1
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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

2
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‎（年度最佳派對
‎席爾薇雅艾思賓諾薩德洛斯蒙特羅）

3
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‎不行，這不可能

4
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‎不可能，這本來是我的封面

5
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:35,079
‎-這本來是我的封面
‎-女士，您在做什麼？

6
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‎給我

7
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,497
‎冷靜點，女士

8
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‎要上封面實在太難了，給我

9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,254
‎快點給我

10
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,125
‎-女士，別激動
‎-拿來給我

11
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‎-女士，冷靜點
‎-走開，那是我的封面

12
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:52,892
‎女士，冷靜點

13
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:58,019
‎-小姐，請跟我走
‎-不行，那是我的封面

14
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,863
‎我的老天爺，電費打折了還這麼貴？

15
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,910
‎不用這個

16
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,542
‎-老婆
‎-回來啦

17
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‎-妳猜怎麼著？
‎-不要開，快關掉

18
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‎-慢著
‎-拜託你

19
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‎妳上了雜誌封面

20
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‎親愛的，妳看起來好美
‎像貨真價實的名人

21
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,557
‎-簡納洛，你這是在開我玩笑吧
‎-怎麼啦？

22
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‎你花這麼多錢買雜誌？

23
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,437
‎妳以為我花這麼多錢只買一本？

24
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,099
‎我買了超多本

25
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:50,855
‎兩本給妳媽，每個小孩一本
‎一本給托瑪士

26
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:55,664
‎還有兩本要給前鄰居
‎讓他們看看我們現在多有錢

27
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,543
‎我體內淨化一整週就為了這個？

28
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:07,544
‎生酮飲食、間歇性斷食
‎連大腸水療、運動我都做了

29
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,127
‎《青年企業家》新創訪問也泡湯了

30
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,054
‎那我呢？

31
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,892
‎至少你們的照片沒有醜態畢露

32
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,100
‎我看起來超慘

33
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,060
‎那些混蛋完全沒幫我修圖

34
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,564
‎-妳看起來真的很慘，媽
‎-是不是？

35
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,978
‎這只能怪…

36
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,317
‎蕾歐諾

37
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:35,157
‎全家人都給我聽好了

38
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,945
‎從現在開始，用手掀馬桶蓋

39
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,333
‎一次只開一盞燈

40
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,081
‎-這些都是保養費？
‎-對

41
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,753
‎幫誰保養？

42
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,712
‎我們有錢的鄰居？

43
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‎這就是有錢的代價，連電費都比較貴

44
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,884
‎我不能用大電視看
‎名模賽巴斯汀魯利了嗎？

45
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‎媽，妳幹嘛看他？看我就好啦

46
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‎兒子，你是很帥，但他有一頭金髮

47
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,352
‎配上那雙電眼

48
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‎妳也行行好，外婆

49
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‎外婆，托瑪士是妳兒子耶

50
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,944
‎電費就要這麼多錢了

51
00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:13,935
‎乘以六是一大筆金額，我們得想辦法

52
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,447
‎如果負擔不起，為什麼不搬家？

53
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,869
‎抽獎規則寫得很清楚，親愛的

54
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:21,698
‎我們至少要在這裡住六個月

55
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:26,577
‎我說真的，大家都要湊錢
‎維護這棟房子

56
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:30,004
‎我是有牌的司機，我可以輪兩班優步

57
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,174
‎我可以賣掉我的追蹤者

58
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:36,884
‎但沒人會要他們
‎他們只是五個窩囊廢

59
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:39,466
‎我們賣幾樣高級家具吧

60
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,892
‎這些家具看起來很貴，我們有一大堆

61
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:46,142
‎賣給誰，托瑪士？
‎我們朋友的家裡都放不下

62
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,936
‎大家多少湊一點，不管金額大小

63
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,902
‎（拍賣收藏品）

64
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,702
‎-嗨
‎-今天順利嗎，親愛的？

65
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:08,043
‎親愛的，我雖然說多少湊一點

66
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:11,752
‎但你要賣多少樣收藏品
‎才能付得起帳單？

67
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:15,094
‎每個賣200披索，我有一大堆可以賣

68
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:18,381
‎我連1994年墨西哥世界盃隊的
‎11位球員都拿出來賣

69
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:22,596
‎11個再加上1998年的球隊
‎一共就有21個

