1
00:00:12,543 --> 00:00:15,126
[announcer] Welcome to Adoraball,

2
00:00:15,209 --> 00:00:17,918
the official pastime of Farzar.

3
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:20,626
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

4
00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:22,626
-the ball!
-[giggles]

5
00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:25,626
-[cheering]
-Finally something pleasant for once.

6
00:00:25,709 --> 00:00:26,834
[whistle blows]

7
00:00:28,626 --> 00:00:29,501
Oh, shit!

8
00:00:30,543 --> 00:00:31,459
Oh, shit!

9
00:00:31,543 --> 00:00:33,001
Oh! Uh…

10
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,834
[screaming]

11
00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:40,876
Ooh, bold move by Coach Nagy,
calling in a napalm strike this early.

12
00:00:40,959 --> 00:00:43,043
Remember, folks,
he only gets one a quarter.

13
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:46,084
This is weird game. What are rules?

14
00:00:46,168 --> 00:00:47,126
I have no idea.

15
00:00:47,209 --> 00:00:50,709
Like every white sports fan, I'm just here
to get drunk and yell at minorities.

16
00:00:50,793 --> 00:00:52,501
[yells]

17
00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:53,501
It's pretty basic.

18
00:00:53,584 --> 00:00:55,876
Each team has a lifter,
a grumpus, a power grumpus,

19
00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:57,793
a zepler, a turkleton, and a point guard.

20
00:00:57,876 --> 00:00:59,918
Now, first team to 14 blarney baskets wins

21
00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:02,876
unless a Jakubowski flip-flop
has been pre-authorized

22
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:05,084
or the one-eyed gnome sees his shadow.

23
00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:08,418
Yeah. You lost me at "it's."

24
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:12,584
These guys suck! I'm way better
at Adoraball than any of them.

25
00:01:12,668 --> 00:01:14,668
Oh, bullshit! You never played Adoraball.

26
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:17,334
My dad and I used to play all the time
when I was a kid.

27
00:01:17,418 --> 00:01:20,168
It seems a little violent for children.

28
00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:21,918
In what possible way?

29
00:01:22,001 --> 00:01:23,668
[cheering]

30
00:01:26,418 --> 00:01:29,793
That was nice
to see you give that little boy head.

31
00:01:29,876 --> 00:01:33,001
Oh, for the last time,
he was an 18-year-old dwarf.

32
00:01:33,084 --> 00:01:35,084
Oh, you were talking to Fichael.

33
00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:36,043
-Ah!
-[buzzer blares]

34
00:01:36,126 --> 00:01:40,334
[announcer] You all know what that
buzzer means. Time to release the Wendigo!

35
00:01:42,043 --> 00:01:43,376
[growls]

36
00:01:43,459 --> 00:01:44,584
Oh my, tough break.

37
00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:46,918
The Wendigo has eaten
all but seven players,

38
00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:49,251
meaning the blue team
will have to forfeit.

39
00:01:49,334 --> 00:01:54,084
Game's over? Oh no. I was looking forward
to three more hours of stupid shit.

40
00:01:54,168 --> 00:01:57,418
Well, lucky you,
'cause "stupid shit" is my middle name.

41
00:01:57,501 --> 00:02:00,043
Fear not, lovers of sport!

42
00:02:00,126 --> 00:02:03,876
For I, brave Prince Fichael Stupid Shit,

43
00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:07,376
decree that I shall join the blue team

44
00:02:07,459 --> 00:02:10,209
so the game can continue.

45
00:02:10,293 --> 00:02:12,334
Don't do it, Fichael!
You can't go out there.

46
00:02:12,418 --> 00:02:14,543
Aw, you're scared I'll get hurt.

47
00:02:14,626 --> 00:02:17,959
Fuck, no. I got five grand
on the blue team. Although…

48
00:02:18,043 --> 00:02:21,584
Hey, let me put five Gs on Fichael
getting his dick eaten by the Wendigo.

49
00:02:21,668 --> 00:02:22,959
Go get 'em, tiger!

50
00:02:25,168 --> 00:02:28,793
Okay, team, I've run this play
a thousand times with my dad

51
00:02:28,876 --> 00:02:31,751
and I've never dropped the Adoraball once.

52
00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:32,751
Let's go!

53
00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:35,418
[cheering]

54
00:02:35,501 --> 00:02:38,293
29, 94, 30, 19.

