A NETFLIX SERIES
Morning!
Pass!
Goal!
Morning!
For a minute, I thought you forgot English.
Honey, you shouldn't have bothered.
-Guess what day it is? -My turn in the savings pool?
Did you get into one?
Rigo got me in.
Tell him to give it to you! Because today is our anniversary.
Happy anniversary, Chivis.
We'll celebrate at the best restaurant in town.
Today is Saturday. You know what that means, right?
-Happy hour. -Everyone will be there!
-And that's good? -Obviously, Ernie!
It's our chance to show them we're still in the game.
You know how it goes. If unseen, you don't exist.
-Remember the Acostas. -Who are the Acostas?
Exactly. Don't exist.
-Bon appétit. -Thank you, honey.
RIGO EVENTS
I don't know. Honestly, sometimes I feel
that the moms hire me for a weird mix of children's and bachelorette parties.
What makes you think that? Don't move, or my hand will slip.
Can I make a confession?
Today is my wedding anniversary, and I forgot.
Yet she didn't get mad.
Be wary around that subject, compadre.
Women are like tax collectors. Everything seems fine.
Then when you least expect it, they show up to collect.
Exactly, she wants to go to the most highbrow restaurant in town.
I'll have to comply. It's not my turn in the savings pool yet. I checked.
I considered pawning something, but I have nothing left.
If you're poor, embrace it. But look on the bright side, compadre.
I would do anything for a chance to give Tina a fairy-tale night.
Show her that, like my idol Roberto Carlos,
I can also be an old-fashioned lover.
Of course you can do it. That's the easy part, compadre.
All you have to do is, like, grow a pair, you know.
Stand your ground and say, "Hi, Tina, it's me."
"Want to have dinner?" That's it.
I've always said it, compadre. You're a pro, a true pro!
Fuck yeah.
Pick whatever you want, niece.
It's on me.
What's up, Lulu? How are you? All good?
I've been better.
-Put it on my tab, gorgeous. -I can't give you credit anymore.
Come on, Lulu. Oh, you're kidding, right?
Lulu loves to play hard to get.
This week alone, you owe 300 pesos.
It's only Tuesday.
Come on.
Lulu.
-Lulu. -No.
How much are the cucumbers, Elvira?
-Three for $18. How many? -Three of the greener ones.
A flower
for another flower.
That's a good line, compadre.
I can tell you more over dinner.
Rigo! You paying for that squash blossom, or are you just being funny?
Give me a second, Elvira.
You know what, compadre?
I can't do it. I just went on a diet.
You don't need it.
Plus, if you just started, start tomorrow.
Do what everyone does before they go on a diet.
What is that?
Gorge themselves on food.
Think about it and let me know.
All right.
Seems like a done deal, Tina.
-Shut up, and give me those cucumbers. -There.
This is a first for me.
I don't know what happened.
Isn't it wrong to rely on your looks to get things?
No, this goes beyond looks.
It's really
more of a gift, so to speak.
Few men can claim to have it.
For example, Canelo, Adrian Uribe, and Luismi,
even though he's a little chubby now.
For example, see Aurelio there? He gets really excited when I greet him.
Happens every day. Check this out.
Aurelio!
What's up?
Are you kidding me?
Twice in one day?
-I lost my touch. -Cut the crap. Let's go.
Aurelio! Come on.
I'm going on a date with Cristiano! Oh my God! We're Cris and Cris.
You don't seem very excited, Pablo.
And you must come with me.
No, that's impossible.
If word gets out that Cris and Cris are dating,
the toxifans will realize that we are not really dating.
And all our dreams of being influencers will go to shit.
There's a lot of paparazzi.
-Here? -You don't understand.
It's like if Belinda and Nodal were set up by their managers.
-It'd be a scandal! -All right, fine.
For the good of Toxicutes.
Yes!
What do you think?
It's a date, not marriage.
You said yourself my mom never cared for Rigo.
What about you, Mom? Won't you say something?
Just that Rigo is married.
So what? Chayo left him years ago. It doesn't count, right?
Then, why ask me if you don't care what I say?
Of course I care, but Tere's right.
It's just a date. I'm not marrying him.
-Exactly. -Do whatever you want.
I'm going to say yes. I am.
-You must tell us everything. -Oh no. Not to me.
Oh yeah, everything.
The color of is his underwear. Who got naked first. Everything.
-Look, it's Mr. Barrio. -Hi.
Yes, it's him.
I really need your advice, uncle.
I don't have any advice for you.
I lost my touch. I don't know how to compete with you
as the barrio's alpha male.
Hi, Pablo.
I'm the alpha male?
What can I say?
