Hello?
Is someone in here?
I have bat... and a Taser,
and I know Krav Maga, so...
What the hell?
Okay.
Yes. Jesus.
Yeah, okay.
Jacob, what the hell is this?
I don't know. It's like a video game or something.
Where did it come from?
I don't know. You don't know?
What do you mean you don't know? Weren't you here, stocking shelves?
Yeah, definitely. I just had my headphones on, but--
You were here the whole time?
Yeah.
So, it just appeared like magic?
Yeah.
"Discover your life potential."
You think people might actually use this thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, apparently, Principal Pat had been there for an hour.
Yeah. She could've died if Jacob hadn't found her.
Hey-oh, the hero's here! I gotta go.
- Hey. - Okay. All right.
Shouldn't you be at work?
I don't know. Should people who quit their jobs be at work?
- What? - Yeah, man. You inspired me.
You're running around saving people's lives,
and here I am, driving a Zamboni in circles for a shit wage.
I'm not saving people's lives. I dialed 911.
At most, I should be praised for knowing how to use a phone.
Hey, Jake, check it out.
I made you... a face.
Just like your mom used to.
Except we didn't have onions, so I used celery.
And the eggs are past the sell-by date, but they smell fine.
- You don't have to eat 'em-- - Okay.
All right, what's going on, Dad?
Why are you making breakfast and conversation with me?
- Why are you calling me "Jake"? - Because, Jacob.
Look, I know
that you and I aren't... super tight.
And I know that you've had to pick up a lot of slack around here
for a long time, but I'm gonna step up my game now.
I don't really think I need that.
I should get to school.
- Cool. But hey, Sport-- - No.
With this whole Principal Pat thing,
I just wanted to say...
awesome.
All right.
Yeah!
Dude, why'd you save the principal? Fricking nerd!
I'm just kidding, man. I'm just kidding. I fricking adore you.
All right, everybody just--
Let's give Jacob a chance to settle in.
I'm sure that we all know by now what was written on Jacob's card.
And I know that a lot of you are very excited,
because it seems like he's fulfilled his "potential."
But this is a history class.
I happen to think that we can learn things from history.
Let's talk about what would happen
if the MORPHO machine existed at some key historical moments.
Okay, Rita. You are Abraham Lincoln,
and you're about to start your law practice in Springfield, Illinois.
- Okay. - Or are you?
Because I am the MORPHO machine,
and I have given you a card that tells you your potential is actually to be...
-"Candy maker." - So now the question is, Mr. Lincoln,
do you pursue a career making sour worms and lollipops,
or do you continue your trajectory of setting up a law practice
and becoming the most influential president in American history?
I guess I become a lawyer?
Of course you do.
He'd still be alive though.
- What? - Lincoln.
No one would've assassinated him for being a candy maker.
America would've missed out on a pretty great president, don't you think?
Isn't it true that in his Peoria speech, it was Lincoln's position
to force slaves to leave America if and when they were freed?
Uh-huh.
You know, strictly speaking, this is a European history class, Rita,
so let's just try and stay on that lesson plan.
Savannah. Would Henry I have signed the Treaty of Alton
if the MORPHO machine had told him that he was supposed to be a--
I don't know, a janitor?
We never got to the Treaty of Alton. You keep doing lectures about the MORPHO.
I bring it up because I see a lot of people
diving into whatever a machine tells them to do,
instead of really thinking about the consequences.
Didn't you get "Teacher"?
And aren't you... teaching right now?
Yeah.
I'm trying to.
Okay.
Let's-- I've got a surprise for you guys.
We gonna watch another movie?
No, we are not watching another movie.
I'm gonna make a little call to someone you know
who will have some interesting thoughts on the MORPHO machine,
I would've thought.
Okay. I probably should've dialed her in before announcing it, but--
No, hold it. Hey--
Hello, Principal Pat! How are you feeling?
Better than I look,
which isn't saying much, I know.
You look fine.
Listen, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident,
which was brought about because you were recklessly pursuing your potential.
Do you wanna talk us through what happened?
Well, you all know what happened, Dusty.
Jacob Kovac saved my dang life.
Yeah, okay, but right before that happened, what happened?
Well, I was pursuing my potential
and having the time of my life.
I can't wait to get back on my bike.
But, you know, in the meantime,
I have Mr. Malik here keeping me company.
