1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,341 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,377 - There's a moment in every boy's life 3 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,844 when he becomes a man. 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,547 And in that moment is when he realizes 5 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,516 that instead of buying cologne, 6 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,353 he can just rock free samples from inside men's magazines. 7 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:23,157 If I wear this, I'm going home with at least four numbers. 8 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,193 [inhales] That's that good musk. 9 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,927 - We're gonna pull all kinds of ladies 10 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,396 at Spiegelman's party tomorrow. 11 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,431 I heard the last one, they played Manishewitz bong. 12 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,999 - I can't believe we got invited. 13 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:35,035 - So we actually didn't. 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,104 - Then why am I rubbing 15 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,605 Billy Dee's balls all over my neck? 16 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,207 - First of all, his name is Lando. 17 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,774 And relax, I overheard Spiegelman 18 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,543 talking about it when I was stuffed in a locker. 19 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,378 Overhearing is basically an invitation. 20 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,680 - And Greg was basically a loser. 21 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,382 - But he said there's gonna be a ton of food, 22 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,551 it could go all weekend, and Spiegelman's cousins 23 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,953 are coming from Connecticut-- the girl cousins. 24 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,888 Out-of-town girls love to put out. 25 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,190 - Good enough for me. 26 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,192 I just need to get permission from my mom. 27 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,161 Wait. Is it seriously 7:25? 28 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,929 If I break curfew, I'll need permission 29 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,497 from my mom to breathe again. 30 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,333 - I'd have my dad give you a ride, but this time of night, 31 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,201 he's parked somewhere, crying in his car. 32 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:11,739 - [sobs] No one respects me. 33 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,941 - [breathing heavily] 34 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,810 These white folks were acting like I was the scariest thing 35 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,212 in the neighborhood. 36 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,148 [menacing music] 37 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,015 - [shouts] [glass shatters] 38 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,153 [dog whines] 39 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,787 - I wasn't. 40 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,256 [dramatic notes] 41 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,758 Uh... - You lost? 42 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,760 - That's what the Native Americans said 43 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,162 when you showed up. 44 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,629 - You take that train right there, 45 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,632 and you get back to where you belong. 46 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:39,767 - [gasping] 47 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,303 - I better never see you here again. 48 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,072 - The KKK in NYC? 49 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,176 All I could think was, GTFO. 50 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:51,479 [upbeat hip-hop music] 51 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,881 While I was running from the Klan, 52 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,450 Drew and Tonya were-- wait, they're at the movies 53 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,885 while I'm running from the Klan? 54 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,887 - Finally, "Karate Dad 2." 55 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,223 I can't believe it's been six weeks since the first one. 56 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,593 - There's nothing my dad loved more than a B movie, 57 00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,261 but those were expensive. 58 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,029 So we went to C movies. 59 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,798 - [gasps] 60 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,033 [sultry music] 61 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:16,804 Daddy, do I really have to see the same movie as you guys? 62 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,839 - Why, baby? Do you want to see 63 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,674 "Adrienne Goes to Camp" instead? 64 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,443 - Uh, yeah. 65 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:25,012 You know how much I love the other Adrienne movies. 66 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,881 "Adrienne Goes to Space," "Adrienne Goes to War," 67 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,883 "Adrienne Goes to Tampa." 68 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,421 - Drew also liked C movies, but he loved having 69 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,456 his very own action hero more. 70 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,426 - Dad, you would kick that alien's ass, 71 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,361 which I guess is also his mouth. 72 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,662 - You got that right. 73 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,097 I would put my foot all up in that ass-mouth. 74 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:48,101 [exciting music] 75 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,337 Why is this light on? 76 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,572 That's 4 yen worth of electricity. 77 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,641 - Wax on, lights off. 78 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,509 - I don't know how to tie a tie. 79 00:02:55,509 --> 00:03:00,248 - [vocalizing] 80 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,585 - We're here to stop you from being such a good dad. 81 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,720 - If I don't survive, take my place 82 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,422 as the protector of our family. 83 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,558 Your older brother is useless. 