Hey, off the ice till the door's closed!
- Off the ice! Get off the ice! - [chattering]
Get off the-- [grunts]
Get off the goddamn ice!
I am sick of this shit, man.
You know how hard it is to find a good Zamboni driver?
You think some robot can do what I do?
Clean the ice in seven minutes flat and never miss a single patch?
You miss patches all the time, Beau.
And I don't mean to be rude,
but I do think a robot could do what you do.
If you aren't trying to be rude, then you have failed miserably, Trevor.
There's a problem with authority in this town
when people start looking down on the Zamboni driver.
And the mailman. And the mailwoman.
And the-- the janitors.
The people who are the backbone of society,
who should be treated like heroes!
I'm not gonna be the backbone anymore.
I'm gonna be the frontbone. So you know what?
I quit!
And I know what you're gonna say.
You're gonna say you need a letter of resignation and two weeks' notice.
Well, here is my goddamn letter.
I'm gonna need you to finish your shift.
No.
I'm gonna need me to finish my shift.
[Jacob] Um, Dad?
Think someone may have stolen our dining room table.
[chuckles] Howdy, partner!
Yeah, you were probably wondering what all the noise was
when I was using the chain saw last night.
I was pretty sure it was a chain saw.
I just didn't want to find out what you were doing.
I was making the Kovac Saloon!
Yeah, I repurposed the table to make this bar top since we weren't using it.
I-- I use that table all the time.
[chuckles] It's where I do my homework.
Oh.
Is this about the "Sheriff" card?
Well, yes and no. I've always loved Western shit.
And I don't know what this "Sheriff" card means yet,
but every sheriff needs a saloon.
So I thought I'd start there.
Wouldn't a sheriff have more of a jail?
Maybe so, partner.
But I thought the neighbors might give me weird looks
if I built a jail in our garage! [chuckles]
If it's making you happy, Dad...
Anyway, I should, uh, go. Be careful.
Hey, I was thinking.
You know how Trina said she cheated on Kolton?
Um, mm-hmm, yeah.
I was wondering if you might have any idea who she cheated with?
I-- [chuckles] I'm not sure.
I mean it was probably someone on the basketball team.
Off you go, partner.
[hammering]
[Dusty] Hey, Cass!
Um, don't look over this way unless you want to get instantly horny.
- Ooh, it's too late for that. - Uh, yeah. You all horned up.
- Why are you wearing that? - Coach Eagleson resigned
from the basketball team, so guess who's the new head coach?
Do coaches normally wear jerseys?
This is a breathable fabric, in case I need to do any drills.
Oh. [chuckles]
Yeah, so I just wanted to be ready.
- [sighs] - [hums]
Who's, uh, "Homeboy"?
- Oh, no. It's "Homebody." - Ah.
This is for Martha.
[chuckles]
I hope your mom doesn't find out that you're making stuff for her ex.
- No. - Izzy will be in a tizzy.
Well, I hope she is. She's been lying to me
- about Martha basically my whole life. - Yeah.
I'm just trying to focus my energy onto something that is positive.
That's good. 100%.
That's what I'm vibing with, with this coaching gig.
Good.
I just made the decision to try and spread out my potential a bit more.
- Okay. - You know,
start inspiring kids outside the classroom as well as inside it.
Well, that's cool.
- It is cool. - Yeah.
Your potential is good too. Royalty. I mean, that's great.
But, you know, with a teacher they can-- they can share the potential.
It can spread amongst the youth.
Mmm. Like HPV.
[chuckles] No, not like HPV.
Typical royalty, looking down your nose at us.
- Well, you got a hole in your shorts. - I know.
Just because your card says "Painter," doesn't mean you should actually paint.
Did Kolton have two lazy eyes?
I mean, it's fine if he did, I just feel like I'd remember that.
- God, it's so bad. - [chuckles]
You're not responding to my texts. Are you mad or something?
I'm not mad.
I just don't understand why you told my dad you cheated on Kolton.
I was trying to make him feel better.
He was, like, spiraling out about being a shitty dad.
After you told him, he stayed up all night chopping the garage up into a saloon.
