1
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,789
No, no, no, no, no!
2
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,028
Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get
better and better.
3
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,697
You sure you didn't go to Juilliard
or something?
4
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,909
I did use to have a friend named Julie
5
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,912
when I was a kid,
and we did play in her yard.
6
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,831
Sometimes we would sing.
7
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,292
Oh, my God!
Patrick Montgomery, I swear,
8
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,628
if there was an Olympic competition
for dorky jokes,
9
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,296
I'd be married to a gold medalist.
10
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,632
Your voice has gotten better.
11
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,550
Well, how about me?
I sing like a swallow.
12
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,011
No need to get competitive.
13
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,682
Life is a competition, don't they say?
14
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,101
Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie?
15
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,770
Never.
I don't believe I ever even thought it.
16
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,272
We should all be thinking about it
17
00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:35,400
if we're serious about winning
the church volleyball league.
18
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:40,655
And maybe we should consider opening
our doors to the Congregationalists.
19
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,825
Don Awrey is 6'5"
and spikes like a madman.
20
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:44,993
He is great.
21
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,120
Well, you know,
I dated a Congregationalist once,
22
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,497
and he insisted on prayin'
before goin' car parking.
23
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:51,791
No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian!
24
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:54,919
What about you, Don?
25
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,754
Are you ever gonna join the team?
26
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,549
- Volleyball's not my thing.
- Not enough mayhem.
27
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,010
He gravitates towards viciousness.
That's why he went into law.
28
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,054
Didn't you play professional football?
29
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,181
- For the Washington Redskins.
- Yes!
30
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,559
Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team.
31
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,769
And it kills him to this day.
32
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,023
I'm gonna go get some potato salad.
33
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,149
I'll race you.
34
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,944
We should really get going soon
because the chart says
35
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:23,197
that I'm going to reach
peak fertility around 1:00 PM
36
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,074
today, so.
37
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,200
Oh, right.
38
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:29,829
Little bit slower.
39
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,290
Little bit slower!
40
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,546
And be sure to emit
as you propulse forward.
41
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,257
- Evidently, that's helpful.
- Really?
42
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,136
- Here. Try to go deeper.
- I'm going as deep as I can, Betty.
43
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,596
No, you have been deeper before.
44
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:51,642
If you can squirt rather than drip,
that helps, too.
45
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,228
But, slower.
46
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,438
Deeper!
47
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,441
And squirt!
48
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:18,002
- Keep going, honey. You're doing great.
- Do I have to sing it?
49
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,128
Yes.
50
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,508
If you wanna keep filling that
sweet little heart of yours up with joy!
51
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,102
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey, hey, hey!
52
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,395
- Come in!
- All right.
53
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:38,898
And why do I have the pleasure
54
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:42,902
of a house call from my favorite pastor?
55
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,779
Well.
56
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,366
It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And...
57
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,285
I might stop being your favorite pastor.
58
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,457
What's goin' on?
59
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,293
Bill's gone.
60
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,963
He wants a divorce.
61
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,635
It's been comin' for a long time.
62
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,637
I know that you've been struggling some.
63
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:10,888
Sweetie, sing louder.
64
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:15,768
That's good.
65
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:21,274
You will get through this.
I will drag you through this.
66
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,151
- I'm scared. I'll admit it.
- What about?
67
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,738
For starters,
how will I lead the congregation?
68
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,950
You're gonna lead us the same
as you always have.
69
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:35,413
And being single,
after 23 years of marriage.
70
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:40,168
I'm not sure I even know
how to put one foot in front of the other.
71
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:45,006
So you just need to look at this
as a new beginning.
72
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,885
A new destiny.
73
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,265
{\an8}- It's not fair.
- It's my job, Betty.
74
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,643
{\an8}The whole point of that new job
was that you wouldn't have to travel.
75
00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,688
{\an8}As much. And I don't.
76
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,024
Well, it's not normal for a husband
and wife to be apart.
77
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,066
That's all I'm saying.
78
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,236
Right, but we're talking about
four days here.
79
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:11,407
Four critical days during peak fertility.
80
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:17,747
Didn't the doctors say that you might
get pregnant easier if you stress less?