84 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,362 Gah! 85 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:17,898 - I can't believe Tonya wanted to see "Adrienne Goes to Camp." 86 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,333 - She didn't. 87 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,601 - It's so scandalous 88 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,370 that you're my fiancé's brother. 89 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,338 - Our love can never be. 90 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,873 - Yes, it can! - Shh. 91 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,675 - You shush. 92 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,743 - I couldn't let my mom find out about 93 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,712 my run-in with the KKK, 94 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,947 or that would mean no Spiegelman party. 95 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,551 [panting] 96 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,289 - Cutting it close, Chris. 97 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,456 [dramatic musical sting] 98 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,891 Two more minutes, and I would have opened 99 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,993 a can of sleepy time whup-ass. 100 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,728 - I was gonna call collect, but I knew 101 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,129 you wouldn't accept the charges. 102 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,598 - At $0.54 a minute? 103 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,366 Do you want your father to leave me? 104 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,534 - Good point, Mom. 105 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,336 Well, I'm gonna go wash up. 106 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,670 - Wash up? 107 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,439 Are you a 45-year-old banker having an affair? 108 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,440 What's going on with you? 109 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,774 - Nothing. 110 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,543 Well, good night. - [sniffs] 111 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,312 Why do you smell like the old guy at the club? 112 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,546 - I was at Greg's. 113 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,814 You know that's his signature scent. 114 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,349 - Chris, tell me what's going on. 115 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,550 - Nothing. 116 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,652 - Well, Greg already told me. - How? 117 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,421 Greg wasn't with me when I ran into the KKK. 118 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,555 - The KK-what? 119 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,923 - Oop. Damn it. 120 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,158 - In New York City? - I know. 121 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,761 How do they keep those sheets white in these grimy streets? 122 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,230 [dramatic music] 123 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,732 - You think this is a joke? 124 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,600 - No, I-- - Go to your room. 125 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,669 - Mom, it wasn't as bad as you think. 126 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,371 - Boy, I said go to your room. 127 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,172 We'll deal with this tomorrow. 128 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,774 - [sighs] 129 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,976 Well, so much for meeting Spiegelman's girl cousins, 130 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,112 Shalom, Shoshana, Liat, and Tamar. 131 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,082 I'm renaming my left hand Leah. 132 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,352 - What a great movie. 133 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,387 How about that scene where Karate Dad beat the villain 134 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,821 with his baby's car seat? 135 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,558 - And he still made it to his colonoscopy on time. 136 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,394 - Or when the woman realizes she was marrying a good boy, 137 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,497 but she wanted a bad boy... 138 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,998 at camp? 139 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,868 - What the hell kind of camp did Adrienne go to? 140 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438 [trio harmonizing] 141 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,139 - Can I help y'all? 142 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,577 - * How did your head ♪ all: * Get so shiny? ♪ 143 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,211 - So shiny. [laughter] 144 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,147 - A big thing in the '80s was a cappella, 145 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,816 singing without instruments. 146 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,818 But if these boys messed with my dad, 147 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,587 they'd be singing without teeth. 148 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,854 - Just get off my stoop. 149 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:21,822 [dramatic music] 150 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:26,059 [vocalizing] 151 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,228 - Hmm. - Nah, man. 152 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,131 ♪ Are you hearing these acoustics? ♪ 153 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,434 - You do not want to mess with my dad. 154 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,403 - Oh, is that so? 155 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:38,839 [tense music] 156 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,240 [grunts] - Ah! 157 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,275 - Damn, he flinched. 158 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,413 Mr. Potato Head flinched. 159 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,114 [laughter] 160 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,817 - That was the first time Drew saw our dad get punked. 161 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,785 He went from Karate Dad to... 162 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,254 [declining music] 163 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,823 The Flincher! 164 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:59,527 - [high-pitched] Come on. We're going inside. 