1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,879 [bright tones] 2 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,841 [upbeat saxophone music] 3 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,677 - I'm here! 4 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:15,056 I did a little cleaning and look what I found, Mayan, 5 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,893 your baile folklóricocostume. 6 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,186 - Yeah, I love that dance. 7 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,521 They do it every time they bring out 8 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:25,358 the sizzling fajita platter at El Torito. 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,154 - Oh, you were so cute dancing around in this. 10 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,823 Who knew you'd peak at six? 11 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,408 - You put me in so much makeup, 12 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:37,537 people confused me for a tiny drag queen. 13 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,415 - You were the Tammy Faye of folklórico. 14 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,125 Aw. 15 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,793 You guys should keep up the tradition 16 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:47,380 and force Chance to do it. 17 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:51,593 - I ain't wearing that tacky dress. 18 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:55,472 - Please, he's already quit karate, chess, piano. 19 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,433 He'd quit this family if he got a better offer. 20 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,435 - That boy needs to do more than just play video games. 21 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,563 When I was his age, I had a ton of after-school activities. 22 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:08,401 Gardening, plumbing, AC repair. 23 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,612 - You need to make him more resilient. 24 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,238 - I'm resilient. 25 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,115 But in case Grandpa doesn't know, 26 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,868 remind him what that means, again. 27 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:17,869 - You don't have to remind me. 28 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,373 I don't know what the hell that is. 29 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,291 - It means following through with something, 30 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,459 even when it's hard. 31 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:28,254 - Oh, yeah. I'm definitely not that. 32 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:29,631 - But folklóricois different 33 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,257 than all the other stuff you've done. 34 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,093 They're dances that tell the stories 35 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,387 of the many regions of Mexico. 36 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,763 It's a rich part of your culture. 37 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,391 - Boring! 38 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,602 - One of the dances lets you use a machete. 39 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:47,691 - Baby's first weapon? I'm in! 40 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,984 - Quinten, do you know of anyone who wants 41 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,444 to buy a diamond ring? 42 00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:53,822 - Mayan, your mom is nagging us to get married again. 43 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,825 I'm out! 44 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,744 - I also found my old wedding ring. 45 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,663 I think it's time that I sell it. 46 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:05,792 See what 20 years of pain and suffering goes for these days. 47 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,002 - Well, wait a minute. 48 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,503 If anybody should have that ring, it's me. 49 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,963 I missed seven Los Lobos concerts 50 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:13,633 to pay for that ring. 51 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,136 - Why don't you just sell the ring and split the money? 52 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,638 - No way, commie. 53 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,226 - That's exactly what Fidel would want. 54 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:30,400 * * 55 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:42,495 - Today on "Corte Caliente," a woman sues her bodega guy 56 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:46,666 for performing indecent acts with melons. 57 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:50,378 - Oy,this is gonna be juicy. 58 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,964 [knock at door] 59 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:59,179 - Oh thank heavens, you're alive. 60 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,638 - Of course. 61 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,267 My main goal in life is to outlive you. 62 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,478 Why are you interrupting my show? 63 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,520 - I wanted to check the batteries 64 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,897 on your carbon monoxide detectors 65 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,357 because I don't want you to fall victim 66 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:13,318 to the silent killer. 67 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,652 Trust me, Rosie. 68 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,113 You have to be thorough about these things. 69 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,531 Oh, the detectors look good. 70 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,949 You really only need one to work, anyways. 71 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,202 Okay. Bye. 72 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,370 - You forgetting something? 73 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:26,623 - Oh, yeah. Sorry. - Ugh. 74 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,958 Not that. 75 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,586 This. My ring. 76 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,713 - I forgot that's where you kept all the good stuff. 77 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,799 - You're never gonna get it-- 78 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,967 these or this. 79 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,179 - All right, if we can't decide who owns the ring, 80 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,555 I think we should do the fair thing. 81 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,600 - What's the fair thing? - Give it to me. 82 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,852 - Look, there's only one way to solve this. 83 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,562 We need to argue our case 84 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,273 in a civilized and professional manner. 85 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:56,945 - Señor, why are there holes in all of your melons? 86 00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:00,573 - We're gonna take this to "Corte Caliente." 87 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,033 - "Corte Caliente"? 