70
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:27,269
‎少一個，布洛迪不賣
‎我要把它藏在這

71
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:35,234
‎卡塔，妳在打什麼歪主意？
‎佔席爾薇雅太太的便宜？

72
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:36,566
‎別多管閒事

73
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,821
‎她花很多錢買乳霜

74
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,279
‎美白嗎？

75
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:44,777
‎老公，我有辦法了

76
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,367
‎鄰居，早安

77
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:55,456
‎別想利用我的名聲趨炎附勢

78
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,005
‎這是我們的最後一張合照

79
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:02,259
‎說到這個，妳會更討厭這個

80
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,553
‎這簡直就是藝術品

81
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,257
‎對吧？

82
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:09,226
‎珍妮的派對結束後
‎我在打掃時發現的，他還真帥

83
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,849
‎妳應該一起把他丟進垃圾桶

84
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,061
‎妳想怎樣？

85
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:19,279
‎邀鄰居來我家試用我的化妝品

86
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,867
‎妳應該買不起我們用的品牌

87
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:26,578
‎不用，我有其他更好的

88
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,499
‎算了，記住，我手上也有影片

89
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,119
‎妳偷走我的抽獎券
‎所以那是我的房子

90
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,997
‎妳的情人羅伯…

91
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,094
‎-是羅伯吧？
‎-小聲點

92
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:43,381
‎他想跟妳先生說他有多愛妳

93
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,348
‎那孩子真的很愛妳

94
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:50,057
‎妳要是不幫我邀鄰居過來
‎老娘就親自開門讓他進來

95
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,062
‎我們到底要不要幫她？

96
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,355
‎她老是醉到不醒人事

97
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,689
‎不如我們丟下她

98
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,784
‎別忘了克麗斯塔的媽媽有多機車

99
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:04,450
‎我們在她家後院上空做太陽浴
‎她整個人大發飆

100
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,740
‎-萬一她被車碾過呢？
‎-把她搬進去一點

101
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:13,076
‎不行，那要花好多時間
‎我喜歡的男生在等我

102
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,212
‎走開，路不是妳們家開的

103
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:23,419
‎妳少給我用這種口氣，賤人
‎妳不知道我是哪號人物

104
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,928
‎妳只是個死屁孩
‎我隨時都能讓妳好看

105
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:30,388
‎妳們真的要把她丟在這？

106
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,603
‎妳們的姊妹情被狗啃了？

107
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:36,151
‎-克麗斯塔
‎-她在說“我也是”運動啦

108
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,019
‎饒了我吧，快滾

109
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,864
‎我叫妳們快滾

110
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,033
‎“快滾”

111
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,411
‎克麗斯塔，妳沒事吧？等一下

112
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,405
‎幫我個忙，妳起來

113
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:52,872
‎-很好
‎-去妳們的

114
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,841
‎妳怎麼能叫我做這種事？
‎妳連門都沒敲

115
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,748
‎妳侵犯了我的隱私

116
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:04,127
‎少來了，你跟20個犯人
‎同住過一間牢房

117
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:08,845
‎對，但我不會走回頭路
‎去搶富婆的手機

118
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,558
‎我因為妳而蹲的苦牢夠久了

119
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,890
‎我可沒叫你去偷車

120
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,896
‎那我要怎麼載媽去急診室？

121
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,559
‎妳搭計程車走了

122
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,227
‎好啦，我需要那支手機

123
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,775
‎賣幾樣家具就能買好幾支手機了

124
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,451
‎-不行，我就要那一支
‎-要幹嘛？

125
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:31,200
‎加入鄰居的聊天室

126
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,754
‎推銷我的乳霜，因為玉米鬚妹不幫我

127
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:40,836
‎蕾歐諾或許是新搬來的，但她人很好

128
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:44,168
‎她會上《人物誌》封面
‎都得感謝她名聲響亮的親戚

129
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:48,545
‎這是件大事，親愛的
‎妳覺得她認識雅里阿普力西歐嗎？

130
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,804
‎說不定喔

131
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,679
‎想想看要是她在展示會當中出現？

132
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,015
‎我會開心死，我是狂粉

133
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,151
‎我也是，我會開心到倒地不起

134
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,938
‎我要告訴妳一件很驚人的事

135
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:06,533
‎有個通訊軟體群組
‎傳訊息說有一幫惡棍

