1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,080 -[ Alarm beeping ] -[ Gasps ] 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,760 What time is it? 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,640 T-minus nine hours to Toni's wedding. 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,480 Time to get started. 5 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:12,800 Just a few people in the back garden though, isn't it? 6 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,560 [ Scoffs ] 7 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,360 [ "Blue Danube" playing ] 8 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:24,000 ♪♪♪♪ 9 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:29,720 ♪♪♪♪ 10 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:35,600 ♪♪♪♪ 11 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:41,240 ♪♪♪♪ 12 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:42,480 [ Grunts ] 13 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:50,040 ♪♪♪♪ 14 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:57,800 ♪♪♪♪ 15 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,360 Mum, what's for breakfast? 16 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,440 [ Theme song playing ] 17 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,120 ♪♪ Give me strength ♪♪ 18 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,000 ♪♪ Give me love ♪♪ 19 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,520 ♪♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪♪ 20 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,560 You all right, Batman? 21 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,840 I'm not having tired eyes on my wedding day. 22 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,040 Er, where are the chairs? 23 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,280 From Jill at 43. 24 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,840 She said she's got a foldup one, too, if you want it. 25 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,600 Good lad. Keep 'em coming. 26 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,680 Sally at 46 now. Mind her Jack Russell. 27 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,040 They're not gonna match. 28 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,120 When I agreed to host, what did we agree, Craig? 29 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:30,560 I'm on logistics. 30 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,720 I'm on vibes. 31 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,120 Both: And Toni's doing nothing. 32 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,080 So don't step to me about my chairs. 33 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,920 I won't step to you about that centrepiece. 34 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,720 Me and Mum spent a whole afternoon on this. 35 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,360 A whole afternoon? 36 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,360 Yeah, we went foraging in a wildflower meadow. 37 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,040 They're cornflowers to match Toni's eyes. 38 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,720 Bloody hell. That looks amazing. 39 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,080 See, what did I tell ya? 40 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,800 Are those cornflowers? 41 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,520 Dane. 42 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,960 Don't stain the tablecloths. I'm returning them after. 43 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,840 Dane: Right you are, love. 44 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,840 ♪♪ Give me strength ♪♪ 45 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,760 I wanna look like a 21st century Julia Roberts. 46 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,600 I'm trying, Auntie Toni. 47 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,440 I based my speech on her monologue in Erin Brockovich. 48 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,960 You're doing a speech? That's well feminist. 49 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,440 Good for you. 50 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,080 Yeah, my final starring role 51 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,840 before this one upstages me next week. 52 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,320 What you gonna call him? 53 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,680 Oh, you know how blokes 54 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,560 always name their sons after themselves. 55 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,720 Are you gonna call him Craig? 56 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,960 No, Toni, with a "y." 57 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,280 Aw, hello, my little flower girl. 58 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,880 You ready to throw some petals? 59 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,760 Granny said it's just a pretend wedding, today. 60 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,000 Oh, thank you, Gloria. 61 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,280 -Is it pretend? -No. 62 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,160 Well, tomorrow we're gonna sign some papers, 63 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,520 but today is the bit that matters 'cause you're here. 64 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,120 I found this in the Rice Krispies. 65 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,000 Toni: Hmm, what's this? 66 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,840 Oh, that's just a silly letter. 67 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,320 You go get your petals. 68 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,560 "Notice of eviction?" 69 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,720 Yeah, it's the landlord doing a power play. 70 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,240 He's all mouth, no trousers. 71 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,440 Auntie Toni, it looks serious. 72 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,760 Yeah, why do you think I hid it in the Rice Krispies? 73 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,680 Craig just worries about these things. 74 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,680 There, sorted. Ooh. 75 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,360 Baby kicking. 76 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,280 As this is a no-cost wedding, 77 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,760 I'm here in lieu of a Rolls-Royce 78 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,640 to escort you, beautiful lady, to the venue. 79 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:16,840 You look amazing, Gran. 80 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,280 Hey, less of the grandma. 81 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,200 And if any fellas ask, I'm your sister. 82 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,560 When you're ready. 83 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,720 ♪♪♪♪ 84 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,000 How are those lights coming on, Dane? 85 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,840 Looking ace, mate. 86 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,120 Impactful. 