Dude, Dell fucking Evans is gonna ride our new board
at the Freestyle competition at Breck this weekend.
Pre-orders are gonna go through the roof.
Can we confirm with his rep
that he'll post it on the Gram?
Uh, Dell is my boy.
This is friendship, not business.
Of course he knows what's up.
Nicely done, bro.
And that little snafu with the bindings?
Uh, factory corrected and pressure tested last week.
- We're salary. - Yes!
Looks like you're in
for some powder paradise this weekend, man.
- It's gonna be so epic. - Catch you on the flip.
Aight.
Congratulations.
You played such a big part in this.
I'm sorry, but I did nothing.
No, you've been everything.
When everyone thought I was crazy
to design my own board,
you were there, here...
with me.
And I know you've been swamped with your own shit,
but not once did I feel alone,
so I'm just...
- So happy? - Yeah.
So am I.
What?
I would just love to see the look on my professor's face
if I called my dissertation paper
"my own shit."
Oh, ha-ha.
Hey, come here.
No more work.
This weekend's about us. Okay?
You good?
Of course. Why?
It's just you've been doing your stare out the window thing
for a while now.
I'm just excited to get away with you this weekend.
Feels like we've both been in an endless work bubble.
Yeah, me too.
So beautiful.
-Heath, what is this? -We're here.
-Your parents' ski cabin? -Yeah.
Um, flows off the tongue
better than 16 bedroom ski chalet
that...
we have all to ourselves this weekend.
Not bad, huh?
In the summer we can take the boat out in the lake.
I'm sorry if I seem overwhelmed.
I just was not expecting this.
Yeah. Most people aren't.
Forgive me if this is rude, but I've met your parents--
And they're not pretentious assholes like me?
Exactly.
Come on. It's just a house.
Ah, mi casa es tu casa.
Come on. I'll give you the tour.
Strong bones...
...keeps us afloat.
Chairs, if sitting's your thing.
I personally am a standup guy myself.
If forced to sit, I like to do it by the fire.
Family dinner time.
My personal favorite...
the couch.
Very impressive, Mr. Jacobson.
But I'm gonna need some time to look over the fine print.
I have the contracts here already to sign.
Come here, babe.
I can't even imagine the parties you had here growing up.
You have no idea.
I have a few.
So what should we do first?
I have a few ideas in that department, too.
But I'm afraid if we get started on those ideas,
we won't get any ski runs in.
Oh, we have time to get over to the mountain
before it closes?
Come here. This is the best part.
We can ski on, right from here?
Not to the main mountain,
but that's a private run just for us,
for the other residents in the development.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna call down and make sure
they keep the lift open
and have to check in with the office real quick.
Why don't you go pick out a room for us?
Upstairs?
Wherever you want. Explore.
But I think you'll find the master bedroom
overlooking the valley doesn't suck that bad.
I'll meet you downstairs in a bit.
- Boo! - Sorry. You scared me.
Yeah, my dad nerds out hard on all this shit.
What is all this?
Oh, mining antiquities he collects.
The old nut loves the Americana of it all.
I think it makes him feel more blue-collar or something.
Oh, yeah?
And how's that working out for him?
Hey, I think pretty well. You said so yourself.
Why mining?
Well, Snow Valley's an old mining town.
This whole area is built on the old tunnels.
They went bust at the turn of the century
and this area got developed into a ski town.
You think they skied?
You kidding me?
This dude was the first Olympic champ
sponsored by Atomic.
Speaking of, shall we?
Honestly, I don't know why it was so cold
in that Roller Rink that night,
but when I bent over,
it was like a-- a winter storm system shot up my ass.
I'm telling you,
when you leaned over the tire skates,
the sound your pants made when they ripped
was etched in my mind forever.
Hey, at least I saved the course.
That you did.
The look on some of those kids' faces
as your left butt cheek hung out as you skated
was so funny.
The cost of business of going commando
and ain't always pretty.
What about me?
What did you think?
I mean, obviously, you thought
I was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen.
But when I skated up to you for the first time
and introduced myself.
Honestly?
Honestly.
Well, I know I'm supposed to say something funny or cute, but...
I was in love with you
from the moment I set eyes on you.
And actually, in that moment, I-- I was pissed at myself
for being such a showboat
because I thought you'd think I was a clown.
Oh, well, rest assured, I still very much think that.
But--
Who's here?
Go have a look.
Special delivery.
Oh, um, Heath, it's--
One second. I don't have my wallet on me.
-It's on the house. -Oh.
Thank you.
-Have a nice night. -You too.
-Wait, how-- -Surprise.
How did you--
Ah, I've made some moves
with the pizza place in town.
Now you might not count the night we shared a slice
with my ass hanging out of my jeans our first date
but I do.