I'm gonna be the third wheel on a date with Crista and Cristiano.
But the Toxifans must think it's our date and he's the third wheel.
Cristiano a third wheel?
-Yes. -Have you seen Cristiano or what?
What should I do?
I know.
Actually, you could take some other chick so there's no third wheel.
-Another chick? -Yes.
You mean another girl.
Yes.
-Thanks. -You're welcome.
I want a nice blow-dry,
and then some loose and messy curls. You know?
Yes. So what's the occasion?
Today is my anniversary with Ernie.
We'll go to the best restaurant in town. And on a Saturday, everyone will be there.
And who is everybody?
Well, everyone that you don't know.
I mean, important people, but not as important as you, obviously.
Good morning, Anita! How's your day?
-Hello. -Dulce. Good morning.
-Good morning, Tina. -Good morning.
Winter, come help me with Tina.
I'm busy, Raquel!
Just like I was when I gave birth and had to endure 15 hours of labor.
Fifteen! Come on! Chop chop! Move it!
Hi, Winter.
I want my makeup and hair done, but nothing too flashy.
Elegant yet natural. That's it.
Spit it out.
Where are you going so elegant yet natural?
I'm going on a secret date with a silver fox.
He's taking me to a classy place for sure.
You don't need to get all dressed up to go out for tacos.
Oh, Chivis. I didn't see you there. Who asked you?
As I was saying, Raquel,
I'm going out to a really classy restaurant.
Come on, you can barely afford our local place, and not even that.
My dear mom gives you guys credit.
Unless you've saved up some money
now that your son always eats at my house with Tere.
He packs it in.
Always, seriously.
-I'll pick you up at 8:00. -At 8:00?
-Not 8:10. -Yes, babe. I'll be here at 7:55.
Hey, Diego.
Diego, don't go yet.
Look, I need your help.
I lost my touch. Only you can help me.
Look, you won over my unbearable...
I mean, unconquerable niece.
Give me some advice, please. I'm desperate.
My secret is…
submissiveness.
That's a lie, Diego Espinoza.
There is a lot of dialogue in our relationship.
Sorry, honey. You're right.
Great, I get it now.
Then, the key here is being a loser and allowing others to boss you around.
Will you go with me to a place where even losers get lucky?
It's singles night at El Beso Bar,
better known as the night of desperate women.
How misogynistic, uncle.
The men are just as desperate as the women.
No. Help me. Come with me.
I couldn't take any more rejection by myself.
Hi, Brittany. I came to offer you a shot
at going to an exclusive dinner with Mr. Barrio.
So they'll all envy you,
and you can succumb to the temptation to have me.
Hi, Brittany, I came to offer you a shot
at going to an exclusive dinner with Mr. Barrio and Cristiano.
-With Cristiano? -Yes.
Dude!
Thank you so much.
You're so cool!
She called me "dude"?
What are you doing here?
This has brown spots!
So you're the pervert who's been stealing Tomás's underwear.
Do you also steal my Jani's clothes?
I swear I'll give it back.
Only if you tell me what it's for.
I have a date with Cristiano, and I want to look more barrio.
-Why? -Because he likes barrio girls. I think.
You want to completely change who you are so you can please him?
Exactly!
That sounds really healthy.
Really mature.
But it's up to you.
I know. A woman has to do what a woman has to do.
Holy moly! This is like Chivislandia, you know?
Yes.
Hey.
Why don't we go grab carnitas somewhere nearby?
-There must be something. -No, Tina.
I want to impress you.
I've waited for this chance for a long time.
-When did we graduate from high school? -A while ago.
See?
That's why I decided to go all out and take you to this fancy place.
Even the menu is in French.
And has no prices.
Let's do it.
Excusez moi.
The women are willing.
I just feel like things will get tricky at this table.
We're at the entrance. I mean, come on.
We were given this spot because I lost my touch.
This would have never happened to the old Tomás.
I'll ask for a different table, so everyone can make use of this.
No, Tomás. A submissive guy would never do that.
Why?
I dislike your alpha-male attitude.
But if it makes you feel better, go ask them.
It's uncomfortable here. Right?
Yes. Very uncomfortable. Ouch, my back.
You're right, Diego.
Tonight, I'll be weak-willed just like you.
Diego is not weak-willed.
Tell him.
No, I am not weak-willed. Like that?
You know what? See you later.
You want some beers?
Sure.
-On second thought, make it a piña colada. -Awesome. I dig it.
Diego, I tricked you! I hate piña coladas.
I wanted to see what you'd do. Why do you always agree with me?
-If I don't, you get mad. -Of course not.
I want you to be assertive. Order whatever you want. I won't get mad.