87 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,360 Are you sure you don't need any help? 88 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,160 No, vibes are in hand, thank you, Paula. 89 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,400 Just finishing twining me ivy. 90 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,280 Incoming! Craig, close your eyes! 91 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,600 Bad luck to see the bride, in't it? 92 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,960 Oh, I don't believe in bad luck. 93 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,640 He's been waiting for this his whole life. 94 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,480 Drink it in, Craig. 95 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,520 [ Chuckles ] 96 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,680 [ Gasps ] Toni! 97 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,000 Get inside! Quick. 98 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,640 The bedroom's all set up for you. 99 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,640 Nobody move until I've sorted that glass. 100 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,400 Someone's not an happy camper. 101 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,680 Yeah, she's been a bit busy 102 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,000 warming a few sausage rolls and whatnot. 103 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,000 Peggy Babcock. Peggy Babcock. Pebby Gab... 104 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,440 Peggy Babcock. Pebby. 105 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,720 Peggy Babcock. Peggy Babcock... 106 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,000 You speaking in tongues? 107 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,240 No, I'm doing my vocal warm-up. 108 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,760 How warm do you have to be to say "I do"? 109 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,400 No, for my speech! 110 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,400 Based it on Julia Roberts' monologue in Erin Brockovich. 111 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,160 You know, when she takes the water company down. 112 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,000 I've always wanted to perform that in front of an audience. 113 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,280 Isn't that about people's spines deteriorating? 114 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,520 Oh, yeah, but I've adapted it 115 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,200 to make it about love and stuff. 116 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,160 -Oh. -Anyway, nice of you to show up. 117 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,280 Where have you been for the last two weeks? 118 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,440 Oh, just with Pickles. 119 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,760 Oh, warmed up to the most miserable man 120 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,320 in Yorkshire, have you? 121 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,560 He's actually really thoughtful. 122 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,520 People just think it means he's miserable. 123 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:41,800 Where is he? 124 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,080 Oh, he's taking a walk through a graveyard. 125 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,920 He says weddings make him think about the transience of life. 126 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,640 Never knew blokes could be interesting. 127 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,880 What about Craig? 128 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,400 Craig's hobby's polishing shoes. 129 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,960 Oh, well, you don't complain when he's polishing yours. 130 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,280 Right, I've got most of it, 131 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,200 but I'm not having you going out there barefoot. 132 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,640 Paula, that is what boho is. 133 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,640 -Bare feet. -Well, boo-hoo. 134 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,280 That AstroTurf's on hire. 135 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:03,760 I'm not having you severing an artery on it. 136 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,160 Now wear these. 137 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,000 They're brand new, those. Real shearling. 138 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,080 -So don't stain them. -My God. 139 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,200 I don't know what she's so stressed about. 140 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,360 It's my wedding day. 141 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,680 She's only hosting. 142 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,120 Can't imagine, Toni. 143 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,560 [ Laughs ] 144 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,320 ♪♪♪♪ 145 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,960 Is this the Blair-Callaghan wedding? 146 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,080 That's us. 147 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,400 I'm Jason Pickles. With Rana? 148 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,760 -[ Gasps ] -I'm Dane. 149 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,680 Rana's told us loads about you. 150 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:31,960 I never normally get to meet her fellas. 151 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,040 How come? 152 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,320 Oh, there's just so many of them. 153 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,680 And they come and go so fast. 154 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,440 No, forget that. 155 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,600 Aw, what you got there? 156 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:41,840 Oh, it's a bit of light reading. 157 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,040 Shakespeare's Love Sonnets. 158 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,880 Right. 159 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,160 Rana said you're a big reader. 160 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,080 You read anything by Peter Kay? 161 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,800 No. 162 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,560 Well, you should. 163 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,160 -I will. -Yeah. 164 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,120 Oh, thanks for helping, Lisa. 165 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,720 Anything for you, Craig. 166 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,440 If Toni doesn't show up, you know where I am. 167 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,640 [ Chuckles ] 168 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,040 What's this? 169 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,840 Oh, I put out PTA SOS, and Lisa came up trumps. 