Welcome to Giorgio's, where everyone is mi familia!
[Giorgio] It's true.
My restaurant, or restaurante, en Italia, is all about family.
One day, I'd love to have one of my own, you know?
Like, seeing Principal Pat tonight being so happy
- got me thinking about the future. - [Hana sighs]
Do you ever think about the future, Hana-Banana?
I try not to.
Yeah. I guess the present is pretty cool too.
Hey, you know, I gotta say,
I'm all about a little late-night drop-in lovemaking session.
- [Hana chuckles] - Only question is, what are we now?
Boyfriend-girlfriend, or little FWBs, aka friends with bennies, or...
- I'm gonna go. - Oh, yeah, totally.
I was gonna say that same thing.
[door closes]
[sighs]
Mamma mia.
[sighs deeply]
Last night's dinner service was an embarrassment.
There were tables without bread bowls,
uh, over-pours that cost me an arm and a leg.
And Carl, the shrimp scampi was as fresh
as my ProProtect compression leggings after a 10K run.
I can't help if you ordered dated frozen shrimp.
Excuses!
You know who doesn't make excuses? Legends.
All over this restaurant, you will find photos
and memorabilia of sports legends
who all have one thing in common.
And it just so happens to be the number one rule here at Giorgio's.
Does anybody remember what that rule is?
- Don't jizz in the minestrone soup? - Character!
And we will need that in spades at tonight's fundraiser.
We have been entrusted with this event by Cass Hubbard,
a woman who is extremely important,
extremely intelligent and extremely sensual.
Now, as we've discussed, you will all be wearing
"Ask me about my potential" polos.
And so I'm not taken off guard if one of you
has an extremely embarrassing potential,
I asked you all to show me your MORPHO cards.
[coughs] Fascist.
[Giorgio] Very funny, Raymond! I'm not a fascist.
Now, line up single file so I can inspect your cards.
Okay.
[clears throat]
"Lawyer." All right. [claps hands]
"Real Estate Agent." Boring, but fine.
"Cartographer." A little late in the game, but okay.
"Gum." You got "Gum"? What does that even mean?
I have no idea.
Yeah, okay. Well, that's a big no bueno for me.
You're back of house tonight, Gum.
"Gondolier"? Well, okay, this pisses me off, Trina!
You got "Gondolier," and you weren't gonna tell me?
You're in the canal tonight. And you deserve this.
- [whistling] - [squeals]
- Cassandra Hubbard, look at you! - [chuckles]
- Stunning. Isn't she stunning? - Yeah.
I mean, a-are you sure you're gonna be comfortable in that?
[stammers] It's not about comfort.
It's-- It's about supporting people's potentials.
Starting with Ellen, who designed this beautiful work of art. I mean...
It is breathtaking. I mean, obviously, to get to Giorgio's,
I'm gonna have to strap you on the top of the car.
Okay. Wait, is that what you're wearing?
- [stammers] This? - [Cass] Yeah.
- [Dusty] Uh, yeah. - [Cass] Head-to-toe burgundy?
Yeah, it's good, right?
I mean, I figured I should try and get my money's worth in wine,
and that would lead to inevitable spillages,
so I just wanted to make sure I was wearing
- something that best hid the stains. - [Nat chuckles] Dusty--
- I'll handle this, Cass. - [Cass] Thank you.
Tonight isn't about "getting your money's worth."
Tonight is about raising money for a cause.
And, in fact, we're hoping people will give a lot more
than just the $100 ticket price.
- [Cass chuckles] - [Ellen] Uh, you are?
I-- I thought my donation was the dress.
[laughs] You're so funny, Ellen.
Speaking of which, could you remind me where the money is going again?
[both] Uh, the Potential Fund.
Hello? Is this thing on?
Yeah, that's where the confusion is.
Why is it a potential fund? Why is it not just a real fund?
It is a real fund.
We just call it the "Potential Fund"
because we're supporting people's potential.
Is that not clear?
- [Nat] I actually think that's very clear. - [Ellen] I don't know.
Listen. This is really important to me, okay?
Now, I know you have your issues with the MORPHO, okay,
- but can you do this to just support me? - Yeah, no, o-of course.
