1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,171 ♪ Kiff! ♪ 2 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,215 ♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪ 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,092 ♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪ 4 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:16,975 ♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪ 5 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,060 ♪ Yeah! ♪ 6 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,603 ♪ Kiff! ♪ 7 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,815 (chuckles) 8 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,984 (both laughing) 9 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,778 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by Thelma's Thumbtacks. 10 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,280 {\an8}Get to the point! 11 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:34,534 {\an8}- Well, yeah. - (overlapping chatter) 12 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:35,952 {\an8}All right, hello, yes. 13 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,329 Uh, thank you. Qu-- Quiet! 14 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:39,456 - (chatter stops) - (short fart) 15 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,167 I am thrilled to announce that this morning, 16 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,753 after suffering a flat tire, I was blackmailed... 17 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,047 uh... convinced by a Good Samaritan 18 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,300 that we have room in the budget for an original musical 19 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,011 directed by our own drama teacher. 20 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,055 Just had to cut the pencil budget. 21 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,057 Wait, we don't have to use pencils anymore? 22 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,850 We get to put on a real musical? 23 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,185 I love musicals! 24 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,478 (sighs, grunts) 25 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,354 This is gonna be the best thing 26 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:06,024 you've ever seen in your life! 27 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,776 - (cheering, applause) - (whistles) 28 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,360 Barry, If this goes well, 29 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,237 we'll get to do a musical every year! 30 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,406 (light feedback) 31 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,075 (sighs) 32 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,828 When is she going to post the cast list? 33 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,757 Aah! 34 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,342 Oh, no. Oh, gosh. 35 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,510 Hm. 36 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,391 (all exclaiming, grunting) 37 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:41,601 (gasps, grunts) 38 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,812 I got a part! I'm... Helen! 39 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:44,813 - (grunts) - Me, too! 40 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:47,065 I'm Helen, age four? 41 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,942 I'm High School Helen? 42 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,111 RENEE: Wait a minute, are we all Helen? 43 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,238 What is this show, anyway? 44 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,075 (both groan) 45 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,202 BARRY: "The Sound of Helen"? 46 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,412 "The epic musical tale of a lifetime 47 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,623 of continuous perfection"? 48 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,375 HELEN: I hope you're all ready! 49 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,377 Don't be late for rehearsal! 50 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,711 ♪ La, la, la! ♪ 51 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,133 If this show is great, 52 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,051 then we can do a better musical next year. 53 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,178 Oh, yeah, that makes sense. 54 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,265 Plant the seed now, enjoy the crop next year, get it. 55 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,225 Scene one, the birth of Helen. 56 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,897 Wow me. And... action! 57 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:33,278 ♪ We've come to bear witness to the child ♪ 58 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,072 ♪ So beautiful ♪ 59 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,700 ♪ So meek and mild ♪ 60 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,035 - Waaah! - HELEN: Cut! 61 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,495 That was terrible! 62 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,830 (grunting) 63 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,749 Candle, your wail is too shrill! 64 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,877 Trevor, enunciate. 65 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,379 Barry, you think that's how a doctor stands? 66 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,339 Oh, I'm sorry, more like this? 67 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,632 - No. No. - Uh, like this? 68 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,050 - No? This foot? - No. No. 69 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,302 - Sorry. I, uh-- - Nuh-uh. Wrong. 70 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,511 - Hips? Is it hips? - No. Wrong! 71 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,180 - Oh, it's hips. - No. Wrong! 72 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,431 (whimpers) 73 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,057 (growls) 74 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,517 Let's take a loose ten, 75 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,019 I need to take a walk 76 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,522 and hope this stench goes away. 77 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,816 Jeez, can you spell "diva"? 78 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,903 - D, E-- - Okay, we've got a bigger problem, people. 79 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:15,945 Look at the next scene. 80 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,947 "Helen, age six, becomes 81 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:20,909 the youngest Nobel laureate in history"? Uh... 82 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,745 That's the whole show. Baby Helen, magnetic charm. 83 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,455 Child Helen, a prodigy. 84 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,749 College Helen, continues to be lovely. 85 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:31,002 "Helen enters. All swoon in awe 86 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:34,130 of her incandescent charisma." 