1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,798 [upbeat saxophone music] 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,050 - The pain medication might make Mr. Furley 3 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:12,429 a little woozy, so don't let him text any ex-girlfriends. 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,852 - When are you going to retire that corny-ass joke? 5 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,397 - When it stops making everyone's frickin' day. 6 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,315 - I saw on the security camera, 7 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,527 we got another compliment. 8 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,238 [sighs] I love feeling like I'm part of the team 9 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,616 without actually having to interact with anyone. 10 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:36,286 - Dr. Pocha, it's creepy that you watch us 11 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,537 on the cameras. 12 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,622 I usually charge people for that. 13 00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,626 - Another one for Mayan. 14 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:46,171 They love that cat texting joke. 15 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,672 Never retire it. 16 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:50,967 - That means so much 17 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,761 coming from such a great friend and mentor. 18 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,513 It's like I'm Oprah, and you're Gayle. 19 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,767 I mean, you're Oprah, and I'm Gayle. 20 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,563 - What do you want? 21 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,732 - A 5% raise, my photo on the website, 22 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,026 and Brookie's parking spot? - [gasps] 23 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,694 - I'll give you the raise. - Yes. 24 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,780 - But that's actually my parking spot. 25 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,782 I gave it to Brookie because I want customers 26 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:16,826 to think my license plate says "Bad Bitch." 27 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,915 - [squeals] - [laughs] 28 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,708 Congratulations on the raise, 29 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,585 and nice try stealing my parking spot, 30 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,796 but a bad bitch doesn't walk three blocks. 31 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:32,300 [upbeat saxophone music] 32 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:39,474 * * 33 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,690 - Mayan. 34 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,274 - Hey, how'd the T-ball game go? 35 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,609 - Amazing. 36 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,611 Two parents thought I was Chance's mom, 37 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,822 and they were reading books during the game, 38 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,657 so you know they're smart. 39 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,245 - I meant how did the game go for Chance? 40 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,372 - Oh, it was a bloodbath. 41 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,335 - I need a beer and a tequila chaser, 42 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,171 and maybe if I black out, I can forget that game. 43 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,300 - Same. I'll take a milk in my room. 44 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,219 Actually, let's do chocolate milk, 45 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,638 and make it a double. 46 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,306 - Where does he get this stuff? 47 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,351 - Was the game that bad? 48 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,437 - [sighs] It's not about the scoreboard. 49 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,273 Okay, as their coach, I am teaching these kids 50 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,942 about courage in the face of defeat. 51 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,112 - All you're teaching them is how to lose, 52 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,823 and after losing 14 games in a row, 53 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,576 I think they got it. 54 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,828 - You know, it doesn't matter what you say, George, 55 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,039 'cause as long as I got this hat on, 56 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,665 I'm the boss. - Milk! 57 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,001 - Yep. 58 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:51,379 - Ay,it's a shame you keep missing Chance's games. 59 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,174 You need to ask your boss to let you off work early. 60 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,675 - I just asked for a raise. 61 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,469 I can't ask to leave early, too. 62 00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,847 - Just do what I do. Use one of the three Ds-- 63 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:04,434 death, discrimination, or diarrhea. 64 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,772 - As a mom, your kid looks up to you. 65 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,273 You don't want to let them down. 66 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,234 So you have to do whatever it takes to be there for them. 67 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,111 - I know, Mom. You were perfect. 68 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,530 - Oh, your words, not mine. 69 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,741 I always had a full-time job, 70 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,160 and I still managed to be at your T-ball games, 71 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,413 your dance recitals, and your OB-GYN appointments. 72 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:31,294 - That was last week, and I told you to stop coming. 73 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,712 - I'm telling you, Mayan, 74 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,631 you don't want to regret not being there for Chance 75 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,051 the way someone wasn't there for your T-ball games. 76 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,427 - I was at those T-ball games. 77 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,305 - You were passed out in your car. 78 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,183 - If a tree falls in the woods 79 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,519 and nobody's there to hear it... 80 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,354 it's still in the woods. 81 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,317 It's just laying there... 82 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,319 sleeping it off. 83 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,030 * * 84 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,490 - You ready for your game,gordo? 85 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,742 - Dad, we need to talk. 86 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,996 - An open dialogue? That's so mature. 87 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,833 My little man's growing up! 88 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,084 - The team voted, 89 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,253 and we don't want you to be our coach anymore. 90 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,006 - You're a baby, and you don't know what you're talking about. 91 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,800 - I'm sorry. 