1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,965 [upbeat saxophone music] 2 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,717 - Oscar, seagull. - [imitates seagull cry] 3 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,510 Oh! Five points-- it touched your lips. 4 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,345 Chance, seagull. - [imitates seagull cry] 5 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,681 - There you go--ten points! Man, game over. You win. 6 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,474 You're the king of the garbage birds. 7 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,768 Collect your winnings off the floor. 8 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,145 - Dad, that's enough. 9 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,688 Last time I took Chance to the beach, 10 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,857 he fought an actual seagull for a fry. 11 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:27,527 - Yeah, but he won, and we ate good that day. 12 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,988 - Mom, did you get my birthday invitations? 13 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,198 - Yep, thanks to the printer at work. 14 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,325 Oh, I also swiped these poop bags 15 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,494 to put the party favors in. 16 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,121 - This is for you, Grandpa. 17 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,539 You're coming, right? 18 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,291 - Of course I'll be there. We're roommates. 19 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,252 I think it would be really awkward if I didn't go. 20 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,838 - [clears throat] Hello. I'm right here. 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,925 - We're at full capacity, but you're on the wait list. 22 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,844 - Then so is your gift. 23 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,096 It's ham. 24 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391 - His birthday's at the insect museum? 25 00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,976 - Yeah. - With all the dead bugs? 26 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:01,186 - Mm-hmm. 27 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,479 - I'll save you some money, Mayan. 28 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,022 I stepped on a cockroach this morning. 29 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,233 It's still stuck to my shoe. I'll show it to you for free. 30 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,235 - Do you think the museum has ladybugs? 31 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,570 I always wondered what it would be like 32 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,739 to go on a fancy date with one. 33 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,825 [British accent] Hello, milady. Fancy a crumpet? 34 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,122 - And that's why you're not invited. 35 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,791 You're a whole freak. 36 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,796 [upbeat saxophone music] 37 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:34,803 * * 38 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,603 - What are you guys doing? - Paying bills. 39 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,980 - Very responsible. Got to go. 40 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,649 - Hold up. 41 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,193 Look, we know it's been hard for you losing your home, 42 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,569 keeping your business afloat, 43 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,406 zipping up your pants after five beers. 44 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:58,118 We're not asking you for rent. - Whew. Okay, I'll stay. 45 00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:01,287 - I'm here. - Now I want to go again. 46 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,872 - I have exciting news. 47 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,375 Your tíasare coming to town for Chance's birthday. 48 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,211 - Wait, my actual tíasor the ladies you made me call "tías," 49 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,130 like your cousins, your coworkers, 50 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,424 and your favorite cashier at Chico's? 51 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,134 - Mm, Janet and I aren't speaking, 52 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,302 and it's up to her to make it right. 53 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,389 Anyway, it's Daisy, Lily, and Flor, 54 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,599 the tíasfrom New York who travel together. 55 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:22,851 - They share one broomstick 56 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,479 unless they decided to go Jet Bruja. 57 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,939 - Well, I've never met them. 58 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,566 So I hope I can make a good impression. 59 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,318 - Unless your name is Julio Iglesias, Andy Garcia, 60 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,320 or a Carnival Cruise Line captain, 61 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,573 they're not going to be impressed. 62 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:39,617 - I am just excited to practice my Spanish with them. 63 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,661 See, I already got my Mexican accent down. 64 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,330 And now I get to showcase my Cuban one. 65 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,250 Ready? In Mexican, it's... 66 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,961 [speaking Spanish] 67 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,256 And in Cuban, it's... 68 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,512 Accent's all in the hands. 69 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,890 I'm going to iron my guayabera. 70 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:07,020 - Don't worry. I'll make sure he does none of that. 71 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,229 - He should just speak English. 72 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,106 They don't like it when people try so hard. 73 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,650 - Oh, then they're going to love the dead bug party, 74 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:16,363 because clearly Mayan didn't try too hard planning that. 75 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:19,157 Was the roadkill museum closed? 76 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,909 - Hey, this is what Chance wants. 77 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,410 I know my son. 78 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,995 - And I know how to show that kid a good time. 79 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,039 So come on, Mayan, let me plan this birthday. 80 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,291 Remember all the great birthday parties I threw you? 81 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:31,419 - I threw them. You threw up at them. 82 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,380 - I remember one year you drank so much 83 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,048 that you passed out in the bounce house. 84 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,383 - Best sleep of my life. 85 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,550 It's soft in there, 86 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,553 hugs your curves in all the right places. 87 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,055 - You never even got me gifts. 