1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,798 [upbeat saxophone music] 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,343 - Dad, you're getting cheese on my couch. 3 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:11,803 And I can't flip the cushion over 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,556 because you got chili on the other side. 5 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,933 - It's not my fault you keep your cushions 6 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,102 where I keep my chili. 7 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,812 Don't worry. I'll clean it. 8 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,445 - Ooh, couch con queso! 9 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,656 Don't mind if I do. 10 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,286 - Gordo, don't you want to tell them 11 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,121 about the fight you got into at school today? 12 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,709 - No, that pretty much covers it. 13 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,003 - What? - You got into a fight? 14 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,671 - Are you okay, Gordo? 15 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,840 Who did this to you? - Yes, tell us. 16 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,717 So I can hunt down that little psychopath 17 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:53,094 and slash the tires of his Big Wheel. 18 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,305 - His name's Mateo. 19 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,599 He lives at 5543 86th-- 20 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,392 - Okay, okay. 21 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,728 Everyone, keep your earrings on. 22 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,024 How do we know Chance isn't the little psychopath? 23 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,943 - This sweet face? 24 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,738 - I have the same sweet face, and I've done stuff. 25 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,574 Okay, Gordo, come over here. 26 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,118 It's time you and I had a friendly chat. 27 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,790 Where were you on the morning of today? 28 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,379 - I was at recess just minding my business, 29 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,256 waving my arms around like a regular boy. 30 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,218 - And then what happened? 31 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,679 - Then Mateo's face got in the way. 32 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,598 - So you punched him. 33 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,475 - If that's what you wanna call it. 34 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,560 - I want the truth. 35 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,146 - You can't handle the truth! 36 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,484 But yeah, I punched him. 37 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,447 - Queso closed. 38 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,617 [upbeat saxophone music] 39 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:04,582 * * 40 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:12,298 - I can't believe Chance punched someone. 41 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,591 - You gotta do something 42 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,428 before he turns into a Menendez brother. 43 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,388 - Oh, don't worry. 44 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,849 We're coming in hot... 45 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,726 with fresh baked cookies. 46 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,979 - It's how we get him to open up. 47 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,606 Like the children's book says, if you give a mouse a cookie, 48 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,858 it talks about its feelings 49 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,027 and stops punching the other mice. 50 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:35,613 - You're rewarding bad behavior with cookies. 51 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,615 - You should know I mixed the regular trash 52 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,076 with the recycling on purpose. 53 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,828 So punish me too, Daddy. 54 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,246 Ay! 55 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,879 - Chance acted out, and according to my therapist... 56 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,964 - Ay, here we go. 57 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,425 - A child needs help understanding their behavior, 58 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,843 not just someone saying, 59 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,178 "You didn't put your crayons away, 60 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,056 so now baby Jesus is crying." 61 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,767 - You never left them lying around again. 62 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,894 And I also used "eat your veggies 63 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,063 or Yolanda gets parole." 64 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,356 Oh, oh, and my favorite: 65 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,690 "You dyed your hair purple, 66 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,568 and now your abuelita's in the hospital." 67 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,738 - This is exactly what my therapist was talking about. 68 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:20,617 You used emotional manipulation to scare me into behaving. 69 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:23,912 - Stop saying that, or you'll cause a forest fire. 70 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,665 Why are you talking to this therapist about me anyway? 71 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,710 Isn't your life interesting enough? 72 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,545 - Definitely not. I read all her DMs. 73 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,589 Ain't nobody sliding in there. 74 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,551 - I talk about everything in therapy, Mom. 75 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,679 It helps me process my feelings. 76 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,472 You'd understand it if you tried it sometime. 77 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,391 - Mm, therapy's a waste of money, 78 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,477 according to my psychic, Madam Jeanette. 79 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,312 - Then I'll pay for it. 80 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,855 You should talk to Dr. Brenda. 81 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,649 - Fine, I will, 82 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:55,068 so I can tell her to stop poisoning you against me... 83 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,571 and to go by her last name like a real doctor. 84 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,240 - That is her last name. 85 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,409 She's Dr. Glenda Brenda. 86 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,161 Anyway, whatever gets you in the door. 87 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,038 It'll be great to finally prove to my therapist 88 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,748 that you're a real person and not just a blend 89 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,250 of Disney villains I made up. 90 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,836 * * 91 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,087 - Hey, buddy. 