136
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,111
‎在高級社區租屋

137
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,117
‎戴著墨西哥總統的面具行搶

138
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,079
‎-我轉傳給妳
‎-好，麻煩妳

139
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,040
‎好

140
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,748
‎你們聽著

141
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:29,183
‎我要你們在展示會當中
‎把洛培茲家的人帶走

142
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,178
‎陪他們去看足球之類的

143
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,471
‎為什麼？

144
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:36,394
‎他們在旁邊，女生會害怕

145
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,194
‎我也一樣，尤拉要我陪她

146
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:42,058
‎為什麼是我們？
‎萬一他們洗劫我們呢？

147
00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,316
‎報警啊，這是哪門子的問題？

148
00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:48,318
‎不要，歐洲冠軍聯賽不播
‎美國隊不打，只剩第二名的藍十字隊

149
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,362
‎想辦法帶走他們，拜託

150
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:53,157
‎普奇，我們去梳毛

151
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:56,584
‎沒錯，妳的毛需要整理一下

152
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,753
‎誰是妳媽咪？

153
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:03,331
‎救命，有人綁架我

154
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:06,587
‎冷靜點，妳那些沒天良的朋友丟下妳

155
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,221
‎萬一有走私器官的人
‎在飯店摘下妳的腎怎麼辦？

156
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:14,969
‎女人要在壓抑的父權體制下互相幫忙

157
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,097
‎妳給我下車，噁心死了

158
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,183
‎下車

159
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,268
‎-不要把我跟壞人留在一起
‎-什麼壞人？這裡沒人

160
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,767
‎那傢伙在打量我們

161
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,937
‎快過來，克麗斯塔，他是妳家警衛

162
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,695
‎什麼姊妹情

163
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,578
‎好噁

164
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:53,088
‎-不是吧，我們到家了
‎-對

165
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,255
‎小聲，要是我媽看到我這樣

166
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,224
‎我就死定了

167
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,019
‎妳知道蘭姆可樂的熱量有多高嗎？

168
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:04,311
‎對厭食症的小孩來說太多了嗎？

169
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,725
‎暴食症，這兩個完全不同

170
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,438
‎過來，我說真的

171
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,778
‎謝了，姊妹

172
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:16,411
‎雖然我明天不會記得
‎但懷抱感恩的心很重要

173
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,907
‎對窮人來說也是，姊妹，妳知道嗎？

174
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,035
‎手機是妳的了

175
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,461
‎-拜託妳
‎-我想展現我人好的一面

176
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,831
‎不是，妳喝醉了

177
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,957
‎妳不拿的話，我會生氣

178
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,795
‎這沒什麼，我明天再買就好了

179
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,218
‎謝謝

180
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,644
‎喂！

181
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:45,692
‎好吧

182
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,398
‎-你今天吃了什麼？
‎-沒吃

183
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,940
‎沒問題，鄰居

184
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:56,948
‎我們出頭天了，各位
‎猜猜看誰邀我們看球賽？

185
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,831
‎-奶製品店的嘉碧
‎-猜錯了

186
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,579
‎-她很辣
‎-人事部的夏莉托？

187
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,909
‎恩尼斯托，我們的有錢鄰居

188
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,575
‎-鄰居？
‎-怎麼會？

189
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,747
‎他應該是看到我的公仔攤

190
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,755
‎從中看出我的潛力，想跟我合夥

191
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,588
‎-那他幹嘛邀我們？
‎-對啊

192
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,885
‎那是他們騙人的招式

193
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:20,218
‎一開始先假裝沒興趣

194
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:24,314
‎等你放下戒心，以低價賣他們

195
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:27,732
‎我終於可以給蕾歐該過的生活了

196
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,478
‎靠，我的藍十字隊球衣好像破了

197
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,066
‎那就穿另一件

198
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:34,991
‎不行

199
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:38,284
‎永遠的藍色，阿帕

200
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,991
‎這是洛培茲家的新豪宅，我帶大家…

201
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,370
‎救命

202
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:47,869
‎叔叔

203
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:51,087
‎你沒事，阿帕，那裡水很淺

204
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,549
‎不會游泳，幹嘛還靠近泳池？

205
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:58,630
‎吸引更多人追蹤，才能幫媽付帳單啊

