1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,007 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,925 - Here's Churro's pain medication. 3 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,805 If she walks into a wall, that just means it's working. 4 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,558 - So, Doctor, if Churro needs one tranquilizer, 5 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,685 she weighs 10 pounds... - Mm-hmm. 6 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,855 - How much would a dog need that weighed, like, 200 pounds? 7 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,190 Like, 20? 8 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,276 [laughter] 9 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:27,652 This isn't funny, okay? 10 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:31,531 This big dog needs a lot of pills to feel anything. 11 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,824 - What? No. 12 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,826 I was just laughing at this TikTok Mayan made. 13 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,870 It's an ad for Bone-jour. 14 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,246 [sultry music] 15 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:41,875 - I've been looking forward to tonight all week. 16 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:47,297 * * 17 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:50,008 Courtesy of our friends at Bone-jour. 18 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,093 Gourmet dog treats made in Paris... 19 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:55,055 Tennessee. 20 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:58,183 Voilà! A "bark-cuterie" board. 21 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,226 Now, this dog may not be an evil tech billionaire, 22 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,645 but she can eat like one. 23 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:06,316 And so can I, because humans can enjoy it too. 24 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,653 [evil laugh] 25 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:15,158 - You have the evil laugh of a man who owns a rocket ship 26 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,912 shaped like a penis. 27 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,247 - I can't believe you're the brand ambassador 28 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,957 for Bone-jour, 29 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:27,921 the number-one pet food that doesn't use horse meat. 30 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,339 - They make it in a lab. 31 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:33,218 It has all the horse flavor, but none of the horse. 32 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,303 - Well, I mean, why did they pick you? 33 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,971 Shouldn't a famous dog be selling the food? 34 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,390 I mean, listen, don't take this wrong, Mayan, 35 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,891 but you're no Scooby-Doo. 36 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,604 - It's just a little start-up, 37 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,272 and I'm making a few extra bucks for vet school. 38 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,774 It's no big deal. 39 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,526 - It's a huge deal. 40 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,652 My pet lizard and I have been trying 41 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,779 to land a sponsorship for years. 42 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,448 Ain't that right, Lizzo? 43 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,617 - You must be so proud of her. 44 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,870 - The sexy lizard? We just met. 45 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,288 - No, Mayan. 46 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,790 Because of her videos, 47 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,626 the clinic's TikTok account has thousands of followers. 48 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,169 - Thanks. 49 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,713 Bone-jour even asked if I'd host a promotional event here 50 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,423 and it's gonna be livestreamed. 51 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,426 - Okay, calm down, Mayan Seacrest. 52 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,802 Don't let it go to your head. 53 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,013 Pride is one of the three deadly sins. 54 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,055 - There are seven. 55 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,474 - I know. I like the other four. 56 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,644 [upbeat saxophone music] 57 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:31,609 * * 58 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,659 - Do you think Mayan's okay? 59 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,161 - I don't know. I'm a vet. 60 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,288 I don't understand human emotions. 61 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,376 Is this what happy looks like? 62 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,422 - I can hear you guys. 63 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:54,090 Why wouldn't I be okay? 64 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,884 - 'Cause you were just talking about your accomplishments 65 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,302 and your dad put you down. 66 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,636 - Ugh. 67 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,765 We don't say "put down" in this office. 68 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,687 - My dad wasn't insulting me. He's just keeping me grounded. 69 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,272 That's what Latino parents do. 70 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,857 - My parents do the same thing, 71 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,275 and I'ma tell them it's not right 72 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:15,820 as soon as I'm no longer on their cell phone plan. 73 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,197 - I don't think it's a bad thing 74 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,490 to be reminded to stay humble. 75 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,368 - As an employer, I love that I can take advantage 76 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,704 of how you undervalue yourself. 77 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,248 But as your friend and fellow woman, 78 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,876 girl, it's a bad look. 79 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,879 - You've got to stop putting up with your dad's crap. 80 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,049 Is he ever supportive or say anything nice to you? 81 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:39,719 - He makes fun of me the least out of everyone in the family. 82 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,555 What am I supposed to do? 83 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,557 - Take a stand like I do 84 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,935 anytime someone asks if we do grooming. 85 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,436 "I didn't go to school for eight years 86 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,648 to give a lizard extensions." 87 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:58,196 - I only asked you that one time. 88 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,574 * * 89 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,285 - Damn it. We're gonna be late. 90 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,914 Can you... 91 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,460 Come on, kid, we gotta go. - Hold, please. 