You are too much.
Heath, I've been so swamped in my paper I haven't even--
Hey.
Happy anniversary.
-Oh, my God. I love you. -I love you, too.
And on top of this being our first anniversary...
I not only wanna celebrate that,
but kickstart another.
-Heath. Stop. -Open it.
It was my grandmother's.
Now I-- I'm not gonna try and top the pizza
from the Roller Rink with anything too clever
because I'm just gonna sound like a cheese stick.
Come here.
I fucking love you.
And this has been the best year of my life.
And actually,
there's a really bad storm coming in tomorrow,
so if you say no,
it could get awkward between us if we're stuck here.
I can't lie.
I liked the sound of Laura Jacobson better
than Laura Pell the first night I met you.
So I guess the answer's yes.
Come here.
Are you here to save me?
Hmm.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Show me the fucking rock, bitch.
Ew.
Seriously, show me the ring.
It's his grandmother's, you douchebag.
I'm kidding!
I know. I love it.
And I love how traditional and romantic he is.
Shut up, Kiko. You know you live for the bling.
You're right. But for you, I love it.
Did he tell you what he did?
Oh, my God! It was so adorable.
He came to see me and asked for my permission
just like he would've done if mom and dad were still alive.
Okay. What is wrong?
Nothing is wrong.
You have that Laura look.
Everyone and their looks I have.
Can I not just have a resting facial expression
without people demanding an explanation?
No.
I'm your sister. What's up?
You should just see this place.
Uh, bitch, I better see it a lot.
It's just their ski house
and it's like a mansion.
And you're complaining?
Is it weird that I didn't know his family was this wealthy?
Of course not!
It means he's classy.
And you might be the first woman in history
to be bugging because her husband is loaded.
Well, I'm not saying I'm mad and I get it.
I just didn't know.
-You always do this. -What?
You talk yourself off a ledge whenever you're happy.
I am so not on a ledge.
Well, then this isn't me talking you off of one then.
You work and study so hard.
And the one night that I convince you
to come out and get laid,
you bag a unicorn
because you fucking deserve it.
You are the best, most caring person I know.
But this is your much wiser older sister
telling you that everything is fine and then some.
And that I'll always be jealous of you
because everything about you is perfect
because that's what you put out in the universe.
-Thanks, Oprah. -Fuck you.
Fuck you too.
Laura?
I'll call you later. Someone's at the door.
Okay. Bye.
Heath?
One sec. I'm coming.
Um, can I help you?
It's you.
Excuse me?
How rude of me. I--
I was looking for Heath.
But now I'm reminded.
He did tell me he was having guests this weekend.
Oh, it's just me. I'm the only guest.
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm Ellen. I work for the Jacobsons.
- Oh. - Apologies.
You must think I'm quite the fool.
But you see,
I stepped out for some groceries
and I left my keys in my room.
Oh, you're-- you're staying here?
I live here, darling.
You were here last night?
No, I slept outside.
Of course I was here. Where else would I have been?
Not to worry, I won't interrupt your little love nest.
You'll likely never see me again.
Dude, that's sick.
All right, my brother, I'll hit you up manana.
Dell posted on his socials
about riding my board tomorrow
and pre-orders are already rolling in.
Did you ever think life could be this dope?
What?
Um...
I just met Ellen.
Oh, don't worry about her. She's just the help.
Been with us for years.
"Just the help." Got it.
Forgive me, I didn't grow up in a 16-bedroom ski chalet.
Neither did I.
This is just where I come skiing sometimes.
-Come on, let's-- -No, this isn't okay,
because I didn't know someone else was here last night
and we weren't exactly being discreet out here.
And even if we were, it might've been kinda nice
to know someone else was at the house.
Wait, sorry. That totally came out wrong.
I-- I'm just excited and--
Sorry, I didn't think to say anything
because I called and told her to take the weekend off.
And-- and she said she had plans to go see her sister.
Now clearly that did not happen.
But Ellen has her own apartment above the garage
with its own entrance and everything.
And I'm gonna go tear her a new one
for coming in through that front door.
No, I-- I'm sorry. She forgot her keys.
I was just caught off guard. That's all.
You certainly don't need to tear her a new one.
I was kidding about the new one and the tearing of it.
Yeah, I know you were.
But I think she made our bed.
So maybe you could tell her she doesn't have to do that.
No, I think I did.
I've seen you make a bed, Heath. She definitely did.
She's a housekeeper. It's in her DNA.
I'm just gonna send her a text to tell her that she, uh--
Oh, she beat me to it.
She, uh, profusely apologizes.
She said she was gonna go to her sister's this weekend,
but with this storm coming,
she's going to stay put and hunker down.
-Heath, I'm sorry. -Don't be.
I should have said something.