55
00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:41,668
Put those years on my tombstone
when I die in about two seconds.

56
00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:48,418
[screams]

57
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,918
I got it! I got it! I--

58
00:02:51,001 --> 00:02:53,668
[siren blaring]

59
00:02:53,751 --> 00:02:56,293
At least I caught that ball.

60
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,418
Oh, you certainly did…
not in any way catch that ball.

61
00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:01,543
[announcer] Not only did Prince Fichael
lose the game

62
00:03:01,626 --> 00:03:03,209
by not making the easiest catch ever,

63
00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:05,834
but he handed victory to the Wendigo.

64
00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:08,168
In accordance with Adoraball rules,

65
00:03:08,251 --> 00:03:10,709
Czar Renzo must now
grant the Wendigo a wish,

66
00:03:10,793 --> 00:03:13,251
which can only end badly for all of us.

67
00:03:13,334 --> 00:03:15,834
Congrats, Fichael, on being the MVP.

68
00:03:15,918 --> 00:03:19,001
Motherfucking Vile Peckerhead.

69
00:03:19,084 --> 00:03:22,793
[stutters] I don't understand
how I dropped that pass.

70
00:03:22,876 --> 00:03:25,751
I remember practicing for hours
with my dad.

71
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:27,834
[sweet dreamy music plays]

72
00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:32,334
There's a simple explanation, Fichael.

73
00:03:32,418 --> 00:03:33,459
That memory is fake.

74
00:03:33,543 --> 00:03:37,001
Renzo asked me to implant it
into your head using a memory gun.

75
00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:40,043
I don't understand. Why would he do that?

76
00:03:40,126 --> 00:03:42,501
I'm guessing so he wouldn't
have to spend time with you.

77
00:03:42,584 --> 00:03:44,751
I mean, you are a hall-of-fame MVP.

78
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:46,501
But I do apologize, Fichael,

79
00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:49,418
and I promise
that's the only unethical thing I've done.

80
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,834
-Visiting hours are over.
-Thanks, fat Scootie.

81
00:03:51,918 --> 00:03:56,126
Wait a minute, did that fat, white dude
just have my old head for a head?!

82
00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:57,334
Hmm. Yes, funny story.

83
00:03:57,418 --> 00:03:58,834
After your head got cut off,

84
00:03:58,918 --> 00:04:01,459
I was able to flip it
for a little scratch on the black market.

85
00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,126
Just like I did
with all your other human parts.

86
00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:05,584
Barry, that's fucked up!

87
00:04:05,668 --> 00:04:09,001
Not as fucked up as using science
to change a child's memory.

88
00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:12,793
I am not going to say it again.
He was an 18-year-old dwarf!

89
00:04:13,793 --> 00:04:15,543
[adventurous music playing]

90
00:04:29,209 --> 00:04:31,209
♪ Farzar ♪

91
00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:41,043
Dearest, tonight, I was thinking
we could try something different,

92
00:04:41,126 --> 00:04:43,001
making love with the lights on.

93
00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:45,251
Okay, let me put on some protection.

94
00:04:46,751 --> 00:04:48,793
No blindfolds!

95
00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:50,668
How about eclipse glasses?

96
00:04:50,751 --> 00:04:54,918
No! I want you to gaze
upon my lustful flesh.

97
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:56,084
[trilling]

98
00:04:56,168 --> 00:04:57,543
-[grunts]
-Ah!

99
00:04:57,626 --> 00:04:59,043
I looked directly at it.

100
00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:02,584
[groans] You're as mushy
as a microwaved french fry.

101
00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:06,126
Are you still stressed
about your war with Bazarack?

102
00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:09,543
Yeah. Bazarack's the reason
my pecker's playing possum.

103
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,709
Not because your body
looks like an overused candle.

104
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:15,501
I will not stand for this.
I will write Bazarack a letter.

105
00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:19,584
It's high time I gave that alien
a piece of my mind.

106
00:05:19,668 --> 00:05:21,709
Uh, Flammy, we have pens.

107
00:05:21,793 --> 00:05:24,543
What do you mean? This is a pen.

108
00:05:24,626 --> 00:05:29,584
Uh, Shady Acreon, get the room ready.
We have reached dementia level titty pen.

109
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:34,001
Dad, we need to… What the heck?

110
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,334
See what you've got me into, Fichael?