92 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,463 Mrs. Garcia, substitute teacher. 93 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,756 And you are? 94 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,675 - Quinten Van Bryan. Nice to meet you. 95 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,885 Thank you for your service. 96 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,262 Come on, buddy. Get in the van. 97 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,848 I got you some candy. 98 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,683 - I would do anything for candy. 99 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,643 - Yeah. 100 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:33,106 - Chance, honey, do you know this sweaty, awkward man? 101 00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:35,400 - Yeah, I'm his father. 102 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,194 Wait, did George talk to you? 103 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,320 - I don't know who George is, 104 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,114 but this boy's last name is Lopez. 105 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,283 If you were his real father, you would know that. 106 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,784 - It's hyphenated. 107 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,537 So his mom is Lopez, I'm Van Bryan. 108 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,290 And if you were a real teacher, you would know that. 109 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,916 - You claim he's your kid, 110 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,501 but he writes his name as Chance Lopez 111 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,421 on all of his schoolwork. 112 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,757 - Okay, well, I really appreciate you 113 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,966 keeping my child safe, but we're late. 114 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,760 So, Chance, tell this woman I'm your dad 115 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,470 so we can get to the dentist. 116 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,679 - Dentist? 117 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,558 I've never seen this dude before my life. 118 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,354 - Wh--what? 119 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,234 [upbeat saxophone music] 120 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,071 - Hey, Kibbles 'n Bits. 121 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,448 Check this out. I fixed the garbage disposal. 122 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,950 [disposal whirs] 123 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:31,790 I just earned myself six months more of free rent. 124 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,709 - Wow, that's amazing. 125 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,003 Good job. I'm so proud of you. 126 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,800 - Why you talking like that? 127 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,345 Did you find that special brownie in the freezer? 128 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,973 - No, I was just demonstrating the normal way to react 129 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,267 when someone you care about accomplishes something 130 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,560 they care about. 131 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,853 - I don't care about the disposal. 132 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,980 I clogged it on purpose for the free rent. 133 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,236 - I'm just gonna say it. 134 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:02,529 I don't like the rude things you said 135 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,781 in front of my coworkers today. 136 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,700 - I wasn't being rude. I was just keeping it real. 137 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,576 You were getting a big head. 138 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:12,038 And not in a handsome way like mine--look. 139 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,207 - That's toxic behavior. 140 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,793 And I'm so used to it that Brookie and Dr. Pocha 141 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,044 had to point it out for me to realize 142 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,171 that you are incapable of celebrating 143 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,506 anyone else's achievements. 144 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,299 - That is not true. 145 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,553 I celebrate the makers of this beer every night. 146 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,808 - You know, I don't think I've ever heard you say the words, 147 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,351 "I'm proud of you." 148 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,811 Not even when I was a kid. 149 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,146 Remember what you told me 150 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,440 after my middle school musical performance? 151 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,816 When I asked you how my singing was, 152 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,694 you told me to dance louder. 153 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,241 - Yes, because your feet can actually hit a note. 154 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,492 - Words matter, Dad. 155 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,869 - Yes, Mayan. I'm aware. 156 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,579 That's why I don't just throw them around. 157 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,788 Want me to tell you I'm proud of you 158 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,334 because you ate dog food? 159 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,626 You called me a hot mess 160 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,755 for eating pizza crust out of the trash. 161 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,631 - But you don't even say it for the big stuff. 162 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,508 I mean, I have a job that I love, 163 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:09,346 an amazing kid, and a wonderful life partner in Quinten. 164 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,056 - Who? 165 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,937 - Why is it so hard for you to say? 166 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,606 Just say that you're proud of me. 167 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,358 Just say it. 168 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,193 - Ew, no. 169 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,653 * * 170 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,739 [doorbell rings] 171 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,117 - I'm here. 172 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,203 I guess the genie granted your wish. 173 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,704 - Oh. 174 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,331 There's an iPad, cookies, 175 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,875 and a warm bath waiting for you in my room. 176 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,794 - How are you still single? 177 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,216 - Well, at least he loves one of us. 178 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,259 - Oh, what's wrong? 179 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:52,180 - A teacher at Chance's school didn't think I was his dad. 180 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,724 - George got to them? 181 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,851 - No. And look at me. 182 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,020 Obviously, I'm a POC. 183 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,233 A Parent of Chance. 