-I'm just happy and excited. -So am I.
And even more so because I have an entire weekend
of the best skiing in the world
with the best fiancée in the world.
Should we invite Ellen?
Yeah, Ellen's more of a sledder.
Come on, let's go hit the slopes.
Aw, that's sweet.
John and Sarah sent us a cute note.
Oh, they're the best.
I recognize that guy.
Don't worry about him. Works for the development.
I keep telling him the driveway is heated.
Hey, pal. Uh, we're good.
The driveway is heated, but-- but thanks.
Storm's coming in.
Uh, yeah, we heard.
The driveway is heated,
like I've said about five times now.
- What the fuck! - Storm's coming in!
Yeah, we got the memo, fucktard! And get off my property.
I'm telling you, I recognize those guys.
Yeah, so do I. They work for the development.
Nice guys usually. Probably just--
I'm fucking crying today.
No, they're--
What?
Laura, wait!
What?
Laura.
What's your deal?
I swear I thought those guys were from the photo.
Sorry. I--
-I'm crazy. -No, it's fine.
It's probably just the altitude.
-It messes with me too. -It must be.
-I'm sorry. -Don't be. Are you kidding?
Come on.
You know what you need? The hot tub.
-Yes. -Let's go.
-Surprise! -Surprise!
Thought I'd, uh, invite a few friends to help celebrate.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, girl, I knew this day was coming.
I've been manifesting so hard for you and Heath.
Thank you so much.
So happy you guys could make it.
-Congrats, my dude. -Thanks, B.
Interesting, you wanna walk me through the pieces?
Oh, yeah. Issey Miyake.
Get on the level, bro.
If you say so. Best man right here.
-Brannon, so great to see you. -Oh, likewise, my lady.
Miracle we've made it with Crash Bandicoot driving.
Yeah, once we made it through the storm
it was fine, but it was on our tails.
They think access to the mountain's
gonna be shut down by nine tonight.
You know what that means?
-Unfortunately, I do. -Hmm.
-Powder paradise. -Powder paradise.
They're such tools. Let me see it.
- Are you so happy? - So much.
And I'm so happy you guys are here.
Now I know why you wanted to get so much food.
Oh, sushi chef Laura is gonna light it the fuck up tonight.
You're putting her to work in the kitchen
on her engagement weekend?
Um, no, I'm putting all of you to work
because I'm teaching you all how to make sushi.
-Fun. -Oh, dude.
You know Dell Evans?
Not, uh, personally. No.
He's riding my new board tomorrow
at the freestyle competition at Breckenridge.
Look at that. Oh, yeah.
Guys, can we not bring business vibes into this?
I think we're here to celebrate.
Sure thing, boss.
-I'll get glasses. -I'll roll with.
And then we will all roll with to the hot tub.
Oh, my God.
How amazing is this place?
Still trying to wrap my mind around it.
So much abundance...
and a lot of room for kids to run around.
Don't worry, G.
My toast is gonna murder at the wedding.
But, uh, tonight let's just get our motherfucking drink on.
Okay? So to the best couple I know.
Soon to be the best married couple I know.
New moon blessings.
What?
- Everything okay? - Yeah. What's up?
-Tastes fine. -I wish it was the Champers.
Whatever it is, Brannon, you can tell us.
What?
Yeah, I mean, come on. We're in a jacuzzi, dog.
We've got powder days in the forecast
and enough sushi to feed an army.
I mean, what could possibly be wrong?
Ed knows about this weekend.
And Ed being Ed,
he's, um, on his way here right now.
What? Why didn't you tell me this?
I just found out, I just got a text when we were driving up.
Of course, like I can't think
and drive at the same time, right.
That's not what I meant.
I just know how you feel about Ed
and the storm was really bad
and I didn't want you to crash the car and kill us both.
Wait, what?
-Who's Ed? -I haven't told you about Ed?
Uh, no.
Uh, my mom tells his mom everything
and somehow he found out.
Well, if it's a friend of yours, I'm sure we can--
like you said, we have plenty of food.
Food is not the solution.
No, it is not.
What's his deal?
Nobody really knows, to be honest.
He comes from a perfectly good family.
My money is, he got dropped on the head as a baby
and then picked up
and then dropped on his head again.
And then again.
His brother did say something once
about his temporal lobe, whatever that is.
-It's part of his brain. -Right.
Uh, Ed doesn't really have a normal, uh--
Operating system.
That's why he just assumes he's invited.
Well, the dude has a--
His heart is strangely in the right place, I will say.
What place is that?
I-- I don't know, he does, like,
disaster relief and shit like that.
I don't know. The Sean Penn shit.
Sean Penn shit.
Will Ed be invited to the wedding?
Our families are close.
It's one of those bridges
we would have to cross sooner or later.
Yeah.
