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A NETFLIX SERIES
2
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Come on, Blondie! No mercy!
3
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:16,851
Oh my God.
4
00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:18,853
Okay.
5
00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:28,988
What is that?
6
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,412
Come on! Make us sweat it out, Blondie!
7
00:00:44,796 --> 00:00:47,298
Om! Shanti, shanti, shanti, shanti. Om!
8
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:48,800
Whoo!
9
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,259
Oh, we have to pay.
10
00:01:03,815 --> 00:01:04,732
Let's go.
11
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:10,988
They thought I was begging.
12
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Like…
13
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I was happy working out by myself,
14
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when all of a sudden,
everybody started chasing me.
15
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Like a hoard of zombies.
16
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And out of nowhere, they gave me coins.
17
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They thought I was a beggar
or something like that.
18
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No homeless people wear Lululemon,
you know what I mean?
19
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:32,051
Diego, I know we're going
through a rough patch…
20
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:34,470
but we don't need their charity.
21
00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:36,973
They were probably thinking
it was just a class or something.
22
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,058
And they were paying you
for being their instructor.
23
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Is that a teacher's salary?
24
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,188
-No wonder they're always on strike.
-Don't you see, Sil?
25
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:47,233
You can charge for your sessions
to pay for important things.
26
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Like… waxing.
27
00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:52,113
Or buying a car.
28
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Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:57,618
Now that Blondie
has made exercising so fashionable here,
30
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I'm gonna sell my weight-loss shakes.
31
00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,956
When I sold them in Juarez,
my shakes were such a big hit.
32
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,166
Well, how about that?
33
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,501
No need to exercise and get all sweaty.
34
00:02:05,585 --> 00:02:07,211
But exercising is good for your health.
35
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,338
Listen,
exercising only makes you more hungry.
36
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:12,258
And that's why my milkshakes
will be such a success.
37
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,302
You will lose wight extra fast
with Ex-Piggy Forte.
38
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Here we go.
39
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That's it.
40
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,267
Wow. Look.
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00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,061
Hi, handsome! Hey.
42
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,858
Hello there.
43
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,235
What's up, Netito? Huh?
44
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:34,280
All this time, you never mentioned
that you can dance so well.
45
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,325
But you kind of look like a blowfish.
46
00:02:37,909 --> 00:02:40,119
These shorts are giving me a wedgie.
47
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Ah!
48
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:42,914
That's no big deal, man.
49
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,876
But be careful with the consequences.
They can be a real doozie.
50
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,961
You know what I mean, prostate trouble.
51
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:51,130
Peeing in little squirts
all through the night.
52
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,174
And no more stiffies.
53
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:55,384
Nothing to worry about, Neto.
Unless, you know…
54
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Unless you've felt The Spear.
55
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,638
What's The Spear?
56
00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:01,641
It's a pain that starts all the way
at the top of Mount Blackburn
57
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,351
all the way to the Grand Canyon.
58
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:04,268
Get it?
59
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:07,021
You know, from the tip of your pecker
all the way to your rectum.
60
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,105
I've felt that, though!
61
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,273
-No kidding.
-Yes.
62
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,566
-Seriously?
-Yes!
63
00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:13,361
Hey, I'd get a check-up if I were you
because you're still early.
64
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:16,781
I saw terrible things in prison
from lack in medical care.
65
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:19,825
You have no idea.
66
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,870
I'm really stressed.
67
00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:27,208
Last week we had 13,000 Toxifans,
and now we're down to 11,500.
68
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,377
We have to post juicy stuff, Pablo.
69
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,546
They're all saying
that this is a fake relationship.
70
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,048
Did you read the comments?
71
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:39,595
"This relationship is faker
than Luisito Comunica's cool trips."
72
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,016
"You know coffee and vanilla don't mix.
They're obviously lying."
73
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What's wrong with them?
74
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:46,894
Wait a minute.
75
00:03:46,978 --> 00:03:50,022
We have to do something to prove
that we're actually dating for real.
76
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Day what?
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Hey, wait! Please, Crista.
78
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Hold on.
79
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I feel like there's something wrong
in our relationship, and I want--
80
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Whoa, whoa. Hold your horses.
