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Yes, well...
Anna told me that she likes philosophy and debating and psychology.
A good match.
Yes. Theoretically. But I don't know if I have a chance with her.
Sure, why not?
You're good looking and so on...
Well, you could shave.
I thought about that all day. It's not that pretty.
Yes...
I know what you mean. I've got to. I was just too lazy.
Well, with men it might be fine.
But at our age it's just showing off:
Like, look I've got a beard! That's strange.
- So get rid of it. - Sure, I will.
Do that!
THE SEVENTEENTH
Wait a second.
I'm still not...
Don't laugh. You're pushing it out.
Don't laugh and don't sneeze.
Come on, we're almost there.
Look at that.
- Hello. - Hey.
Did you find my boar.
You really want to know what's what.
I've got a proposition for you.
The two men help me to carry it to the car.
And I'll invite you to dinner.
- Am I welcome as well? - Sure.
- You could be fat. - I am.
- You could be even fatter. - I was.
- But that wouldn't matter. - Yes. It would. It was horrible.
But why?
- You're right. You can't eat the end. - No.
Shall I teach you how to cry?
Do you want to learn how to?
But I know how to cry.
Pity. I wanted to put horseradish on your tongue.
Try. I won't cry. I like it.
- You won't cry? - No. I swear.
Stick your tongue out. Your tongue. Stick it out.
No, not like my uncle. He used to go like that.
Wait, let's try that again.
And now tell me you can't cry.
Meanwhile, I'll eat a pepper.
Tasty pepper.
You're nasty! I would have eaten a bit.
You said you could cry anyhow.
It was a whole handful of horseradish.
What does this remind you of?
Loriot.
Stupid movie riddles. You're getting some, too.
No, you want to switch habits. Not me. You're not in the mood?
I still have some salmon.
Could I get some salmon?
Listen up, it's like this.
It's the bad carbohydrates fault. You need to reduce them.
The problem is, they're everywhere that's tasty. Bread, noodles, potatoes.
- Even in quark. And low fat quark. - What?
Right. 100 grams of quark contain 4 grams of carbohydrates. That's the problem.
So even if you do the low-carb diet,
- you only get quark in the morning. - Okay.
- So... - Then? - You have to reduce them all.
And even if you are cooking vegetables,
the enzymes are able to split and use them.
Meaning you have to eat vegetables raw. And what's very bad,
only peppers, zucchini, carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes.
- All the others have carbohydrates. - Listen, that's malnutrition!
- No it's not. Not at all... - It's not enough...
Since you've got yourself this fridge that can be reduced.
Why? Andreas likes it.
Yes, but you asked me.
Yes, I would like to be thinner. So what?
- So what? - Do you want me to be thinner?
- I don't give a damn. - Nah.
Then why are we talking about it?
- Because you asked me how it works. - Fine.
- It's just really difficult. - You know what I would do?
- What? - Imagine you were a zucchini.
I would salt and pepper you...
and eat you up.
Here comes the pepper.
Tell me, young lady, have you been building a sand castle?
What a mess!
Lovely, that you bought me salmon.
I have to disappoint you. I bought it for myself.
- But it's sweet that you're sharing. - That's not been decided yet.
You got the zucchini and I got the salmon.
Do you really want to play roulette?
That's good, good...
And you can eat as much meat and fish as you like.
- But they contain fat! - Yes, but the good fats.
Fats are the energy source.
If you leave the carbs out, you have to eat fat.
Cold-pressed oils. Olive oil, linseed oil
or black cumin oil from Egypt.
That can bind free radicals. That's very important.
That sounds politically questionable.
No, it's binding only the bad free radicals.
- The other free radicals are okay. - Free radicals!
But I want to be a free radical.
Help, I am getting bound! Beware the olive oil!
I don't want to be bound.
Not even to this olive oil.
You could do a huge roulade.
No, that one's too big for me.
What does it remind you of? Just be spontaneous.
I smell of fish.
But I'm not to blame.