- What? - Yep, full chain-saw-in-the-house,
crazy man vibe.
What would he do if I told him it was with me?
I don't know, but it could be pretty wild to find out.
Sorry. I thought I was doing what you wanted.
None of this is what I want. It's the worst.
My dad's probably gonna take a chain saw to my face when I get home.
[laughs] I'm not even supposed to be talking to you right now.
- What? - This isn't a real relationship.
And I'm having a really hard time pretending
- that we're something we're-- - Oh, um,
is this the mural of, uh, you and Kolton?
Oh yeah, it's this one here.
- Yeah. - With the twins.
Mm-hmm.
Sorry, I know you were saying you're having a tough time pretending,
but I feel like we nailed that. [chuckles]
Okay, boys. Huddle up. Huddle like a puddle.
So, as we all know, Coach Eagleson isn't with us
because he's dealing with a bit of a cheating scandal.
- How was Coach Eagleson cheating? - He--
He was caught, um, deflating basketballs.
So yeah. Pretty bad.
- How would that help us? - That's unclear.
I heard he was cheating on his wife with a woman named Vicky.
That's not true! No, that's-- No, no.
- That's not true. - I did hear that.
No. Vicky's just a good friend. It doesn't mat--
The point is that Principal Pat has asked me to take over,
and I don't think that she has asked me
because I am a master of the old b-ball-- [grunts]
I am first and foremost, um, a teacher.
Whether that's history
- or basic life skills or indeed athletics. - [rock music playing]
[Giorgio through microphone] Deerfield Hooves, are you ready?
[groans] Sweet Jesus, no.
He is the greatest athlete that this town has ever known.
He has the most beautiful face and hair.
He is your new head coach.
G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Giorgio!
- Whoo! - [microphone screeches]
Let's go, boys! I see you out here!
What's up, Big D? Let's go, fellas!
All right, let's go, little baby boys!
- Let's go, D! Give me this, dog! - Don't-- [grunts]
Let's go! I'm feelin' nice!
[gasps] Oh, shit!
Feels so good out here. Feels like I'm back at home!
Look good, feel good! Train hard, play hard!
Let's go! Chest pass.
All right, look alive, boys! [sighs]
Can we help you, Giorgio? We were just about to begin practice.
Come on, man!
- What do you think I'm doing here? - Don't know, buddy.
I guess Principal Pat didn't want to leave these children's dreams
in the hands of a nonathlete.
Why is Mr. Kovac here?
- Oh, nice! Beau, get over here! - Oh, dear-- No.
Did Principal Pat call him as well?
No, no, no, I put this call in.
While Dusty here was riding the bench,
Beau Kovac was the starting point guard of the Deerfield Hooves
when we went 3-7 our senior year.
Without Beau, it would've been 1-9 probably.
Okay, I can't just have non-teachers walking around the gym willy-nilly.
That's all right. No one needs to call me "Teach."
- You boys can just call me "Coach." - Great.
Or Coach Sheriff.
So we have three coaches now?
Better to have three coaches than one who's a cheater.
This is insane.
[exhales deeply] That's cold.
That's very intense, Beau. I love it!
This is how you go 3-7, fellas!
All right, circle up, top of the key. Let's get some stretching in.
No, fine, don't listen to me. I'm just your teacher.
No, no, no, that's not true, D. You're also a whistler, baby.
Don't need it. Don't need it.
Listen, if you don't mind, I'd like to go friggin' nuts on these boys.
Really test their mental strength.
Yeah, I would definitely mind that. I would definitely mind that.
- [Giorgio] Boys, look in my eyes. - Just take off the hat and be normal.
- [Giorgio] We're a team. - Good.
I'm normal.
This is not just custom sweatshirts, Mr. Johnson.
Okay, this is a whole new line of MORPHO-inspired merchandise,
and I'm giving you the chance to get in on the ground floor.
Wow... [chuckles] ...I know I would.
I mean, these are all just samples,
but I would buy all of these little MORPHO key chains.
- Oh, they're so cute! Or-- - So cute!
Are you kidding me?
You could get your potential printed on a bumper sticker?
