1
00:00:00,334 --> 00:00:01,293
[Helen]
Brought to you by
2
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:02,378
Carol's Crullers.
3
00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:03,796
They're fancy donuts.
4
00:00:03,796 --> 00:00:05,131
Pay for 'em.
5
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:09,885
[whispers] I can't figure out
number nine.
6
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,512
Barry. There's
no right answer.
7
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,639
Just reply honestly,
and that computer will tell you
8
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,391
what your future career
is going to be.
9
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:17,143
- Oh...
- [Kiff exclaims excitedly]
10
00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,395
I'm gonna get astronaut.
I can feel it.
11
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,022
Or president.
Or war hero.
12
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,441
[Miss Deer Teacher]
All right, students,
13
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:25,109
time to get your results.
14
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,949
[computer voice reads]
15
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,576
- [applause]
- How suit-able.
16
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,122
[computer voice reads]
17
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,124
- [applause]
- Anybody here getting married?
18
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,629
[computer voice reads]
19
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,922
- [applause]
- Fascinating!
20
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:47,840
Or is it?
21
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,676
Quick! Something interesting
22
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,802
is happening outside!
23
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,598
What are we looking at?
24
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,433
Is that Helen's car
getting towed?
25
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,351
- What? You're kidding me?
- [reverse sensors beeping]
26
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,896
Is it because I parked
in the principal's spot again?
27
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:05,524
Let's march down to his office
and demand justice for me!
28
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,194
Helen, get out of here
with your greedy gibberish.
29
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:09,695
I'm in the middle
of class.
30
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:17,203
Come on, astronaut...
31
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,333
[computer voice reads]
32
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,126
P.A.? P.A.?
33
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,420
P... Part-- Party Animal?
34
00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:29,590
Nope, it says here
35
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,218
it stands for
personal assistant.
36
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,470
- [Kiff gasps]
- [school bell rings]
37
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,433
Miss Deer Teacher,
there's been a mistake.
38
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,061
Ah, I can't just be
some dinky assistant,
39
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,729
getting coffee
and doing laundry
40
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,397
for some bigwig
the rest of my life.
41
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,941
I'm supposed to be
the big wig.
42
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,610
Let me retake the test!
43
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,279
Kiff, these tests
are very sophisticated.
44
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,697
Well, if you think
the tests are so sophisticated,
45
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,199
why don't you marry them?
46
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,742
Sorry. Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
47
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,702
Ugh! You got me
all riled up.
48
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,705
I want you to try being
a personal assistant this week.
49
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,415
Who knows,
you might just learn
50
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,417
something surprising
about yourself.
51
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,794
And if I don't?
52
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,254
If, by the end
of the week,
53
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:10,506
it's clear you're not a good fit
for P.A.,
54
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:13,425
I let you retake
the test deal. Deal?
55
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,928
Oh, I guarantee
I won't be a good fit.
56
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,930
Heh. I'll be the worst fit.
57
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:20,182
In fact, I doubt there's
even anyone out there
58
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,976
cuckoo enough to hire me.
59
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,394
[Helen]
Oh, my gosh!
60
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,146
I'm actually looking
61
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:28,566
for someone
to assist me personally. Eh?
62
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,610
[Kiff groans]
63
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:40,536
I'm about to be the worst
personal assistant in history.
64
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:43,163
And I'm about to blow the lid
off something.
65
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,457
[both laughing]
66
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,047
Time to get my bad on.
67
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,507
[rock music plays]
68
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,943
♪ She's not good ♪
69
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,279
♪ She's incompetent ♪
70
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:20,159
♪ Unsatisfactory
Performance ♪
71
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,661
♪ She'll do the job ♪
72
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:25,039
♪ In a poorly manner ♪
73
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,207
♪ She let you down ♪
74
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,210
♪ And she got no manners ♪
75
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,212
♪ She's not good ♪
76
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,757
♪ That's what I said ♪
77
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,134
♪ She's not good ♪
78
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,678
♪ She's incompetent ♪
79
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:42,181
♪ Not a good assistant ♪
80
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,475
♪ Not a good assistant ♪
81
00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:47,102
♪ Not a good assistant ♪
82
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,896
♪ No way ♪
83
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:54,568
I have a few questions
for you, Kiff.