206
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,888
‎你猜網紅能賺多少錢？

207
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,890
‎如果你溺水的話就賺不了多少

208
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,682
‎要是我的死訊傳開來，我們會賺更多

209
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:10,147
‎-阿帕
‎-誰死的時候，後院有頭驢子？

210
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,689
‎別鬧了，要來的驢子？

211
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:13,983
‎領養來的

212
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:18,396
‎我要說的是
‎有很多輕鬆快速的賺錢方式

213
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,737
‎不用坐牢的嗎？

214
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,532
‎姪子，你媽要我幫她

215
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:26,326
‎在展示會時端雞尾酒給賓客

216
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,082
‎也對，跟她們收錢

217
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:32,044
‎不是啦，你真是飯桶，阿帕
‎當然不是這樣

218
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:36,916
‎食物是招待的
‎但我們可以賣別的東西

219
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,381
‎有聽過少奮鬥30年嗎？

220
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:44,559
‎這是你證明自己的機會，羅伯

221
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:48,678
‎照我說的做，我就重新聘你為
‎克麗斯塔的駕駛教練

222
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:53,058
‎胡說八道，妳開除我是因為
‎妳看得到我卻吃不到

223
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:57,817
‎不是，我開除你
‎是因為那天的優步事件

224
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,952
‎結果那個優步司機是我鄰居

225
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:06,450
‎她手上有你親我的照片
‎我非刪掉那影片不可

226
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,785
‎-所以妳想見我
‎-不是

227
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:13,042
‎但如果你想見我，別再偷偷溜進來

228
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,795
‎更不要跟計程車司機說你要找我先生

229
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,419
‎抱歉，我對妳的愛，讓我做出傻事

230
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,428
‎該怎麼辦，我40歲的小姐？

231
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,681
‎首先，你的英文爛透了
‎別再裝模作樣

232
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,135
‎你有墨西哥總統的面具嗎？

233
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,096
‎當然有，我還有投給他呢

234
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,023
‎好噁，羅伯

235
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,322
‎好噁，普奇

236
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,111
‎卡塔

237
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:48,039
‎一定要等完全乾
‎這樣腋下才會吸收更好

238
00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:53,538
‎珠母珍珠質萃取液
‎能讓妳的腋下散發珍珠光的亮白

239
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:57,884
‎經常使用的話，兩三週就能見效

240
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,342
‎刺痛是正常的嗎？

241
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:05,470
‎沒錯，那股燒灼感
‎表示妳的腋下太過暗沈

242
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,103
‎保養品開始出現效果

243
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,100
‎-是真的嗎？
‎-很快就不會痛了

244
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:14,902
‎為什麼不能拿
‎墨西哥辣腸三明治給客人吃？

245
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,609
‎可以，但是要一口吃的大小

246
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,281
‎這些太太覺得小一點比較好

247
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,360
‎切開來就好啦

248
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:26,735
‎還要取個花俏的名字，例如…

249
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:31,954
‎豬皮瓜希柳辣椒精緻小點

250
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:39,957
‎記住，富婆都是又胖又孤單
‎只要讓她們覺得自己瘦就成交了

251
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:40,875
‎也是

252
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,553
‎勝利是我們的，孩子
‎像我教你的，別怕成功

253
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,433
‎我的“七杯古龍水”味道如何？

254
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,347
‎-都沒味道了
‎-別煩了

255
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,723
‎亮粉越多顏色越亮

256
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:56,687
‎寶貝，妳還好嗎？
‎我幫妳弄了妳最愛的飲料，零熱量

257
00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,356
‎我沒有要喝東西

258
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,110
‎我們心有靈犀，妳不用開口

259
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,323
‎請用

260
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,324
‎不用，拜託你走開

261
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,990
‎走開啦

262
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:11,833
‎快走

263
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,212
‎阿帕，你可能注意到了

264
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,789
‎富婆的通病就是性冷感

265
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,921
‎還有通訊軟體群發郵件，乾杯

266
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,222
‎我跟賈西亞博士打過高爾夫球

267
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,931
‎我還救了他一命，讓他不被保鏢揍

268
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:30,852
‎厲害

269
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,520
‎電視台雜誌說大家稱他為博士

270
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,729
‎是因為他離婚離出心得

271
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:39,859
‎也難怪他的老婆離開他
‎他每個老婆都打

