[soft mystical music]
[old film playing]
[woman screaming]
[man]: You will freeze as you watch a warped scientist
when his bloody scalpel probes the forbidden secrets
of a woman's flesh.
You will flame at the stark ritual
of a beautiful girl's last searing dance
as tragedy forever mars her loveliness.
You will cringe as the demented doctor
experiments with a girl's trusting innocence.
[phone clicks, swooshes]
A mad creature born of the atomic age
now shackled to a world of rotting bodies
and violent deaths.
A sadist, a criminal,
a depraved animal more ferocious than Jekyll,
more monstrous than Frankenstein,
more bloody than Dracula.
- Um, I'll do a large popcorn and Red Vines.
- That's an unusual choice.
- Thank you.
[woman screaming in film]
- I don't think I've actually ever seen someone buy Red Vines.
- Okay.
- I guess you're wondering why we sell them, then,
if nobody buys them.
- Thanks.
[man on film]: Forever closer
comes the She-Creature.
[light guitar music]
[phone dings]
[♪♪]
[Margot]: Hey. Where are you?
- My room, obviously.
- Taylor, did you even go outside today?
- Why would I do that?
No, I had to stay here and moderate.
- Which subreddit is this again?
- The Vagenda. Get back here. Help me with this.
- Okay. If I'm not back in five minutes,
call campus security.
- Haha. Bleak.
Being a girl is so fun. Bye.
- Bye.
[insects chirping]
[distant dog barking]
[bottle clinking on pavement]
[dog panting]
Hey, boy.
Hey.
You all alone?
Okay, okay.
Good boy.
[dog panting]
[thunder rumbling]
I don't know.
We can try.
But you have to be so good, okay?
Okay.
- What do you think you're doing?
- Oh, hey, Laura.
How's it going?
It's about to start pouring, so...
- So let's just bring some weird dog into the dorm?
- He's not weird. He's abandoned.
Look, he's, he's not gonna bother anyone.
- You know the rules, Margot.
No pets, ever.
[sighs]
- Come on.
- Thanks.
[rain pattering]
[woman speaking softly]: Please.
[dog whining]
Help me.
[tense music]
Help.
[dog whining]
Help.
[loud thud]
[eerie music]
[light clicks]
[growling]
[barking]
[gasps]
[knocking]
- Hey.
Just making sure you didn't sneak that dog back in.
[scoffs]
[eerie music]
[door creaks, closes]
- And since I'm the founder and moderator,
it's my job to protect its integrity.
- Right. You don't want some dumb forum
that's just girls discussing sex tips.
- Right, since that's just internalized misogyny,
and it's boring, and stupid.
Okay, but get this: my co-moderator, LadyTalk,
suddenly chimes in, citing a statistic
that 76% of women are "into" dick pics.
- Really? 76% sounds high.
- First of all, why would LadyTalk,
my co-moderator, let's not forget,
even bring up the dreaded dick pic
knowing how hard we've worked to create a safe space?
And then I think to myself,
"What self-respected femme even names herself LadyTalk?"
- She's trying to be ironically old-fashioned?
- She's a guy.
- You think LadyTalk is a guy?
Huh. So now what?
- I'm gonna call his ass out.
Will you eat in the room tonight with me
and help me with this?
- I can't tonight. I gotta work.
- Just call in sick.
Margot, will you call in sick?
♪ Well you are such an easy evil ♪
[funky music]
♪ Such a sensuous sin
♪ Sometimes I don't know where I'm going ♪
♪ Till I've been
♪ Taken in
♪ Such an easy evil
[music fades]
♪ Such a promise of fun... ♪
[eerie music]
- S-sorry. You scared me.
- Well, people choose to be scared.
Did you see the queen?
She still has her wings.
That means she's still a virgin.
- Really?
Usually a girl that popular is,
you know, active.
- It's up to her to decide when to copulate.
Maybe she doesn't want to be rushed,
and the male will have to obey.
She'll fly off and mate with many partners.
- A whole colony for her pleasure.
[chuckling]
I hope you don't mind I opened this.
I saw the box was from Tarquinia.
- Oh, yeah, generally I don't allow it,
but you're my favorite, you know that.
These are very precious bones.
For example, what do you make of this crack, hm?
- Doesn't seem like a natural fracture.
- Mm-mm.
- It's almost like someone sawed it.
Do you think she was offered up as a sacrifice?
- The tomb of the wolves was in the business of death,
torture, sacrifice, and, of course, eroticism.
- If all that happened to her,
hope she was reincarnated as an ant.
- Better yet, in a queen bee.
When the male penetrates the queen,
he loses his penis.
In the act of pulling out, he gets disemboweled and dies.
The act of copulation is their doom.
[old film playing]
[man in film screams]
[man]: Under his spell, she was both herself
and another being,
the She-Creature seeking life sustenance
from the stolen heartbeats of others.
- You came back.
- I did.
Large popcorn and, uh, Red Vines.
[man in film]: She was a woman born to be loved,
and two men wanted her.
One, a man whose powerful math mind
controlled her every reflex, except her love.
The other willing to fight any odds...
- $9.50.
- I know.
You're getting better at your job.
Managed not to insult me this time.
- Well, I'm up for promotion, so...
Enjoy the movie.
- Thank you.
[man]: Such as few people have known,
and only those who see it can believe.
[film continues indistinctly]
- I don't really know what I'm going for.
I know he's a killer. And now you are traveling...
[woman]: What's wrong? You're a tough guy.
Go ahead and cream me.
Break my arm. See if I care.
I'm just gonna keep it for a little while.
You're an ogre, just like my father.
He won't let me stay out late or play records or anything.
[man]: Your father won't let you stay out late?
- No, he's terrible.
Once, I was at a party, and it didn't end till late.
He called the cops.
Can you imagine?
He had the whole police force...
- I was hoping you'd find me.
- I know.
[man]: Where is it that you live, Carol?
[Carol]: Over on Armana. Why?
Oh, no, uh-uh.
You thought I'd tell you where I live?
Not me. Not ole Carol.
The night is young, and I'm not hittin' the rack
till I get a little action.
[man in advertisement]: I eat popcorn.
Everybody eats popcorn.
It tastes real nice.
Get yourself some now at our refreshment stand.
- Yum, yum.
It's time for a tasty and refreshing snack.
[upbeat music plays in advertisement]
- Oh, hey.
So fun fact about "American Graffiti."
Mackenzie Phillips was 12 when she made that film,
which probably violated child labor laws,
but she is really funny
and, you know, precocious for 12.
- Yeah. Yeah, listen, uh...
Concession Stand Girl...
Why don't you give me your number?
[funky music]
[phone dings]
♪ Boys and girls
♪ Have a good time together
♪ Boys and girls
♪ You know they're birds of a feather ♪
♪ Like two sides of a coin
♪ They are forever joined ♪
- So he goes, "My user name is LadyTalk,
but my real name is James Madley,
and I joined the Vagenda because I'm interested
in women's issues and being a part of the solution."
- Look at that, he owned it.
- Are you defending this troll?
- Who says he's a troll?
And people lurk in forums
all the time with fake names,
BitchPerfect.
- Yeah, but that's clever and funny.
