Oh, no. Thank you, Larry.
All right? Uh-uh. Of course it is.
Mr Shah?
He's on his way, Boss. What? You looking for Sula?
He should be back from his legal visit any minute now. Thanks.
Have you noticed any issues with Troy Walker?
N-no... Who's he knocking about with?
Gets on with everyone, I think. Why?
Give it five, then tell him I want a word about the app he put in.
Oi, Oi.
Jacksies, yes, Jacksons', no.
Yes?
Yes, Miss.
"Jacksons'"?
Jackson Pollocks...
Who's that? No idea.
Doesn't being called "Miss" make you feel like a schoolteacher?
That's one of the things that you are now.
You got any kids? No. You?
Millions of 'em, mostly fostered.
This lot are the same though - they all just need boundaries.
They were all at primary school once.
Oh, for f...
Hey...Hey. Whoa, whoa. Don't whistle.
Whistle and every bugger comes running.
I won't tell you again. Out, please!
All right, Miss? All right?
Sterling... Sterling.
Cheers.
It's all right. Takes time.
But if you stay, remembering names can be your best friend.
Does nobody think I'll stay? Honestly?
A few were betting you wouldn't make it past day one, so...
The SO, you mean?
Why does she call the inmates by their first names?
Her choice. Just don't ever let 'em use yours, all right?
Anyway, forget the SO.
You focus on this lot and she'll love you forever.
I don't plan on staying THAT long.
I haven't put any applications in, Miss. Come in, Troy.
Are you being bullied?
So have you upset someone?
Got yourself in debt?
Well, something's happened. You've been fine up till now...
I'm still fine.
This is the school playground.
I don't know what the squabble is
or whether you just need to man up a bit,
but to be clear. I don't tolerate bullying, not ever.
Do you understand?
[COMPUTER MESSAGE ALERT]
Can I go, Miss?
Right, what do you see when I show you this?
Miss?
You all right? What's up?
Why's there never a pen in this place?
BOTH: Full of thieves...
Ray and his "vetting".
There was an officer down south in post for a year
before anyone realised he'd served two sentences.
Yeah, wasn't he an illegal as well?
Human beings can't be illegal, silly bollocks.
Look, it's just the usual box-ticking, that's all.
Yours to lose, remember.
[LOUD SLAM]
Look out, Hot Wheels is back.
# Oh, yes, you're the great pretender... #
Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you about that, sorry. Tanner's back.
Oh, God! Mr Campbell?
Oh, come on!
It's your turn. I don't want to hear him or see him.
Mr Sula?
Wake up! What you doing up there? Get yourself off!
Shall I tell you why I'm back here?
Shall I tell you while you're all here?
Because them out there...
He's protesting. What about?
Oh, he won't have decided yet.
Nick anyone you see feeding him.
SO asked me to tell you
to look after one of our frequent flyers.
Me? Why? What did I say about that question?
What do you think's going on in there?
Albanian.
Eastern Europeans are always up to something.
They do a shitload of crime, have a quick holiday in here
then we pay for 'em to go home, another holiday, come back,
starts all over again.
And they're racist as fuck.
Cheers for that. I hate racism.
..there's nobody can tell me when I can fucking eat...
There's your boy. ..or sleep in this fucking place. Nobody.
Tried by a jury of your fucking peers?
Hey, how many black judges are there?!
Oh, for... How many working class people are there?
Well, he were never at primary school.
Fucking system's completely bent...
Name's Tanner.
Keep him away from the SO. Stop him shouting at her, all right?
Absolutely crazy.
Can I get a toilet roll? Yeah.
You know you can get out of here, any time you want to, don't you?
Just walk out the fucking door.
Remind me, what exactly did you forge?
We already did the sentence plan.
Erm, this time cheques.
Er, before that, the visas.
So you have forged official documents, then.
I'm not the police.
A few.
Hm. Mm.
I've lost my birth certificate.
Which is shit, because I need it for health insurance
and I'm not sure a replacement's gonna come in time.
Hey.
You get materials...
..I do it for you.
Really?
I am an artist.
You're also a prisoner. I'd be asking you to break the law.
This is not a big deal...
It is for me.
If you give me false information, this is a big deal.
But just to replace?