- Yeah? - Of course.
I mean, unless you'd rather be hitting the punching bag
and doing whiskey shots back at Beau's garage.
No, no, I would-- I-- No, I wanna be here, supporting you, 100%.
100%. I love that.
At least.
Yeah, no, you're right. You're right, I should change.
I should-- Do you know if I've got any fresh ironing done?
No. Doesn't matter. Gonna be a great night.
[all chuckling]
Oho-ho! Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey. Bada boom, bada bing!
Look at this beautiful bella donna in blue.
Oh... [chuckles] ...stop it. Thank you.
Ah. Sorry, Dusty, to steal your thunder, opening the door for our princess here.
Just seemed like you were frozen stock-still.
Maybe you didn't notice I was actually driving the car at the time.
Actually, I did notice, and you can't park here, brother.
We're doing valet-only tonight.
Hey. Will you take my friend's car and put him in the VIP section
at the end of the lot, please? Thank you.
The end of the lot? There's a bunch of empty spots right there, buddy.
- Hey, listen, Dust, come here real quick. - Yep.
- Come here real quick. - Just one sec.
- [squeals] - Hey. Um, hey, listen,
- if you wanna do me a favor... - [Cass] Yes!
- Not really. - ...I need someone to get some ice.
I mean, I would, but you just sent my car the whole way over there.
Dusty, please. We need to work together, okay?
I think we need to do everything that we humanly can
to make tonight a success for Cass.
So, what do you say? Can you be my Iceman?
[grunting]
[inhales deeply] "Ice" course I can.
I was going for a pun with "ice" and "of course,"
- but I don't know if it really made sense. - Hey, Gum. Gum!
Hey, go with D to get some ice.
You guys can take Gum's van. It's right here.
Oh, amongst the empty spots.
- Gum, it's a gala, dude. A gala. - Sorry. Yeah, sorry.
What's the story there, Xander? Why's he keep calling you "Gum"?
- It's my MORPHO potential. - Really?
Must be a glitch in the system or something.
I'm sure you're meant for better things than "Gum."
Hmm. I'm 23, and I work at Giorgio's.
I don't know what "Gum" means, but it can't be too far off.
Oh, um, I'm Xander, by the way.
I realize that.
You were in my European History class. And I just called you Xander.
S-Sick. I didn't think you'd remember me.
Yeah, of course I remember you.
You used to always say that I was the best teacher.
Yeah. I think I said "favorite" teacher.
- Which means the best. Right? - Yeah.
I don't think I learned a lot, but you were super chill. [chuckles]
Yeah, we watched so many movies, and all your tests were multiple-choice.
You know what? It's not really the method that matters as much as the results.
Look at you.
Working hard at Giorgio's. Saving up. And this is part-time?
Yeah. Um, my full-time gig's music.
Ah! Cool. Are you any good?
You tell me.
[heavy metal music playing]
[vocalist screaming]
[chuckles] Yeah, this is all me.
- That's a person? - Yeah!
[music continues playing]
[classical music playing]
Giorgio. O-Oh, my goodness.
This is quite the transformation.
I-- I feel like I'm in some beautiful piazza or something.
- Right? Like mi nonna's Italy. - [Cass gasps]
I even shut down the arcade for you.
[music continues playing]
No. Tha-- [gasps]
- That's a real, live violin! [gasps] - [Giorgio chuckles]
[Cass] Hi, sweetie.
Oh! Oh, when I lived in Italy,
it always felt like there was some violin--
Playing in a square. I remember, I remember.
Now, okay, here we go, Cassie. Uh, the pièce de résistance.
I remember you said that you ate gelato every day when you were in Italy, right?
I think it was-- Uh, stracciatella was your favorite, right?
[Cass laughs] Yes.
- Giorgio. Giorgio! [laughs] - [Giorgio chuckles]
You have really been listening to me, huh?
- How could I not, Cass? How could I not? - [Cass laughs]
Is this a family recipe, or...
Nah, nah. We didn't have any of this growing up.
My family's Puerto Rican, but my stepdad, Rocco Giorgio,
he used to love it.
