1 00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:03,500 {\an8}I can't believe I didn't know this about you. 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:04,820 {\an8}- Nobody does. - I mean, 3 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:09,320 {\an8}i knew you liked to read romance novels, but I had no idea you wanted to write one. 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,870 I actually started already. 5 00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:12,200 You did? 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,330 I did. Yeah. I even, um, I came up with my pen name. 7 00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:19,000 Ruby sapphire Pearl. 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,090 - Oh, girl, you sound so expensive. - Yeah. 9 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,350 Check it out. 10 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,090 [Esther] Wait. Is that Usher? 11 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:30,430 No. 12 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,610 - Wait. Is that you? - No. That's just another woman. 13 00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:34,490 Just some regular woman. It's not me. 14 00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,130 [Esther] Girl, that's the store we're in. 15 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:38,980 - No, it's not. - Okay. 16 00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:40,520 Then what's the book about? 17 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,190 A famous R&B singer stops in at a convenience store 18 00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:46,070 after a concert in town and he falls in love with the store manager. 19 00:00:46,270 --> 00:00:47,270 Uh-hmm. 20 00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,240 What? It's not Usher and it's not me. 21 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,120 Okay. All right. So what's the book called? 22 00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:54,200 I have a few different options. 23 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,830 - Like what? - All right. 24 00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,090 Maybe something like, 25 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,040 - "his body was weary from the road. - [Esther] Uh-hmm. 26 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,630 - Her body was weary from the world." - Yeah. 27 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,210 - They both needed something. - What'd they need? 28 00:01:06,410 --> 00:01:08,840 - "Night pump." - Oh, that's good. 29 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,040 - That's good. - Yeah? 30 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,840 "The store wasn't the only thing open 24 hours." 31 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,100 - [Esther] Oh. - "A pump of convenience." 32 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,930 Oh, keep going. Come on. 33 00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:20,770 "A mysterious stranger in need of gas, 34 00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:25,020 an enticed store manager in need of so much more." 35 00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:27,190 "Pump her up." 36 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,070 Damn. Usher's doing a lot of pumping. 37 00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:31,240 It's not Usher, Esther! 38 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,450 [Theme music playing] 39 00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:36,590 [Birds chirping] 40 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,460 [Rafa] I was thinking of checking out The school play next week. 41 00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,790 they're doing a stage adaptation Of Training day, 42 00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:45,750 but instead of cops, it's gonna be teachers. 43 00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:48,920 They're calling it Explaining day. Are you gonna go? 44 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,050 I was really looking forward to it, but my parents won't let me go. 45 00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,590 They heard the theatre kids got busted for butt-chugging. 46 00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:57,760 Oh, bummer. Wait, what's butt-chugging? 47 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,120 [Scoffs] It's exactly what you think it is. 48 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,740 What happened to good old-fashioned heroin? You know? 49 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,020 Or when people smoked crack In the parking lot after school. 50 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:08,940 you know, those are the days that I miss. 51 00:02:09,140 --> 00:02:10,620 - [Mya laughs] - [Steve] Who's that on the phone 52 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:11,640 [Mya] Hey, dad. 53 00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:12,960 it's rafa. 54 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,530 - Don't say my name. - [Steve] Rafa, 55 00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:17,160 the kid who kept you out late? 56 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,620 [Mya] At the carnival? Yeah. 57 00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,450 please stop giving him details. 58 00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:23,430 What is she supposed to do, young man, lie to me? 59 00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:33,650 [Rafa] May I hang up, sir? 60 00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,530 were you one of the butt-chuggers? 61 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,450 - Drink with your mouth, son. - [Disconnects call] 62 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,750 Rafa, did you hang up? 63 00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,460 He hung up. 64 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,820 It's over. Mr. Perkins is never gonna let Mya hang out with us 65 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,380 if he thinks I smoke crack. 66 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,660 Which I don't. 67 00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:00,170 No one thinks you smoke crack, man. 68 00:03:00,190 --> 00:03:01,840 You got a stomachache from a gummy vitamin. 