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Mr. Putin, you are a loser.
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[Stewart] Coming up on The Problem.
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Who do you think
the teams are for World War III?
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We're not heading to World War III.
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It's the "Reichsbürger Bürgermeister."
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[Stewart] I'm gonna head off
on a diplomatic mission.
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{\an8}You know, the United States
is a shining city on a hill
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{\an8}and a beacon of light for the world.
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{\an8}- So we're beyond reproach in many regards.
- [chuckling]
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We're not interesting to you.
Like an abandoned mistress.
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Freedom!
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[audience applauding, cheering]
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Hello!
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My name is Jon Stewart.
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It's nice to see you, and tonight,
I'll be wearing a charcoal jacket.
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[audience laughing]
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I think it's quite snazzy.
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I don't know if, uh,
you've all been paying attention there
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to our current geopolitical situation.
[scoffs]
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Uh, feeling a little 1939.
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{\an8}[reporter 1]
Russia prepares a new offensive.
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{\an8}[reporter 2]
Russian troops have been mobilized.
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{\an8}If China threatens our sovereignty,
we will act to protect our country.
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{\an8}NATO stands more unified
and more resolute than ever.
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{\an8}World War III could break out.
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{\an8}Third World War.
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{\an8}This ends with our victory,
or this ends in a nuclear World War III.
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Oh!
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That's the two choices.
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Nobody was saying like--
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- Nobody was saying, "A truce?"
- [audience laughing]
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I mean,
your idea's good too, but-- [chuckles]
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Well, World War III,
long awaited sequel. Very exciting.
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Just out of curiosity,
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since we've been
out of the world war games for a while,
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uh... [stammers] ...what's this one about?
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{\an8}Democracy versus Autocracy.
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- Oh, a classic!
- [audience laughs]
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{\an8}A new world order of East versus West.
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Oh. Well, that sounds more like
the All-Star Game.
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{\an8}Tyranny versus freedom.
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Freedom!
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Braveheart.
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{\an8}Civilization versus darkness.
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[audience laughing]
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Battle for the light switch.
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{\an8}Between chaos and stability.
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We're going to need all
of the infinity stones.
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[audience laughing]
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My guess is actually,
it's the usual shit, oil and wheat.
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But all right, Avengers assemble.
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Uh, we need allies. [stammers]
We're gonna start with an unlikely one,
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uh, joining America in this world war
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and hoping to bring their record
to 1 and 2, I guess.
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Uh, Germany.
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Reliable ally?
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{\an8}[reporter 3] It sounds like something
out of the Nazi era.
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{\an8}Far right extremists demanding citizens
turn in their passports
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{\an8}because they are not "German enough."
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{\an8}[reporter 4] One of the leading groups,
the Reichsbürger,
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{\an8}or citizens of the Reich,
now accused of plotting a coup in Germany.
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- It's the "Reichsbürger Bürgermeister."
- [audience laughing]
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The Bürgermeister likes burgers.
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Burgers. [stammers, chuckles] Jesus.
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All right. It's looking iffy in Germany.
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They're about to get taken over
by the "Reichs and weizens."
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What about France? Their égalité,
fraternité. Their Garnier fruité.
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- Surely...
- [audience laughing]
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...they will be on the side of democracy.
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{\an8}The far right in France has simply, uh,
gained ground with each election,
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{\an8}and I think they've never been
as strong as they are right now.
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{\an8}Macron is facing threats, uh,
from the far right and far left.
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{\an8}[reporter 5]
Fury over the government raising
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{\an8}the retirement age two years to 64.
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{\an8}Literally, dumpster fire over this.
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I think we're going to need
to get Emily out of Paris now.
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[audience laughing]
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[whispering] I hope she finds love.
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Well, at the least,
we will always have England.
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The lions of Europe.
Well, not really Europe.
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I guess they pulled out of Europe.
But we'll always--
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- [audience chuckling]
- We have England.
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{\an8}We turn now to London tonight,
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{\an8}the new prime minister,
the third in seven weeks.
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The queen is dead.
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{\an8}Sales of Elizabeth Arden's
Eight Hour Cream have surged
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after Prince Harry revealed that he used
it to treat his frostnipped penis.
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[audience laughing]
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I guess England has
their hands full right now.
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Well, not a bunch of great allies,
but the good news. I hope, is going to--
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It's still gonna be an away war.
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You know what I mean?
The US will still be protected by, uh,
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our oceans and Dwayne Johnson.
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{\an8}Breaking news.
The US tracking a suspected
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{\an8}Chinese spy balloon flying
over the United States.
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{\an8}America under attack.
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{\an8}Sovereignty breached
in the air and on the ground.
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- Balloony.
- [audience laughing]
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Now, we're gonna have to go figure
this shit out. All right.
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Well,
I'm afraid this calls for us breaking
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the normal form here at The Problem.
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I'm gonna be leaving the studio,
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and I'm gonna head off
on a diplomatic mission
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to bring this war to heel
or perhaps to be its decisive spark.
