1
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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

2
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‎（年度最佳派對
‎席爾薇雅艾思賓諾薩德洛斯蒙特羅）

3
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‎不行，這不可能

4
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‎不可能，這本來是我的封面

5
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:35,119
‎-這本來是我的封面
‎-女士，您在做什麼？

6
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‎給我

7
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,539
‎冷靜點，女士

8
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‎要上封面實在太難了，給我

9
00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:44,295
‎快點給我

10
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,172
‎-女士，別激動
‎-拿來給我

11
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‎-女士，冷靜點
‎-走開，那是我的封面

12
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,929
‎女士，冷靜點

13
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:58,059
‎-小姐，請跟我走
‎-不行，那是我的封面

14
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:06,901
‎我的老天爺，電費打折了還這麼貴？

15
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,953
‎不用這個

16
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‎-老婆
‎-回來啦

17
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‎-妳猜怎麼著？
‎-不要開，快關掉

18
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‎-慢著
‎-拜託你

19
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‎妳上了雜誌封面

20
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‎親愛的，妳看起來好美
‎像貨真價實的名人

21
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,598
‎-簡納洛，你這是在開我玩笑吧
‎-怎麼啦？

22
00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,517
‎你花這麼多錢買雜誌？

23
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,478
‎妳以為我花這麼多錢只買一本？

24
00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:44,147
‎我買了超多本

25
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,903
‎兩本給妳媽，每個小孩一本
‎一本給托瑪士

26
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:55,700
‎還有兩本要給前鄰居
‎讓他們看看我們現在多有錢

27
00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,580
‎我體內淨化一整週就為了這個？

28
00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:07,587
‎生酮飲食、間歇性斷食
‎連大腸水療、運動我都做了

29
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:10,173
‎《青年企業家》新創訪問也泡湯了

30
00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:12,091
‎那我呢？

31
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‎至少你們的照片沒有醜態畢露

32
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‎我看起來超慘

33
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:22,101
‎那些混蛋完全沒幫我修圖

34
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:25,605
‎-妳看起來真的很慘，媽
‎-是不是？

35
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:28,024
‎這只能怪…

36
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,359
‎蕾歐諾

37
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,198
‎全家人都給我聽好了

38
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,993
‎從現在開始，用手掀馬桶蓋

39
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,370
‎一次只開一盞燈

40
00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:43,122
‎-這些都是保養費？
‎-對

41
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,790
‎幫誰保養？

42
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,752
‎我們有錢的鄰居？

43
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,214
‎這就是有錢的代價，連電費都比較貴

44
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,925
‎我不能用大電視看
‎名模賽巴斯汀魯利了嗎？

45
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‎媽，妳幹嘛看他？看我就好啦

46
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‎兒子，你是很帥，但他有一頭金髮

47
00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:02,391
‎配上那雙電眼

48
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‎妳也行行好，外婆

49
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‎外婆，托瑪士是妳兒子耶

50
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:07,980
‎電費就要這麼多錢了

51
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:13,986
‎乘以六是一大筆金額，我們得想辦法

52
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:16,489
‎如果負擔不起，為什麼不搬家？

53
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,908
‎抽獎規則寫得很清楚，親愛的

54
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:21,744
‎我們至少要在這裡住六個月

55
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,624
‎我說真的，大家都要湊錢
‎維護這棟房子

56
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,044
‎我是有牌的司機，我可以輪兩班優步

57
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,213
‎我可以賣掉我的追蹤者

58
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:36,926
‎但沒人會要他們
‎他們只是五個窩囊廢

59
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,512
‎我們賣幾樣高級家具吧

60
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:42,932
‎這些家具看起來很貴，我們有一大堆

61
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:46,185
‎賣給誰，托瑪士？
‎我們朋友的家裡都放不下

62
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:50,982
‎大家多少湊一點，不管金額大小

63
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:57,947
‎（拍賣收藏品）

64
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‎-嗨
‎-今天順利嗎，親愛的？

65
00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:08,082
‎親愛的，我雖然說多少湊一點

66
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:11,794
‎但你要賣多少樣收藏品
‎才能付得起帳單？

67
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,131
‎每個賣200披索，我有一大堆可以賣

68
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:18,426
‎我連1994年墨西哥世界盃隊的
‎11位球員都拿出來賣

69
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:22,638
‎11個再加上1998年的球隊
‎一共就有21個

