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00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,965
[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:09,342
both: * Good morning to you ♪
3
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♪ Good morning to you ♪
4
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:15,015
♪ Good morning,
good morning ♪
5
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♪ It's morning for you ♪
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♪ Get out of my room ♪
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♪ If you don't leave quickly ♪
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♪ I'll fart box this room ♪
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Hey, come on.
Chance is seven.
10
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He should be able
to wake up on his own
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like a normal person
by choking on his own burp.
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Quinten and I
know what we're doing.
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Yeah,
we won Parents of the Year
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two years in a row.
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- Who gives that award?
- I do.
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And heads-up,
I can be bought.
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Okay.
Breakfast time, Gordo.
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But I'm tired.
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Carry me?
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Of course. Come on.
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[grunts]
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Mm.
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I don't know
why you're carrying him.
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He's not even drunk.
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[upbeat saxophone music]
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♪ ♪
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I'm so excited my primos
are coming for spring break.
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We 'bout to turn up!
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{\an8}Oh, well, as long
as I can turn down by 10:00.
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{\an8}I just love
how in Latinx families,
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{\an8}your cousins
are also your best friends.
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{\an8}That's true.
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{\an8}I've got 172 best friends.
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{\an8}I have one cousin.
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{\an8}She's 16 and hates me.
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{\an8}[knock at door]
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{\an8}[squeals]
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{\an8}[all squealing]
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{\an8}Oh, Quentin,
you remember Yesika.
40
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{\an8}Ooh, on socials,
it's Hell-dash-Yesika.
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{\an8}I'm an influencer now.
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{\an8}What are you
under the influence of?
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{\an8}And can I have some?
44
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{\an8}- Miguel, how's grad school?
- It's going great.
45
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{\an8}I'm getting my doctorate
in Chicano studies
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{\an8}with an emphasis
on the cultural significance
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{\an8}of the Hot Cheeto.
48
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{\an8}Yeah, I saw your TED Talk.
49
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{\an8}How did you make the connection
50
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,690
{\an8}between Cheeto dust
and Aztec war paint?
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{\an8}It's obvious...
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{\an8}when you're on 'shrooms.
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{\an8}Orale, that's
how this Chicano studies.
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{\an8}And, Luna,
I didn't know you were coming.
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{\an8}You didn't return
any of my texts.
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{\an8}I unplugged months ago.
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{\an8}And now I live in a van.
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{\an8}People say
that traveling changes you,
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{\an8}but I just keep
becoming more myself.
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{\an8}Wow, your lives are amazing.
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{\an8}Luna's free to travel
wherever she wants.
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{\an8}I'm just living off vibes.
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{\an8}Miguel's a scholar
and activist.
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{\an8}Para la raza.
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{\an8}And Yesika's famous for...
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{\an8}being hot.
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{\an8}[giggles] Aw.
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{\an8}It's true.
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My brand is girl
who gets invited onto boats.
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You know,
like Luna's brand is van life,
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and Miguel's is
Flaming Hot Chicano.
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Oh. Oh, um, what's our brand?
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I'm guessing Kirkland?
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Oh!
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[chuckles]
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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Relax.
No, we are proud parents.
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That's lame, aye!
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That's why I never
made parenting my brand.
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I went for the obvious:
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cholo zaddy.
Watch out.
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[upbeat saxophone music]
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♪ ♪
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Are you making Chance
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a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?
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Let him make his own.
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He doesn't know how.
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The ingredients
are in the name.
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It's not that simple, Grandpa.
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I require a very complicated
peanut butter to jelly ratio.
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This is why you don't have
time for fun, or friends,
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or going to traffic school
for me.
93
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Oh, my dad is right.
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My primos are living
these exciting lives,
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and here we are
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picking peanuts
out of peanut butter.
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Your fault
for not getting creamy, Mom.
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Okay. You know what?
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No, we are not doing chores.
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We are going out
with your primos.
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Who's gonna watch Chance?
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George is.
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I didn't agree to that.
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You did say
that we should have more fun.
