At some point in history,
one being fashioned a small orb and said to another being...
I bet I could kick this orb past you.
Sure. Why not?
Beings loved the idea so much,
they dedicated an entire field to their orb-kicking activity.
Then spectator beings became emotionally invested
in the outcome of the kicks.
Score the orb. Score the orb.
Goal!
- Goal! - Goal!
They became so invested,
beings began proving their devotion to their favorite teams
by getting ink stains
and spending currency to be present as their team wins.
Or loses.
I regret my emotional investment.
Regardless of outcome,
these games are intended to bring beings together.
However, this is not always the case.
Here's our orb It's slightly leaning
Orbiting a star
We find ways to give life meaning
Some might seem bizarre
All we know is that we exist
And it won't be for long So it helps to put some foot tubes on
Joy and sadness, courage and fear
Curiosity and anger On a planet full of danger
And it's only getting stranger From here
It is a halfway, re-energizing recess.
- Nothing to be disappointed about yet. - Well, we aren't losing.
That's a win in my book.
Hello, sibling.
You're late.
I may be late, but at least I brought our elderly lifegiver something.
I don't have to bring anything.
They appreciate my company more than yours.
I don't miss these talks.
You and me both.
My baby.
You are as sweet as the cocoslab you always bring me.
Why don't we get back to the footorb match?
Can't we watch something else for once?
There's supposed to be a really beautiful documentary about wild creatures on.
No way.
This is a match against our archrivals, the Newts.
They're right.
This is a big match.
It's tradition to root for our local region's team.
No matter how terrible they are.
Fine. If that is what you both want.
But you're missing out on the wonders of nature.
We will return to the Beingsburg Howlers versus the New Placefield Newts
after a quick word from our sponsors.
Hey. You may be familiar with me as a professional orb-kicker.
But I'm also an outer void explorer
and a flying machine operator and a professional orb smacker.
Through the power of books.
I don't know. If this interests you, come on down to the library.
Borrow today.
And then bring it back, even if you didn't read it.
There's no shame.
What a place.
I think they are missing their target audience here.
Yeah, I don't know. You're here, aren't you?
There is nothing wrong with reading.
But it would be nice if you put your book down
and root for the Howlers with us.
I think you'll genuinely enjoy it.
Yay.
Go Howlers.
These two teams really keep you on your toes.
You aren't kidding. With this much running and concentration,
they may as well put us on the team.
If only we made the same amount of currency as the players.
The officials are hard at work deliberating the call.
Beings don't have posters of us on their wall at home.
Such is our lot.
The call is a handorb, right?
Don't they know it's called footorb? Why touch it with their hand?
It looks like Newts number 41
has committed a handorb infraction.
This is their chance.
Yeah. Chance to get upset like you do every match.
True. But there is also a chance of extreme elation, which is worth it.
You clearly don't know what you're missing.
The Howlers are streaking down the field.
Yes!
But now the Newts steal the orb.
No.
- Ref, please. - Deception.
And a very late whistle.
This referee needs to get their eyes checked.
That player clearly put on a theatrical performance.
The game should be over.
What's the call?
The birds obstructed my view.
- But I think that being was tripped? - I didn't have an angle on it.
But if that's what you think, listen to your gut.
What do you think, gut?
Tripped it is.
Player was tripped.
Play results in an unbothered kick.
An unbothered kick for the Newts at the end of stoppage time.
- Can you believe it? - What?
I can't, and I'm usually so gullible.
And the kick is in.
That's it. It's over.
The ref blew the game.
Referees are highly trained in bird-related obstructions,
so they are expected to make a reasonable judgment.
That gut check was way off the mark.
What an upsetting turn of events.
But this is why beings invest in footorb: the drama.
Bad judgment! Bad judgment! Bad judgment!
That referee should definitely consider a new occupation.
All eyes are on them,
and their eyes were anywhere except where they needed to be.
The Howler fans at home must be absolutely devastated.
I'm devastated.
Classic Howlers.
Always finding new ways to break our blood pump.
This is an all-time emotional low.