92 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:16,089 Seemed like you had a hard day. 93 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:19,342 Why don't you tell Mommy and Daddy how you're feeling? 94 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,011 - I feel awful... 95 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,638 about the lack of chips in this cookie. 96 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,809 I thought we talked about this. 97 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,941 - My therapist said he might react this way. 98 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,444 But there's a tool we can use to get him to open up. 99 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,446 Follow my lead. - Got it. 100 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,615 - We get it, Chance. 101 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,535 You don't wanna talk to your lame parents about this. 102 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,954 Luckily, you can talk to... 103 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,042 [as Goosey] Hi, Chance. 104 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,668 I'm Goosey. 105 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,378 [honks] 106 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:59,174 - [as Quackey] And I'm Quackey. 107 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,009 - [normally] Stop. There only needs to be one. 108 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,093 You're making it weird. 109 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,636 - [normally] I'm sorry. 110 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,389 - [as Goosey] So tell me what happened today. 111 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:09,476 Did Mateo say something to make you upset? 112 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,644 - Yeah, he said Snorlax 113 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:14,356 was a more powerful Pokémon than Charizard. 114 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,526 Everyone knows that's a filthy lie. 115 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,445 - Actually, Gordo, there's a lot of debate. 116 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,530 If you consult-- - Not the time, nerd! 117 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,660 - It's okay to be upset. 118 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,245 But if you can recognize those feelings, 119 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,413 then you can calm yourself. 120 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,166 That is called emotional regulation. 121 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:36,211 - Goosey has a song about it. 122 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,629 [clears throat] 123 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,091 * When you're feeling some frustration * 124 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,134 * Emotional regu-- * - I'm good. 125 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,304 Look, Mom, Dad, 126 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,348 Goosey, 127 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,225 I feel terrible. 128 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,810 And I'm really sorry. 129 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,646 And I promise it will never happen again. 130 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,439 - Well, that's great, buddy. 131 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,149 - Can I go hang out with Grandpa now? 132 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,903 - Sure! Get out of here, you emotionally stable kid. 133 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,951 [normally] We got him to process his feelings. 134 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:10,745 - I mean, we spent hundreds of dollars on parenting books, 135 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,123 and all we really needed was a pair of googly eyes 136 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,624 we won playing Whac-A-Mole. 137 00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:19,212 - But I still can't believe Chance resorted to violence. 138 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,089 Where would he even learn something like that? 139 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,549 [boxing bell dings] 140 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,384 - Ale!Get him! 141 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,344 Get him! That's it! That's it! 142 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,431 - Get him! Beat his eyes out! 143 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,724 - Chance, watch your mouth. 144 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,435 In boxing, the correct term is "jab." 145 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,602 - Jab his eyes out! 146 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,104 - There you go. Eso, mijo! 147 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,528 - Dad, it is inappropriate to let Chance watch boxing. 148 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,155 - Why, because he can't bet? 149 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,281 I spotted him. 150 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,326 - Chance got into that fight at school 151 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,870 because he's mimicking the violence 152 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,204 you let him watch on TV. 153 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,330 - Okay, hang on a second. 154 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,082 Seeing things on TV 155 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,792 doesn't change a person's behavior. 156 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,919 Quinten watches "Real Housewives," and-- 157 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,379 oh, bad example. 158 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,716 - Even if I didn't watch the show, 159 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,343 I'd still buy Lisa Rinna's rosé. 160 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,303 It is refreshing. 161 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,268 - Dad, we need to present a united front 162 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,270 when it comes to Chance's bad behavior. 163 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,272 He's in a really good place now, 164 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,232 thanks to us and Goosey. 165 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,154 [as Goosey] How's it honkin', homes? 166 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,948 - What the hell is that? 167 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,784 - That's Goosey. 168 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,828 And it is apparently how we do things around here now. 169 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:37,082 And you need to embrace this as a nonviolent household. 170 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,124 - Yeah, I do. 171 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,834 That's why I watch boxing on TV 172 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:43,213 and don't host cage matches in the garage... 173 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,464 anymore. 174 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,927 - Well, Chance is easily influenced. 175 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,595 And we are not raising a bully, 176 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,138 so no more boxing in this house. 177 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,516 - Come on. Aye, wait a minute. Come on. That's not fair. 178 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,226 There's a big championship fight coming up: 179 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,603 Lopez versus Lopez. 180 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,900 And I bet money on the hotter, more famous one. 181 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,235 - Too bad. 182 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,153 We're taking that box back to the cable company. 