- Hello, students! - Hello.
The only pain I'm in is the pain of missing the first
homecoming basketball game tonight.
The doctor says I'm in no condition to do my dunk off the trampoline.
No, that's such a shame.
That's always the highlight of the pre-game festivities for me,
and now we're all gonna miss out, simply because you pursued your--
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
What if my hero, Jacob, does the dunk in my place?
Hell, yeah! My boy Jacob! It'd be like a tribute to his brother.
Except he could actually dunk, and you'll be using a trampoline.
You want me to embarrass myself in front of the entire school?
It's what Kolton would have wanted.
Hey, Jacob.
I just wanted to say how amazing it was, what you did for Principal Pat.
- It really is like destiny or something. - It's really not.
Where's your next class? I can walk with you.
Unless you're not going to class?
I don't actually...
I'm not.
Yeah, I--
I have to go practice for chess club.
- You're in chess club? - No, not yet.
So that's why I gotta go practice.
He's so fucking hot. Right?
You're asking me if my dead boyfriend's identical twin is hot?
Sorry.
I guess that was insensitive.
Are you going to the game tonight?
I mean, obviously.
I'm in the band. We're doing a tribute to Kolton.
Sorry.
I feel like I keep saying the wrong thing to you.
No, I'm sorry.
Today is just really, really weird.
You can say whatever you want.
Okay.
I think I might try out for chess.
So...
What can I do you for, Jacob?
Well, I've been feeling a little short of breath sometimes.
Uh-huh.
Any big stresses in your life at the moment?
I guess, maybe.
Why don't you tell me what's wrong, and we can figure it out?
- Okay. - Okay.
Well, my mom died a few years ago.
But I was barely able to process it,
because I had to hold my family together 'cause my dad got super depressed.
Though he'd never admit it because he's in denial, but--
I basically had to be the parent for me and my twin brother,
and then he died in a car accident a few months ago,
which is also something I can't talk to my dad about
because of his inability to talk about anything real.
Which makes it feel like I'm suffocating in my own house.
Which is a big reason I smoke a shit-ton of weed,
and then I get a MORPHO card that says I'm a hero,
but I definitely don't feel like a hero,
because I barely did anything for Principal Pat.
And I can't possibly be a hero like my brother,
which makes me feel like a complete impostor.
You know?
Wow.
I feel exactly the same way.
What?
I just finished med school, and now I'm running a medical office.
I'm not ready for this.
I have impostor syndrome, just like you said.
I mean, that's just one of many things I said.
But-- But I'm sure you're good at what you do.
I mean, I thought I was, till I got this.
Yeah, that's less than ideal, but...
It's freaking me out.
When patients come in, my mind goes blank.
All medical knowledge just flies out the window.
If I see something I don't recognize, I just say, "It's nothing."
It's really bad.
So, what should I do about my panic attacks?
Well, as I said, my mind is literally blank,
but if you figure something out, please let me know.
Okay?
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta break away. We gotta find you a new man.
One more, one more. Yes! Great move!
- Hey... - Jake. Jacob. Look who stopped by.
Yeah. I came over to see how your dad was doing.
'Cause of the tribute to Kolton at the game.
So thoughtful, right?
I told her she should stop by whenever she wants.
And she told me you're doing the dunk tonight!
You kidding me?
My hero-boy doing the dunk?
Yeah. I'm super stoked about it.
What's happening here?
Well, since I quit my job-- I quit my job.
I thought I'd get things accomplished.
And look at all this great stuff I'm finding.
Look at this thing, huh?
Yeah, I'm really starting to see the benefits of your unemployment.
Look, I found a bunch of Kolton's old stuff.
Kolton's jersey.
You wanna wear it for the dunk? As a tribute to Kolton?
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't even wanna do the dunk.
You're gonna be great. Isn't he?
Come on. I can teach you.
I don't have a trampoline, but I can build you a ramp.
I'm gonna chop up some wood.
If it makes you feel any better, I don't think anyone expects you
to, like, get the ball in.
Principal Pat never misses.
Okay.
I've been watching videos of her dunks, and it's like--
Okay.
She got a slow start, but...
- Wow! She actually gets some serious air. - Insane air.
You're not actually gonna wear that to the game, are you?
I mean,
it's the first time I've heard my dad say Kolton's name since he died, so...
I feel like I don't wanna shut him down right now.