69 00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:03,750 Is Mya's dad the army guy with all the guns? 70 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,580 Mm, no. He's air force. They got drones. 71 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:08,540 He could probably kill rafa with a missile he controls from his phone. 72 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,880 Great. Now, I have to worry about airborne strikes too. 73 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,630 Dude, relax. You're in a great spot. You are the bad boy now. 74 00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:17,470 - I didn't do anything bad. - So? 75 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:20,260 Forbidden love, that's the key to all great love stories. 76 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,430 Romeo and Juliet, Dad hated him. 77 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:25,600 Gnomeo and Juliet, Dad hated him. 78 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,850 He's right. Your next move, actually do drugs. 79 00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,490 Or at least show up to school drunk. 80 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,980 Take advantage of the situation. 81 00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:34,400 Then her dad will never let her see you and you will be golden, my guy. 82 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,400 He definitely already hates me. 83 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,280 Mya sent me phone emoji, circle slash emoji, skull emoji, 84 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,920 and then a screenshot of her contacts 85 00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:43,700 where she changed my number to "scam likely." 86 00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,580 Yeah, you're toast. Good as droned. 87 00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:47,420 Maybe I should switch schools. 88 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,920 Or I could drop out and move into the woods. 89 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,300 Or... you kill mister Perkins first. 90 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,550 A preemptive strike. Then you'll be the ultimate bad boy. 91 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,610 I'm not gonna blow up mister Perkins, Miguel. 92 00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:02,610 I'm so tired of hanging out with you losers. 93 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,660 Where's Jay? 94 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,410 I need help unloading my sculptures and he's the only one mature enough 95 00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:08,910 not to comment on their erotic nature. 96 00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:11,980 They're all wangs. You expect us not to comment on that? 97 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,690 He's out of town on a job. He'll be back tomorrow. 98 00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:17,880 I'd offer to help, but I've got a big day today. 99 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,170 Completely unreachable until 4:00. 100 00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:23,840 Anybody wanna ask me why? 101 00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,140 All right. Well... my life then, huh? 102 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,520 [Door closes] 103 00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:32,660 - Mike. - [Mike] Hmm. 104 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,520 - Come help me at the flea market. - [Mike] I can't. 105 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,670 There's a job fair at primo's school. I'm working the army recruitment booth. 106 00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,970 Also, I do not wanna touch your penis art. 107 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,720 [Mondo] It's not just "penis art." 108 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,140 It's an artistic exploration attempting to demystify 109 00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:45,470 the phallus in our culture. 110 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:46,930 They've got veins. 111 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,230 Rollie? 112 00:04:48,430 --> 00:04:49,480 Hey, no, can do. 113 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,520 I hooked up with the flea market mascot who turned out to have crabs. 114 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,190 They're crazy, right? A flea with crabs? 115 00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:58,070 [Laughs] Hey, life's a highway, man. 116 00:04:58,270 --> 00:05:00,150 They hired a new lady to wear the flea costume. 117 00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:02,070 - Come on. - All right. I'm in. 118 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:03,590 Can't get crabs twice. 119 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,750 Uh, rafa, what are your plans today? 120 00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:10,950 Before you answer that, 121 00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:13,330 have you considered working the job in recruitment fair 122 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,570 with your cool uncle Mike? 123 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,000 Not once have I considered that. 124 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,130 Come on. Help me out. Competition this year is gonna be tough. 125 00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,680 The Navy guys, they're using the swimming pool 126 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,220 for seal team demonstrations. 127 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:26,600 Mya's dad is doing the air force booth. He brought a flight simulator. 128 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:27,900 Mya's dad is gonna be there? 129 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,800 Yeah. A lot of people's dads are gonna be there. 130 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,940 Well, if you really need my help, then yeah, sure. 131 00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,140 - Really? - [Rafa] Yeah. 132 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,940 Okay. Cool. Yeah. 133 00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:38,530 You're finally gonna get to see me do what I do. 134 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,150 We have an obstacle course. 