1 00:02:43,446 --> 00:02:44,822 No, no, no, no, no! 2 00:03:53,641 --> 00:03:57,060 Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better. 3 00:03:57,061 --> 00:03:59,730 You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something? 4 00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,941 I did use to have a friend named Julie 5 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,945 when I was a kid, and we did play in her yard. 6 00:04:07,446 --> 00:04:08,863 Sometimes we would sing. 7 00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:11,324 Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery, I swear, 8 00:04:11,325 --> 00:04:13,660 if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes, 9 00:04:13,661 --> 00:04:15,328 I'd be married to a gold medalist. 10 00:04:15,329 --> 00:04:17,664 Your voice has gotten better. 11 00:04:17,665 --> 00:04:19,582 Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow. 12 00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,044 No need to get competitive. 13 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,714 Life is a competition, don't they say? 14 00:04:25,715 --> 00:04:28,133 Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie? 15 00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:30,802 Never. I don't believe I ever even thought it. 16 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:33,304 We should all be thinking about it 17 00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,665 if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league. 18 00:04:36,225 --> 00:04:40,687 And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists. 19 00:04:40,688 --> 00:04:43,857 Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman. 20 00:04:43,858 --> 00:04:45,025 He is great. 21 00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:47,152 Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once, 22 00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,530 and he insisted on prayin' before goin' car parking. 23 00:04:50,531 --> 00:04:51,824 No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian! 24 00:04:53,951 --> 00:04:54,952 What about you, Don? 25 00:04:55,494 --> 00:04:56,786 Are you ever gonna join the team? 26 00:04:56,787 --> 00:04:59,581 - Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem. 27 00:04:59,582 --> 00:05:02,062 He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law. 28 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,086 Didn't you play professional football? 29 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,213 - For the Washington Redskins. - Yes! 30 00:05:07,214 --> 00:05:09,591 Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team. 31 00:05:09,592 --> 00:05:11,802 And it kills him to this day. 32 00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:15,055 I'm gonna go get some potato salad. 33 00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:16,182 I'll race you. 34 00:05:17,475 --> 00:05:19,976 We should really get going soon because the chart says 35 00:05:19,977 --> 00:05:23,229 that I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1:00 PM 36 00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:25,106 today, so. 37 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,233 Oh, right. 38 00:05:28,569 --> 00:05:29,862 Little bit slower. 39 00:05:30,905 --> 00:05:32,323 Little bit slower! 40 00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:38,578 And be sure to emit as you propulse forward. 41 00:05:38,579 --> 00:05:41,290 - Evidently, that's helpful. - Really? 42 00:05:42,416 --> 00:05:45,168 - Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty. 43 00:05:45,169 --> 00:05:46,629 No, you have been deeper before. 44 00:05:48,506 --> 00:05:51,675 If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too. 45 00:05:53,302 --> 00:05:54,261 But, slower. 46 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:55,471 Deeper! 47 00:05:57,515 --> 00:05:58,515 And squirt! 48 00:06:15,032 --> 00:06:18,034 - Keep going, honey. You're doing great. - Do I have to sing it? 49 00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:19,161 Yes. 50 00:06:19,995 --> 00:06:23,541 If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up with joy! 51 00:06:31,132 --> 00:06:34,135 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey! 52 00:06:34,677 --> 00:06:36,427 - Come in! - All right. 53 00:06:36,428 --> 00:06:38,930 And why do I have the pleasure 54 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:42,935 of a house call from my favorite pastor? 55 00:06:43,686 --> 00:06:44,812 Well. 56 00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:48,399 It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And... 57 00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,318 I might stop being your favorite pastor. 58 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,490 What's goin' on? 59 00:06:57,908 --> 00:06:59,326 Bill's gone. 60 00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:01,996 He wants a divorce. 61 00:07:05,708 --> 00:07:07,667 It's been comin' for a long time. 62 00:07:07,668 --> 00:07:09,669 I know that you've been struggling some. 63 00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:10,921 Sweetie, sing louder. 64 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:15,967 That's good. 65 00:07:16,927 --> 00:07:21,306 You will get through this. I will drag you through this. 66 00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,184 - I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about? 67 00:07:24,476 --> 00:07:27,770 For starters, how will I lead the congregation? 