Wait, y-y-you took your stepdad's name?
Yeah, just his last name. I never really knew my real dad, so...
Oh. Neither did I.
You never knew my real dad?
- No, I didn't know my dad. - Your dad!
Yeah, that makes se-- [laughs] That makes sense.
I was just-- I'm sorry, that-- That's bullshit, right?
- Like... - Mmm.
- You know, like, who would abandon a baby? - Oh.
Which is why I'm so grateful to my stepdad, Rocco,
- because he's the one that raised me. - Mmm.
Maybe that's why they're called "stepdads," right?
- 'Cause it's the good ones that step up. - Mmm.
Nothing ever made Rocco more proud than seeing me stop a puck or--
or eat, like, a big bowl of pasta e fagioli.
- He would be like... [chuckles] - Mmm.
It's...
Anyway. Yeah. Enough of this Dr. Phil cazzata.
The guests are arriving.
Hey, how about we make tonight a night to remember?
- [laughs] - All right?
- [door bells jingling] - Hey.
[Jacob] Hey, Mr. Hubbard.
- And Xander. - [Xander] What up, dude?
We need some ice.
Uh, sorry, Trina bought us out earlier.
I guess they needed more for Giorgio's fundraiser thing.
No, no, no that's-that's not possible,
'cause Giorgio literally just sent us here to get the ice.
This is gonna sound like some insane conspiracy theory,
but do you think we were just sent here so Giorgio could mack on your wife?
No!
[stammers] Giorgio can mack on Cass all the livelong day.
Cass would never mack him back.
I mean, not when she's got a "Teacher/Whistler" at home, right?
I wouldn't think so.
They did look good together, didn't they?
And he's always been obsessed with her. I think she kind of likes it.
And I am discovering, with recent evidence,
that I may not even be a successful teacher. [laughs] So...
[chuckles]
Quick Q, boys.
[exhales deeply] Do you ever get that feeling
that's there's, like, a big heavy foot on your chest?
I think that's just anxiety, Mr. Hubbard. I get that a lot.
Should I go to the doctor?
I'd-- I wouldn't recommend it. I, personally, just smoke a ton of weed.
Do you want me to call my dealer?
Right. Cool. I'm calling my dealer.
[cell phone ringing]
Hi. It's your dealer.
Oh. [breathes heavily, chuckles]
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you for coming to support the Potential Fund.
Hi, Mr. Johnson.
Oh, Father Reuben, thank you, thank you.
Everyone looks so dapper... [laughs] ...and glamorous.
Oh, hello! [inhales deeply]
[Izzy] Cass. I am so glad I caught you.
I know you've been fluttering around.
I just wanna mention that some people
- seem to be a little confused... - Mm-hmm.
...regarding the purpose of the fundraiser, and I didn't know what to tell them.
It's posted literally everywhere.
We're raising $10,000 for the Potential Fund
to help one special Deerfield teen reach their MORPHO potential.
Of course. I see the butterfly now.
We're just waiting for it to be filled up. And can I just ask a question?
- Because people will ask me. - Mm-hmm.
Who's the special teen?
- We don't have a special teen yet... - Uh-huh.
...because we have to raise the money first.
And you pick the winner?
Um...
Who better to pick than Cass, right?
[stammers] Look at that, a bright young teen,
just oozing with potential.
That's me, a young, oozing teen. [chuckles]
[Giorgio laughs]
Oh, Cass, I don't think you should pick your own daughter.
You know how hard I've tried to avoid nepotism.
Yes, I do, and I'm not going to pick Trina, okay?
But-- But maybe a friend, like-- like Savannah. Right?
Savannah, she got "French."
Now, come on, wouldn't it be great if the town supported Savannah
so she can go to France, huh?
I don't wanna go to France.
Oh. Uh...
Okay. So, someone else then.
Tonight is about the youth of Deerfield. Okay?
It's about encouraging them to be whatever they wanna be
and to go wherever they wanna go,
without having to worry about how they're gonna pay for it.
Yeah, unless they wanna go on the gondola,
- which is $20 a ride tonight. - [scoffs] Oh.