- Ladies, final dress is...
[sings]: Tonight!
[normally]: I need you to help us spread the good word
if you can. That would be so helpful.
Thank you, babes. - Sure.
- Sure. Would love that.
[phone clicking]
Is that that guy Robert again?
Wait, you never said where he goes to school.
- He's, like, 25.
I'm sure he just works.
- 25, but he's still, uh... he's still cute, right?
- Ish. He's, like, super tall.
But I like tall. - You love tall.
- And his eyes are nice.
They crinkle. - Yeah, 'cause he's old.
- What about the texting? He got good banter?
- It's good so far.
He's smart and funny,
and he has cats, Yan and Mu.
He's at the vet with them right now.
- A caretaker.
- God, Yan and Mu are so hilarious.
- How can cats be funny?
- Well, I mean, Robert's hilarious.
- Oh. - Yeah, when he's talking
like them. - Pause.
He does cat voices?
Oh, that is adorable and sexy.
Mrow!
- Wait, you're setting clear text boundaries, right?
- Oh, my God, Taylor. - I'm dead serious.
Remember what we said?
- I won't double text, okay?
- Don't double text, ever. - I got it.
- And let one text, at least, go unanswered a day.
Okay, he needs to understand that you're setting the rules
and he's lucky you're acknowledging his existence.
- I get it.
Thank you. - Good.
- Or you could just have a good time with him.
I mean, Dave and I, we barely knew each other
when we joined the Madrigals.
- Hm, and look at you now, you're a character
that doesn't even have their own name.
You're just the Baker's Wife.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh, my character doesn't have a name either.
I'm just the Baker.
- At least you have a job.
- My point is, Dave and I were just real easy
about it when we first met,
and look at us.
We've been in love ever since.
[both singing]: We changed...
We're strangers...
I'm meeting you in the woods.
Who minds.
What dangers.
I hope we'll get past the woods!
[eerie music]
[clock ticking]
[phone dings]
[phone clicking]
[clock ticking continues]
[phone clicking]
[eerie music continues]
- Hey.
- Uh, how's it going?
- Good. You?
- Uh, yeah, it was, like,
two miles from that... that, uh, parking lot.
- Told you it's far.
- Yeah, it's-it's a trek.
Um...
So as promised...
- Bamm-Bamm Fruity Pebbles? [chuckles]
- Yeah, I had to go to two different Krogers to, uh...
to find that, and then the 7-Eleven for the...
the rest of the treasure.
- That's so sweet.
- So I'll hand this off to you and...
- Do you want to come in?
We can eat, but only at this table.
You know, everything in here's, like, 3,000 years old.
- Yeah, it's very "Nosferatu."
- Right?
Did you know we did a vampire series
just last month at the fourplex?
- Yeah, yeah, you included "Blacula."
- Well, I didn't include anything.
I just made the popcorn.
- No, my point is,
"Blacula" doesn't belong in the vampire category.
It belongs in blaxploitation.
- Yeah, obviously,
and I did mention that to the owners at the time.
[clock ticking]
- Do you want...
- Sure, yeah. Thanks.
- You said you were starving, so I got a bunch of...
- Red Vines. Of course.
Ooh, I think the Slurpee spilled a little.
- Yeah, it's wild cherry.
- Mm.
My favorite.
And this is...
- It's a frog lighter with a cigarette in its mouth.
- So cute.
- I don't smoke.
- Me either. - Good.
- Yeah.
Ow.
Stupid ant, bit me.
[loud thud]
- Dead.
Murdered. - Yeah.
Must've escaped from the colony.
The queen's the big one, with the wings.
Oh, that's just storage.
[eerie music]
[clock ticking continues]
[phone clicking]
[Robert]: What's this?
- They're Etruscan artifacts.
- Etruscan artifacts? - Yeah.
- Pretty sure they're just human bones.
- They're both, from Tarquinia.
- Tarq... - Italy.
Where they recently discovered a non-funerary burial site.
- Mm. Buried with no funeral.
- Sacrificed.
Fucking dark, I know.
See this first skull?
It was probably a slave who was decapitated.
Then just her body was buried
at the base of the temple wall.
Her body meant to provide support,
in a sacrificial annihilating kind of support way.
[door clicks]
[ominous music]
Why did you shut the door?
- I-I didn't.
It-it shut on its own.
- Doors don't just shut.
- No, I-I guess this one did.
It must've slipped from the thing that was holding it.
[door rattles]
I think it's locked.
Or...
[ominous music]
I did it on purpose
because I'm actually...
a werewolf.
[chuckling]
- Good idea for a series at the fourplex,
werewolf movies.
- Yeah, and the filing cabinet scene from "The Howling,"
that's about to happen right now.
- I just meant a door doesn't just shut
or lock on its own.
[door rattling]
You sure you didn't close it?
- Here, can I...
[Margot panting]
[grunting]
Hold still.
Don't make this hard.
[Margot gasping]
Hey, hey.
Just... just take it easy.
- No, get off me!
- Just let me, okay?
[thudding]
[gasping]
[glass shattering]
[ominous music]
- Seventeen years I nurtured this colony.
- I know, and I'm so sorry.
- Here, here is the queen,
dead.
Dead, whoever you are.
- Sorry, uh, Robert, this is Dr. Zaballa.
Dr. Z, this is Robert.
- I was... I was just stopping by, uh,
but I'm... I'm so sorry about... about that colony.
That was a thing of beauty.
- The worker ants, they fought hard to defend the queen.
They're all females.
- Right.
- Oh, you know that?
Are you a myrmecologist?
- Myrmecology is... - Is the study of ants, I know.
Um, I'm not, but I do... I know a bit about them.
- Then perhaps you know
that the males did nothing to defend the queen,
but they dug their own grave, haven't they, Robert?
Because a colony without the queen will die.
[clock ticking]
- I just wanted to say thank you
for the great snacks.
- No problem.
- So my fall break starts tomorrow,
so I'm gonna go back home for a while.
I hope you'll text me.
Will you?
- I...
- Look, it wasn't you that made me react
like that, okay?
I'm really sorry.
And...
I hope tonight doesn't count as a first date.
- Oh, we don't have to count it.
Let's not count it.
Hot washcloths on the bites,
to stop the itching.
Don't use ice, okay?
- Okay.
- Have a safe trip back home, and, uh...
I'll see you soon, sweetheart.
[light music]
♪ There's a world where I can go ♪
♪ And tell my secrets to
♪ In my room
♪ In this world, I lock out
♪ All my worries
♪ And my fears
♪ In my room
♪ In my room ♪
- No, Kelly, that's impossible.
We'll definitely need to set up
a serving station in the garage.
- But, but, but where's the ice sculpture going?
That's supposed to be a surprise,
and it's not like you can just hide
300 pounds of decorative ice.
- Before... Before we get too in a fluff here, Kelly,
why don't we just take a deep breath?
- Do not tell me to breathe, Todd, please.
Margot, you... you have been on that phone
since you got here. Who are you texting?
Oh, is it a boy?
Oh, she's finally not being so picky
and she likes a boy. - Kelly, can we just...
- I will breathe tomorrow in yoga class, okay?
Oh, birthday boy, close your ears, honey.
