[Fastball Frank] Oh, no, no, no, caller.
You're wrong as lace panties on a hog in hot number two.
That kid's got bright-lights-big-leagues- scrape-your-jaw-off-the-turf talent
with a heart true as grandma's gravy.
And I'll eat a zone-catcher's gym sock if he doesn't come out tonight
pitching nuke-the-town heat.
That's right, Vistaville.
You're talking Volts' Jetball with Fastball Frank on WYBS.
[radio jingle speaker] Show your queen who rules the scene
with Marvin, Vistaville's HoverCar King...
Joe. You look spiffy. Big plans today?
I'm trying out this new day job, actually. It's a-- It's a pretty great opportunity.
It won't interfere with my shifts, though. I promise.
I see. Your life, your business.
It's in sales.
Kind of a big change, but with Ma's hospital bills and everything I...
- [mumbles] - Sales, huh?
I never figured you for the greedy, shifty type.
But hey, you go get 'em, hotshot.
And if you're not a millionaire by tonight,
I got another shipment you can hump.
Right. Well, thank you, Mr. Hartoonian. I knew you'd understand.
- [scoffs] - [door chime rings]
There's absolutely no reason for alarm. Stop.
[device whirs]
Up here, today's a day like any other, spirits are sky-high. Stop.
Of course, minor launch delays are a natural part
of any growing Lunar operation. Stop.
Funds are out to your sales managers to cover any refunds,
but we trust that you'll keep our customers' eyes
on tomorrow's smiles, not today's delay.
Sincerely, new line, Stanley Jenkins, comma, Brightside Lunar HQ.
Morning, Boss. Ready for your shave, plus cooling lotion?
[Jack sighs] Goddamn it!
Not today!
[sighs]
To all account managers, new line. For immediate action.
Oh. Usually, I'm the first one down.
Oh. Textbook desperation-punctuality. Look at him eating his eggs.
Like a born nobody going nowhere.
Hey. Big morning for ya, huh, there...
- Mmm. - ...uh... [clicks tongue] ...uh, Jerry?
Joey. Uh, and it's nice to see you guys again.
Call me Mr. Nickels, and that's Mr. Porter.
[smacks lips] So, you ever sold anything before, Son?
Oh, no. I've mostly just worked in groceries.
Retail? Wow. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
[stammers] You know, you really blink a lot when you talk.
Might wanna work on that, seriously.
Some say it gives the unconscious idea that-- that you're half a perv.
- [Herb] Mm-hmm. - That's a free tip.
Tip I was going to say is,
how the customer is always the most important thing,
and never push them, but never take no for an answer.
'Cause at the end of the day, what comes first is always the Brightside.
- Uh-huh? [laughs] - Uh-huh. [laughs]
[Jack] What a morning! Right, Shirl?
Wire came in for ya.
[Shirley] Listen to this from the moon.
Jenkins says no launches till next quarter.
That's cash to refund whoever wants out.
Goddamn it! We're out there giving people our word.
Our bosses turned us into a bunch of liars.
And I got a day's worth of no-fun calls, letting everyone know it.
Well, you make a root canal sound like great news.
Then how does this sound? Those leads are limp.
We need to move on from Vistaville or find a way to cast a wider net.
- Now, I was thinking-- - Enough with the wide-net talk.
We're juggling the whole fruit bowl as is. And you know, great salesmen--
Make their own turf.
More like I make the turf. But it's a nice saying.
I've seen worse. Ah, here's one. Give the new kid half a shot.
You're gonna burn a good lead on a kid you just met?
We both know he's not closing anything today.
Oh, wow. We're gonna have a hell of a day proving you wrong.
Sometimes you're like talking to a brick wall, Jack.
World's made out of brick walls, Shirl.
Hey, have you seen this?
[button clicks]
[device chimes]
Jack, it's Sal from Silver Creek.
My oldest, Nina,
and then this little rascal, Vinny.
He's trouble, just like Gramps. I just can't wait to get up to the moon.
We've got the whole clan back together again thanks to you.
I'm forever grateful to you, Jack. Take care.
Cute kid.
[chuckles] Kind of makes all that talk about refunds
- and wide nets seem pretty silly, right? - [sighs]
He gets to be a dad again. And we did that for him.
- What's better than that? - [clicks tongue, inhales sharply]
[chuckles]
- [chuckles] - [Eddie] Heya, Boss.
- [Herb] Can't wait to get started today. - That's a new suit, isn't it?
- Looking sharp. - Yeah. Good morning, fellas.
Ah, God, great to see the three of you together.
Some leads for ya.