88 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,410 I always wanted to be on TV, but they said it makes 89 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,828 your head look, like, three times bigger, 90 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,539 so I probably gotta stand like this. 91 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,294 * * 92 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,338 - Come on, Gordo. 93 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,007 You're gonna be late for folklóricoclass. 94 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,967 - That's the point. 95 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,305 - [gasps] 96 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:36,276 - Ay, qué chulo! 97 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:39,904 - Aww, you look so adorable. 98 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:45,076 - Without the fajita platter, I just look silly. 99 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,496 - No, you look like a proud Mexican boy 100 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,416 who values the cultural traditions of folklórico. 101 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,295 - Folklóricosucks. 102 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,630 - Mijo,when I was a kid, 103 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,008 I wanted to quit folklóricotoo, 104 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,927 but I'm glad I stuck with it because now, 105 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,096 it's a special skill on my résumé. 106 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,433 - [sighs] Ugh, fine. 107 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,770 My resume could use some padding. 108 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,229 - Why do you have a résumé? 109 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,857 - Since you signed me up for folklóricoclass, 110 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:19,027 I put some feelers out for new parents. 111 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:22,989 [explosion] 112 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:26,576 - * Corte Caliente, Corte Caliente * 113 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:30,246 * Corte Caliente, Corte Caliente * 114 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,832 * Corte Caliente, Corte! * 115 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,250 - Caliente! 116 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:39,130 - Buenas tardes. [applause] 117 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:44,928 I am Judge Justicia. Esto es "Corte Caliente." 118 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,429 [applause] 119 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,933 Let's hear from the litigants. 120 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:51,643 - My ex-wife kept the wedding ring, 121 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,853 and then hid it in her bra. 122 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:58,108 So today I'm here to seek breast-itution. 123 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,694 - [feigning crying] Oh, he took everything from me. 124 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:03,822 The least he could do is let me keep that ring! 125 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,699 [sobs] 126 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:09,077 Was that good? 'Cause I could do it again. 127 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,537 - * Corte! * 128 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,878 - Stop that, Señor Lopez. 129 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,547 You could lean back into last week, 130 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:24,467 and your head still wouldn't look any smaller. 131 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,677 You're here to sue your ex-wife. 132 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,886 Care to tell us why? 133 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,763 - Uh, yes. 134 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:32,642 This bruja ruined my life. 135 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,811 I am a hard-working small-business owner 136 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,938 of an affordable moving company, 137 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,189 Lop E.Z. Movers. 138 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,483 Please follow me on Instagram at L-O-P-E-- 139 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,985 [gavel thuds] - Silencio! 140 00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:44,070 This is a court of law, not a place 141 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:48,324 for you to shamelessly advertise your business. 142 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:53,121 And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. 143 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,210 - * Corte! * 144 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,546 - And when I found him passed out on the lawn, 145 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,382 buck naked, tangled up in our Christmas lights, 146 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,094 nalgasflapping in the wind... 147 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:12,515 I said, "Yeah, enough is enough." 148 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,728 - Wow. 149 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,481 After everything I have just heard from this defendant, 150 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:23,068 I don't get how you're still alive, Señor Lopez. 151 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:27,864 - Alcohol is a preservative, Judge, so... 152 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,408 I'm pickled. 153 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,535 - How do you respond to these accusations? 154 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:37,123 - By calling my first caricature witness. 155 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,543 - I'd like to buy a vowel. 156 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:46,466 - Technically, everything Rosie, 157 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:51,846 la rata de dos patas, has said is true. 158 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,682 But she started it! 159 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:58,770 So Oscar, would you please testify? 160 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,773 - Your Majesty, 161 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:07,070 back in the day, the defendant used to be super-hot. 162 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:10,990 I mean, she still is, but she used to be too. 163 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,325 - I'll allow it. 164 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,330 - Rosie was starved for intimacy 165 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:20,458 because George stopped being affectionate with her. 166 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,961 That's when she started having an emotional affair 167 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,797 with a barista at El Starbucks. 168 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,841 [audience murmurs] 169 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,634 - And how do you know this information? 170 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,803 - Because that barista was me! 171 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,472 [audience gasps] 172 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,307 I'm just kidding. 