1
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:32,922
I've actually lost a lot of
friends in music and comedy

2
00:00:32,956 --> 00:00:35,792
to substance abuse
and it, and it kills me, man,

3
00:00:35,825 --> 00:00:38,895
because you don't need
drugs. You really don't.

4
00:00:38,928 --> 00:00:40,429
I am living proof
that you can destroy

5
00:00:40,462 --> 00:00:42,431
your life completely
sober, guys, I am.

6
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,069
And I'm not trying to brag,
I just never let drugs

7
00:00:46,102 --> 00:00:48,738
and alcohol come between
me and failure, okay?

8
00:00:48,772 --> 00:00:50,472
It's mine, all right?

9
00:00:50,506 --> 00:00:54,276
I have achieved this on my own.
No help from drugs!

10
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,295
<i>♪ The thought of you waiting ♪</i>

11
00:01:13,328 --> 00:01:17,167
<i>♪ For someone ♪</i>

12
00:01:17,199 --> 00:01:21,336
<i>♪ Turn your back
On this hating ♪</i>

13
00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:25,775
<i>♪ Turn your back
On this hating ♪</i>

14
00:01:25,809 --> 00:01:32,649
<i>♪ Before I forget
It took so long ♪</i>

15
00:01:32,682 --> 00:01:36,618
<i>♪ Turn your back
On this waiting ♪</i>

16
00:01:36,653 --> 00:01:41,858
<i>♪ Turn your back
On this waiting, yeah ♪</i>

17
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,528
I also took this
time during COVID

18
00:01:46,562 --> 00:01:49,666
and the social distancing
to come out the closet.

19
00:01:49,699 --> 00:01:52,902
I'm Black. Don't let anyone ever

20
00:01:52,936 --> 00:01:54,971
make you feel like it's
a choice.

21
00:01:55,437 --> 00:01:57,140
- Yo.
- What's up, boss?

22
00:01:57,173 --> 00:01:59,085
Hey, uh, dude, I've been
trying to get up on stage

23
00:01:59,109 --> 00:02:00,509
for like a couple of months now.

24
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:02,712
Do you think you can
like help me out?

25
00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,981
- Um...
- What you got, bro?

26
00:02:05,014 --> 00:02:06,216
Kind of embarrassing.

27
00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:08,051
- Two dollars?
- Yeah.

28
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:09,551
What the fuck, man?

29
00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:12,164
Fuck it, you're on deck, man.

30
00:02:12,188 --> 00:02:13,857
- All right.
- Name?

31
00:02:13,890 --> 00:02:16,159
Arnold? Arnold Wilson.

32
00:02:16,192 --> 00:02:18,695
- Gotcha, bro.
- Thanks. I got... I'll... get you.

33
00:02:18,728 --> 00:02:20,462
Tip the fucking bartender, bro.

34
00:02:27,237 --> 00:02:29,239
All right, everybody,
that was Philly Ricin.

35
00:02:29,271 --> 00:02:31,074
Give it up for Philly.
All right.

36
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:35,044
Next up coming to the stage,
we have... big spender...

37
00:02:35,078 --> 00:02:36,880
Arnold Wilson! Give it up
for Arnold.

38
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:42,351
Arnold Wilson, let's go!

39
00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:44,120
Where the fuck is this guy?

40
00:02:44,988 --> 00:02:46,089
Do you wanna go up?

41
00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:53,696
Hey, for

42
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:55,665
- Benjamin?
- Cool. Jinx.

43
00:03:04,274 --> 00:03:05,675
You from LA?

44
00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:09,378
From Dayton, Ohio.
Middle of nowhere.

45
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:13,082
Kinda like if all the meth
in America got together and...

46
00:03:13,116 --> 00:03:14,250
created a town.

47
00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:18,221
- You an actor?
- No. Uh...

48
00:03:18,254 --> 00:03:20,824
I actually moved
here to try to do comedy.

49
00:03:20,857 --> 00:03:22,292
You kind of look
like a comedian.

50
00:03:29,632 --> 00:03:31,301
Oh yeah, that's good.

51
00:03:32,135 --> 00:03:34,403
Oh, yeah, you want a bump?

52
00:03:35,939 --> 00:03:40,743
Uh... Nah, I...
I shouldn't, man. Um...

53
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,180
Eh, fuck it. Why not?

54
00:03:44,214 --> 00:03:46,649
Line it up.
Let's fucking do this.

55
00:03:50,954 --> 00:03:52,354
Two minutes!

56
00:03:52,387 --> 00:03:55,591
Piss in the bathroom
or outside, I don't give a shit!

57
00:03:55,625 --> 00:03:58,194
There's two fucking minutes!

58
00:03:58,228 --> 00:04:00,663
Oh, Rob. Good to see ya.

59
00:04:06,803 --> 00:04:08,705
I'm <i>so</i> sorry!

60
00:04:08,738 --> 00:04:11,140
I promise I'll pay you back
everything I owe you.

61
00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:13,309
I'm so sick of this.

62
00:04:13,343 --> 00:04:15,879
We were supposed to do shit
when we moved out here.

63
00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:18,882
I didn't come here to pay
your rent and bail you out.

64
00:04:18,915 --> 00:04:22,185
I pay rent; I want...
I want to pay rent.

65
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,021
Can you just listen?

66
00:04:25,054 --> 00:04:26,756
Last night was an accident.

67
00:04:26,789 --> 00:04:28,791
It's not like this
happens every <i>da</i>.

68
00:04:28,825 --> 00:04:31,194
Drunk driving when your only
source of income is driving

69
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,996
- is not an accident.
- I didn't drink.

70
00:04:33,029 --> 00:04:35,064
In my car, nonetheless.

71
00:04:35,098 --> 00:04:38,234
Now your license is revoked.
What are you gonna do?

72
00:04:38,268 --> 00:04:41,371
Can you just relax and just
like stop being so emotional?

73
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:44,674
- Fuck you, Arnold.
- What?

74
00:04:44,707 --> 00:04:46,342
Are you kidding?

75
00:04:46,376 --> 00:04:50,980
Hey! Hey, hey. Listen, I'm...
I'm sorry. Will you just listen?

76
00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:54,483
I'm sorry. I'll take my stuff

77
00:04:54,516 --> 00:04:57,153
and I'll take the van and I'll
go stay at a friend's.

78
00:04:57,186 --> 00:04:58,955
You need to stay here.

79
00:05:00,056 --> 00:05:02,158
You don't have any friends.

80
00:05:02,191 --> 00:05:03,393
Oh, okay.

81
00:05:12,101 --> 00:05:13,602
All right, thank you very much.

82
00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:15,271
I appreciate that, man.

83
00:05:15,305 --> 00:05:18,141
It's good to see you guys.
Great to be here doing comedy,

84
00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:19,952
mainly 'cause I spent the last
decade of my life

85
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:23,379
playing in a bunch of bands that
have failed frickin' miserably!

86
00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:25,580
But it's all right.
I'm working through it.

87
00:05:25,614 --> 00:05:27,350
I just wish there
was a support group called

88
00:05:27,383 --> 00:05:29,228
Rockaholics Anonymous.
That way you can be like,

89
00:05:29,252 --> 00:05:31,287
"So, just completed step
four of my recovery."

90
00:05:31,321 --> 00:05:33,790
That's just where you have
to stop snorting lines of ants

91
00:05:33,823 --> 00:05:35,258
off of Sunset Boulevard...

92
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,060
Step six is being funny.

93
00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:38,527
Yeah, and step six
is figuring out

94
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,239
what fucking look it is
you're going for, man.

95
00:05:40,263 --> 00:05:42,699
You can't be fat and a hipster
at the same time.

96
00:05:42,732 --> 00:05:45,034
- Fuck you, lesbian.
- I might look like a lesbian,

97
00:05:45,068 --> 00:05:46,577
but it's a hell of a lot better
than that whole

98
00:05:46,601 --> 00:05:48,738
lumber-sexual thing
that you got going on, bro.

99
00:05:48,771 --> 00:05:52,108
It was 95 degrees
in Los Angeles today, okay?

100
00:05:52,141 --> 00:05:54,444
You've got a beard,
a flannel with skinny jeans.

101
00:05:54,476 --> 00:05:57,323
What, you want us to believe you're gonna
go chop wood in Silverlake after this,

102
00:05:57,347 --> 00:05:59,581
dressed as fucking
Paul Bunyan's gay stepson?

103
00:05:59,614 --> 00:06:02,418
They're laughing at you, yeah!

104
00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:03,829
Why don't you try
saying something to me

105
00:06:03,853 --> 00:06:05,431
- without a microphone, dick?
- Bro, hey, I'm just

106
00:06:05,455 --> 00:06:06,832
- trying to do my job, man.
- Hey, get the fuck

107
00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,124
- outta here dude.
- Oh my God.

108
00:06:08,157 --> 00:06:09,835
- Jesus Christ.
- The fuck is wrong with you,

109
00:06:09,859 --> 00:06:12,328
- you fuck?
- Dude, oh my God!

110
00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:14,130
- Fuck you, dude.
- Yeah.

111
00:06:14,163 --> 00:06:15,665
Dude, it's a good
thing you're here.

112
00:06:15,698 --> 00:06:17,900
I didn't feel like
murdering somebody tonight.

113
00:06:17,934 --> 00:06:19,902
- Yeah.
- I can't afford to get arrested

114
00:06:19,936 --> 00:06:21,771
with my career peaking
like it is, you know?

115
00:06:21,804 --> 00:06:23,605
Maybe not with the whole...

116
00:06:23,639 --> 00:06:26,843
lesbian Kevin Bacon thing you
got going on, but uh...

117
00:06:26,876 --> 00:06:28,678
That's pretty funny.
You got me on that, yeah.

118
00:06:28,711 --> 00:06:30,179
- Yeah.
- Yeah

119
00:06:30,213 --> 00:06:32,448
Hey... You should try to get
on stage, man.

120
00:06:32,482 --> 00:06:34,525
You should do it. If you're
thinking about it, just do it.

121
00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:36,019
Yeah...

122
00:06:36,052 --> 00:06:39,188
I mean, sometimes... I do sign
up for open mics, but...

123
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,191
Nah, I'm fucking chicken shit.

124
00:06:42,225 --> 00:06:44,670
Second my name gets called,
I run out of there. It's embarrassing.

125
00:06:44,694 --> 00:06:46,171
You're telling me
that you have no problem

126
00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:48,865
breaking up a fight between
two total strangers,

127
00:06:48,898 --> 00:06:51,267
but you're too afraid
to go on stage?

128
00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:55,004
So, uh... Where's your ride?

129
00:06:55,038 --> 00:06:56,839
I'm actually... uh, parked
down the street.

130
00:06:56,873 --> 00:06:58,307
I can give you a ride
over there.

131
00:06:58,341 --> 00:07:00,676
Nah, I'm good, man.
I'm cool to walk, yeah.

132
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,154
It's no big deal,
I'll give you a ride.

133
00:07:02,178 --> 00:07:03,813
I'm not gonna try
to have sex with you.

134
00:07:03,846 --> 00:07:06,416
Jesus, what are you,
homeless or something?

135
00:07:10,253 --> 00:07:11,854
Dude, are you homeless?

136
00:07:12,488 --> 00:07:14,323
I'm...

137
00:07:14,357 --> 00:07:16,659
Listen, can you just...
fuck off right now?

138
00:07:16,692 --> 00:07:18,871
- I just don't want to talk.
- Hey, it... It's nothing to worry about,

139
00:07:18,895 --> 00:07:21,164
- I can give you a ride.
- Dude, fuck off! Okay?

140
00:07:21,197 --> 00:07:22,665
- Okay.
- Fuck!

141
00:07:22,698 --> 00:07:23,833
Asshole.

142
00:07:23,866 --> 00:07:25,301
You don't fucking know me.

143
00:07:50,026 --> 00:07:52,161
Fucking!

144
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:54,163
Fucking stupid...

145
00:07:58,301 --> 00:07:59,502
Fuck!

146
00:08:03,539 --> 00:08:06,509
Fuck, all right!
One knock is enough.

147
00:08:06,542 --> 00:08:08,878
Look, buddy, there's
no sleeping out here.

148
00:08:08,911 --> 00:08:10,546
I've got landlords...

149
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:12,614
- Oh, fuck.
- Holy shit!

150
00:08:12,648 --> 00:08:14,250
Rapey van guy!

151
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,052
Oh my God, kicking you
out of here is

152
00:08:16,085 --> 00:08:17,930
- definitely going in my spank bank tonight.
- All right.

153
00:08:17,954 --> 00:08:20,256
- Man, I'm sorry about last night.
- You should be.

154
00:08:20,289 --> 00:08:21,891
Yeah, it was my
fault, I know that.

155
00:08:21,924 --> 00:08:23,893
But my van broke down
and I had nowhere to go.

156
00:08:23,926 --> 00:08:26,062
Tough shit, asshole. Beat it.

157
00:08:26,095 --> 00:08:27,730
Hey man, you think I really
want to be

158
00:08:27,763 --> 00:08:29,365
parked next to this fucking
shithole?

159
00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:31,434
This is a place of business.

160
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,438
Fuck! We have a restroom!

161
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,541
Griff, we are right next
to a 7-Eleven for Christ's sake.

162
00:08:38,574 --> 00:08:40,376
Show some damn respect!

163
00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:43,679
You! Get the fuck out of here!
Right now. God dammit!

164
00:08:45,648 --> 00:08:47,450
Hey, man. I don't have anywhere
to fucking go.

165
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,784
Can you fuck off somewhere else?

166
00:08:48,818 --> 00:08:50,386
Runnin' a business here.

167
00:08:54,824 --> 00:08:56,459
Fuck.

168
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:59,729
All right, you guys ready
to get this open mic going?

169
00:08:59,762 --> 00:09:01,931
Yes, that's what
I'm talkin' about.

170
00:09:01,964 --> 00:09:05,935
Explosion! Oh my God,
it's good to be here.

171
00:09:05,968 --> 00:09:07,403
It's good to see you guys, man.

172
00:09:07,436 --> 00:09:08,571
- Yeah!
- Yes,

173
00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:09,906
that's what I'm talking about.

174
00:09:09,939 --> 00:09:11,440
Thank you, let's do... Ah, man,

175
00:09:11,474 --> 00:09:13,485
it's so good to be out
here in North Hollywood, man.

176
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,344
Love North Hollywood.
Not as sexy

177
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,079
as the rest of Los Angeles.

178
00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,814
You want to talk
to some hot girls?

179
00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:21,617
Not happening! No hot chicks!

180
00:09:21,652 --> 00:09:23,953
But you want to get
your tires rotated,

181
00:09:23,986 --> 00:09:26,489
we got 75 different
places to choose from,

182
00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:28,925
right here on this
street alone, okay?

183
00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:30,661
You want to meet
some famous people?

184
00:09:30,693 --> 00:09:34,797
Not happening! No famous
people, man. None whatsoever.

185
00:09:34,830 --> 00:09:36,542
But you wanna trade
your car for scrap metal,

186
00:09:36,566 --> 00:09:39,835
we got 175 different
places to choose from

187
00:09:39,869 --> 00:09:42,338
within a two-block
radius. It's beautiful.

188
00:09:42,371 --> 00:09:44,473
Aw man, you want to
get some good food?

189
00:09:44,507 --> 00:09:47,343
- Actually we do have some good food out here. We do.
- Oh!

190
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:49,845
We do, yeah. As long
as your idea of good food

191
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:52,448
is an H&R Block
fucking Taco Bell!

192
00:09:52,481 --> 00:09:54,450
Explosion! Yes!

193
00:09:54,483 --> 00:09:56,886
Thank you, guys. I don't
even really have an ending

194
00:09:56,919 --> 00:09:58,487
for that joke yet,
so we're just gonna

195
00:09:58,521 --> 00:09:59,989
get this open mic going, guys.

196
00:10:00,022 --> 00:10:01,991
Oh yeah, let's do this!

197
00:10:02,024 --> 00:10:03,893
Let's welcome to the stage
our first performer.

198
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,971
Coming up here, I love this
guy, you know him, you love him,

199
00:10:05,995 --> 00:10:08,531
the one, the only,
Amir Kalil! Yes!

200
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,566
Amir, get on up here, baby.

201
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,035
- Good to see you.
- Ah, he brought an instrument!

202
00:10:20,176 --> 00:10:22,812
♪ Ooh, yeah, yeah ♪

203
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,580
♪ Wooh hoo hoo ♪

204
00:10:24,614 --> 00:10:27,350
Listen, guys, I'm actually
mixed race

205
00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:29,552
with Black and Arabic,

206
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,054
and it really does
come out in my singing.

207
00:10:32,888 --> 00:10:34,257
This is what it sounds like.

208
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:37,728
♪ Baby, ooh, yeah ♪

209
00:10:39,528 --> 00:10:42,265
So I grew up the daughter
of a Russian immigrant.

210
00:10:42,298 --> 00:10:45,001
And let me tell you,
she critiqued everything.

211
00:10:45,034 --> 00:10:47,169
Anyways, this one day
I come home from school

212
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:48,739
and I'm really upset

213
00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:51,207
because this girl has
made up rumors about me.

214
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,609
Anyway, so I go to my
mother and I'm crying,

215
00:10:53,644 --> 00:10:56,245
"Mama, she said, I'm a slut,
she said I'm a whore."

216
00:10:56,279 --> 00:10:59,282
And my mother, she looks at
me and she's really offended.

217
00:10:59,315 --> 00:11:02,051
And she says to me, "Sveta",

218
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:05,888
why you care who say you slut,
who say you whore?

219
00:11:05,921 --> 00:11:08,557
What matters is I know

220
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:11,027
"you fucking prostitute-ka."

221
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:14,964
Oh my God, real comedy!

222
00:11:14,997 --> 00:11:17,734
So much better
than the other girl!

223
00:11:17,768 --> 00:11:19,535
Thank you guys all so much.

224
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:21,046
This is actually
my last show tonight.

225
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:23,806
I've booked a recurring role
on Improv Tonite.

226
00:11:23,839 --> 00:11:26,275
So I'm gonna have an audience
larger than five people.

227
00:11:30,846 --> 00:11:33,916
Check me out on Instagram!

228
00:11:33,949 --> 00:11:36,285
- Well, I mean, you said three minutes?
- Yeah.

229
00:11:36,319 --> 00:11:37,788
Yeah, we just did five.

230
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,288
Minutes that actually work.

231
00:11:39,322 --> 00:11:41,290
Yeah, we kinda bypass
that, you see this?

232
00:11:41,324 --> 00:11:44,327
- We got all these followers right here.
- Yeah.

233
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,096
Mm, how long did you say
you were doing comedy again?

234
00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:49,474
- Well, we just started like a month...
- Oh, yeah, about a month.

235
00:11:49,498 --> 00:11:52,468
We're models, influencers,
for uh...

236
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:53,836
honestly, probably the dopest

237
00:11:53,869 --> 00:11:55,414
vegan shaving cream
startup in the city.

238
00:11:55,438 --> 00:11:57,907
- Right, right.
- Yeah, how does that work?

239
00:11:57,940 --> 00:11:59,508
Well, okay, so like,

240
00:11:59,542 --> 00:12:01,186
if you're gonna do a
vegan alternative, right?

241
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:04,313
You gotta do something that
is both sexy and empowering.

242
00:12:04,347 --> 00:12:05,948
So that's kind of
where we come in.

243
00:12:05,981 --> 00:12:09,418
He brings the empowering,
I bring the sexy.

244
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:10,519
- Yup.
- Yup.

245
00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:12,121
Oh, how...

246
00:12:12,154 --> 00:12:13,522
Um, I, uh...

247
00:12:13,556 --> 00:12:16,992
I would love to sit
here and talk more...

248
00:12:17,026 --> 00:12:18,127
- Yeah, please do.
- About

249
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,129
the vegan sour cream company...

250
00:12:20,162 --> 00:12:21,430
Shaving cream.

251
00:12:21,464 --> 00:12:23,265
- Sorry...
- That you guys got going.

252
00:12:23,299 --> 00:12:24,543
- It's shaving cream.
- It's shaving cream.

253
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:26,435
It's a shaving cream company.

254
00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:28,280
- Shaving cream.
- Sorry, I've never heard somebody say that, it's crazy.

255
00:12:28,304 --> 00:12:30,272
Shaving cream company
y'all are putting together,

256
00:12:30,306 --> 00:12:33,777
love to stay here and talk more
about that, but I gotta run.

257
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:37,880
And Devontae? Aren't you signed
up at Bomb Shelter tonight?

258
00:12:37,913 --> 00:12:39,348
- Fuck.
- Right.

259
00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:41,384
Nice to meet y'all, good
luck with everything.

260
00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:42,527
- Yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Yeah, bye.

261
00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:43,629
- Nicole, right?
- Take care.

262
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:44,788
- Nelly.
- Nelly?

263
00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:46,690
- Nelly, Nelly.
- Nelly.

264
00:12:48,759 --> 00:12:50,393
What's up with your girl?

265
00:12:50,426 --> 00:12:53,129
It's a tough crowd, but
I feel like she killed it.

266
00:12:53,162 --> 00:12:55,832
No, no. I'm talking about like...
what's good with her, right?

267
00:12:55,866 --> 00:12:57,634
- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, no.

268
00:12:59,235 --> 00:13:03,172
All right, guys. Next up,
none of us are actually sure

269
00:13:03,205 --> 00:13:05,809
whether this guy is
really funny or not,

270
00:13:05,842 --> 00:13:07,977
but let's keep it going
for the one, the only,

271
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:11,815
Griff Frickin' Pippin! Yes!

272
00:13:11,848 --> 00:13:15,251
Just a bunch of motherfuckers
tellin' some truth!

273
00:13:15,284 --> 00:13:16,519
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

274
00:13:16,552 --> 00:13:18,220
Yeah! Woo!

275
00:13:18,254 --> 00:13:21,090
You know what I hate?
You know what fucking sucks?

276
00:13:21,123 --> 00:13:23,526
Car... Car insurance, Goddammit.

277
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,695
I fucking hate it. They bend
you right over

278
00:13:25,729 --> 00:13:27,563
and they fuck you in the ass!

279
00:13:27,596 --> 00:13:28,931
And you know what?

280
00:13:28,964 --> 00:13:30,867
You don't even have
to have car insurance.

281
00:13:30,901 --> 00:13:32,401
Do you know that?

282
00:13:32,435 --> 00:13:35,171
You could just drive around
without car insurance.

283
00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:37,841
You could drive around. As long
as you take care of yourself,

284
00:13:37,874 --> 00:13:40,342
you don't have to fucking
have car insurance.

285
00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:43,680
So, fuck all of you.
Have a good night!

286
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:46,783
Next up, the only one of
us actually making a living

287
00:13:46,817 --> 00:13:48,617
off of comedy right now, no...

288
00:13:48,652 --> 00:13:51,554
- Fuck!
- Yeah, maybe next year, Pippin.

289
00:13:51,587 --> 00:13:54,056
All right, not even sure why
this guy still comes here,

290
00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:55,434
but it's always great
to have the him.

291
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:57,694
The one, the only,
Dante Chang, guys.

292
00:13:57,727 --> 00:14:00,196
- Yeah!
- Dante Chang, what's goin' on, baby?

293
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:03,733
Holy shit, that's the biggest
catfish I've ever seen.

294
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:06,569
Griff, shut the
fuck up. You know why?

295
00:14:06,602 --> 00:14:10,239
Because... You know...
You're a white man from the waist up,

296
00:14:10,272 --> 00:14:13,609
but you're a black woman
from the waist down.

297
00:14:13,643 --> 00:14:15,712
People say the most racist
things to me, you know?

298
00:14:15,745 --> 00:14:16,947
Other day, dude was like,

299
00:14:16,979 --> 00:14:19,615
"Do your people really
eat dog and shit?"

300
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,718
It's messed up. Whenever
I go to my friend's house,

301
00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:23,887
they hide their dog and shit.

302
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,422
You can hear it scratching

303
00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:28,290
It's like, "Hey
man, you got a dog?"

304
00:14:28,324 --> 00:14:31,594
"No, dude, I don't know what
the fuck you're talking about."

305
00:14:31,628 --> 00:14:32,929
Then it barks, "Woof!"

306
00:14:32,963 --> 00:14:34,129
"You do have a dog.

307
00:14:34,163 --> 00:14:36,565
It's okay, man, I got
a dog too."

308
00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:39,101
They're like, "Is
it in your freezer?"

309
00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:42,304
Like, "No, man,
it's in the oven."

310
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,308
So this is where you go where...

311
00:14:46,342 --> 00:14:48,812
you're good, or...
you just getting started?

312
00:14:48,845 --> 00:14:50,756
I think it's where you
come when you, like really...

313
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,181
When you want to...
Get in for this.

314
00:14:52,214 --> 00:14:53,759
When you want to sit
aggressively close to people,

315
00:14:53,783 --> 00:14:55,317
this is where you come.

316
00:14:55,351 --> 00:14:56,552
Say that again?

317
00:14:58,287 --> 00:15:00,089
Could you say
that one more time?

318
00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:01,691
Forget it.

319
00:15:01,725 --> 00:15:04,026
Next up, you know
him, you love him,

320
00:15:04,059 --> 00:15:05,929
the one, the only...

321
00:15:05,962 --> 00:15:08,130
- He goes by Just Kyle, guys. Give it up...
- For real?

322
00:15:08,163 --> 00:15:10,700
- Yes, Kyle. Kyle, get up here.
- What the fuck...

323
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:12,468
- Aw, what the fuck?
- This sucks!

324
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:16,640
So I visited my grandma
the other day, and...

325
00:15:16,673 --> 00:15:18,708
You know, she's always
criticizing me.

326
00:15:18,742 --> 00:15:22,144
She was like, "Kyle,
your shoes are dirty."

327
00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:24,213
Kyle, your shirt is wrinkled.

328
00:15:24,246 --> 00:15:27,017
"Maybe you should
iron more often."

329
00:15:27,049 --> 00:15:28,551
And I told her like,

330
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:31,287
"Grandma, you need to iron
your face."

331
00:15:32,022 --> 00:15:33,255
Wow!

332
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:40,329
What, you guys don't...
Don't have grandmas?

333
00:15:40,362 --> 00:15:42,298
This guy looks
like a fucking programmer

334
00:15:42,331 --> 00:15:43,800
that just did a bunch of meth.

335
00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:45,669
I may look like I do meth,

336
00:15:45,702 --> 00:15:47,837
but I'm definitely
not a programmer.

337
00:15:47,871 --> 00:15:51,473
Next up, we got the one, the
only, Devontae Green, everybody!

338
00:15:53,242 --> 00:15:55,210
Jesus Christ, <i>agai</i>?

339
00:15:55,244 --> 00:15:57,079
Goddamn, man.

340
00:15:57,112 --> 00:16:00,149
Well, there goes our only full
black comic of the night, guys.

341
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:03,753
So, she really comes
here and does comedy...

342
00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:06,364
- The mic...
- She's supposed to be funny,

343
00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:07,958
- Yep. Well, yeah.

344
00:16:09,258 --> 00:16:12,561
There's differences of opinion
of what funny is.

345
00:16:12,595 --> 00:16:14,597
I... For instance, I saw
somebody...

346
00:16:14,631 --> 00:16:16,532
Some... Someone clapped
during your routine.

347
00:16:16,565 --> 00:16:18,601
Nah, that's like saying
that you don't see color.

348
00:16:26,743 --> 00:16:28,177
Hey, man.

349
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:31,081
That was the most metal shit
I've ever fucking seen.

350
00:16:31,113 --> 00:16:33,883
Creepy van guy!
Ah, you're still here.

351
00:16:33,917 --> 00:16:36,062
Dude, can you just give me
the night to figure out my van

352
00:16:36,086 --> 00:16:37,926
- and I'll be gone in the morning?
- Hard pass.

353
00:16:37,954 --> 00:16:40,056
Place of business. Can't run
a hotel on the side.

354
00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:41,791
Dude, look, I'm just...

355
00:16:41,825 --> 00:16:43,927
I'm just looking for a little
fucking understanding.