Well, at least it was completely self-inflicted.
The Newts are the worst.
Newts are pretty great actually.
Just like many creatures, they're super adaptable.
You could learn a lot from them.
Yeah. And if you spent more time with beings,
you'd learn to identify when they want to hear facts about creatures,
which is almost never,
unless you're referring to specific footorb teams.
Creatures are more important than watching beings kick an orb around.
They live in the equivalent of a single-elimination tournament
where the losing team is eaten.
Enough!
I am an old being now, and it won't be long until I perish.
So please, stop bickering.
You're perishing?
Of course. I'm old.
I could perish at any moment.
And if you're not friends before I perish, it will be the cause of my perishing.
That doesn't make any sense.
Whatever relationship we're meant to have is the one we have right now.
I accept them in spite of their shortcomings.
Like being a detrimentally obsessive footorb fan.
And I accept them for wishing they were born a wild creature.
Isn't that enough?
No!
Make some plans for sibling-togetherness time.
To learn about each other's interests.
And a brutal ending tonight for the Howlers.
Let's take another look.
Those birds are not pleased that we built a stadium
over their natural habitat.
I surely wouldn't want to be the ref--
Don't listen to them.
These things happen to the best of us.
I let everybody down.
Well, that's not true.
You only let half the fans down.
I appreciate the consolation, but I clearly made the wrong call.
Now I can't even make a decision on which foot tubes to wear.
Well, how about we make the next few for you?
Put these on.
We're going to The Sloppy Jug for mild poison.
Gimme that mild poison!
To the best referee we know
and the unfortunate circumstance reminding us all of our fallibility.
No amount of mild poison's going to alleviate this feeling of dread
for tomorrow's postgame review.
What's the worst that can happen? You're asked to find a new occupation?
Or you suddenly perish.
I'm done for.
Sorry we're not good consolers.
We're referees. We call it like we see it.
Which in your case wasn't necessarily true?
Again, not good consolers. Sorry.
You don't have to worry.
I've done way worse.
I once forgot I was a referee and received a pass and scored a goal.
That has to be deception.
It was in a dream,
and the postgame review board kept saying how great my kick was.
I don't think the board is gonna celebrate my missed call.
You'll be fine.
We'll be sending you positive thoughts.
Excuse me, ref.
Seeing you fail in front of so many beings, it was beautiful.
Gratitude.
I'm only here to appease Lifegiver.
I don't need that guilt on my conscience.
Nice to see you too.
Follow me.
This part of Beingsburg is protected land.
It's possible some plants on this mountain are over a millennium old.
Wow. Old trees. How thrilling.
I get it.
It's easy to take this place for granted.
We beings get so caught up in our daily lives
that we tend to overlook anything that isn't in front of us.
Well, if you think staring at a forest is exciting,
just wait till you try footorb.
We've only touched the surface here.
The more you see, the more enlightening it will be.
Focusing only on trees
is like only paying attention to the grass on the footorb field.
Try to see the full picture.
We're in the woods.
All I see are trees and creatures.
I don't know how you could possibly relate this to footorb.
I like to think about how being here is like taking a step back in time.
This was the creatures' land way before beings lived here,
and they live now just as they did then.
There's simultaneously cooperation and conflict in nature,
which results in a beautiful harmony, much like your beloved footorb.
So you expect me to believe that creatures and plants
function like footorb players?
Yeah. Exactly.
Stay back.
These howlers are defending their territory while seeking prey.
It's two on three.
Those whitetails are goners.
Will the howlers get their prey?
The whitetails move to break free.
Did you see that? That whitetail just juked that howler.
Now you're getting it.
The howlers coordinate a new plan of attack,
but the whitetails are prepared with their strong defense.
This is clearly not their first encounter.
Even these howlers somehow found a way to lose.
Can't say I saw that coming.
Thanks for showing a genuine interest in something that is actually interesting.
Don't thank me yet.
I'm about to make you run a ton of footorb drills.
So, do you think the creatures taught us orb games,
or do you think the reason we invented orb games
is so that we wouldn't fight and hurt each other?