87 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,882 There's no plot. Nada, nothing! 88 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,717 Should we all resign? 89 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,345 - Well, that's one option. - I mean, yeah, maybe. 90 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,512 (scoffs) I'm over it. 91 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,640 Hold your horses, people! 92 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,559 Kiff you have the floor. 93 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,646 This is our one shot. We can't give up now. 94 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,731 We just need a second opinion from someone 95 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,525 with a passing knowledge of musical theater. 96 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,986 SWEEPY STEVE: ♪ Meet me in St. Louis ♪ 97 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,280 (vocalizing) 98 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,367 ♪ Mm, public domain ♪ 99 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,079 (sighs) 100 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,956 All right team, let's give it our all. 101 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,415 We've got a professional in the back 102 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,708 who's gonna give us the straight dope. 103 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,543 Stop conspiring up there! 104 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:16,798 Scene five, teen Helen, queen of high school. Action! 105 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,468 ♪ Too many friends to count! ♪ 106 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,638 ♪ Charm? Just the right amount! ♪ 107 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,685 Okay, Sweepy, give it to us straight. 108 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,522 This is going to be the worst musical ever produced. 109 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,316 And I was at the premiere of Legs Diamond. 110 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,652 What?! (sighs) We can't let that happen. 111 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,529 If the play goes belly-up, we'll never get 112 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,322 to do another musical again. 113 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,657 What do we do? 114 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,742 Convince Helen to make changes to the play. 115 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,494 We can fix it. I think. 116 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:50,123 Mm. That's what they said about Legs Diamond. 117 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,208 {\an8}(piano playing) 118 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,212 (grunts) 119 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,964 (sighs) 120 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:58,965 (groans) 121 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,508 Hey, uh, Director Helen. 122 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,676 What do you want, Kiff? 123 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,304 I-- Listen, you know we all love 124 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,930 that we get to be in a musical, right? 125 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,642 But, uh, this script, it-- it has some issues. 126 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,228 How about we give it a little punch up? 127 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,522 How dare you. 128 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:17,734 I just think this story could be more interesting. 129 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,903 Name one thing in the script that's not interesting. 130 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,363 Well, there's no conflict. 131 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,741 There is, too! The conflict is, 132 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,451 which Helen is your favorite? 133 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,745 There's nothing to overcome. 134 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:33,583 You overcome your awe at the genius of this show! 135 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,252 The third act resolution doesn't feel earned. 136 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:40,548 I earned it by being the best! 137 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,467 (both scream) 138 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:46,971 Are you trying to tell me that The Sound of Helen is bad? 139 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,432 (hesitant murmuring) 140 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,476 - Not exactly... - You know... 141 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,394 - Yeah... - Yes? 142 00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:55,897 Okay. I appreciate you telling me the truth. 143 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,899 - Really? - The truth that none of you 144 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:01,986 are good enough for my art! I quit! (huffing) 145 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,113 Now, what do we-- Oh, wait, she's coming back. 146 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,531 Do you know how hard it's been 147 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,241 getting this production off the ground? 148 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,243 This script is my life's work. I have spent years 149 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,579 trying to squeeze money out of that principal bird, 150 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,456 only to have it all ruined by you! 151 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:16,334 Do you know how much I spent on thumbtacks? 152 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,253 I took a four-day course on how to change a tire! 153 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,506 This show's too good for you plebs, anyway. 154 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,633 (crying) 155 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,054 Are we thinking Helen put tacks in the street 156 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,555 to give PS a flat? 157 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,724 (slow clapping) 158 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:34,852 Now that's a Helen I can root for! 159 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:37,688 She's passionate, she's willing to do whatever it takes. 160 00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:40,400 That's what the show should be about! 161 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,984 Helen yelling at us? 162 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,237 Helen trying to get this musical off the ground. 163 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,115 We'll do a rewrite. We can still save this show! 164 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,492 - Right?! - ALL: Yeah! 165 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,786 (upbeat music playing) 166 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,717 Mm. 167 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,136 Do you think Helen will come? 168 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,179 I don't know. We sent her a ticket... 