88 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,933 I asked you for a puppy every year until I was 14, 89 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:48,019 but the closest I got was that woman you dated named Fifi. 90 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,273 - She always came when I called her. 91 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,527 Good Fifi. 92 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,945 Mayan, if I had given you a dog, 93 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,697 you would have gotten your fill of dogs, 94 00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,989 and then you would have never wanted 95 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,076 to pursue a career as a vet, so you're welcome. 96 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,204 - I wanted to be a vet because of "Air Bud." 97 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,666 - I thought it was because of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." 98 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,503 Come on, Mayan, this is my first birthday with Chance. 99 00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,423 Let me throw him a classic Lopez backyard banger 100 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,550 with a bounce house, a piñata, and chickens 101 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,928 that start out as entertainment and end up as dinner. 102 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,014 - Mayan and Quentin can't afford all that. 103 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,516 Look how they dress. 104 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:30,812 - They can't, but you can, sugar mama. 105 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,981 Picture this-- a banner that says 106 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,524 "Chance's Seventh Birthday, 107 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,986 "sponsored by Rosie La Reina's Insurance. 108 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,946 Se habla inglés." 109 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:42,782 You know how many people 110 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,284 come to a Latino kid's birthday party? 111 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,453 And I can guarantee you none of them will have insurance. 112 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,622 - I'm in. 113 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,915 - All right, I got to go talk to Oscar. 114 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,250 He's got a hookup at the party store. 115 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,003 Her name is Brenda, and she's got nice balloons. 116 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,215 - There's no way he actually follows through with this. 117 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,842 - Oh, no way in hell. 118 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,678 All he's going to do is hit on that girl at the party store. 119 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,638 Oh, I should call ahead and warn her. 120 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,518 * * 121 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,897 [birds chirping] 122 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,693 - What's going on? 123 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,528 You actually came through? 124 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,489 If there's one thing I can rely on you for, 125 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,866 it's being unreliable. 126 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,035 - I'm adulting. I'm an adulterer. 127 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,538 - I got some bad news. 128 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,998 I think the bounce house is broken. 129 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,085 I tried blowing into it, but it won't inflate. 130 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,504 - It has a motor, fool. 131 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,090 What did you even blow into? 132 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,133 - Before you start blowing anything up, 133 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,510 we should check with Chance 134 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,553 to see if this is what he really wants. 135 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,764 I'm sure he wants a bug party. 136 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,517 He's so excited that he started his own bug collection, 137 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:53,186 and now I have to burn his sheets. 138 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:56,981 - Oh, those ants are my fault. I keep hot dogs under the bed. 139 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,441 Why do you think I'm never hungover? 140 00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,859 - Chance? 141 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,986 - Eh, I was just about to do that--Chance. 142 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,697 - It's not a competition. Chance! 143 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,783 - Then why am I winning? Chance! 144 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,996 - I got a bounce house? This party's about to be lit! 145 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,499 - What about the bugs? - They're dead. 146 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,544 They'll still be dead next week. 147 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,546 - I guess he's okay with it. 148 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,256 Want to see a live chicken? 149 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,509 Say hello to Hennifer Lopez. 150 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,760 - Whoa! 151 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,929 - Don't get too attached. 152 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:36,229 [upbeat saxophone music] 153 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,522 * * 154 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,190 - Hey, gordo, enjoying the party? 155 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,859 - It's the best, Grandpa. 156 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,068 - Did you do what I said? 157 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,446 - Yes, I got three girls' numbers... 158 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,991 as soon as they're old enough to have phones. 159 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,201 - And as soon as you're old enough to get a phone, 160 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,494 I'll show you how to save their numbers 161 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,705 as Domino's, Pizza Hut, and Little Caesars. 162 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,998 - Why? 163 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,416 - Because when you get older, 164 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,084 you're going to want to eat a lot of different pizza 165 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,086 from a lot of different places... 166 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,380 thin and thick crust. 167 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,385 - Your dad and I really nailed this party, didn't we? 168 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,220 - Yeah, it's great-- 169 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,389 almost like two adult children got high 170 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,350 and planned a birthday party. 171 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,227 - Okay, what's going on with your vibe? 172 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,729 - What are you talking about? 173 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,440 - Mm, I can tell when something's bothering a woman. 174 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:24,444 I have, how do you say, women's intuition. 