I'm sure it's a little bit of both.
Why don't you join us?
What are you both doing here?
We wanted to be here to support you.
You got this.
Let's get right to it.
You blew a call that directly affected the outcome of a match.
We have to make appropriate corrections to ensure that doesn't happen again.
So we must ask you to attend recertification.
Please, relinquish your whistle, to be returned upon passing the test.
If they have to go to recertification, then you have to send us too!
Silence.
No.
We need you to referee the next match.
Well, you're on your own.
Are they being demoted?
Not at all. Unless they fail.
Then they're worse than demoted.
They're fired.
But you shouldn't worry about that.
You're a great referee, and we all believe in you.
This is so invigorating.
I see now why you are so passionate about it.
All right.
Let's try some shots on goal then.
Great, this should really take things up a notch.
Oh, yeah.
Beginner's luck.
Kick it back.
Let's test that theory.
Am I sensing enjoyment?
I enjoy being better than you.
I guess it was luck.
If you want to get it by me, you'll have to kick it harder than that.
Challenge accepted.
What the rorb?
Nice shot, dingus.
Sorry.
How about that power?
What gives?
You kicking orbs at us 'cause we're Newts fans?
We're not to blame for your team's inferior performance.
It was an accident.
We're sorry.
- You should be. - Newts are a great creature,
but the footorb squad is a bunch of deceivers.
You wouldn't have won that match if it weren't for the blown call.
Howlers fans,
always so quick to blame everything but the skill of their players.
That's funny.
We hear everything involving the Newts is suboptimal, including the fans.
- What are you doing? - Look, excessive fandom is ridiculous.
We don't even know each other,
yet you choose to make unfounded judgments based on artificial allegiances.
My allegiance is real.
I like the Newts logo and the colors and the way the players celebrate: classy.
Well, why don't we spice things up
and settle our differences with something we can control?
A pick-up game.
See which team actually has the better fans.
You're on.
Hey, look, I apologize for being a jerk sometimes,
but this is taking things way too far.
No, this is good. Let's play some footorb.
I'm getting it. The drama.
The primal feeling of competing and achieving great physical feats.
We can be like real howlers, strategizing and working together.
- This is genuine, huh? - Yeah.
I know all you get for winning is the pride of knowing you're superior
at a made-up inconsequential game, but it is fun to play.
Okay, a little condescending, but you're starting to speak my language.
Let's do this.
First to three goals.
What do you say?
You Howlers wanna lose to us just like your team did last night?
We're in.
Not for the losing part though.
I made the wrong call at work
and the fans reacted with a hurtful chant.
Beings can certainly be overly passionate about their footorb teams.
I doubt their intention was to make you feel bad.
They were most likely expressing perceived injustice.
We should explore your pain further.
Can you talk more about that?
I think I felt scared
and that their voices were not dissimilar to my own.
It was like they were articulating my own inner insecurities.
That I have bad judgment.
That I'm regularly wrong.
Now my bosses are making me take a test
that determines the future of my employment.
I'm not entirely confident about it.
It is not uncommon for beings to question their adequacy.
No being is perfect.
We all make mistakes.
Isn't that part of the appeal of orb games?
It is important to remember that you worked hard
to achieve employment as a professional referee,
and that you would not have been hired if you were not qualified.
I guess.
Well, what made you want to be a referee?
Well, yes, I do love that footorb is unscripted and unpredictable.
That beings are performing miraculous physical feats
live right before your eyes.
You know, from the time I was a young being,
I knew I wanted to be a part of professional footorb.
I watched the matches with my super-lifegiver.
I remember being enamored with the beings with whistles and watches,
making sure both teams played fairly.
The impartial keepers of the rules and the peace.
They were just as physically capable as the players
and ensured balanced orchestration on both sides of the orb.
Isn't it amazing that you realized your dream?
It wasn't easy.
In times of self-doubt, remind yourself of your achievement.
I believe you can do this.
Thank you.
I think I'm ready.
- Goal! - Goal!
What was that?