81
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,376
- So it's my fault.
- I didn't say that.
82
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:24,545
- Of course, you did. You did.
- No, I didn't.
83
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,090
And you might consider that it's
your traveling that's causing my stress.
84
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,279
Okay.
85
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:55,993
So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister,
86
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,746
she's not just out of town
on church business.
87
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,707
She chose not to be here today.
88
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,709
Because I'm on the church council,
89
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:07,713
she felt it better
that I break the news first.
90
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,676
Jackie and her husband Bill
are getting a divorce.
91
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,429
It happens.
92
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,767
Get over it.
Pastors are people like everybody else.
93
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,688
I see some of you squirming in your seats,
94
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,774
like you suddenly got
pine cones up your butts.
95
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,694
Well, I tell you, if you ever did get
a pine cone up your keister,
96
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,029
you'd be squealing like a pig.
97
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,992
And Jackie Ponder would be the first one
runnin' to your aid.
98
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,869
So let's run to hers.
99
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,666
Not the time to be high-horse,
moral dopes.
100
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,422
Let's just get on with being
good Methodists.
101
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,215
We can start tonight
102
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,759
by kicking some Lutheran butts
at volleyball.
103
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,515
I got it!
104
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,315
Betty, hey. Hi.
105
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,943
Thought you'd be playing tonight.
106
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,570
Sitting this one out.
107
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,992
Understood.
108
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,244
Yeah. Makes sense.
109
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,120
I got it!
110
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:25,333
- What makes sense?
- What?
111
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,335
My sitting this game out makes sense.
112
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,296
- Why does it make sense?
- Well, if you are expecting,
113
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,049
it makes sense
that you'd steer clear of any
114
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:36,177
intense physical activity.
115
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,970
What makes you think I'm expecting?
116
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,101
No, no, I'm sorry.
117
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:46,062
I just heard you and Allan were trying.
118
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,688
I...
119
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,233
I apologize. I overstepped.
120
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,571
- Betty, I'm really sorry.
- It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
121
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,452
{\an8}You really do
have a wonderful singing voice.
122
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,288
Thank you. Thank you.
123
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,168
Got it, got it, got it!
124
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,797
Are you okay?
125
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,423
I'm fine. I'm fine.
126
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,843
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Yeah.
127
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,554
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
128
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,933
- Good. Okay.
- You don't wanna sit for a bit?
129
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,727
No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you.
130
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,437
- Alright.
- Thanks.
131
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,980
Sorry. I gotta communicate.
132
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,709
What do you mean he smelled like sex?
133
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,337
I mean he smelled like sex.
134
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:58,509
- Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore?
- Oh yeah. I know.
135
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:03,639
I know, but how a man looks and smells
can be two totally different things.
136
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,475
And plus.
137
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,352
Plus what?
138
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,063
Well, I was kind of
139
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,442
gettin' the sense that he was
likin' the smell of me, too.
140
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,901
Like it could maybe go in that direction.
141
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:17,903
What direction?
142
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,157
- I'm not sayin' that I would ever--
- Candy!
143
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,665
It's just this whole thing with Jackie.
144
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,670
Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can.
145
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,798
What can?
146
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,636
The "content is not all
it's cracked up to be" can.
147
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,307
You know, my father, he used to say to me,
148
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,685
"Candy, if you ain't growing,
you're dying."
149
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,229
And he would also say,
150
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,231
"If you ain't searching
151
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,902
you're lost."
152
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,031
Allan Gore?
153
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,369
I mean,
he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway.
154
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,954
Just take a look at him.
155
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,248
Who could be more
"fall-in-love-proof" than that?
156
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:28,993
Gary, would you like to share your poem?
157
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,288
Okay. It's short.
158
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,666
That's fine.
Some of my favorite poems are short.
159
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,626
Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact.
160
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,006
"On my brand new toilet
161
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,134
I did the same thing."
162
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,185
It's about the folly of materialism.
163
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,024
God, I totally get it.
164
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,653
We all think that we can change our lives
with stuff, you know?
165
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:07,323
I do it all the time
with shoes or whatever.