170 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,480 What's wrong with these chairs? 171 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,600 They're mismatched. 172 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:09,880 It's a boho wedding. 173 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,800 What do you think boho means? 174 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,320 Like wicker and twine and wildflowers. 175 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,840 No, no. It means really bloody cheap. 176 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,560 This is a budgetless wedding, Craig. 177 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,640 Actually, Bohemianism was a 19th century 178 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,680 artistic movement... 179 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,520 It's not important. 180 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,200 It's just a little tweak, Paula, I didn't think you'd mind. 181 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,760 I don't mind. 182 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:31,720 I don't mind at all. 183 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,960 No, chill, that's me. 184 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,200 [ Yells ] At the end of the day, 185 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,040 they're just fucking chairs, aren't they? 186 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,200 [ Whispers ] I'll go. 187 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,720 [ Grunts ] 188 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,880 -Paula? -Wait till nicotine's kicked in. 189 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,360 Okay, you can speak now. 190 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,360 What is it? Tablecloths wrong colour? 191 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,120 Egg salad not to your taste? 192 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,800 Nah, it's great, Paula. Honestly. 193 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,000 You're doing an amazing job. 194 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,960 Except on chairs, apparently. 195 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,080 I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn-- 196 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,400 No, you shouldn't. 197 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,520 I've worked my ass off for you two. 198 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,160 I know. 199 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,240 I just wanted today to be perfect, like Toni. 200 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,280 [ Laughs ] 201 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,480 Toni? Perfect? 202 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,840 She cupped a buttock. 203 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,480 She ruined a gender reveal. 204 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,160 She's inside rehearsing an Erin Brockovich monologue. 205 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:29,040 Oh, God love you, Craig. 206 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,360 I just want her to have the wedding she deserves. 207 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,080 She will, mate. 208 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,440 -I'll take the chairs back. -Nah, you're all right. 209 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,920 I'm pretty sure Sue's slat back's got dry rot. 210 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,600 Having second thoughts, love? 211 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,880 Because Sarah from church has been asking after you. 212 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,200 No, no, no second thoughts, Mum. 213 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,800 Just having a little joke. [ Laughs ] 214 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,240 I'm on my best behaviour today. 215 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,600 Oh, I got you something, young Craig. 216 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:55,760 Ah... 217 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,720 Buttonhole. 218 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,240 I lathed it for you. 219 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,400 Thanks, mate. 220 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,680 -Hmm. -T-minus one hour. 221 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,840 Time to get suited and booted, Craig. 222 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,200 Let's get this show on the road! 223 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:15,720 ♪♪♪♪ 224 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,360 [ Mouthing ] 225 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:23,680 ♪♪♪♪ 226 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:30,200 ♪♪♪♪ 227 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,280 [ "Wedding March" playing ] 228 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:41,080 ♪♪♪♪ 229 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,920 Of course, the true Bohemians eschewed permanent ties. 230 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,160 My kind of people. 231 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,760 ♪♪♪♪ 232 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,560 Borrowed and blue. 233 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,720 ♪♪♪♪ 234 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,360 It's just like in my wedding book. 235 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,200 I feel a bit bloated. 236 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,880 -Nah, doesn't show. -[ Chuckles ] 237 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,680 Friends, family, 238 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,440 we are gathered to celebrate the love of Toni and-- 239 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,480 Craig! 240 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,120 Too late, Shar! I'm marrying him. 241 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,240 There's bailiffs at your place taking your stuff. 242 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,640 -[ All exclaim ] -What? 243 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:13,720 But we're up to date on rent! 244 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:14,760 Oh, this is outrageous. 245 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,200 Don't worry, I'll sort it. 246 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,520 They can't do this without eviction notice. 247 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,840 Auntie Toni, you'll have to tell him. 248 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,280 Tell me what, Tone? 249 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,280 Mummy hid a letter in the Rice Krispies. 250 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,680 Thanks, and I didn't hide it, I filed it. 251 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,800 In the Rice Krispies? 