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Well,
why would you listen to me?
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I have terrible ideas.
107
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- Thanks.
- Have fun.
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Grandpa, will you
hand that sandwich to me?
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It looks so delicious, but...
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it's all the way over there.
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You're right.
It is delicious.
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With the perfect ratio of mine,
not yours.
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[upbeat saxophone music]
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Oh, this van is so cool.
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It has a toilet.
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I brought juice boxes
and little bags of Cheerios
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if anyone gets hungry.
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Mayan, remember, we're
making different choices today.
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We're living like your primos.
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Make room for the queen.
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- Ooh!
- Hey, familikas!
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Today, I'm hanging out
with my awesome, fun primos.
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both: Aw!
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And my sad, boring primos.
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both: Aw.
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Can we show them
how to live their best life?
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all: Hell-dash-Yesika!
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[giggles]
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And the wide shoulder pads
in the zoot suit
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represents
the weight of oppression
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on the shoulders
of the mighty Chicano.
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[all snapping fingers]
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What does
the pocket watch represent?
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00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,264
Hmm?
135
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,100
Oh, nothing.
It's just cool, fool.
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Finally,
I get to discuss books
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that don't have
green eggs or ham.
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A big part of van life
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is sourcing your own food from
nature, like these berries,
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or as I call them,
nature's berries.
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00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:55,206
Oh, wow, these are way better
than Kirkland berries.
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That's van life.
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* Can you feel the beat
within my heart? ♪
144
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,089
♪ Can't you see my love
shine through the dark?
145
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,050
♪ Can you feel the beat
within my heart? ♪
146
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,010
♪ Can't you see my love
shine through the dark? ♪
147
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,095
♪ Can't you see
that you must be a part ♪
148
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:13,141
♪ Of that beat in my heart? ♪
149
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,352
♪ That beat in my heart ♪
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00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,687
[knock at door]
151
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,064
I do not mean to brag,
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but I just flipped the hell
out of this sign!
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I was like, wah!
154
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,779
Oh.
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00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,739
Good work, Oscar,
156
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:31,493
channeling your ADHD
into a job skill.
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What was that?
158
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,415
[knock at door]
159
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,625
Oh, that's my client.
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00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,876
Go hide in my office.
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00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,253
I don't want him to think
I take in drifters.
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00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,553
Javier, welcome.
163
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May I call you Javier?
164
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,766
No.
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00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:55,934
Okay.
166
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,436
Well, it's signing time.
167
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:01,856
I already went over the terms
of your life insurance policy
168
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,692
with your wife, Teresa.
169
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,236
May I call her Teresa?
170
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,987
No.
171
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,493
Hey, wait.
172
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,954
This says she gets all
the money, and I get nothing.
173
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:19,499
Well, you'd be dead, so...
174
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,167
Exactly.
175
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,961
My wife just wants me
to get life insurance
176
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,796
so that she can
poison my menudo
177
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:28,258
and buy a Bentley
for her sancho.
178
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,094
Well, with the policy
and your budget,
179
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,596
she's looking more
at a pre-owned Kia Sorrento.
180
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,265
[laughs]
181
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,477
I reconsidered.
182
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,104
I handle the finances
in my family,
183
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,189
and I'm not signing this.
184
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,151
My wife will get life insurance
over my dead body.
185
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,486
Yes, that's how it works.
186
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:58,121
Well, there's no way
to spin that.
187
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,832
You Latino men
are so machista.
188
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,751
You know
how much money I miss out on
189
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,336
because men don't want to buy
190
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:07,797
from a powerful,
fashionable, sensual woman
191
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:11,968
who often gets mistaken
for a cable news anchorperson?
192
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,891
You know, you've got a problem
with machismo idiots,
193
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,476
and I can help.
194
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,354
How? Are you some sort
of idiot whisperer?
195
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,192
[whispers] Yes.
196
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:30,362
[upbeat saxophone music]
197
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,990
♪ ♪
198
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,868
- [toy gun clicks]
- Ay!