68 00:07:27,771 --> 00:07:30,983 You're gonna lead us the same as you always have. 69 00:07:31,609 --> 00:07:35,445 And being single, after 23 years of marriage. 70 00:07:35,446 --> 00:07:40,200 I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other. 71 00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:45,039 So you just need to look at this as a new beginning. 72 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,918 A new destiny. 73 00:07:51,378 --> 00:07:54,297 - It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty. 74 00:07:54,298 --> 00:07:57,675 The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel. 75 00:07:57,676 --> 00:08:00,720 As much. And I don't. 76 00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:03,056 Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart. 77 00:08:03,057 --> 00:08:04,099 That's all I'm saying. 78 00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:07,268 Right, but we're talking about four days here. 79 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:11,439 Four critical days during peak fertility. 80 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:17,780 Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier if you stress less? 81 00:08:20,324 --> 00:08:22,408 - So it's my fault. - I didn't say that. 82 00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:24,578 - Of course, you did. You did. - No, I didn't. 83 00:08:25,329 --> 00:08:28,209 And you might consider that it's your traveling that's causing my stress. 84 00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,312 Okay. 85 00:08:52,106 --> 00:08:56,025 So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister, 86 00:08:56,026 --> 00:08:58,778 she's not just out of town on church business. 87 00:08:58,779 --> 00:09:01,739 She chose not to be here today. 88 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:03,741 Because I'm on the church council, 89 00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:07,746 she felt it better that I break the news first. 90 00:09:08,914 --> 00:09:11,709 Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce. 91 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:15,462 It happens. 92 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:19,800 Get over it. Pastors are people like everybody else. 93 00:09:20,843 --> 00:09:23,720 I see some of you squirming in your seats, 94 00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:26,806 like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts. 95 00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:29,726 Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister, 96 00:09:29,727 --> 00:09:32,061 you'd be squealing like a pig. 97 00:09:32,062 --> 00:09:36,025 And Jackie Ponder would be the first one runnin' to your aid. 98 00:09:37,192 --> 00:09:38,902 So let's run to hers. 99 00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:43,699 Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes. 100 00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:49,454 Let's just get on with being good Methodists. 101 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,247 We can start tonight 102 00:09:51,248 --> 00:09:53,792 by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball. 103 00:09:58,213 --> 00:09:59,548 I got it! 104 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,348 Betty, hey. Hi. 105 00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:10,975 Thought you'd be playing tonight. 106 00:10:10,976 --> 00:10:12,603 Sitting this one out. 107 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,024 Understood. 108 00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:20,276 Yeah. Makes sense. 109 00:10:20,277 --> 00:10:21,277 I got it! 110 00:10:22,946 --> 00:10:25,365 - What makes sense? - What? 111 00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:27,367 My sitting this game out makes sense. 112 00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:30,329 - Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting, 113 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:33,082 it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any 114 00:10:33,665 --> 00:10:36,209 intense physical activity. 115 00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:38,003 What makes you think I'm expecting? 116 00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:44,133 No, no, I'm sorry. 117 00:10:44,134 --> 00:10:46,094 I just heard you and Allan were trying. 118 00:10:46,095 --> 00:10:47,721 I... 119 00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:51,266 I apologize. I overstepped. 120 00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:55,627 - Betty, I'm really sorry. - It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 121 00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:01,485 You really do have a wonderful singing voice. 122 00:11:01,985 --> 00:11:04,321 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:09,201 Got it, got it, got it! 124 00:11:11,703 --> 00:11:12,829 Are you okay? 125 00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,456 I'm fine. I'm fine. 126 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:17,876 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:11:18,419 --> 00:11:20,587 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 128 00:11:21,296 --> 00:11:23,965 - Good. Okay. - You don't wanna sit for a bit? 129 00:11:23,966 --> 00:11:26,759 No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you. 130 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,469 - Alright. - Thanks. 