135 00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:44,160 If a kid makes it all the way through, boom, camouflage keychains. 136 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,260 Why would you wanna make keys harder to find? 137 00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:50,290 See? You're already a valuable member of the team. 138 00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:52,710 We're gonna go with the stress balls. 139 00:05:52,910 --> 00:05:55,600 Let's go. You carry that. 140 00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:58,350 - Have fun. - [Rafa] Bye. 141 00:05:58,540 --> 00:05:59,770 Okay. Love you. 142 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,230 - [Mike] Bye. - Bye. 143 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,610 [Mike] After you. 144 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,750 Gone, gone, out, gone, gone, gone. 145 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,670 Oh, my god. They're all gone. 146 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,880 Eight hours of nothing. 147 00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:26,530 [Upbeat music playing] 148 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:29,680 [Indistinct chatter] 149 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,600 How's this? I arranged them all by size. 150 00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:39,270 I like it. It's like an erotic staircase. 151 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:48,700 Morning, mondo. Great day for leather. Real leather weather. 152 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:50,970 Leave me alone, Gary. 153 00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:53,890 You must be one of mondo's many brothers. 154 00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:58,080 I'm Gary morales. But you can call me leatherman. 155 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,440 Is this a leather business card? 156 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:02,740 It sure is, peanut. 157 00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,950 And I only made one, so I need it back. 158 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,530 Take a good look. Memorize it. 159 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:10,760 - "Leatherman at leatherman.Biz." - That's right. 160 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,790 New drop today, Muchachos. Business will be brisk. 161 00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:18,020 You don't mind if I take this, do you? 162 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,650 Sorry about your dicks. 163 00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,650 - Hey, I'll be right back. - Where are you going? 164 00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,430 I'm gonna go cave this guy's head in. 165 00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:31,030 And I gotta do it quick, so it doesn't become "premeditated." 166 00:07:31,090 --> 00:07:33,020 Rollie, violence is never right. 167 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,890 Hey, what's the deal with this guy? 168 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,820 It's a long story. And I don't wanna get into it. 169 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,800 We can just display the sculptures on the blanket. 170 00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:40,150 It'll look more natural, 171 00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:42,670 like the penises are growing out of the earth. 172 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:48,460 [Upbeat music playing] 173 00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,840 Okay. So you're being extra weird today. 174 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,550 No, I'm not. My dream girl is coming into the bank today. 175 00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:09,970 Priscilla Diaz. 176 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:13,060 I've been handling her accounts for three months now and I'm telling you, 177 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,600 she is the one. Today, we finally meet. 178 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,640 She's "the one," and you've never met her? 179 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,690 That's right. I know everything I need to know. 180 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,310 She has a fully funded roth ira. 181 00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:23,660 She moved her money from fixed income and into equities 182 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,110 to perfectly take advantage of the bull market of 2021. 183 00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:27,860 So yeah, she's got it all. 184 00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:29,750 Why don't you just be normal and date someone 185 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,280 who you've actually seen before like Claudia? 186 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,700 Claudia? She collects beanie babies. 187 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:37,060 Those are endangered animals. 188 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,840 And she only gets those because she donates to a wildlife charity. 189 00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:42,130 Oh, so she just gives her money away? Uh, real smart. 190 00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:46,800 Priscilla Diaz would never do that. Plus, she's only an account manager. 191 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,550 - You're an account manager. - Exactly. 192 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,640 You date for the job you want, not the job you have. 193 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,220 [Mike] The key to a successful recruitment fair is determination. 194 00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:56,890 And discipline. 195 00:08:57,090 --> 00:08:58,200 And dedication. 196 00:08:58,830 --> 00:08:59,850 And bouncy castles. 