165 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,961 - [groans] 166 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,063 - I knew I wasn't leaving the house again 167 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,599 until Martin Luther King's dream came true, 168 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,934 so I was getting comfortable 169 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,102 with the idea of sitting my Black ass 170 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,304 on my bed for the rest of-- 171 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,874 - Chris, get your Black ass in here! 172 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,547 - Is this for me? 173 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,814 - Oh, dang it. 174 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,550 I forgot your favorite cereal. 175 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,117 - [gasps] 176 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,621 - Mmm. This food is amazing. 177 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,457 Wait. Is Grandma sick? 178 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,892 Did Chris call you collect, and now Daddy's leaving? 179 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,095 [gasps] Is El DeBarge dead? 180 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,497 - No, that ain't for you. 181 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,931 If you want something, there's a store 182 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,067 around the corner. - [scoffs] 183 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,470 - What's the occasion? My funeral? 184 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,938 - The occasion is me taking care of my baby 185 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,974 after what he went through yesterday. 186 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,909 Now, hurry up and eat. I borrowed Nessa's car, 187 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,978 and we're going to the arcade. 188 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,946 - If this was gonna be her reaction, 189 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,048 I was gonna play the KKK card 190 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,485 all the way to Spiegelman's party. 191 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,287 - Drew, there's a 2:00 PM showing of "Chef Assassin." 192 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,323 If the bullets don't kill you, the seasoning will. 193 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,627 [high-pitched] Wanna go? 194 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,162 - [sighs] No, I'm all right. 195 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,765 - But he kicks ass in three courses. 196 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,134 - I just want to get a head start 197 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,503 on next month's homework. 198 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,639 - Really? Well, if you change your mind, 199 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,207 you know where to find me. 200 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,712 [normally] What's going on with him? 201 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:28,048 - Seeing that sexy movie awakened a desire in Tonya 202 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,051 she'd never felt before: desire. 203 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,021 all: * Ooh, bah-dah ♪ 204 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,523 - Excuse me. 205 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:38,759 Me and my long-lost sister are trying to catch up. 206 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:42,663 - [frog croaks] - [vocalizing] 207 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,431 - Can you just leave him alone? 208 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,034 - Who's gonna make us, your flinching dad? 209 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,036 Ooh, now that's a jam, fellas. 210 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,805 all: * You got a flinching dad ♪ 211 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,541 ♪ Your daddy's a flinch ♪ 212 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,544 - Turns out my sister was like every other girl I knew. 213 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,912 She had a soft spot for light-skinned brothers 214 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,548 who could sing. 215 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,615 - Wow. 216 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,552 - Come on, sis. [frog croaks] 217 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,690 - So I'm thinking "Donkey Kong" first, 218 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,925 then "Punch-Out," "Ms. Pac-Man" for the lady-- 219 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,895 - Hold up, you thought we were here to play some video games? 220 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,196 - Yeah. 221 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,665 - I told you I was gonna take care of you. 222 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,568 So today, you're enrolled in your mama's 223 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,969 You Ain't White Academy. 224 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,336 - My mama's what? 225 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,573 - Lesson one: don't ever be the only Black boy 226 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,575 in a group of white kids acting up, 227 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,878 'cause when things go down, they'll never have your back. 228 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,880 - Is there a GED for this school? 229 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,882 - There's a GET your ass whupped 230 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:35,916 if you don't pay attention. 231 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,117 Focus! 232 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,786 - Well, so much for the arcade. 233 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,788 If I wanted to go to Spiegelman's party, 234 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,356 I'd have to do like I did in school 235 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,425 and say what the teacher wanted to hear. 236 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,895 Thank you, Mother, for the opportunity 237 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,262 to soak up your wisdom. 238 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,031 You know, the world is 239 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,465 scarier than ever for young Black men-- 240 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,301 - You trying to play me in my borrowed car? 241 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,203 You know, this is about more 242 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,471 than just one ugly guy in a hood. 243 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,140 - What makes you so sure he's ugly? 244 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,341 - If you look like Robert Redford, 245 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,910 you don't cover your face. 246 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,445 Besides, a bigger problem than a fool in bed sheets 247 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,480 are the racists who seem like regular people. 248 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,617 - She means Americans. 249 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,218 Mom, I learned this in school. 