131 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,013 Sorry. I gotta communicate. 132 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,742 What do you mean he smelled like sex? 133 00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:53,370 I mean he smelled like sex. 134 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,542 - Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore? - Oh yeah. I know. 135 00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:03,672 I know, but how a man looks and smells can be two totally different things. 136 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,508 And plus. 137 00:12:07,384 --> 00:12:08,385 Plus what? 138 00:12:09,303 --> 00:12:11,096 Well, I was kind of 139 00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:14,474 gettin' the sense that he was likin' the smell of me, too. 140 00:12:14,475 --> 00:12:16,115 Like it could maybe go in that direction. 141 00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:17,977 What direction? 142 00:12:18,937 --> 00:12:21,190 - I'm not sayin' that I would ever... - Candy! 143 00:12:27,738 --> 00:12:29,698 It's just this whole thing with Jackie. 144 00:12:31,158 --> 00:12:34,703 Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can. 145 00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:37,831 What can? 146 00:12:39,249 --> 00:12:42,669 The "content is not all it's cracked up to be" can. 147 00:12:44,588 --> 00:12:46,339 You know, my father, he used to say to me, 148 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:49,718 "Candy, if you ain't growing, you're dying." 149 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,261 And he would also say, 150 00:12:52,262 --> 00:12:54,264 "If you ain't searching 151 00:12:56,141 --> 00:12:57,935 you're lost." 152 00:13:00,437 --> 00:13:02,064 Allan Gore? 153 00:13:05,442 --> 00:13:07,401 I mean, he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway. 154 00:13:07,402 --> 00:13:08,986 Just take a look at him. 155 00:13:08,987 --> 00:13:11,281 Who could be more "fall-in-love-proof" than that? 156 00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:29,026 Gary, would you like to share your poem? 157 00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:32,320 Okay. It's short. 158 00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:35,698 That's fine. Some of my favorite poems are short. 159 00:14:35,699 --> 00:14:37,659 Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact. 160 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,039 "On my brand new toilet 161 00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:45,167 I did the same thing." 162 00:14:52,549 --> 00:14:55,218 It's about the folly of materialism. 163 00:14:58,138 --> 00:15:00,057 God, I totally get it. 164 00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:04,685 We all think that we can change our lives with stuff, you know? 165 00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:07,355 I do it all the time with shoes or whatever. 166 00:15:07,356 --> 00:15:10,036 If I could just have that or just get this things will be different. 167 00:15:10,317 --> 00:15:12,818 Mine's actually got a similar theme about "wanting." 168 00:15:12,819 --> 00:15:13,903 - Yeah? - Yeah. 169 00:15:13,904 --> 00:15:15,656 - Let's hear it, Candy. - Okay. 170 00:15:16,406 --> 00:15:19,910 - It's called, "My Heart Asked." - What a lovely title. 171 00:15:24,122 --> 00:15:26,708 "My heart asked, 'What's the answer?' 172 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:31,712 "I said, 'What answer?' It said, 'You know.' 173 00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:35,592 "I said, 'I don't know. I give up. What's the answer?' 174 00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:38,553 "And the heart said, 175 00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,474 'The answer is don't give up.'" 176 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:46,662 - Good night, Sherry. - See you at home. 177 00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:48,457 - Bye, Candy! - See ya. 178 00:17:34,002 --> 00:17:36,004 Allan! Hi! 179 00:17:37,464 --> 00:17:39,882 - Hey, Candy. - Hey. 180 00:17:39,883 --> 00:17:42,260 I want to talk to you sometime about 181 00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:45,190 something that's been bothering me a little. 182 00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:50,018 How about right now? 183 00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:52,646 Sure. 184 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,949 I've been thinking about you a lot, 185 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:06,952 and it's really been bothering me, and I'm not 186 00:18:08,161 --> 00:18:11,164 sure whether I want you to do anything about it or not. 187 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,802 I'm very attracted to you. 188 00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:27,764 And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it, so I wanted to tell you that. 189 00:19:09,431 --> 00:19:11,432 You seriously got in his car? 190 00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:13,183 I did. 191 00:19:13,184 --> 00:19:16,479 - And told him you were thinking about him? - I did. 192 00:19:17,272 --> 00:19:19,231 And what did he say? 193 00:19:19,232 --> 00:19:21,483 He said, "Oh. Okay." 194 00:19:21,484 --> 00:19:23,320 - That's it? - Pretty much. 195 00:19:23,904 --> 00:19:26,655 Are you sure this is really about Allan Gore 196 00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:29,367 and not about you wantin' to be reckless? 