[upbeat saxophone music]
- Have you and Quinten talked about who
your groomsmen and your bridesmaids are going to be?
- Oh, I don't think we're doing that.
- I've narrowed my groomsmen down
to four D&D friends
and two of the three members of my cheese club.
- Wait, so I need six bridesmaids?
- Yeah.
What, you haven't picked them yet?
Get on it, Mayan.
- I guess I've just been so busy, I haven't had time to--
- Tweeze?
- Have a social life.
I mean, between family and working with a bunch
of dudes in a truck, I--
oh, my God, I have no friends.
- You have one friend.
Me.
- No, I can't show up to my wedding
with my mom being my only friend.
That's embarrassing.
- But we've always done everything together--
concerts, roller rinks.
I was even your date to some of your school dances.
- Well, I think it's sweet how close you two are.
It's like that movie with the mother and daughter
that lived together.
What--what was that called?
- "Grey Gardens."
- I was thinking "Freaky Friday,"
but, no, yeah, "Grey Gardens."
That's totally you guys.
[patriotic music]
♪ ♪
[dogs barking]
- Mother, darling, have you fed the dogs today?
They're awfully snippy.
- I'm cooking it now.
They love my corn.
Churro 1, 2, 3, 4, and Peggy.
- Mother, I think I might go out and meet a friend today.
- You don't have any friends.
- I once had a friend.
Mother got rid of her in 15 minutes.
- Who are you talking to?
- My imaginary friend.
I don't have any real ones,
so I've got to talk to somebody.
- You don't need any friends.
We've got each other,
and that's all you'll ever need.
Corn!
♪ ♪
- I gotta make some friends.
- You already have one friend.
Your mom, not me.
Corn!
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪ ♪
- What the hell is going on?
- Churro needs the stroller.
She's really old and gets tired.
You know what that's like.
- She doesn't need a stroller.
She should be roaming the neighborhood
in a ragtag group of misfits, like a real Latino dog.
- She is not a misfit.
She's our family.
- She's a dog and not a human.
I don't care how many of Chance's old dresses
you put her in.
- Wait.
What?
- Churro, you giant rat!
Stop eating my huevos con weenie!
- Those are Churro's.
They're organic, free-range chicken weenies,
recommended by one Gwyneth Paltrow.
- So Churro gets to eat free-range hot dogs
while I get the ones that were stuffed in cages
eating their own caca?
- You do know that a hot dog is not an animal, right?
- Then why do they name them?
Frank,
Oscar,
Weenie the Pooh.
That's enough of that.
Churro forgotten she's a dog, and dogs belong outside.
Out!
[speaking Spanish]
- Why does Grandpa hate Churro so much?
- Your grandpa loves Churro.
I think he just needs a little help remembering that.
- But Churro hates being outside.
She gets bullied by that squirrel.
Grandpa knows that, because he gets bullied
by that same squirrel.
- Is it on me?
Get it off!
Is it on me? Ah!
Get it off! Get it off!
After further review,
it was just my hair.
- Is that your high school yearbook?
- Yeah.
Glassell Park High.
So fresh, so clean, so 2015.
[chuckles]
- I love that thing that your best friend wrote in the back.
"Have a kick-ass summer.
"Never change for nobody.
Love, Mom."
- I had less of a kick-ass summer
and more of a knocked-up summer.
But before that, my best friend was Annie Dominguez.
- Annie?
Oh, no.
She was trouble.
- I never saw her do anything wrong.
We only stopped being friends because you said
that I couldn't hang out with her anymore.
- She was a bad influence--
drinking, drugs, Presbyterian.
- Well, hey, she's got her life together.
I messaged her on Instagram, and she's coming over.
If all goes well, maybe she could be my maid of honor.
- Well, if you're going to pick someone
you haven't seen in 10 years,
why didn't you make your father the maid of honor?
[knocking on door]
- [gasps] Annie!
- Hey, girl!
- It's been so long.
- Yeah. - [gasps]
Do you remember our cheer?
- Girl, please.
- [gasps]
both: So fresh, so clean, so 2015.
Glassell Park High.
Go, Geese!
Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk!
- Oh, my God. - [clears throat]
- Hi, Rosie.
