1 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,377 There's a moment in every boy's life 2 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,844 when he becomes a man. 3 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,547 And in that moment is when he realizes 4 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,516 that instead of buying cologne, 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,353 he can just rock free samples from inside men's magazines. 6 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:23,157 If I wear this, I'm going home with at least four numbers. 7 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,193 That's that good musk. 8 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,927 We're gonna pull all kinds of ladies 9 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,396 at Spiegelman's party tomorrow. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,431 I heard the last one, they played Manishewitz bong. 11 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,999 I can't believe we got invited. 12 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:35,035 So we actually didn't. 13 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,104 Then why am I rubbing 14 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,605 Billy Dee's balls all over my neck? 15 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,207 First of all, his name is Lando. 16 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,774 And relax, I overheard Spiegelman 17 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,543 talking about it when I was stuffed in a locker. 18 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,378 Overhearing is basically an invitation. 19 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,680 And Greg was basically a loser. 20 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,382 But he said there's gonna be a ton of food, 21 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,551 it could go all weekend, and Spiegelman's cousins 22 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,953 are coming from Connecticut-- the girl cousins. 23 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,888 Out-of-town girls love to put out. 24 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,190 Good enough for me. 25 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,192 I just need to get permission from my mom. 26 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,161 Wait. Is it seriously 7:25? 27 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,929 If I break curfew, I'll need permission 28 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,497 from my mom to breathe again. 29 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,333 I'd have my dad give you a ride, but this time of night, 30 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,201 he's parked somewhere, crying in his car. 31 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:11,739 No one respects me. 32 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,810 These white folks were acting like I was the scariest thing 33 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,212 in the neighborhood. 34 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,787 I wasn't. 35 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,758 Uh... - You lost? 36 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,760 That's what the Native Americans said 37 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,162 when you showed up. 38 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,629 You take that train right there, 39 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,632 and you get back to where you belong. 40 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,303 I better never see you here again. 41 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,072 The KKK in NYC? 42 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,176 All I could think was, GTFO. 43 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,881 While I was running from the Klan, 44 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,450 Drew and Tonya were-- wait, they're at the movies 45 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,885 while I'm running from the Klan? 46 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,887 Finally, "Karate Dad 2." 47 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,223 I can't believe it's been six weeks since the first one. 48 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,593 There's nothing my dad loved more than a B movie, 49 00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,261 but those were expensive. 50 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,029 So we went to C movies. 51 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:16,804 Daddy, do I really have to see the same movie as you guys? 52 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,839 Why, baby? Do you want to see 53 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,674 "Adrienne Goes to Camp" instead? 54 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,443 Uh, yeah. 55 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:25,012 You know how much I love the other Adrienne movies. 56 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,881 "Adrienne Goes to Space," "Adrienne Goes to War," 57 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,883 "Adrienne Goes to Tampa." 58 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,421 Drew also liked C movies, but he loved having 59 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,456 his very own action hero more. 60 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,426 Dad, you would kick that alien's ass, 61 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,361 which I guess is also his mouth. 62 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,662 You got that right. 63 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,097 I would put my foot all up in that ass-mouth. 64 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,337 Why is this light on? 65 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,572 That's 4 yen worth of electricity. 66 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,641 Wax on, lights off. 67 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,509 I don't know how to tie a tie. 68 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,585 We're here to stop you from being such a good dad. 69 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,720 If I don't survive, take my place 70 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,422 as the protector of our family. 71 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,558 Your older brother is useless. 72 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,362 Gah! 73 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:17,898 I can't believe Tonya wanted to see "Adrienne Goes to Camp." 74 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,333 She didn't. 75 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,601 It's so scandalous 76 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,370 that you're my fiancé's brother. 77 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,338 Our love can never be. 78 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,873 - Yes, it can! - Shh. 79 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,675 You shush. 80 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,743 I couldn't let my mom find out about 81 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,712 my run-in with the KKK, 82 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,947 or that would mean no Spiegelman party. 83 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,289 Cutting it close, Chris. 84 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,891 Two more minutes, and I would have opened 85 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,993 a can of sleepy time whup-ass. 86 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,728 I was gonna call collect, but I knew 87 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,129 you wouldn't accept the charges. 