197 00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:31,703 Maybe a little of both. 198 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,498 But also men, they get to go to their jobs 199 00:19:36,499 --> 00:19:38,335 and live in their careers and 200 00:19:39,377 --> 00:19:41,671 we just stay home and 201 00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:45,342 God, that's supposed to be enough. 202 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,805 Look at our kids right now on that jungle gym. 203 00:19:51,348 --> 00:19:55,351 It is human nature to take risks. 204 00:19:55,352 --> 00:19:59,773 To go for somethin' with a little thrill at the risk of falling. 205 00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:02,025 I mean, look at their faces. 206 00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:05,028 They are more alive than we are. 207 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,159 It's not appropriate. 208 00:20:13,328 --> 00:20:15,330 - Why? - Because it's not. 209 00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:19,708 Where did you even get all of this stuff? 210 00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:20,751 Jenny's mom. 211 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,253 You're gonna have to pick another costume. 212 00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,213 - Why? - I told you, it's not appropriate, 213 00:20:24,214 --> 00:20:26,590 - especially for a girl your age. - Dad! 214 00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,133 No, no! Never mind. 215 00:20:28,134 --> 00:20:30,386 I will not have you out on the streets trick or treating as a trollop. 216 00:20:30,387 --> 00:20:31,846 We will find something better. 217 00:20:32,222 --> 00:20:34,808 This is why I did not want her seeing that movie! 218 00:20:35,809 --> 00:20:38,310 - "Grease"? That's a family picture, honey. - No, no. 219 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:41,189 It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out. 220 00:20:51,324 --> 00:20:54,076 - You're judging me. - I am not judging you. 221 00:20:54,077 --> 00:20:56,913 Allan, you do some of your best commentary with silence. 222 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:02,377 One of the reasons 223 00:21:03,837 --> 00:21:06,380 why I go silent is because when you get like this, 224 00:21:06,381 --> 00:21:07,924 I don't know what to say. 225 00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:11,114 I don't know what you want me to say. 226 00:21:18,184 --> 00:21:20,060 The first time I took my wife out, I knew she wasn't smart. 227 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:21,021 Why's that. 228 00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:22,521 I took her to a drive-in movie, you know, 229 00:21:22,522 --> 00:21:24,565 and I asked if she wanted to go in the back seat, you know. 230 00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:26,246 She said she'd rather use the ladies' room! 231 00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:31,238 But the day I got married, that was something. 232 00:21:31,239 --> 00:21:32,990 Everybody was crying. 233 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:35,242 During the ceremony, her mother cried, you know? 234 00:21:35,243 --> 00:21:37,369 All the way to the hotel, my wife cried. 235 00:21:37,370 --> 00:21:39,497 And when she got undressed, I cried, you know? 236 00:21:44,127 --> 00:21:45,879 Did you read my short? 237 00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:48,214 Sorry? 238 00:21:49,674 --> 00:21:53,011 My short story from writing class. I asked if you would read it. 239 00:21:53,762 --> 00:21:55,597 I did. Excellent. 240 00:21:58,141 --> 00:21:59,517 Yeah? What was it about? 241 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,437 It was about swans. 242 00:22:04,272 --> 00:22:05,523 What about swans? 243 00:22:06,483 --> 00:22:09,694 Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied harder. 244 00:22:10,528 --> 00:22:12,238 Then study harder, Pat. 245 00:22:12,906 --> 00:22:14,115 You have a Ph.D. 246 00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,785 Yep. Not in swans, though. 247 00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,789 Yep. 248 00:22:25,251 --> 00:22:27,795 - Let me read it again. - My car, I tell you, Johnny. 249 00:22:27,796 --> 00:22:29,922 - Bad car? - I got the only car 250 00:22:29,923 --> 00:22:31,132 dogs chase it, they catch it. 251 00:22:36,638 --> 00:22:39,015 I told the graduating class... 252 00:23:54,299 --> 00:23:57,718 It's not about repainting or redoing. We need a new sanctuary. 253 00:23:57,719 --> 00:24:01,388 Well, a church is more about its parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann. 254 00:24:01,389 --> 00:24:03,348 That may be well and true, but this church 255 00:24:03,349 --> 00:24:05,392 isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow the congregation. 256 00:24:05,393 --> 00:24:06,810 And for that, we need a new facility. 257 00:24:06,811 --> 00:24:09,314 It's not just that it's old, Jackie. It's crappy. 258 00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:13,442 Nobody looking for a new house of worship wants crappy. 259 00:24:13,443 --> 00:24:14,527 It should make a statement. 260 00:24:15,195 --> 00:24:17,197 Especially if we wanna draw the younger couples. 261 00:24:17,822 --> 00:24:19,990 Well, aren't we supposed to be the younger couples? 262 00:24:19,991 --> 00:24:21,492 Where's your head, Allan? 263 00:24:24,078 --> 00:24:25,288 I'm sorry? What? 264 00:24:25,872 --> 00:24:28,708 Where's your head? You think we need a new sanctuary? 