173 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,728 I always wanted to make an audience gasp. 174 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,563 Truth is... 175 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,065 I caught them feeding each other cake pops. 176 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,026 [audience oohs] 177 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,778 - * Corte! * 178 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,448 [energetic traditional music] 179 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:58,288 * * 180 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,540 - Okay, Chance. To the left. 181 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:04,002 The other left. El left. Ay, Dios! 182 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:09,799 * * 183 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,510 - There's no way he's drunk, right? 184 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,054 * * 185 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,930 - I know it's a Mexican tradition, 186 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,515 but we should not be making him do something 187 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,808 he doesn't want to do. 188 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,268 - Making him do something he doesn't want to do 189 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,563 is also a Mexican tradition. 190 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,315 [music stops] 191 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:29,736 - Great job, almosteverybody. 192 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,238 Let's all take a five. 193 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,368 I hate this! 194 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,995 I'm a disappointment to the Lopez name, 195 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,664 and that's saying something. 196 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,459 - No! You're doing so great. 197 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,377 Right? 198 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:49,422 - Ma'am, don't lie to your son. 199 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:53,760 - If I have to keep dancing, then you have to do it, too. 200 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,887 - Gordo, this is a class for kids. 201 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,514 It would be weird for me to join. 202 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,516 Plus, I'm really good. 203 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:00,892 I don't want to embarrass the instructor. 204 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,686 - Everything okay, Chance? 205 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:08,233 Would you like to take a longer break, like forever? 206 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,111 - Can my mom dance with us? She's really good. 207 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,530 But she's worried she's gonna embarrass you. 208 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,825 - [chuckles] I didn't say that. 209 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,411 He's drunk. 210 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,205 - Parents are always encouraged to participate, 211 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,415 especially the ones who think 212 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,376 they can do my job better than me. 213 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,295 - Oh! Oh, oh, this is happening! 214 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,922 - * Corte! * 215 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,049 - What do you have to say about this vagrant's testimony, 216 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,094 Miss Flores? 217 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,221 - Ay, es verdad. 218 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,432 [audience oohs] 219 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,767 I did have an emotional affair, 220 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,104 but only after I found out George was cheating on me. 221 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:50,025 While I was having cake pops, he was out getting that cookie. 222 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:59,617 And I also have a witness. 223 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,494 - Excuse me. 224 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:10,128 - Really? You two don't have any other friends? 225 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,339 - Oh, yeah. George definitely cheated. 226 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,758 And I know this because it was with me! 227 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,967 [audience gasps] 228 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,720 [laughs] I got you again! 229 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:23,475 No, George, uh, prefers his men to be women. 230 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,851 - Objection! 231 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,645 This witness is not saying what I bribed him to say! 232 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,231 - You said those $20 were for parking! 233 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,274 - I said a lot of things-- [gavel thuds] 234 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,735 - Silencio! 235 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:34,986 Looks like this wedding ring 236 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,655 is the very least of your worries. 237 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,491 These public records reveal that the two of you 238 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,744 are technically still married! 239 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,163 [all gasp] 240 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,794 And that'show you get a gasp. 241 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,423 * * 242 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:00,845 - Did you say that I am still married 243 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,224 to this dusty saco de papas? 244 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,894 Is this your producer's way of manufacturing more drama? 245 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,896 Because if so, 246 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,272 great twist. 247 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:15,985 - Everything we manufacture on this show is real. 248 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,737 I have the divorce papers right here. 249 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,739 Señor Lopez never signed. 250 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,157 - Why am I not surprised, George? 251 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,409 You screwed up our marriage. 252 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,035 Of course you're gonna screw up our divorce. 253 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,913 - No, no, no, no, no, no. You should have followed up. 254 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,082 You were married to him for 20 years. 255 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,626 I've known him 20 minutes, and I know he's an idiot. 256 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,674 - I'll allow it. 257 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,884 - I mean, I was so overwhelmed from the separation 258 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,554 that I quickly mailed everything in. 259 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,557 It was a difficult time. 260 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,143 I was an emotional wreck. 261 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:54,065 - Oh, poor Rosita. 262 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,609 Tough tostones! 263 00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,736 You should have read it. 264 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,945 This was your divorce, 265 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,406 not the user agreement for "Candy Crush." 266 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,200 [audience oohs] 267 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:08,538 - Oy,this is only fun when it happens to other people. 