1 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,789 No, no, no, no, no! 2 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,028 Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better. 3 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,697 You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something? 4 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,909 I did use to have a friend named Julie 5 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,912 when I was a kid, and we did play in her yard. 6 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,831 Sometimes we would sing. 7 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,292 Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery, I swear, 8 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,628 if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes, 9 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,296 I'd be married to a gold medalist. 10 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,632 Your voice has gotten better. 11 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,550 Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow. 12 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,011 No need to get competitive. 13 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,682 Life is a competition, don't they say? 14 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,101 Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie? 15 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,770 Never. I don't believe I ever even thought it. 16 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,272 We should all be thinking about it 17 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:35,400 if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league. 18 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:40,655 And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists. 19 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,825 Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman. 20 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:44,993 He is great. 21 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,120 Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once, 22 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,497 and he insisted on prayin' before goin' car parking. 23 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:51,791 No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian! 24 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:54,919 What about you, Don? 25 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,754 Are you ever gonna join the team? 26 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,549 - Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem. 27 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,010 He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law. 28 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,054 Didn't you play professional football? 29 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,181 - For the Washington Redskins. - Yes! 30 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,559 Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team. 31 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,769 And it kills him to this day. 32 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,023 I'm gonna go get some potato salad. 33 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,149 I'll race you. 34 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,944 We should really get going soon because the chart says 35 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:23,197 that I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1:00 PM 36 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,074 today, so. 37 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,200 Oh, right. 38 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:29,829 Little bit slower. 39 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,290 Little bit slower! 40 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,546 And be sure to emit as you propulse forward. 41 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,257 - Evidently, that's helpful. - Really? 42 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,136 - Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty. 43 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,596 No, you have been deeper before. 44 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:51,642 If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too. 45 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,228 But, slower. 46 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,438 Deeper! 47 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,441 And squirt! 48 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:18,002 - Keep going, honey. You're doing great. - Do I have to sing it? 49 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,128 Yes. 50 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,508 If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up with joy! 51 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,102 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey! 52 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,395 - Come in! - All right. 53 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:38,898 And why do I have the pleasure 54 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:42,902 of a house call from my favorite pastor? 55 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,779 Well. 56 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,366 It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And... 57 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,285 I might stop being your favorite pastor. 58 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,457 What's goin' on? 59 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,293 Bill's gone. 60 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,963 He wants a divorce. 61 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,635 It's been comin' for a long time. 62 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,637 I know that you've been struggling some. 63 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:10,888 Sweetie, sing louder. 64 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:15,768 That's good. 65 00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:21,274 You will get through this. I will drag you through this. 66 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,151 - I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about? 67 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,738 For starters, how will I lead the congregation? 68 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,950 You're gonna lead us the same as you always have. 69 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:35,413 And being single, after 23 years of marriage. 