Is he bringing a girlfriend or wife?
-Doubtful. -Boyfriend?
I actually think he banged a ladyboy in Thailand.
Oh. Woo. Dude. Ed gets girls.
Fucks them on bathroom sinks
like he did with the caterer at our wedding
while my grandmother was still using the toilet,
like, terrified.
Dude killed it on the dance floor that night.
Oh, yes he did. I remember that.
Are you guys serious right now?
Hey, you're the manifestation coach.
Why don't you just will it away?
Wait, you're what?
A new project I'm working on
that Brannon doesn't take seriously.
Babe, I gave you the seed funding
to get your app started, I was making a joke.
Thank you for letting the whole world know
that I can't do anything without your help.
Guys!
Guys, it's my weekend.
I mean, it's our weekend.
But we're here to ski, eat, drink, and have fun.
If Ed is what you say he is...
we'll drink more.
We're gonna need heroin.
Yeah, like a lot of it.
So once you put your rice and fish in,
you just sort of wet the seaweed like this.
Then you roll it, push it down...
roll it again...
and voilà.
Voilà.
Guys.
This storm is getting bad.
They just, uh, closed the highway.
Maybe Ed will have to turn back.
Who's gonna have to turn back?
Heathcliff?
Edward.
Where the fuck is everybody?
I thought this was supposed to be a party.
Just us, Ed.
B-man.
I wasn't expecting to see you.
Likewise.
Yeah, that storm is no fucking joke, though.
Thank God airport security
didn't find my little baby blow bullet.
This shit was my North Star throughout that storm.
Pun intendo.
Ed, just...
spectacular outfit as always.
-Hey, look good? -Feel good.
-Yes, sir. -Mm-hmm.
All right, my brother.
Cut these threads at the Salt Lake City airport.
Pick some chump's pocket while we were deboarding the plane.
I'm sorry, but who the fuck stands up
as soon as the plane lands?
Um, do I fucking know you?
Oh, I fucking know you.
You motherfucker!
Come here. Gimme hug. Gimme hug.
No, don't give me hug. Don't give me--
Fuck you.
Where's this honey of yours, huh?
Oh, my days.
Well done, doggy. Well done.
Laura, it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Anna, Brannon's wife.
We've met.
Yeah, right. Right. My bad. My bad.
4th of July.
Our wedding. Yeah.
Right.
How's your grandma?
She has some great memories with you.
She's still taking a shit?
You still fucking girls on sinks?
It's still more sanitary than floors.
-It's really good to see you. -Likewise.
Ed. I'm Laura.
-I've heard so much about you. -Oh.
Oh, now you...
you are a keeper.
Oh, yes, beautiful
and intelligent.
So lovely to meet you.
Ooh, what are y'all making?
That is revolting.
So I guess we can't interest you in "Make your own sushi" night.
Not unless Nobu Matsuhisa is the instructor, love.
Hey.
Yeah, I'm gonna need some room for prep.
I brought meats for days.
You brought meats for days, like, on a plane?
Well, you can put human remains
in a checked bag these days.
They're only looking for bombs.
And cocaine, right through security.
Cocaine. Hello, cocaine.
Oh, speaking of...
the bachelor party's all handled.
Yeah.
Me and Mitch locked down a guest house
at one of Pablo Escobar's
old ranches just outside of Medellín.
Yeah, I guess you just tip these handlers
a few Colombian pesos, they can get you anything
from a live panther to a traffic team--
Sorry to break up this riveting guys weekend chit-chat.
But doesn't the best man usually handle that?
I didn't make the plans because I'm some basic groomsman
with nothing better to do with his life.
Oh, my God!
Seriously, you need to go on Lexapro again.
He has a fucking gun!
Dude, what the fuck?
What? I'm in Utah.
I can open carry as long as it's not loaded.
You're in Snow Valley, Ed, you didn't need to come strapped.
Hey, this is not the time in American history
to be Second Amendment shaming anyone, Heath.
Okay, copy that.
But, uh, why did you feel the need
to bring, like, a gat to,
you know, a nice safe house?
Why don't you tell us what you love most
about the United States Constitution?
And then I'll go. Ready?
No, not ready. This-- this is a ski weekend.
We're not discussing our favorite amendments.
Ed, I love you, but the gun is going in the safe.
I wanna leave.
You're not gonna get anywhere on those roads
without a snowcat, honey.
Well, then we'll ski to a hotel.
-Come on. -No, no relax. We're not going.
Oh, my lord. Bless this house.
If I'd have known I'd be here with all these snowflakes
I would've concealed carry my. 38.
-Fine. Fine. -Hey, hey. Come on.
Fine!
I put it in the fucking safe.
Fucking pussies.
Lead the way.
Wow.
Why do you have a safe?