81
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:06,289
We don't have a relationship.
We're just fucking.
82
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-But we've done it more than three times.
-So what?
83
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,836
We could be dating officially now.
84
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,088
You can put me to the test. I'll prove it.
85
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:18,467
Okay. Only so you realize that labels
aren't as good as they seem.
86
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,596
Don't you give up! Nine, ten…
87
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LOSE WEIGHT
$150
88
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,808
…eleven, twelve! Keep going!
89
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,769
Now, kick up and clap under your leg
to work those obliques.
90
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:31,647
One, two! Energize! Three,
91
00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:34,525
four, five, six…
92
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,736
-Come on, ladies! Stop your suffering!
-…seven!
93
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:37,862
I have the quick solution
94
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,364
to get rid of those love handles
just like that!
95
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,575
-Ex-Piggy Forte right this way.
-Hey.
96
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,994
Please! All these powders
are just a big scam.
97
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,955
If you want to lose weight,
you have to exercise.
98
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:49,707
Easy. No pain, no gain.
99
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,834
This is what Anahí from the band RBD uses…
100
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,587
…to stay oh so very slim.
101
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:56,380
Are you serious? For real?
102
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,507
Don't believe me? Let's bet on it.
103
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Elvira will drink my special milkshakes,
and Lulú will work out with you.
104
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,639
The one whose client
loses more weight wins.
105
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,600
Perfect. But if I win,
106
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:10,227
I want the whole clothesline to myself.
107
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,812
I hate sharing with strangers.
108
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,022
And if I win,
109
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you're gonna wash
my family's underwear by hand.
110
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Fine.
111
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No, wait a minute. You can count me out.
112
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Don't you wanna look like Anahí?
113
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,993
No, I'd rather be curvy like Galilea.
114
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My husband likes to have
something to grab onto.
115
00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:31,040
Oh, did I say Anahí? No, no.
116
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Gali. Scrumptious.
117
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Ah! In that case, I'm in.
118
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,504
Good. And you?
119
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:39,840
If I do your routines
will I look like Maribel Guardia?
120
00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:42,093
Oh, you'll look like Scarlett Johansson.
121
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,553
Kim Kardashian?
122
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,972
Okay, like Maribel what's-her-face?
123
00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:49,308
That's great.I'm in.
124
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:50,768
-Oh, good. Yeah.
-Yeah.
125
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But wait,
we won't get sick or anything, will we?
126
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No.
127
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-You'll see.
-Mmm.
128
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:58,818
Hi, Rigo.
129
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Listen.
130
00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:02,446
Do you know where I can get a check-up?
You know…
131
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,783
-Yes.
-For my, you know, heart! My prostate.
132
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,701
Shh! Shh! Shh!
133
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,787
Don't ever say that word again.
134
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,415
Business will drop
if any of my lady clients find out
135
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:15,167
that someone stuck their hand
in your prostate.
136
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,336
-But it's for my health.
-I don't care.
137
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:18,754
My brother Ramón used to say that,
138
00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:21,882
and now he goes by Simona.
139
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:24,301
Besides, the only man
who can check you is Mr. Inocencio,
140
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,887
but he has a big mouth.
Especially when he's drunk.
141
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:28,431
Seriously?
142
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,641
You know why I never greet Mrs. Socorro
with a kiss?
143
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,143
-Mm-mm.
-She has herpes.
144
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:36,272
Mr. Rotulio never goes to the water park
because he has a fungus.
145
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,607
Okay, okay!
146
00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:41,652
In that case, we have to do something
about these skimpy shorts. Please!
147
00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:48,033
Step on the scales.
148
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,578
Hey, hey, hey!
149
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,246
-Wait just a minute.
-What?
150
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,582
-She's got extra weight on.
-Hey, hey, hey.
151
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,586
Hey, you too.
152
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,588
No cheating. Come on, take it off.
153
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,840
-But I don't--
-Fair is fair. Come on, let's go.
154
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:17,271
All right, let the Hunger Games begin.
155
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,108
Do you think this will work?
156
00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:24,445
Of course. All couples post
pictures doing yoga together.
157
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,362
Ow, ow!
