- The writer, Thornton Wilder wrote.
There's a land of the living and a land of the dead.
And the bridge is love.
The only survival, the only meaning.
We were closer than family, as children playing together,
sharing our secrets and hopes, a day would feel like a year
stretching out before us
filled with end endless possibilities.
And then as we got older, the years flew by like days.
Filled with laughter and tears and love, always love.
We had vowed to be friends for life,
but life interferes with the best intentions,
and its currents take you to places you never intended.
And sometimes much too soon.
I was never really concerned with whether
there was life after death.
Of course, I didn't think I would die at 40.
♪ Are you going to Scarborough Fair ♪
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪
♪ Remember me to one who lives there ♪
♪ She once was a true love of mine ♪
♪ Tell her to find me an acre of land ♪
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪
♪ Between the salt water and the sea strands ♪
♪ Then she'll be a true love of mine ♪
- Here it is 25 years later
and it's another death that unites my friends.
And through their memories, me.
- We miss you, Natalie, but your mother is with you now.
- Welcome home.
♪ Are you going to Scarborough Fair ♪
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪
♪ Remember me to one who lives there ♪
♪ She once was a true love of mine ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
- Mom.
♪ Oh bye bye baby that was yesterday ♪
♪ I'll tell you now you got a price to pay ♪
♪ I know you're gonna miss me ♪
♪ Oh you're gonna miss me ♪
♪ I know you're gonna miss me ♪
♪ You'll be sorry when I'm gone ♪
♪ Hey you gonna miss me ♪
♪ You'll be sorry when I'm gone ♪
- Val, come in, come in.
Thank you so much for coming.
- Oh, Maggie.
So glad to see you.
Close this door, oh its cold.
It's mom's coat.
- Well I'm just inhabiting the coat.
- Well I'm very grateful to you for coming,
cause there's an awful lot of work.
- Happy to do it.
- Hey Aspen.
Oh buddy.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
You are hungry.
Another one?
- Oh God, Rheza.
- I'm so sorry I'm a bit dirty.
- Oh, come here, come in that's fine.
- We had an emergency at the zoo.
- Oh dear. - Didn't wanna be late.
- Do you wanna go in and then get warm
and get your coat off and...
- Thanks Shelley.
We're supposed to think of this?
We're supposed to know what she's talking about?
- Look at them, my friends, my family.
- I remember always around this table doing plays with her.
We did wonderful.
- Shelley was never really part of our group.
Probably my fault, not wanting my kid sister around,
but when our mother died,
my friends immediately reached out.
It's been 25 years since they've all been together.
It was my funeral.
- Natalie was like that too.
- Like mother, like daughter.
- Remember Natalie playing ping pong?
- She was ferocious.
- Hello?
- Love, oh my God. - Nice to see you.
- Oh my gosh Hannah.
- Did you bring food?
- I brought some veggies.
- Oh what do you have here?
- Do you need help getting that in the kitchen?
- No I'll be fine I'll be right back.
- I remember sitting at this table.
- We had so many fun times.
- Yeah.
- It was so fun remember that?
- I can't believe I forgot.
- Midsummers night,
- "Through the forest, have I gone."
- I remember your mom helping me with an audition
for the high school production of the Scottish play.
"Out out damn spot!"
Rage!
She is raging and I was like "she is raging".
Remember that?
- How do you get younger?
- Me?
- Every year.
- Oh that's nice.
- I'm really starting to resent this.
- Oh gosh in this drawer right there
I found something for you guys.
- What, over here?
- Yeah in that drawer. - The top, okay.
- Were you talking about this?
- Yes those. - All right.
- That's for you.
- Yeah, what are these here?
These are birthday cards for Natalie.
- Happy birthday Natalie.
- I'm wearing this hat.
- We gave her these on her fortieth.
- I didn't mean to bring up a bummer.
- No it's just so sweet.
- Love. - Beautiful.
- So wonderful.
- But that she kept them. - Oh, my God.
- Your mother had things of yours?
- No, but I'm still here, so it's different.
I don't know what it's like to lose a child,
I just know what it's like to be the one left behind.
- It's kind of who I see here.
I mean, I can't bring us into our present.
♪ Could it be a faded rose ♪
- I keep talking to, who we were, that's always here.
- Isn't it so odd though, about getting older,
doesn't it just feel like we're still inside the same.
- Exactly. - I feel like...
- Exactly.
- I'm still struggling with the same, yeah though.
My mother calls it the organ recital.
- Yeah.
- You go around and say, what's wrong like I have a hip,
I have a shoulder, I have a heart.
- If I only had a brain.
- Before I found photography, I probably made a big mistake
choosing a profession that was my mother's. Commercials.
Yeah I just did commercials because I had to pay
for trying to do theater, which didn't work out too well.
- I work with seniors, I take them to,
their appointments and stuff
but I also bring them to the library cause we have
a lot of great classes and like that.
- Well that's wonderful.
- Yeah it's great.
- Keeps your mind.
- And keeps me feeling young, which is the important thing.
- But you look.
- I'm not as sick as that person, oh no.
- What I might like to do, which is to work with the dying.
- Really?
- Yeah I might.
- You didn't tell me that.
- Well it's, we are at that age where,
all of us are searching, it's a natural time.
Am I this, am I that, yes and nuns do that as well.
So I'm thinking of working in hospice.
- I wanna say this to you.
- Is that, well, - The best comedic nun,
I've ever known.
- No I wanna try to explain.
Your mother gave me the privilege of having
to preside, to enjoy, to collaborate with her
during her death, her dying, which was for me...
profound.
I need to tell you that, that she, what you,
it was because we know Ruth had many flaws.
She was very human and, but you know, death is,
it doesn't have to be for most people.
But with her, it was courageous, she caught the light.
- Well, Ruth never had any trouble finding her light.
- Like this.
- I'm not hearing a thing from Lizzie.
Your sister's not coming, should we start packing?
- Lets go, let do our packing.
- Maggie don't take the coat.
Please don't take the coat.
Respect the animal, let's not, let's not-.
