the ultimate bad boy.
91
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,610
I'm not gonna blow up mister Perkins,
Miguel.
92
00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:02,610
I'm so tired of hanging out
with you losers.
93
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,660
Where's Jay?
94
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,410
I need help unloading my sculptures
and he's the only one mature enough
95
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:08,910
not to comment on their erotic nature.
96
00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:11,980
They're all wangs.
You expect us not to comment on that?
97
00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,690
He's out of town on a job.
He'll be back tomorrow.
98
00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:17,880
I'd offer to help,
but I've got a big day today.
99
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,170
Completely unreachable until 4:00.
100
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:23,840
Anybody wanna ask me why?
101
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,140
All right. Well... my life then, huh?
102
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,520
[Door closes]
103
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:32,660
- Mike.
- [Mike] Hmm.
104
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,520
- Come help me at the flea market.
- [Mike] I can't.
105
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,670
There's a job fair at primo's school.
I'm working the army recruitment booth.
106
00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,970
Also, I do not wanna touch your penis art.
107
00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,720
[Mondo] It's not just "penis art."
108
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,140
It's an artistic exploration
attempting to demystify
109
00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:45,470
the phallus in our culture.
110
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:46,930
They've got veins.
111
00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,230
Rollie?
112
00:04:48,430 --> 00:04:49,480
Hey, no, can do.
113
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,520
I hooked up with the flea market mascot
who turned out to have crabs.
114
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,190
They're crazy, right? A flea with crabs?
115
00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:58,070
[Laughs] Hey, life's a highway, man.
116
00:04:58,270 --> 00:05:00,150
They hired a new lady
to wear the flea costume.
117
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:02,070
- Come on.
- All right. I'm in.
118
00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:03,590
Can't get crabs twice.
119
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,750
Uh, rafa, what are your plans today?
120
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:10,950
Before you answer that,
121
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:13,330
have you considered
working the job in recruitment fair
122
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,570
with your cool uncle Mike?
123
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,000
Not once have I considered that.
124
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,130
Come on. Help me out.
Competition this year is gonna be tough.
125
00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,680
The Navy guys,
they're using the swimming pool
126
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,220
for seal team demonstrations.
127
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:26,600
Mya's dad is doing the air force booth.
He brought a flight simulator.
128
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:27,900
Mya's dad is gonna be there?
129
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,800
Yeah. A lot of people's dads
are gonna be there.
130
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,940
Well, if you really
need my help, then yeah, sure.
131
00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,140
- Really?
- [Rafa] Yeah.
132
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,940
Okay. Cool. Yeah.
133
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:38,530
You're finally gonna get
to see me do what I do.
134
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,150
We have an obstacle course.
135
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:44,160
If a kid makes it all the way through,
boom, camouflage keychains.
136
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,260
Why would you wanna
make keys harder to find?
137
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:50,290
See? You're already
a valuable member of the team.
138
00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:52,710
We're gonna go with the stress balls.
139
00:05:52,910 --> 00:05:55,600
Let's go. You carry that.
140
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:58,350
- Have fun.
- [Rafa] Bye.
141
00:05:58,540 --> 00:05:59,770
Okay. Love you.
142
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,230
- [Mike] Bye.
- Bye.
143
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,610
[Mike] After you.
144
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,750
Gone, gone, out, gone, gone, gone.
145
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,670
Oh, my god. They're all gone.
146
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,880
Eight hours of nothing.
147
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:26,530
[Upbeat music playing]
148
00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:29,680
[Indistinct chatter]
149
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,600
How's this? I arranged them all by size.
150
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:39,270
I like it. It's like an erotic staircase.
151
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:48,700
Morning, mondo. Great day for leather.
Real leather weather.
152
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:50,970
Leave me alone, Gary.
153
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:53,890
You must be one of mondo's many brothers.
154
00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:58,080
I'm Gary morales.
But you can call me leatherman.
155
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,440
Is this a leather business card?
156
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:02,740
It sure is, peanut.
