[announcer] Coming to Farzar,
The Cluckinator!
The irresistible spicy chicken sandwich that's caused riots, wars, and genocide!
Each patty is made by squashing 10,000 baby chicks together.
And because everything tastes better when it dies happy,
we throw them a party first.
Man, I want to get me some of that.
I want to chap my lips raw on that battered meat.
Oh my goodness, the lingerie is working!
I want to double fist that hot, juicy morsel.
I want to bury my face between those buns and go to town.
[babbles]
I want to stick a hot dog in that thing, twist it around, pull it out,
and lick off the stanky grease.
You have the words of a poet.
Take me, Renzo!
[muffled speech]
Oh! Well, as much as I would love to sweep the cobwebs out of your spider hole,
we can't, because… we have to go to church!
We'll do it after church then.
I just need to stay away from the candles
so I don't start another stanky grease fire. [chuckles]
Ooh, that was close.
From now on, I'm gonna be more careful with what I say about commercials.
Introducing the new Mercedes-Benz S-class.
Oh, look at that hard metal body!
I wanna get inside you!
I want to ride you till your goddamn bottom falls out.
It's not how I planned to spend my Sunday, but you do have the words of a poet.
[whirring]
[adventure music playing]
♪ Farzar ♪
[organ music plays]
You're not supposed to eat that.
Why is it on a damn plate then?
-[farts] -[coins clinking]
Uh-oh, Flobby. I got dime-arrhea.
That was a pretty good diarrhea joke.
[upbeat music plays]
Welcome, brothers and sisters! Ha!
It's so wonderful to see you all in church.
-♪ Nobody really wants to be here! ♪ -♪ Be here! ♪
Praise our Lord, Ozner, the all powerful! Ha!
♪ He's completely made up, you idiots ♪
Praise Ozner!
Oh!
Oh, stanky grease! Ah!
Uh, brothers and sisters, Ozner spoke to me last night,
and he has a holy message for his children.
No more fucking.
No more fucking? That doesn't sound very godlike.
I'm paraphrasing.
He actually said, "No human may layeth down with another human,
for fucking."
And sadly, that includes me and my smoking hot wife.
Ugh! Every fucking Sunday!
I know it's a sacrifice,
but Ozner has spoken.
No humping, no pumping, no dookie chest-dumping!
What are we supposed to do if we can't have sex?
The all-seeing Ozner, bless his name, anticipated this problem
and told me to tell you all to wait in those long-ass lines
for the Cluckinator irresistible spicy chicken sandwich,
bring them back here, and feed them to me.
I was like, "Why, Ozner?"
And he was like, "No licking, no sticking, just eat that damn chicken."
And I was like, "Oh man, did you just come up with that?"
And he was like, "Yeah."
How long is this sex ban going to last?
That is up to Ozner.
Might be a day, might be a week.
Might be six to eight months.
But I urge you all to stay calm.
[screaming]
It's been 20 seconds! I've gotta fuck something!
-So horny! So horny! -[grunting]
You're not human. We can have sex with you. We'll pay!
That cash does look delicious, but no can do you.
If an Intellectoid orgasms, we explode and die.
Basically, if we-–
Come, we go!
Flobby, if you keep stealing my jokes, I'm gonna jack you off to death!
This Cluckinator line is taking way too long.
How about instead we go for some In-N-Out.
Uh, I'd rather have Five Guys.
I'm talking about sex, Mal.
So am I.
Where the hell did they come from?
This is a cartoon, asshole. Just roll with it.
Fichael, having sex would be a sin!
You heard the word of Ozner.
Got to admit, it's a little convenient
that all the things Ozner decrees benefit my dad.
[gasps] That is blasphemy!
[beeping]
Ooh, can you hold our place in line?
Ozner commands that it's time for every woman in town with at least a B-cup
to jump rope topless outside your dad's window.
♪ This is wrong on so many levels, yeah! ♪
I'm starving, man. I wish we could cash in on all these horny humans.
Hmm, if only we knew another non-human that could--
Bust a load, but not explode!
Goddamn it, Flobby, I warned you!
[groans]
Hold on, what's that?
Billy wonder what wacky C story he going to be in this episode.
Hey, you ain't human. Can we be your pimps?
Here we go.
Billy have to ask father if okay.
Can Billy have wacky C story where he become whore?