70 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:40,168 I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other. 71 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:45,006 So you just need to look at this as a new beginning. 72 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,885 A new destiny. 73 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,265 {\an8}- It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty. 74 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,643 {\an8}The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel. 75 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,688 {\an8}As much. And I don't. 76 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,024 Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart. 77 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,066 That's all I'm saying. 78 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,236 Right, but we're talking about four days here. 79 00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:11,407 Four critical days during peak fertility. 80 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:17,747 Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier if you stress less? 81 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,376 - So it's my fault. - I didn't say that. 82 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:24,545 - Of course, you did. You did. - No, I didn't. 83 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,090 And you might consider that it's your traveling that's causing my stress. 84 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,279 Okay. 85 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:55,993 So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister, 86 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,746 she's not just out of town on church business. 87 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,707 She chose not to be here today. 88 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,709 Because I'm on the church council, 89 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:07,713 she felt it better that I break the news first. 90 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,676 Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce. 91 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,429 It happens. 92 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,767 Get over it. Pastors are people like everybody else. 93 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,688 I see some of you squirming in your seats, 94 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,774 like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts. 95 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,694 Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister, 96 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,029 you'd be squealing like a pig. 97 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,992 And Jackie Ponder would be the first one runnin' to your aid. 98 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,869 So let's run to hers. 99 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,666 Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes. 100 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,422 Let's just get on with being good Methodists. 101 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,215 We can start tonight 102 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,759 by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball. 103 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,515 I got it! 104 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,315 Betty, hey. Hi. 105 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,943 Thought you'd be playing tonight. 106 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,570 Sitting this one out. 107 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,992 Understood. 108 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,244 Yeah. Makes sense. 109 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,120 I got it! 110 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:25,333 - What makes sense? - What? 111 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,335 My sitting this game out makes sense. 112 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,296 - Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting, 113 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,049 it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any 114 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:36,177 intense physical activity. 115 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,970 What makes you think I'm expecting? 116 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,101 No, no, I'm sorry. 117 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:46,062 I just heard you and Allan were trying. 118 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,688 I... 119 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,233 I apologize. I overstepped. 120 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,571 - Betty, I'm really sorry. - It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 121 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,452 {\an8}You really do have a wonderful singing voice. 122 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,288 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,168 Got it, got it, got it! 124 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,797 Are you okay? 125 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,423 I'm fine. I'm fine. 126 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,843 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,554 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 128 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,933 - Good. Okay. - You don't wanna sit for a bit? 129 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,727 No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you. 130 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,437 - Alright. - Thanks. 131 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,980 Sorry. I gotta communicate. 132 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,709 What do you mean he smelled like sex? 133 00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,337 I mean he smelled like sex. 134 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:58,509 - Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore? - Oh yeah. I know. 135 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:03,639 I know, but how a man looks and smells can be two totally different things. 136 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,475 And plus. 137 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,352 Plus what? 138 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,063 Well, I was kind of 139 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,442 gettin' the sense that he was likin' the smell of me, too. 140 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,901 Like it could maybe go in that direction. 