84
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,236
How's your mission going?
85
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,738
I'm doing an incredible job.
86
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,698
I can't help myself,
I'm out of control.
87
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,533
I've already taken care
of everything on Helen's
88
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,160
"To-do-ey" list
for the entire month,
89
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,828
and it's only been
three days.
90
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,914
[Barry] Do her laundry,
alphabetizing her warts,
91
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,499
contesting
her parking tickets.
92
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,959
This is all pretty easy stuff
93
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585
for a smart go getter
like yourself.
94
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,338
What you need to find
is an impossible task.
95
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:15,547
What do you mean?
96
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,800
Helen's
an unhinged individual.
97
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,594
Get her to ask you
to do something
totally unreasonable,
98
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,721
that can't be done--
That way you're bound to fail,
99
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,223
Helen will fire you,
100
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,265
and you'll get your do over
on the test.
101
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,600
Hmm...
102
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:29,770
Got another parking ticket
103
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,605
while you were
out there slacking off.
104
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,857
How? Fine.
I'll take care of it later.
105
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,027
But first, Helen,
I love assisting you.
106
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,904
- Who wouldn't?
- But I still feel like
107
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,781
I could be doing more
for you.
108
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,241
I want to make
your dreams come true.
109
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,575
What's something
on your "to-do-ey" list
110
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,994
of your heart?
111
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,829
Something
impossible sounding even.
112
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:49,039
I've always wanted to eat
113
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:52,793
a sculpture of my own face
made of Salisbury steak.
114
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,628
Bigger, Helen, crazier!
115
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,797
I've never told anyone this,
116
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,925
but ever since
I was a little witch,
I dreamed of winning
117
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,511
the Table Town Humanitarian
of the Year award.
118
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,722
You want to win
the TT HOTY?
119
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,056
The prestigious award
given only
120
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,850
to the most kind-hearted
and charitable
121
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,268
Tabletonians?
122
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,394
Move it, Granny!
123
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,770
Me first, bozo!
124
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,063
Got another parking ticket
125
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,940
while you were out there
slacking off.
126
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,443
I've been rejected
400 years in a row.
127
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,236
They claim
it's because I've never done
128
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,946
a single kind thing for anyone.
129
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,073
But I know it's all political.
130
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,409
I'm even banned
from attending the ceremony,
131
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:27,619
which is tomorrow night, coincidentally.
132
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,163
[scoffs, chuckles]
133
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,248
[laughing]
134
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,043
[both laughing]
135
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,837
If I can't help you
win Humanitarian
of the Year tomorrow,
136
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,381
[chuckles] you can fire me.
137
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,841
I'll insist on it.
138
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,843
[maniacal laughing]
139
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,803
[both laughing]
140
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,202
[relaxing music plays]
141
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,078
[laughter continues]
142
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004
[Kiff clears throat]
143
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,923
[Kiff]
That's right, MDT.
144
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,633
Get a good seat for the show.
145
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,802
[snickers]
146
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,054
You're sure
this is going to work?
147
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,555
Oh, it better.
148
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,182
I mean, yes.
Yes, it will.
149
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,812
You get my crullers?
150
00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,480
They never have to have
decent snacks at these things.
151
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,734
You're
a natural-born P.A., Kiff.
152
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,194
[nervous chuckle]
153
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,529
We'll talk after.
154
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,197
Bye-bye,
personal assistant,
155
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,907
hello, new test.
156
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,325
[sinister laugh]
157
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,160
[Helen laughs in distance]
158
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,162
[applause and cheering]
159
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,915
Let's hear it again
160
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,375
for the Turnino Boys Choir
161
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,876
and their touching rendition
162
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,795
of "Humanitarian Boogie".
163
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,339
And now we've come
to the main event,
164
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,092
the announcement of Table Town's
165
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,220
Humanitarian of the Year.
166
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,642
Not so fast!
167
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,185
That's right.
168
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,937
It's me, Helen,
169
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,773
the one you labeled
too inconsiderate
170
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,650
to ever win this award!
171
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,652
Well, consider this, jerks.
172
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,988
Here comes an awesome speech.
173
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,991
This is terrible.
