A NETFLIX SERIES
-[street peddler 1] Gasoline! -[sighs]
[rhythmic drums beating]
-Gasoline? -[Silvia] Cata!
Cata!
-Cat! -[banging on door]
Crista, come on. You've been in there forever.
Dude, that bathroom is super tiny, and it doesn't even have hot water.
[Silvia] Kids, have you seen your father?
And have you seen Cata?
Dad went out job hunting.
-And Cata's not here. -[sighs]
There's no Cata to make us breakfast anymore.
Please tell me this is a nightmare.
For real, Mom. Pinch yourself and find out.
-[moans] -I don't even have any data left.
Cata.
[whimpers]
[peddler 2] Come and get your tamales!
-[screams] -They're fresh!
I'm hungry already.
[whimpers]
-Om! -[clanging]
Om!
Om! Om! Om!
BABY JESUS BARRIO LOCAL MARKET
[flute playing]
All that banging over there must be our new neighbor, huh?
Yeah, and supposedly she's a natural blonde,
and she just got here.
I want to meet her.
She's nobody important. Trust me.
The only thing that matters right now is that the López Salcido's are back.
-Ah. -[Tomás] That's right.
Okay. Give me a kilo of tomatoes, Elvira, if you could.
That one.
[whimsical music playing]
Elvira, did you hear me?
Elvira.
She must be ignoring you because you asked for too little.
That must be it.
Then give me 20 kilos of tomatoes, Elvira.
-Elvira. -Hi, good morning.
-[Tomás] Hey there. -Can you give me one lime, pretty please?
-Of course, my darling. -Hey. Hang on. What is this, Raquel?
I got here first. Don't tell me you're going blind or something.
Well, well, well. And who do you think you are?
[scoffs] Tina. Dolores's daughter.
[gasps] Oh, my bad. Tina.
It's just that since you've been gone for quite some time
I forgot your face.
[Elvira] Oh, this reminds me of her sister Leo
who also forgot about us, right?
When they moved to that huge house.
Carmen Salinas never forgot where she belonged.
-That's right. -Neither did Cuauhtémoc Blanco.
-And he went to Morelos. Remember? -So far.
Look. I won't speak for my sister, but I never denied my origins, okay?
Mrs. Elvira, have I ever told you how radiant you look?
What's your secret, hon?
I have eczema.
[gong clangs]
There goes that goddamn nutjob again.
-Hey, so is your neighbor actually crazy? -[Raquel] Is she?
If you give me a kilo of avocados, I'll tell you everything. I swear.
I'll give you anything you want. Go ahead.
-[indistinct whispers] -Gimme. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Well, rumor has it that Blondie…
can speak in tongues.
-[all gasp] -[Tomás] Yes.
What do you mean "tongues"?
-Do you know Amaranto? -No.
[Tomás] Uh, okay. Ever heard of Spanglish?
Oh, yes, of course. Listen.
-Tomato is ketchup. -[all chuckle]
Well…
Oh my God. I'm sure Mariana must be posting horrible things about me.
[sighs]
Crista, stop.
Think about what we're gonna do if we run out of toilet paper.
Dude, what the hell? I have no data.
Hey, Cris, listen to me. Look at my eyes.
There are more important things right now,
like getting toilet paper so we don't have to wipe our butts with a sock.
[scoffs] Ew, what are you saying?
Trust me. I've seen a meme about poverty survival techniques.
Oh no, you're scaring me! Please!
Don't worry, I'll work it out.
This is my chance to put my emerging leadership skills into practice. You know?
This'll be so dope. It'll be like Survivor México. [chuckles]
[shakily] Uh-huh.
RIGO EVENTS EVERYTHING FOR YOUR PARTY
-[upbeat music playing over speaker] -[sighs]
Hey, Neto, my friend. How are you? What's up, man? You all right?
-So great. Excellent. -That's great! Good!
Yeah. Actually, I wanted to come offer you my services until I get back on my feet.