- I understand, but this is dead already now what do you do?
- Understand the dying.
- I wanna just inject, like it is, sometimes things
carry a person's spirit and soul, and this vibrant
- Oh my God, looks like, - is a Ruth thing.
- Doorbell, oh wait a minute there's somebody at the door.
Oh it's come on it's Nat, come on.
- I like the coat.
- I know.
- Hi Natalie.
- Hi.
- I'm Shelley.
- Hi Shelley.
- You're named after my sister.
So nice to have you here, thank you so much.
- Hi.
- Hi Val you look amazing.
- Good to see you guys.
- Well, let's get you something to drink
and get your coat off and then get back to work.
- I'm here to help though.
- Yes, here we go.
- Lizzie where are you?
- Where am I?
- Yeah.
- Well I'm home, where should I be?
- Are you kidding me, you're home?
- Yeah I'm home with the kids.
- You're supposed to be here.
We're at Ruth's, we're going through all her stuff.
You're, you're supposed to be here everybody's waiting.
- Oh my God.
- You're home, oh my God.
- Oh my God, Val please don't do this to me again.
I told you I couldn't get up there, I have too much to do.
This is a setup.
- Okay so how are you, how's it going?
How's your new girlfriend? - Normal.
- How's your girlfriend?
- My partner? Great.
Everything's great, everything's normal. All is going well.
- Okay great wonderful.
So did you get your check this month?
- Val can we not with this, can we not you know, no.
No,I didn't get the check this month surprise you know that.
- Really you didn't get it from those guys?
- You know I didn't get it.
- I'm telling you there's something wrong there.
There something wrong with those people.
- No. Val.
- There's something suspicious, I really.
- It's from you, it's you that didn't send me a check.
It's you, you are in charge of sending the check.
- It's what mom wanted honey what do you want me to do?
It's what mom wanted, she wanted me
to be the executor of her estate, she wanted that.
And hmm, I wonder why? I wonder why she thought that
maybe possibly you weren't
responsible enough to handle your own money.
I wonder where I could be thinking
that maybe you still have this problem?
Or was it the time that you missed the plane
and didn't make it to dad's funeral?
Could that have possibly been the reason that, geez.
- I understand I am not a trustworthy person.
I was rebellious, I was this and that.
This is many, many, many years ago.
I have a family I have a career, I have a life.
The person who thinks I'm not responsible is you now.
- How's-
How's Lucas?
- We actually broke up so,
hopefully he's doing wonderfully.
- I'm so sorry, sweetie, what happened?
- He said that he wanted to have kids.
So that was pretty much the end of that.
- You never wanna have kids?
Well I mean I think you're a little young
to making a big decision about your whole life.
You just, I mean, no one can really.
- I don't like wanna do this whole thing.
Like cute little cups, mom home cooking,
while the husband's out.
- Somehow I feel like it's a dig at me,
but I'm sure you're not intending to do that.
- Don't you wish that you had your own thing though?
You know, like dad goes out and goes to work,
I'm not here anymore, and you just don't have,
you know, like your own independent lifestyle.
Doesn't that bother you at all?
- Oh.
Ow.
- Doesn't it though, I mean.
- God, the judgment.
Is there any chance you can just like soften a little
for dear old mom.
- I wanna have a career you gave up your would be career.
- I don't know what it is you think you saw
between your father and me, but we are fine.
There's nothing- - Are you happy?
Are you happy with your marriage?
- Like happiness is not really like a one block thing.
It's not like you find somebody you fall in love,
happy for the rest of your life.
Relationships, it's up and down and up and down
and it takes a lot of fortitude and you're putting your time
and energy into this thing that is movable.
It's more like water, it's not like a rock.
- That's some really beautiful and flowery language
to just say that you were afraid to leave dad
and live your own life.
So you stayed with him and you made me scared
of what I could become.
- Okay I actually can't take this in anymore,
I can't take it in.
Fine, you can have your opinion
and I have my opinion about you.
And quite honestly, you're on a path to be very lonely
in your life.
- Yeah I'm not speaking to you anymore, bye.
- Yeah, fine.
Ugh.
- You weren't there in the hospital for me,
when I had that,
when I had my mastectomy, it really hurt me, it did.
I have to be honest with you, it's very hurtful.
- Oh my God, Val,
I know, you're right.
- My friends were there for me at the hospital
and my friends are like sisters to me,
and I so you know, I'm fine, I'm totally fine.
And the other person who was there,
really, really there for me was Joe.
- Joe.
He was there every single day.
- I know.
- And it made me feel great about myself,
because I was very depressed because you know,
you lose both of your breasts,
and you don't feel like a woman,
but he makes me feel like a woman.
He knows a lot of stuff and oh, by the way,
I just wanna tell you, you're just gonna hate this.
You're going to hate this.
- She's downstairs,
criticizing me and my relationship
and the choices that I've made,
who is she to be giving me advice really on anything,
but especially on relationships and marriage.
- Don't be so quick to judge her.
She loves your father.
Marriage is very complicated.
Really I'm not kidding.
It's, you don't. - I believe it.
You have to be tolerant of your mother.
- I think I just blew it royally with my kid, again.
- Again?
- Ugh.
- I don't think so.
She's wildly unique and wonderful.
- She is.
She's just so mad at me.
- She's going to separate from you
and you have to separate from her.
- I feel like I don't text, I don't call,
I don't say too much, I keep my mouth shut
and still it's like-
- Oh you're the perfect mother.
- I mean, I am in such a flat line moment right now.
- I think it's true probably of every mother,
that the thing you'd like most is for your child
to like the things you like. It would make things so simple.
But it's never true, right?
It's your job to be somebody else.
It is, right?
And maybe she's having a hard time with it,
but just the listen for the love in it.
Listen for the love in it,
not the content of what she's saying.
She might be getting it all wrong, but she's trying.
- It's so strange to feel like you're a disappointment
to your kid.
- You've been a wonderful mother.
- I think daughters carry
terrible burdens of their mother.
- The unsaid burdens, right?
- The secrets, or the regrets,
or the sacrifices of the mother.