- Oh, let's can the cutesy stuff, okay?
- Okay. Honey, um, could you just
help us out by moving your car out of the garage?
[phone clicking] - No, it's charging.
- Okay, well, there must be another plug someplace, honey.
We have 200 guests arriving here...
- In six hours, and the guys are coming to get me,
and we're going to the Y. [Todd]: The Y?
- Are you on that damn phone again?
- She's texting a boy.
- What's his name?
- Robert. - Robert.
- Mm-hmm. His name is Robert.
- My first affair was with a sous-chef named Robert.
- You're having an affair?
- Could we please focus on the hundreds of guests
that are arriving here any minute?
- In six hours.
You are not old enough to have an affair.
- Okay, can we all just stop saying "affair"?
It's not even what this is...
yet.
And Robert is a very interesting man.
[Kelly]: Oh, a man.
So he's older?
Maybe he's mature.
Or maybe he's not.
- In fact, Robert and I might even move in together.
We'll have a sweet little home
where people will want to come over and hang out
'cause it's so warm and inviting and nonintrusive.
- Okay, you're texting a man
that you're gonna live with. I want to talk to this Robert.
- Hey, Ernie, honey, could you give us that little,
um, card that you wave to start the car?
- Kelly, honey, this is my birthday.
Stop hammering me about the damn car.
Oh, about tonight,
I don't want any reference to which birthday this is,
okay, no announcement about the fact
that I got one foot in the box.
- You've got 300 pounds of ice
in the shape of a six and a zero.
[door clicks]
- Let it melt.
[phone swooshes]
[Kelly]: Why not? It'll make him so happy.
[Margot]: Because I don't want to sing tonight,
and it's a dumb song.
- Dumb? Marilyn Monroe sang this song.
- Yeah, well, things have changed a little
since Marilyn's day. - Oh, you know, don't make...
don't make me tired.
I-I read.
I talk to the girls at the gym.
Yeah, things have changed on the surface,
which means they haven't really changed at all.
That's something that girls your age don't understand.
- Oh, my God. Here we go.
"Girls my age." - Yes, girls your age.
I don't know, you're so self-involved.
You're so entitled.
I mean, is it, is it your birthday,
or is it Ernie's birthday? - Are you serious?
I just said I didn't want to sing the song.
It's weird. It's uncomfortable.
- Oh, well, you know what?
Things aren't always 100% comfortable.
Get over it. And you know what?
If you, if you want to get along with a man
and not be alone your whole entire life
and build a relationship that actually lasts,
make peace with a little discomfort now and then,
a little compromise, okay?
I wish, I wish I had known that
the first time around, with your father.
- Mom. - He thought he wasn't
my number one, and there's a few things
I should've done to let him know.
- Mom, it's not your fault he left.
- It isn't.
You know, I get it.
If you don't want to sing, we won't sing.
[upbeat music playing]
[crowd cheering]
♪ While tearing off a game of golf ♪
♪ I may make a play for the caddy ♪
- Ah.
♪ But when I do, I don't follow through ♪
♪ 'Cause my heart belongs to Daddy ♪
♪ If she invites a boy some night ♪
♪ To dine on my fine finnan haddie ♪
- Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
♪ She just adores his asking for more ♪
♪ But her heart belongs to Daddy ♪
[men cheering]
♪ Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy ♪
♪ So I simply couldn't be bad ♪
[crowd laughing]
♪ Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy ♪
♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da, da-dah ♪
[man]: Yeah!
♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da
♪ Da-da-dah ♪
[phone dings]
- What's happening? Is there an Amber Alert?
Who's texting?
- That would be Robert.
- Robert? All right.
I'm listening. - He's great.
I mean, we haven't gone on an official date
or anything yet, but...
I think I really like him.
- Good.
Well, he's got to go through me first, so...
- So? - Hm?
- What about you?
Anyone special?
- Um... - Any... any guys?
- Oh, yeah, right,
last time we talked, I was exploring sex with men.
Um... - You're not still?
- Uh, what I've realized, actually, is...
I'm an ace...
Uh, which is what asexuals call themselves.
Do you remember when we were together
just how, like, out of my body I was,
how I could never really, like, enjoy sex?
So I thought I must be gay,
and so then I tried that,
and then that was just, like, even weirder.
Like, all of this, like, bizarre pressure to,
like, perform and to, like, be this, like,
sexual Tarzan or something, and it felt awful.
So then I looked it up,
and it turns out that being asexual is,
like, a real thing,
and since then, I've just felt this relief
because I finally don't have to pretend to like sex anymore.
Is-is that okay for me to say?
- Oh, my God, yeah, of course. - Okay.
- Of course. I...
- But it's not like it was because of, like, you.
If you'd been the hottest girl in the world,
I would've still been, like...
And-and not that you're not.
Not that you're... - Okay.
- Because you are. - Clay, I get it.
- Okay.
- Stop looking mortified.
[funky music]
♪ Ooh
[sighs]
♪ And where do we go from here
♪ Which is the way that's clear ♪
♪ Still looking for that blue jean baby queen ♪
♪ Prettiest girl I ever seen
♪ See her shake on the movie screen ♪
♪ Jimmy Dean ♪
[music stops abruptly]
[crickets chirping outside]
[phone swooshes]
[phone clicking]
[phone swooshes]
[cow mooing]
[train rattling]
[phone swooshes]
[phone dings]
- 'Cause I wanna get the workers' comp.
You'd do it too, you crazy son of a b...
[whistles]
Mikey, why don't I hear you
shucking oysters? Come on.
[phone ringing]
[thunder rumbling]
[crow cawing]
- I'm not saying he's avoiding me.
He still texts every day, says good morning, good night.
- Oh, maybe he's a doorman.
- What's weird, though, is, whenever I hint
about getting together again...
[mimics buzzer]
Seriously? The buzzer?
- Somebody's got to stop you.
- You know, I could really use some support here.
I'm trying to figure out what's going on with this guy.
I'm worried he misinterpreted a text I sent.
- Text you sent? What does that mean?
No. A pic?
No. What...
Tit, ass, pussy?
What? - No, of course not.
Look, it doesn't matter what the text was, okay?
I just don't want to play games with him.
- Right, so you'd just rather expose your vulnerable soul
to a fucking bearded giant?
Seriously, this is me being supportive.
He holds all the cards right now, so please,
Margot, for the love of women,
just take back your cards.
[phone dings]
I know it's him. - Actually, no.
It's my mom, worried I don't have
enough down in my winter coat, bizarrely.
The woman's insane.
[bright music]
[phone swooshes]
[♪♪]
[phone clicking]
That's where I work,
And "Star Wars" is boring!
[phone clicking]
[♪♪]
[music stops abruptly]
Hey. - Hey.
- Let's do this.
- We're doing it. Um...
[car door closes]
[light music]
[car door closes]
- So...
when was the last time you saw "Empire Strikes Back"?
- June.
- Of this year?
Wow.
So you've seen it a lot.
The only movie I've seen that often is "Spirited Away."
Do you know it?
- Yeah, I know the director,
but I haven't, haven't seen it.
[car engine revving]
[locks click]
[grunting]
[gasps]
I'm not gonna murder you.