265 00:24:32,545 --> 00:24:34,672 - Well... - You know, the thing about 266 00:24:35,423 --> 00:24:37,675 religion and life and love 267 00:24:38,509 --> 00:24:40,303 is that there's renewal in it. 268 00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:44,474 And, to me, nothing sells renewal better than 269 00:24:45,725 --> 00:24:47,185 you know, something new. 270 00:24:49,103 --> 00:24:52,189 I agree. We need a major building. 271 00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:54,317 So if we look at our finances 272 00:24:55,485 --> 00:24:58,196 year-to-date, and we see 273 00:24:58,863 --> 00:25:00,949 that we are already... 274 00:25:21,970 --> 00:25:26,014 Well, you would think the teams themselves would have to clean up, not the referees, 275 00:25:26,015 --> 00:25:28,850 but I suppose that would just make too much sense, wouldn't it? 276 00:25:28,851 --> 00:25:31,019 Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow? 277 00:25:31,020 --> 00:25:32,689 Is the sun still planning to rise? 278 00:25:33,690 --> 00:25:35,024 Well, I'll call you! 279 00:25:38,778 --> 00:25:41,488 So is Betty not feeling too good again? 280 00:25:41,489 --> 00:25:46,702 Some headaches and so forth. Probably stress-related. 281 00:25:46,703 --> 00:25:51,332 You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve to relax your bride, Allan? 282 00:25:52,583 --> 00:25:54,711 Betty's seen all my tricks. 283 00:25:57,213 --> 00:25:59,340 Well, this is me. 284 00:26:01,009 --> 00:26:02,634 You tell her that I hope she's feeling better and 285 00:26:02,635 --> 00:26:06,263 she can always drop Alisa off if she wants to rest. 286 00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:08,266 - I'll tell her that. Thank you. - Yeah. 287 00:26:09,475 --> 00:26:11,144 You sure I can trust you two alone? 288 00:26:17,483 --> 00:26:18,985 Well, good night. 289 00:26:22,071 --> 00:26:23,071 Candy. 290 00:26:28,369 --> 00:26:31,831 Before, in the car. 291 00:26:33,416 --> 00:26:36,669 What exactly was it that you had in mind? 292 00:26:42,550 --> 00:26:43,550 Get in. 293 00:26:56,105 --> 00:26:58,691 Would you be interested in having an affair? 294 00:27:05,198 --> 00:27:06,698 It's just something I've been thinkin' about 295 00:27:06,699 --> 00:27:10,036 and so I wanted to say it, so I don't have to think about it anymore. 296 00:27:16,042 --> 00:27:17,626 Okay. Well, I got my answer. 297 00:27:17,627 --> 00:27:19,295 No, no, it's just. 298 00:27:22,131 --> 00:27:23,341 I don't think I could. 299 00:27:24,467 --> 00:27:25,843 You know, I love Betty. 300 00:27:29,639 --> 00:27:32,516 And when we were living in New Mexico, she had an affair. 301 00:27:32,517 --> 00:27:34,018 Betty did? 302 00:27:34,769 --> 00:27:36,395 Well, I can't believe that. 303 00:27:36,396 --> 00:27:38,355 I know. I couldn't believe it either. 304 00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:40,649 It hurt me a lot and I wouldn't want to do that to her. 305 00:27:40,650 --> 00:27:42,776 That's fine, Allan. 306 00:27:42,777 --> 00:27:44,945 I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna do anything 307 00:27:44,946 --> 00:27:47,030 to hurt him either. 308 00:27:47,031 --> 00:27:49,033 - I like Pat. - Yeah. 309 00:27:52,328 --> 00:27:53,955 He has the best voice in the choir. 310 00:27:57,667 --> 00:28:00,586 - Also, Betty just got pregnant again. - Really? 311 00:28:01,838 --> 00:28:04,132 Just recently. 312 00:28:05,174 --> 00:28:07,927 So that would really be unfair to her. 313 00:28:09,512 --> 00:28:12,305 Especially since I don't feel the same way about you 314 00:28:12,306 --> 00:28:14,016 that I do about her. 315 00:28:15,852 --> 00:28:17,692 So, I probably couldn't do something like that. 316 00:28:18,604 --> 00:28:20,188 Okay. 317 00:28:20,189 --> 00:28:22,941 I was just putting the option out there because of how I felt. 318 00:28:22,942 --> 00:28:25,987 But I certainly don't want to hurt you or your marriage. 319 00:28:27,613 --> 00:28:29,532 All I wanted to do was 320 00:28:31,159 --> 00:28:32,492 go to bed. 321 00:28:32,493 --> 00:28:36,080 But I won't mention it again. 322 00:28:44,046 --> 00:28:45,046 Good night. 323 00:28:59,937 --> 00:29:01,897 I feel so humiliated. 324 00:29:01,898 --> 00:29:04,149 It's probably for the best, sweetheart. 325 00:29:04,150 --> 00:29:08,570 Well, I wasn't looking for what's best. I was out for something more transcendent. 326 00:29:08,571 --> 00:29:12,116 And he broached it! He invited the conversation. 327 00:29:13,034 --> 00:29:14,659 What exactly did he say? 328 00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:20,832 He asked me what I had in mind when he knew very well what I had in mind. 329 00:29:20,833 --> 00:29:23,836 And then he climbed into my car. I mean, come on. 330 00:29:25,129 --> 00:29:27,840 And why did he kiss me? 331 00:29:29,008 --> 00:29:30,008 Right on the lips. 332 00:29:30,384 --> 00:29:33,137 It wasn't exactly passionate. 333 00:29:34,055 --> 00:29:36,265 But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either. 334 00:29:36,766 --> 00:29:40,227 Well, men kiss all the time when they don't mean it. 335 00:29:40,228 --> 00:29:42,646 No, I think he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 336 00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:45,007 He doesn't wanna hate himself for being unfaithful to Betty. 337 00:29:45,566 --> 00:29:47,985 So he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 338 00:29:49,695 --> 00:29:51,614 Well, he can forget about that. 339 00:29:52,615 --> 00:29:55,116 I played my cards, and that will be that. 340 00:29:55,117 --> 00:29:56,202 Mornin'. 