How fun is that?
- Very fun. So fun. - So fun.
Wouldn't your mom wanna sell this stuff?
- [scoffs] This makes more sense here. - Mm-hmm.
This allows you the chance to build on all of that machine-based revenue.
- Come on, come on. - I actually, um,
don't make anything from the machine.
An alarm goes off if you try to open it, and I can't get the quarters out.
Well, see! You need this, Mr. Johnson.
I don't know.
[sighs] I mean, I'm a MORPHO man as much as anyone,
but what if people lose interest?
What if the novelty wears off?
It's not a novelty.
This isn't the painted rocks and deer shit you find at Dear Izzy's.
Ugh.
This is something that actually means something to people.
Something that gives people hope. And once you--
Once you have hope, you can't let that go.
- Here I go. [chuckles] I'm so sorry. - Uh-oh, there she goes.
- I-- I-- I have to write that down. - I wonder how-- What would you do that on?
I-- I know I just wish I had an adorable notebook.
How cute is that?
I don't know if you know, I got "Storyteller,"
so I-I've been following Cass around. I'm sort of like her royal biographer.
And, um, honestly the things that she comes up with.
What did you say, Cass?
- Well, it's more than just what I say. - You're right.
[sighs]
It's what I believe.
Mr. Johnson, I don't want the young people of this town to grow up
with nothing more to look forward to than Deerfest and some basketball game.
It's time we invest in dreams.
So, no, you tell me.
Does it seem like a novelty to you?
[all laughing]
Set that pick right here.
Roll, roll, roll! Let's go-- Whoa.
- Mamma mia! What's going on, 25? - I thought you were trying to dunk again.
Well, now you're gonna think about it while you're sitting on the bench.
- Axel don't bench, man. - Off you go! Let's roll.
- You fucking-- - Let's go!
- Meatballs ass motherf-- - You're good.
Bring it in.
- [sighs] - [Giorgio] Circle up!
- What's up, Axel? - [Giorgio speaks indistinctly]
How's the team this year?
It's not good, Mr. Kovac.
And to be honest, it's really hard to focus.
This MORPHO machine is making all the grown-ups weird,
and things were already weird without Kolton.
I know you guys miss him. I miss him too.
[clears throat]
But all we can do now is try to win some games for him.
Take out the bad guys.
Are there any bad guys on this team?
Anyone you don't trust?
- [stammers] Like, in a game? - Yeah.
Anyone seem distracted by other things?
'Cause in my day, the biggest distraction was girls, i.e. females.
Know if any of these guys are dating,
or, like, which of these boys might be considered the most attractive?
[whistle blows]
Beau, that is wildly inappropriate.
Hey, these kids can't win if they aren't focused.
I'm just asking Axel which one of these boys is popular with the girls.
Or maybe even other people's girls.
- Maybe Tucker. - Really?
That guy?
He's not even half as cute as Kolton. You're telling me he gets laid?
Okay. [blows whistle] That's practice.
[Axel exhales deeply]
Beau. Come on, man.
Boundaries. We're their superiors.
We're their teachers and their coaches.
- We're supposed to be leading by example. - [sighs]
Man, you guys see that Fucker kid? Dude's built like a brick shithouse.
I bet he pulls some serious poontang around here.
Okay, his name is Tucker, and it is not okay to talk like that, Giorgio.
For real? I've been calling him Fucker.
- I thought it was a nickname. - Do you--
How do you know he's good with the ladies?
I see him at the restaurant all the time chatting up the waitresses.
My daughter works at the restaurant.
Yeah, D. A lot of people's daughters work at the restaurant,
and they all say the same thing.
Fucker's like a young Giorgio, and he could get it.
Okay, let's call it a day, folks.
Come back tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll have some clarity on the leadership situation.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the rush? Let's keep these good vibes going.
What say we all head back to my saloon for some team bonding?
- That doesn't seem like a good idea. - All of us?
Yeah, man, definitely Kolton's friends for sure.
Tucker, you in?
Sounds good.
Oh nice, Fucker. I'm 100% in.
D, if you gotta stay and practice whistling-- [stammers]
No, no, no, no.