Cash in hand in case anyone gets kidnapped.
Who knows in these times?
These times.
Where you're worried about getting kidnapped,
and I get shamed for packing a little heat.
Ed, it's going in the safe.
Hand it over.
And the clips.
Really cooking my grits, Heath.
And the holster.
I want no memory of this.
Well, good luck forgetting me.
I'm unforgettable.
Yeah.
I'm unforgettable, bitch.
So, it's called a sip and see.
You know, you sip champagne
and everyone meets my sister's baby.
Aw!
I think my favorite thing about crypto
is I literally just made 58K in the last 20 seconds.
Bon appétit.
I gotta hand it to you, Ed.
This looks and smells amazing.
Just a heads up, javelina's a gamey swine.
You hunted this?
Shot it rummaging through the trash
in my dumpster.
Oh, but be careful.
I wasn't able to find the slug.
Baby bites.
Dumpster pig. Hmm.
First time for everything.
Tell me about yourself.
You don't look like one of Heath's
normal trust fund digger bitches.
I appreciate your honesty,
but the jury's still out on cutting a living.
- I'm a graduate student. - Oh.
-Getting my doctorate. -Oh! See?
Didn't I tell you I could tell she was smart?
Oh, yeah, how's your--
You're working on some crazy research paper, right?
I'm sorry, Anna.
We were talking.
And where I'm from, when people are talking,
you don't interrupt them.
Oh, yeah? Where's that Ed? Hell?
Let's dial back the hostility, please.
-Are you kidding me? -I'm so sorry about her.
As you were.
So, I study abnormal child psychology.
Wow.
That must come in handy living with Heath.
Fuck you.
Oh, um, uh, her paper just got published.
Ooh, that is tight.
Can I get it on Audible?
No, and you wouldn't want to.
It's a scholarly paper.
Mostly circulates with professors and students.
Try me. I love books.
Romance, thriller, cottage core.
You name it, I have read it.
You know, it has got some elements of a mystery.
What is it?
I study extrasensory perception in case studies of children
with extreme developmental disabilities.
Damn.
Sounds trippy.
Believe me, I know. It's a lot to chew on.
Extrasensory like psychic?
To put it plainly, yes.
Especially in extreme cases of autism and schizophrenia,
the subjects I study are able to read symbols on cards
without even seeing them.
Telepathic communication isn't uncommon.
And their ability to create images
of people they've never even met
that we've linked to actual people...
it's pretty wild.
It's like The Shining?
Kind of. Yeah.
It's still pretty fringe,
and I'm not going on Joe Rogan anytime soon, but--
Wait, this is what your paper's about?
I fucking love Rogan.
I've told you this like a hundred times.
Are you kidding?
Can they see dead people?
All the time.
You should have your patients come to this place.
-Has he told you about it? -Here we go.
Dude, we do not need to go there.
- Go where? - Nothing.
Just the old mining history I was telling you about.
Oh, then he definitely hasn't told you.
Well, this weekend is just full of surprises.
Ed, come on.
We're here to celebrate our engagement.
If he hasn't told you,
then you definitely don't wanna Google
"Snow Valley..."
"...insane asylum."
Please don't.
-I don't have my phone on me. -Oh, my God.
You know, you-- you-- you could've listened
to the part where he's politely asked you
to not Google this.
- This is so fucked up. - What?
An old mine shaft that they used as, like,
a makeshift sanitarium for the mentally ill.
There was an explosion, and they all burned to death.
Yeah. Great dinner talk.
Anything's better than listening to Ed.
Look, it was a long time ago.
People did a lot of fucked up shit.
Fortunately, the state of Utah
Department of Mental Health and Science
has come a long way since then.
Yeah, but that story is true.
And that nuthouse
was a part of the East McGovern shaft
that ran right beneath our feet.
Our buddy Clay...
heard some...
screams and shit down in the basement...
when we were in high school.
Cries that could only be...
tortured souls of the...
mentally ill patients that were incinerated...
while trapped.
Burned to death...
right beneath this house.
All right, dude, we-- we get it.
Do you though?
Most horrific part...
...they all could have been saved.
All the other miners were rescued
and from much deeper tunnels.
-They purposely let them burn. -Hmm.
That kinda energy never rests peacefully.
How could anyone just dump their kids in a mineshaft?
It happens more than you think.
I mean, not in mineshafts,
but we've supervised cases
of mentally ill kids being abandoned all the time.
If it feeds your intrigue,
I thought I heard something strange last night.
The altitude. We talked about this.
Uh, the anniversary of the explosion is...
tonight.
Tonight. January 14th.
-Did you know this? -Of course, I didn't.
And even if I did, why...
...why would it matter?
Don't you remember how batshit everyone started acting
the last time we partied here on the anniversary?