70
00:04:22,722 --> 00:04:27,310
‎少一個，布洛迪不賣
‎我要把它藏在這

71
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:35,276
‎卡塔，妳在打什麼歪主意？
‎佔席爾薇雅太太的便宜？

72
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,610
‎別多管閒事

73
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,863
‎她花很多錢買乳霜

74
00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:42,325
‎美白嗎？

75
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,827
‎老公，我有辦法了

76
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,417
‎鄰居，早安

77
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,504
‎別想利用我的名聲趨炎附勢

78
00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:58,049
‎這是我們的最後一張合照

79
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:02,303
‎說到這個，妳會更討厭這個

80
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,596
‎這簡直就是藝術品

81
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:05,306
‎對吧？

82
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:09,268
‎珍妮的派對結束後
‎我在打掃時發現的，他還真帥

83
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,896
‎妳應該一起把他丟進垃圾桶

84
00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,106
‎妳想怎樣？

85
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:19,320
‎邀鄰居來我家試用我的化妝品

86
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,908
‎妳應該買不起我們用的品牌

87
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,619
‎不用，我有其他更好的

88
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:29,538
‎算了，記住，我手上也有影片

89
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:33,167
‎妳偷走我的抽獎券
‎所以那是我的房子

90
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,044
‎妳的情人羅伯…

91
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:38,130
‎-是羅伯吧？
‎-小聲點

92
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:43,427
‎他想跟妳先生說他有多愛妳

93
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,388
‎那孩子真的很愛妳

94
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:50,101
‎妳要是不幫我邀鄰居過來
‎老娘就親自開門讓他進來

95
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:54,105
‎我們到底要不要幫她？

96
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,399
‎她老是醉到不醒人事

97
00:05:56,482 --> 00:05:57,733
‎不如我們丟下她

98
00:05:57,817 --> 00:06:00,820
‎別忘了克麗斯塔的媽媽有多機車

99
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:04,490
‎我們在她家後院上空做太陽浴
‎她整個人大發飆

100
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,786
‎-萬一她被車碾過呢？
‎-把她搬進去一點

101
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:13,124
‎不行，那要花好多時間
‎我喜歡的男生在等我

102
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:18,254
‎走開，路不是妳們家開的

103
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:23,467
‎妳少給我用這種口氣，賤人
‎妳不知道我是哪號人物

104
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,971
‎妳只是個死屁孩
‎我隨時都能讓妳好看

105
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,433
‎妳們真的要把她丟在這？

106
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,643
‎妳們的姊妹情被狗啃了？

107
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:36,188
‎-克麗斯塔
‎-她在說“我也是”運動啦

108
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,065
‎饒了我吧，快滾

109
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,902
‎我叫妳們快滾

110
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,070
‎“快滾”

111
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:46,449
‎克麗斯塔，妳沒事吧？等一下

112
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,452
‎幫我個忙，妳起來

113
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,913
‎-很好
‎-去妳們的

114
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:58,878
‎妳怎麼能叫我做這種事？
‎妳連門都沒敲

115
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,796
‎妳侵犯了我的隱私

116
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,175
‎少來了，你跟20個犯人
‎同住過一間牢房

117
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,888
‎對，但我不會走回頭路
‎去搶富婆的手機

118
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:12,600
‎我因為妳而蹲的苦牢夠久了

119
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,935
‎我可沒叫你去偷車

120
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,938
‎那我要怎麼載媽去急診室？

121
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:19,607
‎妳搭計程車走了

122
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,275
‎好啦，我需要那支手機

123
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,820
‎賣幾樣家具就能買好幾支手機了

124
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,490
‎-不行，我就要那一支
‎-要幹嘛？

125
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:31,243
‎加入鄰居的聊天室

126
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:34,788
‎推銷我的乳霜，因為玉米鬚妹不幫我

127
00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:40,878
‎蕾歐諾或許是新搬來的，但她人很好

128
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,215
‎她會上《人物誌》封面
‎都得感謝她名聲響亮的親戚

129
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:48,594
‎這是件大事，親愛的
‎妳覺得她認識雅里阿普力西歐嗎？

130
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,846
‎說不定喔

131
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:54,725
‎想想看要是她在展示會當中出現？

132
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,061
‎我會開心死，我是狂粉

133
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,188
‎我也是，我會開心到倒地不起

134
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,982
‎我要告訴妳一件很驚人的事

135
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:06,570
‎有個通訊軟體群組
‎傳訊息說有一幫惡棍