88 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,598 At $0.54 a minute? 89 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,366 Do you want your father to leave me? 90 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,534 Good point, Mom. 91 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,336 Well, I'm gonna go wash up. 92 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,670 Wash up? 93 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,439 Are you a 45-year-old banker having an affair? 94 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,440 What's going on with you? 95 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,774 Nothing. 96 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,543 Well, good night. 97 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,312 Why do you smell like the old guy at the club? 98 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,546 I was at Greg's. 99 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,814 You know that's his signature scent. 100 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,349 Chris, tell me what's going on. 101 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,550 Nothing. 102 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,652 - Well, Greg already told me. - How? 103 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,421 Greg wasn't with me when I ran into the KKK. 104 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,555 The KK-what? 105 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,923 Oop. Damn it. 106 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,158 - In New York City? - I know. 107 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,761 How do they keep those sheets white in these grimy streets? 108 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,732 You think this is a joke? 109 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,600 - No, I-- - Go to your room. 110 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,669 Mom, it wasn't as bad as you think. 111 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,371 Boy, I said go to your room. 112 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,172 We'll deal with this tomorrow. 113 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,976 Well, so much for meeting Spiegelman's girl cousins, 114 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,112 Shalom, Shoshana, Liat, and Tamar. 115 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,082 I'm renaming my left hand Leah. 116 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,352 What a great movie. 117 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,387 How about that scene where Karate Dad beat the villain 118 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,821 with his baby's car seat? 119 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,558 And he still made it to his colonoscopy on time. 120 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,394 Or when the woman realizes she was marrying a good boy, 121 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,497 but she wanted a bad boy... 122 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,998 at camp? 123 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,868 What the hell kind of camp did Adrienne go to? 124 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,139 Can I help y'all? 125 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,577 * How did your head ♪ all: * Get so shiny? ♪ 126 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,211 So shiny. 127 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,147 A big thing in the '80s was a cappella, 128 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,816 singing without instruments. 129 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,818 But if these boys messed with my dad, 130 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,587 they'd be singing without teeth. 131 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,854 Just get off my stoop. 132 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,228 - Hmm. - Nah, man. 133 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,131 ♪ Are you hearing these acoustics? ♪ 134 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,434 You do not want to mess with my dad. 135 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,403 Oh, is that so? 136 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,240 Ah! 137 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,275 Damn, he flinched. 138 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,413 Mr. Potato Head flinched. 139 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,817 That was the first time Drew saw our dad get punked. 140 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,785 He went from Karate Dad to... 141 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,823 The Flincher! 142 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:59,527 Come on. We're going inside. 143 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,063 I knew I wasn't leaving the house again 144 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,599 until Martin Luther King's dream came true, 145 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,934 so I was getting comfortable 146 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,102 with the idea of sitting my Black ass 147 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,304 on my bed for the rest of-- 148 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,874 Chris, get your Black ass in here! 149 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,547 Is this for me? 150 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,814 Oh, dang it. 151 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,550 I forgot your favorite cereal. 152 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,621 Mmm. This food is amazing. 153 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,457 Wait. Is Grandma sick? 154 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,892 Did Chris call you collect, and now Daddy's leaving? 155 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,095 Is El DeBarge dead? 156 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,497 No, that ain't for you. 157 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,931 If you want something, there's a store 158 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,067 around the corner. 159 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,470 What's the occasion? My funeral? 160 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,938 The occasion is me taking care of my baby 161 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,974 after what he went through yesterday. 162 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,909 Now, hurry up and eat. I borrowed Nessa's car, 163 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,978 and we're going to the arcade. 164 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,946 If this was gonna be her reaction, 165 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,048 I was gonna play the KKK card 166 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,485 all the way to Spiegelman's party. 167 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,287 Drew, there's a 2:00 PM showing of "Chef Assassin." 168 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,323 If the bullets don't kill you, the seasoning will. 169 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,627 Wanna go? 170 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,162 No, I'm all right. 171 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,765 But he kicks ass in three courses. 172 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,134 I just want to get a head start 173 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,503 on next month's homework. 