169 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:13,224 Chop, chop people! Five minutes to showtime! 170 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,017 Oh, this is so exciting! 171 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,728 I heard the director quit over creative differences 172 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,481 and that this show is going to be terrible. 173 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,733 Oh. Why are you here, then? 174 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,653 I love watching terrible things. 175 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,907 (clears throat) Hello, may I have your attention? 176 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,492 (whispering indistinctly) 177 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,703 I was told to read this card. 178 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,330 "Tonight's performance, The Sound of Helen, 179 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:39,459 - will not go on." - (all gasp) 180 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,711 "Instead, Table Town School Drama Society 181 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,672 proudly presents, My Fair Helen." 182 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:47,967 Hm. Okay. 183 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,178 What did he say? My fair what? 184 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:56,058 (knuckles cracking) 185 00:07:56,058 --> 00:08:01,689 ♪ I think a thought I have a need ♪ 186 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:08,070 ♪ Something growing like a weed ♪ 187 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:14,035 ♪ There's something I wish I could be ♪ 188 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:18,831 ♪ And that something's somebody ♪ 189 00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,460 - (all gasp) - Give up o your dreams! 190 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:26,547 You live in the real world, not dream land! 191 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,341 - (all gasp) - Oh... 192 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:32,386 ♪ Why can't you see my pain? ♪ 193 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,347 TREVOR: ♪ You're asking for nuts ♪ 194 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,474 ♪ That we just don't have ♪ 195 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,727 ♪ Every night I weep in vain! ♪ 196 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:45,107 ♪ These kinds of spreadsheets must be planned! ♪ 197 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,610 ♪ Budgets! ♪ 198 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,988 ♪ Please, please ♪ 199 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:54,617 - ♪ Please, please ♪ - ♪ Please... ♪ 200 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,162 ♪ Please ♪ 201 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:02,375 - (heavy metal playing) - TREVOR: ♪ Noooooo ♪ 202 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,459 Well, that's a bit much. 203 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,507 Exactly. 204 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:14,136 - (rock music playing) - (all laughing theatrically) 205 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:17,682 ♪ People called me a fool-sical ♪ 206 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,684 ♪ To put on a musical ♪ 207 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,978 I don't know if I can do it. 208 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,022 - (all gasp) - But I won't stop trying! 209 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:31,320 ♪ Hid in a bush And threw down the tacks ♪ 210 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,572 BOTH: ♪ What?! ♪ 211 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,115 ♪ He got a flat ♪ 212 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,367 - (loud pop) - ♪ And stopped in his tracks ♪ 213 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,827 BOTH: ♪ No way! ♪ 214 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,495 ♪ But I don't have a spare ♪ 215 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:42,915 ♪ And I gotta get to school urgently ♪ 216 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,625 ♪ All right, I'll help you ♪ 217 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,752 ♪ You just gotta do something for me ♪ 218 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,087 Wink! 219 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,171 Wait, what? 220 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,632 All right, Helen. You win. 221 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,884 You get to put on a musical. 222 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,387 We'll just have to cut the pencil budget. 223 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,389 That's exactly what happened! 224 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,766 {\an8}-♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪ 225 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,476 ♪ He approved the budget ♪ 226 00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,395 - ♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪ 227 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,521 ♪ He approved the budget ♪ 228 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,024 ♪ She really did it ♪ 229 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:13,154 - ♪ She really did it ♪ - ♪ She got her way ♪ 230 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:18,326 ♪ She got her way ♪ 231 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,748 ♪ And then she quit ♪ 232 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,208 (all cheering) 233 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,502 I stand corrected! 234 00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:30,588 (cheering continues) 235 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,592 All this applause is for me? 236 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:38,721 My story? They love me! They really love me! 237 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,266 (panting, grunting) 238 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,935 (grunting continues) 239 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,687 Kiff, that was wonderful. 240 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:50,232 I've never felt so close to an employee before. 241 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,942 Not your employee, ha-ha. 242 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:54,236 (all cheering) 243 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,782 Ooh, I can't wait for next year's musical! 244 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,450 (cheering continues) 245 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,749 And we're all just fine that she put tacks in the road 246 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,668 and took out my car? Hm? 247 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,587 That's-- That's cool with all you people? 248 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,090 Very hurtful.