158
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,114
Okay. This one's easier.
159
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:29,783
Okay.
160
00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,453
-Ouch, ouch, ouch.
-Fuck.
161
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,164
We have to go with plan B.
162
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,499
Aw, are you sure about that?
163
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:40,127
DOLORES FONDA
164
00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:49,345
Mom, stop distracting the champion.
165
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,472
I'm just putting
her willpower to the test.
166
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:55,184
Here. Prove to us that your willpower
is bigger than your hunger.
167
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:05,236
Yuck, it tastes like glue.
168
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,781
Come on, let her have a tamale
to wash down the glue. Don't be so mean.
169
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,867
Mom. Instead of giving her ideas,
help me egg her on. Let's go.
170
00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:13,202
That's it, Elvira.
171
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,537
Swallow, swallow, Elvira!
172
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,829
Swallow, swallow, Elvira!
173
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:18,040
No, don't… don't spit it back up.
Come on, drink it!
174
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,542
No groaning.
175
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,252
Listen, being skinny isn't easy.
176
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,547
I don't think I can go on.
177
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,924
No, no, no. Wait. Listen to me.
Hey, look here.
178
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,593
I'm not losing this challenge, okay?
179
00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:31,470
You have to go on.
180
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,765
I'm sorry. I'm just way too weak for this.
181
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,352
Look, I promise you
that if you lose weight,
182
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,646
you're gonna look so gorgeous.
183
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:41,772
Pinky promise.
184
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,401
Fine, but if I win, do you promise
I can borrow one of your expensive dresses
185
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,152
and try to get into the Soap Opera Awards?
186
00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:49,488
Um…
187
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,031
I don't know what that is, but yes.
188
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:53,409
So I can be up close and personal
with Sebastián Ruli.
189
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:54,493
Ah!
190
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:57,705
Okay. But you know I'm a size two,
so that means…
191
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,456
you have a lot of work to do.
192
00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:02,626
-Up!
-This is for you, Ruli!
193
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:05,254
-Cheer up! Let's go!
-Yes!
194
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:08,048
Smile! Smile! Smile! That's it!
195
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,100
No, no, no, no. This isn't working.
196
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:22,021
Yesterday they wanted to hire you
for three bachelorette parties.
197
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,647
They were all married women.
198
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,649
Sorry. Change back into your shorts.
199
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,318
What's up?
200
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,362
-Is the chicken coop dead or what?
-It'll come back to life.
201
00:09:30,446 --> 00:09:32,281
As soon as Neto changes.
202
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,699
Don't be that way, Rigo.
203
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,951
Let the chickens die,
but don't choke the cock.
204
00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:38,579
If the chicken coop dies,
so does the business.
205
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:41,415
So, the cock will have to suck it up.
206
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,001
Okay, let me try one day
with this uniform.
207
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,754
And if I don't sell, I'll change back.
208
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,673
Okay, fine.
But you know what lady clients like.
209
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:51,175
Cock.
210
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,599
This is an exquisite tripe stew!
211
00:09:58,682 --> 00:09:59,767
If we're going to date,
212
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:03,020
you have to eat everything
my grandmother makes at her diner, okay?
213
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,688
So, get used to it.
214
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,857
Hey, what's wrong, young man?
215
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,443
Don't you want to try my tripe stew?
216
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,278
Oh, of course I do, ma'am.
217
00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:12,863
Let me see.
218
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,748
-So?
-This is delicious!
219
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,291
-Is It?
-Mm-hmm.
220
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:27,169
See, dear? He really knows how to eat,
221
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,922
unlike you who turned out to be a heathen.
222
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,173
Vegan.
223
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,300
Vegan, I have to remember. Vegan.
224
00:10:33,384 --> 00:10:35,260
Mmm!
225
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,972
Step up.
226
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,230
It says you gained more than half a pound!
227
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,857
We must be doing something wrong.
228
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:52,361
What we're doing wrong
is that you're starving me to death.
229
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,197
We have to take drastic measures
if we want to win this.
230
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,032
Come on, let's go.
231
00:10:57,116 --> 00:10:59,451
Repeat after me,
Confidence and faith. Repeat it.
232
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,581
No way. All these filters
they're gonna think it's fake.