197 00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:01,400 That's a lot of keys. 198 00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,870 Maybe we should've brought those keychains after all. 199 00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,530 Hi, Mr. Perkins. Sir. 200 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,660 San Antonio's very own nino brown. How's the crack cocaine business? 201 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:15,870 Oh. Ha. Very funny joke. 202 00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:19,540 But I would never sell crack cocaine or smoke it. 203 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:23,790 I, I don't even crack jokes, or eggs, or anything else that you can crack, 204 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,560 especially cocaine. 205 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,810 Are you high right now? 206 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,510 Another good one. Wow. You're on a roll today, sir. 207 00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:36,310 No, of course, I'm not high. High on patriotism, maybe. 208 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,850 Other than that, completely sober. Do you have a breathalyzer? 209 00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:43,230 Or a cup. Uh, you know, for pee? 210 00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:46,690 I, I'd be... I'd be so happy to give you some of my urine, sir. 211 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,280 It would be an absolute honor and a privilege. 212 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,480 Just one without pens. 213 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,090 I don't want your urine, Rafael. 214 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,070 Right. 215 00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,790 Hey, bud. I know what's going on here. 216 00:09:57,980 --> 00:09:59,180 You do? 217 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,870 I know you're scared. 218 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,330 But this obstacle course is completely safe. 219 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:06,470 Why don't you give it a practice run before we start? 220 00:10:06,490 --> 00:10:08,310 - Come on. I'll time you. - [Rafa] I don't really... 221 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:09,710 - [Mike] Ready? - [Rafa] Watch out. 222 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,010 Crawl and weave! 223 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,590 Crawl and weave, primo. Crawl and weave! 224 00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:15,900 Let's go! Let's go! Come on. Jump! 225 00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:20,740 Sniper got you. You're dead. Start over. 226 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,500 [Mike] All right. Shoes off. I'll be back to time you. 227 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,110 Remember, there's a lot of jobs in the army, 228 00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,380 it's not just combat. That's important to tell these kids. 229 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,000 - Uh-huh. - And a good thing about having you here 230 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,550 is everyone will know right away clearly 231 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,700 you do not have to fight. 232 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,790 - Absolutely. - This is fun, huh? 233 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,540 You and me, quality time? 234 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,040 Primo, let me run something by you. 235 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,810 Why do you think I don't have a girlfriend? 236 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:49,550 I mean, I got the prescription deodorant, so it's not that anymore. 237 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:50,740 Yeah, totally. 238 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,800 Hello there. I'm Ryan, senior executive account manager. 239 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,020 It would be my honor to assist you 240 00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:04,520 with all your needs today, Ms. Lisa guzman? 241 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,520 Ugh. Paul can help you. 242 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,820 Paul? This chick needs something. 243 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:12,960 [Telephone ringing in distance] 244 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,860 Hey, do you want me to take over greeting the customers? 245 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,160 'Cause you're being such a jackass today. 246 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,490 I'm sorry. I'm fine. I got it. Yeah. 247 00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:24,120 Oh, also apparently the outdoor atm is down. 248 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,920 Yes. There's a McDonald's pancake in the deposit slot. 249 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,420 What? 250 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,000 I'm sorry, I should be more clear. 251 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,520 I stuffed a McDonald's pancake in there so that it would break. 252 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,060 So then everybody would have to come in, 253 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,440 and then I can finally meet the woman that I'm in love with. 254 00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,930 Oh. Today is the day you meet "investment account ending in 6421?" 255 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:43,850 Yup. Claudia, let me ask you a question. Imagine that you work at a bank. 256 00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,100 - I do work in a bank. - Great. Stay with that. 257 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,300 Now, imagine that you're trying to impress a client 258 00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,870 whose account information you are very familiar with. 259 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,290 Which of these ties would you choose? 260 00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,880 I think you look good in both. 261 00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:04,620 Well, great. That's not helpful. Thanks for nothing, Anna wintour. 