183 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,655 - Okay, wait a minute. The--the-- 184 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,825 the cable company is a guy named Boxcutter Beto. 185 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,495 You try to take that box back, 186 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,872 you'll find yourself in a box in the LA River, Mayan. 187 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,711 - Still not as difficult to cancel as Spectrum. 188 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,173 [upbeat saxophone music] 189 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,759 - I'm here! 190 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,387 And I'm healed. 191 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:38,601 Oh, my session with Dr. Brenda went great. 192 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,479 - If Nancy Meyers made a movie about non-white people, 193 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,481 you'd be the star. 194 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,820 - Yep, I learned about boundaries, 195 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,572 coping mechanisms, 196 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,366 and that you're the source of most of my trauma. 197 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,955 - I'm sorry, what? 198 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,583 - Mm-hmm. Dr. Brenda-- 199 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:06,212 oh, sorry, my therapist-- 200 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,590 she helped me realize 201 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,217 that criticizing the way I raised you 202 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,428 is your way of deflecting 203 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:18,767 your own shortcomings as a parent onto me. 204 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,604 - Did she really say "shortcomings"? 205 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,397 - She implied it with her eyes. 206 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,819 The point is, my parenting style worked. 207 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,279 Yours does not. 208 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,032 Namaste. 209 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,535 - You should know, we had a breakthrough with Chance. 210 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,329 So we're doing just fine without resorting 211 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,247 to any of your manipulation tactics. 212 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,916 - Mm, you should know 213 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:46,169 that Dr. Brenda validated that I don't manipulate you. 214 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,254 You manipulate me into believing 215 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,590 that my manipulation is manipulative. 216 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,094 - What? 217 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,304 - Oh, see? 218 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,349 You're doing it again. 219 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,936 * * 220 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,897 [device bleeping] 221 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,985 - [as Goosey] Hey, Gordo, what's up? 222 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,740 - [sighs] 223 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,075 Oh, Lord. 224 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:22,914 - I don't wanna be here either, fool. 225 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:27,252 But I need to tell you that violence is wrong. 226 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,796 Unless they pay you to do it. Then it's called sports. 227 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,424 Now, go run. Tell your parents. 228 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,137 - Grandpa, you're better than this. 229 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,888 - [normally] No, I'm not. 230 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:41,808 I need you to show your parents 231 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,685 that I'm not a violent influence on you 232 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,145 so I can get my cable back 233 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:49,399 and watch two men splatter a crowd with spit and blood. 234 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,234 - You're going about it all wrong. 235 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,569 You could just do what I do. 236 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,195 - What do you do? 237 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,072 - Any time I get in trouble, 238 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,866 I look all sad and say, 239 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,160 "I'm so sorry. 240 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:03,079 And it'll never happen again." 241 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,877 - Wow, man, you're like Cate Blanchett in "Titanic." 242 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,172 - If it's really bad, 243 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,841 then I throw in a "I wuv you." 244 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:19,471 And make sure it's "wuv" with a W. 245 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,849 - And your parents fall for that? 246 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,560 [as Goosey] Yup. Then I do what I want. 247 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,062 Goose attack! 248 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,980 - Ow! 249 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,899 * * 250 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,324 - [whimpering] 251 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,494 - Dad, what happened? 252 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,037 - You realized it's finally time 253 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,915 to put that thing on ice? 254 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:51,127 - I was minding my own business like a regular grandpa, 255 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,339 and your son punched me in the nuts. 256 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,509 - I'm not happy he's still hitting people, 257 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:01,304 but at least he's doing it in a funny way now. 258 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,057 - Whatever. You guys think you're such great parents. 259 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,351 He told me he fakes his apologies. 260 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,477 - What? - Yeah. 261 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,312 That he says, like, "I'm so sorry," 262 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,940 and that "I'm never gonna do it again." 263 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,779 - I can't believe Chance lied to us. 264 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,906 - I don't know where he learned to lie like that, 265 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,283 but it wasn't from a war hero like me. 266 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,287 - Oh, I hate myself for saying this, 267 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:29,165 but it's not your father's fault. 268 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,422 - Don't turn me on, vieja. I'm still healing. 269 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,258 - Ay. 270 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,552 Dr. Brenda is right. 271 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,804 Here you are blaming everyone in the world-- 272 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:47,017 me, your father, Manny Pacquiao-- 273 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:49,644 instead of holding yourself accountable 274 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,563 for Chance's bad behavior. 