157
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,950
And I only made one, so I need it back.
158
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,530
Take a good look. Memorize it.
159
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:10,760
- "Leatherman at leatherman.Biz."
- That's right.
160
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,790
New drop today, Muchachos.
Business will be brisk.
161
00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:18,020
You don't mind if I take this, do you?
162
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,650
Sorry about your dicks.
163
00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,650
- Hey, I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
164
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,430
I'm gonna go cave this guy's head in.
165
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:31,030
And I gotta do it quick,
so it doesn't become "premeditated."
166
00:07:31,090 --> 00:07:33,020
Rollie, violence is never right.
167
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,890
Hey, what's the deal with this guy?
168
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,820
It's a long story.
And I don't wanna get into it.
169
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,800
We can just display
the sculptures on the blanket.
170
00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:40,150
It'll look more natural,
171
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:42,670
like the penises
are growing out of the earth.
172
00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:48,460
[Upbeat music playing]
173
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,840
Okay. So you're being extra weird today.
174
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,550
No, I'm not. My dream girl
is coming into the bank today.
175
00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:09,970
Priscilla Diaz.
176
00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:13,060
I've been handling her accounts
for three months now and I'm telling you,
177
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,600
she is the one.
Today, we finally meet.
178
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,640
She's "the one," and you've never met her?
179
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,690
That's right.
I know everything I need to know.
180
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,310
She has a fully funded roth ira.
181
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:23,660
She moved her money
from fixed income and into equities
182
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,110
to perfectly take advantage
of the bull market of 2021.
183
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:27,860
So yeah, she's got it all.
184
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:29,750
Why don't you just
be normal and date someone
185
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,280
who you've actually
seen before like Claudia?
186
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,700
Claudia? She collects beanie babies.
187
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:37,060
Those are endangered animals.
188
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,840
And she only gets those
because she donates to a wildlife charity.
189
00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:42,130
Oh, so she just gives her money away?
Uh, real smart.
190
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:46,800
Priscilla Diaz would never do that.
Plus, she's only an account manager.
191
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,550
- You're an account manager.
- Exactly.
192
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,640
You date for the job you want,
not the job you have.
193
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,220
[Mike] The key to a successful
recruitment fair is determination.
194
00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:56,890
And discipline.
195
00:08:57,090 --> 00:08:58,200
And dedication.
196
00:08:58,830 --> 00:08:59,850
And bouncy castles.
197
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:01,400
That's a lot of keys.
198
00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,870
Maybe we should've
brought those keychains after all.
199
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,530
Hi, Mr. Perkins. Sir.
200
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,660
San Antonio's very own nino brown.
How's the crack cocaine business?
201
00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:15,870
Oh. Ha. Very funny joke.
202
00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:19,540
But I would never sell
crack cocaine or smoke it.
203
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:23,790
I, I don't even crack jokes, or eggs,
or anything else that you can crack,
204
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,560
especially cocaine.
205
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,810
Are you high right now?
206
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,510
Another good one.
Wow. You're on a roll today, sir.
207
00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:36,310
No, of course, I'm not high.
High on patriotism, maybe.
208
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,850
Other than that, completely sober.
Do you have a breathalyzer?
209
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:43,230
Or a cup. Uh, you know, for pee?
210
00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:46,690
I, I'd be... I'd be so happy
to give you some of my urine, sir.
211
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,280
It would be an absolute honor
and a privilege.
212
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,480
Just one without pens.
213
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,090
I don't want your urine, Rafael.
214
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,070
Right.
215
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,790
Hey, bud.
I know what's going on here.
216
00:09:57,980 --> 00:09:59,180
You do?
217
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,870
I know you're scared.
218
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,330
But this obstacle course
is completely safe.
219
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:06,470
Why don't you give it
a practice run before we start?
220
00:10:06,490 --> 00:10:08,310
- Come on. I'll time you.
- [Rafa] I don't really...
221
00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:09,710
- [Mike] Ready?
