[Sammy the Stork] Hi there. I'm out delivering smiles.
[machine beeping]
[Jack chuckles]
[Jack] So, how's the family, Bill?
Oh, the lousy brats and the human buzz saw? Kidding.
[laughs] Yeah, right.
Uh, what's it all for, right? All the hard work.
It sure as hell is not for me. [chuckles]
[Jack chuckles] All right,
so what's the old crystal ball machine got for me today, huh?
Back to the northeast? That's always been good turf for me.
- [Bill] Hmm, nice net last month. - Well, thank you.
It's the best January in years, but hey.
Well, this is a shock really.
What?
Well, it's the last thing I want to do, Jack.
But looks like you're coming off rotation on a permanent basis.
Wait, wait, uh... [scoffs]
...you're a numbers guy, Bill.
I just told you that was the best January in years.
[Bill] Yeah, well, there's the numbers
and then there's the numbers behind the numbers.
N-No. No, no, not yet.
This time next year, you are in the red.
Says who? A bunch of goddamn wire--
Come on, Bill. [inhales deeply]
You remember when your Reggie was learning to swim at the company picnic?
- He goes under-- - [laughs]
This is Processor Assisted Logic, Jack. You can't sell your way around it.
That's my job! Isn't it?
So how does a processor know who can sell and who can't sell
if it can't be sold itself?
- You tell me that. - [sighs]
I have got big days coming. I've got big plans, personally.
Well... [stammers] ...that'll serve you well. Gonna land you right on your feet.
No. No, no, no, I know the job. Thirty years.
That's a whole lifetime on other people's doorsteps.
I know the job. You want me out there! Goddamn it, Bill!
I'm out there on the street. I've seen life rip right through people.
I see the stained sofas.
I see the tired eyes looking up at me from the scrap heap,
looking for anybody to tell them that it's gonna be okay.
And I do it. I do it-- I do it with a VegiDice.
I do it with a PermPerfect
or whatever other crap y-y-you put in my hand.
And I'm out there saving people with it, Bill.
I know this job. It's s-saving lives!
That's the job.
And-- And that's gonna save you too...
isn't it?
Putting me back out there, knowing you did what's right. Right?
- [line ringing] - [inhales deeply, sighs]
Hiya, Jack. Sell out before lunch again?
[Jack] Well...
time to move on, Shirl.
Turn the page.
Turn the page?
You know, I got a family I've hardly seen in 20 years.
Oh? I guess that never came up.
Been a long time, and always imagined that I would be coming home...
with something.
[stammers] Where are you right now, Jack?
Life on the road moves pretty fast.
What's that?
[Sud 'n' Scrub]
Hands in the grooming area, please.
[Hank laughs] That's the damndest foul-up I ever did see on that machine.
Gosh, talk about a hazard. Well, I saved this as evidence.
Someone owes you a new one is my thinking.
I saw you blink there for a bit. Well, thank God. You're still with us.
I'm the one who sprang you from that devil's-own sink unit.
Henry Mason. But, uh, plain old Hank will do.
I never thought I'd have it in me to save a life
or guessed it'd feel half so good.
I'm grateful to you, mister.
Um... I don't know what got your head under that water,
but accidents happen to each of us.
The important thing is it doesn't happen again.
[breathes shakily]
Thank you. Than-- Thank you.
[laughs]
I tore the roller arms right off that sucker to fetch you out.
He got his. [laughs]
I guess I got mine too, far as laid off for destruction of company property.
- [chuckles] Oh, don't-- don't-- You-- - Oh. [grunts] Bastar-- Bastards.
You bite your tongue. I know what you're gonna say.
Okay, us Masons have seen hardship before and never not come through.
All right? This is why they put the tighter notches on the belt.
[Hank sighs]
Gosh, she's a beaut tonight. [inhales deeply]
[sighs] Always wanted to go.
[rhythmic beeping]
Same here, mister. What a dream, right?
My old man used to say, "No one is not a dreamer."
Now he sounds like a wise man.
Well, a salesman.
Ah, f-- [chuckles]
- Hank Mason, is that you? [chuckles] - [chuckling] Jack!
Goodness, it is great to see you.
Oh! I was half scared you might never remember.