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We will find out either way.
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Stew beef out.
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[audience applauding]
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[Stewart]
First stop, the nation's capital,
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to tell America's top diplomat
that he would not have to plan
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{\an8}for World War III alone.
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Although some of my recent interviews
have been a bit contentious,
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I thought perhaps a different approach
would be in order.
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{\an8}- Secretary Blinken.
- Jon Stewart.
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{\an8}Boy, so, uh, World War III is imminent.
We don't have a ton of time.
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Now, we've done this twice.
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Uh, we had the World War I,
and then, obviously, the sequel.
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Um, this third one, who do you think
the teams are for World War III?
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So, first, I'm disputing the premise.
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We're not heading to World War III.
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If the basic rules of the road that we
actually established after World War II--
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When those rules of the road
are being violated by someone,
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we have to stand up.
We have to stand together,
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- make sure that we're doing something.
- Okay. So, what are the teams gonna be?
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Because in World War II, it was Germany
and Japan were like the big dogs.
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What will the teams be in this one?
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Again, I'm... [stammers] ...disputing
the premise on World War III.
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Is it going to be England, France,
Germany, US versus Russia, China?
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It's pretty simple. Uh, anyone who, uh,
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wants to stand up
and stand behind the proposition
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that we've agreed to a set of basic rules
for the way countries conduct themselves...
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- Hmm.
- ...then, uh,
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in some way or another
you'll be part of that team.
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How reliable are our traditional allies
given the fragile nature of the EU?
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Britain's already left it.
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- Look at, uh, all of the predictions...
- Yeah.
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...of the demise of these democracies,
the demise of these alliances,
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the demise of the EU, uh,
those predictions have been confounded.
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Look at how these countries
have come together.
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Look at how the European Union
has come together.
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You trust the-the EU.
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- Absolutely. Look at the support--
- Hungary is like
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the Marjorie Taylor Greene to Europe.
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I mean, they're not gonna stand up.
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They-- They're in the EU in a big,
white fur coat shouting things at people.
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European countries have stood up,
stepping up, um, to support Ukraine.
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All right. So, England.
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Has been, remains,
will be one of our closest partners.
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Germany.
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Any concerns there
about getting them back in the game?
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00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,107
Germany's in the game.
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00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,026
- Germany's in the game, big time.
- All right.
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Germany's done more than anyone
would have ever anticipated, uh,
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before this aggression started, uh,
against Ukraine.
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I say this about Germany,
do we really want--
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I mean, it's like Michael Jordan
left to play baseball.
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Do we really want them back
in the basketball game?
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00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,585
- [chuckles]
- The fate of the world, in terms of,
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a fight between the powers
of democracy and light,
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represented by us,
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00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:35,515
and darkness and authoritarianism--
represented by Russia, China,
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and sometimes us.
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But,
who knows how that's gonna hold together?
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- So, here's what I'm gonna do for you.
- Hmm.
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I'm gonna head over to Europe,
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and I'm gonna get some commitments
for World War III
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because I don't think they're
as reliable as you seem to think they are.
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Report back. Let me know what you hear.
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I will absolutely do that, sir.
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- I will see you, uh--
- We'll see you when you get back.
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- Absolutely.
- Thanks so much.
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[Stewart] Obviously, no world war would be
complete without checking in on Germany.
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A most fearsome foe
turned friendliest friend.
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I headed not to Europe yet,
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00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:12,135
but to the world's EPCOT center,
the United Nations.
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Thank you for joining us,
the foreign minister of Germany,
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{\an8}Annalena Baerbock.
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00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,310
{\an8}- Hello. Good evening.
- I am here... [sighs]
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...as a representative of the United States.
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00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:24,731
Not, obviously, officially.
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Uh, and I'm more than happy to do
the interview in German, if you wish,
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00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,572
or in English, whatever your comfort is.
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00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,240
[speaks German]
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00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,534
[chuckling]
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Exactly.
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I was talking to Secretary Blinken,
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and we both agree
that World War III is, uh, starting.
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And we're picking teams.
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00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:51,008
Germany is-- I think--
our most crucial ally.
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00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,927
Who else do you think we should choose?
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00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,763
I think it's not like a sports game.
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00:09:56,763 --> 00:10:02,102
I wish it would be where you pick
your players who could play in your team,
192
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,937
- but this is a question about...
- Mm-hmm.
193
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:08,192
- ...our future, our peace. Order worldwide.
- Right.
194
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:12,196
I wouldn't support saying
we are facing a third world war.
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00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:13,488
Thanks God, we are not.
196
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,073
You don't think we should
number them anymore?
197
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,241
What would you call it?
198
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,996
Well, I would-- I would call it, "The
worst-case scenario in the 21st century."
199
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,956
- Because, uh, these world wars--
- That is not catchy.
200
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,000
- These-- These world wars...
- Yeah.