141 00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:17,903 What direction? 142 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,157 - I'm not sayin' that I would ever-- - Candy! 143 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,665 It's just this whole thing with Jackie. 144 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,670 Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can. 145 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,798 What can? 146 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,636 The "content is not all it's cracked up to be" can. 147 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,307 You know, my father, he used to say to me, 148 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,685 "Candy, if you ain't growing, you're dying." 149 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,229 And he would also say, 150 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,231 "If you ain't searching 151 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,902 you're lost." 152 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,031 Allan Gore? 153 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,369 I mean, he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway. 154 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,954 Just take a look at him. 155 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,248 Who could be more "fall-in-love-proof" than that? 156 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:28,993 Gary, would you like to share your poem? 157 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,288 Okay. It's short. 158 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,666 That's fine. Some of my favorite poems are short. 159 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,626 Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact. 160 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,006 "On my brand new toilet 161 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,134 I did the same thing." 162 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,185 It's about the folly of materialism. 163 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,024 God, I totally get it. 164 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,653 We all think that we can change our lives with stuff, you know? 165 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:07,323 I do it all the time with shoes or whatever. 166 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,533 If I could just have that or just get this things will be different. 167 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,786 Mine's actually got a similar theme about "wanting." 168 00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:13,871 - Yeah? - Yeah. 169 00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,623 - Let's hear it, Candy. - Okay. 170 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,877 - It's called, "My Heart Asked." - What a lovely title. 171 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,675 "My heart asked, 'What's the answer?' 172 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,680 "I said, 'What answer?' It said, 'You know.' 173 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,559 "I said, 'I don't know. I give up. What's the answer?' 174 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,520 "And the heart said, 175 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,441 'The answer is don't give up.'" 176 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:46,630 - Good night, Sherry. - See you at home. 177 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,424 - Bye, Candy! - See ya. 178 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,971 Allan! Hi! 179 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,850 - Hey, Candy. - Hey. 180 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,227 I want to talk to you sometime about 181 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,063 something that's been bothering me a little. 182 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,985 How about right now? 183 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,613 Sure. 184 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,917 I've been thinking about you a lot, 185 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,919 and it's really been bothering me, and I'm not 186 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,131 sure whether I want you to do anything about it or not. 187 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,770 I'm very attracted to you. 188 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,731 And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it, so I wanted to tell you that. 189 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,400 You seriously got in his car? 190 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,151 I did. 191 00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:16,446 - And told him you were thinking about him? - I did. 192 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,199 And what did he say? 193 00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,451 He said, "Oh. Okay." 194 00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,287 - That's it? - Pretty much. 195 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,623 Are you sure this is really about Allan Gore 196 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,334 and not about you wantin' to be reckless? 197 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,670 Maybe a little of both. 198 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,466 But also men, they get to go to their jobs 199 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,302 and live in their careers and 200 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,638 we just stay home and 201 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,309 God, that's supposed to be enough. 202 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,772 Look at our kids right now on that jungle gym. 203 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:55,319 It is human nature to take risks. 204 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:59,740 To go for somethin' with a little thrill at the risk of falling. 205 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,992 I mean, look at their faces. 206 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,995 They are more alive than we are. 207 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,126 It's not appropriate. 208 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,297 - Why? - Because it's not. 209 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,676 Where did you even get all of this stuff? 