1 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:10,532 Halloween on my block was dope. 2 00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,969 It was the only time you could wear a mask 3 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,145 without white people thinking you were gonna rob 'em. 4 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,582 And people went all out. 5 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,541 The dude in the Reagan mask 6 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:22,805 won the scariest-costume contest three years in a row. 7 00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,112 No! 8 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:28,071 Even businesses went hard for Halloween. 9 00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,334 $1, $1 will get you one small pumpkin. 10 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:32,380 $5, $5, that'll get you 5 pumpkins. 11 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,338 Now, that's math. 12 00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,298 But every Halloween, I got stuck doing Halloween chores. 13 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,475 By the way, those are real cobwebs 14 00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,129 we took off my dad's wallet. 15 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,697 Hey, Mr. Omar. 16 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,438 Is that what you look like without makeup? 17 00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:48,874 I don't wear makeup. 18 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,789 Maybe a little corpse blush. 19 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,443 But don't tell Widow Jarvis-- 20 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,836 I mean, Jackson. 21 00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,968 ] Baby, why don't 22 00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:00,669 you go upstairs and dry your pretty eyes on my silk sheets? 23 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,192 Well, Happy Halloween, I guess. 24 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,020 Wait! 25 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:06,283 I made you guys some of my world-famous pumpkin soup. 26 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:10,157 What is that? $13.63 worth of soup? 27 00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:11,636 Get in here! 28 00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,900 I just love Halloween-- the costumes, 29 00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:18,121 the sweets, the worshipping of dead bodies. 30 00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:20,254 How are you celebrating? - We're not. 31 00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:22,256 My boss is throwing a Halloween party 32 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,996 and expects everyone to be there. 33 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:27,957 And what are you kids doing on this All Hallows' Eve? 34 00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:29,698 Being forced into eating candy to look for glass, 35 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,613 razors, or needles. 36 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,094 I'm basically a crash test dummy for my lovely siblings. 37 00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,704 I'm just chilling this year, too. 38 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,314 So many girls want to hang out with me. 39 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,750 I don't know who to pick. 40 00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:41,275 Player to player, I understand. 41 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,146 Who's gonna take Miss Tonya trick-or-treating? 42 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,887 I'm almost a grown woman. 43 00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,889 What I look like begging people for candy? 44 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,891 Too old for trick-or-treating? 45 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,372 Y'all lost your Halloween spirit. 46 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,113 Tragic. Tragic. 47 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,984 Hey, wait a sec. 48 00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,726 You guys are going out, and Drew and Tonya are staying in? 49 00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:59,641 Does this mean I get to do my own thing? 50 00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:01,860 Well, as long as you don't bring home no ghost babies, 51 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:04,689 no zombie babies, no baby babies, no Franken-babies. 52 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,430 This is gonna be the best night of my life. 53 00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:10,217 Starting now. 54 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,483 Aw, man! 55 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:16,875 This is not fair. 56 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,355 Why do you get to be Batman, 57 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,835 and I have to be the Boy Wonder? 58 00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,967 It's called reparations, baby! 59 00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:25,101 I can't believe I get to do my own thing this year. 60 00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,276 Should I go to the Deadly DJ Jam? 61 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:27,625 Eh. 62 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,323 What about Nessa's scary hair show? 63 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,368 There's gonna be more women than men. 64 00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:32,935 Come with me to my uncle's party. 65 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,806 Last year, a couple of his coworkers 66 00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,765 wore super-hot costumes. 67 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,420 Who knew ET had so much junk in the trunk? 68 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,030 They better not be 69 00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:43,772 out of size-zero Sheila E. costumes up in here, 70 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,078 or somebody gon' get hurt. 71 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,254 Oh, Tasha's coming this way. 72 00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,125 Get out of here. - Oh! 73 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,648 - Hey, Chris. - Oh. 74 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:51,736 Hey, Tasha. 75 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:52,955 Cool Batman outfit. 76 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,348 I was hoping to run into you. 77 00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:55,653 Oh, yeah. 78 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:58,569 I'd love it if you'd be my special guest tonight. 79 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,137 Hallow-clean, an all-night church lock-in. 80 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,399 It'll be fun. 81 00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,271 Pray on it. 82 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,360 Chris, you're so in there. 83 00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:07,883 No, I'm not. 84 00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,928 She just invited me to church. 