174 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,639 Really? Well, if you change your mind, 175 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,207 you know where to find me. 176 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,712 What's going on with him? 177 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:28,048 Seeing that sexy movie awakened a desire in Tonya 178 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,051 she'd never felt before: desire. 179 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,021 all: * Ooh, bah-dah ♪ 180 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,523 Excuse me. 181 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:38,759 Me and my long-lost sister are trying to catch up. 182 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,431 Can you just leave him alone? 183 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,034 Who's gonna make us, your flinching dad? 184 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,036 Ooh, now that's a jam, fellas. 185 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,805 all: * You got a flinching dad ♪ 186 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,541 ♪ Your daddy's a flinch ♪ 187 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,544 Turns out my sister was like every other girl I knew. 188 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,912 She had a soft spot for light-skinned brothers 189 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,548 who could sing. 190 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,615 Wow. 191 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,552 Come on, sis. 192 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,690 So I'm thinking "Donkey Kong" first, 193 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,925 then "Punch-Out," "Ms. Pac-Man" for the lady-- 194 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,895 Hold up, you thought we were here to play some video games? 195 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,196 Yeah. 196 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,665 I told you I was gonna take care of you. 197 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,568 So today, you're enrolled in your mama's 198 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,969 You Ain't White Academy. 199 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,336 My mama's what? 200 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,573 Lesson one: don't ever be the only Black boy 201 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,575 in a group of white kids acting up, 202 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,878 'cause when things go down, they'll never have your back. 203 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,880 Is there a GED for this school? 204 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,882 There's a GET your ass whupped 205 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:35,916 if you don't pay attention. 206 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,117 Focus! 207 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,786 Well, so much for the arcade. 208 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,788 If I wanted to go to Spiegelman's party, 209 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,356 I'd have to do like I did in school 210 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,425 and say what the teacher wanted to hear. 211 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,895 Thank you, Mother, for the opportunity 212 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,262 to soak up your wisdom. 213 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,031 You know, the world is 214 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,465 scarier than ever for young Black men-- 215 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,301 You trying to play me in my borrowed car? 216 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,203 You know, this is about more 217 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,471 than just one ugly guy in a hood. 218 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,140 What makes you so sure he's ugly? 219 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,341 If you look like Robert Redford, 220 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,910 you don't cover your face. 221 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,445 Besides, a bigger problem than a fool in bed sheets 222 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,480 are the racists who seem like regular people. 223 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,617 She means Americans. 224 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,218 Mom, I learned this in school. 225 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,953 Well, I lived it, 226 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,923 in South Carolina, in the '50s. 227 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,325 I saw some things, boy. 228 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,060 OK. 229 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,361 What's the next lesson? 230 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,168 You hungry? 231 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,070 I got a egg sandwich coming your way. 232 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,240 Ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 233 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,708 Ooh, ow! Hot, hot, hot! 234 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,144 If I don't survive, you must take my place 235 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,346 as the protector of our family. 236 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,815 How about I make you an egg sandwich, Dad? 237 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:42,983 No, I got it. 238 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,285 No, I'm stepping up. 239 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,655 It'll be a flinch-- I mean, cinch. 240 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,658 Wait, is that why you've been acting all funny-style? 241 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,727 You just kind of backed down 242 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,062 with those singers. 243 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:58,331 Son, being strong isn't about hitting people or-- 244 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,933 Meep, meep, meep, 245 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,003 meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. 246 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,872 Are you even listening? 247 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:08,308 It's cool. I'm not even hungry anymore. 248 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:11,578 Have you lost respect for meep? 249 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,647 OK, lesson 12: 250 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,083 a lot of people think shoplifting is no big deal, 251 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,517 and it's not if you're white, 252 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,320 which, as we've discussed, you ain't. 253 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,524 If you shoplift, you better make sure 254 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,627 you're ready to do 50 to life over a pack of Nutter Butters. 255 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,730 Excuse me, that lady just-- 256 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,332 Lesson 13: mind your damn business. 257 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,941 Traffic, weather and "Rhapsody in Blue" 258 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,676 every ten minutes. 259 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:43,844 Hey. 260 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,478 It's not what you want to listen to. 261 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,080 It's what the cop wants to listen to 262 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,381 in case you get pulled over. 263 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,717 That's lesson 23. 