356
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,427
Dude, if I let you stay here,

357
00:16:45,461 --> 00:16:47,205
then every comic in Los Angeles
is gonna be like,

358
00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:49,231
"Oh, hey Dave, why can't
I just stay there too

359
00:16:49,264 --> 00:16:51,911
- "like that one guy does?"
- Dude, this isn't the fucking Ritz Carlton, man.

360
00:16:51,935 --> 00:16:53,069
I think you're okay.

361
00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:55,237
If your van isn't gone
by lockup,

362
00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:56,773
I'm going to have
your van towed.

363
00:16:56,806 --> 00:16:58,540
I shoulda let that
fucking hillbilly

364
00:16:58,574 --> 00:17:00,043
pick his fucking teeth with you.

365
00:17:00,076 --> 00:17:03,046
Running a business ain't
for the tenderhearted.

366
00:17:03,079 --> 00:17:05,982
How fucking tenderhearted do you
think the cops would be if...

367
00:17:06,016 --> 00:17:10,486
I don't know, they saw
the one, two, three, uh...

368
00:17:10,519 --> 00:17:12,254
Just those fire hazards
I can see

369
00:17:12,287 --> 00:17:13,431
off the top of my fucking head?

370
00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:15,725
All right. What do you want?

371
00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:17,060
Let me fix 'em.

372
00:17:17,927 --> 00:17:18,962
For?

373
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:20,162
Dude.

374
00:17:20,195 --> 00:17:21,406
I'm not as dumb
as I fucking look.

375
00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:22,899
Let me... Let me fix
the place up.

376
00:17:22,932 --> 00:17:25,267
Just give me like a week
or two <i>tops</i>

377
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,970
to figure out my van shit.

378
00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:29,363
This place will be better,
and you won't even know I'm here.

379
00:17:32,809 --> 00:17:35,177
- Okay.
- Oh, man! Really?

380
00:17:35,210 --> 00:17:37,013
No! Oh, my God!

381
00:17:37,047 --> 00:17:39,314
Bro, I, unlike you,
have landlords.

382
00:17:39,348 --> 00:17:41,127
- I share this lot with other businesses...
- Oh, God!

383
00:17:41,151 --> 00:17:42,584
And... and...

384
00:17:42,618 --> 00:17:44,630
Yeah, I know. You'll fucking
tow me if I'm not gone.

385
00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:45,989
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding, bam!

386
00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:48,825
Explosion! Yes, you've got it!

387
00:17:50,026 --> 00:17:51,560
Ah, my God.

388
00:17:53,495 --> 00:17:55,131
Fuck.

389
00:17:58,802 --> 00:18:00,770
Hey. Um...

390
00:18:01,503 --> 00:18:03,907
Yeah. It's me. Uh...

391
00:18:05,307 --> 00:18:07,944
I'm not doing so hot
right now, and um...

392
00:18:07,977 --> 00:18:10,113
can I crash at your place?

393
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:12,649
Hang up the phone!

394
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:15,885
- Hey, can I call you back?
- God...

395
00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:19,022
You were just groveling.

396
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:20,657
Don't you understand?

397
00:18:20,690 --> 00:18:24,293
If you go back to her now,
she freaking owns you, man!

398
00:18:24,326 --> 00:18:26,196
I don't see... What other
options do I have?

399
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:28,798
I can't let...

400
00:18:28,832 --> 00:18:32,869
another man...
become... a bitch.

401
00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:35,672
This society... does nothing...

402
00:18:35,705 --> 00:18:39,608
but try to say every ounce of
masculinity that we have away from us.

403
00:18:39,642 --> 00:18:42,812
We are men. We do men shit.

404
00:18:42,846 --> 00:18:46,582
You will not go crawling
back to that woman.

405
00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,317
God! Dang it!

406
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:51,520
- I won't?
- No! She broke your heart.

407
00:18:51,553 --> 00:18:53,189
Didn't call you for months,

408
00:18:53,223 --> 00:18:55,225
lied about her
parents liking you

409
00:18:55,257 --> 00:18:57,326
when you knew that
they hated you. Despite the fact

410
00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,361
that you complemented
their roast chicken,

411
00:18:59,394 --> 00:19:02,165
which tastes like burnt pubes!

412
00:19:09,471 --> 00:19:11,540
- You can fix the place up, okay?
- Ahhh!

413
00:19:11,573 --> 00:19:14,911
Just promise me you won't
go crawling back to her.

414
00:19:14,944 --> 00:19:19,581
She's the woman. <i>She</i> comes
crawling back to <i>yo</i>, the man.

415
00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:22,185
- This is man time.
- Yeah.

416
00:19:22,218 --> 00:19:24,087
- Man time.
- Right.

417
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,454
- Man time!
- Yeah, got it.

418
00:19:25,487 --> 00:19:26,790
- Man time!
- Yeah, cool.

419
00:19:26,823 --> 00:19:28,057
Man! Say it!

420
00:19:28,091 --> 00:19:30,226
- Man time, man time.
- Man time, man time.

421
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,262
Okay, yes. I feel like...

422
00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:34,472
Yes, whatever you say. I feel
like a lot of that wasn't...

423
00:19:34,496 --> 00:19:36,096
- Direc... Directed at me, and...
- Good.

424
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,401
Kind of sounded like a 1950s
marriage counselor,

425
00:19:39,434 --> 00:19:42,437
but yes. Yes.
Yes, anything. I'm...

426
00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:44,540
- Thank you. I will not let you down.
- Good...

427
00:19:44,573 --> 00:19:46,652
- Whatever you need. I'm here.
- You gotta couple of weeks.

428
00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,111
Okay, yeah.

429
00:19:48,144 --> 00:19:49,879
- All right, last thing.
- Yeah?

430
00:19:49,913 --> 00:19:52,081
No dick fucking around.
This is a place of business.

431
00:19:52,115 --> 00:19:53,716
Okay. Done.

432
00:19:55,317 --> 00:19:56,552
Ahh.

433
00:20:02,591 --> 00:20:05,494
Oh, what the fuck?

434
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:07,197
Did that just fuck...

435
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,900
Those are my
clean fucking socks.

436
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,302
God damn it!

437
00:20:15,939 --> 00:20:17,240
Hey, yo. My dude, uh...

438
00:20:17,273 --> 00:20:19,309
You really think that this
is the, uh...

439
00:20:19,374 --> 00:20:21,911
the best spot for you to have
your little...

440
00:20:21,945 --> 00:20:23,512
uh, nervous breakdown?

441
00:20:23,545 --> 00:20:27,650
Ah... Just doing some spring
cleaning on my home, so.

442
00:20:29,953 --> 00:20:31,529
You one of them white people
where the...

443
00:20:31,553 --> 00:20:33,656
the privilege just kinda
passed right over you, huh?

444
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:36,793
Passed right over my whole
fucking state.

445
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:39,595
I'm just getting like a...
Arby's roast beef...

446
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:40,997
- vibe, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

447
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:42,431
Okay, cool. Yeah.

448
00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:45,635
Yeah. I'm... Well, I'm...
I'm Arnold.

449
00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:47,603
I uh... live here.

450
00:20:48,503 --> 00:20:49,706
What about you?

451
00:20:50,907 --> 00:20:52,675
Um... Devontae.

452
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,744
- You live here, like, permanently, or?
- Yeah.

453
00:20:56,346 --> 00:21:00,216
Well, me and my girl
kinda of... Are going through it.

454
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:02,517
So it's just, uh...

455
00:21:02,551 --> 00:21:04,888
me and the Mystery Machine...

456
00:21:04,921 --> 00:21:06,488
right here. Oh! Uh...

457
00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:10,093
Jacuzzi's going in right
there, so just... Yeah, thanks.

458
00:21:10,827 --> 00:21:12,962
Let me just... I'll make sure...

459
00:21:12,996 --> 00:21:15,198
Yeah, that's a good
spot too. Actually.

460
00:21:15,231 --> 00:21:17,499
You know, usually when you
go from living together

461
00:21:17,532 --> 00:21:20,637
to living in a van, that's
called a breakup, my dude.

462
00:21:21,237 --> 00:21:23,740
But you know, you never know.

463
00:21:23,773 --> 00:21:25,642
What's uh... What's your story?

464
00:21:26,876 --> 00:21:29,578
I moved out here two
years ago from high school.

465
00:21:29,611 --> 00:21:31,047
- Nice.
- Yeah.

466
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,349
Yeah. You a comic?

467
00:21:33,383 --> 00:21:37,053
Nah. Yeah...
I mean... I moved here to...

468
00:21:37,887 --> 00:21:41,190
to at least... try it.
Baby steps.

469
00:21:41,224 --> 00:21:43,026
Devontae! As I live and breathe.

470
00:21:43,059 --> 00:21:45,094
Thanks for actually
showing up this time.

471
00:21:45,128 --> 00:21:47,163
Shit. All right,
I'ma have to hit you later.

472
00:21:47,196 --> 00:21:48,597
- Yeah?
- Uh, yeah.

473
00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:50,532
Yeah. I gotta get
back on Dave's good side.

474
00:21:50,565 --> 00:21:52,235
- Yeah.
- All right, I'll see you.

475
00:21:52,268 --> 00:21:55,905
Yeah. Oh, uh... Well,
a Waka Flocka Flame to you, sir.

476
00:21:55,939 --> 00:22:00,143
As Ice Cube says,
"I hope you have a good day."

477
00:22:01,811 --> 00:22:03,545
All right, so I'ma jump right
into it, uh,

478
00:22:03,578 --> 00:22:06,548
'cause, uh, no one else
has addressed it yet. Um...

479
00:22:06,581 --> 00:22:08,751
I'll... I'll talk about the dude
in the van.

480
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,253
There's a dude...

481
00:22:10,286 --> 00:22:12,722
There's a... There's a dude
in the van right outside.

482
00:22:12,755 --> 00:22:15,892
Yeah I don't know if anybody had
the pleasure of talking to him.

483
00:22:15,925 --> 00:22:18,928
He's... He's a cool dude.
He seems like a cool-ass dude.

484
00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:20,562
He's going through a breakup.

485
00:22:20,595 --> 00:22:22,540
He doesn't know that yet,
but he's going through it.

486
00:22:22,564 --> 00:22:26,102
He's... He's gonna figure that
part out, you know. Um...

487
00:22:26,135 --> 00:22:28,113
The... What I really
like about him is that clearly,

488
00:22:28,137 --> 00:22:30,572
he likes to date women of color.

489
00:22:30,605 --> 00:22:32,651
'Cause, know what I'm saying, though?
He was definitely dating a sister

490
00:22:32,675 --> 00:22:34,420
that put him out who put them
out in that motherfucking van

491
00:22:34,444 --> 00:22:36,412
right out... outside of this
place?

492
00:22:36,446 --> 00:22:39,048
She probably made sure he
ended up at this place too.

493
00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:46,255
Yo, van guy!

494
00:22:46,289 --> 00:22:48,000
We all noticed you're
about a half a step away

495
00:22:48,024 --> 00:22:49,435
from losing your fucking mind
out here.

496
00:22:49,459 --> 00:22:51,294
Why don't you come
check out a show?

497
00:22:51,327 --> 00:22:52,762
You just did a bunch
of shows, man.

498
00:22:52,795 --> 00:22:54,263
No, those are mics.

499
00:22:54,297 --> 00:22:57,300
I'm talking about a real
show with real people.

500
00:22:57,333 --> 00:22:58,634
Aren't you real people?

501
00:22:58,668 --> 00:23:00,602
Comics aren't real people,
you idiot.

502
00:23:00,636 --> 00:23:02,271
We're barely even human,
all right?

503
00:23:02,305 --> 00:23:03,940
Have you seen our bathroom?

504
00:23:03,973 --> 00:23:05,784
I mean, come on, have you
talked to Griff Pippin?

505
00:23:05,808 --> 00:23:07,276
The guy's a fucking nut job.

506
00:23:07,310 --> 00:23:09,345
It'll ease your mind.
Just come on. Come with...

507
00:23:09,379 --> 00:23:10,747
Trust me. Come with me.

508
00:23:13,483 --> 00:23:15,218
All right. Fuck it.

509
00:23:17,186 --> 00:23:19,554
There you go. Nicely done.

510
00:23:20,056 --> 00:23:21,556
- Jesus Christ.
- Ow.

511
00:23:22,825 --> 00:23:24,494
My God, bro.

512
00:23:24,526 --> 00:23:26,863
She fucked you up. There you...
Oh, very good.

513
00:23:26,896 --> 00:23:29,375
Yeah, you wouldn't want anyone
to drive your immobile home away.

514
00:23:29,399 --> 00:23:30,767
Let's go!

515
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,068
<i>♪ When I roll up To the club ♪</i>

516
00:23:32,101 --> 00:23:33,770
<i>♪ All I wanna see is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

517
00:23:33,803 --> 00:23:35,304
<i>♪ Pull up on dubs ♪</i>

518
00:23:35,338 --> 00:23:37,106
<i>♪ In the backseat is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

519
00:23:37,140 --> 00:23:38,474
<i>♪ Better show me love ♪</i>

520
00:23:38,508 --> 00:23:40,276
<i>♪ If you know you got a
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

521
00:23:40,309 --> 00:23:41,576
<i>♪ Don't care about Them jugs ♪</i>

522
00:23:41,610 --> 00:23:43,545
<i>♪ I just wanna see your
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

523
00:23:43,578 --> 00:23:44,814
<i>♪ When I come up In the club ♪</i>

524
00:23:44,847 --> 00:23:46,315
<i>♪ I ain't trying to talk
To no girl ♪</i>

525
00:23:46,349 --> 00:23:48,184
<i>♪ I'm just trying to see
You bend over ♪</i>

526
00:23:48,217 --> 00:23:49,485
<i>♪ And shake your Chonka lonkas ♪</i>

527
00:23:49,519 --> 00:23:51,354
<i>♪ White girls with the
Shirts on... ♪</i>

528
00:23:51,387 --> 00:23:53,399
Have you guys enjoyed the
show that you've seen so far?

529
00:23:53,423 --> 00:23:55,324
We having a good time
tonight guys?

530
00:23:55,358 --> 00:23:58,394
Let me hear ya!

531
00:23:58,428 --> 00:23:59,862
But...

532
00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:02,698
We have reached
a point... in the night...

533
00:24:03,598 --> 00:24:05,234
This is the time...

534
00:24:05,268 --> 00:24:06,577
of the show that I've been
looking forward...

535
00:24:06,601 --> 00:24:08,037
It's my favorite
part of the show

536
00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:10,039
because there have been
too many sex machines

537
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:12,675
making it look
freaking easy up here.

538
00:24:12,708 --> 00:24:16,546
And I can assure you guys,
it is not as easy as it looks.

539
00:24:16,578 --> 00:24:17,880
- Okay.
- And that is why

540
00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:20,383
we do this at this show.
We are about to engage

541
00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:22,652
in my favorite ritual
in all of comedy,

542
00:24:22,685 --> 00:24:24,887
the virgin sacrifice!

543
00:24:26,422 --> 00:24:30,893
Virgin! Virgin!
Virgin! Virgin! Virgin...

544
00:24:31,094 --> 00:24:32,695
Silence!

545
00:24:32,728 --> 00:24:34,596
Is there one among you...

546
00:24:34,630 --> 00:24:35,932
who has the guts to come up here

547
00:24:35,965 --> 00:24:39,001
and sacrifice yourself
for this audience here?

548
00:24:39,035 --> 00:24:41,704
- Is there not one among you?
- I'll do it.

549
00:24:41,737 --> 00:24:43,239
- Oh!
- I'll fucking do it!

550
00:24:43,272 --> 00:24:46,742
We have our virgin right here!
Get up here!

551
00:24:47,243 --> 00:24:49,712
Oh, man. Woo!

552
00:24:49,745 --> 00:24:52,248
All right, what is your name?

553
00:24:53,783 --> 00:24:55,218
Chet.

554
00:24:55,251 --> 00:24:56,819
Chet what?

555
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,789
Just Chet, bro!

556
00:24:59,822 --> 00:25:01,958
All right, guys. Give it up,

557
00:25:01,991 --> 00:25:05,461
keep it going for just Chet!

558
00:25:05,495 --> 00:25:09,031
Oh, my God! Oh my...

559
00:25:09,065 --> 00:25:10,633
Ohhh!

560
00:25:10,666 --> 00:25:12,034
Oh!

561
00:25:12,068 --> 00:25:15,338
I... love... fucking bitches!

562
00:25:18,441 --> 00:25:20,977
Oh. All right.

563
00:25:21,010 --> 00:25:24,213
Well I guess I'll tell you this
one story. Uh...

564
00:25:25,014 --> 00:25:27,984
So this one time, uh,
I was at a club,

565
00:25:28,017 --> 00:25:30,353
and, like, the bouncer...

566
00:25:31,787 --> 00:25:34,957
would not, like,
let us in and shit.

567
00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:38,060
And I was like, "Bro,
why aren't you letting us in?"

568
00:25:38,094 --> 00:25:40,496
We're fucking
fly and shit, man!"

569
00:25:42,031 --> 00:25:43,733
Uh, what?

570
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,637
- Okay.
- Who is this guy?

571
00:25:46,669 --> 00:25:48,571
Fine. All right.

572
00:25:50,473 --> 00:25:52,742
I guess you had to be there.

573
00:25:52,775 --> 00:25:54,143
I'm fucking Chet!

574
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,512
Yeah! That wasn't comedy!

575
00:25:57,847 --> 00:25:58,948
- Look!
- Huh?

576
00:25:58,981 --> 00:26:00,082
- Eggs!
- What?

577
00:26:00,116 --> 00:26:01,284
Breakfast is served.

578
00:26:01,317 --> 00:26:03,152
You think this...
hardened comportment

579
00:26:03,186 --> 00:26:04,696
that you see here
was always like this?

580
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,822
No, sir, I've been
in the fire brother.

581
00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:08,324
Gotta pull yourself out.

582
00:26:08,357 --> 00:26:11,327
Set goals, plans, frickin'
make shit happen, man.

583
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,828
Yeah, where I'm from,
we really don't

584
00:26:12,862 --> 00:26:14,439
- do that shit.
- Well, you're not in Dayton anymore.

585
00:26:14,463 --> 00:26:16,332
You're right here. Casa de Dave.

586
00:26:16,365 --> 00:26:17,867
Come on, what are you gonna do?

587
00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:19,636
All right. All right! Um...

588
00:26:19,670 --> 00:26:21,771
My van's fucked, I gotta fix it.

589
00:26:21,804 --> 00:26:23,339
- Good start, yes.
- Okay.

590
00:26:23,372 --> 00:26:25,841
All right, after that,
you're going to?

591
00:26:25,875 --> 00:26:27,810
I guess I can give
comedy a real try.

592
00:26:27,843 --> 00:26:30,146
There you go, you're
gettin' fuckin' hard!

593
00:26:30,179 --> 00:26:32,649
You're trying standup.
What else? What's after that?

594
00:26:32,683 --> 00:26:35,318
I guess when Mary sees
how good I'm fuckin' doing,

595
00:26:35,351 --> 00:26:36,828
she'll have to get
back together with me.

596
00:26:36,852 --> 00:26:39,455
She might! She might, bro.
You'll have a chance.

597
00:26:39,488 --> 00:26:41,328
It's better than fucking
what you're doing now.

598
00:26:41,357 --> 00:26:43,526
- Well, yeah.
- Okay?

599
00:26:43,559 --> 00:26:46,896
All right. That's a start.
Step one, finished.

600
00:26:46,929 --> 00:26:48,665
I got a bunch of
tools in my shed too.

601
00:26:48,699 --> 00:26:51,434
It might have everything
you need. Fucking boom, man!

602
00:26:56,839 --> 00:26:58,074
How...

603
00:26:58,941 --> 00:27:01,210
How are you, like...

604
00:27:02,278 --> 00:27:04,981
The way... you are?

605
00:27:05,014 --> 00:27:06,582
Did you put fucking
meth in those eggs?

606
00:27:06,616 --> 00:27:08,884
No. I can smell a fire
in you, kid!

607
00:27:08,918 --> 00:27:10,386
The fucking veins.

608
00:27:10,419 --> 00:27:12,231
It's not a raging fire,
it's more of a fat, lazy ember.

609
00:27:12,255 --> 00:27:14,991
But, you gotta be in a real
pile of shit

610
00:27:15,024 --> 00:27:16,592
to want to live at The Bomb
Shelter.

611
00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:20,863
Fuck! Come on. Come on.

612
00:27:20,896 --> 00:27:23,165
You're right there, baby.
Come for me.

613
00:27:23,199 --> 00:27:25,001
Fucking come for me.

614
00:27:25,901 --> 00:27:27,536
Fucking come for...

615
00:27:27,570 --> 00:27:30,773
me!

616
00:27:30,806 --> 00:27:34,377
Oh, mwah! Valhalla,
you smile upon me.

617
00:27:34,410 --> 00:27:37,013
Oh! Oh!

618
00:27:37,046 --> 00:27:41,083
No! No, no, no, nooo!

619
00:27:42,051 --> 00:27:43,986
Hey, you got your house
working yet?

620
00:27:44,587 --> 00:27:46,522
Yeah, I didn't
think it was possible,

621
00:27:46,555 --> 00:27:47,890
but you may actually
be decreasing

622
00:27:47,923 --> 00:27:49,458
the property value here, bro.

623
00:27:49,492 --> 00:27:51,193
You should do anything else.

624
00:27:51,227 --> 00:27:53,596
- Hey, yo, do a set.
- Yeah, thanks, man.

625
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:56,432
Fucking working standup isn't my
number one priority right now.

626
00:27:56,465 --> 00:27:58,801
Bullshit. You look
like the type, bro.

627
00:27:58,834 --> 00:28:00,102
The fuck does that mean?

628
00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:01,537
That means that you
a little bitch.

629
00:28:01,570 --> 00:28:03,072
Two minutes!

630
00:28:03,105 --> 00:28:05,574
Two fucking minutes, Devontae!

631
00:28:05,608 --> 00:28:06,809
Dave, I'm right here.

632
00:28:06,842 --> 00:28:08,745
I wasn't born yesterday,
I know time seems

633
00:28:08,779 --> 00:28:10,913
to move a little bit
slower when you're high.

634
00:28:10,946 --> 00:28:13,482
Yeah, that's right, two minutes!

635
00:28:13,516 --> 00:28:14,583
Why did you come here?

636
00:28:14,617 --> 00:28:17,553
To be a writer,
actor, or a pussy?

637
00:28:17,586 --> 00:28:19,322
Because you're
acting like a pussy.

638
00:28:19,355 --> 00:28:20,724
Actually, fucking comedy.

639
00:28:20,757 --> 00:28:22,558
Bullshit, bro. What are you
waiting for?

640
00:28:22,591 --> 00:28:24,193
Why don't you fucking
try being homeless?

641
00:28:24,226 --> 00:28:27,296
Another excuse, bro.
You're <i>just</i> like your van.

642
00:28:27,330 --> 00:28:30,767
You're fat, taking
up space, useless...

643
00:28:30,801 --> 00:28:32,234
what the fuck are you doing?

644
00:28:32,268 --> 00:28:33,680
I mean, there's an open spot
for this hour.

645
00:28:33,704 --> 00:28:35,147
Cool, why don't you fucking
show me how then?

646
00:28:35,171 --> 00:28:36,906
You want me to fucking show you?

647
00:28:36,939 --> 00:28:38,775
- Fucking show me.
- I got it.

648
00:28:38,809 --> 00:28:40,242
- Real easy.
- Yeah?

649
00:28:40,276 --> 00:28:41,977
Yeah, real easy, real simple.

650
00:28:42,011 --> 00:28:43,690
- Just put in your name right there.
- There?

651
00:28:43,714 --> 00:28:45,290
Yeah, right there.
You just put your name...

652
00:28:45,314 --> 00:28:47,192
- And then give him the five bucks?
- Yeah, that's it.

653
00:28:47,216 --> 00:28:48,951
All right, fuck it.

654
00:28:48,984 --> 00:28:50,419
- He's in.
- That's cool.

655
00:28:50,453 --> 00:28:51,963
If you don't
have cash, Venmo's cool too.

656
00:28:51,987 --> 00:28:53,456
Like, he'll take
whatever, you know?

657
00:28:53,489 --> 00:28:54,825
Coming to this stage right now,

658
00:28:54,857 --> 00:28:57,860
doing his first-ever
standup of his life! Yes!

659
00:28:57,893 --> 00:28:59,161
You know him, you love him,

660
00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:01,197
he's our very own Bomb Shelter
mascot,

661
00:29:01,230 --> 00:29:04,634
Arnold, everybody! Get up here, Arnold.

662
00:29:04,668 --> 00:29:06,268
Oh, wow!

663
00:29:06,302 --> 00:29:11,006
Ellen Degenerates looks terrible
in real life. Holy Christ!

664
00:29:12,743 --> 00:29:14,977
- Uh, I am Arnold.
- Sup?

665
00:29:15,010 --> 00:29:17,947
I am the, uh...
local van dweller.

666
00:29:17,980 --> 00:29:20,449
Um...

667
00:29:20,483 --> 00:29:21,718
Yeah.

668
00:29:22,518 --> 00:29:24,487
Uhhh...

669
00:29:27,657 --> 00:29:31,894
- I'm from Dayton, Ohio. Uh...
- Yeah, we can tell.

670
00:29:31,927 --> 00:29:36,031
Yeah, which is
dominantly white people. Um...

671
00:29:36,767 --> 00:29:38,635
There was, like in my
high school,

672
00:29:38,668 --> 00:29:41,971
like a couple Asian guys and,
like, one half Black person.

673
00:29:42,004 --> 00:29:43,205
They were a midget.

674
00:29:43,239 --> 00:29:45,642
- Cool, man.
- Oh, great joke.

675
00:29:49,078 --> 00:29:51,914
When I moved to LA, uh...

676
00:29:51,947 --> 00:29:54,250
I moved to K-Town. Um...

677
00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:57,153
and every time I met
someone, I would say,

678
00:29:57,186 --> 00:29:58,320
"Oh, where are you from?"

679
00:29:58,354 --> 00:30:00,156
And they'd say, "South Korea."

680
00:30:00,189 --> 00:30:03,259
I would say, "Is that the
good one or the bad one?"

681
00:30:03,292 --> 00:30:06,228
- Swing and a miss.
- Nice one, dude.

682
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:10,499
Wow, this guy's just given
up on life <i>and</i> he's not funny.

683
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:13,502
So yeah. Uh...

684
00:30:13,536 --> 00:30:16,071
when I moved here,
I moved here, uh,

685
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:18,675
- to uh, Los Feliz.
- Hot garbage fire.

686
00:30:18,708 --> 00:30:20,911
Where I met, um, a girl

687
00:30:20,976 --> 00:30:22,879
who was from Mexico and we...

688
00:30:22,913 --> 00:30:24,380
I bet you did, big guy.

689
00:30:24,413 --> 00:30:26,191
We started dating,
and we moved in and I just...

690
00:30:26,215 --> 00:30:27,751
Yeah. Yeah.

691
00:30:27,784 --> 00:30:29,594
- I always assumed that...
- Lived with the parents?

692
00:30:29,618 --> 00:30:32,254
- Yeah, you did...
- That she would just wanna...

693
00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:35,357
Hey, Ron Weasley? Don't you
have to go to fucking Hogwarts

694
00:30:35,391 --> 00:30:37,026
and shoot that shit
up or something?

695
00:30:38,227 --> 00:30:39,796
- Fuck.
- He lives!

696
00:30:39,830 --> 00:30:41,297
The guy lives!

697
00:30:41,330 --> 00:30:42,799
Surprisingly not horrible.

698
00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:45,968
Surprisingly not
horrible, all right?

699
00:30:46,001 --> 00:30:48,537
Uh, everybody put your hands
together for...

700
00:30:48,571 --> 00:30:50,907
the very funny, the very lovely
Nelly Taskin, guys.

701
00:30:53,309 --> 00:30:55,411
Good evening, motherfuckers.

702
00:30:55,444 --> 00:30:57,647
I'm just so privileged
to be here.