But don't worry, no one does, so...
[Cass] Oh, great. Just great. [sighs]
Whoa, look at you with all that Blood of Christ. [sighs]
- [Hana] Hey. - Also known as wine.
Okay, sorry, it's-it's a bad priest joke, but it killed at seminary.
- Did it?
- No. - [chuckles]
I haven't seen you a-at the bar.
Find somewhere else to get extra-generous pours on the sly?
No, I-I've just been, uh, keeping my distance.
I feel like I got a little carried away after the wedding.
I'm taking a little breather from drinking.
Totally get that. Yeah, that sounds really healthy.
[chuckles]
Well, you know, I'm just saying, I enjoyed drinking with you,
so if you wanna come by again sometime for a non-alcoholic drink...
I might just take you up on that.
[Giorgio] Scusi! Scusi for interrupting, everyone.
It is my great pleasure to introduce you
to the woman behind the Potential Fund,
- Cassandra Hubbard! - [attendees cheering, applauding]
Whoo! [chuckling] Whoo!
Whoo!
- Thank you, Giorgio. - Of course.
[chuckles]
"MORPHO."
There's a word that most of us hadn't heard up until very recently.
But, without it, tonight would not be possible.
We would not have the music by Deirdre Seaford
- or the beautiful candles by Cal Yang... - [attendee] Whoo!
...the centerpieces by Biker Barry, the food by Carl--
- And that sexy dress by Ellen! Ow! Ow! - [attendees laughing]
Seriously, everything that you see here tonight
has been achieved by people pursuing their potential.
But what about the next generation?
[projector whirring]
[Giorgio] Oh, yeah, here it comes. Clap!
- Clap. - [both chuckling]
Yeah. Someone once told me that I didn't have any potential.
Well, news flash. The joke is officially on them.
Oh, God.
[Giorgio] The MORPHO machine may say that my potential is "superstar,"
but it's my staff that are the real superstars.
Great night last night, as usual.
- Especially you, Chef Carl. - Thank you, son.
Hey, Chef Carl, what's the special tonight?
- I believe it's beef steak. - [Giorgio chuckles]
That's Dusty's dad.
[whispering] Oh, dude was jacked.
I gave his modeling agency a great review.
[Giorgio] And I am proud of them.
As they say en Italia, "Ogni muro è una porta."
"Every wall is a door."
And as Giorgio himself says, "Doors are meant to be broken."
Mmm. And as they say in the Bible, "Pride goes before destruction."
Hey, you wanna talk about pride?
The man has a bust of his own head next to his bathtub.
- Wait, you've been in his bathroom? - Ugh, yeah.
- We've hooked up a few times. - Really?
And the last time was super embarrassing.
He was so emotional after Pat and Farid's wedding.
After the wedding?
- Well, you're not mad, are you? - Nope.
Of course not.
[Hana] 'Cause you know it was-- it's just sex with Giorgio.
'Cause, you know, we're not-- 'Cause you're a priest.
I'm-- I'm very well aware I'm a-a priest,
I-- And it's no big deal. I'm, uh, just surprised.
[Giorgio] Too tired from dreaming all day.
I know a lot of people are probably wondering
why they should give money to the Potential Fund at all.
Like, "Hey, I've got my own problems, man.
You want me to give some cash
to some kid who wants to be a meteorologist?"
Well, guess what.
One day, that kid could grow up to be a man who could stop a meteor
from hitting Earth and destroying all the humans.
And then, wow, that $10,000 you gave doesn't seem to be a bad deal after all.
[chuckles]
At the end of the day, I just want every living child to achieve...
like me.
- [Giorgio chuckles] - [scattered applause, laughter]
[Giorgio inhales deeply]
[whispering] I thought that would be more about the fund, about the kids.
No, it is. It is. W-- Just wait.
Wait till we get all the-- the donation envelopes.
They're gonna be stuffed to the brim, I know it.
Yeah, I don't-- I don't-- I don't know.
[stammers, sighs] Where is Dusty?
How long does it take to get ice?
[sighs]
[exhaling deeply, laughing]
Oh, I'm probably breaking a million school rules right now,
- but that is some seriously dank nug. - [Xander, Jacob laughing]
I don't know if you still call it "dank nug," if that's even still the term.