175 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,822 - Oh, Lord. 176 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,658 - I'm getting the feeling that you're bummed 177 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,745 that Chance chose this big party over your idea. 178 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,080 - No. 179 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,748 I want him to be happy. 180 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,792 If he's happy, I'm happy. 181 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,253 - But you don't sound happy. 182 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:46,216 - I'm having the time of my life, menso. 183 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,425 - Okay, this is 184 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,637 women-on-women's-intuition violence. 185 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,889 - Ay, there he is. 186 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,518 Quinten, this is Tía Daisy. 187 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,437 - Your kind eyes remind me 188 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,899 of my late husband, Raymundo. 189 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,859 - I'm sorry for your loss. When did he pass? 190 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,529 - 25 years ago. 191 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,281 But when you wear him in a locket around your neck, 192 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,867 it's like it was yesterday. 193 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,581 - And this is Tía Lily. 194 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,501 - It's actually Mrs. Dr. Lily Rodriguez. 195 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,169 - Oh, are you a doctor? 196 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,881 - My husband is, so pretty much. 197 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,843 - And my cousin Flor. 198 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,386 - I love your sparkly visor. 199 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,430 - Would you believe I make them myself? 200 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,016 I sell them on "Es-ty." 201 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,976 - Well, Quinten does well, too. 202 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,311 He works at the Apple Genius Bar. 203 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,855 - Oh! - Mm-hmm. 204 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,648 I'm going to go make us some drinks. 205 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,191 Why don't you tell them about the time 206 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,777 that you fixed Enrique Iglesias's phone. 207 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,779 [ladies gasp] 208 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,992 - Okay, so, uh, he brought it in, 209 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,827 and I fixed it. 210 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,912 - But where was Julio? 211 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,001 - Can you reset my facial recognition? 212 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,795 It hasn't worked since I got stung on the lips by a bee 213 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:09,049 and the swelling spread to my breasts. 214 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,468 - Sure, no problem. 215 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,430 - [speaking Spanish] 216 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,396 - [speaking Spanish] 217 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,446 - Déjame decirte algo... 218 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,740 [speaking Spanish] 219 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,870 [laughter] 220 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,501 - Oh, hey, papa. 221 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,544 How about you hang with your mom for a little bit? 222 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,755 - Maybe later. Right now I'm having fun. 223 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,382 - So am I! 224 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,761 - Girl... 225 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,222 - We're going to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. 226 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,723 Grandpa says he's the best 227 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,518 because he's been chasing tail his whole life. 228 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,271 I didn't get it, but I laughed anyways. 229 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,234 [cumbia music] 230 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:16,282 * * 231 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,803 - Ow! 232 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:43,018 * * 233 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,111 - Oh! 234 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:57,490 * * 235 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,206 [upbeat saxophone music] 236 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,751 * * 237 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,754 - Rosie, I need to tell you something, 238 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,255 and it might be upsetting. 239 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,674 - Oh, I already know about your inverted nipples. 240 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,761 - Not what I was going to say. 241 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,722 But update--they reverted. 242 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,309 I overheard the tíastalking about you. 243 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,562 They didn't realize that I understand Spanish. 244 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,814 - Interesting. What did they say? 245 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,317 - Oh, just g-general stuff, 246 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,194 like how you're struggling with business 247 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:37,906 and fashion choices and lack of romantic fulfillment. 248 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,827 - So they called me a hoochie who can't get laid? 249 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,205 - A broke hoochie. 250 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,998 Sorry. 251 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,334 If you hate me for telling you, I completely understand. 252 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,752 - I don't hate you. 253 00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:53,797 That was a test. You passed. 254 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,382 - I'm sorry, what? 255 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,801 - I left you alone with those chismosason purpose 256 00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,136 to see if you would report back, and you did. 257 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,514 I trust you now. 258 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,182 - You didn't trust me before? 259 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,644 Rosie, I've been with Mayan for eight years. 260 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,187 - But you're not married, 261 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,939 so you have to keep proving your loyalty. 262 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,942 If you want the tests to stop, put a ring on it. 263 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,819 - It's always fun. No matter where we start, 264 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,863 we always end up right back here. 265 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,950 So are you mad at the tíasnow? - Ay, no. 266 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:26,037 In our family, chismeis our love language. 