275 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,106 - That's right. 276 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,858 I didn't come back from the moon to be treated like this. 277 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,067 Ay. 278 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,614 - If you want Chance to stop manipulating you, 279 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:05,243 you have to do what any good parent would do: 280 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,495 manipulate him better. 281 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,502 - And all she's missing is a coat made of dalmatians. 282 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,090 - I actually think your parents might be right. 283 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,800 We have to try something new with Chance, 284 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,261 'cause everything we're doing right now, it doesn't work. 285 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,637 - Then I guess it's time to do 286 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,432 the one thing I said I would never do: 287 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,101 parent like I was parented. 288 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,314 - You're gonna disappear on him for ten years? 289 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:37,817 - I meant like my mom. 290 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,027 - Mm. 291 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,236 Yes, that makes more sense. 292 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,489 [upbeat saxophone music] 293 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,991 - [sighs] My daughter doesn't understand. 294 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,701 I'm a child of immigrants. 295 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,329 Emotions were a luxury we couldn't afford. 296 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,540 We had to save it for funerals. 297 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,417 Oh, my mother, 298 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:58,588 she really knew how to throw herself at a casket. 299 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,882 - I don't care! 300 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,343 You've been talking my ear off for 40 minutes. 301 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,054 I'm ready to punch myself in the nuts. 302 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,640 If it makes you feel any better, 303 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,725 there's no one Mayan blames more than me. 304 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,810 - Aw. 305 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,561 It does. 306 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,982 She also thinks that you're a bad influence on Chance. 307 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,693 If I were you, I'd watch my step. 308 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,862 Mayan wasn't afraid to throw out the cable box. 309 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:26,282 And unlike you, that actually brought her pleasure. 310 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,244 - I'm not worried. 311 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,370 I'm the sniffing glue 312 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,414 that holds this family together. 313 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,667 - Mm, don't be so sure. 314 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,169 She not only let you back in her life. 315 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,505 She opened her home to you. 316 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,758 So when you don't respect her boundaries, 317 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,135 it's triggering. 318 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,220 - Wow, you learned a lot in therapy. 319 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,723 - Oh, I didn't go. - What? 320 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,391 - [laughs] 321 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,561 I'm just messing with Mayan 322 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,397 so she doesn't throw that therapist in my face. 323 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,985 - You're worse than a Disney villain. 324 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,154 You're a telenovela villain. 325 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:07,657 * * 326 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,243 - Hey, buddy. 327 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,911 You know the rules. No basketball indoors. 328 00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,621 - Oh, right. My bad. 329 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:15,999 - Look at that. 330 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,625 He listened. 331 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,669 Maybe his acting out was just a phase. 332 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,670 - Yeah. 333 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,380 [lamp shatters] 334 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,720 - Chance, you broke the lamp 335 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,639 I hoped to have time to read under someday. 336 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:37,145 - And what did I just say about basketballs in the house? 337 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,147 - You said to go outside. 338 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:40,607 But Churro pees in here, 339 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:45,862 and Grandpa says anywhere you can pee counts as outside. 340 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,033 - Well, Grandpa doesn't make the rules. 341 00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,076 We do. 342 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,037 - I'm so sorry. 343 00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:56,581 And it'll never happen again. 344 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,502 I wuv you. 345 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,839 - Okay, good. 346 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,967 - No, not good. - Right. 347 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,220 Not good. 348 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:19,771 - Chance, the messiness, the hitting, the lying, 349 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,439 you're picking it all up from Grandpa. 350 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,192 - Yeah, and having him around 351 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,444 has been a bad influence on you. 352 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,863 - But he's a war hero. 353 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,495 - He's teaching you the wrong values. 354 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,997 And because of the way you've been acting, 355 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,916 Grandpa has to move out. 356 00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,584 - What? - What? 357 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,007 - I'm afraid we have no choice. 358 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:50,260 Chance has just been that bad. 359 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,220 So, Dad, please pack up your things 360 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,680 and find somewhere else to live. 361 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,807 - No, I like having Grandpa here. 362 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,434 He's my best friend. 363 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,312 - And you're my best friend too, Gordo. 364 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,232 - Please don't make him leave. 