I can't answer you now. I'm concentrating on standing in line.
So it okay that strange men sell Billy's body for sex making, Daddy?
Do whatever you want.
I can't parent you and stand in line for a chicken sandwich at the same time!
If I start thinking about your welfare, I'll lose focus,
and next thing I know, I'll…
Goddamn it!
Where the hell am I?
Okay, microdosing chaos is the only way to keep my demons at bay.
The old bucket of water over the door.
A small, 100% totally harmless prank.
[groaning]
[farts]
Oopsies.
[gasps, coughs]
You put me in a bag of rice? How'd you know this would save my life?
I didn't. I was trying to hide the body.
That's it. You need to replace your chaos addiction with something safer,
like a drug addiction.
Now, someone my size does a whole Snuffle Snart.
Because you're a little guy--
[Zobo sniffs]
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
[grunting]
[laughs maniacally]
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
[groans]
This shit is even better than chaos!
You got another Snart?
Sorry, that was my last one.
You think I'm fucking around?
I'm all out of rice, motherfucker.
[ominous music plays]
Hmm. Whose lunch am I gonna steal today?
Ooh, this must be Clitaris's.
Ugh, I hate egg salad, but I've got to show my dominance!
What are you doing?
Eating your fucking lunch!
Question. If your wife put your lunch in this bag,
what is she wearing on her head to keep the dogs from vomiting?
That's not my lunch.
[chokes] Oh shit! Harold!
I'm eating a psycho serial killer's lunch.
[groans] The oatmeal raisin cookie should have tipped me off.
Are, uh, you eating my lunch?
What? No. Clitaris is eating it.
He makes me chew it for him, like a baby bird!
Hey, it's no big deal.
Don't worry about it.
Accidents happen.
Oh shit, he's gonna kill me!
Relax. He said, "Accidents happen."
No, he didn't fucking say, "Accidents happen."
He said, "Accidents happen!"
Big fucking diff!
We got a real problem!
No, I have a real problem.
How dare you make me eat kibble out of a dog bowl?
I am a scientist, damn it!
Who the hell are you?
You dare narrow your gaze at me?
I command you to submit and let me smell your asshole at once!
Zobo, you little pink shit!
My dealer said you bought every last Snuffle Snart on the planet.
Hold on, I'm doing a line.
Now, do it!
[sniffs deeply]
Fuck, yeah!
Great, now they're extinct. Why'd I give you a taste of the good shit?
You ruined my life! Now, how am I supposed to ruin my life?
[whistling]
Hands off my last Snart, you waste of rice!
He's going up my nose! I'll kick your adorable ass!
Wait, wait, wait! If you let me live, I'll take you to the hidden Snart village.
-What now? -Yeah! We're not extinct.
There are thousands of Snarts living there.
Thousands?
I'm so happy, I could cry!
[groaning]
[farts]
[laughs]
Looks like he just had Best Buy-arrhea.
That was a pretty good diarrhea joke.
And the award for best diarrhea joke goes to…
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!
You're never gonna make it as a stand-up comedian.
Oh yeah, Dad? Well--
[screams]
Okay, that was pretty smart.
[organ music plays]
Bless you. Praise Ozner!
The power of spice compels me.
Hallelujah, me tummy!
Oh, no thanks, Fichael, I'm full.
Mm.
I stood in line nine hours for that!
And Ozner thanks you.
In fact, he has chosen you for the holiest of tasks.
He wants me to give you a dutch oven.
Now, get up under the Shroud of Tootin', and eat God's farts!
[groans, farts]
I'm getting sick of doing this every Sunday.
How does Ozner talk to you exactly anyway?
I simply visit him in his inner sanctum.
You mean the janitor's closet?
I'm starting to think Ozner isn't even real.
Yeah!
-He's right! -The fart eater has a point.
Fine! I'll prove it.
I asked Ozner if he's real, and he said, "Yes."
Praise Ozner!
-I knew it! -Kill the fart eater!
Don't you see what's going on here?
My dad is the only person who ever sees Ozner,
all the rules benefit him,
and come on, "Ozner" is just Renzo spelled backwards!
You think I'm so lazy that I'd make up a name by just flipping letters?
That would be like changing the first letter of Michael
to make it sound futuristic, Fichael.
If Ozner wants us to believe in him,
then tell him to show himself!