201
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,252
...of the last century--
We have learned our lessons,
202
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:31,340
especially after the second world war,
committed from-- from Germany, and so--
203
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,424
I've-- I've read about it.
204
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,219
- Yeah, but I've lived my whole life, uh...
- I've seen some movies.
205
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:39,097
...in peace, which was not normal
in my grandmother's time.
206
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:40,682
But I'd-- I had the luck also,
207
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:43,644
thanks to the US
and other international partners--
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00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,312
There's no need to thank us.
209
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:50,275
The smiles on your faces is enough for us.
It always has been.
210
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:56,490
Some may say we do it to, uh, establish
cheaper markets for labor and goods,
211
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,616
but it's not the case.
212
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,786
We do it for the children
to a large extent.
213
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:04,581
First of all, what is the most important
thing in life? And you said it.
214
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,707
- Future of our children...
- Cheap--
215
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,043
- Future of our children, yes.
- ...peace and liberty.
216
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,253
Unfortunately,
217
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:12,422
- and this is a brutal reality for Ukraine...
- Yeah.
218
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:17,553
...um, Russia, um, destroyed all these
common understanding, and one year ago,
219
00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:23,183
I would've never thought that I would have
to actually discuss this issue.
220
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,186
But Russia is attacking
the European peace order.
221
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,523
So the question is, if-- We're gonna be
the Allied powers this time.
222
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,233
Russia's gonna be the Axis.
223
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:34,486
United States, Germany, France?
224
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:40,492
Would you suggest France on our team?
Are they reliable?
225
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,287
This is not just a European issue, so--
226
00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:46,331
But this is an issue
for the whole international community,
227
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:51,628
and 141 countries decided they
are the team of international law,
228
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,505
the charter of the United Nations,
229
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,466
- so it's pretty clear--
- A hundred and forty-one nations
230
00:11:57,259 --> 00:12:01,638
- condemned Russia's aggression in Ukraine?
- Yes.
231
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:06,268
- How many voted against that condemnation?
- Seven.
232
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,521
- I'm assuming Russia's in there.
- Russia's in there.
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00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:10,814
Who else is in there?
234
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:11,857
Belarus.
235
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:15,485
Well, Belarus,
I mean, hey, Russia's in the name.
236
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,363
Syria. They do it over there.
237
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,073
- North Korea.
- Wow.
238
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,241
Yeah, sure.
239
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,451
Eritrea.
240
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,913
Really? That's kind of a surprise entry.
241
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:26,997
Nicaragua.
242
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,374
Nicaragua? The nerve.
243
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,628
You know, we live right next door to them.
We've been neighbors for years.
244
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,963
I mean, we-- we did overthrow
their government at one point,
245
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,424
but that was a--
It's a-- It's a while ago.
246
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,344
- Uh, that's six. Nicara--
- It's Syria-- Ah, with Ma--
247
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:41,845
- And Mali now.
- Mali?
248
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,514
- Did they really?
- Yes.
249
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:47,309
Well, I think we have the teams then
for the world war. It's 141 to seven.
250
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:50,062
I think we're looking pretty good
as far as I can tell.
251
00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:52,439
- How did China vote?
- Abstained.
252
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,607
Oh, boy.
253
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,193
How did India vote?
254
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,320
Also abstained.
255
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:02,282
Okay, so we're-- Okay, so we have 141,
256
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:06,119
- but we're missing 2.5 billion people.
- We are m-- We are missing big countries.
257
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,664
You buried the lede on that one
because that's--
258
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,624
I didn't know we didn't have India
and China, there.
259
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,669
I think we can definitely pick off India.
260
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,004
You think they're onboard "Team Freedom."
261
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:20,759
They have a dependency
of military support by 70% from Russia.
262
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:22,845
India does.
263
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:28,308
By the way, and I don't even-- Not to toot
my own horn, but "Team Freedom,"
264
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,686
not a bad bumper sticker.
265
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,146
- We could be, obviously--
- Yes. Or "Team Peace."
266
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,190
Or "Team Charter of the United Nations."
267
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,901
- I know it-- This is--
- "Team Charter of the United Nations?"
268
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,152
I have to tell you...
269
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,488
- [chuckles]
- ...if we were brainstorming this,
270
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,615
that'd be-- that'd be a no.
271
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,409
- That'd be a no.
- No, but the trigger word in the US
272
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:50,122
is more freedom? I think in Germany,
the positive trigger is peace.
273
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:53,000
In the past, because we built
all these peace institutions
274
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,043
in the European hemisphere,
275
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,171
- but also, with-- with NATO...
- Mm-hmm.
276
00:13:57,171 --> 00:14:00,757
...we agreed in Europe that we should, uh,
never fight each other again.
277
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,302
Russia's plan was based
on an understanding
278
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,888
that with violence
you can break everything.
279
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:09,600
Ukraine, but you can
also break international law,
280
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,896
and you can break the unity
of the European Union of those countries.
281
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,022
So that's the plan.
282
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,358
His plan is--
He wants to break the European Union.