- [Rafa] Watch out.
222
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,010
Crawl and weave!
223
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,590
Crawl and weave, primo. Crawl and weave!
224
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:15,900
Let's go! Let's go! Come on. Jump!
225
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:20,740
Sniper got you.
You're dead. Start over.
226
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,500
[Mike] All right. Shoes off.
I'll be back to time you.
227
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,110
Remember, there's a lot
of jobs in the army,
228
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,380
it's not just combat.
That's important to tell these kids.
229
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,000
- Uh-huh.
- And a good thing about having you here
230
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,550
is everyone will know right away clearly
231
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,700
you do not have to fight.
232
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,790
- Absolutely.
- This is fun, huh?
233
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,540
You and me, quality time?
234
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,040
Primo, let me run something by you.
235
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,810
Why do you think
I don't have a girlfriend?
236
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:49,550
I mean, I got the prescription deodorant,
so it's not that anymore.
237
00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:50,740
Yeah, totally.
238
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,800
Hello there. I'm Ryan,
senior executive account manager.
239
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,020
It would be my honor to assist you
240
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:04,520
with all your needs today,
Ms. Lisa guzman?
241
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,520
Ugh. Paul can help you.
242
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,820
Paul? This chick needs something.
243
00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:12,960
[Telephone ringing in distance]
244
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,860
Hey, do you want me to take over
greeting the customers?
245
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,160
'Cause you're being such a jackass today.
246
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,490
I'm sorry. I'm fine. I got it. Yeah.
247
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:24,120
Oh, also apparently
the outdoor atm is down.
248
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,920
Yes. There's a McDonald's pancake
in the deposit slot.
249
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,420
What?
250
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,000
I'm sorry, I should be more clear.
251
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,520
I stuffed a McDonald's pancake
in there so that it would break.
252
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,060
So then everybody would have to come in,
253
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,440
and then I can finally meet
the woman that I'm in love with.
254
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,930
Oh. Today is the day you meet
"investment account ending in 6421?"
255
00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:43,850
Yup. Claudia, let me ask you a question.
Imagine that you work at a bank.
256
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,100
- I do work in a bank.
- Great. Stay with that.
257
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,300
Now, imagine that you're trying
to impress a client
258
00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,870
whose account information
you are very familiar with.
259
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,290
Which of these ties would you choose?
260
00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,880
I think you look good in both.
261
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:04,620
Well, great. That's not helpful.
Thanks for nothing, Anna wintour.
262
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:07,760
[Singer singing in Spanish]
263
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,740
- [Cartoons on TV]
- [Laughing]
264
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:32,730
[Cries] What is...
He's never even seen the sunlight, it's...
265
00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:35,880
[Singer singing in Spanish]
266
00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:43,220
She led him to the stockroom,
where he revealed his inventory.
267
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:49,540
Oh, his, his rising inventory.
268
00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:52,710
Oh, that's good. Rising.
269
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,250
That's so good, Esther. Yeah.
270
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:58,400
[Singer singing in Spanish]
271
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,030
[Gasps]
272
00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:08,200
The baby has amnesia?
273
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:11,520
Oh, my god.
274
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,660
[Latin music playing]
275
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,840
[Singer singing in Spanish]
276
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,050
[Groans]
277
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:30,620
Leather underwear. Leather visor.
Ma'am?
278
00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:35,210
Leather onesie for the little one?
It's treated. The poop slides right off.
279
00:13:35,410 --> 00:13:36,410
[Woman] No, thanks.
280
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,360
No? Your baby's ugly anyway.
281
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,310
Hey! You got mud on our blanket!
282
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:52,480
You should've put your stuff on a table.
283
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,520
Rollie, don't.
284
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,960
Hey, you gotta tell me
what's up with this guy.
285
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,740
Believe it or not,
leatherman used to be my best friend.
286
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,570
Back then, he was just "Gary."
287
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:05,160
[Indistinct chatter]
288
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,450
[Mondo] It was the end
Of strawberry season.