You should have been defending.
Well, you should have been offending.
Okay, you know what?
Let's work together.
I'll shoot the goal.
So you take the orb out to start, I'll get open, and you pass it to me.
Pass it to me!
I have a shot!
- Goal! - Goal, baby! Yeah!
I don't understand why you got us into this mess.
You never listen, and you always diminish my interests.
Apologies.
I thought I had that shot.
We playing, or are you both gonna yap all night?
Yeah, this is boring
and not worth the freeze lick I was promised to keep score.
We'll add in hot fudge.
We're about to win.
We trust you!
Go get 'em, champ!
Welcome, fellow referees.
Today we will be testing your abilities.
We've set up a unique proving ground
upon which your recertification will stand or fail.
You have to exemplify your skill in making calls under immense pressure
while experiencing extreme distraction.
Each of you will take a run at our state-of-the-art obstacle course.
Before we get started, may I ask a question?
This is unorthodox, but I'll allow it.
Okay, has anyone ever thought about the irony
that the job of a referee is to call players on infractions,
but referees themselves are not allowed to make infractions?
- So deep. - My mind just exploded.
Settle down.
For your disruption, you will be testing first.
I'm going to ace this test, despite not knowing what I have to do.
Gotta love that confidence.
Step on up.
Let's do this.
On my whistle, you will run through the course,
showcasing your physical prowess, while making appropriate calls
based on the infractions you see simulated.
For each missed physical challenge or missed call,
we will be removing a stripe.
If you lose two stripes, you fail.
Remember, be ready for anything.
Correct!
Nope, that's a red card.
Yikes.
You never wanna see that.
Who's next?
- Don't pick me. Not me. You can't see me. - Please, not me.
You, the visibly distraught one.
- Me? - Not me.
You with the crushing anxiety, you're up!
We believe in you!
Watch out for birds.
You got this.
Ready!
Nice!
Correct!
Interference!
If you are not able to continue, you will fail.
You've been certified once, you can do it again.
You love footorb.
You got this!
Correct!
Nice dodge!
The final challenge.
Come on!
Egregious.
Correct!
Yeah! We knew you could do it!
That's deception. We were really worried.
Congratulations! You showed real guts out there.
It was a joy to see you overcome the course.
You are now recertified.
Thank you.
I can't wait to get back on the field.
Okay, well, things are not looking good.
We're down by two, and you need to get it together.
Two points is nothing.
They're not points.
And two is a big number in footorb.
Look, this was a mistake.
I tried to show you something I care deeply about,
and you didn't listen at all.
My interest was supposed to bring us together.
Your interest?
I showed you the magic of the forest, and it's like you forgot all about it.
Why can't you just listen to me?
We really do make a terrible team, huh?
Truly awful.
I guess we'll just be like this forever, and Lifegiver really will perish unhappy.
No, we can win this.
If not for each other, then for Lifegiver.
For Lifegiver.
We'll play just like the whitetails.
You were listening.
You know what to do.
- You give up? - No, we're just getting warmed up.
Hey!
- Yeah! - Yes!
It's working!
Whitetails.
Whitetail!
What is happening?
We're doing it!
Yes! For Lifegiver!
For each other.
All right, no more playing around--
- What? - Hey. What?
- Yeah! - Oh, yeah!
Whitetails for the win!
I did not think we'd pull that off.
All right. Good game.
You played well.
The Howlers are still a terrible team though.
Yeah!
You all saw that infraction, right?
Red card, clear as day.
It is so good to have you back.
Great call!
Good judgment! Good judgment!
It looks like the ref is back on top!
Good judgment!
You're here early.
Didn't want to miss the start of the game.
Get in here.
Good to see ya, sib.
The Howlers are playing the Buzz Stingers.
I read some buzz stingers perish after only one use of their stinger.
Strange they would name their team after such a fragile creature.
It brings joy to my blood pump to see my offspring getting along.
Thank you for listening to your old lifegiver.
Now I can perish happy.
Lifegiver.
Lifegiver?
Not yet.
Relax. I just need a nap.