262 00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:07,760 [Singer singing in Spanish] 263 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,740 - [Cartoons on TV] - [Laughing] 264 00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:32,730 [Cries] What is... He's never even seen the sunlight, it's... 265 00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:35,880 [Singer singing in Spanish] 266 00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:43,220 She led him to the stockroom, where he revealed his inventory. 267 00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:49,540 Oh, his, his rising inventory. 268 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:52,710 Oh, that's good. Rising. 269 00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,250 That's so good, Esther. Yeah. 270 00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:58,400 [Singer singing in Spanish] 271 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,030 [Gasps] 272 00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:08,200 The baby has amnesia? 273 00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:11,520 Oh, my god. 274 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,660 [Latin music playing] 275 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,840 [Singer singing in Spanish] 276 00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,050 [Groans] 277 00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:30,620 Leather underwear. Leather visor. Ma'am? 278 00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:35,210 Leather onesie for the little one? It's treated. The poop slides right off. 279 00:13:35,410 --> 00:13:36,410 [Woman] No, thanks. 280 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,360 No? Your baby's ugly anyway. 281 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,310 Hey! You got mud on our blanket! 282 00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:52,480 You should've put your stuff on a table. 283 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,520 Rollie, don't. 284 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,960 Hey, you gotta tell me what's up with this guy. 285 00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,740 Believe it or not, leatherman used to be my best friend. 286 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,570 Back then, he was just "Gary." 287 00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:05,160 [Indistinct chatter] 288 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,450 [Mondo] It was the end Of strawberry season. 289 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,950 after the harvest, We both had money to spend. 290 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,370 I have a business proposition for you. 291 00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:16,810 There's a cattle auction coming to town. What if you and I went in half on a cow? 292 00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,420 [Mondo] I was thrilled. It was like having a thousand-pound dog. 293 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,930 that cow and I, We had a spiritual connection. 294 00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,490 like we had been friends in a past life. 295 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,140 good girl! 296 00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:31,020 I thought he loved her as much as I did. 297 00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:35,020 but soon I discovered That he had very different intentions. 298 00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:38,330 everything went great! We should at least double our money. 299 00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:41,610 How could you do this? 300 00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:46,840 I lost two friends that day. The cow died and Gary did, too. 301 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,740 Leatherman was born in his place. 302 00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:54,500 Yo, I remember Gary now. From years ago. Yeah, that guy's a dick. 303 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,960 Hey, you're carving them for a living, 304 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,630 but can't see when there's a human one right in front of you? 305 00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:02,170 You know what the difference between us is? 306 00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:06,150 That I choose peace. That's why I've never been to jail. 307 00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:12,560 Except for that time that I did ayahuasca and went into the ihop without pants. 308 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,560 Hey, look, you don't want me to fight him? I won't fight him. 309 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,980 But you gotta stand up for yourself. 310 00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:23,320 If not for you, then do it for... Uh, what was your dog cow's name? 311 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,570 Moo-chelle pfeiffer. 312 00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:26,320 Yeah, moo-chelle. 313 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,160 You're under enemy fire. 314 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,410 Your platoon is the last hope to get this nuclear warhead to safety. 315 00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:36,000 The fate of the United States of america is in your hands. 316 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,560 Godspeed. 317 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:39,930 [Device beeps] 318 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:42,770 [Whistle blows] 319 00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:45,590 Juan! Too slow! You're dead. Pass the nuke to Carla. 320 00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:47,470 - Hey, are you timing this? - Yeah, sorry. 321 00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:51,350 Uh, Carla's got 20 seconds left before that bomb destroys San Antonio. 322 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,310 Excuse me just one sec. 323 00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:56,480 Leave him behind, Carla! It's too late for him! 324 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,740 Keep going! 325 00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:04,070 Ah, the old, uh, f-15 strike eagle. 