I'm-- I'll come. Want to make sure there's at least one grown-up there.
[laughing]
Oh, does anybody got room in their trunk for my scooter?
Do you know where the clay is?
Over there.
Cool.
So, remember when I said I didn't want to hang out with you
because you're, like, in mourning?
I'm sorry that I said that.
I'm not the best at, like, speaking sometimes.
And just so you know, Megan's party was pretty dumb. And boring.
Well, just so you know, dumb and boring is, like, very appealing to me right now.
I heard Kyle broke up with Megan because she got "Secretary" as her potential?
I think that's pretty fucked. She could be, like, Secretary of State.
I know, but apparently, she, like,
immediately hooked up with Matt Reinders in the cemetery, and he got "Famous."
[chuckling]
Hey, so, I saw you talking to Jacob by the mural earlier.
Do you guys, like, hang out or...
Um, not really.
We, like, talk about Kolton sometimes, but that's about it.
Do you know if he wants a girlfriend?
Um... y-yeah.
I-- I-- I think he wants someone he can go on dates with,
- hold hands with, do, like-- - So like a girlfriend?
Do you think I should ask him out?
Why not?
[chuckles]
Don't be surprised if you feel like you've suddenly traveled back in time
to the Wild West, boys.
I built this all myself in just a couple days.
It's mostly pine plywood, but this bar top here is solid oak.
Not that any of you kids are gonna care.
You've probably never worked with your hands a day in your life.
I think that this is actually a brown maple.
Yeah, see, the grain pattern? Straight.
And right here, if you look, you can see there's some mineral streaking going on.
No! It's oak.
Anyway.
Your generation didn't grow up with cowboys,
but our dads were all about this cowboy shit, right?
Yep. Ireland was nothing but cowboys and sheepdogs.
I'd have to ask my dad, but he moved back to Puerto Rico,
and we don't talk.
W-Wait, your dad wasn't Italian?
- No, my stepdad's Italian. - So you're not even Italian?
You know why they called it the Wild West?
Because back then, men took matters of law and order into their own hands.
[chuckles]
Uh, hey, what's-- what's this?
Ah. That is how we used to separate the men from the boys.
This was in Johnson's back in the day.
I was the only one to ever hit Burly Boy, so Mr. Johnson let me bring it home.
How does it work? Do you just punch it?
- [bell dings] - [cheering] Ooh.
That's my boy, Fucker!
That was easy.
[clears throat] Well, that's-- that's 'cause you're not doing it right, Tucker.
Your form is off. You have to punch it properly.
You can't just cheat your way through everything.
Watch.
[bell dings]
[all snickering]
If you're so tough, why don't you give it a go?
No, no. I wasn't laughing at you.
I-It's just the thing, it's so old-fashioned.
I mean, come on, punching a bag to prove you're a man?
What are we, cavemen?
Whoa! Cavemen are responsible for a lot of the things we have today.
Check your history, Teach. The wheel...
Weird hill to die on.
[Giorgio] Could you say that again, D? I think I was distracted
- by your giant vagina. - What's going on?
- [team laughing] - I don't know, but... [sighs]
...I'm pretty sure your dad hates me.
- [Dusty] What does that mean? - [Giorgio speaks indistinctly] ...cavewomen.
- [Dusty] What? No, I don't. Get away-- - Shit.
...your hand away from my vagi-- I don't have a vagina!
I'm sorry.
I can do it. If I wanted to do-- All right, I'll do it.
Are you a little dinky? Or a--
- I'm not a dinky! - No?
- Kapow! - [Giorgio shouts] Hey, that's not bad.
Get up! No.
- Not bad, Big D. - Big Boy!
All right, you're up, you're up, superstar.
Yeah, I would. But your mom told me not to.
- Okay, come on. - Nah, I actually mean it.
Your mom's my doctor. She said I should be careful re-aggravating my injury.
O-Okay. Okay.
While we were fucking!
- [laughing] - Oh! Oh!
- Got him! Got him! - He fucked your mom?
No, she called him cute once when we were teenagers,
- and now it's my whole life. - Can I go?