264 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,719 I'm not gonna get pulled over. 265 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,022 Lesson 24: yes, you will. 266 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,223 But I didn't do anything. 267 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,557 Half of jail didn't do anything. 268 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,693 Both hands on the wheel. Look confident. 269 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,962 I didn't say cocky. Wallet on the dash. 270 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,464 Keep them hands on the wheel. - How can I-- 271 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,466 When the cop walks up, make eye contact, 272 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,600 but don't eyeball him. 273 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,069 What? That doesn't make sense. 274 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,504 Take a deep breath. 275 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,610 Nessa? You're a cop? 276 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,880 No, I'm an actor. 277 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,350 I studied at the distinguished Nipsey Russell's Junior College 278 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,220 of Night School and Auto Repair and--yeah. 279 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,421 I played my role, Chelle. 280 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,757 Give me my car back. 281 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,191 No, Nessa! Drive, Chris. 282 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,860 Boy, just drive! 283 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,294 Give it back! 284 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:38,465 Ooh, these extensions hitting me all up in my eye, oh. 285 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,633 I can't believe you had Nessa do that. 286 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,836 What's next, sending in someone to rob this place? 287 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,672 If Jerome would have done it for $10, yes. 288 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,507 This is stressing me out like real school. 289 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,076 What can I get you? 290 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,310 A cheeseburger and a Coke. 291 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,544 Just a strawberry shake. 292 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,046 He'll take a Coke. 293 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,314 Don't forget, you ain't white. 294 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,783 You're Blacktose intolerant. 295 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,684 All right, I'll call you guys up. 296 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,786 Thanks. 297 00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,787 And? 298 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,555 Um, thanks for your business. 299 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,825 Hambur--bye. 300 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,994 The receipt, Lenny. Proof of purchase. 301 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:10,563 I'm gonna have to reload the roll. 302 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,500 I'll wait. 303 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,403 This. This is what I want from you. 304 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,905 That's when we both realized 305 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,908 I was crushing You Ain't White Academy. 306 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:25,045 Up next, graduating at the top of his class, Chris. 307 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,818 That's my baby! 308 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,086 Calm down. That's my baby too. 309 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,621 That's my baby! 310 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,556 Bitch, calm down! That's my baby too. 311 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,525 Chill. You messing up my rhythm. 312 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,927 Congrats, baby. 313 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,462 But this is how I was feeling. 314 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,197 Chris is at my party? 315 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,666 Tonight just got way cooler. 316 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,101 You're welcome. 317 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,571 Chrissy, you promised we'd Cabbage Patch. 318 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,640 Got to go, Spiegs. 319 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,908 Booty calls. 320 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,911 Here, sweet thang. Hold my receipts. 321 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,980 * Well, here's a new dance that can't be matched ♪ 322 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,550 ♪ So just step to the floor and do the Cabbage Patch ♪ 323 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,854 Uh, cheeseburger and two Cokes. 324 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,188 Hey, that's mine. 325 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,622 You got proof of purchase, punk? 326 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,625 'Cause I do. 327 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,698 Excuse me, gentlemen, 328 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,968 our bubble bath won't run itself. 329 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,237 Mm, these boys got some soul. 330 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,572 Yeah. 331 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,208 Mm, just what my grieving heart needs. 332 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:33,881 all: * His flinching face, how scared was he ♪ 333 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,416 Uh, the man flinched. Get over it. 334 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,252 all: * He pissed his pants ♪ 335 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,755 * With pee ♪ 336 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,591 These boys are distracting. 337 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,326 They are making me mess up my appointments. 338 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,362 And all this a cappella is why my fruit sales are down. 339 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,099 Definitely that, not 'cause they're three weeks expired. 340 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,600 Somebody's got to do something 341 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,003 about this musical terrorism. 342 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,338 All right, fools, show's over. 343 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,373 I got a bristle with your name on it. 344 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,444 What are you doing? 345 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,979 It's OK. I got this. 346 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,182 Well, well, well, if it isn't the Flinch. 347 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,350 I didn't flinch. 