326 00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,340 - Yeah. - Nice. 327 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,550 Mind if I give her a whirl? 328 00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:15,830 Well, the olive garden recruiter brought out the free breadsticks 329 00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:20,250 and everyone ran over there, so, sure. Go crazy. 330 00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:23,190 - Okay. - Let's get you set up here. 331 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,140 I think I see. 332 00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:33,600 Yeah. Check her out. 333 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,740 [Planes hovering over monitor] 334 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,620 [Beeping] 335 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,370 [Explosion] 336 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,880 Direct hit. Not bad. 337 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,160 Thank you, sir. 338 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,490 - Enjoy that leather toilet seat cover. - I will. 339 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:59,290 Man, I'm crushing carcass today. How's the wooden dick business? 340 00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:02,080 Ironically, it looks like a soft market. 341 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,550 Hey, take your revenge. Do it for moo-chelle. 342 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:10,090 Oh, is that what you're thinking about? 343 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:13,890 Your old cow friend? [Laughs] That is hilarious. 344 00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:18,240 She was my first murdered cow. I still wear her sometimes, mondo. 345 00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:23,290 She tanned up good. Real good. 346 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,940 [Upbeat Latin music playing] 347 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:31,760 [Yells] No! My leather goods! 348 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,430 [Indistinct chatter] 349 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,600 Look me in the eyes, Gary. Look me in the eye... 350 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,760 This revenge had a lot more urine than I was anticipating. 351 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,470 How much is it usually? 352 00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:56,760 Zero. 353 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,430 [Mondo] Uh-hmm. 354 00:17:58,630 --> 00:18:00,070 [Rollie chuckles] 355 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,960 Nice job. One of the best scores I've seen all day. 356 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:08,960 Thank you. 357 00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:12,280 I appreciate you letting me test her out. 358 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,610 What are you doing? 359 00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,660 Destroying tanks with heat-seeking missiles. 360 00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,950 Wack. You're supposed to be helping me at the army booth. 361 00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,000 I was counting on you and you let me down. 362 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,620 Seems like you let each other down. 363 00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:25,380 [Mike] Oh, no. Evacuate the obstacle course! 364 00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,670 You are in danger! 365 00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:29,310 The structural integrity has been compromised! 366 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,050 - Army. - [Mike] Evacuate now! 367 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,440 He'll be fine. He's very good at evacuations. 368 00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:40,470 He doesn't give a crap about helping me recruit kids 369 00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:42,890 into the armed forces. It's basically treason! 370 00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:45,480 - What? - [Mike] He lied to me, drea! 371 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,120 - yeah. - [Mike] And I know you think 372 00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,950 i get defensive about defending america, 373 00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:50,370 - but defending america... - No, no, I think you're great, 374 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,390 uh, in america. 375 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,780 Is literally my job. 376 00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,570 I have dedicated my life to making us all safe. 377 00:18:55,770 --> 00:19:00,540 And the first rule of boot camp, drea, is that you respect your uncle. 378 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,660 That is why they call him uncle Sam, drea. 379 00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:05,170 Family is important. 380 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,560 [Mike] That's what I'm saying! 381 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:09,040 well, I'm sure you and Ryan will work it out, okay? 382 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,350 Talk soon. 383 00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,470 Drea? Ryan's... 384 00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:18,700 I'm not with Ryan! 385 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,600 [Sighs] God. 386 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,330 Just leave it alone. I'll do it myself. Just like I did all day. 387 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,650 Uncle Mike, uh, that's my bad, okay? 388 00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:36,030 Apologies not accepted. We were supposed to be working in tandem, 389 00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:39,620 to recruit soldiers and improve the strength and might of the us military. 