Did you ever get my letter?
- Yeah.
I got your letter.
- Why didn't you answer me?
- I didn't know what to say.
You know, I'm not in love with David
but Hannah you married him.
It's weird.
- It's been really hard between us.
- He's not an easy guy.
- I just wish I had some way to like answer back to him.
You know?
I feel like I'm getting run over and I just,
I need some caustic witticisms to kind of zing.
I can't like get it out to him.
- Yeah.
- God how do you do it?
- I didn't do it honey, if I'd done it,
we'd still be together okay.
And I warned you.
I warned you if you didn't know who the hell you were,
that you would wind up like the incredible shrinking woman.
- Do you know why my dad divorced Natalie?
- Because she couldn't have a baby.
- Wow.
- I feel like the best years of my life are behind me.
- Oh.
- But I am,
I am super stuck.
Starting at around three o'clock,
this is my deep dark secret.
- Okay.
- I just sit on the couch I manage to get through
to three o'clock and then I'm just totally flat lined.
- And then?
- And then I just can't get up from the couch.
I don't want David to see me, God forbid,
Natalie ever even knew about this.
She already thinks I'm not accomplishing much.
This is so not accomplishing it's-
- But we get up off the couch, right?
- Yes.
- And then we say I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
That's a big moment.
The "I don't know" moment.
- Yeah.
I don't know.
- I don't know either.
I just trust.
It is a spiritual issue, it is your choice.
Get off the, - I can't.
- Get off, get off.
- Get off this couch.
- I got off the meds
- And I'm totally fine. - No you're foggy.
No I'm not, I got off the meds and I'm totally fine.
- Can I ask,
did you taper off the meds?
You do it with a doctor, did you do it responsibly?
- I know I did it, I know I tapered and don't remember
exactly how went, I can't remember exactly how it went,
but I know I did it, it happened,
and everybody's like totally wanting me to and get involved
in this packing, so I have to go.
So thank you for all your, I really appreciate it.
- Val.
- I love you so.
- Hi, how's it going?
- I'm deciding whether this is a good time
to become an oxycodone addict, what do you think?
I don't know what to do with them
and you can't pour 'em down the sink.
- Wow, Ruth was in all these plays.
- You want this?
I have enough pictures of Natalie.
- Sure.
- Okay.
- My sister's such a bitch.
- Whoa.
- She knows just exactly where to hit.
- Kind of felt that way about Natalie.
- You mean, you thought Natalie did that to you?
She thought you did that to her.
- I don't know maybe all sisters feel
that way about each other.
- Well, I just know that she was worried about your
being angry or envious or something
and just didn't seem to ever work.
- Well, of course I was.
You saw the way mom was with her.
I mean, there's only one picture of one of us in here.
- Yeah, that's kind of how it was with me too.
I had that all that time with my mom before Lizzie was born
and we were a team, my mom and I.
- Do you think that Lizzie felt weird about her being gay
and you weren't gay and life was harder for her?
- I think I've kind of known about it for a while,
you know.
I think I kind of suspected it and stuff,
and I didn't wanna talk about it or anything because,
I was scared of it.
- I can't tell mom and dad.
- No.
- So I really need you to tell me it's alright.
- What's in here?
- Well, yeah there's a lot of stuff that's starting to
probably, oh my God.
- Oh look at this, geez.
- That's hideous.
- No that's for me, this is for me, let me get it on.
- You like it really? - Yeah.
- I can't wear anything of hers.
- I could wear it to the bull fights.
Oh, this is you.
- Oh, you think?
- Oh yeah, well they both,
I can't believe she ever wore those oh my God.
- This was a classic. - What was she thinking?
- I think she was trying to be Minnie Pearl.
- Yeah she was like.
- You know like, oh here this is trash.
Yeah, that's not a keeper.
- Why did she keep coffee in her bedroom?
- Don't open that, it's ashes, her ashes.
- God! Ah!
- You remember when she did that whole commercial campaign
for Monarch Coffee, it was at the height of the 50s
they paid her so much money to do.
It paid for this house.
- Wow.
- So she decides years ago that she's gonna be cremated
and she wants her ashes in a Monarch Coffee can.
Remember they had that tagline, that slogan,
"The end justifies the beans."
- Oh God. - Yeah.
- Oh my gosh, my wings.
- Now I gotta get my little skirt going with my wings.
- Get your wing away from me.
- Sorry I'm running into your wings.
- Oh my gosh, I think these were mine, these marbles.
- Do remember playing?
- No, these were from my brain, mom had them removed.
- Oh, check it out, our championship paddles.
- You just figure them out, the algorithms are on my desk.
- What is this, A Viking Myth?
- May I sell a watch?
- I'd really like that one.
- Okay, here you take this.
Look at this watch, this is a very cheap watch.
- Okay, thank you bye.
- You end up with all the books.
- The first chapter of David Copperfield is called,
"I am born."
- What is that?
- Can I have that when you die?
- You want everything when I die.
- Who uses these anymore?
- Hi kids.
- We made angels.
- Going, going, gone. White Christmas DVD.
- Oh, - That's a great one.
- Yeah that's a good one.
- Sinatra Can-Can.
- Oh.
- That's a great one.
- Oh God, we're never gonna throw anything away.
Esther Williams?
- Oh Esther Williams.
- A Wonderful Life?
- Oh.
- That's kind of how I thought about our little sweet
little town, when we were growing up.
- Yes it was.
- We had time for each other.
- Not so nice for you.
- What are we talking about?
- When I was in school, everybody either wanted
to be my friend because my mother was famous
or the teachers were disappointed
that I wasn't Natalie.
- But it's also different for me because growing up
in a place where people don't look like you,
it was pretty isolating.
- This town is very, very, very, very white.
- It's very homogenous and people definitely growing up
and kids are mean, but people were very quick
to make me feel like the other.
When I was little, it was the, you know, oh,
does the color rub off?
Then it evolves to when you're an actual teenager and people
saying really offensive things and nobody asking you to prom
because they're a target, if they're taking the only black
girl in the class, that kind of thing.