111
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:39,334
I've been granting Wendigo wishes
all goddamn day.

112
00:05:39,418 --> 00:05:40,293
[growls]

113
00:05:40,376 --> 00:05:42,668
Excuse me.
Wendigo wants me to Boot Scoot Boogie.

114
00:05:42,751 --> 00:05:44,834
[country music plays]

115
00:05:47,959 --> 00:05:50,626
I thought the Wendigo
is only entitled to one wish.

116
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:51,959
I told him that.

117
00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:55,876
I also told him there was a rule that
he couldn't wish for unlimited wishes.

118
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:58,626
So this clever motherfucker
wished for ten billion wishes.

119
00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:00,793
Why couldn't you catch that damn ball?

120
00:06:00,876 --> 00:06:05,376
I shouldn't have even been on that field!
Why would you give me a fake memory?

121
00:06:05,459 --> 00:06:09,251
We had so many actual great times together
when I was growing up.

122
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:11,709
Like the time
you taught me how to ride a bike.

123
00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:14,876
Attaboy, Fichael. Keep pedaling.
You're doing it.

124
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:19,626
You're the best son a bicycle could have.

125
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:27,709
Wait, why does that memory end
with a production card?

126
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:30,584
Oh my God. Did you fake that one too?

127
00:06:30,668 --> 00:06:32,626
Do you know how many times I got beat up

128
00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:36,543
for telling kids
my dad could turn into a flying bicycle?

129
00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:39,834
None. I put those memories in too,
to build character.

130
00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:44,376
Are any of my memories real?
What about that time I almost drowned?

131
00:06:44,459 --> 00:06:46,834
Hold on, son, I'll save you.

132
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,126
I love you, Dad.

133
00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:49,751
I love you too, son.

134
00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:54,001
Almost as much as I love the dual zone
climate control on the new Lexus RX.

135
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,376
Yeah, I'm pretty fucking great.

136
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:59,293
Experience amazing at your Lexus dealer.

137
00:06:59,793 --> 00:07:03,459
You sold ad space in my memory?

138
00:07:03,543 --> 00:07:07,168
Is that why I'm currently paying leases
on 32 Lexuses?

139
00:07:07,251 --> 00:07:09,334
And because it's got
smart park technology.

140
00:07:09,418 --> 00:07:10,293
[growls]

141
00:07:10,376 --> 00:07:13,626
Great. Now the goddamn Wendigo
wants a Lexus.

142
00:07:13,709 --> 00:07:16,584
Or a hand job.
I'm not fucking fluent in Wendigo.

143
00:07:18,918 --> 00:07:19,751
[beeping]

144
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:22,709
Ah, at last,
time for my afternoon delight.

145
00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:25,793
Checking out Mommy's bubbly beave.

146
00:07:25,876 --> 00:07:26,709
Hey, Barry.

147
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:29,834
What is this? Where's Mother?
She's never been out of the shower!

148
00:07:29,918 --> 00:07:32,126
Well, she's not getting back in the shower

149
00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:34,959
unless you help me
get my human parts back.

150
00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:36,126
Fine. I'll do it.

151
00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:38,793
Just get Mother back in the shower
before she dries out.

152
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,459
Don't worry. She's fine.

153
00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:49,501
I sold your legs to that guy. He said
they'd make him better at basketball.

154
00:07:49,584 --> 00:07:53,334
Hey. Why did you assume my legs
would make you better at basketball?

155
00:07:53,418 --> 00:07:55,334
Uh, because I was born without legs.

156
00:07:55,418 --> 00:07:59,209
Oh. Oh, sorry. I just can't stand it
when people reinforce racial stereotypes.

157
00:07:59,293 --> 00:08:02,959
Now give me them legs
before I bust a cap in your ass.

158
00:08:03,043 --> 00:08:04,418
And there's your heart.

159
00:08:09,334 --> 00:08:10,251
Doctor, that's a--

160
00:08:10,334 --> 00:08:13,709
Don't say anything.
I want to get out of here by six.

161
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:16,834
-So, uh, who'd you sell my ass to?
-That guy.

162
00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:20,543
Ooh, all the ladies love
Donnie Double Ass.

163
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,626
Ooh, I'm living the two-ass dream.

164
00:08:23,709 --> 00:08:26,584
One for shits and one for giggles.

165
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:30,459
Ooh, now who wants
to hear me fart in stereo?