703
00:30:57,681 --> 00:31:00,416
Part of this all-male room, huh?

704
00:31:00,449 --> 00:31:02,652
No women at all.

705
00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:05,488
Listen, I know a
lot of you in here,

706
00:31:05,521 --> 00:31:08,123
you hate women. And you think
just 'cause I'm dumb enough

707
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:10,760
to hang out with
you, I hate them too.

708
00:31:10,794 --> 00:31:13,730
Nah. No. I don't hate women.

709
00:31:14,865 --> 00:31:15,932
I just hate skinny women.

710
00:31:15,966 --> 00:31:17,834
- Oh! Ha haa!
- Oww!

711
00:31:17,868 --> 00:31:19,903
Yep, thank you.

712
00:31:19,936 --> 00:31:21,012
And pretty women, all right?

713
00:31:21,036 --> 00:31:22,605
- Fuck off!
- Fuck me!

714
00:31:22,639 --> 00:31:24,941
Oh, I left my key.
Yeah, I did. I left it there.

715
00:31:24,975 --> 00:31:27,276
Yeah, can you bring it?
Oh, you pullin' up right now?

716
00:31:27,309 --> 00:31:29,846
Oh, okay. I see you.
All right, babe.

717
00:31:30,814 --> 00:31:33,024
You know, sometimes I hate
how much of an asshole you are,

718
00:31:33,048 --> 00:31:35,785
but it feels so good knowing
who really wears the pants.

719
00:31:38,053 --> 00:31:40,523
Shit, I'm the one who tells

720
00:31:40,556 --> 00:31:42,659
her when to sit and to pee,
you know what I'm saying?

721
00:31:42,692 --> 00:31:43,827
- Ew.
- Yeah, okay.

722
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:45,361
- Huh?
- You heard me.

723
00:31:45,394 --> 00:31:46,997
That's another
weird thing to say.

724
00:31:47,029 --> 00:31:48,497
Hey sweetie!

725
00:31:48,531 --> 00:31:50,634
- Hey, Katherine.
- Hey, Kat.

726
00:31:50,667 --> 00:31:52,969
Hi losers. Haven't seen
you guys in what, two days?

727
00:31:53,003 --> 00:31:54,671
We're going
to Oyster Lounge. You comin'?

728
00:31:54,704 --> 00:31:56,673
Mmm, no thanks. As much
fun as it actually sounds

729
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,818
I would rather not watch you
talk trash about me on stage.

730
00:31:58,842 --> 00:32:00,543
You should be used to it by now.

731
00:32:00,576 --> 00:32:01,745
No.

732
00:32:03,813 --> 00:32:05,347
Aw, that was cute.

733
00:32:06,248 --> 00:32:07,784
One minute.

734
00:32:07,817 --> 00:32:09,853
If you're the first
black guy somebody meets,

735
00:32:09,886 --> 00:32:11,387
they're definitely
gonna be racist.

736
00:32:11,420 --> 00:32:13,990
You literally check off
all the boxes, my friend.

737
00:32:14,024 --> 00:32:17,059
Well, at least my
boxes gettin' checked.

738
00:32:18,028 --> 00:32:19,204
I hope that's not
part of your act.

739
00:32:19,228 --> 00:32:20,596
- It might be.
- That's not funny.

740
00:32:22,666 --> 00:32:24,968
- That was kind of funny.
- Are you hungry?

741
00:32:25,001 --> 00:32:26,979
Well, thinking about grabbing
some food from 7-Eleven.

742
00:32:27,003 --> 00:32:28,404
Ah, no. Negative.

743
00:32:28,437 --> 00:32:30,974
Let's eat some real food
at Oyster Lounge.

744
00:32:31,007 --> 00:32:32,909
There, you could
see a real show.

745
00:32:32,943 --> 00:32:35,477
Can I just change, or?

746
00:32:35,511 --> 00:32:37,647
<i>♪ Yeah, we fuckin' in the van
Tonight ♪</i>

747
00:32:37,681 --> 00:32:40,750
<i>♪ Ooh yeah, mm-hm, yeah ♪</i>

748
00:32:40,784 --> 00:32:42,719
Hey, would you guys
keep it down out here?

749
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:45,755
Amir! What the fuck... Why?

750
00:32:45,789 --> 00:32:48,058
- Why?
- Ooh, I serenade these hoes, baby!

751
00:32:48,090 --> 00:32:49,659
Dave, I had nothing
to do with this.

752
00:32:49,693 --> 00:32:51,393
<i>♪ Arnold got everything
To do with this ♪</i>

753
00:32:51,427 --> 00:32:52,762
Please don't take it out on me.

754
00:32:52,796 --> 00:32:54,864
<i>♪ I'ma take it out On you baby ♪</i>

755
00:32:54,898 --> 00:32:56,274
- What's wrong with you?
- Come on, man.

756
00:32:56,298 --> 00:32:57,542
Don't light no candles in there.

757
00:32:57,566 --> 00:32:59,268
<i>♪ Won't you put on something
Sexy ♪</i>

758
00:32:59,301 --> 00:33:02,404
<i>♪ Instead of that stupid-ass
White shirt ♪</i>

759
00:33:02,438 --> 00:33:04,708
<i>♪ Hey girl, where you goin' ♪</i>

760
00:33:04,741 --> 00:33:07,744
<i>♪ Don't you want some
Amiracle? Yeah ♪</i>

761
00:33:07,777 --> 00:33:12,615
♪ That hoodie too
Baggy on you, yeah ♪

762
00:33:12,649 --> 00:33:14,216
<i>♪ Show a brother Some curves ♪</i>

763
00:33:14,249 --> 00:33:17,921
<i>♪ Yeah, ooh, yeah, Mm-mm, woo ♪</i>

764
00:33:22,759 --> 00:33:24,293
Smells great in here,
doesn't it?

765
00:33:24,326 --> 00:33:25,895
Yeah, it's 'cause I farted.

766
00:33:25,929 --> 00:33:28,031
Takes a bit of strategy
to get the room back.

767
00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:29,398
- Really?
- Yeah.

768
00:33:29,431 --> 00:33:31,367
I feel like I did that today,
didn't I?

769
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,069
- I felt like I was okay.
- Okay, relax.

770
00:33:33,103 --> 00:33:34,780
- Getting laughs your first time
- No, you were trash.

771
00:33:34,804 --> 00:33:35,948
Happens a lot more
than you think.

772
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:37,874
Try doing that 1000 times more.

773
00:33:37,907 --> 00:33:39,809
First time I went up,
I actually slaughtered.

774
00:33:39,843 --> 00:33:41,754
I was feeling good and all
that shit too, you know?

775
00:33:41,778 --> 00:33:43,880
But next five times I go up?

776
00:33:43,913 --> 00:33:45,982
Bro, I ate dick after dick
for weeks, yo.

777
00:33:46,016 --> 00:33:48,985
Yup, them king-sized dicks,
you know...

778
00:33:49,019 --> 00:33:51,420
Hey, wait. Hold up, they
weren't no king-sized dicks.

779
00:33:51,453 --> 00:33:53,222
I got some laughs, okay?

780
00:33:53,255 --> 00:33:55,759
They was like...
like Kyle-sized dicks.

781
00:33:55,792 --> 00:33:58,061
Burn!

782
00:34:01,430 --> 00:34:03,099
Who the fuck is gonna
follow that?

783
00:34:03,133 --> 00:34:04,600
You? You? You?

784
00:34:04,634 --> 00:34:06,102
- Bro...
- You're not very good.

785
00:34:06,136 --> 00:34:07,771
Bro, you couldn't
follow my B material.

786
00:34:07,804 --> 00:34:09,447
The waitress could
follow your material, Kyle.

787
00:34:09,471 --> 00:34:10,807
You're garbage.

788
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,842
Wait. Amir, did we miss
your set?

789
00:34:12,876 --> 00:34:14,443
Amir is headlining.

790
00:34:14,476 --> 00:34:16,454
You think 'cause I hang out
with your van-dwelling ass,

791
00:34:16,478 --> 00:34:17,947
I don't run shit?

792
00:34:17,981 --> 00:34:19,749
You don't run shit, Amir.

793
00:34:19,783 --> 00:34:22,618
- Not here, and definitely not at home.
- That's facts.

794
00:34:22,652 --> 00:34:25,689
You know what we call
a turtle, in Londers, bruv?

795
00:34:25,722 --> 00:34:27,289
You know what we call
a turtle there?

796
00:34:27,322 --> 00:34:30,126
We... We call it a hardback.

797
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:31,427
Jesus.

798
00:34:32,128 --> 00:34:33,395
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

799
00:34:34,631 --> 00:34:36,465
Hey, I got to go see
a girl about that butt,

800
00:34:36,498 --> 00:34:38,001
you know what I'm saying?

801
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:41,470
Hey, yo. Hold my shit,
Goldie Locks.

802
00:34:41,503 --> 00:34:45,207
Hey! Don't you want Amiracle,
baby?

803
00:34:46,475 --> 00:34:48,845
Man, that dude has no game.

804
00:34:48,878 --> 00:34:50,814
Wait, does he really
cheat on his wife?

805
00:34:50,847 --> 00:34:52,548
- No.
- He tries, he fails.

806
00:34:52,581 --> 00:34:54,184
Dude, he's so lame...

807
00:34:54,216 --> 00:34:56,986
He be getting banned for that
shit. From all the clubs.

808
00:34:57,020 --> 00:34:59,022
- Wow.
- Yeah, clubs you can't book.

809
00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:01,891
Hey, my potential is like...
unlimited.

810
00:35:01,925 --> 00:35:03,401
- What are you talking about?
- It's totally true.

811
00:35:03,425 --> 00:35:05,037
You know what's not good?
That's shirt he's wearing.

812
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,237
- Yeah, that shirt sucks.
- It's terrible.

813
00:35:06,261 --> 00:35:07,731
It's not a good shirt.

814
00:35:07,764 --> 00:35:09,733
Who picked... Who picked that
for you?

815
00:35:09,766 --> 00:35:11,300
Did you pick that out?

816
00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:13,703
Did you honestly go to Ross
and looked at the shirts

817
00:35:13,737 --> 00:35:15,739
and were like,
"This is the one"?

818
00:35:15,772 --> 00:35:17,741
I actually got this
at a Kmart back home.

819
00:35:17,774 --> 00:35:19,843
Nah, I think he to his
mother's house

820
00:35:19,876 --> 00:35:22,154
and got the tablecloth and cut
that son of a bitch up, huh?

821
00:35:22,178 --> 00:35:23,923
- Yeah, that's what he did.
- I'm sorry dude.

822
00:35:23,947 --> 00:35:25,380
Why can't you be mean and funny?

823
00:35:25,414 --> 00:35:27,751
- You're just mean.
- Yeah, you are just mean.

824
00:35:27,784 --> 00:35:30,552
Why can't you be skinny?

825
00:35:52,307 --> 00:35:53,509
Ah.

826
00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:56,345
The last two tenants were
heavy hitters.

827
00:35:56,378 --> 00:35:58,248
I'm not sure this is a good
location for you.

828
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,617
I mean, I have clients who own
casinos who want this space.

829
00:36:01,651 --> 00:36:04,087
Cyrus, if I'm so unqualified,

830
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,789
then why'd you even
call me down here?

831
00:36:05,822 --> 00:36:07,133
Look, if I wanted to sell
the space,

832
00:36:07,157 --> 00:36:09,058
I could do it like this today.

833
00:36:09,092 --> 00:36:10,770
I just want you to show me that
you can run

834
00:36:10,794 --> 00:36:12,729
an establishment that
is respectable.

835
00:36:12,762 --> 00:36:14,697
Bomb Shelter's very respectable.

836
00:36:15,732 --> 00:36:17,934
Really? Have you looked at it?

837
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,770
Now imagine that
on the Sunset Strip.

838
00:36:20,804 --> 00:36:22,205
Every time I drive
by your place,

839
00:36:22,238 --> 00:36:23,807
I feel like I need a shower.

840
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,142
Goddamn, the last thing LA
needs is another comedy club.

841
00:36:26,176 --> 00:36:28,812
Man, I'm reinventing
the open mic business.

842
00:36:28,845 --> 00:36:30,546
Yes, you have. And at $5 a pop,

843
00:36:30,579 --> 00:36:32,148
you are Elon Musk of the valley.

844
00:36:32,182 --> 00:36:34,250
Look, look, I'm
making money, all right?

845
00:36:34,284 --> 00:36:36,719
$300 a day, David.

846
00:36:36,753 --> 00:36:39,289
Look, it'll be more when
I have a bigger space.

847
00:36:39,321 --> 00:36:41,423
And look, no overhead,
no liquor license,

848
00:36:41,456 --> 00:36:44,127
no health department, it's
a low headache for you.

849
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,095
It's a good business.

850
00:36:46,129 --> 00:36:47,997
Okay, fair enough.
I believe you.

851
00:36:48,031 --> 00:36:50,266
But don't tell me this.
Show it to me.

852
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:52,769
My God, enough
of the ISIS Yoda bullshit.

853
00:36:52,802 --> 00:36:54,436
What are you trying to say?

854
00:36:54,469 --> 00:36:56,105
I'm saying clean it the fuck up.

855
00:36:56,139 --> 00:36:57,774
The place looks
like a disaster zone.

856
00:36:57,807 --> 00:36:59,185
All right, all right,
all right. I'll do it.

857
00:36:59,209 --> 00:37:00,509
I'll clean... I'll clean it up.

858
00:37:00,542 --> 00:37:02,679
But will you promise
to come do a set

859
00:37:02,712 --> 00:37:04,280
in a few weeks to see it?

860
00:37:04,314 --> 00:37:06,125
I know it's been awhile,
but will you come do a set?

861
00:37:06,149 --> 00:37:07,860
Yeah, I haven't done a standup
in years, but I...

862
00:37:07,884 --> 00:37:09,986
- A few weeks, okay.
- I will come.

863
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:11,855
If you come to the set,
I'll do what you say.

864
00:37:11,888 --> 00:37:14,157
I will clean it up,
I'll do the whole thing.

865
00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:15,601
- Okay.
- Look, I've known you for ten years,

866
00:37:15,625 --> 00:37:17,303
I will... I owe you that
much, so I will come.

867
00:37:17,327 --> 00:37:18,527
Okay, thank you.

868
00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:24,533
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Cyrus, for your big fucking table.

869
00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:35,078
I'm going to get some
food, do you want anything?

870
00:37:35,611 --> 00:37:36,746
Um...

871
00:37:38,681 --> 00:37:40,183
I'm not much of a morning eater.

872
00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:43,152
- That's hard to believe.
- Ow.

873
00:37:43,186 --> 00:37:46,555
Dude, I've got some AC
inside, come in and cool off.

874
00:37:47,190 --> 00:37:48,892
I gotta handle some stuff first.

875
00:37:48,925 --> 00:37:51,294
What the fuck are you doing?

876
00:37:51,327 --> 00:37:55,198
Some fucking hot yoga?
For Christ's sake!

877
00:37:55,231 --> 00:37:58,902
Get your fucking ass inside!

878
00:37:58,935 --> 00:38:00,502
Okay.

879
00:38:00,535 --> 00:38:03,072
You're no good to me if you're
dead on my lot. Go!

880
00:38:03,106 --> 00:38:05,975
All right. Thank you. Stop.

881
00:38:08,978 --> 00:38:11,489
Please don't ever fucking put your
finger in my belly button again.

882
00:38:11,513 --> 00:38:13,283
- Suck my balls!
- Right.

883
00:38:15,018 --> 00:38:18,187
<i>♪ Oh, man that was hilarious ♪</i>

884
00:38:18,221 --> 00:38:20,199
<i>♪ You're really funny, I like
That, I like that a lot ♪</i>

885
00:38:20,223 --> 00:38:23,192
<i>♪ Here's the thing,
I do have some notes ♪</i>

886
00:38:23,226 --> 00:38:25,795
<i>♪ I do have some notes,
Okay here... ♪</i>

887
00:38:25,828 --> 00:38:30,300
<i>♪ You don't know me but I
Think you're funny and, uh ♪</i>

888
00:38:30,333 --> 00:38:33,269
<i>♪ If you saw me go up next ♪</i>

889
00:38:33,303 --> 00:38:35,772
<i>♪ Well, you'd see
I'm funny too and ♪</i>

890
00:38:35,805 --> 00:38:40,243
<i>♪ Together me and you
Combined, I think ♪</i>

891
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:42,278
God!

892
00:38:42,312 --> 00:38:46,015
<i>♪ 'Cause together I think
That we could be funny too ♪</i>

893
00:38:46,049 --> 00:38:48,583
<i>♪ You don't know me
But I think ♪</i>

894
00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:50,887
<i>♪ That we can have potential
Well, more than we ♪</i>

895
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,755
<i>♪ I think our funny
Could have potential ♪</i>

896
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,233
<i>♪ And it would be a
Funny thing 'cause ♪</i>

897
00:38:54,257 --> 00:38:55,858
<i>♪ We could be funny too ♪</i>

898
00:38:55,892 --> 00:38:58,328
<i>♪ And, if you and I combined
Our funny together ♪</i>

899
00:38:58,361 --> 00:39:00,730
<i>♪ It could be a whole
Explosion of funny ♪</i>

900
00:39:00,763 --> 00:39:04,000
<i>♪ Do you know how much
Funny that is man? ♪</i>

901
00:39:04,033 --> 00:39:05,835
<i>♪ We could be funny too ♪</i>

902
00:39:05,868 --> 00:39:09,604
<i>♪ You don't know me but
I think you're funny ♪</i>

903
00:39:09,639 --> 00:39:12,507
<i>♪ And if you saw my funny ♪</i>

904
00:39:12,541 --> 00:39:15,244
<i>♪ Together with you ♪</i>

905
00:39:15,278 --> 00:39:16,855
<i>♪ I just wanted to say
That I don't know ♪</i>

906
00:39:16,879 --> 00:39:19,082
<i>♪ Me and you can combine
Our funnies into one ♪</i>

907
00:39:19,115 --> 00:39:20,416
<i>♪ Did I say that already? ♪</i>

908
00:39:20,450 --> 00:39:24,053
<i>♪ Well, uh ♪</i>

909
00:39:24,087 --> 00:39:27,190
<i>♪ We could be funny too ♪</i>

910
00:39:29,359 --> 00:39:33,696
Oh, my God.

911
00:39:34,430 --> 00:39:36,733
- There he is. You're go...
- What's happening?

912
00:39:36,766 --> 00:39:39,335
I'm, well, I'm good.
You're going up again tonight?

913
00:39:39,369 --> 00:39:40,770
Yeah, well, when
you got a hot hand,

914
00:39:40,803 --> 00:39:43,239
- you gotta keep playin' it.
- Very good.

915
00:39:43,272 --> 00:39:44,307
Play on, player.

916
00:39:44,340 --> 00:39:45,408
- Yo, Arnold?
- What?

917
00:39:45,441 --> 00:39:48,011
- Five dollars, man.
- Oh. Here.

918
00:39:48,044 --> 00:39:51,180
Oh yeah. That's probably gonna
be an omen.

919
00:39:51,214 --> 00:39:52,849
- Give me this.
- All right.

920
00:39:52,882 --> 00:39:56,019
Yeah, so the first
person I met in K-Town,

921
00:39:56,052 --> 00:39:57,196
I was like, "Oh,
where you from?"

922
00:39:57,220 --> 00:39:58,921
They were like,
"Oh, South Korea."

923
00:39:58,955 --> 00:40:01,523
I was like, "Oh, is that the
good or the bad one?"

924
00:40:04,460 --> 00:40:05,995
That was beautiful.
That was just about

925
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:07,930
- as good as it gets.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

926
00:40:07,964 --> 00:40:09,665
Just put me up next.

927
00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:11,167
Where's all this
money coming from?

928
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,534
Just put me up.

929
00:40:12,567 --> 00:40:15,338
Yeah, anyway, I live
in the van next door.

930
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:19,275
And if the van's ever
a'rockin', don't come a'knockin'

931
00:40:19,308 --> 00:40:22,445
'cause it's just me
naked masturbating.

932
00:40:22,478 --> 00:40:24,447
Uh, okay. Yeah, anyway,
that's my time.

933
00:40:27,417 --> 00:40:28,818
Jesus.

934
00:40:28,851 --> 00:40:30,720
You got gambling
debts or something?

935
00:40:30,753 --> 00:40:33,555
The mic's not gonna suck
your wiener, Arnold!

936
00:40:34,424 --> 00:40:35,868
It's a lot like your
girlfriend in that way.

937
00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:37,260
Yeah, thanks, man.

938
00:40:38,593 --> 00:40:42,131
Yeah, so I moved in with
this girl from Mexico

939
00:40:42,165 --> 00:40:45,368
and I'm not sure if this makes
me racist or just stupid,

940
00:40:45,401 --> 00:40:47,470
but I assumed that she
would just wanna cook

941
00:40:47,503 --> 00:40:49,872
and clean for fun. Um...

942
00:40:51,941 --> 00:40:53,076
Uh...

943
00:40:53,876 --> 00:40:58,247
Yeah, uh, fuck it. That's my
time, and fuck relationships.

944
00:40:58,281 --> 00:41:00,917
- Whew! All right, gettin' outta here, big guy.
- All right.

945
00:41:00,950 --> 00:41:02,819
- Enjoy that pizza.
- Thank you.

946
00:41:02,852 --> 00:41:04,763
It's the healthiest thing you've
eaten all day, you piece of shit.

947
00:41:04,787 --> 00:41:08,357
Speaking of terrible.
Big guy, wow!

948
00:41:08,391 --> 00:41:10,359
Boy, that was a hard bomb.

949
00:41:10,393 --> 00:41:12,495
I think it might be time
to think about gettin'

950
00:41:12,528 --> 00:41:15,398
into real estate. What do you
think, big guy? Huh?

951
00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:17,533
It was so bad that
it was actually good.

952
00:41:17,567 --> 00:41:20,002
You should probably film
that and pitch it to Netflix.

953
00:41:20,036 --> 00:41:23,272
'Cause it would be unique
and original content.

954
00:41:23,306 --> 00:41:27,076
Wow, I've never
seen anybody bomb

955
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,945
that many times in a row.

956
00:41:28,978 --> 00:41:31,047
That was... That was...
That was hard to watch.

957
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,050
- Yeah.
- Bro, I need a drink <i>for</i> you.

958
00:41:34,083 --> 00:41:36,586
- You know, I need to forget this shit.
- Mm-hm.

959
00:41:36,618 --> 00:41:38,087
Shit was terrible.

960
00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:39,589
Yeah.

961
00:41:39,621 --> 00:41:40,957
Like bad.

962
00:41:40,990 --> 00:41:43,092
I need to black out
after watching that.

963
00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:44,594
You learned
something out of this.

964
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:45,795
Yeah.

965
00:41:45,828 --> 00:41:47,864
Well, I think you did.
And that is?

966
00:41:47,897 --> 00:41:50,366
- And that is?
- What, what is it?

967
00:41:50,399 --> 00:41:52,401
- And that is? I'm just kidding.
- Oh my God.

968
00:41:52,435 --> 00:41:56,439
Look, and that is to never
do that shit again. Ever.

969
00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:57,974
Or you're gonna end
up like this guy.

970
00:42:00,510 --> 00:42:02,812
Funny. Very funny.

971
00:42:02,845 --> 00:42:04,380
Fucking definitely
don't want that.

972
00:42:04,413 --> 00:42:06,492
I'd rather live in a van
for the rest of my fucking life.

973
00:42:06,516 --> 00:42:09,452
Do you even pay for that
parking spot?

974
00:42:09,485 --> 00:42:13,156
My car is fucking
broken down, man. I...

975
00:42:13,189 --> 00:42:15,424
No, I don't fucking
pay for it, man.

976
00:42:15,458 --> 00:42:17,126
- His car's broken down...
- Fuck, man!

977
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,303
Now you're gonna
break his spirit.

978
00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:19,595
What's wrong with you?

979
00:42:19,630 --> 00:42:23,299
Bro, he broke my spirit
by me sitting there.

980
00:42:23,332 --> 00:42:25,434
That shit broke me.

981
00:42:25,468 --> 00:42:28,838
One person's trash is
another person's treasure.

982
00:42:28,871 --> 00:42:31,340
Somebody probably
found that funny.

983
00:42:31,374 --> 00:42:33,676
You know what the problem is?
You're nobody's treasure.

984
00:42:33,709 --> 00:42:36,345
It's all good, I'm used to
people being jealous of me.

985
00:42:36,379 --> 00:42:37,847
Jealous of what?

986
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,291
Dude, I see what you've
done with the place

987
00:42:39,315 --> 00:42:40,616
and I like it, man!

988
00:42:40,651 --> 00:42:42,518
Allegiance, ambition!

989
00:42:42,552 --> 00:42:46,355
Tell you what. Um, you know,
while you're trying to figure out...

990
00:42:46,389 --> 00:42:48,500
Whatever the hell it is you're
trying to figure out here.

991
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:50,860
I was thinking maybe you
could host some mics for me.

992
00:42:50,893 --> 00:42:52,938
I live in a van, dude.
I should probably get a real job.

993
00:42:52,962 --> 00:42:54,797
Real job? What the fuck?

994
00:42:54,830 --> 00:42:57,967
You know how many comedians
would kill to host this mic?

995
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,169
- A couple?
- Yeah. No!

996
00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:02,305
Like a lot. Like
thousands of them.

997
00:43:02,338 --> 00:43:05,374
What do you think, that
I can like pay my bills

998
00:43:05,408 --> 00:43:08,044
with the money I make
at the gig from the skinny?

999
00:43:08,077 --> 00:43:10,313
No, look, we all
gotta work, bro.

1000
00:43:10,346 --> 00:43:13,549
Nelly works in an office,
Dante owns his own shop.

1001
00:43:13,583 --> 00:43:14,984
- Dante?
- Yes.

1002
00:43:15,017 --> 00:43:16,653
Tokyo Drift Dante?

1003
00:43:16,687 --> 00:43:17,954
The very Tok... Yes.

1004
00:43:17,987 --> 00:43:19,322
General Tso's Dante?

1005
00:43:19,355 --> 00:43:22,291
The fat Asian catfish,
Dante. Yes.

1006
00:43:22,325 --> 00:43:24,794
- Dante who ate the bat, Dante.
- Patient zero, yes.

1007
00:43:24,827 --> 00:43:27,631
Oh my God. I thought he made
a fucking living off of comedy.

1008
00:43:27,664 --> 00:43:30,032
Well he does, but he
also has a wife and a kid

1009
00:43:30,066 --> 00:43:32,134
and how stupid would he
be to put all of his eggs

1010
00:43:32,168 --> 00:43:34,070
in a basket as frail as
standup comedy, okay?

1011
00:43:34,103 --> 00:43:35,981
- Wow.
- All right, yeah man, we all gotta work.

1012
00:43:36,005 --> 00:43:37,406
It's the way it is.

1013
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,009
You know, nobody's...
Chris Rock after one month.

1014
00:43:40,042 --> 00:43:42,478
So, you know, call some names.

1015
00:43:43,779 --> 00:43:46,482
Take the money, and you'll
be rich in no time.

1016
00:43:48,050 --> 00:43:49,252
- Okay, all right.
- Yes!

1017
00:43:49,285 --> 00:43:51,554
I'll do it under one condition.

1018
00:43:51,587 --> 00:43:53,022
I'm not doing any
fucking standup.

1019
00:43:53,055 --> 00:43:55,424
Oh my God, and you'd
be doing us all a favor.

1020
00:43:55,458 --> 00:43:56,935
- All right, very nice.
- Wow, thanks.

1021
00:43:56,959 --> 00:43:59,528
- All right, can I go to my home now?
- Don't get lost.

1022
00:43:59,562 --> 00:44:00,731
Thanks, man.

1023
00:44:54,283 --> 00:44:56,787
Bomb Shelter, this is Arnold.

1024
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:58,655
<i>Hi, is Dave available?</i>

1025
00:44:58,689 --> 00:45:00,990
Uh, yeah, no. Dave won't
be in until later tonight.