210 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:20,719 Jenny's mom. 211 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,221 You're gonna have to pick another costume. 212 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,181 - Why? - I told you, it's not appropriate, 213 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,558 - especially for a girl your age. - Dad! 214 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,101 No, no! Never mind. 215 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,354 I will not have you out on the streets trick or treating as a trollop. 216 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,813 We will find something better. 217 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,775 This is why I did not want her seeing that movie! 218 00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,278 -"Grease"? That's a family picture, honey. - No, no. 219 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,156 It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out. 220 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,044 - You're judging me. - I am not judging you. 221 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,880 Allan, you do some of your best commentary with silence. 222 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,344 One of the reasons 223 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,348 why I go silent is because when you get like this, 224 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,891 I don't know what to say. 225 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:10,936 I don't know what you want me to say. 226 00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:20,028 The first time I took my wife out, I knew she wasn't smart. 227 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:20,988 Why's that. 228 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,489 I took her to a drive-in movie, you know, 229 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,533 and I asked if she wanted to go in the back seat, you know. 230 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,909 She said she'd rather use the ladies' room! 231 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,206 But the day I got married, that was something. 232 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,958 Everybody was crying. 233 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,210 During the ceremony, her mother cried, you know? 234 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,337 All the way to the hotel, my wife cried. 235 00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:39,464 And when she got undressed, I cried, you know? 236 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,846 Did you read my short? 237 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,181 Sorry? 238 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,978 My short story from writing class. I asked if you would read it. 239 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,564 I did. Excellent. 240 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,484 Yeah? What was it about? 241 00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:02,404 It was about swans. 242 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:05,490 What about swans? 243 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,661 Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied harder. 244 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:12,205 Then study harder, Pat. 245 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,082 You have a Ph.D. 246 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,752 Yep. Not in swans, though. 247 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,756 Yep. 248 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,763 - Let me read it again. -My car, I tell you, Johnny. 249 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,890 -Bad car? -I got the only car 250 00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:31,099 dogs chase it, they catch it. 251 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,982 I told the graduating class... 252 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:57,686 It's not about repainting or redoing. We need a new sanctuary. 253 00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:01,356 Well, a church is more about its parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann. 254 00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:03,316 That may be well and true, but this church 255 00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:05,360 isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow the congregation. 256 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,778 And for that, we need a new facility. 257 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:09,281 It's not just that it's old, Jackie. It's crappy. 258 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,410 Nobody looking for a new house of worship wants crappy. 259 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:14,494 It should make a statement. 260 00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,164 Especially if we wanna draw the younger couples. 261 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,958 Well, aren't we supposed to be the younger couples? 262 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,459 Where's your head, Allan? 263 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,255 I'm sorry? What? 264 00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,675 Where's your head? You think we need a new sanctuary? 265 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:34,639 - Well-- - You know, the thing about 266 00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:37,642 religion and life and love 267 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,270 is that there's renewal in it. 268 00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:44,441 And, to me, nothing sells renewal better than 269 00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:47,152 you know, something new. 270 00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:52,157 I agree. We need a major building. 271 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,284 So if we look at our finances 272 00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,163 year-to-date, and we see 273 00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:00,916 that we are already... 274 00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:25,982 Well, you would think the teams themselves would have to clean up, not the referees, 275 00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:28,818 but I suppose that would just make too much sense, wouldn't it? 276 00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:30,987 Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow? 277 00:25:30,987 --> 00:25:32,656 Is the sun still planning to rise? 278 00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:34,991 Well, I'll call you! 279 00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:41,456 So is Betty not feeling too good again? 