166
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,918
Ah! Me! I wanna hear that shit!

167
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:35,168
Honey, you remember Barry Barris.

168
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:38,709
He's the kind man
who sold us the new arm for our son.

169
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,043
[babbling]

170
00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:41,959
You're one fucked-up dude, Barry.

171
00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:45,793
We better get that off before that baby
starts teething and I end up in prison.

172
00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:49,793
When I pull this lever,

173
00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:53,126
your consciousness will be transferred
back into your human self.

174
00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:55,459
Ooh, I can't wait to be human again!

175
00:08:59,251 --> 00:09:01,834
Ha ha! I'm back! It worked!

176
00:09:01,918 --> 00:09:04,209
Nah! No, it didn't. I'm still here!

177
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,751
Oopsie. Looks like I hit copy paste
instead of cut paste,

178
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:11,459
which means that your consciousness
now exists in both bodies.

179
00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:14,501
Wow. This raises
some major philosophical questions

180
00:09:14,584 --> 00:09:15,959
about the nature of existence.

181
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:19,126
-Well, good luck with that shit.
-Hey, you can't leave us like this!

182
00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:20,918
Hey, I did my best.

183
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:23,084
If you don't like it,
you can kiss my asses.

184
00:09:25,501 --> 00:09:27,418
[ominous music plays]

185
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,793
Master, we could easily
take the human city

186
00:09:29,876 --> 00:09:31,501
now that I've invented this.

187
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:32,876
It's a tetracarbon suit

188
00:09:32,959 --> 00:09:36,668
that allows the wearer to literally walk
through the dome's protective barrier.

189
00:09:36,751 --> 00:09:38,876
Oh. May I see that, please?

190
00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:40,501
Your plan sucks wet shit!

191
00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:48,209
You know, maybe if you brought me an idea
as good as my idea for the idea furnace,

192
00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:52,251
all of your ideas wouldn't have to go
into the goddamn idea furnace!

193
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,334
[grunting]

194
00:09:56,001 --> 00:10:00,334
Drop it. You drop that mail, Gorpzorp.
Goddamn it, stop eating the mail!

195
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:01,751
Bad scientist!

196
00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:07,751
"Dear Bazarack, it's me, Flammy the Queen,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

197
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:11,584
"I command you to leave my husband alone."

198
00:10:11,668 --> 00:10:15,209
"It's taking a horrible toll
on our love life."

199
00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:17,584
Sir, there's dissent
within the royal bedroom.

200
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:20,834
Renzo is distracted.
We can seize power by simply--

201
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:23,293
Writing the queen a love letter,
courting her,

202
00:10:23,376 --> 00:10:26,334
blowing her back out,
marrying her, and becoming czar!

203
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,584
[laughs]

204
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,751
Now, who knows pretty words?

205
00:10:31,459 --> 00:10:35,043
"Dearest Flammy, your beauty staggers me."

206
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,584
"I lie awake in this violet hour,

207
00:10:37,668 --> 00:10:42,084
tossing and turning,
longing for your tender touch."

208
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:45,918
Holy fucking shit. How'd you think of that
with your dumb dog brain?

209
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,001
Somebody get
this little fucker a Snausage.

210
00:10:48,084 --> 00:10:49,959
This letter is almost perfect.

211
00:10:50,043 --> 00:10:52,376
It just needs one more little thing.

212
00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:53,918
Yeah, all right.

213
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,626
Ah. The hard part's getting it centered.

214
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:57,626
Mm-hmm.

215
00:10:57,709 --> 00:10:59,751
A Polaroid of your anus?

216
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:02,959
Gots to show her what's on the menu.

217
00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:09,251
Then Steve was Black and Denzel was white
for the whole episode.

218
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:12,376
[laughing]

219
00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:15,418
Oh, shit, that show sounds terrible.

220
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:16,959
What are you doing here?

221
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,084
This is my work.

222
00:11:18,168 --> 00:11:20,668
This is my work. I'm Scootie.

223
00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:21,626
I'm Scootie!

224
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:24,334
Seems there's only one way to settle this.

225
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:25,626
Dance competition!

226
00:11:25,709 --> 00:11:27,709
[dance music playing]

227
00:11:38,751 --> 00:11:41,334
I think we have to give the robot dance

228
00:11:41,418 --> 00:11:43,001
to human Scootie.