[HE CHUCKLES]
Actually, let's think about it, shall we?
You come look at my work, you see.
I am an artist.
Problem, Casper?
Costa.
But erm, the name that I know that you know is, Dean.
[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]
Fucking hell. You took your time, man.
Training's long.
We good to go?
I've only just got here.
Huh? What, you like it?
[HE SNIGGERS]
Look, just get it done and bounce.
It's, it's too soon.
Listen.
This place is basically like a shopping mall.
A man can get pretty much anything he needs if he knows which door
to knock at.
Right now, most of the stores are empty
and that's an opportunity...
..which is literally where you come in... I know why I'm here.
Good!
You collect tonight.
I'm already being watched.
Look, if word gets out the shelves are suddenly full,
who do you think they're going to suspect of delivering?
Who's watching?
The SO.
She doesn't trust me yet, so...
Difficult prisoner comes in, who gets assigned to him?
She's setting me up to fail, all right?
I need to be careful.
Nah.
You need to do whatever it takes to make her start trusting ya,
quick time.
Because you can't afford to fail, can you, Rose?
[TENSE MUSIC BUILDS]
# Ohhh, yes
# You're the great pretender
# pretending that you know it all.... #
Give it a rest, bruv!
Fuck off, spanner!
She pretends she can't hear me but we both know she can.
You know nothing. Mr Tanner!
Running around pretending to do her best for everyone.
[LOCK BUZZES]
Look at them, pretending they're trying to make a difference.
I need to move pads.
Mr Tanner! ..other fuckers employed by the Prison Service.
He don't talk to screws, Miss. What?!
He don't talk to screws.
Points of information can be exchanged, but we don't talk.
Now, where's my single? I've been here for fucking hours!
Worse thing they can do is...
I don't need to give you a reason.
And I don't need to be your social secretary.
Find someone who'll swap and we can talk.
I won't get no-one to swap with me.
Why not?
Well, that's on you.
Be on you if something happens.
Is that a threat, Mr Farrow?
Well, you can take that TV out for a start...
I really need you to stop shouting,
so the SO doesn't notice either of us.
Best way to stop a man escaping -
make sure he don't know he's in prison...
You know who said that?
Course not, you fucking sheep. What?
Still paying for your telly like a good zombie, are we?
You fucking twot.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the fuck's this?
I'm an officer, you're an inmate...
no, I'm not. Point of information.
"Inmate" comes from people sharing rooms - by choice -
at an inn or guest house. We are fucking prisoners.
What?
Now to be fair, if I looked like him, I'd be playing with myself all day, an' all.
Think he might want some help?
[DOOR OPENS]
Walker's in trouble.
Yeah, I know. I did ask about.
Google plus the usual leaky sieves.
Whatever's happening, nobody's talking... What about staff?
Nah, apparently he's been staying in his cell
instead of coming out on sosh last few days,
and he was getting a hard time in the meds queue...
Meds? Do we know what he's taking?
Confidential, innit?
On the basis it might actually help us do our fucking job.
If the drug supply is as slow as we think it is
then the value of prescription stuff must be through the roof.
Right, and worth bullying someone for.
Walker's not on methadone, is he?
No. All those on Kryptonite still have to go to Delta Wing.
If it's bullying, you should call Safer Custody,
talk to the Violence Reduction Officer...
I would do, if he wasn't off sick.
BOTH: Having been assaulted!
[THEY CHUCKLE]
I'm not coming down till I get my new trainers.
All right, I'm not wearing them Fraggle flops on sosh again.
My missus ordered them from the catalogue weeks ago,
all right? Can you at least just check for me, Miss Henry?
Oh, come on. Miss Stokes!
I'll try and get something on Walker out of Healthcare.
All right. OK, I'll say it one more time.
Come down, and we can have a civilised conversation, can't we?
N-nn. That's not happening. Oh, really?
OK. Well, you stay up there and you have a nice life, right?
Yep, I will do. OK.
You OK? Yeah.
I hear you got Tannered. Yeah.
What exactly does the SO want me to do with him?
She'd probably be OK with you killing him.
Just stop him shouting at her.
How? Hasn't he got any mates?
Hates everyone, innit?