85 00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,539 She asked you to spend the night with her. 86 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,280 Yeah, at church. 87 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,412 She just wants a church man. 88 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,284 So go to church with her... 89 00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,807 man! 90 00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,591 All the other events I was considering 91 00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,245 would have girls at them. 92 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:23,638 But if I went to church, 93 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,509 it wouldn't be with just any girl. 94 00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,294 It would be with "the" girl. 95 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,686 Hi. 96 00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,427 Is that the last Sheila E. size zero? 97 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,646 Mm. 98 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,430 Tasha, block that woman for Mommy! 99 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:43,788 Hello, ma'am. 100 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,008 May I speak to Vanessa, please? 101 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,662 Girl, you bored at work again? 102 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,577 You're using your white-lady voice. 103 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,143 Nessa, help me. 104 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,145 These people are phony freaks. 105 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,104 Hey, how's your day going? 106 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,758 Does it feel a tad warm? 107 00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,326 I'm worried Todd's birthday cake will melt. 108 00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,719 You go change that thermostat, Martha. 109 00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:04,331 Oh, great idea. I'm on it. 110 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,071 God. 111 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,682 They've been shoving cake in your face 112 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,814 for every occasion, huh? 113 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,860 Birthdays, anniversaries, power outages. 114 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,731 White people love cake, child. 115 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,429 It's their collard greens. 116 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:16,517 Ah, damn it! 117 00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,606 I missed Risky's Trunkin' Patch. 118 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,435 Girl, he had a pumpkin that looked exactly like Lou Rawls, 119 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,697 forehead and all. 120 00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,351 We took Polaroids with it. 121 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,788 I take my kids to Risky's every year. 122 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,180 It's tradition. 123 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,095 Ain't nobody getting in the way of me 124 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,184 spending time with my family. 125 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,752 I don't need this! My man has two jobs! 126 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,624 Ooh, yes! 127 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,104 Whoo-hoo! Tim finally laid me off! 128 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,237 I'm free! 129 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,978 Suck it, Corporate America. 130 00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,022 Poor Chuck. 131 00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:46,024 You mean rich Chuck. 132 00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:49,289 The company gives out big, fat severance packages for anyone 133 00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,638 lucky enough to be laid off. 134 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:51,987 Big, fat what now? 135 00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:55,164 What? They pay you not to work? 136 00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:59,342 If anyone at my job gets laid off for a non-fireable offense, 137 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:02,127 they get a lump sum of money plus benefits. 138 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,565 - But how? - You can't do nothing crazy. 139 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,741 You just have to be so annoying, 140 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:07,959 they ask you to leave. 141 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,526 It worked for Chuck. 142 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,485 That man ate tuna for lunch every day for months. 143 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,225 His tuna funk lives in infamy. 144 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,836 Are you sure severance isn't just 145 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,446 an urban legend, 146 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,666 like Bigfoot or Black people living in Switzerland? 147 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,145 Baby, it's real. 148 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,886 I've seen it with my own two eyes. 149 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,672 So will you make me the happiest woman in the world 150 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,587 and spend the rest of our Halloween annoying the hell 151 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,937 out of my boss? - Yes. Yes. 152 00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,506 A million times, yes. 153 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:35,204 In the '80s, behind-the-scenes footage 154 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,598 took all the fear out of scary movies. 155 00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:41,428 You know, eating soup just fuels the creative process. 156 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,866 Of course, Drew and Tonya lost their Halloween spirit. 157 00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:49,958 - Trick or-- - Trick or treat, yeah, yeah. 158 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,873 We get it. Here you go. 159 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,092 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Little vultures! 160 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:56,312 I want that one. 161 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:57,879 At this rate, we'll have no candy left for us. 162 00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,968 Wait. 163 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,317 Let's turn off all the lights and pretend we're not here. 164 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,363 Why would we do that? 165 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,930 So no one knocks on our door and takes our candy. 166 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,063 What are they teaching you in that white school? 167 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,980 Oh... 168 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:15,070 We're not here! 169 00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,594 I was about to spend the night with Tasha, 170 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,988 and I had the perfect costume. 