289
00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,950
after the harvest,
We both had money to spend.
290
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,370
I have a business proposition for you.
291
00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:16,810
There's a cattle auction coming to town.
What if you and I went in half on a cow?
292
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,420
[Mondo] I was thrilled.
It was like having a thousand-pound dog.
293
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,930
that cow and I,
We had a spiritual connection.
294
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,490
like we had been friends in a past life.
295
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,140
good girl!
296
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:31,020
I thought he loved her as much as I did.
297
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:35,020
but soon I discovered
That he had very different intentions.
298
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:38,330
everything went great!
We should at least double our money.
299
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:41,610
How could you do this?
300
00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:46,840
I lost two friends that day.
The cow died and Gary did, too.
301
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,740
Leatherman was born in his place.
302
00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:54,500
Yo, I remember Gary now.
From years ago. Yeah, that guy's a dick.
303
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,960
Hey, you're carving them for a living,
304
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,630
but can't see when there's
a human one right in front of you?
305
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:02,170
You know
what the difference between us is?
306
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:06,150
That I choose peace.
That's why I've never been to jail.
307
00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:12,560
Except for that time that I did ayahuasca
and went into the ihop without pants.
308
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,560
Hey, look, you don't want me to fight him?
I won't fight him.
309
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,980
But you gotta stand up for yourself.
310
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:23,320
If not for you, then do it for...
Uh, what was your dog cow's name?
311
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,570
Moo-chelle pfeiffer.
312
00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:26,320
Yeah, moo-chelle.
313
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,160
You're under enemy fire.
314
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,410
Your platoon is the last hope
to get this nuclear warhead to safety.
315
00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:36,000
The fate of the United States
of america is in your hands.
316
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,560
Godspeed.
317
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:39,930
[Device beeps]
318
00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:42,770
[Whistle blows]
319
00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:45,590
Juan! Too slow! You're dead.
Pass the nuke to Carla.
320
00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:47,470
- Hey, are you timing this?
- Yeah, sorry.
321
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:51,350
Uh, Carla's got 20 seconds left
before that bomb destroys San Antonio.
322
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,310
Excuse me just one sec.
323
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:56,480
Leave him behind, Carla!
It's too late for him!
324
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,740
Keep going!
325
00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:04,070
Ah, the old, uh, f-15 strike eagle.
326
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,340
- Yeah.
- Nice.
327
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,550
Mind if I give her a whirl?
328
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:15,830
Well, the olive garden recruiter
brought out the free breadsticks
329
00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:20,250
and everyone ran over there,
so, sure. Go crazy.
330
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:23,190
- Okay.
- Let's get you set up here.
331
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,140
I think I see.
332
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:33,600
Yeah. Check her out.
333
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,740
[Planes hovering over monitor]
334
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,620
[Beeping]
335
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,370
[Explosion]
336
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,880
Direct hit. Not bad.
337
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,160
Thank you, sir.
338
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,490
- Enjoy that leather toilet seat cover.
- I will.
339
00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:59,290
Man, I'm crushing carcass today.
How's the wooden dick business?
340
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:02,080
Ironically, it looks like a soft market.
341
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,550
Hey, take your revenge.
Do it for moo-chelle.
342
00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:10,090
Oh, is that what you're thinking about?
343
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:13,890
Your old cow friend? [Laughs]
That is hilarious.
344
00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:18,240
She was my first murdered cow.
I still wear her sometimes, mondo.
345
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:23,290
She tanned up good. Real good.
346
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,940
[Upbeat Latin music playing]
347
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:31,760
[Yells] No! My leather goods!
348
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,430
[Indistinct chatter]
349
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,600
Look me in the eyes, Gary.
Look me in the eye...
350
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,760
This revenge had a lot more urine
than I was anticipating.
351
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,470
How much is it usually?
352
00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:56,760
Zero.
353
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,430
[Mondo] Uh-hmm.