136
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,156
‎在高級社區租屋

137
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,158
‎戴著墨西哥總統的面具行搶

138
00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:14,119
‎-我轉傳給妳
‎-好，麻煩妳

139
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,079
‎好

140
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:22,795
‎你們聽著

141
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:29,218
‎我要你們在展示會當中
‎把洛培茲家的人帶走

142
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:32,221
‎陪他們去看足球之類的

143
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,514
‎為什麼？

144
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:36,433
‎他們在旁邊，女生會害怕

145
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,228
‎我也一樣，尤拉要我陪她

146
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:42,106
‎為什麼是我們？
‎萬一他們洗劫我們呢？

147
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,358
‎報警啊，這是哪門子的問題？

148
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:48,362
‎不要，歐洲冠軍聯賽不播
‎美國隊不打，只剩第二名的藍十字隊

149
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,407
‎想辦法帶走他們，拜託

150
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,200
‎普奇，我們去梳毛

151
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,620
‎沒錯，妳的毛需要整理一下

152
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,791
‎誰是妳媽咪？

153
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,377
‎救命，有人綁架我

154
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,630
‎冷靜點，妳那些沒天良的朋友丟下妳

155
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:10,259
‎萬一有走私器官的人
‎在飯店摘下妳的腎怎麼辦？

156
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:15,014
‎女人要在壓抑的父權體制下互相幫忙

157
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,143
‎妳給我下車，噁心死了

158
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,227
‎下車

159
00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:24,315
‎-不要把我跟壞人留在一起
‎-什麼壞人？這裡沒人

160
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,817
‎那傢伙在打量我們

161
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,987
‎快過來，克麗斯塔，他是妳家警衛

162
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,741
‎什麼姊妹情

163
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:44,627
‎好噁

164
00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:53,135
‎-不是吧，我們到家了
‎-對

165
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:56,305
‎小聲，要是我媽看到我這樣

166
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,265
‎我就死定了

167
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,061
‎妳知道蘭姆可樂的熱量有多高嗎？

168
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,355
‎對厭食症的小孩來說太多了嗎？

169
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,774
‎暴食症，這兩個完全不同

170
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,485
‎過來，我說真的

171
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,820
‎謝了，姊妹

172
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:16,450
‎雖然我明天不會記得
‎但懷抱感恩的心很重要

173
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,954
‎對窮人來說也是，姊妹，妳知道嗎？

174
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,081
‎手機是妳的了

175
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,501
‎-拜託妳
‎-我想展現我人好的一面

176
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,877
‎不是，妳喝醉了

177
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,004
‎妳不拿的話，我會生氣

178
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:31,840
‎這沒什麼，我明天再買就好了

179
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,258
‎謝謝

180
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:42,685
‎喂！

181
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:45,729
‎好吧

182
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,441
‎-你今天吃了什麼？
‎-沒吃

183
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:51,985
‎沒問題，鄰居

184
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,990
‎我們出頭天了，各位
‎猜猜看誰邀我們看球賽？

185
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,868
‎-奶製品店的嘉碧
‎-猜錯了

186
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,621
‎-她很辣
‎-人事部的夏莉托？

187
00:11:03,122 --> 00:11:04,957
‎恩尼斯托，我們的有錢鄰居

188
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,626
‎-鄰居？
‎-怎麼會？

189
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,795
‎他應該是看到我的公仔攤

190
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,798
‎從中看出我的潛力，想跟我合夥

191
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,634
‎-那他幹嘛邀我們？
‎-對啊

192
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:17,928
‎那是他們騙人的招式

193
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,264
‎一開始先假裝沒興趣

194
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:24,351
‎等你放下戒心，以低價賣他們

195
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:27,771
‎我終於可以給蕾歐該過的生活了

196
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:32,526
‎靠，我的藍十字隊球衣好像破了

197
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,111
‎那就穿另一件

198
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,028
‎不行

199
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,323
‎永遠的藍色，阿帕

200
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,035
‎這是洛培茲家的新豪宅，我帶大家…

201
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,414
‎救命

202
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:47,916
‎叔叔

203
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,128
‎你沒事，阿帕，那裡水很淺

204
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,590
‎不會游泳，幹嘛還靠近泳池？

205
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:58,677
‎吸引更多人追蹤，才能幫媽付帳單啊