283
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,570
He wants to break the democratic world.
284
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,363
Okay, we've got to shift our strategy.
285
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,490
Thank you so much.
286
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,704
With India and China free agents,
287
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,207
shoring up European support
would be paramount.
288
00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:37,794
I headed overseas to discuss things
with the former head of the EU.
289
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,880
John Oliver's grandfather.
290
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,674
It-- [stammers]
It could just really be Oliver.
291
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:47,387
Do you believe the United States
can trust the EU?
292
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,224
{\an8}There is cohesion amongst Europeans,
293
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:54,561
{\an8}apart with more than
some minor nuances, Hungary.
294
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:59,775
We don't know if France
will withstand in the next year.
295
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,527
- Uh-uh--
- Year, or years?
296
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:02,903
I'm gonna say six months.
297
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,988
- Judging from how Macron is handling...
- [chuckling]
298
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:08,116
- ...changing the retirement age to 64.
- You know what...
299
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,995
- Uh, so is there anybody within the EU...
- ...that's France.
300
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:17,251
...that you think you're not sure
about their wavering?
301
00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:21,088
Europe is the only country
where nobody abstains.
302
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:24,466
The European Union as a whole
is sanctioning Russia,
303
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:28,512
and so, what can we tell Mr. Putin?
304
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:32,140
We have to tell him,
"You will be isolated forever."
305
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,643
You have to tell him,
"You are on the loser side."
306
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:37,437
You have to tell him,
"Mr. Putin, you are a loser."
307
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,858
How does he receive a message
such as that?
308
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:44,111
I-- I never put it that way to him
309
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,196
- because-- [laughs]
- [laughs]
310
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:49,116
No, although we had frank
and open discussions.
311
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,827
I was speaking with
the German foreign minister
312
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:54,872
and she was talking about the UN vote.
313
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:58,083
- 141 to seven.
- Yeah. Yeah.
314
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:01,628
I feel like if those are the teams,
we win.
315
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:05,048
But then she mentioned, China abstained.
316
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:08,927
- India.
- India abstained and half of Africa.
317
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,430
- Yeah.
- How do we court India?
318
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:15,058
Because they're a big free agent
on the team for World War III.
319
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:19,062
They get the majority of their arms
from Russia.
320
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:25,819
Yes, but China is the real problem
we are facing for the next coming decades.
321
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,947
So we need to neutralize China
322
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,951
or get them
to join with the Allied powers.
323
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:37,664
I-- I don't think that China
will join with the Allied powers.
324
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:41,877
They want to show that
they are a system by their own.
325
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:45,506
- Mm-hmm.
- They have their own societal model.
326
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,007
So, this is a tough one.
327
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:50,219
You have India that is not supportive,
you have China that is not supportive.
328
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:55,682
A continent, Africa, that is less inclined
to support the United States.
329
00:16:55,682 --> 00:17:01,605
Africa always felt treated in
a very bad way by Europeans
330
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:05,733
because we colonized
large parts of Africa.
331
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:11,906
So, you're saying as we are
choosing up allies to fight against Russia
332
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:18,038
what we're noticing is
resentments against Western colonization?
333
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:21,541
We have forgotten that
the Africans haven't.
334
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:25,002
The policy from Europe for some years was,
335
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:29,299
"Let's send Bono there
and he'll raise some money."
336
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:33,929
The Chinese and the Russians,
they are going there.
337
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:40,227
Paying, investing, building new buildings
but this is not for free.
338
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,438
There is no free beer
in international relations.
339
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,691
Is that the-the saying in Luxembourg?
340
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:48,360
Because it's "free lunch" in America.
341
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,153
It's "free beer" in Luxembourg?
342
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:54,700
We are not... [stammers]
...as generous as we should be.
343
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,034
[chuckles]
344
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:59,246
[Stewart] It was clear,
I would have to roll up my sleeves
345
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:04,418
and engage my really disturbingly
hairy arms with some retailed diplomacy.
346
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:06,962
It was time to go country-to-country.
347
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:08,589
- Thank you so much for joining us.
- My pleasure.
348
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,424
If you don't mind stating your name,
349
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,719
{\an8}your, uh, position
and your country that you represent.
350
00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:18,223
{\an8}Seán Kelly, member of the
European Parliament. From Ireland South.
351
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:21,018
{\an8}Francisco Guerreiro.
I'm a Green MEP from Portugal.
352
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:22,436
{\an8}- [Stewart] Guy Verhofstadt?
- Yeah.
353
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:25,647
{\an8}Former prime minister of Belgium,
now you're a member of parliament.
354
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:30,194
{\an8}Malta, obviously, is one of
the United States' greatest allies.
355
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:33,572
{\an8}Slovenia,
one of America's most important allies.
356
00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:38,702
{\an8}Spain, Romania, Ireland, the US'
most important ally in many ways.
357
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:39,870
Who told you that?
358
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,331
I made it up.
359
00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:45,709
{\an8}- I'm sorry. You said you were from--
- Sweden.