-All right, then. Great. Come on in. -[Neto] Tell me all about your business.
I started Events By Rigo
back when I organized underground parties.
And look at me now, huh?
I do weddings, baptisms, quinceañeras,
proms, bachelor parties, cock fights, you name it.
Mm-hmm.
I even organized Janet's First Communion Party.
Wow.
Hey! Man, I could've published you in magazines.
Ah, well, we didn't know each other at the time. But come. Sit down, man.
Have a seat.
Talk to me.
[Neto sighs] Well, listen,
the first thing that comes to my mind is…
rebranding.
-Huh? -Hmm. [chuckles]
I want to change your brand's image entirely.
But for that, I'm gonna need an advance on my salary.
Something around 250,000 pesos will do.
-250,000? -Mm-hmm.
Let's drop a zero and divide it by two. That I can pay you now.
Rigo, with that amount, I can barely afford to pay the rent on
the…
cottage that you lent me,
plus a trip to the supermarket or maybe two.
I'm trying to help you out here, man.
Oh, no, no. In that case, forget it.
Right. Already forgotten.
I'll go earn my money someplace else.
Best of luck.
Thank you.
You got it.
[whistles]
Cata, why are you here?
Why weren't you home this morning?
Well, it's just that since you can't afford to pay me anymore,
Mr. Rigo just hired me.
-[Rigo] Cata! -[Cata] Hi, Mr. Rigo.
[Rigo] Welcome aboard.
-[Cata] Thank you so much. -[sighs]
Oh, I'm sure by now everyone has realized I'm not really rich.
You're my only follower.
[phone chimes]
Come on! Why'd you just unfollow?
You don't post stories with your girlfriend Belinda anymore.
She's not Belinda, and she's not my girlfriend.
Well, I mean, she almost was.
You mean you touched her boobs?
N… no. Not really.
But one day, she thought we were being robbed,
and she grabbed my hand.
See? That's so lame.
-[chuckles] -[scoffs]
Shh. Pablo! Pablo!
Crista? You're undercover or something?
I only came to ask you for mobile data
'cause I need to know what they're saying about me.
Okay.
Um…
Okay.
I'll share my data. However, in exchange, I want you to post this story with me
so I can get back my followers.
Forget it. I mean, yeah, we're best friends,
but it's not like I can be seen on any old account. That's the thing.
No post, no data.
[whimsical music playing]
-Ew. -[Tina] I gotta do something.
Everyone in this ghetto is giving us the cold shoulder.
[Tomás] That's so true. Yeah!
I had to come up with a story for Elvira to sell me some avocados today.
[kisses] Pretty crazy, huh?
When I arrived at the butcher's, I was told to wait in line.
-I was the only one there. -That's terrible.
Someone grabbed the salt out of my hand when I was eating at the taco stand.
Ah, and I lost all my followers.
They're upset because Leo didn't invite them
to Janet's First Communion party.
No! Stop blaming it on Leo!
-She'll come back to haunt you. -No! No, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Oh, don't even joke about it.
Well, whatever anyway. We gotta do all we can.
We just have to explain that Dad forgot to send the invites.
-That's what we should do. -Yeah.
Why would we have to explain anything?
-I know what we're gonna do. -Huh?
We're gonna throw a hell of a party, like only we know how.
-But how, though? We're literally broke. -[groans]
No, no. Don't worry about that. I know how we'll do it, and with whom.
It'll be such a great party no one will want to leave. Mark my words.
-Oh, look at her! -[upbeat music playing]
[all together] Ah!
That's the López in her.
-López? -López!
-[Tere] López! -[Janet] López!
[all together] López!
[all chuckling]
Ernesto, you need to get a job right now.
[groans] I went to see Rigo, but the salary was a joke.
What? I can't believe you asked for help from that icky storekeeper.
Uh, listen, baby.
I promise you I'm gonna build my own business while we're here.
-[Silvia groans] -It can't be that hard.