166
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,533
If I could just have that or just get this
things will be different.
167
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,786
Mine's actually got a similar theme
about "wanting."
168
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:13,871
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
169
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,623
- Let's hear it, Candy.
- Okay.
170
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,877
- It's called, "My Heart Asked."
- What a lovely title.
171
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,675
"My heart asked, 'What's the answer?'
172
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,680
"I said, 'What answer?'
It said, 'You know.'
173
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,559
"I said, 'I don't know.
I give up. What's the answer?'
174
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,520
"And the heart said,
175
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,441
'The answer is don't give up.'"
176
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:46,630
- Good night, Sherry.
- See you at home.
177
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,424
- Bye, Candy!
- See ya.
178
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,971
Allan! Hi!
179
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,850
- Hey, Candy.
- Hey.
180
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,227
I want to talk to you sometime about
181
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,063
something that's been
bothering me a little.
182
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,985
How about right now?
183
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,613
Sure.
184
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,917
I've been thinking about you a lot,
185
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,919
and it's really been bothering me,
and I'm not
186
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,131
sure whether I want you to do
anything about it or not.
187
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,770
I'm very attracted to you.
188
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,731
And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it,
so I wanted to tell you that.
189
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,400
You seriously got in his car?
190
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,151
I did.
191
00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:16,446
- And told him you were thinking about him?
- I did.
192
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,199
And what did he say?
193
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,451
He said, "Oh. Okay."
194
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,287
- That's it?
- Pretty much.
195
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,623
Are you sure
this is really about Allan Gore
196
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,334
and not about you wantin' to be reckless?
197
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,670
Maybe a little of both.
198
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,466
But also men,
they get to go to their jobs
199
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,302
and live in their careers and
200
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,638
we just stay home and
201
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,309
God, that's supposed to be enough.
202
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,772
Look at our kids right now
on that jungle gym.
203
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:55,319
It is human nature to take risks.
204
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:59,740
To go for somethin' with a little thrill
at the risk of falling.
205
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,992
I mean, look at their faces.
206
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,995
They are more alive than we are.
207
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,126
It's not appropriate.
208
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,297
- Why?
- Because it's not.
209
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,676
Where did you even get all of this stuff?
210
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:20,719
Jenny's mom.
211
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,221
You're gonna have to pick another costume.
212
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,181
- Why?
- I told you, it's not appropriate,
213
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,558
- especially for a girl your age.
- Dad!
214
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,101
No, no! Never mind.
215
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,354
I will not have you out on the streets
trick or treating as a trollop.
216
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,813
We will find something better.
217
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,775
This is why I did not want her
seeing that movie!
218
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,278
-"Grease"? That's a family picture, honey.
- No, no.
219
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,156
It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out.
220
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,044
- You're judging me.
- I am not judging you.
221
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,880
Allan, you do some of your best commentary
with silence.
222
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,344
One of the reasons
223
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,348
why I go silent is because
when you get like this,
224
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,891
I don't know what to say.
225
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:10,936
I don't know what you want me to say.
226
00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:20,028
The first time I took my wife out,
I knew she wasn't smart.
227
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:20,988
Why's that.
228
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,489
I took her to a drive-in movie, you know,
229
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,533
and I asked if she wanted to
go in the back seat, you know.
230
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,909
She said she'd rather use
the ladies' room!
231
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,206
But the day I got married,
that was something.
232
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,958
Everybody was crying.
233
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,210
During the ceremony,
her mother cried, you know?
234
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,337
All the way to the hotel, my wife cried.
235
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:39,464
And when she got undressed,
I cried, you know?
236
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,846
Did you read my short?
237
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,181
Sorry?
238
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,978
My short story from writing class.
I asked if you would read it.
239
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,564
I did. Excellent.
240
00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,484
Yeah? What was it about?
241
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:02,404
It was about swans.
242
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:05,490
What about swans?
243
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,661
Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test,
I would've studied harder.
244
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:12,205
Then study harder, Pat.
245
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,082
You have a Ph.D.
246
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,752
Yep. Not in swans, though.
247
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,756
Yep.
248
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,763
- Let me read it again.
-My car, I tell you, Johnny.
