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♪ Kiff! ♪
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♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪
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♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
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♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪
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♪ Yeah! ♪
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♪ Kiff! ♪
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{\an8}Brought to you
by Thelma's Thumbtacks.
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{\an8}Get to the point!
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{\an8}Well, yeah.
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{\an8}All right, hello, yes.
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Uh, thank you. Qu-- Quiet!
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I am thrilled to announce
that this morning,
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after suffering a flat tire,
I was blackmailed...
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uh... convinced by a Good Samaritan
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that we have room in the
budget for an original musical
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directed by our own drama teacher.
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Just had to cut the pencil budget.
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Wait, we don't have
to use pencils anymore?
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We get to put on a real musical?
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I love musicals!
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This is gonna be the best thing
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you've ever seen in your life!
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Barry, If this goes well,
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we'll get to do a musical every year!
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When is she going to post the cast list?
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Aah!
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Oh, no. Oh, gosh.
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Hm.
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I got a part! I'm... Helen!
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Me, too!
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I'm Helen, age four?
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I'm High School Helen?
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Wait a minute, are we all Helen?
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What is this show, anyway?
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"The Sound of Helen"?
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"The epic musical tale of a lifetime
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of continuous perfection"?
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I hope you're all ready!
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Don't be late for rehearsal!
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♪ La, la, la! ♪
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If this show is great,
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then we can do a better musical next year.
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Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
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Plant the seed now,
enjoy the crop next year, get it.
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Scene one, the birth of Helen.
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Wow me. And... action!
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♪ We've come to bear witness
to the child ♪
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♪ So beautiful ♪
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♪ So meek and mild ♪
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Waaah!
Cut!
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That was terrible!
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Candle, your wail is too shrill!
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Trevor, enunciate.
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Barry, you think that's
how a doctor stands?
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Oh, I'm sorry, more like this?
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- No. No.
- Uh, like this?
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- No? This foot?
- No. No.
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- Sorry. I, uh--
- Nuh-uh. Wrong.
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- Hips? Is it hips?
- No. Wrong!
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- Oh, it's hips.
- No. Wrong!
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Let's take a loose ten,
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I need to take a walk
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and hope this stench goes away.
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Jeez, can you spell "diva"?
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- D, E--
- Okay, we've got a bigger problem, people.
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Look at the next scene.
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"Helen, age six, becomes
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the youngest Nobel laureate
in history"? Uh...
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That's the whole show.
Baby Helen, magnetic charm.
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Child Helen, a prodigy.
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College Helen, continues to be lovely.
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"Helen enters. All swoon in awe
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of her incandescent charisma."
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There's no plot. Nada, nothing!
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Should we all resign?
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- Well, that's one option.
- I mean, yeah, maybe.
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I'm over it.
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Hold your horses, people!
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Kiff you have the floor.
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This is our one shot.
We can't give up now.
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We just need a second opinion from someone
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with a passing knowledge
of musical theater.
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♪ Meet me in St. Louis ♪
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♪ Mm, public domain ♪
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All right team, let's give it our all.
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We've got a professional in the back
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who's gonna give us the straight dope.
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Stop conspiring up there!
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Scene five, teen Helen,
queen of high school. Action!
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♪ Too many friends to count! ♪
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♪ Charm? Just the right amount! ♪
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Okay, Sweepy, give it to us straight.
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This is going to be the worst
musical ever produced.
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And I was at the premiere of Legs Diamond.
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What?! (sighs) We can't let that happen.
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If the play goes belly-up, we'll never get
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to do another musical again.
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What do we do?
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Convince Helen to make
changes to the play.
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We can fix it. I think.
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Mm. That's what they said
about Legs Diamond.
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Hey, uh, Director Helen.
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What do you want, Kiff?
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I-- Listen, you know we all love
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that we get to be in a musical, right?
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But, uh, this script,
it-- it has some issues.
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How about we give it a little punch up?
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How dare you.
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I just think this story
could be more interesting.
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Name one thing in the script
that's not interesting.