I even have a fishbone in my mouth.
Yes.
Fish, unlike mammals,
do have fish bones.
And I presume we're not eating homogenous plastics, but real fish.
Shall I help you? Pull it out? Really?
Hey, this bone is huge!
I'll need my rubber gloves.
You know part of the fish is sticking out your mouth?
Take it away.
There really is something...
It is mid May.
Impatiently, the young ravens wait for their parents to feed them.
Finally, a bird lands, his beak full.
Just before their first flight, the fledglings are constantly hungry.
Eat!
They are six weeks old,
but still haven't dared to plunge into the unknown depths.
- Everything okay for the camping-weekend? - Yes, sure.
The female raven laid the eggs in March and brooded them for three weeks.
Maybe I'll be in Vienna at this time.
Oh, you can't manage without Mom?
Yes I can... But I wanted to see Daniel again.
Okay. I thought you were through with him.
Ravens are omnivores.
The fresh carrion is just what's called for...
- Can you get by on your own? - What do you mean?
Shopping, getting everything ready for camping?
Sure. It's not that difficult.
You know what you need and everything?
Later the family stays together until late summer.
The young ravens have a lot to learn from their parents.
How do I exercise on this ball?
You'll have to chase me away. Otherwise I stay.
No, right.
- Are you able to ramble? - Yes.
Then go ahead.
There's a great book by Franz Fühmann. Do you know him?
No, we aren't East Germans.
He wrote great stories.
One is about the siege of a medieval town.
That's how I feel right now.
That must be the Prater down there with the big lights.
Yes, with the ferris wheel.
No it's this thing that moves up, people shout,
and have to hand in their wallets, so as not to drop them.
And where's the Cathedral of Saint Stephen? It's that one?
No.
Are you sure?
And that's the Museum of Art History.
- Do you want to come along? - Where?
To the museum. To look at some paintings.
- No. Do as you like. - Why?
And this one with golden sphere is by Hundertwasser.
Oh yes!
Do you know it? It's like a water works or something.
With an adjacent building... Do you like Hundertwasser?
- It's kitsch. Horrific. - Yes. Awful.
I like it a lot, being here with you both.
I really love it.
Really!
Seriously.
Maybe it's because he's not wearing a suit.
Don't be stupid.
I'm just pragmatic.
Maybe we should wrestle.
- We? - Andreas, we need to wrestle.
- That's a good idea. - Yes, doing something physical.
- It's all so intellectual. - Now I get it.
- What? - You like museums. I hate them.
You like wrestling. I hate it.
You like nature. I hate nature.
Okay, then I'm going to feed you tonight.
With what?
With scampi.
- That's good. It's good. - You see?
- Right. Isn't it? - Eating is good.
It's delicious here.
- But Andreas is kind of a thinker, right? - Yes.
- But one who can't bear anything. - Sometimes I'd like to hug him tight
and say, "Hey, everything will be fine!"
Everything will be fine.
- I try that, too. - I really love you.
And if you held your head a bit higher, it'd be even better. Honestly.
- So do that. - I will.
I like it.
The depth is so... blatant.
- It's inspiring. - And dangerous.
And dangerous. And it's present.
- Yes, right. - Right.
Didn't you want to go and have a smoke with him?
- Yes, on condition that... - Just go on.
Go! He needs you now.
What are we undertaking?
You have cold hands...
I really love it.
Have you got a cigarette?
What I love about Bella is...
- in addition to her body and legs... - Yes.
- The power she has... - Her legs!
- Yes, she's got these legs... - Yes.
I am sincerely crazy about them.
Did she clamp your head?
- She did. - Fuck. For real. -That hurts, huh?
In your case it's still a bit visible, to tell you the truth...
Hey!
All right. Let's go.
- We're going. - Sure.
- May we leave? - Yes, you may leave.
But not without a kiss.
I said a kiss.
That's what I call a kiss. That's what I meant.
- We're going that way. - Take care. Ciao.
- See you. - See you.