390 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:41,090 And... 391 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,750 - You hurt my feelings. - I know. 392 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,580 It's just, Mya's dad kinda hates me, 393 00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:51,500 and he's not gonna let Mya hang out with me if he hates me. 394 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,350 So I thought I could, 395 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:58,260 I don't know, just spend some time with him, try to get him on my side. 396 00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:00,970 Well, whatever. You shouldn't have lied. 397 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:04,660 And your mom, I called her about it, she completely agrees with me. 398 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,330 Yeah. Yeah. I know. 399 00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:20,740 Maybe she'll come next Saturday. 400 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:23,620 I guess. You want some charcuterie? 401 00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:25,000 Sure. 402 00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,080 Nope. That ham is sweaty. 403 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,460 Yeah, this ham is fully wet. Mm. 404 00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,660 Do not eat that. 405 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,420 Yeah. 406 00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:37,170 Hey, thanks for being so cool today. I'm sorry if I was a little nutty. 407 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,430 It's okay. 408 00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:41,260 Or it's actually not "okay," because you're deeply weird, 409 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,720 but it's enough "okay" that I can tell you it's okay. 410 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,970 [Laughs] Do you have any plans tonight? 411 00:20:46,170 --> 00:20:48,940 Me and some friends are going to a concert downtown. 412 00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:50,150 You into music? 413 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:51,340 Hmm. 414 00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:52,830 Come on, what's your favorite album? 415 00:20:53,010 --> 00:20:54,770 Oh, no. You're gonna think it's stupid. 416 00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:56,330 Probably. 417 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:01,320 It's Unleash the champion inside you, By Bernie snorkis. 418 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,070 He's a motivational speaker. 419 00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:05,120 Yup, stupid. 420 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,080 I know. It's just, I try to focus on my career and my future, 421 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,240 so I don't spend a lot of time listening to music. 422 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,540 I'm gonna make you a playlist. You need normal, human interests. 423 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:14,740 Thanks. 424 00:21:14,910 --> 00:21:16,590 And I'll make you a playlist of my favorite 425 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,190 motivational speeches and Ted talks. 426 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,730 - Please do not do that. - Absolutely not, I won't. 427 00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:25,540 We'll release you, but only once you've paid 428 00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:27,030 for the merchandise you destroyed. 429 00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:30,770 I can't. My only assets are 32 sculptures and an antique pan flute. 430 00:21:30,970 --> 00:21:33,690 [Leatherman] Then I want him banned from the flea market for life, 431 00:21:33,890 --> 00:21:35,480 and extradited to Mexico. 432 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,760 "Extradited?" you know I'm not the government, right? 433 00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:39,330 [Mondo] This flea market is the only way I have to make money. 434 00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,310 I am not going back to selling these door to door. 435 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,960 I got punched too many times. 436 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,210 [Rollie] Hey, how about this, Gary. 437 00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:47,660 You screwed mondo out of half a cow back in the day. 438 00:21:47,860 --> 00:21:49,500 Hey, what do you say we call it even? 439 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:52,040 That was two hundred bucks, Amigo. 440 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,130 he ruined way more than that. 441 00:21:54,330 --> 00:21:55,630 You didn't let me finish. 442 00:21:55,830 --> 00:21:57,460 Hey, what do you say we call it even, 443 00:21:57,660 --> 00:21:59,340 or I follow you home and cave your head in? 444 00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:01,630 That was a threat. Do something! 445 00:22:01,830 --> 00:22:03,110 Again, I'm not the government. 446 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,530 Fine. 447 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,860 Fine! 448 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:12,350 I can't believe how much anger I was holding in. 449 00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:15,710 I can't believe you flipped over a table. Hey, we should hang out more often. 450 00:22:16,910 --> 00:22:20,150 Hey, I'm glad you stood up to that guy. Some fights are worth fighting. 451 00:22:20,350 --> 00:22:22,900 I mean, to me, all fights are worth fighting. 452 00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,090 But still, good for you. 453 00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:29,240 Hey, what are you doing? I peed on that. 454 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,210 I'm gonna hose it down and take it to the biker bar and sell it. 455 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,180 There are so many foul smells coming out of that place, 456 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,880 - they won't even notice. - I get a 50-50 split. 457 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,340 Hey, look at you. Standing up for yourself. 458 00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:43,110 But no, I'm keeping all the money. 459 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:45,190 Okay. 460 00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,310 Hey. Good turnout? 