233
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,376
Look, you made my nose
look like a reggaeton Pinocchio.
234
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:10,254
Calm down, Pablo.
I didn't use so many filters.
235
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,131
I posted it.
236
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,966
Stand on the scale. Let's go.
237
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,634
What?
238
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,595
It says you gained more than half a pound!
239
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,180
Mind telling me
what you're doing wrong?
240
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:23,058
Well, when I get nervous,
I sometimes retain fluids.
241
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,395
Okay. I have to switch strategies. Yeah.
242
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,355
I've got it. We can do planks
with shoulder taps.
243
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,232
Let's go.
244
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,280
Whoo!
245
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,490
That's what I call quality advertising.
246
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,248
Thank you. Thank you.
247
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:48,459
Hey! What's up, Netito?
248
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,377
I see they got you back
in the shorts after all.
249
00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:52,713
Tell me, did you at least get a check-up?
250
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,299
-Um, no, but I'm totally fine, Tommy.
-Yeah.
251
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,467
Don't sweat it, Netito.
252
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,927
A little finger in the tush
is actually a quite natural thing.
253
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,971
It happens every day in the can.
And believe me,
254
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,223
anything is better than The Spear.
255
00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:04,475
-The Spear?
-Yeah.
256
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,392
What is that?
257
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,103
Well, it's this strong pain.
258
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,815
It goes from northern Baja California
all the way to Chetumal.
259
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,859
From the Sierra Madre Range
to Death Valley.
260
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,694
Um, from the tip of your penis
to your rectum.
261
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:16,820
Yeah.
262
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,197
I… I've felt that.
263
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,782
Is it very serious? Is it?
264
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,408
It's dead serious. It's terrible.
265
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,869
Why don't you guys go see Mr. Inocencio?
266
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,705
Don't worry, his finger is always ready
for another prostate exam.
267
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,248
-Never!
-Yes, yes, yes.
268
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,417
We're men.
269
00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:31,794
We're not into fingering.
270
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,923
Okay. You could also take the tea
that my mom used to make for Genaro.
271
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,925
-It's great.
-For the prostate?
272
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,427
Yes, and for everything else as well.
Yes, yes, yes.
273
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,471
Every time Genaro drank it,
274
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:45,224
he seemed energized. Damn Genaro.
275
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,851
Until he died, of course.
Rest his soul.
276
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,103
Anyways, sleep on it, okay? Yeah.
277
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,106
Hmm.
278
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:56,568
Well, if it's good enough for Genie,
we can drink it too.
279
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,278
Okay, let's give it a try.
280
00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,030
I told you
I'd do anything for you.
281
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,908
This is Winter, Raquel's son.
282
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,994
He's a tattoo artist,
and he's going to give you this.
283
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,079
No. Forget it.
284
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,872
Anybody can get that on the beach.
285
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:10,958
I want something original.
286
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,709
Winter, do anything you want.
287
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:24,513
What's up, Lulú? How are Blondie's
workouts coming along?
288
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:28,183
Oh, Tina. Don't tell anyone,
but I'm in pain. Even my ears hurt.
289
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:29,434
Oh wow.
290
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,062
Yeah, I can tell
you've been exercising really hard.
291
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,189
Yes, but I haven't lost any weight yet.
292
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:39,319
You know, I knew this was gonna happen,
so I brought you some pain medicine.
293
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:40,988
Here.
294
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,073
I'm really sorry,
but I can't pay for it right now.
295
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,285
Don't worry about that, it's free.
That's what friends are for.
296
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,411
Seriously?
297
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:52,082
Thanks a million, Tina.
I mean it. I'm ground to a pulp.
298
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,500
I imagine.
299
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:55,085
Wait, is roasted ground maize organic?
300
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,672
It doesn't go in the inorganic bin,
so I'm guessing it's definitely organic.
301
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,049
How are you doing with Agustina's powders?
302
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:03,010
Oh, they taste like poop.
303
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,136
Aw.
304
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,013
But listen,
if I'm going to look like Galilea,
305
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,306
I'll eat whatever it takes.
306
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,725
Uh-huh. What are you eating today?