- Why would you say that?
- It was a joke.
- I know it was a joke.
And hey, you can murder me if you want.
- Good to know.
[man in film]: Here. And, Chewie?
[speaking Shyriiwook]
I think we ought to replace the negative power coupling.
[speaking Shyriiwook]
[soft music plays]
[objects clatter in film]
- Oh, no. I...
- Right. Right.
- Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help.
- I'd forgotten so much of this movie.
- You'll remember if you watch.
- So difficult sometimes. - I do. I really do.
You could be a little nicer, though.
Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.
- Occasionally, maybe.
- I was completely obsessed with Leia's
side buns when I was a kid.
- Scoundrel?
Scoundrel?
I like the sound of that.
- Stop that.
- Stop what?
- Stop that. My hands are dirty.
- My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?
- Afraid?
- You're trembling.
- I'm not trembling.
- You like me because I'm a scoundrel.
There are no scoundrels in your life.
- I happen to like nice men.
- I'm a nice man.
- No, you're not. You're...
- Sir, sir, I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling!
[laughing]
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Oh, you're perfectly welcome, sir.
[action music plays]
[indistinct chatter]
- So, uh, do you want to get a drink or...
- We could get a drink, I guess.
- If you want.
What's up?
- Nothing.
Just tired.
- I'm sorry. I g... Yeah, I guess you hated it.
It's the first romantic movie I ever saw, so I-I figured...
It was about sharing, it was about sharing
something with her that I love
that's romantic because...
- Because your feelings for her are romantic.
- Margot is bright. Margot is sophisticated.
She knows about movies.
She goes for the subtitled stuff, like Japanese films.
Maybe she's just smarter than me.
- And that's intimidating.
- You don't have to apologize for the movie.
There were lots of great moments in it,
like, uh, when Leia says "I love you" and Han says...
- "I know." - Yeah.
Classic, right? - "Hahn. Hahn."
- "Hahn?" - You said "Haan."
- Sorry. - Yeah.
- Um...
- Yeah, I love that.
- It was a good idea,
and a drink is an even better idea.
- Okay.
Now we're talking.
So where do, where do you like to go?
- I like Sonny's.
- Sonny's, the student ghetto?
I'll take you someplace better.
♪ Yummy, yummy, yummy I got love in my tummy ♪
♪ And I feel like loving you... ♪
They make a mean whiskey sour.
- Yup, you're good.
- We don't have to wait in line.
The guy knows me.
- Yup, you're good. - Hey, uh, I don't think...
- Hey, man. Hey. - Hey, man.
- Good to see you. Yeah. - How are you?
Uh, excuse me, I just need to see your ID.
- Uh, I'm with him. - Oh, yeah. She's with me.
- I just... - Thanks. Thanks, man.
- Yeah. I just need to see your ID, please.
♪ I love it so
Uh, excuse me.
♪ Sweeter than sugar
Yeah, no.
♪ I won't let you go
You're good.
Can you just hold on one second?
♪ Yummy, yummy, yummy I got love... ♪
- Robert?
Robert.
- 'Scuse me. Dude.
♪ The lovin' that you're givin' ♪
♪ Is what keeps me livin'
- Hey.
Hey. - This is so embarrassing.
- What?
Wait.
How old are you?
- 20.
- 20?
I thought you said you were older.
- I told you I was a sophomore.
- No, you told me that you did, like, a gap year, so...
What the fuck?
- Look, I'm 20, okay?
I'm sorry.
- Honey...
Don't, don't be sorry.
I'm the one that's sorry.
- You must think I'm such an idiot,
crying 'cause I didn't get into a bar.
- No, no, no, no.
No.
No, I don't think that at all.
- I must look awful.
- There was something about that cool,
crisp autumnal air
and the tears rolling down her cheeks.
She was just so open
and so vulnerable
and so incredibly sexy.
She had never looked so beautiful.
- What you were discovering in that moment
was the depth of your longing.
- Oh, 100%.
- Tell me about the kiss.
[Margot]: I know this is your hour and I'm crashing...
- Go on.
I can handle it.
[exhales] - It was a terrible kiss.
To be honest, it's hard to believe
a grown man could be this bad at kissing.
But at the same time, I suddenly felt a tenderness,
I guess you'd call it.
I mean, here he is, older than me,
and yet already, I know so much more
about kissing than he does.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey. No, I'm sorry. - Easy.
- Hm.
But what was that a tenderness, Margot?
Or was that sensation a shift
in the power dynamics between you two,
a shift that wound up in your favor?
[distant pounding music]
- Let's get out of here.
[phone clicking]
♪ I really love it when you tell me to stop ♪
♪ Oh, it's turning me on
[phone ringing]
Here you go, sweetheart.
- Cheers, to you.
- Me?
- Well, yeah, I almost ruined another evening,
but you, yet again, saved us.
- Okay, to me. I'll take it.
- I just wish making a mess of things
was considered a superpower.
Then I could star in my own superhero movie.
- Yeah, maybe we should call you Homo "Ha-bee-lees" Girl.
- Homo Habilis? Nice.
- Homo "Ha-bill-iss." I knew that.
[Margot chuckles] I definitely knew that.
I can read a human evolution chart.
You had one in your lab.
So, uh, what's your kryptonite, then,
Homo Habilis Girl?
- Well, Homo habilis was the main diet
of large predatory animals.
- Ouch. [chuckling]
Ah, well, I don't think there are any superheroes
whose weakness is being somebody's dinner.
- Good. I like to think I'm original.
- To Homo Habilis Girl, an original.
[chuckles]
- I'm not saying I will have sex with him.
I'm just saying if I did,
I think he'd really like it, because...
Okay, this is gonna sound kind of bad,
but I think he may not be all that experienced.
[Taylor]: Dude, you're drunk.
- Okay, I'm not drunk.
I've had two beers.
Three, max.
- Wait, he's a terrible kisser.
Why are we even having this conversation?
- Because, okay,
maybe the sex will be like the kiss,
you know, clumsy and sort of...
Mauling.
- You can hear yourself now, right?
- But on the other hand, I think he'd be...
[traffic whooshing]
[horn honks]
Oh, someone's happy.
[panting]
Grateful.
- Margot.
- I know that sounds really bad, but...
I... Yeah, I-I think he would like it.
- Listen to me.
Call Lyft now.
[sighs]
- Yeah.
Maybe I should just go.
- Yes, thank you.
That is your smart brain talking.
Just take a deep breath, go back out there,
and call it a night.
- Okay.
Bye.
[kisses]
[chuckles]
♪ And the emptiness ♪
♪ And the hopelessness
♪ Are fine
♪ Because sometimes...
Hey.
Want to get out of here?
- Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
♪ You were mine ♪
[chuckles]
[upbeat music]
[keys jingle]
♪ I wouldn't know
[car horn beeps]
♪ Where to start
♪ If you ever were to ask me
♪ If I ever came to see
♪ So is this why
♪ You're proposing to me
- Don't...
♪ The front seat to young Peru
♪ To sit in fear...
Well, here it is, my house.
- It's great.
- Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Uh, just give me one sec.
♪ You notice
- It's cute.