268 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:12,417 - Wait a minute, that's a bunch of caca caliente,Judge. 269 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:17,047 Rosie was starting a business, raising a daughter, 270 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:22,052 and getting over the best thing that ever happened to her--me! 271 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:25,930 What gives you the right to be so judgy? 272 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,725 Oh, yeah, that's true. - Well, he's got a point. 273 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,060 I don't see a ring on that finger. 274 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,644 What do you know about marriage? 275 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:36,483 - I'm married to justice. 276 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,650 - That sound like something 277 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,819 a sad, single, desperate lady would say. 278 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,946 - [laughs] Yeah. What's justice, huh? 279 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,615 The name of one of your seven cats? 280 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,158 [meows] 281 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,577 - Yeah, you probably cry in your soup all night, huh? 282 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,162 Sad soup lady with cats. - [laughs] 283 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:52,248 Mmm, mmm, mmm! Oh, look, it's my favorite! 284 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:56,086 It's cream of lonely. Toma, gatito! 285 00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,212 - [high-pitched] It's muy caliente. 286 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,213 - Oh! 287 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,757 - Enough. 288 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:05,011 - Should I escort them out of your courtroom, Judge? 289 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,847 I've always wanted to play a macho bailiff. 290 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,891 My catchphrase would be... 291 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,977 [gruff voice] "You tell 'em, Judge." 292 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,312 - No. 293 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,231 I welcome this. - What? 294 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,651 - I welcome it? Oh, look. I welcome it. 295 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,820 - I attacked your character for two reasons. 296 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,407 One, because I knew it would unite you two against me. 297 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:29,953 And two, because it's just good TV. 298 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:33,873 It's clear that you two still care deeply for each other. 299 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,210 Plus, you're both tóxicos. 300 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,545 When you two got married, 301 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:42,507 this ring became property of your marriage. 302 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,467 And since you're still not divorced, 303 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,345 this case is dismissed. 304 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,390 Justice has been served... 305 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,267 caliente. 306 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,274 Now get out of my courtroom! 307 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,570 - [gruff voice] You tell 'em, Judge. 308 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,822 - You too! 309 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,702 [energetic traditional music] 310 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:17,500 * * 311 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:21,921 - Miss Lopez, a big part of dancing is moving your body. 312 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:24,132 Baila, mujer. Baila. 313 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:30,180 * * 314 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,475 - Mommy, what was that? 315 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,811 You told me you were good. 316 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,439 - Folklóricohas changed since I was a kid. 317 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,359 - No part of what you're doing has ever been folklórico. 318 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,445 - You're an instructor. 319 00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:47,238 You're supposed to be encouraging me. 320 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,991 - And you're supposed to be seven. 321 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,827 Besides, it's not that hard. 322 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,245 Even he can do it. 323 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,875 - You know I was a cheerleader in high school. 324 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,672 - Well, Mama, you dance on TikTok. 325 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,882 Why can't you do this? 326 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:10,053 - Well, the truth is, I could never get it. 327 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:14,432 So I lied, okay? I quit folklóricoas a kid. 328 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,185 - You quit, and now you're forcing me to do it? 329 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,897 Why pass down this trauma, Mama? 330 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:29,948 - We've been in court. We've been in a pawn shop. 331 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,408 If we hit up a strip club on the way home, 332 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,035 this is my perfect day! 333 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,620 - I can't believe we didn't sign those papers. 334 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,122 It's embarrassing. 335 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:40,000 You know how many times I bragged about divorcing you? 336 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:43,586 And splitting this ring 50/50 is the right thing to do. 337 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:48,550 - Yeah, or you could keep it and we could just do nothing. 338 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,885 - What are you suggesting? 339 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,429 That we stay married? 340 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,014 - No. I mean, you know, 341 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,766 that we stay whatever we are. 342 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,893 I mean, we're in a good place. 343 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,563 - We just watched a man pawn the gold from his molar. 344 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:05,108 This is not a good place. 345 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,651 - No, I mean we're getting along better. 346 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,486 Today in court we had each other's backs, 347 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,780 and that's on the highest-rated daytime TV show 348 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:14,325 amongst Latinas over 70. 349 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,535 - Well, I agree. 350 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,911 We are getting along better than ever 351 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:20,165 as friends, but not as husband and wife. 352 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,375 - Well, I like being your friend, 353 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,877 and if there's some benefits down the road-- 354 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,379 [whistles] Come on. 355 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,257 I wouldn't hate it. 356 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,344 - I would. 