252 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,320 Well, it doesn't matter now anyway, 253 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,520 'cause I think we've got bigger things to worry about. 254 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,720 What can possibly be bigger than this? 255 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:30,960 I think my water's just broke. 256 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,840 [ Paula ] Oh, for goodness sake! 257 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,040 What is happening, Craig? 258 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,640 You're nine months gone, you're cramping, 259 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:36,960 and your water's have just broke. 260 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,560 -I think you're in labor, mate. -No! I can't be! 261 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,600 He's not due till next week! 262 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,120 Blair boys always come early. 263 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,320 Craig caught me unawares in Debenhams. 264 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,040 I did say when I got my wedding e-vite-- 265 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,800 Well, he can't be here yet, Gloria, 266 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,280 'cause I've not even done my speech yet. 267 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,640 I need to give the people what they want. 268 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,040 Look, they're not here to see you giving birth, Tone. 269 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,040 Let's just go. Come on. 270 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,680 They're taking your sofa. 271 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,720 DFS? Very nice. 272 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,320 -Oh, for God's-- -Rana: I'll sort it, Toni. 273 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,480 Come on, love, this way. 274 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,960 Come on, we need to get you to hospital. 275 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,480 It's too late, Craig. It's coming now. 276 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,760 Just call the midwife. Just come upstairs with me now. 277 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,320 Never mind the speech, just come on upstairs. 278 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,400 Okay, love, let's just get you a lie down... 279 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,360 Baz: Thing is, you just get a much warmer sound with vinyl. 280 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,080 Rana: Oi! Put that stuff back right now! 281 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,600 No can do. 282 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,160 This place is being repossessed. 283 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,880 It isn't. 284 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,400 This is the HQ of the biggest drugs operation 285 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,880 in the East Riding. 286 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,520 Are you sure? 287 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,480 It's just full of very clean shoes and hippie rugs. 288 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,000 We've been watching this place for months. 289 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,760 Haven't we, Pickles? 290 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,440 Right. 291 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,840 Yeah, months. 292 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,520 Rana: You get in the way of two years of police work, 293 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,800 and I'll make it my personal mission to bring you two down. 294 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,000 Us? What have we done? 295 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,320 You tell me. Is your van fully insured? 296 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,080 No unpaid fines? 297 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,840 Your tax all in order? 298 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,320 You heard her. 299 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:51,840 Get it all back in. 300 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,080 Good lad. 301 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,840 Look, this is gonna pass. We've got ages, honestly! 302 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,360 -No. No. -Okay. Okay. 303 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,880 Well, let's get you a lie down then until it does, eh? 304 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,360 No, no one go anywhere! 305 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,160 -Paula: All right. -Toni: No one go anywhere! 306 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,440 This wedding is still happening! 307 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,240 Craig, do not let anyone leave! Do not let anyone leave! 308 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,440 Craig: Please, let's go inside. 309 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,760 Craig, John and I will handle the guests. 310 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,280 Amazing. Thank you. 311 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,600 -[ Microphone screeches] -Hello, everyone. Remain seated. 312 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,240 A slight hiccup in proceedings. 313 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,840 But fear not. 314 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,560 I happen to have a background in light entertainment. 315 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,040 -[ Piano flourish plays ] -[ Gloria chuckles ] 316 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,480 If you frequented Leeds nightclubs in the '70s... 317 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:29,680 '60s. 318 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,320 ...you might remember 319 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,560 a double act called Red & Ginger! 320 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,840 Never heard of 'em. 321 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,920 Take it away, John. 322 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,240 [ Piano playing ] 323 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,560 ♪♪ Poor old Johnnie Ray... ♪♪ 324 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,400 What? 325 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,760 Insecure housing's a stain on our society, 326 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,520 but the law is the law. 327 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,320 They ignored an eviction notice. 328 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,880 Oh, that's just Toni. She can't handle stuff like... 329 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,240 Well, like anything, really. 330 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,840 Is she worth losing your job over? 331 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,480 What you gonna do, grass me up? 332 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,600 No, but someone will, sooner or later. 