Maybe that's why he shouts. Got no-one to talk to.
Tanner! Oh, Tanner shouts because he's a twat.
Although you know alpacas? Llama, camel-y dudes.
They can die of loneliness, you know.
It's a true fact. What's this?
I'm trying to remember
what we have to do for prisoners with disabilities.
Lock the fuckers up, same as every other scrote.
It's called equality.
Oh, here. That's it.
[GARBLED TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT]
Right, you guys genuinely understand that, or are you taking the piss?
Come on. Boss wants a meeting.
Oh, not now, Larry, we're having a meeting.
Make you all a nice cup of tea for it, shall I? Later.
Hello, Larry.
..you can actually only buy alpacas in pairs, you know?
Right, come on. So, what do you see?
Close the door, please.
What I'm about to tell you does not leave this room.
Troy Walker is transgender.
What?
What...
Woman dressed as a man?
A man born into a woman's body.
Obviously it's more common the other way round - in prison, anyway -
but it happens and we have to deal with it...
Why weren't we told?
Er, what do you think this is, tosspot?
The Number one Governor and Healthcare
were the only ones who needed to know.
I asked Healthcare about his meds and mentioned bullying,
so they alerted Governor Cahill, she called me...
We should have been fucking told.
As far as the Governor, and we, are concerned,
Walker is a man.
He's been fully transitioned for years,
is in possession of a...
Cock?
A Gender Recognition Certificate.
There's an ongoing case board to decide
where he will serve his sentence.
And he stays here till then?
There's not much of a precedent, but...
..as the risk is to Walker rather than others,
it's up to us to protect him,
which is why I took the decision to tell you,
even though I'm...I'm breaking the law.
Right, so that's why he's being bullied, then.
How did the others find out?
It can't stay here.
"He", not "it".
Needs to be in a women's nick.
Have you not been listening?
Or if it... He!
..can't go there, then you know, haven't we already got
some transformers or whatever in the nonce wing?
Those on the Vulnerable Prisoner Wing are male-to-female.
What's the difference?
All the trans prisoners here are sex offenders?
Actually, none are. No. But they are safer up there.
Yeah, because they'll get shanked or shagged within a week on here.
Which is exactly what will happen to Walker, which you all know.
How's it got away with showering?
HE, Mr Campbell. That's the last time...
He's fully transitioned!
Guys, how would he have made it through reception, otherwise?
You sure about that? Thick as fuck, that lot.
I think even OSGs know the difference between
a penis and a vagina, Gary.
I love it when you talk dirty.
So what we're saying is...
Walker used to be a bird, Swiss.
Better off on the VP wing then, isn't she? He. He.
Isn't Walker in with Farrow?
Mm.
We need to check his cell sharing risk assessment,
cos I think he's got a thing about gays.
That's an option. You throw Walker in with one of
the gay-for-the-stay boys, instant bodyguard.
That's straight prisoners who like a dabble when they're banged up.
Why are we thinking Walker's gay?
It's about what they think, not us.
Stated hatred of homosexuals.
There you go. That's why Farrow wants moving.
Can we find Walker a single?
Er, ha-ha! Mr Tony Tanner took the last...
God, I hate him.
Erm, what about 82? We can just fix the electrics.
No.
Right, well,, that's, that's that, then.
He'll have to go up on the VP wing. Shall I sort it?
No, I'll do it.
TANNER: It's embarrassing...
I can still hear Tanner.
Fucking unbelievable. All right, Larry?
OUT!
Point of information.
NEVER enter a man's pad uninfuckingvited!
Right.
It highlights what we're supposed to do for you.
This one fucking deaf?
Look, you need a PEEP -
A Personal Emergency Evacuation Plan.
An officer who is responsible for getting you out in an emergency.
I'm going to find you a buddy, so...
[HE CACKLES DERISIVELY]
Ah, Health and Safety mad, but they're more than happy for us
to eat, shit and sleep in the same kennel.
Tell Boss Bitch I don't want anything off any of you.
All screws are fucking traitors!
I'm not a screw.
Point of information,
I'm a probationer,
so your rules don't apply to me
and I'm gonna find you a buddy whether you like it or not.
Now get your hands off your Jacksons or I'll nick you.