250 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,953 - Well, I lived it, 251 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,923 in South Carolina, in the '50s. 252 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,325 I saw some things, boy. 253 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,060 - [sighs] OK. 254 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,361 What's the next lesson? 255 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,168 - You hungry? 256 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,070 I got a egg sandwich coming your way. 257 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,438 [gasps] 258 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,240 [high-pitched] Ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 259 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,708 Ooh, ow! Hot, hot, hot! 260 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,144 If I don't survive, you must take my place 261 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,346 as the protector of our family. 262 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,815 - How about I make you an egg sandwich, Dad? 263 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:42,983 - No, I got it. 264 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,285 - No, I'm stepping up. 265 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,655 It'll be a flinch-- I mean, cinch. 266 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,658 - Wait, is that why you've been acting all funny-style? 267 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,727 - [sighs] You just kind of backed down 268 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,062 with those singers. 269 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:58,331 - Son, being strong isn't about hitting people or-- 270 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,933 [high-pitched] Meep, meep, meep, 271 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,003 meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. 272 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,872 Are you even listening? 273 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:08,308 - It's cool. I'm not even hungry anymore. 274 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:11,578 - Have you lost respect for meep? 275 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,647 - OK, lesson 12: 276 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,083 a lot of people think shoplifting is no big deal, 277 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,517 and it's not if you're white, 278 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,320 which, as we've discussed, you ain't. 279 00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:22,923 [bell dings] 280 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,524 If you shoplift, you better make sure 281 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,627 you're ready to do 50 to life over a pack of Nutter Butters. 282 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,730 - Excuse me, that lady just-- 283 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,332 - Lesson 13: mind your damn business. 284 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,302 [hip-hop music playing] 285 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,105 ♪ ♪ 286 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,941 - Traffic, weather and "Rhapsody in Blue" 287 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,676 every ten minutes. 288 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:43,844 - Hey. 289 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,478 - It's not what you want to listen to. 290 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,080 It's what the cop wants to listen to 291 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,381 in case you get pulled over. 292 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,717 That's lesson 23. 293 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,719 - I'm not gonna get pulled over. 294 00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:52,652 [sirens chirp] 295 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,022 - Lesson 24: yes, you will. 296 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,223 - But I didn't do anything. 297 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,557 - Half of jail didn't do anything. 298 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,693 Both hands on the wheel. Look confident. 299 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,962 I didn't say cocky. Wallet on the dash. 300 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,464 Keep them hands on the wheel. - How can I-- 301 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,466 - When the cop walks up, make eye contact, 302 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,600 but don't eyeball him. 303 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,069 - What? That doesn't make sense. 304 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,170 [knock on window] 305 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,504 - Take a deep breath. 306 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,574 - [breathes deeply] 307 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,610 [gasps] Nessa? You're a cop? 308 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,880 - No, I'm an actor. 309 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,350 I studied at the distinguished Nipsey Russell's Junior College 310 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,220 of Night School and Auto Repair and--yeah. 311 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,421 I played my role, Chelle. 312 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,757 Give me my car back. 313 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,191 - No, Nessa! Drive, Chris. 314 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,860 Boy, just drive! [tires squeal] 315 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,294 - Give it back! 316 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:38,465 Ooh, these extensions hitting me all up in my eye, oh. 317 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,633 - I can't believe you had Nessa do that. 318 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,836 What's next, sending in someone to rob this place? 319 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,672 - If Jerome would have done it for $10, yes. 320 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,507 - This is stressing me out like real school. 321 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,076 - What can I get you? 322 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,310 - A cheeseburger and a Coke. 323 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,544 - Just a strawberry shake. 324 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,046 - He'll take a Coke. 325 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,314 Don't forget, you ain't white. 326 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,783 You're Blacktose intolerant. 327 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,684 - All right, I'll call you guys up. 328 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,786 - Thanks. 329 00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,787 And? 330 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,555 - Um, thanks for your business. 331 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,825 Hambur--bye. 332 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,994 - The receipt, Lenny. Proof of purchase. 