184 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,567 - Well, I don't know. 185 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,945 He looks like a young Oscar Isaac, 186 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,198 and you look like his manager. 187 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,661 - Yeah, Chance dropped my last name at school. 188 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,038 So he's just going by Chance Lopez now. 189 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,124 - Well, probably because Chance Van Bryan 190 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,877 sounds like a lacrosse player on trial for assault. 191 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,464 - Okay, I'm just gonna get vulnerable with you 192 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,757 for a second. 193 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,300 I'm afraid that he's embarrassed of me. 194 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,469 And Mayan was embarrassed of George when she was a kid. 195 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,555 They didn't speak for 10 years. 196 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,682 - I hate to say it, 197 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,977 but maybe Chance is ashamed of his whiteness. 198 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,854 [chuckles] Actually, I don't hate to say it. 199 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,814 It felt good. [laughs] 200 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:49,112 Look, he lives in a house surrounded by Latinos. 201 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,740 Maybe you should teach him something 202 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,534 about your side of the family. 203 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,119 - That's a good idea. 204 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,955 I just--I don't want him to be ashamed of who he is. 205 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,915 You know, I want him to be proud. 206 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:05,545 - Hm, so you want him to be a proud white man? 207 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,715 - No, I'm just, like, saying that I want him to be a... 208 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,968 proud boy. 209 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,720 Oh, God, no, that's not-- 210 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,181 I meant, like, a proud boy--Rosie. 211 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,474 Rosie, you know I didn't mean-- 212 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,767 Rosie! 213 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,519 * * 214 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,396 - Can you believe Mayan? 215 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,482 Complaining that I never tell her I'm proud of her. 216 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,569 I must have said it one time behind her back accidentally. 217 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,113 That's gotta count for something. 218 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,323 - You never say you're proud of me, 219 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:37,035 but luckily, thanks to my ADHD... 220 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,376 - My grandmother only told me she was proud of me one time, 221 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,211 when I told child protective services 222 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:50,173 that we were playing frisbee with a chancla. 223 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,342 - I think you should just tell her, man. 224 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,178 She won't let it go. She's Gen Z. 225 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,638 Whoa. 226 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,391 We're at the end of the alphabet. 227 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:04,145 Sad to think that this will be the last generation of mankind. 228 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:09,317 - If I tell her, it'll be because she asked me, 229 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,361 not because I wanted to, obviously. 230 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,739 It would seem so just dis-indigenous. 231 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,077 - Disingenuous. 232 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,830 - That's what I said. Disin-gender-us. 233 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,375 - Boop. 234 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,463 - Wow. That's a good job. That's a perfect blunt. 235 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,925 Tight as a taquito to get us loose as a burrito. 236 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,137 - You're so good to me, man. 237 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,139 You really know how to show someone you appreciate them. 238 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,348 - Yeah. 239 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,726 Because I'm not a sayer. I'm a show-er. 240 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,019 - And I'm not a show-er. 241 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,354 I'm a grower, 'cause I grew all this weed. 242 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,899 * * 243 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,655 [upbeat saxophone music] 244 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,450 - Look at all these people in here. 245 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,161 I don't see why your dad wouldn't be proud of you. 246 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,875 - You don't think I look silly? 247 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,501 - I actually find it much easier 248 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,463 to talk to you like this. 249 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,590 - You guys are just being nice. My dad was all-- 250 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,133 - Don't listen to him. 251 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,011 - Yeah, you don't need your dad's validation. 252 00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,471 You make great videos. 253 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,681 You're helping put this place on the map. 254 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:25,435 You even eat dog food and make it look orgasmic. 255 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,938 - Actually, I do a little trick. 256 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,857 I hide a piece of turkey jerky in my palm 257 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,859 and switch it at the last minute. 258 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:35,653 - So you're pretending to like it? 259 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,364 - Yeah, it's gross. 260 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,699 TikTok Mayan fully stands behind the product, 261 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,327 but real life Mayan thinks that crap is nasty, 262 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,121 which is why when I ask for a volunteer to try it, 263 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,207 Brookie's gonna say... 264 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,793 - [enunciating] Girl, I am just a random stranger 265 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,879 who does not know you at all. 266 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:59,636 - And that acting is why Lizzo doesn't have a sponsorship. 267 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,639 Just say you want to try it and take the jerky. 268 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,016 - See, you've got everything worked out. 269 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,685 You're gonna kill it out there. 