333 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:05,880 You're the best cop I've worked with. 334 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,200 -Don't waste that. -I'm not gonna. 335 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,200 Best you worked with? 336 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,040 By far. 337 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,520 In fact, there's something I wanted to ask you. 338 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:19,960 Something big. 339 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,720 Oh, this better not be what I think it is, Pickles? 340 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,360 HR sorted my transfer to the Met. 341 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:29,280 You're leaving? 342 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,320 -But what about-- -Come with me. 343 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,400 You'd thrive in London. 344 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,600 I thrive here. 345 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:34,960 -Do you? -Yeah. 346 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,040 Look at what you end up doing for your mates. 347 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,680 Covering up your mum's HRT scam, 348 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,040 menacing a bailiff, 349 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,120 and you even tasered a fellow officer. 350 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,200 Yeah. 351 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,920 And I'd do it again. 352 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,600 Just... 353 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,240 Just think about it? 354 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,880 Please? 355 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,440 ♪♪ Señorita, there's a look In your eyes ♪♪ 356 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:04,640 ♪♪ Tonight ♪♪ 357 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:09,920 ♪♪ Come on, Talulah-roolah-ray... ♪♪ 358 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,320 I wasn't expecting to see Gloria's gusset today. 359 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,120 -♪♪ Now you have found ♪♪ -♪♪ Come on ♪♪ 360 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,120 [ Vocalising ] 361 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,320 ♪♪ Oh, Eileen ♪♪ 362 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,560 ♪♪ Come on! ♪♪ 363 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,000 [ Groaning ] 364 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,160 Oh, God, I can't believe he's doing this to me. 365 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,760 He's gonna have the next 18 years. 366 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,240 Couldn't he at least give me today? 367 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,600 -[ Groans ] -Keep breathing, Tone. 368 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,680 Spot of news. Just spoke to the midwife. 369 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,320 What's the ETA? 370 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,000 She's at a prolonged labor, but she's sending someone else. 371 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,120 So when are they getting here? 372 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,400 45 minutes. 373 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:38,040 We don't have 45 minutes. It's happening now! 374 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,040 On my second-best duvet cover. 375 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,440 I'm gonna fetch the birthing playlist. 376 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,880 Yeah, like that's gonna make all the difference! 377 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,640 It has very soothing vibes. 378 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,720 [ Toni moaning ] 379 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,080 Come on. 380 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,400 [ singing indistinctly ] 381 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,960 -♪♪ At this moment, You mean... ♪♪ 382 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:54,960 Both: ♪♪ Everything... ♪♪ 383 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,240 Can I get this shower curtain under you, Tone? 384 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,960 Rana: Bailiffs are sorted, Tone. 385 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,440 Rana! Rana! I need you! 386 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,040 -Fuck off, Paula! -[ Rana gasps ] 387 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,760 Rana! Rana! Please! [ Moans ] 388 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,920 Make yourself useful and get her knickers off! 389 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,800 No, Paula, nothing gynaecological, please. 390 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:10,920 Take the head end then! 391 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,240 -Quickly! -Oh. 392 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,920 -[ Groaning ] -Hiya, mate. 393 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,320 You all right -- [ Screams ] 394 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,000 Christ, you're strong! 395 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,280 Why? Why? Why? 396 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,720 -Why did I do this? -I don't know. 397 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,160 We're crowning. 398 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,040 ♪♪ These boots are made for walking ♪♪ 399 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,600 ♪♪ And that's just What they'll do ♪♪ 400 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,560 ♪♪ One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you ♪♪ 401 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,360 -Paula, what shall I do? -Hold her. Just hold her. 402 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,120 You're squeezing my arm a bit tight, Toni. 403 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,000 -[ Moaning ] Help me. -What you want me to do? 404 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,400 Go back in time and give you a condom? 405 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,080 Toni, I think it's time to push! 406 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,160 [ Crying ] I can't. I can't! I'm not ready! 407 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:46,840 -Come on! -[ Groaning ] 408 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,800 -Fuck, have I done a poo? -[ Paula ] No. No. 409 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,160 Where's Craig? I'm gonna fucking kill him! 410 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,120 [ Toni screaming in distance ] 411 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,400 [ Piano playing in distance ] 412 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:03,840 ♪♪♪♪ 413 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,840 Hello. Mind if I come in? 414 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,320 Is Mummy okay? 415 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,640 She's being a bit noisy, but that's Mummy, eh? 416 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,600 -[ Bangs ] -Oh! 417 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,840 What if the baby has nowhere to live? 418 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,320 [ Sighs ] Don't worry, darling. 