[Buck] It's clear, little buddy.
[sighs] They won't stop there. No, sir.
Smoke us out.
Massacre the lot.
You stay strong. Yeah.
[laser gunshots on TV]
[sighs]
[Buck on TV] There ain't no law in the stars but me.
[narrator] The Gargon invasion continued its merciless pace,
but would be no match for our intrepid Space Sheriff.
[machine whirs]
- Sir. - Thanks.
- Here's to new frontiers. - [grunts] Ma'am.
Big days for us right now. Breakneck growth.
You picked the right time to pay attention.
You know why I prefer this to dining out? I can't stomach the desperation.
Everyone lined up at the trough, filling the hole.
Except, uh, of course, I'm desperate.
And so are you. Otherwise, why didn't we stay at home?
All right. What if I wanted 200 units with an option for that many more?
Just something to play with.
Oh, well, we're not looking twice at anything less than 1,000.
What are you, broke?
Let's take Mr. Billings back to his motel, Sidney.
Now, look. I know you're not in it for the money.
You got way too much style for someone who sweats the numbers.
No. No, I don't think money does a damn thing for you.
Because you are not in it to get ahead. You are in it to get away with something.
Oh.
Which is why you would love the moon.
All that empty space just waiting for someone to work its upside.
Well, I have wondered just how empty it is.
Ah.
It's like when the magician pulls the rabbit out of the hat.
Only there's no hat.
And there's no rabbit.
That's quite a trick.
What if you hit your ceiling selling those saps at the club?
That's moving one house at a time.
And why be in the business of houses when we, you and I--
We could be in the business of belief?
Say you knew some bigger saps who wanted to buy in at scale.
All right, so I go in first to make you look respectable.
And you got me to throw under the bus if it all goes south.
And you expect a check tonight?
Well, now we're pals...
I give you till tomorrow.
It's quite a lot of faith you're asking, Jack.
Isn't that how you blow a bubble?
[customer snores]
[music playing on radio]
[chuckles]
[ValetBot] Good evening, guest. Would you like me to assist you with transportation?
[stammers]
[pants] Every name, every customer ever.
Ready for the truth. [laughs]
H-How did you--
I just asked them, and they gave it to me. What idiots, huh? [laughs]
I love this song. Don't you?
"Beaufitul."
Hi, Mom.
[sniffs] I know I haven't been around enough lately,
and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
[Marie breathing steadily]
[kisses]
"Head out of the clouds, Joseph. Head out of the clouds." [chuckles]
Only this time, you weren't around to say it,
and I was too dumb to remember.
I did everything wrong, Mom.
So I take it all back about how much he taught me.
Now I just wish that I never met him.
[hospital administrator knocks] Mr. Shorter?
Fantastic. I was hoping to see you.
Yeah, sorry. I've, um-- I've been--
Oh, of course. Take a minute.
I was also hoping to discuss a past-due balance on your mom's care.
Right. Right.
We do have payment plans that might work for your situation.
All we need is proof of employment.
Oh, right.
Why, Ma? Why did you have to bring him here?
What? Did I intrude on your perfect relationship?
Don't you dare think that I don't always have your best interests in mind.
And Joey's too.
You think it's easy managing a whole family?
That scares me, sweetheart.
Oh, please.
Just cuddle up with your bottle
and keep clear before you fuck anything else up!
Got it?
Jesus.
Sorry.
Fucking ViddiCon.
So, you're selling your father's worthless land on the moon.
Not worthless anymore, Ma.
And what then? Walt launches the rockets just like Dad?
That's been the plan, and now I got enough money to do it.
Everything's going great. You think you can find a way to deal with that?
You still owe your boy the truth.
Hey, I'm gonna tell him as soon as I get the whole business up and running.
- Oh, Jacky. Not that. - What?
[chuckles] So he has a father he can look up to.
[sighs] And what is wrong with that?
It's asking too much. I worry.
Ah, please. God, another day, another goddamn apocalypse.
Take a look next door.
That idiot face of your company has broken loose again.
That can't be great for business!
[GardenBot whirring]
[grunting]
[GardenBot whirring]
[screams]
[Buck] Gargon scum!
