1 00:00:00,334 --> 00:00:01,293 [Helen] Brought to you by 2 00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:02,378 Carol's Crullers. 3 00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:03,796 They're fancy donuts. 4 00:00:03,796 --> 00:00:05,131 Pay for 'em. 5 00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:09,885 [whispers] I can't figure out number nine. 6 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,512 Barry. There's no right answer. 7 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,639 Just reply honestly, and that computer will tell you 8 00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,391 what your future career is going to be. 9 00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:17,143 - Oh... - [Kiff exclaims excitedly] 10 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,395 I'm gonna get astronaut. I can feel it. 11 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,022 Or president. Or war hero. 12 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,441 [Miss Deer Teacher] All right, students, 13 00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:25,109 time to get your results. 14 00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,949 [computer voice reads] 15 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,576 - [applause] - How suit-able. 16 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,122 [computer voice reads] 17 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,124 - [applause] - Anybody here getting married? 18 00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,629 [computer voice reads] 19 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,922 - [applause] - Fascinating! 20 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:47,840 Or is it? 21 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,676 Quick! Something interesting 22 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,802 is happening outside! 23 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,598 What are we looking at? 24 00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,433 Is that Helen's car getting towed? 25 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,351 - What? You're kidding me? - [reverse sensors beeping] 26 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,896 Is it because I parked in the principal's spot again? 27 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:05,524 Let's march down to his office and demand justice for me! 28 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,194 Helen, get out of here with your greedy gibberish. 29 00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:09,695 I'm in the middle of class. 30 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:17,203 Come on, astronaut... 31 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,333 [computer voice reads] 32 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,126 P.A.? P.A.? 33 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,420 P... Part-- Party Animal? 34 00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:29,590 Nope, it says here 35 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,218 it stands for personal assistant. 36 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,470 - [Kiff gasps] - [school bell rings] 37 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,433 Miss Deer Teacher, there's been a mistake. 38 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,061 Ah, I can't just be some dinky assistant, 39 00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,729 getting coffee and doing laundry 40 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,397 for some bigwig the rest of my life. 41 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,941 I'm supposed to be the big wig. 42 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,610 Let me retake the test! 43 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,279 Kiff, these tests are very sophisticated. 44 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,697 Well, if you think the tests are so sophisticated, 45 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,199 why don't you marry them? 46 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,742 Sorry. Sorry. That was uncalled for. 47 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,702 Ugh! You got me all riled up. 48 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,705 I want you to try being a personal assistant this week. 49 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,415 Who knows, you might just learn 50 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,417 something surprising about yourself. 51 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,794 And if I don't? 52 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,254 If, by the end of the week, 53 00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:10,506 it's clear you're not a good fit for P.A., 54 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:13,425 I let you retake the test deal. Deal? 55 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,928 Oh, I guarantee I won't be a good fit. 56 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,930 Heh. I'll be the worst fit. 57 00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:20,182 In fact, I doubt there's even anyone out there 58 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,976 cuckoo enough to hire me. 59 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,394 [Helen] Oh, my gosh! 60 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,146 I'm actually looking 61 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:28,566 for someone to assist me personally. Eh? 62 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,610 [Kiff groans] 63 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:40,536 I'm about to be the worst personal assistant in history. 64 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:43,163 And I'm about to blow the lid off something. 65 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,457 [both laughing] 66 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,047 Time to get my bad on. 67 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,507 [rock music plays] 68 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,943 ♪ She's not good ♪ 69 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,279 ♪ She's incompetent ♪ 70 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:20,159 ♪ Unsatisfactory Performance ♪ 71 00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,661 ♪ She'll do the job ♪ 72 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:25,039 ♪ In a poorly manner ♪ 73 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,207 ♪ She let you down ♪ 74 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,210 ♪ And she got no manners ♪ 75 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,212 ♪ She's not good ♪ 76 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,757 ♪ That's what I said ♪ 77 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,134 ♪ She's not good ♪ 78 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,678 ♪ She's incompetent ♪ 79 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:42,181 ♪ Not a good assistant ♪ 80 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,475 ♪ Not a good assistant ♪ 81 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:47,102 ♪ Not a good assistant ♪ 82 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,896 ♪ No way ♪ 83 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:54,568 I have a few questions for you, Kiff. 84 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,236 How's your mission going? 85 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,738 I'm doing an incredible job. 86 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,698 I can't help myself, I'm out of control. 