1026
00:45:01,023 --> 00:45:02,726
Can I, uh, take a message?

1027
00:45:02,759 --> 00:45:05,796
<i>Yes, actually.
This is his ex, Sabrina...</i>

1028
00:45:05,828 --> 00:45:08,799
- Oh. Hi. <i>And he's been
ignoring my calls for weeks.</i>

1029
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,677
- <i>Um, I need you to tell him
that I'm moving soon </i>- Yeah.

1030
00:45:10,701 --> 00:45:12,468
<i>And I have a bunch of his stuff
in storage</i>

1031
00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:14,270
<i>that he refuses to pick up.</i>

1032
00:45:14,303 --> 00:45:17,573
I think this is kind of above
my pay grade, lady. Uh, you...

1033
00:45:17,606 --> 00:45:19,308
<i>Tell him to call me
and pick it up.</i>

1034
00:45:19,342 --> 00:45:22,445
<i>If he doesn't get it before
I move, I'm throwing it away.</i>

1035
00:45:22,478 --> 00:45:23,846
Uhhh...

1036
00:45:24,681 --> 00:45:26,717
Uh, ye... Uh, okay.

1037
00:45:26,750 --> 00:45:28,685
- Oh, wait.
- <i>Yes?</i>

1038
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,853
If he doesn't grab it,
can I have his stuff?

1039
00:45:32,988 --> 00:45:34,190
Hello?

1040
00:45:35,358 --> 00:45:37,193
What's the perks
of living in a van?

1041
00:45:37,226 --> 00:45:39,028
Oh, low rent.

1042
00:45:39,061 --> 00:45:41,430
That's fucking funny,
you stupid fuck!

1043
00:45:42,398 --> 00:45:44,433
You fucking idiot.

1044
00:45:45,401 --> 00:45:48,437
Van. How many fucking
fat-boy-van-fucking

1045
00:45:48,471 --> 00:45:50,707
jokes can I fucking do?

1046
00:45:50,741 --> 00:45:53,109
Nothing, you fucking loser!

1047
00:45:53,142 --> 00:45:56,912
Your parents hate you,
you're a fucking loser.

1048
00:46:13,529 --> 00:46:14,698
Yo.

1049
00:46:14,731 --> 00:46:15,898
Hey, guys.

1050
00:46:15,931 --> 00:46:17,600
- Hey.
- Hey, wow. Um...

1051
00:46:18,334 --> 00:46:20,102
why you so serious, bro?

1052
00:46:21,270 --> 00:46:22,706
Your rent go up?

1053
00:46:22,739 --> 00:46:24,741
I'd always worn out
my fucking welcome

1054
00:46:24,775 --> 00:46:26,308
everywhere I've ever been.

1055
00:46:26,342 --> 00:46:28,879
Family, friends, girlfriend.

1056
00:46:28,911 --> 00:46:33,382
And it wasn't until I got
on this fucking stage

1057
00:46:33,416 --> 00:46:37,420
here of all fucking places that
I actually felt like I was home.

1058
00:46:37,453 --> 00:46:38,722
So, uh...

1059
00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:43,159
The stage... feels like a van?

1060
00:46:45,896 --> 00:46:47,864
Yeah. Yeah, it fucking does.

1061
00:46:47,898 --> 00:46:50,166
All right... I've had
enough of story time.

1062
00:46:50,199 --> 00:46:52,168
Someone else story time.

1063
00:46:52,201 --> 00:46:54,738
Let's go. All right, bring
it up for your next guest.

1064
00:46:54,771 --> 00:46:56,071
- I will...
- Fuck you. Fuck you.

1065
00:46:56,105 --> 00:46:57,406
I will gladly follow that.

1066
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,876
We love you. Not.

1067
00:46:59,910 --> 00:47:01,678
That was... That was beautiful.

1068
00:47:10,252 --> 00:47:13,088
Uh... Damn! No, my bad.

1069
00:47:13,122 --> 00:47:14,700
You know I was just playing
with you, bro.

1070
00:47:14,724 --> 00:47:16,760
It's like... I... feel you
on that shit.

1071
00:47:16,793 --> 00:47:19,261
This, the life of a comedian...

1072
00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:21,397
ain't that motherfucking funny.

1073
00:47:23,499 --> 00:47:27,203
And then you get that...
I don't...

1074
00:47:27,236 --> 00:47:31,273
chance to make someone... laugh.

1075
00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:35,611
That shit... that shit is
addicting, and then you just

1076
00:47:35,645 --> 00:47:38,214
kinda continue to
chase that high.

1077
00:47:38,247 --> 00:47:39,649
Are you high right now?

1078
00:47:39,683 --> 00:47:41,317
- Okay.
- Get off stage.

1079
00:47:41,350 --> 00:47:44,620
- Story time's over. Thank you.
- Thank you, Dr. Devontae.

1080
00:47:44,654 --> 00:47:46,055
That's enough.

1081
00:47:49,258 --> 00:47:52,829
All right, tell
us why you are sad.

1082
00:47:52,863 --> 00:47:55,307
Oh wait, and why you don't like
girls that are hotter than you.

1083
00:47:55,331 --> 00:47:57,767
Okay, first, that's impossible

1084
00:47:57,801 --> 00:48:00,169
'cause ain't nobody
hotter than me. All right?

1085
00:48:00,202 --> 00:48:02,571
Second, I'm not sad.

1086
00:48:02,605 --> 00:48:06,342
LA girls just remind me of my
dance team back in college.

1087
00:48:06,375 --> 00:48:08,778
Yes, I came here
from Brooklyn to dance.

1088
00:48:08,812 --> 00:48:11,447
You were a fucking
dancer? Like a real girl?

1089
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,850
Yeah. I didn't always
look like a plumber

1090
00:48:13,884 --> 00:48:15,351
from the Great Depression.

1091
00:48:15,384 --> 00:48:17,019
I'm actually hot shit.

1092
00:48:17,052 --> 00:48:18,755
- Yeah, you are.
- Steamin' shit.

1093
00:48:18,788 --> 00:48:20,824
Man, it was just
a culture shock.

1094
00:48:20,857 --> 00:48:24,326
Everybody here is a model
or an actress,

1095
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,296
or some type of fucking special.

1096
00:48:27,329 --> 00:48:31,500
I didn't look like
Barbie, but I could dance.

1097
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:34,537
And I was really close
with my team too.

1098
00:48:34,570 --> 00:48:37,841
Until our senior showcase.
Our costumes came in

1099
00:48:37,874 --> 00:48:41,011
and mine wouldn't even
stretch up past my knees.

1100
00:48:41,043 --> 00:48:42,779
Some of these
bitches got together

1101
00:48:42,812 --> 00:48:45,481
and they changed my measurements
as a fucked-up prank.

1102
00:48:45,514 --> 00:48:47,116
- Oh my God.
- I see, yo. That's...

1103
00:48:47,149 --> 00:48:50,119
Right, so no costume
and no choice

1104
00:48:50,152 --> 00:48:52,555
but to back out of the show.

1105
00:48:52,588 --> 00:48:54,958
Now I just feel like every
bitch out here is someone

1106
00:48:54,991 --> 00:48:57,727
from my team pretending
to be nice to me.

1107
00:48:58,828 --> 00:49:00,195
That's it, that's my story.

1108
00:49:00,229 --> 00:49:01,397
Fuck.

1109
00:49:01,430 --> 00:49:02,899
Yo, that's actually...
that's sad.

1110
00:49:02,933 --> 00:49:04,901
That's as sad as
Arnold being too scared

1111
00:49:04,935 --> 00:49:06,135
to get back on the stage.

1112
00:49:06,168 --> 00:49:07,680
That's... You're probably
more sad though.

1113
00:49:07,704 --> 00:49:09,180
Probably more sad
than her story about

1114
00:49:09,204 --> 00:49:10,716
- the girls attacking her.
- Way more sad.

1115
00:49:10,740 --> 00:49:12,676
There's only so many
fucking jokes I could write

1116
00:49:12,709 --> 00:49:14,410
about living in a fucking van.

1117
00:49:14,443 --> 00:49:16,278
Arnold, you're heartbroken.

1118
00:49:16,312 --> 00:49:18,748
And you live by a fucking
dumpster.

1119
00:49:18,782 --> 00:49:20,650
I would give anything to have

1120
00:49:20,684 --> 00:49:22,752
that fresh hurt
again, all right?

1121
00:49:22,786 --> 00:49:25,722
So how do you turn
fresh hurt into a joke?

1122
00:49:25,755 --> 00:49:27,122
You have to.

1123
00:49:27,891 --> 00:49:29,391
It's how we survive.

1124
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:31,695
No, I mean how do you
actually...

1125
00:49:31,728 --> 00:49:34,396
write it? But...

1126
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:35,942
- Damn, that was fucking...
- That was on point.

1127
00:49:35,966 --> 00:49:37,901
- That was deep.
- Right?

1128
00:49:37,934 --> 00:49:40,569
Just gotta grow a pair
and face your shame.

1129
00:49:42,137 --> 00:49:44,106
Listen, if you don't go
up on that stage again,

1130
00:49:44,139 --> 00:49:46,175
everything your parents,

1131
00:49:46,208 --> 00:49:50,479
or your ex ever said
about you is true.

1132
00:49:56,418 --> 00:49:58,454
Let's uh, let's get the next
comic up.

1133
00:49:58,487 --> 00:50:01,091
It's gonna be um... Just Kyle.

1134
00:50:01,123 --> 00:50:03,869
You know what? Fuck Just Kyle.
I actually got some shit to say tonight.

1135
00:50:03,893 --> 00:50:05,037
I think back to the first day

1136
00:50:05,061 --> 00:50:06,963
that I got my first porno mag.

1137
00:50:06,997 --> 00:50:09,966
I'm from Ohio, there's just...
open nothing everywhere.

1138
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,467
So I run three miles in the back

1139
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:14,236
and I found a spot by
a tree, I was like...

1140
00:50:14,269 --> 00:50:16,205
Yo Arnold, I need to
holler at you for a second.

1141
00:50:16,238 --> 00:50:19,042
Yo, Amir. Meet me
in my office, dude.

1142
00:50:20,242 --> 00:50:21,443
The dumpster?

1143
00:50:21,477 --> 00:50:23,212
You want me to meet
you at the dumpster?

1144
00:50:25,581 --> 00:50:28,317
Hey! Knock, knock, motherfucker.

1145
00:50:28,350 --> 00:50:30,319
Your office is locked.

1146
00:50:30,352 --> 00:50:31,487
Wrap it up, man.

1147
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:32,989
Fuck, dude, what?

1148
00:50:33,023 --> 00:50:36,126
Hey, my band's kinda
tied up doing other stuff.

1149
00:50:36,158 --> 00:50:38,795
I could really use a roadie
for my show tomorrow.

1150
00:50:38,828 --> 00:50:41,239
- I'm auditioning for this guy.
- Yeah, that sounds really cool.

1151
00:50:41,263 --> 00:50:43,075
But why can't you fucking ask
one of the other guys to do it?

1152
00:50:43,099 --> 00:50:44,610
What, you got something
else better to do?

1153
00:50:44,634 --> 00:50:47,003
It's not like you're writing
jokes. I've seen your set.

1154
00:50:47,037 --> 00:50:50,073
Look, at least you'll
be in a vehicle that moves.

1155
00:50:50,106 --> 00:50:52,008
- Awesome.
- All right.

1156
00:50:52,042 --> 00:50:53,375
See you tomorrow at ten?

1157
00:50:55,645 --> 00:50:56,689
- Fine.
- Nah, nah, nevermind.

1158
00:50:56,713 --> 00:50:58,580
Okay, cool, great, yeah.

1159
00:51:01,651 --> 00:51:03,953
"Guided meditation,
release anger."

1160
00:51:03,987 --> 00:51:06,690
<i>Life can certainly be difficult.</i>

1161
00:51:06,723 --> 00:51:08,199
- Oh, Dave.
- <i>And keeping our emotions</i>

1162
00:51:08,223 --> 00:51:10,325
- Super cute, right?
- <i>In check can seem...</i>

1163
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:11,493
<i>Frustrating.</i>

1164
00:51:11,527 --> 00:51:14,396
Oh, you're totally not
doing this right.

1165
00:51:14,430 --> 00:51:16,066
- Okay, <i>In a moment...</i>

1166
00:51:16,099 --> 00:51:17,442
- I'm getting out of here.
- <i>The music will change.</i>

1167
00:51:17,466 --> 00:51:19,035
Line up.

1168
00:51:19,069 --> 00:51:21,047
No dick-fucking around!
This is a place of business!

1169
00:51:21,071 --> 00:51:22,271
Fuck!

1170
00:51:25,642 --> 00:51:26,910
My God.

1171
00:51:29,244 --> 00:51:30,814
- Amir.
- Good to see you.

1172
00:51:30,847 --> 00:51:32,323
- Thank you for coming.
- Yeah. Thanks for having us.

1173
00:51:32,347 --> 00:51:34,283
- Come on in.
- Hey, what's up man?

1174
00:51:34,316 --> 00:51:36,119
- Come on in.
- All right.

1175
00:51:36,152 --> 00:51:38,064
- This place is nice.
- Do you want anything to drink?

1176
00:51:38,088 --> 00:51:39,689
Nah, nah, it's okay.

1177
00:51:39,723 --> 00:51:41,523
Have a seat, set up in here.

1178
00:51:44,226 --> 00:51:45,494
I'm Arnold.

1179
00:51:45,527 --> 00:51:47,073
You don't have to plug
that in, by the way.

1180
00:51:47,097 --> 00:51:48,631
Oh. I mean, are you sure?

1181
00:51:48,665 --> 00:51:50,142
'Cause, I mean I can
plug it in and...

1182
00:51:50,166 --> 00:51:52,035
No, no, no. I want to hear you.

1183
00:51:52,068 --> 00:51:54,804
All right, I'll just...
start playing.

1184
00:51:54,838 --> 00:51:56,139
It's called, "For You."

1185
00:52:02,078 --> 00:52:06,082
When I was in high school,
I got fired from KFC.

1186
00:52:06,548 --> 00:52:07,717
Um...

1187
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:12,822
I... stuck my dick in the mashed
potatoes and put corn on it

1188
00:52:12,856 --> 00:52:16,425
and... turned it into a little
tiny corn on the cob.

1189
00:52:16,458 --> 00:52:19,829
And my crush was there
getting a value meal

1190
00:52:19,863 --> 00:52:22,866
and she saw my
tiny corncob dick,

1191
00:52:22,899 --> 00:52:26,169
and didn't go to prom with
me because she saw that

1192
00:52:26,202 --> 00:52:27,904
And she told everyone
in high school.

1193
00:52:27,937 --> 00:52:30,874
And then my parents found
out, and my dad sat me down

1194
00:52:30,907 --> 00:52:33,042
and told me he has
a corncob dick too.

1195
00:52:33,076 --> 00:52:35,377
And I shouldn't
feel bad about it.

1196
00:52:35,410 --> 00:52:37,881
And then it made me feel
bad that it's genetic

1197
00:52:37,914 --> 00:52:40,415
and there's nothing I can
do about my corncob dick.

1198
00:52:40,449 --> 00:52:43,853
But I just need to let go
of it and accept the fact

1199
00:52:43,887 --> 00:52:47,356
that I am... I'm the Corncob
Kid, and that's just who I am.

1200
00:52:47,389 --> 00:52:48,566
I'm ready whenever you're ready.

1201
00:52:48,590 --> 00:52:50,359
Ready? Okay.

1202
00:53:04,073 --> 00:53:07,409
<i>♪ I'd swim through oceans
With sharks at my shadow ♪</i>

1203
00:53:07,442 --> 00:53:11,114
<i>♪ I'd pierce the heart
Of a million in battle ♪</i>

1204
00:53:11,147 --> 00:53:14,117
<i>♪ I'd give my eyes and
Go blind so you'd see ♪</i>

1205
00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:18,021
<i>♪ Just to be close to you ♪</i>

1206
00:53:18,054 --> 00:53:21,257
<i>♪ You used to laugh at my
Socks with the sandals ♪</i>

1207
00:53:21,291 --> 00:53:24,593
<i>♪ I used to hate when you'd
Flip through the channels ♪</i>

1208
00:53:24,627 --> 00:53:29,799
<i>♪ We used to dream 'bout our
Life and our travels, yeah ♪</i>

1209
00:53:30,233 --> 00:53:31,868
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1210
00:53:31,901 --> 00:53:36,139
<i>♪ I would trade it all ♪</i>

1211
00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:39,142
<i>♪ For you ♪</i>

1212
00:53:39,175 --> 00:53:42,111
<i>♪ I would give my all ♪</i>

1213
00:53:42,145 --> 00:53:45,248
<i>♪ For you, for you,
For you, for you ♪</i>

1214
00:53:45,281 --> 00:53:49,085
<i>♪ For you, for you, For you ♪</i>

1215
00:54:04,234 --> 00:54:06,368
Dude. Fuck was that?

1216
00:54:06,401 --> 00:54:09,404
You were like a real fucking
human being in there.

1217
00:54:11,373 --> 00:54:13,309
Listen, man, I don't mind being

1218
00:54:13,343 --> 00:54:15,945
your little fucking errand boy
'cause you're too chicken shit

1219
00:54:15,979 --> 00:54:17,479
to let any of the
other guys see you

1220
00:54:17,512 --> 00:54:19,949
for like who you really
are, but some advice...

1221
00:54:20,817 --> 00:54:22,493
Uh, if you mean what you
just sang in there,

1222
00:54:22,517 --> 00:54:24,654
then everything you
got going on outside

1223
00:54:24,687 --> 00:54:26,488
of comedy is a
fucking privilege.

1224
00:54:26,521 --> 00:54:28,201
Yeah, whatever, man,
just load the shit up.

1225
00:54:31,393 --> 00:54:32,594
You hear me?

1226
00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:35,198
The fuck man? Wait,

1227
00:54:35,231 --> 00:54:36,976
just 'cause you heard my
song, you think you know me?

1228
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,376
You think you got
all the answers now?

1229
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,336
You don't know my
relationship. You don't know.

1230
00:54:40,370 --> 00:54:42,639
Okay, I may not know
your fucking relationship,

1231
00:54:42,672 --> 00:54:44,316
but I know that you got
a fucking choice, right?

1232
00:54:44,340 --> 00:54:46,376
Like you had a choice
when you got kicked out?

1233
00:54:46,408 --> 00:54:48,711
Started mooching off
everybody, living in a van

1234
00:54:48,745 --> 00:54:51,114
like some motherfucking
white Tyler Perry and shit?

1235
00:54:52,248 --> 00:54:53,816
Fuck! Jesus Cr...

1236
00:54:54,851 --> 00:54:55,985
I've never punched...

1237
00:54:57,287 --> 00:54:58,453
Tyler who?

1238
00:54:59,454 --> 00:55:02,591
Just get in the fucking
car, man. Jesus Christ.

1239
00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:07,997
One day, I went
to go see my friend.

1240
00:55:08,031 --> 00:55:09,332
He worked at the sex shop.

1241
00:55:10,599 --> 00:55:15,238
Upon my arrival, he was stocking
these dildos on the wall.

1242
00:55:15,271 --> 00:55:16,940
I looked closer at these dildos.

1243
00:55:16,973 --> 00:55:19,541
They had a sticker on it
that said, "Thin Cock."

1244
00:55:19,574 --> 00:55:21,277
And I was like,

1245
00:55:21,311 --> 00:55:22,845
"If that's thin cock,"

1246
00:55:24,647 --> 00:55:28,885
"I'm in deep shit!"

1247
00:55:28,918 --> 00:55:30,386
How do you exhale that out?

1248
00:55:30,420 --> 00:55:31,955
How do you do that?

1249
00:55:31,988 --> 00:55:35,557
Oh God! Oh God,
my foot's asleep!

1250
00:55:35,590 --> 00:55:36,859
It's a bad one.

1251
00:55:38,094 --> 00:55:41,431
My foot feels like...
just a bunch of jelly.

1252
00:55:43,266 --> 00:55:46,202
Oh God, it's so deep.

1253
00:56:03,119 --> 00:56:04,619
Did everybody Venmo?

1254
00:56:05,487 --> 00:56:07,323
Who didn't Venmo?

1255
00:56:07,357 --> 00:56:09,125
I used Cash App.

1256
00:56:10,693 --> 00:56:14,864
All right. As long as
you Venmoed, it's fine.

1257
00:56:35,952 --> 00:56:38,688
- Ow! What the fuck?
- That's for Tyler Perry, bitch.

1258
00:56:43,525 --> 00:56:45,928
I got a call from some chick
who said she was...

1259
00:56:45,962 --> 00:56:47,497
your ex, named Sabrina or
something.

1260
00:56:47,529 --> 00:56:50,532
- Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. Just...
- Okay, cool.

1261
00:56:50,565 --> 00:56:52,368
She said that she
wanted me to tell you

1262
00:56:52,402 --> 00:56:54,279
to fucking call her back so you
can go pick up your shit.

1263
00:56:54,303 --> 00:56:57,106
Dude, it's literally irrelevant,
don't worry about it.

1264
00:56:57,140 --> 00:56:59,942
There's no rat... Just keep
doing what you're doing.

1265
00:56:59,976 --> 00:57:02,678
Why wouldn't I fucking tell
you that?

1266
00:57:02,712 --> 00:57:05,882
Oh my God! Nico, you
scared the crap out of me.

1267
00:57:05,915 --> 00:57:08,451
How's my favorite
juvenile landlord doing?

1268
00:57:08,484 --> 00:57:11,187
What horrible news are
you bringing to me today?

1269
00:57:11,220 --> 00:57:13,022
Listen, man, we're having people

1270
00:57:13,056 --> 00:57:14,791
that want to buy the property.

1271
00:57:14,824 --> 00:57:17,002
They want to come in,
and they want to renovate everything.

1272
00:57:17,026 --> 00:57:18,895
That's great! And then
I never have

1273
00:57:18,928 --> 00:57:20,039
to see you again on top of that?

1274
00:57:20,063 --> 00:57:21,898
- Guess so, yeah.
- That's amazing.

1275
00:57:21,931 --> 00:57:24,133
The thing is, though,
we gotta raise your rent.

1276
00:57:25,501 --> 00:57:26,869
Well, by how much?

1277
00:57:26,903 --> 00:57:28,905
- Double.
- Jesus! When?

1278
00:57:28,938 --> 00:57:31,174
With a $15,000 deposit.

1279
00:57:31,207 --> 00:57:33,209
Jesus Christ, by when?

1280
00:57:33,242 --> 00:57:35,244
End of the month.

1281
00:57:35,278 --> 00:57:37,914
You can't just come in here
and drop all of that

1282
00:57:37,947 --> 00:57:41,317
on me with a 30-day notice.
It's absolutely ridiculous.

1283
00:57:41,350 --> 00:57:42,985
It's surely illegal.

1284
00:57:43,019 --> 00:57:46,389
Dude, you have people
outside sleeping in their van,

1285
00:57:46,422 --> 00:57:48,424
fucking by the dumpsters,
pissing outside,

1286
00:57:48,458 --> 00:57:50,359
jerking off in
their fucking cars.

1287
00:57:50,393 --> 00:57:51,494
What do you expect?

1288
00:57:51,527 --> 00:57:52,929
They're in the car.

1289
00:57:53,595 --> 00:57:55,431
Goddammit.

1290
00:57:55,465 --> 00:57:57,200
This is a very
respectable establishment.

1291
00:57:57,233 --> 00:57:58,701
Oh!

1292
00:57:58,734 --> 00:58:02,572
- Fuck!
- Yeah, okay.

1293
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:05,441
Here's the paperwork.
Have a good one.

1294
00:58:05,475 --> 00:58:07,519
- Yeah, thanks a lot. I'll have a great one, Nico.
- Dave.

1295
00:58:07,543 --> 00:58:10,246
Tell your dad to go fuck himself.
What do you want?

1296
00:58:10,279 --> 00:58:12,982
- Dave, I need your help.
- You're fine.

1297
00:58:13,549 --> 00:58:16,385
Sup. You guys got any
spots open for the 10 O'clock?

1298
00:58:16,419 --> 00:58:19,031
Uh, no, we're... Actually we're totally
booked for the rest of the night.

1299
00:58:19,055 --> 00:58:20,590
Fuck you guys.

1300
00:58:21,124 --> 00:58:22,758
- Jesus Christ.
- That was fucking rude.

1301
00:58:23,659 --> 00:58:25,895
- Oh my God.
- What if we put up a fucking tent

1302
00:58:25,928 --> 00:58:28,064
and we can send people like that
to fucking...

1303
00:58:28,097 --> 00:58:30,533
work in it right next to it.
That'd be kind of tight.

1304
00:58:30,566 --> 00:58:32,368
Arnold, my business
is about to collapse.

1305
00:58:32,401 --> 00:58:35,371
I don't need you dick-fucking
around with me right now.

1306
00:58:35,404 --> 00:58:39,275
Actually, dude, you turn
people away all the fucking time

1307
00:58:39,308 --> 00:58:40,877
'cause you're so busy.

1308
00:58:40,910 --> 00:58:43,913
What if you actually
set up a fucking tent

1309
00:58:43,946 --> 00:58:45,581
and held mics in it?

1310
00:58:45,615 --> 00:58:48,284
Oh my fucking God,

1311
00:58:48,317 --> 00:58:50,253
if you fucking build it,

1312
00:58:50,286 --> 00:58:53,322
they will fucking come, baby!

1313
00:58:53,356 --> 00:58:55,224
- Two mics at the same time.
- Yes! Fucking...

1314
00:58:55,258 --> 00:58:57,393
- More mics, more money, more business!
- Yes! Yes!

1315
00:58:57,426 --> 00:58:59,226
- Bomb Shelters everywhere!
- Gimme that dick!

1316
00:59:00,463 --> 00:59:02,331
- No, no. Go in, go in.
- In.

1317
00:59:02,365 --> 00:59:07,336
Ooh, ahh, ooh, aah...
Two mics, same time.

1318
00:59:09,172 --> 00:59:12,408
Yo, great set, guys.
Come on. Hey, in or out?

1319
00:59:12,441 --> 00:59:14,610
Good job, Rob.
Just go, thank you.

1320
00:59:14,645 --> 00:59:17,713
- Hey, what's up man? What's your name?
- Uh, what?

1321
00:59:17,747 --> 00:59:19,691
Just say your name.
There's a bunch of people behind you.

1322
00:59:19,715 --> 00:59:21,250
- Okay, yeah, yeah, Devontae.

1323
00:59:21,284 --> 00:59:23,486
Devontae, you're
in the main room.

1324
00:59:23,519 --> 00:59:26,122
- Thank you, sir.
- Pay Dave. Pay Dave $5.

1325
00:59:26,155 --> 00:59:27,634
- Hey, what's your name?
- My name's Justin.

1326
00:59:27,658 --> 00:59:29,168
- Main room. Five bucks. Dave.
- All right, thank you.

1327
00:59:29,192 --> 00:59:30,326
Cyrus Jay.

1328
00:59:30,359 --> 00:59:33,162
Cyrus Jay, Cyrus Jay. Oh, right,

1329
00:59:33,196 --> 00:59:34,473
you're actually in
the tent tonight.

1330
00:59:34,497 --> 00:59:35,666
The what?

1331
00:59:35,698 --> 00:59:37,934
The tent.
Right around the corner.

1332
00:59:37,967 --> 00:59:39,378
Dave says this is the
improved Bomb Shelter.

1333
00:59:39,402 --> 00:59:40,870
Why are we going to tent?

1334
00:59:40,903 --> 00:59:43,674
Well, this is, but we're full.
Grand opening tonight.

1335
00:59:43,706 --> 00:59:45,484
You probably signed up
for the wrong one online,

1336
00:59:45,508 --> 00:59:47,610
- but the tent's right over here.
- All right.

1337
00:59:47,644 --> 00:59:49,656
- Let's go make the best of a shitty situation.
- Okay.

1338
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:50,846
Do you have your five bucks?

1339
00:59:51,648 --> 00:59:52,748
Yeah.

