(cassette clattering)
"Sarabande" from Barry Lyndon begins
(Matt groaning)
- What time is it?
You there, boy!
- Huh?
Why me, sir?
- Yes, you, my good boy.
What night is it?
- Oh, why sir, it's Reject's Night.
- Reject's Night.
I haven't missed it at all.
Boy, have you heard of the fine establishment 7-Eleven?
- Why, of course, sir.
- Well, good then, boy.
I want you to run and get me the largest bag
of salt and vinegar chips that you can find.
- The one as big as myself?
- Yes, sir.
Now, hurry, go!
Run before it's too late.
Reject's Night, finally.
Hurry, boy, faster!
Go!
Be careful next to the pool!
(Matt screaming)
("Fuel Injected" by Swollen Members)
- Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah! - Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah!
(gunfire blasting)
- Burlington.
Burlington.
- Recognize. (Matt laughing)
(gunfire blasting)
Tell 'em how you live, show 'em how you live.
- It's a PT Cruiser lifestyle.
- [Lawrence] Yes.
Yes.
- We got Sum 41.
We got Big Shiny Tunes '99, Dance Mix '95.
This one's blank.
It hasn't been done yet.
The magic's waiting to happen.
♪ Bust from the top, duck cops and sirens ♪
♪ Fresh out the shop poppin' n' stylin' ♪
♪ Madchild whylin' unidentical ♪
♪ The cynical is medical, condition is critical ♪
(gunfire blasting)
♪ Y'all ain't got it so don't even think about it ♪
♪ 'Cause I doubt ♪ (gunfire blasting)
♪ Swollen Members, Moka Only gonna take the shot ♪
♪ If you think you betcha know, you better press rewind ♪
♪ You can bump it in ya Sony, repossess your mind ♪
- Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Shut the fuck up
'cause it's motherfuckin' Reject's Night.
- [Student] Oh my god.
- [Student] Were those guys just in a bath together?
- [Mr. Olenick] Okay, could someone get the lights please?
- [Student] Yup, I got it.
- Oh, Mr. Olenick, it's not over yet.
- It's not?
- No, no.
The fade to black was just for dramatic effect
and then we did blooper reel
and outtakes over the end credit sequence.
- Okay.
We're not gonna get through all that today, Lawrence,
but-- - Tomorrow?
- This assignment was to do a two-minute video essay
on bias in the media, right?
So, what is this?
- Oh yeah, well, I just decided
that I didn't really care about that topic
and wanted to do something more personal,
from the heart.
- Okay.
Yes, Lauren.
- [Student] Yo, it's Lauren P!
- I liked it.
It was really cute.
- Okay.
Well, it's not supposed to be cute.
- There was a skit at the beginning
and then it turns into a mockumentary, right?
- No, the beginning is an homage
to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."
If anything, I would say that Reject's Night is simply a,
a love letter to friendship.
(students laughing)
- Okay.
Well, all right.
Matt, anything to add?
- Yeah, it's just a private joke.
- What?
It's not a private joke.
Come on!
Okay.
- You can sit.
- I'm going to address the class.
Me and Matt watch SNL every weekend, right?
And so I guess the joke is
while your typical teenager is out having sex
and doing drugs and being invited to parties,
me and Matt are watching Saturday Night Live
on our weekly tradition of Reject's Night.
I just,
I just think that you should make films about things
that matter to you.
I'm sorry.
I don't care about bias in the media
and probably never will,
so yeah. (students exclaiming)
- [Mr. Olenick] Well, that's one perspective.
(bell ringing) (students chattering)
Have a great day.
- [Announcer Over PA System] Students, don't forget.
The Terry Fox Run is next week.
Please come by the office
and sign up if you plan on running.
- Hey, guys.
How's that year end video coming?
- Good. - Good.
- Good, good!
Does that mean we're gonna see a cut anytime soon?
Because you know,
the principal still needs to approve the concept
before we screen it at the year end assembly.
- Yeah, it's just like, you know,
with how my creative process works,
kind of like, you know, I just really--
- Okay, Lawrence,
directing the year end video is a huge honour, okay?
So if you're not gonna take it seriously
and respect my deadlines,
then I'm sure plenty of other students will, okay?
So please, please,
I need a rough cut in a month, okay?
("Maybe One Day" by Not By Choice)
♪ I see you every single day ♪
♪ But you don't know ♪
- I just like don't understand
why Mr. Olenick can't be like a real educator
who trusts that I know what I'm doing and just like.
- Well, maybe if you didn't make
the most embarrassing movie of all time.
- I think you loved Reject's Night until Lauren P. came in
with her little "media analysis" or whatever.
- It was just different when you showed it in class.
I don't know.
You didn't have to be such a fucking cock to her.
- Yeah, well, I don't care if Lauren P. lives or dies.
Okay?
- [Lauren P.] Hey, Matt.
- Hey.
Oh, fuck.
Okay, Lawrence, can you just,
can you promise we start editing something soon please?
What are you filming?
- Clouds.
- Okay, stop.
We have enough.
We're never gonna use that.
My dad needs his camera back anyways.
- Can you just tell Rick
that like, I actually need to use it for something important?
Like, look dude,
the Year End Video is gonna be amazing.
You're just mad 'cause Lauren P. called you a virgin
and you're like, the horniest guy in the world, okay?
- You know I've fingered before, right?
- Can you stop saying that?
I don't wanna hear it.
- It's weird that you don't jerk off.
- Look, I've tried it and it's really not for me.
You know?
Like, I'd much rather watch "GoodFellas."
What are you doing?
- Why don't you go jerk off to "GoodFellas" then?
- No, can you just.
Delete this, delete--
- Hey!
Fuck you, fucker!
("I Like Movies" main theme)
- [Terri] If Matt returned "Wild Things,"
why did I get a phone call saying I owe $25?
- I don't know.
It's like a mistake in the system, or something.
- I can't wait until you go off to university
and make new friends, you know?
Like, really,
just maybe they'll be more responsible
with other people's things.
- Look, Matt said he returned it.
- I'm not paying for it, okay?
So maybe you should get a job
and you can pay for Matt's late fees.
- Matt's his own person.
Probably what it is, is like a clerical issue at Sequels.
They can check in the back. - I'll give him a person.
Okay, wait.
I have to talk to you about something
and I want you to keep an open mind, okay?
I just don't understand
why you won't apply to Canadian universities.
- Because I don't want to be like, a Canadian filmmaker.
- What about Atom Egoyan or David Rotenberg --
- Cronenberg! - Cronenberg!
- Oh my god.
- Where did he go?
- Mom, I wanna go to NYU.
- Anyone else in your class going to NYU?
Where are they going?
- I don't know.
They're probably gonna go to like, Guelph or something.
They're idiots! Take tourism and business management.
- NYU is very expensive. We're talking about American tuition.
Do you happen to have like 90,000 US?
- It doesn't cost that much.
- We'll Ask Jeeves when we get home how much it costs.
- You just don't think I'm gonna get in.
That's all it is.
- Yeah, you have no idea of all the bullshit
I had to deal with after your father.
Okay, you know what?
I have a lot of terrible things in my life.
Most people don't have all my things.
They might have some of my things,
but not everything.
- It's not a contest.
Our lives are equally hard.
- Okay.
I'm not waiting two hours
while you walk around a video store.
So you're going in
and you're going to rent one movie
and then we're leaving, right?
Right?
Don't slam that door.
(door slamming) (sighing)
(upbeat rock music) (people chattering)
- Welcome to Sequels.
Oh, hey Lawrence.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Ah, that is a great choice.
Love to see it.
Hey, man.
- I've seen it babe. - Okay, this one?
- I don't wanna watch an old movie.
- Fine, Mario.
This one.
- Babe, I hate this guy.
He always looks like he has to take the hugest shit.
- Hey.
- [Customer] Why don't you ever let me pick?
- You guys finding everything okay today?
- Do you work here?
- No.
- What should we get, man?
- Are you looking for a comedy?
Oh.