348 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,952 I was stepping in front of my kids. 349 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,586 I ain't scared of none of y'all. 350 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,721 Oh, you want to go? 351 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:15,923 No, I was explaining that-- 352 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,190 Then let's do it. 353 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,928 ♪ Me, me, me versus you, you, you ♪ 354 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,395 Yeah, get 'em, Julius. 355 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,465 Beat these guys up for messing up my very fresh fruit. 356 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,237 I hate to do this, 357 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,605 but if I win, you boys leave this block. 358 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,941 No! 359 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,044 I mean, go, Dad. 360 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,512 Drew was happy someone was finally standing up 361 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,249 to these harmonizing bullies, but he wasn't sure 362 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,952 if my dad was the one to do it. 363 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,289 This was cool, Ma. 364 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,657 You taught me a lot. 365 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,758 I appreciate it. 366 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:52,960 Well, you're a great student. 367 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,262 Why don't you do better in school? 368 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,064 Hey, so since we're in the car already, 369 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,598 think you could give me a ride to this kid 370 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,500 Spiegelman's party? 371 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,135 Spiegel-whose what now? 372 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,237 There's a party the kids from school are going to. 373 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,439 - Did I not get through to you? - You did. 374 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,076 I'm fully prepared to attend this party safely. 375 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,244 If you were fully prepared, you wouldn't go. 376 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,380 I can't let you go to a white kid party 377 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,547 in a white neighborhood. 378 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,615 But you make me go to a white school 379 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:16,749 in a white neighborhood. 380 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,051 Well, maybe you shouldn't. 381 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,487 Maybe your ass should stay next to me 24/7 382 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,155 so I can keep my eye on you. 383 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,257 I have to be on lockdown just 'cause you're scared? 384 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,993 Because you're not scared enough. 385 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,260 You know what? 386 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,795 You're never leaving the house again. 387 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,697 Then I'll never speak to you again. 388 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,365 Ha, whatever. I'd rather have 389 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,867 a mute living boy than a dead talking one. 390 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,769 Fine. 391 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,005 Where are you going? 392 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,107 Chris, come back here! 393 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,774 He is not doing this. 394 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,343 Chris! 395 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,915 Julius, do you know where I put Whoopi Goldbelt? 396 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,183 Whoopi Goldbelt? 397 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,818 Who's about to get they ass whupped? 398 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,020 Are you mad about something? 399 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,087 What makes you think I'm mad? 400 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,489 Uh, nothing at all, baby. 401 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,590 Are you? 402 00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,659 I'm mad. I'm scared. 403 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,461 I'm all of it, Julius. 404 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,829 What's going on, baby? 405 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,431 Chris jumped out the car and left. 406 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,798 He what? 407 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,267 I was trying to teach him some life lessons, 408 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,269 but then he got upset because I wasn't gonna 409 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,537 let him go to some white party 410 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,239 in some white neighborhood late at night. 411 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,141 He's--he's not ready for all of that. 412 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,408 He's growing up. 413 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,077 We can't keep him locked in his room forever. 414 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,046 I know that, Julius. 415 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,448 I would never suggest something like that. 416 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,750 But what if something happens to him out there? 417 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,052 Look, you've prepared him. 418 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,686 You've prepared all our kids. 419 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,656 But sometimes, we just got to let them live their lives 420 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,658 and hope that what we've done is enough. 421 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:35,195 If there's a problem, we'll handle it, together. 422 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,364 Look at you, being all wise. 423 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,366 I try. Now, excuse me. 424 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,800 I got to go fight some teenagers. 425 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,905 Julius is gonna beat your ass. 426 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,075 But just your ass, not your face. 427 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,609 Not that I care. 428 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,713 Dad, are you sure this is a good idea? 429 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,416 Yeah, you can't flinch your way out of this. 430 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,551 All right. Go ahead. 431 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,686 Throw your best punch. 432 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,158 Come on. He flinched. He flinched again. 433 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,528 No, you threw a horrible punch. 434 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,231 Hopefully, your friends can punch better than you. 435 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,732 Yeah! Nope. 436 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,101 Whoa. 437 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,502 Even if you had landed that punch, 438 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,105 you probably would have broken your hand. 439 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,972 The only thing he can hit is high notes. 