[Jack] Ah, nah, no.
Come on, and what kind of guy would I be to forget you? [chuckles]
- How you been all this time? - [Hank] Oh, you know, can't complain.
Mr. Walter has been awful kind to let us camp on his spread.
At least, uh, kind enough once I showed him this with your name on it.
Ah. Your contract. [mumbles] Lot A-1. There it is.
[chuckles] Had it for a while. Been holding on to it maybe, uh...
[Jack] Yeah, yeah. [groans]
I'm embarrassed to say your launch got pushed back a bit.
[stammers] They should've called you.
- [chuckles] But-- - Oh, we might've missed it.
You know, we've been, uh, living in the truck, uh, s-since I got laid off.
[softly] Yeah.
You know, uh, prices on our units, they just keep climbing.
If you ever had a mind to sell, I could get you set up for life.
[chuckles] Uh, no, sir.
Uh, you gave me this gift.
And dreaming on it has been our one spot of grace in rough waters.
What's waiting a little longer?
[chuckles] That is one-- That's one beautiful frame of mind, pal.
I'll start working on getting you up there first thing.
I'm... [stammers] ...forever in your debt.
- [chuckles] - And us in yours, Jack.
[chuckles] Fuck.
I'm sorry about all this, Walt. [chuckles]
[Walt] Don't look like they're packing up.
[chuckles] Our outfit does launch services with a provider at Vista Park.
I must've given him your address by accident,
and it was hectic when I was cutting the deal.
Maybe, uh, give him a couple more days?
I'll get it all worked out, make it more than worth it for you.
Gotten into the moon game, huh? Just like pops.
A little different. I'm in real estate.
You know, uh... I saw a rocket the other night.
Thought it might have come from this direction.
It wouldn't be too hard to get you some work launching for us.
No chance. I shut that all down when...
Mmm.
[Walt] Hey, I wanna show you something. Come on.
Morning, kid.
Morning. [sighs] No Jack yet, huh?
- It sounds like you got a bone a pick. - [Joey] Oh, he's just--
He's always telling people what they wanna hear.
You know, he likes you, kid.
I can tell he's really looking out for you.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Now, what's the most he's ever sold in a week? He's got the record, right?
Nine. Three A-Plexes.
All right. Well, I'm at six after those golf course guys.
Kept telling me I was just like them before their first million.
That means I got the whole day to close four if I wanna top Jack.
Mmm. With that attitude, he's gonna wanna piss you off more often.
Apricot, which the ancients called the fruit of forgiveness
of unhinged men rehinging, atoning,
just nosing to the grindstone of, uh, general stability.
- Well, you look pretty good. - I look normal, Shirley,
which I have come to accept is, uh, more important than good.
Occasionally.
Good morning, ma'am. This is Joey Shorter with Brightside Lunar Residences.
Now, a new opportunity just rolled across my desk
that I'd love to talk to you about if you have the time.
[Walt] I try not to get back here too much. [grunts]
Well, I got you beat.
Been ducking this place for 40 years.
Genius, your old man.
[laughs] Yeah, so I heard.
He never really bothered to let me get to know him.
Ah.
Fathers and sons.
If you ask me, it was built not to work.
Used to think the same thing. [chuckles]
You know, I hit a rough patch a while back,
and I just kept hearing his voice telling me,
"No one's not a dreamer." [chuckles]
Oh, yeah. That one.
Yeah, well, it set me back on my feet, remembering that, so I probably... [sighs]
...owe him more than I care to admit.
Did he ever tell you about the subterranean power unit we drew up?
Lunar temps swing 500 degrees in a day.
Now, if you can harness that,
we could've had enough juice to run a whole damn mining operation.
One of those, all that land he bought, he had enough to build a whole community.
Well, I never thought about it like that,
but maybe you should tell those real estate people you work for.
Oh, yeah. They know.
Jack.
This might be hard for you to see, but the day it happened,
I got everything I could off the tarmac.
Now, as crazy as this sounds,
if your daddy is anywhere, he's in there.
[Jack sighs]
The music can't stop, Shirl.
Which means what?
These things, they're worth something now.
We stop selling, everybody panics, and it all falls apart.