229
00:11:43,084 --> 00:11:46,209
How can I not win that?
I'm literally a fucking robot!

230
00:11:46,293 --> 00:11:50,168
[scoffs] Exactly. He was dancing.
You were just moving.

231
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,501
Guys, come on.

232
00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:55,209
There's no reason that the S.H.A.T. Squad
can't have two Scooties

233
00:11:55,293 --> 00:11:57,126
and all do stuff together as a group.

234
00:11:57,209 --> 00:11:59,584
Cool by me.
And I've got just the perfect thing.

235
00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:02,168
Water park!

236
00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:08,668
Oh! This is awesome!

237
00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:12,584
That handsome motherfucker
knows if I get wet, I'll die.

238
00:12:12,668 --> 00:12:15,334
Looks like this planet
ain't big enough for two Scooties.

239
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,501
And I'm gonna have to kill

240
00:12:18,084 --> 00:12:19,043
myself.

241
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:20,459
[suspenseful chord plays]

242
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:23,209
Uh, your kid's not tall enough
for the slide.

243
00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,876
He's not a kid!

244
00:12:24,959 --> 00:12:28,668
He's an 18-year-old dwarf
who I perform oral sex on.

245
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:30,376
What's wrong with you people?

246
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,168
This came for you, Prince Fichael.

247
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:36,918
Now I've got my own memory gun.

248
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:40,459
Gonna teach my dad a lesson
for messing with my head, man!

249
00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:45,668
My Pantene!
Oh, I've loved this stuff ever since…

250
00:12:45,751 --> 00:12:49,043
So you're Fichael's prom date.
Tell me a little about yourself.

251
00:12:49,126 --> 00:12:52,793
Pantene, for hair so healthy it shines.

252
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:54,043
I like her, Fichael.

253
00:12:54,126 --> 00:12:56,293
Now I know her bottle says two-in-one,

254
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,918
but maybe she'll let you put one in two.

255
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:02,418
Uh, what does that mean, Dad?

256
00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:05,334
-Don't overthink it.
-I'm just trying to think it.

257
00:13:08,459 --> 00:13:10,501
This came for you, Your Majesty.

258
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,168
Oh, my. A love letter!

259
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:18,668
Plus a Polaroid
of his straight-up asshole!

260
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:20,668
[gasps] How romantic.

261
00:13:20,751 --> 00:13:22,001
But what should I do?

262
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:23,959
I still love Renzo.

263
00:13:24,043 --> 00:13:27,376
When is the last time
Renzo wrote you a love letter?

264
00:13:27,459 --> 00:13:29,751
Or sent you a pic of his asshole?

265
00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:32,918
Good point, Fork. What should I do?

266
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:37,584
♪ It's time to cheat, cheat, cheat
On your limp dick spouse ♪

267
00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:40,751
♪ It's time to get to smashing
Flames of passion have been doused ♪

268
00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:42,501
♪ Who are you? You're the queen! ♪

269
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,251
♪ Every man should munch your bean ♪

270
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,501
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

271
00:13:45,584 --> 00:13:46,709
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

272
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,084
Whoa, Mom, what are you doing?

273
00:13:49,168 --> 00:13:51,459
Wait a minute.
Did you take your brain pills today?

274
00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:53,751
These eggs told me not to.

275
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,959
Oh my God, it's worse than I thought.

276
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:59,876
How many times do I have to tell you eggs?
Stop giving my mother medical advice!

277
00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:06,626
-Let me guess. Another Wendigo wish?
-Nah, we're just hanging out.

278
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:09,168
-What do you want?
-Mm. Payback.

279
00:14:09,251 --> 00:14:11,793
I had a feeling this day would come.

280
00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:13,168
Let's do this.

281
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:14,626
[showdown music plays]

282
00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:27,793
Remember, your waiter said,
"Enjoy your meal." You said, "You too!"

283
00:14:27,876 --> 00:14:32,001
No! That was so embarrassing.
He wasn't even eating.

284
00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:34,709
Remember last week
when your dick fell off?

285
00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:37,668
Ah! My cock is gone!

286
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,876
Oh, it grew back.

287
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:42,251
Remember when you sneezed at Home Depot,
a booger came out and you ate it

288
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:44,418
and the head
of the paint department saw you?

289
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:56,168
Remember that you're a…

290
00:14:56,251 --> 00:14:57,293
[stutters]

291
00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:58,876
Shit. A stapler!