1340
00:59:53,650 --> 00:59:55,318
All right. Everyone give it up.

1341
00:59:55,351 --> 00:59:57,186
Cyrus, really funny guy
coming to the stage.

1342
00:59:57,220 --> 00:59:58,689
Come on, Cyrus!

1343
00:59:58,721 --> 01:00:00,890
Miley, Cyrus!

1344
01:00:08,064 --> 01:00:10,866
Yes, my name is Cyrus
and I'm from Iran.

1345
01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:14,403
Thank you for not calling
Homeland Security.

1346
01:00:14,437 --> 01:00:17,473
You know, with this
light beaming upon me,

1347
01:00:17,506 --> 01:00:22,144
the disgusting stench of
death poisoning our insides,

1348
01:00:22,178 --> 01:00:24,046
this reminds me
of tents in Iran.

1349
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:25,716
Only thing missing is the cries

1350
01:00:25,748 --> 01:00:28,184
of children being tortured
as we fall asleep.

1351
01:00:29,952 --> 01:00:32,192
- What do you think?
- Eh, my set could have gone better.

1352
01:00:32,221 --> 01:00:35,558
- Not your set. The place, bro, the fucking place, man!
- Aha, oh.

1353
01:00:35,591 --> 01:00:37,569
- Well, you definitely built something here.
- Yeah.

1354
01:00:37,593 --> 01:00:39,672
I don't know what it is, but
you definitely built something.

1355
01:00:39,696 --> 01:00:42,498
This, this looks
fucking fantastic.

1356
01:00:42,531 --> 01:00:45,568
But this... I wish you did not
show this to me, or anyone.

1357
01:00:45,601 --> 01:00:47,503
You must burn this tent at once.

1358
01:00:47,536 --> 01:00:49,372
You put him in the tent?

1359
01:00:49,405 --> 01:00:51,107
I...

1360
01:00:51,140 --> 01:00:53,209
You were not supposed
to see the tent, Cyrus.

1361
01:00:53,242 --> 01:00:55,177
We just got so busy,
we had to do something.

1362
01:00:55,211 --> 01:00:56,512
But that's the point, man.

1363
01:00:56,545 --> 01:00:59,181
Look at how many people
are freaking here, man.

1364
01:00:59,215 --> 01:01:01,951
Yes, you have turned
a shit hole into a shit store.

1365
01:01:01,984 --> 01:01:03,754
Yeah, franchise, baby.
What do you think

1366
01:01:03,786 --> 01:01:05,756
I'm trying to do
here, Cyrus, come on.

1367
01:01:05,788 --> 01:01:06,965
Okay, give me a couple of days.

1368
01:01:06,989 --> 01:01:08,524
Let me think about it, okay?

1369
01:01:08,557 --> 01:01:10,761
First I have to go home and
wash the AIDS off my skin

1370
01:01:10,793 --> 01:01:12,094
from this tent, okay?

1371
01:01:12,128 --> 01:01:14,263
But congratulations on this.

1372
01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:16,532
Al-Qaeda would be
proud of you, okay?

1373
01:01:21,237 --> 01:01:23,039
Cyrus! Cyrus, bro.

1374
01:01:23,072 --> 01:01:24,283
Listen, I gotta be
honest with you.

1375
01:01:24,307 --> 01:01:25,574
My landlord is really trying

1376
01:01:25,608 --> 01:01:27,243
to fuck me out of this place
right now

1377
01:01:27,276 --> 01:01:28,954
and I just need you to
hold the Sunset location

1378
01:01:28,978 --> 01:01:30,781
for me for a couple
more months, that's it.

1379
01:01:30,813 --> 01:01:32,824
If you cannot make this
business, you have to let it go.

1380
01:01:32,848 --> 01:01:36,085
No... God, listen. I just need
a little bit more time.

1381
01:01:36,118 --> 01:01:37,586
It's all I have.

1382
01:01:37,620 --> 01:01:39,889
David John, maybe
it's time to move on.

1383
01:01:39,922 --> 01:01:41,957
You have been running
Bomb Shelter for years

1384
01:01:41,991 --> 01:01:43,660
and you are barely surviving.

1385
01:01:43,694 --> 01:01:45,328
You're dealing with
these open-micers.

1386
01:01:45,361 --> 01:01:47,764
They're trying to fuck
you from every angle.

1387
01:01:47,798 --> 01:01:50,833
You're a hard worker, do
something better, fuck this.

1388
01:02:03,012 --> 01:02:04,547
What's Dave doing?

1389
01:02:05,514 --> 01:02:07,016
He's either meditating

1390
01:02:07,049 --> 01:02:08,918
or having a complete
fucking breakdown.

1391
01:02:08,951 --> 01:02:10,086
Why, though?

1392
01:02:10,119 --> 01:02:11,496
His landlord just
showed up and said

1393
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,489
if he doesn't come up
with 15 Gs for a deposit,

1394
01:02:13,522 --> 01:02:14,825
this place is done.

1395
01:02:14,857 --> 01:02:17,093
So what, like, we gotta go back

1396
01:02:17,126 --> 01:02:18,370
to all these other
fucking bullshit,

1397
01:02:18,394 --> 01:02:19,929
random, out-of-the-hat mics

1398
01:02:19,962 --> 01:02:21,631
where I gotta pay
like all his money

1399
01:02:21,665 --> 01:02:23,667
just to wait for like
three fucking minutes?

1400
01:02:23,700 --> 01:02:25,702
- Man, fuck this.
- Yeah.

1401
01:02:25,736 --> 01:02:27,370
I mean, unless we come up
with a way

1402
01:02:27,403 --> 01:02:29,338
to find the fucking
money, then, yeah.

1403
01:02:29,372 --> 01:02:31,483
How the fuck are you gonna
come up with the money, bro?

1404
01:02:31,507 --> 01:02:32,709
What are you gonna do?

1405
01:02:32,743 --> 01:02:35,344
You're gonna sell
your ass in the van?

1406
01:02:35,378 --> 01:02:36,813
No one's gonna
wanna buy you, bro.

1407
01:02:36,847 --> 01:02:39,014
You're fat, and you're ugly.

1408
01:02:39,048 --> 01:02:40,549
He's kinda cute.

1409
01:02:40,583 --> 01:02:42,027
Amir, you guys work for
like big fucking comics.

1410
01:02:42,051 --> 01:02:44,487
Can't you guys talk
to some of these comics

1411
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:45,888
that you're fucking
opening up for

1412
01:02:45,921 --> 01:02:47,523
and have them come do sets

1413
01:02:47,556 --> 01:02:48,735
it'll fucking raise
so much money?

1414
01:02:48,759 --> 01:02:50,459
Hey, wait, wait, wait...

1415
01:02:50,493 --> 01:02:52,696
How exactly do you
expect me to pitch that?

1416
01:02:52,729 --> 01:02:56,065
"Hey, buddy, I know you
make $100,000 a weekend,

1417
01:02:56,098 --> 01:02:59,034
why don't you come host
this open mic for free?"

1418
01:02:59,068 --> 01:03:00,236
You're an idiot.

1419
01:03:00,269 --> 01:03:02,571
I agree. You're an idiot.

1420
01:03:02,605 --> 01:03:04,573
Amir, come on. Are you in?

1421
01:03:04,607 --> 01:03:06,308
Yeah, I'll make some calls.

1422
01:03:06,342 --> 01:03:08,544
You know what?
I'll make some calls.

1423
01:03:08,577 --> 01:03:11,715
Nobody cares when
you call, Kyle.

1424
01:03:11,748 --> 01:03:13,068
Watch this, straight
to voicemail.

1425
01:03:15,852 --> 01:03:17,319
Hello, Mom?

1426
01:03:17,353 --> 01:03:19,255
Just wondering if you know,

1427
01:03:19,288 --> 01:03:20,923
I need to borrow
some money and...

1428
01:03:23,592 --> 01:03:24,661
So that's a no, guys.

1429
01:03:28,364 --> 01:03:32,368
Great set tonight, Kyle.
Lots of growth.

1430
01:03:32,401 --> 01:03:34,805
You really knocked
it out of the park!

1431
01:03:37,039 --> 01:03:39,008
Hey Dave, why don't
you just get a second opinion

1432
01:03:39,041 --> 01:03:42,344
on that bad STD test, man?

1433
01:03:42,378 --> 01:03:44,980
Thank you, Amir.
I appreciate the advice.

1434
01:03:46,215 --> 01:03:48,752
Yo, like, I know
I'm hella talented,

1435
01:03:48,785 --> 01:03:51,788
but Dave complimenting
me? I don't know, man,

1436
01:03:51,822 --> 01:03:54,891
that felt a little weird, like
this feeling in my stomach.

1437
01:03:54,925 --> 01:03:56,392
Like I dunno, man.

1438
01:03:56,425 --> 01:03:58,227
It's called sympathy, stupid.

1439
01:03:58,260 --> 01:03:59,763
It's what normal people feel.

1440
01:03:59,796 --> 01:04:00,897
Yeah, but I don't like it.

1441
01:04:00,931 --> 01:04:02,598
It's making me feel responsible,

1442
01:04:02,632 --> 01:04:05,769
like I gotta do
something, you know?

1443
01:04:05,802 --> 01:04:07,570
Bro, what do you think
we've all been doing?

1444
01:04:07,603 --> 01:04:10,640
We've been trying to book
headliners to fix this place.

1445
01:04:10,674 --> 01:04:12,742
I got it. Angela Nissel.

1446
01:04:12,776 --> 01:04:14,085
- I can get her to headline.
- The TV writer?

1447
01:04:14,109 --> 01:04:16,245
How the fuck do you know Angela?

1448
01:04:16,278 --> 01:04:20,416
Check this out.
We go to the same Ralphs.

1449
01:04:20,449 --> 01:04:22,284
Like, we could wait outside...

1450
01:04:22,318 --> 01:04:25,554
Stop right there, bro.
That is insane.

1451
01:04:27,791 --> 01:04:30,226
Look, I know you
guys make fun of me

1452
01:04:30,259 --> 01:04:33,830
because I grew up rich and
you guys find me annoying

1453
01:04:33,864 --> 01:04:36,465
and probably don't even
like my jokes, but...

1454
01:04:37,868 --> 01:04:40,336
I love this place,
and I love Dave

1455
01:04:40,369 --> 01:04:42,571
And I think I even
love you guys too.

1456
01:04:42,605 --> 01:04:44,406
This place has given me...

1457
01:04:44,440 --> 01:04:48,577
somewhere where I could find my
voice and be who I am, you know?

1458
01:04:48,611 --> 01:04:51,146
And honestly, like, if
it wasn't for this place,

1459
01:04:51,180 --> 01:04:52,883
I know you guys wouldn't
kick it with me.

1460
01:04:52,916 --> 01:04:55,919
And to be honest, like, I don't
even have friends outside.

1461
01:04:55,952 --> 01:04:56,953
Yeah, no shit.

1462
01:04:56,987 --> 01:04:59,121
<i>♪ Ooh, yeah ♪</i>

1463
01:04:59,154 --> 01:05:00,189
Look man, like...

1464
01:05:00,222 --> 01:05:01,858
Hey, I'm playin', I'm playin'.

1465
01:05:01,892 --> 01:05:05,929
This is my chance to give
Dave something more than $5.

1466
01:05:05,962 --> 01:05:07,764
You know she's not
a standup, right?

1467
01:05:07,797 --> 01:05:09,431
You don't know that.

1468
01:05:09,465 --> 01:05:12,334
Plus you know how many
nerds are gonna be lining up

1469
01:05:12,368 --> 01:05:15,337
to bother her after
we're done bothering her?

1470
01:05:15,371 --> 01:05:18,808
And we're not even asking for
a job, we're giving her one.

1471
01:05:18,842 --> 01:05:20,777
Man, this is crazy, man.

1472
01:05:20,810 --> 01:05:22,879
It's stupid, it's creepy,
and you know what?

1473
01:05:22,913 --> 01:05:25,715
Kinda illegal harassing
her like that.

1474
01:05:25,749 --> 01:05:27,851
Man, my grandma was illegal.

1475
01:05:27,884 --> 01:05:29,084
Huh?

1476
01:05:29,853 --> 01:05:31,021
You in?

1477
01:05:35,892 --> 01:05:38,561
Uh, why are we here?

1478
01:05:38,594 --> 01:05:41,965
There's this white lady that
cooks these bomb-ass cookies,

1479
01:05:41,998 --> 01:05:45,001
Angela never misses
a batch. Never.

1480
01:05:45,035 --> 01:05:47,003
And you got this intel how?

1481
01:05:47,037 --> 01:05:48,337
I mean, what the fuck, man?

1482
01:05:48,370 --> 01:05:49,906
Bro, I buy those
cookies all the time.

1483
01:05:49,940 --> 01:05:51,073
They're bomb as fuck.

1484
01:05:51,106 --> 01:05:52,876
You know white people don't know

1485
01:05:52,909 --> 01:05:54,811
how to season
their chicken, right?

1486
01:05:54,844 --> 01:05:57,146
But they could sure put
sprinkles on their muffins.

1487
01:05:57,179 --> 01:05:58,414
You know what?

1488
01:05:58,447 --> 01:06:00,382
I do love some
white muffins though.

1489
01:06:00,416 --> 01:06:02,484
Bro, Angela loves
those white muffins.

1490
01:06:02,518 --> 01:06:04,020
All right, y'all stay here

1491
01:06:04,054 --> 01:06:06,422
with your creepy-ass binoculars.

1492
01:06:06,455 --> 01:06:08,925
I'm gonna go over there
and do the talking.

1493
01:06:08,959 --> 01:06:11,594
Hey girl! Angela, right?

1494
01:06:11,628 --> 01:06:13,663
Sorry, people always
think that for some reason.

1495
01:06:13,697 --> 01:06:15,041
So, you don't come
here every Wednesday

1496
01:06:15,065 --> 01:06:18,233
to get those fresh
mango cinnamon cookies?

1497
01:06:18,267 --> 01:06:20,603
Apple cinnamon.
Who sent you, what's up?

1498
01:06:20,637 --> 01:06:22,504
- Oh, nobody, mm-mm. I...
- Hey, Angela!

1499
01:06:22,538 --> 01:06:24,050
- Well my friend...
- When's Scrubs coming back?

1500
01:06:24,074 --> 01:06:25,584
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Oh, whoa, whoa, wait, wait!

1501
01:06:25,608 --> 01:06:26,910
- She's got mace!
- Calm down.

1502
01:06:26,943 --> 01:06:28,344
Y'all think y'all
can sun me, right?

1503
01:06:28,377 --> 01:06:29,679
'Cause I got a little money?

1504
01:06:29,713 --> 01:06:31,447
I'm from Philly. I take...
Mai Tai classes.

1505
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:32,925
- Shit, she's from Philly. She hard.
- We're comics...

1506
01:06:32,949 --> 01:06:35,551
We're comics,
and we're just... That's it.

1507
01:06:35,584 --> 01:06:37,887
Look, wait, wait, wait.
Look, our buddy's business

1508
01:06:37,921 --> 01:06:39,956
is going under and we're
throwing a fundraiser

1509
01:06:39,990 --> 01:06:43,059
and we could really use your
help with saving his business.

1510
01:06:43,093 --> 01:06:44,728
Please put the pepper spray
down.

1511
01:06:44,761 --> 01:06:46,739
I've just washed my hair and
we just want to make sure

1512
01:06:46,763 --> 01:06:48,932
our friend Dave's
open mic doesn't fail.

1513
01:06:48,965 --> 01:06:50,767
Here's a flyer.

1514
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:52,102
- Here's a flyer.
- That's a cat.

1515
01:06:52,134 --> 01:06:53,478
- Again?
- Your hair looks cute though.

1516
01:06:53,502 --> 01:06:54,880
- Thank you.
- It does, what do you use?

1517
01:06:54,904 --> 01:06:56,973
- Oh, Miss Jessie's.
- That's the shit.

1518
01:06:57,007 --> 01:06:58,908
Curly girls! I love you,
thank you.

1519
01:06:58,942 --> 01:07:01,645
Listen, I'm gonna be honest like
I've never been honest in my life,

1520
01:07:01,678 --> 01:07:04,246
to myself, and to
them, and to you.

1521
01:07:04,279 --> 01:07:07,050
But I've been doing
standup comedy for a while

1522
01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:10,887
and I don't think
I've ever been funny.

1523
01:07:12,822 --> 01:07:15,992
But... One day it's
all gonna click.

1524
01:07:16,026 --> 01:07:17,493
One day, I'm gonna
figure it out.

1525
01:07:17,526 --> 01:07:19,996
It's gonna click
like a remote control

1526
01:07:20,030 --> 01:07:22,799
and that can't happen if they
close down The Bomb Shelter,

1527
01:07:22,832 --> 01:07:24,233
which is why we're here.

1528
01:07:24,266 --> 01:07:26,136
Maybe you can help us out.

1529
01:07:26,168 --> 01:07:28,772
He's not lying, his mama doesn't
even love him. It's terrible.

1530
01:07:28,805 --> 01:07:30,305
Yeah, he sucks.

1531
01:07:30,339 --> 01:07:31,607
There. Not a cat.

1532
01:07:31,641 --> 01:07:33,943
See, this is actually
kinda sweet.

1533
01:07:33,977 --> 01:07:36,245
I don't do standup
though, sorry.

1534
01:07:36,278 --> 01:07:38,648
You don't know till you try it.
You could be hilarious.

1535
01:07:38,682 --> 01:07:40,083
I mean, you look funny.

1536
01:07:40,116 --> 01:07:42,152
- Oh! Shit!
- Oh! Stop! Okay!

1537
01:07:45,187 --> 01:07:46,488
Shit! Mother...

1538
01:07:48,058 --> 01:07:51,027
Normally I love it when
a girl squirts my face.

1539
01:07:51,061 --> 01:07:53,963
Not like this! Not like this!

1540
01:07:53,997 --> 01:07:55,364
Will you do the show?

1541
01:07:55,397 --> 01:07:58,101
Will you at least do the show?

1542
01:07:58,134 --> 01:07:59,712
All right. I'll give
you my email address.

1543
01:07:59,736 --> 01:08:01,370
- Yes!
- Get the fuck out!

1544
01:08:01,403 --> 01:08:03,173
- She's doing the show, bro.
- Man-up, Amir.

1545
01:08:03,205 --> 01:08:04,941
- Thank God.
- It's worth it.

1546
01:08:04,974 --> 01:08:06,451
- I'm gonna go get some milk...
- Thank God.

1547
01:08:06,475 --> 01:08:07,887
I'll... I'll throw the milk
in your face...

1548
01:08:07,911 --> 01:08:09,411
- and you'll be fine.
- Oh, God.

1549
01:08:11,413 --> 01:08:12,849
Thank you, so much.

1550
01:08:12,882 --> 01:08:14,459
- Thank you, thank you.
- Let me tell y'all,

1551
01:08:14,483 --> 01:08:16,686
don't approach anybody
talking about squirting

1552
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:18,731
- and run up on their car like this, okay?
- All right.

1553
01:08:18,755 --> 01:08:20,489
'Cause I was about to call
the cops on you.

1554
01:08:20,522 --> 01:08:21,634
- Its okay.
- Thank you, thank you.

1555
01:08:21,658 --> 01:08:23,693
- Water under the bridge.
- Email me.

1556
01:08:41,711 --> 01:08:45,048
So, this is actually my
first time doing standup.

1557
01:08:45,081 --> 01:08:47,183
If you didn't know,
I'm a TV writer.

1558
01:08:47,217 --> 01:08:48,651
And after meeting you guys,

1559
01:08:48,685 --> 01:08:51,721
it's actually my last
time doing stand up.

1560
01:08:51,755 --> 01:08:52,922
Haa!

1561
01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:14,110
I don't have any money
for clothes, so...

1562
01:09:14,144 --> 01:09:16,545
if you see me looking like I
just came out of a dressing room

1563
01:09:16,578 --> 01:09:18,347
trying something on, it's like,

1564
01:09:18,380 --> 01:09:20,917
no, that's just
how I fucking look.

1565
01:09:36,065 --> 01:09:38,367
I haven't felt
this uncomfortable

1566
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:42,138
in a sea of broken dreams
since...

1567
01:09:42,172 --> 01:09:45,208
Actually, never. Because
I actually followed my dreams.

1568
01:09:45,241 --> 01:09:48,410
I just said I'm a TV writer and I
don't stalk people outside of Ralphs.

1569
01:10:02,692 --> 01:10:06,896
The only problem is... I get
reminiscence of growing up

1570
01:10:06,930 --> 01:10:08,965
because I used to
share the bathroom with

1571
01:10:08,998 --> 01:10:10,142
everyone in my fucking family.

1572
01:10:10,166 --> 01:10:12,101
We had a one bathroom,
massive family,

1573
01:10:12,135 --> 01:10:14,146
except now I'm just sharing
it with the homeless people

1574
01:10:14,170 --> 01:10:16,272
who are trying to get
in the van with me.

1575
01:10:23,813 --> 01:10:27,784
Speaking of dreams,
if anyone has any ideas

1576
01:10:27,817 --> 01:10:31,420
or email requests
or collaborations,

1577
01:10:31,453 --> 01:10:33,990
I'm currently only
taking sexual favors.

1578
01:10:34,023 --> 01:10:37,526
So you can
take the rest to my agent.

1579
01:10:41,130 --> 01:10:43,465
I've never realized that I'm
actually like a big person.

1580
01:10:43,498 --> 01:10:45,467
Recently, one of
those things happened.

1581
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:47,837
I was crossing the
street late one night.

1582
01:10:47,871 --> 01:10:50,173
He just looks at me and he goes,

1583
01:10:50,206 --> 01:10:52,976
"Defensive end or lineman?"

1584
01:10:53,009 --> 01:10:55,178
And without missing a beat,
I go, "Tennis player."

1585
01:11:00,984 --> 01:11:04,821
- You're actually really good.
- Don't sound so surprised.

1586
01:11:04,854 --> 01:11:08,691
- I mean, you always made me laugh, but you're...
- Yeah.

1587
01:11:08,725 --> 01:11:11,560
- You're... "Funny" funny.
- Oh, thanks.

1588
01:11:11,593 --> 01:11:14,130
Do you want to... go grab
dinner?

1589
01:11:15,031 --> 01:11:16,332
Uh...

1590
01:11:16,366 --> 01:11:18,735
- That sounds good, yeah.
- Yeah? Cool. Um...

1591
01:11:18,768 --> 01:11:21,536
- Not tonight. Um...
- Boundaries, yes.

1592
01:11:21,570 --> 01:11:24,841
- Maybe next Saturday?
- Saturday. Uh, yeah.

1593
01:11:24,874 --> 01:11:27,243
I can't do it anymore.
Dude, I can't do it.

1594
01:11:27,277 --> 01:11:30,179
I just hosted three hours in
the tent mic, three hours!

1595
01:11:30,213 --> 01:11:33,415
I did not move here for this
shit. You understand that?

1596
01:11:33,448 --> 01:11:37,320
I have Arian blood. I am
too good for that tent mic!

1597
01:11:37,353 --> 01:11:39,923
Yo, psycho, all you had
to do is come and ask me,

1598
01:11:39,956 --> 01:11:42,567
I would have switched with you and
I would have hosted in the tent.

1599
01:11:42,591 --> 01:11:45,662
Oh. Okay. Well,
I'll see you around.

1600
01:11:46,796 --> 01:11:49,531
Oh, uh, do not go in there,
okay?

1601
01:11:49,564 --> 01:11:53,269
Seriously, it's a damnation
of inferno. You will burn!

1602
01:11:53,303 --> 01:11:56,105
It is hell. You don't
want to be in hell, okay?

1603
01:11:56,139 --> 01:11:59,175
I like your haircut.
Have a good day!

1604
01:12:01,443 --> 01:12:03,680
- Saturday?
- Saturday.

1605
01:12:03,713 --> 01:12:05,181
- Don't forget.
- Okay.

1606
01:12:06,749 --> 01:12:07,917
Bye.

1607
01:12:50,293 --> 01:12:52,795
There's literally no reason why
an earthquake

1608
01:12:52,829 --> 01:12:55,298
should be classified
as a natural disaster.

1609
01:12:55,331 --> 01:12:58,134
It's only a disaster because
we decided to build cities

1610
01:12:58,167 --> 01:12:59,469
on fricking fault lines!

1611
01:12:59,501 --> 01:13:01,004
Why are we doing this?

1612
01:13:01,037 --> 01:13:03,106
It doesn't make any sense, it...

1613
01:13:03,139 --> 01:13:04,640
My bad.

1614
01:13:04,674 --> 01:13:06,275
Hey, who just walked
in here right now?

1615
01:13:06,309 --> 01:13:09,511
Turn on the lights. Who just
walked in here right now?

1616
01:13:09,544 --> 01:13:13,016
Oh. Yeah, Devontae,
you're late again, man.

1617
01:13:13,049 --> 01:13:15,284
- You know the rules. Beat it.
- Beat it?

1618
01:13:15,318 --> 01:13:16,953
Yo, it's like 10 minutes.

1619
01:13:16,986 --> 01:13:18,831
Well, the cutoff is five
minutes, man. You know this.

1620
01:13:18,855 --> 01:13:20,156
Okay, yo, can I just watch?

1621
01:13:20,189 --> 01:13:22,358
Fine, it's fine,
just find a seat. Okay...

1622
01:13:22,392 --> 01:13:24,694
There's no seats, so I'm
gonna stand. It's cool.

1623
01:13:24,727 --> 01:13:27,697
No fucking standing
in the back, Devontae!

1624
01:13:29,198 --> 01:13:31,600
Yo, you're fucking crazy, bro!

1625
01:13:31,634 --> 01:13:35,471
Prima donna motherfuckers!
Fucking come in here late

1626
01:13:35,505 --> 01:13:38,141
every day. Goddammit!

1627
01:13:38,174 --> 01:13:39,541
You want to be headliner, right?

1628
01:13:39,574 --> 01:13:40,853
You wanna be a
fucking headliner,

1629
01:13:40,877 --> 01:13:42,979
show up on time to
the fucking mic!

1630
01:13:43,012 --> 01:13:44,047
Fuck!

1631
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:46,949
God... dammit.

1632
01:13:47,984 --> 01:13:49,752
Yo!

1633
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:54,357
Dude! Yo, yo! Hey! Yo.

1634
01:13:54,390 --> 01:13:56,692
- Yo! cut that shit out.
- Fuck Dave, man!

1635
01:13:56,726 --> 01:13:58,370
He's always giving me more
shit than anyone else.

1636
01:13:58,394 --> 01:13:59,838
- I can't take that shit!
- Dude! Dude, yo!

1637
01:13:59,862 --> 01:14:01,864
Chill out, it's not
that fucking serious.

1638
01:14:01,898 --> 01:14:03,966
Bruh, you ain't say shit
to him, so fuck you too.

1639
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:05,535
Yo, you're always fucking late.

1640
01:14:05,567 --> 01:14:07,413
And every time you're fucking
late, you cost him money,

1641
01:14:07,437 --> 01:14:09,405
and you fuck someone out
of a spot. So chill out.

1642
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:11,040
Fuck those other comics, bro.

1643
01:14:11,074 --> 01:14:14,143
Damn. I could do any other
fucking mic on the west side.

1644
01:14:14,177 --> 01:14:15,521
Listen, I'm gonna
stop you right there.

1645
01:14:15,545 --> 01:14:17,222
You gotta understand how
fucking Dave is, dude.

1646
01:14:17,246 --> 01:14:19,315
Look, I understand. He sees
a young brother like me

1647
01:14:19,348 --> 01:14:20,659
- and can't wait to fuck with me.
- Oh, my...

1648
01:14:20,683 --> 01:14:21,760
I'm not doing this shit no more.

1649
01:14:21,784 --> 01:14:23,252
Turn down hosting fucking mics

1650
01:14:23,286 --> 01:14:24,430
at the fucking
Store for this shit.

1651
01:14:24,454 --> 01:14:26,222
You've turned down
mics at The Store?

1652
01:14:27,090 --> 01:14:28,758
Yeah, what?