Okay, I'll ask,
but he's very shy.
I am your all-powerful God, Ozner!
Uh, you honestly think anybody's gonna buy this?
Praise Ozner!
Well, if you're all-powerful, then this won't hurt you.
[grunts]
Fichael, no!
Relax. It's my dad with a mop on his head.
Still a weird thing to do to own dad, yeah?
Not as weird as this!
Let's see who's the fart eater now, huh?
Ah!
Get in there and eat that fart!
[toots]
-What the hell are you doing to God? -Whoops.
[gasps]
You dare provoke the mighty Ozner?
After I blessed with you no licking, no sticking, and all that damn chicken,
this is how your son treats me?
Ozner, please, have mercy.
Silence!
Ten years of plagues upon you all!
Great job, Fichael!
Well, he seemed fake. I wonder what the first plague is gonna be.
I don't know.
Okay, Snart, time to lead us to your hidden Snart village.
I must warn you that the journey to the village will be perilous.
We must traverse jungles…
caves…
[screaming]
…frozen wastelands.
Hey, guys! It's Barry from work.
[Snart] And beyond!
Okay, this one isn't so bad.
I don't know why we need a SodaStream.
Do we really spend that much on La Croix?
It's about convenience.
We can make our own soda at home.
But you have to use their syrups.
I'll bet they don't even have blackberry cucumber. But you know who does?
La Croix?
Fucking La Croix.
Shit, it's the guys from the cave. I gotta go chase them.
Oh, come on. You're really gonna go do work stuff now?
Well, fuck me for trying to put food on the table!
Food on the table! Pah!
You've never actually caught anyone, Arachnis!
Oh, I should have married Andy Billman. I hear he's a lawyer now!
I can't do this right now, Carol!
Carol, is that you?
Andy Billman?
Been a long time.
You look good. SodaStream, huh?
-Oh, Andy. -Carol!
Oh, Andy!
I found three more vaginas.
And I found four Peters, three twats, and a cloaca!
That's a cooter and a pooter all in one!
We gonna get extra for that.
This is some wacky C story!
We should auction off his parts so we get more buck for our bang.
Good idea. We'd better clean him up first.
Jackpot! Found two more dicks!
And I found another pussy.
Uh-huh, that's right. I'm in both shows now.
Let's say I got froze or some shit.
God ribbit, Fichael!
You had to provoke Ozner and bring those plagues upon us.
I'm craving flies like a motherfucker.
You know every fly was just sitting on some shit. I'm basically eating shit!
We all are. This is a Panera.
And look outside. It's raining lions!
And chainsaws.
Plus all the floors are covered in mouths.
I'm gonna eat your feet!
Hey, guys! It's Barry from work.
Look at him out there, plotting all the ways he's gonna kill me.
Oh shit, he saw us!
We can't get any work done like this. Why don't you just fire Harold?
If you fire a regular white guy, he kills everybody.
What the hell do you think Harold's gonna do?
No, no, I have an actually good idea.
We abandon this whole take over the human city thing,
leave the lair forever,
then find something equally meaningful to do with the rest of our lives.
Here you go. Enjoy your Tuscan Turkey BazaWrap.
We got a tip, boys!
♪ He'll be tipping round the tip jar When he tips ♪
♪ Yes, he tips! He'll be-- ♪
Wait a minute.
A quarter? This is not a tip.
This is a "fuck you!"
I'm glad I came in your sandwich!
Next.
Don't worry, I only come in every other sandwich.
It's an OCD thing.
[ominous music plays]
I'll never get to the front of the line.
There's nothing people want more than this chicken sandwich.
Hey, everyone!
They're auctioning off the chance
to fuck a freakish mutant with the mind of a child.
-Come on! -Yes!
Thanks for angering God, Fichael.
What are you mad about? You don't seem to be affected by any plagues.
Then explain why our hoo-ha now sings opera?
[singing in Italian]
That sounds great to me. My mom's sounds like a waterlogged accordion.
There's the heretic. Get him!
Oh no. Don't kill me!
[suspenseful music plays]
Come with me, ribbit, if you want to, ribbit, live!
Thanks, Dad. You think I'll be safe from the angry mob up here?
From the mob? Yes.
Please, Ozner, remove these, ribbit, accursed plagues.
I brought you a sacrifice. The one who angered you.