87 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,533 I've already taken care of everything on Helen's 88 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,160 "To-do-ey" list for the entire month, 89 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,828 and it's only been three days. 90 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,914 [Barry] Do her laundry, alphabetizing her warts, 91 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,499 contesting her parking tickets. 92 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,959 This is all pretty easy stuff 93 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585 for a smart go getter like yourself. 94 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,338 What you need to find is an impossible task. 95 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:15,547 What do you mean? 96 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,800 Helen's an unhinged individual. 97 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,594 Get her to ask you to do something totally unreasonable, 98 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,721 that can't be done-- That way you're bound to fail, 99 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,223 Helen will fire you, 100 00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,265 and you'll get your do over on the test. 101 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,600 Hmm... 102 00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:29,770 Got another parking ticket 103 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,605 while you were out there slacking off. 104 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,857 How? Fine. I'll take care of it later. 105 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,027 But first, Helen, I love assisting you. 106 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,904 - Who wouldn't? - But I still feel like 107 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,781 I could be doing more for you. 108 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,241 I want to make your dreams come true. 109 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,575 What's something on your "to-do-ey" list 110 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,994 of your heart? 111 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,829 Something impossible sounding even. 112 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:49,039 I've always wanted to eat 113 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:52,793 a sculpture of my own face made of Salisbury steak. 114 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,628 Bigger, Helen, crazier! 115 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,797 I've never told anyone this, 116 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,925 but ever since I was a little witch, I dreamed of winning 117 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,511 the Table Town Humanitarian of the Year award. 118 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,722 You want to win the TT HOTY? 119 00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,056 The prestigious award given only 120 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,850 to the most kind-hearted and charitable 121 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,268 Tabletonians? 122 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,394 Move it, Granny! 123 00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,770 Me first, bozo! 124 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,063 Got another parking ticket 125 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,940 while you were out there slacking off. 126 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,443 I've been rejected 400 years in a row. 127 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,236 They claim it's because I've never done 128 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,946 a single kind thing for anyone. 129 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,073 But I know it's all political. 130 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,409 I'm even banned from attending the ceremony, 131 00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:27,619 which is tomorrow night, coincidentally. 132 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,163 [scoffs, chuckles] 133 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,248 [laughing] 134 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,043 [both laughing] 135 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,837 If I can't help you win Humanitarian of the Year tomorrow, 136 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,381 [chuckles] you can fire me. 137 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,841 I'll insist on it. 138 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,843 [maniacal laughing] 139 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,803 [both laughing] 140 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,202 [relaxing music plays] 141 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,078 [laughter continues] 142 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004 [Kiff clears throat] 143 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,923 [Kiff] That's right, MDT. 144 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,633 Get a good seat for the show. 145 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,802 [snickers] 146 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,054 You're sure this is going to work? 147 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,555 Oh, it better. 148 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,182 I mean, yes. Yes, it will. 149 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,812 You get my crullers? 150 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,480 They never have to have decent snacks at these things. 151 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,734 You're a natural-born P.A., Kiff. 152 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,194 [nervous chuckle] 153 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,529 We'll talk after. 154 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,197 Bye-bye, personal assistant, 155 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,907 hello, new test. 156 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,325 [sinister laugh] 157 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,160 [Helen laughs in distance] 158 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,162 [applause and cheering] 159 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,915 Let's hear it again 160 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,375 for the Turnino Boys Choir 161 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,876 and their touching rendition 162 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,795 of "Humanitarian Boogie". 163 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,339 And now we've come to the main event, 164 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,092 the announcement of Table Town's 165 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,220 Humanitarian of the Year. 166 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,642 Not so fast! 167 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,185 That's right. 168 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,937 It's me, Helen, 169 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,773 the one you labeled too inconsiderate 170 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,650 to ever win this award! 171 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,652 Well, consider this, jerks. 172 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,988 Here comes an awesome speech. 173 00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,991 This is terrible. It's perfect. 174 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:32,286 You judges think you're so great, don't you? 175 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,871 Well, I think you stink. 