333 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:10,563 - I'm gonna have to reload the roll. 334 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,500 - I'll wait. 335 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,403 - This. This is what I want from you. 336 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,905 - That's when we both realized 337 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,908 I was crushing You Ain't White Academy. 338 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:25,045 - Up next, graduating at the top of his class, Chris. 339 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:28,048 [applause] 340 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,818 - That's my baby! 341 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,086 - Calm down. That's my baby too. 342 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,621 - That's my baby! 343 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,556 - Bitch, calm down! That's my baby too. 344 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,525 - Chill. You messing up my rhythm. 345 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,927 Congrats, baby. 346 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,462 - But this is how I was feeling. 347 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,197 - Chris is at my party? 348 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,666 Tonight just got way cooler. 349 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,101 - You're welcome. 350 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,571 - Chrissy, you promised we'd Cabbage Patch. 351 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,640 - [sighs] Got to go, Spiegs. 352 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,908 Booty calls. 353 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,911 Here, sweet thang. Hold my receipts. 354 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,980 - * Well, here's a new dance that can't be matched ♪ 355 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,550 ♪ So just step to the floor and do the Cabbage Patch ♪ 356 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,854 - Uh, cheeseburger and two Cokes. 357 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,188 - Hey, that's mine. 358 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,622 - You got proof of purchase, punk? 359 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,625 'Cause I do. 360 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:17,164 [trio vocalizing] 361 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,698 - Excuse me, gentlemen, 362 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,968 our bubble bath won't run itself. 363 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,237 - Mm, these boys got some soul. 364 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,572 - Yeah. 365 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,208 - Mm, just what my grieving heart needs. 366 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:33,881 all: * His flinching face, how scared was he ♪ 367 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,416 - Uh, the man flinched. Get over it. 368 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,252 all: * He pissed his pants ♪ 369 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,755 - * With pee ♪ 370 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,591 - These boys are distracting. 371 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,326 They are making me mess up my appointments. 372 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,362 - And all this a cappella is why my fruit sales are down. 373 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,099 Definitely that, not 'cause they're three weeks expired. 374 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,600 - Somebody's got to do something 375 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,003 about this musical terrorism. 376 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,338 - All right, fools, show's over. 377 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,373 I got a bristle with your name on it. 378 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,709 [dramatic music] 379 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,444 - What are you doing? 380 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,979 - It's OK. I got this. 381 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,182 - Well, well, well, if it isn't the Flinch. 382 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,350 - I didn't flinch. 383 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,952 I was stepping in front of my kids. 384 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,586 I ain't scared of none of y'all. 385 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,721 - Oh, you want to go? 386 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:15,923 - No, I was explaining that-- 387 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,190 - Then let's do it. 388 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,928 ♪ Me, me, me versus you, you, you ♪ 389 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,395 - Yeah, get 'em, Julius. 390 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,465 Beat these guys up for messing up my very fresh fruit. 391 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,035 [all cheering] 392 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,237 - [sighs] I hate to do this, 393 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,605 but if I win, you boys leave this block. 394 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,941 - No! 395 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,044 I mean, go, Dad. 396 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,512 - Drew was happy someone was finally standing up 397 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,249 to these harmonizing bullies, but he wasn't sure 398 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,952 if my dad was the one to do it. 399 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,289 [classical music playing] - This was cool, Ma. 400 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,657 You taught me a lot. 401 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,758 I appreciate it. 402 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:52,960 - Well, you're a great student. 403 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,262 Why don't you do better in school? 404 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,064 - Hey, so since we're in the car already, 405 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,598 think you could give me a ride to this kid 406 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,500 Spiegelman's party? 407 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,135 - Spiegel-whose what now? 408 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,237 - There's a party the kids from school are going to. 409 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,439 - Did I not get through to you? - You did. 410 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,076 I'm fully prepared to attend this party safely. 411 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,244 - If you were fully prepared, you wouldn't go. 412 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,380 I can't let you go to a white kid party 413 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,547 in a white neighborhood. 414 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,615 - But you make me go to a white school 415 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:16,749 in a white neighborhood. 