440 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,410 Oh, snap. 441 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,346 Ball up your fist like this, and then plant your leg. 442 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,549 That'll give your swing more power, son. 443 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,652 Oh, dang, you just moved him like a paperclip. 444 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:39,259 Being strong is only half the battle. 445 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,528 You also got to know when to use that strength. 446 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,697 That's what makes someone powerful. 447 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,667 Now, will you guys please find another stoop? 448 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,470 All right, boys. all: * Let's bounce ♪ 449 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,772 I haven't fed my cat in days. 450 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,176 In that moment, Tonya knew she'd never fall 451 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,345 for a light-skinned brother again. 452 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,423 I'm gonna go for a jog. 453 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,362 Oh, Dad, should we watch "Karate Dad 3," 454 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,696 "Son of Karate Dad," 455 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,432 or what about "Dick Buttless, PI"? 456 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,067 Do I even have to say? 457 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,035 both: "Dick Buttless, PI." 458 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,604 I've got to get my own TV. 459 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,074 Hey, Buttless, get your ass in here! 460 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,243 I would if I could, Captain. 461 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,778 You OK, Rochelle? 462 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,646 Oh, yeah. I'm fine. 463 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,482 I'm not even thinking about Chris. 464 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,849 Chris? 465 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,352 Hello. You have a collect call from: 466 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,487 Mom, I'm sorry. You were right. 467 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,356 To the accept charges, press 1. 468 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,392 Chris! Chris! 469 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,795 Hello. You have a collect call from: 470 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,430 I shouldn't have left the car, OK? 471 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,665 To accept the charges, press 1. 472 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,703 Hello. You have a collect call from: 473 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,605 I'm so sorry, Mama! I'm sorry! 474 00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,906 Chris, Chris, Chris. Slow down. 475 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,341 I accepted the charges. 476 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,943 both: You did? - I know today was a lot. 477 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:07,380 It's just if something happened because I didn't do enough-- 478 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,216 I overreacted. 479 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,583 No, you didn't. 480 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,385 I thought about how much you worry. 481 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,354 And after today, I get why. 482 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:22,995 I shouldn't have run off. 483 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,130 I'm coming home. 484 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,333 No, you go to the party. 485 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,634 You're gonna be OK. 486 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,569 Wait. Are you sure? 487 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:33,806 I don't know, but I trust you to handle yourself. 488 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,408 Well, I had a great teacher. 489 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,776 You're damn skippy. 490 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,511 Thanks for taking the time today, Ma. 491 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,512 I love you. 492 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,880 I love you too. 493 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,549 And I'm gonna lovingly beat your ass 494 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,116 if you're not home by 10:30. 495 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,585 And no shortcuts. 496 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,120 I don't want you running into any more KKK men. 497 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,689 What-what-what men? 498 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,162 Let's get this party started. 499 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,131 We are so gonna lose our virginities tonight. 500 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,170 You must be Murray's friends from school. 501 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:08,241 And you came to show respect for my mother. 502 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,710 What little mensches you are. 503 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,880 Wait, I went through all of this for a funeral? 504 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,082 There's three kinds of herring-- 505 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,019 pickled, creamed, and smoked. 506 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,454 Help yourself. 507 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,726 You smell nice, like my late husband. 508 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,028 He was a brother. 509 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,064 I guess I couldn't say the cologne didn't work. 510 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,500 Thanks a lot, Billy Dee. 511 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:39,972 * Everybody hates Chris ♪ 512 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,610 Hey, did you see 513 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,312 a skinny Black kid here the other night? 514 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:48,180 I did, and I'll tell you the same thing I told him. 515 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,215 Get lost. 516 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,483 Oh, I'm going. 517 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,018 Just wanted to make sure it was you. 518 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,322 The sheet makes you all look the same. 519 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,425 - * A beating ♪ - * A beating ♪ 520 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,860 * A beating ♪ 521 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,729 Plant your back foot and swing, boys. 522 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,664 all: * A, a, a, a foot 523 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,966 ♪ All up in, in, in your ass ♪ 524 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,474 Just a little. 525 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,864 * MTV ♪