But whatever.
Jacob, if this sticky green skunk is helping with your panic attacks,
I say fly high, you silly old goose. [chuckles]
[snorts, laughs] I mean, I still have anxiety.
It just sort of helps block some of it out, you know?
[Dusty breathes heavily] What do you get anxious about?
I mean, I'm down to get real, if you want.
I don't know.
- Well, I was sort of seeing this girl. - [Dusty inhales deeply]
- [Jacob clears throat] - Boom Shack-A-Lak!
[Jacob chuckles]
Um, yeah. Um, it was kind of a secret,
but we decided to end it 'cause things got really complicated.
[Dusty] Everything's fucking complicated, isn't it?
The whole world's complicated.
But if you can find someone that you wanna be with, it's a good start.
It feels like Cass just doesn't want me around these days.
Like she's outgrown me or something.
I'm sure that's not true.
It's like she's got all of these new secret compartments
that she's just starting to open,
and I don't have any secret compartments, Jacob. [chuckles]
Maybe I do.
And I'm just afraid to open them
because of what will get broken in the process.
But if I don't open them, maybe I'll lose Cass.
She got me this theremin... [chuckles] ...for my birthday.
Like, this weird-ass musical instrument.
And it was like she was trying to send me a message.
- Did you ask why she gave it to you? - Yeah.
She thought it would be good for me to try something new.
Then maybe she thought it'd be good for you to try something new.
- [Jacob exhales heavily] - [both chuckle]
Is it hard to learn or something?
I don't know. I've barely tried it.
Marriage sounds rough, man,
especially if she's making you do things all the time.
Yeah. You know what? This is the first thing
that I can think of that's she's asked me to do,
and it wasn't even for her.
It was, like, a present for me,
along with 39 other presents that she thought I'd like.
And I barely even tried it.
[bubble pops]
[attendees chattering]
- Uh, okay, Mom, um, don't freak out... - Yeah?
- ...but basically no one is donating. - I can see that, Trina.
Uh... [scoffs] Like, what is wrong with these people?
Well, I think a lot of them are saving money for their own potentials,
and they maybe thought the ticket was the donation.
[sighs] Oh, this is all my fault.
Like, what was I thinking? What was I thinking?
To put this together so quickly?
- [breathes shakily] It's just s-- - [Trina] What?
[breathes shakily, inhales sharply]
You can stop smiling, you know.
- Excuse me? - [Cass sighs]
I'm just trying to enjoy myself.
You act like you're so perfect, like you've never failed at anything.
I'm literally saying nothing, Cass.
[sighs] You were a glorified backup dancer,
whose life's greatest achievement was playing "Swing Number Three"
in a shitty Broadway musical, so you can fuck off.
Hey, what's going on?
We gonna fill in this butterfly? [chuckles]
Not even close. It's just-- It's a disaster.
What? But Cassie-- What about tonight--
[sighs] It's-- It's over, Giorgio.
No. Look around. No one's-- Look at...
Hello? Hey. Hey, what's up--
What's going on, everybody?
So, hey, it looks like we haven't quite met our goal for tonight.
But I believe in Cass, and I believe in this cause,
so I will personally pledge $500 of my own money
- to the Potential Fund. - [gasps] Nice.
Now, who's willing to join me in making a pledge?
Come on. Come on. Who's willing?
- Come on. - I'll give you $100.
Okay, Beau!
For that signed Rangers jersey.
[Giorgio] Okay, well, that's not for sale.
Come on, man. The frame itself is worth double that.
- One-fifty. - [gasps]
[attendees chattering]
- Sold to the bald man. - [gasps]
A one-of-a-kind game-worn jersey for $150.
Fifty bucks for all of the pictures of you.
- [chattering continues] - Okay.
Well, you can't have all of them, but we can figure something out.
Yes. [squeals]
Two hundred bucks for the wine fridge in your kitchen.
My kitchen at home? No, $300, no less.
- Sold for 200. - What?
Okay. Yes.
Yes, this is going so well.