If Rigo managed, why can't I?
Oh, my dear, this is why I fell in love with you.
Because you're a real man.
-[both] Mmm! -[chuckles]
By the way, Rigo has taken Cat.
What? So that gross guy not only put us in this pigsty,
but he also stole my Cat?
Look. To be totally honest, he's actually letting us live here.
If he took Cat, it was just because he can pay her wages,
and now we can't.
Make sure that you earn enough money with your new business
so you can bring Cat back to me
because I have zero intention of being a servant here.
Is that clear?
All right. [sighs]
Turn off the lights.
-[salsa music playing faintly] -[whistles]
You can't do that. You have to go to the street market.
They're like your shopping malls from Houston, only in the streets.
And instead of burgers, they sell local food.
[Rigo] What's up, Neto, my man?
You're really selling all your stuff like that?
It's just I'm in urgent need of cash so I can start my business.
-But I'll go to the street market. -You have enough money to rent a spot?
Sorry. You mean, they charge you to sell on the street?
-'Cause… -[drums beating rapidly]
[whistles]
[chuckles]
You're funny.
Toñito! Bring me the tweezers, please, my sweetheart.
-It's Winter, Mama. I'm Winter. -[scoffs]
You're Winter, Spring, Summer, whatever!
Good morning, ladies!
[all] Morning.
Listen. I'm here to invite you all to the big bash I'm throwing
to celebrate the return to the hood.
And the long-awaited reopening of Dolores' diner.
My goodness.
Actually, we're very busy, so we won't be able to make it.
Ain't that right, ladies?
[ladies] Right.
In fact, I gotta go to this first communion party
for the nephew of my cousin of a good friend of mine.
-Hmm. -[Elvira] That's right.
Over there at Uppity Heights.
You must know that area super well, huh?
Oh, that's so sad.
You'll be missing out on one hell of a night.
[all gasp]
I've even butchered a lamb.
Two. Two lambs. Yeah, we're going all out, everyone will be there.
Even your neighbor? The blonde lady?
-[chuckles] -Because if she goes, we'll go as well.
Isn't that right, girls?
-[Elvira] Yeah, yeah. -[Tina] Of course!
She's definitely coming. We're like partners in crime.
And who's the criminal?
That'd be her.
[all chuckle]
So we'll see you, then. Look your best.
-[Raquel] All right. -Bye.
-[all] Bye. -Bye-bye.
-Do you think it's true? -Is it true?
I don't have a GPS, so I drew a map of the neighborhood, but I…
I think I'm lost 'cause I don't see any grocery stores.
[sighs] That's because there's no grocery store.
So where do you go grocery shopping?
At the market, or we go to Lulú's. It's right over there.
-[sighs] -How are you gonna shop without money?
I'll offer them a primitive method of trade: bartering.
They give me food, and in exchange, I give them tips on networking.
Shut up, Diego. Only money talks here. And that lady Lulú is like a Rottweiler.
-She'll rip you apart. -[Diego] Wow. [chuckles]
Extreme conditions, I love it. That makes it more challenging.
[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter over speaker]
Hey! Why the long face, buddy?
Don't lose your faith, Neto.
It's just that I haven't sold a thing.
That's because you're overcharging your products, man.
People here are used to paying very little. Ain't that right?
[whistles]
No, no, listen. These items are priceless.
Mmm, I mean, look, for example.
This jersey. From America. From the Cabañas.
-Mmm. -[Neto] Uh-huh. This here…
Mexico, 1970. Pelé.
Pelé.
This is sacred.
This is a piece of field from Wembley, from the day Mexico won the Olympics.
Listen, Neto, don't get discouraged.
I'm gonna help you out right now, man. Okay?
I'll buy everything.
You serious?
You've got a deal.
Look, I'll make this really cheap for you.
Cabañas America 10,000. And for Pelé…
[inhales] …50,000.
-[whistles] -[Neto] And, uh…
You can take it all for 500.