292
00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:03,126
Dad, are you okay?

293
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:05,876
I'm not your dad. I'm Cachunkachunk.

294
00:15:05,959 --> 00:15:09,751
That's my name, and the sound I make,
'cause I'm a goddamn stapler.

295
00:15:10,251 --> 00:15:12,168
[ominous music plays]

296
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,793
Curse you, you vomitus slut!

297
00:15:14,876 --> 00:15:16,043
[grunting]

298
00:15:16,126 --> 00:15:17,959
No, not the devil's mist!

299
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,668
Oh, what's this?

300
00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:21,043
Hmm.

301
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:24,459
Flammy liked my letter
and poop chute Polaroid

302
00:15:24,543 --> 00:15:26,418
and she's coming here!

303
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:28,918
Sir, I worry that this is a trap.

304
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:30,251
Oh, shut up.

305
00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:32,834
I'm the expert on women here.

306
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:35,084
Real quick, how do humans have sex?

307
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,876
[sighs] The same way that aliens have sex.

308
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,251
Right.

309
00:15:39,751 --> 00:15:41,709
Real quick, how do aliens have sex?

310
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:42,668
[sighs]

311
00:15:42,751 --> 00:15:44,584
Well, don't do it in front of me!

312
00:15:44,668 --> 00:15:46,418
That wasn't sex, sir.

313
00:15:46,501 --> 00:15:49,043
So this is her vagina.

314
00:15:49,126 --> 00:15:50,293
Mm-hmm.

315
00:15:50,376 --> 00:15:51,918
And that goes up my butt?

316
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,876
Who's the bag of stale bagels?

317
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:57,084
That's Queen Flammy, sir.

318
00:15:57,168 --> 00:15:58,834
Bagels because you're hot,

319
00:15:58,918 --> 00:16:01,293
and you smell like onions,

320
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,793
and you're covered with little seeds.

321
00:16:03,876 --> 00:16:04,709
I don't know.

322
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:08,918
Is there some place we can be alone?

323
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:12,668
Sir, perhaps you would prefer
to stay in my sight, for safety?

324
00:16:12,751 --> 00:16:13,626
Ew!

325
00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:15,709
Clitaris, you nasty perv.

326
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:19,334
How am I supposed to bump fuglies with you
in the corner pulling on your wing-wang?

327
00:16:19,418 --> 00:16:22,959
Let's get out of here
before he starts flinging his goop at us.

328
00:16:23,043 --> 00:16:24,709
[romantic jazz playing]

329
00:16:24,793 --> 00:16:26,043
[moaning]

330
00:16:26,126 --> 00:16:27,959
Oh. [chuckles]

331
00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:30,293
I'm having some trouble
unhooking your bra.

332
00:16:30,376 --> 00:16:33,751
Oh, I'm not wearing a bra.
Those are skin tags.

333
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:34,876
I think I'm-- [gags]

334
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:39,126
I think it's time I took my teeth out,
if you know what I mean.

335
00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:41,626
Oh, is that a sex thing? Great.

336
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,043
Yeah, let's lose the chompers.

337
00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:45,959
Ow!

338
00:16:46,043 --> 00:16:48,834
Ooh. Seventeen magazine was right.

339
00:16:48,918 --> 00:16:51,126
Sex does hurt the first time.

340
00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:55,126
Ah. Beautiful night, huh?

341
00:16:55,209 --> 00:16:58,376
Fuck off, Clitaris.
Can't you see I'm having sex?

342
00:16:58,459 --> 00:17:00,459
[moaning]

343
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:03,709
My, my, my, isn't that a beefy cock?

344
00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:04,959
What the fuck?

345
00:17:05,043 --> 00:17:08,793
-Your balls look like Clitaris?
-Maybe I should leave you two alone.

346
00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:10,709
Will you stay away from us?

347
00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:13,709
I'm trying to find out what happens
when she takes her teeth out.

348
00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:16,293
Do they go up my butt
like her vagina does?

349
00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:20,501
Barry, you gotta help me.

350
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:23,459
-What seems to be the problem?
-Staple, staple, staple.

351
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:27,418
What the fuck are you doing here,
you son of a bitch?

352
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:29,084
All I do is create.

353
00:17:29,168 --> 00:17:32,001
All you do is destroy.