92 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:22,095 Nobody gets into T-ball to fire their dad. 93 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,931 - I-I have the coach's hat. 94 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,560 - Yeah, and I'm gonna need that back for the new guy. 95 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,103 - Aw, man! Did we miss it? 96 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,022 Shoot! 97 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,148 - Wait, wait, wait. 98 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,733 Your--your grandpa is taking my place? 99 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:38,028 - And me. I'm the third-base coach. 100 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,865 My first rule is no more overly positive cheers like, 101 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:46,327 "Losing isn't hard to do when we lose to friends like you." 102 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,331 - It's catchy, and it makes everyone feel good. 103 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,667 - We've been faking it! 104 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,591 Grandpa and tío Oscar promised to make us champs! 105 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,510 I want a trophy, dog! 106 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,475 - Are you sure, Chance? 107 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:11,353 As in maybe give your old man a second one. 108 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:15,357 - Sorry, just like me, you only get one. 109 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:24,199 * * 110 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,992 - Hi, Mom. Why are you mopping? 111 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,660 I just cleaned the floors this morning. 112 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,746 - I see you think that's true. 113 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,041 - At least it's the kitchen, not the bedroom. 114 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,878 I feel really weird about you organizing my sex toys. 115 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,964 - Oh, no, don't worry. I disinfected them first. 116 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,842 They're cooling off on the stove. 117 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,511 What are you doing here anyway? 118 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,845 Shouldn't you be at Chance's game? 119 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,847 Did you ask your boss for the time off? 120 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,975 - No, because like I told you, she just gave me a raise. 121 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,894 I'm not gonna leave her to close by herself. 122 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,480 - That's sweet, how you're bending over backwards 123 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,815 for a total stranger. 124 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,651 If only you had the same level of dedication 125 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,237 to your own child. 126 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,906 - Mommy, we won! I hit a home run! 127 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,658 - Yeah, it was a great night for everyone. 128 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,034 They won their game, 129 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,663 and I was nominated to run the snack booth. 130 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707 - You don't miss being the coach? 131 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,584 - No, I am loving the opportunity to show Chance 132 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,253 how to bounce back from rejection 133 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:22,090 with grace and a mandatory hairnet. 134 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,218 - Get ready to bounce again, bro... 135 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,596 'cause the kids hated your figs in a blanket, 136 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,391 - Okay, let's get you upstairs, papa. 137 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,018 - Damn, I'm exhausted, man. 138 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,436 Those kids don't listen. 139 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,897 They complain, and when you need 'em, they disappear. 140 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,941 - It makes sense they made you their leader. 141 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:45,071 You know, Mayan knows the game, and she's great with kids. 142 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,906 If she was there, she could help you, 143 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:50,201 and Chance could have a parent at the games. 144 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,453 - I'm there. 145 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,124 - Stick to the figs there, Snack Efron. 146 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,503 I'd love Mayan to help, but she can't get off work. 147 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,964 - She only thinks she can't get off work. 148 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,341 Come here. 149 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:09,012 Just like she thinks that these floors are clean. 150 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,098 It takes a village to raise a perfect mom, 151 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,351 and I am that village. 152 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,852 - She just took the dog. 153 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:19,064 You think that's something we need to worry about? 154 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,691 - I think we should be worrying about what's for dinner. 155 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,785 - Now, who can tell me what's wrong with this sentence? 156 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:37,207 "Always play fair unless you're losing," 157 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,917 which is why I want to introduce you 158 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,419 to your newest teammate, Robbie, 159 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,339 AKA the Mexicutioner! 160 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,384 - Yo. 161 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,429 - We work out at the same gym. 162 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,223 - Robbie mostly plays football. 163 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,641 - How does that help us? 164 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,643 - Okay, imagine Coach Oscar 165 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,603 is the first baseman on the other team. 166 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,771 Robbie comes up at bat. 167 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,273 He gets a hit, 168 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,276 and I yell, "Send 'em home, Robbie!" 169 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,779 And boom! 170 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,740 Out for the rest of the season! 171 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,579 Look who it is. - I know, I know. 172 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,373 I'm Betty Cracker. 173 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,503 - You can say that, not me. 174 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,296 - I just wanted to show the team 175 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,675 that when life gives you lemons, you make lemon bars. 176 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,803 - You know what? I know you're upset. 177 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,138 You can drop the act, okay? 178 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,182 There aren't any kids around to hear you. 179 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,601 - One of these days, when you least expect it, 180 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,814 I will find something you love and ruin it for you. 181 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,485 [upbeat saxophone music] 182 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,572 * * 183 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,575 - Who do we have here? 184 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,285 Hey, Churro. 