- Bye. - Ciao.
No, but it'll work out.
You just have to take the initiative. You need to be as shameless as Friedrich.
- You know. - Yeah, I should be.
I know it's difficult. I can't do it myself.
Weird. He had so many girls. Like half of all the girls in our year.
Yes, and they all fancy him.
- You know... - Amazing.
- I heard from everyone... - Too much!
...that that they were going with him or fancied him.
- Should we go walk that way? - Yes.
Yes, but somehow the story with Nadine and Artur is a bit strange.
- Do you think they're really in love? - I have a theory about that:
There are three types of relationship.
The first is the fame relationship. That's what I had with Melis.
Yes, you dated her! Awesome. But only a short time, like a week?
A month, but we never met up. It was just superficial.
- It was all about looking good and flash. - Right she was...
- That's it. - And secondly...
The second kind is like Nadine and Artur.
You like each other, but also still think he or she's good looking.
And also...
you like spending time together,
but there's no real passion and you use it as a status symbol.
That's true. But you like each other and spending time together, but...
That's it. It's not a grand love. This would be the third type.
That's what most adults try to get to.
That you're really open to each other.
That burning love thing. Like not be able to be without the other.
It could be Nadine and Artur's thing, but I'm not sure.
- There's more on it than you'd think. - Yes.
You've got this big pig, but there are no guests. Why's that?
Well, I think they are a bit het up.
Why? Because of you?
Who knows?
But you're here. That's great, isn't it?
- It was a real invitation. - There'll be enough for everybody.
- But only just. - We'll give the rest to the neighbours.
I need a reason to shoot. Since I don't eat meat.
I need eaters.
- You don't eat meat? - No, I am vegetarian.
Did your uncle build the barbecue?
- What? - Did you uncle build it?
I don't know. Peter did you build the barbecue?
- Yes. - Great. It's being admired.
- Help yourselves to plates. - Okay...
- And what's special about them? - They're real bread rolls from the East.
- What does that mean? - They aren't all air.
- The dough isn't all swollen up. - You can press them and smell it...
- Who's that? - Hello, somebody's coming!
Hey there. Excuse me.
I'm a neighbour. I just moved in.
Do you mind horses?
No. Do we have something for the horses?
- No allergies or anything. - No.
But we've got some roast wild boar. You could join us.
Yes...
Sorry. He isn't that well educated.
Put him over there.
Over by the trees.
You just moved in here as well?
I'm staying here with my uncle, Peter. My name's Charlotte.
- Hello. - Ah. I'm Fritz.
This is Bella.
Andreas Andreas... David...
Daniel.
I'm really bad with names.
Come along.
- They shouldn't eat bread, right? - Dry bread.
- For horses? - Dry bread is okay.
It's pretty different to the city, huh?
Yes. He's just like a big dog.
A huge one. I never saw such a large one.
Did you marinade it?
Peter did.
- Bread crumbing or whatever? - Peter, how do you do it?
- Do you pour something over it? - It's injected and pickled.
- Yes, right. I did that one time. - What's it injected with?
A secret recipe.
Garlic and so on.
- Peter has a lot of secrets. - A junkie-pig.
A junkie-pig?
- Yes, it gets injections under the skin. - For long years in the forest.
Did you move here alone, or do you have a family?
Well, I got divorced.
- That's on top of it all. - And that was the reason, right?
Then I bought a horse...
Bubi...
because...
somebody told me, if you need a friend, buy a dog.
I didn't follow the advice and bought a horse.
It's similar, but bigger and you can take a ride on it.
- You can't ride a dog. - That's right.
You think so? You could ride yours?
I don't have a dog.
I see.
- Excuse me... - Yes?
That I just walk in like this.
- It's okay. Take a seat. - I'm looking for Countess Charlotte.
- Is that you? - Countess Charlotte. That's me.
- Why do you laugh? - Please take a seat.
So why do you laugh?
It was a slip. An old habit. Please take a seat.
- May I? - May I serve you dinner?