Ooh, have you ever seen "Happiness" by Todd Solondz?
- No. - No.
- It's this really amazing movie
about all these people living in L.A.
who are like, super messed up.
There's a dad in the movie
who's like an actual pedophile
who wants to have sex with his son.
And Philip Seymour Hoffman's
always calling people on the phone while he masturbates.
But it's also really hopeful.
Like, you really care about all these characters,
which I think makes it so much worse.
You know what?
It speaks for itself.
Enrich your child.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Let's go. - Yeah.
- [Shannon] I can take the next customer.
- How many movies do you have there?
- [Lawrence] Like, seven.
- No, you pick one.
- One.
Are you serious?
- [Alana] I can help who's next. - One.
- [Sequels commercial] When you rent any three new releases,
you'll get a classic movie at half price--
(movies clattering)
- [Alana] Hey, Lawrence.
Find everything okay?
- Yep.
Look, I know that last time,
you guys said you weren't hiring,
but I just wanted to give you a hard copy of my resume.
- Oh yeah, thanks.
I'll hold on to that.
- I don't know if you know, but Lawrence,
he applied to NYU's
Tisch School of the Arts. - Tisch, yeah.
- He's very talented.
Loves films.
- Very cool.
Yeah, Terri,
it looks like you have a late fee on your account for $25
for "Wild Things."
Would you like to pay that off today?
- No, I would not.
("Is This Thing On?" by Reversing Falls)
- Yo, this is fucked.
Why don't you tell your mom you need your own room?
- It's fine.
It's just 'cause all my dad's stuff is in there.
We switch every month.
I'll have my own room in January.
Can you pass me the cushions?
Bam.
Ow.
♪ I'm the cash man ♪
♪ I'll give you money for your gold ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Yes, I'm the cash man ♪
♪ I'll give you money for your gold ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
(Lawrence laughing)
SNL begins with "The Chanukkah Song"
- Is that Adam Sandler?
- Mom. - What?
Can I ask a question?
He has a new movie coming out?
- Yes, "Punch Drunk Love."
Remember, you were supposed to take me.
- Dude, it's the "Chanukah Song."
- What?
- Maybe you should tell Adam Sandler
that we celebrate Chanukah.
- Mom!
Me and Matt can't have Reject's Night with you here.
- Well, I'm sorry, but I live here.
- Yeah, but like,
we can't be truest selves with you around.
- This is a really small house.
Where would you like me to go?
- To your room.
- To my room?
How about you go to your room, Lawrence?
- I'm in my room!
My room is the couch!
- Well, you know, I'm sorry you can't do Reject's Night
in a big fancy house tonight.
- Mom, I'm just trying to watch SNL with my best friend.
And now, we're missing "The Chanukah Song"
with a special guest appearance from Rob Schneider,
which I'll probably never get to see again.
Can you please just go?
God.
- How do you stand him, Matt?
Let's go.
(Lawrence laughing)
- Dude, that was fucking brutal.
- Yeah.
She gets like, really weird on the weekends.
I don't know.
(whispering) Menopause.
SNL Main Credits begin
- Oh, Jimmy Fallon.
Not funny at all.
- He breaks in every sketch.
Ruined the "Weekend Update."
I miss Norm.
- Yo, do you wanna do the thing?
- Yeah?
All right, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna watch a break dancer in Times Square, okay?
What about you?
- Okay, I'm in an oyster bar in Grand Central Station
and I'm laughing with all my friends,
having a great time.
- Okay. - Okay.
(imitating announcer) It's "Saturday Night Live" with your host, Matt Macarchuck!
Yeah, oh.
- Keep the change, man.
And Lawrence Kweller.
- Oh, you guys.
Oh, I couldn't.
Oh. (slurping)
Ooh, that's good.
- And your hosts,
Lawrence Kweller and Matt Macarchuck.
- (laughing) Okay.
Hey guys, we have a great show for you tonight.
- Korn is here.
- Korn is here, yeah.
So make sure to stick around.
- Because we'll be.
- We'll be right back. - We'll be right back.
(microwave beeping)
- Sorry, I didn't have time to eat my lunch
so I'm just gonna,
but it won't distract from your--
- Of course, that's fine. - Interview at all.
And thanks for coming in on such short notice.
Someone just quit.
Okay.
That's fine.
Lawrence,
why don't you just tell me a little bit about yourself?
- So basically, like, movies are my entire life.
I need to watch movies like I need to breathe air.
And if I don't watch movie every single day,
I feel like there's a part of myself that's like, dying.
- [Alana] Oh.
- So I think that could make me a really big asset
to the Sequels corporation.
- Great.
So what's your availability like?
Like, can you work evenings and weekends?
- Oh, extremely available. - Okay.
- Like, I go to high school during the day.
- What high school do you go to?
- A-shot, Aldershot High.
- (gasping) No way.
I went to Aldershot.
- (laughing) Really?
- Yeah.
Okay.
- Yeah.
You know, I really appreciate the opportunity to interview.
- Well, like to be honest with you,
like if you work here,
you have to know how to leave your problems at the door.
- Oh, of course.
- Like, you have to be professional
even when you don't wanna be.
- Could I actually tell you
a little like anecdote about that?
- Yeah, sure.
- This might surprise you, given my resume,
but I was actually doing really,
really poorly in school last year.
I just, I just wanted to sleep all day.
I never wanted to go to class
and my mom was really upset because I wasn't talking to her.
She kept trying to make me
go on all these different anti-depressants
because I have "serious emotional problems" or whatever, but.
- Oh, yeah, that--
- Anyway, it was Awards Night at Aldershot
and everyone was getting up onstage
to get their plaque for being on the honour roll.
And I was filming.
I just had this thought, which was like,
you know, what if I'm smart?
I bet if I actually did my work
and handed my assignments in on time
that I could be on the stupid honour roll too.
- Mm-hmm.
- So the next day,
I had my mother drive me to Chapters
and I speed read "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens"
and it totally changed my life forever.
- Mm.
- And the very next year, I was on the honour roll.
- Oh, there you go!
- Now, I would say I'm very good at
putting first things first. - Mm-hmm.
- And um, beginning with the end in mind,
which for me is going to NYU Tisch School for the Arts.
A lot of my favourite filmmakers went there
and I never really thought that I was good enough,
but I've decided to bet on myself as an artist
and a young man.
- Cool.
- So NYU costs 90,000 US dollars
and I know you get 10 free rentals a week if you work here.
So you don't have to tell me right now,
but yeah, just know the stakes are very, very high for me.
- Okay, yeah.
Like, I think
I'm gonna hire you.
Welcome to Sequels, Lawrence!
(train chugging) (soft contemplative music)
All right, team.
Hands in. - Yeah.
- Come on.
- Teamwork makes the dream work!
Yeah.
- Very nice. (applauding)
- Very good. - All right.
So I have our mystery shopper report
and Brant Street earned a 98% on customer service.
- Yeah. - Oh yeah.
- Gift cards for everyone. - Nice.
- So, I'm gonna ask you guys to set some goals today.
Shannon? - Mm-hmm.
- How many Sequels memberships do you think you can sell?
- Like two.
- Shannon, how about five?
- Okay, yeah.
- Great. - Yeah, put me down for five.
- Nice. - Nice.
And how about Brendan, Mr. GameCube expert?
How many previously enjoyed games do you think you can sell?
- I am also gonna sell five.
- Great.
And Lawrence.
Now, did everyone get a chance to meet Lawrence?
Lawrence will be on the floor today
working his very first active seller shift.
(Lawrence gulps.)
So how many advanced copies of "Shrek" on DVD
do you think you can sell?
- Isn't "Shrek" already out on DVD?
- Yeah, but this is like,
it's a new special edition with yeah,
it's wide screen
and then there's like special footage
of how they animated the donkey.
- ("Shrek" impression) Donkey.
- That's awesome. - Thank you.
- Then probably like zero?
- No, I can put you down for like three "Shreks."
I can do that.
All right.
Nice, so we're gonna have a really awesome day, team.