185 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,412 What brings you in today? 186 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,331 That's your cue. 187 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,752 - Oh, I thought you read their minds or something. 188 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,087 I'm worried about her bad breath. 189 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,255 - Oh. 190 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,344 Well, given that they lick their butts throughout the day, 191 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,181 you got to cut 'em a little slack. 192 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,390 Hmm, looks good. 193 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,017 I'll give you some dental treats. 194 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,727 Anything else I can do for you? 195 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,687 - Yes, you can start treating my daughter 196 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,314 with a little respect. 197 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:25,982 - I'm sorry. 198 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:29,194 I respect you, Churro. 199 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,988 - No. My daughter is Mayan. 200 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,032 - Your Mayan's mom? - Oh, I know. 201 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,160 We look like we could be sisters. 202 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,454 And I need you to let her off work early 203 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,123 so she can attend her son's T-ball games on Thursdays. 204 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,751 [door opens] - Hey, Dr. Pocha, I-- 205 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,337 Mom? Oh, my God, what's wrong with Churro? 206 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,381 - Nothing. Your mom just came down 207 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,176 to ask if you can leave early for your son's T-ball games. 208 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,803 - She what? 209 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,722 I'm so sorry, Dr. Pocha. 210 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,976 Her brain's been pickled by huffing Jean Nate and Fabuloso. 211 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,730 I'll take care of this. - Okay. 212 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,315 I'll let you two talk. 213 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,026 This mother-daughter dynamic is why I came in one weekend 214 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,112 and spayed myself. 215 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,823 [chuckles] I didn't. [both laugh] 216 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,491 Or did I? 217 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,371 - I can't believe you showed up at my work 218 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,915 and confronted my boss-- I'm so embarrassed. 219 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,376 - What? You weren't going to do it, so I did. 220 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,836 I'm a doer. 221 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,754 - This isn't double-mopping my floors 222 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:33,425 or asking my gyno to look a little deeper. 223 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,802 This is my place of work. 224 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,013 How is my boss supposed to respect me 225 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,433 when my own mother doesn't? - Okay. 226 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,059 It's not even my fault. 227 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,270 If you want to blame someone, blame your father. 228 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,938 - Ho-ho, I will. 229 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,982 Wait, for what? - Yeah. 230 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,317 He was complaining like always, saying, 231 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,486 [imitates George] "Oh, coaching these kids--it's too hard. 232 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,779 "I'm overwhelmed. 233 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,156 "I don't know how to be a husband, 234 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,366 "a father, a lover, a coach. 235 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,201 Orale." 236 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,958 And then he asked me to come speak to your boss, so I did. 237 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,836 It could've been so much worse, Mayan. 238 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:13,131 - Okay, so you were trying to respect me, 239 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,342 but Dad put you in a bad situation. 240 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,635 I'm sorry, Mom. - [groans] 241 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,804 All is forgiven-- 242 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,640 not forgotten but forgiven. 243 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,477 * * 244 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,104 - Coach Grandpa, I'm so uncomfortable. 245 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,398 Why do I have to sleep on my glove? 246 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,817 - Quickest way to break it in is to sleep on it 247 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,027 with a baseball inside. 248 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,153 - You should do it. 249 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,490 You weigh, like, five times more than me. 250 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,409 - All right, first, no body-shaming, 251 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,038 and, second, you're higher up, so gravity makes you heavier. 252 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,000 - Dad, I need to talk to you. 253 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,837 - If this is about his weight, don't go there. 254 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,215 Someone's delicate tonight. 255 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,218 - Chance, put on your headphones. 256 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,179 - Ooh, you're in trouble. 257 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,223 - Mom, said you sent her to tell my boss 258 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,516 to let me leave early. 259 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,601 - What? I didn't tell her to do anything. 260 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,144 And even if I had, 261 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,438 name one time that that woman's ever listened to me-- 262 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,692 even when we used our safe word, "chorizo." 263 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,194 - Gross, and don't gaslight me. 264 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,198 - I would never gaslight you. Gas is way too expensive. 265 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,658 You know what? I can prove that she's lying. 266 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,910 Quinten, get in here. 267 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,414 Presenting my star witness-- Gringo Starr. 268 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,291 - What's going on? 269 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,960 - Uh, hey, you were there when I was talking to Rosie. 