199
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,086
Take that, colonizer!
200
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,509
I learned that from Tio Miguel.
201
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,887
I'll remember that
for the police report.
202
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,722
[sighs]
203
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,182
Let's play a new game,
all right?
204
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,185
This one is called
Scavenger Hunt.
205
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,978
Let's see if you can find...
206
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,939
a dinosaur,
207
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,483
a minion,
208
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,361
and a half-eaten
chicken nugget.
209
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,035
You're doing good.
You're doing good.
210
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,704
Three, two, one!
211
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,831
Oh!
212
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,041
- Found them all.
- You did.
213
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,418
- Are you having fun, Gordo?
- Yeah.
214
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,627
You should have a turn, Grandpa.
215
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,504
Maybe later on.
216
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,092
[upbeat saxophone music]
217
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,014
I feel so cool. Do you?
218
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,307
Ah, so cool.
219
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,435
Well, well, well...
220
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,231
I hope you had fun
221
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:52,193
while others were
languishing at home.
222
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,737
Are you drinking wine?
223
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:56,364
Yes, Mayan, I am,
224
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:59,701
because that's
the kind of day that I've had.
225
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,663
I had to clean,
and do laundry,
226
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,750
and chase around
the Latino Dennis the Menace.
227
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,255
So don't judge me,
228
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,216
because Mommy needs her juice.
229
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:20,597
Okay, I'm--I'm not ready
to go back to our old lives.
230
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,223
This is the first time in years
that my fingers
231
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,475
haven't smelled
like peanut butter.
232
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,772
I mean, the primos
are here all weekend.
233
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:32,275
Why don't we keep the party
going with an actual party?
234
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,276
That's a great idea.
235
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,694
After the day that I've had,
236
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,071
I could use a party.
237
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,822
No.
238
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,617
You're gonna watch Chance again
so we can have fun.
239
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,119
What? Okay.
Listen, that's not fair.
240
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,789
Hey, it's payback for
all the times that you partied
241
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,500
instead of being a responsible
parent when I was a kid.
242
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:52,087
Damn, actually that is fair.
243
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,130
Primos,
we're throwing a party.
244
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,674
[gasps]
both: Yeah!
245
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,592
I won't even charge
to show up.
246
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,636
Oh, we're gonna
have this place bouncing
247
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,513
like a low rider.
248
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,723
To honor our ancestors.
249
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,686
[upbeat music]
250
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,979
♪ ♪
251
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,940
It's lucky your cousins
have so many friends
252
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,150
since our social circle is...
253
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,360
Chance.
254
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,072
All right, Chance,
255
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,532
we're camping out
in the truck tonight,
256
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,117
but I want you
to take a good look around
257
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:26,496
so you appreciate what I'm
giving up to take care of you.
258
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,748
[sighs]
You're a grandpa.
259
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,208
Let it go, man.
260
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,045
He's kidding.
I'm the sexy nephew
261
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,507
from the island of Ensenada.
262
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,842
We'll see you
in the morning, buddy.
263
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,011
You guys get to party
and I don't?
264
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,637
That's not fair!
265
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,017
You took our twenties
from us!
266
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,435
I'm sorry.
267
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,228
You gotta let us have this, buddy.
268
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:53,314
Dang, I guess that is fair.
269
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,402
[glass shattering]
270
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:00,196
Uh-oh. You think
that was something valuable?
271
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,198
Doesn't matter,
because that means
272
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,993
that this party is lit.
273
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,495
Do people still say "lit"?
274
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,456
That was lit!
275
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,082
They do!
[chuckles]
276
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:15,086
♪ ♪
277
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,421
[upbeat saxophone music]
278
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,715
Thanks for giving our company
a second chance.
279
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,469
I think you'll have a better
connection with my boss.
280
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,978
Hello.
281
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,397
My name is Mr. Office.
282
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,317
You can call him Oscar.
283
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,611
Let us go down on business.
284
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,741
Good to meet you, Oscar.
285
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,743
Hey, you see that fight
Friday night, huh?