- Oh, I never heard that.
- I'm glad to hear about this.
We have such different experience of life.
I mean, you know.
- Yeah, you have the privilege to not have to see this.
- Serious ladies.
- Whoa.
- See, I got you on that one.
- Woo!
Oh my God.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- What? Oh so good.
- Oh sorry.
- Nice Rheza.
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- We only play under the net now.
- Under the net.
- So frustrating, Charlie and I were panting for each other.
So I mean, we were only 10, so we probably weren't panting,
but he runs out the door, he and his friend run out the door
and I ran after him and I grab him
and I kiss him on the mouth.
- Oo!
- It was the boldest thing I've ever done.
- That was so brave.
- It is.
- My first kiss was from a boy named Archie Stalemate.
I kid you not, it just happened.
- Yeah.
- And to start my period that night.
But I thought I was very, I didn't know what was happening
and I thought it was tied into this fact
that I felt something like, I got turned on.
So when I went to the bathroom and I saw this thing,
I thought it was because I had been bad
and had kissed and gotten turned on.
So I thought something somehow connected
guilt, shame, immediately.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- I remember the first guy that felt me up.
- Okay.
Second base.
- It was like one of those things where it was like,
you were just sort of, it was awful feeling me up.
That was kind of my, me too movement that moment.
13, 14, I didn't wanna be felt up and I was.
- What did you do?
- And I don't love that I'm about to say this.
I think I just was silent.
Just like.
- That's what most of us do.
If you could be born a man would you be?
- No, I love being underestimated as a woman
and then showing up and crushing it with a smile.
- Yeah.
- And having it charm them and scare them at the same time
and you can only do that as a woman and I love that feeling.
- Be nice to be able to pee standing up though.
- So what is something that you've never told
your significant other?
- Sometimes when we're having sex,
I imagine he's like Vladimir Putin.
- No don't.
- No, you're joking right?
- Stop.
- Are you like really, does that make the sex better?
- No, no.
- Please tell me you're making this up right?
- Yeah please.
- I'm not really. - Oh my God.
- I'm sorry I forgot you were here.
- You mean like Vladimir Putin from Saturday Night Live?
- Let's just move along to something else.
- So outrageous something like Putin really?
- It was in the early days before all the terrible spying
on the United States of America.
- Like naked from the waist up on the horse?
- On the horse.
- That kinda got me.
- Yeah, that got you, yeah it got most of Russia too.
- I never told my husband that I wanted a lot of children.
- Oh.
- We had two children and I felt that he,
at that point felt that that was enough
and I didn't tell him.
- You didn't tell him that that's an important thing
that you wanted and you, why?
- Because I instinctively felt that, you know
he was the provider he was, basically the,
the one in charge of the farm and,
that we weren't gonna have a huge amount of money,
that it would put a strain on him
and that it would affect him deeply because if he felt
at any point he was failing us, it would kill him.
- You are the kindest person in the world.
- She is.
She so is.
- Or maybe the most dishonest I don't know.
- No.
- But I just kept it in.
- I promise this is not a way
to get out of cleaning up, but I need to-
I wanna take Natalie upstairs for a second
I have something I have to give you.
- Okay. - Okay.
I, um -
I have to tell you a secret, that I've never told anyone,
but it's really important that you hear this.
When my sister was dying, she was in so much pain
and she made a decision to end her life,
but these were the days that it was illegal,
there was no such thing as assisted suicide anywhere.
- Yeah.
- She knew that mom and all of her friends,
wouldn't be able to do it.
So, she called me, talked to her and told me that,
well because we weren't very close,
that she thought that I would be able to do it.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah it was. - So sorry.
- I just left.
I, I-
I didn't even know how to react.
I went to my therapist, talked to him he said,
you can't talk to me about this.
I would have to report it.
Especially if you did it, it's a crime.
And then I realized I wouldn't even be able
to talk to him about it.
- Wow, that's awful.
- I thought, oh great, she's asked me to,
to do the worst thing I would ever do in my life,
and I wouldn't even be able to talk to anybody about it.
But then, all my life I'd been wanting to be close to Natalie.
And I had never been.
And I felt so terrible, when I just abandoned her
and I left and she was alone and she was in pain
and I felt so bad about that.
And so I went to her and I said,
I can't help you do this, I can't do that,
but I can be there for you I can be with you.
When we sat for hours and talked and talked,
it was very healing.
But one of the things that we talked about was you.
- Why me?
I wasn't even, wasn't even born yet.
- You were on the way.
She wrote you this letter.
Now, I was gonna mail it to you but,
I'm,
I'm so glad that I can give this to you now
because she wanted me to wait until you turn 25.
And so now I can, and you're here and.
- Dear, oh so beautiful girl.
I know you'll be a girl
and I know you'll be beautiful like your mother.
And sensitive, compassionate, creative,
and that you'll feel things deeply just like her,
and you'll also be smart and ambitious
and headstrong like your father.
But sometimes those qualities can be at war with each other.
And perhaps you might think your strength lies
in all your father's qualities,
and you might not see who your mother really is,
because your mother doesn't, at least not yet.
But I do and I wanted to tell you a story.
At camp, I was Hannah's counselor.
I don't know if you know what color war is,
or if it even still exists.
- Oh, it does.
- The camp would be divided into two sides, two colors,
and they would compete at sports.
Hannah was a terrific swimmer, the best in the camp.
She was a mermaid. - She's amazing.
- There was a swim meet, four girls on each side,
and they would swim out to the dock and back.
The strongest swimmers go last.
The girls were even when your mother
and the girl from the other team dove into the water.
They touched the dock at the same time
and were neck and neck swimming back.
It was close, but the other girl won.
And the other girl was hugged and praised,
and got to hold the trophy.
You see the other girl wasn't liked.
She wasn't pretty, spoke too loud,
said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
But Hannah being Hannah,
saw what the other girls didn't,
a girl wanted desperately to fit in.
So your mother threw the race. That took compassion,
that took selflessness and that's your mother.
I hope she knows that.
I know I've gone on too long, but I'm a writer.