206
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,929
‎你猜網紅能賺多少錢？

207
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:02,931
‎如果你溺水的話就賺不了多少

208
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:06,727
‎要是我的死訊傳開來，我們會賺更多

209
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:10,189
‎-阿帕
‎-誰死的時候，後院有頭驢子？

210
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,733
‎別鬧了，要來的驢子？

211
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,026
‎領養來的

212
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:18,447
‎我要說的是
‎有很多輕鬆快速的賺錢方式

213
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,782
‎不用坐牢的嗎？

214
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,576
‎姪子，你媽要我幫她

215
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,371
‎在展示會時端雞尾酒給賓客

216
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,123
‎也對，跟她們收錢

217
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:32,085
‎不是啦，你真是飯桶，阿帕
‎當然不是這樣

218
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:36,965
‎食物是招待的
‎但我們可以賣別的東西

219
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,426
‎有聽過少奮鬥30年嗎？

220
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:44,598
‎這是你證明自己的機會，羅伯

221
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:48,727
‎照我說的做，我就重新聘你為
‎克麗斯塔的駕駛教練

222
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:53,106
‎胡說八道，妳開除我是因為
‎妳看得到我卻吃不到

223
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:57,861
‎不是，我開除你
‎是因為那天的優步事件

224
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,989
‎結果那個優步司機是我鄰居

225
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:06,495
‎她手上有你親我的照片
‎我非刪掉那影片不可

226
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,831
‎-所以妳想見我
‎-不是

227
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,085
‎但如果你想見我，別再偷偷溜進來

228
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:16,839
‎更不要跟計程車司機說你要找我先生

229
00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:20,467
‎抱歉，我對妳的愛，讓我做出傻事

230
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:23,470
‎該怎麼辦，我40歲的小姐？

231
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,723
‎首先，你的英文爛透了
‎別再裝模作樣

232
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:30,185
‎你有墨西哥總統的面具嗎？

233
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:32,145
‎當然有，我還有投給他呢

234
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,064
‎好噁，羅伯

235
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,358
‎好噁，普奇

236
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,153
‎卡塔

237
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:48,078
‎一定要等完全乾
‎這樣腋下才會吸收更好

238
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:53,584
‎珠母珍珠質萃取液
‎能讓妳的腋下散發珍珠光的亮白

239
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:57,921
‎經常使用的話，兩三週就能見效

240
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,381
‎刺痛是正常的嗎？

241
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:05,512
‎沒錯，那股燒灼感
‎表示妳的腋下太過暗沈

242
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:08,140
‎保養品開始出現效果

243
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,142
‎-是真的嗎？
‎-很快就不會痛了

244
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:14,938
‎為什麼不能拿
‎墨西哥辣腸三明治給客人吃？

245
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,650
‎可以，但是要一口吃的大小

246
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,320
‎這些太太覺得小一點比較好

247
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,405
‎切開來就好啦

248
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:26,783
‎還要取個花俏的名字，例如…

249
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:31,997
‎豬皮瓜希柳辣椒精緻小點

250
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:40,005
‎記住，富婆都是又胖又孤單
‎只要讓她們覺得自己瘦就成交了

251
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:40,923
‎也是

252
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,593
‎勝利是我們的，孩子
‎像我教你的，別怕成功

253
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,470
‎我的“七杯古龍水”味道如何？

254
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,388
‎-都沒味道了
‎-別煩了

255
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,767
‎亮粉越多顏色越亮

256
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:56,730
‎寶貝，妳還好嗎？
‎我幫妳弄了妳最愛的飲料，零熱量

257
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,399
‎我沒有要喝東西

258
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:03,153
‎我們心有靈犀，妳不用開口

259
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,363
‎請用

260
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,366
‎不用，拜託你走開

261
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,035
‎走開啦

262
00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:11,870
‎快走

263
00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:15,248
‎阿帕，你可能注意到了

264
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:18,835
‎富婆的通病就是性冷感

265
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,965
‎還有通訊軟體群發郵件，乾杯

266
00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:27,260
‎我跟賈西亞博士打過高爾夫球

267
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,972
‎我還救了他一命，讓他不被保鏢揍

268
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:30,889
‎厲害

269
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,558
‎電視台雜誌說大家稱他為博士

270
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,769
‎是因為他離婚離出心得

271
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:39,898
‎也難怪他的老婆離開他
‎他每個老婆都打