461 00:22:54,510 --> 00:22:55,690 It was okay. How about you? 462 00:22:55,890 --> 00:22:59,190 Eh. A little worried about these kids, I think they might be a bit soft. 463 00:22:59,390 --> 00:23:00,390 Definitely. 464 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,080 My whole presentation was a video game. 465 00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:04,350 And a bunch of them asked me if I worked for gamestop. 466 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:06,960 I don't. 467 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:13,080 Hey, listen, um, I'm sorry if primo was a little weird. 468 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,870 He's under a lot of pressure but he's a good kid. 469 00:23:16,070 --> 00:23:17,670 He was raised to respect his elders, 470 00:23:17,870 --> 00:23:19,680 I think he was just trying to make a good impression. 471 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:20,730 Is that right? 472 00:23:21,850 --> 00:23:23,930 Maybe some of the things Mya says about him are true. 473 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,840 They are. Unless they were bad. 474 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,740 In which case, your daughter is a liar. Have a good night. 475 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,200 I'm glad I did not go to that barbecue. 476 00:23:35,490 --> 00:23:36,850 Thanks for coming today. 477 00:23:37,050 --> 00:23:38,860 To be honest, I didn't really need your help. 478 00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:41,320 You're actually pretty useless. Militarily, I mean. 479 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,800 I just thought it might be cool to hang with you a little. 480 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,200 You hungry? 481 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,070 Oh, my god, I'm starving. 482 00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:50,580 I was too scared to eat in front of Mya's dad. 483 00:23:50,770 --> 00:23:53,450 I just felt like I was gonna get something on my shirt, like always. 484 00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:55,160 We'll get burgers on the way home. 485 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,960 By the way, Mya talks to her dad about you. 486 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,290 You talked to him? 487 00:24:00,490 --> 00:24:02,840 Military kids don't talk to their dads about anything, 488 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,760 so if she's talking about you, that's a good sign. 489 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,590 For real? 490 00:24:08,790 --> 00:24:11,010 That's kinda high-level intel you get 491 00:24:11,210 --> 00:24:13,010 when you hang out with your cool uncle Mike. 492 00:24:13,210 --> 00:24:14,600 He was there too? 493 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:15,950 [Mike] Get in the truck. 494 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,430 [Sighs] 495 00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:35,790 Hey, ma. We got burgers for everyone. 496 00:24:35,990 --> 00:24:39,460 We executed a search and rescue today, drea. 497 00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:40,920 - Whole team's beat. - Oh yeah? 498 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,090 - Yeah. - Hey, sis, I need, ammonia, 499 00:24:43,290 --> 00:24:44,290 bleach, and a barrel. 500 00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:45,960 That's going to create mustard gas. 501 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:47,850 Yeah, but I gotta get the piss out of these leather clothes 502 00:24:47,870 --> 00:24:49,550 - I'm gonna sell to a biker gang. - What? 503 00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:50,840 [Rollie] Thank you. 504 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,860 Well, I may never find love. 505 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,600 Play Bernie snorkis motivational quotes. 506 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,480 [Bernie snorkis] If you're poor, It's your fault. Bernie snorkis... 507 00:25:00,550 --> 00:25:01,940 man, shut that off. 508 00:25:02,140 --> 00:25:04,480 I need water. I think I'm dehydrated. 509 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,040 Oh, nice. 510 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,450 I got ketchup on my shirt. 511 00:25:11,650 --> 00:25:14,120 You haven't even started eating. Your burger is still wrapped! 512 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,930 I told you. This is what happens. 513 00:25:17,050 --> 00:25:19,410 You're right, you did tell me. 514 00:25:19,610 --> 00:25:21,180 - How'd y'all's day go? - [Mondo] Well, it was pretty good. 515 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,810 - [Rollie] Oh, man. - [Mondo] ...Moo-chelle pfeiffer 516 00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:24,170 and peed on a dead carcass... 517 00:25:24,370 --> 00:25:25,880 Yeah, there was the leatherman guy. 518 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,520 And he tried to fight me but I was like, 519 00:25:27,540 --> 00:25:28,940 "no, you're not gonna be able to fight me." 520 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,900 [Indistinct chattering] 521 00:25:38,030 --> 00:25:40,950 I'm good. Really good. 522 00:25:49,790 --> 00:25:51,610 Is this is a leather onesie? 523 00:25:51,810 --> 00:25:53,420 It sure is, peanut. 524 00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:57,590 [Theme music playing] 525 00:26:56,610 --> 00:26:57,970 [Andrea] next on Primo... 526 00:26:58,170 --> 00:26:59,820 What if she goes off and gets a boyfriend? 527 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,680 - At math camp? - I just have to tell her. 528 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,160 Let me just walk you through it, step by step. 529 00:27:03,180 --> 00:27:04,200 How'd you keep this from us? 530 00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:05,300 Easy, you're all oblivious. 531 00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,280 We need to trust that drea knows what she's doing. 532 00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:08,110 We don't have any infor. 533 00:27:08,310 --> 00:27:09,520 - Hey. - Hey. 534 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,560 - You wanna take a walk? - Any final questions? 535 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,590 I think there's something you need to know. 536 00:27:14,420 --> 00:27:15,550 What?