307
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,768
Today it's fried tortilla-flavored powder.
308
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,354
I mean, why don't you eat
the actual fried tortilla
309
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:16,273
and then spread the powder on top of it?
310
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,818
That's what I did a while ago,
and I lost the weight way faster.
311
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,862
-Are you serious?
-Sure.
312
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,364
Okay, then.
I'll buy a masa dough snack instead.
313
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,158
Also, you know,
fried tortillas are so tiny.
314
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,285
-Even better. For sure.
-Right?
315
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,078
Here you go. It's 20.
316
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,788
Exactly 20.
317
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,626
Can you vouch for me?
318
00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:39,922
Wow, Diego got a tattoo?
319
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,340
Yes. I asked him to,
320
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:43,508
but I didn't think
he would actually get one.
321
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,802
Let me see what tattoo you got, honey.
322
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,682
Wait, is that Roberto Palazuelos?
323
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:54,019
No way! It's a portrait of Tere,
in the style of Andy Warhol.
324
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:56,063
This… this is pure art.
325
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,191
You won't like this one bit.
326
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,527
Mariana commented,
"Pablo looks super fake,
327
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:06,573
they used too many filters,
like Maradona used too many drugs."
328
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,166
Oh my God.
They're asking for us to kiss live.
329
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,794
Well…
330
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:23,131
I think that we should, uh, do it.
I mean, I'm willing to,
331
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:25,175
but if you don't… don't want to,
332
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,886
or you can't,
or you feel uncomfortable about it,
333
00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:29,846
that's no problem, we won't do it.
334
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:34,184
No. I think that it's part of, you know,
our job, so to speak, right?
335
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,937
But if you don't want to, I'd understand.
336
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,147
Yes, for the good
of the Toxicutes account.
337
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:40,607
Mm-hmm.
338
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,653
Okay, before you say anything,
it's for his own good.
339
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,613
Tattooing his ass is for his own good?
340
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:50,409
Okay, maybe not that, but he should learn
not to legitimize a patriarchal system.
341
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:53,412
Why don't you just tell him
you're scared of dating officially?
342
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,374
But that's not it.
343
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,834
I'm just trying to get him to see
344
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,378
that there is more than one way
of a couple being together.
345
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,256
Then tell him he has to
have more of an open mind.
346
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,091
Of course!
347
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,593
That's exactly what he has to learn.
348
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,388
Thank you, Janet. You're a genius.
349
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,350
Hmm.
350
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,310
RIGO EVENTS
FOR YOUR PARTIES
351
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,397
Genie's tea didn't agree with me.
352
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,440
Me neither.
353
00:16:22,858 --> 00:16:25,068
The Spear impaled me
like there was no tomorrow.
354
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,404
Yeah, me too.
355
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,241
Maybe Tomás is right and this is
the start of prostate cancer.
356
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,326
Come on, we really need
to go see Mr. Inocencio.
357
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,286
No.
358
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:37,164
I'd rather have worms in my prostate
359
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,416
than people know
my pucker's no longer a virgin.
360
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,667
Let's go.
361
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:43,503
Because the bar closes tomorrow,
and we know he'll be sober.
362
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:44,838
Yeah, all right.
363
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,631
But… but this stays between you and me.
364
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:47,549
Mm-hmm.
365
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:52,179
Ow! My finger.
366
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,975
I don't know if this will work.
How am I supposed to eat it?
367
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,519
Come on. Take it easy, Pablito.
368
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,897
You see, the goal is
to make people crave your ice cream
369
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,982
because of the way you kiss it.
370
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,275
Does that make sense?
371
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,860
-Yeah, okay.
-Go on, kiss it.
372
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,863
Do it.
373
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,324
Stop! Not like that, Nephew!
What are you doing?
374
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:15,577
If you do that, there's no way anyone
would believe that she's your girlfriend.
375
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,537
Try again. Hey, wait a second.
376
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:20,582
This time, put more soul into it.
Make it sexy. Go.
377
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,130
No way, I don't believe it.
I don't know what I'm gonna do with you.
378
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,132
-Was it that bad?
-Try it one more time.
379
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,884
Make it sexier. Show your eyes.
380
00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:34,638
Mmm!