Ask your mother, better yet just hug her for me.
I send you my love beautiful girl, Natalie.
- Thank you.
- My mother used to get a script
and immediately turn to
the last page to see what happened to her character.
She said, if she didn't know the end,
she wouldn't know how to play all the scenes
that came before.
So I wonder if I could tell one of my friends,
what's gonna happen to her, should I?
And would that make living it easier or harder?
And which one would I tell?
- Oh my, you are attached that balloon, aren't you,
can you put the balloon down for a minute?
- What time is she coming?
- Three O'clock.
- What time is it now?
- 2:45.
- Excited.
- Hey Kenai.
Hey Kasha.
I gotta tell you something, okay?
I have to go.
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna leave you.
I remember when you were born,
Kenai look at me.
Thank you.
I'm not gonna forget you.
- You know, I sing this song with my guys in the bar.
- You do?
- My band yeah.
- You are the sexiest woman on the planet.
- Tell that to my fireman.
- How's that going?
- Oh he's so, he's just given up on me.
- Oh, no, you broke up?
- Well I thought he was gonna leave his wife
which was a little weird.
- I'm sorry.
- But I kind of got my eye on my lead guitar player,
Barry, he's very hot.
- I love that face.
- I'm gonna, could you just get that?
- Oh, your hair, your wonderful hair wait, let me go closer.
- Got it?
- Got it.
- Cause this is my last donation,
I'm gonna, you know, locks for love.
- I applied to grad school.
- Oh my God you've been wanting to do that forever.
- Classical studies I'm super excited.
Thank you Val.
Thank you I'm waiting to hear, I can't wait, I hope, I hope.
- What time's she coming?
- She's coming sometime after three.
- Okay good, we have a little time.
- Yeah.
- Can you take your glasses off?
- Okay.
- Only for a second. - Right.
- Got it.
- Okay that was right, that was a second all right.
- What's going on?
- She's early!
- You fearless goddess person,
who's gonna kick the four corners of the universe.
- Good bye tension happy pension.
- Yeah!
- Picture!
Everybody face forward.
All right, ready?
Say uterus!
- Uterus!
- Look at this beauty, who's gonna go out into the world
and teach us how-
- Wait, what?
- I'm not, I'm not retiring.
I got fired this morning.
- Oh, what?
- Wait, wait, wait, Val I thought you said that
I thought you said that this was -
- Well, Sally on the board she told me
that they were retiring her.
- No, no, no, no.
"Retiring her", that's code for that you're getting fired.
- Oh God I feel terrible.
- Rheza!
- It's okay, it's okay.
- Now I've wrecked all this and everything.
- It's all right, it's okay.
- This is not just about me.
Patrick has been so depressed.
It's so much harder to run a small farm. It gets harder
and harder, you can't get help you can't keep help.
He's older.
He's in despair about the environment.
He made us write letters to our children
and our grandchild apologizing.
I'm scared Maggie, I, we could fall apart.
Oh God and then there's the animals.
- Oh.
- You know, we caged them
and we try to give them happy lives.
I'm not under any illusion that we do.
Oh Maggie
- I believe, God has big plans for you.
Well, I do.
- He's gonna be up all night.
- Big plans!
- You gave me a quote years ago about the animals,
they're not underlings.
- They're other nations.
- Like ourselves captured in the web of time and life.
Fellow prisoners.
- Your work's not done.
Oh my dear friend.
- You went through this.
- I did.
I left the convent, I went to a new convent
and I found my life's work, I found it there.
And my work's just beginning and so is yours.
Big plans.
Our fellow prisoners need you.
- I would like to say how beautiful you look,
you changed into the-
- With the overalls?
- Shell blue, would we say?
- So I wanna make a toast to second chances.
In this country today, given how long everybody lives,
people change their jobs a million times,
they may have three or four careers.
This is my second and so we'll say to second chances.
- What did we say? "We will get there!"
- We will get there!
- To where we're gonna get.
- But just one more toast ready?
- Okay.
- The good Lord said come forth,
but he came fifth and lost the race.
- Is that inspiring?
- He came in fifth and lost race, okay.
- Okay anyway, we're drinking.
- We're drinking.
- We're drinking, yes.
- That's beautiful.
- Drinking.
- I have a firing story.
- Oh great.
- I was in a department store for the makeup counter
and I never wore any makeup and I wasn't very good at it.
And when these women would have their makeup put on,
they would say, I would do was just a terrible job.
I thought, after I got the makeup on and the women,
they would say, how do you think I look?
What do you think, and I would have to tell them the truth
which is I thought they looked better before.
Anyway.
- I wasn't fired, but all the good stuff that's interesting,
at least at school was going to the younger people.
You know the new projects, if I had a project
that I was excited about, I used to get a lot of attention
on those projects and then it was suddenly,
I don't think that's such a good idea and,
just gradually just feel the focus is off you.
But anyway, I've got my band and I wouldn't have started
singing with the band if they done that so.
- And I wouldn't be taking pictures.
- And I wouldn't be applying to grad school,
if I hadn't felt like get off the couch.
- We have transformations, cause that's what we're really
talking about right.
All of us going to the next place,
the next stage into new skin, into new thoughts.
- Doesn't it make you think back when you were younger
and you had a grandparent or somebody who was older
or someone that you might have just a little bit dismissed.
I would've loved to have asked my grandmother about what
that felt like after the kids were gone,
and after I would just love to have had that one on one,
like how was that for you?
- You know I wonder if our generation has escaped
a little bit of that because the baby boomer generation
was so huge, and then they started saying things like
50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50.
- And it's so awful, the premium on youth.
- And everybody in our generation
started having surgery
and everybody's working out like crazy.
And so I think our generation kind of stretched our youth
longer than the generations before us.
- On the one hand, I feel like everyone
should fly their flag like if you wanna be dressing
in high heeled shoes in your 60s and you know,
glam in your face,
then we should just celebrate each other.
But on the other hand for myself, if I'm being honest,
there's always a little bit like,
what mold are you putting yourself in,
and who is that for really.