341 00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:11,383 Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird? 342 00:30:11,384 --> 00:30:13,218 No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you? 343 00:30:13,219 --> 00:30:14,886 I'm Superman! 344 00:30:14,887 --> 00:30:17,097 You're Superman! You're a man of steel! 345 00:30:17,098 --> 00:30:19,138 And you might be the super-est one I have ever seen. 346 00:30:19,725 --> 00:30:22,310 - Well, thank you. - Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey! 347 00:30:22,311 --> 00:30:24,271 - Hey, Mom. - You're back already, huh? 348 00:30:24,272 --> 00:30:27,315 - Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin. - Yes, you did. 349 00:30:27,316 --> 00:30:29,986 I'm just gonna go dump it and come back out. 350 00:30:30,528 --> 00:30:33,029 Well, what do you expect to do with all that candy, young lady? 351 00:30:33,030 --> 00:30:35,032 - I'll trade with Ian. - Okay. 352 00:30:36,951 --> 00:30:39,536 - Thanks for walking with them. - Sure, sure. 353 00:30:39,537 --> 00:30:41,079 Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels? 354 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,999 I did see a pretty scary Elvis. 355 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,335 Yep, that would be Pat. 356 00:30:47,169 --> 00:30:49,129 Him and Elvis, it's kinda hard to tell them apart. 357 00:30:50,798 --> 00:30:52,257 Come on, Dad. Let's go. 358 00:30:52,258 --> 00:30:53,967 - Okay. Bye. - Trick or treat! 359 00:30:53,968 --> 00:30:57,054 Oh, my goodness, look at you! Buzz, buzz, buzz! 360 00:30:58,306 --> 00:31:00,223 If I could only have a brain! 361 00:31:00,224 --> 00:31:03,226 Look how cute you guys look. And look at you. 362 00:31:03,227 --> 00:31:06,522 Don't sting me! The Wicked Witch of the West! 363 00:31:17,116 --> 00:31:18,825 Happy birthday to you 364 00:31:18,826 --> 00:31:21,453 - Oh, my God. - I brought you a confection. 365 00:31:21,454 --> 00:31:22,454 Yes. 366 00:31:22,455 --> 00:31:24,623 And at the bakery, they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM, 367 00:31:24,624 --> 00:31:26,041 it won't make our asses fat. 368 00:31:26,042 --> 00:31:28,419 At least, not completely. 369 00:31:29,462 --> 00:31:31,922 - Then, shall we? Hurry up! - Yes, we shall! 370 00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:37,260 This is why your people follow you. 371 00:31:37,261 --> 00:31:38,804 Yeah. I let them eat cake. 372 00:31:39,722 --> 00:31:41,806 So, listen. 373 00:31:41,807 --> 00:31:43,600 I don't like the sound of that. 374 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:46,436 Remember I told you about that other job offer 375 00:31:46,437 --> 00:31:48,605 I had at Midwestern University? 376 00:31:48,606 --> 00:31:51,107 - Which you turned down. - Yeah, well. 377 00:31:51,108 --> 00:31:54,486 - It turns out I reconsidered. - What do you mean? 378 00:31:54,487 --> 00:31:58,741 It was pointed out that the bishop doesn't make offers like this every day. 379 00:32:00,284 --> 00:32:04,204 - But it's in Wichita Falls. - I'll come back and forth. 380 00:32:04,205 --> 00:32:05,997 What do you mean you'll come back and forth? 381 00:32:05,998 --> 00:32:08,583 It's, like, 200 miles away. 382 00:32:08,584 --> 00:32:10,670 Candy, this is my next calling. 383 00:32:12,254 --> 00:32:13,630 What am I gonna do? 384 00:32:13,631 --> 00:32:15,090 - You're my best friend. - Our friendship won't change. 385 00:32:15,091 --> 00:32:17,425 No, but you won't be here. 386 00:32:17,426 --> 00:32:20,220 - And who's gonna replace you? - We'll find somebody great. 387 00:32:20,221 --> 00:32:23,014 Somebody who can get the new sanctuary built. 388 00:32:23,015 --> 00:32:25,101 Oh, my God. 389 00:32:25,893 --> 00:32:29,270 You are the only one I have to talk to here, Jackie. 390 00:32:29,271 --> 00:32:31,564 That is not true. You have Sherry. 391 00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:34,526 And you're the belle of the ball at church. 392 00:32:34,527 --> 00:32:37,279 I mean Sherry is Sherry but 393 00:32:38,739 --> 00:32:40,533 honey, you're my heart. 394 00:32:52,169 --> 00:32:53,920 Hello? 395 00:32:53,921 --> 00:32:56,841 Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore. 396 00:32:57,925 --> 00:33:00,970 - Hey. - Hey. Hi. 397 00:33:04,682 --> 00:33:08,977 I have to go to McKinney tomorrow to get my tires checked and rotated, 398 00:33:08,978 --> 00:33:11,187 and I know it's a drive, 399 00:33:11,188 --> 00:33:14,984 but I was wondering if you might like to have some lunch with me. 400 00:33:16,944 --> 00:33:23,242 You know, to talk a little more about what we were talking about before. 401 00:33:23,826 --> 00:33:24,826 Okay. 402 00:33:26,162 --> 00:33:27,580 Okay, fine. 403 00:33:28,456 --> 00:33:30,040 Well, how's 12:00? 404 00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:33,001 - I'll meet you there. - Okay. 405 00:33:33,002 --> 00:33:35,713 - Meet you there. Bye-bye. - Okay. 406 00:33:44,388 --> 00:33:46,223 - Where were we? - Who was that? 407 00:33:47,141 --> 00:33:50,269 - It's just somebody. - Somebody? 408 00:33:52,813 --> 00:33:55,191 Somebody I'm thinkin' about having an affair with. 409 00:33:58,110 --> 00:34:00,391 You told me that 'cause you want me to talk you out of it. 410 00:34:02,490 --> 00:34:04,241 Pat and I, we... 411 00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:08,328 Well, we kind of hit a plateau. 