270 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,462 Did I tell her to go to Mayan's work and talk to her boss? 271 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:38,216 - No, Rosie made some ominous comments and kidnapped the dog. 272 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,427 I was gonna stop her, but I did not want to offend 273 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,721 the only person who can get our floors clean. 274 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,347 [clears throat] 275 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,224 - Yeah, you see? Innocent. 276 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,684 - I don't know what's more shocking-- 277 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,437 that you told the truth or that Mom lied to me. 278 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,397 - Well, she probably gaslit you, too. 279 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:56,067 I mean, she's got a good job. She can afford many gallons. 280 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,652 The good thing is that I'm here now, 281 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,822 you know, to defend myself against those lies. 282 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,324 - Wow, you think she's done this before-- 283 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,410 blamed you for things that she's done? 284 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,245 - Uh, yeah. 285 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,247 She wanted me to seem worse than I am. 286 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,166 I'm bad enough. I don't need her help. 287 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,169 - Ooh, Grandma's in trouble. 288 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,171 - You're not supposed to hear with those on. 289 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,465 - Ooh, now I'm in trouble. 290 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,888 - I'm here. 291 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,431 Where did Churro vomit? 292 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,808 I brought my special blend of Fabuloso and lighter fluid. 293 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,520 - The only thing we'll be cleaning up today 294 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,772 are your lies... 295 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,108 Menti-Rosie. 296 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,029 - What's the viejo talking about? 297 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,530 - Mom, there's no Churro vomit. 298 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,616 I lied to get you over here 299 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,535 because I know Dad didn't ask you to show up at my work, 300 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,828 and we need to talk about it. 301 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,206 - Did he tell you this? And you believed him? 302 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,249 He's a liar. He fakes his diarrhea. 303 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:56,211 There, we talked about it. 304 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,922 - Quinten confirmed it. 305 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,424 - [sighs] 306 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:04,135 You're never gonna clean our floors again, are you? 307 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,765 - I got out my diaries because now I need to know 308 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,934 what childhood traumas you blamed on Dad 309 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,811 and which ones were you. 310 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,397 - So buckle up, bruja! 311 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,611 Because all your gas is coming to the light! 312 00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,657 - When we're done here, 313 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:29,285 we really need to explain gaslighting to you. 314 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,371 Just keep score, Vanna Whiteboy. 315 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:38,420 - Here's my top-ten traumas from the early aughts. 316 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,296 Trauma number one-- 317 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,841 the time nobody showed up to drive me home, 318 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,219 and I was left at Ross for five hours. 319 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,470 Mom or Dad? 320 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,639 - Surprise, your dad. 321 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,684 - I thought Ross was the babysitter. 322 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,688 - Okay, that's one for George. 323 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,814 - Number two-- 324 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:02,152 the Easter egg hunt with no eggs. 325 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:05,739 Mom said you used all of them to make an Easter eggnog. 326 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,158 - Not possible-- I spent every Easter in Vegas 327 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,827 with Bunny Perez. 328 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,247 And she assured me that she didn't have any eggs. 329 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:18,626 - I forgot to put them out. - Okay, that's a Rosie one. 330 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,755 - Dead hamster? 331 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:26,092 Let legally blind grandma cut my hair? 332 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,928 Deported uncle? - [laughs] 333 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,973 [upbeat music] 334 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,476 - Decapitated Barbie? 335 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,354 Dead hamster number two? 336 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,439 Girl Scout scam? 337 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,819 I think we could use a little snack break. 338 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,572 - Two dead hamsters? 339 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,241 We got to keep your parents away from Churro. 340 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,247 - I'm gonna post this on my Instagram. 341 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,459 Rosie la reinais to blame-a. 342 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,046 - Yeah, you're really having fun with this, huh? 343 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,382 - I always knew you were poisoning Mayan against me. 344 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:06,800 - Congratulations. 345 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,678 You finally have proof that I am not the perfect mom. 346 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,931 But guess what. I've known that for years. 347 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:17,644 - Why are you agreeing with me? Is this what gaslighting is? 348 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,649 - [sighs] Ay. 349 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,694 You remember that summer that Mayan stayed at my sister's, 350 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:26,861 and I told you that it was 351 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,530 because I needed bunion surgery? 352 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,281 - Yeah, yeah, you went to Mexico. 353 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,741 - I never went to Mexico. 354 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,285 I dropped Mayan off, went back home, 355 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,121 pulled down the shades, got in bed, 356 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,914 and cried for three weeks straight. 357 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:42,002 Later, I found out I had a nervous breakdown. 358 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,546 - Wow, I'm--I mean, is that what the doctor said? 359 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,339 - Ay,doctor? I couldn't afford a doctor. 360 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,967 I saw that on "Grey's Anatomy." 