416 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,051 - Well, maybe you shouldn't. 417 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,487 Maybe your ass should stay next to me 24/7 418 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,155 so I can keep my eye on you. 419 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,257 - I have to be on lockdown just 'cause you're scared? 420 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,993 - Because you're not scared enough. 421 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,260 You know what? 422 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,795 You're never leaving the house again. 423 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,697 - Then I'll never speak to you again. 424 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,365 - Ha, whatever. I'd rather have 425 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,867 a mute living boy than a dead talking one. 426 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,769 - Fine. 427 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,005 - Where are you going? 428 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,107 Chris, come back here! 429 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,774 He is not doing this. 430 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,343 Chris! 431 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:46,346 - [grunting] 432 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,915 - Julius, do you know where I put Whoopi Goldbelt? 433 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,183 - Whoopi Goldbelt? 434 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,818 Who's about to get they ass whupped? 435 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,020 Are you mad about something? 436 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,087 - What makes you think I'm mad? 437 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,489 - Uh, nothing at all, baby. 438 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,590 Are you? 439 00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,659 - I'm mad. I'm scared. 440 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,461 I'm all of it, Julius. 441 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,829 - What's going on, baby? 442 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,431 - Chris jumped out the car and left. 443 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,798 - He what? 444 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,267 - I was trying to teach him some life lessons, 445 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,269 but then he got upset because I wasn't gonna 446 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,537 let him go to some white party 447 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,239 in some white neighborhood late at night. 448 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,141 He's--he's not ready for all of that. 449 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,408 - He's growing up. 450 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,077 We can't keep him locked in his room forever. 451 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,046 - I know that, Julius. 452 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,448 I would never suggest something like that. 453 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,750 But what if something happens to him out there? 454 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,052 - Look, you've prepared him. 455 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,686 You've prepared all our kids. 456 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,656 But sometimes, we just got to let them live their lives 457 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,658 and hope that what we've done is enough. 458 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:35,195 If there's a problem, we'll handle it, together. 459 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,364 - Look at you, being all wise. 460 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,366 - I try. Now, excuse me. 461 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,800 I got to go fight some teenagers. 462 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,336 [upbeat music] 463 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,905 - Julius is gonna beat your ass. 464 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,075 - But just your ass, not your face. 465 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,609 Not that I care. 466 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,444 [tense music] 467 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,713 - Dad, are you sure this is a good idea? 468 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,416 - Yeah, you can't flinch your way out of this. 469 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,551 - [sighs] All right. Go ahead. 470 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,686 Throw your best punch. 471 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,554 ♪ ♪ 472 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,822 - [grunts] 473 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,158 Come on. He flinched. He flinched again. 474 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,528 - [chuckles] No, you threw a horrible punch. 475 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,231 Hopefully, your friends can punch better than you. 476 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,732 - Yeah! Nope. 477 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,101 - Whoa. 478 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,502 - Even if you had landed that punch, 479 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,105 you probably would have broken your hand. 480 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,972 The only thing he can hit is high notes. 481 00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,508 [laughter] 482 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,410 - Oh, snap. 483 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,346 - Ball up your fist like this, and then plant your leg. 484 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,549 That'll give your swing more power, son. 485 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,652 - Oh, dang, you just moved him like a paperclip. 486 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:39,259 - Being strong is only half the battle. 487 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,528 You also got to know when to use that strength. 488 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,697 That's what makes someone powerful. 489 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,667 Now, will you guys please find another stoop? 490 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,470 - All right, boys. all: * Let's bounce ♪ 491 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,772 - I haven't fed my cat in days. 492 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,176 - In that moment, Tonya knew she'd never fall 493 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,345 for a light-skinned brother again. 494 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,614 [sultry music] 495 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:07,854 ♪ ♪ 496 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,423 - I'm gonna go for a jog. 497 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,959 [upbeat music] 498 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,362 - Oh, Dad, should we watch "Karate Dad 3," 499 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,696 "Son of Karate Dad," 500 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,432 or what about "Dick Buttless, PI"? 