Wait. How about you drop a zero and divide it by two? I'll give you that.
-No! -In installments.
No. You've gotta be kidding me.
Weren't you like short on cash?
I mean, I don't want to upset you or anything,
but I'm gonna have to ask you for the rent on the house
and on this space for my store that I'm lending you now.
I just wonder, does his family have enough food on their plate?
And then I answer, "Gosh, I don't think so. Maybe not."
And then I ask again, "Do they have enough for toilet paper?"
I say, "Well, I don't think so. They must be really starting to smell."
I don't know. Think about it. Hmm.
[whimsical music playing]
[Diego] Your store is very well-supplied.
Maybe you should organize your products some other way.
Basic-need products, like maybe some electric toothbrushes,
should be placed right in the front.
-We don't have those here. -[Diego] Oops. Sorry.
-You gonna pay? -Yeah, listen.
What would you say if I offer you some ideas for your business as payment?
I could give you a free workshop to upgrade customer care, for example.
Hey, you're the son of the blondie that just got here, right?
Yeah, well, sort of.
Is it true that she works with the singer Thalía?
With Thalía?
[whimsical groan]
-Uh… Yeah! Yeah! -No.
She visits us all the time.
Oh! Then you can take all you want! I'll vouch for you.
-Thank you so much. -[Lulú] Sure, we'll figure it out later.
-Here. -Uh-huh.
I'll… I'll take this too. [sighs]
-[Lulú] Take some more. Yeah! -Thank you so much.
[chuckles]
I'll come find you, Whitey.
I seriously can't believe it.
She only vouched for you because she thinks Silvia knows Thalía.
No, it was because I used the engagement technique.
It's a marketing technique that builds trust immediately.
That's why she trusted me. [chuckles]
Let's go there now.
-[sighs] -[Janet] What are we here for?
To get special shampoos and hair serums.
I'd suggest you take only what you really need.
Why would I do that? My talent will get me everything I want in abundance.
Talent? That was just because you're white.
And I'll prove it to you.
-Good afternoon. -[both] Good afternoon.
I'm Diego Espinoza,
and I'm here to offer you some marketing and sales recommendations
in exchange for some luxury, high-end products.
Sure, Whitey!
Of course I'll vouch for you. You can take whatever you want.
Come. Come in, you gorgeous thing.
Ladies, please take care of this young man.
Hi, Mrs. Raquel, how are you?
I wanted to offer you some recommendations if you let me try out your products.
Listen, darkie.
We don't let beggars in here.
If you're not gonna buy anything, get lost. Get lost!
Get, get, get out!
[bird tweeting]
[Silvia sighs]
It is said, some people think, rumor has it,
that she's the wife of a hitman.
-Oh my God. Is she really? -That's what they said.
-Yeah, well, I mean… -[gasps] Dios mio.
[whimsical music playing]
-[indistinct whispers] -[gasps]
Hi!
[gasps]
[sighs]
[exhales]
[clanging]
Om. Shanti. Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. Om. Shanti.
I don't mean to gossip, but…
Rumor has it, Blondie is some kind of albino demon.
-Oh. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that she comes from Eastern Russia.
-[gasps] -Yeah, I swear. She's a sorceress.
She's supposed to be kind of cray cray and stuff.
-Crazy? -Yeah, totally.
-[gong clangs] -[all gasp]
See? What'd I tell you?
-She's not normal. -No… No!
If you want, I can let you in on the story if each of you pitches in.
-How's that sound? -[all] Sure.
Yeah, that's right. All right, let's see what you got.
Thanks so much, guys.
You guys are so generous, I really mean it.
-[chuckles] -Well, the story goes something like this.
In the wilderness of Eastern Russia, there was a blondie…
-[all gasp] -Oh my…
-Oh no. There were many blondies. -Ah.
They were very special 'cause they could bewitch men just by looking at them.
[whimsical music playing]
NO WATCHING PORN
BATHROOM BREAK
[Crista] "I found out that Crista Espinoza de los Montero
is living in a really poor neighborhood."