270 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,020 So it doesn't matter what your dad thinks. 271 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,690 Just keep him out of your head. 272 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,233 - Keep him out of my head. 273 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,902 Keep him out of my head. Keep him out of my... 274 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:21,866 - The big dog is here. He's ready to Bone... 275 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,536 Jour. [chuckles] 276 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,954 - It's gonna be hard to keep him out of my head 277 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,498 when we can't keep him out of the building. 278 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,044 - [whistles] Wow, that's a beautiful dress. 279 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,671 - Oh, thank you. 280 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,673 - I was talking to the lizard. 281 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,178 - Why are you here? To make fun of me? 282 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,139 - Well, I wasn't planning to, 283 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,100 but I didn't know you'd be wearing that. 284 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,395 Mayan D.O. Double G. 285 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,063 - Look, I don't wanna get into a fight. 286 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,606 I'm about to do my presentation. 287 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,025 - Okay. 288 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,652 Do you want a scratch behind the ear for good luck? 289 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,864 - [barks] 290 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,449 [hisses] 291 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,160 Hi, everyone. 292 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,578 I'm Mayan Lopez, here to tell you 293 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:10,331 all about the amazing products from Bone-jour. 294 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,584 [applause] 295 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,878 They've got everything from pup-corn, 296 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,255 to pup-peroni, to pup-puccinos. 297 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,216 Hey, when a pun works, a pun works. 298 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:29,059 Most importantly, no dog can resist its delicious taste. 299 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,147 - Yes. 300 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:38,026 - And neither can I. 301 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,404 Mmm. Delicious. 302 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,324 These got me wagging for more. 303 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:50,330 Now, can I get a volunteer from the crowd to give it a try? 304 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,916 - Oh. [audience murmurs] 305 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,294 - I said, can I get a volunteer from the crowd? 306 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,214 - Has anyone seen a bearded dragon 307 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,676 in a custom denim jumpsuit? 308 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:06,638 - No one's trash enough to eat dog food. 309 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,683 - I'm trash. I'll eat it. 310 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,644 [cheers and applause] 311 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,565 - [softly] Dad, what are you doing up here? 312 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,693 - [softly] I'm proving that pride isn't just saying it. 313 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,111 It's showing it. 314 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,862 [normally] Hi, everyone. I'm George Lopez. 315 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,906 Mayan Lopez is my daughter, 316 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:28,326 and if she says that these treats are delicious, 317 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,913 then by gum, they're delicious. 318 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,707 - Oh, well, let me get you some. 319 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:37,002 - Now you and your dog can eat out of the same bowl. 320 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,504 - No, Dad, don't-- 321 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,507 - Mmm-mm. 322 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,349 The flavor is just-- [gags] 323 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,730 [hacking] 324 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,359 It tastes so good, you'll want more. 325 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,070 - Dad, no. Please don't--oh. 326 00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,573 - [gagging] 327 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,038 You see? 328 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,165 It's delicious. [chuckles] 329 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:18,543 Is that my lucky penny down there? 330 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,754 [vomiting] 331 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,715 - Oh. Oh, God. 332 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,884 [gags] 333 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,970 Oh, no! Oh, no! 334 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,139 Gross! Churro's eating your vo-- 335 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,807 vomit! 336 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,768 Oh. [retches] 337 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,270 * * 338 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,068 - It's delicious. [gags] 339 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,069 - Mmm. - [retches] 340 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,320 - Mmm. - [retches] 341 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,155 - Gross! Churro's eating your vomit! 342 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:48,198 Churro's eating your-- 343 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,532 [audio loops, plays] 344 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,534 [upbeat music playing] 345 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,411 [retching loops, plays] 346 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,580 - This will never not be funny. 347 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,417 - Gordo, can we talk for a sec? 348 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,960 - Okay, but make it quick, 349 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,005 'cause I gotta watch this video a hundred more times. 350 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:09,260 - It's about you going by Chance Lopez at school. 351 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,346 - [sighs] Are you mad? 352 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,764 - No, no. 353 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,266 I just--I want you to learn about where I came from. 354 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,310 - Grandpa says you came from a long line 355 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,771 of squishy marshmallows. 356 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,319 - Well, he's 90% alcohol, so we shouldn't listen to him. 357 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,951 I had my DNA analyzed, and according to the results, 358 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,830 I am Dutch, British, and German. 359 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,626 Which means I'm a purebred filthy colonizer. 360 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,379 Great. That's great. 361 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:51,469 I don't blame you for changing your last name at school. 