You don't just fucking decide what sex you are.
Gender,
not sex,
and you're right.
You don't.
All right, what if one of your kids came to you and said.
"Dad, I think I was born in to the wrong body"? They wouldn't.
OK. But if they did?
They wouldn't. I was there when they was born,
I know what sex they are, right?
And you know I don't even like my kids being mentioned in here.
Yeah, no, but my point is,
gender is about more than what's just between your legs.
Bollocks!
[SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY]
Troy, get your belongings together, please.
Why?
I know you're being intimidated, and I know why.
And I'm sorry. I can't believe
I told you to "man up".
[TROY SIGHS]
Who else knows?
I had to tell the staff.
Why?
Because it's my job to protect you.
You're moving me off the wing anyway.
You think I'm getting shit because of my gender.
Is that not why?
No-one knows about me.
Or they didn't.
I swear.
Can I come in?
How can you be sure?
Because I've spent my whole life reading how people look at me,
from when I first realised the way I felt didn't match my body
to stuffing socks in my underwear and living a lie,
to just needing to think about something else.
So I'm...I'm sure.
So why, then?
Someone decides to make some shit up,
ease the boredom. Like you said, it's the playground...
What "shit"? I don't know, right? And I don't care.
Please, Miss.
Don't move me to the VP Wing.
The Case Board will be told
and they won't let me do my sentence in a male prison.
But you'll be safe there. I'm safe here.
Why are you assuming I can't look after myself?
And why is it OK for me to live with nonces
when no-one else on here would?
You think I'll be all right cos there's other trans cons up there
and what, we've got something in common?
Cos we haven't, nothing that matters.
I am not a sex case
and I am no-one's "problem".
I am a man, I belong here
and I will sort it.
Who started the rumours, then?
Let me guess. Stanmore?
Morley?
I'm not a grass either.
That's how they get away with it.
They make you complicit, they make you think it's your fault.
And that's your answer, is it?
Hide?
You said you were living a lie. Did you ever have to forge documents?
Why?
Yeah, but these aren't ordinary wheels, right? These are alloys,
that are specially made to look good on wider tyres, man.
Your car stereo cost more than what I drive, you know that?
You can't spend too much money on a stereo, though, Don.
You can if you've got none. I thought you were broke?
Well, you know, nothing says more about who you are than your car.
This isn't curry.
I told you when we started this. My mum makes all sorts of food.
I get shepherd's pie at home.
Yeah, but it's not as spicy as that, though, is it?
It's spicy? Yeah. my mum doesn't do non-spicy.
You haven't taken out another loan, have you?
What's, uh, Mrs Carpenter got for me today then?
Crab paste.
I love crab paste.
[MICROWAVE BEEPS]
Do you know why a lot of these lads are in here?
For wanting things they can't have,
or to be something they're not.
[HE SNIFFS]
Kam, isn't it? Hiya. I'm...
On probation, I know!
Me too. Well, usually.
I'm loving your make-up, by the way.
Pool chalk. Vaseline.
Very nice.
You know, I see you speaking to pretty much everyone.
So do you fancy being someone's buddy for me?
Sure. Oh, amazing.
So long as it's not Tony Tanner.
No way, Miss Gill.
Why not?
Can't be around anger, not after my stepdad and that.
Triggering.
Please will you check on my kicks, all right? It's important in here.
If you do something for me.
No chance. You don't even know what I'm gonna say.
I've been listening to you ask everyone on the wing.
So you'd prefer to step out tonight in prison-issue pumps.
I'd rather do the rest of my bird in high heels than
pal up with that fucking headache.
'sake.
What the fuck?
Thought you was moving Walker?
I changed my mind. None of the prisoners know what we do,
and it needs to stay that way.
Pass that on to the others, will you?
Who says they don't know?
I do, Mr Campbell, so if they find out, I'll know where it came from.
Your mate Mr Ray phoned for you.
What if we have to do a full search? I mean, who does that, me or Jax?
We treat him like any other prisoner.
So what was the bullying about, then?
Says he doesn't know. Just keep an eye out.
[SHE KNOCKS]
You come to see my work?
You know this one?
Um...
If it's a footballer, I'm not...
Princess Diana.
Oh.