272
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,483
‎該死的仇女男

273
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,360
‎妳對足球有什麼了解？

274
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,113
‎我知道你支持的美國對目前有危機

275
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,782
‎因為他們不遵守433戰術

276
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:53,662
‎赫瑞拉教練很會激勵人心
‎但缺乏策略

277
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,957
‎在世界盃換掉阿奇諾就是實證

278
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,667
‎所以荷蘭才會打贏我們

279
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:03,296
‎好啦，不如妳去廚房拿啤酒

280
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:13,098
‎他要進攻了，快衝

281
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,600
‎-有一天…
‎-該死

282
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:19,146
‎我救過布洛迪，也就是豪爾赫坎波斯
‎他差點在公車上被搶

283
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,398
‎有兩個人說：“你知道怎麼做”

284
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,067
‎我說：“什麼怎麼做？不行”

285
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:27,779
‎我出奇不意抓住其中一個
‎結果他說：“搞什麼！”

286
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:32,242
‎接著我掐住另一個人的蛋蛋
‎他像落水狗一樣落荒而逃

287
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,994
‎布洛迪本人嗎？

288
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:37,080
‎對啊，他還送我簽名球衣呢

289
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:41,376
‎“布洛迪給我的兄弟布洛迪
‎謝謝，感激你”

290
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,669
‎少臭美了

291
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,173
‎-真的嗎？
‎-真的

292
00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:49,342
‎-多少錢可以賣我？
‎-這是非賣品

293
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:53,180
‎-一萬披索，一口價
‎-他的簽名很清楚

294
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,683
‎兩萬，不會再多了

295
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,270
‎-他在1994年的世界盃穿這件球衣
‎-三萬

296
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,983
‎-去我家拿吧
‎-不會臭吧？

297
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,068
‎不行

298
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,530
‎-怎麼了？妳沒事吧？
‎-慘了

299
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,241
‎幹嘛？妳懷孕了？

300
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,661
‎不是，他們趁我喝醉時
‎偷了我的iPhone

301
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:19,206
‎這哪有什麼，我被偷了三支

302
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:23,376
‎我沒有要跟你比，蠢蛋
‎爸說過不會再買給我了

303
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:27,881
‎聽過“尋找我的iPhone”嗎？
‎我們會找到的，別緊張

304
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,049
‎我不知道

305
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:33,386
‎腋下快速漂染劑
‎能讓妳的腋下變得乾淨漂亮

306
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:37,349
‎就像那條項鍊一樣美

307
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,142
‎大家還有問題嗎？

308
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,102
‎我有問題

309
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:43,105
‎-妳認識雅里薩嗎？
‎-誰？

310
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,397
‎雅里阿普力西歐

311
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:48,902
‎我好想知道她怎麼救海裡的小孩

312
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,405
‎-我們沒見過
‎-搶劫，手舉高

313
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:53,990
‎是墨西哥總統幫

314
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,784
‎小心，親愛的

315
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:56,910
‎手舉起來

316
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,121
‎好，手放下吧

317
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,250
‎算了，珠寶和包包拿出來

318
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,419
‎我取消了，你沒收到訊息嗎？

319
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:11,299
‎-再說一次你怎麼救布洛迪的？
‎-跟你救賈西亞博士一樣

320
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,260
‎珠寶通通放這邊

321
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,763
‎全部拿出來，項鍊也要

322
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:36,908
‎槍是假的，快抓住他

323
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:38,869
‎-快叫警衛！
‎-抓住他！

324
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,038
‎誰去叫警衛

325
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,708
‎快抓住他，托瑪士

326
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,669
‎他看到我們就溜了

327
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,671
‎別緊張，我們來了

328
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,591
‎我好害怕

329
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,678
‎別再弄了，我知道要拿什麼招待客人

330
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,890
‎窯燒小麥麵糰

331
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,642
‎很適合受驚嚇的人，來吧

332
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,228
‎-不可能
‎-怎樣？

333
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,771
‎在鄰居家

334
00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:08,356
‎不可能

335
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,609
‎我們要去拿回來

336
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,736
‎就像我說的，阿帕

337
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,697
‎我們追著那個壞蛋，但他跳下懸崖

338
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,283
‎所以我們無計可施

339
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,659
‎-你不能跳下去嗎？
‎-不能

340
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,872
‎麻煩聽我說，謝謝

341
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:27,959
‎我想請大家給托瑪士一個掌聲

342
00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:33,215
‎在你服務生的外表下
‎其實藏著的是超級英雄