412 00:34:08,329 --> 00:34:10,205 Every marriage hits one of them. 413 00:34:10,206 --> 00:34:12,415 Well, I suppose yours did and you did nothing about it. 414 00:34:12,416 --> 00:34:16,211 Meaning what? If I'd had an affair, Bill would still be taking out my garbage? 415 00:34:16,212 --> 00:34:22,968 I'm talking about my garbage right now, and not wanting to settle for it. 416 00:34:25,012 --> 00:34:27,305 Sorry, that came out wrong. Pat is not garbage. 417 00:34:27,306 --> 00:34:30,683 Candy, I got front-door friends and back-door friends. 418 00:34:30,684 --> 00:34:33,019 Front-door friends show up when they have a reason. 419 00:34:33,020 --> 00:34:35,773 They knock. They say the right thing. 420 00:34:36,482 --> 00:34:39,150 Back-door friends, they just bang in through the kitchen door 421 00:34:39,151 --> 00:34:41,153 and drop whatever's on their mind. 422 00:34:42,446 --> 00:34:43,822 You are my best back-door friend 423 00:34:43,823 --> 00:34:47,033 so I am gonna drop my mind on your table here. 424 00:34:47,034 --> 00:34:50,120 This will come to no good. 425 00:34:51,831 --> 00:34:54,875 Jackie, I have done all the things a wife is supposed to do. 426 00:34:56,335 --> 00:34:59,421 The house, the kids, the meals. 427 00:35:02,466 --> 00:35:04,927 Where is the payback? 428 00:35:05,803 --> 00:35:06,803 Honey. 429 00:35:07,930 --> 00:35:10,391 This is the payback. 430 00:35:11,350 --> 00:35:14,270 Take it from me. Somebody who lost it. 431 00:35:19,275 --> 00:35:21,151 I can see your mind's made up. 432 00:35:38,043 --> 00:35:39,878 - Thanks again, Ronnie. - You're welcome. 433 00:35:39,879 --> 00:35:42,798 - Don't work too hard. - All right. 434 00:35:44,758 --> 00:35:47,260 Hi! You're here. 435 00:35:47,261 --> 00:35:48,888 - Hi. - Hey. 436 00:35:49,722 --> 00:35:51,473 Brought you this little card. 437 00:36:00,399 --> 00:36:02,151 That is so sweet. 438 00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:06,196 There you are. 439 00:36:07,323 --> 00:36:08,490 Thank you. 440 00:36:09,658 --> 00:36:11,659 I just worry, you know? 441 00:36:11,660 --> 00:36:14,871 Jackie is the church, when you think about it. 442 00:36:14,872 --> 00:36:17,457 I just hope she doesn't become a stranger. 443 00:36:17,458 --> 00:36:20,502 Well, how can she not? At least a little. 444 00:36:21,003 --> 00:36:23,422 Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive last I checked. 445 00:36:24,131 --> 00:36:26,731 And, frankly, I don't know how we're gonna go about replacing her. 446 00:36:28,385 --> 00:36:30,804 And I don't wanna belong to some stodgy-podgy church. 447 00:36:32,056 --> 00:36:34,266 - No, that would be awful. - Awful. 448 00:36:39,897 --> 00:36:42,274 Well, should we talk about our kids now? 449 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:44,776 Or maybe more Pat. 450 00:36:44,777 --> 00:36:48,280 He was a champion trumpeter in high school. Did I cover that? 451 00:36:55,788 --> 00:36:58,247 I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. 452 00:36:58,248 --> 00:37:00,250 I haven't either. 453 00:37:06,048 --> 00:37:09,969 I would never be able to forgive myself if Betty ever found out. 454 00:37:11,762 --> 00:37:15,014 That would just be devastating to her. 455 00:37:15,015 --> 00:37:16,849 I feel the same. 456 00:37:16,850 --> 00:37:21,647 We would have to be so careful that no one would ever know except us. 457 00:37:22,982 --> 00:37:24,274 That's right. 458 00:37:25,609 --> 00:37:27,736 I've been thinking a lot about what you said about 459 00:37:29,029 --> 00:37:30,530 just wanting to go to bed, 460 00:37:30,531 --> 00:37:36,119 not getting too emotionally involved and so forth. 461 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,247 That would be very important to me. 462 00:37:38,831 --> 00:37:40,249 Me, too, Allan. 463 00:37:42,209 --> 00:37:44,628 God, I just wanna enjoy myself. 464 00:37:47,006 --> 00:37:51,677 Without hurting myself or anyone else. 465 00:37:57,474 --> 00:37:58,975 Well, 466 00:37:58,976 --> 00:38:01,979 I think we should think about it some more. 467 00:38:03,147 --> 00:38:05,940 Think about the hazards and decide 468 00:38:05,941 --> 00:38:08,694 whether or not we're willing to take the risk. 469 00:38:11,655 --> 00:38:14,241 Fine. Yeah, I think we should. 470 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:21,623 So, that's the plan then? Think about it some more? 471 00:38:22,416 --> 00:38:23,416 I think so. 472 00:39:47,376 --> 00:39:50,878 I'm not sure how many more of these strategy session I can take. 473 00:39:50,879 --> 00:39:52,755 Yeah, I know. 474 00:39:52,756 --> 00:39:55,633 - We just can't be too careful. - You know, 475 00:39:55,634 --> 00:39:58,637 if you don't go to bed with me pretty soon, 476 00:40:00,013 --> 00:40:02,390 you'll never be able to live up 477 00:40:02,391 --> 00:40:05,977 to the expectations I have of you in bed. 478 00:40:05,978 --> 00:40:09,773 Yeah, don't think I haven't thought about that. 479 00:40:13,694 --> 00:40:16,405 Maybe just one more planning session. 480 00:40:17,865 --> 00:40:20,324 - We can have it here. - At your house? 481 00:40:20,325 --> 00:40:23,537 Yeah, we can meet for lunch. People need to eat, right? 482 00:40:34,006 --> 00:40:35,382 How was work today? 483 00:40:37,843 --> 00:40:39,595 It's pretty good. Kind of the same. 484 00:40:46,476 --> 00:40:48,937 Have you been going over your list, Allan? 485 00:40:51,857 --> 00:40:53,525 - I'm sorry, what? - The list. 486 00:40:54,902 --> 00:40:56,862 The list of potential baby names. 487 00:40:59,656 --> 00:41:01,073 - I will. - You will? 488 00:41:01,074 --> 00:41:02,576 Yeah. 489 00:41:04,077 --> 00:41:05,077 Okay. 490 00:41:10,334 --> 00:41:14,128 If either of us wants it to end for whatever reason, then it ends. 491 00:41:14,129 --> 00:41:15,214 Agreed. 