And I think I will ride with Joe today, maybe learn a thing or two.
[laughs] Great one, Mr. Billings.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Are these today's leads,
or are they rejected obituaries for being too depressing?
- Now, don't tell me you're scared. - [Herb] Don't you be afraid, Joey.
Remember, you will never be worse at this job than you are today.
Oh, he's not afraid. He's, uh--
He's, uh-- Oh. Huh.
Oh, no, it's, uh... [exhales deeply] ...it-it's fine.
- Um, it's actually wiping out just great. - No, no. Hey, don't sweat it, kid.
[chuckles] Most mornings, I'm much worse.
And I got an extra that'll go great with that suit.
Let's leave these guys here to gripe without us.
- [Joey] Thanks. - For the record, I had no gripes!
Uh, shut up, Herb.
Here. I saved you boys a decent one.
Pull yourself out of the hole, Ed.
Oh, God bless you, Shirl.
You're like one of those furry dogs in the snow with the booze thing around its neck.
Yeah. Maybe you can remind Jack that this is a business, not a day care.
- Yeah, gladly. Come on, come on. - [grunts]
[electronic voice] Have a wonderful morning.
Did you look at the--
Thanks again for the loaner, Mr. Billings.
- Five bucks you call me that again. - [sighs]
All right. Deal, Jack.
Oh. The tie was my old man's. It looks pretty good on you.
Hey, you ready to take your first swing?
[stammers] Uh, sure. But I'm not gonna watch you do it first?
What, and get twice as nervous waiting?
[stammers] No, no, no. I-I just mean, um, I read up on everything that you gave me.
I-I-I just-- I don't, uh, I don't-- [gasps]
You're gonna do great, kid.
Okay? This is not half as hard as asking out a girl.
- And who's any good at that? [chuckles] - [chuckles] All right, fair enough.
Um, well, how about your first time behind the wheel?
Oh. I wouldn't really know about that.
Well, what have you been doing with yourself, Joe? [chuckles]
Ah, we-- Hey, no.
You ever play ball and, uh, you face a full count,
you swing for the fences... [inhales sharply]
Watched a lot more than I played, I guess.
We got a bush league team over here. The-- The Volts. [inhales shakily]
Oh, wait. You don't say. [chuckling]
What do you mean?
And here, why, I wasn't even thinking you're a fan.
No, no, I'm-- I'm a pretty big fan, actually.
Oh, well, I got us all tickets this morning.
Uh, front row, right behind home zone.
Tonight?
[breathes shakily] It's game two of the semis.
Um... [clicks tongue, chuckles] ...Higgins is pitching.
- Well, yeah, exactly. - [chuckles]
Only I was gonna tell you later, like as a congrats on a great first day.
- Cat's out of the bag. - [laughs] Yeah.
Wow, Jack! I mean, I-I don't know if I deserve it yet,
but I-I-I promise I'm gonna earn it.
Okay.
Well, then let's rip this Band-Aid off and make a salesman out of you.
All right. [breathes deeply] Okay. Yeah, here goes.
[doorbell rings]
[baby crying]
Can I help you?
Hi, yes. Uh, I'm Joey Shorter. Uh--
- With, uh, Brightside Lunar Residences. - [children chattering]
Um, you know, ma'am, uh,
a lot of people today aren't actually even aware
of the kinds of opportunities, uh, that are available to them
in terms of the, um, uh, new kind of life that you could actually afford.
[chuckles] Well, maybe you've got your hands a little full
with that little angel there. We could come back?
- Sure, sure. - Great. Thanks.
Y'all two gentlemen have a nice day.
Well, you have a nice day too, ma'am. It's a beautiful fam-- Beautiful--
That was worse than I thought.
Hey.
It's great that you're tough on yourself, but...
that might have been the best first shot I've ever seen.
[resident] Marv, hon! You gotta see this!
Let's show Private Brownnoser
what grown men can do with a choice lead, shall we?
No need for a pep talk, Ed. I try my best no matter what.
This is perfect timing, really. How soon can we go?
A woman who knows what she wants. Earth's finest, rarest creature.
Check out that Jacuzzi.
Now, picture you, some swank bit of swimwear--
[Marvin] What couldn't wait?
And who let in these bums?
Hon, you're gonna flip.
All those promises about getting away together,
somewhere nice where we can be alone.
I found us the perfect place.
[Herb] I know, Mr. Mayburn. But most difficult decisions in my life,
my wife always has the exact right answer.
Uh, I should also mention we have time-shares available
for the occasional escapade. No big commitment,
- you sneak in a little bit of fun. - [Marvin] I see.