249
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,890
-Bad car?
-I got the only car
250
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:31,099
dogs chase it, they catch it.
251
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,982
I told the graduating class...
252
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:57,686
It's not about repainting or redoing.
We need a new sanctuary.
253
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:01,356
Well, a church is more about its
parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann.
254
00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:03,316
That may be well and true, but this church
255
00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:05,360
isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow
the congregation.
256
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,778
And for that, we need a new facility.
257
00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:09,281
It's not just that it's old, Jackie.
It's crappy.
258
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,410
Nobody looking for a new house of worship
wants crappy.
259
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:14,494
It should make a statement.
260
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,164
Especially if we wanna
draw the younger couples.
261
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,958
Well, aren't we supposed
to be the younger couples?
262
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,459
Where's your head, Allan?
263
00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,255
I'm sorry? What?
264
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,675
Where's your head?
You think we need a new sanctuary?
265
00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:34,639
- Well--
- You know, the thing about
266
00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:37,642
religion and life and love
267
00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,270
is that there's renewal in it.
268
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:44,441
And, to me,
nothing sells renewal better than
269
00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:47,152
you know, something new.
270
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:52,157
I agree. We need a major building.
271
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,284
So if we look at our finances
272
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,163
year-to-date, and we see
273
00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:00,916
that we are already...
274
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:25,982
Well, you would think the teams themselves
would have to clean up, not the referees,
275
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:28,818
but I suppose that would just
make too much sense, wouldn't it?
276
00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:30,987
Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow?
277
00:25:30,987 --> 00:25:32,656
Is the sun still planning to rise?
278
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:34,991
Well, I'll call you!
279
00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:41,456
So is Betty not feeling too good again?
280
00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:46,670
Some headaches and so forth.
Probably stress-related.
281
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:51,299
You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve
to relax your bride, Allan?
282
00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:54,678
Betty's seen all my tricks.
283
00:25:57,180 --> 00:25:59,307
Well, this is me.
284
00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:02,602
You tell her that I hope
she's feeling better and
285
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:06,231
she can always drop Alisa off
if she wants to rest.
286
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:08,233
- I'll tell her that. Thank you.
- Yeah.
287
00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:11,111
You sure I can trust you two alone?
288
00:26:17,450 --> 00:26:18,952
Well, good night.
289
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:22,872
Candy.
290
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,798
Before, in the car.
291
00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:36,636
What exactly was it that you had in mind?
292
00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:43,476
Get in.
293
00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:58,658
Would you be interested
in having an affair?
294
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,666
It's just something
I've been thinkin' about
295
00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:10,003
and so I wanted to say it,
so I don't have to think about it anymore.
296
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:17,594
Okay. Well, I got my answer.
297
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:19,262
No, no, it's just.
298
00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:23,308
I don't think I could.
299
00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:25,810
You know, I love Betty.
300
00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:32,484
And when we were living in New Mexico,
she had an affair.
301
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:33,985
Betty did?
302
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:36,363
Well, I can't believe that.
303
00:27:36,363 --> 00:27:38,323
I know. I couldn't believe it either.
304
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,617
It hurt me a lot
and I wouldn't want to do that to her.
305
00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,744
That's fine, Allan.
306
00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,913
I love Pat, too,
and I wouldn't wanna do anything
307
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,998
to hurt him either.
308
00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:49,000
- I like Pat.
- Yeah.
309
00:27:52,295 --> 00:27:53,922
He has the best voice in the choir.
310
00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:00,553
- Also, Betty just got pregnant again.
- Really?
311
00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:04,099
Just recently.
312
00:28:05,141 --> 00:28:07,894
So that would really be unfair to her.
313
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,273
Especially since I don't
feel the same way about you
314
00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:13,983
that I do about her.
315
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:17,570
So, I probably couldn't do
something like that.
316
00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:20,156
Okay.
317
00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:22,909
I was just putting the option out there
because of how I felt.
318
00:28:22,909 --> 00:28:25,954
But I certainly don't want
to hurt you or your marriage.
319
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:29,499
All I wanted to do was
320
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,460
go to bed.
321
00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:36,047
But I won't mention it again.