[in Kermit's voice] Mr. Prince Fichael, yay!
Ribbit!
Here we are.
I will now reveal the hidden entrance to the secret Snart village.
Ooh, watch this! He's gonna do some magic shit.
I guess you're not coming in. More Snarts for me! Yay.
Oh, I'm coming in!
[screaming] Oh God, this shit hurts! This shit hurts!
[magical music plays]
Oh my God, it's beautiful!
We're about to get high as fuck!
[both] Hey!
What the hell?
Oh shit!
[laughs] You both walked right into my trap.
King Snart, you've returned from your mission.
You bastard. How dare you betray us before we could betray you?
Everyone, we just captured the two murderers
who have killed thousands of our kind!
For your atrocities against Snuffle Snarts,
I sentence you both to…
death!
What are we going to do?
I don't know. I keep trying to call my lawyer, but he's not picking up.
-Carol! Carol! -Oh, Andy!
This is what you do when I'm at work?
Oh my. Well, you caught me.
Congratulations on finally catching someone!
That's low, Carol. That's fucking low.
The Schwater-rama has tahini sauce. That's tzatziki sauce!
Why can't you tell the difference?
I'm color-blind, you purple fuck!
Welcome to BazaWra-- [screams]
Harold, you found me!
Why did I let you talk me into all those bus shelter ads?
Wait, are you doing all this because of the whole eating my lunch thing?
Well, yes, that,
and because I stayed up all night doing cocaine and writing snappy tip songs.
Please don't kill me!
Bazarack, I'm a serial killer.
I don't kill for revenge. I kill to quiet the screaming in my head.
I feel so silly. Everyone!
We're going home!
Chet, you're fired.
What? Fired? I'll kill all you motherfuckers!
What did I tell you about white guys?
Harold!
[wailing] No!
I loved you.
Welcome, everybody!
Today, and today only,
we are auctioning off animal parts for you to fuck
so you don't piss off God.
First item up for bid, and we're starting big,
is a genuine whale pussy!
We'll start the bidding at $10.
I'm at $10, not 20. Need 30 for the whale pussy. Somebody give me 30?
I got 40 for the whale pussy. Fat, juicy whale pussy!
Stop the auction. This is madness!
And a stupid C story.
Billy only here because you not care about Billy.
Barry can kiss Billy's ass!
Not unless he bids!
I'm sorry I blew you off, son.
Next time I have to choose
between parenting and standing in line for chicken,
I will choose you.
No one's having sex with any of my son's pussies today!
But that's the only reason we're here!
Well, why would you have sex with that when you can have sex with this?
-[dance music plays] -[crowd cheers]
I made a few genetic modifications. I already sold the recipe.
[announcer] Introducing the Cluckinator Fuckinator!
The only spicy chicken sandwich you can fuck!
Coming soon to Carl's Jr.
[ominous music plays]
Fichael, son of Renzo,
prepare to feel my wrath!
Wait!
Instead of killing me, why don't you use your powers for good?
Oh.
Well, I never thought about that. You know what?
On the count of three, there will be no more cancer.
One, two, thr--
Ribbit, ribbit, motherfucker! Looks like there's a frog in your throat!
[mystical music plays]
[birds chirping]
Oh.
That was your plan the whole time!
To use me as bait so you could kill God.
Oh, hey, Fichael. I didn't realize you were still alive.
[uneasy music plays]
Uh, hi, I'm Public Defender Snart.
I found some case law that should help us get a stay of exec--
-Worth it. -Let the execution begin!
Oh, all of our execution gear is destroyed.
And we still have so many criminal Snarts on death row.
You do? Well, maybe we can make a deal.
Let us go, and I'll only snort the criminals you would execute anyway.
That may actually work.
We do have a lot of pedophiles!
You can sleep in my sleeping bag because you don't have one.
I have one right here.
[both sniffing]
Everyone, Ozner is dead.
We don't have to worry about following his silly rules anymore.
Ooh, for the first time, I feel freed from the shackles of religion!
I want to celebrate with hours of the craziest sex imaginable!
I know a guy.
Tell me I'm good at my job!
-What does that mean? -Just do it! I'm close!
And the award for best human-on-spider sex scene goes to…
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!
This is the best sex I've ever-- [screams]
What? I gotta watch this show.
[adventurous music playing]