- Okay, I'm sorry, Alana,
can I just say one thing like, really quickly?
I understand that I'm new here, but I really hate lying.
There is no way I'm gonna be able
to sell three copies of "Shrek" tonight.
Like, I could maybe see myself doing that
with a film that I cared about.
"Adaptation," "Bowling for Columbine."
I'm very comfortable promoting the works of Michael Moore,
but I thought I got hired here to talk about real cinema,
which "Shrek" is not.
So can I just do that?
And also that sash, is that gonna be mandatory?
I refuse to wear the sash.
I have to put my foot down on that as well.
(Lawrence sighing)
God.
Hey. - Hey.
- You finding everything okay?
- Yeah. Thanks, babe.
- What's that?
"Legally Blonde," this is a great movie.
My mom really likes the scene
with the bend and snap. (snapping)
- I told you,
it's the guy in the TV show
and the woman with the hair who married that man.
- Yes!
You're describing "The Whole Nine Yards."
- It is not "The Whole Nine Yards!"
- No,
we rented out our last copy of "Blue Crush" this afternoon.
- Could you help me?
- Thanks, bye.
- A little boy was helping me, but he's disappeared.
- Okay.
Well, do you remember what he looked like?
- Jewish.
- Sorry, he was Jewish?
- You know, thick dark hair, brown eyes,
shorter than a man, like Danny DeVito.
A little Jew boy.
No, hold on.
TV Jewish.
A little boy who could play a Jew on television.
(Main "I Like Movies" theme)
- [Matt] Come on, man.
We're gonna miss the movie.
What are we going to see again?
- [Lawrence] P-T-A!
- [Employee] And "The Santa Claus 2"
will be in theater 12.
- Two tickets to Paul Thomas Anderson's
"Punch Drunk Love" please.
- Okay.
Are you paying in cash or?
- Yeah, cash.
- Oh no, Matt.
I got this.
- You never have money.
- Yeah.
Well, you know, I'm just happy you came with me.
- Yeah, I love Adam Sandler.
- Well, I mean,
this isn't gonna be your typical Sandler affair.
It's a Paul Thomas Anderson film,
so it's gonna be a bit challenging for you.
- I think I can fucking get it.
- Thank you. - Okay.
Enjoy your show.
- I will.
- I just realized when you're in New York,
you can see SNL like, every weekend.
- I think the tickets are based on
like a highly competitive lottery system,
so yeah.
- Can I go with you?
- I mean, if you can get tickets, yeah, for sure.
- No, like to New York.
We could move there together
'cause I have dual citizenship, so.
- Hey, do you guys do little shots of espresso here?
Okay.
Then I will get a root beer, medium.
Matt, do you want anything?
- Yeah, just a popcorn and a Coke please.
- Okay, so yeah, two drinks and two popcorns please.
So I just wanted to talk to you
about Reject's Night this weekend.
I think there might be a potential conflict.
- What's the conflict, that you're gay?
- No, it's that I got a job at Sequels, man!
It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I get 10 free movie rentals a week,
15% off all Coca-Cola branded products.
Oh, and look,
they let me (Italian mob voice) take any of the Twizzlers
that are past their expiration date.
Keep that between you and me, okay?
But it also means
that I'm not gonna be able to watch SNL anymore
because Sequels closes at midnight on Saturdays, so.
- What, so I'm supposed to watch it by myself
like a fucking loser?
- Sorry, man.
I gotta be proactive about my future.
NYU costs $90,000
and it's not like my parents
are gonna buy everything for me.
- [Audience Member] Take off your hat.
(Movie preview music)
- "Punch Drunk Love" is seriously like the greatest movie
I've ever seen in my life.
- Why did Adam Sandler need all that pudding --
- Because it's the greatest love story of our time, Matt!
Oh my god,
the scene where they kiss
and the cameras do that whooshing thing.
And then you see their shadows and it's like, ugh!
And then all this stuff with the Mattress Man.
(Matt turns up "Tinfoil" by Limblifter)
♪ Turmoil in tinfoil ♪
Okay.
♪ Come on, come on ♪
I thought we were going to your house?
Is that Lauren P.?!
- Get down.
- What movie is she watching?
- Lauren P. is so good at editing.
- So?
- Well, I was thinking maybe she could help us
with like, the Year End Video, you know?
- Matt, are you like in love with Lauren P.?
- Shut the fuck up!
(horn blaring) Hey!
Fuck! (horn blaring)
Shit, fuck!
(dog barking) (horn blaring)
Lawrence, are you asleep?
- [Lawrence] (yawning) Almost.
- I was wondering what you thought
about me coming to New York.
- I thought you were going to Aldershot next year.
Aren't your parents making you?
- Yeah, but I have dual citizenship,
so it's like, it's whatever.
- Can I tell you something like really honest
and you have to promise you're not gonna get mad at me?
- Yeah.
- Well, it's just like after high school,
I see myself having a really different life
with new friends who share in my interests.
- I just spent the whole day with your fucking interests.
- Yeah, you totally did and that's great.
I just,
I think you might be like a placeholder.
- What the fuck is a placeholder?
- You know, like a friend that you have in high school
before you go to university and make like your real friends.
Like, I don't really think it's a bad thing.
If we're being honest,
I'm probably your placeholder too.
It's just, I don't know.
When I move to New York, I see myself becoming like,
like a completely different person.
- So you're just not gonna want to be my friend?
- No, no.
No, in high school, it's fine.
I just think that like, you know,
you should figure out your own future
before you decide to copy mine or whatever.
(Matt sighing)
See, this is why I didn't even wanna say anything.
I knew you'd be mad.
Are you mad?
- It's whatever, it's fine.
- [Shannon] Pizza!
♪ I love doing inventory ♪
♪ You guys are my best friends ♪
♪ And I got dipping sauce for your pizza ♪
♪ Ah, ah ♪
That's it. - Wow, okay.
I was waiting for inventory Alana to show up.
She's here. - Here she is.
What territory do you want?
- New releases! - New release wall. Okay.
- Damn it.
Okay, I will do old favorites from family to drama.
- Okay.
I'll take old favorites from action to comedy
and we can all split games, previously enjoyed, and retail.
And Lawrence.
Come here.
Lawrence, you're gonna get the very best job.
You are gonna watch this computer
and make sure we scan everything properly in the store.
And if we can scan everything in by 2:00 a.m.,
we get to go to fucking bed.
- Yay.
- Let's do it. - Yes.
- Hey Lawrence, how's it going?
- It's good, it's going good.
- We're rocking it, guys.
(blowing)
- Yeah, cool.
How 'bout that?
(wondrous soft music) (machinery beeping)
- Okay, see you in a few hours, lady.
- Okay.
Lawrence, nice working with you.
Very awesome scanning.
- (laughing) Thanks, Shannon.
- Lawrence, you need a ride?
- No, no, my mom's coming to pick me up.
I just gotta call her when I'm ready.
- What?
It's 2:00 a.m.
Your mom's still waiting up for you?
- Yo, if I called my mom at 2:00 a.m.,
she would beat my ass, man.
What? She would.
I would be hospitalized.
- No, no, no.
She likes driving me around.
It makes her feel like, useful.
- Okay, I'll drive him home.
Where do you live, Lawrence?
- Really, she doesn't mind.
- Yo, stop being an asshole to your mom, man.
Just learn to drive.
And I say that with love.
- Let's go. - Bye, team.
- Bye.
- Am I going with you? - Yeah.
- Oh. - Yeah, we're having sex.
- Okay, Lawrence, go get your coat.
We have two minutes once I set the alarm.
- Don't I get my 10 free rentals a week now?
My trial period's over?
- Now?
(Alana sighing)
Okay, but fast.
You be so fast, Lawrence!
(Alana sighing)
Fuck.
- All right.
Bam.
- All right.
I can't let you rent these.
You have a $45 late fee on your account.
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Well, you never returned "Wild Things"
and it says you've had it for the last three weeks.