280 00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:46,670 Some headaches and so forth. Probably stress-related. 281 00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:51,299 You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve to relax your bride, Allan? 282 00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:54,678 Betty's seen all my tricks. 283 00:25:57,180 --> 00:25:59,307 Well, this is me. 284 00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:02,602 You tell her that I hope she's feeling better and 285 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:06,231 she can always drop Alisa off if she wants to rest. 286 00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:08,233 - I'll tell her that. Thank you. - Yeah. 287 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:11,111 You sure I can trust you two alone? 288 00:26:17,450 --> 00:26:18,952 Well, good night. 289 00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:22,872 Candy. 290 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,798 Before, in the car. 291 00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:36,636 What exactly was it that you had in mind? 292 00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:43,476 Get in. 293 00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:58,658 Would you be interested in having an affair? 294 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,666 It's just something I've been thinkin' about 295 00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:10,003 and so I wanted to say it, so I don't have to think about it anymore. 296 00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:17,594 Okay. Well, I got my answer. 297 00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:19,262 No, no, it's just. 298 00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:23,308 I don't think I could. 299 00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:25,810 You know, I love Betty. 300 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:32,484 And when we were living in New Mexico, she had an affair. 301 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:33,985 Betty did? 302 00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:36,363 Well, I can't believe that. 303 00:27:36,363 --> 00:27:38,323 I know. I couldn't believe it either. 304 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,617 It hurt me a lot and I wouldn't want to do that to her. 305 00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,744 That's fine, Allan. 306 00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,913 I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna do anything 307 00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,998 to hurt him either. 308 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:49,000 - I like Pat. - Yeah. 309 00:27:52,295 --> 00:27:53,922 He has the best voice in the choir. 310 00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:00,553 - Also, Betty just got pregnant again. - Really? 311 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:04,099 Just recently. 312 00:28:05,141 --> 00:28:07,894 So that would really be unfair to her. 313 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,273 Especially since I don't feel the same way about you 314 00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:13,983 that I do about her. 315 00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:17,570 So, I probably couldn't do something like that. 316 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:20,156 Okay. 317 00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:22,909 I was just putting the option out there because of how I felt. 318 00:28:22,909 --> 00:28:25,954 But I certainly don't want to hurt you or your marriage. 319 00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:29,499 All I wanted to do was 320 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,460 go to bed. 321 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:36,047 But I won't mention it again. 322 00:28:44,013 --> 00:28:44,889 Good night. 323 00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:01,865 I feel so humiliated. 324 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:04,117 It's probably for the best, sweetheart. 325 00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:08,538 {\an8}Well, I wasn't looking for what's best. I was out for something more transcendent. 326 00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:12,083 {\an8}And he broached it! He invited the conversation. 327 00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:14,627 What exactly did he say? 328 00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:20,800 He asked me what I had in mind when he knew very well what I had in mind. 329 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,803 And then he climbed into my car. I mean, come on. 330 00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,807 And why did he kiss me? 331 00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:29,934 Right on the lips. 332 00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:33,104 It wasn't exactly passionate. 333 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,232 But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either. 334 00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:40,195 Well, men kiss all the time when they don't mean it. 335 00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:42,614 {\an8}No, I think he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 336 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,949 {\an8}He doesn't wanna hate himself for being unfaithful to Betty. 337 00:29:45,533 --> 00:29:47,952 So he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 338 00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:51,581 Well, he can forget about that. 339 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:55,084 I played my cards, and that will be that. 340 00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:56,169 Mornin'. 341 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:11,351 Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird? 342 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:13,186 No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you? 343 00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:14,854 I'm Superman! 344 00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:17,065 You're Superman! You're a man of steel! 