Yeah.
I'm just glad he didn't ask me to wear Kolton's jockstrap.
Yeah, I don't think you actually need a jock for basketball, but...
Okay. I didn't know you were such an expert.
Maybe you should do it.
Wear Kolton's jock? I'd be honored.
All right. Pinot for the lady.
Yeah.
- And a ginger ale for the man of God. - Thank you.
- Yeah. - Wait, hold up. Hana. Hold up.
Hana's new in town. She doesn't quite know what's going on.
No, I think I get it.
You guys all get drunk and go to your kids' basketball games.
Yes.
Actually, I'm going as an alumnus this evening.
I played a little hoop back in my day, on top of hockey and track--
I was on the team too.
And Cass was there. Always cheering me on.
I was a cheerleader, so I cheered on everyone.
I just cheered for Jason Rodriguez.
Remember? He had that tattoo of an eagle on his pelvic mound.
- Oh, God. - On his pelvic mound?
I'll admit. I love a man with a tattoo.
You love a guy with a tattoo?
Okay, Cassie. Note to self. Hey, remember senior year--
Father Reuben, you weren't there.
So, you might like to know that legend has it, and the legend is true
that your boy scored a half-court buzzer-beater.
Yeah, nothing but net.
Sounds like something worth holding on to decades later.
- Didn't we lose that game? - Yes, we did. By a lot.
Yeah. Dusty had a clear view of the scoreboard from the bench.
- I got some time-- - But nobody remembers the score, Big D.
They just remember the man and the ball.
Anyway. Enough about my triumphs.
I wanna guess everybody's MORPHO card.
Let's not do that. We don't wanna.
- I'm gonna clear these glasses. - Obviously yours is "Party Pooper."
But no, seriously, let me guess, bro. Yours is...
Your potential is "Man." Or "Generic Man."
I got "Teacher Whistler."
Yes. And in my opinion,
the best teacher whistler in town.
Boring. Okay. Nat, you're next.
Definitely got "Storyteller."
Who told you?
Father Reuben. "Priest," obviously.
Actually, I haven't used the machine, and I don't plan to.
That's probably smart.
Because if you don't get "Priest," people won't trust you.
Because the machine knows everything apparently.
I bet you'd get "Priest," Father.
Save those two bucks for something else.
Now, Cass.
Cass, Cass, Cassie, Cass. My Cass.
Okay. My initial thought is something like "Model" or "Movie Star."
Maybe even "Goddess." But I feel like it might be more specific.
Can you just guess, so we can go to the game?
Hold on. It's gonna take me a second to figure out
what the smartest, most beautiful woman in town got.
But I'm stumped. Is "Perfection" a potential?
No, but let me help you out.
Because I got "Royalty."
Of course, dude. That makes complete and total sense to me.
Also, I would really like one of those.
- I can make you one. I made that one. - Yes, but mine is gonna say "Superstar,"
which actually pairs very well with "Royalty," if you think about it.
But... what I'm confused about, though,
is how "Teacher" and "Royalty" make sense together?
"Teacher/Whistler."
They make sense together because we make sense together, which is why
- we've been together for 23 years. - Three... Yeah.
And also, those cards, they do not tell you everything, okay?
Because "Teacher Whistler" is not necessarily all that Dusty is or can be.
- So, there. - Oh, really?
Then be something else, Big D.
- Can we get some wings? - Yeah.
Yes, wings. That's a good idea.
Good evening, Hooves fans, or should I say, "Welcome, Hoovers!"
Now, as we welcome you back to another great season,
I am proud to announce that tonight's game
is dedicated to the memory of Kolton Kovac.
Kolton wasn't just the captain of our team,
he was the captain of our hearts.
He was quite simply, an angel.
Which is why, tonight, the Deerfield High Marching Band
will be performing "Angel" by Shaggy, featuring Rayvon.
Oh, fuck.
Okay. We gotta go. Who's gonna finish the hot wings?
I'll get in on it.
No, careful, Cassie. They're hot wings.
- So? - Well, since when do you like hot wings?
Since always.
What? We always get honey garlic.
Because you like honey garlic.
Oh, no. I didn't mean to start something. Please don't fight, you guys.
Look, I've always liked spicy stuff. It was just, you know, you really...
you really went off the deep end that time we ordered medium salsa by accident.