♪ If only you dare
♪ I've got to stop this obsession ♪
♪ I've got to stay... ♪
I've never dated a guy with a house,
not dated.
Uh, you know, someone with whom I'm going on a date.
- Sorry, I couldn't hear you.
- Uh, you sure do like Harrison Ford.
- Well, yeah.
If you're old-school, Harrison Ford
is the perfect degree of cool.
- As opposed to?
- Have you even seen an Indiana Jones movie?
- Yeah. - No, you haven't.
[chuckling]
What... Name an Indiana Jones movie right now.
- Um...
- Three, two, one...
- "Shrine of Doom."
- Shrine? Wow.
- I... - That's ridiculous.
All right, you... you got a lot to learn, kiddo.
I'm gonna grab us, uh, a beverage.
- Where are your cats?
- It's "Temple."
[glasses clinking]
[phone clicking]
[ominous music]
[lights zapping]
Okay.
Stay a while.
Mm.
Oh, my God, you're so sexy.
Want to go to the bedroom?
[panting]
Yeah.
[Robert exhales]
[buttons clicking]
[synth pop music plays]
- Hey.
Do we want to do this?
- We did, before.
- So tell him we've changed our mind.
- It was our idea to come here.
- We made a mistake.
We can still fix it.
- And what will we say that won't be...
messy and hurtful and awful?
- We tell him the truth.
We should be allowed to do that.
- It's just easier to get it over with.
♪ Painful to me, pierce right through me ♪
[Robert exhales]
♪ Oh, my little girl
♪ All I ever wanted
♪ All I ever needed
♪ Is here in my arms
- Sorry.
♪ Words are very unnecessary... ♪
[panting]
- Look, he was sweet when he kissed our forehead.
- So?
- So let's think of that.
There.
- Wait. I got it.
Is it all right if I take this off?
[panting]
- Okay. Okay.
[Robert sighs]
- Yeah.
You do it.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
- See? He's grateful.
And that's the part of this that's,
you know, good.
- I'm sorry, which part of this is good?
- Like, how much he wants us.
[Robert sighs]
How he's looking at us.
You know, he...
[Robert pants]
He's clearly overwhelmed by how young
and pretty we are,
by our smooth skin, our perfect breasts.
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah, I'm not saying it in a bragging way.
I'm just saying, you know, look how much he wants us.
He's probably never wanted a girl this much
in his whole life.
[panting]
Although that noise is getting really annoying.
[Robert moans]
Do you think we can ask him to stop?
- Oh, so now you're ready to be honest?
- Wait, could I...
Can you turn over?
- Okay.
- I'm taking these off.
♪ Is here in my arms
[Robert]: Okay. Oh, fuck.
Okay.
[Robert pants]
What?
Did I hurt you?
It's too strong?
- A little. - Yeah.
Wait.
I'm sorry, have... Have you ever... done this?
- Done what?
- Have you ever done this before?
[laughing]
- I'm sorry, can you imagine if this was our first time?
- Like...
- I didn't... I didn't know. That's why I asked.
- No, no, it... it was nice of you to ask.
I have had sex, though.
But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed.
- No, you don't have to apologize.
- I guess I'm just nervous or something.
♪ Anyone but you
- You're nervous?
You don't have to be nervous.
♪ Are the stars... ♪
Just take it slow.
- Oh, God, anything but slow.
- Dude, you just told him you were nervous.
How did you think he was gonna respond?
- God, I don't know what...
- Yeah.
Oh, he... Okay, he's not giving up.
- Yeah. Mm.
Like, definitely not giving up.
- Mm.
Oh, shit, that's so good.
Okay. Lay back.
Oh, God, now he's getting a condom.
- Fuck, where is it? - Mom will be happy.
- I don't want to think about Mom right now.
- Yeah, because you know you shouldn't be doing this.
It's not what you want.
Say, "I have changed my mind."
[Robert]: I want to fuck you so bad.
You want to fuck me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, shit.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, you like that?
You like that, College Girl?
I always wanted to fuck a girl with nice tits.
- Oh, my God, how much porn does this guy watch?
- Say it.
- Turn over.
[panting]
[thuds] - Ow!
Jesus. - Sorry. Sorry.
- It's fine. It's fine. - Sorry.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, you make my dick so fucking hard.
- Okay. - Oh, yeah!
- You see the bind we're in.
- My dick's so hard.
- We're in a strange house with a guy we don't know.
There's no one within hearing distance.
I mean, who knows what he could do if I really piss him off?
- If you think this guy could hurt you,
then why are you here?
[slapping]
- Come here.
- I mean, is this supposed to be for your benefit?
- Oh, God, shut the fuck up.
- Okay. There we go.
There we go.
Oh, yeah. - Stars.
That's nice.
[Robert]: Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
[Robert]: Just tilt. Tilt. Yeah.
How's that? There we go.
That a girl. That's it.
[panting]
- No, I know.
It's pretty bad.
- Yeah.
- You're right.
[both]: This needs to be over.
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah!
Uh! - You want me to come?
- Yeah, so fucking bad, come on, come for me.
- I'm gonna. I'm gonna. - Mm.
Oh, yeah? Ah!
Ah, I'm gonna come too.
[moaning]
- Oh, shit. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, good girl.
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
[footsteps]
Wow.
- This is the worst life decision I've ever made.
[urinating]
[Robert]: Well, what do you want to do now?
Want to watch a movie?
I must have something with subtitles.
Actually, I think I have a bootleg "Working Girl"
from Belgium with English...
[movie playing]
[woman speaking French]
[man speaking French]
Sorry.
- It's okay.
[woman speaking French]
How old are you?
- 33.
- 33?
- Yeah, is that... is that a problem?
- No, it's not a problem.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- Okay.
I mean, I was gonna... I was gonna tell you,
but I wasn't sure how you'd take it.
[Robert chuckles]
Okay.
[sighs]
To tell you the truth,
I was actually really worried when you went home...
You know, for break...
Because...
I kind of thought that we were together...
I mean, I know it was mostly text,
but I thought that we were starting something, and then,
well, I guessed that you were committed to me
or not commit... But, like, a little committed to me.
And so...
you went home, and then this weird loop
kept playing in my head that was like,
a girl as pretty as Margot,
she definitely went out with some stud boyfriend
in high school, and I kept thinking,
she's definitely gonna hook up with this guy,
despite what's happening between us,
and then you sent that...
that photo of your breasts,
and then you said it was a mistake,
and I thought,
that's definitely for that fucking total douche boyfriend,
and, you know, you're probably considering
fucking him if you weren't already fucking him.
And now I know that was...
obviously wrong, and I should've just trusted you.
- My former boyfriend is asexual now,
as in doesn't want to have sex with anyone ever again.
[Robert scoffs] - Well, that's...
that's good to know, because I...
I think we're really good together.
I mean, I had a good time tonight.
Didn't you?
- Yeah, I did.
- Yeah. - Um, but I should...
probably go now.
- N-no.
No, you got to stay over. - I can't.
- No, I'll make you scrambled eggs in the morning.
- Thank you, but, um, my roommate will be worried.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- Right. Got to get back to that dorm.
- Yep, 'cause that's... that's where I live.