- Well--
- That is the movie where Denise Richards
and Neve Campbell mash their boobies together
in a pool, right?
- Well, I don't know
because my friend Matt Macarchuck rented it on my account,
but he said he returned it weeks ago.
- With the fakest fake name I have literally ever heard.
- Look, first thing,
I'm gonna take "Wild Things" out of his VHS player,
rewind the whole tape,
and then burn his house down
because that's how much I care
about the Sequels late fee policy, Alana.
I swear to God.
- Yeah, we don't live far away from each other.
I'm at Tansley Woods.
It's a really nice condo.
I bought it myself last year and I just got a new oven.
- Oh, yeah, that's cool.
Is it like gas range or...
- It's only 2:15.
Are you sure you don't want me
to drop you off at like, a friend's house or something?
- I think I wanna go home
and watch "The Manchurian Candidate."
- Really?
I think you should go to a party.
- No, no.
I like movies.
- Right.
Well, congratulations.
You just survived your first inventory.
(soft contemplative music)
- Okay.
See ya.
- Hello!
Yeah, I think you forgot to thank me for driving you home
and also for being just the greatest boss you have ever had.
- Yeah, okay, bye.
Thank you.
(faint movie chatter) (soft contemplative music)
- [Actor] Spartacus!
(Lawrence masturbating)
(screaming) - Oh, Jesus Christ!
- Why are you still up?
- I'm getting a glass of water.
Why are you still up?
- "Spartacus," I'm watching "Spartacus."
- Don't watch "Spartacus!"
Go to sleep.
It's a school night.
- Okay.
Goodnight.
I love you.
Goodnight.
- Love you.
Jesus.
Okay, I'll pick you up at 4.
- Okay.
- [Sequels commercial] It's almost Valentine's Day
and love is in the air.
- Hey Alana, are you busy right now?
- I'm--
- Okay, okay, so I was thinking
that we should have like, a Staff Picks wall.
- Oh.
Yeah, we don't do that here.
- Well, I know, yeah.
But just imagine. - Yeah.
- A section of the store that's all of our favourite movies.
I was thinking I could interview everyone on the team
and write up little blurbs to put next to them.
And that it would be like, really, really, really special.
Also, I would do everything,
like all the work.
I promise you wouldn't have to do a thing.
- I mean, they do it at the Appleby store
and I think their manager said it increased store revenue.
- So, you're saying yes?
- No.
I'm saying:
let's see how it goes.
- Okay, that works for me.
- Okay.
- Cool, Lawrence.
(Lawrence laughing)
("Ode to Joy")
- So Shannon,
what do you love about "Dirty Dancing?"
- To begin with, the dancing.
(balloon squeaking)
- Brandon Lee didn't deserve to die, man.
He gave his life to "The Crow" and now he lives forever.
- That DVD scares me, man.
It looks evil on the shelf.
- Oh yeah, bro.
"The Crow?"
That one got you, bro.
- [Shannon] What about dogs?
- Are you just saying movies that have dogs in them
because that's not very original.
- What about dog actors?
Like dogs, if they were played by humans,
they'd win an Oscar every time.
- Oh my god, Shannon.
You're a genius.
(bubble popping)
(upbeat music)
- Are you sure you're the manager? - Okay.
- You're way too sexy to be a manager.
- I'm the manager.
I'm very sure.
- I need to see some ID for this regulation hottie.
- Wow, you just had that.
Lawrence, later, okay?
(upbeat music)
- "The Crow" got me through high school.
It got me through my parent's divorce.
It got getting cheated on by my fiance
who is a bitch, by the way.
- Huh.
This is actually,
really great work.
(upbeat music)
(cash register dinging)
(error noise) (Lawrence sighing)
- Yo.
- Yo, Matt.
You're late.
- Yeah, me and Lauren went to Wendy's.
- We brought you a frosty.
- I mean, yeah.
I'll take the Frosty for sure,
but she's gotta go.
- Well, Matt was saying you guys could use an editor
and I'd love to take a look at your footage.
Trust me, you do not wanna edit on this computer.
I've had so many rendering issues
and my dad bought me Final Cut Pro for my birthday.
- Well, that's just terrific, sweetheart,
but the Year End Video's our thing,
so there's really no groupies allowed.
- Wow, you're being really sexist right now.
- How is that sexist?
- Lawrence, a lot of great film directors
have worked with female editors like Dede Allen.
She helped Arthur Penn make "Bonnie and Clyde."
And Sally Menke.
She edited-- - "Pulp Fiction."
And Thelma Schoon? - Schoonmaker.
Schoon. - Smhoonmaker,
she edited-- - "GoodFellas."
- "GoodFellas!"
- She edited "GoodFellas," Lawrence!
- Did you guys go to Wendy's and prepare a fucking speech?
No, Matt.
Lauren P is not involved.
Like, you're really gonna have to make a decision here
whether you wanna make a movie with me or--
- Okay.
It's very obvious you don't actually care
about the Year End Video here, so.
- I care, I care a lot.
I just think we need to keep shooting footage.
- Okay.
Well, I have the video camera and Lauren has Final Cut,
so we don't really know how you can contribute.
- So you're just gonna kick me off my own film?
- Well.
Hey, Lauren,
did Matt ever tell you about
how he jerks off like 98 times a day
and he likes to drive to your house at night
and park outside, so he can like, you know, stalk you?
Right?
And Matt, "Wild Things" has a three week late fee on it.
$46, man.
Like, I don't care
that that's your favorite movie to jerk off to!
My store really needs it back, okay?!
It's important!
- No!
You don't deserve a Frosty.
(moody rock music)
- So, how long have you worked here for?
- Four years.
- That's like, a really long time.
- Yeah.
- Well, did you ever wanna do anything else
like go to university, have a career?
- I have a career.
Hey, yeah, that's not how you stock the fridge.
- It's not?
- No.
See, you're putting all of the new pop in the front
so that if a customer grabs one thinking that it's cold,
they're just gonna end up with like, a lukewarm beverage.
So take everything out and start over.
- Okay.
- Yeah, like, I went to Guelph for awhile.
- Oh, that's cool, yeah.
I'm graduating this year,
but I don't think I want to go to Guelph.
- Well, where else did you apply?
- [Lawrence] Nowhere.
Just NYU.
- Lawrence, do me a favor
and apply to least one Canadian university please?
Just like, you know, as a backup.
- Why?
I don't need to.
- Because NYU is kind of a long shot
and you don't want to
end up going to no universities.
You're gonna be -
Oh my god, what the fuck?!
Someone threw a Gordita.
- [Lawrence] Oh, weird.
Well, what's the best film school in Canada?
- What? I don't know.
Like, Ryerson?
The gay and lesbian section.
This is like a fucking hate crime!
- Do they shoot on 16-mm?
'Cause I really need to know how to shoot on 16-mm.
- There's all crushed up ground beef in the carpet.
- What did you major in? - It's fucking disgusting.
Shit, we're gonna get ants again.
- Alana, what did you take at Guelph?
- Oh, fuck.
Theatre.
- Really?
What did you want to be,
a director, actor, playwright?
- An actor.
- [Lawrence] Cool.
- Yeah,
but then like, my roommate committed suicide
in my first year.
So then obviously, I didn't go back after that.
Hey, it's okay.
Look, I'm okay now.
Can you please make your face into another face?
Okay.
Okay, just watch the counter.
All right?
I'm gonna get the steam cleaner.
Fucking bastards.
Fuck.
("I Like Movies" main theme)
- Yes.
Yes.
No.
- Ooh, my little baby!
Oh she's so little.
What are the books doing on the floor?
- I'm trying to decide what to bring to New York.
I'm just trying to pack light, you know?
The essentials.
- Come help me please.
Derek was a really disgusting prick this morning, okay?
Can I tell you what he said?
- No, I don't--
- As I walked into the office, okay.
Hey Terri, did you get breast implants?
So I say, "You know what?
I don't think that's an appropriate thing
to say to your office manager there, Derek."
- Yeah, that's gross.