360
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:47,961
[whispers indistinctly]
361
00:18:49,588 --> 00:18:51,798
She's from Sweden
and it's clear she's not from Sweden.
362
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,176
She's got-- They're blonde,
they generally play volleyball.
363
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:57,930
Yeah, maybe I'm a little bit too Muslim
and Arab for you for being a Swede.
364
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:02,601
{\an8}World War III, we believe we've got
a few weeks before it starts.
365
00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:06,688
{\an8}And we're just putting together,
kind of, the teams.
366
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,148
And what's everybody providing.
367
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,902
I'm gonna put you down
for "mild ground troops."
368
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:13,695
Maybe some weaponry.
369
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:15,822
"Tanks."
370
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,199
"Planes."
371
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,325
"Snacks."
372
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:21,453
I've got you down for
"soldiers" and "tanks."
373
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:22,454
[laughs] No.
374
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:27,042
{\an8}We're the best at snacks but also people--
Spirit-- Fighting spirit.
375
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:28,502
"Nightly storytelling."
376
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,504
{\an8}I think not.
377
00:19:30,504 --> 00:19:33,590
I can tell you right now,
Malta, very enthusiastic.
378
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,801
Slovenia, they're on board.
379
00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:38,470
{\an8}But we're not gonna go to war.
We're actually anti-war.
380
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,180
No, it's not going that way.
381
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,933
{\an8}It's not going that way
and it's good that it's not.
382
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:45,269
Is there any country in Europe
you're worried about
383
00:19:45,269 --> 00:19:47,646
in terms of being with the Allied powers?
384
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,773
{\an8}[laughs] At the moment Orbán.
385
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,024
You believe Hungary?
386
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,611
{\an8}While we are trying to support
the Ukrainians with everything we have,
387
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:58,907
{\an8}he's building
a Russian nuclear power plant in Hungary.
388
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:01,910
{\an8}I think, indeed, Hungary,
there are a lot of concerns.
389
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:05,622
{\an8}The European Parliament has stated
that Hungary is no longer a democracy.
390
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:10,460
{\an8}We see what is happening in Hungary
and we are more critical than anyone else.
391
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:14,965
In this club of democracies, two words,
Viktor Orbán.
392
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:16,800
Everybody's pointing to Hungary
393
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,927
and saying,
"We don't know what team they're on."
394
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:23,348
{\an8}For Hungary, the whole of
the Western alliance, NATO especially,
395
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:26,643
{\an8}and member states
are furnishing arms to Ukraine.
396
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,145
- Yes.
- And saying things like,
397
00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:30,564
"We're gonna stay with Ukraine
as long as it takes until victory."
398
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:35,027
But-- But that victory is not defined.
399
00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:38,280
It's not defined how long is
"as long as it takes."
400
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,948
I am from the other Hungary.
401
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:41,658
Now there is another Hungary?
402
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,911
{\an8}I truly believe that Viktor Orbán
403
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,371
{\an8}does not represent
the majority of our citizens.
404
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:49,374
{\an8}He is acting as a Trojan horse
of Vladimir Putin
405
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,043
{\an8}at the European negotiating tables.
406
00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:55,005
What part of Ukraine can we give them
while still respecting
407
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:56,757
- their national sovereignty?
- We don't make that decision.
408
00:20:56,757 --> 00:21:02,262
If Ukraine says, "You can have
a lot of our east. Are we good?"
409
00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:03,972
Would that do it?
410
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,851
- What if we gave them Moldova as well?
- I don't know if it did it or not.
411
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:11,647
I think it is absolutely
of Hungary's most fundamental interest
412
00:21:11,647 --> 00:21:13,899
that we stay on the side of freedom
and democracy.
413
00:21:13,899 --> 00:21:17,152
We have a history of fighting
for our independence and for our liberty.
414
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:19,321
- And you're proud of that.
- And we are proud of that.
415
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,198
- A cease-fire of peace.
- Are you prouder of the times
416
00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:23,700
that you fought for your independence
417
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:27,246
or prouder of the times
that you conceded to larger powers?
418
00:21:27,246 --> 00:21:29,206
We didn't concede to larger powers.
419
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:31,583
There were times when larger powers
took some of our territory.
420
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,168
- Exactly. Exactly.
- That's not concession.
421
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,129
And we are proud of fighting for liberty...
422
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:38,048
- And--
- ...but we are also proud of maintaining
423
00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:41,134
- our identity, our language, our culture...
- Yes. Yes.
424
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,971
- ...in difficulty.
- And don't you think Ukraine
425
00:21:43,971 --> 00:21:47,474
deserves the same opportunity
and feels the same way?
426
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:51,562
They-- They may feel the same way
and deserve the same, uh, rights
427
00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:53,647
in a realistic way.
428
00:21:53,647 --> 00:21:55,774
We are not giving up in Hungary.
We are fighting.
429
00:21:55,774 --> 00:22:00,279
It is much easier to destroy a democracy
than to build it back.