419 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,720 Daddy will sort it. 420 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,320 That's my job, right? 421 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,400 Yeah. 422 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:24,440 That's your job. 423 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,640 Come here. Give me a cuddle. 424 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,280 ♪♪♪♪ 425 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,280 -[ Moaning ] -Look at me! Look at me! 426 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,800 This is your big day. You are the leading lady. 427 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,160 This is your big number. 428 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,560 So make sure they can hear you at the back. 429 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,240 Come on, Toni Callaghan, push! 430 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,480 Oh, my God! Put your leg down. 431 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,120 -[ Crying ] -Paula: Just a bit wider. 432 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,880 Calm down. Calm down. It's nearly here. 433 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,760 -Look at me. Push! -Push! 434 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,720 [ Both screaming ] 435 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,680 [ All screaming ] 436 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,880 [ Screaming echoes ] 437 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,440 Mum, is she -- is she all right? 438 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,120 She's just having a baby. It's all right. 439 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,080 -Dane: Yeah, but she sounds... -[ Baby crying ] 440 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,280 [ All cheering ] 441 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,760 I'm a grandmother again! 442 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,080 [ All cheering outside ] 443 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,400 That should be my applause. 444 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,360 [ Rana scoffs ] 445 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,640 I won't ask for an encore. 446 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,240 Hey, you little scene stealer. 447 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,400 Mmm. 448 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,400 You owe me a new duvet cover. 449 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:38,880 Congratulations, Craig. 450 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,360 Hiya, mate. 451 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,600 You've picked a helluva time. 452 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,440 Eh? 453 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,720 I'm sorry. 454 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,680 What for? 455 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,120 He's absolutely perfect. 456 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,520 No, for hiding the eviction notice. 457 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,520 And... 458 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,120 hiding being in labor. 459 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,160 Well, as long as you're not hiding anything else from me. 460 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,720 No. 461 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,200 [ Sneezes ] 462 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:19,720 That were mental. 463 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,120 Yeah, fucking mental, mate. 464 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,360 Toni Callaghan? 465 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,760 Back bedroom. 466 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,800 I've done the hard yard. You can take it from here. 467 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,600 Right. 468 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,080 Go on, sexy. 469 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:42,000 ♪♪♪♪ 470 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,680 You all right? 471 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,480 Yeah. Just contemplating the transience of life. 472 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,000 Yeah, me, too. 473 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,760 Look... 474 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,600 -Pickles... -I know. 475 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,440 This lot -- 476 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,240 they'd be screwed without me. 477 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,920 And I'd be screwed without them. 478 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,320 So, London? 479 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,000 I don't think I can go. 480 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,440 Well, I don't think I can stay. 481 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,080 So where does that leave us? 482 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,840 Well, you know my motto. 483 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,600 "Cheer up, Pickles, you miserable bastard?" 484 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,440 -No. [ Laughs ] -[ Chuckles ] 485 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800 Have fun tonight and worry about it in the morning. 486 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,640 Spoken like a true Bohemian. 487 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:34,160 ♪♪♪♪ 488 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,040 Nima: Take cake, love. 489 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,360 -Guest: See, ya. -Thanks for coming. Cake. 490 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,840 -Bit of red velvet. -Ah, thanks, Nima. 491 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,960 We'll be in touch about the re-do, in't it? 492 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,640 Man: All right, bye. 493 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:51,920 ♪♪♪♪ 494 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:58,120 ♪♪♪♪ 495 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,120 So we had to explain, didn't we? 496 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,400 That, actually, we weren't dogging. 497 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,120 -Yes. -We were batting. 