That sucks.
Um, so Alana was telling me I need a backup.
She says I need to apply to at least one Canadian school
in case I don't get into NYU.
So I was talking to the guidance counselor today
and they were telling me that I,
that the deadline is yeah, well, today,
and I just really need--
- Okay, so.
Go back. Who's Alana?
- Mom, you're not even listening!
That's my manager at Sequels.
Okay.
So I need to apply on this stupid website
called OUAC by midnight.
And I was just wondering what school
you thought I should apply to
'cause I kind of need to decide
in like the next three hours.
- Okay.
What's the easiest school to get into?
- Mom --
- Sorry, I said something wrong.
Imagine that.
What about Carleton?
Your dad went there.
- I mean,
like yeah, yeah, I mean.
Is that a good school?
Was dad like, happy there?
- Yeah, I think he loved it.
- Well, yours changes every week.
Last week, you said it was "Eyes Wide Shut,"
which is really gross and weird.
- Well, that's just because Stanley Kubrick's
my favorite director right now.
But please, just tell me.
- No, I'm not obsessed with movies the same way you are.
And I actually, I might even hate them now.
I used to work in the industry.
- Really? - Mm.
- As what?
- Look me up on IMDB sometime.
Okay, okay.
I will give you a hint.
Red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum.
- Oh my god, Alana, are you saying it's "The Shining?"
- No.
I just knew that would give you like, a huge boner.
(bell ringing) (students chattering)
(locker slamming)
(lock clattering) - Come on, okay.
- [Student] Yeah, yeah, let's go.
- Yeah, that's great.
Maybe stay a little bit more to this side
and then the light will get your faces a little bit more.
Yeah, nice.
Yeah.
What do you think?
- [Matt] I think it looks really good, yeah.
- I don't know.
I just hope you guys aren't overexposed
and I don't know, it just -
- [Brendan] It's payday.
- Oh. - Yeah, okay.
All right.
- Hey, Brendan? - Yeah, bro?
- Can you come here?
I think there's like, something wrong with my paycheck.
- Something wrong with your paycheck?
Let me see.
That looks okay to me.
- But I need to save up $90,000 US by September.
- Okay.
- If I'm working all the time,
why don't I have any money?
- Okay, so Sequels takes money out
for your like, RSP funds,
and your employment benefits, and stuff.
- Okay, I don't want all that.
I want to save all my money so I can go to NYU.
- I'm sorry.
Have you never had a job before?
- [Lauren] Okay, no, no, no, let's try to get it.
Let's try together, yeah.
(giggling)
(bell ringing)
- Okay, have a great day.
And don't forget,
your Marshall McLuhan book reports are due next Wednesday.
The medium is the homework! (laughing)
Hey, Matt, Lawrence, can we chat?
So, you promised me a cut in February.
It's now March.
So what is happening with that Year End Video?
- Oh yes, yeah, we're nearly there.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Matt, is this true?
- I don't know.
I haven't really been working with Lawrence at all, so.
- Well, I think it was just more
we were having some creative differences--
- Okay, is there anything
that I can show to the principal at all?
- Me and Lauren P. can show you a cut
of the Year End Video on Monday.
We're working together now, so.
- Wait, Lauren's involved?
- Yeah.
- That's great!
Hey, did you hear she got into film school at Ryerson?
- Yeah, I know.
She's really good at like, film stuff.
She's really cool.
- Mr. Olenick,
I don't think it's fair for Lauren P.
to get credit on the Year End Video
when I never asked her to be involved.
- Well, don't women need opportunities to get involved?
- [Lawrence] Yeah, but she's a poser.
- Okay.
Matt, I am really looking forward
to what you and Lauren create.
Go for it.
- Thank you, Mr. Olenick.
- Hey Lawrence, are you okay?
- If you're not going in,
you have to call Sequels and you have to let them know.
Come on.
- I know that.
Obviously, I have to go.
I have to go.
I just.
- Lawrence.
- Just let me rest for like, 10 more minutes.
- Oh my god.
Wow.
Lawrence.
You are 40 minutes late. - We had car trouble.
- You'll have to get changed.
- Yeah, I'll just be like one second.
- Like, Lawrence, like you're really late.
Like, please hurry up.
(Lawrence panting)
- Oh, fuck.
(Lawrence panting) (dissonant ambient music)
Ah, fuck.
(slapping) (Lawrence sobbing)
(knocking on door)
- [Terri] Hey, are you okay?
Open the door.
Lawrence.
- Great, so "Jumanji" is due Thursday at noon.
- Hey, Alana, I think we have a problem.
Can I talk to you?
- Is Lawrence still getting changed?
- Actually, he just locked himself in the back room.
I'm not really sure why.
- I'll take the next customer in line.
- Look, I know that you can tell
that Lawrence is not like a regular kid.
- [Alana] I can't do this right now.
- I mean, you know, I love him.
It's just that he has serious emotional problems.
- I can't.
- Look, I'm sure that he told you
that his father committed suicide
about four years ago, right?
He used to use it as an excuse for everything
like to get out of gym
or if he didn't like what TV show you were watching.
- Sorry.
- But I need to get into the back room and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. - No, that's okay.
- I know that you're really busy.
- You know what?
I'm really sorry.
Like, I didn't know all that,
but I'm down two employees
and I have no one to help me on cash.
So I'll go and check on him
as soon as the line calms down.
I'll help you over here.
What is she doing?
Hey, can you help Alana please?
- What's going on? - Nothing, it's--
- No, it's actually not nothing.
- Shannon, just go back to returns.
- Okay.
I'm over here if you need me.
- Is Brendan back from Staples
because we're all out of receipt paper?
- [Shannon] I think he just called.
- I can take someone here.
"8 Miles?"
This is about that guy, that Eminem guy.
- I'm just gonna get you checked out here.
- Shannon, what else do I do?
- Okay.
First, we're gonna scan the membership card.
- Okay, that's it.
Let's go.
Shannon, you're in charge. - Okay.
- [Terri] Shannon, you're in charge.
- Don't do that. - Okay.
- Hi.
- Hey Lawrence? (knocking on door)
Your mom says you're upset.
Can I open the door?
- [Lawrence] No, don't come in please.
- [Terri] Hey, honey?
- [Alana] Okay, so Lawrence,
you can take the next 30 minutes in there, okay,
and just like, cool down.
And then I need you back on cash at 6.
Okay.
And your mom's here.
If you want to talk to her.
- [Terri] Hey, honey.
How are you doing?
- I can't, I can't, I can't.
- Okay, what can't you do?
- [Lawrence] I can't like, like breathe!
- Okay, I need you to breathe.
Okay, so.
- [Lawrence] Lauren P. already got into Ryerson.
I'm not gonna get into any schools at all!
- Okay. (shushing)
Okay, we're not thinking about that right now.
You just need to calm down, okay?
So, okay, I want you to close your eyes
and just imagine, just imagine an ocean.
Imagine the ocean in "Cast Away."
Okay?
You still like that movie, right?
- It's, it's--
- [Terri] Remember to breathe.
Okay?
And you tell Wilson what the water's like.
- It's warm.
- [Terri] That's great.
What else?
- It's blue.
- Yep, it's blue.
- [Alana] Hey.
- I'm just waiting for my mom to come pick me up.
- Okay.
(sighing)
Are you feeling better?
- Yeah, yeah.
I don't know what happened back there.
I just like, forgot how to breathe or something.
- [Alana] Oh my god.
I'm really sorry.
- It's okay.
- Did you hear back from NYU?
- I'm not gonna get into NYU. - Huh?
- I'm probably not gonna get into any universities.
My mom says my life is supposed
to get a lot better after high school.
That's when she blossomed
and I'm apparently a late bloomer or whatever too.
But I'm just about to graduate
and it is so depressing to know
that I have to go through the rest of my life as like,
just me.
- Yeah.
Well, I get that.
So your mom told me about your dad.
- She did?
- I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
Well,
actually, I was like, thinking about
what you were saying about your roommate.