Is this a trick?
Waiter, a bottle of Dom Pérignon.
Or better yet, two cuba campechanas.
I didn't bring much.
Diego! Rum is a product of slavery. It should be forbidden.
We can't be seen with a bottle of Don whatever.
We'll come off as show-offs. I'm going to the bathroom.
No, Diego!
I ordered cubas.
Relax, baby.
You look amazing.
-Button this up, please. -Yes.
Stand up straight.
Yes.
Look, it's the Lemuses. Hi!
They didn't see us.
Your reservation?
No. I'm Ernesto Espinoza de los Montero.
Mr. Espinoza, without a reservation, I can't let you in.
-What? -How come?
Mr. Gomez del Río, come in. It's a pleasure.
-And his reservation? -He doesn't need one.
Cheers.
What?
I will not allow them to make fun of me or us, okay?
-But-- -Where are you going?
Someone is waiting for us.
Who?
Them.
You're with Mr. Rigo? You should've said so.
-Yes? -I had a real slim figure.
-Hey! -Oh, hi!
Nice to see you! What a coincidence, right?
We never imagined we'd run into you here.
Neither did we, so beat it.
Tina. It's fine.
If there's room for two, there's room for four.
Right, compadre?
-Of course! -Hi, Chivis.
Rigo.
-Thank you. -Over here.
This is amazing. It's so nice to see you.
Give it, Blondie.
The best thing to have with these chips is a cold beer. Right, Pablo?
What's up, guys?
Is that Janet's?
Ernie, remember the last time we went to Paris?
Je l'adore.
I will have the soup vichyssis.
My man, what the lady is ordering is a vichyssoise soup.
Compadre?
I speak a little French.
I downloaded an app. It's amazing.
I'll give it to you for pronunciation.
Look at you.
Garçon, also some nice, warm tortillas.
-S'il vous plaît. -Garçon!
May I also have some nopales?
Some smallé nopalé, tiny ones.
Some small nopales.
Tiny.
"Le petit," I understand.
Another beer, please.
What's wrong with you? You're drinking my Silk Stocking.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Relax, no need to feel awkward.
Well, the truth is that I'm really shy.
Actually, I wanted to talk to you, but I felt too embarrassed.
-Yeah. -Well, we're talking now.
My name is Consuelo, but friends call me Chelo.
Chelo.
What about you?
Tomás, but… you can call me anything you like.
And what are you doing here, Tomás?
Here?
I came looking for someone to take me home
and scold me for being naughty.
-Yes. -What a naughty boy.
Yes.
Will you do everything I say?
Yes, mistress.
Yes.
Here she comes!
Wow!
No way! How did they get the bear inside the balloon?
Tina, this is a little something for accepting my invitation.
Rigo, that's so sweet of you!
A toast!
To old and new friendships. In the end, that's what life is all about,
leaving the past behind and trying new things.
-Cheers! -Cheers!
Cheers.
And these are your friends?
Yes, they are.
Wait here. I'll say bye to my friends, then we can go back to my palce.
-Got it? -Yes, Chelito.
Yes.
Wow! You were right, Diego!
I've been 100% submissive, and she wants to take me to her apartment!
You're a genius!
Brace yourselves. The Tiger is back and on the loose.
Tomás?
Yes.
What are you doing in this brothel?
I came with Tere and Diego. They're looking to score.
I'm not surprised.
Everyone is looking for the same thing, and that attracts the desperate.
-Exactly. -Ready, Tomásito?
-Cata. -Chelito!
-Did you hit on my sister? -What?
-No. -No.
I'm hitting on him.
Besides, he's so shy. I even thought I was abusing him.
-Right, Tomásito? -Yes.
And you believe him.
He faked being shy so you'd pick him up and take advantage of him.
And it was working.
-Liar! -Come on!
-To think I wanted to punish you. -Yes.
Real bad.
Yes.
Am I not the worst? Well, you should both punish me!
Unbelievable.
Do something.
This date is sinking faster than the Titanic,
and not even Rose will survive!
I still think Jack could have been saved.
We'll discuss it later. Do something.
That one.
I know. Wait.
No way! That is such a good song, Pablo!
We won't forget you for this Please understand
This three-way love
It's a bad relationship We were only friends
Get out of here
I'd rather be alone than with you
You will regret this
Why so lonesome? C'mon.
Come again? What the fuck?
I thought you were into fluidity and polyamory.
No! I've been flirting with you for hours!
What? I thought you were my date!
Well, you're wrong. Pablo is who I'm into.
But I'm down to get it on with y'all.
Too bad you're not my type, but thank you.
Crista!
I think I do dig that polyamory thing.