- [laughs] - No, hold on, Axel.
I wanna see Tuck go again.
- Oh. - And no cheating this time.
Okay. Um...
You got anything to eat?
Yeah.
- [Giorgio] Whoo! - [bell dings]
- [Dusty] Big strong boy! - [growls]
Okay. "Royalty.
The most successful, famous or highly regarded members of a particular group."
- See? - But it doesn't say anything about kings
or queens or something?
No, not in this part.
I think it just means, like, a person that everyone admires
- who leads the way. - Hmm.
And that is who you are.
And that is who you can be to the people in this town.
I mean, look. I literally wrote this down when you were talking.
"Deerfield's Diana." [gasps]
- The Diana? - The Diana. Deerfield's Diana.
Hello?
- Oh, my God. Girls. - Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Nat. - Hi.
Hey. We didn't know you two were back hanging.
That's so nice.
[Nat chuckles] That's so nice.
Hey, do you want me to make some nachos with Totino's Pizza Rolls
and pico de gallo?
Um, yeah, I-- I-- I actually can't stay.
I have this really big test to study for tomorrow.
- So... [stammers] ...can you drive me? - Oh.
Okay. But wait!
Your mom was just coming up with so many dope ideas,
and I want to hear what you girls think.
Trina, what do you wanna be when you're older?
I'm definitely gonna be unemployed if I don't study for this test.
- [laughs] Yes! - [chuckles]
- Okay, so, then what about you, Savannah? - Ah.
Well, my card said "French."
- Okay, that could be perfect. Right? - Yes. [gasps]
Perfect for what?
Well, Cass was thinking about hosting a gala fundraiser
to help the young people in Deerfield reach their potential.
And I'm gonna write about it for the Digest.
- [laughs] - A gala?
Or just a fundraiser.
The idea is that we raise money so that people like Savannah can go to France
or learn French or do whatever it is the French means to you! [laughs]
Ooh. Ooh la la! [laughs]
I mean, I personally-- I would take the trip.
I would go to France because I studied abroad in Italy.
- Best three months of my life. Yeah. - Of her life. Yes.
Aside from every month I've ever spent with Trina.
- Oh! - Amazing save.
[bell dings]
[Axel] Since I got "Meteorologist,"
my parents have been expecting me to unleash some untapped genius or something.
And since my stepbrother Xander's a fucking burnout
still working at Giorgio's, I feel like I can't mess up.
It's like all our parents are projecting their midlife crises onto us.
[scoffs] My dad just completely ignores me.
Seems like the only thing he wants to do is take pictures of trees
and hang out with his girlfriend, Hawaii.
Jake, I get why you didn't want people to know you got "Hero."
As if it's not enough pressure trying to live up to Kolton.
Man, and you're his twin. It's like living for two people.
Yeah.
- And your dad, he's, uh-- he's... - [Beau screams]
...he's clearly not well.
[Raymond] Kolton was the only one good enough to play college ball.
And now that we know we don't have the potential--
I mean, what's the point?
Yeah, but that's pressure too though, right?
Like, everything has to have a point.
You're told you're going to be something,
now you gotta do this and do this and do this and then that's your life.
Exactly. That's what our parents did, and just look at how fucking sad they are.
I don't want to know what I'm supposed to be.
I just want to keep doing what I like and what makes me happy, and--
Shit, I don't know, maybe that's naive.
That's privilege. Look, I agree, but for some people,
knowing what you're going to be is a dream.
Here we are, talking about our problems, and Jake's going through so much worse.
No, I get it.
I mean, you feel, like, entitled for wanting to be happy.
[sighs] Yeah.
[Jacob] But also, we're in high school.
Like, things aren't supposed to be this hard.
[Axel] Cheers.
[sighs]
[Beau] All right, I got next.
- [grunts] - [bell dings]
No!
Think we should probably just call it, Mr. Kovac.
No way, man. This game is not over until one of us hits Burly Boy.
- Who wants a shot? - Giorgio, come on.
I can't have us drinking around the students.
Oh, yeah, I forgot. Dusty can't handle the spice.