381
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,808
Shut that mouth!
382
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,143
How many bites have you had?
383
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:41,686
Mmm.
384
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,188
Of that one, none.
385
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:47,859
Who gave this to you?
386
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:48,819
Tina.
387
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:52,447
She said that
it would help stop the pain, but…
388
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:53,907
it's only making me more hungry.
389
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,076
That's because these pills
are to grow your appetite.
390
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,328
That's why it's called "Pig Out Pills."
391
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,540
Oh!
392
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,292
Oh well, they sure do work.
393
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,962
-No! That traitor's gonna hear me out.
-Mmm.
394
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:12,759
Mm-mm.
395
00:18:18,557 --> 00:18:19,766
Hey, hey, hey!
396
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,145
-Stop it. You can't eat that stuff.
-Mm-hmm.
397
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,438
Chivis said I could spread the powder
on top of food
398
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,190
and lose a lot of weight really fast.
399
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,359
That wretch. No, no, no! Hey! Stop! No!
400
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,779
She's cheating so you can gain weight.
Put that thing down. Down!
401
00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:36,366
Mmm, let me just have one more tiny bite,
just so the powder doesn't go to waste.
402
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,285
-Yum!
-Mm-mm!
403
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,537
Look.
404
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,748
I said no, Elvira!
405
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,845
Janet, I need your assistance.
406
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:59,139
Only if you help me with the laundry.
407
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:06,062
I need you to help me kiss Pablo live
and make it look real.
408
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,397
Well, just kiss him.
409
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,025
But I can't. I only kiss for love.
410
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:13,028
Help me fall in love with Pablo
for a little while?
411
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:16,072
The trouble is,
his self-esteem depends on his followers.
412
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,075
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
What can I do to fall in love with him?
413
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,578
-I guess you have to get a love spell.
-A love spell?
414
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,788
-Tell me all about it.
-Well, um…
415
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,540
I don't think I can do it.
416
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:26,583
Pablito.
417
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,294
Tere wants me to try pegging
418
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,588
to prove to her
that I want to date her officially.
419
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,424
Pegging? What's that?
420
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,676
She wants to do this to me.
421
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,471
Wow. Wow, wow. I…
422
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,430
Mmm.
423
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,017
I guess that must be a magical moment
for any relationship, huh?
424
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:45,518
I'm scared.
425
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:46,603
Of course.
426
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,688
Should I do that with Crista?
427
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,398
Pablito, you haven't even kissed her yet.
428
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:52,067
-Ah.
-Show me again.
429
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,902
I'm telling you,
I'm gonna win this contest.
430
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,738
-I think you'll win too.
-Look who's coming. Speak of the devil.
431
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,949
She should stop playing nurse.
432
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:03,620
You know, you really stooped low
taking advantage of poor Mrs. Elvira.
433
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,164
And you of Lulú's innocence.
That's not fair play.
434
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:07,415
"That's not fair play."
435
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:09,584
As the mediator of this contest--
436
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:12,379
Stop this nonsense,
and get your chunky ladies
437
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,756
to lose weight without cheating.
438
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,510
Okay, if she behaves, then so will I.
439
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:22,389
-Do you want to ask for a spell?
-Yes.
440
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:25,433
But this place is so different.
441
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,520
Stop being so picky. Come on.
442
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,022
THE SHAMANA
TAROT, WEEDING, LOVE SPELLS
443
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,482
Look, Blondie.
444
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,109
You need to tie together
445
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:36,861
a lock of your hair
with your lover's hair.
446
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,697
Are you sure that that will be enough?
447
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:42,200
-It's a very efficient love spell.
-But I really only want it for a while.
448
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,827
Come back later and I'll untether it.
449
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,706
-Do you realize what you're saying?
-Don't listen to her, Blondie.
450
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:50,542
Janet is a weird kid
because she has no faith.
451
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:53,795
She didn't even want to do
her First Communion. Mm-hmm.
452
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:57,465
Come on, Janet. The point is,
I have to fall in love with Pablo.
453
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,593
-Mm-hmm. Hmm.
-Squeeze her flabby chin, Mom.
454
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,138
Okay. She has to sweat out
at least four pounds.