Come grab a scoop of hurt!
[Buck grunts]
[GardenBot] Error. Error. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfu--
[GardenBot's whirring fades]
Eyes to the skies, little one. [pants]
We got a heap of freedom left to kill for. [grunts]
[muttering]
The neighborhood is safe.
- [BarBot] Enjoy. - Thanks.
Wow. Celebrating good news?
Yes.
I'm here to talk to Jack.
You'll have to find him first.
What I'm planning on telling him is,
while I'm team-first all the way,
it's also a leader's place to flag injustice
in terms of promotions given without merit. Joey's, for example.
Not today, Herb.
[Eddie] Oh, look at these two.
What, you never seen money before, Shirley?
I thought you loved money.
Now thanks to you, I got bags and bags of it.
Poor bastard.
Here you go, pal. That should be a couple hundred there.
Fire the tube up. Game's on in ten.
Yeah, just a very well-funded man enjoying the fruits of my finances,
unburdened by petty affairs of the heart, huh?
I'm going to work.
Oh, hey, what better refuge from life, huh?
Meaningless obligations to corporate masters
on another fucking celestial object.
To think, you had a winner like me. You botched it, baby.
Shirley, it's actually pretty urgent, my message for Jack.
There's a few more problems in the world today besides yours, Herb.
I guess you've never discovered your unborn sons weren't actually there.
[scoffs]
[sighs]
You too? What's up, kid?
I need my commissions for last week, Shirl.
What happened?
Think you can help me out? And give these back to Jack.
You say that like you'll never see us again.
Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm done.
Look, if I know one thing, I know that Jack cares about you.
Come on, Shirley, you're too smart for his bullshit.
[sighs]
I mean, hey, it's your life, but I'd get out while you can.
[sighs]
Hey. We're gonna work this all out, Joey.
For everybody.
But we can't do that if we don't all keep quiet in the meantime.
Right. Yeah, he said that.
[sighs]
Bye, Herb.
Oh. Bye, Joey.
And my sincere congratulations on your new promotion.
No, Herb. I'm done. I quit.
But I'll see you around.
We were each other's fires that forged us and made us strong.
Burn bright always.
These people don't care about you. Trust me.
I've dug deep, and there's no proof they're ever getting anyone up there.
[stammers] It's just--
H-He wouldn't pull something like that on us. He's a good man, Jack.
I was shocked too, sir. But look at the world.
Who gets anywhere by playing straight?
Christ Almighty.
[knocking]
I know, right? [stammers] Thanks for your time, mister.
- [ViddiCon disconnects] - [Costopoulos] Mrs. Mayburn?
Get in here.
Uh...
I thought to expect you at the office to process our, uh, the new "edivence."
But did you really...
when it's stolen evidence?
Let's not spend all day in the doorway, huh?
[Costopoulos sighs]
I--
I "wodner" w-what my proper role might be in whatever plan you're pursuing, if any.
We're just telling people the truth. It's that easy.
Look. Look, everyone's had their launches pushed back.
And they all just take it, like they deserve to get screwed.
Customers do "frequeltny" redirect the market's callousness onto themselves
as feelings of unworthiness.
Lester, you know you get to bend a couple rules
when you're doing what's right.
That's how it works.
So come on, who's next?
[sighs, stammers]
[ViddiCon beeps]
- "W-Wilbur Hartoonian. Vista-53472." - [Myrtle typing]
And listen, if their whole business blows up
and those bastards fry...
oops, right?
[door opens]
Can I help you?
[Sidney] You know him?
I don't know you.
He your boss?
You're good at questions, mister.
Mrs. Selwyn says she's got her own pen, actually,
but she's not quite ready to use it after she saw the news this morning.
What does that mean?
Who's doing questions now?
Was she ready to buy?
She was.
Between us, I think he went way high. Decent operator, that guy.
Too bad about the news.
[baseball spectators cheer]
Hey! I don't appreciate such belligerent flirting,
- even from you. - [shushes]
[reporter] ...Manzell's fourth attack on automated domestic aids.
I'm here with little Denny, the sole eyewitness.
Tell us what you saw, kid.