And you're kind of like, the only other person I know
who's like, had to deal with that, so just.
(Alana sighing)
- Hey, you're gonna get into NYU, okay?
Hey, I like believe in you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Okay.
- Yeah, my mom will be here any minute anyways.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Just get home safe, okay?
- Yeah, you too.
- [Alana] Bye, Lawrence.
- Bye.
(soft contemplative music)
- Hey.
There you go.
What's wrong?
- It's not a perfect slice.
(Terri sighing)
Like, I'll still eat it,
but you should really learn how to cut a quiche, mom.
- Like some wine?
- I'm fine with root beer.
- I know today's a hard day,
so I would like to make a toast before you eat.
To Jeff, wherever you are, happy birthday.
We love you.
- Yeah.
Love you, dad.
- Cheers.
You know, we don't have that much time
until you go to school.
We should do like this more often.
- You don't even like me.
- Yes, I do.
Actually, I'm pretty proud of you
because Carleton is offering you a $10,000 scholarship.
(laughing)
Huh, aren't you excited?
- Yeah,
but like, Carleton doesn't even have a real film program.
- No, yes they do.
You can major in Film Studies.
- Yeah, but that means I can't shoot in 16-mm,
or have Todd Solondz as my teacher, or like--
- You know what my mom said to me?
She said I had three options.
I could be a teacher, a secretary, or a nurse.
I thought, I hate needles.
I don't like children all that much.
I guess I'll have to be a secretary.
- So because your parents ruined your life,
you have to ruin mine?
- No.
What I'm saying is we can't afford you to go to NYU
because your single mom is a secretary.
But you're gonna love Ottawa.
The nation's capital is very pretty.
- Oh my god.
It's the nation's crapital, mom.
God.
Pass me some garlic bread.
- I don't think the person
that wants you to accept that $10,000 scholarship
is trying to ruin your life.
I think that person loves you
and doesn't want you to be in debt.
Can you give in just once?
- No!
I told you, I'm holding out for NYU!
- Okay.
Then I'm not driving you to work.
- What?
- I'm not driving you anywhere--
- No, you have to drive me!
- Until you see this as a viable option.
- If I can't get to work, I'm gonna lose my job.
Seriously?! - Mm-hmm.
You know, sometimes,
I think dad killed himself because of you.
- Yeah?
You know what?!
I think he was smart.
I would love to kill myself so I could get away from you!
- Happy birthday, dad.
- Hey.
- [Customer] Goodbye.
- Bye, have a good night.
- [Customer] Thanks, you too.
- Hey, thanks for cleaning all the -
Hey, can you?
- What?
- I'm trying to -
- Oh.
- Yeah, no,
thanks for cleaning all that barf in the kids section.
I'm sure you have better things to do
on your Saturday night.
Oh, fuck this fucking place.
- Hey, when you said you hated movies,
were you just kidding?
- No, no, I really hate movies.
- Then why do you work here?
- Okay, so I think that I lied to you.
I didn't really drop out of school
because my roommate committed suicide.
I actually don't have any first-hand experience with that.
I don't know why I said that.
I'm really sorry.
Like, I hope you can forgive me.
- Yeah, yeah, no, I forgive you.
Oh my god, thank god. - Totally.
- I felt like such a piece of shit.
(sighing) Okay.
Thanks.
Oh, if it makes you feel any better,
I did really drop out of school when I was 19.
I moved to LA for this movie that I was in.
- What movie were you in?
- "The Running Mate?"
- Is that um,
it's like a '90s teen comedy
where a cool guy runs for class president?
- Like on a dare
and then he falls in love with his running mate.
- Oh, and Jon Lovitz is the school principal.
Alana, did you get to meet Jon Lovitz?
- Lawrence, I'm not gonna talk about this
unless you're really gonna listen.
Like, movies are not fun.
There's a lot that they don't tell you about.
Okay.
So, this is actually kind of a long story.
(sighing)
Oh, I didn't.
No, I didn't mean you had to.
Okay.
I always knew that I was meant to be in movies.
Now, I know that that's stupid,
but I starred in all the plays at Aldershot
and just like everything about acting
just made me feel like people were seeing me
basically for the first time.
So, my mom took me to Toronto to try and get an agent
and then one actually signed me,
but she made me take these weird head shots
wearing like a tube top 'cause she said that was my hit.
- What's a hit?
- A hit is like what people see when they look at you.
And I guess my hit was vulnerable drunk slut
'cause they just kept sending me out for roles
like "Girl at Keg Party" or "Sorority Babe Number Two,"
like roles that I wouldn't get
because obviously I wouldn't
until I did in "The Running Mate."
Like, getting this role was a really big deal.
Like Jonah, he was the director.
He fought for me.
And so I was in LA,
and I was like living on my own,
and I was lonely.
But Jonah, he like took pity on me and,
oh, you remind me of him.
He went to Tisch School of the Arts.
Me and Jonah, we would drive around,
and we would go for tacos,
and we would like, talk and watch movies.
And then there was this producer
who started hanging around.
- Isn't that what producers do?
- Yeah, but this producer was like a creep.
Like if I had a wardrobe test,
he would just like stand behind me the whole time
staring at my ass.
Like, he, I don't know,
was obsessed with my panty lines.
And then all of a sudden,
there was like this concern about my "experience level"
and he just kept inviting me to dinners to discuss it.
But these dinners were always really late
in his hotel room,
but Jonah, he kept pushing me to go over and over and over.
So then I did, I did,
I went to his hotel and I, yeah,
I went into his room,
but the lights were all off.
And he was just like, sitting there in the dark,
so now it's just like, me and him in the dark and,
and I, I can't get him off me.
So,
the movie gets delayed and then they like,
Jonah replaces me with this girl on the WB.
And yeah, I like spend the next six years living in LA,
and I don't book a single other thing
except for this one like, dumb pilot
until I just rack up so much debt
that I have to move back in with my parents
and I start working here.
So,
yeah, I hate movies.
- Why did you tell me this?
- 'Cause I thought that you would wanna,
like, you would wanna know.
I don't know.
Sorry, sorry, I guess.
I don't know.
- [Lawrence] Am I like the only person you've told?
- What?
Aside from my mom,
yeah, yeah, you are.
- God.
- Like, why didn't you just tell someone?
You know, like if you told the police,
I bet that guy would be in jail right now.
- Are you like a fucking idiot?
Sometimes, I like can't believe my job
is to make you feel good about yourself,
like to make you feel great
about your like incredible future
when I was actually talented and good.
And like, the saddest part is I really want your approval.
I really want you to think I'm cool
and that is the saddest thing that I can imagine.
- I think you're so cool, Alana.
I really do.
(water splashing) (vehicles whooshing)
- [Announcer Over PA System] Attention, Aldershot.
If Ashley McIsaac could come to the office,
it is time to take your Ritalin.
Thank you.
- Hey, man.
How the hell are you?
- I'm good.
How the hell are you?
- Oh, yeah, dude.
I got into Carleton.
I mean like obviously, I'm holding out for NYU still,
but yeah, it's crazy.
They wanna gimme like a $10,000 scholarship.
- That's amazing, man.
Good for you.
- Well, are you and Lauren P.
still working on the Year End Video,
going to Wendy's, getting frosties?
- What do you want, Lawrence?
- Well, I was just,
I was just thinking about how we haven't had Reject's Night
in like a really long time, you know?
Probably because I've been working so much and yeah, yeah,
I was just thinking about how like maybe this Saturday,
we could have a Reject's Night again, you know?
Like I would have to switch my shift at work,
but then you'd be able to pick me up at Sequels
at like 10 and we could still make SNL.
- Yeah, that's totally cool.
I can ask my dad to like let me borrow the car or something.
- Yeah, dude, awesome. - Cool.
Oh man, we should do the thing.
- Nah, I don't want to do that right now.
- Oh, come on, Matt.
Just do the thing with me, dude.
- I don't want to-- - Come on, just do the thing!
It takes like 20 seconds to do the thing!
Do the thing.