345 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,900 And you might be the super-est one I have ever seen. 346 00:30:19,692 --> 00:30:22,278 - Well, thank you. - Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey! 347 00:30:22,278 --> 00:30:24,239 {\an8}- Hey, Mom. - You're back already, huh? 348 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:27,283 {\an8}- Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin. - Yes, you did. 349 00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:29,953 {\an8}I'm just gonna go dump it and come back out. 350 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,997 Well, what do you expect to do with all that candy, young lady? 351 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,999 - I'll trade with Ian. - Okay. 352 00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,504 - Thanks for walking with them. - Sure, sure. 353 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,047 Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels? 354 00:30:41,047 --> 00:30:43,967 I did see a pretty scary Elvis. 355 00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:46,302 Yep, that would be Pat. 356 00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:49,013 Him and Elvis, it's kinda hard to tell them apart. 357 00:30:50,765 --> 00:30:52,225 Come on, Dad. Let's go. 358 00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:53,935 - Okay. Bye. - Trick or treat! 359 00:30:53,935 --> 00:30:57,021 Oh, my goodness, look at you! Buzz, buzz, buzz! 360 00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,191 If I could only have a brain! 361 00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:03,194 Look how cute you guys look. And look at you. 362 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,489 Don't sting me! The Wicked Witch of the West! 363 00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:18,793 Happy birthday to you 364 00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:21,421 - Oh, my God. - I brought you a confection. 365 00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:22,422 Yes. 366 00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,591 And at the bakery, they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM, 367 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:26,009 it won't make our asses fat. 368 00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,386 At least, not completely. 369 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,889 - Then, shall we? Hurry up! - Yes, we shall! 370 00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:37,228 This is why your people follow you. 371 00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,771 Yeah. I let them eat cake. 372 00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:41,774 So, listen. 373 00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:43,568 I don't like the sound of that. 374 00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,404 Remember I told you about that other job offer 375 00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,573 I had at Midwestern University? 376 00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,075 - Which you turned down. - Yeah, well. 377 00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:54,454 - It turns out I reconsidered. - What do you mean? 378 00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:58,708 It was pointed out that the bishop doesn't make offers like this every day. 379 00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:04,172 - But it's in Wichita Falls. - I'll come back and forth. 380 00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:05,965 What do you mean you'll come back and forth? 381 00:32:05,965 --> 00:32:08,551 It's, like, 200 miles away. 382 00:32:08,551 --> 00:32:10,637 Candy, this is my next calling. 383 00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,598 What am I gonna do? 384 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,058 - You're my best friend. - Our friendship won't change. 385 00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:17,393 No, but you won't be here. 386 00:32:17,393 --> 00:32:20,188 - And who's gonna replace you? - We'll find somebody great. 387 00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:22,982 Somebody who can get the new sanctuary built. 388 00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:25,068 Oh, my God. 389 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:29,238 You are the only one I have to talk to here, Jackie. 390 00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,532 That is not true. You have Sherry. 391 00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,494 And you're the belle of the ball at church. 392 00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:37,246 I mean Sherry is Sherry but 393 00:32:38,706 --> 00:32:40,500 honey, you're my heart. 394 00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:53,888 Hello? 395 00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:56,808 Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore. 396 00:32:57,892 --> 00:33:00,937 - Hey. -Hey. Hi. 397 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:08,945 I have to go to McKinney tomorrow to get my tires checked and rotated, 398 00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:11,155 and I know it's a drive, 399 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:14,951 but I was wondering if you might like to have some lunch with me. 400 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:23,209 You know, to talk a little more about what we were talking about before. 401 00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:24,752 Okay. 402 00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:27,547 Okay, fine. 403 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,007 Well, how's 12:00? 404 00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:32,969 - I'll meet you there. -Okay. 405 00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:35,680 - Meet you there. Bye-bye. -Okay. 406 00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:46,190 - Where were we? - Who was that? 407 00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:50,236 - It's just somebody. - Somebody? 408 00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:55,158 Somebody I'm thinkin' about having an affair with. 409 00:33:58,077 --> 00:34:00,329 You told me that 'cause you want me to talk you out of it. 410 00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:04,208 Pat and I, we... 411 00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:08,296 Well, we kind of hit a plateau. 412 00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:10,173 Every marriage hits one of them. 413 00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,383 Well, I suppose yours did and you did nothing about it. 414 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:16,179 Meaning what? If I'd had an affair, Bill would still be taking out my garbage? 415 00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:22,935 I'm talking about my garbage right now, and not wanting to settle for it. 416 00:34:24,979 --> 00:34:27,273 Sorry, that came out wrong. Pat is not garbage. 417 00:34:27,273 --> 00:34:30,651 Candy, I got front-door friends and back-door friends. 