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Well, there's no conflict.
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There is, too! The conflict is,
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which Helen is your favorite?
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There's nothing to overcome.
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You overcome your awe
at the genius of this show!
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The third act resolution
doesn't feel earned.
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I earned it by being the best!
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Are you trying to tell me that
The Sound of Helen is bad?
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- Not exactly...
- You know...
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- Yeah...
- Yes?
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Okay. I appreciate you
telling me the truth.
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- Really?
- The truth that none of you
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are good enough for my art!
I quit!
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Now, what do we--
Oh, wait, she's coming back.
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Do you know how hard it's been
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getting this production off the ground?
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This script is my life's work.
I have spent years
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trying to squeeze money
out of that principal bird,
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only to have it all ruined by you!
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Do you know how much
I spent on thumbtacks?
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I took a four-day course
on how to change a tire!
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This show's too good
for you plebs, anyway.
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Are we thinking Helen
put tacks in the street
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to give PS a flat?
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Now that's a Helen I can root for!
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She's passionate, she's willing
to do whatever it takes.
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That's what the show should be about!
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Helen yelling at us?
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Helen trying to get
this musical off the ground.
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We'll do a rewrite.
We can still save this show!
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Right?!
Yeah!
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Mm.
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Do you think Helen will come?
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I don't know. We sent her a ticket...
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Chop, chop people!
Five minutes to showtime!
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Oh, this is so exciting!
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I heard the director quit
over creative differences
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and that this show
is going to be terrible.
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Oh. Why are you here, then?
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I love watching terrible things.
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Hello,
may I have your attention?
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I was told to read this card.
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"Tonight's performance,
The Sound of Helen,
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will not go on."
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"Instead, Table Town School Drama Society
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proudly presents, My Fair Helen."
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Hm. Okay.
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What did he say? My fair what?
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♪ I think a thought I have a need ♪
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♪ Something growing like a weed ♪
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♪ There's something I wish I could be ♪
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♪ And that something's somebody ♪
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Give up o your dreams!
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You live in the real world,
not dream land!
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Oh...
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♪ Why can't you see my pain? ♪
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♪ You're asking for nuts ♪
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♪ That we just don't have ♪
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♪ Every night I weep in vain! ♪
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♪ These kinds of spreadsheets
must be planned! ♪
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♪ Budgets! ♪
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♪ Please, please ♪
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- ♪ Please, please ♪
- ♪ Please... ♪
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♪ Please ♪
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♪ Noooooo ♪
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Well, that's a bit much.
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Exactly.
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♪ People called me a fool-sical ♪
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♪ To put on a musical ♪
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I don't know if I can do it.
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But I won't stop trying!
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♪ Hid in a bush And threw down the tacks ♪
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♪ What?! ♪
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♪ He got a flat ♪
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♪ And stopped in his tracks ♪
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♪ No way! ♪
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♪ But I don't have a spare ♪
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♪ And I gotta get to school urgently ♪
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♪ All right, I'll help you ♪
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♪ You just gotta do something for me ♪
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Wink!
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Wait, what?
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All right, Helen. You win.
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You get to put on a musical.
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We'll just have to cut the pencil budget.
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That's exactly what happened!
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{\an8}-♪ She really did it ♪
- ♪ She got her way ♪
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♪ He approved the budget ♪
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- ♪ She really did it ♪
- ♪ She got her way ♪
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♪ He approved the budget ♪
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♪ She really did it ♪
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- ♪ She really did it ♪
- ♪ She got her way ♪
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♪ She got her way ♪
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♪ And then she quit ♪
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I stand corrected!
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All this applause is for me?
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My story? They love me!
They really love me!
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00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,687
Kiff, that was wonderful.
209
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:50,232
I've never felt so close
to an employee before.
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Not your employee, ha-ha.
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Ooh, I can't wait for next year's musical!
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00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,749
And we're all just fine
that she put tacks in the road
213
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,668
and took out my car? Hm?
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00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,587
That's-- That's cool with all you people?
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00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,090
Very hurtful.