272
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,439
‎該死的仇女男

273
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,323
‎妳對足球有什麼了解？

274
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,070
‎我知道你支持的美國對目前有危機

275
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,743
‎因為他們不遵守433戰術

276
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:53,618
‎赫瑞拉教練很會激勵人心
‎但缺乏策略

277
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:56,912
‎在世界盃換掉阿奇諾就是實證

278
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,617
‎所以荷蘭才會打贏我們

279
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:03,247
‎好啦，不如妳去廚房拿啤酒

280
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,062
‎他要進攻了，快衝

281
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,564
‎-有一天…
‎-該死

282
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:19,101
‎我救過布洛迪，也就是豪爾赫坎波斯
‎他差點在公車上被搶

283
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,356
‎有兩個人說：“你知道怎麼做”

284
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,018
‎我說：“什麼怎麼做？不行”

285
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,738
‎我出奇不意抓住其中一個
‎結果他說：“搞什麼！”

286
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:32,200
‎接著我掐住另一個人的蛋蛋
‎他像落水狗一樣落荒而逃

287
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,952
‎布洛迪本人嗎？

288
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,044
‎對啊，他還送我簽名球衣呢

289
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:41,331
‎“布洛迪給我的兄弟布洛迪
‎謝謝，感激你”

290
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,627
‎少臭美了

291
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,125
‎-真的嗎？
‎-真的

292
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,304
‎-多少錢可以賣我？
‎-這是非賣品

293
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:53,143
‎-一萬披索，一口價
‎-他的簽名很清楚

294
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,641
‎兩萬，不會再多了

295
00:16:57,474 --> 00:17:00,234
‎-他在1994年的世界盃穿這件球衣
‎-三萬

296
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,937
‎-去我家拿吧
‎-不會臭吧？

297
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,034
‎不行

298
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:10,488
‎-怎麼了？妳沒事吧？
‎-慘了

299
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,201
‎幹嘛？妳懷孕了？

300
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,624
‎不是，他們趁我喝醉時
‎偷了我的iPhone

301
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,162
‎這哪有什麼，我被偷了三支

302
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:23,326
‎我沒有要跟你比，蠢蛋
‎爸說過不會再買給我了

303
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:27,837
‎聽過“尋找我的iPhone”嗎？
‎我們會找到的，別緊張

304
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,011
‎我不知道

305
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,342
‎腋下快速漂染劑
‎能讓妳的腋下變得乾淨漂亮

306
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:37,307
‎就像那條項鍊一樣美

307
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,099
‎大家還有問題嗎？

308
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,063
‎我有問題

309
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:43,062
‎-妳認識雅里薩嗎？
‎-誰？

310
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,345
‎雅里阿普力西歐

311
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:48,858
‎我好想知道她怎麼救海裡的小孩

312
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:52,362
‎-我們沒見過
‎-搶劫，手舉高

313
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,946
‎是墨西哥總統幫

314
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,741
‎小心，親愛的

315
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:56,874
‎手舉起來

316
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,081
‎好，手放下吧

317
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:03,213
‎算了，珠寶和包包拿出來

318
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,380
‎我取消了，你沒收到訊息嗎？

319
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:11,260
‎-再說一次你怎麼救布洛迪的？
‎-跟你救賈西亞博士一樣

320
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,220
‎珠寶通通放這邊

321
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,716
‎全部拿出來，項鍊也要

322
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:36,866
‎槍是假的，快抓住他

323
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,829
‎-快叫警衛！
‎-抓住他！

324
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,004
‎誰去叫警衛

325
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,669
‎快抓住他，托瑪士

326
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,626
‎他看到我們就溜了

327
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:49,629
‎別緊張，我們來了

328
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,546
‎我好害怕

329
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,642
‎別再弄了，我知道要拿什麼招待客人

330
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,848
‎窯燒小麥麵糰

331
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,599
‎很適合受驚嚇的人，來吧

332
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,188
‎-不可能
‎-怎樣？

333
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,729
‎在鄰居家

334
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,306
‎不可能

335
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,569
‎我們要去拿回來

336
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,691
‎就像我說的，阿帕

337
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,646
‎我們追著那個壞蛋，但他跳下懸崖

338
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:18,237
‎所以我們無計可施

339
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,623
‎-你不能跳下去嗎？
‎-不能

340
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,826
‎麻煩聽我說，謝謝

341
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,922
‎我想請大家給托瑪士一個掌聲

342
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:33,174
‎在你服務生的外表下
‎其實藏著的是超級英雄