- Now my job doesn't depend on how I sound or how I look
or you're not pretty enough.
- That was a great thing about working with animals.
- Maggie have ever been fired Maggie?
- Yes, remember a bunch of us protested.
- Oh boy.
- And that's a wild thing if you wanna see
a bunch of protesting nuns.
But I was put on probation so you can,
I think we can all feel we can lose our jobs.
Sometimes for good reasons.
- What do you think Natalie
would've been doing now, if she's...
Because I remember when she was fired after her 40th
birthday and we were-
- She was fired because of growing a little older,
right was it?
- Ageism.
- Lizzie I told you that in secrecy, how does she know?
- I didn't tell her. -Well then how does she know?
- Because I told my wonderful, trustworthy older sister, Val.
- Oh great so everybody here knows? Great.
I lost my job okay?
- She was really pushing the envelope.
If she lived, do you think she would've been
like the head of some network?
- Maybe she would've had her own show on CNN
or some, or the PBS news hour.
- The person you tuned into to hear about women,
- Glass ceiling would've been just shattering all over.
- I call this guy in Chicago that I knew, a businessman
and I've known him over the years.
And I said, I've just turned 40, I've been fired
and I'm ready to change careers.
And he said, I'll take a chance.
- Unbelievable.
Just outta the blue, I'll take a chance.
So maybe losing my job was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
- Should we toast to Natalie?
To Natalie, wherever you are. Forever.
- To Natalie.
- Yes to Natalie.
- To Natalie.
- Keep inspiring us to go forward.
- You know, when I was here before I was talking to Val
about spreading my mother's ashes at Christmas,
she volunteered, she kind of volunteered you guys too.
How would you feel about that?
- Yes, I would love that.
- I would be honored.
- And I would love to host,
just to have everybody at my house.
- My mother would've loved that.
- Yes.
- A nice gathering.
- Beautiful idea.
- Wonderful.
- It's beautiful.
- I would love for you to be there.
- Yes, definitely.
- Rheza would you give me a minute, could I talk to you?
- It would be an honor.
- I love Christmas time too.
- Just need to talk to you for a second.
- We're just gonna, I just have to tell her something.
Or show her something, just show her something.
- Okay.
- Be right back.
- Okay. - Okay.
- All right.
- Well we'll just drink while you're gone.
- Rheza, Rheza, sit down.
- What? - Sit down
I lost the ashes.
- What?
- So we were packing everything up, in Ruth's house,
and I was with Shelley and we found the ashes.
- Right.
- And she asked me if I would take them
because she was going to Africa and she couldn't, take them.
So what could I say?
So I took them and I put them in a box
and then I put them with the other boxes
and I put them in my car and I brought them home.
But then I didn't open up for a couple of weeks,
but when I did, the ashes were gone.
- When you were packing the car, you gave me a box
but that was just, that was stuff for the kitchen.
- Oh that's it, I put them in the kitchen box.
Oh my God, you use this honey cornbread.
- What are you talking about?
Oh my God.
We have to open.
- Okay, I'm gonna...
No, no you can't
- There are never any arguments, very happily together.
And the men said it was because
they never see each other during the day.
- I was just talking about these women in Burma.
So wait, what did... - Is everything okay?
- Yes, perfect.
Everything is very much okay.
- Oh, wait a minute, present.
- What about the presents?
- I can't believe this.
- They're supposed to be joke presents
- You get fired and people give you presents.
- Oh, that's when you should have presents.
- I'm embarrassed, so excited.
- And this is about what you can do in your future,
with the new time that you have.
- Wait minute, this looks like a, it's a pancake maker.
- It's not a dream griddle that's just the box.
- It's a little alarm clock.
- I wanted a dream-
- Dream griddle that's hilarious-
- Dream griddle alarm box but that's not it.
- This feels, um...
- No. - What?
- Oh my God.
- What on earth are you thinking?
- And the funny thing is it didn't have ears
when I put it in.
- Can you not point that at me?
- What are talking about?
- And it doubles as a dream griddle.
- Is it an alarm clock?
- Its an alarm clock.
- It will make great alarm clock, wake up girls.
- It doubles as an alarm clock!
- Bless your heart
- Can you just put this up more over here?
- Val, I think you're the only older woman I know,
that still wants to have sex.
- You're the best.
- I know.
- Oh come on. - I'm just looking out for you.
- I'm in a book club, there's some of the women are married,
some are not, but everybody,
they were all saying they didn't care
if they ever had sex again.
And that the only reason they were still having sex is cause
their husbands wanted it and so they were like, okay well.
- It's so sad. - But they really didn't care.
- If you don't wanna do it, you don't do it
but I just think, wow, this is like so much fun,
and it makes me feel so great,
and why wouldn't everybody wanna do it?
It's just me.
- This is from you.
- Yeah. - Oh my gosh.
Oh, this is so beautiful.
- This is called a Toka from Tibet.
- Oh.
- And it's Tara and she's the goddess of protection
and animals and compassion and she's fearless,
like our Rheza, beautiful.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- You're so welcome.
- From my heart.
- Oh my God.
- You did that?
- Oh my God.
- Wow.
- Oh this is, oh thank you.
- Is that from that place with the women?
- Oh, this is beautiful.
- Oh these were still in Africa when I went through-
- That's so beautiful.
- Boy, I'm glad I was fired.
- Goodbye tension, happy pension.
- Yay!
- Make a wish Rheza!
- I want us all to make a wish together.
Ready? - Uh-huh.
- As we get older, our perspective on age changes.
When we were younger, we thought 40 was old.
When I died at 40, my friends said she died too young.
You have a conviction that at a certain age,
you should have it all together,
but then you get older and you keep moving the goal post.
How will my friends remember this year?
The year that Ruth died,
the year they were all together again.
What change that is coming will take center stage
in their lives?
Oh and if you're wondering if everything is predetermined
or if you are in control of your own destiny,
the answer is yes.
- ♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
- Merry Christmas.
- So what is the plan when you get home?
- Actually, Lucas and I are gonna go on a trip.
I know.
- You're back together?