354
00:17:58,630 --> 00:18:00,070
[Rollie chuckles]
355
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,960
Nice job.
One of the best scores I've seen all day.
356
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:08,960
Thank you.
357
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:12,280
I appreciate you letting me test her out.
358
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,610
What are you doing?
359
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,660
Destroying tanks
with heat-seeking missiles.
360
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,950
Wack. You're supposed to be
helping me at the army booth.
361
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,000
I was counting on you and you let me down.
362
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,620
Seems like you let each other down.
363
00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:25,380
[Mike] Oh, no.
Evacuate the obstacle course!
364
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,670
You are in danger!
365
00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:29,310
The structural integrity
has been compromised!
366
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,050
- Army.
- [Mike] Evacuate now!
367
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,440
He'll be fine.
He's very good at evacuations.
368
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:40,470
He doesn't give a crap
about helping me recruit kids
369
00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:42,890
into the armed forces.
It's basically treason!
370
00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:45,480
- What?
- [Mike] He lied to me, drea!
371
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,120
- yeah.
- [Mike] And I know you think
372
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,950
i get defensive about defending america,
373
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:50,370
- but defending america...
- No, no, I think you're great,
374
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,390
uh, in america.
375
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,780
Is literally my job.
376
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,570
I have dedicated my life
to making us all safe.
377
00:18:55,770 --> 00:19:00,540
And the first rule of boot camp, drea,
is that you respect your uncle.
378
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,660
That is why they call him uncle Sam, drea.
379
00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:05,170
Family is important.
380
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,560
[Mike] That's what I'm saying!
381
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:09,040
well, I'm sure
you and Ryan will work it out, okay?
382
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,350
Talk soon.
383
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,470
Drea? Ryan's...
384
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:18,700
I'm not with Ryan!
385
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,600
[Sighs] God.
386
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,330
Just leave it alone. I'll do it myself.
Just like I did all day.
387
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,650
Uncle Mike, uh, that's my bad, okay?
388
00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:36,030
Apologies not accepted.
We were supposed to be working in tandem,
389
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:39,620
to recruit soldiers and improve
the strength and might of the us military.
390
00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:41,090
And...
391
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,750
- You hurt my feelings.
- I know.
392
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,580
It's just, Mya's dad kinda hates me,
393
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:51,500
and he's not gonna let Mya
hang out with me if he hates me.
394
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,350
So I thought I could,
395
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:58,260
I don't know, just spend some time
with him, try to get him on my side.
396
00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:00,970
Well, whatever. You shouldn't have lied.
397
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:04,660
And your mom, I called her about it,
she completely agrees with me.
398
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,330
Yeah.
Yeah. I know.
399
00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:20,740
Maybe she'll come next Saturday.
400
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:23,620
I guess.
You want some charcuterie?
401
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:25,000
Sure.
402
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,080
Nope. That ham is sweaty.
403
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,460
Yeah, this ham is fully wet. Mm.
404
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,660
Do not eat that.
405
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,420
Yeah.
406
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:37,170
Hey, thanks for being so cool today.
I'm sorry if I was a little nutty.
407
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,430
It's okay.
408
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:41,260
Or it's actually not "okay,"
because you're deeply weird,
409
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,720
but it's enough "okay"
that I can tell you it's okay.
410
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,970
[Laughs] Do you have any plans tonight?
411
00:20:46,170 --> 00:20:48,940
Me and some friends
are going to a concert downtown.
412
00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:50,150
You into music?
413
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:51,340
Hmm.
414
00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:52,830
Come on, what's your favorite album?
415
00:20:53,010 --> 00:20:54,770
Oh, no. You're gonna think it's stupid.
416
00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:56,330
Probably.
417
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:01,320
It's Unleash the champion inside you,
By Bernie snorkis.
418
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,070
He's a motivational speaker.
419
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:05,120
Yup, stupid.
420
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,080
I know. It's just, I try
to focus on my career and my future,
421
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,240
so I don't spend a lot
of time listening to music.