1653
01:14:28,791 --> 01:14:31,070
Then I wouldn't be able to...
'Cau... I Can't do both. I...

1654
01:14:31,094 --> 01:14:33,663
- Dude, I love The Bomb Shelter.
- So?

1655
01:14:35,597 --> 01:14:37,733
Look, when I
first came out here,

1656
01:14:38,968 --> 01:14:41,737
Dave and I did like
a lot of the same mics.

1657
01:14:41,771 --> 01:14:44,507
He showed me the scene
a bit. And then when I...

1658
01:14:46,576 --> 01:14:48,053
His girl found out that
I was couch surfing,

1659
01:14:48,077 --> 01:14:49,611
they let me stay at their crib.

1660
01:14:49,645 --> 01:14:51,256
What was the difference
between couch surfing

1661
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:52,915
and sleeping on his floor?

1662
01:14:52,949 --> 01:14:56,219
You don't know shit about Dave.

1663
01:14:56,252 --> 01:14:58,230
Yo, Dave used to live in
this big-ass fucking house.

1664
01:14:58,254 --> 01:15:01,224
He had two guest bedrooms
and a Brita filter

1665
01:15:01,257 --> 01:15:02,959
in every fucking room
and all this shit.

1666
01:15:02,992 --> 01:15:04,794
- No fucking way.
- I'm dead-ass serious too.

1667
01:15:04,827 --> 01:15:07,239
It must've been part of some
"pity the poor black boy" bullshit

1668
01:15:07,263 --> 01:15:09,775
- 'Cause now this motherfucker out here's trying to kill me.
- Dude!

1669
01:15:09,799 --> 01:15:11,577
If you know you can't
make the nine o'clock show,

1670
01:15:11,601 --> 01:15:13,401
why don't you just sign
up for the 10 o'clock.

1671
01:15:14,437 --> 01:15:16,806
Hmm, yeah.

1672
01:15:16,839 --> 01:15:18,875
I don't really have
an answer for that.

1673
01:15:18,908 --> 01:15:20,176
I feel like if...

1674
01:15:21,344 --> 01:15:23,813
If I'm in a rush,
then I'm working hard.

1675
01:15:24,247 --> 01:15:26,682
Oh, my God. That's the dumbest
thing I've ever fucking heard.

1676
01:15:26,716 --> 01:15:29,418
And now I remember you're
20 fucking years old.

1677
01:15:29,452 --> 01:15:31,187
Twenty and a half.

1678
01:15:36,759 --> 01:15:37,960
Wow.

1679
01:15:40,163 --> 01:15:42,899
Well... That was a...

1680
01:15:44,635 --> 01:15:46,235
That was an
interesting mic, man.

1681
01:15:46,269 --> 01:15:48,471
Yeah, I'm sorry
you had to see that.

1682
01:15:48,504 --> 01:15:51,174
Pretty sure Devontae
thinks you're a racist.

1683
01:15:51,207 --> 01:15:54,110
Well, yeah. You know,
it's just...

1684
01:15:54,143 --> 01:15:55,745
Blacks, you know?

1685
01:15:55,778 --> 01:15:58,514
Oh, look at that. You actually
<i>are</i> racist.

1686
01:15:58,548 --> 01:16:00,316
Listen, the kid
has so much talent,

1687
01:16:00,349 --> 01:16:02,685
he just needs to learn
how to respect the rules.

1688
01:16:02,718 --> 01:16:05,264
I don't know, man. I kind of felt
like it was about something else.

1689
01:16:05,288 --> 01:16:06,756
Yeah, well, maybe it's the fear

1690
01:16:06,789 --> 01:16:09,125
of losing my livelihood has
something to do with it.

1691
01:16:09,158 --> 01:16:11,594
Some nights when uh...

1692
01:16:11,628 --> 01:16:14,430
When I'm hosting some
open mics, and uh...

1693
01:16:14,463 --> 01:16:15,998
You know, I kind of just get
lost.

1694
01:16:16,032 --> 01:16:18,000
Thinking about where I'm
at in my life right now.

1695
01:16:19,535 --> 01:16:22,038
I kind of think
about like, "oh wow",

1696
01:16:22,071 --> 01:16:24,207
I'm fucking sleeping in a van."

1697
01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:27,143
And it's enough to make you want
to blow your fucking brains out.

1698
01:16:27,176 --> 01:16:31,147
But that's when I realized it's
all fucking temporary, man.

1699
01:16:31,180 --> 01:16:32,448
And...

1700
01:16:34,183 --> 01:16:39,188
It's kind of comforting to
say out loud, "I'm not okay."

1701
01:16:43,059 --> 01:16:44,393
I'm fine.

1702
01:16:46,896 --> 01:16:49,298
Is it fine to keep...

1703
01:16:49,332 --> 01:16:52,134
sonograms of a kid
you almost had

1704
01:16:52,168 --> 01:16:54,570
in the tool shed? And...

1705
01:16:54,604 --> 01:16:57,006
ducking calls
from your ex 'cause

1706
01:16:57,039 --> 01:16:58,908
you don't want to pick
up your shit?

1707
01:17:02,912 --> 01:17:04,313
Arnold...

1708
01:17:05,848 --> 01:17:08,584
You've done some nice
things here, and I'm grateful,

1709
01:17:08,618 --> 01:17:12,488
but not everybody needs
to be fixed. Okay?

1710
01:17:12,521 --> 01:17:14,357
No, you need to be fixed.

1711
01:17:14,390 --> 01:17:16,501
You host stand up here for a
few weeks and all of a sudden,

1712
01:17:16,525 --> 01:17:18,194
you're the zen master of MICerz?

1713
01:17:18,227 --> 01:17:19,438
You're just like every
other wannabe comic

1714
01:17:19,462 --> 01:17:20,707
- Hey, man...
- That comes in here, Arnold.

1715
01:17:20,731 --> 01:17:21,873
I'm just trying to fucking help.

1716
01:17:21,897 --> 01:17:23,008
Oh, yeah, sure you're gonna be
the one

1717
01:17:23,032 --> 01:17:24,500
to save The Bomb Shelter now.

1718
01:17:24,533 --> 01:17:26,211
You're not even trying...
You're not doing this for me.

1719
01:17:26,235 --> 01:17:27,870
You're doing this for you.

1720
01:17:27,903 --> 01:17:30,239
Some of us are actually
trying to do this as a career.

1721
01:17:30,273 --> 01:17:32,041
You are just trying to do this

1722
01:17:32,074 --> 01:17:33,744
to get your ex-girlfriend back.

1723
01:17:33,776 --> 01:17:35,754
You're gonna go back... Right
from mooching off me,

1724
01:17:35,778 --> 01:17:37,556
- right back to mooching off her.
- Hey, you ever think that

1725
01:17:37,580 --> 01:17:39,191
- That's what you're gonna do.
- Maybe I want to do something

1726
01:17:39,215 --> 01:17:40,616
with my fucking life? Look,

1727
01:17:40,651 --> 01:17:42,952
that's your fucking
shitty open fucking mic

1728
01:17:42,985 --> 01:17:46,088
- that you fucking host.
- And your van's parked in my parking lot.

1729
01:17:46,122 --> 01:17:47,890
What do you fucking
want me to do, dude?

1730
01:17:47,923 --> 01:17:50,459
I want you to stay here
for as long as it takes.

1731
01:17:50,493 --> 01:17:52,395
So you could feel what
kind of... What it's like

1732
01:17:52,428 --> 01:17:54,072
- to be a fucking loser like me.
- Oh, you fucking...

1733
01:17:54,096 --> 01:17:56,899
You fucking live for hosting
shitty fucking open mics.

1734
01:17:56,932 --> 01:17:58,234
Don't forget I'm your boss,

1735
01:17:58,267 --> 01:17:59,411
and if you bring that shit up
one more time

1736
01:17:59,435 --> 01:18:00,870
- you're fired!
- Oh yeah?

1737
01:18:00,903 --> 01:18:02,381
- You're gonna fucking fire me?
- Yeah.

1738
01:18:02,405 --> 01:18:04,216
- I fucking dare you to fucking fire me!
- Fucking...

1739
01:18:04,240 --> 01:18:05,274
I'll fucking do it.

1740
01:18:05,308 --> 01:18:07,610
You fucking bitch! Fuck you!

1741
01:18:07,644 --> 01:18:09,646
I quit. Have fun
fucking banning people

1742
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:12,548
when there's no one fucking
here to come, you dumb fuck!

1743
01:18:23,092 --> 01:18:24,393
Am I getting evicted?

1744
01:18:29,498 --> 01:18:31,702
I was engaged
a couple years back.

1745
01:18:33,135 --> 01:18:35,004
And, uh, she got pregnant.

1746
01:18:37,173 --> 01:18:41,577
Had a late miscarriage.
Like... really late. And, uh...

1747
01:18:45,548 --> 01:18:48,284
We never really
recovered after that.

1748
01:18:48,317 --> 01:18:49,952
And uh...

1749
01:18:49,985 --> 01:18:52,922
Last night I saw her
with her new husband and uh...

1750
01:18:55,191 --> 01:18:56,359
their baby.

1751
01:18:57,960 --> 01:19:00,831
Dude, I... I didn't know.

1752
01:19:00,863 --> 01:19:02,131
I'm really sorry.

1753
01:19:02,164 --> 01:19:04,467
That was supposed to be my kid.

1754
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:19,850
I'm still in love with her too.

1755
01:19:21,217 --> 01:19:22,819
Can you believe that?

1756
01:19:22,853 --> 01:19:24,353
It's been years.

1757
01:19:24,387 --> 01:19:26,857
She's got a family, and
I've got freaking nothing!

1758
01:19:27,824 --> 01:19:30,393
I mean, you got me.

1759
01:19:30,426 --> 01:19:32,194
It's not saying much, but...

1760
01:19:33,062 --> 01:19:34,397
I think you just gotta...

1761
01:19:35,665 --> 01:19:37,667
get your shit and
close the fucking door.

1762
01:19:37,701 --> 01:19:39,068
I can't.

1763
01:19:39,101 --> 01:19:40,979
I mean, if you don't
want to see 'em, I can go...

1764
01:19:41,003 --> 01:19:42,238
No!

1765
01:19:44,273 --> 01:19:47,543
Her having my stuff is the only
thing that still connects us.

1766
01:19:47,576 --> 01:19:49,388
If we go to pick up my stuff
now, then it's over.

1767
01:19:49,412 --> 01:19:52,181
You know? Like really over.

1768
01:19:52,214 --> 01:19:54,684
You got to start
making healthy steps towards

1769
01:19:54,718 --> 01:19:57,386
figuring out how to live
your life. Like...

1770
01:19:57,420 --> 01:19:59,355
You know, you should make
a plan.

1771
01:19:59,388 --> 01:20:00,899
I know you always talk to me
about making a plan,

1772
01:20:00,923 --> 01:20:02,893
but I feel like you
should be the one to like

1773
01:20:02,925 --> 01:20:04,360
go pick up your stuff.

1774
01:20:04,393 --> 01:20:05,872
I'll go with you. I don't care
how... what you have

1775
01:20:05,896 --> 01:20:07,731
to do to do it, I will help you.

1776
01:20:07,764 --> 01:20:10,199
I know that's not saying
much 'cause it's fucking me,

1777
01:20:10,232 --> 01:20:13,737
but let's go get your shit so
we can put this behind you.

1778
01:20:13,770 --> 01:20:15,772
I mean, come on, look at you.

1779
01:20:15,806 --> 01:20:18,340
You're Mr. No
Fucking Bullshitting

1780
01:20:18,374 --> 01:20:21,377
Dick Heavy Metal God!

1781
01:20:21,410 --> 01:20:23,012
Fuck, man time, right?

1782
01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:26,048
All right!

1783
01:20:26,081 --> 01:20:29,518
Three point five billion other
women out there to ruin your life.

1784
01:20:29,552 --> 01:20:31,922
Let's get through
this, all right?

1785
01:20:31,954 --> 01:20:33,122
Christ.

1786
01:20:34,758 --> 01:20:35,958
What the...

1787
01:20:37,493 --> 01:20:38,862
What the fuck
happened to your van?

1788
01:20:38,895 --> 01:20:40,630
I forgot to tell you.

1789
01:20:40,664 --> 01:20:42,965
I actually sold it to a fucking
junk collector.

1790
01:20:42,998 --> 01:20:45,134
I got a couple
hundred bucks for it.

1791
01:20:45,167 --> 01:20:46,469
- $200?
- Yeah.

1792
01:20:46,502 --> 01:20:47,704
You're smarter than you look.

1793
01:20:47,737 --> 01:20:49,405
I guess officially now, uh

1794
01:20:49,438 --> 01:20:51,106
The Bomb Shelter's my home.

1795
01:20:51,140 --> 01:20:52,943
Oh my God. That's very sweet,

1796
01:20:52,975 --> 01:20:55,211
but I really wouldn't
tell anybody else that.

1797
01:20:55,244 --> 01:20:56,947
Hey man. Do whatever
you want, bro.

1798
01:20:56,979 --> 01:20:59,548
- You know, all that country shit you like.
- Really?

1799
01:20:59,582 --> 01:21:01,550
Yeah, that Keystone Light shit,

1800
01:21:01,584 --> 01:21:03,753
some Alabama Slammer,

1801
01:21:03,787 --> 01:21:06,088
- that White Claw with gin...
- Awesome.

1802
01:21:06,121 --> 01:21:08,892
You know, some of that
titty twister, pink sand,

1803
01:21:08,925 --> 01:21:10,392
panty dropper shit.

1804
01:21:10,426 --> 01:21:12,337
- Never had one of those.
- Yeah man, it's on me, buddy.

1805
01:21:12,361 --> 01:21:14,306
Even though you punched me
in the face, motherfucker.

1806
01:21:14,330 --> 01:21:15,665
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

1807
01:21:15,699 --> 01:21:17,333
That's cool, I love
you, babe. You know?

1808
01:21:17,366 --> 01:21:18,902
- I love you too.
- Yeah, but fuck you.

1809
01:21:18,935 --> 01:21:20,169
Yeah, okay.

1810
01:21:20,202 --> 01:21:21,570
All right, time
for Amiracle, baby.

1811
01:21:21,604 --> 01:21:22,839
<i>♪ Ooh, yeah ♪</i>

1812
01:21:22,873 --> 01:21:24,975
Yeah!

1813
01:21:29,345 --> 01:21:30,613
You paying for that?

1814
01:21:30,647 --> 01:21:32,682
Oh, no. I don't have any money.

1815
01:21:33,984 --> 01:21:35,184
Hello, white ladies.

1816
01:21:35,217 --> 01:21:37,286
Hey... Hey, you, upfront,
what's your name?

1817
01:21:37,319 --> 01:21:38,487
Karen.

1818
01:21:38,521 --> 01:21:41,590
<i>♪ Karen, always
Carin' for Karen ♪</i>

1819
01:21:43,559 --> 01:21:45,060
Karen, uh...

1820
01:21:45,829 --> 01:21:47,463
I like your necklace.

1821
01:21:47,496 --> 01:21:49,164
You know what looks
better than that?

1822
01:21:49,198 --> 01:21:51,133
A sperm necklace, you
know what I'm saying?

1823
01:21:54,203 --> 01:21:56,605
Oh, like you've never
had a sperm necklace.

1824
01:21:56,640 --> 01:21:57,884
Everybody wanna act
like they don't know

1825
01:21:57,908 --> 01:21:59,943
what a sperm necklace is.

1826
01:21:59,976 --> 01:22:01,353
Okay, maybe you do
know what it is and

1827
01:22:01,377 --> 01:22:03,479
that's why you groaned.
'Cause it's gross.

1828
01:22:03,512 --> 01:22:06,983
Hey, uh... Karen, uh...
are you with somebody tonight?

1829
01:22:07,017 --> 01:22:10,152
- I can't see your boy. What's his name?
- Mark.

1830
01:22:10,185 --> 01:22:12,097
Hey, Mark, go home, dawg.
You know what I'm sayin'.

1831
01:22:12,121 --> 01:22:14,056
<i>♪ Ooh, yeah ♪</i>

1832
01:22:14,089 --> 01:22:16,234
Hey, I want to see who this dude is.
I can't see nobody out there.

1833
01:22:16,258 --> 01:22:18,460
Hey, hey, light bitches, let
me get a look at this dude.

1834
01:22:18,494 --> 01:22:19,562
What does he look like?

1835
01:22:19,595 --> 01:22:20,997
Put a light on this guy.

1836
01:22:25,835 --> 01:22:29,071
Heh, oh, shit. It had to be you.

1837
01:22:29,104 --> 01:22:32,174
Hey, man, Karen's cool as fuck.

1838
01:22:32,207 --> 01:22:33,375
Hey, man, know what?

1839
01:22:33,409 --> 01:22:34,878
If you were gonna eat a butt,

1840
01:22:34,911 --> 01:22:36,913
it should be Karen's, all right?

1841
01:22:36,947 --> 01:22:39,615
Karen's butt is the sweetest
in town.

1842
01:22:40,416 --> 01:22:41,861
How do I know that?
I don't know that.

1843
01:22:41,885 --> 01:22:44,587
I just... I'm just... Guessing.

1844
01:22:44,620 --> 01:22:45,989
Shit. Oh, I got the light?

1845
01:22:46,022 --> 01:22:47,332
All right. Well, I was
gonna get off anyway,

1846
01:22:47,356 --> 01:22:48,758
so fuck y'all. All right.

1847
01:22:54,129 --> 01:22:56,498
Hey, buddy. The fuck was that,
man?

1848
01:22:56,532 --> 01:22:57,934
What are you doing up there?

1849
01:22:57,968 --> 01:22:59,568
I was thinking I was doing
my job.

1850
01:22:59,602 --> 01:23:01,279
Dude, I gotta pull you
from tomorrow's show.

1851
01:23:01,303 --> 01:23:03,214
You can't be pulling that
kind of shit up on stage, man.

1852
01:23:03,238 --> 01:23:04,373
What? Why?

1853
01:23:04,406 --> 01:23:05,851
There's nothing
I can do about it, man.

1854
01:23:05,875 --> 01:23:07,385
- It's already been talked about.
- You're the manager!

1855
01:23:07,409 --> 01:23:08,945
You can do everything about it.

1856
01:23:08,979 --> 01:23:10,714
My hands are tied
this time, all right?

1857
01:23:10,747 --> 01:23:13,549
This is bullshit. What does
this have to say about comedy?

1858
01:23:13,582 --> 01:23:16,452
If you're gonna pull a comic just for
bombing and doing some crowd work.

1859
01:23:16,485 --> 01:23:18,387
Comedy. Comedy. Comedy!

1860
01:23:18,420 --> 01:23:20,131
"I'm so funny, everything
revolves around me."

1861
01:23:20,155 --> 01:23:23,093
Fucking tired of this shit.
Tired of everything, man.

1862
01:23:23,125 --> 01:23:24,628
Fuck you, fuck your comedy...

1863
01:23:24,661 --> 01:23:27,697
Hey, why don't you calm
your Lisa Bonet-lookin' ass down

1864
01:23:27,731 --> 01:23:29,598
Fuck Lisa Bonet, nigga!

1865
01:23:31,467 --> 01:23:32,936
Hey, man. You know
what's sad, dude?

1866
01:23:32,969 --> 01:23:34,546
I actually thought
you were being genuine

1867
01:23:34,570 --> 01:23:35,905
when you performed for me.

1868
01:23:35,939 --> 01:23:37,941
I thought the whole
Amiracle thing was an act,

1869
01:23:37,974 --> 01:23:39,308
but I see that's who you are.

1870
01:23:39,341 --> 01:23:40,810
No one wants to work
with assholes,

1871
01:23:40,844 --> 01:23:42,277
especially in this business.

1872
01:23:42,311 --> 01:23:44,546
She does. She loves my asshole.

1873
01:23:44,580 --> 01:23:45,715
Mm-hm.

1874
01:23:45,749 --> 01:23:47,751
Yeah, she lives in my asshole.

1875
01:23:47,784 --> 01:23:50,152
- Fuck you, guy.
- She sucks farts outta my asshole.

1876
01:23:50,185 --> 01:23:52,088
You'd be lucky to work
with a guy like this.

1877
01:23:52,122 --> 01:23:54,323
Yeah. You love my
asshole, right baby?

1878
01:23:54,356 --> 01:23:55,792
Yeah, absolutely.

1879
01:23:55,825 --> 01:23:57,469
Yeah, she's gonna be licking
all around it tonight.

1880
01:23:57,493 --> 01:23:59,595
- All the time.
- Yeah.

1881
01:23:59,629 --> 01:24:03,099
I want to think about how
much I can put more stuff

1882
01:24:03,133 --> 01:24:05,802
in my butt so she
could pull it out.

1883
01:24:05,835 --> 01:24:07,971
Every night. I always
put stuff in his asshole.

1884
01:24:08,004 --> 01:24:09,238
- He loves it.
- Yeah!

1885
01:24:10,606 --> 01:24:13,743
Uhh... Wow, that was kinda
crazy.

1886
01:24:13,777 --> 01:24:17,179
So, wha... Oh, um... What was that
all about? What just happened?

1887
01:24:17,212 --> 01:24:19,082
I had to pull Amir
from the show tomorrow.

1888
01:24:19,115 --> 01:24:20,315
- Oh.
- Yeah.

1889
01:24:21,751 --> 01:24:24,319
As a matter of fact, do you know
anyone that could fill his slot?

1890
01:24:24,353 --> 01:24:25,421
Oh, um...

1891
01:24:29,358 --> 01:24:30,694
Yeah, I can do it.

1892
01:24:32,829 --> 01:24:33,863
Who are you again?

1893
01:24:33,897 --> 01:24:35,832
Oh, I'm Arnold. Arnold Wilson.

1894
01:24:35,865 --> 01:24:37,934
Yeah, I live in a van.

1895
01:24:40,070 --> 01:24:41,938
I run The Bomb Shelter.

1896
01:24:43,305 --> 01:24:44,941
I got a hand job there once.

1897
01:24:44,974 --> 01:24:46,308
Yeah, probably.

1898
01:24:46,341 --> 01:24:47,711
Yeah, you know what?

1899
01:24:47,744 --> 01:24:49,021
I'll put you in at eight.
This works great.

1900
01:24:49,045 --> 01:24:52,048
Yeah, cool. That
sounds great. Dope.

1901
01:24:52,082 --> 01:24:53,149
Cool, yeah...

1902
01:24:53,183 --> 01:24:54,651
Just don't be late bro...

1903
01:24:54,684 --> 01:24:55,861
- Yeah, for sure, I'm out.
- I've got a ton

1904
01:24:55,885 --> 01:24:57,285
of other shit, man,
I'm telling you.

1905
01:24:58,587 --> 01:25:00,857
Mary, actually, after
the show the other night,

1906
01:25:00,890 --> 01:25:02,391
asked me if I
wanted to get dinner.

1907
01:25:02,424 --> 01:25:03,893
And I told her I could,

1908
01:25:03,927 --> 01:25:06,528
but I would potentially
need to borrow your car,

1909
01:25:06,562 --> 01:25:07,864
if that was okay. But,

1910
01:25:07,897 --> 01:25:09,398
it would like be proving to her

1911
01:25:09,431 --> 01:25:12,468
like I'm putting my feet
in the right direction.

1912
01:25:12,501 --> 01:25:14,704
If I let you borrow
my car tomorrow,

1913
01:25:14,738 --> 01:25:18,540
you have to promise me that
you'll have it back by 9:00 PM.

1914
01:25:18,574 --> 01:25:21,343
Because Dante and Amir, they
both have shows tomorrow

1915
01:25:21,376 --> 01:25:24,379
and I need somebody here
to help me make sure

1916
01:25:24,413 --> 01:25:26,582
that this fundraiser goes
off without a hitch, bro.

1917
01:25:26,615 --> 01:25:27,884
- Yeah, done, yeah.
- Okay,

1918
01:25:27,917 --> 01:25:29,551
I'm serious Arnold,
because I mean,

1919
01:25:29,585 --> 01:25:32,222
I swear, with all those guys
gone and doing other things,

1920
01:25:32,254 --> 01:25:34,057
I mean, I'm really under
the gun and I just...

1921
01:25:34,090 --> 01:25:36,334
It's gonna be chaos, and I need
you to help me control it.

1922
01:25:36,358 --> 01:25:38,260
- I'll be there.
- Okay.

1923
01:25:38,293 --> 01:25:39,729
- You're stealing our spots.

1924
01:25:39,763 --> 01:25:41,865
How the fuck are
they your spots?

1925
01:25:41,898 --> 01:25:43,398
Whoever fucking called it?

1926
01:25:43,432 --> 01:25:45,044
You don't know what
the shit I'm going through.

1927
01:25:45,068 --> 01:25:46,544
You guys wake up in
your comfy fucking beds

1928
01:25:46,568 --> 01:25:48,570
while I'm sleeping
in a fucking van.

1929
01:25:48,604 --> 01:25:51,207
I mean, maybe if you guys
grew some fucking balls...

1930
01:25:51,241 --> 01:25:53,009
You don't have the balls.

1931
01:25:53,042 --> 01:25:57,180
You just came in with your
ability to deep throat. I'm out.

1932
01:25:59,215 --> 01:26:00,482
Fuck you.

1933
01:26:01,818 --> 01:26:04,386
- Hey! You didn't pay for your shit.
- Arnold got it.

1934
01:26:04,419 --> 01:26:06,122
Oh, no, Arnold won't.

1935
01:26:09,491 --> 01:26:11,293
- So what's up?
- I don't know.

1936
01:26:11,326 --> 01:26:12,862
I guess I'm just trying to, uh,

1937
01:26:12,896 --> 01:26:14,697
control all the rage inside
that wants

1938
01:26:14,731 --> 01:26:16,232
to kick your
initiative-taking balls.

1939
01:26:16,266 --> 01:26:17,734
I don't get the big deal.

1940
01:26:17,767 --> 01:26:19,277
I'm trying to take a job
to actually make something

1941
01:26:19,301 --> 01:26:20,602
of this fucking comedy thing.

1942
01:26:20,637 --> 01:26:22,471
I mean you both
should fucking try it.

1943
01:26:22,504 --> 01:26:24,073
Really?

1944
01:26:24,107 --> 01:26:27,110
What are you, the tall,
white, fat Kevin Hart now?

1945
01:26:27,143 --> 01:26:30,814
You can get one gig, and you
think you're making moves?

1946
01:26:30,847 --> 01:26:32,048
Fuck you.

1947
01:26:32,081 --> 01:26:33,650
Move, get the fuck out my way.

1948
01:26:33,683 --> 01:26:34,884
Wow.

1949
01:26:35,919 --> 01:26:40,556
Well, I need a fucking drink.

1950
01:26:40,589 --> 01:26:41,967
Yeah, they, uh... they
do mimosas here.

1951
01:26:41,991 --> 01:26:43,235
Yeah, I'm gonna have
to fucking order it?

1952
01:26:43,259 --> 01:26:44,727
Where's your fucking
fake ID, huh?

1953
01:26:44,761 --> 01:26:46,404
Yeah, you're clowning on me.
How you fucking like it?

1954
01:26:46,428 --> 01:26:48,932
I have my card, so I'll buy.

1955
01:26:48,965 --> 01:26:50,399
No, I don't have my ID.

1956
01:26:50,432 --> 01:26:52,235
That shit fell through.

1957
01:26:52,268 --> 01:26:55,071
What's the deal, are you
fucking pissed at me too?

1958
01:26:55,104 --> 01:26:56,973
- Like seriously?
- Bro...

1959
01:26:57,006 --> 01:27:00,143
Was it a dick move
to do what you did? Yes.

1960
01:27:00,176 --> 01:27:02,245
Are you undeserving
of that spot?

1961
01:27:02,278 --> 01:27:03,847
No question.

1962
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:05,825
Are you backstabbing everybody
that you met out here

1963
01:27:05,849 --> 01:27:07,482
in your time of need?

1964
01:27:07,516 --> 01:27:08,685
Undoubtedly.