322
00:28:44,013 --> 00:28:44,889
Good night.
323
00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:01,865
I feel so humiliated.
324
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:04,117
It's probably for the best, sweetheart.
325
00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:08,538
{\an8}Well, I wasn't looking for what's best.
I was out for something more transcendent.
326
00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:12,083
{\an8}And he broached it!
He invited the conversation.
327
00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:14,627
What exactly did he say?
328
00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:20,800
He asked me what I had in mind
when he knew very well what I had in mind.
329
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,803
And then he climbed into my car.
I mean, come on.
330
00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,807
And why did he kiss me?
331
00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:29,934
Right on the lips.
332
00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:33,104
It wasn't exactly passionate.
333
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,232
But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either.
334
00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:40,195
Well, men kiss all the time
when they don't mean it.
335
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:42,614
{\an8}No, I think he's waitin' for me
to make it happen.
336
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,949
{\an8}He doesn't wanna hate himself
for being unfaithful to Betty.
337
00:29:45,533 --> 00:29:47,952
So he's waitin' for me to make it happen.
338
00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:51,581
Well, he can forget about that.
339
00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:55,084
I played my cards, and that will be that.
340
00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:56,169
Mornin'.
341
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:11,351
Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird?
342
00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:13,186
No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you?
343
00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:14,854
I'm Superman!
344
00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:17,065
You're Superman! You're a man of steel!
345
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,900
And you might be the super-est one
I have ever seen.
346
00:30:19,692 --> 00:30:22,278
- Well, thank you.
- Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey!
347
00:30:22,278 --> 00:30:24,239
{\an8}- Hey, Mom.
- You're back already, huh?
348
00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:27,283
{\an8}- Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin.
- Yes, you did.
349
00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:29,953
{\an8}I'm just gonna go dump it
and come back out.
350
00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,997
Well, what do you expect to do
with all that candy, young lady?
351
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,999
- I'll trade with Ian.
- Okay.
352
00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,504
- Thanks for walking with them.
- Sure, sure.
353
00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,047
Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels?
354
00:30:41,047 --> 00:30:43,967
I did see a pretty scary Elvis.
355
00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:46,302
Yep, that would be Pat.
356
00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:49,013
Him and Elvis,
it's kinda hard to tell them apart.
357
00:30:50,765 --> 00:30:52,225
Come on, Dad. Let's go.
358
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:53,935
- Okay. Bye.
- Trick or treat!
359
00:30:53,935 --> 00:30:57,021
Oh, my goodness, look at you!
Buzz, buzz, buzz!
360
00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,191
If I could only have a brain!
361
00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:03,194
Look how cute you guys look.
And look at you.
362
00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,489
Don't sting me!
The Wicked Witch of the West!
363
00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:18,793
Happy birthday to you
364
00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:21,421
- Oh, my God.
- I brought you a confection.
365
00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:22,422
Yes.
366
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,591
And at the bakery,
they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM,
367
00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:26,009
it won't make our asses fat.
368
00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,386
At least, not completely.
369
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,889
- Then, shall we? Hurry up!
- Yes, we shall!
370
00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:37,228
This is why your people follow you.
371
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,771
Yeah. I let them eat cake.
372
00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:41,774
So, listen.
373
00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:43,568
I don't like the sound of that.
374
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,404
Remember I told you
about that other job offer
375
00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,573
I had at Midwestern University?
376
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,075
- Which you turned down.
- Yeah, well.
377
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:54,454
- It turns out I reconsidered.
- What do you mean?
378
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:58,708
It was pointed out that the bishop
doesn't make offers like this every day.
379
00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:04,172
- But it's in Wichita Falls.
- I'll come back and forth.
380
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,965
What do you mean
you'll come back and forth?
381
00:32:05,965 --> 00:32:08,551
It's, like, 200 miles away.
382
00:32:08,551 --> 00:32:10,637
Candy, this is my next calling.
383
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,598
What am I gonna do?
384
00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,058
- You're my best friend.
- Our friendship won't change.
385
00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:17,393
No, but you won't be here.
386
00:32:17,393 --> 00:32:20,188
- And who's gonna replace you?