286
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,829
Yep, saw it the way
it was meant to be seen:
287
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,832
on stolen cable
in my mom's garage.
288
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,960
And your mom's hot?
289
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,547
I mean, kinda, I guess.
290
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,094
So what do you say, Javi?
291
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,679
You ready to sign this policy?
292
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,598
Then we can do
what real machos do:
293
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,393
shop for belts
at the swap meet.
294
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:16,481
Still not ready to sign,
but I'm up for the swap meet.
295
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:20,485
I got some corduroy slippers
to return.
296
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:23,238
Cancel my afternoon,
Mrs. Secretary.
297
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:26,199
I'm taking my client
to the swap meet.
298
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,909
[upbeat saxophone music]
299
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:31,413
[Usher's "Yeah"]
300
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,498
We should throw a party
every weekend.
301
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,916
I just met a girl named Margo
302
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,377
who's moving to Paris
on a whim.
303
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,546
A whim, Quentin!
304
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,757
I talked to a guy
who live-streams himself
305
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,759
playing video games all day,
306
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:47,512
and people think he's cool.
307
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,514
Where did I go wrong?
308
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,143
What's with the line
outside the bathroom?
309
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,394
♪ ♪
310
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,479
Sorry.
311
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,481
- Everything okay?
- Don't worry.
312
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,692
It's just
that time of the month...
313
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:05,447
when my tapeworm starts ramming
against my stomach lining.
314
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:06,823
Did you just say "tapeworm"?
315
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,076
[sighs]
316
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:13,038
Part of van life
is forging from dumpsters.
317
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:15,623
Sometimes you pick up a
perfectly good head of lettuce.
318
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,418
Sometimes
you pick up a parasite.
319
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,544
Mm.
[stomach gurgling]
320
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,547
Okay, I'm going back in. Ooh.
321
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,257
We'll go find you a plunger.
322
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,052
That you can keep forever.
323
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,389
- Miguel?
- Mm?
324
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,601
- Mm.
- What are you doing?
325
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,811
Oh, I'm just researching
the dietary habits
326
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:39,981
of a multigenerational
Chicano family.
327
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:42,275
I'm stealing food.
328
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,693
What?
329
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,195
Don't you have
a meal plan at school?
330
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:48,573
No, what I have is
$300,000 in student debt,
331
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,450
and I didn't even go
to a good school.
332
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,621
Dear Lord! Oh!
333
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,498
Yesika, what's wrong?
334
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:59,376
I lost all my sponsors
to a new influencer
335
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,628
named Hell-slash-Yesika.
336
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,548
She's just like me, but...
337
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,550
she actually
has something to say.
338
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,139
Well, at least you still
have 50,000 followers.
339
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,808
They're all bots!
340
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,105
Okay, the primos' lives
341
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,148
do not seem as glamorous
as they did earlier.
342
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,859
I mean, Luna's got a tapeworm,
Miguel is starving,
343
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:28,196
and now Yesika
is so-dash-depressika.
344
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,906
You guys,
you might want to check out
345
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,324
what's happening
in the sex room.
346
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,909
Which room is that?
347
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,744
The one with the bunk beds
and the sex toys--
348
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:37,664
well, regular toys
people are using for sex.
349
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:40,792
- Oh, God!
- Oh! Run!
350
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,336
[upbeat saxophone music]
351
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,133
♪ Girl look at that body ♪
352
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,969
Mayan,
I was just in Chance's room.
353
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,346
We're gonna have
to burn all the sheets.
354
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,726
Someone did install
a cool swing set, though.
355
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,978
We made a huge mistake.
356
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,312
All right.
It's time to shut this down.
357
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,106
Everybody, party's over.
358
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,275
- Uh, it's time to go home.
- Yeah.
359
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:09,279
I am home, homes.
360
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,489
Dad, where's Chance?
361
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:15,577
I left him with Rosie.
I ain't about that parent life.
362
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:19,205
You guys, I'm so sorry.
363
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,582
[laughter]
364
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,208
- Oh, wow.