418 00:34:30,651 --> 00:34:32,987 Front-door friends show up when they have a reason. 419 00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,740 They knock. They say the right thing. 420 00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:39,118 Back-door friends, they just bang in through the kitchen door 421 00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:41,120 and drop whatever's on their mind. 422 00:34:42,413 --> 00:34:43,790 You are my best back-door friend 423 00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:47,001 so I am gonna drop my mind on your table here. 424 00:34:47,001 --> 00:34:50,087 This will come to no good. 425 00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:54,842 Jackie, I have done all the things a wife is supposed to do. 426 00:34:56,302 --> 00:34:59,388 The house, the kids, the meals. 427 00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:04,894 Where is the payback? 428 00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:06,729 Honey. 429 00:35:07,897 --> 00:35:10,358 This is the payback. 430 00:35:11,317 --> 00:35:14,237 Take it from me. Somebody who lost it. 431 00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:21,118 I can see your mind's made up. 432 00:35:38,010 --> 00:35:39,846 - Thanks again, Ronnie. - You're welcome. 433 00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:42,765 - Don't work too hard. - All right. 434 00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:47,228 Hi! You're here. 435 00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,855 - Hi. - Hey. 436 00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:51,440 Brought you this little card. 437 00:36:00,366 --> 00:36:02,118 That is so sweet. 438 00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:06,163 There you are. 439 00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:08,457 Thank you. 440 00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:11,627 I just worry, you know? 441 00:36:11,627 --> 00:36:14,839 Jackie is the church, when you think about it. 442 00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,425 I just hope she doesn't become a stranger. 443 00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:20,469 Well, how can she not? At least a little. 444 00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:23,389 Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive last I checked. 445 00:36:24,098 --> 00:36:26,601 And, frankly, I don't know how we're gonna go about replacing her. 446 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:30,771 And I don't wanna belong to some stodgy-podgy church. 447 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,233 - No, that would be awful. - Awful. 448 00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:42,241 Well, should we talk about our kids now? 449 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,744 Or maybe more Pat. 450 00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:48,247 He was a champion trumpeter in high school. Did I cover that? 451 00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:58,215 I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. 452 00:36:58,215 --> 00:37:00,217 I haven't either. 453 00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:09,936 I would never be able to forgive myself if Betty ever found out. 454 00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,982 That would just be devastating to her. 455 00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:16,817 I feel the same. 456 00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:21,614 We would have to be so careful that no one would ever know except us. 457 00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,241 That's right. 458 00:37:25,576 --> 00:37:27,703 I've been thinking a lot about what you said about 459 00:37:28,996 --> 00:37:30,498 just wanting to go to bed, 460 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:36,087 not getting too emotionally involved and so forth. 461 00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,214 That would be very important to me. 462 00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:40,216 Me, too, Allan. 463 00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:44,595 God, I just wanna enjoy myself. 464 00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:51,644 Without hurting myself or anyone else. 465 00:37:57,441 --> 00:37:58,943 Well, 466 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:01,946 I think we should think about it some more. 467 00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:05,908 Think about the hazards and decide 468 00:38:05,908 --> 00:38:08,661 whether or not we're willing to take the risk. 469 00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:14,208 Fine. Yeah, I think we should. 470 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,590 So, that's the plan then? Think about it some more? 471 00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,342 I think so. 472 00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:50,846 I'm not sure how many more of these strategy session I can take. 473 00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:52,723 Yeah, I know. 474 00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,601 - We just can't be too careful. -You know, 475 00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:58,604 if you don't go to bed with me pretty soon, 476 00:39:59,980 --> 00:40:02,358 you'll never be able to live up 477 00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:05,945 to the expectations I have of you in bed. 478 00:40:05,945 --> 00:40:09,740 Yeah, don't think I haven't thought about that. 479 00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:16,372 Maybe just one more planning session. 480 00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:20,292 - We can have it here. -At your house? 481 00:40:20,292 --> 00:40:23,504 Yeah, we can meet for lunch. People need to eat, right? 482 00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:35,349 How was work today? 483 00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,562 It's pretty good. Kind of the same. 484 00:40:46,443 --> 00:40:48,904 Have you been going over your list, Allan? 485 00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:53,492 - I'm sorry, what? - The list. 486 00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,829 The list of potential baby names. 487 00:40:59,623 --> 00:41:01,041 - I will. - You will? 488 00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:02,543 Yeah. 489 00:41:04,044 --> 00:41:04,962 Okay. 490 00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:14,096 If either of us wants it to end for whatever reason, then it ends. 491 00:41:14,096 --> 00:41:15,181 Agreed. 