430
00:22:00,946 --> 00:22:02,948
What if we just give them France?
431
00:22:02,948 --> 00:22:05,367
- France?
- Yeah. I'm not a fan.
432
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,412
Uh, France gets us into a lot of trouble
433
00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,872
and then when we wanna invade countries
434
00:22:09,872 --> 00:22:12,499
they won't even let us
fly over their territory.
435
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:15,752
What's the worst country
in the European Union?
436
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,337
{\an8}- Would you say France?
- I rank--
437
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,423
- Absolutely not.
- Just blink twice if it's France.
438
00:22:20,883 --> 00:22:24,553
{\an8}France is an ally. It's always been
in the second wars that you fought.
439
00:22:24,553 --> 00:22:26,346
So, it's not gonna change teams now.
440
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,265
[Freund]
I think they are reliable for now.
441
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:31,018
{\an8}If one of the Le Pens,
whatever generation...
442
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:32,519
{\an8}- Mm-hmm.
- ...France can take its pick.
443
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:34,521
But if that happens
then we're in deep trouble.
444
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,690
So the record shows that it's France.
445
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,025
I haven't blinked.
446
00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:40,360
I'll wait.
447
00:22:40,861 --> 00:22:42,696
{\an8}- [stammers]
- [Stewart] The key is France.
448
00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:45,199
I'm very concerned.
449
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:48,118
{\an8}- What if for World War III...
- [chuckles]
450
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:53,373
I can promise French a four-day "warweek."
451
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,585
You only have to bomb
four days out of the week.
452
00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:59,922
If you're acceptable with that,
we'll bring you aboard.
453
00:22:59,922 --> 00:23:03,509
You have a doubt about France
but I have also a doubt about the US.
454
00:23:03,509 --> 00:23:07,804
You know, what is required from us
is not to invade other countries,
455
00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:08,722
like you did.
456
00:23:08,722 --> 00:23:10,557
{\an8}I'm afraid, as far as I'm concerned,
457
00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:13,143
{\an8}the US are
the biggest destabilizing influence.
458
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:16,063
{\an8}We know that America
was built on genocide,
459
00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:17,689
{\an8}slavery and colonialism.
460
00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:20,150
Do you trust the United States,
yes, or of course?
461
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:25,322
{\an8}There is no such a thing
as a "yes" or "no" in politics.
462
00:23:25,322 --> 00:23:27,366
America was built on freedom.
463
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:28,742
Freedom for who though?
464
00:23:28,742 --> 00:23:29,993
[stammers] Americans.
465
00:23:29,993 --> 00:23:34,081
{\an8}You gotta stop this "America First"
because all the lunatics here...
466
00:23:34,081 --> 00:23:35,040
Wow.
467
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,584
...they love saying,
"Well then it's Hungary first,
468
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:40,671
it's Germany first."
It's-- But not everyone can be first.
469
00:23:40,671 --> 00:23:44,883
That's the point of "America First."
Is not everybody can be first, it's us.
470
00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:49,054
{\an8}Well, that's a bit contradictory with your
plan of being the captain of the team.
471
00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,974
{\an8}Because when you are captain of the team,
you don't say, "America first."
472
00:23:51,974 --> 00:23:55,269
What you say is-- You stand with
some principles that can unite your team.
473
00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:57,521
So, the problem with your "America First"...
474
00:23:57,521 --> 00:23:59,940
- I'm gonna stop you there.
- ...is-is that America first
475
00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:00,858
is America alone.
476
00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:02,359
[whispers] What?
477
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:03,777
- [Stewart] I was reeling.
- [scoffs]
478
00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:07,030
These withering,
ad hominem attacks, really, on America
479
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:09,908
had me seeking comfort and reassurance.
480
00:24:09,908 --> 00:24:12,911
The kind I could only get
from another member of the media.
481
00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:13,996
[speaking French]
482
00:24:13,996 --> 00:24:17,416
{\an8}[Stewart]
Famed French journalist, Léa Salamé.
483
00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:21,503
Do you understand-- Do you understand
why you are being hated
484
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,672
- by some people in the world?
- No.
485
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:27,467
We've given them
nothing but really great shows,
486
00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:29,678
- music, Drake.
- [laughs]
487
00:24:29,678 --> 00:24:31,555
- Yeah. Jeans.
- [Stewart] Although, he's Canadian.
488
00:24:31,555 --> 00:24:32,598
Jeans.
489
00:24:32,598 --> 00:24:35,434
How much more can we give?
490
00:24:36,143 --> 00:24:37,269
To be loved?
491
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:39,605
- [scoffs]
- Thank you. Yes.
492
00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:40,939
[inhales sharply] Ah.
493
00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:47,154
We're friends with the US but sometimes
it's hard to follow you, you know?
494
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:51,533
Sometimes, uh-- [stammers, sighs]
How to tell you that?
495
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:56,371
I mean, sometimes, uh, we don't trust you.