343
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,375
‎各位，給他掌聲鼓勵

344
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,005
‎真英勇

345
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,297
‎謝謝

346
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:44,179
‎阿帕，今天學到的東西很重要

347
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,936
‎打人時，一定要脫掉上衣

348
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,439
‎只要你長得不下流就行
‎這就是今天要學到的

349
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,772
‎她綁架我

350
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,817
‎還說要在飯店浴缸裡摘掉我的腎

351
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,452
‎-什麼？
‎-更惡劣的是，她偷了我的手機

352
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,909
‎這就像把人的手砍掉

353
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,200
‎謊話連篇，那是她說要給我的

354
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:07,254
‎誰會把裝滿自拍照
‎和聯絡方式的手機送人？

355
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,831
‎-醉得不醒人事的人
‎-什麼？

356
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,206
‎對，她送我手機

357
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,634
‎是為了報答我
‎拯救喝醉又被朋友拋棄的她

358
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,434
‎-真的假的，克麗斯塔？
‎-什麼？

359
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:23,929
‎-當然沒有，妳這小偷
‎-克麗斯塔，妳吐在自己身上

360
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,431
‎好了

361
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,557
‎我實在看不下去兩個女生吵成這樣

362
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:35,356
‎女人不是應該像姊妹一樣互挺嗎？

363
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:38,952
‎泰莉，妳不該掩護這個
‎被寵壞的富家女

364
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,069
‎-還有妳，克麗斯“遢”
‎-克麗斯塔

365
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,066
‎-對
‎-克麗斯塔

366
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:45,947
‎妳應該一聲不響把手機偷回去
‎這樣事情就結束了

367
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:53,166
‎親愛的，把手機還給她

368
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:56,344
‎謝謝

369
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,724
‎她偷手機？是這樣嗎？

370
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,642
‎我不曉得，說不定是我給她的

371
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:08,851
‎不行，我們趕快走，離開這賊窩

372
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,691
‎托瑪士，過來

373
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,816
‎-你偷走她的手機了沒？
‎-妳答應敲門的

374
00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:26,197
‎下次會敲，把手機給我

375
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,325
‎別激動，我把妳加進聊天群組了
‎但手機要還回去

376
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:31,254
‎不行

377
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:35,171
‎我可不是俗氣的小偷，我只偷心

378
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,382
‎老土得要命

379
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,721
‎妳看這漂亮的東西

380
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,880
‎尤莉為表達謝意而送我的

381
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,598
‎我的弟弟

382
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,679
‎你每次都是已婚婦女的菜

383
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:48,934
‎我知道

384
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,886
‎謝謝你擋下那個搶匪，太帥了

385
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,267
‎沒什麼

386
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,857
‎你坐牢時，我也很痛苦

387
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:01,988
‎一定很難熬吧？

388
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:06,950
‎我本來可以坐計程車帶媽去看醫生的

389
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:10,704
‎但我想感受開法拉利的快感

390
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:12,957
‎時速最高的那種

391
00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:18,421
‎我又帥又傻的弟弟

392
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:20,263
‎-哪有？
‎-等一下

393
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:21,841
‎什麼？

394
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:24,723
‎我就說妳在鄰居的聊天群組裡

395
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:27,721
‎-好好笑，你好像觀光客
‎-對啊，妳看

396
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:29,772
‎妳看

397
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:32,854
‎舅舅裸上身的影片爆紅

398
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:38,484
‎“富家女尤拉”還創了動圖
‎我的追蹤者數量連帶增加了

399
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:39,515
‎15個？

400
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:42,242
‎我原本只有五個

401
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:44,239
‎我叔叔是天才

402
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,571
‎那是因為他是英雄
‎不是因為他裸上半身

403
00:22:47,657 --> 00:22:49,697
‎妳什麼時候聽過發福的超級英雄？

404
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,619
‎沒有嘛，再說，人人都愛大肌肌

405
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,838
‎這是要給妳解酒的

406
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,048
‎謝謝

407
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:08,969
‎克麗斯

408
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,559
‎或許我看起來不在意妳要怎樣過活

409
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:16,403
‎不在意妳攝取多少熱量
‎但我很在意，我發誓是真的