Everyone was on shrooms.
Even still, I thought it was grim
you picked the anniversary of the incineration
to have your engagement weekend, but it was a surprise, so...
A surprise that you weren't invited to.
Not invited?
- Not invited. - Anna.
No one else wants to stand up to you.
You weren't invited.
Is this true?
Yeah, it's true.
Heath.
- Ed... - Was I not invited?
...you're always welcome.
You know that.
But, I mean, yeah,
this was supposed to be a couples' weekend.
I...
I would've brought a date had I known, but...
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm...
...I'm just gonna-- I'm just gonna go.
Dude, you're not driving in this weather.
I don't care how much cocaine you brought.
No, I'm just gonna turn in.
Great.
Leave us to clean up your pig slaughter.
Don't worry about that. Ellen will do it tomorrow.
Seriously?
I'm just gonna go to bed.
Ed, wait, come on.
We're gonna finish this amazing dinner
and then go have a tournament on the golf simulator.
You all go play.
I won't be able to focus on my game.
I know when I'm not wanted.
Clearly, you don't.
You've gotta stop.
Ow, Brannon! You're hurting my arm.
I'm sorry, but this is bad.
What do you mean?
When he gets emotional like this about not feeling wanted,
it-- it's third-grade birthday shit,
but it's his kryptonite.
Hence why he would always just assume he's invited.
I should have said something earlier
but bad things can happen.
And why'd you have to be so harsh?
We're-- we're talking about an uninvited guest
who brought a gun to a ski weekend.
Yeah, I-- I know. I know that.
But he's here, and you just made it worse.
Okay. How bad are we talking?
- Bad. Yeah. - Bad.
You have to apologize, Anna.
To keep the vibe good.
-When was it good? -Level.
Look, it'll mean a lot if you do.
We've seen this before.
An apology goes a long way with Ed.
Fine.
In the interest of "the vibe,"
I will go apologize to your psychotic friend.
Golf simulator. Now.
Put me down for birdie.
Put you down for bogey.
Put me down for hole-in-one.
I'm telling you, dude, she could be on the tour.
Tour-shmour.
Here's $8,000 in golf lessons for free.
Fuck!
That better be a call from the Pope.
Even better.
Dell Evans.
Deli boy, qué pasa mi primo amigo?
No bueno amigo.
Uh, what do you mean "no bueno," mi amigo?
-What happened? -Like I said, no bueno.
All right, stop speaking Spanish.
-What the fuck happened? -Heath!
So you can't ride my board tomorrow.
I can't ride any board
for like six months years.
I just called 'cause you're my bro,
and I think there's something wrong
-with the bindings. -No, no, no, no.
Nothing's wrong with the bindings.
The factory checked them and gave them the thumbs up.
Something's clearly wrong with your ability
to ride a snowboard.
You have any idea how hard you just fucked me?
Whoa, dude. Chill.
Oh, no. Fuck you!
Fuck!
What is wrong with you?
This is so bad.
Yeah, for Dell.
-He can't walk. -What about me, Laura?
This is the first thing I've ever done
that anybody's ever taken me seriously for.
You have any idea how much I've put into this?
Well, of course, I do.
And I'm sure he does as well.
So, maybe if you just took a sec,
you could call him back and apologize.
No, you're right. He does know.
I'm gonna go get my iPad
and make it crystal fucking clear
that he needs to ride my board tomorrow.
Did you not...
- Heath? - What?
The mining ax that was on the wall.
Yeah. That's weird.
Collecting axes is definitely fucking weird.
It's missing.
And please don't tell me
it's the altitude playing tricks on me.
No, you're right.
Don't worry, this is just Ed messing with us.
- Ed 101. - Oh, great.
The guy who brought the gun now has an ax.
Where are they anyway?
Anna?
-Which room did Ed take? -Did he take one?
-I didn't see. -Me neither.
I haven't seen him since he brought in the pig.
Okay. You guys go find them.
I'm gonna go get the iPad.
Oh, shit!
Wow. Great leadership.
That's not funny.
Ah, fuck! Ah!
You okay? What happened?
I don't know, it's like someone just ran past
and whacked me with a lacrosse stick.
It's probably just a draft from the window.
It was not a draft.
But it probably was.
Come on.
There's some flashlights and shit in the storage closet.
Let's go.
Fuck!
Ed, if you're playing games this isn't funny.
Something tells me that if Ed was playing a game,
it wouldn't be one we would think is funny.
Quick study.
Did you hear that?
Um, no?
It was like a little boy laughing.
Like I heard the other night.
It's just the wind, babe.
You really need to learn to differentiate the two.
Let's just get upstairs so I can get my iPad
and FaceTime with Dell.
Shouldn't we find Ed and Anna?