1965
01:27:09,819 --> 01:27:12,755
- Is it ridiculous to...
- All right, I get it, dude.

1966
01:27:12,789 --> 01:27:15,992
No, no. But I...
I feel you, bro.

1967
01:27:16,025 --> 01:27:18,094
Sometimes you gotta
do desperate shit.

1968
01:27:18,127 --> 01:27:20,196
All right, I'm getting
us fucking drunk.

1969
01:27:20,230 --> 01:27:21,898
Bottomless, please.

1970
01:27:23,032 --> 01:27:24,968
Grapefruit, not orange.

1971
01:27:25,001 --> 01:27:27,637
<i>♪ I wanna ride you ♪</i>

1972
01:27:27,670 --> 01:27:30,106
<i>♪ I want, I want,
I want, I-I-I-I ♪</i>

1973
01:27:35,245 --> 01:27:37,113
<i>♪ I wanna ride you ♪</i>

1974
01:27:39,148 --> 01:27:41,718
<i>♪ Baby ♪</i>

1975
01:27:41,751 --> 01:27:44,453
<i>♪ Got truth, want tru... ♪</i>

1976
01:27:44,486 --> 01:27:47,522
Oh! Oh! Whoa!

1977
01:27:48,091 --> 01:27:50,360
Oh! Oh no! No!

1978
01:28:05,375 --> 01:28:06,608
Fuck.

1979
01:28:13,515 --> 01:28:15,084
Griff, you're hosting tonight.

1980
01:28:16,085 --> 01:28:17,387
Yeah, take this.

1981
01:28:17,419 --> 01:28:18,755
Ah, fuck.

1982
01:28:18,788 --> 01:28:20,223
I'm hosting tonight?

1983
01:28:20,256 --> 01:28:22,258
- Yep. Arnold was supposed to be here.
- Why?

1984
01:28:22,292 --> 01:28:24,036
I don't know where he is. He
should have been here by now.

1985
01:28:24,060 --> 01:28:25,328
I don't know what's going on.

1986
01:28:25,361 --> 01:28:26,437
I would have thought
you would have thrown

1987
01:28:26,461 --> 01:28:27,931
every single chair in the room

1988
01:28:27,964 --> 01:28:30,599
when you found out that he
bailed because of the gig.

1989
01:28:30,633 --> 01:28:32,567
- Gig? He's on a date.
- Date?

1990
01:28:32,601 --> 01:28:34,237
Amir lost his spot at The Store

1991
01:28:34,270 --> 01:28:36,105
And he took it. Like an asshole.

1992
01:28:36,139 --> 01:28:37,874
We gave him shit
for it. Check it out.

1993
01:28:37,907 --> 01:28:40,276
Kyle, I'm sure he'll be
here after his betrayal.

1994
01:28:40,310 --> 01:28:42,879
I don't know, man. You know,
he <i>was</i> drinking a lot.

1995
01:28:42,912 --> 01:28:44,446
Like, a lot.

1996
01:28:44,479 --> 01:28:46,692
What do you mean by a lot?
What the hell is going on here?

1997
01:28:46,716 --> 01:28:47,884
- Too much.
- Kyle?

1998
01:28:47,917 --> 01:28:49,986
Have you met Arnold?

1999
01:28:50,887 --> 01:28:52,221
Your car's probably
in the impound

2000
01:28:52,255 --> 01:28:54,057
with him sleeping
in it right now.

2001
01:28:54,090 --> 01:28:57,860
There is no way that Arnold
is that freaking stupid, man.

2002
01:28:57,894 --> 01:29:00,129
Oh my God. He knows that that
would totally tank

2003
01:29:00,163 --> 01:29:01,698
our renewal fund, man.

2004
01:29:01,731 --> 01:29:04,133
He knows that, right?

2005
01:29:04,167 --> 01:29:05,368
Right?

2006
01:29:19,749 --> 01:29:21,351
Maybe just throw one chair?

2007
01:29:28,791 --> 01:29:30,793
I just want to know, like...

2008
01:29:30,827 --> 01:29:33,262
what I should do...

2009
01:29:33,296 --> 01:29:35,631
to be <i>more...</i> funny.

2010
01:29:35,665 --> 01:29:37,566
More funny than you are now?

2011
01:29:37,599 --> 01:29:40,502
Most funny in like two months,
so I could headline.

2012
01:29:40,535 --> 01:29:43,306
Maybe the comedy club, like
The J Spot or

2013
01:29:43,339 --> 01:29:44,783
- The Store, or anything.
- Wow, yeah.

2014
01:29:44,807 --> 01:29:46,142
I feel like, in greatness,

2015
01:29:46,175 --> 01:29:48,344
you should always just
push the boundaries.

2016
01:29:48,378 --> 01:29:50,747
- I feel like I'm close.
- You are very close, Chad.

2017
01:29:50,780 --> 01:29:53,149
- Just Chet, bro.
- Chet, sorry about that.

2018
01:29:53,182 --> 01:29:54,684
Be yourself, you
know what I mean?

2019
01:29:54,717 --> 01:29:56,819
You gotta be honest.
It's about truth, honesty...

2020
01:29:56,853 --> 01:29:59,355
- be yourself.
- Is this bandana honest?

2021
01:29:59,389 --> 01:30:01,457
Now step two is a lot
harder than step one.

2022
01:30:01,491 --> 01:30:02,759
That's step one.

2023
01:30:02,792 --> 01:30:04,293
Without step one,
there's no step two.

2024
01:30:04,327 --> 01:30:05,971
But step two, I'm gonna let
you in on a little secret.

2025
01:30:05,995 --> 01:30:07,130
Do you want me to...

2026
01:30:07,163 --> 01:30:08,664
No, come close.
I'm gonna tell you.

2027
01:30:08,698 --> 01:30:10,709
- What, closer?
- Listen, it's a fucking secret. Okay,

2028
01:30:10,733 --> 01:30:13,503
Step two, in this process,

2029
01:30:13,535 --> 01:30:16,472
is... when you leave here
today...

2030
01:30:16,506 --> 01:30:18,050
- Okay.
- I want you to get into your car...

2031
01:30:18,074 --> 01:30:20,009
- I can do this.
- Turn on the car.

2032
01:30:20,043 --> 01:30:21,177
Okay.

2033
01:30:21,210 --> 01:30:24,546
- Drive home...
- Eco mode or sport mode?

2034
01:30:24,579 --> 01:30:27,316
- Eco mode, of course.
- Okay.

2035
01:30:27,350 --> 01:30:30,987
One mile per hour
over the speed limit

2036
01:30:31,020 --> 01:30:32,388
to wherever it is that you live.

2037
01:30:32,422 --> 01:30:34,991
- That's badass.
- Okay?

2038
01:30:35,024 --> 01:30:37,193
When you get home, I want
you to get onto your bed

2039
01:30:37,226 --> 01:30:40,696
and I want you to meditate
for 20 minutes.

2040
01:30:40,730 --> 01:30:42,065
- So right up my alley.
- Okay?

2041
01:30:42,098 --> 01:30:43,499
I can so do that.

2042
01:30:43,533 --> 01:30:48,204
To the following mantra,
repeated after me.

2043
01:30:48,871 --> 01:30:51,207
- Hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-ya.
- Okay.

2044
01:30:51,240 --> 01:30:54,043
Hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-ya.

2045
01:30:54,077 --> 01:30:56,479
Hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-ya.

2046
01:30:56,512 --> 01:30:59,082
- I kinda like it, okay.
- Hi-yi-yi-ya, ya-yi-ya.

2047
01:30:59,115 --> 01:31:02,051
- Hi-yi-yi-ya, hi...
- Hi-yi-yi-ya, hey ya.

2048
01:31:02,085 --> 01:31:06,322
At that point, I want you
to take two weeks off.

2049
01:31:06,355 --> 01:31:07,557
Okay.

2050
01:31:07,589 --> 01:31:10,426
And then never do
standup comedy again.

2051
01:31:10,460 --> 01:31:11,894
- Okay.
- All right?

2052
01:31:11,928 --> 01:31:13,763
Thank you, David.

2053
01:31:13,796 --> 01:31:15,498
- Thank you, Chet.
- Great job up there.

2054
01:31:15,531 --> 01:31:16,598
Very nice work.

2055
01:31:16,632 --> 01:31:18,367
- And...
- Chet, Chad, Chet?

2056
01:31:18,401 --> 01:31:21,537
- Chet. Just Chet.
- Chet, just Chet.

2057
01:31:21,571 --> 01:31:24,574
All right, cool. I'll see
you guys later on my journey.

2058
01:31:24,606 --> 01:31:27,176
Okay, all right.
And the bandana looks great.

2059
01:31:27,210 --> 01:31:28,411
Thank you.

2060
01:31:29,245 --> 01:31:31,080
- Wow.
- Oh my God.

2061
01:31:31,114 --> 01:31:32,348
Hi.

2062
01:31:32,381 --> 01:31:34,417
Where have you been?
Where have you been?

2063
01:31:34,450 --> 01:31:36,428
You leave me here with these
people? Where have you been?

2064
01:31:36,452 --> 01:31:39,088
Yeah, I feel really
bad about that.

2065
01:31:39,122 --> 01:31:40,490
Oh my God.

2066
01:31:41,623 --> 01:31:43,893
- So how's business?
- Business is good!

2067
01:31:43,926 --> 01:31:45,962
Comedy sucks. I actually
had a little trouble

2068
01:31:45,995 --> 01:31:47,372
getting all the seats
filled this week.

2069
01:31:47,396 --> 01:31:48,564
Oh, I wonder why.

2070
01:31:48,598 --> 01:31:50,700
Yeah, mainly
because nobody wants

2071
01:31:50,733 --> 01:31:52,201
to watch people bomb for an hour

2072
01:31:52,235 --> 01:31:54,704
and then come up there
and eat shit themselves. Yeah.

2073
01:31:54,737 --> 01:31:56,105
That's pretty much it.

2074
01:31:56,139 --> 01:31:58,608
Speaking of bombing, uh...

2075
01:31:58,641 --> 01:32:00,810
- anybody from the crew ever stop by?
- Oh...

2076
01:32:00,843 --> 01:32:04,480
Hell no. I wish. That's
why it's so good to see you.

2077
01:32:04,514 --> 01:32:06,549
Dante and Amir are on tour.

2078
01:32:06,582 --> 01:32:08,784
Devontae is hosting J Spot.

2079
01:32:08,818 --> 01:32:12,388
I would suck a pirate's
asshole just to hear Kyle

2080
01:32:12,421 --> 01:32:14,323
talk about having sex
with his sister, man.

2081
01:32:14,357 --> 01:32:15,801
- Oh, no, oh, not good.
- That's how bad it is.

2082
01:32:15,825 --> 01:32:18,761
That's how bad it is. Oh my God.

2083
01:32:18,794 --> 01:32:21,097
Why did you quit?

2084
01:32:21,130 --> 01:32:22,965
I... ugh.

2085
01:32:22,999 --> 01:32:25,768
I think I realized that, uh,

2086
01:32:25,801 --> 01:32:27,436
I dunno, I missed my window.

2087
01:32:27,470 --> 01:32:28,771
- Oh my God.
- I kinda aged out.

2088
01:32:28,804 --> 01:32:30,806
Oh, shut up.
That's the biggest pile

2089
01:32:30,840 --> 01:32:33,109
of eagle shit I've
ever heard in my life.

2090
01:32:33,142 --> 01:32:35,912
Nelly, why did you even get
into this in the first place?

2091
01:32:35,945 --> 01:32:37,747
You aged out, get the fuck...

2092
01:32:37,780 --> 01:32:42,051
You know why?
To make people laugh or cry.

2093
01:32:42,084 --> 01:32:43,619
Both, if I could have it my way.

2094
01:32:43,654 --> 01:32:45,621
Oh my God, that's the
thing with you young fucks.

2095
01:32:45,656 --> 01:32:47,533
You know, you just want
everything right now, you know?

2096
01:32:47,557 --> 01:32:49,625
You can't just
wait another year.

2097
01:32:49,660 --> 01:32:52,663
It's what... You know, you gotta
put the time in, come on.

2098
01:32:52,695 --> 01:32:55,965
Dave, I'm like two
years younger than you.

2099
01:32:55,998 --> 01:32:57,800
Oh. Well, in that case,

2100
01:32:57,833 --> 01:32:59,769
I'm surprised it took
you this long to quit.

2101
01:32:59,802 --> 01:33:01,547
Jesus Christ, what are
you doing with your life?

2102
01:33:01,571 --> 01:33:03,039
I do miss it though.

2103
01:33:03,072 --> 01:33:04,651
Yeah, I know you do.
That's why you're here.

2104
01:33:04,675 --> 01:33:05,942
- I missed you.
- Come here.

2105
01:33:05,975 --> 01:33:08,144
All right. All right. Aw.

2106
01:33:08,177 --> 01:33:09,278
Can I do five?

2107
01:33:09,312 --> 01:33:10,880
- Yes, go!
- Thank you.

2108
01:33:11,981 --> 01:33:14,750
Ladies, don't let
the patriarchy fool you.

2109
01:33:15,384 --> 01:33:17,654
We could step into brothels too.

2110
01:33:17,688 --> 01:33:20,223
Next time you're in Brazil,
I need you to go

2111
01:33:20,256 --> 01:33:22,491
to La Casa de Big Platanos

2112
01:33:22,525 --> 01:33:26,796
and you're gonna request
Senor Rico Gustavo Santiago.

2113
01:33:26,829 --> 01:33:29,165
You're gonna request
the number three.

2114
01:33:29,198 --> 01:33:30,800
You won't regret it.

2115
01:33:30,833 --> 01:33:32,835
It's like...

2116
01:33:32,868 --> 01:33:35,639
taking a ride on the Magic School Bus.

2117
01:33:35,672 --> 01:33:37,506
Can't fucking wait to go back.

2118
01:33:39,108 --> 01:33:41,310
I mean the first time I got
molly, I got it from my mom.

2119
01:33:41,344 --> 01:33:44,247
We were rolling together,
and when we do drug deals,

2120
01:33:44,280 --> 01:33:46,515
it's not like that
awkward, like,

2121
01:33:46,549 --> 01:33:49,986
"Oh my God," like
drug-deal conversation.

2122
01:33:50,019 --> 01:33:51,722
"How was your day?" Ugh.

2123
01:33:51,754 --> 01:33:54,890
All we do is talk about
who's gonna do the dishes.

2124
01:33:55,858 --> 01:33:58,261
I loved your set. Oh my God.

2125
01:33:58,294 --> 01:34:01,597
The Casa to Ponte Nino's?
Oh my God.

2126
01:34:01,632 --> 01:34:04,600
I wasn't gonna do this, but
I just have to ask, okay?

2127
01:34:04,635 --> 01:34:07,704
I am starting my own
all-female standup troupe,

2128
01:34:07,738 --> 01:34:10,039
and we're just gonna be
touring like West Coast,

2129
01:34:10,072 --> 01:34:11,708
all along the
Pacific coast trail.

2130
01:34:11,742 --> 01:34:16,279
It's gonna be so pretty, and
it's, you know, not paid.

2131
01:34:16,312 --> 01:34:18,414
But all expenses are covered,

2132
01:34:18,447 --> 01:34:21,183
and our girl just like totally
ditched us last minute.

2133
01:34:21,217 --> 01:34:22,662
And so we're just trying
to fill in the spot

2134
01:34:22,686 --> 01:34:24,721
and I think you'd be
such a good addition.

2135
01:34:24,755 --> 01:34:27,724
Oh my God, just, do you
wanna, like, check it out?

2136
01:34:27,758 --> 01:34:31,093
The tour is called
"Yo Ga Girl Tour."

2137
01:34:31,127 --> 01:34:32,928
Isn't it cute? I came up
with it myself.

2138
01:34:32,962 --> 01:34:35,598
It's like, you know,
"You go, girl." Yeah.

2139
01:34:35,632 --> 01:34:38,067
- Yeah, I get it. I get it.
- Yeah, you get it? Okay, so,

2140
01:34:38,100 --> 01:34:39,736
We actually like booked a shaman

2141
01:34:39,770 --> 01:34:41,137
like straight from Peru, right?

2142
01:34:41,170 --> 01:34:42,639
He's gonna bring some Ayahuasca.

2143
01:34:42,673 --> 01:34:44,216
We really want to get in touch
with our funny bones.

2144
01:34:44,240 --> 01:34:45,784
Because you know, all
comedians, especially fe...

2145
01:34:45,808 --> 01:34:47,276
Yeah, you can
take my number down.

2146
01:34:47,310 --> 01:34:48,611
Wait, wait. Really?

2147
01:34:48,645 --> 01:34:50,714
Yeah, yeah. Please
just stop talking.

2148
01:34:50,747 --> 01:34:53,482
I feel like dogs
are kinda like kids.

2149
01:34:55,017 --> 01:34:58,154
Yeah, nice. Nice. That, um...

2150
01:34:58,187 --> 01:35:01,090
Give it up again for um...

2151
01:35:01,123 --> 01:35:02,391
I don't rem... I don't actu...

2152
01:35:02,425 --> 01:35:04,795
I don't know who...
Yeah, who cares?

2153
01:35:04,827 --> 01:35:08,064
I'm not even really
sorry y'all. I... This is...

2154
01:35:08,097 --> 01:35:09,474
I can't believe y'all
keep having me come here

2155
01:35:09,498 --> 01:35:11,167
for this shit.
You keep this going.

2156
01:35:11,200 --> 01:35:12,311
Hopefully you got some drinks.

2157
01:35:12,335 --> 01:35:13,670
I think you did. Some of you
did,

2158
01:35:13,704 --> 01:35:15,113
'cause I heard some
people were laughing.

2159
01:35:15,137 --> 01:35:16,415
There really wasn't
shit to laugh about

2160
01:35:16,439 --> 01:35:18,240
the whole night. At all.

2161
01:35:18,274 --> 01:35:20,009
None... They shit ain't funny.

2162
01:35:20,943 --> 01:35:24,246
So... Fuck you for having me.

2163
01:35:26,282 --> 01:35:28,484
Do you wanna... Wanna grab your
stuff?

2164
01:35:28,517 --> 01:35:30,152
Yeah, that would be great.
Thank you.

2165
01:35:30,186 --> 01:35:33,155
I have it... here in a bag.

2166
01:35:33,189 --> 01:35:35,792
- So you can just...
- Oh, my God. Thank you.

2167
01:35:35,826 --> 01:35:38,027
It's all ready to go.

2168
01:35:38,060 --> 01:35:40,096
I don't know if you wanna go
through it, or...

2169
01:35:40,129 --> 01:35:42,932
- Eh, seems pretty good.
- All there?

2170
01:35:45,401 --> 01:35:46,602
Is that everything?

2171
01:35:47,470 --> 01:35:49,105
Stay right here. You reminded
me.

2172
01:35:51,708 --> 01:35:53,109
Do you...

2173
01:35:54,410 --> 01:35:57,046
- Oh my God.
- Still play?

2174
01:36:01,083 --> 01:36:03,854
It's been, um...

2175
01:36:03,886 --> 01:36:07,223
- It's been years.
- It's something that maybe you...

2176
01:36:07,256 --> 01:36:08,991
- pick back up, Dave.
- Thank you.

2177
01:36:09,024 --> 01:36:10,292
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

2178
01:36:10,326 --> 01:36:12,161
Yeah.

2179
01:36:12,194 --> 01:36:16,132
And, I'm sorry, too. You know...
I mean... I've been, uh...

2180
01:36:16,165 --> 01:36:19,068
I've been such a big baby
about this whole thing. I...

2181
01:36:19,101 --> 01:36:20,837
Literally, say no more.

2182
01:36:20,871 --> 01:36:22,505
- Oh my God.
- You're fine.

2183
01:36:22,538 --> 01:36:23,973
I... No, thank you. And I...

2184
01:36:24,006 --> 01:36:25,876
You're fine.

2185
01:36:25,908 --> 01:36:28,678
Are you, uh... Are you...
Are you good?

2186
01:36:28,712 --> 01:36:31,213
- Yeah, I'm taking care of myself.
- Good.

2187
01:36:33,215 --> 01:36:34,718
All right.

2188
01:36:34,751 --> 01:36:36,853
You got the... You ready?

2189
01:36:36,887 --> 01:36:38,688
I don't think that comes off,
Dad.

2190
01:36:38,722 --> 01:36:41,490
- Huh?
- I jus... I... Nothing.

2191
01:36:41,524 --> 01:36:43,894
I think I almost got it.
I need the uh...

2192
01:36:43,926 --> 01:36:47,029
Could you get me the number
four outta my bag?

2193
01:36:47,062 --> 01:36:50,399
Please, 'cause I think
we're almost there.

2194
01:36:50,433 --> 01:36:51,701
A number four.

2195
01:36:51,735 --> 01:36:53,737
- Roman numeral?
- No, nevermind.

2196
01:36:53,770 --> 01:36:56,673
There's only alphabet letters,
Dad. There's no numbers.

2197
01:36:56,706 --> 01:36:58,909
Okay, okay. That's
all right, I got it.

2198
01:36:58,941 --> 01:37:00,710
Okay, Arnie, let's...

2199
01:37:00,744 --> 01:37:02,712
- Let's give it a shot, okay?
- Okay.

2200
01:37:02,746 --> 01:37:04,313
- Give it a try.
- All right.

2201
01:37:04,980 --> 01:37:06,048
Nope, nope, oh...

2202
01:37:06,081 --> 01:37:07,192
- There we go.
- There it goes.

2203
01:37:07,216 --> 01:37:08,718
I didn't flip the switch.

2204
01:37:08,752 --> 01:37:11,187
- So it's fixed.
- All right.

2205
01:37:11,220 --> 01:37:12,689
All right, good job.

2206
01:37:12,722 --> 01:37:13,857
Good job.

2207
01:37:15,759 --> 01:37:18,795
Got a little something
here for you.

2208
01:37:18,829 --> 01:37:20,129
Yeah? Ah.

2209
01:37:20,162 --> 01:37:21,765
- Here you go.
- Thank you.

2210
01:37:21,798 --> 01:37:23,566
Needed that.

2211
01:37:23,599 --> 01:37:24,901
All this hard work I'm doing.

2212
01:37:24,935 --> 01:37:26,302
Yeah.

2213
01:37:26,736 --> 01:37:27,938
I, uh...

2214
01:37:28,805 --> 01:37:31,106
I got you something for your
birthday next month.

2215
01:37:31,140 --> 01:37:34,811
Your mother said it would
be on my email here.

2216
01:37:34,845 --> 01:37:36,145
Yeah?

2217
01:37:36,178 --> 01:37:39,783
Ah. Okay... Just,
just go ahead and...

2218
01:37:41,751 --> 01:37:43,720
Oh.

2219
01:37:43,753 --> 01:37:45,387
Did we get it right?

2220
01:37:45,421 --> 01:37:48,290
Your mother said you, you
were in a show with this guy.

2221
01:37:48,324 --> 01:37:49,659
Yeah.

2222
01:37:50,993 --> 01:37:55,264
Yeah, I did. That's, uh...
That's really cool, Dad.

2223
01:37:55,297 --> 01:37:56,800
Uh, thanks.

2224
01:37:58,835 --> 01:38:03,773
You look like I just
invited you to a damn funeral.

2225
01:38:03,807 --> 01:38:05,942
I don't know, I just,

2226
01:38:05,976 --> 01:38:07,777
I kinda miss it pretty
bad, that's all.

2227
01:38:07,811 --> 01:38:11,848
No, you know, well.
Standup is not my world,

2228
01:38:11,882 --> 01:38:16,151
but you know,
LA does not own comedy.

2229
01:38:16,185 --> 01:38:17,520
Mm-hmm.

2230
01:38:17,553 --> 01:38:19,923
If you miss making people laugh,

2231
01:38:19,956 --> 01:38:22,124
well, then, then do it.

2232
01:38:22,157 --> 01:38:24,026
You could do it anywhere.

2233
01:38:24,059 --> 01:38:27,162
- Yeah, yeah. Technically you're right.
- Yeah, of course I'm right.

2234
01:38:27,196 --> 01:38:30,266
You make me laugh.
Every time you climb the ladder.

2235
01:38:31,534 --> 01:38:32,802
God.

2236
01:38:32,836 --> 01:38:36,840
"Oh! Ohh!"

2237
01:38:38,240 --> 01:38:42,111
I got an idea. Why don't
you give this guy a call?

2238
01:38:42,144 --> 01:38:44,981
Say you're in town. Oh!
You know what'll happen?

2239
01:38:45,015 --> 01:38:47,149
I've seen this happen
all the time on TV.

2240
01:38:47,182 --> 01:38:50,020
He calls you up
from the audience.

2241
01:38:50,052 --> 01:38:52,789
You go up on stage. And
you do a couple of bits.

2242
01:38:52,822 --> 01:38:55,725
Wow. I think...
I think you're right.

2243
01:38:55,759 --> 01:38:56,993
Maybe his agent will be there

2244
01:38:57,027 --> 01:38:58,327
and I can get signed by him too!

2245
01:38:58,360 --> 01:38:59,696
- Yes! Yes!
- Oh my God.

2246
01:38:59,729 --> 01:39:01,731
You're so right,
Dad. That's genius.

2247
01:39:01,765 --> 01:39:03,132
Back to Hollywood.

2248
01:39:03,165 --> 01:39:04,409
Back to Hollywood, there you go.

2249
01:39:04,433 --> 01:39:06,870
- Back to Hollywood.
- Oh my God, Dad.

2250
01:39:06,903 --> 01:39:08,638
Love you, but Jesus.

2251
01:39:08,672 --> 01:39:10,006
But when it came down to it,

2252
01:39:10,040 --> 01:39:11,349
I wanted to see what
them titties do, so I said

2253
01:39:11,373 --> 01:39:14,678
"roll 'em on out
and roll 'em back up," you know?

2254
01:39:14,711 --> 01:39:16,012
All right, let's keep it going

2255
01:39:16,046 --> 01:39:17,681
for your next comic
coming to the stage.

2256
01:39:17,714 --> 01:39:19,983
His name is Jared. Everyone
give it up for Jared.

2257
01:39:21,051 --> 01:39:23,653
Yeah, come on, Jared. You're up.

2258
01:39:23,687 --> 01:39:24,921
Here you go, man.

2259
01:39:24,955 --> 01:39:26,589
Thanks, man. Thank you.
Thank you.

2260
01:39:26,622 --> 01:39:29,558
So, uh, you know,
I celebrated uh...

2261
01:39:29,592 --> 01:39:31,527
there being no, uh, drug
overdoses

2262
01:39:31,560 --> 01:39:35,832
with a celebratory
beer and some oxies.

2263
01:39:35,865 --> 01:39:38,902
Some oxies. Um...
That's everything I got.

2264
01:39:38,935 --> 01:39:41,004
Thank you so much,
guys. Appreciate it.

2265
01:39:44,440 --> 01:39:46,442
Eh, you know who I think

2266
01:39:46,475 --> 01:39:48,444
is the biggest piece of shit on
Earth?

2267
01:39:48,477 --> 01:39:51,580
That guy that picks
the neighborhood whore

2268
01:39:51,614 --> 01:39:53,049
and makes that his girlfriend.

2269
01:39:53,083 --> 01:39:54,951
Why would you do that?
That's so selfish.

2270
01:39:54,985 --> 01:39:56,251
That's locking yourself inside

2271
01:39:56,285 --> 01:39:58,120
Hometown Buffet
and there's a bunch

2272
01:39:58,153 --> 01:40:00,724
of starving people outside,
why would you do that?

2273
01:40:00,757 --> 01:40:02,092
You selfish motherfucker.

2274
01:40:07,296 --> 01:40:10,299
Yeah, man. You remember
the old saying?

2275
01:40:10,332 --> 01:40:13,003
Don't turn... You can't
turn a ho into a housewife.

2276
01:40:14,136 --> 01:40:15,213
It seems like you guys have lost

2277
01:40:15,237 --> 01:40:17,807
that saying in this generation.

2278
01:40:17,841 --> 01:40:19,375
He was gonna kick me out anyway.