- We'll find somebody great.
387
00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:22,982
Somebody who can get
the new sanctuary built.
388
00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:25,068
Oh, my God.
389
00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:29,238
You are the only one
I have to talk to here, Jackie.
390
00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,532
That is not true. You have Sherry.
391
00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,494
And you're the belle of the ball
at church.
392
00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:37,246
I mean Sherry is Sherry but
393
00:32:38,706 --> 00:32:40,500
honey, you're my heart.
394
00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:53,888
Hello?
395
00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:56,808
Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore.
396
00:32:57,892 --> 00:33:00,937
- Hey.
-Hey. Hi.
397
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:08,945
I have to go to McKinney tomorrow
to get my tires checked and rotated,
398
00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:11,155
and I know it's a drive,
399
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:14,951
but I was wondering if you might
like to have some lunch with me.
400
00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:23,209
You know, to talk a little more
about what we were talking about before.
401
00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:24,752
Okay.
402
00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:27,547
Okay, fine.
403
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,007
Well, how's 12:00?
404
00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:32,969
- I'll meet you there.
-Okay.
405
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:35,680
- Meet you there. Bye-bye.
-Okay.
406
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:46,190
- Where were we?
- Who was that?
407
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:50,236
- It's just somebody.
- Somebody?
408
00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:55,158
Somebody I'm thinkin'
about having an affair with.
409
00:33:58,077 --> 00:34:00,329
You told me that 'cause you want me
to talk you out of it.
410
00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:04,208
Pat and I, we...
411
00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:08,296
Well, we kind of hit a plateau.
412
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:10,173
Every marriage hits one of them.
413
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,383
Well, I suppose yours did
and you did nothing about it.
414
00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:16,179
Meaning what? If I'd had an affair,
Bill would still be taking out my garbage?
415
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:22,935
I'm talking about my garbage right now,
and not wanting to settle for it.
416
00:34:24,979 --> 00:34:27,273
Sorry, that came out wrong.
Pat is not garbage.
417
00:34:27,273 --> 00:34:30,651
Candy, I got front-door friends
and back-door friends.
418
00:34:30,651 --> 00:34:32,987
Front-door friends show up
when they have a reason.
419
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,740
They knock. They say the right thing.
420
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:39,118
Back-door friends, they just bang in
through the kitchen door
421
00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:41,120
and drop whatever's on their mind.
422
00:34:42,413 --> 00:34:43,790
You are my best back-door friend
423
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:47,001
so I am gonna drop my mind
on your table here.
424
00:34:47,001 --> 00:34:50,087
This will come to no good.
425
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:54,842
Jackie, I have done all the things
a wife is supposed to do.
426
00:34:56,302 --> 00:34:59,388
The house, the kids, the meals.
427
00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:04,894
Where is the payback?
428
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:06,729
Honey.
429
00:35:07,897 --> 00:35:10,358
This is the payback.
430
00:35:11,317 --> 00:35:14,237
Take it from me. Somebody who lost it.
431
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:21,118
I can see your mind's made up.
432
00:35:38,010 --> 00:35:39,846
- Thanks again, Ronnie.
- You're welcome.
433
00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:42,765
- Don't work too hard.
- All right.
434
00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:47,228
Hi! You're here.
435
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,855
- Hi.
- Hey.
436
00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:51,440
Brought you this little card.
437
00:36:00,366 --> 00:36:02,118
That is so sweet.
438
00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:06,163
There you are.
439
00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:08,457
Thank you.
440
00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:11,627
I just worry, you know?
441
00:36:11,627 --> 00:36:14,839
Jackie is the church,
when you think about it.
442
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,425
I just hope she doesn't become a stranger.
443
00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:20,469
Well, how can she not?
At least a little.
444
00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:23,389
Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive
last I checked.
445
00:36:24,098 --> 00:36:26,601
And, frankly, I don't know how
we're gonna go about replacing her.
446
00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:30,771
And I don't wanna belong
to some stodgy-podgy church.
447
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,233
- No, that would be awful.
- Awful.
448
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:42,241
Well, should we talk about our kids now?
449
00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,744
Or maybe more Pat.