422
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,540
I'm gonna make you a playlist.
You need normal, human interests.
423
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:14,740
Thanks.
424
00:21:14,910 --> 00:21:16,590
And I'll make you
a playlist of my favorite
425
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,190
motivational speeches and Ted talks.
426
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,730
- Please do not do that.
- Absolutely not, I won't.
427
00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:25,540
We'll release you,
but only once you've paid
428
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:27,030
for the merchandise you destroyed.
429
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:30,770
I can't. My only assets are 32 sculptures
and an antique pan flute.
430
00:21:30,970 --> 00:21:33,690
[Leatherman] Then I want him banned
from the flea market for life,
431
00:21:33,890 --> 00:21:35,480
and extradited to Mexico.
432
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,760
"Extradited?"
you know I'm not the government, right?
433
00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:39,330
[Mondo] This flea market
is the only way I have to make money.
434
00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,310
I am not going back
to selling these door to door.
435
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,960
I got punched too many times.
436
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,210
[Rollie] Hey, how about this, Gary.
437
00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:47,660
You screwed mondo
out of half a cow back in the day.
438
00:21:47,860 --> 00:21:49,500
Hey, what do you say we call it even?
439
00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:52,040
That was two hundred bucks, Amigo.
440
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,130
he ruined way more than that.
441
00:21:54,330 --> 00:21:55,630
You didn't let me finish.
442
00:21:55,830 --> 00:21:57,460
Hey, what do you say we call it even,
443
00:21:57,660 --> 00:21:59,340
or I follow you home
and cave your head in?
444
00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:01,630
That was a threat. Do something!
445
00:22:01,830 --> 00:22:03,110
Again, I'm not the government.
446
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,530
Fine.
447
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,860
Fine!
448
00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:12,350
I can't believe
how much anger I was holding in.
449
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:15,710
I can't believe you flipped over a table.
Hey, we should hang out more often.
450
00:22:16,910 --> 00:22:20,150
Hey, I'm glad you stood up to that guy.
Some fights are worth fighting.
451
00:22:20,350 --> 00:22:22,900
I mean, to me,
all fights are worth fighting.
452
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,090
But still, good for you.
453
00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:29,240
Hey, what are you doing? I peed on that.
454
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,210
I'm gonna hose it down
and take it to the biker bar and sell it.
455
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,180
There are so many foul smells
coming out of that place,
456
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,880
- they won't even notice.
- I get a 50-50 split.
457
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,340
Hey, look at you.
Standing up for yourself.
458
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:43,110
But no, I'm keeping all the money.
459
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:45,190
Okay.
460
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,310
Hey. Good turnout?
461
00:22:54,510 --> 00:22:55,690
It was okay. How about you?
462
00:22:55,890 --> 00:22:59,190
Eh. A little worried about these kids,
I think they might be a bit soft.
463
00:22:59,390 --> 00:23:00,390
Definitely.
464
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,080
My whole presentation was a video game.
465
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:04,350
And a bunch of them asked me
if I worked for gamestop.
466
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:06,960
I don't.
467
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:13,080
Hey, listen, um,
I'm sorry if primo was a little weird.
468
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,870
He's under a lot of pressure
but he's a good kid.
469
00:23:16,070 --> 00:23:17,670
He was raised to respect his elders,
470
00:23:17,870 --> 00:23:19,680
I think he was just trying
to make a good impression.
471
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:20,730
Is that right?
472
00:23:21,850 --> 00:23:23,930
Maybe some of the things
Mya says about him are true.
473
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,840
They are. Unless they were bad.
474
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,740
In which case, your daughter is a liar.
Have a good night.
475
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,200
I'm glad I did not go to that barbecue.
476
00:23:35,490 --> 00:23:36,850
Thanks for coming today.
477
00:23:37,050 --> 00:23:38,860
To be honest,
I didn't really need your help.
478
00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:41,320
You're actually pretty useless.
Militarily, I mean.
479
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,800
I just thought it might be cool
to hang with you a little.