354
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,626
I think I scrambled his brain
with a memory gun

355
00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:36,668
and now he thinks he's a stapler.

356
00:17:37,501 --> 00:17:40,168
I got it. I shrink you down
to the size of a microbe,

357
00:17:40,251 --> 00:17:41,834
then beam you into your father's brain,

358
00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:44,668
where you eradicate
all his memories of being a stapler.

359
00:17:44,751 --> 00:17:46,084
Have you done this before?

360
00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:47,459
Only with chipmunks.

361
00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:49,043
-Did it work?
-I think so.

362
00:17:49,126 --> 00:17:51,709
They still live inside my head
and tell me what to say.

363
00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:53,709
-Why would you say that?
-[alarm blares]

364
00:17:53,793 --> 00:17:56,126
-I don't know. I panicked.
-Act normal! Act normal!

365
00:17:56,209 --> 00:18:00,376
Fichael, I love you. Be my grandpa.
We can marry a pig and lick a fence post.

366
00:18:01,918 --> 00:18:05,626
Anyway, when I pull this lever, you'll be
transported into your father's brain.

367
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,668
Because of science
or some fucking bullshit,

368
00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:10,209
you'll have five minutes
to eradicate Renzo's stapler memories

369
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:12,501
and get out
before you return to normal size.

370
00:18:12,584 --> 00:18:14,043
Got it? Good.

371
00:18:20,418 --> 00:18:21,876
-Who are you?
-Uh… [clears throat]

372
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:23,751
Uh, memory inspector.

373
00:18:23,834 --> 00:18:25,209
Yes, of course.

374
00:18:25,293 --> 00:18:29,001
Let me show you some of my memories.
Here's the happiest day of my life.

375
00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:31,293
Pick me! Pick me!

376
00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:36,001
Well, you never seemed
this happy as my dad.

377
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:38,959
Maybe you were meant to be
Cachunkachunk the Stapler.

378
00:18:39,459 --> 00:18:41,168
What's that over there?

379
00:18:43,376 --> 00:18:47,084
I only want the best childhood for Fichael
and I don't know what I'm doing.

380
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,834
I'm scared to death
because I don't know how to be a good dad.

381
00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:51,918
I think I have the perfect solution.

382
00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:53,459
I'm not gonna kill him!

383
00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:57,084
Okay, misread the room.
How about a memory gun?

384
00:18:57,168 --> 00:19:02,876
Yes. I'm going to work day and night
to write the perfect childhood for my son.

385
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:11,959
I'm sorry, Cachunkachunk,
but you gotta go. I want my real dad back.

386
00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:14,293
Fuck you! I like being a stapler. Cachunk!

387
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:15,751
Ah!

388
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,168
Cachunk! Cachunk! Cachunk!

389
00:19:17,251 --> 00:19:20,959
Oh, shit, I'm jammed.
No, stop it! Staplers don't bend that far.

390
00:19:21,043 --> 00:19:22,584
My tiny springs will pop!

391
00:19:23,084 --> 00:19:25,251
[automated voice]
Five seconds until enlargement.

392
00:19:25,334 --> 00:19:27,501
The first warning is five seconds?

393
00:19:31,459 --> 00:19:33,126
My goodness, that was close.

394
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:34,834
But I do believe it worked.

395
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,751
Where's my boot?

396
00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:40,918
I think I found it, you goddamn MVP.

397
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,251
Die, me!

398
00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:50,543
[New Scootie]
I knew you were gonna do that.

399
00:19:50,626 --> 00:19:53,126
-Ah!
-I knew you were gonna do that.

400
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,668
I knew you knew I was gonna do that.

401
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:58,418
Well, I knew you knew I knew…

402
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:01,334
You know what? Can we just fight
to the death without narrating this shit?

403
00:20:01,418 --> 00:20:04,043
Fine, whatever.
I knew you were gonna say that.

404
00:20:04,126 --> 00:20:06,126
[suspenseful music plays]

405
00:20:07,376 --> 00:20:09,418
Just give up. You're not the real Scootie.

406
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:12,043
Your consciousness was uploaded.
You're just a copy.

407
00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:13,751
You're not the real Scootie either.

408
00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:16,418
Your consciousness was uploaded too,
years ago.

409
00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:18,876
So if neither of us is the real Scootie,

410
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:20,501
where is the real Scootie?

411
00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:25,793
[screaming]

412
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,626
So if I'm not real, what am I?