450
00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:48,247
He was a champion trumpeter
in high school. Did I cover that?
451
00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:58,215
I'm sorry. I've never done anything
like this before.
452
00:36:58,215 --> 00:37:00,217
I haven't either.
453
00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:09,936
I would never be able to forgive myself
if Betty ever found out.
454
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,982
That would just be devastating to her.
455
00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:16,817
I feel the same.
456
00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:21,614
We would have to be so careful
that no one would ever know except us.
457
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,241
That's right.
458
00:37:25,576 --> 00:37:27,703
I've been thinking a lot
about what you said about
459
00:37:28,996 --> 00:37:30,498
just wanting to go to bed,
460
00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:36,087
not getting too emotionally involved
and so forth.
461
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,214
That would be very important to me.
462
00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:40,216
Me, too, Allan.
463
00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:44,595
God, I just wanna enjoy myself.
464
00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:51,644
Without hurting myself or anyone else.
465
00:37:57,441 --> 00:37:58,943
Well,
466
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:01,946
I think we should
think about it some more.
467
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:05,908
Think about the hazards and decide
468
00:38:05,908 --> 00:38:08,661
whether or not we're willing
to take the risk.
469
00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:14,208
Fine. Yeah, I think we should.
470
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,590
So, that's the plan then?
Think about it some more?
471
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,342
I think so.
472
00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:50,846
I'm not sure how many more of these
strategy session I can take.
473
00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:52,723
Yeah, I know.
474
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,601
- We just can't be too careful.
-You know,
475
00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:58,604
if you don't go to bed
with me pretty soon,
476
00:39:59,980 --> 00:40:02,358
you'll never be able to live up
477
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:05,945
to the expectations I have of you in bed.
478
00:40:05,945 --> 00:40:09,740
Yeah, don't think
I haven't thought about that.
479
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:16,372
Maybe just one more planning session.
480
00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:20,292
- We can have it here.
-At your house?
481
00:40:20,292 --> 00:40:23,504
Yeah, we can meet for lunch.
People need to eat, right?
482
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:35,349
How was work today?
483
00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,562
It's pretty good. Kind of the same.
484
00:40:46,443 --> 00:40:48,904
Have you been going over your list, Allan?
485
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:53,492
- I'm sorry, what?
- The list.
486
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,829
The list of potential baby names.
487
00:40:59,623 --> 00:41:01,041
- I will.
- You will?
488
00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:02,543
Yeah.
489
00:41:04,044 --> 00:41:04,962
Okay.
490
00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:14,096
If either of us wants it to end
for whatever reason, then it ends.
491
00:41:14,096 --> 00:41:15,181
Agreed.
492
00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:21,061
If either of us get
too emotionally involved, then it ends.
493
00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:23,522
We should make that rule number one.
494
00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:25,983
Sure. Okay.
495
00:41:28,777 --> 00:41:32,114
Okay. And if we start taking risks
496
00:41:32,114 --> 00:41:34,283
that shouldn't be taken,
then the affair ends.
497
00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:37,536
- And we should always meet out of town.
- Agree, agree, agree.
498
00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:49,006
All expenses,
gas, motel, food, will be shared equally.
499
00:41:49,006 --> 00:41:52,801
We'll meet only on weekdays,
and I'll be in charge
500
00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:55,304
of fixing lunch on the days that we meet,
501
00:41:55,304 --> 00:41:56,764
so that we just have more time.
502
00:41:57,473 --> 00:42:00,100
And I'll also be in charge
of getting the motel room.
503
00:42:00,643 --> 00:42:03,062
Same reason.
It just gives us more quality time.
504
00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:04,021
Shall we
505
00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:08,817
set a date for the affair to begin?
506
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,823
Let's go with December 12th.
507
00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:16,450
December 12th?
508
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:18,953
This year.
509
00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:21,747
Great.
510
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:25,125
December 12th it is.
511
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:30,297
Oh, Margaret,
you don't know what it does to me,
512
00:42:30,297 --> 00:42:32,925
being near you all day in surgery,
only able to touch...
513
00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:45,062
You alright?
514
00:42:45,062 --> 00:42:46,272
I'm good.