480
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,200
You hungry?
481
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,070
Oh, my god, I'm starving.
482
00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:50,580
I was too scared to eat
in front of Mya's dad.
483
00:23:50,770 --> 00:23:53,450
I just felt like I was gonna get
something on my shirt, like always.
484
00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:55,160
We'll get burgers on the way home.
485
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,960
By the way,
Mya talks to her dad about you.
486
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,290
You talked to him?
487
00:24:00,490 --> 00:24:02,840
Military kids don't talk
to their dads about anything,
488
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,760
so if she's talking about you,
that's a good sign.
489
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,590
For real?
490
00:24:08,790 --> 00:24:11,010
That's kinda high-level intel you get
491
00:24:11,210 --> 00:24:13,010
when you hang out
with your cool uncle Mike.
492
00:24:13,210 --> 00:24:14,600
He was there too?
493
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:15,950
[Mike] Get in the truck.
494
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,430
[Sighs]
495
00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:35,790
Hey, ma. We got burgers for everyone.
496
00:24:35,990 --> 00:24:39,460
We executed a search
and rescue today, drea.
497
00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:40,920
- Whole team's beat.
- Oh yeah?
498
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,090
- Yeah.
- Hey, sis, I need, ammonia,
499
00:24:43,290 --> 00:24:44,290
bleach, and a barrel.
500
00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:45,960
That's going to create mustard gas.
501
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:47,850
Yeah, but I gotta get the piss out
of these leather clothes
502
00:24:47,870 --> 00:24:49,550
- I'm gonna sell to a biker gang.
- What?
503
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:50,840
[Rollie] Thank you.
504
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,860
Well, I may never find love.
505
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,600
Play Bernie snorkis motivational quotes.
506
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,480
[Bernie snorkis] If you're poor,
It's your fault. Bernie snorkis...
507
00:25:00,550 --> 00:25:01,940
man, shut that off.
508
00:25:02,140 --> 00:25:04,480
I need water. I think I'm dehydrated.
509
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,040
Oh, nice.
510
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,450
I got ketchup on my shirt.
511
00:25:11,650 --> 00:25:14,120
You haven't even started eating.
Your burger is still wrapped!
512
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,930
I told you. This is what happens.
513
00:25:17,050 --> 00:25:19,410
You're right, you did tell me.
514
00:25:19,610 --> 00:25:21,180
- How'd y'all's day go?
- [Mondo] Well, it was pretty good.
515
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,810
- [Rollie] Oh, man.
- [Mondo] ...Moo-chelle pfeiffer
516
00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:24,170
and peed on a dead carcass...
517
00:25:24,370 --> 00:25:25,880
Yeah, there was the leatherman guy.
518
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,520
And he tried to fight me but I was like,
519
00:25:27,540 --> 00:25:28,940
"no, you're not gonna be able
to fight me."
520
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,900
[Indistinct chattering]
521
00:25:38,030 --> 00:25:40,950
I'm good. Really good.
522
00:25:49,790 --> 00:25:51,610
Is this is a leather onesie?
523
00:25:51,810 --> 00:25:53,420
It sure is, peanut.
524
00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:57,590
[Theme music playing]
525
00:26:56,610 --> 00:26:57,970
[Andrea]
next on Primo...
526
00:26:58,170 --> 00:26:59,820
What if she goes off and gets a boyfriend?
527
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,680
- At math camp?
- I just have to tell her.
528
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,160
Let me just walk you through it,
step by step.
529
00:27:03,180 --> 00:27:04,200
How'd you keep this from us?
530
00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:05,300
Easy, you're all oblivious.
531
00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,280
We need to trust that
drea knows what she's doing.
532
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:08,110
We don't have any infor.
533
00:27:08,310 --> 00:27:09,520
- Hey.
- Hey.
534
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,560
- You wanna take a walk?
- Any final questions?
535
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,590
I think there's something
you need to know.
536
00:27:14,420 --> 00:27:15,550
What?