267 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,789 If we stop talking crap about you, 268 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,541 we don't care anymore. 269 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,042 I say stuff, too. 270 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,713 Daisy's amazing husband, Raymundo-- 271 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,297 scam artist. 272 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:39,759 I think he faked his own death to get away from her. 273 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,220 - Oh, my. - Mm-hmm. 274 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,890 And Lily's big-deal doctor husband works at the morgue. 275 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,143 I think he helped Raymundo fake his death. 276 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,521 - No! 277 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,148 - Mm-hmm. 278 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,483 And you want to hear the biggest shock of them all? 279 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,902 Flor doesn't bedazzle her own visors. 280 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,239 She outsources to Thailand. 281 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,074 - Get out! 282 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,410 I mean, her visors are nice, 283 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,245 but they aren't even that sparkly, right? 284 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,955 - Don't talk about my family. 285 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,876 - I thought you-- because you said-- 286 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,878 Isn't that how you show that you care? 287 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,588 - Yes, us. 288 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,424 But not you. 289 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,301 Pero... 290 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:25,472 you can help me talk to them in my other love language-- 291 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,474 revenge. 292 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,395 - Thank God I passed your test. 293 00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,024 - [laughs] 294 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,069 - Just coming over for a feelings check. 295 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,614 Talk to me. This is a safe space. 296 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,783 - Not for you. 297 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,868 - Let's just be honest with each other. 298 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,453 I'll go first. 299 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:52,874 Sometimes I think about your mom in the shower. 300 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,211 - What? 301 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,254 - Now you admit that you're jealous of this party. 302 00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:02,550 - No. I'm just annoyed that my dad has Chance thinking 303 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,428 that every birthday has to be bigger and better. 304 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,181 So next year he's going to expect a private party 305 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,017 on a yacht like he's El Chapo. 306 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,561 They're already the same height. 307 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,021 - I don't buy it. 308 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,525 - Ugh. 309 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,195 And now his big head is in the bounce house. 310 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,322 Adults aren't allowed in there. 311 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907 I'm going in. - Wait. 312 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,827 I don't think it's safe to go in there with the cake cutter. 313 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,912 - Dad, get out of there. 314 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:34,040 [pop, air hissing] 315 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,211 - What the hell, Mayan? You stabbed the bounce house! 316 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,714 I was going to sleep in here tonight. 317 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,882 - It was an accident! 318 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,220 - I blew it up with my mouth. 319 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,812 - Agh! 320 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,897 Can someone get us out of here? 321 00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,067 - Not yet. It's still hugging my curves. 322 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,532 - Look what you did. 323 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,908 Now I'll never get my deposit back. 324 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,660 - That's Mom's deposit. She paid for it. 325 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,246 - I know. I was going to keep it. 326 00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,914 So what gives, Mayan? 327 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,875 I give Chance a great birthday party, and you're mad? 328 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,543 It's like you don't want me to have fun with my grandson. 329 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:22,380 - Why does he get that when I never did? 330 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,049 - Oh, so that's what it is. 331 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,468 - I never got to do a piñata with you 332 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,178 or blow out candles. 333 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,846 I wanted to be spun so hard 334 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:32,390 that I stuck a pin in a tía'sbutt. 335 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,894 - So I do everything right, 336 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,313 and you're still throwing the past in my face. 337 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,814 - No! 338 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,734 Yeah. 339 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,112 It's screwed up. 340 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,406 I mean, you're finally showing up for him 341 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,034 in ways you never showed up for me, 342 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,536 and I can't handle it. 343 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,663 And now my kid's birthday is ruined 344 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,082 because I'm jealous. 345 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,422 - I'll go. You've hurt her enough. 346 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,554 * * 347 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,099 - Having fun? - Claro que sí. 348 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,060 Even though the bounce house got destroyed, 349 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,645 my ass got stabbed, 350 00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:22,565 and this cake appears to only have dos leches... 351 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,360 this has been a beautiful party. 352 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,278 - Oh, thank you. 353 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,072 Well, it's about to get better. 354 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,448 Quinten has offered 355 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,075 to upgrade your phones... [ladies gasp] 356 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,744 With the latest top-secret technology 357 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,914 that only white and Asian people get. 358 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,876 - I knew it! 359 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,588 - Yeah, you'll get reception in an elevator, on the moon, 360 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:49,134 the third-floor parking below TJ Maxx. 361 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:53,054 - Well, I prefer Marshalls, but okay. 362 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,184 - Oh, your voice recorder is on. 363 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,604 You must have accidentally hit the button earlier. 