[screams]
[keyboard clacking]
PABLO, SOS! FINE, I'LL POST! PLEASE HELP!
-[Pablo] Let's make a deal. -[gasps]
You post a picture with me, and I help you look like you're rich.
[clears throat]
[Tomás] So what I'm saying is,
this sorceress is indecipherable.
[all gasp]
Yeah.
-Boo! -[all gasp, chuckle]
-[Tomás] Anyone here have Netflix? -[Elvira] Me.
Cool, 'cause they renewed Humble Maria for a second season.
-Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. -[Raquel] I love that show.
I'm here to invite Blondie over to tomorrow's party.
We're practically sisters.
-Oh, ain't that right. -[chuckles, snorts]
-[Tomás] Sure are. -All right.
-[chattering] -Yeah, you try that.
-[knock at door] -She'll open up for me.
-I'm sure she will. -Just a sec. She's about to open.
-Must be in the back. -[knocking]
[Tina] Blondie!
[Silvia gasps]
-[all] Oh! -She opened!
Help me, I'm surrounded by zombies who want to make me one of them.
So please call 911 or whatever there is here.
[Elvira] She opened. She opened.
-[gasps] -[Raquel] Best friends.
You're being paranoid. These people just want to meet you.
They want to see if you're a natural blonde.
You're lying. All of you have a trashy chip inside
that's designed to attack us.
Just to prove we're not zombies and don't eat chimps or anything,
I want you to come to my party tomorrow.
It's a great opportunity to meet everyone and realize they're good people.
There's no way I'm coming to your party to be on display
like a circus animal only so you can impress them.
What? I would never do that, Blondie.
The former president's daughter said it once,
you, the commoners, are all so full of envy, so, shoo.
Get out of here.
Wait, wait. Listen to me. I just want to help you.
No. I'm not coming to your party to mingle
with people who reek of public transportation.
I would never.
Dasvidaniya, bye. Bye! Goodbye!
Patchouli is quite--
So what, then?
Is your neighbor coming to the party or not?
Friends of Baby Jesus neighborhood!
Blondie just confirmed she's coming to the López Salcido's party tomorrow!
-Whoo! -[all cheering]
I have one question. Uh, is she gonna invite Thalía?
[all chattering indistinctly]
-[chuckles] -Yeah, come on.
No, I think she's touring now.
[all] Aw.
But, actually, she might come!
[all cheering]
Why did you let the Espinoza's move into the house next door?
Don't you know that blondie is insufferable?
Sorry, Tina. It's just I couldn't let Neto and his family go homeless.
[sighs]
But tell me, what can I do for you to forgive me? Hmm?
Can I take you to dinner?
You think that's enough to pay for the damage?
It'll take more than a night out to fix this.
I need a sound system, a dance floor,
souvenirs, lights, food, and a lot of booze.
'Cause I want to throw a party so great
it will win my family the love of our neighbors again.
Is that clear?
-Yeah. -Oh my God. This thing is so cute.
Perfect for my makeup. [chuckles]
You can take it if you want it.
It… it's for you.
[neighbors cheering]
[cheering stops abruptly]
[sirens wailing in the distance]
[sighs]
-[cheering] -Thanks. I can… I can manage on my own.
Thank you. Yeah.
Chivis, can you please tell me why there's a crowd outside our lovely little chalet?
Well, it's the riffraff. They want to see how we live.
The difference is the royal British family has private security, and we don't.
[sucks teeth] Can't we please install a gate?
Look, I promise you we'll get a gate soon enough.
And this I swear,
we'll get out of here even sooner.
-[groans] -Okay?
Hey! Look.
-I got you food delivery. -Ah, you got me a vegan bowl?
Actually, there was only noodle soup
and potato cakes with Olivier salad.
-[moans] -Hmm?
Some rice water?
[moans]
I miss Cata!
-No, that's gross. -It's made from rice.