It's perfect.
174
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:32,286
You judges think you're
so great, don't you?
175
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,871
Well, I think you stink.
176
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,249
I think everyone
in this stinking town stinks.
177
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,543
If any of you
have an ounce of taste,
178
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,296
you'd be heaping awards
at my charitable feet!
179
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,423
But no!
180
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,091
[Kiff and Helen]
You aren't fit to judge
181
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,968
the crud on my doormat.
182
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,595
That's my cue.
183
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:52,222
Banners going down
and so is my P.A. career.
184
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,516
I'll take
that do-over test now, MDT.
185
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,476
[sinister laugh]
186
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,518
Whoa-- Whoa!
187
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,564
[screaming]
188
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,860
Oh, my crullers!
189
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403
[angelic music plays]
190
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,703
She saved that child's life!
191
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,371
[crowd cheering]
192
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,339
The judges have conferred
193
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,758
and would like to announce
a last-minute change.
194
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,844
Please put
your hands together for...
195
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,346
Helen...
196
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,890
Table Town's
Humanitarian of the Year!
197
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,350
[Helen] Oh, my God!
I did it!
198
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,559
What's happening?
199
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,769
"I did it"?
200
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,729
[cheering and applause]
201
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,314
But that's impossible!
202
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,191
[Kiff]
Which can only mean
203
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,361
I really am destined
to be a personal assistant.
204
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,363
The test was right!
205
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,572
[Barry] Wait!
206
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,449
Don't give Helen that award.
207
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,576
Security!
Who let these children in?
208
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,577
They're wearing tuxes.
209
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,247
My name is Barry,
210
00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,123
and I'm an investigative journalist.
211
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,084
I have just concluded
my investigation,
212
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:05,003
and I'm here
to expose corruption.
213
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,713
Every year this happens.
214
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,090
There's something you all
need to know about Helen
215
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,800
before you give her
the award.
216
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,929
She's not the innocent
child-saver she appears to be.
217
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,431
Oh, please! I'm the Humanitarian
of the Year.
218
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,891
Fork over the trophy.
219
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,476
I can prove it.
220
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,062
Videographer!
The evidence, please.
221
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,314
When I confiscated Renee's phone
for my investigation,
222
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,651
I admit I suspected her
of global treason.
223
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,570
Little did I know, her phone
had recorded the events
224
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,699
surrounding Kiff's
fateful career day test.
225
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,784
- Uh-oh.
- [Barry] That's right!
226
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,912
[Barry] Helen tampered
with the career test machine.
227
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,831
Kiff was never supposed
to get "personal assistant".
228
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,960
Helen just wanted a kid
to do all her chores for free.
229
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,045
[audience gasps, murmuring]
230
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,464
Oh, don't act so surprised.
231
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,967
[groans]
But, Barry, it doesn't matter.
232
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:54,970
This whole week
proved I should be
a personal assistant.
233
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:56,513
I'm really good at it.
234
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,931
Aw. But don't you see, Kiff?
235
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,017
Tonight,
you did the impossible,
236
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:04,021
like P.A.s so often do
in this crazy, mixed up world.
237
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,480
If you can get
a crank like Helen
238
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,274
to win a humanitarian award,
239
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,859
just think what else
you can do.
240
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,277
The only thing
you proved this week
241
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,571
is that you're capable
of doing anything.
242
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,281
Case closed.
243
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,242
So I can still be
astronaut-president?
244
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,618
[clears throat]
Well, duh.
245
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,412
Those tests
aren't the boss of you.
246
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,663
I am.
247
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:22,873
Don't listen to them.
248
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,583
It's not true.
249
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:27,044
Mine said I should be
kept away from society
250
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,338
as a remote lighthouse keeper.
251
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,756
And look at me now,
252
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,175
winning the Humanitarian
of the Year award!
253
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:34,718
No, we're taking that back.
254
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,429
Okay...
Look at me now,
255
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,098
stealing the Humanitarian
of the Year award.
256
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,433
[Helen cackles]
257
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,769
- Darn it.
- She won't get far.
258
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,979
I'm pretty sure
her car's been impounded.
259
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,397
[all laugh]
260
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,858
[closing theme plays]
261
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,384
Chirp.