515
00:42:47,564 --> 00:42:51,068
This song gives me goosebumps.
516
00:42:51,068 --> 00:42:54,196
I'm the same way about
"Pennsylvania 6-5000."
517
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:00,119
What are you doin'?
518
00:43:02,663 --> 00:43:03,914
What am I doin'?
519
00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:08,585
You once told me that your
favorite character was Snugglepuss.
520
00:43:09,545 --> 00:43:11,880
Did you not tell me that, Pat?
521
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,882
Snagglepuss.
522
00:43:56,508 --> 00:43:58,260
Hey, angel girl.
523
00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:01,513
Come out smarter than you go in.
524
00:44:01,513 --> 00:44:03,265
I will, Mom.
525
00:44:03,265 --> 00:44:04,641
- And no talking to boys.
- You're so silly.
526
00:44:17,821 --> 00:44:20,699
Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool.
527
00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:28,285
Hello?
528
00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:29,786
I'm at the Continental Inn
529
00:46:29,786 --> 00:46:32,831
on the Central Expressway towards Dallas,
room 214.
530
00:46:33,916 --> 00:46:36,835
I will be there in a few minutes.
531
00:47:54,788 --> 00:47:56,206
What am I doin'?
532
00:48:04,256 --> 00:48:06,925
...and show our boys some
red and blue pride.
533
00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:10,971
...time for a couple of calls.
534
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:13,140
Hello, Darcy.
Welcome to The Dan Ram Show.
535
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:16,018
Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call.
536
00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:01,980
I made lunch.
537
00:49:04,524 --> 00:49:05,901
Well, you look beautiful.
Really beautiful.
538
00:49:07,235 --> 00:49:08,654
Thank you.
539
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:14,826
- Well, we should eat.
- Excellent.
540
00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,998
Wow. Looks delicious.
541
00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:22,084
Sorry.
542
00:49:28,006 --> 00:49:31,760
You know, I've probably driven past
this motel a thousand times
543
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,345
and hardly knew it was here.
544
00:49:33,345 --> 00:49:34,888
Yeah, it's funny that way.
545
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:37,516
Life. You know, the
546
00:49:38,433 --> 00:49:40,394
bland and innocuous can
547
00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:44,856
suddenly take on vivid hues and colors.
548
00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:51,571
I take a creative writing class.
549
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:55,117
- Well, that was really good.
- Thank you.
550
00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:59,913
I would love to read
some of your writing sometime.
551
00:50:00,622 --> 00:50:01,581
Really?
552
00:50:01,581 --> 00:50:03,917
Well, that would make one of you
553
00:50:03,917 --> 00:50:05,669
'cause Pat has no interest,
554
00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:08,171
and I read all of his stuff
on electromagnetics--
555
00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:09,840
Are we talking about Pat now?
556
00:50:11,049 --> 00:50:14,344
No, sorry. We're definitely not.
557
00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:46,042
Are you just gonna stand there?
558
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,628
Yes.
559
00:51:28,335 --> 00:51:29,628
Sorry.
560
00:51:29,628 --> 00:51:32,380
Allan,
have you never been French kissed before?
561
00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:39,096
You've never had a woman's tongue
in your mouth?
562
00:51:44,726 --> 00:51:46,853
Well, I think you're gonna quite like it.
563
00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:19,613
- Are you okay?
- I am.
564
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:22,908
So okay.
565
00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:28,330
- You?
- Oh, yeah.
566
00:53:30,332 --> 00:53:31,249
Yeah.
567
00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:33,668
That was wonderful, Candy.
568
00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:38,465
You're wonderful.
569
00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:44,930
We need to shower.
570
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:46,765
I probably should have added that
to the list.
571
00:53:46,765 --> 00:53:49,351
Always shower after
572
00:53:49,351 --> 00:53:52,771
and that way,
we won't smell like each other.
573
00:53:52,771 --> 00:53:55,357
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, and Allan.
574
00:53:56,608 --> 00:53:57,692
Allan.
575
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,487
That was
576
00:54:02,113 --> 00:54:03,531
wonderful.
577
00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:11,873
Okay.