2279
01:40:19,408 --> 01:40:20,710
I... I fucking left before...

2280
01:40:20,744 --> 01:40:22,078
You don't know that.

2281
01:40:22,112 --> 01:40:24,080
You just assumed that he would.

2282
01:40:24,114 --> 01:40:26,148
How did you know that he
was gonna kick you out?

2283
01:40:26,181 --> 01:40:28,450
How do you know that?
You know what, you know what?

2284
01:40:28,484 --> 01:40:30,096
I don't need to fucking
listen to this shit, man.

2285
01:40:30,120 --> 01:40:31,553
Yes, you do. You know what?

2286
01:40:31,587 --> 01:40:33,222
We didn't even think
you were that good.

2287
01:40:33,255 --> 01:40:35,067
We just liked you because we
thought you were a good guy.

2288
01:40:35,091 --> 01:40:36,325
And you know what kills me?

2289
01:40:36,358 --> 01:40:38,828
You know what fucking
kills me inside?

2290
01:40:38,862 --> 01:40:40,630
It kills me that I open

2291
01:40:40,664 --> 01:40:42,340
for one of the biggest
comedians in the world

2292
01:40:42,364 --> 01:40:45,835
and I'm calling you back
over and over again.

2293
01:40:45,869 --> 01:40:47,637
You fucking cocksucker.

2294
01:40:47,671 --> 01:40:48,972
What the fuck?

2295
01:40:52,142 --> 01:40:53,442
Yeah, you're right.

2296
01:40:53,475 --> 01:40:57,947
I avoid all my
problems. I always have.

2297
01:40:57,981 --> 01:41:00,349
Thank you for letting
me know that's something

2298
01:41:00,382 --> 01:41:01,651
I already fucking know, man.

2299
01:41:01,685 --> 01:41:03,953
You can't run forever.

2300
01:41:03,987 --> 01:41:07,090
And then you ran from
people that embraced you.

2301
01:41:07,123 --> 01:41:10,026
What kind of fucking
shit is that?

2302
01:41:10,060 --> 01:41:11,861
Okay, I fucked up.

2303
01:41:12,729 --> 01:41:14,931
You're damn right.

2304
01:41:14,964 --> 01:41:17,767
But at least... At least you
learned a valuable lesson.

2305
01:41:20,003 --> 01:41:21,671
Okay. Which is what?

2306
01:41:21,705 --> 01:41:23,372
To never do that shit again.

2307
01:41:23,405 --> 01:41:25,274
And to go back up
again tomorrow.

2308
01:41:33,248 --> 01:41:35,118
Oh, God. Come here,
man. Gimme a hug.

2309
01:41:35,151 --> 01:41:37,219
You fucked up, so you
get up, you come here.

2310
01:41:37,252 --> 01:41:38,620
Come on. Come here.

2311
01:41:38,655 --> 01:41:39,899
Come here, come here,
come here, come here.

2312
01:41:39,923 --> 01:41:41,067
- This is weird.
- Yeah, I know.

2313
01:41:41,091 --> 01:41:42,558
So what, it's only us here.

2314
01:41:42,591 --> 01:41:44,694
- You know what would make you feel better?
- What?

2315
01:41:44,728 --> 01:41:46,830
If you suck my
dick a little bit.

2316
01:41:46,863 --> 01:41:48,665
- Okay, oh my God.
- Come on, come on.

2317
01:41:48,698 --> 01:41:50,710
Do you know what they call my dick?
The Little Weinstein.

2318
01:41:50,734 --> 01:41:52,078
- All right.
- It creates headliners.

2319
01:41:52,102 --> 01:41:53,670
Yup. Okay, I'm outta here.

2320
01:41:53,703 --> 01:41:55,047
Come on, let me just
Weinstein your mouth.

2321
01:41:55,071 --> 01:41:56,238
All right.

2322
01:41:57,941 --> 01:42:00,744
He deserves it. He deserves
it, not the president.

2323
01:42:00,777 --> 01:42:02,812
You know? Fuck,
he's got a mansion,

2324
01:42:02,846 --> 01:42:04,180
he's got the private cook.

2325
01:42:04,214 --> 01:42:05,915
I would do the job
just for those things

2326
01:42:05,949 --> 01:42:07,349
with no money at all.

2327
01:42:07,382 --> 01:42:10,053
I mean, it's not that
hard of a choice anyways.

2328
01:42:10,086 --> 01:42:12,889
Oh my God, is that
who I think it is?

2329
01:42:12,922 --> 01:42:14,423
Is that Arnold?

2330
01:42:14,456 --> 01:42:16,068
What the hell are you
doing here right now, man?

2331
01:42:16,092 --> 01:42:18,027
I'm sorry.

2332
01:42:18,061 --> 01:42:19,829
You're... You...
I hope you're sorry.

2333
01:42:19,863 --> 01:42:22,098
Who'd like to hear
Arnold apologize, guys?

2334
01:42:22,132 --> 01:42:24,100
Come up here and tell
everybody that you're sorry.

2335
01:42:24,134 --> 01:42:25,334
No, just come up here.

2336
01:42:25,367 --> 01:42:27,170
- You're sorry?
- Come on!

2337
01:42:27,203 --> 01:42:28,570
Let's get your apology here.

2338
01:42:28,604 --> 01:42:30,506
All right, I'm gonna
go sit over here

2339
01:42:30,539 --> 01:42:32,776
and I'm gonna fucking be your
audience, all right.

2340
01:42:32,809 --> 01:42:34,510
Arnold Wilson, guys. Thank you.

2341
01:42:36,246 --> 01:42:38,313
Apologize, bitch.

2342
01:42:39,281 --> 01:42:41,217
So, uh...

2343
01:42:41,251 --> 01:42:45,287
I did a, uh, fucked up thing
to Mr. Dave.

2344
01:42:45,320 --> 01:42:49,358
- And I got his car impounded.
- What a dick.

2345
01:42:49,391 --> 01:42:51,861
For getting my third
fucking DUI.

2346
01:42:51,895 --> 01:42:55,698
And, uh, I ran away
so that I wouldn't have to...

2347
01:42:57,399 --> 01:42:59,035
hear about it.

2348
01:42:59,068 --> 01:43:02,571
And this is the first time
I've seen him since that.

2349
01:43:02,604 --> 01:43:06,209
And I am here to say
from the bottom

2350
01:43:06,242 --> 01:43:09,779
of my ice-cold, shallow
heart that...

2351
01:43:09,813 --> 01:43:12,081
I fucked up and I am sorry.

2352
01:43:12,115 --> 01:43:14,284
That's not loud enough, Arnold.

2353
01:43:14,316 --> 01:43:16,351
I fucked up.

2354
01:43:16,385 --> 01:43:18,221
I'm fucking sorry.

2355
01:43:18,254 --> 01:43:20,657
And I will never fucking
do that shit again.

2356
01:43:20,690 --> 01:43:22,591
- Louder, Arnold!
- I didn't hear you.

2357
01:43:22,624 --> 01:43:24,393
I'm terribly sorry for being

2358
01:43:24,426 --> 01:43:26,663
a massive piece of fucking shit.

2359
01:43:26,696 --> 01:43:27,797
- Louder, Arnold!
- Louder!

2360
01:43:27,831 --> 01:43:29,098
We want more!

2361
01:43:29,132 --> 01:43:33,937
Dave, I fucked up,
and I am sorry!

2362
01:43:33,970 --> 01:43:37,273
I won't ever do that
fucking shit again!

2363
01:43:37,307 --> 01:43:40,276
I'm sorry for fucking jerking
off in my van too much.

2364
01:43:40,310 --> 01:43:41,811
I'm sorry for fucking...

2365
01:43:41,845 --> 01:43:44,513
"I won't be
a backstabbing pussy," say it!

2366
01:43:47,349 --> 01:43:51,120
I won't be a backstabbing
fucking pussy.

2367
01:43:51,154 --> 01:43:53,622
Say it without being a fucking
little bitch about it.

2368
01:43:53,656 --> 01:43:55,692
I won't be a backstabbing
fucking pussy, okay?

2369
01:43:55,725 --> 01:43:57,602
"And I won't fucking
back-stab my fucking friends!"

2370
01:43:57,626 --> 01:43:59,796
And I won't back-stab
my fucking friends ever again.

2371
01:43:59,829 --> 01:44:01,396
"And I got tiny balls!"

2372
01:44:01,798 --> 01:44:04,934
- I do have tiny balls. I do have tiny balls.
- Whoo!

2373
01:44:04,968 --> 01:44:08,338
There we go. There we go.
Thank you, Arnold, thank you.

2374
01:44:08,370 --> 01:44:11,207
Truth comes on thick.

2375
01:44:11,241 --> 01:44:12,809
Well, you know, there's...

2376
01:44:12,842 --> 01:44:14,452
someone told me last year
there's really no point

2377
01:44:14,476 --> 01:44:16,112
in holding grudges, so.

2378
01:44:16,145 --> 01:44:17,446
- Wow.
- Yeah.

2379
01:44:17,479 --> 01:44:19,315
- All right.
- Tough lesson for me too.

2380
01:44:19,349 --> 01:44:20,817
- Are we even?
- Yeah.

2381
01:44:20,850 --> 01:44:22,785
Thank you. Fuck, man.

2382
01:44:22,819 --> 01:44:24,519
Oh, God.

2383
01:44:24,553 --> 01:44:27,290
Now we're even.

2384
01:44:29,391 --> 01:44:32,695
It's just excuse after excuse
and it's just, like, oh my God!

2385
01:44:32,729 --> 01:44:36,833
Get up there and just bomb like
a man, you know what I mean?

2386
01:44:36,866 --> 01:44:39,401
'Cause they don't get
it. Every bomb is a gift.

2387
01:44:39,434 --> 01:44:40,713
You're saying I have
that fucking gift.

2388
01:44:40,737 --> 01:44:43,373
Yes! Your whole
life is a bomb, dude.

2389
01:44:44,841 --> 01:44:46,242
You actually fucking play?

2390
01:44:46,276 --> 01:44:47,644
- Yeah, man.
- Great.

2391
01:44:47,677 --> 01:44:49,946
This one goes out
to you, Arnold. Yeah.

2392
01:44:49,979 --> 01:44:52,581
<i>♪ Despite your best efforts ♪</i>

2393
01:44:52,614 --> 01:44:56,119
- <i>♪ You tried your damn best ♪</i>
- I see what you're doing now.

2394
01:44:56,152 --> 01:44:58,553
<i>♪ To tear down my business ♪</i>

2395
01:44:58,587 --> 01:45:01,157
<i>♪ A valiant quest ♪</i>

2396
01:45:01,190 --> 01:45:06,162
<i>♪ But MICerz don't rest
From dusk until dawn ♪</i>

2397
01:45:06,195 --> 01:45:11,500
<i>♪ So as of today
The Bomb Shelter lives ♪</i>

2398
01:45:11,533 --> 01:45:13,937
<i>♪ On ♪</i>

2399
01:45:13,970 --> 01:45:17,439
- Wow. Wow.
- Explosion, Arnold!

2400
01:45:17,472 --> 01:45:19,842
Okay, honestly, I see
why you fucking quit music.

2401
01:45:21,244 --> 01:45:23,578
Fuck you mean
The Bomb Shelter lives on?

2402
01:45:23,612 --> 01:45:25,181
It lives on, man.

2403
01:45:25,214 --> 01:45:26,725
It's gonna need one hell
of a paint job, my friend.

2404
01:45:26,749 --> 01:45:28,384
- Oh!
- Yeah.

2405
01:45:28,418 --> 01:45:30,853
Okay, fuck washing dishes.
Yeah, whatever you need.

2406
01:45:30,887 --> 01:45:32,388
Can you put that
guitar away now?

2407
01:45:32,422 --> 01:45:34,099
I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm gonna walk home.

2408
01:45:34,123 --> 01:45:36,359
I will see you tomorrow,
bright and early.

2409
01:45:36,392 --> 01:45:38,061
- Where you going, Arnold?
- 11:00 a.m.

2410
01:45:38,094 --> 01:45:39,729
You don't want to hear a song
from me?

2411
01:45:39,762 --> 01:45:41,273
Arnold, it doesn't
have to be a lullaby.

2412
01:45:41,297 --> 01:45:43,900
We can play metal
shit together, bro!

2413
01:45:43,933 --> 01:45:45,567
Metal shit!

2414
01:45:45,600 --> 01:45:47,270
Explode, come on.

2415
01:45:50,340 --> 01:45:51,641
All right.

2416
01:46:09,792 --> 01:46:13,629
<i>♪ Go and and close The curtain ♪</i>

2417
01:46:13,663 --> 01:46:17,800
<i>♪ 'Cause all we need
Is candlelight ♪</i>

2418
01:46:17,834 --> 01:46:21,603
<i>♪ You and me,
And a bottle of wine ♪</i>

2419
01:46:21,637 --> 01:46:26,042
<i>♪ I'm gonna hold you tonight ♪</i>

2420
01:46:26,075 --> 01:46:28,111
- <i>♪ Well we know... ♪</i>
- Is that "Save Tonight"?

2421
01:46:28,144 --> 01:46:29,312
Oh my God!

2422
01:46:29,345 --> 01:46:30,545
Um, it...

2423
01:46:33,515 --> 01:46:34,817
Yeah.

2424
01:46:36,352 --> 01:46:39,122
<i>♪ 'Cause girl you
Know I got to go ♪</i>

2425
01:46:39,155 --> 01:46:40,690
<i>♪ Ow ♪</i>

2426
01:46:40,723 --> 01:46:43,359
<i>♪ And Lord I wish it Wasn't so ♪</i>

2427
01:46:43,393 --> 01:46:45,428
<i>♪ Save tonight ♪</i>

2428
01:46:45,461 --> 01:46:46,537
All right, no, seriously...

2429
01:46:46,561 --> 01:46:47,639
I don't have a car;
I need a ride.

2430
01:46:47,663 --> 01:46:49,399
Okay, get in.

2431
01:46:53,202 --> 01:46:56,339
<i>♪ Fight the break of dawn ♪</i>

2432
01:46:56,372 --> 01:46:57,774
You fucking weirdo.

2433
01:46:58,808 --> 01:47:00,309
I know.

2434
01:47:00,343 --> 01:47:02,544
I was a dick.

2435
01:47:02,577 --> 01:47:04,881
It's okay. I forgive you.

2436
01:47:04,914 --> 01:47:06,149
Really?

2437
01:47:06,182 --> 01:47:09,218
I just learned to...
let go of all things

2438
01:47:09,685 --> 01:47:12,155
and only accept what is.

2439
01:47:12,188 --> 01:47:14,323
Because... what is is,

2440
01:47:14,357 --> 01:47:17,727
and what is not is not.

2441
01:47:17,760 --> 01:47:21,030
That does not... make
any fucking sense,

2442
01:47:21,064 --> 01:47:23,699
but I'm glad I got to see you.

2443
01:47:23,733 --> 01:47:25,535
We should hit up
a mic sometime soon.

2444
01:47:25,567 --> 01:47:27,336
I gotta go meet up
with my girls for now.

2445
01:47:27,370 --> 01:47:28,504
We got meditation.

2446
01:47:28,538 --> 01:47:29,806
You meditate now.

2447
01:47:29,839 --> 01:47:32,208
Mm-hm. I went on a standup tour

2448
01:47:32,241 --> 01:47:34,010
with all-female yogi comics,

2449
01:47:34,043 --> 01:47:35,545
And I learned

2450
01:47:35,577 --> 01:47:37,814
something really profound.

2451
01:47:37,847 --> 01:47:40,316
That you made
a terrible fucking choice

2452
01:47:40,349 --> 01:47:43,719
'cause you're not
a fucking yogi?

2453
01:47:43,753 --> 01:47:45,521
No.

2454
01:47:45,555 --> 01:47:47,056
That the lack of spirituality

2455
01:47:47,090 --> 01:47:49,926
in comedy is a problem
for the future.

2456
01:47:49,959 --> 01:47:52,261
However... The future...

2457
01:47:53,463 --> 01:47:54,564
Is female.

2458
01:47:54,596 --> 01:47:56,933
God, I hope not.

2459
01:47:58,034 --> 01:47:59,302
Namaste.

2460
01:48:00,870 --> 01:48:02,405
Motherfucker.

2461
01:48:03,406 --> 01:48:05,341
There she is.

2462
01:48:05,374 --> 01:48:06,642
Ow, fuck!

2463
01:48:07,609 --> 01:48:09,512
What the fuck, man?

2464
01:48:09,545 --> 01:48:11,914
Those, my friend, are the keys

2465
01:48:11,948 --> 01:48:13,683
to your new apartment, okay?

2466
01:48:13,716 --> 01:48:15,617
First key opens up the gate.

2467
01:48:15,651 --> 01:48:17,854
Second key opens
up the front door.

2468
01:48:17,887 --> 01:48:20,590
Yeah, I need you to work...
I need you to work here

2469
01:48:20,622 --> 01:48:22,624
while I get the second
place up and running.

2470
01:48:22,658 --> 01:48:24,060
Why, why me?

2471
01:48:24,093 --> 01:48:25,761
I need someone here
that I can trust.

2472
01:48:25,795 --> 01:48:28,231
I trust you a hell of a lot
less after you destroyed my car.

2473
01:48:28,264 --> 01:48:30,399
Again, I don't
deserve this, but...

2474
01:48:30,433 --> 01:48:33,136
Arnold gimme, gimme
one of those things, huh?

2475
01:48:33,169 --> 01:48:35,838
Looking at you makes me want
to do horrible things to myself.

2476
01:48:37,473 --> 01:48:38,975
Here's the thing, you know.

2477
01:48:39,008 --> 01:48:41,277
When I used to watch you...

2478
01:48:41,310 --> 01:48:44,981
- waking up every morning in that disgusting van.
- Aw, man.

2479
01:48:45,014 --> 01:48:47,083
You know, just sweating your
balls off.

2480
01:48:47,116 --> 01:48:48,417
You know, I thought to myself,

2481
01:48:48,451 --> 01:48:52,155
if this guy can put
himself through that...

2482
01:48:52,188 --> 01:48:54,757
Yo, and based on a very
thin monochrome of talent,

2483
01:48:54,790 --> 01:48:56,459
let's be honest here, Arnold.

2484
01:48:56,492 --> 01:48:57,593
- If that.
- Yeah.

2485
01:48:57,627 --> 01:48:59,162
If I give him an opportunity,

2486
01:48:59,195 --> 01:49:00,596
there is a good
chance that this guy

2487
01:49:00,631 --> 01:49:02,598
could be fricking great.

2488
01:49:02,633 --> 01:49:03,866
Let me tell ya,

2489
01:49:04,600 --> 01:49:06,836
I know you're not
gonna let me down.

2490
01:49:06,869 --> 01:49:09,272
Are we... partners?

2491
01:49:09,305 --> 01:49:12,275
We're beyond partners,
bro. We're family, man.

2492
01:49:13,644 --> 01:49:15,278
Yes! God!

2493
01:49:15,311 --> 01:49:17,079
Bomb Shelters everywhere, man!

2494
01:49:17,113 --> 01:49:19,348
- All right, all right.
- Okay? All right?

2495
01:49:31,327 --> 01:49:32,604
What's the deal,
you're not coming in?

2496
01:49:32,628 --> 01:49:33,963
Just enjoy the new place.

2497
01:49:33,996 --> 01:49:35,331
- Okay.
- Yeah.

2498
01:49:37,634 --> 01:49:41,270
Um... You know man, I can't
thank you enough for...

2499
01:49:42,405 --> 01:49:43,940
Just ev... Everything.

2500
01:49:43,973 --> 01:49:45,484
Arnold, just try not
to fuck over any more

2501
01:49:45,508 --> 01:49:46,952
of your friends and
everything's gonna be fine.

2502
01:49:46,976 --> 01:49:49,478
- Cool. Yeah, totally.
- Work itself right out.

2503
01:49:49,512 --> 01:49:50,681
Got it, yeah. Great.

2504
01:49:50,713 --> 01:49:52,281
By the way. By the way...

2505
01:49:52,315 --> 01:49:54,517
I decorated the whole
place myself, all right?

2506
01:49:54,550 --> 01:49:56,586
It's fully furnished, it's
got everything you need.

2507
01:50:16,739 --> 01:50:18,574
Awww!

2508
01:50:28,084 --> 01:50:29,285
Amazing.

2509
01:50:48,739 --> 01:50:52,508
All right, next comic
coming to the stage.

2510
01:50:52,541 --> 01:50:54,143
<i>♪ When I roll up to the club ♪</i>

2511
01:50:54,176 --> 01:50:56,212
<i>♪ All I wanna see is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2512
01:50:56,245 --> 01:50:59,181
<i>♪ Pull up on dub in the
Backseat is chonka lonka ♪</i>

2513
01:50:59,215 --> 01:51:00,684
<i>♪ Better show me love ♪</i>

2514
01:51:00,717 --> 01:51:02,194
<i>♪ If you know you
Got a chonka lonka ♪</i>

2515
01:51:02,218 --> 01:51:03,886
<i>♪ Don't care about them jugs ♪</i>

2516
01:51:03,919 --> 01:51:05,454
<i>♪ I just wanna see some
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2517
01:51:05,488 --> 01:51:08,791
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2518
01:51:08,824 --> 01:51:11,560
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2519
01:51:11,594 --> 01:51:14,830
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2520
01:51:14,864 --> 01:51:17,533
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2521
01:51:17,566 --> 01:51:20,603
<i>♪ Bounce up, down,
Side to the side ♪</i>

2522
01:51:20,637 --> 01:51:23,539
<i>♪ While your chonka lonka in
My grown bumpin' collide ♪</i>

2523
01:51:23,572 --> 01:51:25,007
<i>♪ I like it big,
Thick and wide ♪</i>

2524
01:51:25,041 --> 01:51:26,942
<i>♪ Just like I like
My chicken fried ♪</i>

2525
01:51:26,976 --> 01:51:29,713
<i>♪ Deep down south where
They let it all hang out ♪</i>

2526
01:51:29,746 --> 01:51:32,848
<i>♪ Now jiggle to the left then
You jiggle to the right ♪</i>

2527
01:51:32,882 --> 01:51:34,617
<i>♪ Then make it
Bounce up and down ♪</i>

2528
01:51:34,651 --> 01:51:36,485
<i>♪ I can do this all night ♪</i>

2529
01:51:36,519 --> 01:51:38,655
<i>♪ Damn girl, just make that
Booty twirl and swirl ♪</i>

2530
01:51:38,689 --> 01:51:40,623
<i>♪ Then put it in my lap
And make it go ♪</i>

2531
01:51:42,291 --> 01:51:43,794
<i>♪ When I roll up to the club ♪</i>

2532
01:51:43,826 --> 01:51:45,861
<i>♪ All I wanna see is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2533
01:51:45,895 --> 01:51:48,765
<i>♪ Pull up on dubs in the
Backseat is chonka lonka ♪</i>

2534
01:51:48,799 --> 01:51:50,266
<i>♪ Better show me love ♪</i>

2535
01:51:50,299 --> 01:51:51,867
<i>♪ If you know you
Got a chonka lonka ♪</i>

2536
01:51:51,901 --> 01:51:53,536
<i>♪ Don't care about them jugs ♪</i>

2537
01:51:53,569 --> 01:51:55,171
<i>♪ I just wanna see your
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2538
01:51:55,204 --> 01:51:56,872
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2539
01:51:58,274 --> 01:52:00,209
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2540
01:52:01,477 --> 01:52:03,346
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2541
01:52:04,413 --> 01:52:06,248
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2542
01:52:07,383 --> 01:52:09,118
<i>♪ When I come up in the club ♪</i>

2543
01:52:09,151 --> 01:52:10,619
<i>♪ I ain't trying to
Talk to no girl ♪</i>

2544
01:52:10,654 --> 01:52:11,798
<i>♪ I'm just trying to
See you bend over ♪</i>

2545
01:52:11,822 --> 01:52:13,589
<i>♪ And shake your Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2546
01:52:13,622 --> 01:52:14,890
<i>♪ Why girl, with The shirts on ♪</i>

2547
01:52:14,924 --> 01:52:16,592
<i>♪ I ain't tryin' to see
No titties ♪</i>

2548
01:52:16,625 --> 01:52:17,969
<i>♪ I'm tryin' to see your
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2549
01:52:17,993 --> 01:52:19,528
<i>♪ Gettin' nasty and jiggly ♪</i>

2550
01:52:19,562 --> 01:52:21,297
<i>♪ I want it all in my face ♪</i>

2551
01:52:21,330 --> 01:52:22,874
<i>♪ Shake it so hard to
Make the earth quake ♪</i>

2552
01:52:22,898 --> 01:52:24,467
<i>♪ Put it in my lap
And grind it hard ♪</i>

2553
01:52:24,500 --> 01:52:25,812
<i>♪ I want you to make
My pelvis break ♪</i>

2554
01:52:25,836 --> 01:52:27,704
<i>♪ Big girls, put it down ♪</i>

2555
01:52:27,738 --> 01:52:29,247
<i>♪ Shake your chonka lonka
to the ground ♪</i>

2556
01:52:29,271 --> 01:52:30,873
<i>♪ But I'm gettin' tired ♪</i>

2557
01:52:30,906 --> 01:52:31,917
<i>♪ Shut it, I don't
Wanna hear your mouth ♪</i>

2558
01:52:31,941 --> 01:52:33,576
<i>♪ When I roll up to the club ♪</i>

2559
01:52:33,609 --> 01:52:35,611
<i>♪ All I wanna see is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2560
01:52:35,645 --> 01:52:38,682
<i>♪ Pull on dub in the
Backseat is chonka lonka ♪</i>

2561
01:52:38,715 --> 01:52:40,182
<i>♪ Better show me love ♪</i>

2562
01:52:40,216 --> 01:52:41,752
<i>♪ If you know you got a
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2563
01:52:41,785 --> 01:52:43,285
<i>♪ Don't care about them jugs ♪</i>

2564
01:52:43,319 --> 01:52:44,821
<i>♪ All I wanna see is
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2565
01:52:44,855 --> 01:52:48,324
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2566
01:52:48,357 --> 01:52:50,426
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2567
01:52:50,459 --> 01:52:51,728
<i>♪ All right, hold up, We about ♪</i>

2568
01:52:51,762 --> 01:52:53,663
<i>♪ To break it down right now ♪</i>

2569
01:52:53,697 --> 01:52:55,799
<i>♪ That's if you got one, huh ♪</i>

2570
01:52:55,832 --> 01:52:57,600
<i>♪ Check this out then ♪</i>

2571
01:52:57,634 --> 01:52:59,168
<i>♪ If you got you a
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2572
01:52:59,201 --> 01:53:01,036
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2573
01:53:01,070 --> 01:53:02,171
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2574
01:53:02,204 --> 01:53:03,640
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2575
01:53:03,673 --> 01:53:05,307
<i>♪ If you got you a
Chonka lonka ♪</i>

2576
01:53:05,341 --> 01:53:07,209
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2577
01:53:07,243 --> 01:53:08,344
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2578
01:53:08,377 --> 01:53:10,279
<i>♪ Put it on the ground ♪</i>

2579
01:53:10,312 --> 01:53:12,883
<i>♪ If you got a chonka lonka
Make it bounce up and down ♪</i>

2580
01:53:12,915 --> 01:53:15,719
<i>♪ Bounce up and down,
Bounce up and down ♪</i>

2581
01:53:15,752 --> 01:53:19,288
<i>♪ If you got a chonka lonka
Make it bounce up and down ♪</i>

2582
01:53:19,321 --> 01:53:22,024
<i>♪ Bounce up and down,
Bounce up and down ♪</i>

2583
01:53:22,057 --> 01:53:25,461
<i>♪ Now grind, shake,
Grind, shake ♪</i>

2584
01:53:25,494 --> 01:53:28,330
<i>♪ Grind, shake, grind, shake ♪</i>

2585
01:53:28,364 --> 01:53:31,500
<i>♪ Now grind, shake,
Grind, shake ♪</i>

2586
01:53:31,534 --> 01:53:35,639
<i>♪ Chonka lonka ♪</i>