Oh, you are joking.
Right. Who the fuck was in here last?
Oh, yeah, look.
Yeah, step 13. Clean up after yourselves, you messy fuckers.
Actually looks like they've had a piss-up, so...ironic.
You know there's rumours about a batch of hooch being brewed on the Threes, you know.
More rumours. Terrific.
Here, what do you reckon they're saying about Walker?
I reckon we shouldn't be giving it any more oxygen than it's already got.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm just, you know...just, just wondering...
Yeah, well, it's no fun having bullshit spread about you.
Remember the time everyone thought
I was shagging that Scouse nutter in the laundry?
Oh, was that bullshit?
Wow. Thank you.
Or that time the whole wing was saying
you were bald under that kufi. What? I never heard that.
Well, that's usually how rumours work, mate.
When was this? What?
Who did you hear it from?
Don't worry about it. I'm not. I'm just...
You don't think I'm bald, do you?
No. No.
No.
Course not.
How the hell have you done this for...how long?
[HE CHUCKLES]
You having a good day, Miss?
Collecting gold stars, yeah?
Do you know him?
I don't know any of them. It's the best way.
Who decides what way round they walk?
It's always anti-clockwise. Why?
Oh, no, lad. Nobody's following you.
You all go round the same way...
Oh, Jesus.
God, are you all right? Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
[ALARM BLARES]
Back in your cells.
Careful. Careful. Now breath. All right. Leave it.
Don't mess me around.
In. In!
Fantastic.
Right. The SO's just radioed Healthcare, so someone's coming.
How are you feeling, mate?
What's happened to you, then?
Fucking cowards.
Bet you hoped your days of being stared at by men were over.
No, I never really got much of that
but I definitely don't miss it.
Yeah.
Anything you do miss?
Biggest difference is the hugs.
The what?
Women don't know how to hug each other.
Like, you do it,
but you don't give yourselves to each other, not the way men do.
Well, you're at least as strong as anyone in here,
so just remember that.
He still hasn't said a word.
He won't. He's not right.
Oh, not from this. Always been that way.
Well, not always. But he never speaks.
Anyway...
You can't tell me people don't know about Walker.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
My missus will not be happy about birds being on the wing.
There's always been birds on the wing.
They don't count. It's all right for you, married to your motor.
Oi!
Ah!
Shukran, Mr Shah. Top man.
All right. All right. All right. Before you get too excited...
I already know I'm getting charged, boss.
What's everyone's problem with Walker?
I don't know.
Do you want these or not? Gaz.
What are people saying?
Honestly, boss, I don't know.
Where's my peach gone?
Do you really need telling not to leave food lying around?
That weren't food.
I caught Yogi fucking that first thing.
[PHONE RINGS]
Can you..?
Oh, fuck.
C Wing.
Oh, hello again, Mr Ray.
No, sorry. I'm afraid she's not. Can I take a...?
[LINE GOES DEAD]
Message, you rude knob-end.
Do you need the pigeon as well?
How do you think they kill 'em?
Well, I were trying to pretend it were natural causes.
What have we got here, then?
Phone, charger,
spice...
And the best bit...
That's not a receipt? Mm-hmm.
What, for the phone? Yeah.
The police are gonna love that.
Well, if this is the only way they can get shit in,
guess we're winning, innit. Yeah.
You're needed, Sprog. We've got to redo roll count
cos Swiss can't fucking add up.
It's grown-ups' work.
Oh, can an OSG tell the difference between a penis and a vagina?
I think I know a cock when I see one.
[HE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
See ya.
Fancy a bet, Sprogasaurus?
Depends what it's on.
Is there really a book running on how long I'll stay?
Jax reckons there's gonna be a fight.
What?
Yeah, it's gone viral, every window on the wing.
Walker's challenged Morley to a cell fight.
Where did Walker get that idea?
Morley's a fucking animal.
So now are you gonna move him?
I said he's to be treated like any other prisoner.
What would we normally be saying?
Now, there's fights you stop straight off, and fights you don't.
Exactly. Yeah. But Walker ain't any other prisoner. Why not?
Seriously? You, we, allow fighting?
No. Not officially.
But if it's one on one, in a cell, sometimes it's best
to let them punch themselves out before you step in.