343
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,425
‎各位，給他掌聲鼓勵

344
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,052
‎真英勇

345
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,347
‎謝謝

346
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:44,226
‎阿帕，今天學到的東西很重要

347
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,978
‎打人時，一定要脫掉上衣

348
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:50,482
‎只要你長得不下流就行
‎這就是今天要學到的

349
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,816
‎她綁架我

350
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,861
‎還說要在飯店浴缸裡摘掉我的腎

351
00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:57,489
‎-什麼？
‎-更惡劣的是，她偷了我的手機

352
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,950
‎這就像把人的手砍掉

353
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,244
‎謊話連篇，那是她說要給我的

354
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:07,290
‎誰會把裝滿自拍照
‎和聯絡方式的手機送人？

355
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,876
‎-醉得不醒人事的人
‎-什麼？

356
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:12,254
‎對，她送我手機

357
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:15,674
‎是為了報答我
‎拯救喝醉又被朋友拋棄的她

358
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:18,468
‎-真的假的，克麗斯塔？
‎-什麼？

359
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:23,974
‎-當然沒有，妳這小偷
‎-克麗斯塔，妳吐在自己身上

360
00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:27,477
‎好了

361
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,605
‎我實在看不下去兩個女生吵成這樣

362
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:35,402
‎女人不是應該像姊妹一樣互挺嗎？

363
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:38,989
‎泰莉，妳不該掩護這個
‎被寵壞的富家女

364
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,116
‎-還有妳，克麗斯“遢”
‎-克麗斯塔

365
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:42,117
‎-對
‎-克麗斯塔

366
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,996
‎妳應該一聲不響把手機偷回去
‎這樣事情就結束了

367
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:53,211
‎親愛的，把手機還給她

368
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:56,381
‎謝謝

369
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,758
‎她偷手機？是這樣嗎？

370
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,681
‎我不曉得，說不定是我給她的

371
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,893
‎不行，我們趕快走，離開這賊窩

372
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,736
‎托瑪士，過來

373
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:23,867
‎-你偷走她的手機了沒？
‎-妳答應敲門的

374
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,244
‎下次會敲，把手機給我

375
00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:30,373
‎別激動，我把妳加進聊天群組了
‎但手機要還回去

376
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,291
‎不行

377
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:35,211
‎我可不是俗氣的小偷，我只偷心

378
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:36,421
‎老土得要命

379
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:39,758
‎妳看這漂亮的東西

380
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:42,927
‎尤莉為表達謝意而送我的

381
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,638
‎我的弟弟

382
00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:47,724
‎你每次都是已婚婦女的菜

383
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:48,975
‎我知道

384
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:51,936
‎謝謝你擋下那個搶匪，太帥了

385
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,313
‎沒什麼

386
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:58,902
‎你坐牢時，我也很痛苦

387
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,030
‎一定很難熬吧？

388
00:22:02,113 --> 00:22:06,993
‎我本來可以坐計程車帶媽去看醫生的

389
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:10,747
‎但我想感受開法拉利的快感

390
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:12,999
‎時速最高的那種

391
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,463
‎我又帥又傻的弟弟

392
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:20,298
‎-哪有？
‎-等一下

393
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:21,883
‎什麼？

394
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:24,761
‎我就說妳在鄰居的聊天群組裡

395
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,764
‎-好好笑，你好像觀光客
‎-對啊，妳看

396
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:29,808
‎妳看

397
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,894
‎舅舅裸上身的影片爆紅

398
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:38,525
‎“富家女尤拉”還創了動圖
‎我的追蹤者數量連帶增加了

399
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:39,567
‎15個？

400
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:42,278
‎我原本只有五個

401
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,280
‎我叔叔是天才

402
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:47,617
‎那是因為他是英雄
‎不是因為他裸上半身

403
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,744
‎妳什麼時候聽過發福的超級英雄？

404
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:53,665
‎沒有嘛，再說，人人都愛大肌肌

405
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:02,882
‎這是要給妳解酒的

406
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,095
‎謝謝

407
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,013
‎克麗斯

408
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:12,600
‎或許我看起來不在意妳要怎樣過活

409
00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:16,438
‎不在意妳攝取多少熱量
‎但我很在意，我發誓是真的