496
00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,332
- Uh, and we have reasons for that.
- [stammers]
497
00:24:58,332 --> 00:25:02,169
Listen, you know, I'm French.
I'm French but I was born in Lebanon.
498
00:25:02,169 --> 00:25:04,296
- I have specificity.
- Born in Lebanon?
499
00:25:04,296 --> 00:25:06,256
- Yeah. I was born in Lebanon. Okay?
- Okay.
500
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:10,928
So, I know how you Americans
acted in the Middle East.
501
00:25:10,928 --> 00:25:12,221
- [mutters]
- How you acted in Iraq.
502
00:25:12,221 --> 00:25:14,640
- How you acted in Afghanistan.
- But that was a...
503
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,391
- Yeah, come on.
- ...an anomaly. That wasn't--
504
00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:20,229
- That's the exception to the-the rule.
- Though it's the exception, it's history.
505
00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:23,190
You came there,
and then you withdraw in 24 hours
506
00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:24,900
and you left the country for the Talibans.
507
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:28,153
And you know Afghanistan and Iraq,
it's our borders, man.
508
00:25:28,153 --> 00:25:29,863
- No-- I-- No, it's--
- It's our borders.
509
00:25:29,863 --> 00:25:32,407
So, we have to deal with
millions of refugees coming
510
00:25:32,407 --> 00:25:34,368
- when you withdraw.
- Sure, but that was-- We were only--
511
00:25:34,368 --> 00:25:37,246
- So, we have memory of you also.
- I know.
512
00:25:37,246 --> 00:25:40,624
So, of course we're friends with you
but we have memory.
513
00:25:40,624 --> 00:25:43,335
[stammers] I don't know if you know this,
we were spreading democracy
514
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:44,711
as a beacon of freedom in the world.
515
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:46,964
- Mmm.
- So, I just wanna make clear that
516
00:25:46,964 --> 00:25:51,927
you know, sometimes when
you spread democracy it's like a buffet.
517
00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:55,806
Are there crumbs on the floor? Yes.
Sometimes things fall.
518
00:25:55,806 --> 00:25:58,642
But we've laid out
a beautiful meal for the world...
519
00:25:58,642 --> 00:26:01,562
- Yeah. What are the latest successes?
- ...to dine on.
520
00:26:01,562 --> 00:26:03,522
The latest successes,
well, you know, it's interesting.
521
00:26:03,522 --> 00:26:05,524
- It's funny that you-- you bring that up.
- Mmm.
522
00:26:05,524 --> 00:26:09,653
Let's say we didn't do the Middle East
523
00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:12,281
necessarily perfectly.
524
00:26:12,865 --> 00:26:16,743
- [chuckles]
- Let's say we destabilized many countries.
525
00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:21,456
And killed tens of thousands of people.
526
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:25,752
- Let's say-- Let's pretend.
- And drove millions of refugees
527
00:26:25,752 --> 00:26:29,381
that destabilized other Western countries.
528
00:26:29,381 --> 00:26:31,925
- Let's say all of that is true.
- Okay. Okay.
529
00:26:31,925 --> 00:26:35,262
Okay. So I'm just--
I don't have a follow-up to that.
530
00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:37,764
- I was just saying, let's all say that--
- [laughs] So let's--
531
00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:41,226
Let's be honest,
we have the same thing in France.
532
00:26:41,226 --> 00:26:46,857
Now, there are a lot of people in Africa,
they don't want us anymore.
533
00:26:46,857 --> 00:26:50,861
They hate us.
They hate us for our imperialism.
534
00:26:51,570 --> 00:26:53,405
For our colonialism.
535
00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:55,199
And they want us to pay.
536
00:26:55,199 --> 00:26:56,325
Do they hate the fact that,
537
00:26:56,325 --> 00:27:01,079
"Oh, we used to control them through
military force and extract their wealth.
538
00:27:01,079 --> 00:27:03,582
And not give them anything
and exploit them."
539
00:27:03,582 --> 00:27:05,083
Like, come on.
540
00:27:05,083 --> 00:27:09,004
They said,
"Okay, you came, you took our countries.
541
00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:12,341
You thought it was your countries
and now you're gonna pay back."
542
00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:16,178
They prefer sticking with Putin,
even if they don't like him very much.
543
00:27:16,178 --> 00:27:19,389
Right. They say things like,
"Oh, Putin never colonized us."
544
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,391
- "Putin never--" You know?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
545
00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:25,437
They prefer even Putin to us.
546
00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:29,233
- And China.
- And China. China is everywhere in Africa.
547
00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:33,445
You know?
It's now the biggest partner in Africa.
548
00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:37,908
And we have been dismissed.
We're out of the game.
549
00:27:37,908 --> 00:27:43,413
And the big question now is,
how do I take back the link with those?
550
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:47,876
Algeria, Mali, uh,
Senegal countries, and it's very tough.
551
00:27:47,876 --> 00:27:50,587
- That's right.
- They are not allied with us anymore.