-Yol! What a surprise! -Silvia!
We're showing Tina and Rigo this restaurant for upscale people.
Oh please.
We all know that you're bankrupt.
And not bankrupt like Trump. You're poor like the Lopezes.
Honey, you have to realize you don't belong here anymore.
What I don't understand is how will you manage to get the check?
Because this is not a Chili's or a tacos stall or whatever.
Or one of those places.
-Wait, come here. -What?
You have something on your ear.
Look, bitch, you don't fool me.
I know you're into bronze stallions, or should I ask Tomás?
So stop the bullshit and apologize to Blondie.
Or your old fart gets his hearing aid back.
And I spill the beans. Now, you slimey social climber.
I'm sorry, Sil.
-We should go. The driver is waiting. -Good evening.
Everyone knows your maiden name is Pérez!
No hyphen! Just Pérez like that!
Good!
-I'm going to the restroom. -Me too. Don't eat my food!
God, I can't believe it!
Wow!
How amazing to be able to do things like you.
What do you mean?
You just say what you think without being a hypocrite.
Both rich and poor can be hypocrites.
I know, but did you see the look on that dry-lizard's face
when I told her she was a Pérez?
Yes, worse than being an Espinoza.
I'm just kidding.
Well.
Thanks for defending me.
I despise people being bullied, and you looked really terrified, Blondie.
Thank you.
So if we're being honest,
what's up with
Mr. Rigo?
You mean the date? He invited me as a friend.
Oh please. Obviously, something is going on between you
because this is not a dinner or a gift for just a friend.
You see, Blondie. I don't know what to do.
Part of me has feelings for Rigo.
But I also feel it's too soon after what happened with my sister.
Plus, he was with her when he flirted with me.
Leonor is not here anymore.
And you deserve to be happy.
Tina.
You deserve happiness.
I think your touch is coming back.
You had her.
Yeah, but now Cata is madder at me than before.
Damn, the world is so fucking small.
Or the barrio.
No, I know what's going on. Cata is your kryptonite.
My what?
You're in love with her, so you lost your "touch."
And now, what will you do, Tommy?
Well, what any mature and sensible man would do.
Yes.
I'll watch Rocky 3, then a He-Man marathon.
And I'll do fist push-ups until Lopez The Tiger is back.
Let me be until the Baby Jesús Barrio needs me.
See you later.
Okay.
Let's go to my place. I want to watch a movie from the Polish film selection
about the horse Freud rode to his last session.
We can make organic oatmeal and eat it while we watch.
No, I'd rather go home. I'll watch Eat, Pray, Love.
It stereotypes women and romanticizes the idea of love,
but it's great, and I love Julia Roberts.
I'll eat one of your grandma's gorditas.
Crista. How are you? How are you feeling?
Not so good.
I really liked Cristiano.
I even changed the way I dressed for him.
Yes, but this look doesn't really suit you.
Janet's taste is somewhat questionable.
It's not that bad. Cristiano kissed you. That must mean something.
But he kissed you too!
-Should I kiss him so he kisses you again? -Gross, Pablo!
I don't share. Why do you think I don't have a younger sister?
UNFOLLOW @CRISTIANO_POLYAMORY?
You know what?
I can't believe it. I've never had anything to go.
-Did you ask the waiter for tortillas? -Yes, here they are.
Tell me. How does it feel to take your first doggie bag home?
-This is not a doggie bag. -It is.
No. We simply asked for it to go. Don't call it that, please.
You know what?
This is the first time I don't mind having lost everything.
Everything except style and class. You're born with that.
You never lose that.
I totally agree with you on that, my love.
This is the first time I'm proud to pay a check like this.
Well, half of a check like this one.
Do you know how many Tarzan dances I must do to afford a bottle of wine here?
-Oh, honey. -No.
Much more than what my little butt can handle.
-I love you. -Me too.
Look!
Honey. Here you are.
Merci.
Hey, you didn't have to walk me home.
I'm not a 15-year-old girl you have to walk home.
I know. I'm not doing it for you
but for fear of Mrs. Dolores. You know she's hard on me.
So I'd rather make sure you get home safe and sound.
Okay.
You know, Rigo?
At first, I wasn't sure it was a good idea to date you.
Now I know I made the right decision.
Thank you.
I just want to ask you to take things slow, okay?
Look, Tina.
You're really important to me.
I'd never do anything you didn't want or that made you uncomfortable.
I promise.
Even if I regret this tomorrow,
and although I've wanted this for so long,
if we are going to have a second first kiss,
I'd prefer if it happened when we were both completely sober.
Because it is important to me.
Subtitle translation by: Ana G. González Meade