410
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:21,317
‎但不行喝到不醒人事

411
00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:23,653
‎太危險了

412
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:27,991
‎要是別人上傳妳喝醉的影片呢？

413
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,701
‎那要怎麼辦？

414
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:36,499
‎我很不想這麼說，但我們很好運

415
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:38,585
‎那個女人

416
00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:41,087
‎救了妳

417
00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:45,717
‎幸好她要的是妳的手機，不是妳的腎

418
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:51,097
‎我要去哪找優秀女孩的腎來給妳？

419
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,475
‎沒辦法

420
00:23:54,267 --> 00:23:55,894
‎找不到的，寶貝

421
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:57,479
‎找不到

422
00:23:58,396 --> 00:23:59,439
‎媽，謝謝妳

423
00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:02,192
‎妳是史上最棒的媽媽

424
00:24:04,402 --> 00:24:06,196
‎不准再上駕駛課了

425
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:09,991
‎-為什麼？
‎-我跟羅伯說了，我說不行

426
00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:11,284
‎不是吧

427
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:13,661
‎妳是史上最爛的媽媽

428
00:24:16,706 --> 00:24:18,541
‎妳這樣做是對的，寶貝

429
00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:21,711
‎但不管妳怎麼做，我們都會招致批評

430
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,005
‎只因為我們的身分

431
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:26,633
‎-妳是說我們沒錢？
‎-還有膚色，親愛的

432
00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:30,887
‎那我們幹嘛搬來這裡？

433
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:32,805
‎因為我贏得這棟房子

434
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:36,267
‎我們有權利希望家人得到最好的東西

435
00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:40,438
‎但我不確定什麼對你們才是最好的

436
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:45,443
‎但我知道我希望你們得到的
‎不只是昂貴手機

437
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:48,404
‎我希望你們過得快樂

438
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,199
‎想實現遙不可及的夢想也行

439
00:24:51,282 --> 00:24:53,952
‎不對，妳可以當上第一位女總統

440
00:24:54,035 --> 00:24:55,453
‎這樣不是很棒嗎？

441
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:58,164
‎親愛的，這就是開端，敢於夢想

442
00:24:58,248 --> 00:25:01,834
‎妳想做什麼都可以，別忘了

443
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:07,549
‎妳是我今天的女版超級英雄

444
00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:09,717
‎超級女英雄

445
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:14,472
‎二、四、五

446
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:16,432
‎真是的

447
00:25:18,893 --> 00:25:22,021
‎-這是什麼？
‎-給白金女業務的

448
00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:26,067
‎-我一直收著，以防某天要跟妳道歉
‎-道什麼歉？

449
00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:29,612
‎-蕾歐，我老實說…
‎-好可愛

450
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:34,409
‎我的公仔都沒賣出去
‎沒辦法幫忙支付家用

451
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:37,787
‎我真是最差勁的父親

452
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:39,205
‎聽我說，簡納洛

453
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,875
‎別這樣說，親愛的

454
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:45,712
‎你讓泰莉學到了一課

455
00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,548
‎隱瞞那女孩喝酒？還真是好建議

456
00:25:48,631 --> 00:25:51,634
‎不是這個，是你跟她說

457
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:55,763
‎女人要互挺，就像姊妹那樣

458
00:25:55,847 --> 00:25:57,599
‎你這麼說好貼心

459
00:25:57,682 --> 00:26:00,518
‎所以這隻小貓

460
00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:04,272
‎才會瘋狂愛上牠那打呼的公貓

461
00:26:05,273 --> 00:26:06,357
‎好啦

462
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:10,820
‎但獅子要等一下了

463
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,948
‎別再搔我癢了，我要把帳算好

464
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:18,202
‎天啊，有訊息

465
00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:19,829
‎我那天有收到一則訊息說

466
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:25,918
‎“看訊息會妨礙性生活”，蕾歐

467
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:27,837
‎-怎麼了？
‎-老公

468
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,423
‎-幹嘛？
‎-我知道是誰策劃搶案了

469
00:26:30,506 --> 00:26:31,549
‎-誰？
‎-你看

470
00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:35,094
‎不可能，托瑪士？他是怎麼辦到的？

471
00:26:35,178 --> 00:26:37,597
‎那怎麼是托瑪士？你看清楚

472
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,892
‎是羅伯，那個玉米鬚女人的情人

473
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:43,811
‎那個婊子

474
00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:53,655
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