I don't know if I am hungry. I would love a cigarette, if I may.
- Sure. - I don't want to bother you.
- You aren't. - I said that too.
- It's fine. I just walked in myself. - You did?
Yes. I'm Fritz.
I just saw somebody in the forest with a hat like yours.
- That was me with my horse. - I didn't see the horse.
I'll put your plate right here. Is that okay?
- Am I to eat right now? - Please do. It would be a pleasure.
What is it? I saw such strange stuff today.
- Wild boar. - Wild boar, okay.
Freshly shot.
Five days ago.
- I heard shooting today. - The piglets.
- They're shooting non-stop. - Really?
- Yes. It's hunting season, they shoot. - You're a hunter, aren't you?
- No! - You look like one.
- The Countess seems to be the huntress. - Yes?
I was astonished myself.
- It's not every woman's hobby. - Is she you wife?
She is your wife?
- No. I said it's not every woman's hobby. - She is a woman.
- She is a woman. But not... - ...a wife.
No, I said it's not every woman's hobby.
You are a waffler.
- No, I thought you didn't get me right. - I see.
- I just wanted to clarify. - Yes. I am sorry.
My daughter from San Francisco!
Your daughter is in San Francisco?
Quick, answer!
- Skype. - Skype.
So you had a wife? Is she from...
Psst. My daughter.
Yes, I had several wives and several daughters.
Enjoy your meal!
Ivi! Or Lucie? I get you mixed up...
Yes, I am at a party.
I am in a villa, daddy. We're living in a villa.
Great. At the seaside?
No, not directly. Wait I'll show you. I can't see you.
You can't see me? My daughter. In San Francisco.
- Hey! Hello! - I can't see you unfortunately.
- Hello! - Can't you see us?
- Hey... - No, I can't see you.
Wait up...
Is your phone broken?
- No, you have to switch on your camera. - Ah, wait...
- Okay. Now? - I can see you now.
Amazing! Look at this.
Hello, we've got wild boar here.
It was summer. The first time ever.
- And I didn't know a lot about love. - Listen, I'm afraid of you.
- You knew it all and made me feel it. - You're going right through me.
- It was summer... - You're all so...
for the first time ever. - Well you're fucking all day anyhow.
Help me! Help me!
Countess! Help me! They want to strangle me.
A bed in the cornfield...
- A bed in the cornfield... - In the cornfield...
Everything I got, dum dum dum... is my cockroach.
It sits on my stove. I watch it as it dances...
That's Reinhard Mey.
Daniel...
- Doc! - What's this... - He's gay.
- What? - This man is gay, isn't he?
- Who cares? - He's coming at me from behind.
You've got something going on here. Look.
But you're the mystery guest today.
- Yes, I am a mystery guest. I admit it. - I don't even know your name.
- Yes. But I know who I am. - I only receive mystery guests. - Right.
When putting the boar on the grill, you knew someone would turn up.
That's the question. Because we were the first, nobody was here...
and Charlotte said that they are all quarrelling or something.
- What did you say? - I said some people are a bit het up.
- No kidding! - How very diplomatic.
Well I am a countess.
But no one really believes you.
You weren't even here.
But why were you... Or should I address you formally?
- Why were you so alone, dear Countess? - You ham. You rotten actor!
Unbelievable!
I'm not a ham! I was just asking.
I'm trying to establish a position of respect.
It wasn't hamming it up!
- That's it! - You should stick to formal terms, too.
But I wasn't alone.
No, there were three of them.
But I heard something happened before.
- An embarrassment. - An embarrassment?
An embarrassment.
What kind of embarrassment?
That's what I am asking you.
What happened...
with these ladies and gentlemen who did not come?
What ladies and gentlemen?
I see. It was just a one-man dinner.
Dinner for one.
The pig is alone and the woman too.
And then suddenly someone shows up.
I'm feeling so bad!
I'm not feeling well. Not well. Leave me alone.
Where can I go to puke? Where?
Behind that tree, of course.