176 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,249 I think everyone in this stinking town stinks. 177 00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,543 If any of you have an ounce of taste, 178 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,296 you'd be heaping awards at my charitable feet! 179 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,423 But no! 180 00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,091 [Kiff and Helen] You aren't fit to judge 181 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,968 the crud on my doormat. 182 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,595 That's my cue. 183 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:52,222 Banners going down and so is my P.A. career. 184 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,516 I'll take that do-over test now, MDT. 185 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,476 [sinister laugh] 186 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,518 Whoa-- Whoa! 187 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,564 [screaming] 188 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,860 Oh, my crullers! 189 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403 [angelic music plays] 190 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,703 She saved that child's life! 191 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,371 [crowd cheering] 192 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,339 The judges have conferred 193 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,758 and would like to announce a last-minute change. 194 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,844 Please put your hands together for... 195 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,346 Helen... 196 00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,890 Table Town's Humanitarian of the Year! 197 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,350 [Helen] Oh, my God! I did it! 198 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,559 What's happening? 199 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,769 "I did it"? 200 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,729 [cheering and applause] 201 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,314 But that's impossible! 202 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,191 [Kiff] Which can only mean 203 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,361 I really am destined to be a personal assistant. 204 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,363 The test was right! 205 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,572 [Barry] Wait! 206 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,449 Don't give Helen that award. 207 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,576 Security! Who let these children in? 208 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,577 They're wearing tuxes. 209 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,247 My name is Barry, 210 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,123 and I'm an investigative journalist. 211 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,084 I have just concluded my investigation, 212 00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:05,003 and I'm here to expose corruption. 213 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,713 Every year this happens. 214 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,090 There's something you all need to know about Helen 215 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,800 before you give her the award. 216 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,929 She's not the innocent child-saver she appears to be. 217 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,431 Oh, please! I'm the Humanitarian of the Year. 218 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,891 Fork over the trophy. 219 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,476 I can prove it. 220 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,062 Videographer! The evidence, please. 221 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,314 When I confiscated Renee's phone for my investigation, 222 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,651 I admit I suspected her of global treason. 223 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,570 Little did I know, her phone had recorded the events 224 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,699 surrounding Kiff's fateful career day test. 225 00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,784 - Uh-oh. - [Barry] That's right! 226 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,912 [Barry] Helen tampered with the career test machine. 227 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,831 Kiff was never supposed to get "personal assistant". 228 00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,960 Helen just wanted a kid to do all her chores for free. 229 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,045 [audience gasps, murmuring] 230 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,464 Oh, don't act so surprised. 231 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,967 [groans] But, Barry, it doesn't matter. 232 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:54,970 This whole week proved I should be a personal assistant. 233 00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:56,513 I'm really good at it. 234 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,931 Aw. But don't you see, Kiff? 235 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,017 Tonight, you did the impossible, 236 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:04,021 like P.A.s so often do in this crazy, mixed up world. 237 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,480 If you can get a crank like Helen 238 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,274 to win a humanitarian award, 239 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,859 just think what else you can do. 240 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,277 The only thing you proved this week 241 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,571 is that you're capable of doing anything. 242 00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,281 Case closed. 243 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,242 So I can still be astronaut-president? 244 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,618 [clears throat] Well, duh. 245 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,412 Those tests aren't the boss of you. 246 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,663 I am. 247 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:22,873 Don't listen to them. 248 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,583 It's not true. 249 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:27,044 Mine said I should be kept away from society 250 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,338 as a remote lighthouse keeper. 251 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,756 And look at me now, 252 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,175 winning the Humanitarian of the Year award! 253 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:34,718 No, we're taking that back. 254 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,429 Okay... Look at me now, 255 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,098 stealing the Humanitarian of the Year award. 256 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,433 [Helen cackles] 257 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,769 - Darn it. - She won't get far. 258 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,979 I'm pretty sure her car's been impounded. 259 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,397 [all laugh] 260 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,858 [closing theme plays] 261 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,384 Chirp.