[engine revving]
[Robert, softly]: Why don't you like me?
Answer me! Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? Why?!
[thunder booming]
[seatbelt clicking]
- Here I am.
- Hey.
Glad we got to go on our date.
- Guess that was our date.
Okay.
[keys jingle]
[phone dings]
Oh, God.
[soft music]
[indistinct chatter]
- So... how was it?
- Great, if you like a guy
that spends ten hours a day on YouPorn.
- So what was his go-to move, the reverse squatting cowgirl?
- Don't make me relive it.
- Or that awful hand thing
where their fingers are, like, moving so fast
that your vagina starts to smoke?
[chuckles] - What is that?
Right now, I just have to figure out what I'm gonna do.
- Block his number.
- That's a little harsh,
and even if I did ghost him, how long till he got the hint?
Maybe his messages will keep coming forever.
Maybe they'll never end.
- Were his cats at least cute?
- I never saw them.
- Like, never?
Uh-oh. That's...
That's not good.
- It is weird, isn't it?
Why would he lie about having cats?
- Because liking cats makes a guy seem nonthreatening,
harmless, sensitive, even.
He lied because that's how he wants you to think he is.
Think about it.
He's hiding something.
[phone dings]
- So fucking not.
[groans]
[breathing deeply]
One of us has to die.
[horn honking, tires screeching]
[zapping]
[screaming]
[phone dings]
[sighs]
[man clears throat]
Hey, Robert, my workload has become really overwhelming
since I added Pre-Columbian Histories
to my already packed schedule,
so I really need to focus on my studies right now.
It's actually quite serious, because my parents
have threatened to "turn off the tap,"
their words, unless I keep up an A average.
- Wait, I'm sorry, have you had a stroke?
- I know.
It's... it's too long. I need to cut it.
- Uh, yeah, you need to put us all out of our misery
and just say, "I'm not interested."
- I can't say that, Taylor.
We had sex. I have to say more.
- No, you don't. - I do.
He's a nice guy,
sort of.
And what did he really do that's so wrong
except be bad in bed
and maybe lie about having cats?
In a way, I kind of miss him.
- Okay, my head is gonna explode.
- Not the real Robert, obviously,
but the guy I was texting with when we first met.
I really liked that guy.
- Yeah, it's easy to like a text chain. It's not real.
- Hey, I never opened the video he sent me.
- Great, now's your chance to delete it.
- You're trembling.
- I'm not trembling.
[Margot]: It's sort of sweet.
It was the first movie we saw together.
- It's the only movie you saw together.
- He was really into this scene.
- I happen to like nice men.
- Leia's rocking that mono-braid,
but my favorite was always the side buns.
- That's exactly what I said,
not that Robert was remotely interested.
Oh, wait, there's more.
- Wow. It's a montage.
- "Blade Runner"? - Yeah, classic scene.
Rachael tries to run, Deckard throws her
against the blinds, forces her to say, "Kiss me,"
and then shoves his mouth on hers,
and then she falls in love.
- Jesus.
- "Last Crusade," Indiana berates Elsa,
forces himself on her, and then she says,
"How dare you kiss me?"
And then, of course, she kisses him.
- I guess this is just Robert's idea of romance.
Taylor!
No. Taylor!
[grunting]
No, come on, Taylor, this isn't funny!
Taylor, I'm so serious right now.
I'm really, really, really, really, really serious, Taylor!
- You're welcome.
- Oh, my God.
He's gonna read that.
- It won't kill him.
[soft music]
[gun clicks]
You okay? What do you need?
I think I have a vape.
- What are you doing? We don't vape.
- You're right, we don't.
- You're sure you're okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
[phone rings]
- Oh, my God.
- You did this. You read it.
- Okay.
Uh, okay.
"Okay, Margot.
I'm sorry you don't want to see me anymore.
I hope I didn't do anything to upset you.
You're a sweet girl,
and I really did enjoy the time we spent together.
Let me know if you change your mind."
That's it.
Margot, it's over.
Oh, my God, thank God.
You handled this well.
You're a good girl.
I'm sorry. Nope, sorry.
It's too soon. You're right.
[all singing]: Happy birthday to you! Hey!
Happy birthday to you! Hey!
Happy birthday, dear Beth.
[harmonizing]: Happy birthday to you.
- I miss my bedroom.
- This is fun. - Is it?
- And look, there's no costumes or mime makeup this year.
- I could be a mime.
I'm trapped at a party.
- Look, if you want to go, just leave.
- I heard that. No, no, no.
No one is leaving. [chuckling]
Dave's still setting up... [singing]: the karaoke room!
Get ready. - Taylor, what do you think?
You, me,
"The Confrontation" from "Les Mis"?
We could sing it.
And you're shaking your head no.
- No. - I di... Never mind.
- Speaking of confrontations, though...
Taylor, why don't you tell everybody
what you've been up to with your forum thing?
Taylor has been weeding out masked men
on her subreddit, the Vagenda.
- Wait, wait, wait. What's a masked man?
- Ugh, James Madley.
Wait, did I tell you that he started
this new subreddit that he's calling, wait...
wait for it... Man Feminist.
- James Madley? I know him.
He's a super chill guy. He's in my comp lit.
And he's a Lyft driver.
- Yeah, is he the orange car that's always parked
outside the North Gate? - The North Gate.
- Well, that's kind of cute, actually, isn't it?
You know, guys talking about feminism with other guys?
- Mm. - It's progress.
- Is it, or is that just blind dudes
leading even more blind dudes?
- You should be a guest moderator on his sub.
- Yeah, and then they'd at least
have one female voice in there.
- Yeah. - Progress.
- Yeah, no, that's a great idea.
Let's just reward him for lying.
Really good idea, guys.
[chuckles]
What? - Okay, well,
if it's gonna be a mud fight,
I'm gonna need more booze. - Yes, please.
- I'll come. - You want one?
- Yes, please. Yep. Double shot. Thank you!
- Yes, happy birthday.
[indistinct chatter]
The bar's that way.
- It's him.
- What? It's who? Oh, my God, he really is old.
- No, don't look! - Who? Him?
- Where? - Don't look.
Oh, it's the guy at the theater.
Yeah, yeah, I told you about
that whole debacle, remember?
- Right. - I don't know if he saw me.
Yeah, guy who said he had cats and didn't have cats...
- Yeah. - In the end.
- Look, I'm just gonna go. - No, we'll all...
We're all gonna go, come on.
Come on, guys. Get up. Yes. Come on, let's surround her.
Everyone just be subtle and normal.
- What?
- Which one is he?
[phone dings]
[soft music]
- He saw me.
- Ugh, this is just him pissing on a lamppost.
Ignore it.
- This is so bad.
- Margot, this is not your fault.
[phone swooshes]
[phone swooshes repeatedly]
[soft ominous music]
[ominous music]
[muffled sounds]
[ominous music]
[lights zapping softly]
[distant sirens wailing]
[ominous music]
[breathing heavily]
[keys jingling]
[distant sirens wailing]
♪ It's Britney, bitch
[upbeat pop music]
♪ I see you
♪ And I just want to dance with you ♪
♪ Every time they turn the lights down ♪
♪ Just want to go that extra mile for you ♪
♪ Your public display of affection ♪
♪ And the unstoppable Danga
♪ Ah, you gonna have to remove me ♪
♪ 'Cause I ain't going nowhere
♪ Mo-mo-mo-mo more ♪
[phone beeps]
[music stops abruptly]
- Shit.