361 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,596 - I mean, uh, how come you never told me? 362 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,558 - Because you being gone was part of it. 363 00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,603 [sighs] I was working three jobs, 364 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,605 trying to start a new business, 365 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,817 raising a kid who was heartbroken after we split up. 366 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,821 I was just trying to hold it together 367 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,906 until I couldn't. 368 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,369 - Wow, I mean, you never said anything. 369 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,747 Every time I saw you, you looked hot. 370 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,081 - Thank you. 371 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,541 I know. 372 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,962 - Mayan never said anything. 373 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,422 - Oh, Mayan didn't know. 374 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,507 I wanted to be perfect for her 375 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,594 because everything in her life wasn't. 376 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,304 But I just couldn't keep it up. 377 00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,806 So, yeah... 378 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:40,935 sometimes I threw you under the bus... 379 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,687 when I screwed up. 380 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,150 That's how I survived. 381 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,943 - [softly] Wow. 382 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,654 - Let's move to the middle-school years. 383 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,995 - Yeah, we don't have to go through this. 384 00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,413 I recognize this. 385 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:03,333 These were all the mescal years. 386 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:06,878 Yeah, you know what? Those are all me. 387 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,591 Winner, winner! Pollo Loco dinner! 388 00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:16,680 - This is not a game you want to win. 389 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,598 - I'm okay with that. 390 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,602 What do you know about winning anyways? 391 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,897 * * 392 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:33,571 [upbeat saxophone music] 393 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,866 - You want a drink? - Sure, what do you got? 394 00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:39,577 Oh, remembering all the mescal years 395 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,122 made me thirsty for... 396 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,456 mescal. 397 00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,625 - [chuckles] 398 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:50,505 You know, a lot of that stuff on that last list was my fault. 399 00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,590 Why'd you take the blame? 400 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,634 - You did a great job raising Mayan, 401 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,970 despite everything that I threw at you. 402 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,139 And maybe you weren't the perfect mom, 403 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,517 but...you were the perfect mom for Mayan. 404 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:05,103 - You really think so? - Yeah. 405 00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,480 And the proof is in that firecracker out there 406 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,275 in the living room. - [chuckles] 407 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,318 - And I understand why you did what you did. 408 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,820 I mean, let's face it. 409 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,905 If we played that game listing all the wrongdoings 410 00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:19,743 I did to you, we'd run out of ink. 411 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,703 - Is that an apology? 412 00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:23,747 - I'm starting to learn 413 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:27,083 that a little "lo siento" goes a long way. 414 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,753 - Okay, so we don't have to break out my old diaries 415 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,505 and read through them? - No. 416 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,341 Only the dirty parts. 417 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,346 - Those were some good parts. 418 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,808 - Chorizo. 419 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,687 - [clears throat] Chorizo. 420 00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,108 - Ay, Dios mío. 421 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:56,321 * * 422 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,866 Okay, gordo, ready to go kick some T-balls? 423 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,870 - Grandpa, we need to talk. 424 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,332 - Oh, my God, he's firing us. 425 00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:10,627 - Not my call. 426 00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:12,837 All the cheating was filmed 427 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:17,133 and made into a TikTok by a mystery parent. 428 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,844 - Send him home, Robbie! Whoo! 429 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,681 And he didn't even tag me-- what a monster. 430 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,017 - It was someone named "@VannaWhiteboy." 431 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,145 - [gasps] 432 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,731 - Well, guess I'll take my hat back. 433 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:35,402 - Actually, I hired the perfect coach. 434 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,196 - Coach Mom in the house. 435 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,284 - How can you be coach? 436 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,370 I thought you weren't going to ask to leave early. 437 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,705 - I didn't have to. 438 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,498 I told the league it was discrimination 439 00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:51,042 against working moms to have games before 5:00 p.m. 440 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,377 - You used one of the three Ds? 441 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,462 That's the one people are afraid of. 442 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,758 - Well, look who's coming through for Chance--me. 443 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,927 [giggles] 444 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,554 Oh, because I inspired you. 445 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,223 - You crossed a line and really embarrassed me. 446 00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:07,308 - Oh, I know. 447 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,144 It was a bit much. 448 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,398 Lo siento. 449 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,524 - I forgive you. 450 00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:18,028 - Aw, I forgive you, too. 451 00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:21,573 - For what? - Lots of things. 452 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:25,744 Oh, but I don't keep a list like a little bitch. 453 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,872 * *