What else do y'all wanna g-- I got so much baseball shit in here.
- Who else? Who else got something? - [Nat sighing]
You could buy that chair right there. I sat in it.
Whoo, boy!
Yeah. Thank you so much for coming.
[clanking]
Nice choice, Izzy.
It wasn't a choice, Walter.
As mayor, I'm obliged to support
whatever bullshit we were raising money for tonight.
- And look at Cass. She's a natural leader. - [Izzy sighs]
Maybe she'll follow in your footsteps and run for office.
Over my dead fucking body. Follow in my footsteps?
I'm still in my footsteps. Thank you very much.
Good night. [exhales sharply]
What's up, Grizzy? May I interest you in one last ride?
[sighs] No, thank you, honey. And why are you the gondolier?
- Oh. - Mmm.
Just fulfilling my potential.
- I thought you got "Potter." - I did.
I just wanted to mess with Giorgio, and it was way too easy.
- You made this? - Yeah.
Jacob had some blanks, and I used my mom's vinyl cutter.
- I think even she forgot I got "Potter." - [Cass laughs]
[Izzy] Yeah, well, she's having her moment, isn't she?
But good for her if she wants to dress up,
play princess and gallivant with local bachelors for the night.
[laughs]
[Cass, Giorgio chuckling]
Like, I still can't believe you sold all your stuff.
- [laughing] - Mmm.
Like, we could not have made our goal without you.
Salud.
- [clinking] - It was an historic night.
[Cass] Mm-hmm.
And not just because we had the first female gondolier
in the history of Giorgio's.
I always said we wouldn't do it here until they did it in Venice.
I think they did do it in Venice a while ago actually.
- I don't know. I've never been. [chuckles] - Me neither.
I would always love to go, though.
When I did a semester in Italy... [sighs] ...I swear, I could've stayed forever.
Why didn't you?
'Cause I guess I felt like I needed to get back for Dusty, you know?
[inhales deeply] His mom was sick, and we wanted to get married
so that she could be there in case she, you know, didn't make it.
- Which she did, which is great. - Mmm.
And then we had Trina. And then--
Have you ever seen the movie Sliding Doors
starring the actress Gwyneth Paltrow?
No. But I get it. [chuckles]
I sometimes wonder what would've happened
if I went through a sliding door and not been a hockey player.
Mmm.
I never told you this, but...
when I suffered permanent nerve damage to my catching hand--
- [chuckles] Giorgio, you did tell me this. - No, no, no.
The part I never told you was that the reason
why I was going so hard in the gym that night
is because I just heard that you and Dusty were getting married.
I don't know. I guess I just wanted to make the pain go away,
only it got worse.
When I got that card and it said "superstar"...
I was acting like, "Yeah, you know, that's me, that's who I am."
But the truth is, I haven't been a superstar for a real long time.
I peaked, man.
[stammers, chuckles] I gave up everything.
I gave up being a kid because I thought I had to go pro, and I...
Then it was all gone.
It was over just like that.
But I would give it up,
just like my glove and my jerseys and my balls,
my signed balls--
I would give it all up just for one chance to be with you, Cass.
[stammers]
- [light switch clicks] - [Trina] Hey.
Ready to go home?
[stammers] Yeah. Yes.
Um... [clears throat] ...I'm coming, sweetie.
- Wait, wait. Let me help you ashore. - No, Giorgio.
Um, Gr-- Grazie.
[theremin humming]
Hey. How did it all go?
You never came back.
You went to get ice, and you just-- You just bailed on me.
Uh...
I'm sorry.
It's fine. It's fine. I'm not even mad.
I ju-- I just-- I really needed you there.
Mmm. [sighs]
[sighs]
[cell phone buzzing]
Oh.
[theremin humming]
[Giorgio] Hey, Cass. I know that we didn't get to finish our conversation...
- Giorgio, you can just stop now. - [Giorgio] ...but I just wanted to say--
- Okay, but, Cass you have to know that-- - [Cass] Giorgio. Just stop.
No more.
[cell phone beeps]
[breathing heavily]
[shattering]
[lock clicks]
- [Izzy groans] - [Jacob grunts]