171 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:21,990 Damn, Bible fashion for boys is very limited. 172 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,514 It was either Moses or the Burning Bush. 173 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,298 Ooh-whee! 174 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,997 I'm flaming for the Lord, y'all! 175 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:32,000 Nice costume, Chris. I love your broom-handle staff. 176 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:36,744 Sons and daughters, may I have your attention, please? 177 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:39,834 My only begotten son Pharaoh and I would like to welcome you 178 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,923 to our annual Hallow-clean, 179 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,447 the event that puts God where He belongs-- 180 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,363 On a shiny pedestal-- 181 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:51,759 And puts the devil where he belongs. 182 00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:52,760 And where is that? 183 00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,022 In hell! 184 00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:56,285 That's right. 185 00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,374 Now, I got to go out here and throw blessed oil on any kid 186 00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:00,071 dressed like a vampire, 187 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,552 so my head of youth ministry will take it from here. 188 00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,640 Sister Johnson, if you would. 189 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,599 So happy to have you. God bless ya. 190 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:08,819 Hmm, thank you, Pastor Percy. 191 00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,300 Follow me, little ones. 192 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,130 Moses coming through. Let's part this sea of butts. 193 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:16,958 Hey! 194 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,350 For some reason, they put an old lady 195 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,222 with cataracts in charge. 196 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:23,355 That was like the blind leading the fine. 197 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,402 Now, let's listen to some Jesus jams 198 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:29,623 on my favorite AM gospel radio 199 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,495 as I lock us in. 200 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,584 Guess we're gonna be trapped in here together. 201 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,934 I'm so happy you were able to make it tonight. 202 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,545 Young ladies, get on the other side 203 00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,721 of that big partition out of the sight 204 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,288 of these impressionable young mens. 205 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,116 Wait, what's happening? 206 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,205 I knew we had to leave room for the Holy Ghost 207 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,599 but not leave the actual room! 208 00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,519 So do you think we look inappropriate enough 209 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,652 for me to get laid off? 210 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:01,742 They're gonna do more than lay me off. 211 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,962 What fair middle-aged wench made this cake? 212 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:07,182 I must bed her immediately. 213 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,444 Come on, Conan. 214 00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:11,578 Let's get me some severance. 215 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,493 Thank you all for coming tonight. 216 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,930 Martha made a beautiful graveyard cake. 217 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,802 So please eat, drink, and be scary. 218 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,371 Yeah, I can tell it's a graveyard cake. 219 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,939 Looks dead on arrival. 220 00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,817 - Whoops! - My cake! 221 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:34,905 Sorry. 222 00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:35,993 - That's mine! - My fault. 223 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,865 Aw, man. 224 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,304 Oof! Ah! 225 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,653 Hot, hot, hot. 226 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,656 Uh-oh! She spat all over the cake! 227 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,006 Oh, dear. Let me clean that up. 228 00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,181 Whoa! 229 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,321 I got lost in Sodom and Gomorrah again? 230 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,018 What will I ever do here? 231 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,807 ♪ Many sons had Father Abraham ♪ 232 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,678 ♪ I am one of them ♪ 233 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,158 ♪ And so are you ♪ 234 00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,508 ♪ So let's just praise the Lord ♪ 235 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,205 Right arm! 236 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,687 Singing songs was ironically my idea of hell. 237 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:21,430 Then I noticed Sister Johnson fell asleep or maybe died. 238 00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:23,780 Either way, I was free. 239 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,956 Where do you think you're going, sinner? 240 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,263 Are you serious? The old lady's asleep. 241 00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,830 We're unsupervised. 242 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,875 This is what we all been waiting for. 243 00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:34,399 - We got to save his soul. - No! Never! 244 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,406 This is boring. 245 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,365 Let's watch something else. 246 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,453 You will-- 247 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,411 Definitely die-- 248 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,936 Tonight. 249 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:52,417 That wasn't a coincidence. 250 00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,596 H-h-hello? 251 00:09:58,293 --> 00:09:59,599 Hello? 252 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,254 Who was that? 253 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,256 Probably just a girl wanting to hear 254 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,085 the sound of my pretty voice. 