365 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,900 I promise I'll be good. 366 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,696 - [voice breaks] Have mercy on us. 367 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,658 I don't have anywhere else to go! 368 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,954 - Okay. Did we take this too far? 369 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,706 'Cause I don't even like that lamp. 370 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,044 - And I was never gonna read. 371 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,879 * * 372 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,595 - Okay, we were bluffing. 373 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,347 Grandpa's not going anywhere. 374 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,973 - He's not? 375 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,016 - I'm not? 376 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,685 - No. 377 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,313 We just said that to scare you so you'd act better. 378 00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:47,734 - What kind of sick, twisted mind game is that? 379 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,278 - Yours and Mom's. 380 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,073 - Oh, yeah, it worked. 381 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,199 - No, it doesn't. 382 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,534 Nobody feels good about this situation. 383 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,828 - I heard George crying. 384 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,622 And I came to laugh. 385 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:05,043 Gordo? 386 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,003 Are you okay? 387 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:11,216 What did you people do to my grandchild? 388 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,843 - We tried to follow your advice 389 00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,470 and parent like you-- 390 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,681 which you manipulated us into doing. 391 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,307 - My therapist said-- 392 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,475 - I called Dr. Brenda, 393 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,185 and she says she's never met you. 394 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,900 - Damn it. I thought I had another week. 395 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:34,948 - Gordo, why don't you go play some games in the kitchen? 396 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,991 - I don't know what we're supposed to do with Chance. 397 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,661 - Well, being a good parent is tough, 398 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,913 which is why I've avoided it. 399 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,915 - I just feel like we're failing him. 400 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,043 - Aw, he's doing what seven-year-olds do. 401 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:49,713 - Yeah, he's just testing your boundaries like I do 402 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,882 with you guys or electric fences. 403 00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:56,052 Listen, don't get a big head, but you two are good parents. 404 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,846 You didn't let me get away with anything. 405 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,098 You took away my cable box. 406 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,309 - So setting boundaries and using consequences worked 407 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,021 with our geriatric toddler. 408 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,651 - I only wear diapers when I travel in space. 409 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:14,070 - Ay, get your lies straight, tonto. 410 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,781 Were you at war or were you in space? 411 00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:21,077 - Both, in a galaxy far, far away. 412 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,622 - Ooh, I love that story. 413 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,625 Did he tell you about Han Cholo? 414 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,588 - Come take a seat, Gordo. 415 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:32,797 Come here. 416 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,301 - We're sorry we tricked you. 417 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,178 We made some bad choices. 418 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,305 But so did you. 419 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,681 - True. 420 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:46,019 All that couch queso gave me the bubble guts. 421 00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,065 - Look, we want you to grow up to be a good person. 422 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,609 So that means that when you misbehave, 423 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,277 there has to be a consequence. 424 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,321 - Like a cookie? 425 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,240 - A real consequence. 426 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,659 - Gluten-free cookie. 427 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:05,121 - [chuckles] No. 428 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,915 Your consequence is going to be 429 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,542 apologizing to Mateo and your grandpa for hitting. 430 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:12,796 And it's a real apology. 431 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,340 - Okay, I can do that. 432 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,008 - And no screens for a week. 433 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,718 - A week? 434 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:23,932 You mean five business days, right? 435 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,560 [upbeat saxophone music] 436 00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:30,105 - Mayan, without his iPad, 437 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,399 Chance has forced me to play 57 games 438 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,525 of Hungry Hungry Hippos. 439 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,444 It is--it is binging, and it's purging, 440 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:37,821 and I can't take it anymore! 441 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,324 - You think that's bad? 442 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:46,079 Without his cable, my dad's been talking to me. 443 00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:47,372 - Okay. Well, you know what? 444 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,415 The week will be over in... 445 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,083 six and a half days? 446 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,251 - Ugh. 447 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,169 - There you two are. - No. 448 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,881 - We've been looking for you everywhere. 449 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,508 - With all our free time, 450 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:02,345 we wrote a play! 451 00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,889 - It's a space opera in nine acts. 452 00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:12,939 - We open in the cold vastness of space. 453 00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:14,649 - Dad, you can have your cable box back! 454 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:15,900 - Chance, you can have your tablet. 455 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,819 You can have my ta-- you can have 456 00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,738 the keys to the Apple Store! 457 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:26,244 - It worked! 458 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:28,413 - I guess we're both war heroes now.