364 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,773 - Oh, that's okay. 365 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,275 [chuckles] I'll just delete it. 366 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,943 - Ay, no. 367 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:10,780 If it's been recording this whole time, we should keep it. 368 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,116 You know, as a memory for Chance 369 00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,619 so he can listen to the sounds of his party 370 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,622 and the tíastalking. 371 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,958 Shall we have a listen? 372 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,169 - Oh, no, I don't-- - Ay! 373 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,927 - I'm sorry. 374 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,346 A-a spasm. 375 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,264 I-it's the ghost of Raymundo. 376 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,517 He still like to slap my ass from the beyond. 377 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,311 Ay! Ay! 378 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,188 Stop it, Ray! 379 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,568 - Really? 380 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,612 You'd rather destroy a $900 phone 381 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,238 than admit that you called me a hoochie? 382 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,657 - I don't know what you're talking about, Rosie. 383 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:57,077 It was an accident. 384 00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:59,204 Can the Apple genie fix it for me? 385 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,455 - I don't know. 386 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,040 Let me ask. 387 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,833 - ¿Puedes arreglar el teléfono? 388 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,460 - Por supuesto que sí. 389 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,337 [ladies gasp] 390 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,715 - El gringo e-speaks e-Spanish? 391 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,012 - Busted! 392 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:22,268 * * 393 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,270 - How's our birthday boy? 394 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,981 - He said it's the best banger he's ever been to. 395 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,693 - It's the only banger he's ever been to. 396 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,277 But I'll take it. 397 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,075 - About earlier... 398 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,370 I'm sorry about letting old stuff get in the way. 399 00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,872 It's really nice that you did all that for Chance. 400 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,209 - Well, Mayan, you know, not all heroes wear capes. 401 00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,963 Some wear corduroy slippers and knee-high white socks. 402 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,884 - The higher the sock, the downer the fool. 403 00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,970 - That's what's up. 404 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,681 So I get why you were upset. 405 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,683 - You do? - Yeah. 406 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,184 I felt the same way 407 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,228 when my grandma was nice to you when you were little. 408 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,396 - Really? 409 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:07,856 - Yeah, I mean, Mayan, 410 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,399 I didn't have any birthday parties or any gifts. 411 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,401 I mean, my grandma said the fact that I called her Grandma 412 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,779 and that she fed me was a gift that I didn't deserve. 413 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,532 So I told her that I thought calling her Grandma 414 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,451 was a gift that she didn't deserve. 415 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,245 And she said, "Well, then call me Doña Pow Pow." 416 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:27,375 And the rest of my formative years are blank. 417 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,336 Ay,I got you something. 418 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,096 I got you that puppy you always wanted. 419 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,557 - Oh, Dad, I-- 420 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,601 Wait. This isn't a puppy. 421 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,354 This is a very small, very old dog. 422 00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,025 - Yeah, uh, it was a puppy when you were 14. 423 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,986 Don't squeeze it too hard 424 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,988 because the filling will come out like a churro. 425 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,032 That should be the dog's name, Mayan--Churro. 426 00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:02,118 - I think I get to name my birthday puppy, thank you. 427 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,037 - What are you going to name it? 428 00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:06,623 - Churro. 429 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,375 She even smells old. 430 00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:13,129 - No, she got in my hot dog stash. 431 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:18,468 * * 432 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,804 - If I had to say something bad about my boss, 433 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,056 it would be that she is... 434 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,976 Too nice? 435 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:30,146 - Ay. - Is this fool for real? 436 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,898 - I'm sorry, my chismesucks. 437 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:34,317 - It should come natural. 438 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:38,071 - Yeah, no need to be out here doing the "chis-most." 439 00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:41,241 - I see you added some white diversity to your coven. 440 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,829 Maybe you can sacrifice him instead of one of the chickens. 441 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,372 [imitates chicken clucking] 442 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,836 - [inhales deeply] Okay. 443 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,214 [speaking Spanish] 444 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,017 Hot dogs. 445 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,901 - Oh, Quinten, you are un oso chismoso. 446 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:22,115 - And your Cuban accent is good. 447 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,744 - It's all in the hands, baby. 448 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,662 - Don't do that. - Okay. 449 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:30,331 * *