255 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,826 Girl, stop calling here. Drew's not gonna pick you. 256 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:17,007 Uh, I think one of your admirers got emphysema. 257 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:20,184 The next time the phone rings, I ain't getting it. 258 00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,928 It's probably one of those girls climbing 259 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,148 the roof to peeping Tom on me. 260 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,454 Must have kicked the antenna. 261 00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,369 That's OK. 262 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,634 I like watching static. 263 00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,943 Lord, bind that horny demon! 264 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,642 I rebuke the spirit of lust! 265 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,165 Get off me! 266 00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,167 And, Lord, please teach Chris 267 00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,908 how to enjoy being with the opposite sex 268 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,606 without trying to get him some. 269 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:53,391 Enough! 270 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,567 Even the shepherd needs a break from his sheep. 271 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,439 Can I get an amen? - No. 272 00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:59,006 Come on. 273 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,312 Don't you want to go to the promised land? 274 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,533 I said, can I get an amen? 275 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:05,926 We're gonna be adults soon, 276 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,493 working a double shift on Halloween. 277 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,453 So tonight damn the rules. 278 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,324 Damn the regulations. 279 00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,849 Let's do what kids are supposed to do, my brothers. 280 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,417 Can I get an amen? 281 00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,158 Amen! 282 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,639 Come on, Pharaoh, you know you want to. 283 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,336 Amen! 284 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,469 And God said, 285 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:30,690 let my people go! 286 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,040 Part-ay! 287 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,218 Welcome to the land of milk and honeys. 288 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:43,790 That's not the first time Moses tricked Pharaoh. 289 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,445 Ah, Julius. 290 00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,360 This is taking too long. 291 00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:52,712 I'm running out of ways to annoy white people. 292 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,931 Why is that? You're an expert at annoying Black people. 293 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,455 Oh, I was just playing. 294 00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:58,674 Tim! Tim! 295 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,850 Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 296 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,244 Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 297 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,463 Jackpot. Tim! 298 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,988 Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 299 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,034 Hey, sweet cheeks. 300 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,080 Great party. - "Sweet cheeks"? 301 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,646 Yes! 302 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,432 My Booty Blaster 3000 is paying off! 303 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,738 What the hell? 304 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,827 Well, it was the '80s, after all. 305 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,786 Today if a doctor slaps a newborn baby on the butt, 306 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,223 the baby hires a lawyer. 307 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,532 Tasha, what's wrong? 308 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,360 It feels weird to dance in church. 309 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,362 Do you think things are getting a little crazy? 310 00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,843 No. Everyone's just having a good time. 311 00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,932 Who wants to do something crazy? 312 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,412 Let's drink soda! 313 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,588 Soda? Sugar's not allowed. 314 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,503 What's happening? 315 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,419 What's happening is people are having fun at church. 316 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,464 Ahh. 317 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:52,684 I love this church! 318 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,599 You have nothing to worry about, Tash. 319 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,776 It's gonna make more kids want to come here. 320 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,039 I sure have the spirit in me. 321 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,130 Whoa, slow down. - I was--I was just-- 322 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:06,133 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 323 00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,399 I'm so glad we stayed in. 324 00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:14,271 It's been a calm, perfectly normal night. 325 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,796 Yep. Unexplainable things happen every day. 326 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,015 We're just programmed to think when they happen on Halloween, 327 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,104 it must be something supernatural. 328 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:22,410 Scary! 329 00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,586 The problem is, 330 00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,936 Daddy always be buying these wack electronics. 331 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:30,026 Yeah. Instead of a Panasonic, he got us a Pain-o-sonic. 332 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:38,165 They're always trimming trees on Halloween at 10:00 p.m. 333 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,476 The night was going well, 334 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:48,001 so I decided to take a leap of faith 335 00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:51,787 and do something nerds like me only dreamed about. 336 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,268 Hey, everybody, want to play seven minutes in heaven? 337 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,487 Is that the game where you're forced to be in the closet? 338 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:57,445 I pass. 339 00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,925 Come on. 340 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,622 It's called seven minutes in heaven. 