I always thought it took movie-star money to get up there, no?
I don't do escapades, Marv. You said just us.
Exactly! A home you could both share together forever.
Or sometimes a real man likes to keep his options open affordably and discreetly.
- Are you six years old? - I'm not going to answer that.
Then how about laying back on this one, 'cause you're way in the dark here, okay?
[Cindy] You got a problem, Mister?
No, ma'am. No, ma'am. It's all--
It's hunky-dory with me. It's beautiful. It's-- It's natural. [clicks tongue]
[exclaims]
- No, sir, love's a many-splendored thing. - Get the hell out of my house, you creep.
- Can I-- - Get the hell out!
- Okay. - [Marvin] Now!
[Eddie sighs]
So, usually at lunch,
we do an update on all the things that are going really good.
I try to at least.
I didn't get in a single door.
Ooh, doctor, front-porch-itis. Possible terminal case.
Jack's been really nice, though. Hate to think that I'm letting him down.
[Herb] Probably are.
Not getting in the door is about the worst thing that you could do.
Said the drooling man-child who just botched a sure thing B-Plex.
I wouldn't give up on that lead, Ed.
Hey, remember that D-Plex that I sold to you?
What great things did I say then that might help you now?
Well, you were real knowledgeable.
And, uh...
it was more Jack's speech, honestly.
[stammers] Him calling Buck Manzell didn't hurt either.
[scoffs] One born every minute.
Who, me?
You really think that an American legend like Mr. Manzell is gonna hop on the phone
twice a week from his A-Plex just to sell for us?
It was actually prerecorded.
It's kind of, like, this trick that Jack does
to warm up the crowd. [chuckles]
That's sales, rookie.
Really sorry the Easter Bunny wasn't here to break that news to you.
No, I know.
Know what? Uh, you two can sit here chatting
like grannies at bingo.
I got units to move.
He's pretty hardworking, huh?
We all are.
I'm gonna finish my food fast, and get back out there. You should too.
[pants, scoffs] Look at you.
Ah, shit!
[Jack] Five behind home zone. Whatever it costs.
What exactly are we celebrating?
Hey, it's a ball game, Shirl. [chuckles]
You got hot dogs, happy families, fresh-cut grass.
You don't like that, something's wrong with you.
And, uh, get some popcorn for the boys with the change. You too.
- Am I writing this off as an expense? - Course not. It's on me.
Spoke to most of our sales about the delay. Out of 48, we lost six.
[breathes heavily]
The Mitchells need to launch before the baby comes.
Figure try them back in a few months.
And the Pearlmans are worried there's no chiropractor.
Low gravity is great for the spine.
I'm trying to keep these folks happy, Jack.
But I call with bad news,
and they start imagining a million new problems.
But that's a great sign, Shirl.
They tell us their problems, they trust us enough to solve 'em.
The kid get inside a door even?
He will. And I'll tell you all about it at the game.
- If he doesn't? - Never thought about it.
That's why I have to.
How about if he doesn't, you let him go?
Get your mind back on sales.
[blows] That's pretty cold, Shirl.
But sure.
- I'll lay the house on him any day. - I got your word on that?
I'll shout it from the goddamn rafters if I have to.
You can't save everyone, Jack.
[dog barking]
We do welcome pets. [chuckles]
Here I am, laid off after 20 years taking it no grease,
and you wanna pinch what little I got left with this shined-up horseshit?
Well... [stammers] ...a man like you doing such hard work,
- I'm sure you earned a carefree getaway. - Not from you. Thanks.
Don't take it from me. I mean, just look at the numbers.
Tell me, do you own your home?
Why don't you tell me how many pencil-dick suits does it take
to screw a town of good people to death?
You've got us all wrong, Mister. I'm actually from Vistaville--
You're scum! Rotten bloodsuckers, all of youse!
- I'm sorry you feel-- - So he's scum with his ambition?
His bright future?
That's great advice coming from a ham-faced, slobbering drun-- [grunts]
[knocking on door]
Oh. You must be Mrs. Mayburn.
I am, but whatever you're selling, my husband handles all that. [chuckles]
Marvin.
Right. Have a nice day now.
Forgive me, ma'am, but...
are you totally sure
that this is as happy a home as you think it is?
Excuse me?
I know firsthand... [inhales deeply]
...that a loving marriage is built on trust.
So, if you're planning a getaway
or a fresh start somewhere very far away from here,
I would do my best to give you a great deal.
[scoffs] That's enough, thanks.
Are you familiar with a Cindy?
I met her. Here.
Earlier.
And all I could say is a woman of quality, like yourself,
deserves better.