In theory, yes.
I just need to get this binding issue
out of this stoner fuck's head before he tells someone
with a brain that could sue me.
Heath, Jesus!
No, I-- I'm sorry, but this could be bad
for the both of us, okay?
Guys, it's gonna be fine.
If I get sued off my first snowboard,
it's not gonna be fine.
Was that a gun?
Sure sounded like it.
I thought you locked it in the safe.
I did, but not every gun in existence.
Should we call the police?
- I've got no bars. - Don't sweat it.
This is just Ed being Ed.
I'm starting to think Ed belongs in jail.
That was Anna. Anna?
What are you gonna do with that, Tiger?
Your golf bro teach you how to spar too?
I have a black belt in aikido.
Anna?
Yes. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Now clench the anus.
Squeeze. Ooh!
Feel that energy just blast up the base of the spine...
-What the fuck! -...to your third eye.
Oh. A little privacy, please.
-Oh. -What the fuck!
-What's your problem, Ace? -What's my problem?
This isn't what it looks like.
Well, sure as fuck doesn't look like an apology.
I'm doing you a solid, chief.
Anna's chakras are all clogged up
from the negative aspects of your relationship.
He's right, Brannon. Our relationship has issues.
I know, baby. But this?
This is a powerful release, B-man.
And until you learn how to support this beautiful,
beautiful woman in her manifestation
coaching business,
without it triggering your need for belittlement
or control,
your relationship will remain in stagnation, my friend.
But baby you-- you hate Ed.
I mean, upstairs...
-How? -I don't know.
We just-- we connected.
I don't know how to explain it.
You know I walked in, and there was sage burning,
and we started talking about energy and--
I took you on five dates before we slept together,
20 before we did any butt stuff.
A little sage and some energy talk
and Ed's walking through the back door?
No. No, no, no.
Brannon, you have this all wrong.
Dude, there was no meat-on-bun contact, bro.
I walked in on you laid down doggy on my wife
telling her to clench her anus.
Dude, it's a breathing technique
to move the kundalini up the spine.
Fucking what?
What the fuck are you talking about?
If you took any interest in my yoga practice, you'd know.
-But you don't. -Case in point.
When you clench the muscles around the genital,
sphincter, and sit bone.
Leave my wife's shit bone outta this!
-Sit bone. -The perineum, bro.
Okay?
It's where the serpent's coiled at the base of the spine.
If you wanna continue pleasing a woman like this,
you really need to study on this stuff, champ.
I'll show you where the serpent's coiled
you sick fuck!
And I'm done paying for your yoga.
Is he okay?
Is he breathing?
-Yeah. -Good.
He'll be fine.
He'll wake up in about 20 minutes
in a state of calm,
much more open to receiving.
Hey, you have nothing to be ashamed of, love.
-He'll understand. -Ed, where is your gun?
What are you talking about?
You were not just firing your gun?
During a healing?
I would never pervert such a sacred act
with an instrument of violence, Heath.
Did you bring another gun?
I'm on a ski trip. Why would I need two guns?
Yep.
That was a Glock 19. Same as mine.
It's a pretty popular pistol,
but my bet
is that someone broke into your safe, Heath.
Could it be Ellen?
Ellen's not much of a gunslinger.
Who is Ellen?
Oh, don't worry about Ellen. She's just the help.
To overcome the beast we must become the beast!
All right, let's just get out of here.
-What about Brannon? -What about him?
We can't just leave him here
with his head dangling off the bed.
I got a bad back, so unless Heath here
wants to hoist him over his shoulder,
and carry him out Vietnam casualty style,
we're just gonna have to dump him, and run.
Okay, yeah.
We might be surrounded.
We gotta check the safe for my piece.
You guys go ahead, I'm just gonna stay here with Brannon.
I would've loved to have finished our session.
I know we have our issues, but...
as soon as I saw his reaction,
I knew that he really loved me.
So this is our journey now.
Well, if you ever find yourself in Miami,
-don't be a stranger. -Wrap it up, let's go.
Let's move out.
Who else has the combo?
Only my dad.
You saw that I locked it.
-I saw that you closed it. -No, I definitely locked it.
Well, maybe the individual who lit
this glorious roaring fire could clue us in.
Guys, let's just get out. Get to a neighbor.
So maybe someone has a phone, we can call the police.
Fuck! Fucking Dad!
Ah! Ow!
Oh, shit.
Fuck.
Yeah, I definitely just heard that little fucker too.
I'm telling you, I think there's a little boy here.
And don't tell me it's the wind.
You're both crazy.
Are we though?
Okay, that was further away.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
I like this kid.
Damn. Come on, come on.
Get down. Get down.
Did you lock the door?
Of course I locked the door,
I'm being pursued by a psychopath with a gun.
