♪ Kiff! ♪
♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Kiff! ♪
Brought to you by Thelma's Thumbtacks.
Get to the point!
Well, yeah.
All right, hello, yes.
Uh, thank you. Qu-- Quiet!
I am thrilled to announce that this morning,
after suffering a flat tire, I was blackmailed...
uh... convinced by a Good Samaritan
that we have room in the budget for an original musical
directed by our own drama teacher.
Just had to cut the pencil budget.
Wait, we don't have to use pencils anymore?
We get to put on a real musical?
I love musicals!
This is gonna be the best thing
you've ever seen in your life!
Barry, If this goes well,
we'll get to do a musical every year!
When is she going to post the cast list?
Aah!
Oh, no. Oh, gosh.
Hm.
I got a part! I'm... Helen!
Me, too!
I'm Helen, age four?
I'm High School Helen?
Wait a minute, are we all Helen?
What is this show, anyway?
"The Sound of Helen"?
"The epic musical tale of a lifetime
of continuous perfection"?
I hope you're all ready!
Don't be late for rehearsal!
♪ La, la, la! ♪
If this show is great,
then we can do a better musical next year.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Plant the seed now, enjoy the crop next year, get it.
Scene one, the birth of Helen.
Wow me. And... action!
♪ We've come to bear witness to the child ♪
♪ So beautiful ♪
♪ So meek and mild ♪
Waaah! Cut!
That was terrible!
Candle, your wail is too shrill!
Trevor, enunciate.
Barry, you think that's how a doctor stands?
Oh, I'm sorry, more like this?
- No. No. - Uh, like this?
- No? This foot? - No. No.
- Sorry. I, uh-- - Nuh-uh. Wrong.
- Hips? Is it hips? - No. Wrong!
- Oh, it's hips. - No. Wrong!
Let's take a loose ten,
I need to take a walk
and hope this stench goes away.
Jeez, can you spell "diva"?
- D, E-- - Okay, we've got a bigger problem, people.
Look at the next scene.
"Helen, age six, becomes
the youngest Nobel laureate in history"? Uh...
That's the whole show. Baby Helen, magnetic charm.
Child Helen, a prodigy.
College Helen, continues to be lovely.
"Helen enters. All swoon in awe
of her incandescent charisma."
There's no plot. Nada, nothing!
Should we all resign?
- Well, that's one option. - I mean, yeah, maybe.
I'm over it.
Hold your horses, people!
Kiff you have the floor.
This is our one shot. We can't give up now.
We just need a second opinion from someone
with a passing knowledge of musical theater.
♪ Meet me in St. Louis ♪
♪ Mm, public domain ♪
All right team, let's give it our all.
We've got a professional in the back
who's gonna give us the straight dope.
Stop conspiring up there!
Scene five, teen Helen, queen of high school. Action!
♪ Too many friends to count! ♪
♪ Charm? Just the right amount! ♪
Okay, Sweepy, give it to us straight.
This is going to be the worst musical ever produced.
And I was at the premiere of Legs Diamond.
What?! (sighs) We can't let that happen.
If the play goes belly-up, we'll never get
to do another musical again.
What do we do?
Convince Helen to make changes to the play.
We can fix it. I think.
Mm. That's what they said about Legs Diamond.
Hey, uh, Director Helen.
What do you want, Kiff?
I-- Listen, you know we all love
that we get to be in a musical, right?
But, uh, this script, it-- it has some issues.
How about we give it a little punch up?
How dare you.
I just think this story could be more interesting.
Name one thing in the script that's not interesting.
Well, there's no conflict.
There is, too! The conflict is,
which Helen is your favorite?
There's nothing to overcome.
You overcome your awe at the genius of this show!
The third act resolution doesn't feel earned.
I earned it by being the best!
Are you trying to tell me that The Sound of Helen is bad?
- Not exactly... - You know...
- Yeah... - Yes?
Okay. I appreciate you telling me the truth.
- Really? - The truth that none of you
are good enough for my art! I quit!
Now, what do we-- Oh, wait, she's coming back.
Do you know how hard it's been
getting this production off the ground?
This script is my life's work. I have spent years
trying to squeeze money out of that principal bird,
only to have it all ruined by you!
Do you know how much I spent on thumbtacks?
I took a four-day course on how to change a tire!
This show's too good for you plebs, anyway.
Are we thinking Helen put tacks in the street
to give PS a flat?
Now that's a Helen I can root for!
She's passionate, she's willing to do whatever it takes.
That's what the show should be about!
Helen yelling at us?
Helen trying to get this musical off the ground.
We'll do a rewrite. We can still save this show!
Right?! Yeah!
Mm.
Do you think Helen will come?
I don't know. We sent her a ticket...
Chop, chop people! Five minutes to showtime!
Oh, this is so exciting!
I heard the director quit over creative differences
and that this show is going to be terrible.
Oh. Why are you here, then?
I love watching terrible things.
Hello, may I have your attention?
I was told to read this card.
"Tonight's performance, The Sound of Helen,
will not go on."
"Instead, Table Town School Drama Society
proudly presents, My Fair Helen."
Hm. Okay.
What did he say? My fair what?
♪ I think a thought I have a need ♪
♪ Something growing like a weed ♪
♪ There's something I wish I could be ♪
♪ And that something's somebody ♪
Give up o your dreams!
You live in the real world, not dream land!
Oh...
♪ Why can't you see my pain? ♪
♪ You're asking for nuts ♪
♪ That we just don't have ♪
♪ Every night I weep in vain! ♪
♪ These kinds of spreadsheets must be planned! ♪
♪ Budgets! ♪
♪ Please, please ♪
- ♪ Please, please ♪ - ♪ Please... ♪
♪ Please ♪
♪ Noooooo ♪
Well, that's a bit much.
Exactly.
♪ People called me a fool-sical ♪
♪ To put on a musical ♪
I don't know if I can do it.
But I won't stop trying!
♪ Hid in a bush And threw down the tacks ♪
♪ What?! ♪
♪ He got a flat ♪
♪ And stopped in his tracks ♪
♪ No way! ♪
♪ But I don't have a spare ♪
♪ And I gotta get to school urgently ♪
♪ All right, I'll help you ♪
♪ You just gotta do something for me ♪
Wink!
Wait, what?
All right, Helen. You win.
You get to put on a musical.
We'll just have to cut the pencil budget.
That's exactly what happened!
-♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪
♪ He approved the budget ♪
- ♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪
♪ He approved the budget ♪
♪ She really did it ♪
- ♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪
♪ She got her way ♪
♪ And then she quit ♪
I stand corrected!
All this applause is for me?
My story? They love me! They really love me!
Kiff, that was wonderful.
I've never felt so close to an employee before.
Not your employee, ha-ha.
Ooh, I can't wait for next year's musical!
And we're all just fine that she put tacks in the road
and took out my car? Hm?
That's-- That's cool with all you people?
Very hurtful.