498 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,000 [ Both laughing ] 499 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,840 [ Gloria continues laughing ] 500 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,960 He's a regular Chris Packham, in't he, our John? 501 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,400 Yes. 502 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,120 My John. 503 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,520 Who would like to meet our son? 504 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,000 [ All exclaiming ] 505 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,720 -These painkillers are great! -Are they? 506 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,320 I'm having a really nice time. 507 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,960 -[ Rana chuckles ] -That's good. 508 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,560 Okay. Mmm-hmm. 509 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:28,800 He's got my nose. 510 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,600 No, Dane, that's not how genetics work. 511 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,480 Unless there's something you need to tell us, Toni. 512 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,040 [ Laughing ] Good one, Gloria. 513 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,000 [ Continues laughing ] 514 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,760 [ All laughing ] 515 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:45,760 Paula: You all right, love? 516 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,080 -That was funny. -Yeah. 517 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,240 -Oh, he's so cute. -Craig: Mmm. 518 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,680 He looks just like you. 519 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,080 A little Craig. 520 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,960 Just need to work out where he's gonna live now. 521 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,800 Gloria: About that. 522 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,080 John and I put in an offer on your place. 523 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,440 If it's accepted... 524 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,480 you can stay. 525 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,040 Craig: Mum. 526 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,120 That's too much. 527 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,920 Oh, you'll still be paying rent. 528 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,520 This is my retirement fund. 529 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,560 Oh. Mate's rates though, right? 530 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,840 Hmm. We'll discuss that. 531 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,120 You're all right, you, Doreen. 532 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,760 I guess you're our landlord now. 533 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,880 Yes, I suppose I am. 534 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,480 Oh, in that case, the shower really does need 535 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,160 replacing, you know, 536 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,160 because it's not been the same since I ripped it off the wall. 537 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,720 You know, when I was trying to mas-- 538 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:31,960 Yeah, we know. We know. 539 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,960 So, are you still getting married? 540 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,680 Well, we still have the arch. 541 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:36,800 We still have the rings. 542 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,720 We've written the vows. 543 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,040 What else do we need? 544 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,480 Well, officially, er, you need an officiant. 545 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,640 Oh, I've done a few weddings and some funerals, too. 546 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,360 Cash in hand and a day's money in your back pocket, in't it? 547 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,560 Well, we wanted a boho wedding, darling. 548 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,560 Doesn't get much more boho than this. 549 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,800 What do you say? 550 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,200 Still want to get married? 551 00:20:56,360 --> 00:21:00,040 ♪♪ All my love I give you my devotion ♪♪ 552 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,520 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 553 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,160 You may kiss the bride. 554 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,200 [ All cheering ] 555 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,680 We did it. We're married. 556 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,520 Not in the eyes of the law. 557 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:15,920 Although it'll all be taken care of 558 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,720 when you go to the registry office tomorrow. 559 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,120 -What time is it? -Oh, I'm not sure. 560 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,120 Toni booked it, didn't you, Tone? 561 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,400 Uh, do they not do walk-ins? 562 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,000 Never mind. 563 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,560 This is all I ever wanted anyway. 564 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,440 Sorry for trying to arrest you that time. 565 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,640 Out of order, that. 566 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,040 It's not my first. It won't be my last. 567 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,200 I'm no stranger to the strong arm of the law. 568 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,560 Hey, you wanna hold on to this one, love? 569 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,240 I know. 570 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,720 We've decided on a name. 571 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,640 He's going to be Paul. 572 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,320 In honour of you, Paul. 573 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:49,800 For giving us the best wedding ever. 574 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,040 And pulling him out. 575 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,480 That's lovely, that. 576 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,240 Right. Now for my speech. 577 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,600 ♪♪ Señorita, there's a look in your eyes ♪♪ 578 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,160 ♪♪ Wanna spend time with my sisters and I ♪♪ 579 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:12,320 ♪♪ Tonight ♪♪ 580 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,440 ♪♪ Oh, oh, oh, give me strength ♪♪ 581 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,160 ♪♪ Give me love ♪♪ 582 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,080 ♪♪ Give me strength, give me love ♪♪ 583 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,120 ♪♪ Give me good times, baby, oh, yeah ♪♪