501 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,067 - Do I even have to say? 502 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,035 both: "Dick Buttless, PI." 503 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,604 - I've got to get my own TV. 504 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,074 - Hey, Buttless, get your ass in here! 505 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,243 - I would if I could, Captain. 506 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,778 - You OK, Rochelle? 507 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,646 - Oh, yeah. I'm fine. 508 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,482 I'm not even thinking about Chris. 509 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,849 [phone rings] Chris? 510 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,352 - Hello. You have a collect call from: 511 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,487 - Mom, I'm sorry. You were right. 512 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,356 - To the accept charges, press 1. 513 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,392 [dial tone] - Chris! Chris! 514 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,693 [phone rings] 515 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,795 - Hello. You have a collect call from: 516 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,430 - I shouldn't have left the car, OK? 517 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,665 - To accept the charges, press 1. 518 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,401 [dial tone] [phone rings] 519 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,703 - Hello. You have a collect call from: 520 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,605 - I'm so sorry, Mama! I'm sorry! 521 00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,906 - Chris, Chris, Chris. Slow down. 522 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,341 I accepted the charges. 523 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,943 both: You did? - I know today was a lot. 524 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:07,380 It's just if something happened because I didn't do enough-- 525 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,216 I overreacted. 526 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,583 - No, you didn't. 527 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,385 I thought about how much you worry. 528 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,354 And after today, I get why. 529 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,357 [somber music] 530 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,226 ♪ ♪ 531 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,528 - [sobbing] 532 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:22,995 - I shouldn't have run off. 533 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,130 I'm coming home. 534 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,333 - No, you go to the party. 535 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,634 You're gonna be OK. 536 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,569 - Wait. Are you sure? 537 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:33,806 - I don't know, but I trust you to handle yourself. 538 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,408 - Well, I had a great teacher. 539 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,776 - You're damn skippy. 540 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,511 - Thanks for taking the time today, Ma. 541 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,512 I love you. 542 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,880 - I love you too. 543 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,549 And I'm gonna lovingly beat your ass 544 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,116 if you're not home by 10:30. 545 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,585 And no shortcuts. 546 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,120 I don't want you running into any more KKK men. 547 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,689 - What-what-what men? 548 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,494 [upbeat music] 549 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,162 - Let's get this party started. 550 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,131 - We are so gonna lose our virginities tonight. 551 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,170 - You must be Murray's friends from school. 552 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:08,241 And you came to show respect for my mother. 553 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,710 What little mensches you are. 554 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,880 - Wait, I went through all of this for a funeral? 555 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,082 - There's three kinds of herring-- 556 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,019 pickled, creamed, and smoked. 557 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,454 Help yourself. 558 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,423 - [sniffs] 559 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,726 You smell nice, like my late husband. 560 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,028 [sniffs] He was a brother. 561 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,064 - I guess I couldn't say the cologne didn't work. 562 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,500 Thanks a lot, Billy Dee. 563 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:39,972 - * Everybody hates Chris ♪ 564 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,941 - [whistling "Dixie"] 565 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,610 - Hey, did you see 566 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,312 a skinny Black kid here the other night? 567 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:48,180 - I did, and I'll tell you the same thing I told him. 568 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,215 Get lost. 569 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,483 - Oh, I'm going. 570 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,018 Just wanted to make sure it was you. 571 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,322 The sheet makes you all look the same. 572 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:56,689 [bright tone plays] 573 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,425 - * A beating ♪ - * A beating ♪ 574 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,860 - * A beating ♪ 575 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,729 - Plant your back foot and swing, boys. 576 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,664 all: * A, a, a, a foot 577 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,966 ♪ All up in, in, in your ass ♪ 578 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:10,069 [all humming] 579 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,538 [clattering] 580 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:13,406 - [grunting] 581 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,474 - Just a little. 582 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,608 [all humming] 583 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,578 [clattering] 584 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:22,749 - [grunting] 585 00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:24,617 [glass shatters] 586 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:30,523 [grunting] 587 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,864 - * MTV ♪