362 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,888 You're embarrassed of me. 363 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,432 - What? No. 364 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,934 I changed it so I can go to recess earlier. 365 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,771 They let us out in alphabetical order. 366 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,107 And I'm not sure if you know this, 367 00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,484 but V is near the end. 368 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,156 - You know, back when I was a kid, 369 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,283 it was also near the end. 370 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:16,578 - I wanted to get outside before the swings were taken. 371 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:20,040 I'm just trying to get my swing on, Daddy. 372 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,005 - So you're not embarrassed 373 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,965 that someone like me is your dad? 374 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,051 - Of course not. You're my best friend. 375 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,181 - You really mean that, bud? 376 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:39,100 - Well, my best white friend. 377 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,900 - I'll take it. 378 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,113 [upbeat saxophone music] 379 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,866 * * 380 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:58,119 - Well, I'm no longer a brand ambassador for Bone-jour. 381 00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,538 They said they're going in a different direction. 382 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,917 What does a lizard have to do with dog food? 383 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,295 - I'm so sorry, Mayan. 384 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,338 But you know what? Don't worry about it. 385 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:09,589 It's the Internet. In a week, 386 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,800 everybody would have forgotten all about it 387 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:16,596 as soon as that crazy white woman goes nuts at Walmart. 388 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:21,267 "That sign says this mayonnaise is two for one. 389 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:25,063 I ain't putting my top back on till I get answers." 390 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:29,609 - Well, I'll get another sponsorship 391 00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,403 'cause I'm good at this. 392 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,071 I make great videos 393 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,366 when my father doesn't throw up in them. 394 00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,410 - Well, believe it or not, I was trying to help you. 395 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,744 - Look, it's okay. 396 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,579 I realized that I don't need your validation 397 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,164 or anyone else's. 398 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,083 I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments 399 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,043 and I shouldn't be afraid to say it. 400 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,420 - [clears throat] Well, this has all left 401 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,213 a bad taste in my mouth. 402 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,257 - What, that I'm a successful, competent woman 403 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,051 who doesn't need her daddy's approval anymore? 404 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,471 - The dog food. 405 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,477 I still taste horse. 406 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,896 And it wasn't even real horse. 407 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,067 - So I have a confession. 408 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:14,487 - Chance's father is Wilmer Valderrama? 409 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,784 - No. 410 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,953 I actually never ate the dog food. 411 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,664 I always switched it with turkey jerky. 412 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,583 - Wait a minute. 413 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,253 So you were pretending to eat 414 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:33,923 those disgusting dog treats this whole time? 415 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,091 - Yeah. 416 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:38,011 - And you were scamming everybody, Mayan? 417 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:39,596 - Yep. 418 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,182 - You're an incredible liar... 419 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,853 And I'm so proud of you. 420 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,072 - Did you just say you were proud of me? 421 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,824 - I did, Mayan, and I meant it too. 422 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,536 - That's all I ever wanted to hear. 423 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,504 - I thought you didn't need my validation. 424 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,756 - Just let me have this. 425 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,549 - I really am an amazing dad, Mayan... 426 00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,218 - Okay. Yup. 427 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,845 - And I think you should tell me more, and buy me more stuff. 428 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,263 - Okay. Yep, I knew this was gonna happen. 429 00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,641 We were so close. Okay! - I love you so much. Ow! 430 00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:27,686 * * 431 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,689 - Dad? Where are you? 432 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,565 - Oh, Mayan, we're in here. 433 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,321 - These are fantastic, by the way. 434 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,948 Thank you. 435 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,994 - What's up? - This place is pretty cool. 436 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,371 Thanks for not doing it in the house 437 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,580 in front of my seven year old. 438 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,333 A record player? Sweet. 439 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,420 [Santana's "Oye Como Va" plays] 440 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,922 * * 441 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,507 - Okay! 442 00:20:57,549 --> 00:20:59,467 This is where the party's at! 443 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,553 What's up? Whoo! 444 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,221 * * 445 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:06,391 - Mayan, something is burning in the-- 446 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,852 * * 447 00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,354 Ay, fiesta! - [groans] 448 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,482 - Oh, I love this song. - Oh. 449 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:18,111 - [gasps] Are you watching "Born in East L.A."? 450 00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:21,239 Oh! Ay! 451 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,324 It's my favorite. 452 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,577 * * 453 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,953 - I liked this place better, Oscar, 454 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,205 when it was less popular.