- Ooh.
365
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,626
[chuckles]
366
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,880
All that swap meet tequila
went right through me.
367
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,214
Uh, bathroom?
368
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,010
Ohh.
369
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,012
So how did it go?
370
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,431
Did you idiot-whisper Javier
into signing?
371
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,475
No, but I got him drunk.
372
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,978
And I convinced him to keep
those corduroy slippers.
373
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,191
Okay, I can work with drunk.
374
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,360
George is
the most stubborn man I know,
375
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,737
but after a few,
376
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:54,949
there's one thing
that melts his machismo.
377
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,202
A Pit Bull named Poncho.
378
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,580
Mariachi.
379
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,458
[soft mariachi music]
380
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:07,712
Ahh-ha-ha-ha-ha-hi!
381
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,965
Ahh-ha-ha-ha-hi!
382
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,927
Oh, I love this song.
383
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:17,430
It reminds me of my mom.
384
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,225
Is she also hot?
385
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,768
I mean,
she wasn't spray-painted
386
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:25,438
on half the low riders
in Downey because she was ugly.
387
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,402
She died last year.
388
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:33,446
Yeah, I had to take care
of all the arrangements myself.
389
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,699
- That sounds so expensive.
- Yeah.
390
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:39,035
If only there was something
that could cover those costs
391
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,912
and leave enough left over
392
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:44,833
to get a tattoo of her face
on your arm.
393
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:49,421
{\an8}Yeah,
I had to do this one myself.
394
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:51,381
Oh, wow.
Your mom was Chewbacca.
395
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,842
That's great.
396
00:18:56,136 --> 00:19:00,223
You don't want to leave
your wife in the same situation
397
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:01,808
if you go first.
398
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,770
Yeah, okay.
399
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,063
Where do I sign?
400
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:14,154
♪ ♪
401
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,782
- We did it.
- You did it.
402
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,451
You are a great agent.
403
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:22,162
I know.
404
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:25,457
Just remember,
behind every machismo man
405
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:28,877
is a little boy who just
wants a hug from his mom.
406
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,257
Or his best friend's ex-wife.
407
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,094
Get out.
408
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,063
[upbeat saxophone music]
409
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:51,232
- [all groaning]
- Okay.
410
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:54,444
Grilled PB&J with potato chips.
411
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,488
It is
the world's best hangover cure.
412
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,533
I think.
This is my first hangover.
413
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,371
I'm full.
414
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,540
Yeah, I accidentally swallowed
one my eyelashes last night.
415
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,503
[groans]
416
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:14,547
Can I have extra?
I'm eating for two.
417
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,676
Oh, you're pregnant?
Congratulations.
418
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:21,262
No, it's for me and my worm.
419
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,517
Congratulations.
420
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,020
Man, I'm so jealous.
421
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,397
You guys
have your life together.
422
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,691
You really are
Parents of the Year.
423
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:34,317
Adopt me?
424
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,656
You know, maybe we focus
so much of our time on Chance
425
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,616
'cause it's easier
than trying to figure out
426
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,535
our identities outside
of being parents.
427
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,705
I mean, it's tough
because Chance needs us.
428
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,790
I mean, we have to be up early
to get him dressed,
429
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,958
make him breakfast.
430
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,459
Morning.
431
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,214
I'll be making
my own PB&J today.
432
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,299
That's right.
I'm a man now.
433
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,639
{\an8}Good,
now you can get out there
434
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:08,101
{\an8}and get your own bunk bed.
435
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,602
{\an8}He's making
his own breakfast?
436
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,187
{\an8}Well, that's gonna save us
some time.
437
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:14,482
{\an8}So maybe we can have fun
every once and a while,
438
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:17,027
{\an8}like wine tasting
at Kirkland Vineyards.
439
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:19,404
{\an8}Okay.
440
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,198
{\an8}But we're gonna need
to lean on Dad more.
441
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:25,702
{\an8}You know I don't like
when you call me that.
442
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:29,539
{\an8}[upbeat saxophone music]