Oh, dope. Movie night.
It's the guys from the photo, from the driveway.
Can't say I've seen that one. Good flick?
Ellen, what the fuck is going on?
Your brother has escaped.
What?
This doesn't concern you.
You just said that someone escaped.
And you have a brother?
It's Ellen's runt she had with my dad.
-It's not like a real brother. -Oh, word,
I didn't know Big Mike had a Schwarzenegger baby.
How could you let this happen?
He must have gotten out
when I went to check the fuse box.
And where is it exactly that you've been keeping him?
Laura, it's for his own good. Don't overthink this.
No, Heath, I think underthinking
-has officially ended. -He's a total train wreck, babe.
He hasn't spoken a word since he was born.
He has violent tendencies and--
And might have a gun. And I'm sorry, "train wreck"?
Look, I know you have a soft spot for these types,
but I'm telling you, this is different.
I work with kids like this. How could you not tell me?
For this exact reason. Because I knew you'd overreact.
And if any of this ever got out,
my dad's reputation would be ruined.
Fuck your dad, we need to help him
before he hurts himself or one of us.
-Or both. -Yes.
Finally, Ed, you've said something I can get behind.
Oh, you can get behind my dad
locking me in a shed for a week and feeding me dog food?
You see, best not to meddle in affairs
that are none of your fucking business!
I hear you loud and clear,
but right now, a mentally disabled child
is loose in a house with a gun.
It's my fucking business.
Ellen, I study abnormal child psychology.
What is his condition?
His condition
is in perfectly good hands with his mother!
Mother knows best.
Brian?
Don't be afraid.
I'm sorry.
These people have upset you.
But your mother is here...
to make everything better.
-How could you? -Ah!
Leave a loaded gun out in the open.
Ah, I put it in the safe, and locked it.
Nobody else has the combination, Ellen.
Well, then.
Well, then what?
I believe those beneath...
may be having a bit of fun with us.
Y'all really gotta plan your ski weekends
around this one from now on, buddy.
Shut up, Ed.
I think I heard him the other night.
Are you here to save me?
Ellen, I know this will sound crazy,
but I study this phenomenon,
and I think your son was trying to contact me.
- I can help you. - Oh, my God.
This is not the time to start spinning your wheels
on your psychic retard theories.
We just gotta find this kid, and get him back to his room.
Yeah.
It's all making sense now.
You've come here to take my boy, haven't you?
What? Of course, not. I just wanna help.
Ellen stop!
Laura, run!
Laura, chill.
We've gotta set her straight before she gets away.
Ellen, you hurt my face.
Okay.
Oh, Laura.
Heath, where the fuck is she?
Ellen and I just wanna talk to you.
Damn it!
Are you here to save me?
Yes.
Yes. Brian?
If that's you...
I can hear you.
I can help you.
I can save you.
If you'll let me.
You can trust me, Brian.
I think you know that.
I heard you the other night as well.
When you asked if I was here to save you.
And I wasn't sure what was happening.
But now I do.
And I believe you have great powers.
Just please use them to let me help you.
You don't have to hurt anyone.
Brian, I can hear you if you speak to me.
Where are you? And I'll come to you.
I'll help get you to a place where people understand you.
And can help care for you.
Would you like to come play with me in my room?
Yes, yes, Brian.
I'll meet you in your room.
I am coming in, Brian.
Please put the gun down.
And we'll leave here together.
Mama, no!
Brian.
You think she's gonna help you.
But she's only gonna take you away from me.
I'm the only one...
who truly understands...
what's best for you.
Chin up, little man.
I got two on this bitch as well.
Hands up fuckstick.
Get down on your fucking knees.
You too, ax lady.
I thought you said you only brought one gun.
I lied.
You always keep two in the coat.
You people are going away
for a very, very long time.
And you can give this back to grandma.
Are you seriously this emotionally invested
in this stupid puzzle?
Do you ever remember things about our childhood?
I remember being children.
No, like, weird things that you can't explain.
I don't remember being able to explain
a lot of things as a kid because I was a kid.
Forget it, I just--
I'm involved in this study at school,
and ever since I started,
I've been having like, déjà vu,
and I can't tell
if I'm uncovering repressed memories,
or I'm just convincing myself
that I'm experiencing what I'm studying.
I don't mean to freak you out, but...
do you ever remember hearing Mom and Dad
talking to us after they died?
Or you and I communicating without using words?
Okay, you need to catch some dick harder than any woman
in the history of Friday night.
There's this guy, Heath, that I'm dying for you to meet.
He's single, and ready to mingle.
I know you wanted to just get away,
and have a chill weekend,
but my girl is having a Boogie Nights birthday bash
down at the roller skating rink tonight, and you and I
are fucking going, and that's final.
How's he doing?