[breathes shakily] Easy for you to say.
If it helps, he was ready to do the same thing to you.
Could be the escape you've always dreamed of.
[sighs]
Well, you know what? I learned a lot today.
There are gonna be more leads tomorrow, right?
You remember the grandma that you had earlier,
who begged off to get her cookies out of the oven? She liked you.
[stammers] I guess.
So, pretend that I'm her, okay? You just gave a good pitch.
The smell of cookies is drifting in from the kitchen.
Now I gotta go get 'em out of the oven before they burn. You're up.
[inhales deeply] Okay, uh, well, ma'am,
if I could just have another moment of your time--
No, no, no. They're burning right now. I just told you that.
Well, I'm happy to wait on the stoop until you get back--
Like a Peeping Tom? Oh, no thanks.
Trust me, ma'am, you don't know the opportunities
- that you're missing on the moon. - So now I'm stupid?
- I'm d-- - Smell the cookies, Joe!
Your grandchildren would have a great asset
- that you can leave to-- - Jesus!
[sighs]
[chuckles]
Smell 'em. And what do you say?
[gulps] Smells pretty good.
[sighs]
Pardon me, sonny? Little hard of hearing.
[stammers] The cookies smell great, ma'am.
Oh!
[chuckles] Wh-- What are-- What are they, chocolate chip?
Well, yes. Thank you for asking finally.
Now, would you like to come in and share one with me,
and sell me on my new life that I desperately need?
Because my husband is dead, my kids don't call,
and I spend my days baking cookies and eating them alone.
Do you think she's really that sad?
And if we don't help her, who will?
[chuckles] What if--
What if I didn't actually smell the cookies?
You better damn well find a way to smell 'em.
How about we try another one, okay?
Just get inside one door.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
[exhales sharply, grunts]
[Jack] Come on, kid.
Let's go, Joe.
Find a way.
Come on, Joe.
[laughs] Yeah! There he is!
That's my boy.
- [Eddie] Ow. - [gasps] The hell, Eddie?
- Ow. - Who are you hiding from?
What, is napping a criminal offense now?
So that solemn vow you made last night, all blubbering and naked,
how I'm the only bet you'll ever need, that didn't stick?
It stuck. And then it unstuck.
- Mmm. - What the--
Shirley, what-- what is this?
Maybe you're unfamiliar. It's money that hasn't been pissed away.
[Eddie] They let you hold bags that size, and you didn't tell me about it?
Yeah, don't get too aroused. It's refunds. They're pushing launches.
Sweet sadistic Christ. Are you kidding me?
Humble salesmen are already drowning.
Now they're gonna throw that turd in the pool?
Jack's taking the new kid to a ball game. We get to tag along.
Is that right?
Shir-- Shir-- Wait, Shirley?
I'm having a vision of me and that bag at a game at a wager window,
and many, if not all,
of my financial problems just valiantly solved.
Maybe we can find a better plan than you losing more money
that you don't have. Hmm?
[stadium crowd cheering]
[stadium announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to game two of the semifinals
- at Volt Park in Vistaville - [popping]
for tonight's match-up between the Denver Dynamos
- and the Vistaville Volts. - Mmm. [chuckles]
- [Jack] Look at these seats, right? - Yeah.
- Never been this close before. - [Jack] You earned this today.
Tore off the training wheels, never looked back.
Might have helped if I had actually made the sale.
Ah. Now, as your boss, I'm telling you to forget about all of that
and enjoy the game. Okay?
[sighs] Right.
Hey, guys? Great seats.
You know I played right zone in junior high, right? Nacho?
Watch hi-- Shirley, Shirl, watch Higgins' lateral.
Tell me that is not a game-botching hammy injury he is hiding at plus 160,
and us with a rare capital opportunity here.
You're hallucinating. He's just stretching.
[Eddie] What? Look at him.
[radio jingle speaker] Show your queen who rules the scene,
with a royal deal on high-class wheels.
Oh, this putz. In real life, this guy is unnervingly tall,
he two-times his wife,
and he's got a scraggly dusting of chest hair.
But he's the one rolling in dough.
[radio jingle speaker] Marvin, Vistaville's hovercar king.
"Great salesmen make their own turf."
What?
[chuckles]
Shir-- Where are you going?
Look at him, Herb, he's practically crippled.
Oh, gee-- I-- I forgot that thing in-- in Shirley's car.
[stadium announcer] ...melting NachoPole here.
Ah, you know what's missing? A couple of cold ones.
You want to come track down a BarBot with me?
- No, I'm fine. - None for me, thanks.
[Eddie sighs] Come on. Come on. Where's that damn car?