We keep smiling, keep selling,
we can make enough money to make things right.
- You mean pay people back? - Oh-- Sure.
- Who pays the new customers back? - We'll find newer customers--
- [Shirley] That's not a solution, Jack. - But it'll buy us enough time to find one.
We sold big at that club,
and none of them wanna launch anytime soon.
[stammers] One day, they might.
What if Jenkins had big plans, and maybe broke ground even?
What if he just never finished what he started?
More likely, he just robbed everyone.
Here.
A hundred and forty-three?
We sell 143 units, we got all the refunds we need and this whole thing's over.
So you're with me?
The music can't stop.
I was thinking.
That rich lady at the club, the one batting her eyes at you?
- Mm-hmm? - Let's sell her our whole mess.
[chuckles] That's pretty good, Shirl. [chuckles]
One check. We're free and clear. Pocket change for her.
Hmm.
You think we can pull this off?
You're not that bad a liar.
I guess so.
[valet bot] Good afternoon, guest. Can I help you with transportation?
Thank you for coming, ma'am.
I "apogolize." I ceased investigations prematurely.
Apologize.
I thought you were supposed to shred these.
Let's say they fell out of the feeder tray and...
failed to be "sucessfully" reloaded.
[Myrtle chuckles]
- [Myrtle chuckles] - [Costopoulos grunts]
[ViddiCon chiming]
- Brightside. - [gasps]
Joey, what a heavenly surprise! Don't you tell me you don't remember me.
Of course, Mrs. Billings.
Is your, uh, boss around?
Um, no, I haven't seen him all day, but I can tell him you called.
[chuckles]
You know, I've been begging Jack for months
to send one of you over to this dungeon he's banished me to.
- [laughs] - People here are very well-funded.
Oh, yeah?
[Barbara] Seems a shame to leave that money on the table. But you know,
little boys hate owing their mothers anything
since they actually owe them goddamn everything.
[laughs] Uh, well, you know, I could head down there today
- if you think it's worth the trip. - [gasps] What an idea.
[stammers] Maybe best not to advertise it all to Jack.
Yeah, I can-- I can do that.
- [Joey sighing] - Hey, what was that?
[Joey] Something stale on the south side.
Oh. You good for new leads? I got a few from the club I could throw your way.
Uh, yeah, I-- I don't need your help.
Ooh, loud and clear. [chuckles]
Hey, listen.
[sighs] You don't want this grudge holding you back.
It won't.
Well, I want to put it behind us.
And since you're on a pretty good run lately, I--
I talked to Jenkins
about bumping you to Senior Sales Partner.
I had to stick my neck out a little,
but I wanted you to know how important you are around here,
and the extra cash shouldn't hurt either. [chuckles]
How about I take the promotion when I earn it
and not because you feel guilty?
I don't need handouts.
Okay, it-- [stammers] ...is not a handout.
Listen. This is where your boss talks and you listen. Got it?
This is a good thing for you. You might wanna act a little grateful.
Uh, I got a lot of work to do, so I'll see you later.
Okay. Right. Well, hey, go get 'em! [chuckling] Right?
You know, a couple of entries on the right side of the ledger,
it's got a way of fixing everything.
Yeah. You know, you could've just said you're sorry.
[Betty] Are you doing the head-in-your-hands thing again?
It's just, the twins should have a Senior Sales Partner as a dad.
[swallows] Okay. Unlock the door or,
ooh, I'm gonna pee on this carpet right this minute! [sucks teeth]
Okay. I have something to tell you, Herbie, that I think will help.
Turns out, I'm not as pregnant as I thought I was.
Oh. Oh, no.
[gasps] Ooh, no. No, not like that.
Like, maybe, I never was.
I mean, I was sure of it, and we were so happy.
But then, Dr. Ergomano had this different opinion
which I realized was actually correct.
I thought we could just, you know, fix it at the club. [chuckles] But...
So... you lied to me then?
[sighs] No. [chuckles] It's not a lie if I believed it. Right?
No.
Um, I think, technically, it is. [chuckles]
W-We can make it true, Herbie.
[chuckles]
Does this entryway look 8-30B compliant to you?
Jesus, is that good? What-- Where are we?