357 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:36,556 Besides, you know, one day one of us might meet someone. 358 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,724 - Yeah. - And by one of us, 359 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,477 I could only mean me. [laughs] 360 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:43,063 - Yeah, well, you're not gonna find anybody better than me. 361 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,524 - The guy who pawned his teeth is better than you. 362 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,901 - I appraised your ring, 363 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,445 and it's unlike anything I've seen before. 364 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,571 - We're rich! 365 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,574 - It's worth about $30. 366 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:55,950 - What are you talking about? 367 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,161 - You heard of cubic zirconia? - Yeah! 368 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,538 - Well, this is fake cubic zirconia. 369 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,999 - Wait a--wait a minute! I paid $3,000 for that ring. 370 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:08,129 Now I gotta sue the undertaker that sold it to me! 371 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:11,925 Looks like I'm gonna have to go see Judge Justicia again. 372 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,385 - You think she's hot, don't you? 373 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,929 - Oh yeah, hot and mean. You know that's my type. 374 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,223 - [laughs] Yes, I do, viejo cochino. 375 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,266 - [laughs] Well, then give me my $30, 376 00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,769 so I can go make it rain at El Torito. 377 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,605 [upbeat saxophone music] 378 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,358 - I feel horrible for lying to Chance. 379 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,111 I think we're gonna have to get him a real machete. 380 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,613 - Mom, are my ants on a log ready, 381 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,990 or did you quit making snacks too? 382 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,246 - I'm sorry I lied to you, Gordo. 383 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,874 It's just, I wish I hadn't quit folklórico. 384 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,794 Someone in this family has to be able to do it. 385 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,671 - Um, hello? 386 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,968 - Someone Mexican in this family 387 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,095 has to be able to do it. 388 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,306 But I shouldn't have forced you to do something 389 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,808 you really don't enjoy. 390 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:05,020 - So that's the last time I'm seeing a dentist? 391 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,649 - I just don't want us to lose the Mexican part 392 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,152 of being Mexican American. 393 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,070 But I'm sure we can find something else 394 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,823 connected to our culture that's fun for the both of us. 395 00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,450 - I'd like that, Mommy. 396 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,787 - You know what you could do together? 397 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,205 Exclude me. 398 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,082 Oh wait, you're already doing it. 399 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:36,509 - Yeah, being sensitive is a white tradition. 400 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:40,013 * * 401 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:43,141 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 402 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,268 to witness the end of a marriage 403 00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:49,773 that should have ended ten years ago. 404 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,108 - Thanks for making me your worst man. 405 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:58,073 [Southern accent] And your maid of dishonor. 406 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:02,911 - We really do need more friends. 407 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,913 - It was quite a surprise for everyone 408 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,916 to find out these two were still married. 409 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:13,463 I found out when Tía Daisy told me to turn on "Corte Caliente." 410 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:18,051 - Every viejita'sgonna want a piece of this. 411 00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,304 - Dad, do you take Mom to be your ex-wife, 412 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:26,059 to not have and to never hold, till death do you part? 413 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,936 - Can we negotiate the never hold part? 414 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,815 - [clears throat] - Mom, do you take Dad 415 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:32,982 to be your ex-husband, 416 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,818 till death do you part? 417 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:38,863 - As long as he dies first, I do. 418 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,242 - Then by the power vested in me 419 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,327 from no legitimate authority, 420 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,914 I now pronounce you ex-husband and ex-wife. 421 00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,916 Congratulations. 422 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:53,128 You may now diss the bride. 423 00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,421 - You shouldn't have been wearing white now, 424 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,797 like you shouldn't have worn white back then. 425 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,257 - [laughs] 426 00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:00,593 - You look like "Dumb and Dumber's" other friend, 427 00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:04,139 Dumbest. 428 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:11,104 - I really think these two are gonna make it. 429 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,649 - Hit the music. 430 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:17,402 [discordant accordion music] - [growls, whines] 431 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,779 * * 432 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:23,491 - This is awesome! 433 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,035 - You sure, buddy? 434 00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,578 'Cause it's okay if you don't like it and you wanna quit. 435 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,830 - I'm doing it for the culture! 436 00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,206 * * 437 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,336 [discordant accordion music] 438 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,338 [bright tones]