[moans]
Well, I thought you'd say that, so I placed an ad.
"Wanted: Domestic worker, willing to work…
-[cheering] -…for free.
Hey, who are all those people?
It's the commoners who want to meet me.
Agustina's even throwing a party. But I won't go even if she drags me.
[Diego] Wow.
-Tere was right. -[Silvia] What was Tere right about?
Well, I got everything for free today just because you're a celebrity here.
I even got samples of your French moisturizers.
This means… you could take even more advantage of the situation.
Mmm!
At least while we have to live here, right?
[sirens wailing in the distance]
Hey! Hello, everyone! You don't want to miss out on this offer!
Come out and get your cap with a blonde weave attached.
Check out that flow, baby! Let it blow in the wind!
You don't want to pass on this offer!
-Guys, look at this. Check this out! -[all cheering]
Please over here! Do it now!
-[woman 1] Whoo! -[woman 2] Yeah, buddy!
All right, folks, let's give it up for the one and only Blondie!
Come outside!
[all chanting] Come outside!
Come outside! Come…!
Bravo! My God! And since we're in the mood for promos,
you can now get a bottle with a photo of the mysterious blondie on it!
Snatch one up now, or you're gonna regret it later.
-Come on. Say hi. -[clamoring]
[Tina] She thinks she's royalty.
[sighs] We need to do something if we want our neighbors to take us back.
I invited Blondie to the party,
and can you believe that broke witch said no?
[gasps] What are you going to do, baby?
We gotta make people believe Silvia's coming.
They'll have a good time and forget about her.
We just gotta go hard on the booze, you know?
It won't make a difference if she comes or not.
-[chuckles] -You know?
-That's right, my darling. [chuckles] -Trust.
[Tomás whistles] Come on, come on. Check it out.
Don't miss this opportunity.
You ladies want to come and meet Blondie in person?
Come and buy your tickets, then.
You'll get to chat with her while you party at the Lópezes!
And for an extra 200 pesos,
you two can pose for a photo.
-Who'd like to go, huh? -Me! I want ten.
This is going to be better than the patron saint's bash. I know it.
[Tomás] Exactly. This one knows what she's talking about.
Ten? Okay, ten.
-How much? Five? -Five? Come on.
Neto!
How you doing?
Uh, well, the idea of leaving soon is not gonna happen now, you see?
So I came to offer you more merchandise, but--
Oh, awesome. That's great 'cause everything's almost sold.
-[indistinct chatter] -[whimsical music plays]
200 PESOS INSTALLMENTS
Wait, you told me I could never sell stuff at those prices.
-Well, you couldn't. -[man] Here you go.
-But I can. -[Cat] Let me count this.
You just don't get it. Listen man,
the important thing isn't how much things cost,
but rather how they cost.
[Cat] Buy your soccer jerseys now
interest-free, and with installments starting at 50 pesos a week.
[whistles]
[Cat] That's right. Take it.
So what, then? How much you want for the trinkets you have there?
Oh, no, no, no. This… this goes to…
the kids from the orphanage.
Not for us.
I'm here with my close friend, Pablo López.
I know I've been kind of absent these past few days
and that rumors are spreading about me,
but don't worry, Cristaddicts,
I'm still here at the beach living my best life. Cheers!
[Tomás] Come on. You guys are living it up on the rooftop.
[Pablo] What are you doing here?
[Crista] No, please! No, no, no!
-I can't believe you guys. -[Pablo] Get out!
-[Tomás] I can't chill on my own rooftop. -Get out now!
Fuck. It was a livestream.
-They must have realized. -No, no, no!
What now? What is it?
I told you not to go streaming live.
I've ran out of data. I have the cheapest plan.
[screams, sighs]
[Diego] She can't handle frustration.
Is she mad at me just because I'm white?
Let's say she's more like Tenoch Huerta, and you're more like Chumel.
For that reason, she should appreciate me.
I mean, I'm a white guy surviving in subhuman conditions.