492 00:41:16,215 --> 00:41:21,094 If either of us get too emotionally involved, then it ends. 493 00:41:21,845 --> 00:41:23,555 We should make that rule number one. 494 00:41:24,306 --> 00:41:26,016 Sure. Okay. 495 00:41:28,810 --> 00:41:32,146 Okay. And if we start taking risks 496 00:41:32,147 --> 00:41:34,315 that shouldn't be taken, then the affair ends. 497 00:41:34,316 --> 00:41:37,569 - And we should always meet out of town. - Agree, agree, agree. 498 00:41:42,741 --> 00:41:49,038 All expenses, gas, motel, food, will be shared equally. 499 00:41:49,039 --> 00:41:52,833 We'll meet only on weekdays, and I'll be in charge 500 00:41:52,834 --> 00:41:55,336 of fixing lunch on the days that we meet, 501 00:41:55,337 --> 00:41:56,797 so that we just have more time. 502 00:41:57,506 --> 00:42:00,133 And I'll also be in charge of getting the motel room. 503 00:42:00,676 --> 00:42:03,094 Same reason. It just gives us more quality time. 504 00:42:03,095 --> 00:42:04,095 Shall we 505 00:42:05,681 --> 00:42:08,850 set a date for the affair to begin? 506 00:42:13,313 --> 00:42:14,856 Let's go with December 12th. 507 00:42:15,524 --> 00:42:16,524 December 12th? 508 00:42:17,818 --> 00:42:18,986 This year. 509 00:42:20,445 --> 00:42:21,780 Great. 510 00:42:22,990 --> 00:42:25,158 December 12th it is. 511 00:42:28,078 --> 00:42:30,329 Oh, Margaret, you don't know what it does to me, 512 00:42:30,330 --> 00:42:32,958 being near you all day in surgery, only able to touch... 513 00:42:43,176 --> 00:42:45,094 You alright? 514 00:42:45,095 --> 00:42:46,305 I'm good. 515 00:42:47,597 --> 00:42:51,100 This song gives me goosebumps. 516 00:42:51,101 --> 00:42:54,229 I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6-5000." 517 00:42:58,734 --> 00:43:00,152 What are you doin'? 518 00:43:02,696 --> 00:43:03,947 What am I doin'? 519 00:43:04,781 --> 00:43:08,618 You once told me that your favorite character was Snugglepuss. 520 00:43:09,578 --> 00:43:11,912 Did you not tell me that, Pat? 521 00:43:11,913 --> 00:43:13,915 Snagglepuss. 522 00:43:56,541 --> 00:43:58,293 Hey, angel girl. 523 00:43:59,628 --> 00:44:01,545 Come out smarter than you go in. 524 00:44:01,546 --> 00:44:03,297 I will, Mom. 525 00:44:03,298 --> 00:44:05,018 - And no talking to boys. - You're so silly. 526 00:44:17,854 --> 00:44:20,732 Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool. 527 00:46:27,108 --> 00:46:28,317 Hello? 528 00:46:28,318 --> 00:46:29,818 I'm at the Continental Inn 529 00:46:29,819 --> 00:46:32,864 on the Central Expressway towards Dallas, room 214. 530 00:46:33,949 --> 00:46:36,868 I will be there in a few minutes. 531 00:47:54,821 --> 00:47:56,239 What am I doin'? 532 00:48:04,289 --> 00:48:06,958 And show our boys some red and blue pride. 533 00:48:09,461 --> 00:48:11,003 Time for a couple of calls. 534 00:48:11,004 --> 00:48:13,172 Hello, Darcy. Welcome to The Dan Ram Show. 535 00:48:13,173 --> 00:48:16,051 Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call. 536 00:49:00,845 --> 00:49:02,013 I made lunch. 537 00:49:04,557 --> 00:49:06,237 Well, you look beautiful. Really beautiful. 538 00:49:07,268 --> 00:49:08,687 Thank you. 539 00:49:12,691 --> 00:49:14,859 - Well, we should eat. - Excellent. 540 00:49:17,237 --> 00:49:20,031 Wow. Looks delicious. 541 00:49:20,949 --> 00:49:22,117 Sorry. 542 00:49:28,039 --> 00:49:31,792 You know, I've probably driven past this motel a thousand times 543 00:49:31,793 --> 00:49:33,377 and hardly knew it was here. 544 00:49:33,378 --> 00:49:34,921 Yeah, it's funny that way. 545 00:49:35,839 --> 00:49:37,549 Life. You know, the 546 00:49:38,466 --> 00:49:40,427 bland and innocuous can 547 00:49:42,178 --> 00:49:44,889 suddenly take on vivid hues and colors. 548 00:49:50,103 --> 00:49:51,604 I take a creative writing class. 549 00:49:52,439 --> 00:49:55,150 - Well, that was really good. - Thank you. 550 00:49:56,484 --> 00:49:59,946 I would love to read some of your writing sometime. 551 00:50:00,655 --> 00:50:01,614 Really? 552 00:50:01,615 --> 00:50:03,949 Well, that would make one of you 553 00:50:03,950 --> 00:50:05,701 'cause Pat has no interest, 554 00:50:05,702 --> 00:50:08,203 and I read all of his stuff on electromagnetics... 555 00:50:08,204 --> 00:50:09,873 Are we talking about Pat now? 556 00:50:11,082 --> 00:50:14,377 No, sorry. We're definitely not. 557 00:50:44,824 --> 00:50:46,075 Are you just gonna stand there? 558 00:50:47,494 --> 00:50:48,661 Yes. 559 00:51:28,368 --> 00:51:29,660 Sorry. 560 00:51:29,661 --> 00:51:32,413 Allan, have you never been French kissed before? 561 00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:39,129 You've never had a woman's tongue in your mouth? 562 00:51:44,759 --> 00:51:46,886 Well, I think you're gonna quite like it. 563 00:53:17,226 --> 00:53:19,646 - Are you okay? - I am. 564 00:53:21,272 --> 00:53:22,941 So okay. 565 00:53:26,194 --> 00:53:28,363 - You? - Oh, yeah. 566 00:53:30,365 --> 00:53:31,365 Yeah. 567 00:53:31,824 --> 00:53:33,701 That was wonderful, Candy. 568 00:53:36,621 --> 00:53:38,498 You're wonderful. 569 00:53:43,086 --> 00:53:44,962 We need to shower. 570 00:53:44,963 --> 00:53:46,797 I probably should have added that to the list. 571 00:53:46,798 --> 00:53:49,383 Always shower after 572 00:53:49,384 --> 00:53:52,803 and that way, we won't smell like each other. 573 00:53:52,804 --> 00:53:55,390 - Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, and Allan. 574 00:53:56,641 --> 00:53:57,725 Allan. 575 00:53:58,643 --> 00:54:00,520 That was 576 00:54:02,146 --> 00:54:03,564 wonderful. 577 00:54:10,989 --> 00:54:11,989 Okay.