- Okay.
Okay.
I am casually eating a hot dog
in like a stylish leather jacket
and I'm very bashful, okay?
What about you?
- I'm looking at the Empire State Building.
- Okay, frame me up.
- It's Saturday Night Live with Lawrence Kweller.
- And Matt Macarchuck!
(laughing)
- [Sergeant] Now, you've gotta be the ugliest son of a bitch
this world has ever seen!
Who in the hell are you?
Are you an abomination of God?
- [Soldier] Sir, yes, sir!
(Lawrence laughing) (faint movie chatter)
[Sergeant] Are you ugly, Private?
- [Soldier] Sir, yes, sir!
- [Sergeant] Does your mama think you're a mistake, Private?
- [Soldier] Sir, yes, sir!
- [Sergeant] Drop to your knees and give me 20
before I puke my guts out. - Sir!
- We're closed, go home.
Oh, you're still here?
You begged me to take your shift.
- Yeah,
'cause me and my friend Matt are watching SNL tonight.
He's coming to pick me up.
- Dude, it's midnight.
What's his last name?
You want me to put a late fee on his account?
- It's Macarchuck.
It'd be under his dad's name, Rick.
Okay, don't actually do that, but -
I do wanna see what movies he rented.
That doesn't make any sense.
This is his home branch.
Why would he switch?
- Oh shit, shit, shit, shit.
Do you want a ride home?
- No, no, I can't.
I can't go home tonight actually.
Do you think I could just sleep in the store?
- What?
Yo, that's gonna kill your neck.
- No, it won't.
- Okay.
So I can get in a lot of shit for this Lawrence.
So, hey? - Mm-hmm?
- [Brendan] Okay, so it's really important
that you remember to enter the security code
when you lock up in the morning, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay, it's 4-3-6-5.
- 4-3-6-5. - Got it.
Have a good night, I guess.
- 4-3-6-5. - 4-3-6-5.
(lights shutting off)
(soft piano music) (chip bag rustling)
(Lawrence sighing)
- Ow.
(soft contemplative music) (door slamming)
(Lawrence sighing)
Fuck!
(Lawrence weeping)
- Hey.
Hey, how was Matt's?
(phone ringing) What's wrong?
Hello?
Hold on.
Lawrence, it's Alana.
Can you talk to her?
- No.
- Alana, I'm sorry.
Lawrence can't come to the phone.
What?
Oh my god.
No, I did not know, no.
I thought that he was at a friend's house, yeah.
Okay.
Yes, of course, yes.
He'll be coming down right away.
Yeah.
Okay, bye.
Looks like your store was robbed this morning.
Something about not punching in the security code right?
You slept at Sequels last night?
You have to go file a police report.
- What?!
But, I didn't get into NYU.
- I'm sorry.
My heart is breaking for you,
but you're gonna cry in the car.
- Well, you get the idea.
So, Alana feels like you're not really being a team player.
We got here frequently late.
Apparently, you have expressed a desire
not to sell the merchandise.
And there have been some reports of emotional instability.
But now she sees you on the security cameras,
sleeping overnight in the store,
which is a huge security risk.
And not only that,
but the front door to the store was somehow left wide open.
We have now lost $5,000 worth of Sequels merchandise.
- I've also done good things too.
Did Alana mention the Staff Picks wall?
- Yeah, no, the Staff Picks wall was great,
but right now, you're letting your whole team down, okay?
Especially me.
- Lawrence, you have an amazing opportunity right now.
You're working for a company
that's only growing and expanding.
So if you play your cards right,
I could see you having a career in the video store industry
for the next 30 to 40 years.
- No offense,
but I think I wanna do bigger things with my life
than just work here.
Like my job is walking around a video store,
making people buy things.
It's kind of the stupidest job
that's ever existed to be honest.
And you want me to do it for the next 30 to 40 years?
Like, don't you think I'm more capable than that?
- Why are you being a dick?
- Well, it's not the language I would use.
- Well, no, Lawrence needs to know when he's being a dick.
Just because you go to university doesn't mean
like everything's gonna turn out great.
People work at Sequels to do things
like earn a living and survive.
- Maybe they also do it
when they've had a traumatic experience
and they're emotionally devastated now or whatever.
- Wow, really?
Fuck you, motherfucker!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I don't understand why I'm being called a motherfucker.
- That's not really the way to speak to an employee.
- Well, maybe me and Owen are like pissed off
because of your huge sense of fucking entitlement?!
Do you know what I would give to be a 17-year-old boy
just quietly sitting in the corner watching my DVDs,
knowing I'm gonna inherit the whole fucking earth
'cause literally the whole fucking world is made
for shitty little nerds like me.
And I bet you will go to NYU
and just go on to treat so many women
like complete and utter garbage because, what?
Your biggest emotional wound is like,
no one wanted to watch Stanley Kubrick movies
with you in high school?
- Well, no, no, I didn't get into NYU.
And if you're forgetting,
my dad kind of like killed himself.
Owen, I'm not sure if you realize this,
but my father, four years ago,
he hung himself in our garage, so.
- On behalf of his Sequels corporation,
I'd like to extend my deepest condolences to you
and your family. - No, Owen, no.
He does this like all the time.
It's like his secret little trick
to make people feel sorry for him.
You are very privileged, Lawrence!
- I don't feel privileged.
I don't even understand what that means.
Owen, do you understand what that means?
- You can't say that to me!
It makes me wanna stab you in the throat!
- Okay, so this isn't being productive right now.
To answer your question,
I think it's a sort of a structural,
symbolic kind of privilege.
- Oh my god, this is not working.
This is like, crazy.
- But Lawrence, I do want to apologize for the way
that you were just spoken to.
It's not appropriate.
We will have a chat about that.
But Alana and I were chatting earlier
and we think it's appropriate
to give you a three week probation.
- Wait, so I'm fired?
- No, no.
Brendan, your shift leader, was responsible.
We feel he should be the one to go.
But speaking of privileges,
of course,
you will not have your Sequels employee privileges
during your probationary time.
- Wait, wait, but what about "Punch Drunk Love?"
The DVD is coming out very soon
and I need my Sequels discount to be able to buy it.
- You should have thought of your precious Adam Sandler before -
Okay, Owen,
what if I like just don't want Lawrence
to work here anymore either?
Can we just fire him right now?
- Well, no.
I mean, there's a tiered conflict resolution model.
- No, no, no, no, you can't.
I'm sorry, you can't, Alana.
You can't fire me because I think I love you.
You're my best friend.
- No, no, no, no.
You are a narcissist, Lawrence.
(seagulls cawing)
(horn blaring)
(knocking on window) - It's open.
- Hey.
So yeah, it was just like
kind of a misunderstanding actually,
just a bit of a miscommunication.
- Okay. - Yes.
- Put your seatbelt on.
Oh my god.
- What, what?
- [Terri] What is that?
Are you picking your head again?
- No.
Don't be mad.
It just helps me feel better sometimes.
I got fired.
- It just never ends with you.
(clippers buzzing)
Oh my god, I should be a hairstylist.
- Okay.
Now, before we screen the Year End Video,
would our filmmakers like to come and talk about their work?
Yeah? Okay.
(students chattering)
- Hi, Aldershot.
My name is Lauren Phillips
and I'm the director of the Year End Video.
(student cheering)
Thank you, Mr. Olenick,
and to my producer, Matt Macarchuck.
and to all of you guys
for like putting up with all the filming and stuff.
We will be doing a Q&A in the foyer after the assembly.
And I shot this on 16-mm film.
Okay, thanks.
- Okay, okay!
(students applauding)
Are we ready for this movie?
All right, lights, curtain, action!
- [Matt] That was a great speech. - [Lauren P.] Thank you.
- [Matt] Dude, don't be nervous.
Everyone's gonna love it.
- [Lauren] I'm not nervous.
(screen descending) (students chattering)
(gentle orchestral music) (students chattering)
- I just bought a new film camera and all that,
so I'm excited.
What about you guys?