Personally, I'd arm the fuckers.
Tell you what, though. Now I believe he's got some bollocks.
Put me down for a fiver on Walker.
Leigh, we very occasionally turn a blind eye to a fair fight...
He's tougher than you think. Yeah, well, he's gonna fucking need to be.
[KNOCKING]
What's this?
Association.
But what's fucking this?
This is Streaky. Your buddy.
Yeah, man. Survival of the fittest, man.
It's like the animal kingdom. In saying all that, yeah,
one kick from a giraffe can actually kill a lion.
Do you know what I mean? No.
Can you hear that?
Has somebody killed Tanner?
Fucking human warehouse. That's all this is.
Any con who changes in here does it by himself because he wants to,
not because of anything the screws do, and they fucking know it.
I don't know why you let him get to you so much.
Because he's right.
That one knows better than any of 'em, the fucking fraud.
She knows we're here for revenge, not rehabilitation.
She carries on as though there's something worthwhile
in this fucking dustbin.
Cos we're trapped between punishing them and trying to help 'em
so they don't come back,
and until people decide what we're really here for,
what they want prison to be for, we'll keep mostly failing at both.
And I fucking hate that.
Just stop fucking pretending. Know what I mean?
Wank. Wank. Wank! Wank, wank, wank!
Dead man walking.
What?
You really want to do this, wanker?
[HE CHUCKLES]
Stay down! Fuck you.
That's long enough.
Stay the fuck down.
All right, coming through. Thanks.
Oh, pick a side, will you?
What's your fucking problem? What's yours?
Pack it in. Pack what in?
Are you OK?
Fine. Just fell, Miss.
Come, you need to see health care. I'm fine!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
I put money on him.
I thought he was a pussy.
Screwlet.
You'd best put half-head in with me.
Poor bastard needs the company.
Right, yeah.
Was he just speaking to you?
Yeah.
Alpacas, innit?
[SHE TUTS]
What?
We can't punish 'em if they both say there weren't a fight.
You know, and the fact you...let it happen.
Yeah. It's not that.
Brilliant. Nice one, mate.
Is violence really what it takes to prove yourself?
You've only just realised he's actually a man, haven't you?
[SHE CLEARS THROAT] Noticed how quiet it is?
Er, never use the Q word.
Well, I...I found a buddy for Tanner. Streaky.
Get him off your back.
Yeah. That's the sort of thing you might've done.
I asked you to deal with Tanner. I did.
Got the Sprog to do it.
I was never that gullible, even as a probationer.
Anything else?
No. I think I'm done.
Manage to get her off your back?
Look, let's just get this over with and done with.
You got a pen?
[SHE SCOFFS]
Right. I know.
Yes, Mr Ray, I've sent for a new copy,
it'll be with you in the next few days.
[LINE CLICKS]
I can only give you paracetamol out of hours.
I don't really need 'em.
I wanted to...
..thank you...
..and, erm, give you this.
Anything you need, document-wise...
..they can get it for you, no questions asked.
Is this someone from the trans community?
The criminal community.
No-one you'll meet in here, don't worry.
The only forgers in prison are
the ones who aren't very good at it, obviously. Obviously.
Let me know if the rumours start up again.
They...said I'd been wanking over a picture of Miss Alexander.
As in...?
The Reverend. The Reverend?
Everybody's protective of her, I'm amazed they'd make that up.
Who said they did?
Didn't involve a peach, did it? A what?
Never mind. Nothing.
Mm.
Make no mistake, it's a fucking war.
You have to fight every day...
..just to hang on to who you are.
That's the prize.
Biggest fucking prize there is.
Homework done, is it? It actually is.
I only came down here to look for you.
Right. Not to have a cheeky smoke without Dad knowing?
Right, I'll get dinner on.
Dad says you're working at a call centre again. Are you?
Yeah. Why don't you ever text me back, then?
Cos it's busy... What's going on? Dean...
Is it about the money I owe T and them, for losing their bag?
What have I said? Stop worrying, OK?
Are you all right, though? Yeah, I'm fine.
It'll be over soon. Right?
[LINE RINGS]
Hello.
Yeah, I was erm, given your number by Troy, Troy Walker.