410
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:21,272
‎但不行喝到不醒人事

411
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,614
‎太危險了

412
00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:27,950
‎要是別人上傳妳喝醉的影片呢？

413
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:29,658
‎那要怎麼辦？

414
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:36,457
‎我很不想這麼說，但我們很好運

415
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:38,537
‎那個女人

416
00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:41,038
‎救了妳

417
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:45,665
‎幸好她要的是妳的手機，不是妳的腎

418
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:51,045
‎我要去哪找優秀女孩的腎來給妳？

419
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:53,427
‎沒辦法

420
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:55,854
‎找不到的，寶貝

421
00:23:56,476 --> 00:23:57,436
‎找不到

422
00:23:58,353 --> 00:23:59,403
‎媽，謝謝妳

423
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,152
‎妳是史上最棒的媽媽

424
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,149
‎不准再上駕駛課了

425
00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:09,946
‎-為什麼？
‎-我跟羅伯說了，我說不行

426
00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:11,241
‎不是吧

427
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,615
‎妳是史上最爛的媽媽

428
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,503
‎妳這樣做是對的，寶貝

429
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:21,672
‎但不管妳怎麼做，我們都會招致批評

430
00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:23,961
‎只因為我們的身分

431
00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:26,585
‎-妳是說我們沒錢？
‎-還有膚色，親愛的

432
00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:30,836
‎那我們幹嘛搬來這裡？

433
00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:32,757
‎因為我贏得這棟房子

434
00:24:33,346 --> 00:24:36,216
‎我們有權利希望家人得到最好的東西

435
00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:40,402
‎但我不確定什麼對你們才是最好的

436
00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:45,398
‎但我知道我希望你們得到的
‎不只是昂貴手機

437
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,363
‎我希望你們過得快樂

438
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:51,155
‎想實現遙不可及的夢想也行

439
00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,909
‎不對，妳可以當上第一位女總統

440
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,412
‎這樣不是很棒嗎？

441
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,124
‎親愛的，這就是開端，敢於夢想

442
00:24:58,205 --> 00:25:01,785
‎妳想做什麼都可以，別忘了

443
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:07,513
‎妳是我今天的女版超級英雄

444
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:09,665
‎超級女英雄

445
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,432
‎二、四、五

446
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:16,385
‎真是的

447
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:21,980
‎-這是什麼？
‎-給白金女業務的

448
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:26,022
‎-我一直收著，以防某天要跟妳道歉
‎-道什麼歉？

449
00:25:26,983 --> 00:25:29,573
‎-蕾歐，我老實說…
‎-好可愛

450
00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:34,373
‎我的公仔都沒賣出去
‎沒辦法幫忙支付家用

451
00:25:36,243 --> 00:25:37,743
‎我真是最差勁的父親

452
00:25:37,827 --> 00:25:39,157
‎聽我說，簡納洛

453
00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:42,830
‎別這樣說，親愛的

454
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,668
‎你讓泰莉學到了一課

455
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,512
‎隱瞞那女孩喝酒？還真是好建議

456
00:25:48,588 --> 00:25:51,588
‎不是這個，是你跟她說

457
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:55,715
‎女人要互挺，就像姊妹那樣

458
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:57,564
‎你這麼說好貼心

459
00:25:57,639 --> 00:26:00,479
‎所以這隻小貓

460
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:04,229
‎才會瘋狂愛上牠那打呼的公貓

461
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:06,310
‎好啦

462
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:10,783
‎但獅子要等一下了

463
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:13,910
‎別再搔我癢了，我要把帳算好

464
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:18,157
‎天啊，有訊息

465
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:19,793
‎我那天有收到一則訊息說

466
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:25,880
‎“看訊息會妨礙性生活”，蕾歐

467
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:27,785
‎-怎麼了？
‎-老公

468
00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:30,377
‎-幹嘛？
‎-我知道是誰策劃搶案了

469
00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:31,513
‎-誰？
‎-你看

470
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:35,050
‎不可能，托瑪士？他是怎麼辦到的？

471
00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:37,545
‎那怎麼是托瑪士？你看清楚

472
00:26:37,637 --> 00:26:40,847
‎是羅伯，那個玉米鬚女人的情人

473
00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:43,768
‎那個婊子

474
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:53,607
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