Where are you headed to?
- Hey, man.
Are you here for our Q&A?
- I mean, I got some Q's.
- You don't wanna hear our A's?
- The Year End Video was really cool.
It um, moved me emotionally,
which I think is the highest compliment
you could give to a filmmaker.
- Well, thank you, Lawrence.
That was very sweet.
- I do have a Q actually.
Why aren't we friends anymore?
- Ooh, okay.
Let's take this outside. - Sorry.
- I think it just got too hard, you know?
Like, you kind of were just always
acting like you were better than me, you know?
You said I was a placeholder,
and then you said that fucked up thing to Lauren,
and then my grandpa died and stuff,
so I just didn't really want to deal with you.
- Wait, your grandpa died?
Why didn't you tell me?
- I think probably 'cause it was easier than knowing
that if I told you,
you probably wouldn't have given a shit anyways.
So, I don't know.
- I am so sorry, Matt, for everything.
- Dude.
- No.
Like...
Well, will you still sign my yearbook?
- Yeah.
- They gave you "nicest eyes."
You do have very nice eyes.
- Shut the fuck up.
- I'm sorry.
I wish I appreciated them more when I had the chance.
- You know, I'm gonna move to Toronto next year
when Lauren goes to Ryerson.
- Really? - Yeah.
I was thinking about taking some improv classes
at Second City.
- Dude, that's where like a bunch of SNL people went.
That's awesome.
- You still moving to New York?
- Ottawa.
I'm gonna go to Carleton.
Dude, you should come visit me.
I think if we go to Hull, we could get drunk.
The drinking age there is only 18.
We could also like maybe take the train to Montreal,
go see the Parliament Buildings.
We could go to the National Art Gallery,
give paintings the finger.
- Here you go.
See ya Lawrence.
- Hey, Matt?
I'm just gonna say something
and you don't have to say it back if you don't want to,
but um, I love you and I miss you like, every day.
- Yeah.
I'll see you around, okay?
- Okay.
- [Matt] Hey, Lawrence.
I hope you have a great time at Carleton.
Thanks for making me laugh a lot.
We'll always have Reject's Night.
Peace out!
Your friend, Matt Macarchuck.
- I'll meet you at the front.
- Do you think I could just like,
get my discount on this one last time?
- Um, no.
There you go.
Thank you.
- I like your earrings.
- Thanks.
They are Le Chateau.
- Bye for now.
- See you, Lawrence.
- Um, more please. - More?
Okay?
- One more. - Really? Okay.
- [Lawrence] That's great, thank you so much.
- All right. - Yeah.
- [Server] I can help you here, ma'am.
- Hi.
- [Server] Yup, what would you like?
- So I'll order a turkey sub, whole wheat bread, no cheese.
("I Like Movies" main theme)
Hey.
Nice hair.
Can I sit with you?
- Sure.
- Oh hey, you're going to university soon, right?
So I should maybe give you some tips,
college tips.
Yeah, any degree you get is like basically meaningless
so you should just take courses that actually interest you.
Like, experiment, you know?
And not just with school
'cause I actually wish that I had more sex in college.
- Geez.
- Yeah.
And yeah, if you put tinfoil over the smoke detector,
you can actually smoke weed in your dorm.
- How do you get people to like you in university?
- Ask them questions about their interests
and really listen when they talk.
Not just because you're waiting to speak,
but like really listen to what they're saying
so you can sort of see where the conversation takes you.
I mean,
I think people are really gonna like you in university.
I know that maybe they didn't in high school,
but I think you have a real college type of personality.
Yeah, things are like gonna be really good for you there.
- Well, what about you?
- What about me?
- Like, are you gonna be okay?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I don't work at Sequels anymore.
I enrolled in an acting class.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
And I am seeing a therapist.
- Well, how's all that been?
- Yeah, pretty good I think.
- Cool.
Alana, can I ask you like a super personal question?
- Mm-hmm?
- What's your favorite movie, man?
- Oh my god. - You never told me.
- Oh my god, Lawrence.
Okay, are you like really ready to hear the answer now?
- I think so, yeah.
- 'Cause it's not a Stanley Kubrick movie.
- I have come to accept that. - Okay.
- I just,
I want to know what kind of movies you like.
- Ooh.
"Steel Magnolias."
- Oh, yeah, I haven't seen that actually.
- Oh my god.
Lawrence, you haven't seen "Steel Magnolias?"
- No, no.
- What?
This is like the best movie of all time.
- What do you like so much about it?
- Okay, for starters, it has the best cast.
Like Julia Roberts, Sally Field, Dolly Parton,
and Shirley MacLaine are all in this movie
and they all have like these amazing Southern accents.
(laughing)
And then at the beginning of the movie,
Julia Roberts is like this beautiful bride to be
with chronic diabetes.
And like I don't wanna spoil anything,
but like she could maybe die at the end.
- Oh no.
- It breaks your heart.
You have to see this movie.
- What year did it come out?
- Oh, who the fuck knows?
Who cares?
It's so good.
- Oh my god.
This is never gonna fit in the car.
(smooching) (Lawrence laughing)
Okay.
Here we go.
(uplifting orchestral music) (noises of the city)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
My friend said the fourth floor rooms
are five times bigger than regular rooms,
so I wanted to check it out.
Is that cool?
- Yeah, come on in. - Thank you.
Cool.
- Hi.
I'm Lawrence.
- I'm Tabitha.
"Steel Magnolias," cool.
Do you like movies?
- Yeah, yeah, I like movies, but what do you like?
- I'm really into horticulture.
- Horticulture?
Yeah, that's cool.
How did you get into that?
I grew up in the Sunshine Coast in B.C.
and my parents had a greenhouse,
so they were just big hippies.
- Really?
What did they grow?
- Weed at one point,
and cucumber, spinach,
and then I started growing my own heirloom tomatoes.
Okay, I'm gonna head out there
and tell everyone that your room is huge.
- Okay, yeah.
Thanks for talking to me about tomatoes.
- No, I meant like,
do you wanna go try and meet people?
- Um... Yeah, sure, totally.
- Hey, Mitchell, Janessa,
this is Lawrence.
He has a room on the fourth floor
and you're right, it's way bigger.
- Yeah, I didn't even know that was a thing.
Where are you guys from?
Did you like who they assigned as your roommates,
and what you picked as your major,
and how have you liked living in Ottawa?
Did you have to travel super far to get here?
Are your parents okay?
Are they holding up?
Do they miss you?
- Wow, you really like to ask questions.
- Yeah.
Is that bad?
- No, you're good.
Come sit down.
- Okay.
- Where are you from, Lawrence?
- Burlington.
- Burlington?
I've never heard of that.
- It's like a suburb--
- It's just outside of Toronto?
- Yes, yeah, yeah. - I'm from Toronto.
- Me too.
- Oh, okay, yeah,
well, you must know how much Burlington sucks then!
- I've driven through it like once.
- Yeah.
- That's sweet.
- But like, what's the Sunshine Coast like?
I've never been to B.C.
- Oh, it's beautiful,
a lot prettier than here,
but it's still nice here.
(people chattering) ("Loving" by Land of Talk begins)
♪ There's that song, touch a body feel it ♪
♪ It's gonna get worse ♪
♪ Don't say you live here ♪
♪ Don't let it get cursed ♪
♪ I've been living like I'm locked up ♪
♪ I can see the midnight skies ♪
♪ Sometimes love it would sustain you ♪
♪ Only if you're on my side ♪
♪ Now and then I like to kid around ♪
♪ Some might say I just don't let up ♪
♪ Life's not long, why don't you live it? ♪
♪ There's that song, touch a body feel it ♪
♪ It's gonna get worse ♪
♪ Don't say you live here ♪
♪ Don't let it get cursed ♪
♪ Touch a body feel it ♪
♪ It's gonna get worse ♪
♪ You know you don't live here ♪
♪ Won't let it get cursed ♪
♪ Touch a body ♪
♪ Touch a body feel it ♪
("I Like Movies" main theme)