455
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:07,017
Wait, wasn't I just supposed
to just drink the milkshake?
456
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,936
Listen, we have to take extreme measures
or we're gonna lose.
457
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:10,937
Run in place.
458
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,316
No, faster!
459
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:17,360
Like when you chase the priest
so that he'll hear your confession.
460
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,741
What's wrong?
461
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,075
She fainted. Elvira!
462
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,536
Did you have breakfast, Elvira?
463
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,039
Come on, let's go. No pain.
464
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,124
Oh! Yes, pain!
465
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:32,917
Here, take this.
466
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:37,005
Isn't this Tina's milkshake?
467
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,341
Yes. It's just to prove
that it doesn't work.
468
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:40,383
Up!
469
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,509
Move it!
470
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:42,761
Come on!
471
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,513
Take it!
472
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:46,431
Don't stop!
473
00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:50,268
Get up, Lulú!
474
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,936
If this is what you want…
475
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:54,564
I'm ready.
476
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,569
What's so funny?
477
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:01,905
Pull up your pants, dummy.
478
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,074
I didn't think you'd accept.
479
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,785
Now I see you'd do anything for me.
480
00:22:06,868 --> 00:22:08,578
Is being my girlfriend so bad?
481
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:10,497
No, of course not.
482
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,041
It's not you, it's just…
483
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:16,419
Yeah, you told me,
it… it's not your style.
484
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:18,671
It's not my style,
and nobody ever asked me.
485
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,549
But with you,
everything has been different.
486
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,052
I hate that you're a rich kid,
487
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:26,638
but I hate even more
that I'm so in love with you.
488
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,019
If you want, you can put me to the test.
489
00:22:33,812 --> 00:22:35,980
This is the moment of truth.
490
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:37,482
Well, look who's here.
491
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,526
And there's the scale.
492
00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,736
-Let's put an end to this.
-Go. Elvira, you're first.
493
00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,655
Come on. Stand here still.
494
00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:44,989
-Come on!
-Come on.
495
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,328
-Gained two pounds.
-Damn it.
496
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,082
Come on, Lulú! You can do it!
497
00:22:58,128 --> 00:22:59,838
She gained two pounds too.
498
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,384
-No. No, no, no. I won't accept a tie.
-No, no, no. One more week.
499
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:05,885
-Yeah.
-No fucking way.
500
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:07,429
No, I'm not doing this any longer.
501
00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:08,763
Neither am I.
502
00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:12,225
Luckily, Mrs. Dolores saved us
from starvation every night
503
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,644
by making us her fried tortilla snacks.
504
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,396
-Excuse me?
-You fed them every night, Mom?
505
00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:18,022
Don't blame me.
506
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:22,735
Because I put double lettuce on them,
and I wiped up all the oil with a napkin.
507
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:26,281
You should be ashamed, ma'am.
You completely cheated.
508
00:23:26,364 --> 00:23:28,032
Shame on both of you!
509
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:30,452
You nearly killed these poor women.
510
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:34,456
There's so much more in life
than being skinny.
511
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,627
-Hurry, here comes Pablo.
-Uh…
512
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:43,548
I'm ready for our big kiss now.
513
00:23:44,257 --> 00:23:45,175
So am I.
514
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,676
Janet, start livestreaming
515
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:47,635
Cool.
516
00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:53,725
Toxifans, how are you?
517
00:23:53,808 --> 00:23:56,436
Let's wait for more people
to connect to talk a bit.
518
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:59,981
I know you're only here for me
because Pablo's a nobody…
519
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,782
We are offline.
520
00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:12,494
Cut, guys!
521
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,709
-Was it okay?
-Mm-hmm.
522
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:20,668
What'd they say?
523
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:21,836
"That's hot."
524
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,463
-Hmm.
-Cool.
525
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:26,382
Gentlemen,
welcome to the backdoor community.
526
00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,384
Just kidding, just kidding.
527
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:31,763
As far as I could feel,
everything is fine in your deep canyons.
528
00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:34,516
So, please go on
and live your lives as usual.
529
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:36,726
What I don't understand is,
530
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:38,853
why you demanded the physical exam,
531
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:41,314
when nowadays there's a blood test?