341 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,668 It was probably invented in a church. 342 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,148 OK, everybody. 343 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,846 Write your name on a piece of paper. 344 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,500 And when you're done, give it to me. 345 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,415 Stained-glass window Jesus, 346 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,374 please let me end up in the closet with Tasha. 347 00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,550 Amen. 348 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,160 No need to pick a name, Chris. 349 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,119 I choose you. - Whoa. 350 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,816 No wonder people love You. 351 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,427 Go get thy some, Chris. 352 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,735 Ooh! Yeah. 353 00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,780 Mm! - Ugh! 354 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,001 It still smells like Chuck's funky tuna around here. 355 00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,829 I'll never be as bad as him. 356 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,440 Come on, baby, let's go home. 357 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,661 I just really wanted to lose this job, Julius. 358 00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,750 I guess I'm not annoying enough. 359 00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,317 Baby, don't say that. 360 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:46,015 I'm letting us all down! 361 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,408 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 362 00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,236 Come here. 363 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,107 I've had so much fun with you tonight. 364 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:54,328 I appreciate all you do to make our family better. 365 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,289 Ow! 366 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,290 Oh, my goodness. - Oh, baby. 367 00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857 Oh, baby. Oh. 368 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,859 Oh, God, you're so sexy. 369 00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:08,864 Those floppies had our biggest account on them. 370 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:12,433 Rochelle, my office, now. 371 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:22,356 This was it, the moment that was gonna turn this 372 00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:24,662 into the best Halloween of my life. 373 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,795 Oh, man. 374 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,710 I just love the Bible. 375 00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,320 What's that verse about being fruitful and multiplying? 376 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:31,974 As if, Chris! 377 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,281 Ow! Why? 378 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:39,590 Sir, there is no excuse for my behavior. 379 00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:42,463 The risqué costume, racing office chairs, 380 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:46,771 ruining cake, making out all over the office. 381 00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,599 Ah-bup-bup, shh. 382 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,124 I understand. You have to lay me off. 383 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,126 I'll go box up my things. 384 00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,649 Oh, no. 385 00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,520 You're not laid off. 386 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,131 On the contrary, you're the type of employee 387 00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:59,523 we need around here! 388 00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,308 Are you drunk on dreamsicle punch? 389 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,701 Corporate life can be stagnant and predictable, 390 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:06,226 but you found a way to shake things up. 391 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,792 Thank you. 392 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,838 What about those important floppies 393 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,841 I destroyed while I was making out with Conan out there? 394 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,974 Nothing is more important than witnessing 395 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,888 Black love on display. 396 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,240 Hell, "Mahogany" is my favorite movie. 397 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,634 Well, how'd it go? 398 00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,506 How much severance did you get us? 399 00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,551 Can we send our favorite kid to college? 400 00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,466 He promoted me. 401 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,381 - What? - Oh, yeah. 402 00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:34,254 He hates spending money on severance packages. 403 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,820 That's why it's nearly impossible 404 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,257 to get laid off around here. 405 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:40,216 It took Chuck five long, annoying, 406 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,827 tuna-filled years to get him to cave. 407 00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:44,307 Just give up. 408 00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:47,528 Oh, he's playing with me. 409 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,749 He has no idea who he's messing with. 410 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,796 Is this a game to you? 411 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,624 Has this been your plan all along? 412 00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,234 You brought me in here. 413 00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,627 I brought you in here 414 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,281 to talk about how this party is getting crazy. 415 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,891 You're getting crazy! 416 00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,501 I thought this is what you wanted. 417 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:05,894 You wanted a church guy. 418 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,244 We're at church. I'm a guy. 419 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:11,030 I made this fun. What else do you need me to do? 420 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,206 Lead people through the desert for 30 years? 421 00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:15,730 It's 40 years, Chris, 40. 422 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,732 I'm just trying to make an effort... 423 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,821 for you. 424 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,214 Maybe I pushed the church thing a little too hard. 425 00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,780 My mom's an ex-stripper. 