[whimsical groan]
What do you suggest?
You should make up with her at the party.
'Cause when Tere drinks, she's more relaxed.
And I'd suggest you stop taking radically opposing sides,
'cause only morons do that.
#ELCHACA & #LAFIFÍ ARE LIKE BELINDA AND NODAL
-Belinda and Christian Nodal? -[woman clears throat]
[Neto] I got ripped off again.
Rigo bought all my memorabilia for mere pennies
and sold it for way more.
-[chuckles, sighs] -Ernesto, are you serious?
Weren't you supposed to go make some money?
-I was. It's just… -[Silvia sighs]
I don't have the expertise of those people who actually work hard.
[Silvia sighs, moans]
Look. I… I inherited the ad agency from my family.
When that happened, I didn't even know the first thing about it.
-But now I get it! -[scoffs]
The key with poor people is selling at high prices,
-and in small installments. -[sighs]
Yeah.
Now I understand just how Salinas Pliego made his fortune.
That's right. I've got a lot to learn from my buddy.
No, no, no.
That street vendor is the absolutely last person you need to learn from.
-[chuckles] -Stop. Get it together.
Imagine what would happen
if our friends found out you're working with a guy like him?
Chivis, leave it all to me.
I know exactly what I gotta do.
You better.
And now, turn off the light.
[sirens wailing in the distance]
[music crescendos]
[Neto] You opened my eyes.
We gotta try selling to poor people
items that look expensive, but are actually cheap.
That's right!
People want what they can't afford
but at a lower price than what the neighbor paid.
So during Mass, they can tell them how they were screwed over.
That's why I want to work with you. Because I really want to learn!
Excellent.
A warm welcome to Events By Rigo.
You can start right now.
-You serious? -Mm-hmm.
That's great because I have plenty of ideas.
Listen. For starters, regarding Events By Rigo,
-change of image-- -No. Shh!
Wait, wait, wait. Easy, man, easy.
I was thinking of something else. Catita.
You will be the new image of Events By Rigo.
Tonight's party is really the… the perfect opportunity
for you to make your, uh, your debut.
No. I can't wear that on the streets. If my wife sees me, she'll kill me.
Your wife is going to the party?
-[whimsical music playing] -Mmm.
[Neto] Uh, good… good night, everyone!
[all screaming, cheering]
[clamoring]
-Daddy! -Take off all your clothes!
How are my beautiful people doing?
[cheering]
I want to welcome you all to the celebration
of the Lópezes return to the neighborhood!
-Give it up for them! Yeah! -[cheering]
-[clamoring] -Thank you!
Where are my single ladies at?
That's right! We're gonna start off with a jam from the DJ, okay?
Oh my God!
[all chanting] Yes! Yes! Yes!
[clapping rhythmically]
He's pretty great, huh?
Who would've thought he'd have such nice legs? Not too shabby.
Where's Blondie?
I just haven't seen her at all.
-Oh, she's coming. -Uh-huh.
-Actually, I'll go get her. -You do that.
I'll go to her place. [chuckles]
-Tina, Tina, Tina. -What, what?
Why isn't your friend Blondie here? When is she coming?
Listen. I sold her photos, and they even paid in advance for it all.
Yeah, yeah, she's not coming.
What do you mean?
-Shut it, shut it. -We gotta do something.
People don't want us here and you know it. I don't want to go to jail.
[sighs] It's all right.
Buy me some time.
Trust me, okay?
What? Trust… Trust?
[Pablo] Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey?
Pablo, we really need to talk.
Our video actually got a ton of likes.
I thought we could open a new account and pretend we're a couple.
But I'm dark-skinned. Are you sure?
Belinda is dating Christina Nodal, and people still think she's classy.
We could say I come to the neighborhood to visit you.
What do you think?
Well, actually, pretending for a while wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
-[giggles] -Yeah.
[groans]
I know exactly what you want.
You want to use me so your people will accept you. I'm not a dummy.