You can use the whole garden.
- But please don't go inside. - I'm feeling so bad!
Okay. Do you want some water?
Water would be fine.
Come on, let's go over there.
Shall we go over there?
My trousers! Shit!
I'm not feeling well.
I'm not used to so much alcohol.
- Now. - Now? - I'm doing my best.
- I appreciate that you came along today. - Yes?
- Yes. - So do I. And I didn't know where I was.
- Nice that you found the way. - I was in the woods and I had a vision.
Then I slipped on something.
And since then I know nothing.
Look! Now they're really causing trouble.
Lucky it's so dark. But I can hear them.
Bunch of rascals!
- Have mercy - Oh God!
My God.
Have mercy
Because of my tears.
Have mercy.
Now I need a drink!
My God, have mercy.
Because of my tears, have mercy.
Do you know what you are?
You are crazy.
Am I in a lunatic asylum?
A rehearsal of death.
Could you please get me out?
And the other hand...
A rehearsal of death.
Mom, just leave it at that...
- Did you read it? - We'll fix it later.
Yes... sure.
We'll fix it later, Mom.
Okay.
But you have to open the sleeping mat. And the sleeping bag.
It's getting filthy.
Come on. Don't be so lazy.
I've been travelling as well.
It's totally wet!
You slept in this bag?
Just tell me about your trip... Don't just stare at your smartphone!
Yoga!
Look at me!
Oh God.
You've got lovely jeans. Really nice.
Really nice, yeah.
Could you remove my trousers!
- I can't. - Remove my trousers.
- Now. - Really?
- Now! - No, I can't.
Remove my trousers!
I can't.
I can.
What kind of animal am I?
An ant?
No!
A soldier beetle.
- You are a soldier beetle. - Concentrate!
No!
You are a giraffe...
A momo-giraffe...
A giraffe-momo...
Or a lazy, lazy...
a sloth.
Let's take a shower.
Really?
- What? - What do you mean?
Are you dirty?
No. I'm not dirty at all.
- You are not dirty? - No, not all.
Turn around.
Then 69.
- Why? - Because I love it.
- You love 69? - Yes.
I dare you.
That's not...
bad at all.
Not bad at all.
Friends are...
Wait a second...
I'll find it...
Here it is...
- Lie down. - No.
- Then sit. - I am going down.
There you have it. But for real!
The dancer.
Mens stepped out of a kind of reality...
with her into a sort...
of unreality.
On that evening...
at that party,
when she was in the process...
of putting her arm...
around him...
so he might learn again...
how to walk with people...
something that might have been a gesture...
or... or a glance...
something that touched him...
and therefore, in this one single...
happy moment...
- You understand it? - Yes.
- You do? - Sure.
Sometimes one gets tired.
- Come on. - You understand? That it needs time?
Sure.
One doesn't like to admit it.
Yes. One rather wishes things were simple.
Right.
My goodness!
Everything's okay in the kitchen?
- Looks fine. - Yes?
We don't want anything to catch fire.
Come on. Let's have a walk.
Allez!
It's not so bad.
Complicated, but not so bad.
- Not bad? - Careful. - What?
- Careful. - Really? - Yes.
- Really? - Careful. - Not so bad?
- Careful. - What's up?
- That's my skirt. - I know.
- No, let's fuck. - No.
We have to eat now. And Hanna is here.
You are still so strong.
- Really? - Yes.
- That's how I know you... from long ago. - I would love to fuck you now.
You want to? You don't?
- Really? - No, the pressure is much too high.
Yes, look at the pressure.
- What pressure? - The pressure here in the kitchen.
- Be careful. - Wait a second.
- You can't be doing that. - Why not?
What are you up to?
Fucking me in that kitchen?
- It's nonsense. - Why?
- Well, what would happen then? - But why not?
- No, it's impossible. - What's impossible?
No, it's far too exhausting.
Let's go out. Come on!
We're going out. I'm staying still.
- Okay. - Why not?