Wow.
You have not aged a day.
- Oh, it's Ms. Flores.
and that's offensive.
I look younger.
- And look at you, Mayan.
Girl, your skin is glowy and perfect.
You're hot, bitch.
- Annie's an esthetician.
So if she says that I'm a hot bitch,
it's a medical diagnosis.
- It's true.
Popping Mayan's pimples in study hall
was the whole reason that I got into skincare.
I could have married rich, but I had a higher calling.
- I haven't thought about study hall in forever.
- Oh.
- Do you remember that one time--
- Oh, of course she remembers.
Well, this has been such a great catch-up.
We should do it again in 10 years.
Imagine how young I'll look then.
- No, no, no-- no, Mom, she just got here.
- Yeah, I'm sorry I'm a little late.
I had to stop at the drugstore, and I had some bad traffic.
- Oh, I don't know about you, but all I heard
was drugs and trafficking.
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, have you seen Churro?
- Yeah.
Lots of times.
- I mean today.
I went in the backyard to feed her inhumanely raised kibble,
and she wasn't there.
- So that's up for grabs then or what?
- Hey, man.
This is serious.
The gate was open.
I think she's missing.
My family loves that filthy little loofah.
- I'm going to go double-check the yard, and, uh,
you should find a photo of Churro so we can
make some lost dog posters.
- I don't know if I have any pictures of Churro.
- Why do you have so many pictures of lasagna?
- Mind your business.
- You don't even have one picture of Churro.
- She's a dog, not a pasta.
I guess I'll have to draw one.
- Poor Churro.
Probably wandering the streets, hungry, thirsty.
- Are you sure hiding Churro at Nana's place
is going to teach Grandpa a lesson?
- Yes.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
- So when Grandpa left for 10 years,
did it make you guys love him more?
- It really only applies to dogs.
[cheering]
- This place is fun!
More bars should have mechanical donkeys.
- I hold the record for riding it the longest,
if you know what I mean.
I think you know what I mean.
- But just in case I don't, can you explain it to me?
- Girl, you are so crazy.
I'm glad you said we should hang out.
- I know.
It's like we picked up right where we left off
from high school, just two best friends
that would be there for each other
in the most important moments of their lives.
- Ooh.
That's a lot.
And I love it.
- Oh, yay!
- Mm.
Hey there.
Sherman.
Two more shots of tequila, please.
- Make that three.
- Mom?
Annie, get your gun.
- What a coincidence meeting you girls here.
- It's no coincidence.
You followed us here.
One day I will find the chip that you put under my scalp.
- You don't have a chip in your scalp.
It's in your tooth.
And I'm only here because I heard
this is a great place to sell insurance.
Look, my first client.
♪ ♪
[upbeat country music]
♪ ♪
- Ooh.
You ladies want to line-dance?
I didn't wear these shorty shorts for these cheeks
not to be clapping, OK?
- As much as I would love to clap butt cheeks with you,
I just need to talk to my mom real quick.
- Aw.
It is so sweet how close you two still are.
- So sweet, it's almost unbearable.
I know why you're here.
And it's not to sell insurance.
It's because you don't want me to have
a friend that isn't you.
- No.
That's silly.
Now let's go play darts
at another bar.
- But I need a friend my own age, Mom.
And now, if you'll excuse me,
these cheeks were made for clapping.
[upbeat country music]
♪ ♪
- It was her.
- Whoa!
- Good news. I found Churro.
- Oh, thank God.
What the hell is that?
- It's Churro.
- That's not Churro.
Why didn't you check the flyer?
This is an exact rendering of Churro.
Chance is going to hate me.
I can't even blame it on being drunk.
You don't realize how important your drinking is
until you don't have it.
- Why did you put Churro outside in the first place?
- Because she should be able to fend for herself.
She doesn't need cute clothes or special food, a stroller.
She should be able to stand on her own two feet.
- Dogs have four feet.
- What?
- You said two feet.
This isn't about Churro, is it?
- What are you talking about?
- I think you're angry because you never had
any of those things as a kid.
- Why does she need all that?
I never had a stroller.
They brought me home from the hospital in a paint bucket.