[chuckles]
This is Cass's hot wings all over again. Huh, little dinky?
- Let's go! - That's what I'm talking about!
- Make mine a double. - Mm-hmm.
Speaking of spice, D,
I heard that you and Cass spent a night at the Cruisin' Cruise Inn.
- Where'd you hear that? - I got a text from Coach Eagleson,
and I was just concerned because he said that he saw Cass crying in the hallway--
Yeah, well maybe Coach Eagleson shouldn't be gossiping
about other people's relationships! How about that?
Take it easy, big man. Smile for me.
- We're all good friends here. - I'm smiling. I'm fine.
Hey, have another drink.
- Take that rage out on the machine. - Okay.
If you must, you can rub Beau's head for good luck.
Come on, man. Don't touch my hat.
Take it easy, man. Little dinky's thinning up top too.
- [inhales deeply] - We can't all have these luscious locks
that women just love running their fingers through.
[inhales deeply, yells] Stop talking about your hair! Stop it!
Stop talking about it! Nobody wants to talk about your hair.
Stupid, not-even-Italian, little-- [yelling, grunting]
- Let's go! - Yeah, hit it! [speaks indistinctly]
[sighs]
[chuckles] I-- I--
I kinda feel like you think my whole fundraiser idea is lame.
I don't think it's lame.
I just don't get why it has to be, like,
this big event with you at the center of it.
I won't be at the center of it. Wha-- [scoffs]
And, like, what if someone has a bad potential?
They don't deserve your support?
I don't know anybody with a bad potential. Do you know somebody with a bad potential?
[cell phone chimes]
Okay, hold on.
From Giorgio. Cassie, come to Beau's.
Dusty is drunk, and I don't think he should scooter home.
O-Okay. All right.
Bicycle emoji. Woozy face emoji. Coffin emoji.
- [bell dings] - Let's go!
Come on!
- [scoffs] I'll be right back. - Okay.
- Hey. - Hey, did my dad see you?
No, but my parents are outside, so I only have a minute.
Okay.
I hate that you and I are both really sad right now,
and I hate feeling like maybe you could be happier
if you were dating literally anybody else.
- [stammers] Trina. - But I can't think of any possible way
that you and I could ever have anything normal. Can you?
Maybe by being together,
you and I are just going to keep reminding each other
of this terrible thing we did,
and you're always gonna feel like a fraud, and I'm always just gonna be a liar.
- That's not true. - Really?
[scoffs] Tell that to the machine
and everyone in town who believes everything it says.
[Jacob sighs]
[chuckles]
Okay.
So, take one of these blank cards.
I know you're trying to do something nice right now,
but you are basically telling me I have zero potential.
[sighs]
No.
[sighs] I'm saying you can be anything you want.
- No! It's not working, man. - I'm sorry I called ya.
I was just worried about D, to be honest.
- Drinking in front of his students. - Oi. [sighs]
Hey, Cass. I ju-- No, I'm-- I'm ready to hit the road.
Unless you want a little drink before we go?
- No. - No, you're in a different mood.
All right, well, I'm just gonna-- I'll be in the car.
You do that.
- Where's my scooter? - I'm worried about him too.
Um... [scoffs] ...but I-- I just can't right now.
I have too much else going on. Actually, I'm-- [sighs]
I'm putting together this gala fundraiser, or "potential" fundraiser,
and, um, I was thinking that if I needed a venue...
Yes. Absolutely. Yes. [stammers] The answer's yes.
- Of course, you can use Giorgio's. - Yeah? [laughs]
And Cass, from this moment on,
it is no longer a potential fundraiser. It is a gala.
- [bell dinging] - That's what I thought!
[yelling, grunts]
[panting] I know what you did, Fucker.
I'm sorry! [stammers] I'll fix it, I promise!
- Fix what? - [gasps] The table! [pants]
This. This. [pants]
[pants]
[panting]
Never mind, Tucker. Go home.
[Tucker pants]
Okay.
It was you, wasn't it?
It's over now.
[sighs, chuckles]
So much for setting a positive example.
[crying, sniffling]
[exhales sharply]
[sighs]