It's impossible. Let's go out.
- What do you mean? - Nothing.
Really? And that'd be better?
- Yes! - No.
- Honestly? - Yes.
We just leave the soup.
- I have got a good idea. - No. It's not about that.
Come on! I know a place to go!
- Buckle the belt. - Buckle it?
- Honestly? You've got a new idea? - Yes.
Let's leave quickly.
That's the end.
Now the blood is re-flooding the brain. I really got you.
The balance should be restored now.
But I can't change your life.
It hurts.
What hurts?
My muscles hurt.
I'll bring you back down, if you don't mind.
One has to practice with this device. At first the blood floods into your head.
But after some days it's okay. Just keep lying there for a moment.
Everything should be okay.
Have you already been in therapy?
Yes.
You don't seem to be too healthy.
Do you want to talk about something?
I would prefer if you were sitting up.
It's a strange day today, isn't it?
The day is somehow strange...
Not you.
I have to leave now.
The sign was blown away.
Could you fix it?
That would be nice.
- Bye. - Bye.
All the best.
I need a guy again.
- Am I not enough for you? - Yes, you are.
But... you don't have...
- a... - ...dick. That's true.
Yes. You do great things with your fingers, but...
- You did like that... - Yes!
I had an anal-orgasm!
I liked it too.
But still...
you... are not a guy.
Right.
- On the seventeenth. - What do you mean? The seventeenth?
On the seventeenth. You can fool around that day.
- How come? - I have a date that day.
- With whom? - With Daniel.
Daniel!
On the twenty-first.
Hey, cuties! A hello from the kitchen.
That's nice. Thank you.
You wanted to stop drinking vodka.
That would be rude, wouldn't it?
- So what's up on the twenty-first? - I have a date.
With whom?
Wait.
And he likes daddies?
Are you rude!
No. He looks nice... He looks interesting.
We'll see.
- We'll see? - Yes, we'll see.
Well, I'm jealous.
I could be jealous of Daniel, too.
Daniel. I've known him for ten years.
You even know him.
You know exactly who he is!
Yes, but that's another story.
Yes, I do have sex with him.
But not very often.
Two or three times a year. He's never there, as you know.
But you'll get to know somebody new. I don't even know who he is.
And maybe you'll really like him. And what happens then?
Who else could cope with living with me?
- You mean there's nobody except me? - There is nobody except you.
I'm a chain-smoker, an alcoholic...
I am... I don't even know what else.
Why do you always talk about coping with you?
You're a great cook and a lovely daddy...
No, you don't get it.
It's all about being able to cope with somebody.
Sure I'm great and you're great and somebody else is maybe great as well.
But every single day? Every single day?
For years?
Yes, I do.
You do?
You want me?
You want to marry me?
- We are too poor to marry. - Too poor to marry. Come on! Secretly.
But after the seventeenth and the twenty-first.
Or before.
Come on! Before.
I love you.
- You're crazy. - I love you.
Really.
And you don't have to worry at all.
All right.
Kiss me.
Crazy wild boar.
I can talk about these things with you. That's great.
I can talk about such things with you, too.
But you didn't want to.
I thought I'd hide it from you for a moment.
Then it's more fun.
But I won't get far with that, anyhow.
You'd have noticed I'm excited and you'd have said I have a date with Daniel.
- Not necessarily... - Sure!
I have a date with Daniel because I like to come back to you afterwards.
That's true. I think it's all about lubricant.
Really!
- Lubricant? - Yes, lubricant.
To lubricate what?
- Our sex? - No routines and things can just go on.
Lubricant.
Oil.
An oil well?
I'm blushing.
No, you're not. You're just acting
I really could devour you..
I am too shy...
I am too shy.
I am playing the guitar...
Everybody should want me.
But that does not happen!
Why do I have to take the first step?
I'd be much better in making love...
if I had more practice.
The only one that wants me is my right hand...
But that doesn't work as I am playing guitar with it.
So I am staying here all alone.
Just me and my guitar.