It was the Space Sheriff! I saw him.
[reporter] What an imagination.
I think he's probably happily retired somewhere,
getting a good chuckle from all this.
Back to you, Robert.
[Robert] Well, now the suspect is reportedly at large and may be armed.
[Eddie] Is that, uh--
Christ, no.
But it's a great disguise to go around acting like a lunatic. Grow up, Ed.
Oh, I'm fully grown, Shirl. I'm goddamn retired!
What's more grown than that?
- Shirley. - What?
This is Mr. Mason,
Lot A-1, our very first customer.
He just arrived with his beautiful family, looking for Jack.
Yeah, great, Herb. You deal with it. And run the office while you're at it.
No such thing as too much responsibility.
Oh, I think Mr. Walter's bringing in a rocket for y'all tonight.
That's why he cleared us out.
[door chime rings]
- [bell dings] - Welcome, sir. How can I help you?
Is-- Is Mr. Hartoonian around?
I think he's busy, but I'm happy to help.
Right, of course. Uh--
Well, can you tell him that, um, Joey's here? Joey Shorter.
I thought I heard your voice. I want to talk to you, young man.
H-Hey, Boss. Uh, hey. It's, uh, great to see you. Um--
Why am I getting calls saying I'm never going to the moon?
And that you and your fancy friends
are nothing but a bunch of low-life crooks? Huh?
Uh, I-- Um, I don't exactly know, but-- but, you know, I-- I quit that job.
I got the feeling that something wasn't right.
You could've told anybody that!
I'm sorry.
Y-You know, time's have been tough, and, uh--
Uh, my ma still isn't doing so great, and I'm a little behind on her bills.
No, no. You stop right there if this looking for a handout.
No, no, no. I was just thinking maybe if you had a couple shifts
that maybe I could pick up here and there, I wouldn't mind.
Here I'm scraping for payments on that goddamn moon house,
and he's here looking for a handout.
You got a lot of nerve, Joseph.
I-- I guess I better go.
I guess you better.
Excuse me.
Don't tell me, you saw it too?
Don't worry.
- No one thinks it's really him. Not yet. - Okay.
Well, I-- Do you?
- I know he's not on the goddamn moon. - [sighs]
[stammers] Nothing kills a deal like your spokesman being arrested
- on the wrong goddamn planet. - Mmm.
Yeah. She said the same thing.
Shit. I gotta find him.
- She was in, Shirl. - And you weren't even gonna tell me?
- No, I had to come straight here first. - Oh.
And the cop just told me that he got a call out on Route 18.
- I'm gonna go check that. - I'll ride with you.
No, you don't have to worry about that, okay?
It's probably just some half goose chase.
How big was her deal, Jack?
Well, it was just like I said. Enough to pay everybody back
and, you know, a little something for us for our trouble.
[stammers]
A thousand.
If that's not the dumbest fucking bit of behavior.
[stammers] All right, I'll keep your half. Where are you going?
No, I'll take half. Now give me your keys and get in.
[sighs]
[customer 1] You gotta be kidding me.
[customer 2] Well, I haven't heard from Jack in over a week.
One day I think I'll be bringing Marvin
his scotch and slippers until the day I die,
and now... [chuckles] ...look at us.
[chuckles] They do say life is "undeprictable."
- You're a good man, Lester. - [clicks tongue]
You care about people.
All the other guys just nod their dumb heads
and wait for the clothes to come off. [sighs]
We've really done something here.
Well, we just gotta talk to Jack.
He'll clear all this up.
What-- What's a few months, this way or that?
As long as we all get up there, right?
A few months? I could have a carcinoma by then.
Buck! Mr. Manzell!
You out there, ol' boy? Buck!
- [Shirley] Christ. He could be anywhere. - [Jack] Yeah.
Well, just pray his mug shot isn't on the front page tomorrow.
Maybe I can get the widow back on the hook.
[grunting, panting]
- [rocket ascends] - [grunts]
[chuckles]
Eyes to the skies.
The Gargon mother ship. Right on schedule!
They've been gone for five minutes for about an hour now.
Oh, you.
Me. And a couple pals
who like the truth better than getting fucking ripped off.