If you weren't, you'd realize coming to the party is a win-win for you.
What's in it for me?
You can eat free at our diner as long as you live here.
Ew. I doubt you serve anything vegan.
You put butter in everything.
[Diego] Tere.
-[Tere sighs] -I realized you have social resentment.
You're mad at my success, and that's not my fault.
[Tere chuckles]
Oh, Diego!
What success? People sold you stuff on credit, and now…
you're in tons of debt.
What?
Yeah. They vouched that you'd pay them back.
Now you owe them a fortune, and if you don't pay,
they'll kill you.
[exhales]
Really?
[breathing heavily]
You can't say I didn't warn you. If you don't show up,
people will feel rejected.
And it can get tough in the hood, you know?
Okay, wait. Let me see.
I know what I want.
I want you to go tell that Rigo
that I want Cat back,
but he pays her.
No.
-Okay. -No! Uh, all right, all right.
I'll talk to him.
-After all, he can't say no to this body. -Mmm.
But you stay for five hours and take pictures with everyone.
No, I'll do one hour, and I'll only take photos with white people.
-[sirens wailing in the distance] -[sighs]
[whimsical music playing]
[salsa music playing]
My Cat! [sighs]
You won't believe it.
You can come back to work with us
because I'm the most popular person in the neighborhood now.
So what? You still don't have money to pay me.
Rigo will continue paying you to work for us.
It's just that I prefer working at a store
than being a domestic worker, you see? It's a little bit classier.
[sighs] Ugh.
People with no vision are so frustrating. That's why you'll never get far.
I'll go farther than your husband,
because I make more money than he does.
-[Neto vocalizing] -[woman] Yeah!
[moans, sighs]
-Ernesto. Ernesto! -Ah!
Chivis! Didn't you say that you'd stay at the house?
What's this? What are you? Some sort of dance escort?
Um… [sighs]
Shoo!
My love. My love.
[breathes heavily]
The money they embezzled is not coming back.
The accountant fled to Guatemala. No one's seen him.
-[Silvia whimpers] -We'll just have to adapt now.
-[whimpers] -[Tomás] Albino Princess.
Albino Princess.
You'll have to autograph several pics from the crowd.
It… It'll be quick. Come here.
Cachuchas! The pic.
Get on the stage with Blondie,
and make sure you give a killer speech.
Oh well.
-If it means making peace with the hood… -Exactly.
…I'll end the war with that sucker.
-Here we go. -Go now. Go.
[Tomás] May I present to you, our natural blonde,
our Russian princess,
-Chivis Espinoza de los Montero! -That's right! [chuckles]
Show some love!
Look who it is! Look who it is!
[Tina] So, neighbor,
I convinced Rigo.
Shall we shake hands?
[Crista] Now what?
I think they're gonna reconcile. That's it!
God willing, son.
I don't want things to end the way they did with your other sister.
Listen, a woman with any class has a very good memory.
-Mmm. -[speaker screeches]
Hi, my dear friends from Baby Jesus Neighborhood!
[all cheering]
Thank you all so much for coming to this amazing party
that I asked my assistant Tina to organize for me.
Thank you to the people of this lovely, little neighborhood,
where we, the Espinoza de los Montero, are gonna be staying!
[all cheering]
Blondie, you betrayed me. I'm the hostess, not you!
My dear neighbors…
-[Silvia] And everyone… -Oh no, here we go again.
-[sighs] -Guess the first time wasn't enough.
Now with the other sister.
Oh no. This one is worse than the other one. Believe me.
-Trust me. -Tonight, all the food and drinks on me!
Including access to the fridge of the Lópezes!
[all cheering]
[all chanting] Blondie! Blondie!
Blondie! Blondie!
-Blondie! Blondie! Blondie! -Listen to that.
-[continues chanting] Blondie! Blondie! -[Silvia sighs]
["El Dinero No Es La Vida" by Ximena Sariñana & Rubén Blades playing]
[song ends]