[ambient sound returns]
[distant objects clattering]
[dog barking]
[car engine starting]
[gasping]
- And this was last night after he sent the text
where he called you a whore?
- Yeah, the text was last night,
and then tonight he harassed me
when he waited for me outside.
- He waited? I thought he drove off.
- After standing there for ten minutes.
- Did he approach you?
- Not physically, but he could see me.
Actually, I'm not sure if he could see me through the doors,
but he knows my hours, so...
[ominous music]
You're gonna say he didn't break the law.
- He didn't break the law. - Okay,
but I also don't want to be the next episode
of "Homicide Hunter."
"Harassing predator singles out young woman,
pursues her, cops ignore her complaints,
until she's found in a trash bin behind the local Kroger's."
- Or the story goes,
"Average Joe likes young pussy,
gets frustrated when she doesn't like him back,
drinks too much, calls her a bad name,
drives to her work to try to plead his case, chickens out,
then figures next time, he'll pick a less hot girl."
But if Robert actually does do something
to break the law and you can prove it,
come find me.
Stop watching "Homicide Hunter."
[distant door opens]
[ominous music]
[footsteps approaching]
[sighs]
[door opens]
[ominous music]
[panting]
[lock clicks]
- Well, can't say I'm surprised to find
two lovely ladies like yourselves
in here looking for protection.
- Oh, my God, Kelvin?
You need to shut that shit down right now.
- Yeah, I'm in no mood to be hit on
while my life might be in danger.
I'm sorry.
- Don't apologize.
- Uh, okay.
Um, how can I help you?
- I need to keep someone away from me.
- Mm-hmm. - And if he doesn't stay away,
I need to be able to defend myself.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right.
[clicking tongue]
How about a stun gun?
- And that just zaps him? - Yeah.
The Vipertek VTS-989, what we got here,
it's our best seller.
Fully rechargeable. - Mm, no, that's not gonna work.
She's at 4% with her phone on a good day.
- All righty. We could keep it simple, then.
Two words: Smith & Wesson.
- A gun? - A gun, gun?
Kelvin, when you go home at night,
what planet is that?
Do you realize that you're more likely to get shot
if you're carrying a gun, with your own gun?
- Look, ladies, I just want to help you both feel safe.
How can I do that?
- I just need to know if I'm overreacting
or if there really is a guy out there after me.
At least this way, we're ready for anything.
God, this is so intense.
Are you sure a tracking device is even legal?
- Kelvin said it depends on the state.
- Oh, we're quoting Kelvin now?
- Taylor, I have to do something.
And if Robert is out there planning to hurt me,
I have to be able to stop him,
and to stop him, I have to know where he is
at all times.
- Right, but that just means
that you have to get that thing on his car.
- Yeah.
I have to get this thing on his car soon.
- Party! [screaming]
- Motherfucker! - I know. A hot dog,
it's horrifying. Cecilia is having
a You Are What You Eat Party.
You gotta come. - And we even got you costumes.
- You almost gave us heart attacks.
- Which is so fucking rude.
You just barge in here, taking up every inch of space
with your loud, entitled voices
and your obnoxious, meaty costumes?
- I was gonna be an avocado. [laughing]
- Taylor, we're fine.
They're just inviting us to a party.
- Did they ask if we wanted to be invited to a party?
- We are. We... We are now.
- Uh, we could... Yeah, if you want to come.
- I'm sorry, we were just in the middle of something.
- What? Don't apologize to them. Why are you always
apologizing to dudes? - Relax.
Why do you have to make everything into some epic
battle in your own mind? It's exhausting.
Kyle and Lucas didn't do anything wrong.
- Clearly, this is a bad time.
So we'll be in the lounge if...
- Sorry. - Yeah, sorry.
We'll knock next time.
- What the fuck was that?
What is going on?
Why are you always against me recently?
- Nobody is against you.
God, that's all I'm saying, okay?
- Good.
- Although I'm also saying that sometimes you make it
really hard for me to be for you.
- Oh, really? Oh, well, I'm always there for you, so...
- What? No, you're not. - I am.
I just took you to get weapons.
- Okay, let's be honest about what I really am to you.
A pair of ears. A captive audience.
- Are you joking? - No.
You're only there for me when I agree with you.
- Th... It's... Without me, you're literally just, like,
floating around in some YA fantasy novel.
Like, I ground you. Do you understand that?
I'm always trying to protect you,
because I understand the real world, and you don't.
- What, from your virtual cave?
Where no one has real names?
Where no one's a real person because you're all too afraid
to actually step out?
- Oh, right, like how you stepped out?
How'd that go for you?
- At least I tried to connect with another human.
What do you ever do except hide?
- Fuck you.
This is bullshit.
Good luck with your Robert problem, Margot.
Can't wait for that call.
- Why would I bother calling? [door slams]
You'll be too busy posting.
[sighs] Fuck.
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
- I don't want to talk to you, but I left my charger
in your room.
Margot?
Oh, my God.
[ominous music]
[dog growling]
[rattling]
- Hey. Hey. Who are you?
Hey.
What are you doing?
- I know that dog.
- Go. Go.
- That dog was outside my dorm weeks ago.
[Margot breathing heavily]
You've been following me.
- I don't... I... What is that?
What is that in your hand?
Give it to me.
[spraying]
[screaming]
[thuds]
[ominous music]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- We need to go to the Alphabet Streets immediately.
- Okay. - There's this guy named Robert.
My friend is with him right now.
I-I don't know his address or his last name,
but I just have a really bad feeling about this, okay,
so we're just gonna drive to the Alphabet Streets,
and we can start looking.
- Okay, all right, all right, um,
all right, just breathe.
You might want to buckle up.
You know, my name's, uh... my name's James, by the way.
[Robert]: Fuck.
What do I do? What do I do?
What the fuck is the matter with you?
- Why am I inside your house?
- You were trying to put a tracker on my car,
because apparently, you want to see me in jail.
- This is insane. I'm just gonna go.
- You're not gonna go. You're not going anywhere,
not until I have a plan,
until I figure out how to fix this total,
god-awful, disastrous mess you put us in.
Everything is ruined now.
If I let you out of here looking like that,
you're probably gonna get your wish, and I'm gonna go to jail,
no matter what I say about what happened here.
Everybody believes the woman.
- Trust me, they don't. - Oh, no.
You want to see how much of a liar you are?
"I told my parents this morning they will meet you soon,"
with a... an emoji face blowing a heart kiss.
"Break is boring. Good news,
we'll be in same zip code again soon,"
with two thumbs up.
You remember sending that?
"Thank you for being so kind last night.
You're my new favorite person."
"Today you were my first text and my last.
Let's make this every day," with three questions marks
and a blushing face with little hearts.
I went through all the texts; there's 156 texts
that say, "I'm into you, Robert. I like you, Robert."
Why'd you say those things?
Why did you say them if you don't mean them?