Ooh. Don't be mad because Herbie chose me.
[laughs] Your Herbie's about to get eaten alive. I hope he's ready.
"Techincally," everyone here is entitled to a prompt and full refund.
Herbie's always ready. For anything.
Hi, ma'am. Excuse me.
Um, I got together what, uh, I hope can be a f-- a first payment,
and maybe after that we can arrange a--
Mr. Shorter, please. Everything's settled now.
How?
Uh, Mr. Billings took care of it. Must be nice to have a friend like that.
[Shirley] What happened with Joey?
I told him about Jenkins.
- That's all you told him about? - It's all I could get to.
[stammers]
I'ma give him time to come around on his own.
Uh. I think he knows his life fits better with me in it.
Of course he does, Jack.
[chuckles] Also said the same thing about his mother 20 years ago.
Mmm. Well, that's the thing about people, right?
There's so many of them, but they all let you down.
[scoffs, stammers]
W-- You mean her or him?
Or me?
- Yep. - [both laugh]
Or Ed.
Oh, Ed.
- You guys gonna be okay? - [sighs]
I don't know.
It's like we're in different worlds now.
It's rough when caring about someone means having to lie to 'em.
[grunting, chuckling]
Oh.
Justice always finds a way.
[shouts, chuckles]
- [engine starts] - Yeah! [chuckles]
Come on down, you ten-tackled heathen,
and two-step with some horsepower! [chuckles]
Apologies for the delay, everyone.
How can I be of service today?
You! You were in there the whole time?
Conducting company business.
They told us there's not even going to be a launch!
Oh, no, ma'am.
Meaning yes.
There will be a tremendous launch two to three months from now.
And who says you're not gonna be saying the same exact thing
two, three months from now?
Me. You have my word, and I'm very trustworthy.
- Show us the rocket then. - [Mr. Hartoonian] There's no rocket.
- I think I want a refund. - Me too.
And you could all have one. Brightside guarantees it.
But there's no one more important to me than our customers.
So I just don't want you to regret
regretting the best purchase you've ever made.
Now, what dreams worth soaring for don't give you a fear of heights? Hmm?
Which may even be a rain cloud of doubt.
Or worse.
But that drizzle can't spoil the hard work we've done to make the right plan happen.
Which is exactly what The Brightside is doing for you. Forever.
Can I offer anyone a mint?
Never mind the goddamn mints. Where the fuck is Jack?
Actually, I'm the one who's been left in charge,
so, uh, anything you could say to him, you could probably say to me.
- You're the one, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, fucko.
Whoo.
[Myrtle gasps]
Ed? Wake up. Herbie's about to be in a riot!
Please, be anything other than goddamn useless! [whimpers]
[Ed snoring]
[Betty] Oh.
[sighs]
It's actually 47 there.
That's not even one payment.
Well, sir, let me remind you. These are actually my personal funds.
So maybe you could do with slightly less for right now?
[scoffs]
No more excuses! Shut up and pay up.
It's contractually "oglibated."
[Betty] I've got money.
[all gasp]
Everyone calm down, and we'll figure this out. [screams]
[squeals]
Ma'am. Sir.
[clamoring]
[pants]
You saved me, Bun Bun.
- I always will. - I believe it.
Are you the type of person who regrets?
I haven't found a good enough reason yet.
You?
Well, I try not to, but y-you know.
When Joey comes back, Jack, you gotta cut the shit. Be his dad.
- That's good advice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't just blow me off.
Promise you'll do it.
I promise.
[sighs]
We can build it. We can make it real.
The widow thinks she bought in on a pump and dump,
but she's gonna hand us a wad of cash--
- No, Jack. It's-- - No, no, no, no.
We could do it. You and me. I mean, who else could pull it off?
Don't do this.
D-Don't start acting fucking crazy, okay?
That's who I am. That's who you are too. That's exactly what it takes.
No, you're not that guy. You're the guy Jenkins picked for his stooge.
Ah, you'd be surprised. [chuckles]
- [Buck chuckles] - There he is! Start the car!
[Buck] Gargon scum!
[Jack] Start the car!
How surprised would I be?
[breathes shakily]