- Well, my tongue nearly burned off, so... - Which is why we always get honey garlic.
You guys are gonna miss the tip-off.
I will get the check. You should go.
Aren't you coming, Father?
I'm not much of a sports fan, so...
- Thank you. - Bless you.
You're gonna have the bar to yourself, Father.
You might even have the whole town to yourself.
Be a good boy, Father.
Come on, Hoovers! Game time, baby!
Let's get this! Go, Hooves, go!
- Go, Hooves, go! Go, Hooves, go! - Wow.
- Thank you. - Figured you need this.
After five minutes with Giorgio, anyone would.
I actually like him. He's super grounded and humble.
Speaks at the appropriate volume.
He's an inspiration.
Just incredible.
Hey.
How'd practice with your dad go?
Bad enough that I guess he decided not to come.
We were supposed to meet here, but...
That sucks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I think my parents missed my big sousaphone performance.
That was amazing, by the way.
The big sousaphone was, you know, definitely my favorite part.
Thanks.
It's not a "bigger" sousaphone.
Got it. It's a "big" performance. Normal sousaphone.
Coach Eagleson originally wanted us to play "It Wasn't Me."
Then I managed to talk him down to "Angel,"
which still doesn't make any sense.
It's about this guy who has trouble being monogamous.
You can't blame Coach Eagleson. I mean, Kolton was a huge Shaggy fan.
Yeah. Total Shag head.
Shouldn't you be playing right now?
You know how heavy this thing is?
I don't think anyone will notice. Or care.
Trina's gonna be so mad. Do you see her? Do you see her?
Why would she be mad? She hates when we come to her concerts.
Well, you told me that the game started at 8:00.
Yeah, well, you told me that you liked honey and garlic wings, so...
Oh, my God. Dusty.
I like different kinds of wings. Is that such a big deal?
It wouldn't have been a big deal if you told me
at some point in our relationship.
I just went on thinking that you were my honey and garlic girl.
But no, no. You like spicy food and tattooed men.
What do I find out next?
You also enjoy meth?
No. You found my meth?
Okay. Let's go, slowpokes! The game's about to start.
Clear the court. Respect the players.
Come on, "alumnuses," over here!
Cass. I hope people don't notice us in our funky sweatshirts.
I hope that they do.
Now, I would've ordered hot wings if I'd known.
Or at least half and half.
It's just-- How am I supposed to know that you want something different
if you don't tell me?
Well, I'm telling you now.
And that's gotta be a good thing, right?
I mean, we can still surprise each other.
Let's go, Hooves!
- Go, Hooves! - Let's go, Hooves! Let's get it, Hooves!
Something good, I hope?
Are you kidding me?
As if we needed any more proof that this thing works.
I'm gonna get my camera.
And now, because Principal Pat couldn't be here tonight,
to perform the ceremonial opening dunk, Deerfield High's own hero,
and Kolton Kovac's loving brother, Jacob Kovac!
- Yeah, go, Jacob! - Let's go, Jacob!
Come on! Let's go! Jacob!
They're making Jacob do the dunk?
How is that even a thing?
It's supposed to be for charity.
Principal Pat said she'd give a 1,000 bucks to the school library if she missed,
and she's never missed.
Which is why our library is just terrible.
Oh, my gosh. Poor thing. He's probably freaking out.
- We have to show him that we love him. - Right.
- Cass, what are you doing? - Yes, Cassie.
Everything you do is amazing.
Hi. Sorry, Coach. Hey.
Hey! Hey! Deerfield!
All right, guys. Let's show our guy some love and some support, yeah?
All right, let's go! Let's go.
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! - Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac!
Kovac!
Let's go, Jacob!
Game time!
So you want me to throw this to you when you hit the trampoline?
I don't think I need to add any steps.
Okay. But listen to me.
People are gonna think that you can't do this--
- I know I can't do this. - You've got this.
Okay.
You got it.
Where did that come from?
I don't know. I was just feeling myself.
Go, Jacob!
You got this.
No!
- Not good. - He's moving. He's moving.
We just got $1,000 for the library, so... Hey!
Books! Books!
- Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! - Books! Books! Books! Books!
- Books! - Nope. Nobody cares about books.
- Okay. - Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac! - Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
I thought we said, "Never at school."
I know.
But after that... stunning display of athletic prowess,
how could I resist?
Stunning.