413
00:20:28,709 --> 00:20:30,126
Do I even have a soul?

414
00:20:30,209 --> 00:20:31,418
Should I even exist?

415
00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:33,751
If I'm dead, I shouldn't even be here.

416
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,543
[whimpers] Goodbye, cruel world.

417
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:40,043
You didn't see that shit coming, did you?
[laughs]

418
00:20:40,126 --> 00:20:42,834
Real Scootie, if you up there,
I'll see you one day.

419
00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:46,334
Man, hell sucks. They gave me two asses,
but they're both for giggles.

420
00:20:46,418 --> 00:20:47,334
I can't shit.

421
00:20:48,584 --> 00:20:50,126
I never wanted to hurt you, son.

422
00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:51,834
I just didn't want to screw up.

423
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,918
I don't care about you screwing up, Dad.

424
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:57,834
I just care that we're making
wonderful, real memories together.

425
00:20:58,584 --> 00:21:00,334
Oh boy, son. Reel it in.

426
00:21:00,418 --> 00:21:01,876
Easy. Whoa.

427
00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:04,251
Look like you caught yourself
a seven-seater.

428
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:08,501
This is the best real,
definitely-not-fake day I've ever had.

429
00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:12,209
Oh, how did I get so lucky
to have a dad like you?

430
00:21:12,293 --> 00:21:14,751
I don't know, Fichael.
Maybe you're born with it.

431
00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:16,376
And maybe it's Maybelline.

432
00:21:22,334 --> 00:21:26,043
Oh, I'm so glad we're finally alone.
[chuckles]

433
00:21:26,126 --> 00:21:28,001
Yeah. Me too.

434
00:21:28,084 --> 00:21:30,293
Now, let's get to knocking them boots.

435
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,876
-[Clitaris grunts]
-No, enough. Get out of here!

436
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,418
[stutters] But, sir--

437
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:35,334
No buts!

438
00:21:35,418 --> 00:21:36,459
The only butts here

439
00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:39,376
are the ones me
and that petrified piece of pigeon pie

440
00:21:39,459 --> 00:21:40,959
are gonna be mashing together.

441
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:42,959
'Cause that's a thing in sex, right?

442
00:21:43,043 --> 00:21:46,001
Butt mashing? Anyhow, fucking beat it!

443
00:21:48,543 --> 00:21:50,543
[moaning]

444
00:21:53,543 --> 00:21:55,543
And there go the teeth!

445
00:21:55,626 --> 00:21:58,751
Finally, I get to see what happens next.

446
00:21:58,834 --> 00:22:00,709
Oh my God, is that a dildo?

447
00:22:00,793 --> 00:22:02,543
No, you moron.

448
00:22:02,626 --> 00:22:04,584
I didn't come here to have sex with you.

449
00:22:04,668 --> 00:22:06,501
I came here to kill you,

450
00:22:06,584 --> 00:22:09,793
so I could finally have sex
with my husband again.

451
00:22:09,876 --> 00:22:11,001
Wait, what?

452
00:22:11,084 --> 00:22:12,418
[gun whirs]

453
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:14,209
Master, no!

454
00:22:19,126 --> 00:22:20,334
Seize her!

455
00:22:20,918 --> 00:22:23,834
Thanks for the butthole pic, sucker!

456
00:22:25,251 --> 00:22:27,209
Sir, I'm not going to make it.

457
00:22:27,293 --> 00:22:30,834
My dying wish
is for you to unite the alien clans

458
00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:35,043
and reclaim our glorious planet
once and for all.

459
00:22:35,126 --> 00:22:40,001
I'll do it. I'll kill every last one
of those disgusting humans.

460
00:22:40,084 --> 00:22:46,459
I swear here and now
that I will avenge you, Guitar Piss.

461
00:22:46,543 --> 00:22:49,251
Did you just call me "Guitar Piss"?

462
00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:51,084
Uh, that's your name, right?

463
00:22:51,168 --> 00:22:54,084
[groans]

464
00:22:54,168 --> 00:22:57,293
That… Wait a minute, that's…
That's his name, right?

465
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,668
Guitar Piss?

466
00:23:00,168 --> 00:23:01,418
Don't say anything.

467
00:23:01,501 --> 00:23:03,626
I want to get out of here by six.

468
00:23:03,709 --> 00:23:05,626
[adventurous music playing]