492 00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:21,061 If either of us get too emotionally involved, then it ends. 493 00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:23,522 We should make that rule number one. 494 00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:25,983 Sure. Okay. 495 00:41:28,777 --> 00:41:32,114 Okay. And if we start taking risks 496 00:41:32,114 --> 00:41:34,283 that shouldn't be taken, then the affair ends. 497 00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:37,536 - And we should always meet out of town. - Agree, agree, agree. 498 00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:49,006 All expenses, gas, motel, food, will be shared equally. 499 00:41:49,006 --> 00:41:52,801 We'll meet only on weekdays, and I'll be in charge 500 00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:55,304 of fixing lunch on the days that we meet, 501 00:41:55,304 --> 00:41:56,764 so that we just have more time. 502 00:41:57,473 --> 00:42:00,100 And I'll also be in charge of getting the motel room. 503 00:42:00,643 --> 00:42:03,062 Same reason. It just gives us more quality time. 504 00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:04,021 Shall we 505 00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:08,817 set a date for the affair to begin? 506 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,823 Let's go with December 12th. 507 00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:16,450 December 12th? 508 00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:18,953 This year. 509 00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:21,747 Great. 510 00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:25,125 December 12th it is. 511 00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:30,297 Oh, Margaret, you don't know what it does to me, 512 00:42:30,297 --> 00:42:32,925 being near you all day in surgery, only able to touch... 513 00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:45,062 You alright? 514 00:42:45,062 --> 00:42:46,272 I'm good. 515 00:42:47,564 --> 00:42:51,068 This song gives me goosebumps. 516 00:42:51,068 --> 00:42:54,196 I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6-5000." 517 00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:00,119 What are you doin'? 518 00:43:02,663 --> 00:43:03,914 What am I doin'? 519 00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:08,585 You once told me that your favorite character was Snugglepuss. 520 00:43:09,545 --> 00:43:11,880 Did you not tell me that, Pat? 521 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,882 Snagglepuss. 522 00:43:56,508 --> 00:43:58,260 Hey, angel girl. 523 00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:01,513 Come out smarter than you go in. 524 00:44:01,513 --> 00:44:03,265 I will, Mom. 525 00:44:03,265 --> 00:44:04,641 - And no talking to boys. - You're so silly. 526 00:44:17,821 --> 00:44:20,699 Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool. 527 00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:28,285 Hello? 528 00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:29,786 I'm at the Continental Inn 529 00:46:29,786 --> 00:46:32,831 on the Central Expressway towards Dallas, room 214. 530 00:46:33,916 --> 00:46:36,835 I will be there in a few minutes. 531 00:47:54,788 --> 00:47:56,206 What am I doin'? 532 00:48:04,256 --> 00:48:06,925 ...and show our boys some red and blue pride. 533 00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:10,971 ...time for a couple of calls. 534 00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:13,140 Hello, Darcy. Welcome to The Dan Ram Show. 535 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:16,018 Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call. 536 00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:01,980 I made lunch. 537 00:49:04,524 --> 00:49:05,901 Well, you look beautiful. Really beautiful. 538 00:49:07,235 --> 00:49:08,654 Thank you. 539 00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:14,826 - Well, we should eat. - Excellent. 540 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,998 Wow. Looks delicious. 541 00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:22,084 Sorry. 542 00:49:28,006 --> 00:49:31,760 You know, I've probably driven past this motel a thousand times 543 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,345 and hardly knew it was here. 544 00:49:33,345 --> 00:49:34,888 Yeah, it's funny that way. 545 00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:37,516 Life. You know, the 546 00:49:38,433 --> 00:49:40,394 bland and innocuous can 547 00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:44,856 suddenly take on vivid hues and colors. 548 00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:51,571 I take a creative writing class. 549 00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:55,117 - Well, that was really good. - Thank you. 550 00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:59,913 I would love to read some of your writing sometime. 551 00:50:00,622 --> 00:50:01,581 Really? 552 00:50:01,581 --> 00:50:03,917 Well, that would make one of you 553 00:50:03,917 --> 00:50:05,669 'cause Pat has no interest, 554 00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:08,171 and I read all of his stuff on electromagnetics-- 555 00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:09,840 Are we talking about Pat now? 556 00:50:11,049 --> 00:50:14,344 No, sorry. We're definitely not. 557 00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:46,042 Are you just gonna stand there? 558 00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,628 Yes. 559 00:51:28,335 --> 00:51:29,628 Sorry. 560 00:51:29,628 --> 00:51:32,380 Allan, have you never been French kissed before? 561 00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:39,096 You've never had a woman's tongue in your mouth? 562 00:51:44,726 --> 00:51:46,853 Well, I think you're gonna quite like it. 563 00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:19,613 - Are you okay? - I am. 564 00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:22,908 So okay. 565 00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:28,330 - You? - Oh, yeah. 566 00:53:30,332 --> 00:53:31,249 Yeah. 567 00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:33,668 That was wonderful, Candy. 568 00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:38,465 You're wonderful. 569 00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:44,930 We need to shower. 570 00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:46,765 I probably should have added that to the list. 571 00:53:46,765 --> 00:53:49,351 Always shower after 572 00:53:49,351 --> 00:53:52,771 and that way, we won't smell like each other. 573 00:53:52,771 --> 00:53:55,357 - Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, and Allan. 574 00:53:56,608 --> 00:53:57,692 Allan. 575 00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,487 That was 576 00:54:02,113 --> 00:54:03,531 wonderful. 577 00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:11,873 Okay.