And why'd you let me blubber on like some lovesick asshole
when you obviously loathe me?
- I don't loathe you. - Stop lying!
- What about you?
You were stalking me.
- I was stalking you?
What, a guy can't see a pretty girl and want to meet her?
Okay, yeah, I... So I followed you,
but only so I could run into you.
Is that... is that a bad thing?
I mean, is that a bad thing?
I-I... Am I some kind of bad guy
'cause I just want to... I want to fucking meet a girl?
I want to meet a girl in life and not on a fucking app?
I don't want to meet them through my screen?
Am I such a bad guy?
I'm sorry that I found you attractive,
and maybe if you'd liked me, like I thought you did,
you would've found that romantic and not, you know,
not creepy, and it could've been our story.
- What?
- The fucking origin story
that our best man would've told at our wedding.
And by the way, you had your eye on me, too,
at the movie theater, didn't you?
Be honest!
Just say it! Say it! Say it!
Don't play games.
Don't play games anymore with me.
You can't say shit, you can't say a goddamn
truthful thing in your fucking life.
Dumbass teenager.
You just fucking manipulated me.
- I was honest.
At first.
But the night we spent here,
we just had such different experiences.
- Wh-what do you mean?
You had a bad time?
What? What... What did I do?
I didn't fuck you well enough?
You should've told me that! Tell me!
- Well, when you were texting me after,
I was just trying to spare your feelings.
- Fuck. [hand thudding on wall]
I'm being way too loud.
I'm being way too loud right now.
This is... This is not a...
- Ugh, my eyes.
- Oh, your eyes? Well, that's also your fault entirely.
- Please, can I just have some water for my eyes?
- You need saline solution, not water.
- Oh, my God, you've had girls mace you before?
- Go on. Go on.
- What, so this is a regular thing?
- I'm a nurse.
Not that you ever bothered to ask.
I don't know, maybe Ambien mixed with Klonopin,
and I just dose you, and I drop you off on campus,
and... and you don't remember how you got there,
and it'd be as if this whole
hideous nightmare never happened.
- That's your plan?
That is not a good plan.
Well, because there is no good plan.
There is no good plan.
If you walk out of here looking like that,
it's over for me, right?
I cannot trust you. - Yes, you can.
- No, I can't!
- Look, why don't we make a pact?
- A pact? - Yeah.
You let me go...
You let me go, I never speak a word of this to anyone,
and we... we both forget we ever knew each other.
- Ha.
- That could work. - No. No. No.
- Robert, look, if you drug me like some super predator...
- Oh, God.
- they will lock you up for good.
[ominous music]
Oh, my God. my eyes.
[crying]
They're burning.
Can I please just have some of that solution?
Please, please, I'm in so much pain.
- Don't fucking move.
[ominous music]
[dog barking]
- 911, what's your emergency?
Hello?
- No...
- Hello?
[grunting]
- Fuck.
[glass shattering]
[panting]
[Margot screams]
Stop. Stop.
[screaming]
[Robert groans]
[grunting]
[screaming]
Shut up! Shut up!
Get in here!
Get over here!
[screaming]
Come here. Stop.
[grunting]
Shut the fuck up. Shut up!
[Margot screaming]
[panting]
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up! Shut...
[Robert shouts]
Fuck!
[high-pitched ringing]
[glass shattering]
[tense music]
[cat meows]
[inaudible struggle]
[tense music]
[screaming]
[electric zap]
[Margot]: Get off me!
- Enough!
[flames whoosh]
[smoke detector beeping]
[startled shout]
[coughing]
[Robert]: Hey! Hey!
[coughing]
Come on.
Come on! Come on!
Help! God!
[coughing]
The drain.
Come in.
Margot! Come in.
Are you fucking crazy? You got to trust me!
Come on.
Trust me! Come on!
[coughing]
[screaming]
- Open it! Hey!
Robert!
Let me in!
Robert! Let me in!
- Okay, turn off Adams onto Buchanan.
Then go down Cleveland.
- Okay, what we looking for? [sirens wailing]
- Oh, my God, there's a fire.
Wait, drive toward the fire!
- What? Seriously, drive toward it?
[sirens wailing]
[fire truck horn honking]
Is your friend in there? - I don't know. I don't know.
I don't even know if this is the right house.
[sirens wailing]
[sounds cut out abruptly]
[soft music]
[birds chirping]
[indistinct chatter]
- We didn't find anyone.
- No, she hasn't responded to my texts or calls or anything.
Did... did you check everywhere?
- It's good news we didn't find her.
- Hey, Taylor.
Why don't you let me take you home?
I won't... I won't charge you.
- I think you might already know me.
I'm BitchPerfect.
- It's nice to finally meet you.
- Hey, Chief. We found something in the basement.
- Margot?
[panting]
- All right.
[grunting]
We got a pulse!
On both of 'em!
Come on, let's get 'em up.
[oxygen hissing]
[Taylor]: She's up.
[Ernie]: Oh, thank God.
- Hi.
- I-I'm gonna go get your mom.
Uh, she took a Valium,
and she's sleeping in the lounge.
She's so stressed about this.
[Taylor]: It's really not about Kelly right now.
- Look, I'm-I'm gonna be right back. Your mom...
your mom is gonna be so relieved.
You know, and I'm relieved too, obviously.
[Taylor]: Hi. You're okay.
[uplifting music]
[birds chirping]
I don't know why you want to look at this.
Robert Holt is taillights now.
Okay, he's gone. It's done. It's over.
- He quit his job at the hospital.
The woman at the desk said he moved to the coast,
didn't leave any forwarding information.
Who knows if that's true or not, though?
Maybe he told her to say that in case I came looking.
- One of these days, you're gonna have to tell me
what really happened that night.
Come on. We're late for pickleball. Let's go.
[man on film]: Then, out of the swamp's depths
again appears horrifying, mysterious creatures.
- You've seen it, right?
- Me? - Yeah, you know how,
like, places have, like, employee recommends
and stuff like that?
Do you recommend "The Apartment"?
- Embarrassingly, I haven't seen it.
- You haven't seen it? It's, like, a classic.
I mean, you know, they told me that if you don't see it,
they're gonna fire you, but you...
I think they show it two nights,
so you still have tomorrow.
- Well, thank you.
- Yeah. - I'll get on that.
- No, you should. - Mm-hmm.
[man]: To gratify their destructive desires.
[woman screaming]
- Hey, Girl Who Should See "The Apartment," um...
Why don't you give me your number?
[upbeat music]
♪ The hurt I hurt is nothing like ♪
♪ The hurts I've hurt before
♪ The things I feel do not feel ♪
♪ Like things I've felt before ♪
♪ And the loneliness and the emptiness ♪
♪ And the hopelessness are fine ♪
♪ Because sometimes my cloudy brain ♪
♪ Remembers for one moment
♪ You were mine m
♪ The pain that pains is not the pain ♪
♪ That's pained my heart before ♪
♪ The tears I tear are not the tears ♪
♪ My eyes have teared before
♪ And the loneliness and the helplessness ♪
♪ And the uselessness are fine
♪ Because sometimes my cloudy brain ♪
♪ Remembers for one moment
♪ You were mine ♪