- Yeah we've been dating and spending a lot of time together
and it's been really, really good.
- What changed do you think?
- Well, on the kids' situation, we kind of decided
that we would just take it as it comes.
- Uh-huh.
- And really,
my example of a mom was a very devoted mother
and I don't know, I feel like where I am now
I couldn't be that kind of focused
and involved and great mom.
So, but I'm learning that maybe it doesn't have
to be one extreme or the other, but.
- There she is.
- Mm.
- It's an adjustment cause I was so used to having the house
to myself and now he's there but,
- All the time.
- We're navigating, I've gotten him to go to a yoga class.
- Dad's doing yoga?
- He is, and the downward facing dog is a whole other thing.
- Wow, sign me up.
- He's doing well though.
- That's great, good for you guys.
- Yeah, it's very sweet, he's got the best sense of humor
and it's- that goes a long way I have to say.
- I actually decided this morning
that you should move back.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
We could spend weekends up here I'm thinking,
this would be a really nice thing.
- Yeah but if I move back,
I'll have to see my mother all the time.
- We won't tell her.
- I dunno where she went, she left Chicago, I don't know.
- You need a sandwich or something?
I can make you a little shrimp salad.
- No serve food on the plane these days, it's a new thing.
- Ah, really?
- I miss you.
- Me too, sweetie.
Take care of yourself.
Bye, bye.
Love you.
- I love you.
- Val.
Val?
Val.
Sweetie, take a deep breath okay.
It's hard to be here.
I am grateful for you and you, grateful for life.
- No one like you. Okay.
- Love you Nat.
- I got back from China,
I talked to the guy from the gallery, he wants to do a show.
- That's amazing.
- I'm calling it The Kingdom of Daughters.
- Wonderful.
- Thank you.
- So I am very happy in my new order,
Sisters of the Sacred Mount, we do wonderful hospice work
and I am moving forward with that.
But I'm not cutting my hair yet, not yet.
- I noticed that.
- I started Rheza's Rescues.
I'm taking in stray dogs, some wounded animals,
and making a lot of new friends.
- Wow, oh gosh.
- We have a litter of puppies do you want any?
- And I am at the end of my first semester
in classical studies and I love, love my cohort.
It's been incredible. - She's learning.
- Every night I'm like "Let me tell you about
the Trojan Women and Hecuba!-
And Demeter, and Persephone"
- And I'm like, oh, I have to go to sleep now.
And she's like, "But one more!"
But no, it's exciting, it's nice to see you so passionate
and lit up about something.
- Yes, and can I tell your aunties about,
she's- Nat's been offered this incredible promotion
that was just, almost like-
- It's avatars, yes, computers.
- Tell us about it I don't know.
- So I was offered a promotion
as a senior software engineer,
but I would just have to work closely with another engineer
and I don't know if it's really a good fit.
So I'm just kind of weighing my options
and seeing maybe I wanna switch companies, I'm not sure yet.
- What's the dynamic like that it's not comfortable or what?
- Um,
yeah, it's that.
I don't think I'd be,
I just don't think we would work well together.
It's not the most comfortable situation
and working even more closely with him, would just not be.
- What did he do?
- Oh.
- Oh God.
- So a month ago I was at the office late,
I go into his office, he tells me to come around the desk
so I can take a look at what he's working on, so I do,
and he goes to hand me a folder and it drops,
and so, I go to pick it up,
and that's when I see that he is um,
playing with himself.
I tried to get up, but he pushed my head down into his lap.
- Oh no, no.
- And he wouldn't let me go, like I physically couldn't move
and I've never felt that before.
And I bit him, I bit it.
- Good.
- He pushed me away and he called me a cunt
and he told me that I'd be fired if I ever told anyone.
So I didn't, I actually haven't told anyone until now.
- I'm so sorry.
- So I'm just figuring out what I'm gonna do.
- I'm so sorry this happened to you.
- All I wanna do was my job.
That night when I went into his office,
all I wanted to do was my job.
I don't wanna, I don't wanna talk about this,
I don't wanna have to deal with it.
I'm just not, I don't want it.
I don't want any of this so.
- I think there is a choice.
There's so much support now.
I think for his own sake, you need to report him.
- Don't report him, it will ruin your whole career.
- What you both just said, I've been battling in my mind,
- Right.
- A lot over the last month and, the thing is,
Im, I'm a terrible person if I don't report it and stop him
from potentially doing this other women,
but I could also completely ruin my career if I do
and it's such an unfair position to be put in.
- This happened to Natalie and she didn't report it, and
she always felt terrible about it, she always regretted it.
But in our day there wasn't a group of people
that she could go to talk to who experienced the same thing.
And you can.
The only way for you to heal,
I think, is for you to fight back.
- Change is always extraordinary,
you're going to be fine.
- We've all been there.
- You're not alone.
- You are so not alone.
♪ Silent night, holy night ♪
♪ All is calm, all is bright ♪
♪ Round yon virgin mother and child ♪
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
- What are you doing, we're enjoying the company.
- No
- What are we talking about now?
- Memories, memories oh my God.
- We're talking about your mother and her fabulousness
and her dread orange lipstick and her leopard coats.
- All right, all right.
Do you know the story of Ruth and Shelley and the movie?
All right.
Ruth's latest movie was in town and she decided
to take the girls.
She didn't wanna draw a lot of attention to herself,
she said, when she prepared to go to the movie,
she was in disguise, - Incognito.
incognito, in a huge fur hat,
a lot of fur and a scarf.
- A Persian fur!
- And dark glasses.
- Right, dark glasses in the movie theater.
- And then they see the lights go down
and they sneak in the back and sit down.
So in this movie, Ruth was playing a mother,
with a little girl, exactly the same age as Shelley.
So as Shelley's watching the story unfold,
she starts to think that her mother has another daughter
and that she loves her more.
So she starts crying and she's inconsolable
and Ruth cannot stop this child crying.
She's trying to stop her and shushing her
and getting Kleenex and whatever and finally,
as there's this moving scene between the mother and daughter
on screen, she stands up, she points to the screen
and she says, "That's not my daughter."