Oh, man, I got put outside all the time.
My family didn't want me around.
- Are you OK, man?
- Yeah, I guess.
Seeing them spoil Churro made me realize that
I wasn't treated like a family member.
I was treated like a dog.
- But that's not Churro's fault, is it?
- I'm treating Churro the way I was treated.
Hurt people hurt dogs.
Come on, man, we gotta go find Churro.
- Chance, Grandpa just left.
Come down here.
I think it's time we go get Churro back from Nana's,
let Grandpa off the hook.
- Should we tell him everything and come clean?
- No.
We need to trick Grandpa into thinking that he found Churro.
Right after we figure out whose dog that is.
Hey, bud.
- Did you text that guy from the line dance?
- Look, I even sent him this photo.
- Ooh!
Quinten hasn't even seen those parts of me.
- I'm here.
[laughs] With beer.
- I think you've had enough, Mom.
- You're right.
We should go home.
Come on, Mayan.
- No.
Stop trying to keep me all to yourself.
Just give me some space.
You're my mom, not my friend.
- Wow.
You're mean when I'm drunk.
- I am so sorry for my mom.
She's obviously jealous of me having any friends.
I'm starting to think that's why she told me
that you were a bad influence to me in high school.
- I was the bad influence?
My mom told me that I had to stop being your friend
because you were the bad influence.
[chuckles]
- Me? - Yeah.
Well, after you got pregnant, my mom told your mom,
keep your sucia daughter away from mine.
- Your mom said that about me?
- Yeah.
But your mom was not having it.
I mean, words were exchanged.
Earrings were removed.
Both are banned from the Glassell Park Starbucks.
- I guess my mom was just protecting
my feelings this whole time.
- I wish my mom was that cool.
She's kind of a bitch.
And not a hot one.
She's a cold bitch.
- Yee-haw!
- What is she doing?
She's going to go flying.
- It's not even on.
- Turn this burro up!
Whoo!
- Here comes Grandpa.
- Churro, shh.
- I bet you're wondering why I look like this.
- No.
You look like that every morning.
- I've been under every house in the neighborhood.
And there's no easy way to tell you guys this, but--
- George, before you get into that,
will you get me a soup pot?
- Why can't you get it yourself?
I don't even know where it is. - It's in the cabinet.
Right over there. - I--I'll get it in a second.
What I really have to tell you--
- Look in the cabinet!
- Fine.
Here.
So what I'm trying to tell you guys is that--
- Not now!
Churro is missing.
- That's what I've been trying to tell you.
[lid clattering]
[clanking]
Gracias a Dios!
- Oh, thank God.
- Churro, I'll never put you outside again.
You're family, and I'm going to treat you
the way that I wanted to be treated.
Do unto Churro as you would have done unto yourself.
[smooching]
Oh, Quinten, take a picture.
[camera shutter clicks]
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪ ♪
- Rise and shine, partner.
- Ay.
What did I do last night?
Oh.
I remember climbing onto this, uh,
big, leathery, hairy--
oh, my God, was I with your father last night?
- No, it was a different ass.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry for getting out of control last night.
- No, I'm sorry for yelling at you.
Annie told me about how her mom called me a pregnant sucia.
- [sighs]
That's why I was trying to get in between you girls.
Are you OK?
- Yeah.
It just brought me back to that time
where I felt so much shame.
- I don't ever want other people's ideas of you
to affect how you feel about yourself.
- Except for yours.
- Obviously.
- Yeah.
This whole time, I thought you were just
jealous of me for having a friend.
- Jealous?
I want you to have friends.
You're the one that's obsessed with me.
Oh.
Maybe we are closer than normal.
But between the divorce and you getting pregnant,
my mama bear instinct was to protect you.
I can't just turn that off.
- Do you maybe have a lower setting?
- Stop criticizing me.
You don't want to lose your only friend.
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪ ♪
- [singing in Spanish]
♪ ♪
- What is going on?
- It's just a man who loves his dog.
- What are you guys watching?
- An action movie.
- Oh, no, that's too violent for Churro.
We're watching "Paw Patrol" instead.
Look.
They look like you.
Yes! Yes!
What?
She wouldn't latch.
♪ ♪