With-- With respect, ma'am, the documents show one John Billings,
father to Jack, as the "incorportating" officer.
And an assets and "libatillities" cross-reference
shows that John as the owner
of an extensive extra-atmospheric launch facility which,
"susquebent" to his demise and financial ruin,
transferred to a former associate, one Walter Greene, where--
So... [stammers] ...they own this launchpad?
Or Billings who runs the company owns it? Or his dad?
Exactly. The licensed premises of John Billings's registered entity,
i.e. the Brightside "Corportation."
[chuckles] W-Wait.
Wait.
This is fucking it?
[stammers] Well,
while we can't conclude this is all the "it" there is,
it certainly is an "it."
- [laughing] - [chuckling]
[both laughing]
- This fucking dump is all they've got. - Yeah.
[chuckles] Good luck getting to the moon from this place, right?
- [laughs] Oh, my God, it's all bullshit. - [chuckles]
- [Myrtle laughs] - [Walt] Hey!
- Uh, ma'am? Ma'am? - [Walt] Get down!
[Costopoulos] Direct contact is well-beyond current prerogative.
- [alarm buzzing] - [Walt] Final warning, lady.
Fuck off! [pants]
- [electricity buzzing] - [gasps]
- [Myrtle thudding] - [gasps]
Mrs. Mayburn.
[Myrtle breathes heavily]
[laughs] We got him.
[breathing heavily] You got him.
[orderly bot] I feel a "bingo" coming on.
[orderly bot] B-8. B-8, lucky ladies and gents.
[bingo player] That's me.
You know, I'm not sure anyone here would survive the trip up.
[Barbara] Oh, they don't know that.
[sighs] This is a desperate and lonely place, Joe.
[orderly bot] G-47.
Trish over here.
She lost her husband last year, and a lung last month.
She would buy anything if you smile and tell her you like her hair.
Yeah, I-- I-- I don't know, it just-- it just feels a little, um...
[smacks lips] ...wrong.
Mm-hmm. You're right, you're right.
What a decent, caring, incorruptible young man you are.
- [orderly bot] I-24. - You must visit your mother often.
Um, well, I-- I used to go around almost every day,
but it's-- it's, uh, harder now with the job.
Yeah, and she's, well... and here I am wide-awake.
And Jack's in agony over the slightest visit.
[orderly bot] B-7.
[bingo player] Oh, I have that.
Oh, th-- they-- they haven't called that number yet.
Oh, they don't check. Unless you're gonna rat me out. [chuckles]
- No, never. - [orderly bot] N-36.
- Bingo. Bingo! - Bingo! [chuckles]
Stop the draw. Bring me my dumb box of chocolates.
[chuckles] Oh, boy.
They never stood a chance.
All right. [sighs]
I ought to head out and try to make a few more sales.
What? And make me eat my chocolates alone?
Nah.
- Oh, no, never. [chuckles] - [Barbara chuckles]
[knocking]
[grunts]
Let me tell you something. [sighs]
An honest day's work is no fucking joke, Shirley.
[Shirley chuckles]
[Eddie grunts]
Welcome home, champ.
What are you,
rewarding me to mold my behavior like the dog with the bell?
- [Shirley chuckles] - Listen. [grunts]
I'm very, very accepting of it.
Oh, well, let me show you something.
Try to only get very, very...
excited.
Whoa. [chuckles] Whose is this?
Yours.
Mine? Who's coming to kill me for it?
[scoffs] It's honest American business, Ed.
I saw an opening. Flipped our moon unit for twice the price.
No, you didn't. You didn't.
Yeah, don't argue with a bag of money, right?
We still want a spot up there, we can buy two.
Uh, kind of had my heart set on that one, Shirley. Ours.
I'd be happy anywhere with you, Ed. I'm happy here. Right now.
Who even needs the moon? Yeah?
[sighs] Okay.
I didn't humiliate myself in that place, Shirley,
'cause I felt iffy about you, or I wanted to do better business deals.
I mean, love isn't some frozen pizza you can just have now or later.
That's not what this is.
Okay, then it's a managed fucking exit from the quagmire you believe me to--
Did I say any of that?
Bag says it, Shirley. Bag says it all.