426 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,434 I don't even know who my dad is. 427 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,958 And I get bullied at school for not liking Prince. 428 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,830 This church is what I need right now. 429 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,745 I don't want anything to jeopardize 430 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,225 my relationship with God. 431 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,662 I just need you to be my friend. 432 00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:39,275 I'd be happy to be your friend. 433 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:42,235 Thanks. I'll see you back out there. 434 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,629 You better not be telling anyone 435 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,153 you were touching my booty in here. 436 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,551 Thanks a lot. 437 00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:56,118 I'm sorry, Chris. 438 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,642 Are you feeling sad? A little uncomfortable, even? 439 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,470 The kind of uncomfortable 440 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,994 when you're nailed to a wooden cross? 441 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,606 Chris, by the way, as your friend, 442 00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,738 I advise you to go talk to her. 443 00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,392 The chick in the Bathsheba costume? 444 00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,654 Why? 445 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,961 Trust me. I put in a good word. 446 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,186 It was actually cool having a female friend. 447 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,057 They're like male friends, 448 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:25,321 only you can occasionally stare at their asses. 449 00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:34,504 What's happening? 450 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,159 Maybe Dad forgot to pay the gravity bill. 451 00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:40,249 This should be happening to Chris. 452 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,556 We got to get to a grown-up. 453 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:46,864 Mr. Omar! 454 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,562 both: Mr. Omar! 455 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,652 Mr. Omar, let us in! 456 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,744 Mr. Omar? 457 00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,182 - Boo! - Aah! 458 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,879 Don't you dare touch his pretty face! 459 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,185 Die, ghoul! - Ow! 460 00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:04,882 Mr. Omar? 461 00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,189 You saved my life and my face. 462 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,582 What is wrong with you? 463 00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:11,715 This is the same costume I was wearing earlier. 464 00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,240 Stabbing me with my own fork? 465 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:15,676 That's cold. 466 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,634 I'm sorry, Mr. Omar. 467 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,070 But what the hell's wrong with you? 468 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,985 Aah! 469 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,336 I just wanted to get you two to believe in the magic 470 00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,989 of the season again. 471 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:28,123 Well, good job scaring two children half to death. 472 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,125 I'll admit, you had us 473 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,953 with the heavy-breathing phone calls, 474 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,477 the TV cutting off, the chain saw sounds. 475 00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,740 And don't forget the windows opening and closing 476 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,046 and those scary moans. 477 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,743 How'd you do all that? 478 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,398 What? What are you talking about? 479 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,314 I just threw a few fake spiders on your doorstep 480 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:46,707 and put on this costume. 481 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,709 I didn't do the other stuff. 482 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,538 I truly believe that my family's brownstone 483 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,801 was haunted by the dead husbands 484 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:57,108 of the widows Mr. Omar hooked up with over the years. 485 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,067 If those guys ever catch Mr. Omar 486 00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,590 near the pearly gates, 487 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,810 he's getting his ass beat. 488 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:05,204 - Hey. - Hey. 489 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,468 I just want you to know you saved my night. 490 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:11,166 I thought it'd be boring, but you made it fun. 491 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,255 - Ah, it was no big deal. - Mm. 492 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:16,432 Happy Halloween to me. 493 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,569 Kissing? 494 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,310 Unsanctioned snacks? 495 00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,137 FM radio? 496 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,139 Oh, Lord! 497 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,534 These children have turned Your house into a den of sin! 498 00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,494 Pharaoh, did you allow this? 499 00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,236 Uh, as a responsible youth leader 500 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,977 and a respected member of this church community, 501 00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:43,067 I just want you to know, Chris did it! 502 00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,939 Hey, come on, guys. 503 00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,070 We had fun, right? 504 00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:48,072 - Stone him! - Judas! 505 00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:50,466 Jeez, Jesus. 506 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,033 You too? 507 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,341 Yes, for playing East Coast rap in my house. 508 00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:58,822 Everyone knows I like NWA. 509 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:05,133 singers: ♪ Everybody still hates Chris ♪ 510 00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:39,816 ♪ MTV ♪