[Herb] Selling one would be a great next goal for you.
For now, you should be proud.
Getting in the door is a good step, considering how bad you were doing.
Hey, can I-- can I tell you something? Just between us?
Sure. I'm very trustworthy.
I didn't actually get in that door today.
I just paid the guy ten bucks to let me stand inside a while.
Why?
I don't know. For Jack, you know?
Well, you ended up lying to him, which is definitely worse.
Right, yeah. Feels that way.
Hey, Joey?
I can keep this a secret.
I'm just worried it's gonna hang over your head the rest of your career.
Hey, can you, um--
Do you think you could... [sighs] ...give this to Jack
when he gets back, and just tell him...
- [stammers] ...that I'm sorry? - [Herb] Sure thing.
[stadium announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the national anthem.
[national anthem playing]
[grunts]
[groans]
[grunts]
[sighs] Shit. Shit. [grunting]
Goddamn it, Shirl.
Come on.
- [umpire] Play ball. - [stadium crowd cheers]
No!
[stadium announcer] At the end of the fifth inning,
number 15, Johnny Zapp.
He got in a door, Shirl. Goddamn, did it.
You did right by him, Jack. Not your fault he's not ready.
[ball whirs]
- Third striker. You are out. - [crowd booing]
[advertising announcer] Three, two, one, blast off.
[Herb] Hey, that's our ad.
[advertising announcer] ...to a new beginning beyond the stars.
Goddamn, Shirl. That's how you spent it? The balls on you.
[advertising announcer] Brightside Lunar Residences are the new...
[Herb] Look at this crowd. Imagine if we sold all of them.
[advertising announcer] Our collection of fully furnished...
What do you say, Jack? Making our own turf.
You're way out of your depth.
Shirl, how are we supposed to handle this type of volume?
You got no clue how this is gonna play out.
[advertising announcer] Home is where the happiness is,
not the headaches. Where you're free--
[advertising announcer] ...easy to be your best.
To live, love and laugh, and leave the strains and stresses...
[glass shatters]
[Mr. Hartoonian] Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Well, that's not where I would have put 'em.
But hey, that's why God made mops.
[sighs]
Don't hurt yourself helping out too much there, Mr. Salesman.
Guess you hit the jackpot today, huh?
That's why you're still half asleep on the job.
- I can take care of this on my own. - Ooh, that bad out there, huh?
Well, I'm just glad you're back in real life.
Hope you can stay a while.
[sighs]
You know, the day went great, actually. I, uh, closed three before noon.
"One of the best days a rookie's had," my boss said.
Really? You pulling my leg?
[scoffs] Thanks for believing in me.
Oh, no. Hey, hey, not that.
And the company's really taking off.
You know, Jack says it's an opportunity for a real career.
[Mr. Hartoonian] You don't say.
I guess people must really be getting sick of life down here, huh?
[chuckles] Sure. Well, I mean, w-- Can you blame 'em?
I'll tell you one thing.
You're never gonna catch me in one of those rockets. [scoffs]
No, of course. Of course not.
Boy, I mean, you have your whole store here.
I mean, this place is your whole world.
[mumbles] Lemme tell ya,
you would not believe the rockets they have now. Oof.
Plush seats, cocktail waitresses.
Hey, I get it's not for you.
[movie playing through television]
[Marvin] Myrtle?
Hey! Myrtle?
[shouting] Myrtle!
[sighs]
[devices ringing]
[Joey] Hey, Jack! Look.
Joey, hey.
[stammers] I'm sorry that I cut out of the game early, but, um,
I just... [sighs] ...remembered I had this great lead to work.
I, uh, sold him a C-Plex.
[chuckles]
[both laughing]
I knew you had it, kid.
Everything it's ever going to take, you got it in you.
Well, I just did what you taught me. "Smell the cookies," basically. [chuckles]
How did-- How did it feel?
The best.
[chuckles] I never found anything to beat it.
[chuckles]
Hey, what's going on in there?
Well, we're about to have a big night.
- Yeah, I heard the ad on the radio. - Mm-hmm.
- It's pretty neat. - Mmm.
Aren't we gonna answer them?
Just waiting on a little help.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Hi, this is Joey Shorter
- with Brightside Lunar Residences. - [caller] Oh. Hello.
And how can I be of assistance, ma'am?
Absolutely, of course.
Now we have multiple plans that I'm sure you'll be over the moon about.
We have A-Plex, B-Plex or a C-Plex if you would prefer.
Of course, D-Plex is, uh, one that I started with, but honestly,
when I got up there, I knew that...
[speaks indistinctly]