And then lights come up and the projector goes off,
everybody turns around to look at them.
And in her grand way she says,
"Thank you, thank you, carry on please."
- To Ruth. - To Ruth.
- Oh your mother was glamorous.
- Very glam.
- She was. I envied that confidence that she had.
Natalie had it, that confidence.
- Mm, she did.
- I didn't, I was the little ugly duckling child.
- Oh, stop.
- Not ugly - I was, I was.
- I wonder how you turned out.
- Bitter.
- It's interesting about mothers and daughters
and if your daughter isn't in your image,
what you do to either make her seem more like you,
or just the path towards acceptance,
if they really aren't a mini me or,
they're different from you, just how you navigate.
- Everyone's looking at me now.
- Well.
- Well, pretty was important to her, looks.
- Yeah, there's a premium on that.
- But it's important to women right?
- I'm pretty sure she saw that as a power that's true,
but gee, she was so kind to me.
She took me in when my mother found another man,
and I came only, I knocked on the door, I said, Ruth.
And she said, look, come on in.
She's very kind, she never said anything right?
To any of you?
- No.
- Ruth, thank you. - That's amazing.
- I think I'd wanna leave behind this idea
and I know I've told Nat about this,
that friendship, it actually takes effort,
that you have to really in the same way,
marriage or a career, that with friendships,
you really do have to be the one,
I mean, this is something that I've learned,
just over the years to keep reaching out,
to keep making the effort.
Sometimes friends can be going through things
and it might feel personal,
and actually just what gets stitched together,
when you keep reaching out, which is...
- Are you okay?
- I'm giving you a stroke?
- No it.
- Oh mm.
- What dear?
- What did you put in this?
- I mean, no I'm sorry.
It was a privilege to be with your mother.
- Yes.
- And if anything happens to me I want you there.
- Mm, righty-o.
- Do you want me there?
- All right.
I love you, I want you-
I want you all there.
- I have all the people that I love so much here,
to pay tribute to our dear friend.
- Happy birthday Natalie!
- I'm just so happy to have us all together.
You know because it's been too long.
- It's true.
- Especially that we could be here
to celebrate this wonderful day.
Because-
cause we didn't know if we would ever be able
to celebrate your 41st birthday together.
We didn't know if you would be here,
and here you are.
- Oh, no honey.
Um-
Val,
I changed my hair.
- Oh.
- And so I look a little more like Natalie
than I usually do, but I'm Shelley, I'm, Natalie's sister.
- Shelley.
- Yeah.
- Right sweetie, it's Shelley okay?
- Okay.
- Sweetie?
- Oh Christ.
- Don't be scared it's all right.
- Deep breath.
- I, um,
yeah, I think I'll give Lizzie a call.
- That's a good idea.
- It's Christmas and-
- Okay.
- I'll go find my phone.
- Oh, sweetie, it's all right.
It's all right, it's been coming.
- All the times that I wanted to be Natalie,
I've never wanted it more than just...
- You handled that very well, you're so very wonderful.
- Oh here it is, I think, here it is.
I'll just give her a call.
- Hey, Merry Merry Happy Happy.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey. - Hey.
- You know, Lizzie, I think
I think I, something isn't,
I think I need your help.
- Okay.
- Um,
you know, I think there's,
- Val?
I think there's something wrong.
- Okay.
- I think I can see that there's something wrong,
and um I need you to...
- Val what?
- I need you come and be with me.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yes, Val.
- Okay.
- Who is-
Are you by yourself?
- No no, I have my
- Who's there?
- I have my friends here. - Everybody's here.
- Here's Rheza.
- What's going on?
- Hi sweetie, its Rheza.
Hey take it easy everybody's here,
we'd love it if we could talk to you a little bit later?
All right? - Okay.
- Cause Val's just a little,
you know, she's a little tired, roll on tired.
She's got loving arms around her all night tonight, okay?
Why don't you say goodnight.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hi, Val. - Hi.
- Val.
- Hi sweetheart.
- Can you hear me?
- I can, I can.
- Val?
- I have my friends.
- Val? - Yeah, yeah.
- I love you.
- Yeah.
- I love you so, so much.
- And I love you sweetheart.
- First friend, best friend.
- Okay.
- Yes? - Okay, yeah.
- Did you hear me?
- Yeah!
- Okay.
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- Okay honey - Okay?
- Yes.
- Bye, bye.
- Bye.
- Stay calm.
- That was good now I feel better.
Thank you, everybody.
- You know I was just thinking,
I don't think tomorrow's a good day
to go spread these ashes.
- No, that's, it's important that we do it.
I think we should do it.
And I feel better now and I,
who knows how I'll feel if we wait so,
I think we should do it now, I wanna be here for it.
- You're right. - Okay.
- You are right.
- Good.
- We're doing it. - Great.
- We're doing it.
- All right.
- Oh here, toast! - Yes.
- This is yours.
Love and friendship.
- Yeah.
- That's good.
- Cheers.
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
♪ And never brought to mind ♪
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ For auld lang syne, my jo ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ And surely you will buy your pint ♪
♪ And surely I'll buy mine ♪
♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ For auld lang syne, my jo ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
- Many years have passed since that day,
Val was the first to join me, Rheza was the last.
And just like Maggie wanted,
we were all there for each other's passing,
on one side or the other.
♪ We too have run about the braes ♪
♪ And pulled the daisies fine ♪
♪ And we wandered many a weary mile ♪
♪ Since auld lang syne ♪
♪ For auld lang syne, my jo ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
- There is a land of the living and a land of the dead.
And the bridge is love.
The only survival, the only meaning.
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ Are you going to Scarborough Fair ♪
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪
♪ Remember me to one who lives there ♪
♪ She once was a true love of mine ♪
♪ Tell her to find me an acre of land ♪
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪
♪ Between the salt water and the sea strands ♪
♪ Then she'll be a true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love, a true love, a true love ♪
♪ A true love, a true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be, she'll be ♪
♪ A true love of mine ♪
♪ Then she'll be she'll be ♪