552
00:27:50,587 --> 00:27:55,592
And Europe is very reluctant to recognize
what she did bad.
553
00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:57,302
Maybe like you a little bit.
554
00:27:58,053 --> 00:27:59,930
- We're very honest about our faults.
- [laughing] No.
555
00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:04,184
I mean, we've been spreading democracy
and Jesus now for 200 years
556
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:05,477
and we've never gone wrong.
557
00:28:05,477 --> 00:28:07,604
- [chuckles]
- And I come out of this conversation
558
00:28:08,188 --> 00:28:11,567
knowing that our relationship with Europe
is strong.
559
00:28:11,567 --> 00:28:13,819
But-- Just--
Can I tell you just one thing?
560
00:28:13,819 --> 00:28:18,907
Uh... [stammers] ...for the last decade
and it has begun with Obama.
561
00:28:18,907 --> 00:28:24,913
Uh, we felt that we, Europe,
were not interesting to you.
562
00:28:24,913 --> 00:28:29,251
He was really much more interested
with Asia, with China.
563
00:28:29,251 --> 00:28:31,503
And we felt a little bit despised.
564
00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:33,505
We felt a little bit betrayed.
565
00:28:33,505 --> 00:28:38,343
We Europeans like... [blows]
...I don't know, like an abandoned mistress.
566
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:44,725
That you find a more younger,
more sexy girl, that's Asia.
567
00:28:44,725 --> 00:28:47,853
- I know. I understand.
- And we were a little bit disappointed.
568
00:28:47,853 --> 00:28:52,608
And so, Biden, before the war in Ukraine,
was in the same line.
569
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:56,570
Obama, Trump and then Biden were like,
obsessed with Asia and China.
570
00:28:56,570 --> 00:28:59,531
- We were a little bit forgotten.
- I know. I-- [stammers]
571
00:29:00,115 --> 00:29:02,284
We never wanted you to feel that way.
572
00:29:02,284 --> 00:29:05,621
You know, you don't understand,
like, we're middle-aged.
573
00:29:05,621 --> 00:29:09,208
We're just wondering, like, "Am I still
attractive? Are we still like--
574
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:12,753
Is it over for me? Are we ever gonna
be, like, that new country again?
575
00:29:12,753 --> 00:29:17,633
We don't have any new pioneer lands.
We're not really imperialistic anymore.
576
00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:19,510
[whimpering] Like, who are we anymore?"
577
00:29:19,510 --> 00:29:21,220
- And then we see Asia...
- Ah, you're in the middle--
578
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:23,013
- middle age crisis.
- ...and they look beautiful.
579
00:29:23,013 --> 00:29:25,724
And they're looking at us
and they're interested in us.
580
00:29:25,724 --> 00:29:27,893
For the first time.
And I'm not saying, but maybe--
581
00:29:27,893 --> 00:29:29,895
- Maybe you didn't--
- And you're changing your wife!
582
00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:32,814
- Yeah. For a younger one.
- Not changing. Just-- If--
583
00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,566
- If you hadn't taken us for granted...
- A more sexy one.
584
00:29:34,566 --> 00:29:36,318
- ...we wouldn't have felt--
- You're fed up with us.
585
00:29:36,318 --> 00:29:39,279
Well, I just want you to know
that in World War III
586
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:42,074
there's no one else we'd rather save.
587
00:29:42,866 --> 00:29:44,576
- Than Europe?
- Baby, come back.
588
00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:45,661
Baby, come back.
589
00:29:45,661 --> 00:29:48,455
That's perfect. That's exactly
what's happening since Ukraine.
590
00:29:49,581 --> 00:29:50,582
Yeah.
591
00:29:51,375 --> 00:29:54,920
[Stewart] It had been a grueling journey
but a fruitful one.
592
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,049
Will the complicated but still
loving relationships amongst free nations
593
00:29:59,049 --> 00:30:01,134
withstand this latest challenge?
594
00:30:01,635 --> 00:30:02,719
Time will tell.
595
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:06,265
What is evermore clear is that
those who learn from history
596
00:30:06,265 --> 00:30:07,641
are doomed to remember.
597
00:30:08,141 --> 00:30:10,811
And hold grudges apparently.
598
00:30:12,938 --> 00:30:14,815
[audience cheering, applauding]
599
00:30:15,858 --> 00:30:18,944
All right, we're back.
That is our program.
600
00:30:19,695 --> 00:30:22,197
We're back in the States.
We got the team set for World War III.
601
00:30:22,197 --> 00:30:23,949
We look forward to seeing what happens.
602
00:30:23,949 --> 00:30:26,577
If you need me,
I'll be in my New Zealand bunker.
603
00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:29,246
[chuckling]
It's set up for podcasts. All right.
604
00:30:29,246 --> 00:30:30,372
[audience laughs]
605
00:30:30,372 --> 00:30:31,582
Good night, everybody.
606
00:30:31,582 --> 00:30:33,292
[audience cheering, applauding]