532
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:45,485
What do you mean a blood test?
You never told us about that, Tomás.
533
00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:49,239
I didn't want to be a party pooper.
That's why. Yeah, yeah.
534
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:50,823
What did I have to suffer? Huh?
535
00:24:51,491 --> 00:24:53,409
You were collateral damage, Rigo.
536
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:55,411
Wait, you never really cared
about my health?
537
00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:56,496
Sure I did, Neto,
538
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,915
but I was more worried about mine,
and you see,
539
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:02,001
losing my place as neighborhood sex symbol
could have serious consequences.
540
00:25:02,085 --> 00:25:02,919
Um…
541
00:25:03,419 --> 00:25:04,879
I sincerely apologize.
542
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:09,133
It wasn't in bad faith,
but, well, yes, it was, but I apologize.
543
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:39,831
They make
a beautiful couple, don't they?
544
00:25:57,599 --> 00:26:00,184
If they have kids,
they're gonna look like Dalmatians.
545
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:03,479
-Spotted?
-I mean, yeah.
546
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:06,858
That's what happens when a brown chick
gets with a blonde guy…
547
00:26:06,941 --> 00:26:08,026
-Shh!
-…polka dots.
548
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:09,360
Yeah.
549
00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:44,729
I love her!
550
00:26:45,229 --> 00:26:46,648
I even got a tattoo for her, look!
551
00:26:46,731 --> 00:26:48,733
-No, don't, Diego!
-Diego, no, don't do it.
552
00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:50,818
-Kiss, kiss!
-Kiss her!
553
00:26:50,902 --> 00:26:51,736
Yay!
554
00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:55,657
Come one, come all!
555
00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:58,201
Take advantage
of our special prices this weekend,
556
00:26:58,284 --> 00:27:01,454
only at Events By Rigo, go, go…
557
00:27:01,996 --> 00:27:03,665
Buddy, buddy, buddy!
558
00:27:03,748 --> 00:27:05,792
Sales are soaring, huh?
559
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:08,086
-I knew Mr. Inocencio wouldn't tell.
-Right!
560
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:10,004
Hey, how's it hanging?
561
00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:11,673
Just look at you, Ernesto.
562
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:14,425
I've been talking to friends
and heard you're as pretty on the outside
563
00:27:14,509 --> 00:27:15,885
as you are on the inside.
564
00:27:16,928 --> 00:27:18,429
Rigo, you too, darling.
565
00:27:18,513 --> 00:27:19,806
Bye.
566
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:23,893
Fucking Inocencio.
567
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,939
Come one, come all! Get your discounts!
568
00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:30,066
"Pretty on the inside." Mmm.
569
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:32,568
A tamale with green sauce, please.
570
00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:35,530
Thank you.
571
00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:37,740
-Are you trying to kill yourself, Mom?
-Of course not.
572
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:40,159
Dolores says this has nutrients.
573
00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:41,619
Yeah, and a ton of oil.
574
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,496
Fine, I'll pat it off with a napkin.
575
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:48,167
Look, there's more to life
than being skinny.
576
00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:53,756
Mmm!
577
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:55,341
It's delicious.
578
00:27:55,425 --> 00:27:57,343
-Want one?
-Do you have the pink kind?
579
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,555
Nine, ten,
580
00:28:00,638 --> 00:28:03,474
eleven, twelve, thirteen!
581
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:05,977
You decided
on Silvia's method after all, Auntie?
582
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:07,061
Not really.
583
00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:09,731
Blondie isn't my cup of tea,
but she has nice legs.
584
00:28:09,814 --> 00:28:11,065
There's no harm in trying.
585
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:13,860
I think it's good for you to exercise.
586
00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:15,319
It's good once in a while, dear.
587
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:18,823
Later I'll compensate,
a quesadilla for each sit-up.
588
00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,158
Yeah?
589
00:28:20,241 --> 00:28:21,325
Your grandma's right.
590
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:23,619
There's more to life
than trying to be skinny.
591
00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:25,621
-Sure.
-Enjoy your Popsicle.
592
00:28:28,583 --> 00:28:33,087
Three, four, five, six…