No-- Jesus, Ed, I love you.
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if you expected me to piss it away
in my usual manner, freeing you forever from our dumb dreams together. Jesus.
[door slams]
[Barbara swallows]
You ever been up there?
Ha! You'd have to kill me and ship me. [chuckles]
[both chuckling]
[Barbara] That was a gift from my late husband.
Say, Joey...
there are some things you should know about Jack.
[stammers] And all of the Billings men, really.
Okay.
They are insufferable dreamers. But don't hold that against him.
It's the only way he knows to show he cares, and he does care.
He loves you. He just gets a couple of things dead wrong sometimes.
- Mmm. [chuckles] - [Barbara] Can you see that? [chuckles]
'Cause you probably got some of it in you too. After all, he is--
- [Buck] Get dead, space scum! - I'm not quite sure I can help with that.
Get a taste of rough-and-ready lawman, you one-eyed Gargon savage!
Buck. Buck M--
Mr. Manzell?
Ha! Who asked, interloper?
You some Gargon-sympathizing rat fink?
[Barbara] Don't bother, Joe.
Somebody probably let him watch all his reruns again.
He's not on the moon?
[chuckles] If you told him he was, he'd probably believe you. [chuckles]
[stammers] N-No. Freeze, brain-scrambler!
- M-Mr. Manzell. Mr. Manzell. - [Buck screams]
[Buck grunts]
- [Joey] Mr. Manzell! - [Buck pants, grunts] He's warming up.
[panting] A neutron gas attack.
[grunts] Cover your ears and nose, Mr. Jenkins.
[Buck grunting]
- Mr. Jenkins. - [Buck] I'm out of ammo.
Come on, Mr. Jenkins. Stay down, stay low.
Senior partner. Sales.
Hey, pal. [sighs]
Hit me with some of that, uh, insufferable sunshine of yours, will you?
Well, Betty, bad. Joey, bad. Jack, bad.
Our twins who don't actually exist, more bad than when they did.
Christ.
You see, there's pain, Eddie.
And then there's lying to yourself.
That's the world in a nutshell.
Get another one over here, please.
She's on the hook, our wealthy widow.
- Dinner and a sales pitch. - [Shirley] Good.
[stammers] I came by for a pep talk. I feel like I stepped into a funeral.
Sorry. Get this done, Jack, please. 143.
Okay. To the moon.
[door closes]
[valet bot] Good evening, guest.
Would you like me to assist you with transportation?
[Joey] Hey. Hey!
Hey, kid. I got a meeting I'm about to-- Oh, Joey, what?
I just ran into Buck Manzell. [breathes shakily]
Oh, yeah. What a guy.
What a fella, right? I heard that he was back in town.
No, don't-- don't do that.
- Welcome back to The Vista Motor Lodge. - You fucking liar.
Hey. Look, I don't know what you think you know, uh, Joe.
- But it's not the whole story. - Come on, Jack.
What are we selling here, pieces of paper?
- I mean, is there anything real? - [Jack] Hey, it's all real.
How do you think anything real in this world
gets started by guys like you and me?
[stammers] I don't think I'm anything like you.
Grow up, kid. We're both nobody.
You think I didn't try to do this the right way?
Go around hat-in-hand, get laughed out of every room.
I'm about to have a meeting with an investor
who can get this whole thing up and running with one deal.
- It's getting realer every day. - What the fuck are you talking about?
We all believed you, Jack.
- I mean, I lied to everybody. I-- - You did the job I asked.
Better than most.
That's not lying. That's making things possible.
Look at me, kid.
This is the most important lesson of your life.
Getting stuck in the details and the doubt?
It'll kill you. I've been there.
You just knew that I'd fall for it.
Right? When you-- When you first met me,
- because I'm just the right kind of loser. - No. Stop!
Don't do that. I'm gonna build every unit we sold, trust me.
Trust you? Stan Jenkins is a fucking turtle.
All right, keep it down, keep it down. Think about if this gets out.
Do you want to be the one who killed their dreams?
Who blew up their investments?
That's our ship coming in.
And I met her at the club, so really you're the one who made it happen.
You should be a goddamn partner.
[breathes shakily]
Quit fucking dreaming.